#donknotts #barbararhoades #comedy #romance #western
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00He's corny as cornbread, seediest grain
00:00:22He came out west on a northbound train
00:00:24The crooks die laughing, but they're dead just the same
00:00:27He's the shakiest gun in the west
00:00:29Yeah, he's the shakiest gun in the west
00:00:33He's got a pony pony that was made in Japan
00:00:36He rides in the saddle like an elevator man
00:00:39He's an underfoot, tenderfoot, king of the mess
00:00:41He's the shakiest gun in the west
00:00:43Yeah, he's the shakiest gun in the west
00:00:47But he stands for rights, both day and night
00:00:51He may lose the battle for a while
00:00:56But he'll win the fight
00:00:59He's a humdinger, a western swinger
00:01:02But he has a little trouble with his trigger finger
00:01:05When he takes aim, it's anybody's guess
00:01:08He's the shakiest gun in the west
00:01:10Yeah, he's the shakiest gun in the west
00:01:14He's a dude done over, you can see at a glance
00:01:17His boots are shiny and so are his pants
00:01:20He's got hair in his eye and a gleam on his chest
00:01:22He's the shakiest gun in the west
00:01:24Yeah, he's the shakiest gun in the west
00:01:28But he stands for rights, both day and night
00:01:33He may lose the battle for a while
00:01:37But he'll win the fight
00:01:40Yeah, he stands for rights, both day and night
00:01:47Oh, oh, help, help, help, help
00:01:51Oh, oh, help, help
00:01:56Madam, madam, please be patient
00:02:00After all, this is the final examination for these dental students
00:02:03It's important that you cooperate
00:02:05Now, stay in your chair and try to relax
00:02:10Jolly Ned, mother
00:02:11Relax
00:02:13We go
00:02:14All right, just sit down there
00:02:24There we go
00:02:25All righty, Miss Stevenson
00:02:28Now, first things first
00:02:29Now, we're just gonna take a little look-see
00:02:32At your general dental condition
00:02:33Sort of get the lay of the land
00:02:35You know
00:02:36Okay
00:02:37All righty, open your mouth
00:02:39Now, now, now, you see
00:02:44If, uh, if you don't open your mouth
00:02:46Then I can't see anything
00:02:48See, that's the way that works
00:02:49Uh, come on now, Miss Stevenson
00:02:53Seriously, open your mouth
00:02:54Open up
00:02:55Come on, come on
00:02:57I'll just, I'll help you
00:02:58Here, I'll get that
00:02:59Open that
00:03:00Oh, ah
00:03:02How are you doing, Haywood?
00:03:07Fine
00:03:07Mm-hmm, fine
00:03:08Dr. Breitlander
00:03:12What seems to be the trouble, Haywood?
00:03:19Complete closure of the oral cavity, eh?
00:03:21Just gonna open them now
00:03:22Watch me carefully
00:03:24Well, Miss Stevenson, don't we look lovely today?
00:03:28Yes, but we have a toothache, haven't we?
00:03:30A tooth saved is a silver dollar in the bank of health
00:03:33Now, open your mouth, dear
00:03:35Oh, open wide
00:03:38Are we going to open up that mouth?
00:03:48Open that rotten little mouth
00:03:49You're in my way, Haywood
00:03:59You're in my way
00:04:00I can't, I can't get loose
00:04:01I can't
00:04:02I, wait, wait, wait
00:04:04Get me out of here
00:04:09You're on your own from here on, Haywood
00:04:16If you don't get that mouth open
00:04:18And get that tooth fixed
00:04:19You don't graduate
00:04:20Mm-hmm
00:04:21Mm-hmm
00:04:21Now, Miss Stevenson
00:04:36I realize that this is hardly the time or place to bring this up
00:04:39But, uh, I'd like very much to see you socially sometime
00:04:43Oh, well, I, uh
00:04:45There
00:04:45Everything, uh, going okay, Haywood?
00:04:50Fine
00:04:50Mm-hmm
00:04:51Fine
00:04:51Oh
00:04:54Mm
00:04:56Mm
00:04:56Mm
00:04:57Mm
00:04:57Mm
00:04:59Mm
00:05:00Mm
00:05:01Mm
00:05:02Mm
00:05:03Mm
00:05:04Mm
00:05:05Mm
00:05:06Mm
00:05:07Mm
00:05:08Mm
00:05:09Mm
00:05:10Mm
00:05:11Mm
00:05:12Mm
00:05:13Mm
00:05:14Mm
00:05:43Oh, my God.
00:06:13All right, make way for the mother of a dentist.
00:06:37The mother of Jessie W. Haywood, valedictorian.
00:06:42I'm her best friend.
00:07:01Dr. Friedlander, faculty, students, and parents.
00:07:12As we stand on the threshold...
00:07:14Louder!
00:07:15As we stand on the threshold of graduation,
00:07:18we may get the feeling that this is the end.
00:07:21This is really the beginning...
00:07:27Louder!
00:07:28This is really the beginning of stepping out into new horizons.
00:07:33North, south, east, and west.
00:07:39Speaking of west, that is the direction that I personally am going to.
00:07:44Why did I choose the west?
00:07:47Because the west is a place where few, if any, dentists have trod.
00:07:51So I am going to trod there.
00:07:55Why, Jessie? Why?
00:07:57Well, Mom, the west needs dentists.
00:08:00I mean, teeth are falling out right and left out there.
00:08:03They're falling out in Philadelphia, too.
00:08:05Yeah, but Philadelphia's overrun with dentists.
00:08:08There must be seven.
00:08:09Gratitude.
00:08:10Gratitude.
00:08:11Some nice gratitude.
00:08:13But all the plan.
00:08:14All the nice surprises.
00:08:16Your Uncle George was going to give you an office over the honey shop for $3 a month.
00:08:21And Celia's Leonard.
00:08:23Celia's Leonard was going to give you four rolls of wallpaper.
00:08:26Blue ducks.
00:08:28Fifty cents a foot.
00:08:30Home sale.
00:08:31Oh, Jessie.
00:08:32Jessie, Jessie, Jessie.
00:08:34Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom.
00:08:38If he were mine, I'd know what to do.
00:08:40Put him across my knee.
00:08:41But out!
00:08:42I'm family.
00:08:43You're not family.
00:08:44I'm your aunt.
00:08:45You're not a real aunt.
00:08:46You're just my mother's best friend.
00:08:47Oh, yeah?
00:08:48Yeah.
00:08:49How's it going, Haywood?
00:08:50Fine.
00:08:51Fine.
00:08:58Those half-naked savages must have colds all the time.
00:09:01Oh, Mom, that's an old wives' tale.
00:09:03Your average Indian's the healthiest person in the world.
00:09:05But, Jessie, dear, it stands to reason.
00:09:07Mom.
00:09:08Mom.
00:09:09Call me, Doctor.
00:09:10Excuse me.
00:09:11Is this car 24?
00:09:13All the way down there.
00:09:15But, Doctor, you've always been such a delicate little boy.
00:09:19You've got such touchy sinuses.
00:09:21You've always had your father's delicate sinuses.
00:09:24Oh, Mom.
00:09:25Now, don't owe me.
00:09:26Your father's sinuses have killed him.
00:09:28He was run over by a bear wagon.
00:09:30He was blowing his nose in the middle of the street.
00:09:34Well, I'm not gonna cry.
00:09:36Good for you, Ma.
00:09:37I promised myself I wouldn't cry.
00:09:40That hurt.
00:09:41If you don't believe me, ask Celia.
00:09:43I said, Celia, I'm not gonna cry at the station.
00:09:46And you've always kept your word, Ma.
00:09:48You've always kept your word.
00:09:50Uh, is this car 24?
00:09:52Uh, back that way.
00:09:53Huh.
00:09:54Uh-huh.
00:09:57I'll bet you think I'm crying right now.
00:09:59You promised yourself you wouldn't.
00:10:00And I'm not!
00:10:01That's because you're strong.
00:10:06Just think, Ma.
00:10:07Getting ready to head west.
00:10:09In two days, I'll be in Ohio.
00:10:11In one week, I'll be in St. Louis.
00:10:13And in two months, California.
00:10:15What an age we live in.
00:10:18Things are moving too fast.
00:10:25Excuse me, buddy.
00:10:27Is this about it?
00:10:28Oh, yeah.
00:10:29Yeah, thank you.
00:10:32Well, Ma.
00:10:36Oh.
00:10:37Oh, uh.
00:10:39No charge.
00:10:40Ma, what's that?
00:10:41Well, it's got your Uncle Metcalfe safely for the Civil War.
00:10:45Here.
00:10:46You may need it.
00:10:47Well, gee, Ma, that's kind of nifty.
00:10:49Wear it in good health.
00:10:50What?
00:10:51Well, Ma.
00:10:52Well, I guess this is it.
00:10:54Goodbye, dear.
00:10:55Write me as soon as you get to the west.
00:10:57Can I?
00:10:58No charge?
00:10:59No charge.
00:11:01Ma, what's that?
00:11:02Well, it's got your Uncle Metcalfe safely for the Civil War.
00:11:04Here.
00:11:05You may need it.
00:11:06Well, gee, Ma, that's kind of nifty.
00:11:08Wear it in good health.
00:11:09What?
00:11:11Well, Ma.
00:11:12I guess this is it.
00:11:14Goodbye, dear.
00:11:16Write me as soon as you get to the west.
00:11:18I will, Ma.
00:11:33Don't look bad, Ma.
00:11:48Goin' out west, partner?
00:11:50Sure am, partner.
00:11:52Sure am, partner.
00:11:54I'll go.
00:11:55See you later.
00:11:56Fold me after 2050,
00:12:15Let's go.
00:12:37Now, go watch it.
00:12:41Well...
00:12:43Thank you, dear lady.
00:12:47Oh, uh, thank you, dear lady.
00:12:53Mm. That's good.
00:12:56What is that?
00:12:57Wanatonka.
00:12:59Wanatonka?
00:13:00Blizzard rule.
00:13:02Rest up! Rest up!
00:13:29All right, everybody out of the stage.
00:13:31Come on!
00:13:36Come on!
00:13:40Come on, let's go!
00:13:42And you out there throwing that strong box.
00:14:01Come on, driver!
00:14:02Come on!
00:14:03Come on!
00:14:04Come on!
00:14:05Come on!
00:14:06Come on, driver!
00:14:07Come on, driver!
00:14:17Come on, driver!
00:14:18Come on, driver!
00:14:30Go ahead!
00:14:42What happened, Arthur?
00:14:43Two men held us up about eight miles out on the Willow Creek Road.
00:14:45They got the strong box.
00:14:46All right, come on, man. Let's go.
00:14:58I just love this kind of stuff.
00:15:00Oh, come on.
00:15:08Fred, got a passenger for you on the through stage.
00:15:10Be sure he gets on it.
00:15:16Let's go.
00:15:18Let's go.
00:15:19Let's go.
00:15:20Let's go.
00:15:22Let's go.
00:15:23Let's go.
00:15:24Let's go.
00:15:25Let's go.
00:15:26Let's go.
00:15:27Let's go.
00:15:28Let's go.
00:15:32Let's go.
00:15:34Let's go.
00:15:35Let's go.
00:15:36They're coming to 2,200 apiece.
00:15:42You know something, Penny?
00:15:43This is the first time I ever had this much money at one time in my whole life.
00:15:48There's plenty more where that came from, Pop.
00:15:50I got two stagecoaches lined up next week, 100 miles apart.
00:15:53Hold it, Penny. Count me out.
00:15:55What?
00:15:56That's right. This was my last job.
00:15:58After 30 years of rustling cattle and holding up the banks and stagecoaches,
00:16:01I'm packing it in.
00:16:03This'll be easy pickings, Pop.
00:16:05No, I'm gonna take this here money and fulfill my lifelong ambition.
00:16:10What's that, Pop?
00:16:12Go to Boston and open up a little dress shop.
00:16:16A dress shop?
00:16:18Oh, wait a minute, Penny.
00:16:20Just cause I'm rough and dirty and don't wear underwear
00:16:23don't mean that I ain't autistic.
00:16:25All the years we've been together, I never heard you mention that once.
00:16:29Well, I reckon it would sound kind of funny in front of the other gentleman.
00:16:33Well, that's the way you want it.
00:16:36At least we can ride together as far as hole-in-the-wall.
00:16:41A dress shop?
00:16:42Hold it, Penny.
00:16:45What is it?
00:16:47Sounds like maybe 10 or 15 horses.
00:16:49Nice posse size.
00:16:51Let's get out of here.
00:16:53Let's get out of here.
00:16:57Let's go!
00:16:58Go!
00:16:59Go!
00:17:00Go!
00:17:02He's as high as well.
00:17:08Go!
00:17:09Oh, oh, hey, there'll be one thing to do.
00:17:23They're gaining on us every minute now. We gotta split up.
00:17:25You follow that stream there, and I'll head north and try to draw them off.
00:17:28Good luck, honey.
00:17:29Don't get caught, Pop. Remember your dress shop.
00:17:39That looks like one of them.
00:17:44I just love this kind of stuff.
00:17:46Let's go.
00:18:09And that's my name.
00:18:10One, two.
00:18:11One, two, three.
00:18:12Two.
00:18:13Two.
00:18:30Two.
00:18:31Two.
00:18:32Two.
00:18:33Two.
00:18:34Two.
00:18:35I just hate this kind of stuff.
00:18:37Grab her, boys.
00:18:38I don't know about scrabbing women. I ain't married.
00:18:42Where's that federal marshal?
00:18:43He's on his way over.
00:18:45You've got no right holding a defenseless woman prisoner.
00:18:55Now simmer down.
00:18:57You just simmer down, Tony.
00:19:00Marshal Bates here wants to talk to you.
00:19:02Miss Coachings, I've got a proposition for you.
00:19:05Not interested.
00:19:06Better hear me out.
00:19:07This paper's a full pardon.
00:19:09You a dang fool.
00:19:11The marshal wants you to work for the federal government.
00:19:13It's a trick?
00:19:14I just love this kind of stuff.
00:19:16No, it's no trick.
00:19:17Now listen to me carefully.
00:19:19Somebody's been smuggling guns to some renegade Comanche Indians.
00:19:22What's that got to do with me?
00:19:24We need your help to find out who it is.
00:19:26The marshal wants you to work as an undercover agent.
00:19:29We've already lost two men.
00:19:31We figure they won't be suspicious of a woman posing as a homesteader.
00:19:35Well, what do you think, Benny?
00:19:37I don't know.
00:19:40We've got enough on you to send you away for 300 years.
00:19:44You're ninny, he wants to give you a pardon.
00:19:47Here, read this.
00:19:53Is it a real pardon?
00:19:55It's got the governor's signature on it.
00:19:56You got yourself a deal.
00:20:03Hey, this is pretty exciting.
00:20:04You mind if I tell everybody?
00:20:06You do, and I'll shoot you.
00:20:08Right in the mouth.
00:20:08Excuse me, sir.
00:20:16Could you tell me where I could buy a wagon and a good team of horses?
00:20:32Yep.
00:20:33Right across the street, there.
00:20:35Abel Swanson will sell you anything you want.
00:20:38But watch it.
00:20:39He's real slick.
00:20:40He'll cheat you if he gets a chance.
00:20:42Yeah.
00:20:43Well, he'll have to get up pretty early in the morning to pull the wool over Jesse W. Haywood's eyes.
00:20:47Much obliged.
00:20:48I love your hat.
00:21:02Mr. Swanson?
00:21:05Oh.
00:21:06Howdy.
00:21:07I'd like to see your Mr. Swanson about getting a good rig on the team.
00:21:10Dofu, Joe Jingle.
00:21:13Well, I don't know anything about that.
00:21:15And you can tell that just because I'm from out of town, that don't mean I don't know what it's all about.
00:21:31Good day, sir.
00:21:33Abel Swanson, proprietor, at your service.
00:21:35Dr. Jesse W. Haywood, dentist, Philadelphia.
00:21:37Ah, a professional man.
00:21:39What a pleasure to do business with a man of science.
00:21:41Long, our house is honored by the presence of a physician.
00:21:44Dong Sui Chow.
00:21:45Dong Sui Chow.
00:21:53Long, revere his knowledge.
00:21:55We are at your service.
00:21:57Well, I want to get a rig and a couple of good strong horses, and I'll pay nothing but a fair price.
00:22:03It's a pleasure to do business with a discerning man.
00:22:05Now, everything you need is right over here.
00:22:07There's a potbelly stove, wrought iron skidded, 20 pounds of flour, one axe, two extra hammers.
00:22:12Now, let's see.
00:22:13A stove, $7.50, skillet, $4.20, flour, $8.50, $9.75 with two hammers.
00:22:16Add that up.
00:22:16Put them all.
00:22:19Jing-kau-sing-doy.
00:22:20Doi-san-jing-ga.
00:22:21That comes to $47 even.
00:22:23Now for the wagon.
00:22:24I have one picked out.
00:22:24Hold it!
00:22:25Hold it!
00:22:26$47.
00:22:27Just let's see.
00:22:28The stove was $7.50.
00:22:29The skillet was $4.20.
00:22:30That's $11.70.
00:22:32Then you have the...
00:22:33Have you ever been in the Orient, sir?
00:22:35Huh?
00:22:35Have you ever been in the Orient?
00:22:37No, I never have.
00:22:39It's amazing.
00:22:40Simply amazing.
00:22:42Wong, observe the analytical mind of the trained scientist.
00:22:45Skill in the arts of mathematics, physics, chemistry.
00:22:48Able to understand the machinations of the Orient for calculating abacus.
00:22:51Run over those figures again for him, Wong.
00:22:56Yeah, it's $47, all right.
00:22:59Extraordinary mind.
00:23:00You, sir, are amazing.
00:23:02Now, let's put you into a wagon.
00:23:04Right this way.
00:23:07You are indeed a fortunate man.
00:23:10This is your lucky day.
00:23:12The wagon you are beholding, soon to be yours, is the only one of its kind, western of Mississippi.
00:23:15How much is it?
00:23:16Built to the finest oak.
00:23:18Once owned by one of the great pioneers of our west.
00:23:20The late Sir Lincoln Boone.
00:23:31I know there's no time to bring this up, but how much is it?
00:23:36Excuse me.
00:23:37I'll let it go for $100.
00:23:39How much?
00:23:40$150.
00:23:41Now, that seems kind of expensive to me.
00:23:44Expensive?
00:23:44Too expensive for a vehicle worthy of transporting?
00:23:47One of the great scientific minds of our day?
00:23:49Sir, this wagon befits you.
00:23:51Wong, let us not forget.
00:23:53Our house is honored by the presence of a physician.
00:23:55Tong sui chiao.
00:23:55Tong sui chiao.
00:23:56That comes to $232.55.
00:24:09$232.55?
00:24:12That's correct.
00:24:14Well, figures don't lie.
00:24:17It's an even $250 with the territory tax.
00:24:19And that'll be cash, of course.
00:24:21Territory tax?
00:24:22It was a pleasure doing business with you, sir.
00:24:28Chop, chop.
00:24:29Oh, I'll see you.
00:24:30Oh, wait a minute.
00:24:31I almost forgot.
00:24:33What about the horses?
00:24:34Surely you jest.
00:24:35There hasn't been a horse for sale around here in over three weeks.
00:24:37Wait a second.
00:24:38If you don't have any horses for sale,
00:24:40how come you sold me that wagon and all that stuff?
00:24:42We just like to keep busy.
00:24:44Now, you have no right to...
00:24:45What time do you have, sir?
00:24:475.30.
00:24:48We're closed.
00:24:50Now, just wait a minute.
00:24:51Hold it.
00:24:51Hold it.
00:24:52Hold it.
00:24:53Wait, you...
00:24:54How am I going to get out west if I don't have any horses?
00:24:57Get... get cheaters.
00:24:58Cheaters.
00:25:01Abacus can...
00:25:02Abacus!
00:25:03You...
00:25:03You...
00:25:14You...
00:25:15you...
00:25:15You...
00:25:16Mr. Huggins?
00:25:38That's right.
00:25:38Penelope Cushings.
00:25:39Won't you come in?
00:25:43What can I do for you, Miss Cushings?
00:25:44Well, first, I must warn you, I'm not taking on any new clients.
00:25:48I expect to be leaving town shortly.
00:25:50The moon is on the wane.
00:25:53You?
00:25:54You were looking for a woman, weren't you?
00:25:56Well, yes, but you're...
00:25:58Well, not like you.
00:26:00Expecting someone a bit more horsey?
00:26:03Sort of.
00:26:04Well, I'm what they came up with, so let's get down to business.
00:26:08Would it take the wagon train to San Miguel, with you posing as my wife?
00:26:12Oh?
00:26:12It's strictly federal business.
00:26:14Once there, we get in touch with Will Banks.
00:26:16You've got a rig.
00:26:18Waiting out in the staging area.
00:26:19Any notion as to how the rifles are getting to the Indians?
00:26:23Nope.
00:26:23There could even be some on the wagon train we're taking.
00:26:27Well, now, do you have everything you need?
00:26:29Yes, I think so.
00:26:30Good.
00:26:30We'll leave day after tomorrow.
00:26:31Let's sun up.
00:26:33Strictly federal business.
00:26:36Strictly.
00:26:36Done and done.
00:26:38Done and done.
00:26:38Let's go.
00:27:08What?
00:27:10Sam Huggins, the lawyer.
00:27:12Who did it?
00:27:13Shots came from across the street.
00:27:14This fella just staggered into the hotel.
00:27:15Did anybody call a doctor?
00:27:16Doc Gifford's out of town.
00:27:17Wait a minute.
00:27:18There's a doctor right here in the hotel.
00:27:22Dr. Jesse W. Haywood, room three.
00:27:25Come on, Lyle, Ernie, come on.
00:27:39Hurry it up.
00:27:40He don't answer.
00:27:45Darn you, Lyle.
00:27:47Dr. Haywood!
00:27:48Dr. Haywood!
00:27:49Wake up!
00:27:50Wake up!
00:27:51Let's go up there!
00:27:52We're coming!
00:27:53Dr. Haywood, Dr. Haywood, please wake up!
00:27:56Doctor, we have an emergency in the lobby.
00:27:58Emergency.
00:27:59Emergency.
00:28:05All right, everybody, stand back.
00:28:19Give this man air.
00:28:20He's probably got a badly impacted wisdom, too.
00:28:23You fool!
00:28:24Here's the trouble.
00:28:37Hey, you sure handled that nice last night, Doc.
00:28:41Please.
00:28:48Uh, warning.
00:29:00Uh, look, I hope I didn't give the hotel a bad day by painting.
00:29:03I mean, I feel bad about that.
00:29:04It would make me feel terrible.
00:29:05Your shoe's untimed, huh?
00:29:06Oh, yeah.
00:29:09Uh, well, I'll just, uh...
00:29:11Uh, I'll tie it over here.
00:29:18Oh, uh, uh, ma'am.
00:29:20Ma'am.
00:29:21Ma'am.
00:29:22Uh, what?
00:29:23Wait, just...
00:29:24Just...
00:29:29Uh, ma'am.
00:29:31Oh, ma'am.
00:29:32Uh, ma'am.
00:29:33Excuse me, ma'am.
00:29:34Uh, I just wanted to express my deepest sympathy
00:29:37and to apologize for, uh, well, what happened to me there last night.
00:29:41Uh, see, actually, I'm a dentist.
00:29:43See, I'm not a doctor.
00:29:44And, well, when I see something like that, I just sort of go all fuzzy.
00:29:48What's a tender ninny like you doing out here in the first place?
00:29:52Uh, ma'am, uh, uh, now I realize that that may have come about as a result of your grief.
00:30:00But I don't like to be called a tender ninny.
00:30:03Tender ninny.
00:30:05Okay.
00:30:08All right.
00:30:09Now, all right.
00:30:10I'm gonna tell you something.
00:30:12I'm in teeth.
00:30:13And I came out here all the way from Philadelphia single-handed to fight oral ignorance.
00:30:18And I intend to go further west.
00:30:20West is that way.
00:30:22West!
00:30:23And I'm gonna find me a couple of horses, and I'm leaving on the next wagon train out.
00:30:26Now, what do you think about that?
00:30:28Um, are you going to take your tree and your dog along with you?
00:30:32I'm sorry about your husband passing on, ma'am.
00:30:49But rules are rules, and I gotta stick to them.
00:30:51No women alone on the wagon train.
00:30:53Uh, look, Mr. Welsh, I have got to get on this wagon train.
00:30:56No single women.
00:30:57Company ruled.
00:30:58Well, I've got to find some way.
00:31:00Well, the only thing I can recommend is you find yourself a husband by 5 o'clock tomorrow morning.
00:31:04A husband?
00:31:05Mm-hmm.
00:31:06All you need is something wearing pants.
00:31:08Going that way.
00:31:10Oh, west is that...
00:31:14way.
00:31:16is that wrong функ,
00:31:17it's wrong but,
00:31:18it's a EC ren ochine to trapos,
00:31:19what are you wearing pants?
00:31:20They look pretty cute.
00:31:21That has a foto व?
00:31:22Well, I don't want to take off.
00:31:23I'm not going to do the thing.
00:31:24It brings back to a Georgia wa frankfey.
00:31:25Well, just go out all the things that I will
00:31:34in the morning.
00:31:35And now I use on women's dishes.
00:31:38That's right.
00:31:39That's a Saturday morning.
00:31:40Well, you may not go out in the morning själv,
00:31:41I can not go out.
00:31:42The three machines Conquier,
00:31:43the actual machine is hanging out
00:31:44It's a bigуска right there.
00:31:45Oh, hello, dentist.
00:31:48Hello.
00:31:51It's you.
00:31:53Aren't you going to ask me to come in?
00:31:56Huh?
00:31:58Oh, sure.
00:31:59Yeah, yeah.
00:32:00Come in.
00:32:01Come in.
00:32:02Come in.
00:32:03Come in.
00:32:04Come in.
00:32:05Come in.
00:32:06Come in.
00:32:07Come in.
00:32:08Come in.
00:32:09Come in.
00:32:10Come in.
00:32:11Come in.
00:32:12Come in.
00:32:13Oh, I like to keep my hand in.
00:32:26I'm sorry to bother you like this, but I have a terrible toothache.
00:32:33Is it in your mouth?
00:32:35Oh, yeah.
00:32:36It would be, wouldn't it?
00:32:37Sure.
00:32:38Well, you just sit right down there, and we'll just take care of it.
00:32:42I probably should have made an appointment.
00:32:44I realize how busy you must be.
00:32:46Oh, golly.
00:32:47Heck, there's always, always room for an emergency.
00:32:51Emergency.
00:32:53Emergency.
00:32:54Ah.
00:32:55Just, uh...
00:32:56Wait.
00:32:57Uh, well...
00:32:58I'll tell you what.
00:32:59Uh, could you just, uh, open your mouth?
00:33:14Uh, I-I need my mirror.
00:33:39Oh.
00:33:40Oh.
00:33:45That's okay.
00:33:46I'll have to get something else here.
00:33:50Oh.
00:33:51Do you know something?
00:33:53Hm?
00:33:54When you turned away, I noticed your profile.
00:33:57It's really very attractive.
00:34:00Uh, uh, profile?
00:34:02No.
00:34:03No.
00:34:04No.
00:34:05Wait.
00:34:06Oh.
00:34:07Huh?
00:34:08Hm?
00:34:09Oh, your hands.
00:34:10Oh, they're lovely.
00:34:12The hands of a surgeon.
00:34:15Huh?
00:34:16Yeah, my...
00:34:17My hands...
00:34:18Well, uh, hands have always run in my family.
00:34:30Do you know what I think?
00:34:32Uh-uh.
00:34:33I think you're very nice.
00:34:35You know what I think?
00:34:37What?
00:34:38I think I might faint.
00:34:41Oh.
00:34:48How did a wonderful professional man like you escape marriage all these years?
00:34:54Well, uh, I've always felt I was a little too thin for marriage.
00:34:59Oh.
00:35:00Oh.
00:35:01And besides, uh, my main mission in life right now is to go west.
00:35:06How strange fate is.
00:35:09I, too, am alone and going west.
00:35:12And suddenly, out of the blue sky, I meet you.
00:35:18A big, tall, handsome man.
00:35:30Now, wait a minute.
00:35:32Just wait a minute.
00:35:33I don't even know you.
00:35:35I'm crazy about you.
00:35:36Isn't that enough?
00:35:37Now then, the witnesses there, Mrs. Longbow and Slosh White, are 25 cents each.
00:35:41Payable immediately following the ceremony.
00:35:43Fine.
00:35:44Can we speed it up, Reverend?
00:35:45The wagon train leaves in an hour.
00:35:46Look, this is so sudden, Miss Cushing's.
00:35:47I mean, you just don't fix a tooth one minute and then get married the next.
00:35:50The song is 50 cents extra.
00:35:51Would you like the song?
00:35:52Yes, fine.
00:35:53Fine.
00:35:54Let's go, Reverend.
00:35:55During the music?
00:35:56Yes.
00:35:57All right.
00:35:58Dearly beloved, we are gathered here.
00:35:59Now, wait a minute.
00:36:00Hold it.
00:36:01Uh, I can't get married without telling my mother.
00:36:02There isn't any time.
00:36:03We've got to catch the wagon train.
00:36:04Uh, uh, uh.
00:36:05Jessie.
00:36:06Jessie.
00:36:07My mother will never get over this.
00:36:08She'll just never forgive me for this.
00:36:09We are assembled here in the presence of God to join together this man and this man.
00:36:12Now, what?
00:36:13We're strangers.
00:36:14You know that, don't you?
00:36:15I mean, I'd at least like you to meet my mother, maybe even her friend Celia.
00:36:16Speed it up, Reverend.
00:36:17She's instructed those who enter into this relationship, et cetera, et cetera.
00:36:18Now, that's not Episcopalian.
00:36:19By the authority invested in me by the church, I declare that you, Penelope, and, uh, you, uh,
00:36:25Jessie.
00:36:26Uh, and you, Jessie, are here by man and wife.
00:36:28I'm sorry.
00:36:29No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:36:30You know, I think we'd better hurry if we don't catch that language.
00:36:48Well, you know, I think we'd better hurry if we weren't going to catch that language.
00:36:59if we want to catch that wagon train.
00:37:06Well, well, well. You did it, ma'am.
00:37:07What's the new name?
00:37:08Dr. and Mrs. Jesse W. Haywood.
00:37:10Well, good for you. You ready to go?
00:37:11Wagons West!
00:37:12That's a ticket. Just pull up behind that last wagon.
00:37:14Right.
00:37:17Nice going.
00:37:18Well, I'm sorry. I'm just so darn excited.
00:37:24Mr. and Mrs. Hiram Remington, Atlanta.
00:37:26Dr. and Mrs. Jesse W. Haywood, Philadelphia.
00:37:29Reverend Zach Regan and my loyal minion, Matthew Batch.
00:37:34Nice couple.
00:37:37What are you trying to do, get us thrown in jail?
00:37:39Aw, a pretty little thing like that and a derby dude.
00:37:43They ain't likely to be federal men.
00:37:45We can't trust anybody.
00:37:46Now, remember that. Come on, fix it.
00:37:48Come on, fix it.
00:37:59Come on, fix it.
00:38:00Come on, fix it.
00:38:01Come on, fix it.
00:38:02Where's Willie?
00:38:03Reach me.
00:38:04Willie!
00:38:05Willie!
00:38:06Willie!
00:38:07Here, Mom.
00:38:08I told you to do that before we left.
00:38:11Oh, boy.
00:38:14Keep your eye on the road.
00:38:16I just can't believe it.
00:38:21Tonight's our wedding night.
00:38:24A few hours, we'll stop, make camp, have a little supper.
00:38:38And it's beddy-bye.
00:38:41Peopleira, how come on?
00:38:51Don't do any other fun, free.
00:38:56Please stop any candy.
00:39:02Come on.
00:39:04Up, up.
00:39:07Come on.
00:39:08Sometimes you can still get a little applause.
00:39:10I was in the same boat as you 35 years ago.
00:39:17Is that right?
00:39:18I'll never forget my wedding night as long as I live.
00:39:21I'll bet.
00:39:22I cried like a baby.
00:39:28Willie?
00:39:29Almost done, Ma.
00:39:40Penelope?
00:39:43Penelope.
00:39:45What do you want?
00:39:47Are you betting by?
00:39:49I suppose so.
00:39:56Guard duty, Dr. Haywood.
00:39:59You're kidding!
00:40:05Ah!
00:40:10Coyote.
00:40:40Who the hell?
00:40:54Ah!
00:40:55Did it scare you?
00:40:57Heck no, you're kidding.
00:40:58I come to relieve you, Doc.
00:41:00I reckon you've got some chores you want to fulfill, huh?
00:41:01Yeah, I do.
00:41:02Yeah, thanks.
00:41:03Good luck.
00:41:03I'm back.
00:41:21I'm back.
00:41:21You're soft.
00:41:49Come on, you little dickens.
00:42:09I'll find you.
00:42:13Come on, now.
00:42:15Come on, now.
00:42:16Where are you?
00:42:17You, you...
00:42:18You...
00:42:19You...
00:42:20You...
00:42:21You...
00:42:22You...
00:42:23You...
00:42:24You...
00:42:26You...
00:42:27You...
00:42:28You...
00:42:29You...
00:42:30You...
00:42:31You...
00:42:32Patty!
00:42:33What are you doing?
00:42:34That's you, Willie?
00:42:36What are you doing wandering around the middle of the night?
00:42:40Shut up!
00:42:41I wonder where he's doing.
00:42:42What's going on here?
00:42:44Come on here.
00:42:49I couldn't sleep, so I decided to take a walk.
00:42:51That's all.
00:42:54Well, you'd be lonesome, too, if your husband were on guard duty.
00:42:57It's our wedding night.
00:43:03Lover or squirrel, that's all.
00:43:04All right, back to bed.
00:43:07Gosh, honey, I didn't realize you missed me so much.
00:43:09I wonder what she's up to.
00:43:13Don't you get it, Zack?
00:43:14She's got the sweets on me.
00:43:16I have the same trouble every place I go.
00:43:18Women just come running after me, wanting to kiss me on the mouth.
00:43:21Everybody up!
00:43:22Everybody up!
00:43:23Everybody up!
00:43:24Everybody up!
00:43:25Everybody up!
00:43:26Everybody up!
00:43:27Everybody up!
00:43:28Everybody up!
00:43:29Everybody up!
00:43:30Everybody up!
00:43:31Everybody up!
00:43:32Everybody up!
00:43:33Everybody up!
00:43:34Everybody up!
00:43:37Everybody up!
00:43:38Everybody up!
00:43:39Everybody up!
00:43:44Everybody up! Everybody up!
00:44:14Come on!
00:44:44Come on!
00:45:04Indians! Indians!
00:45:14What do we do?
00:45:18Take cover and start using that six-gun.
00:45:44Let's go!
00:46:14Let's go!
00:46:22What?
00:46:26Winchester.
00:46:28Haywood wagon.
00:46:30Hitting with us.
00:46:32Remington!
00:46:34Tyler! Some of you men! Let's go!
00:46:36Get back here, you idiot!
00:47:06Fang!
00:47:08Fang!
00:47:16Are you all right?
00:47:18Yeah, fine.
00:47:20I didn't know you could shoot like that.
00:47:22Thought I'd milk myself.
00:47:36Who'd have believed it?
00:47:38Doc's a gutty little cuss.
00:47:54Which one's Doc Haywood?
00:47:55Right there.
00:47:56There he is!
00:47:58That's right there!
00:48:00Hey!
00:48:02Hey!
00:48:04Doc Haywood!
00:48:06Indian fighter!
00:48:08Hey!
00:48:10Hey!
00:48:11Doc Haywood!
00:48:12Indian fighter!
00:48:13Hey!
00:48:14Hey, Doc!
00:48:15Tell him just how you killed all these Indians.
00:48:17Now give him a chance to clear the dust out of his throat.
00:48:19Come on, Doc! Drink up!
00:48:20Oh!
00:48:21Well...
00:48:24Hmm?
00:48:28Well...
00:48:29It doesn't pay to drink too fast when you're thirsty.
00:48:31It's good, though. It's good.
00:48:32Say, Doc.
00:48:33Now we here tell it you kind of fell far behind the main wagon train.
00:48:35How did that happen?
00:48:36Well, I'll tell you.
00:48:37That was on purpose.
00:48:38There was a reason for that.
00:48:39You see, it was all part of the plan.
00:48:40It was all part of the plan.
00:48:42It was all part of the plan!
00:48:43As I said, it was all part of the plan.
00:48:45See, I've been spotting their signs for quite a while.
00:48:48You seen it spotting their signs?
00:48:49One, maybe two miles.
00:48:51And then, a plan began formulating in my mind.
00:48:55The observations of the plans are one way to get off the train.
00:48:56And the woods, and the woods, and the woods, are another way to get off the train.
00:48:57It's good!
00:48:58I'm all part of the plan!
00:48:59So, you see, it was all part of the plan!
00:49:00Oh, you know, you're a good idea!
00:49:01I see.
00:49:02I'm coming to the sounds of the way.
00:49:03Oh, I see.
00:49:04You're a good idea.
00:49:05On the way to get off the train, I see you.
00:49:06You're a good idea!
00:49:07Well, I see you've got to see you.
00:49:08I'm a really good idea!
00:49:09I don't know...
00:49:10You've got to see you!
00:49:11Yeah.
00:49:12I've got to see you!
00:49:13two miles and then a plan began the formulating in my mind the fan began
00:49:19formulating in his mind I figured I'd lay back a ways and draw him off the main
00:49:25body that was to give the wagon train a chance to get away can't you wait you
00:49:32wanna let me tell this fella see there's one thing you've got to keep in mind
00:49:39about Indians them Indians is ten times as scared as you are didn't mean to
00:49:47scare Indian fighter character one of ours I wonder what that skinny little
00:50:00Philadelphia Jasper could be a ventilator you sure look like a dentist to me how
00:50:08would you know you ain't never seen a dentist in your life no need to poke
00:50:13fun at my only weak point I don't know what you're talking about lady I'm a
00:50:23roofer then a roofer all my life don't know nothing about the federal government
00:50:27Sam Huggins would be talking to you now but they shot him get in the wagon
00:50:38I knew it the whole dentist outfit was a dog's look at those clothes he's a gunny for sure
00:51:05yeah Matthew that's our man we've got to get rid of him I gotta do it simple I'll have you pick a fight
00:51:29with him gun him down in the street now wait a minute reverend I ain't gonna tangle with him
00:51:34what's the matter afraid he'll kill you that's part of it the main thing is if he
00:51:39nicks me why the scar will just ruin my look
00:51:41I'll get a professional I hear that Arnold of kids in town good heck you're always better off with a
00:52:08specialist anyway yeah well I'll sure know where to look if I ever need a coward
00:52:13yep
00:52:15Arnold kill Hayward I'll give you six hundred dollars
00:52:22all right I'll give you eight hundred and fifty dollars
00:52:27all right I'll give you a thousand dollars
00:52:32they told me this outfit was an original
00:52:56get out of my way what you heard me get out of my way well now just who do you think you are
00:53:05Arnold the kid
00:53:08Doc the Hayward that name don't scare you
00:53:15it scares me this much
00:53:21all right Mr. kid now you've gone just a little bit too far you're really asking for it
00:53:47make your play I'll make my play
00:53:51don't make my play
00:53:54hippity-doo canab-a-dip double dare knock off the chip
00:54:00now what's this all about you wanna know what that's all about
00:54:03I'll tell you what that's all about you knock off that chip and you'll see what it's all about
00:54:06mm-hmm okay all right okay I'm gonna tell you something right now you just happen to know what I did do you happen to know what I did well I'll tell you what I did I killed twelve Indians and two horses in one fight now how do you like those bananas
00:54:25pass the word to clear the street I'll meet you here in half an hour
00:54:32that's the word to clear the street I'll meet you here in half an hour
00:54:39I'll meet you here in half an hour
00:54:41where you got
00:54:42where you got
00:54:46two
00:54:49yes
00:54:55you
00:55:03hey
00:55:05I think you might have something with that minister Gant
00:55:08they checked on him back
00:55:09he's me ain't no pentecostal and he sure ain't no morning
00:55:12they couldn't find one persuasion they'd ever heard tell of him those bible boxes were sure
00:55:16long and heavy hey maybe you and your husband could scout around the church see what's in them
00:55:21boxes forget my husband he's just some philadelphia jay i got tied up with to get me out here
00:55:28the sooner i get rid of him the better appears to me like he could be of some help i hear he's
00:55:33pretty good with his ex-gum
00:55:47what's going on
00:56:17that's hayward out there practicing i heard two shots that means uh he's got four to go
00:56:47that's six call him out
00:57:14hey wood
00:57:21did you want me for something
00:57:26been exactly a half hour
00:57:29so
00:57:37heywood
00:57:45i'm even gonna let you draw first thank you
00:57:52heywood
00:58:00i'm even gonna let you draw first thank you
00:58:14a seven shooter
00:58:23i don't know
00:58:37what'd you do that for i thought you wanted to get rid of that jay
00:58:45i don't know something just come over me
00:58:58oh excuse me uh penny penny
00:59:02did you hear about it i heard about the only thing to save me was the old killer instinct
00:59:09what about supper i've got something to do i'll see you later
00:59:12but but i ain't seeing you all day
00:59:14the sheriff wants to see you
00:59:16well just a minute son penny look he said it's important
00:59:18well uh well all right uh where are you gonna be later i'll be around
00:59:22yeah
00:59:23you know
00:59:24darn women
00:59:25so excitable
00:59:27whenever you're ready leonard hold it like that now
00:59:33that's dandy thank you there that'll be a real nice picture for us the man who got arnold the kid
00:59:40well well i guess we don't need this anymore oh say can i have that i'd kind of like to keep it for a
00:59:45serpeneur sure doc help yourself leonard get that picture developed as soon as you can
00:59:49here you want me to give you a hand with this yes please
01:00:03there we go
01:00:15uh have you seen this uh lady ola ah see if you are in peace like the church
01:00:22gracias senior
01:00:34penny hold it what's the matter i thought i heard something
01:00:41penny
01:00:45oh
01:00:54oh
01:00:56oh
01:01:06oh
01:01:10Hmm.
01:01:23Penny!
01:01:24Shut up!
01:01:34Penny!
01:01:35Keep it quiet!
01:01:37I've been looking all over town for you.
01:01:39What do you want?
01:01:41Is that you?
01:01:43Yes, that's me.
01:01:45I'll explain one of these days, but not right now.
01:01:47Oh, boy.
01:01:48How do you believe this?
01:01:49I just got...
01:01:50You mean you're a thief of cattle rustlers?
01:01:52What's this all about?
01:01:53I'll explain it later.
01:01:54Right now, I'm on government business.
01:01:56Like what?
01:01:57Like stealing rifles from a nice church?
01:02:01It's her.
01:02:02She's the agent.
01:02:03Let's get her.
01:02:04No, not now.
01:02:05Let's wait until Doc Haywood ain't here.
01:02:06It's really none of your business.
01:02:09Now let's get out of here.
01:02:15Government business?
01:02:16What kind of government business?
01:02:17Hold your voice down.
01:02:18But I don't get it.
01:02:19One minute you're a bank robber,
01:02:20the next minute you're working for the government.
01:02:22Oh, right.
01:02:24It's true.
01:02:25I am bad penny cushions.
01:02:27But the government said they'd clean up my record
01:02:28if I did this job for them.
01:02:29What job?
01:02:30I can't tell you anymore.
01:02:36Now look.
01:02:37I don't know if you realize it,
01:02:38but our marriage is getting pretty shaky.
01:02:40Now I want to know what's going on.
01:02:42All right.
01:02:43Now can I count on you to keep this quiet?
01:02:46Of course.
01:02:47Hold your voice down.
01:02:48Of course.
01:02:49The government promised me amnesty
01:02:50if I found out who's smuggling rifles to the Indians.
01:02:52It's Gant and Bash.
01:02:55Gant and Bash?
01:02:56The minister and his loyal minion?
01:02:58He's no minister.
01:02:59And he's no minion.
01:03:12I don't know, penny.
01:03:13Everything's just moving too fast.
01:03:14First you came to me with a toothache.
01:03:16We got married.
01:03:17We got on the wagon train.
01:03:18Bang, bang, bang.
01:03:19Hooray, hooray.
01:03:20Then I find out you're a crook.
01:03:21You're not a crook.
01:03:22You're working with the government.
01:03:23Everything's just moving too fast.
01:03:24Poor little dude.
01:03:26You're tired, aren't you?
01:03:27Mm-hmm.
01:03:28Well, I think the best thing to do is to go to bed.
01:03:32Huh?
01:03:33I said, I think the best thing to do is to go to bed.
01:03:38Are you changing?
01:03:39Uh-huh.
01:03:43I'll just change in the closet.
01:03:51You too lot.
01:03:53t
01:03:58in?
01:03:59Oh, my God.
01:04:00Oh, sorry.
01:04:02Oh, sorry.
01:04:03Bye, everybody.
01:04:04Oh.
01:04:05I agree.
01:04:06Not good enough.
01:04:07Yeah, you're just going crazy.
01:04:08Oh, far, everywhere.
01:04:09Oh.
01:04:10But your last 9- 선생님 said,
01:04:11okay
01:04:15You can't sleep like that. Those spurs will kill me.
01:04:29I've got to get to Fort Tyler to get the military.
01:04:31You said, I mean, I thought that we... Fort Tyler?
01:04:35Don't you understand? If the Indians get those rifles, they'll wipe out this town.
01:04:40Oh, yeah. Yeah, well, I better come with you then. I'm pretty handy with a gun, you know.
01:04:44I'm afraid not, dentist. You couldn't hit a bleeding elephant in the snow.
01:04:48Are you kidding? Twelve Indians, two horses, and Arnold the Kid?
01:04:52Look, you might as well know. I shot the Indians from inside the wagon and Arnold the Kid from a window.
01:04:59What? You mean I didn't... I mean, none of those? Nobody?
01:05:08Nobody.
01:05:08I'm sorry to have to tell you that, dentist. But I wouldn't want you to come with me. You might get hurt.
01:05:21Are you coming back?
01:05:22I'm afraid not.
01:05:24But... but you're my wife.
01:05:28That was just to get on the wagon train.
01:05:30I'm sorry.
01:05:40Bye-a-con-t-i-os, amigo.
01:05:47Gracias.
01:05:54There he is!
01:05:56Oh, please. Just, uh, just a minute.
01:06:17Uh, there's something that I, uh, I have to tell you.
01:06:23Well, come on, Doc. Speak up.
01:06:24Uh, no, no, no more. I, uh, now, I do want you to think that I'm not grateful for the drinks
01:06:37and for your all being so nice and everything, but, uh, well, I'm just going to tell you straight out.
01:06:47Doc the Haywood, the well-known Indian fighter, is a fake.
01:06:53Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
01:06:54It's true! It's absolutely true!
01:06:58Just as long as I'm standin' here, right here, right now. It's the truth.
01:07:01Well, Doc, somebody killed them dozen Indians. Now, who killed him?
01:07:04my wife.
01:07:09Just a second.
01:07:10Just a second.
01:07:12Hold her up.
01:07:13You got the kid because we all seen it.
01:07:16Right.
01:07:16You got him zagging with one shot
01:07:18while you was a falling down.
01:07:19That's right.
01:07:20My wife got him from a window.
01:07:23I wasted all my shots like a darn dumbbell,
01:07:25don't you remember?
01:07:28I shot two at the can,
01:07:31two at the sign,
01:07:32one at the skillet,
01:07:35and one in the pants.
01:07:40All right, now hold it, hold it.
01:07:42I was watching the whole thing.
01:07:43Now let's see, there was, uh,
01:07:45there was two at the can,
01:07:48two at the sign,
01:07:49one at the skillet,
01:07:51and one in the pants.
01:07:55Two at the can,
01:07:57two at the sign,
01:07:58one at the skillet,
01:08:00and one in the pants.
01:08:02Two at the turn.
01:08:09Two at the sign,
01:08:14two at the sign.
01:08:15Two at the sign.
01:08:17Two at the sign.
01:08:18Two at the sign.
01:08:29Oh,
01:08:32Oh! Help! Help!
01:08:35Failure, failure, failure, failure, failure, failure, failure.
01:08:40That's the story of my life, you know.
01:08:43Two things have always been my downfall.
01:08:48I have always been the most failure of anybody, and I'm too thin.
01:08:56I don't think you're too thin.
01:08:59It's all bloat.
01:09:02Bloat with thin failure, that's me.
01:09:05I think you're wonderful.
01:09:07I just love a man that can't make his mark in life.
01:09:13Penny, yeah.
01:09:15Penny, she's really something, you know.
01:09:19You know, she used me.
01:09:21She tricked me.
01:09:24She made me think that she loved me.
01:09:29Oh.
01:09:32I should have known better.
01:09:36Nobody ever loved me.
01:09:39Did you know I had to take my own cousin to the graduation dance?
01:09:45Oh.
01:09:48I threw up on her dress.
01:09:50You are really my kind of guy.
01:10:01I got on a romance track.
01:10:04Then I got on a gun slinger's track.
01:10:09I got to get back on that dentist's track.
01:10:14Go ahead and laugh.
01:10:16Laugh all you like.
01:10:18I'm not a failure.
01:10:19I'm a dentist.
01:10:21I'm a dentist.
01:10:22A real dentist.
01:10:25And I'll tell you what I'm going to do.
01:10:28I'm going to spread dental health through the West like a plague.
01:10:34Come on.
01:10:35I want to close up.
01:10:36Good night, Doc.
01:10:49Brush your dentist twice a day.
01:10:50Visit your toothbrush once a year.
01:10:52I'll tell you what I'm going to do.
01:11:10Penny!
01:11:10Penny!
01:11:11Penny!
01:11:11Penny!
01:11:12Penny!
01:11:13Penny!
01:11:17Penny!
01:11:18Penny!
01:11:18Penny!
01:11:19Penny!
01:11:20Penny!
01:11:21¶¶
01:11:50¶¶
01:12:20¶¶
01:12:30Water. Water. I gotta have water.
01:12:32¶¶
01:12:42Water. I gotta have water.
01:12:46¶¶
01:12:56Water. I gotta have water.
01:13:00¶¶
01:13:10Air. I gotta have air. Air.
01:13:14¶¶
01:13:24¶¶
01:13:26¶¶
01:13:32¶¶
01:13:34¶¶
01:13:36¶¶
01:13:46¶¶
01:13:48¶¶
01:13:50¶¶
01:14:00¶¶
01:14:04¶¶
01:14:06¶¶
01:14:08¶¶
01:14:18¶¶
01:14:24¶¶
01:14:30¶¶
01:15:34Penny!
01:15:38Penny!
01:15:40What day?
01:15:42What day?
01:15:44What day?
01:15:48What day?
01:15:50What day?
01:15:56What day?
01:15:58What day?
01:16:00What day?
01:16:02What day?
01:16:04What day?
01:16:06What day?
01:16:08What day?
01:16:10What day?
01:16:12What day?
01:16:14What day?
01:16:16What day?
01:16:18What day?
01:16:20What day?
01:16:21Good girl.
01:16:22I think I know her.
01:16:23Wait a minute.
01:16:24Wait a minute.
01:16:25Isn't that laughing deer's daughter?
01:16:27No.
01:16:28The deer girl married white antelope.
01:16:30Rotten buffalo's cousin?
01:16:32What day?
01:16:34What day?
01:16:36What day?
01:16:38What day?
01:16:40What day?
01:16:42What day?
01:16:44What day?
01:16:46What day?
01:16:48What day?
01:16:50What day?
01:16:52What day?
01:16:54What day?
01:16:56What day?
01:16:58What day?
01:17:00What day?
01:17:02What day?
01:17:03What day?
01:17:04What day?
01:17:05What day?
01:17:06What day?
01:17:07What day?
01:17:08What day?
01:17:09What day?
01:17:10What day?
01:17:11What day?
01:17:12What day?
01:17:13What day?
01:17:14What day?
01:17:15What day?
01:17:16What day?
01:17:17What day?
01:17:18What day?
01:17:19What day?
01:17:20What day?
01:17:21What day?
01:17:22What day?
01:17:23What day?
01:17:24What day?
01:17:25What day?
01:17:26What day?
01:17:27What day?
01:17:28What day?
01:17:29What day?
01:17:30What day?
01:17:31Uh, uh, what day?
01:17:50What day? Uh-oh, what day.
01:17:53Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh.
01:18:00Dentist, you're crazy.
01:18:01Are you all right?
01:18:02Except for these bindings, they're killing my hands.
01:18:04Oh, I figured the best time to get out is after they all get a little drunker.
01:18:08You know something?
01:18:09You're a lot spunkier than I thought you were.
01:18:12I get that from my mother.
01:18:13Uh-huh.
01:18:14He's crazy about me.
01:18:28Looks like we're going dancing.
01:18:34Oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:18:48Oh, oh, oh.
01:18:52Oh yeah.
01:18:57Ah!
01:19:02Let's go!
01:19:32Oh, my God!
01:20:02Here. We're going to need this when we make our break.
01:20:14Be careful.
01:20:29Put me down!
01:20:32Oh-ha!
01:20:53Reverend. Minion.
01:20:55Well, now, if it ain't Doc Haywood.
01:20:59Gunfighter.
01:21:02Phony gunfighter.
01:21:06Hey, Doc, how about us having a real gunfight, huh?
01:21:10And to make it even, it'll be just you against me and the good reverend here.
01:21:14Now, uh, what do you think about that?
01:21:18You want to know what I think about that?
01:21:20Well, I'll just show you what I think about that.
01:21:23I'll just show you what I think about that.
01:21:26Well...
01:21:28Put it on, Haywood.
01:21:30Put it on, Haywood.
01:21:43Any time you're ready, Haywood.
01:22:05Any time you're ready, Haywood.
01:22:13The horse is right back there, honey. Let's go.
01:22:15Let me go. Jesse's out there.
01:22:17Oh, Jesse!
01:22:23Let's go.
01:22:25Let's go.
01:22:43Let's go.
01:22:47Latte?
01:22:56Reuter coming in!
01:23:06Get ready. They're coming.
01:23:08Get the women and kids back into the church. Get back in the church!
01:23:13Let's go.
01:23:23They're sure taking their sweet time about it.
01:23:25Devil. Hold it.
01:23:38Doc Haywood's with him.
01:23:39It sure is.
01:23:41Open up, boys. Everything's under control.
01:23:45Jesse! You're alive!
01:23:47Yeah, I know.
01:23:51Take my friend Black Eagle and fix him up with a big rare steak.
01:23:58Adjustments are free up to 60 days. After that, it's a dollar a visit.
01:24:01I'm so glad you're back.
01:24:03Me too!
01:24:07Oh, come on now! Come on! Come on! Wait a minute! Wait a minute!
01:24:11Wait a minute!
01:24:21Oh, come on now! Come on! Come on! Wait a minute! Wait a minute!
01:24:25Wait a minute!
01:24:27Wait a minute!
01:24:29Ah!
01:24:31Uh!
01:24:43Oh, come on now!
01:24:45Ah!
01:24:47Oh, come on!
01:24:49Ah!
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