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Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00Yeah, yeah, we're in a way.
00:25No.
00:25Yeah, yeah, I'm excited.
00:32Alright, we're about 15 minutes away.
00:38Okay, I'll see you then.
00:40Alright, bye.
00:46Your tie's crooked.
00:50Why did you text me, hey dickhead?
00:57I was just reminding you that I'm actually here.
01:01What are you excited about tonight?
01:08I mean, it's pretty awkward being nominated in the same category.
01:12I just can't wait to get to the awards ceremony and get it over with.
01:16Such enthusiasm.
01:19You stay out of mine tonight.
01:26So I'm guessing you don't want me to go down on you on the way to the ceremony?
01:28Jesus, can you shut up?
01:30Don't say shit like that when we're on public.
01:33It's a joke.
01:34I'm not a dick, mate.
01:35You don't need to take it so hard.
01:45No.
01:46You can't smoke in the car.
01:47Why?
01:50I don't fucking do anything anywhere anymore.
01:52Hey.
01:55And we're going the wrong way.
01:58Sorry driver, excuse me.
01:59I think you're taking us like the longest way possible.
02:02I'm just following your friends' direction, sir.
02:04I can take a different direction if you like.
02:07No, no, it's okay.
02:08Just keep going this way.
02:10It's alright, Kate.
02:11We're picking up along the way.
02:13It seemed like picking up.
02:16No.
02:17We're not picking up fucking weed.
02:19All good, boys.
02:22Yeah, we're all good.
02:24Sorry, what was your name?
02:26David.
02:28Yeah, we're all good, Dave.
02:31That's disappointing.
02:32Do you have any weed, David?
02:36If it was the late nineties, then that'd be a yes, but...
02:40unfortunately, no.
02:42What if he recognises us?
02:45And it leaks that we hit up a trial for weed?
02:50Hey, Dave.
02:52Yes, sir.
02:53Do you know who we are?
02:55Should I know?
02:57See, no idea.
02:59We're nobody special.
03:01Nobody special, is there?
03:03There's complimentary snacks in the centre console if you want something to eat.
03:08No, who or what are we picking up?
03:13Are you going to be like this all the way there?
03:18Like what?
03:20Like this.
03:21I'm just going to sit here and quietly eat my fucking carbs.
03:27You're going to get fat.
03:30I'd rather be fat than be a cunt.
03:32You know, you're going to lose everything this way.
03:37That's not even true.
03:39Yeah.
03:40We have everything to lose.
03:42I'm not going to be one of those actors who just almost made it, who almost had a career.
03:52That's not good enough for me.
03:54There's nothing wrong with wanting more.
03:59Yeah.
04:01You can't have your cake and eat it too.
04:03With all those carbs, you've fat mole.
04:05Tonight's supposed to be a celebration.
04:08Yeah.
04:10Nobody celebrate this.
04:15These are not the dicks you were looking for.
04:23Dual will.
04:25You just can't act normal, can you?
04:27For once. I'm just asking, can you act normal for once?
04:30What have you become?
04:32Let's not pretend that I didn't know you before you were famous.
04:34Oh, yeah, and then you're the one who gets recognised every time we go out.
04:37Oh, look, she's jealous.
04:39You're such a hypocrite, man.
04:41You want the career, and you want the exposure, but you don't want to play the game.
04:46Quick, check your answer, see which one of us has more followers.
04:50Oh, okay.
04:51Oh, I do.
04:53You post it like four times a year.
04:55I'm sure you'll accidentally drop like a dick pic or something like that if my followers don't number yours after I win tonight.
05:01Why is this all such a joke to you?
05:05Would it really hurt our careers if people knew?
05:07Yes!
05:09It would bring my career...
05:11It would bring our careers to a crashing halt.
05:16Man, I'm gonna have a wife and kids one day.
05:18That'll be fucking weird.
05:21You better get used to it.
05:23Why did you insist on picking me up?
05:25I wanted to talk to you.
05:31Let me guess.
05:34Our agent had a quiet word with you and asked you to keep me in line tonight, make sure I keep everything as fake as I possibly can.
05:42Our agent has concerns.
05:45For me.
05:47For you.
05:49Yeah.
05:51That if you win the award tonight, come charging out of the closet, you'll be guilty by association.
05:55She said that you wouldn't even let her write a speech for you.
05:58That you genuinely freaked out that I might thank you in my speech.
06:01You keep having these slip-ups, man.
06:04You've been saying some croup-dick-hat shit to reporters.
06:07You know, this media stuff, it's just like acting. You've got to stick to the fucking script.
06:12Well, what kind of a script has the team written for us tonight?
06:17Okay.
06:19So, we're going to meet Andre before the red carpet and he's going to prep us on what's going to happen.
06:24He's going to tell us who to talk to, who to get photographed with and so on.
06:28And now you mean, you mean Andrew?
06:32You've been told a million fucking times. His name has been legally changed to Andre.
06:40I don't need or want to be prepped, let alone by fucking Andrew.
06:43I knew you'd be difficult, man.
06:44And that's why I had to drop this on you last minute.
06:47So, I guess we're not going to be holding hands on the red carpet then?
06:50Look.
06:52I just want to make it super clear.
06:58That I'm straight now.
07:06Well, you didn't seem overly straight last night when my dick was in your mouth.
07:10Shut up.
07:14Don't look at me like that.
07:16Are you guys all good back there?
07:18Yeah.
07:19Yeah, we're all good.
07:21We're just talking about the footy.
07:23And bitches.
07:25I like football.
07:27I used to play all the time back home.
07:30I was obsessed by it at one point.
07:32I'd still be playing now if the old body hadn't let me down, you know?
07:36It's funny how life works like that.
07:39One minute you're at the top of your game.
07:41The next, you're driving a car full of strangers.
07:45Into the city.
07:49So, who do you follow?
07:51Follow?
07:52Yeah.
07:53In football.
07:54What team?
07:59The...
08:01The blue team.
08:03The blue...
08:05I like the blue team too.
08:08Not too far to your destination now.
08:11Brilliant.
08:18Listen.
08:19This is important.
08:21Man, I got a huge announcement going on my Twitter feed tonight just before we hit the red car.
08:26Yeah?
08:27Yeah.
08:28Why don't you tweet a picture of this?
08:29Thanks.
08:34Hashtag no homo.
08:35Why you such a faggot?
08:40Keep going like this, man.
08:41I'm gonna stop the car.
08:42I'm gonna get out.
08:43It's gonna look pretty fucking gay if you stop the car and storm out like a little bitch.
08:48Brit.
08:49Brit what?
08:50That's who we're picking up.
08:51Brit.
08:52And you know what?
08:53She's the best thing for my career at the moment.
08:55So you're gonna fuck some girl again?
08:57To try and be popular and stop our little secrets from spilling out?
09:00Yeah, my career means nothing to you, does it?
09:03It's always about you, isn't it?
09:04Yes!
09:05My career comes first.
09:09You're a fucking sellout.
09:12I know it's not what you wanna hear.
09:14But Brit and I, we're back together.
09:17And it's gonna be announced just before we hit the red carpet tonight.
09:21And you know what?
09:22I was gonna wait until after the show.
09:27I bet she cost the agency a fortune.
09:34Look.
09:36We're getting this car to pre-drinks at some producer's house.
09:39And she's casting at the moment.
09:41So I can't have your bleeding heart fuck this up.
09:44Then we're getting separately most of the event.
09:47Hand me a speech.
09:48I didn't write one.
09:49Bullshit.
09:50It's just notes.
09:51Hand it to me.
09:52No!
09:53That's not your speech!
09:54Who wrote this for you?
09:55This is a fucking orchestrated PR move.
09:56Everything in your life's mapped out for you.
09:57It's just notes.
09:58Hand it to me.
09:59No!
10:04That's not your speech!
10:05You're looking for a mention of me and there's fucking nothing.
10:06Yeah, show me your speech.
10:07I didn't write anything.
10:08You're looking for a mention of me and there's fucking nothing.
10:13Yeah, show me your speech.
10:14I didn't write anything.
10:15Oh yeah.
10:19You're looking for a mention of me and there's fucking nothing.
10:24This is a fucking orchestrated PR move.
10:25Everything in your life's mapped out for you.
10:26Just looking for a mention of me and there's fucking nothing.
10:33Yeah, show me your speech.
10:34I didn't write anything.
10:35Oh yeah?
10:36Yeah.
10:47Maybe we were wrong about you coming outside.
10:50Yeah, maybe I had nothing to say.
10:53Alright boys, here we are.
10:56You know, I just wanted this to be...
11:01Goodbye.
11:02You know, to what we had.
11:04To whatever we had.
11:06Probably.
11:09This has just been going on for way too long.
11:17Look, I think it's probably best for me to skip the pre-drinks.
11:20I'm not really in the mood for talking to industry people.
11:24Just a small talk.
11:25Let's catch up with you later at the event.
11:28Yeah, I think that'd be best.
11:30Yeah.
11:35Don't forget to meet Andre for prep.
11:37Alright?
11:38And don't be late.
11:41Tonight, it's about the film.
11:44It's not about you.
11:45Hey.
11:46Tell Andrew, I can't wait.
11:51We're 2-0, son.
11:52Um, just...
11:53Back to where you picked me up from if that's okay.
11:55I can wait there for you if you want to head back in, don't you?
11:57No?
11:58Just sign for me.
11:59I think that'd be the end of the night.
12:01No, no worries.
12:26Yeah.
12:43Put this someplace safe for later.
12:48I knew it.
13:26You know, I loved your film, by the way.
13:37You're a much better actor than your friend.
13:39You're a much better actor than your friend.
13:46You're a much better actor than your friend.
13:50You're a much better actor than your friend.
14:00You're a much better actor than your friend.
14:02You're a much better actor than your friend.
14:04You're a much better actor than your friend.
14:15You're a much better actor than your friend.
14:17You're a much better actor than your friend.
14:19You're a much better actor than your friend.
14:21You're a much better actor than your friend.
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