- 21 hours ago
Never Mind the Buzzcocks (2021) - Season 5 Episode 1 -
Madchester vs Britpop
Madchester vs Britpop
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00:00Manchester and Britpop, two seismic cultural movements.
00:04Era-defining music meets attitude, swagger and fashion.
00:07Icons were born and a country was shaped in the image of feral creativity.
00:13It wasn't about pop music. It wasn't about hedonism.
00:16It was about a country reimagining itself.
00:19It was Britain reborn.
00:25Hello, Bez.
00:26Hey.
00:30Hello. Hello.
00:34Welcome to Never Mind the Buzzcocks.
00:37Manchester versus Britpop.
00:40CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:43Hello. Hello.
00:46Welcome to Never Mind the Buzzcocks.
00:49Manchester versus Britpop.
00:52CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:55Joining Noel on Team Britpop.
01:01An award-winning actress, singer and Britpop queen,
01:07who said that meeting David Bowie on the set of Absolute Beginners
01:11was the most erotic experience of her life.
01:13For me, it was a Bedouin tent on the Arabian Peninsula.
01:16And let's just say, those boys do not moisturise their hands.
01:21LAUGHTER
01:22It's Pamsey Kenseth!
01:24CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:26And...
01:28Alan Titchmarsh is mad for Pampas.
01:30Monty John can't get enough Wild Meadow.
01:32But for me, there's only one Supergrass,
01:34and here's their drummer, Britpop's own Danny Goffey!
01:38CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:40CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:43Joining Jamali on Team Manchester tonight.
01:47A DJ, radio presenter and keyboardist
01:51for the iconic 90s band in spiral carpets,
01:54who says that while touring with the band EMF,
01:57he witnessed one of them put a lime in his foreskin.
02:00Big deal.
02:01Since Sainsbury's started charging for their carrier bags,
02:03I get my weekly shop in mine.
02:05LAUGHTER
02:06It's Clint Boone!
02:08CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
02:12And their guest captain for this evening,
02:15the legendary Maracca Man of Happy Mondays
02:18and Manchester royalty.
02:19In his heyday, he turned down Julia Roberts' advances in a club,
02:22but I suspect he'd probably just gobbled 14 ecstasy tablets,
02:25so it might not have been Julia Roberts,
02:27it might have been a yucca plant,
02:28and it might not have been a club,
02:30it might have been a transit van.
02:31Who knows?
02:32HE DOESN'T!
02:33IT'S BEARS!
02:38CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
02:39Over the course of this evening,
02:41we will decide once and for all
02:42which was the better cultural phenomena of the 90s,
02:44the chemical haze of Manchester
02:46or the lager-fuelled swagger of Britpop.
02:48Well, trigger warning,
02:49I have to mention drugs a lot tonight,
02:51otherwise we'll have nothing to talk about.
02:53LAUGHTER
02:54Welcome, everyone.
02:55You all right?
02:56Nice to be here, lovely to be here, yeah.
02:57Lovely to have you, Clint.
02:58Baz, you all right?
02:59Really excited to be here.
03:00You're gagging, aren't we?
03:01How do you feel about being team captain?
03:02I feel the pressure of it,
03:04but I'm sure I can handle it,
03:05you know what I mean?
03:06I've done bigger jobs.
03:07LAUGHTER
03:10Let's talk Manchester for a bit, Baz.
03:12A lot was made of your drug use in the 90s,
03:14you know?
03:15You must get sick of being labelled with that.
03:17Well, you know what?
03:18The Persian rugs, it was actually the making of me.
03:21Well, I found a picture of you.
03:22It's lovely.
03:23Any family would be absolutely delighted with it.
03:24Have a look.
03:26LAUGHTER
03:28Back in the day, you actually gave me a pair of your maracas.
03:33Did I?
03:34Yeah, and signed them.
03:35And when I say maracas, Greg, I mean testicles.
03:37LAUGHTER
03:39They're in a little cabinet at home.
03:41Baz, just tell us what happened when the Happy Mondays
03:43got sent to Barbados, will you?
03:45You got sent to record an album, right?
03:47Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
03:48And paid.
03:49Well, you know what?
03:50It was being sent there because it was apparently,
03:52you know, a drug-free island.
03:54Yeah.
03:55What a mistake that was, you know what I mean?
03:57LAUGHTER
03:58My understanding of it is that you sold the recording equipment
04:01so you could buy drugs.
04:03LAUGHTER
04:04But we got a great album out of it.
04:06What did it get recorded on?
04:08Er...
04:09I think it might be an album you've imagined.
04:11LAUGHTER
04:12Bez, I can't wait to see how you lead this team.
04:15It's Bez, ladies and gentlemen, what a treat.
04:17CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
04:20Clint Boone is here.
04:22CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
04:23It's an Inspiral Carpets, one of my favourite bands.
04:26You and Bez are good mates, is that right?
04:2838 years, I think, since we met.
04:30And since then we've, like, regularly gigged together
04:32with our bands.
04:33We DJ all the time.
04:35Did three gigs with him last week.
04:36Proper bangers, you know what I mean?
04:38LAUGHTER
04:39I love the Inspiral Carpets, but I just don't imagine
04:41that you were as off your heads as that lot, were you?
04:43We didn't need to.
04:44If you were just within three foot of him,
04:45you were stoned or battered or off your tits.
04:47LAUGHTER
04:48What's the maddest thing you were involved with
04:50when you were with the Inspirals?
04:52Is it the one where I shat in a teapot?
04:54That's the one, yeah.
04:55LAUGHTER
04:56This is how I must have been lonely.
04:59Yeah.
05:00It was in a hotel in Swiss Cottage.
05:03LAUGHTER
05:05I just want that to be the end of the story.
05:07LAUGHTER
05:08Why did you shit in a teapot, Clint?
05:10I was bored, I was drunk and it was rock and roll.
05:12Tick.
05:13Yeah.
05:14The three ticks.
05:15I've pissed in a kettle.
05:17LAUGHTER
05:18And that's why I never drink tea in all those whole rooms.
05:21LAUGHTER
05:22In case some others will in there.
05:23Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
05:24Clint Boone, ladies and gentlemen!
05:26CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
05:30Britpop queen Patsy Kenseth is here!
05:34CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
05:38There's certain images that just sum up that period, I think,
05:41and you know the one that you're forever associated with,
05:44who I think is so cool.
05:45Have a look at Patsy Kenseth back in the day.
05:47CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
05:48Do you remember that?
05:49CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
05:50It was a moment.
05:51It was a moment.
05:52It was a moment.
05:53Yeah.
05:54Let's bring you back down to earth, though.
05:55What happened with the golf cart on the M1?
05:57LAUGHTER
05:58Liam and I had started seeing each other
06:02and it was just as What's the Story Morning Glory had come out,
06:05so it was growing, you know?
06:07Yeah.
06:08So we went to Nebworth and did the first night
06:12and it was, you know, spectacular.
06:15And Liam and I forgot that there was a show the next day,
06:19so we decided to have a bit of a late night
06:22and nick a golf buggy from backstage
06:27and drive out onto this deserted massive field.
06:31And Liam's going, yeah, I'll do a fucking right yet.
06:34Do a right, do a left.
06:36So I'm driving the buggy car
06:38and then next thing I know,
06:40it's like we're on a main road,
06:43literally onto the M1 on a golf cart.
06:47And he's going to me, yeah, do a fucking U-turn.
06:50Do a U-turn.
06:51And I said, I can't fucking do a U-turn.
06:54It's a fucking golf buggy.
06:56What do you want me to fucking do?
06:58Anyway, the police, they pulled us over
07:01and they said, hello, Mr Gallagher,
07:04I think you've rather lost your way, haven't you?
07:07And we were both eyes out on stalks, obviously.
07:11Yes, we have.
07:13Please take us back and don't come into the caravan.
07:17Because it could be contraband.
07:20If at the end of this story, Patsy,
07:22someone doesn't shit in a teapot.
07:24Yeah.
07:25There's more, but I'm not going to say anything.
07:27I have to take it to the grave.
07:29Danny from Supergrass is here.
07:35We're not, are we, Danny?
07:36We're not.
07:37We're not.
07:38Was it mental with the Supergrass back in the day?
07:39Yeah.
07:40We're fairly hedonistic.
07:41Were you?
07:42Yeah.
07:43Because I've got to be honest, Danny, you've been on the show before,
07:45you're a delightful man.
07:46Yeah.
07:47I just think you're a lovely uncle who whittles in a shed.
07:49So you need to tell me some rock and roll stuff that happened.
07:52My earliest rock and roll memory was with these two.
07:55It was a big fan of the show.
07:57It's a big fan of the show.
07:58It's a big fan of the show.
07:59It's a big fan of the show.
08:00It's a big fan of the show.
08:02It's a big fan of the show.
08:03It's a big fan of Clint and Spiral Carpets, and I was about 15.
08:07I did my first acid trip at one of his gigs.
08:09You took acid when you were 15?
08:11Jesus Christ.
08:12I was uncomfortable with the show, but Dad.
08:16We were chatting before about when I first met you and Gaz.
08:20Yeah.
08:21We always remembered it.
08:22Even before you became famous, we remembered these little kids,
08:24you know what I mean?
08:25And then you sat on the front of the stage right through the gig,
08:27didn't you?
08:28Like that, looking at us.
08:29I remember your singer Tom just going scruffing my head at the front,
08:32going, this little mentalist at the front, he ain't stopped jumping.
08:35And I was just like, yeah!
08:37My first thought would be like, why are these little two kids high on acid?
08:41Did someone call their parents?
08:45Jamali, what were you up to in the 90s when this lot were all off their heads?
08:49Oh, mate, fuck, getting on it.
08:51No, I was born in 91, so I wasn't doing nothing.
08:55No.
08:56Don't make out you weren't having a wild time.
08:58We've got proof.
08:59Oh, fuck!
09:00Oh!
09:01Where are you going now?
09:03Wow.
09:04Wow.
09:10Let's crack on.
09:12Calm down, Baz.
09:13First question.
09:14Knowles team, your Britpop question is all about these music legends.
09:17Take a look at this.
09:18Slip inside the eye of your mind Don't you know you might find
09:26A better place to play And after all
09:34You're my Wonderwall
09:39There they are.
09:45Of course, that's right, it wouldn't be Britpop without featuring
09:47the hairy potatoes at the back of the cupboard, Oasis.
09:50But can you tell me how a member of Oasis got into a pickle
09:54due to a medical complaint?
09:56Was it A, they had to cancel a gig once because Bonehead
09:59fell into a river and got Viles disease?
10:01Knowles said, I'm not very good at the Manchester accent, full disclosure.
10:04There's no way.
10:06He said A.
10:17There's no way the gig could have gone ahead.
10:22His hands swelled up like Mickey Mouse's
10:24and that mouse had some big fucking hands.
10:27And was it B, at the Sixth Sense premiere,
10:31Noel missed a twist as he was in the loo with IBS.
10:34He said, I spoke to that kid from the film afterwards.
10:37He asked, did you guess he was dead?
10:39And I had no idea what the fuck he was talking about.
10:41So I patted him on the head and slowly walked away.
10:44Shit film.
10:45Shit night.
10:46Although I did meet the Boddingtons girl.
10:49Or was it C.
10:50Whilst playing Glastonbury for the first time,
10:53Liam experienced a spicy flare-up of his psoriasis on his scalp.
10:57Two fans mistook his flaky skin for coke
11:00and decided they'd hoover it up.
11:02Liam said, they were taking it out of my hair
11:04and putting it on their gums and up their fucking noses.
11:07So there you go.
11:08There's your three.
11:09What do you think?
11:10Hmm.
11:11Did Bonehead get big hands?
11:12Well, I love that.
11:13I'd love it if he did have big hands.
11:15Um...
11:16I think that sounds like Noel.
11:18Yeah, B's sort of in Noel's voice, isn't it?
11:20It's like the Boddingtons girl sounds like Noel, doesn't it?
11:22Exactly.
11:23I think B.
11:24I don't think C.
11:26You don't think fans were snorting his psoriasis off his head?
11:31Were you there?
11:32You might have been there.
11:33Glastonbury...
11:34Um...
11:36You were, cos look how long it's taken you to remember.
11:40Well, you would know whether Liam had psoriasis or the scalp.
11:43Well, I mean, that's like asking a doctor about their patients.
11:46Yeah.
11:47Sounds like he was flaky as fuck, then.
11:51I couldn't possibly tell you something like that.
11:55Hey, Bez, I've been told by the researchers
11:58that you had a medical thing that made me laugh
12:00for exactly one hour afterwards.
12:02Yeah, yeah, yeah.
12:03What was it?
12:04Well, I had nearly the strangest rock-and-roll death ever,
12:07you know what I mean?
12:08A background who sold her overdose.
12:10That's right.
12:11Yeah, yeah, yeah.
12:12Of all the things.
12:14Honestly, anyway, I had these sardines
12:18and I got this, like, really bad stomachache after
12:21and I've heard, like, bicarbonate soda sort your eye out.
12:24So I ran downstairs, got a big heap spoon of bicarbonate soda,
12:29put it in my water, necked it down,
12:31pushed straight away, back end, front end, sorted,
12:34and next thing I felt this thing in my stomach.
12:36I thought, it's like a little bit left, I'll do a bit more.
12:39So I got another tablespoon of bicarbonate soda,
12:42put it in there, neck that down, and, like,
12:45oh, fucking hell, it's getting worse.
12:47So I did another, I did another tablespoon of it,
12:50and next minute I spent, like, the next, like, 24 hours,
12:55oh, like, remember them volcanoes where, like...
12:57So you put it by, like, just froth came out of it.
13:01Woo!
13:03Yeah, yeah.
13:05But you know what, I found out later,
13:07they cleaned James out of the shit and all that, you know?
13:09Yeah, yeah, yeah.
13:11I mean, I could have had 100 guesses...
13:13Yeah, yeah.
13:14..about what you took that almost killed you.
13:16Yeah, yeah, yeah.
13:17OK, let's get back to the Gallaghers.
13:19They might have buried their hatchet now,
13:21but it hasn't always been the case.
13:23Noel once said about his mum,
13:24I liked her until she gave birth to Liam.
13:26LAUGHTER
13:27It's a genuine quote.
13:31Trent, Noel Gallagher was your roadie, is that right?
13:33Yeah.
13:34Did he get kidnapped?
13:35What's that?
13:36Yeah, so the mini-buzz with the spirals in a knoll
13:38was in London and in a bit of a traffic jam,
13:41and about two or three vehicles ahead was a Luton van.
13:45And our drummer, Craig, had been mithering for ages
13:48for a cooler fan, you know, to cool him down on stage,
13:51and we couldn't afford one.
13:52And the one thing in the back of this van,
13:54with the door open, was a cooler fan in a box.
13:57LAUGHTER
13:58The van's at the red light,
13:59our buzz is a couple of vehicles behind.
14:02Craig says,
14:03Noel, there's one of them fucking fans that I want,
14:06go and get it.
14:07So Noel jumps out the van,
14:08runs round to the Luton,
14:10climbs in the back of it,
14:11picks the fan up,
14:12and then the lights change to green.
14:14And he fucking drives off.
14:16And Noel stood there like...
14:19..like that.
14:21So he went missing for like half an hour.
14:23And found him stood at a pedestrian crossing in Crouch End
14:26with a fucking fan in his arm.
14:28LAUGHTER
14:29OK, I think we need to get on.
14:31I think we need to guess.
14:32Have a guess.
14:33Oh, God, the question!
14:34The question.
14:35What was it?
14:36I would love it if Oasis fans were trying to
14:39snort Liam's psoriasis off of his shoulders.
14:42That's hilarious.
14:43I think B.
14:44You don't think it was maybe Bonehead's big hands?
14:46I don't remember clown hands.
14:48But you think it's number two, don't you?
14:51I think it's number two.
14:52I think it's number two.
14:53OK, I think it's C, but these two think it's B.
14:56All right, well, you are...
15:00..wrong.
15:01The answer is C.
15:02Oh.
15:03Wow.
15:04Liam Gallagher's fans mistook his psoriasis for cocaine.
15:09And they snorted it off him.
15:12Did anyone here go to the Oasis reunion?
15:14I did, yeah.
15:15I've never seen anything like it.
15:17The atmosphere was unbelievable.
15:19The vibe throughout the city, even through the day,
15:21was, like, biblical.
15:23It's a bit of a cliché, but it's just...
15:25Cos it's the biggest feel-good story of the decade, isn't it?
15:28I just watched a pirate stream with someone's TikTok live.
15:32It was a little shaky, but I got in the vibe.
15:34Yeah.
15:38Have you been? Did you go?
15:39No, because I watched the whole thing unfold
15:42and it was so magical, those memories.
15:45And I haven't seen Liam for nearly 26 years,
15:50but I'm so happy for Lennon, our son,
15:53because he's just gone to watch this cultural explosion.
15:57Yeah.
15:58And I couldn't be happier for the band
16:01and for all the people that are rediscovering them.
16:04Well, it's so nice to see two brothers make up, isn't it?
16:06It's beautiful.
16:07Yeah.
16:08Cos I don't know about you, I was an arsehole to my sister.
16:10Well done, Oasis!
16:12Yeah.
16:13Well done!
16:18Hard luck, Knowles team, no point for you there.
16:21Bez's team, take a look at this.
16:23MUSIC PLAYS
16:38APPLAUSE
16:40That was, pass me the big bowl, this kid's head is massive,
16:46Tim Burgess and the Charlatans.
16:48But can you tell me, what intimate experience
16:51did the band like to engage in?
16:53Was it, A, before a show, the band would share a cocktail
16:56of each other's urine.
16:58Guitarist Mark Collins said,
16:59We nicknamed it Dr Bladder's Lucky Homebrew,
17:02so that no-one knew what we were up to.
17:04God knows where the idea came from, drugs probably,
17:07but it really did change me as a man, friend and a father.
17:12Or was it, B, the band would blow cocaine up each other's bumholes.
17:16The technique required one paper cone, one thick straw
17:20and one Rizla paper.
17:22They called it, genuinely, cocaine-us.
17:25A phrase coined by front man Tim Burgess, who said,
17:30Yeah, I just made it up.
17:32Two words, throw them together, portmanteau.
17:34Is that what they call it?
17:35C, was it, when stressed, the band would calm themselves down
17:39by fingering and sniffing each other's belly buttons.
17:42Bassist Martin Blunt said,
17:44It takes you out of your head and puts you right in the moment.
17:47When I pop my pinky in, I know the second I inhale that aroma,
17:51life will just make a little more sense.
17:53There it is.
17:56What do you think?
17:57Could you imagine them fingering each other's belly buttons?
17:59I could imagine it, no.
18:00Every one of them things happening before a show.
18:02What, sticking your finger in someone's belly button?
18:04I was going to say...
18:05I think B sounds like a waste of coke.
18:07You've just got a numb arse.
18:09Isn't it good to put drugs up your bottom, Noel?
18:12Yeah, it's not bad, yeah.
18:14Apparently, Stevie Nicks roadie used to blow coke.
18:18Famous for it.
18:19Yeah.
18:20One McDonald's straw.
18:23I mean, the thing is, I wouldn't know, but you want to make sure
18:26that you blow and you don't suck.
18:29That's...that's really...
18:32I've got to be honest, Patsy, you don't need to be an expert to know that.
18:35All this chat about blowing coke, get someone to blow coke, you ask,
18:39made me realise, I don't actually have any real good friends.
18:42I can't think of one friend that I could call up and be like,
18:45Brother, I need a hit.
18:46No, no.
18:47No.
18:48Like, as you think of the fault, you get a knock on the doorbell
18:52and it's Noel with a straw.
18:54LAUGHTER
18:57What about this notion that they might have drunk each other's piss?
19:00Drunk each other's piss?
19:01I don't...
19:02It's a thing, that, though, isn't it?
19:04People on these weird things and they drink their own piss and all that.
19:07Yeah, yeah, yeah.
19:08What I don't understand is how are they benefiting from drinking
19:10each other's piss?
19:11Yeah.
19:12Like, I like the smell of my belly button, I get that,
19:14and I can imagine that blowing coke up my arsehole
19:16would probably be nice.
19:17LAUGHTER
19:20It'd be easy to do your arsehole.
19:22LAUGHTER
19:30I like going under a bridge.
19:32LAUGHTER
19:34I'm glad you made it clear it was a tall thing.
19:36I thought you were just saying I had a big arsehole.
19:38LAUGHTER
19:40What do you think, Bez?
19:42Yeah, I'm not too sure, it's really...
19:44Right, I...
19:45I'm worried that they were doing any of them three things before AK.
19:48Or all of them.
19:49Yeah, yeah.
19:50But, er...
19:51It was definitely Bez.
19:52Before we find out if you're right, how do you know?
19:53It's in Tim's book.
19:54Oh, yeah, that'll do it.
19:55LAUGHTER
19:56APPLAUSE
20:04Right, let's lock it in, it's Bez.
20:05Yeah.
20:06You're right, it's Bez!
20:07CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
20:09We were bound, we would blow coke up each other's arses,
20:14and the activity was called cocaine us.
20:17LAUGHTER
20:18OK.
20:19Well done, Bez.
20:20You've got a point!
20:21Hey!
20:22It's Bez's team!
20:23Come on!
20:28Time for a little break.
20:29We'll see you in a bit.
20:30CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
20:32CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
20:39Welcome back to Nevermind The Buzzcocks.
20:41Manchester versus Britpop.
20:43The show that proudly refused to cut down on your pork life
20:46and get some exercise.
20:47And you know why?
20:48Cos pork's delicious.
20:49Live fast, die young.
20:50Next up, it's the intros round.
20:52Bears and Jamali on your feet, please.
20:54You'll be performing the intro of a song to Clint.
20:57And remember, Clint, it is the title of the song we're looking for.
21:01Yeah, you read that. Go on.
21:02Here we go.
21:03Song one, take it away, boys!
21:05CHONG
21:18Go on, one more time.
21:19CHONG
21:22CHONG
21:27I feel like I'm on drugs.
21:29You choked me. I feel like I've had a whole tub of biker.
21:31I thought, when you first started, when you first started...
21:34I thought Resurrection with the guitar... It's getting close.
21:36And sadly to you, that's your guess.
21:39Resurrection is not the right answer. I'm passing it over.
21:41Is it Stone Roses? Is it Waterfall?
21:43I'm not telling you. Waterfall? It's not Waterfall.
21:45Ah, you're wrong. It was I want to be adored by the Stone Roses.
21:49Ah! Here's how it should have sounded.
21:56Yeah. Pretty good, though, wasn't it?
21:58Phyph discol simple.
22:02Stas, H Ferr. I should have got it when he...
22:04When Bez said I wanna... I should have got it, eh?
22:06Yeah.
22:08That was the Stone Roses with I Wannabe Adored.
22:10Front Man, Ian Brown, said...
22:11We've got to ban all air-freighted food.
22:14Carrots from Holland, potatoes from Egypt, it's all got to stop.
22:18And then he devoured a big bag of drugs
22:19transported from a Colombian man's bottom.
22:21LAUGHTER
22:23Next one, please. Bez, Jhamali, take it away.
22:27We've got to do it quick because it's going to leave Bez's mind like a sin.
22:34You start, Bubba.
22:43I'm doing the old tune. Yeah, that's nice.
22:48You did the last song and then my part of it.
22:53Stay off the bike up, kids.
22:55And you start.
22:57Fult.
22:58Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum.
23:11Oh, God. Bez, we're doing this song.
23:13All right, that's it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
23:17That's really what you were doing. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
23:20I thought I did that thing I was doing. Right, come on then. One more time.
23:23One more time?
23:24Go on.
23:30Sorry, can I interrupt?
23:32Yeah, yeah, you can.
23:33Just to help Clint out, it could not sound less like this.
23:36Yeah, yeah, yeah.
23:42I'm passing it over, Clint doesn't know.
23:44Give me a title of a song and let's put everyone out of their misery.
23:47Any song? Ring of Fire.
23:48It's got to be in Manchester.
23:49So close.
23:51Strap yourselves in.
23:52It was Step On by the Happy Mondays.
23:54Yeah, go on.
23:55I just got that.
23:56Too late.
23:57Too late.
23:58Too late.
23:59Too late.
24:00That was Happy Mondays and Step On.
24:03Here's how it should have sounded.
24:10Oh, that's what I meant to do.
24:12Woo!
24:13I forgot about that.
24:15Yeah, yeah, no, I'm just remembering...
24:17That was the Happy Mondays with Step On.
24:19And for the avoidance of doubt, when I say the Happy Mondays,
24:22I mean Bez's band.
24:26Bad luck.
24:27You guessed none correct.
24:32Right, Noel and Danny, it's your turn to perform to Patsy.
24:35So on your feet, please.
24:36Hello.
24:37Hello.
24:38As always, Patsy, it's the title of the song we're looking for.
24:40Yeah.
24:41I'll do the drums.
24:42Are you ready?
24:43Off you go.
24:44Gsh, Gsh, Gsh, Gsh, Gsh, Gsh, Gsh, Gsh, Gsh, Gsh, Gsh, Gsh, Gsh, Gsh, Gsh, Gsh, Gsh, Gsh, Gsh, Gsh, Gsh, Gsh, Gsh, Gsh, Gsh, Gsh, Gsh, Gsh, Gsh, Gsh, Gsh, Gsh, Gsh, Gsh, Gsh, Gsh, Gsh, Gsh, Gsh, Gsh, Gsh, Gsh, Gsh, Gsh, Gsh, Gsh, Gsh, Gsh, Gsh, Gsh, Gsh, Gsh, Gsh, Gsh, Gsh, Gsh, Gsh, Gsh, Gsh, Gsh, Gsh, Gsh, Gsh, Gsh, Gsh, Gsh, Gsh, Gsh, Gsh, Gsh, Gsh, Gsh, Gsh, Gsh
25:14It was originally oh my darling so incorrect pass over what's it called tender tender is
25:29He did very well, but they stole it
25:44that
25:46Was tender by blur which was kept off the number one spot by Britney Spears hit me baby one more time
25:51Not because it was a better song but because in the video
25:54Britney was dressed as a sexy schoolgirl and in the late 90s casual paedophilia was absolutely fine
26:08Talking about that
26:10I
26:12Know our band was kept off number one by our Kelly
26:16Yeah, maybe I want to start a campaign that's actually going to take him off number one and reinstate us to number one
26:21They're good. I agree
26:27All right song to you take it away. Oh, yeah
26:31Bing Bing Bing Bing Bing Bing Bing Bing Bing Bing Bing Bing Bing Bing Bing Bing Bing Bing Bing Bing
26:38Ah
26:40Ah
26:42Bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang
26:46Ah
26:48Ah
26:50Ah connected
26:52Yeah
26:53Connection
26:54Yeah
26:55You are right
26:57That was Elastica and connection as opposed to a poor connection with elastic which is what my uncle claimed in court when he was arrested for exposing
27:02his genitals in parts
27:08Fortunately, it was the late 90s. So casual paedophilia was absolutely fine
27:22We did have easier ones I think I don't know how much of it was down to them being easier
27:26Yeah
27:28How much of it was down to not having best?
27:30I don't agree with that
27:32No
27:36No
27:38No
27:40No
27:42No
27:44No
27:46No
27:48No
27:50No
27:52No
27:54No
27:56No
27:58No
27:59No
28:00No
28:01No
28:02No
28:03No
28:04No
28:05No
28:06No
28:07No
28:08No
28:09No
28:10No
28:11No
28:12No
28:13No
28:14No
28:15No
28:16I am Madchester and Britpop legend.
28:19Noel's team, here's your line-up.
28:20For the audience at home, take a look at this.
28:22MUSIC PLAYS
28:24That was the brilliant Echo Belly
28:42with I Can't Imagine the World Without Me.
28:44But can you tell me which of our line-up
28:46is their bass player, Alex Kieser?
28:49Is it number one, Echo Belly?
28:51Number two, Andrea Bocelli?
28:54LAUGHTER
28:55LAUGHTER
28:55Number three, erotic dreams about Lorraine Kelly?
29:03Number four, why are my fingers always so smelly?
29:07LAUGHTER
29:07Or number five, I feel so lonely, please rub my belly.
29:12There you go, Noel.
29:14LAUGHTER
29:15That's a selection of very different men.
29:18Yeah.
29:19Is there anyone we can rule out early duels?
29:21LAUGHTER
29:22Well, I remember playing lots of gigs back in the day with Usa.
29:28You did play gigs with them?
29:30Yeah.
29:30I know it's not number five,
29:32because I reckon I've been out on loads of mad benders with him.
29:35With number five?
29:36Mm-hmm.
29:37Yeah, I'm not sure he's the bass player in Echo Belly.
29:40Oh, all right.
29:41So you've been on the piss for number five,
29:43but you might not be in Echo Belly.
29:45LAUGHTER
29:46Is this the bass player?
29:48Bass player from Echo Belly.
29:49Because from this angle, number one looks like he hasn't got any arms.
29:51Yeah.
29:52LAUGHTER
29:53LAUGHTER
29:54LAUGHTER
29:55Number two is speaking to me.
29:59Is he?
29:59He's speaking to me as well.
30:01He doesn't love nothing but the sea.
30:03Number two is stares at the ocean.
30:10You get a lot of tall bass players.
30:12I'd say number three.
30:14I think number three looks like he's capable of killing.
30:17LAUGHTER
30:18LAUGHTER
30:19What do you think about number four?
30:23Number four, if he was in Echo Belly,
30:25then I'll be very shocked.
30:27LAUGHTER
30:29LAUGHTER
30:30I feel like number four is a junior if you rub a vape.
30:32LAUGHTER
30:34LAUGHTER
30:35LAUGHTER
30:37LAUGHTER
30:39LAUGHTER
30:40LAUGHTER
30:41So, seriously, Danny,
30:43you think you've been on the piss with number five...
30:45LAUGHTER
30:46..but he's not in the band?
30:47He's not in the band.
30:48Listen, I've been on benders with a lot of people
30:51and I've definitely been on the bender with him.
30:54All right, Noel Singh, final answer. Let's go.
30:55You choose. I'd say three.
30:57You think it's one or three? I'd say three as well.
30:59Yeah, I'd back you.
31:00OK. Lock it in. Number three.
31:02Number three, locked in.
31:04Will the real Alex Kieser please step forward?
31:08Oh, it's number four. Fuck.
31:10LAUGHTER
31:12Hello, love.
31:13You're a trickster, aren't you?
31:14You're a trickster.
31:15This is different times, though. This is different times.
31:16So, Alex, thanks for coming on.
31:17You're welcome.
31:18What's happening? Are you echo belly playing at the moment?
31:19No.
31:20OK.
31:21LAUGHTER
31:22Let's hear it for Alex Kieser and the rest of the loader!
31:23APPLAUSE
31:24OK.
31:25There's this team, your turn. For the audience at home, take a look at this.
31:28So silly things are always easy to play and try to grow up.
31:32Don't always be the same.
31:33CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
31:34APPLAUSE
31:35CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
31:36CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
31:37CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
31:38Let's hear it for Alex Kieser and the rest of the loader!
31:39CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
31:40CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
31:42OK.
31:43There's this team, your turn. For the audience at home, take a look at this.
31:47So silly things are always easy to play and try to grow up. Don't always be the same.
32:02CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
32:04That was Paris Angels with Perfume. Bez's team. What I want to know is which of our line-up is the singer Ricky Turner from the band?
32:13Is it? Number one, perfume. Number two, fart. Number three, eggy. Number four, burn. Number five, bin juice!
32:22LAUGHTER
32:24BIN JUICE!
32:28LAUGHTER
32:29Over to you, Bez's team. What do you reckon?
32:31Fuck me, I think number four requested the biggest jeans they had.
32:34Yeah, yeah.
32:35LAUGHTER
32:37Fuck me, they are big. Fuck, they create their own ecosystem.
32:41What do you mean, number five looks so comfortable in that hat?
32:46LAUGHTER
32:47Yeah, I feel bad for number five. He shouldn't be here. He should be in the crowd for Time Team.
32:52LAUGHTER
32:53What about number three's hat? Is that a Manchester hat?
32:56It looks like a lovely old lady's sun hat.
32:59LAUGHTER
33:00Let's have some facts.
33:02Ricky lives in Manchester.
33:04Oh, here we go. The research has been at work.
33:07LAUGHTER
33:11There we go. Ricky's favourite colour is black.
33:14LAUGHTER
33:16Oh, hang on, this is interesting. Ricky is terrified of sponges.
33:19LAUGHTER
33:21He doesn't like how they feel. It nauseates him.
33:24LAUGHTER
33:25Who might be scared of sponges?
33:27LAUGHTER
33:28I'm just drawing, I think it's number one, man.
33:30That's a Mancunian face right there. Look at him. He's the final boss.
33:34LAUGHTER
33:36All right, well, don't take your final guess until I give you this fact here.
33:39LAUGHTER
33:41This is fucking mental.
33:43LAUGHTER
33:44If Ricky could travel back in time, he would love to show a caveman a 1980s ghetto blaster.
33:49LAUGHTER
33:51APPLAUSE
33:53Well, we've got history with the Paris Angels.
33:55And I have, as well.
33:57Yeah, so I know Ricky. Oh.
33:59But whoever's styled him for this...
34:01You know what, I was like that, which one's Ricky there, you know what I mean?
34:06Do you think he might be number two?
34:07Because he's a really good-looking lad.
34:09Yeah.
34:10Oh, can we have a different line-up?
34:12LAUGHTER
34:14OK, final guess.
34:16I think number one.
34:17Bears, team captain?
34:19Well, obviously, I want to agree with number one. What do you think, Clint?
34:22Yeah, number one.
34:23Number one, it is...
34:24Is it number one because you know him?
34:26Well, yeah.
34:27Yeah.
34:28LAUGHTER
34:29This still could be wrong.
34:31LAUGHTER
34:32Let's find out if you're right.
34:34Will the real Ricky Turner please step forward?
34:38CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
34:41Yes, Ricky.
34:42How are you?
34:44Bears' team, you're right!
34:46Ricky Turner!
34:48Bang in tune, man.
34:50Ricky, thanks for coming on.
34:52What are you up to at the moment?
34:54I work at Spirit Studios in Manchester.
34:56Nice one.
34:57APPLAUSE
34:58Let's hear it for Ricky Turner and the rest of our guests!
35:01It's Ricky Turner!
35:02CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
35:05And at the end of that round,
35:06the Knowles team have one point,
35:08and Bez's team have three points!
35:10CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
35:13Time for a break.
35:14We'll see you in a minute.
35:15CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
35:17CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
35:24Welcome back to number nine reverse cards,
35:26Manchester versus Britpop!
35:29CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
35:31It's now time to play our new game,
35:33Uppers and Downers!
35:36CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
35:40Over there, there are two piles of cards,
35:42one with Manchester hits and one with Britpop hits.
35:45We'll show you one of each,
35:47and all you have to do is to correctly tell me
35:49which one charted higher for a point for your team.
35:52But I can't do this all by myself,
35:54I need some assistance.
35:55So, in Manchester's corner,
35:57please welcome the Manchester maraca!
36:00CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
36:02CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
36:09And in Britpop's corner,
36:11please give it up for Milky from Coffee and TV!
36:14MUSIC PLAYS
36:22Just to limit your expectations,
36:23if you think there's going to be band members
36:25inside those costumes, then forget it.
36:27It's two very badly paid members of production.
36:30LAUGHTER
36:31CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
36:33CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
36:35CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
36:37Manchester maraca,
36:39what is your first song?
36:41LAUGHTER
36:43That's right, folks,
36:44the costumes are impractical.
36:46LAUGHTER
36:48It's Waterfall by the Stone Roses.
36:50And Milky, you poor bastard!
36:57LAUGHTER
36:58What are you going with?
36:59Oh!
37:01It's Oasis, Supersonics,
37:03I'm a little blast of that.
37:05I'm feeling super solid,
37:08Give me dinner time...
37:11Barry, who do we think charted higher?
37:13You can discuss it with your team-mates.
37:15Yeah.
37:16Or charted higher.
37:18We've never had teams take something so seriously.
37:21LAUGHTER
37:22It is, it is serious, lad.
37:23I'm absolutely delighted.
37:24Carry on.
37:25It's serious.
37:26Erm...
37:27I don't know.
37:28I don't know, I weren't around.
37:29Go on, we'll go with you, you're good.
37:31Yeah, I don't know.
37:32Give me your answer.
37:33Oasis was higher.
37:34I think we would say the same.
37:35You're both saying Oasis charted higher.
37:37Yeah.
37:38Milky, maraca,
37:39could you please reveal your chart position?
37:42Higher.
37:43Whoa, whoa.
37:44LAUGHTER
37:48Oh, this is good.
37:50This is good telly, innit?
37:52This is very good, yeah.
37:53I know.
37:54Oh, man.
37:55It's gonna be stone-raised.
37:57You.
37:58Oh, I'm sure I'm showing you a few high.
38:00Oh, I'm showing you a few high.
38:01I'm showing you a few high.
38:02I'm showing you a few high.
38:03Cross, innit?
38:04I don't know why I don't shut my mouth.
38:06Look.
38:07I thought I could...
38:09It was like a hell.
38:12LAUGHTER
38:17CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
38:21Super Sonic peaked at 31,
38:23losing to Waterfall at 27.
38:25So, you're both wrong.
38:27Right.
38:28Shame on you.
38:29OK.
38:30Call me suspicious.
38:31I think the audience are enjoying this game for the wrong reasons.
38:34LAUGHTER
38:35CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
38:36CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
38:38CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
38:41Thank you for being here.
38:47LAUGHTER
38:48All right, song two.
38:50Manchester maraca.
38:51What's your next song?
38:52Spiral carpets.
38:53This is how it feels.
38:54So, this is how it feels to be lonely.
38:55This is how it feels to be small.
38:56This is how it feels to be small.
38:57And Milky.
39:12Quite a confident little swagger there from Milky.
39:16Ooh, another banger.
39:19It's Pump In On Your Stereo by Supergrass.
39:22MUSIC PLAYS
39:23You can all have a guess.
39:31I've got no idea.
39:32Who do you think charted higher?
39:34Surely one of you two knows this.
39:36We are going for Supergrass on this one.
39:38What do you think, then, Danny?
39:40Do you think you came in higher than the carpets?
39:42No, I'd always go for one of my favourite ever bands
39:44in spiral carpets, but I don't know.
39:46What do you reckon?
39:47Well, I mean, I wasn't in either of those bands, so...
39:50LAUGHTER
39:51Well, you should have asked.
39:52You should have asked.
39:53Maybe it's our second album.
39:55Pat C, what do you think?
39:56Well, I didn't marry anyone in those bands.
39:59LAUGHTER
40:00So...
40:01You should have asked.
40:02You should have asked.
40:03LAUGHTER
40:04APPLAUSE
40:06APPLAUSE
40:08Danny, do you know what your result was for that, your chart result?
40:13I think that was 14, I think, I was.
40:15Oh, yeah.
40:16I got a feeling I was about eight, nine.
40:18Yeah, I think you were the winners on that one.
40:20Right, so you're saying Supergrass came in higher?
40:22Yeah.
40:23Supergrass is saying that they came in higher.
40:26Yeah.
40:27Right.
40:28We'll go with that.
40:29Is this like me saying to you, Greg, what socks are you wearing right now?
40:36SHISH!
40:37I'm not thinking about my socks.
40:39I'm not thinking about the songs.
40:41Like the audience, I'm just waiting for these two pricks to have to take the...
40:44LAUGHTER
40:46Take the numbers off the front.
40:48Milky, maraca, can you please reveal your chart position?
40:55LAUGHTER
40:57They can't... you can't see.
40:58They can't see it.
40:59Hey, Milky!
41:01Oh, 11.
41:02Oh!
41:03Oh!
41:05LAUGHTER
41:07LAUGHTER
41:09LAUGHTER
41:11Oh, there you go.
41:13CHEERING
41:15CHEERING
41:17You were right, your number.
41:23Yeah, yeah.
41:24I mean, who'd have thought this would be getting the biggest reaction?
41:26LAUGHTER
41:28Pumping on your stereo, peaked at number 11.
41:31Beating, this is how it feels, came in at number 14.
41:35So, both teams get a point!
41:37CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
41:43And at the end of that round, Noel's team have two points
41:45and Bez's team has four points.
41:47CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
41:48CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
41:49Let's say a big thank you to our fabulous assistants...
41:50CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
41:51CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
41:52..from Manchester America!
41:53CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
41:54CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
41:55CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
41:56CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
41:58CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
42:00CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
42:01CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
42:06Bang on, bang on the tune, right?
42:07Yeah, it's amazing.
42:08Just listening to the music tonight, to be honest with you,
42:11it's just... it's so joyful.
42:13I kind of don't relate to much music these days,
42:18and this has just been, like, you know...
42:20Sort of a batch of your youth.
42:22Hasn't it?
42:23Yeah, yeah.
42:24It's a real celebration.
42:25Sorry to get all deep there.
42:27CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
42:28APPLAUSE
42:31Right.
42:32It's time for next lines.
42:34I'll give you the first line, you tell me the next one,
42:36you get a point.
42:37Simple as that.
42:38You're up against the clock.
42:39This could be... important.
42:41LAUGHTER
42:43Knowles team, you're up first, and your time starts now.
42:47Confidence is a preference for the habitual voyeur
42:49of what is known as...
42:50Park life.
42:51Correct.
42:52Blur, park life.
42:53He sips another rum and coke...
42:55Cider drink?
42:56And told a dirty joke, ocean colour scene,
42:58the day we caught the train.
42:59We are young, we run green.
43:01Keep our teeth nice and clean.
43:03Keep our teeth nice and clean, super grass, all right.
43:05Yes, there's love if you want it.
43:07Love if you want it.
43:08Don't sound like the sonnet.
43:10The verb, sonnet.
43:11Oh, Deborah, do you recall?
43:13The wood chip on the wall.
43:14Nope.
43:15Ah!
43:16Your house was very small.
43:17Disco 2000.
43:18She got one in the oven.
43:20Oven.
43:21Oasis?
43:22But it's nothing to do with me.
43:23Oasis, she's electric.
43:24Yeah.
43:25I don't understand how a heart is a spade.
43:29But somehow the vital connection is made.
43:31Elastica connection.
43:32Um...
43:33If it's good enough for you...
43:34It's good enough for...
43:35me.
43:36Me.
43:37Correct.
43:38Dodgy.
43:39Good enough.
43:40Do you remember the time...
43:41Well done, Noel's team.
43:42You've got four right.
43:43OK, Bess's team.
43:44Here's yours.
43:45You need three points to win.
43:46Come on.
43:47You're against the clock.
43:48And your time...
43:49Starts now.
43:50Oh, sit down.
43:51Oh, sit down.
43:52Oh, sit down.
43:53Oh, sit down.
43:54Sit down next to me.
43:55Correct, James.
43:56Sit down next to me.
43:57She'll carry on through it all.
43:58She's a waterfall.
43:59The stone rose is waterfall.
44:00Don't you know, he can make you forget you're a man.
44:01You're a man.
44:02You're twisted in a melon, man.
44:03Happy Mondays.
44:04Step off.
44:05Oh, sugar.
44:06Oh, man.
44:07It's the way you said it.
44:08Oh, it's my fault.
44:09It was your fault.
44:10Can you dig it?
44:11Oh, yeah.
44:12Can you dig it?
44:13Oh, yeah.
44:14Can you dig it?
44:15Yeah, correct.
44:16The Mock Turtles.
44:17Can you dig it?
44:18Itchy and scratchy come running up the alley.
44:19Charlotteson.
44:20If you'll be good, I'll be good to your daddy.
44:21The Charlotteson's North Country boy.
44:22Husband don't know what he's done.
44:23Kids don't know what's wrong with mum.
44:24Correct, in spiral carpets.
44:25This is how it feels.
44:26Yippee, yippee, aye, aye, aye.
44:27I had to crucify somebody today.
44:28Some brothers of the day, I'll give it you.
44:29Happy Mondays.
44:30I can see her.
44:31Here she comes.
44:32Stone oses.
44:33Yeah.
44:34Yeah.
44:35She bangs the drums.
44:36Stone rosas.
44:37Yeah.
44:38She bangs the drums.
44:39Stone rosas.
44:40She bangs the drums.
44:41Yeah.
44:42Oh, yeah.
44:43Yeah.
44:44Yeah.
44:45Yeah.
44:46Yeah.
44:47Yeah.
44:48Yeah.
44:49Yeah.
44:50Yeah, yeah.
44:51Yeah.
44:52Yeah.
44:53Yeah.
44:54Yeah.
44:55Yeah.
44:56CHEERING
45:02That sound means it's the end of the round and it's the end of the show,
45:05and I can tell you that Noel's team have six points.
45:08But the winners, with nine points,
45:10Bez's team!
45:15Thanks to Jamali, Bez, Clint, Patsy, Noel and Danny,
45:19goodnight!
45:26APPLAUSE
45:29APPLAUSE
45:31APPLAUSE
45:34MUSIC
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44:02
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