- 2 days ago
Oh No! The Witch Like To Sleep With Me – Episode 1 (2025)
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Short filmTranscript
00:00Sweaty mortal males. Will one of you volunteer to sleep with me so I may balance my powers?
00:06What the fuck?
00:07Astrid, you've always been very talented, but you lack control.
00:12Your powers require a masculine balance.
00:15How fortuitous. My name is Astrid Hall.
00:18Nathan Woodford, so our matching birthmarks means there are soulmates.
00:22I can help you restore your vision, and you can help me balance my powers.
00:26All I require is that you sleep with me.
00:28What are you doing?
00:29I thought you said you wanted me to sleep with you.
00:31Yes, I said sleep, not fornicate.
00:34Oh, fuck. I don't know how I'm going to sleep after all that.
00:37Samuel, I have to return to my coven.
00:41You mean you're leaving?
00:42The outside world struggles to accept anyone who's different.
00:45Don't you two make the perfect couple? The blind leading, the mentally disturbed.
00:48Us freaks gotta stick together, huh?
00:50Freak is a relative term. I prefer the word fate.
00:59Please, this has to work. This is my last chance.
01:21Astrid, put that down now.
01:22Heaven need cost enough damage from on me.
01:32I'm sorry, High Priestess. I was just trying to fix things.
01:36Same as with the heat spell.
01:38The tower caught on fire because of your stupid spell.
01:41Astrid is a threat to our coven.
01:43All the other witches want her here.
01:44She needs to go.
01:45I'm so sorry.
01:48I didn't mean to.
01:49Please don't make me go. I will do anything to stay.
01:52We can't twist the coven for just one student, Astrid.
01:55I have no choice but to strip you of your powers and banish you from the coven.
02:01Please, I beg of you.
02:03My powers are all I have.
02:05Please don't make me go. I have nowhere else to stay.
02:10Astrid.
02:12You've been with us since you were a child.
02:14You've always been very talented.
02:16Through the years, surrounded by other witches, your feminine powers have grown.
02:22But she's right.
02:23You lack control.
02:25Your powers require a masculine balance.
02:28Tell me what to do.
02:29You must leave the coven and live among men again.
02:33Allow their masculine energies to merge with your feminine ones.
02:39Merging energies?
02:41You just sleep with them, dumbass.
02:42Oh, of course.
02:45You will only have ten days to balance your unruly powers.
02:48If you return, before you have conquered your imbalance, I must take your powers away.
02:55I understand.
02:56I won't disappoint you, High Priestess.
02:58I will find a young man, and I will sleep with him.
03:07Fair devel, Astrid Hall.
03:09Once I've slept with boys and acquired their energies, I'll return to my coven sisters.
03:14Don't worry about it.
03:15Dipshit.
03:16I'll go.
03:17Make your thoughts not trouble, were you, child?
03:27Worthless little witch.
03:30Hurry up and get in the car.
03:31blessed be stepmother stepsister i told you not to call us that
03:45so you said another building on fire you better not breathe a word about it at your new boarding
03:53school i knew boarding school but i thought i was going home like i'd ever let a pyromaniac like you
04:03under my roof again but it was my father's home long before he met you well he's dead so it's our
04:10home now do not i repeat do not tell anyone we're really at school got a demon girl if i ever hope
04:19to return to my sisters i must find masculine energies to balance my power hello did you hear
04:26me do not worry i shan't inform anyone of our relationship stepsister this i swear by the old
04:32gods break
04:34i have to talk to the dean about your enrollment
04:46don't go anywhere don't do anything huntington hall is a respectable normal school for normal
04:57kids so don't pull any of that witchy shit here understand
05:02asculine energies
05:19um gq is that and why is he not in any of my classes you want him in class i'd rather have
05:39been in my dorm room up against my desk in the shower
05:49wait is he blind yeah never mind i only mess with guys who can actually see what they're
05:56doing
05:56so much masculine energy but how do i choose who to merge with
06:08greetings sweaty mortal males
06:15will one of you volunteer to sleep with me so i may balance my powers
06:20hey yo what the fuck
06:26dude is this emo girl being serious shit i ain't usually into goth pics but you know if she's
06:38offering hey sweetie i think you're a little lost this isn't halloween horror night
06:43i do not know what that is i simply came to seek a male
06:49oh you with the mystical staff
06:58mystical staff
07:00you know the emo
07:01she's going straight for the rich boy
07:03i mean he'd probably be into her
07:05dude blind can't see how fucking weird she looks
07:07wait
07:09please
07:10ah
07:12fuck
07:18hey
07:18you gonna say sorry emo girl
07:22let go of me please
07:24your energy is hostile and incompatible with mine
07:26and i am not an emo
07:28i am a witch
07:29what the fuck are you talking about freak
07:32apologize
07:33now
07:34i'm sorry you have weak muscles
07:38now let me go
07:41where are you going
07:45let me come with you
07:47jesus what the fuck's your deal
07:51my feminine energies are too powerful
07:54and if i don't balance them with masculine energies
07:56then they'll take away my powers forever
07:58right
08:00uh
08:01the mental health counselor is on the second floor
08:03how fortuitous
08:06can you let go of my hand
08:09a sign from the old gods
08:11what are you talking about my birthmark
08:13yes
08:13um
08:14it's not that i've had it since forever
08:16it is no mere birthmark
08:17this means much more than that
08:19what was that
08:27did i just
08:28see her
08:30look
08:30i don't know you
08:31and you don't know me
08:33so
08:33please leave me alone
08:34oh no
08:47he doesn't see the car coming
08:49get off the road
08:50hurry
08:50goddess hecate
08:58don't let me hurt him
08:59what the
09:08shit
09:09it worked
09:11what happened
09:14bro
09:15that car almost just smoked you
09:17really
09:18yes it was coming right for you
09:19but
09:19the nook for me to move out of the way
09:21was some kind of
09:21magic
09:23you're safe
09:26you saved my life
09:29how can i pay you back
09:32will you
09:46sleep with me
09:48you can thank me
09:53by sleeping with me
09:55um
09:56i don't know where you're from
09:57new girl
09:57but
09:58around here you don't
09:59just ask a complete stranger
10:01to sleep with you
10:01i feel weak
10:04what happened here
10:17she stopped the car from hitting me
10:19and then just passed out
10:20yeah
10:20after she asked you to have sex with her
10:22dude
10:23shut up
10:24it's my grandma
10:25my stepdaughter is very
10:26sheltered
10:27i'm sure she didn't mean it that way
10:29nah
10:30she was trying to hit it
10:31dude
10:32everyone quiet
10:33she's waking up
10:34my name is astrid hall
10:51astrid hall
10:52will you tell me yours
10:53um
10:55nathan woodford
10:56let me see you nathan woodford
10:58where are you
11:00shh
11:00ah
11:02now i see
11:05there you are
11:07nathan
11:10your eyes
11:12are cursed
11:13he's blind you idiot
11:15stop being such a drama queen
11:16and get up
11:17i think she's a bit shaken by the crash
11:20please give us a moment
11:22it's only been an hour
11:27and you're already
11:27and you're already causing me problems
11:29no more talking about
11:31curses
11:31or casting spells
11:33or whatever the fuck they do
11:35at that psycho hippie commune
11:37out here
11:37nobody believes in your
11:39satanic voodoo
11:41witchcraft bullshit
11:42so you better shut up
11:44and stay out of sight
11:45before you cause an even bigger mess
11:47how am i supposed to go to this school
11:49if i can't use my magic
11:50did i ask for your opinion
11:52you stupid little witch
11:54i told you to shut up
11:57that is quite enough i think
12:02astrid i would be happy to offer you enrollment here at huntington hall
12:08really
12:08really
12:09we don't even know her
12:15astrid saved your life nathan
12:16we owe her a safe place to live
12:18and to learn
12:19although it is quite late in the semester
12:22and the girls dormitory is at capacity
12:25oh that's not a problem
12:26i prefer to sleep with the boys
12:28i require their masculine energy
12:32no astrid
12:34that is not allowed under school policy
12:37but for now
12:38you may stay with nathan and i
12:40at our home just off campus
12:42wait hold on grand
12:43i think there's something off there
12:45this is not up for discussion
12:47i'm late for my board meeting
12:50nate take her to the house
12:52and get her settled
12:53this is only temporary
13:05i feel my grandma will find another place for you to stay soon
13:08oh candles
13:10now i can perform a protection spell for your home
13:12oh god don't light those up
13:14you know i accidentally knocked one over
13:16of course
13:19i wouldn't want to start a fire
13:21even though my intentions would be pure and honorable
13:23the old gods often play tricks on us
13:25look are you actually a witch
13:29i am
13:29are you just gonna tell me the truth just like that
13:32i have no reason to lie
13:34though it is troublesome that mortals of the outside
13:36no longer have knowledge of us witches
13:38so how'd you get here anyway
13:39i thought you guys live in coveys
13:41a coven
13:42and yes
13:43we rarely leave
13:44the outside world struggles to accept anything
13:47or anyone who's different
13:49she said my eyes were cursed
13:55i wonder if
13:56so tell me
13:58do you witches have spells for everything
14:01not everything
14:02no
14:03sometimes if my energies are out of balance
14:05even the strongest spell can go horribly right
14:08how many cost enough damage from on me
14:11astrid is a threat
14:13coven
14:14she needs to go
14:15you okay
14:23where is your bed
14:25nathan woodford
14:26i wish to sleep with you now
14:28astrid wait
14:30hold on
14:31astrid where the hell are you
14:34look
14:38i'll tell you where the pillows and blankets are
14:40and you can stay on the couch
14:41all right
14:42nathan
14:49come join me
14:50there he was
14:58come in
14:58what do you think
15:00i have a friend of age of streams and waterfalls
15:04but this is very nice as well
15:05water has many healing properties you know
15:07yeah
15:08well you need to heal somewhere else
15:10i meant for you nathan woodford
15:12i'll get you a towel
15:14won't you come any closer
15:19closer
15:23whoa
15:28what's that
15:30just a little spark
15:32what is she doing
15:43is this
15:44magic
15:45i told you
15:52your energy
15:54is drawn to mine
15:56what is going on here
16:11hello dean woodford
16:14i thought you had a meeting
16:17it was rescheduled
16:18both of you
16:20dry off and get dressed
16:22now
16:22oh my god
16:26oh my god
16:26was your grandmother upset
16:36uh more like surprised
16:39and relieved
16:40because i haven't dated much
16:42at school
16:43or ever really
16:45i just told her
16:47the shower was a
16:48misunderstanding
16:49come
16:51sit with me
16:52even as a witch
16:56i cannot force our energies
16:57to merge
16:58i cannot force our energies to merge nathan
16:58it must happen naturally
17:00i sense your soul is conflicted
17:10first my eyes
17:12first my eyes were cursed
17:13now my soul is conflicted
17:14does anybody ever tell you how weird you are
17:16frequently
17:18something freaky
17:24that we have the same birthmark
17:25in the same exact spot
17:27freaky
17:28is a relative term
17:29i prefer the word
17:31fate
17:32what are you doing
17:35you're not any crazy spells on me
17:39all right
17:39this isn't a spell
17:41nathan
17:41when our energies combine
17:43i feel
17:44powerful
17:45powerful like how
17:47like i can heal you
17:49isn't that what you want
17:51don't play around with me
17:52witch girl
17:53i do not wish to play around
17:54i can help you restore your vision
17:56and you can help me balance my powers
17:58all i require
18:00is that you sleep with me
18:01okay
18:04if
18:06you can actually heal me
18:07i'll sleep with you
18:09i'll do whatever you want
18:11okay
18:12deal
18:13i must go make the preparations
18:20did you find what you're looking for
18:29oh
18:31not exactly
18:32these texts are very rudimentary
18:34i seek instructions on curse reversals
18:36where do you keep your forbidden manuscripts
18:42what
18:45there she is
18:48astrid
18:49oh dearest sister
18:51i told you to never call me that
18:53would you excuse me
18:57my silly sister for a moment
18:58let's go
19:03hey bruh
19:07somebody's going down between the head chair bitch
19:09and the new girl
19:10what are you doing here
19:17well i was trying to research curse reversals
19:20but the resources here are surprisingly limited
19:23i mean what are you doing at my school
19:26you and your freaking bitchcraft don't belong here
19:29you know
19:31mom told me that back in the olden days
19:34they used to take people accused of witchcraft
19:36and burn them at the stake
19:38apparently real witches were immune to it
19:42why don't we just pass that that little feeling huh
19:46no georgina please don't
19:52you make one fucking sound
19:56and i'll burn your fucking face off
19:58burn the witch
19:59burn the witch
20:00stop right there
20:07what's going on back there
20:09nothing for you to worry your pretty little head about
20:12no
20:12don't let me pass
20:14can't do that blind boy
20:16but i think there were a couple of mice looking for you
20:19someone burning
20:22burn the witch
20:23burn the witch
20:24astrid
20:24what the fuck was that
20:34did you see your fucking magic on me
20:36just leave me be georgina
20:38i don't want to hurt you
20:39i'm warning you
20:40oh i swear
20:42i'm gonna make sure you end up like your dead idiot daddy
20:45you stupid witch
20:46astrid
20:49astrid
20:49astrid
20:51astrid where are you
20:53what
20:54astrid
20:54what was that nate
20:56i smell fire so i think i pretty much just saved your life
20:58what did you do to astrid
21:03i was just giving her a proper huntington home welcome
21:07yeah sure you were
21:08you okay
21:10he can't see you dipshit
21:14she's fine dear devil
21:15why do you care
21:17because we're dating
21:20what
21:21we're a boyfriend
21:23as if
21:24who would want to date her
21:26astrid
21:28i owe my life to astrid
21:46we're destined to meet each other
21:48right
21:50oh
21:51yes that's true
21:53nate and i are very much dating
21:55we're destined to merge energies
21:57and you know my grandmother
21:59is the dean
22:00in case you forgot
22:01and she would hate to hear if
22:04asher was being mistreated
22:05well don't you two make the perfect couple
22:08the blind leading the mentally disturbed
22:10sorry my hand got burned
22:13what did i say about keeping your idiot mouth shut
22:16you said you got powers
22:19show them
22:22what the fuck
22:29stop it
22:38stop it you don't fucking put your hair on fire
22:41well technically speaking you should put her own hair on fire
22:46we gotta go
22:49it's not good
22:49let's go
22:50stop
22:50stop
22:54stop
22:54i didn't mean to hurt her
23:09i know you didn't mean to but look
23:11she got what was coming to her
23:13nathan
23:15yeah
23:16so since we are dating
23:19does that mean you'll sleep with me now
23:21um
23:24astrid
23:28i made up that we were dating
23:30because i thought georgina wouldn't mess with you anymore
23:33if
23:33you know she thought she could get in trouble with the dean
23:36oh
23:37so
23:40we're not dating
23:41if we worried
23:42you wouldn't have to ask that
23:44um
23:46let's head back home
23:50astrid
24:17astrid
24:21are you there
24:22astrid
24:29god
24:35what am i doing worrying about some weird horny witch girl
24:38maybe she really did cast a spell on me
24:42by magic powers both old and new
24:46i hope to make your wish come true
24:48find me by the pool
24:50this chicken ought to be real
24:53hey i thought we talked about lighting candles
25:07astrid
25:10nathan whitford
25:11what excellent timing
25:12are you coming in
25:16kidding do you even know what time it is
25:18with witching hour
25:19a time of great cosmic potential
25:22you said if i would heal your eyes
25:25you would sleep with me
25:26so are you coming in or not
25:28i don't know
25:30look i only have seven days to balance my powers
25:33before they take them away for good
25:35and then i'll be banished
25:36and i can't ever heal your eyes
25:38please nathan
25:40i won't hurt you
25:42you can trust me
25:43i can't fucking believe i'm doing this
25:46all right fine you win witch girl
25:49a little to the left
25:52a little more
25:54there
25:55okay you're out the edge
25:57i got a crazy look on your face
26:14even if i can't see it
26:15not yet you can't
26:17now listen to the sound of my voice
26:25and close your eyes
26:26i'm already blind
26:28what does it matter
26:29it matters trust me
26:31a little yes
26:35here breathe in
26:38breathe up
26:40ready
26:43from the depths of shadows
26:47let light now appear
26:49dispel the darkness
26:50and vanish all fear
26:52looks to the bros
26:54shine bright and clear
26:55what's happening
27:00magic
27:04magic
27:04i take my hand
27:20now open your eyes
27:24wow
27:33she's
27:35beautiful
27:38they've been in your eyes
27:40they're beautiful
27:42i can see you
27:44it means the spell works
27:45i don't know how i could ever thank you
27:52now that my task is complete
27:56you must sleep with me
27:57now
27:58that was your oath
27:59wasn't it
28:00come
28:01let us go to your room
28:02wow
28:21it's a bit smaller in here than i thought
28:24thanks
28:28bed
28:29down
28:30ready
28:45uh
28:48yeah just uh
28:49need a second
28:50okay but hurry please
28:56i need to recharge from that spell i just did
28:58you got this map
29:01it's just a girl
29:03who magically gave you your sight back
29:06and it's
29:07kind of insane
29:08so this is what i look like now
29:22not bad
29:30so uh
29:35look i'm just gonna be honest
29:38i've never done this before
29:39you're sure you want to sleep with me right
29:43of course
29:44um
30:09are we gonna sleep together now
30:13yeah
30:15yeah
30:15we have all night
30:17we can take our time
30:19hey woody
30:22is this what people normally do before sleeping together
30:29uh
30:37what are you doing
30:38did you uh
30:40not like it
30:41no it's just i
30:42i thought that
30:44i thought you said you wanted me to sleep with you
30:45yes i said sleep
30:47not
30:47fornicate
30:48oh
30:50oh fuck
30:52fucking
30:53fuck
30:54i thought you meant
30:55jesus astrid
30:57i thought when you said sleep with you
30:58you meant
30:58i know what you meant
30:59sorry i'm just confused
31:01what are we supposed to do
31:03just
31:03sleep side by side
31:05yes
31:06when we slumber
31:08my energies will merge with yours
31:09and create a balance
31:10yeah
31:13yeah just uh
31:14i don't know how i'm gonna sleep after all that
31:17stop him
31:18shh
31:18men are such strange creatures
31:24blessed morrow
31:37good morning
31:38you hungry
31:39yes i'm absolutely famished
31:42thank you
31:44what is going on here
31:46what is going on here
31:46is that nate's shirt
31:49and
31:50are you making breakfast
31:55snazzy suit cram you got a big meeting today
31:58wait i don't understand
32:01you can see
32:04i can see
32:06oh my god
32:08oh my god
32:10oh my god
32:11wait wait wait
32:13but how
32:14it's all thanks to astrid
32:16oh my god
32:17come here girl
32:20thank you astrid
32:25thank you
32:26oh my god
32:29come here
32:31oh
32:32whoa
32:43look like a huntington hall student now
32:47these garments are very restricting
32:49yeah sorry about that
32:50they're not uh
32:51sacred cloaks or anything
32:52but
32:53you'll fit right in here
32:54speaking of which
32:56but you don't need that anymore
33:00thanks to you i don't
33:02but um
33:02i don't think i want to tell everyone about my vision
33:04just yet
33:06i don't want it to change the way they treat me
33:08you know what i mean
33:09you haven't changed
33:18not the most important parts of you anyway
33:20i think we're gonna be late
33:23listen
33:24our union
33:25is a very powerful one
33:27nathan woodford
33:27yeah it was all you
33:28i didn't do much
33:29no you're wrong
33:30combined our energies
33:32are in perfect balance
33:34masculine and feminine
33:35i think that
33:36well i think we should sleep together again
33:40once more
33:43just to ensure the balance
33:44yeah
33:44yeah for sure
33:45i think
33:45we can work something out
33:47and then
33:48i can return to my coven
33:49wait
33:52so you mean you're leaving
33:55of course
33:56i'm gonna present myself to my high priestess
33:59show her i've balanced my powers
34:00and finally reunite with my sisters
34:02so next week you're just gonna
34:05leave
34:06just like that
34:07yes
34:09that was always the plan
34:11i thought you knew this
34:12right
34:12yeah
34:13it's just a
34:13part of our deal
34:14help each other out
34:16and get the fuck out of each other's lives
34:18worse with me
34:22nathan
34:25have i said something to upset you
34:27astrid is from uh
34:34unconventional private school
34:37i encourage all of you to help her catch up on her lab work
34:39today we are finishing up experiments
34:43with different energetic bonds
34:45oh feminine and masculine
34:47not quite
34:51chemical bonds
34:52oh
34:53yes
34:54i see
34:54covalent
34:55ionic
34:55or did you mean hydrogen bonds
34:57they're very weak of course
34:59but very influential in nature
35:00yes
35:01why don't you work with mason
35:03he could use the help
35:05but mason's my partner
35:07this is chemistry georgia
35:09not the prom
35:10go work with nancy and angela
35:12you will be spending summer school together anyways
35:15chemistry is a fundamental part of my magical practices
35:27screw my mom
35:30i'm not waiting till she turns 18
35:32i want her gone
35:34now
35:35luke what's going on
35:52how'd you know it was me
35:54you know what never mind look we gotta go make her run fast
35:57it's something about the new girl
35:58asher
35:59what is it
36:07it's the son of the devil bro
36:11burning on the grass
36:13it's your freak of a girlfriend
36:15she's trying to put a curse on all of us
36:17oh my god
36:22who here saw what happened
36:24she did
36:24tell her
36:25and
36:26it was the new girl
36:28i saw her
36:29stealing a gas can from the gardener's shed
36:32and this is a witch thing
36:34right
36:35i heard
36:36that astrid got thrown under her last pool
36:38for setting it on fire
36:40i guess old habits die hard for pyro lunatics
36:44astrid
36:45come with me to my office now
36:47she didn't do it
36:48what are you talking about nate
36:52georgina and her little clique set her up
36:54i know they did
36:55are you seriously defending her right now
36:58you haven't even seen the evidence
37:00he can't even see anything
37:01remember
37:02i don't need to
37:05hey you've been gunning for her since she got here
37:07oh please
37:08don't flatter her just because she's the first girl
37:10that doesn't treat you like wallpaper
37:12he isn't
37:13you're the only one who benefits from this
37:14all eyes on astrid
37:16will you play the hero
37:17classic misdirection
37:18guys
37:19maybe we should just
37:21i mean
37:22i really gotta
37:23angela
37:23shut
37:24up
37:25but the gas can's still in nancy's
37:27just say
37:32nothing
37:34she said nothing
37:35look
37:37i mean
37:37i thought we were just playing a prank
37:40georgina
37:41said it wouldn't get serious
37:43oh come on
37:45are you seriously gonna believe them over me
37:48this whole school is crawling with weirdos
37:51okay
37:51that freak probably did it to herself for attention
37:53i don't know how that got there
38:01i swear
38:01you dumbass
38:03you were supposed to dump it
38:05that is enough
38:06i will be speaking to both of you in my office separately
38:11and as for you georgina
38:12as punishment for defacing school property
38:16and framing another student
38:19you are stripped of your prom committee duties
38:21and relieved as head cheerleader
38:24you can't do that to me okay
38:29i've always been head cheerleader
38:31and i'm supposed to be prom queen
38:33i guess you should have thought of that
38:35before you decided to play with fire
38:38take them to my office
38:41and astrid
38:47i am so
38:48so sorry
38:50i should have believed you
38:51are you okay
38:54yes i believe so
38:56thank you nathan
38:59you did the right thing
39:03stepsister's a bully
39:05she's always been a bully
39:07i'm just bringing it out in her even more
39:09georgina is a tormented soul
39:12if she had been born with the ability of magic
39:16i fear what she would be capable of
39:17i'm sorry i was being a dick
39:20this morning
39:21what does dick mean
39:23like that's not really important right now
39:26i'm just
39:27i'm sorry that i was being a jerk earlier
39:30and i shouldn't have taken my anger out on you
39:32all is forgiven nathan
39:33well as long as you live up to your end of the deal and sleep with me
39:39astrid
39:40astrid
39:44i can't see you again
39:46but what happened
39:48i thought i had cleared it but it's returned
39:54it's rooted deep within you
39:57i do not know the source of such terrible magic
39:59i must consult my high priestess
40:02come nathan
40:05the high priestess will know what to do
40:13didn't your coven threatened to take your powers if you went back
40:15let them try
40:17but if you leave
40:18i will come back
40:19with my powers and i will heal you again
40:22i promise
40:23look before i leave
40:26we have to bind ourselves to one another
40:30bind ourselves what is that
40:31i am hand fasting us
40:42give me your arm
40:43nathan woodford
40:49i promise to protect thee fully and wholly without restraint
40:53in sickness and in health
40:55in plenty and in poverty
40:57in life and beyond
40:59your turn
41:01bastard hall
41:03i promise to protect thee without restraint
41:06as well
41:07now
41:08in life and beyond
41:10in life and beyond
41:11good
41:13now we must seal the hand fast with a kiss
41:16so
41:34now
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