- 3 months ago
The Handsome Vampire 1
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00I
00:30I can't believe I'm so close to Freddie Jones.
00:39Charlotte, why are you just standing here when there's people without hors d'oeuvres?
00:44Sorry, sir, the caterers ran off so I could get more.
00:46Finally, more hors d'oeuvres.
00:48I was just talking to the head of the studio.
00:51We share a ski cabin.
00:52She's having a great time, Uncle Beth.
00:54Oh, at least I have one intern who knows how to host a party.
00:57Charlotte, you could take a few notes here from Ava.
01:01This isn't your backwoods Applebee's.
01:03This is a Hollywood party.
01:05Hey, hey, Mark Hall Gossler!
01:07He's right.
01:09You're too uptight and sweaty.
01:11It's not helping your whole Walmart aesthetic.
01:14It's not helping that I can work in this entire party by myself.
01:17It doesn't matter how hard you work.
01:20People have to like you.
01:21Nobody likes a martyr who dresses like she works at the DMV.
01:25Give up and go home.
01:27Thanks, Ava, but I don't need advice on how to charm a room from a nepho baby.
01:31I've been working for TIP since I was 15.
01:46Mr. Jones?
01:47Call me Franny.
01:51Right.
01:52Um, I'm so sorry.
01:53You don't need to be sorry.
01:55This party needed a little excitement.
01:57It was trash and everybody knows it.
01:59Yeah.
02:01I mean, I prefer your earlier work, but you were still excellent.
02:06Thanks for telling me the truth.
02:08Nobody tells me the truth anymore.
02:09Well, it was, uh, nice bumping into you.
02:18Hey, Mr. Jones.
02:20Hey, you should be the one entertaining our store client.
02:23Not her.
02:24I can only hire one of you.
02:25Right now, she's winning.
02:27Do better.
02:28There you go.
02:45Yes.
02:50Yes.
02:53I can.
02:53Where am I?
03:15Good morning.
03:23Did you forget that today is the first day of your master plan?
03:46Come on man, get down here.
03:49Hey, what is from here Mr. Jones?
04:02I don't know whether you pour radiant on screen or off.
04:05Hey, what can I get you?
04:06You want a coffee, water?
04:08No, I'm fine, thanks.
04:10I'll get both, just in case.
04:15Close the door.
04:21O negative, your favorite.
04:23I figure after last night you would be pretty hungry.
04:27You didn't even like that, eh?
04:30Needed help and I needed an exit.
04:32Come on, Freddy.
04:34I've been your best friend and your enabler for the last 200 years.
04:38During that time, I've known you to be very picky, very cautious, and a very, very demanding vampire.
04:46So come on.
04:47Give me something.
04:48How'd she taste?
04:49I don't know man.
04:53I think she was an intern.
04:55I didn't even get her name.
04:57But nothing happened.
04:59Good.
05:00Because I've got enough to worry about while you're going away undercover.
05:03You sure about this plan?
05:05I mean, come on.
05:06Why can't you just go to the Maldives like every other actor?
05:09I just need to get away from everything.
05:11The business, my parents, this whole movie star lifestyle.
05:16It's just...
05:17But why do you want to go undercover as an intern?
05:19Is this about that intern girl?
05:21Yeah, I may have come on a bit strong.
05:23I don't know, there's just something about her.
05:25But how do you know dressing up like an intern is going to help you get to know her?
05:28And how do you know that when you get close to her, you're not just going to blow your cover?
05:31I don't know.
05:32I'll play it cool.
05:33I'll work hard.
05:34Hopefully our paths will cross.
05:35I can feel that, though.
05:37Fine.
05:38I'll do what I can.
05:39But please, promise me you're not going to let this intern thing distract you from your actual job.
05:44Thanks, Coleman.
05:46This is going to be the role of our lifetime.
05:51Better.
05:53You can't help but look like a movie star.
05:56I think I might need help from a glamour, so...
05:59Ah, so I didn't know if you wanted all of it.
06:03Where's Mr. Jones?
06:05He had an engagement.
06:08Who's this?
06:09This is Edward, our new intern.
06:12Oh, great.
06:13Another one.
06:15Well, let's get you started.
06:18Jesus.
06:19This might actually work.
06:23When can I expect money from you?
06:36I'm bartending nights and weekends.
06:37But if you don't make some more money soon, you won't have a home to return to.
06:41Do you know the debt we're in?
06:44We're going to lose the bar if you don't start helping.
06:47The internship is going great.
06:49I'm going to have a new job before we know it.
06:52Okay?
06:53Um, I have to go.
06:55Bye.
07:00After you humiliated yourself in front of the entire industry, I'm surprised you even came in today.
07:05What happened to me last night?
07:07I know I only had one drink.
07:09Were you taking bets on who you ended up with?
07:11My money's in the pay from the mailroom.
07:13Leave me alone.
07:23Oh, if it isn't Miss Life of the Party.
07:26You know, it's one thing to entertain the clients, but it's another to walk around acting like a drunken floozy.
07:32I'm sorry, I don't...
07:34Oh, really?
07:35Sorry about that.
07:36Well, it's penance you can show around the new intern.
07:39We have a new intern?
07:40Yeah, yeah, that guy.
07:41Hey, come on over here.
07:43Hawk Hogan.
07:44Yeah, you.
07:45Jesus.
07:46Stop doing workouts and talk to her.
07:49Hi.
07:50I'm Edward.
07:57Hi.
07:58I'm Edward.
08:01Are you okay?
08:03Yeah, I'm Charlotte.
08:04Let me show you around.
08:11Hey cutie.
08:12Oh, hello.
08:13Are you ready for junior exec?
08:15No, I'm not looking for anything permanent.
08:17Oh, good.
08:18We should get along fine then.
08:20So, where are you from?
08:22Look, I'm supposed to help Charlotte with something, so...
08:26Between us?
08:27Charlotte's character isn't going to go very far in this industry.
08:30This was her last night.
08:31Okay.
08:40Where are you going?
08:41To go help Charlotte?
08:42To go help Charlotte?
08:43Like you should have done last night.
08:44So, Freddie just went on vacation.
08:45When he gets back, he's going to want something very different for his next project.
08:47We're looking for something that's very character driven, but at the same time, something that only he could play.
09:00So, ideas?
09:01What about a period piece?
09:04You know, Freddie has this classic quality to him.
09:08Like, he could almost be from a different time.
09:10Um, I could see him in a western, or a Jane Austen movie.
09:14Oh, that's really perceptive.
09:16Excuse me.
09:17Interns?
09:18But the grown-ups are talking.
09:20Do you know who you're talking to?
09:24Do you know who you're talking to?
09:30I mean, it's...
09:32Freddie...
09:33Edward's...
09:34First day.
09:36Sorry.
09:41Oh!
09:42Totally forgot.
09:43I've actually got to run, but I'm greatly looking forward to hearing all of your ideas.
09:51When you're big shots, you can open your mouth every time a dumb idea pops into your head.
09:56But until then, you're nobody.
09:59I'll remember that.
10:00Good.
10:01Charlotte, you can stay and clean up after the party.
10:03I'll tell the cleaning services to skip this weekend.
10:06Tonight?
10:07But I have another job ahead.
10:08Oh, great!
10:09But you should have thought about that before you embarrassed our department.
10:14Ava!
10:15Happy hour!
10:17I'm buying!
10:23You know you don't have to stay and clean up with me, right?
10:26I don't mind.
10:28Can I ask you something?
10:30Are Ava and Seth real pieces of shit?
10:32You...
10:35I shouldn't laugh.
10:37No, you should.
10:38You have a really beautiful smile.
10:41No, but seriously, why are they always like that?
10:44I don't know.
10:45It's just kind of the way they are.
10:47Ava's in the running for the same job as me, and Seth's her uncle, so...
10:52Anyway, what's your story?
10:56Why are you here?
10:58I mean, you can call it a quarter-life crisis.
11:03I don't know, I guess I've just been sheltered my whole life, so...
11:06I just wanted to try something new.
11:07You wanted to try picking up trash with me?
11:11I mean, there's worse ways to spend your day.
11:14Plus, I thought you could, you know, teach me a few things, and I can learn the ins and outs.
11:20Deal.
11:22Shoot, I'm gonna be late for work.
11:26What, this isn't work?
11:28Not for me.
11:30You know we don't get paid, right?
11:32What?
11:34I'll see you on Monday.
11:40Hey, Coleman.
11:42Yeah, give me the personal file on Charlotte's sin.
11:45Yeah, I need to know everything about her.
11:47Also, we gotta start paying these interns.
11:49Alright.
12:03Why would you want to meet here?
12:05You hate places like this.
12:07Yeah, you do.
12:09What can I get good to?
12:11Mr. Hart?
12:14Edward, do you guys know each other?
12:15Uh, us?
12:17No, no, no, no, no.
12:18That's okay, I'm sorry.
12:20Look, he's a friend of my father's.
12:23I just didn't want anyone to think I was another Neville baby.
12:26That's why you're so sheltered.
12:28Don't worry, your secret's safe with me.
12:30Do you know what you'd like?
12:33Yeah, we'll take, uh, two Bloody Marys.
12:36Extra Bloody?
12:37What?
12:38Small world.
12:39Small world.
12:41Small world, and...
12:42Oh, look!
12:43Right there is where it tells you where she works in your personnel file.
12:46Yeah.
12:47Would you look at that?
12:48I think you already did.
12:49She's amazing, though.
12:50Top of her class.
12:51Full-ride scholarship.
12:52She could be anything.
12:53I don't know why she'd want to settle at the bottom in Hollywood.
12:54Sounds like somebody else that we know.
12:55Even the drinking.
12:56Okay.
12:57You know, Ava had a lot to do with that.
12:58You could smell it on her a mile away.
13:00Have you had some time this weekend, and you feel like getting your hands dirty?
13:04Yeah, sure.
13:06Okay.
13:07You know, Ava had a lot to do with that.
13:09You could smell it on her a mile away.
13:12Have you had some time this weekend, and you feel like getting your hands dirty?
13:17Yeah, sure.
13:18I'll be right back with those drinks.
13:24Oh, brother.
13:25We are in love.
13:28Can you make mine a double, please?
13:41Hey.
13:42So how do you know if a script is worth pitching?
13:44A good script grabs you on the first page and doesn't let go.
13:46We can't stop thinking about it.
13:48Edward, save yourself some time.
13:50If a script isn't on the blacklist, it's a pass.
13:53It's that easy.
13:54Like this one.
13:55Once you find a script you love, it makes all the drudgery worth it, at least for me.
14:08Hey, stop gabbing and get me your weekend script reports.
14:12I need something that screams Freddie Jones to bring to Coleman.
14:15So what do we got?
14:17I read a lot of great scripts.
14:18I read a lot of great scripts.
14:19Uh, this top one is a modern take on Sunset Boulevard.
14:22Isn't that like black and white?
14:24That's one of the greatest movies of all time.
14:26You sound just like Freddie Jones.
14:28He always says that that's the movie that inspired him to act.
14:31Look at you two, sounding like nerds and losers living in the 50s.
14:36A contact just sent me an action romance.
14:38That's perfect.
14:39Ava, you are the best.
14:42I bet Freddie's gonna love that.
14:44Yeah.
14:45I bet Freddie will love that.
14:46Yeah.
14:47This script has a lot of heat, and it's a great part for Freddie.
15:01Yeah, if we don't jump on this now tomorrow, I promise we're gonna read in the trades if
15:05Leo's doing it.
15:06It's really good.
15:07But it's completely wrong for Freddie.
15:16But it's got everything.
15:18Action, sex, he even has his shirt off for over an hour.
15:22Yeah, but there's plenty more where that came from.
15:25Good.
15:26Cause Freddie's looking for a wide spectrum.
15:30So I'm gonna wanna hear pitches from all of the interns.
15:35And whoever can pitch a film that Freddie actually wants to buy,
15:38gets the junior executive position.
15:52You okay, honey?
15:53That beer has more head than a truck stop men's room.
15:56Yeah, sorry.
15:58This is work stuff.
16:00Work stuff or romance stuff?
16:03Don't look so shocked.
16:05Spending 20 years in a bar, I get really good at reading people, okay?
16:09I don't even know if it's mutual.
16:11It is.
16:12How do you know that?
16:14Cause I got a sense about this stuff.
16:16Plus, he's sitting over at that table and he just asked about ya.
16:20What are you doing here?
16:21Well, I got those scripts that said toss them in the trash.
16:34And now you wanna talk about them.
16:37Okay.
16:39Thanks for coming out tonight.
16:44You know, even if nothing happens, I...
16:46I love talking about movies with you.
16:48I love talking about movies with you too.
16:51Honestly, four hours does not seem like enough time.
16:55Shit.
16:56Shit.
16:57Shit.
17:00Smell that?
17:01O negative.
17:03My favorite.
17:06That's interesting.
17:08Thanks.
17:25Let's take them both.
17:27I'm hungry.
17:29Sleep again.
17:31He's one of us.
17:34No way.
17:35It's that.
17:43I gotta go.
17:49You'll never guess who just came in.
17:51You're his biggest fan.
18:04Can you imagine being so famous if you lie about being on vacation?
18:13Don't you have work you should be doing?
18:15My contact just sent me another hot script, so...
18:17No.
18:25Hey, Charlotte.
18:27Um, can I get your help?
18:28I jammed the printer again.
18:31Again?
18:32Yeah.
18:33Seriously?
18:34Yeah.
18:38Hey.
18:39What do you have for me?
18:40I just forwarded you a new script everyone is talking about.
18:44That's all you have?
18:46That script just sold, and it's not even what he's looking for.
18:50Aren't you even listening?
18:51How am I supposed to find something small and pretentious?
18:54It's boring!
18:56Figure it out.
18:57I got you to third base.
18:58You can score your own home run.
19:00If that farm girl brings in a script that Freddie wants to buy,
19:03I can't stop Coleman from hiring her.
19:06Get on it!
19:08Now!
19:10Jesus fucking Christ!
19:12Okay, maybe I did want to talk to you.
19:25Yeah, well you better do it fast because I might have to run away suddenly with no explanation.
19:43Okay, try to look about the other night.
19:45It's fine.
19:46You don't have to explain.
19:48We worked together.
19:49You did the smart thing.
19:51We should keep it professional.
19:53Right?
19:54Yeah, I mean, that's what you want.
19:55You don't have to do it like that.
19:56You're going to rip it.
19:57Is this my proposal?
19:58Yeah, it's pretty all extra copies for you.
19:59It's so nice.
20:00Well, it should work now.
20:01Okay.
20:02Thanks.
20:03Why is the door locked?
20:26Why is the door locked?
20:32I didn't lock it.
20:33It must have been Ava.
20:38Hey, are you okay?
20:41It's, I'm claustrophobic and I can find spaces.
20:45They make me panic.
20:46Okay, hey, hey, hey, hey.
20:48It's going to be okay.
20:49All right, you're going to be okay.
20:50Trust me for a second, okay?
20:56Better?
21:09How did you do that?
21:12Just a little trick I learned.
21:15Yeah, you're right.
21:18We should probably keep it professional.
21:26What's going on here?
21:49Why is the door locked?
21:53Okay.
21:54All right, let's get you out of here.
21:56Come on.
22:04Man, being an intern is hard work.
22:08By the way, have you seen Charlie's proposal?
22:11It's pretty good.
22:12Freddy, it's time to go back.
22:16I've got paparazzi circling the kill, just looking for a scoop.
22:20And guess what?
22:21You know who's been calling me?
22:23Diana.
22:24And she's been asking me questions.
22:26Okay.
22:27So what, Diana?
22:28Is paparazzi working for her now?
22:30Vampire paparazzi.
22:32When is that woman ever going to realize it is not going to work out between us?
22:36I don't care what she wants or what my parents want or what the paparazzi wants.
22:41It's not going to work.
22:42Yeah.
22:42Well, it's easy to be patient when you're an immortal bitch.
22:46Sure.
22:47I know you and Charlotte have a bond.
22:51It's time to call a rap on Eddie and time to get back to work.
22:56Back to my lonely, gilded cage?
22:59You signed up for this.
23:01She didn't.
23:02How's your project proposal going?
23:11Why do you care?
23:12I want it to be good, if I'm going to hand it in.
23:14What are you talking about?
23:15My contact fell through and I can't hand in nothing, so unless you help me, I'll have to hand in this.
23:24The fuck, Angel?
23:27How'd you get pages from my journal?
23:28I don't care about how you talk to me.
23:31You're one phone call away from being a stupid slut that taint Freddy's career.
23:35They're so scandalous we didn't even sleep together.
23:39I don't understand why you would do this, Ava.
23:41If you work for Freddy, you're going to ruin his career.
23:43I won't.
23:44Unless you force me to.
23:47So what will it be?
23:48Let's get set up.
24:01They love the proposal so much, they want me to present it to the board.
24:04I hope you're happy with yourself.
24:05You're looking at the new junior executive.
24:09Don't worry.
24:10I requested you stay on as my personal intern.
24:13Hey, where are you going with that?
24:30Have you seen Eddie?
24:34Looks like your little boyfriend left without saying goodbye.
24:37Let's focus, everyone.
24:38We have a lot to discuss.
24:39Guess he wasn't as into you as he thought.
24:41I don't think we'll need you for this meeting.
24:43I'm pretty sure there's some cleaning to do around the office.
24:46Fine with me.
24:49Mr. Jones?
24:51Where are you going?
24:55Please sit.
24:56Hey, everybody, what's the name?
24:59Sure.
25:00You can take notes.
25:02There he is.
25:03End of the hour.
25:04Hey, welcome back, Freddy.
25:06Looking tan and refreshed.
25:07Better than ever.
25:08Thank you, Seth.
25:09Appreciate that.
25:11I would really like to know what this movie is at its core.
25:19Ava, this is your baby.
25:21I would love to hear from you.
25:23Well, at its core, it's a Freddy Jones movie.
25:26That's what people are paying to see.
25:27So what's your vision?
25:29Do you see this more as a classic Hollywood homage, a mystery, a romance?
25:34I think it has it all.
25:38What's your favorite part?
25:39The ending.
25:40What happens in the end?
25:42Your character, uh, wins?
25:46You know, it's funny.
25:49You wrote such an elegant summary, but you can't recall any major plot points or how it ends.
25:55I'm just curious.
25:55Did you actually read the script, or did you just have A.I. spit out a report for you?
25:59Of course I wrote this.
26:02It's just been a few weeks, and I, I...
26:05What do you think?
26:09At its heart, it's a romance.
26:13A mystery with a satirical edge, but ultimately a love story.
26:18With a poignant and tragic ending.
26:22Sounds like a good movie.
26:24Why do you think it'd be beneficial for my career?
26:26Because people might not know it yet, but you can do more than look good with your shirt off.
26:31Opening weekend, they're gonna go to see Freddy Jones, the movie star.
26:35But come Monday, they're gonna tell their friends to go see Freddy Jones, the actor.
26:43I love that.
26:45You sold me.
26:47Ava, I would like you to take notes for Charlotte from now on.
26:51What the hell was that?
27:01Ow, you're hurting me.
27:03I just answered his question.
27:04You set me up.
27:05You humiliated me.
27:07You should have prepared me better.
27:09I just know I had to prepare you.
27:10Didn't you read what you handed in?
27:11Oh, it was insanely long, and I have better things to do.
27:14That was the whole point of using your proposal.
27:17You made me look like an idiot.
27:18No, Ava, actually, you did that all on your own.
27:21You made me look so bad.
27:23I need an explanation.
27:24She set me up.
27:25Your assistant executed a master plan to embarrass you and take control of a meeting.
27:30If that's true, then we should probably have her on the executive payroll.
27:33She planned this.
27:34With Freddy, I have proof.
27:37Just to humiliate me.
27:38They slept together.
27:40That's enough.
27:41Oz, I'm sorry.
27:43Where is it?
27:44Where is it?
27:45Where?
27:47Here it is.
27:49Can we get security, please?
27:51No.
27:54It was her.
27:55They slept together.
27:55Why don't you believe me?
27:57Let go of me.
27:58Do you know how much this dress costs?
27:59I'll see you again soon.
28:14Hey.
28:16So, how'd it go today?
28:18Where were you?
28:21Freddy Jones!
28:23Look out!
28:24Get out of here.
28:25No, I told you guys.
28:25No.
28:26No pictures.
28:26Go.
28:27Get out of here.
28:28Go.
28:28Go.
28:28What the hell is going on?
28:32Why did they call you Freddy?
28:36Look, Charlotte.
28:36I...
28:37I never meant to trick you.
28:48Please.
28:51I don't...
28:52I don't know what to think.
28:53I don't know who you are.
28:56Charlotte.
28:56Charlotte.
28:58Oh, you bitch!
29:15Oh, you pay for that?
29:20We just wanted a story.
29:22But I guess we'll settle for something else.
29:28Get the fuck away from me!
29:41Charlotte, are you okay?
29:43You look hurt. Are you hurt?
29:44I'm fine. I'm so sorry. This is all my fault.
29:48Why are you apologizing? You just saved me life.
29:52Oh, the boss is going to love this.
30:10You sure you're okay?
30:11I think so.
30:20Does that hurt?
30:21A little.
30:22Are they always following you like that?
30:27Or is this what it's like to be Freddie Jones?
30:30I'm sorry I got you under this.
30:33But I hope you don't sneak out this time.
30:40Weren't you hurt?
30:42I think you might have hit your head a little too hard.
30:45Just probably lie back.
30:46Look, I live in a world full of power for people.
30:52And not all of them are good.
30:54There you are.
30:56Look, all I want to do is protect you, Charlotte.
30:58Tell me about that.
31:08I'm a little bit more.
31:09Hey.
31:12Morning.
31:12Good morning.
31:14Listen, I have a breakfast coming up for you right now.
31:19I'm going to step out and make a quick phone call, okay?
31:23Just lie back and rest.
31:26All right.
31:38Coleman.
31:39Hey, what do you know about the paparazzi attack last night?
31:42That cannot happen again.
31:44We got it, boss.
31:44You don't have security.
31:45Yeah, she better.
31:49Shit!
31:50How long has it been?
31:52I hear you and Freddy have been very busy boys behind my back.
31:56Look, I'm sure you're disappointed that he's not going to do another sequel, as am I, but he's already made up his mind.
32:02Listen, dipshit.
32:03We both know which head he's thinking with, and it's not the one above his shoulders.
32:07Well, that's not my business.
32:08Actually, fuckhead, it is your business.
32:11My guy just sent me these photos.
32:19No, I don't know the pay rate yet, Mom, but it's, it's entry level.
32:35$3,000 a month, how am I supposed to?
32:37No, I know it's a...
32:39Okay, Mom, I have to go.
32:44Okay, bye.
32:48What was that all about?
32:50Nothing.
32:52You know, this is all really nice, but I have to go work brunch in an hour.
32:56What?
32:57Cancel.
32:58We can stay in bed all day.
33:00I got food brought up to us.
33:02Look, you just got a promotion, and you don't need to be working back over there.
33:05Yeah, well, until I get my first paycheck, I'm not going to chance it.
33:09Fine.
33:10Do what you want.
33:11Let me know if you need anything else.
33:24Diana?
33:24Diana?
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