- 7 hours ago
Oh No! The Witch Like To Sleep With Me 1
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Short filmTranscript
00:00Sweaty mortal males. Will one of you volunteer to sleep with me so I may balance my powers?
00:06What the fuck?
00:07Astrid, you've always been very talented, but you like control.
00:12Your powers require a masculine balance.
00:15How fortuitous. My name is Astrid Hall.
00:18Nathan Woodford, so are matching birthmarks means there are soulmates.
00:22I can help you restore your vision, and you can help me balance my powers.
00:26All I require is that you sleep with me.
00:28What are you doing?
00:29I thought you said you wanted me to sleep with you.
00:31Yes, I said sleep, not fornicate.
00:34Oh, fuck. I don't know how I'm going to sleep after all that.
00:37Salmi, I have to return to my coven.
00:41You mean you're leaving?
00:42The outside world struggles to accept anyone who's different.
00:44Don't you two make the perfect couple? The blind leading the mentally disturbed?
00:48Us freaks gotta stick together, right?
00:50Freak is a relative term. I prefer the word fate.
00:53Please. This has to work. This is my last chance.
01:17Astrid! Put that down now!
01:30Haven't you cost enough damage from on me?
01:32I'm sorry, High Priestess.
01:34I was just trying to fix things.
01:36Same as with the heat spell.
01:38The tower caught on fire because of your stupid spell.
01:41Astrid is a threat to our coven.
01:42All the other witches want her here.
01:44She needs to go.
01:45I'm so sorry.
01:48I didn't mean to.
01:49Please don't make me go. I will do anything to stay.
01:52We can't risk the coven for just one student, Astrid.
01:55I have no choice but to strip you of your powers and banish you from the coven.
02:01Please. I beg of you.
02:03My powers are all I have.
02:05Please don't make me go. I have nowhere else to stay.
02:10Astrid.
02:10You've been with us since you were a child.
02:15You've always been very talented.
02:17Through the years, surrounded by other witches,
02:19your feminine powers have grown.
02:22But she's right.
02:23You lack control.
02:25Your powers require a masculine balance.
02:28Tell me what to do.
02:29You must leave the coven and live among men again.
02:33Allow their masculine energies to merge with your feminine ones.
02:37Merging energies?
02:41You have to sleep with them, dumbass.
02:43Oh, of course.
02:45You will only have ten days to balance your unruly powers.
02:48If you return before you have conquered your imbalance,
02:52I must take your powers away.
02:55I understand.
02:56I won't disappoint you, High Priestess.
02:59I will find a young man, and I will sleep with him.
03:01I will find a young man, and I will sleep with him.
03:07Faire de vale, Astrid Hall.
03:09Once I've slept with boys and acquired their energies,
03:12I'll return to my coven sisters.
03:14Don't hurry back, dipshit.
03:18May the gods not go over you, child.
03:27Worthless little witch.
03:30Hurry up and get in the car.
03:31Blessed be, stepmother.
03:40Stepsister.
03:43I told you not to call us that.
03:47So, you set another building on fire?
03:51You better not breathe a word about it at your new boarding school.
03:54My new boarding school?
03:56But I thought I was going home.
03:57It's like I'd ever let a pyromaniac like you under my roof again.
04:05But it was my father's home long before he met you.
04:08Well, he's dead, so it's our home now.
04:12Do not, I repeat, do not tell anyone we're really at school.
04:16Got it, demon girl?
04:18If I ever hope to return to my sisters,
04:21I must find masculine energies to balance my power.
04:24Hello? Did you hear me?
04:26Do not worry.
04:28I shan't inform anyone of our relationships, stepsister.
04:31This I swear by the old gods.
04:33Freak.
04:42I have to talk to the dean about your enrollment.
04:48Don't go anywhere.
04:50Don't do anything.
04:52Huntington Hall is a respectable, normal school.
04:56For normal kids.
04:58So don't pull me at that witchy shit here.
05:01Understand?
05:02Stand?
05:18Asculine energies.
05:19Um, gee, who is that, and why is he not in any of my classes?
05:36You want him in class?
05:38I'd rather have him in my dorm room up against my desk.
05:41In the shower.
05:41Wait, is he blind?
05:52Yeah, never mind.
05:54I only mess with guys who can actually see what they're doing.
05:56Okay.
05:57So much masculine energy.
06:06But how do I choose who to merge with?
06:13Greetings, sweaty mortal males.
06:17Will one of you volunteer to sleep with me so I may balance my powers?
06:20Hey, yo, what the fuck?
06:31Dude, is this emo girl being serious?
06:34Shit.
06:34I ain't usually into goth pics, but you know if she's offering.
06:38Hey, sweetie.
06:39I think you're a little lost.
06:41This isn't Halloween Horror Night.
06:43I do not know what that is.
06:47I simply came to seek a male.
06:55Oh, you!
06:57With a mystical staff!
06:59Mystical staff?
07:01You know the emo?
07:02She's going straight for the rich boy.
07:04I mean, he'd probably be into her.
07:05Dude blind can't see how fucking weird she looks.
07:09Wait!
07:10Please!
07:13Ah!
07:17Fuck!
07:18Hey!
07:18What?
07:20You gonna say sorry?
07:21Emo girl?
07:22Let go of me, please.
07:24Your energy is hostile and incompatible with mine.
07:27And I am not an emo.
07:29I am a witch.
07:30What the fuck are you talking about, freak?
07:32Apologize!
07:33Now!
07:36I'm sorry you have weak muscles.
07:39Now let me go.
07:42Ah!
07:44Where are you going?
07:45Let me come with you.
07:50Jesus, what the fuck's your deal?
07:52My feminine energies are too powerful.
07:54And if I don't balance them with masculine energies, then they'll take away my powers forever.
07:59Right.
08:01The mental health counselor's on the second floor.
08:03How fortuitous.
08:05How fortuitous.
08:08Can you let go of my hand?
08:09A sign from the old gods.
08:11What are you talking about?
08:12My birthmark?
08:13Yes.
08:14Um, it's nothing.
08:15I've had it since forever.
08:16It is no mere birthmark.
08:18This means much more than that.
08:26What was that?
08:28Did I just see her?
08:30Look, I don't know you.
08:31And you don't know me, so please leave me alone.
08:34Oh no, he doesn't see the car coming.
08:49Get off the road.
08:50Hurry.
08:57Goddess Hecate, don't let me hurt him.
08:59What the f***?
09:09Shit.
09:10It worked.
09:14What happened?
09:15Bro, that car almost just smoked you.
09:17Really?
09:18Yes, it was come out right for you, but the nook army to move out of the way was some kind of magic.
09:25You're safe.
09:27Thank Hecate.
09:27You saved my life.
09:31How can I pay you back?
09:46Will you sleep with me?
09:52You can thank me by sleeping with me.
09:55Um, I don't know where you're from, new girl, but around here you don't just ask a complete stranger to sleep with you.
10:03I feel weak.
10:08Is she a real woman?
10:09What happened here?
10:17She stopped the car from hitting me and then just passed out.
10:20Yeah, after she asked you to have sex with her.
10:23Dude, shut up.
10:24It's my grandma.
10:25My stepdaughter is very sheltered.
10:27I'm sure she didn't mean it that way.
10:30Nah, she was trying to hit it.
10:31Dude.
10:32Everyone quiet.
10:33She's waking up.
10:49My name is Astrid Hall.
10:51Astrid Hall?
10:52Will you tell me yours?
10:53Um, Nathan Woodford?
10:57Let me see you, Nathan Woodford.
10:59Wait, where are you?
11:00Shh.
11:02Ah.
11:04Now I see.
11:06There you are.
11:10Nathan.
11:11Your eyes are cursed.
11:13He's blind, you idiot.
11:15Stop being such a drama queen and get up.
11:17I think she's a bit shaken by the crash.
11:21Please give us a moment.
11:25It's only been an hour and you're already causing me problems.
11:29No more talking about purses or casting spells or whatever the fuck they do at that psycho hippie commune.
11:37Out here, nobody believes in your satanic voodoo witchcraft bullshit.
11:43So you better shut up and stay out of sight before you cause an even bigger mess.
11:47How am I supposed to go to this school if I can't use my magic?
11:50Did I ask for your opinion, you stupid little witch?
11:54I told you to shut up!
11:58That is quite enough, I think.
12:03Astrid, I would be happy to offer you enrollment here at Huntington Hall.
12:08Really?
12:08Really?
12:13We don't even know her.
12:15Astrid saved your life, Nathan.
12:17We owe her a safe place to live and to learn.
12:20Although it is quite late in the semester and the girls' dormitory is at capacity.
12:25Oh, that's not a problem.
12:27I prefer to sleep with the boys.
12:28I require their masculine energy.
12:33No, Astrid, that is not allowed under school policy.
12:37But for now, you may stay with Nathan and I at our home just off campus.
12:42Wait, hold on, Corinne.
12:44I think there's something off there.
12:45This is not up for discussion.
12:48I'm late for my board meeting.
12:50Nate, take her to the house and get her settled.
12:53This is only temporary.
13:05But my grandma will find another place for you to stay soon.
13:07Ooh, candles!
13:10Now I can perform a protection spell for your home.
13:13No, don't light those up.
13:15You know, I accidentally knocked one over.
13:19Of course.
13:20I wouldn't want to start a fire, even though my intentions would be pure and honorable.
13:24The old gods often play tricks on us.
13:26Look, are you actually a witch?
13:29I am.
13:29Wait, you're just going to tell me the truth just like that?
13:33I have no reason to lie.
13:34Though it is troublesome that mortals of the outside no longer have knowledge of us witches.
13:38So how did you get here anyway?
13:40Are those guys living in coveys?
13:41A coven.
13:42And yes, we rarely leave.
13:45The outside world struggles to accept anything or anyone who's different.
13:53She said my eyes were cursed.
13:55I wonder if...
13:56So tell me, do you witches have spells for everything?
14:01Not everything, no.
14:03Sometimes, if my energies are out of balance, even the strongest spell can go horribly awry.
14:09How many cost enough damage for one me?
14:12Astrid is a threat.
14:13Coven, she needs to go.
14:22You okay?
14:23Where is your bed, Nathan Woodford?
14:26I wish to sleep with you now.
14:29Astrid, wait.
14:31Hold on.
14:33Astrid, where the hell are you?
14:38Look, I'll tell you where the pillows and blankets are, and you can stay on the couch, all right?
14:49Nathan, come join me!
14:50What do you think you're doing?
14:52I'm in front of any of the streams and waterfalls, but this is very nice as well.
15:05Water has many healing properties, you know?
15:07Yeah, well, you need to heal somewhere else.
15:10I meant for you, Nathan Woodford.
15:13I'll get you a towel.
15:18Won't you come any closer?
15:19Closer.
15:23Closer.
15:27Whoa!
15:29What's that?
15:30Just a little spark.
15:41What is she doing?
15:43Is this magic?
15:45Magic?
15:45Magic?
15:45Magic?
15:45Magic?
15:45Magic?
15:45Magic?
15:45Magic?
15:45Magic?
15:45Magic?
15:46Magic?
15:46Magic?
15:47Magic?
15:47Magic?
15:48Magic?
15:51I told you, your energy is strong in spine.
16:00What is going on here?
16:01what is going on here
16:11hello Dean Woodford
16:14I thought you had a meeting
16:16it was rescheduled
16:18all of you dry off
16:21and get dressed now
16:22oh my god
16:31was your grandmother upset
16:36more like surprised
16:39and relieved
16:40because I haven't dated much
16:42at school
16:43or ever really
16:45I just told her the shower was a
16:48misunderstanding
16:49come sit with me
16:52even as a witch
16:56I cannot force her energies to merge Nathan
16:58it must happen naturally
17:00I sense your soul is conflicted
17:10first my eyes were cursed
17:13now my soul is conflicted
17:14does anybody ever tell you how weird you are?
17:17frequently
17:18something freaky
17:24that we have the same birthmark
17:25in the same exact spot
17:27freaky is a relative term
17:29I prefer the word fate
17:32what are you doing?
17:38you're trying to create spells on me
17:39alright?
17:40this isn't a spell
17:41Nathan
17:41when our energies combine
17:43I feel powerful
17:45powerful like how?
17:48like I can heal you
17:49isn't that what you want?
17:51don't play around with me
17:52witch girl
17:53I do not wish to play around
17:54I can help you restore your vision
17:56and you can help me balance my powers
17:58all I require is that you sleep with me
18:01okay?
18:04if you can actually heal me
18:07I'll sleep with you
18:09I'll do whatever you want
18:11okay?
18:13deal?
18:13I must go make the preparations
18:20did you find what you're looking for?
18:30oh
18:31not exactly
18:32these texts are very rudimentary
18:34I seek instructions on curse reversals
18:36where do you keep your forbidden manuscripts?
18:45what?
18:46there she is
18:48Astrid
18:49oh dear sister
18:51I told you to never call me that
18:53would you excuse me
18:56my silly sister for a moment?
19:02let's go
19:03hey bro
19:07somebody's going down between
19:08the head chair bitch and the new girl
19:10what are you doing here?
19:18well
19:18I was trying to research curse reversals
19:20but the resources here are surprisingly limited
19:23I mean what are you doing at my school?
19:27you and your freaking bitch crap don't belong here
19:29you know
19:31mom told me that back in the olden days
19:33they used to take people accused of witchcraft
19:36and burn them at the stake
19:38apparently
19:40real witches were immune to it
19:42why don't we just test that
19:45that little thingy huh?
19:50no Georgina please don't
19:52you make one fucking sound
19:56and I'll burn your fucking face off wish
19:58burn the witch
19:59burn the witch
20:00stop right there
20:07what's going on back there?
20:09nothing for you to worry your pretty little head about
20:12no?
20:13let me pass
20:14can't do that blind boy
20:16but I think there were a couple of mice looking for you
20:19someone burning?
20:22burn the witch
20:23burn the witch
20:24Astrid
20:24what the fuck was that?
20:34did you see your fucking magic on me?
20:36just leave me be Georgina
20:38I don't want to hurt you
20:39I'm warning you
20:41I swear
20:42I'm gonna make sure you end up like your dead idiot daddy
20:45you stupid witch
20:46Astrid
20:49Astrid
20:49Astrid
20:51Astrid where are you?
20:54what?
20:54Astrid
20:54what the fuck was that Nate?
20:56I smell fire
20:56so I think I pretty much just saved your life
20:58what'd you do to Astrid?
21:03I was just giving her
21:04a proper Huntington home welcome
21:06yeah sure you were
21:08you okay?
21:12he can't see you dipshit
21:14she's fine dear double
21:15why do you care?
21:19it's for dating
21:20what?
21:22we're a boyfriend
21:23as if
21:24who would want to date her?
21:27Astrid?
21:27I owe my life to Astrid
21:46we're destined to meet each other
21:48right?
21:51oh
21:51yes that's true
21:53Nate and I are very much dating
21:55we're destined to merge energies
21:57hey you know my grandmother
21:59is the dean
22:00in case you forgot
22:01yeah she would hate to hear if
22:04Astrid was being mistreated
22:05well don't you two make the perfect couple
22:07the blind leading the mentally disturbed
22:10sorry my hand got burned
22:13what did I say about keeping your idiot mouth shut?
22:18you said you got powers?
22:21show them
22:22what the fuck
22:29stop it! stop it! you will fucking put your hair on fire!
22:41I know it is fuck with!
22:42wait put her hair on fire?
22:44well technically speaking she should put her own hair on fire
22:46fire
22:47Jo, we gotta go
22:48no it's not good
22:49let's go. let's go
22:50okay go
22:52okay stop stop, stop
22:54stop
22:55Noah!
22:55cut!
22:56cut!
22:57cut!
22:58cut!
22:59εν!
22:59mum!
23:00ow!
23:05aku!
23:08i didn't mean to hurt her
23:09i know you didn't mean to but look
23:11she got what was coming to her
23:13Nathan?
23:15Yeah?
23:17So since we are dating,
23:19does that mean you'll sleep with me now?
23:23Um...
23:27Astrid, I made up that we were dating
23:31because I thought Georgina wouldn't mess with you anymore
23:33if, you know, she thought she could get in trouble with the Dean.
23:37Oh.
23:39So, we're not dating?
23:41If we were, you wouldn't have to ask that.
23:45Um...
23:49Let's head back home.
24:11Astrid?
24:21Astrid, are you there?
24:29Astrid?
24:31Astrid.
24:37Astrid.
24:39Astrid.
24:41Astrid!
24:43Astrid.
24:45Astrid.
24:47Astrid.
24:49find me by the pool this chicken not be real
25:05hey i thought we talked about lighting candles
25:09estrid nathan whitford what excellent timing
25:12are you coming in kidding do you even know what time is with witching hour a time of great cosmic
25:21potential you said if i would heal your eyes you would sleep with me so are you coming in or not
25:29i don't know look i only have seven days to balance my powers before they take them away for good
25:35and then i'll be banished and i can't ever heal your eyes please nathan i won't hurt you you can
25:42trust me i can't believe i'm doing this all right fine you win witch girl
25:51a little to the left a little more there okay you're at the edge
26:12i've got a crazy look on your face even if i can't see it not yet you can't
26:23now listen to the sound of my voice and close your eyes
26:27i'm already blind what does it matter it matters trust me
26:30a little yes here breathe in
26:39breathe up
26:43ready
26:46from the depths of shadows let light now appear dispell the darkness and vanish all fear
26:52locks to the darkness shine bright and clear
26:59what's happening
27:03magic
27:06now take my hands
27:23now open your eyes
27:24wow
27:33wow she's
27:37beautiful
27:37teeth in your eyes they're beautiful i can see it means the spell worked
27:50i don't know how i can ever thank you
27:54now that my task is complete you must sleep with me
27:56now that was your oath wasn't it come let us go to your room
28:13next door
28:20wow it's a bit smaller in here than i thought
28:23oh
28:28thanks bed now
28:39ready
28:48uh yeah just uh
28:49give me a second
28:54okay but hurry please i need to recharge from that spell i just did
28:57it
29:00you got this man it's just a girl
29:04who actually gave you your sight back
29:06and is kind of insane
29:11so this is what i look like now
29:30not bad
29:30so uh look i'm just gonna be honest i've never done this before
29:41you're sure you want to sleep with me right
29:43of course
29:55um
30:11are we gonna sleep together now
30:14yeah
30:14yeah we have all night
30:19we can take our time
30:21wait woody
30:26is this what people normally do before sleeping together
30:29uh
30:37what are you doing
30:39did you uh not like it
30:41no it's just i i thought that
30:44i thought you said you wanted me to sleep with you
30:45yes i said sleep not fornicate
30:48oh
30:51oh
30:51fuck
30:53fuck
30:53i thought you meant
30:56jesus astrid i thought when you said sleep with you you meant
30:58i know what you meant
31:00sorry i'm just confused
31:02what are we supposed to do just sleep side by side
31:05yes
31:07when we slumber my energies will merge with yours and create a balance
31:10yeah just uh
31:15i don't know how i'm gonna sleep after all that
31:17solve him
31:23men are such strange creatures
31:36blessed morrow
31:38morning
31:38you hungry
31:40yes i'm absolutely famished
31:44thank you
31:45what is going on here
31:47is that nate's shirt
31:49and
31:54are you making breakfast
31:56it's a snazzy suit graham you got a big meeting today
31:59wait i don't understand
32:03you can see
32:05i can see
32:07oh my god
32:08wait wait wait wait wait wait wait but how
32:15it's all thanks to astrid
32:19come here girl
32:19thank you asking thank you
32:28oh my god
32:29oh my god
32:29come here
32:31oh
32:42whoa
32:43look like a huntington hall student now
32:46these garments are very restricting
32:49yeah sorry about that they're not uh sacred cloaks or anything but
32:53you'll fit right in here
32:55speaking of which
32:56but you don't want to
33:07i don't think i want to tell everyone about my vision just yet i don't want to change the way they treat me
33:08i don't know
33:17you haven't
33:17you haven't changed
33:17not the most important parts of you anyway
33:21i think we're gonna be late
33:22listen
33:25our union is a very powerful one nathan woodford
33:28yeah it was all you i didn't do much
33:29no you're wrong
33:31combined our energies are in perfect balance masculine and feminine
33:35i think that
33:37well i think we should sleep together again
33:42once more just to ensure the balance
33:44yeah yeah for sure i think we can work something out
33:48and then i can return to my coven
33:52wait
33:54so you mean you're leaving of course i'm gonna present myself to my high priestess
33:59show her i've balanced my powers and finally reunite with my sisters
34:04so next week you're just gonna leave just like that
34:09yes that was always the plan i thought you knew this
34:12right yeah it's just a part of our deal
34:14help each other out and get the out of each other's lives
34:21works with me
34:25nathan have i said something to upset you
34:33astrid is from a unconventional private school i encourage all of you to help her catch up under lab
34:39work today we are finishing up experiments with different
34:44energetic bonds oh feminine and masculine
34:50not quite chemical bonds oh yes i see covalent ionic or did you mean hydrogen bonds they're very
34:58weak of course but very influential in nature yes why don't you work with mason he could use the
35:05help but mason's my partner this is chemistry georgina not the prom go work with nancy and
35:11angela and angela you will be spending summer school together anyways
35:24chemistry is a fundamental part of my magical practices
35:27my mom i'm not waiting until she turns 18. i want her gone now
35:42so
35:47okay
35:48so
35:49uh luke what's going on how'd you know it was me you know never mind look we got to go make come on
35:56fast it's something about the new girl astro
35:59what is it
36:07it's the son of the devil bro burning on the grass
36:13it's your freak of a girlfriend she's trying to put a curse on all of us
36:17oh my god who here saw what happened she did tell her and it was the new girl
36:28i saw her stealing a gas can from the gardener's shed and this is a witch thing right i heard
36:36that astrid got thrown out of her last school for setting it on fire i guess old habits die
36:43hard for pyro lunatics astrid come with me to my office now she didn't do it
36:48what are you talking about nate georgina and her little clique set her up i know they did
36:55are you seriously defending her right now you haven't even seen the evidence he can't even see
37:01anything remember i don't need to okay you've been gunning for her since she got here oh please
37:08don't flatter her just because she's the first girl that doesn't treat you like wallpaper
37:12he isn't you're the only one who benefits from this all eyes on ashton will you play the hero
37:17classic misdirection guys maybe we should just i mean i really gotta
37:23angela shut up but the gas can still advances
37:27just say nothing she said nothing
37:35look i mean i thought we were just playing a prank
37:40georgina said it wouldn't get serious
37:43oh come on are you seriously gonna believe them over me
37:48this whole school is crawling with weirdos okay that freak probably did it to herself for attention
37:53i don't know how that got there i swear
38:01you dumbass you were supposed to dump it
38:05that is enough i will be speaking to both of you in my office separately
38:10and as for you georgina
38:12as punishment for defacing school property
38:16and framing another student you are stripped of your prom committee duties
38:21and relieved as head cheerleader
38:24you can't do that to me okay i've always been head cheerleader and i'm supposed to be prom queen
38:33i guess you should have thought of that before you decided to play with fire
38:38take them to my office
38:41and astrid i am so so sorry i should have believed you
38:51are you okay
38:54yes i believe so
38:56thank you nathan
38:59you did the right thing
39:03stepsister's a bully
39:05she's always been a bully
39:07means bringing it out in her even more
39:09georgina is a tormented soul
39:12if she had been born with the ability of magic
39:16i fear what she would be capable of
39:17i'm sorry i was being a dick
39:20this morning
39:20what does dick mean
39:23like that's not really important right now
39:26i'm just
39:27i'm sorry that i was being a jerk earlier
39:30and i shouldn't have taken my anger out on you
39:32all is forgiven nathan
39:33well as long as you live up to your end of the deal and sleep with me
39:39astrid
39:40astrid
39:44i can't see you again
39:46but what happened
39:48i thought i had cleared it but it's returned
39:54it's rooted deep within you
39:56i do not know the source of such terrible magic
39:59i must consult my high priestess
40:02come nathan
40:05the high priestess will know what to do
40:13didn't your coven threatened to take your powers if you went back
40:15let them try
40:17but if you leave
40:18i will come back
40:19with my powers and i will heal you again
40:22i promise
40:23look before i leave
40:26we have to bind ourselves to one another
40:29bind ourselves what is that
40:31whoa
40:34what are you doing
40:35i am hand fasting us
40:42give me your arm
40:43nathan woodford
40:49i promise to protect thee fully and wholly without restraint
40:53in sickness and in health
40:55in plenty
40:56and in poverty
40:57in life and beyond
40:59your turn
41:01bastard hall
41:03i promise to protect thee without restraint
41:06as well
41:07now
41:08in life and beyond
41:10in life and beyond
41:11good
41:13now we must seal the hand fast with a kiss
41:16yeah
41:29are you
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