- 9 hours ago
The Handsome Vampire 1
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00And
00:30I can't believe I'm so close to Freddie Jones.
00:39Charlotte, why are you just standing here when there's people without hors d'oeuvres?
00:43Sorry, sir, the caterers ran off so I could get more.
00:46Finally, more hors d'oeuvres.
00:48I was just talking to the head of the studio.
00:51We share a ski cabin.
00:52She's having a great time, Uncle Beth.
00:54Oh, at least I have one intern who knows how to host a party.
00:57Charlotte, you could take a few notes here from Ava.
01:01This isn't your backwoods Applebee's.
01:03This is a Hollywood party.
01:05Hey, hey, Mark Paul Gossler!
01:08He's right.
01:08You're too uptight and sweaty.
01:11It's not helping your whole Walmart aesthetic.
01:14It's not helping that I can work in this entire party by myself.
01:17It doesn't matter how hard you work.
01:20People have to like you.
01:21Nobody likes a martyr who dresses like she works at the DMV.
01:25Give up and go home.
01:27Thanks, Ava, but I don't need advice on how to charm a room from a nepho baby.
01:31I've been working for TIP since I was 15.
01:46Mr. Jones?
01:47Call me Franny.
01:51Right.
01:52Um, I'm so sorry.
01:53You don't need to be sorry.
01:55I just probably needed a little excitement.
01:56It was trash and everybody knows it.
01:59Yeah.
02:01I mean, I prefer your earlier work, but you were still excellent.
02:06Thanks for telling me the truth.
02:08Nobody tells me the truth anymore.
02:09Well, it was, uh, nice bumping into you.
02:18Hey, Mr. Jones.
02:20Hey, you should be the one entertaining our store client.
02:23Not her.
02:24I can only hire one of you.
02:25Right now, she's winning.
02:27Do better.
02:27No.
02:48No.
02:49No.
02:49No.
02:50Where am I?
03:15Good morning.
03:20Did you forget that today is the first day of your master plan?
03:46Come on, man. Get down here.
03:48Yes, I am.
03:50Hey, what is from here, Mr. Jones?
04:03I don't know whether you're already on screen or off.
04:06Hey, what can I get you? You want a coffee, water?
04:08No, I'm fine. Thanks.
04:10How about I'll just get both, just in case?
04:12Close the door.
04:21Oh, negative. Your favorite.
04:24I figure after last night, you would be pretty hungry.
04:28I didn't even like that.
04:29I needed help, and I needed an exit.
04:32Come on, Freddy.
04:34I've been your best friend and your enabler for the last 200 years.
04:38During that time, I've known you to be very picky, very cautious, and a very, very demanding vampire.
04:46So come on.
04:47Give me something.
04:48How'd she taste?
04:49I don't know, man.
04:54I think she was an intern.
04:55I didn't even get her name.
04:57But nothing happened.
04:59Good.
05:00Because I got enough to worry about while you're going away undercover.
05:04You sure about this plan?
05:06I mean, come on.
05:06Why can't you just go to the Maldives like every other actor?
05:10I just need to get away from everything.
05:11The business.
05:13My parents.
05:14This whole movie star lifestyle.
05:16It's just...
05:17But why do you want to go undercover as an intern?
05:19Is this about that intern girl?
05:21Yeah, I may have come on a bit strong.
05:24I don't know.
05:24There's just something about her.
05:25But how do you know dressing up like an intern is going to help you get to know her?
05:29And how do you know that when you get close to her, you're not just going to blow your cover?
05:32I don't know.
05:32I'll play it cool.
05:33I'll work hard.
05:34Hopefully our paths will cross.
05:36I can feel it, though.
05:37Fine.
05:38I'll do what I can.
05:40But please, promise me you're not going to let this intern thing distract you from your actual job.
05:45Thanks, Colton.
05:47This is going to be the role of a lifetime.
05:52Better.
05:54You can't help but look like a movie star.
05:56I think I might need help from a glamorous, though.
06:00So, I didn't know if you wanted all of it.
06:04Where's Mr. Jones?
06:05He had an engagement.
06:09Who's this?
06:10This is Edward, our new intern.
06:13Oh, great.
06:14Another one.
06:16Well, let's get you started.
06:23Jesus.
06:24This might actually work.
06:25When can I expect money from you?
06:37I'm bartending nights and weekends.
06:38But if you don't make some more money soon, you won't have a home to return to.
06:42Do you know the debt we're in?
06:44We're going to lose the bar if you don't start helping.
06:47The internship is going great.
06:50I'm going to have a new job before we know it.
06:53Okay?
06:53Um, I have to go.
06:56Bye.
07:00After you humiliated yourself in front of the entire industry, I'm surprised you even came in today.
07:06What happened to me last night?
07:07I know I only had one drink.
07:09Were you taking bets on who you ended up with?
07:11My money's in the pay from the mailroom.
07:14Leave me alone.
07:14Oh, if it isn't this life of the party.
07:26You know, it's one thing to entertain the clients, but it's another to walk around acting like a drunken floozy.
07:32I'm sorry, I don't...
07:34Oh, really?
07:35You're sorry about that?
07:35Well, it's penance you can show around the new intern.
07:39We have a new intern?
07:40Yeah, yeah, that guy.
07:42Hey, come on over here.
07:43Hawk Hogan.
07:44Yeah, you.
07:45Jesus.
07:46Stop doing workouts and talk to her.
07:49Hi.
07:50I'm Edward.
07:57Hi.
07:58I'm Edward.
07:59Are you okay?
08:03Yeah, I'm Charlotte.
08:05Let me show you around.
08:11Hey, cutie.
08:13Oh, hello.
08:14Are you ready for junior exec?
08:16No, I'm not looking for anything permanent.
08:18Oh, good.
08:19We should get along fine, then.
08:22So, where are you from?
08:24Look, I'm supposed to help Charlotte with something, so...
08:27Between us, Charlotte's character isn't going to get her very far in this industry.
08:33This was her last night.
08:37Okay.
08:40Where are you going?
08:42To go help Charlotte.
08:43Like you should have done last night.
08:45So, Freddie just went on vacation.
08:53When he gets back, he's going to want something very different for his next project.
08:57We're looking for something that's very character-driven, but at the same time, something that only he could play.
09:02So, ideas?
09:03What about a period piece?
09:06You know, Freddie has this classic quality to him.
09:09Like, he could almost be from a different time.
09:11Um, I could see him in a Western, or a Jane Austen movie.
09:15Oh, that's really perceptive.
09:16Excuse me, interns?
09:18But the grown-ups are talking?
09:20Do you know who you're talking to?
09:24Do you know who you're talking to?
09:26I mean, it's Fred Edwards' first day.
09:36Sorry.
09:41Oh!
09:42I totally forgot.
09:43I've actually got to run, but I'm greatly looking forward to hearing all of your ideas.
09:48When you're big shots, you can open your mouth every time a dumb idea pops into your head.
09:56But until then, you're nobody.
09:59I'll remember that.
10:00Good.
10:01Charlotte, you can stay and clean up after the party.
10:03I'll tell the cleaning services to skip this weekend.
10:06Tonight?
10:07But I have another job.
10:08Oh, great!
10:09But you should have thought about that before you embarrassed our department.
10:14Ava!
10:15Happy hour!
10:16I'm buying!
10:23You know you don't have to stay and clean up with me, right?
10:26I don't mind.
10:28Can I ask you something?
10:30Are Ava and Seth real pieces of shit?
10:33Ew.
10:35I shouldn't laugh.
10:37No, you should.
10:39You have a really beautiful smile.
10:42No, but seriously, why are they always like that?
10:45I don't know.
10:46It's just kind of the way they are.
10:47Ava's in the running for the same job as me, and Seth's her uncle, so.
10:53Anyway, what's your story?
10:56Why are you here?
10:57I mean, you can call it a quarter-legged crisis.
11:03I don't know, I guess I've just been sheltered my whole life, so.
11:06Just wanted to try something new.
11:07You wanted to try picking up trash with me?
11:11I mean, there's worse ways to spend your day.
11:14Plus, I thought you could, you know, teach me a few things, and I can learn the ins and outs.
11:18Do.
11:19I don't know.
11:20Do.
11:25Shoot, I'm gonna be late for work.
11:27But this isn't work?
11:28Not for me.
11:30You know we don't get paid, right?
11:32What?
11:33I'll see you on Monday.
11:41Hey, Coleman.
11:43Yeah, give me the personal file on Charlotte's sin.
11:45Yeah, I need to know everything about it.
11:47Also, we've got to start paying these interns.
11:49Why would you want to meet here?
12:05You hate places like this.
12:07Yeah, you do.
12:08What can I get to?
12:10Mr. Hart?
12:14Edward, do you guys know each other?
12:17Us?
12:18No, no, no.
12:19That's okay, I'm sorry.
12:20Look, he's a friend of my father's.
12:23I just didn't want anyone to think I was another Nepo baby.
12:26That's why you're so sheltered.
12:29Don't worry, your secret's safe with me.
12:31Do you know what you'd like?
12:33Yeah, we'll take two Bloody Marys.
12:36Extra Bloody?
12:42What?
12:43Small world.
12:45Small world, and oh, look!
12:47Right there is where it tells you where she works,
12:49and her personnel file.
12:50Yeah.
12:51Would you look at that?
12:52I think you already did.
12:54She's amazing, though.
12:55Top of her class.
12:57Full-rise scholarship.
12:59She could be anything.
13:00I don't know why she'd want to settle at the bottom in Hollywood.
13:02Sounds like somebody else that we know.
13:05Even the drinking.
13:07Okay.
13:08You know, Ava had a lot to do with that.
13:10It smelled on her a mile away.
13:11If you have some time this weekend,
13:15and you feel like getting your hands dirty.
13:17Yeah, sure.
13:19I'll be right back with those drinks.
13:24Oh, brother.
13:26We are in love.
13:29Can you make mine a double, please?
13:32Hey, so how do you know if a script is worth pitching?
13:44A good script grabs you on the first page and doesn't let go.
13:47You can't stop thinking about it.
13:48Edward, save yourself some time.
13:51If a script isn't on the blacklist, it's a pass.
13:54It's that easy.
13:56Like this one.
13:57Once you find a script you love,
14:06it makes all the drudgery worth it, at least for me.
14:09Hey, stop gabbing and get me your weekend script reports.
14:13I need something that screams Freddie Jones to bring to Coleman.
14:16So what do we got?
14:18I read a lot of great scripts.
14:20This top one is a modern take on Sunset Boulevard.
14:22Isn't that like black and white?
14:25That's one of the greatest movies of all time.
14:27You sound just like Freddie Jones.
14:29He always says that that's the movie that inspired him to act.
14:32Look at you two.
14:33Sounding like nerds and losers living in the 50s.
14:36A contact just sounded like an action romance.
14:38That's perfect.
14:40Ava, you are the best.
14:43I bet Freddie's going to love that.
14:49Yeah, I bet Freddie will love that.
14:52Yeah.
14:52Yeah.
14:57This script has a lot of heat, and it's a great part for Freddie.
15:02Yeah, if we don't jump on this now tomorrow,
15:03I promise we're going to read in the trades that Leo's doing it.
15:06It's really good.
15:07But it's completely wrong with Freddie.
15:17But it's got everything.
15:19Action, sex.
15:20He even has his shirt off for over an hour.
15:23Yeah, but there's plenty more where that came from.
15:26Good.
15:26Because Freddie's looking for a wide spectrum,
15:31so I'm going to want to hear pitches from all of the interns.
15:35And whoever can pitch a film that Freddie actually wants to buy
15:38gets the junior executive position.
15:41Are you okay, honey?
15:54That beer has more head than a truck stop men's room.
15:57Yeah, sorry.
15:58Just work stuff.
16:00Work stuff or romance stuff?
16:04Don't look so shocked.
16:05Spending 20 years in a bar, I get really good at reading people, okay?
16:09I don't even know if it's mutual.
16:12It is.
16:13How do you know that?
16:14Because I got a sense about this stuff.
16:17Plus, he's sitting over at that table and he just asked about you.
16:27What are you doing here?
16:30Well, I got those scripts that said Todd's in the trash,
16:34and I thought you'd want to talk about them.
16:36Okay.
16:43Thanks for coming out tonight.
16:44You know, even if nothing happens,
16:46I love talking about movies with you.
16:49I love talking about movies with you, too.
16:51Honestly, four hours does not seem like enough time.
16:55Shit.
16:56Shit.
17:00Smell that?
17:02O negative.
17:03My favorite.
17:07That's interesting.
17:24Let's take them both.
17:27I'm hungry.
17:28Sleep again.
17:29He's one of us.
17:34No way.
17:36It's them.
17:43I gotta go.
17:49You'll never guess who just came in.
17:51You're his biggest fan.
18:09Can you imagine being so famous if we lie about being on vacation?
18:14Don't you have work you should be doing?
18:15The contact just sent me another hot script, so no.
18:18Hey, Charlotte.
18:27Um, can I get to help?
18:29I jammed the printer again.
18:31Again?
18:32Yeah.
18:33Seriously?
18:34Yeah.
18:38Hey, what do you have for me?
18:41I just forwarded you a new script everyone is talking about.
18:44That's all you have?
18:45That script just sold, and it's not even what he's looking for.
18:50Aren't you even listening?
18:51How am I supposed to find something small and pretentious?
18:55It's boring.
18:56Figure it out.
18:57I got you to third base.
18:59You can score your own home run.
19:00If that farm girl brings in a script that Freddy wants to buy,
19:04I can't stop Coleman from hiring her.
19:07Get on it.
19:09Now!
19:10Jesus fucking Christ.
19:12Okay, maybe I did want to talk to you.
19:38Yeah, well, you better do it fast, because I might have to run away suddenly with no explanation.
19:43Okay, sure, I look about the other night.
19:45It's fine.
19:46You don't have to explain.
19:49We worked together.
19:49You did the smart thing.
19:51We should keep it professional, right?
19:54Yeah, I mean, if that's what you want.
20:01If you do it like that, you're going to rip it.
20:06Is this my proposal?
20:09Yeah, it's pretty nice.
20:09I should copy it for you.
20:12It's so nice.
20:15Well, it should work now.
20:17Okay.
20:19Thanks.
20:30Why is the door locked?
20:32I didn't lock it.
20:33It must have been Ava.
20:38Hey, are you okay?
20:41It's...
20:41I'm claustrophobic, and you can find spaces that make me panic.
20:46Okay, hey, hey, hey, hey.
20:48It's going to be okay.
20:49All right, you're going to be okay.
20:50Trust me for a second, okay?
21:07Okay.
21:08Better?
21:09How did you do that?
21:11It's just a little trick I learned.
21:15Yeah, you're right.
21:18We should probably keep it professional.
21:26Wait.
21:31Okay.
21:41What's going on here?
21:49Oh, there's the door locked.
21:52Okay.
21:54All right, let's get you two out of here.
21:56Come on.
21:56Man, being an intern is hard work.
22:08By the way, have you seen Starless Reposal?
22:11It's pretty good.
22:12Freddy.
22:12Freddy, it's time to go back.
22:16I've got paparazzi circling the kill, just looking for a scoop.
22:20And guess what?
22:21You know who's been calling me?
22:23Diana.
22:24And she's been asking me questions.
22:26Oh, okay.
22:27So what, Diana has paparazzi working for her now?
22:30Vampire paparazzi.
22:32When is that woman ever going to realize it is not going to work out between us?
22:36I don't care what she wants or what my parents want or what the paparazzi wants.
22:40It's not going to work.
22:42Yeah.
22:42Well, it's easy to be patient when you're an immortal bitch.
22:46Sure.
22:47I know you and Charlotte have a bond.
22:51It's time to call a ramp on Eddie and time to get back to work.
22:56Back to my lonely, gilded cage?
22:59You signed up for this.
23:01She didn't.
23:09How's your project proposal going?
23:11Why do you care?
23:11I want it to be good, if I'm going to hand it in.
23:14What are you talking about?
23:15My contact fell through, and I can't hand in nothing, so unless you help me, I'll have to hand in this.
23:24The fuck, Ava?
23:27How'd you get pages from my journal?
23:29Careful how you talk to me.
23:31You're one phone call away from being a stupid slut that taint Freddie's career.
23:35There's no scandal if we didn't even sleep together.
23:38I don't understand why you would do this, Ava.
23:40If you work for Freddie, you're going to ruin his career.
23:43I won't.
23:44Unless you force me to.
23:47So what will it be?
23:58Let's get set up.
23:59They love the proposal so much, they want me to present it to the board.
24:04I hope you're happy with yourself.
24:05You're looking at the new junior executive.
24:09Don't worry.
24:10I requested you stay on as my personal intern.
24:13I think I had a tent.
24:24Hey!
24:25Where are you going with that?
24:28Have you seen Eddie?
24:34Looks like your little boyfriend left without saying goodbye.
24:36Let's focus, everyone.
24:38We have a lot to discuss.
24:39I guess he wasn't as into you as he thought.
24:41I don't think we'll need you for this meeting.
24:43I'm pretty sure there's some cleaning to do around the office.
24:45Fine with me.
24:49Mr. Jones?
24:51Where are you going?
24:55Please say.
24:56Hey, everybody.
24:57What's the name?
24:59Sure.
25:00You can take notes.
25:02There he is.
25:03End of the hour.
25:04Hey, welcome back, Freddie.
25:06Everybody looking tan and refreshed better than ever.
25:08Thank you, Seth.
25:09Appreciate that.
25:15I would really like to know what this movie is at its core.
25:19Ava, this is your baby.
25:21I would love to hear from you.
25:23Well, at its core, it's a Freddie Jones movie.
25:25That's what people are paying to see.
25:27So what's your vision?
25:28Do you see this more as a classic Hollywood homage?
25:32A mystery?
25:33A romance?
25:33I think it has it all.
25:38What's your favorite part?
25:39The ending.
25:40What happens in the end?
25:42Your character, uh, wins?
25:47No, it's funny.
25:49You wrote such an elegant summary, but you can't recall any major plot points or how it ends.
25:54I'm just curious.
25:55Did you actually read the script, or did you just have AI spit out a report for you?
25:59Of course I wrote this.
26:01It's just been a few weeks, and I, I...
26:05What do you think?
26:09At its heart, it's a romance.
26:13A mystery with a satirical edge, but ultimately a love story.
26:17With its poignant and tragic ending.
26:21Sounds like a good movie.
26:24Why do you think it'd be beneficial for my career?
26:26Because people might not know it yet, but you can do more than look good with your shirt off.
26:31Opening weekend, they're gonna go to see Freddie Jones, the movie star.
26:35But come Monday, they're gonna tell their friends to go see Freddie Jones, the actor.
26:39I love that.
26:45You sold me.
26:47Ava, I would like you to take notes for Charlotte from now on.
26:53Uh, um, her.
27:00What the hell was that?
27:01Ow, you're hurting me.
27:03I just answered his question.
27:04You set me up.
27:05You humiliated me.
27:07You should have prepared me better.
27:08I just know I had to prepare you.
27:10Didn't you read what you handed in?
27:11Oh, it was insanely long, and I have better things to do.
27:15That was the whole point of using your proposal.
27:17You made me look like an idiot.
27:18No, Ava, actually, you did that all on your own.
27:21You made me look so bad.
27:23I need an explanation.
27:24She set me up.
27:25Your assistant executed a master plan to embarrass you and take control of a meeting.
27:30If that's true, then we should probably have her on the executive payroll.
27:33She planned this.
27:34With, with Freddie, I have proof.
27:36Just to humiliate me.
27:38They slept together.
27:40That's enough.
27:42Oz, I'm sorry.
27:43Where is it?
27:44Where is it?
27:45Where?
27:46It's, it's just...
27:48Here it is.
27:49Can we get security, please?
27:51No.
27:53It was her.
27:55They slept together.
27:55Why don't you believe me?
27:57Let go of me.
27:58Do you know how much this dress costs?
27:59I'll see you again soon.
28:14Hey.
28:16So, how'd it go today?
28:18Where were you?
28:21Freddie Jones!
28:23Look at that!
28:24Get out of here.
28:25No, I told you guys, no.
28:26No pictures.
28:26Go.
28:27Get out of here.
28:28Go!
28:29What the hell is going on?
28:32Why did they call you Freddie?
28:33Look, Charlotte, I...
28:37I never meant to trick you.
28:48Please.
28:51I don't, I don't know what to think.
28:53I don't know who you are.
28:56Charlotte.
28:56Oh, you bitch!
29:15Oh, you'll pay for that?
29:20We just wanted a story from you.
29:23But I guess we'll settle for something else.
29:26Get the fuck away from me!
29:41Charlotte.
29:42Are you okay?
29:43You look hurt.
29:43Are you hurt?
29:44I'm fine.
29:45I'm so sorry.
29:46This is all my fault.
29:48Why are you apologizing?
29:49You're just saving me life.
29:50Shh.
29:51Shh.
29:56Ooh, the boss is gonna love this.
30:10You sure you're okay?
30:11I think so.
30:12Does that hurt?
30:21A little.
30:24Are they always following you like that?
30:27Is this what it's like to be Freddie Jones?
30:30I'm sorry I gotta go into this.
30:33But I hope you don't sneak out this time.
30:34Shh.
30:35Weren't you hurt?
30:42I think you might have hit your head a little too hard.
30:45It's probably to lie back.
30:49Look, I live in a world full of power for people.
30:52And not all of them are good.
30:54There you are.
30:56Look, all I want to do is protect you, Charlotte.
30:57Shh.
30:58Shh.
30:58Shh.
30:58Shh.
30:58Shh.
30:58Shh.
30:58Shh.
30:59Shh.
31:00Shh.
31:00Shh.
31:00Shh.
31:01Shh.
31:01Shh.
31:02Shh.
31:02Shh.
31:03Shh.
31:03Shh.
31:04Shh.
31:04Shh.
31:12Hey.
31:14Good morning.
31:15Good morning.
31:16Listen, I have breakfast coming up for you right now.
31:20I'm going to step out and make a quick phone call, okay?
31:23Just lie back and rest.
31:26All right.
31:26Shh.
31:27Shh.
31:29Shh.
31:29Shh.
31:29Shh.
31:29Shh.
31:30Shh.
31:31Shh.
31:31Shh.
31:32Shh.
31:33Shh.
31:33Shh.
31:33Shh.
31:33Shh.
31:34Shh.
31:34Shh.
31:34Shh.
31:38Coleman.
31:39Hey, what do you know about the paparazzi attack last night?
31:41That could not happen again.
31:43I got it, boss.
31:44You don't have security.
31:45Yeah.
31:45She better.
31:48Shit!
31:49Shit!
31:50How long has it been?
31:52I hear you and Freddie have been very busy boys behind my back.
31:56Look, I'm sure you're disappointed that he's not going to do another sequel, as am I, but
32:00he's already made up his mind.
32:02Listen, dipshit, we both know which head he's thinking with,
32:05and it's not the one above his shoulders.
32:07Well, that's not my business.
32:08Actually, fuckhead, it is your business.
32:11My guy just sent me these photos.
32:27No, I don't know the pay rate yet, Mom, but it's...
32:30It's entry-level.
32:34$3,000 a month, how am I supposed to...
32:37No, I know it's a...
32:39Okay, Mom, I have to go.
32:45Okay, bye.
32:48What was that all about?
32:49Nothing.
32:52You know, this is all really nice, but I have to go work brunch in an hour.
32:56What? Cancel.
32:58Well, we can stand in bed all day.
33:00I got food brought up to us.
33:02Look, you just got a promotion.
33:03You don't need to be working back over there.
33:05Yeah, well, until I get my first paycheck, I'm not going to chance it.
33:09Fine.
33:10Do what you want.
33:11Let me know if you need anything else.
33:24Diana?
33:24Diana?
33:25No, we're the only way.
33:43Yeah.
33:43Do what you want.
33:45No, we'll go.
33:45No, we'll go.
33:46No.
33:46No, we'll go.
33:47No, we'll go.
33:48No.
33:49No, we'll go.
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