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Gogglebox - Season 26 Episode 5

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00:00I have done you a cheese sandwich and I have cut the crusts off
00:04Oh, thank you
00:05See how good I am?
00:06Yeah, yeah
00:06And it is cheese sandwich
00:08Oh, thank you very much
00:08Look at that
00:09Oh, I love it
00:10That you come for tea from the victor
00:12Has it got cucumber on?
00:13No, it's cheese
00:14Cheese
00:16Cheese?
00:17Where is the cheese?
00:18Well, it's spread
00:19Who put it on?
00:21Me?
00:22Who took it off, didn't I?
00:23No, no
00:23Yes
00:30Ooh, happy days
00:32Oh, Danielle, I like this
00:33He's gone and done and did it
00:34I don't trust him because he's teetotal
00:36Oh, no, no
00:37Cryptic, that in there
00:38Convoluted that
00:39Oh, no, no
00:41What a waste of a muffin
00:43What's that?
00:47Unacceptable
00:47Yeah
00:48What the hell?
00:51Is that it?
00:52There's not much evidence of man-boob, is there, Mary?
00:55Oh, I hate Swiss roll
00:56Oh, no
00:57Oh, oh, no
00:59Oh, he's a badger
01:00Yes, he's a badger
01:02Oh, man, he's got one in and one out
01:04It's the kind of trash I adore
01:06Was that good for you or was it was for me?
01:09In the week Greg's opened a pub in Newcastle
01:12We enjoyed lots of great telly
01:16The government's latest plans were keeping us in check on ITV
01:20The digital ID cards could look a bit like this, according to Labour Together, a think tank which is close to the Prime Minister
01:27That is actually wrong
01:28Because he's showing his teeth there
01:30You have to be like that
01:31Like a train's coming at you
01:34Yeah
01:34I wouldn't be doing that if a train were coming at me
01:38The youth of Yorkshire were getting pre-exam pep talks on Channel 4
01:46We, as your maths teachers, are immensely proud of you
01:51Isn't it crazy that we only ever heard that phrase, I'm so proud of you, from our teachers
01:55I know
01:56Like, how mad is that? Our parents never said that before
02:00And bear in mind, I bought awards home before
02:02I bought debate club awards, Jack Petchy award, the Duke of Edinburgh award
02:08How many more awards do I have to bring?
02:10I was a try-hard
02:11You really tried
02:12I was waiting for that affirmation from my parents
02:15It never came
02:16It never came
02:17It never delivered
02:18And it was baffling business as usual on BBC Two
02:22Two and a half minutes to solve it, starting now
02:25There it goes
02:29I do daily puzzles with Hugh
02:32He's obsessed with jigsaws
02:34Obsessed
02:35And he is such a clever little boy, you know
02:38He is
02:38He's actually so, like, he does a jigsaw without looking at the picture
02:42Sometimes if me and him are doing a jigsaw together
02:45And I'll put something somewhere
02:47He's like, no anti-abs
02:48This goes here
02:50And he knows more farm animals than me
02:53In Manchester
03:03Did you, er, let Erwin know your news?
03:06Alison, her husband, George, and her daughter, Helena
03:09Your gender reveal
03:11Oh, I'm not doing gender reveal
03:13Have I told him he's having a sister?
03:14Yeah
03:15Yeah
03:15And how did it go?
03:17Well, that's what he wanted
03:19That's what he'd planned
03:20That's what he'd ordered
03:21He'd ordered that
03:22So he didn't
03:23It wasn't too shocked
03:24Was he not?
03:24Because he thought he'd put the order in months ago
03:26Yeah
03:26Erm, but he has told everybody
03:30That it's going to be called Ruby Gemstone
03:32It was glitter balls at Go Go on BBC One
03:37As we shimmied into Saturday night with this
03:40Oh, hello
03:46rồi đây rồi
03:52ở đây là là
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06:45Oh, piece of piss, anybody can do that, watch this
06:49Oh God, here we go
06:51You ready for this?
07:01Oh my goodness
07:02That's amazing
07:03Oh, I'd love to be that flaw right now
07:05Christ, I'd be like that
07:08I know, can you get me on, can I get on you a back?
07:12You're having a laugh, are you under a chiropractor?
07:15Ha ha ha
07:16Get on this
07:17You're someone, this
07:21Oh, that is
07:22Oh, that is
07:24It looks like he's defying gravity, they're jumping up
07:29Get on this
07:30That was amazing
07:33And there was a woman dancing with him as well
07:35Ha ha ha ha
07:36Having a little fail there, you would though, wouldn't you
07:40If that were me
07:41I'd be like, catch your breath
07:43Catch your breath, go on
07:46He's made my night
07:48So you want to get some cool water or something?
07:51You'll have to get something
07:52Huh?
07:53Yeah, I'm on fire
07:54You know
08:00Hey Jenny, I was going through my house insurance, you know
08:03Best friends Jenny and Lee
08:06You should have a look at it and all you know
08:08Why?
08:08At yours, because I was going through small print
08:11Yeah
08:12Do you know, if my duvet got nicked overnight, I wouldn't be covered
08:16Well, it'd come in with your contents, wouldn't it?
08:21Amazing
08:22Yeah, but it'd come with your contents
08:24If my duvet got nicked during the night, I wouldn't be covered
08:28Is it what about?
08:30Oh, sugar
08:31On Sunday night, there were more lessons to be learned at our favourite school up north on Channel 4
08:38Everyone's had a favourite teacher
08:40I remember mine as being Mr Baker, PE teacher
08:43It used to get me out of all the detentions
08:45We had a teacher called, was it Mrs Coxworth?
08:50Yes
08:50She was very attractive, but I mean, they were very immature about her name, weren't they?
08:55She was Miss Ward and then she became Mrs Coxworth
08:58With an X
09:00Welcome to the world of education
09:03When I was in private school, my teacher was my best friend, you know
09:06When I was at school
09:08If you do rubbish on your GCSEs, you'll go nowhere
09:13And do you know what? They were absolutely right
09:16It's November at Thornhill
09:20In just over a week, the Year 11 students will start their mock GCSEs
09:25GCSEs, shall you remember those?
09:27That brings back nightmares
09:29Oh, I hated GCSEs
09:31They were the worst
09:32Did you actually revise for yours?
09:34The only one I revised for was science and that was the only one I failed
09:38So it just goes to show you shouldn't revise
09:39Have you ever used a Bunsen burner?
09:42No
09:42Exactly
09:43Thornhill's most dedicated students are being treated to a special breakfast
09:47Oh, so all the goody-two-shoes get a nice breakfast, I see
09:51One student on the invite list is Falak, a school prefect
09:55Well, I was never one of them
09:57No, me too
09:58I never wanted to be one of them
10:00I didn't
10:01You used to have to wear a badge
10:04At the moment, I've picked my A-levels to be biology, chemistry and psychology
10:08Gosh, she's clever, isn't she?
10:11Yes, Falak!
10:12You and Daniela would get on like a house on fire, Falak, honestly
10:15Carl, John and Sigmund Freud and their man there
10:17In my room, I'm like locked away
10:19They call it, they call it my man cave
10:21I'm in my little cave every day
10:22Then, like, at least two hours a day of revision
10:26That's dedication
10:27That is, that is
10:29Well, don't push yourself too hard, you know
10:31You don't want to be putting too much pressure on yourself
10:33With just one week to go
10:34Year 11s are having their last lessons
10:37Before they sit their mocks
10:38Oh boy, it was a scary time, man
10:41Recently, I've had a few anxiety attacks
10:44Oh no!
10:46She's a good student, but she's worrying
10:47Aww
10:48That's really common with kids in year 11s
10:51Coming up to the GCSEs
10:53I lose my eyesight
10:54I don't breathe much
10:56So my eyes start to water
10:57And I panic even more
11:00The fact that I can't see
11:01Oh, poor girl
11:02Terrifying, isn't it?
11:03I mean, she's feeling the pressure
11:05Oh God, jump scare
11:10Sports all done out is the exam room
11:13That is anxiety in a room
11:14It's a safe for sore eyes
11:15It's the start of the year 11 mocks
11:18Oh God, look at her
11:19She looks absolutely petrified
11:22And the students are about to tackle
11:23Their first maths paper
11:25Maths, oh my God
11:27I failed maths twice
11:29I got a bit nervous
11:30Even though I knew I was going to do shit
11:31But I still was nervous
11:33Just being asked if you can let go to the hall
11:36Oh no, what's happened there?
11:37Falak?
11:38Partway through her exam
11:39Falak is struggling to breathe
11:41Oh God
11:42Oh, she's having a panic attack
11:43Sweet girl
11:44Come on, kiddo
11:45Oh, Falak
11:49Right, let's do some
11:50Nice and fresh
11:52Right, breathe in, breathe out
11:53Big deep breaths
11:54Oh, Mr Burton's good mind
11:59Mr Burton is phenomenal
12:01Phenomenal
12:02Students can put so much pressure on themselves
12:03And that can lead them to not performing
12:06Ironically the way that they would like to
12:09And it's our job to make sure that we help them through that
12:11Do you know what?
12:12It's not fair putting kids under this kind of stress
12:15The children
12:15Why do we do this to children?
12:19It's Tuesday
12:20And the mock results are in
12:23Oh, this is the scary part
12:26The results stay
12:27And this is when the teachers start going
12:30Right, now you've seen a hint of reality
12:33What are you going to do to change that?
12:38It's not going to be good
12:39It's not going to be good
12:40Come on, it's going to be good
12:41Oh
12:42Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait
12:44Is she done, eh?
12:47I passed everything
12:48Yeah
12:49Because I've actually passed everything
12:50Oh, she's passed
12:52Well done, Falak
12:55I'm going to college
12:58Yeah
12:59Well done
13:01You see now, if this was me at school
13:03It would have been
13:03Peter passed
13:04Just under half of his GCSEs
13:07And didn't get into college
13:10Peter went on to the University of Life
13:16I am actually a prime example
13:20Of
13:21Why exams don't matter
13:23I finished school
13:25And I've worked in the same company
13:27With a really good job
13:28Credit controller
13:30That's in the finance department
13:32And then
13:33Now
13:34Progressing
13:35Into the sales department
13:36Working my way up
13:38With only two GCSEs
13:41Well
13:42One of them was PE
13:44In Glasgow
13:54I feel like you would fall in love with like a paper bag
13:56Thanks, yeah, yeah
13:58But I do
13:59I feel like you fall in love every two seconds
14:00Best mates Jake and Callum
14:03Do you not love those moments though
14:04When you're going through life
14:05And you just sort of
14:06Fall in love with a stranger
14:08For like 20 minutes
14:09Nah, I don't like it
14:10And you sort of think
14:11Why is she looking over here all the time
14:12And you realise
14:13She's probably just wanting to clean up
14:14And close the cafe
14:15No, but that's your head
14:18Thinking that she's in love with you
14:20That's right
14:20And you romanticise this thing
14:21That's not there
14:22You know what, for those 20 minutes
14:22I'd do it all over again
14:23I love it
14:24But then you probably
14:25Leave that moment
14:26And think like
14:26I can't believe
14:27I'm not going to see them again
14:28Ever
14:28So is that why
14:30They've got a restraining order on you
14:31That's exactly what I was going to say
14:32On Monday night
14:35BBC2 had its hieroglyphics out
14:37Come on
14:38Come here
14:39Lip in
14:40Come here
14:41He doesn't want to sit next to him
14:42Come here
14:43He does
14:43Do we have to watch this
14:45Because I've already got a slight headache
14:46Yeah, I love it
14:48It's my favourite quiz show
14:49I've had to do two tests at work
14:55Oh
14:55Pass them both
14:56I'm all over quizzes
14:58I'm really got brain energy going
15:01Big talk, Jane
15:02As the Duke of Wellington said
15:04At the Battle of Waterloo
15:05Hard pounding this gentleman
15:07I beg your pardon
15:08OK
15:09Pounding
15:10Let's see who will pound the longest
15:13Ah
15:14I wish my history lessons were like that
15:17I was going to say
15:18I've never seen a quiz show open quite like that
15:20On my right
15:21Julianne Morland
15:23A diagnostic radiographer
15:25Who was two-time university karate champion
15:28They always have to have a little quirky story about them, don't they?
15:31Yes
15:31Hey, old one
15:32Yeah
15:33Do you remember when you done karate?
15:34Yes, good girl
15:35Yeah
15:36Got photo of you in your white gi?
15:39Oh, right
15:40And their captain, Steve Ash
15:42Who slept through a bear attacking his cabin in the Rocky Mountains
15:46I'd be
15:46I'd be
15:46Lara Fawcett
15:48Swam for Team GB in the Ice Swimming World Championships
15:52Really?
15:53That's the only achievement I've ever done in my life
15:55Oh, I see
15:56So if I was on that, that's what I'd say it was
15:58My fun fact
15:59I walked around Machu Picchu with Mick Jagger
16:01Yeah
16:02Accidentally
16:03But he was there
16:03I was there at the same time
16:05And you will be facing this evening
16:07On my left
16:08Hannah Fitton
16:10Who?
16:11Who's the captain of Franchester United football team
16:13Manchester United
16:14Like Franchester United
16:16Ah
16:17Lee Raleigh
16:18Fan of vodka and coke and slut dropping
16:21Scanners, you won the toss
16:25You'll be going first
16:26Please choose an Egyptian hieroglyph
16:28The lion, please
16:29Oh
16:30Oh, my God
16:34Oh, God
16:35What the hell does that say?
16:36One second
16:37Next
16:37Is that a canoe?
16:40No
16:40No
16:41Girl, girl
16:42What's the next one?
16:43Next
16:44Bluff, bluff
16:46Is this types of cheese?
16:49There, there's a cat
16:50Yeah, it's amazing
16:51Oh
16:52Woof, woof
16:54Rabbit
16:55It's woof, woof
16:56I think these are dog noises
16:58The equivalent of woof, woof
16:59Dog noises?
17:02Seriously
17:03Sit
17:04That can't be the answer
17:06That is what they are
17:07Well done
17:10I've never heard of dog go
17:12Bluff, bluff
17:13Bluff, bluff
17:14Bluff
17:14Are you?
17:15It will be the missing vowels that decide who stays in the competition and who goes home
17:20I'm so good at vowels
17:22I'm amazing at them, actually
17:24My surname, before I became Fawcett, is the only surname in England with no vowels
17:30Is that right?
17:32There's no other surname with no vowels
17:33It's so important
17:36A rice and a rice
17:39What?
17:40A rice and a rice?
17:43Basmati
17:44Basmati
17:44And rice and a rice
17:46Basmati
17:47Scanners
17:48Basmati and Tim
17:50Correct
17:50Tim?
17:51Tim?
17:51What's Tim?
17:52There's no rice called Tim
17:54I've never had Tim rice
17:55I've had Uncle Ben's
17:56Jasmine
17:57And who?
18:01Jasmine and...
18:02Condoleezza
18:03Condoleezza rice
18:04Well done, Omer
18:05Benchwarmers
18:07Jasmine and Condoleezza
18:09Yes, it is
18:09Condoleezza
18:11Damn
18:12What the hell's Condoleezza?
18:14What is Condoleezza rice?
18:16Oh, is that the name of the rice?
18:18No, Condoleezza is...
18:20What is Condoleezza?
18:26Sticky
18:28Basmati
18:29Benchwarmers
18:31Arboreo and Annika
18:32Very well done
18:33That's not a rice
18:34No
18:35It's not rice
18:36You can't know that many people with a surname rice
18:38I couldn't...
18:38Other than Declan Rice
18:39I couldn't even...
18:40I only know Declan as well
18:41Longrain
18:44Longrain and Colin
18:45Declan
18:46Scanners
18:47Longrain and Declan
18:48Correct
18:49Yes!
18:50Yes, yes, yes!
18:52Boom
18:53There's Declan
18:53Represent for Arsenal, man
18:55Here we go
18:55Where'd you get Declan Rice from?
18:57Declan Rice?
18:58He's a footballer?
18:59That's it
19:00That's the end of the quiz
19:03Oh
19:03Well, thank God that's over
19:05I've got a date, Ron
19:06I've never had a brain that can react quickly
19:09No, not me
19:10I've never had a brain that reacts
19:13In the Cotswolds
19:19Oh God, I'm so glad
19:21It's the end of September
19:23We've had the 40th, 150th, 260th
19:26One in England, three abroad
19:29Do you think that means everybody has sex at Christmas?
19:31Andrew and his husband Alfie
19:34I'm exhausted, broken down
19:35No, no, no, no, it hasn't helped with your foot too
19:37With your broken toe
19:38I actually can't cope with any more social events
19:40No, and you don't want to see anybody
19:42I'm putting a veto on it
19:43Yeah, you're going to close the door and hibernate till December
19:47Put the fire on and hibernate
19:49See you at Christmas
19:50See you at Christmas
19:50This week, there were more high jinx on the high seas on Hey You
19:56So, Mary, this is Below Deck
19:58Oh, yes
19:59This is a nautical version of Upstairs, Downstairs
20:02Oh, yes
20:03All they want to do is shag each other
20:04All of them
20:05Really?
20:06Oh, yeah
20:06Where did you say it was mud?
20:12Oh, beloved
20:13I love it, I love it
20:14I don't think I'd like to go on holiday on a yacht
20:18Oh, aye, wouldn't
20:20I'd much prefer to go away in my touring caravan
20:22Yeah
20:23Oh, here we are, hey up
20:29What a beautiful day in the neighbourhood
20:31Drink some champagne
20:32They're not even off the jetty and they're already asking for bitch juice
20:35Gorgeous crew
20:36Beautiful
20:37Thank you very much for that
20:40Welcome to Sunnysight Mountain
20:41That's Captain Kerry
20:42His boat, his rules
20:45Welcome on board Motor Yacht St David
20:48He said you've got Barbara behind the bar
20:50Oh, look at that
20:51Oh, that looks nice, doesn't it?
20:53I've been travelling too long
20:55Poor you, oh my God, let me cry in a pillow
20:57I'm sorry, Kelly
20:58I don't drive around and drink everywhere
21:00It actually works
21:01For me another drink
21:02She forgot her manners on dry land
21:05Do you know what?
21:05It doesn't matter how much money you've got
21:07You can't buy class, can you?
21:09She's a thirsty girl, she's a nother day
21:11Anything with alcohol is your favourite drink
21:12I'm trying to drink it all
21:14I think these are going to be a handful
21:16I love getting drunk
21:17I actually said to my mum yesterday
21:19I really fancy getting drunk today
21:21But I didn't
21:23And you didn't
21:23Is it because you had to want to get drunk with?
21:26No, because my mum said
21:27Oh, well, let's go for a couple of drinks
21:29I said, no, that's not the sensible option, mum
21:31Are we ready for some lunch?
21:33Yeah!
21:34Yeah!
21:34Someone give her something to line her stomach
21:37She needs some food to sober her up
21:40Okay, let's start running with food
21:42Woo!
21:44We'd never behave like Kelly, would we?
21:47We wouldn't behave like that
21:48If we might drink as much
21:49Like some scissor salad
21:52Really?
21:53Really?
21:54What?
21:54Oh!
21:56She kind of reminds me of Ozzy Osbourne
21:58If you're really keen to jet ski
22:00You've just got to be aware of how much you're drinking
22:02Kelly can't go jet ski
22:04Fraser's giving a warning there
22:05I'm going on the banana boat
22:07I don't need anybody else
22:08No, you're not
22:09You're not
22:10All captains are
22:11Debt crew, debt crew
22:12We've got guests coming your way
22:13Please pay attention
22:14Copy that
22:15I'm going on the banana boat, baby, yeah
22:17I'm going to have to cut off Kelly
22:18She's had time to drink
22:19Wow
22:19Have you seen how she's stumbled out of the door?
22:23On the banana boat, baby
22:24Someone get a buoyancy aid ready
22:26Hey, how you doing?
22:27I'm doing well now
22:29Look at her
22:29She can't even walk in a straight line
22:31Kelly, you've had a lot to drink
22:33I'm worried about your safety
22:34So put her jacket on
22:35You have two options
22:36Would you really help us if you put her jacket on?
22:38Put it on
22:38Oh, Simon
22:39Uh-oh
22:40She won't wear a fist
22:42Oh, God
22:43Help me put it in
22:44Yeah, I'll help you put it on
22:45Oh, she's there
22:47Oh, she's daved in
22:48There's always bloody one, isn't there?
22:50Would you jump in after her?
22:51They have to
22:52No, would you?
22:53No
22:53I don't have a f*** idea how much
22:55I've been around
22:56Come chase me
22:57Oh, wow
22:59Come and chase me
23:00Come and chase me
23:01What's going on?
23:03You're welcome
23:04You're welcome
23:06You're welcome
23:07You're welcome
23:07You need to go inside now
23:08I took her off the yacht
23:09She needs to go in a cage now
23:11This is my vessel
23:12And you are going inside now
23:13No?
23:14Yes
23:14The captain has the power to arrest her
23:16Yeah
23:16And lock her up
23:17He won't be allowed to do that, isn't he?
23:18He won't be allowed to do that, isn't he?
23:19Oh, yeah
23:20I'm not going to do that to me
23:24Yeah, Kelly, you're done
23:26You're an idiot
23:26No, you need to get off the boat
23:28She's disgusting
23:30Disgusting
23:32Oh, no, she's assaulting him with cushions?
23:36Kelly, stop it, babe
23:38I hate you
23:39No, Kelly, stop it
23:41Wow, that's crazy
23:44Yes, they are
23:45They're f***ing assholes
23:46Yes, they are
23:47They're f***ing Democrats
23:49Democrats?
23:50What?
23:51Brilliant
23:52But then that makes her a Republican
23:55What an advert
23:56Ask you to talk to you in private, please
23:59Thank you
23:59Oh, now she wants to talk
24:02She's going to knock her in
24:03Thank you
24:06I'll come back in 20 minutes
24:08Oh
24:0920 minutes
24:12Shut the door, shut the door, quick
24:16That's it, lock her in
24:17He locked her in, yes, Captain Kerry
24:20I told you he would
24:21That should be strong, so hold it
24:23Yeah, thanks, mate
24:24They're literally holding her in a room
24:26Until the police get there
24:28She can't allow the outside of the vessel
24:29Under any circumstances
24:30Oh, my God, the police have got vest on and everything
24:33Why does it get off the boat?
24:35Whether it's right or wrong, that's what's going to happen
24:38Yeah
24:38Yeah, right
24:39But if you resist, the French police will arrest you and detain you
24:43Oh, my God
24:47I want to see you be strung armed off by French police
24:50It's so rewarding, this programme
24:53Oh, that's what a shame
24:55Is there any way we can see what happens?
24:56Rough justice
24:57I stowed away on a boat once
25:00You what?
25:01Stowed away?
25:01Yeah
25:01Where?
25:03From Jersey to Portsmouth
25:06Back to Jersey and back to Portsmouth
25:09I've mentioned this before
25:12Well, no, I don't tell you what happened
25:14A stow away?
25:15Yes, me and Julie
25:17We got pissed
25:20Good God
25:21Yeah
25:22I was that drunk, I didn't know where the hell I was
25:25I'm sorry
25:34I think Shea's coming up to the point where we're soon going to have to say
25:37Happy birthday by a text
25:39What?
25:40We mean what?
25:41Wait, you're going to stop with all the birthday presents
25:44And they're going out for meals
25:45Sarah, her husband Andre and their daughter Shea
25:49I don't care how many children I have or how many years I've been married
25:52I'm coming back here every year for my birthday
25:54And I'm expecting balloons, flowers, dinner, the lot
25:58I've got an idea, Sarah
25:59You see, I'm a daddy's girl
26:00You have to keep spoiling me
26:02It doesn't stop just because I get older
26:03I've got a good idea, darling
26:05Since you want to keep having celebrations like this
26:07No, if you say find a husband, I'm going to lose it
26:11On Thursday night, the best brains in business were back on BBC One
26:19I follow Deborah on Instagram
26:21I do, I love her
26:22She's vegan, got land, got horses, picks up horse shit with the bare hands
26:26Love it
26:27I think I'm using a Dragon's Den product as we speak
26:30Really?
26:31It's the antiperspirant stuff
26:33Really?
26:35Refillable
26:35I'm on the full power cacao from Dragon's Den
26:39We're influenced, aren't we?
26:41We're absolute mugs
26:42I would make a good dragon, but I won't have any money
26:49Yeah
26:50I love your idea, but sorry, I haven't got anything to give you
26:55Let's do this
26:56In the programme, we met a nervous bloke from Bournemouth
27:01Who was looking to get his hands on the Dragon's Dosh
27:04Hi there, I'm Phil
27:06And I'm co-founder
27:08Co-founder, yeah
27:14Hi there, I'm Phil, co-founder of Boot Bananas
27:18Boot Bananas
27:20Oh, you might use a banana to put your shoe on instead of a shoehorn
27:24And I'm here today seeking a £200,000 investment
27:28Look at Sarah's face, that's a lot
27:31In exchange for 8% equity
27:338%?
27:338%?
27:34He's nuts
27:35No wonder he's stumbling, asking for £200,000
27:38Boot Bananas was founded in 2012
27:40With the creation of our flagship product
27:42Boot Bananas Original Shoe Deodorisers
27:45Oh, I get odourators, they're only a couple of quid
27:48You'd need a bunch of Boot Bananas to stick in your dumpsters
27:54Cheeky bastard, I've only got one pair of shoes
27:56Last year, I turned over £1.37 million
28:00With a £220,000 net profit
28:03Whoa, for a banana
28:05No, but over the last 10 years
28:07How much money have you made
28:09Selling this product, net?
28:11Um, there's not a net profit
28:13What?
28:14He's confusing me now
28:15And I don't even
28:15I thought he said he had £200,000 of a net profit
28:18And now he's saying no, there isn't
28:19So that's why I go back to
28:20I don't know how you can value this
28:22Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, I can work that
28:23£40,000, £30,000
28:24Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa
28:25I got it, I got it
28:27It's on my fingers, hold on
28:28£90,000, £100,000, £120,000
28:30Oh, oh, God
28:32Can I borrow some fingers, please?
28:34£14,000, £30,000, carry the wand
28:36It's zilch, Peter
28:37I've actually made a net loss
28:39Genuinely, I think we could be turning over £100,000,000
28:42Really?
28:44God, Alison, I'll lend you the money
28:47I think £30,000, I could probably do on my own
28:50What, you're doing here then? You're doing fine
28:52He's not invented the iPad, has he?
28:54It's a banana, you're shoving a smelly shoe
28:56You know, once in a while, a business walks into the den
28:59Where I can so clearly see the opportunity
29:04Oh, is he going to?
29:06Oh, oh, this is sounding a bit more hopeful
29:08If you can demonstrate this product within 5, 10 seconds
29:12People go, oh, my God, I need that
29:14He's got everyone clock in now, innit?
29:16Yeah
29:16And the battleground to do that, in my opinion, is social media
29:22That is how I shop
29:23If you were targeting Adam E, I'm buying it
29:26See, this guy, he's all over social media
29:29Oh, yeah
29:29He's the one
29:30Tech now, no, don't he?
29:31Yeah
29:32So I'm going to make you an offer
29:33Oh, my God
29:34OK
29:34Yes, Stephen
29:35Let's see this offer first
29:37I'm going to offer you all of the money
29:40For?
29:41For 33%
29:4333%?
29:44A third
29:45He only wanted to offer, eh?
29:47Ah
29:47Take it
29:48Take it
29:49What do you specifically want?
29:52Money
29:53Everyone speak to Schmelgers
29:55I want to spend less time doing things I'm not very good at
29:59Mm-hmm
30:00So I have more time for my family
30:01Sounds like a good plan to me, Phil
30:03How big is your family?
30:07Sorry
30:08Oh, Phil
30:10He loves his family
30:11This is all for them
30:12This is the X Factor moment, this now
30:14Waterworks are on
30:15Two little bodies
30:16My wife, Alex
30:17And our dog
30:20I'd be like
30:21I've just got my partner
30:23My little boy
30:24Four dogs
30:25Two cats
30:2623 chickens
30:27And a fish tank
30:30And, Phil, I'd like to help them
30:33I'm going to make you an offer
30:34And it's going to mirror Stephen's offer
30:36Oh
30:36It's going to make him an offer
30:37Hey, it worked
30:38It worked
30:40Would you consider
30:42A share of the deal?
30:43Come together
30:44Oh, you'd get the best of both worlds
30:46Because he's the internet man
30:48And I don't know what Peter Jones is
30:49I don't know what Peter does, no
30:5016% each for £100,000 each
30:53Yes
30:53Yes, you've got it here
30:55Oh, my God
30:57Yes, Phil
30:58You absolute weapon
31:00It's done well there, haven't you?
31:02I'm pleased for Phil, yeah
31:03He went in there
31:04And he flogged his banana well
31:05When you're going on Dragon's Den
31:07When I get a brilliant idea
31:08You have brilliant ideas all the time
31:11To be honest
31:12I think your most brilliant idea
31:13Was having me
31:14That wasn't my idea, actually
31:16In Wiltshire
31:23Mary?
31:24Yes
31:24I have a bit of a confession to make
31:26Oh, no
31:27Well, it's not on a scale of tragedy
31:29It's only four
31:30Giles and his wife, Mary
31:33I did try to improve
31:34Our standard of living
31:36Oh, I know
31:37You horrible creep
31:39You've always wanted to spoil
31:41That lovely bath
31:43I'm just going to buy another one
31:44What happened was
31:45I saw
31:46I've been meaning for a long time
31:48To cut this bath towel
31:51Which was twice as big as it should have been
31:53It's meant to be
31:54It's not a bath towel
31:55It's a bath mat
31:56I thought, great
31:57Well, it's easily
31:58I've cut it in half easily
31:59But then look what happened
32:01It started to fall to bits
32:04And all these fibres started coming off
32:06And then I thought to myself
32:08I've got a lifetime supply
32:11Of really, really useful rope
32:14To tie up the roses with
32:16Mary
32:17On Friday
32:18A brand new bright idea
32:20From number 10
32:21Was making the headlines on ITV
32:23But no!
32:25No!
32:26Stop!
32:28We're just going to watch this one
32:30This news
32:31And then you can have your dinner
32:32Okay?
32:35Okay
32:36Hello
32:37In the last hour
32:38The Prime Minister has confirmed
32:39Every UK adult
32:41Must have a digital ID
32:43If they want the right to work
32:45Not a good idea
32:46No
32:47I don't oppose it
32:48I've got nothing against it
32:50I don't see what the issue is
32:51Because some people are really up in arms about it
32:53You know, sometimes they suggest things
32:56That just don't happen
32:56Yeah
32:57I think this is going to be one of them
32:59Sikir Starmer said
33:00They'll help to make the country's borders more secure
33:02How?
33:03About the people coming in, Jane
33:04Okay
33:05Because anyone wanting to work here
33:07Will have to show their ID on their smartphone
33:10Have they got a smartphone?
33:13Well, it is smart
33:14But not the way you use it
33:15Do you think people who are taking illegal workers on
33:19Give a fuck about ID?
33:22And there are serious questions
33:23Around privacy and cyber security
33:26Well, that's the other thing as well
33:28It's about cyber security
33:29I mean, look at Marx's
33:30Especially at the moment
33:31JLR, co-op
33:33Yeah
33:33Now, do you trust the government with your details?
33:36I mean, come on
33:37They have my details anyway, Andre
33:39The French have long argued that Britain wouldn't be so attractive to illegal migrants if we had ID cards
33:46Oh, shut up
33:48It's no good telling the Brits that this is what they do in France
33:50They will hate it even more if you say that
33:52Yeah
33:52This government will make
33:54Oh, here he comes
33:55A new free of charge digital ID
33:58Mandatory for the right to work
34:01He's giving it us for free, thank you
34:03We don't want one
34:05Let me spell that out
34:06You will not be able to work in the United Kingdom
34:09If you do not have digital ID
34:12It's as simple as that
34:15You like it when Keir gets all stern, don't you?
34:18Chilling, isn't it, Nassie?
34:20Not really, because nobody's going to obey him
34:22The digital ID cards could look a bit like this
34:25Oh, I like that
34:26It would be like a dating profile
34:28But, like, here you go, I can work here
34:30If you're a tech whiz
34:32Yeah
34:32And a bit of a wrongun
34:33Yeah, you've got a good opportunity here
34:36Look, he's got the Union Jack on, though
34:37All those flag wavers are going to be happy about that
34:40According to Labour Together
34:41A think tank which is close to the Prime Minister
34:44I'd like to push Starmer into a think tank, Mary
34:47We don't want to be a kind of society
34:50Where people might be stopped in the street
34:51And asked for their papers
34:52Whether that's physical ones or on a smartphone
34:55But if somebody needs my ID
34:56I've got my wallet on me
34:58And I've got my driving licence
35:00Google me
35:00And that is not the way to stop the boats
35:05No, it's not the way
35:06What is the way, then, Helen?
35:08The fact is, Keir Starmer has rushed out this policy
35:10As a smokescreen for all the problems he's facing
35:13She's absolutely right
35:15Distraction
35:16It's a distraction
35:17It's something he wanted to say at the Labour conference
35:21To try and build up, like, you know, a little bit of confidence
35:24It ain't going to work here
35:26I'm surprised it's a digital ID
35:28And not just a chip off my bum
35:29That will happen as well, Watson
35:31Bum chip
35:32You know where you...
35:33Well, you might not
35:34But where you go and get your gel nails
35:36And all that business
35:37I know one
35:38My friend was having her hands done
35:40And she only got half a hand done
35:43Because they were raided
35:44So she had one hand with nail varnish
35:47And one without
35:47Because they were raided
35:48So will they give these people cards?
35:51In Blackpool
36:00We had a Chinese fake-away last night
36:02It was absolutely fucking gross
36:03Dossier
36:04Well, no, the gross thing was
36:05The curry sauce that I put on it
36:07Er, Pete and his little sister Sophie
36:10You know what?
36:11Me and Paige are Chinese the other day
36:12And we were both sat on the couch
36:14Soft button under and on our jeans
36:15Like, I feel ill
36:16Yeah
36:17All that MSG
36:19Yeah
36:19You've got to have no plans
36:21Paige's on the kebab train now
36:22Oh, finally
36:23Yeah
36:24Took her long enough
36:25Only chicken, though
36:26Ah, I'm chicken
36:26But this is what I like about it
36:28She goes, I'll have a chicken
36:29I'll have a chicken
36:29And then as soon as my large donor tips up
36:32She goes
36:32Can I have a couple of strands of your money?
36:36And I'm like
36:37Right
36:38Go
36:38It was a juicy psychological thriller
36:42About a mum, a son
36:43And his girlfriend
36:44That had us gripped on Prime Video
36:46I've seen adverts
36:48I've heard people say
36:49Are you watching The Girlfriend?
36:51I have my son
36:52And his fiancée
36:53I'm going to see where I fit in
36:55As an overbearing mum
36:56Oh, you're definitely in The Overbearing, I'm sure
36:58Well, we've both got boys
37:00Do you reckon you'll be a monster-in-law?
37:02Probably
37:02Yeah, me too
37:03I plan on it
37:04The Girlfriend
37:08The Girlfriend
37:09That's something I've not said in a while
37:11Do you know what?
37:12I do miss having a girlfriend
37:14But I love having a wife
37:15Yeah
37:16See, you know, you can't have it always, can you?
37:18Yeah
37:19Girlfriend, easy to get rid of
37:21Welcome
37:25Thank you
37:26This is a girlfriend
37:28Yes
37:28Cherry's a girlfriend
37:30Laura
37:30Nice to see you
37:32Not really
37:33Oh, Cherry
37:35Laura, that's the mother-in-law
37:36And that's Daniel, the son
37:38What do you think?
37:38I
37:39Listen, modern architecture is lovely
37:43She don't like it
37:44Is it a sound investment?
37:46Well, it's better than a crusty pre-war maisonette
37:48She'd have to rip everything out and start again
37:50She wants modern, does Cherry?
37:52There's a bit of point scoring
37:53It's a bit frosty, Tracer
37:55Yeah
37:55A bit frosty
37:56So here we are
37:58Oh, here we go
37:59Here you are
38:00Okay
38:02Ooh
38:02She's from a council estate
38:04Oh, right
38:05Oh, so it's class then
38:07A mother's a butcher
38:08It's to do with class
38:09No, it's just that she lied quite a bit at the beginning
38:12Well, I'd lie and all
38:13And his mother found out
38:16This is it, you see
38:17Did I not make myself clear?
38:19Hey
38:19Oh, she looks quite a hard woman, doesn't she?
38:21She does
38:22Laura
38:22Stern
38:23Yeah, but the thing is
38:24I'm not a child
38:24And you can't tell me what to do
38:26So
38:26Move on
38:27He's mine now
38:28Your lies will catch up with you eventually, Cherry
38:30I'm going to make sure of it
38:33Oh, what does she know?
38:34What lies?
38:34What does she know about Cherry?
38:35Who's the villain in this, do you reckon?
38:36I'm not sure, but Laura's intense
38:38God, this is nice
38:43Where are we now?
38:44North London
38:44I mean, there's trees and everything
38:46Mr. Sanderson
38:47Oh!
38:50Oh, my giddy arm
38:52What the hell is going on?
38:54Lace and nipples are covered
38:55Yeah, it's half the battle
38:56You're staying over again
38:58Oh, we're going to have to start charging you rent
39:00Well, yes, they are a couple
39:02Daniel and I were just talking about his birthday tradition
39:06What's that?
39:07She's got that horrible fake smell all the time, hasn't she?
39:11For Saturday
39:11Oh, what tradition?
39:12Spending it with me and every waking moment with me
39:14Yeah, yeah
39:15With no-one else
39:17Yeah
39:17So, every year Mum and I go and see a musical
39:21And then we eat dumplings in Chinatown until we explode
39:25Oh, lovely
39:26And you're not coming
39:27That's a shame, I sort of, I booked a little surprise trip for us this weekend
39:32Uh-oh
39:34Well played
39:35Oh, where to?
39:38You're not invited
39:39I went to sleep
39:41It's climbing
39:42You're kidding
39:43Look
39:44Oh, there's no wonder
39:45Daniel's like
39:45I love this, he's on the fence now and Cherry's giving it there
39:49We could shift our plans to next week, right?
39:54The dumplings will keep
39:55He's chosen Cherry
39:571-0
39:58Of course, honey
39:59That's fine
40:00Oh, she's got the amp
40:02She'll be fucking fuming, Laura
40:04Jesus, Daniel
40:09Oh, God
40:10Oh, climbing
40:11Can't think of an outweigh
40:11Somebody said to me, we're going rock climbing
40:13I went, sure are then
40:14Have a nice life
40:16Yeah, I wouldn't know
40:17I'd sooner go to the musical
40:19And stuff myself with dumplings
40:20I would
40:21Apparently this one's a little tricky
40:23But you got this
40:24Daniel
40:25You OK?
40:27No, not really
40:27Oh
40:28Well, would you trust her to hold your rope?
40:31Is there no professionals around with crash mats and stuff?
40:37Oh, it ain't hooked to anything
40:39Oh, shit, that's high
40:40This is serious climbing, Jane
40:47Yes
40:48Don't pull him off
40:49Not on the rock, Jen
40:52No, not on the rocks
40:53She doesn't want to pull it off
40:54Are you not clipping in?
40:56Yeah, get a clip in there
40:57That's all right
40:57I don't need all of them
40:58You do need to clip in
40:59Why?
41:00He's not clipping in
41:01What's clipping in?
41:02In the wind
41:03Attach it to the rock thing
41:04And do that
41:06Okay, what's this?
41:07What's he going to do?
41:10Nothing good comes after
41:11Watch this
41:12Don't be so cocky
41:13Exactly
41:15Don't be a hero
41:19I don't want to see this
41:21If he falls, Simon
41:22I'm really going to
41:23No, Steve
41:26Oh, shit, shit
41:29Oh
41:31Should've clipped in, Daniel
41:32That's what you get
41:33We're showing off
41:34Later, with Daniel's life
41:37Hanging in the balance
41:38Cherry was desperate for news
41:41Laura?
41:42Hi, Cherry
41:43Laura, hi
41:44Thank you so much for picking up
41:45How is he?
41:48What's she going to say?
41:49I need to see him
41:49I'm driving up today, okay?
41:51There's no need to come back, Cherry
41:52Why not?
41:53He's still there
41:54Daniel's gone
41:55He died this morning
41:57He's not dead yet
41:58Liar!
42:02She is twisted
42:04I actually can't believe
42:05She's just said that
42:07That's disgusting
42:08I know you can hear me
42:10I'm right here, buddy
42:12So what happens if he pulls through now?
42:15It's a bit munch-howling, isn't it?
42:17Yeah
42:17Oh, wow
42:21Oh, my God, he's coming back
42:23Is he breathing?
42:24It's a miracle
42:24Daniel?
42:29He's waking up!
42:30Is he coming back?
42:30Come on, Daniel, keep going
42:32Oh, you bastard
42:35Oh, I'll have to wait till the next one now
42:37He didn't even say no, did he?
42:39He just went
42:39You see, I've told little porkies in the past to Paige
42:44You know, like when she's gone out with her mates
42:47For the weekend or whatever
42:48Down south
42:49And I've said that I've put a mirror up
42:51You know, I've just deferred the problem to down the line
42:53Yeah
42:54Because I know that she's going to come home
42:55And see that the mirror isn't up
42:57But in that moment, she's happy
42:59That I've done it
43:00And the kids definitely haven't had a kebab for their tea
43:03Yeah
43:04No, McDonald's
43:05Not spending kebab money
43:08Well, they're not having fucking Donna meets
43:10That's for daddy
43:12In Leeds
43:16I shaved my armpits this morning
43:18Bloody hell, that's him for a treat, isn't it?
43:20We've got a child-free night tonight as well
43:21But I'm in a mood with him, so
43:23Sisters Ellie and Izzy
43:25You'd better get out of that mood if you want to get your end away
43:28Listen, look at that place
43:30Oh, no, you've shaved your armpits
43:31I shaved the pits, but I didn't do the legs
43:33But Elvis has got a beard
43:34Elvis has got a beard, yeah
43:36On Friday, it was Rodents on the Rampage
43:40That made headline news on the BBC
43:42Bubble
43:43Lunchtime news, focus
43:45You lot ready for some news?
43:48Hopefully it's good news
43:49Hopefully the news is as good as this Cinnabon
43:52Now rats can cause a range of problems
43:56Nah, I'm done
43:57Nah, whoa
43:58No, long tails
43:59My mum was a pet rat
44:01I know she did
44:02She called it ascot
44:03There were more than half a million reports of infestations involving the animals between 2023 and this summer
44:12They're everywhere
44:13You're only 10 metres from a rat, aren't you?
44:16I haven't heard any rats this year yet, Mary
44:19As well as food waste and sewage systems, climate change appears to be helping drive the rise
44:24Oh, great
44:25Another thing we have to thank climate change for, more rats
44:29It's dawn on a small housing estate in Croydon
44:32Oh dear, Croydon
44:33Why would it be in Croydon?
44:35Yeah
44:36And the residents are waking up
44:39And not just the humans
44:42Weee, there you come
44:44With rats on the ground, in the sewers, above your head in the trees
44:48In the trees?
44:49Wait, wait, since when do rats go on trees?
44:51I thought they were squirrels
44:52Wait, wait, wait, what?
44:56They've adapted
44:57They've adapted
44:58And of course in the bins
45:01And you've just been, you see
45:02Yeah
45:02It's all that food people leave out
45:04I start to get this smell in the kitchen constantly
45:06What's Ed Sheeran doing living in Croydon?
45:09I'm just going to go on the news
45:11But I won't put my top on if it's all right
45:13Yeah
45:13I can hear them in the cupboard
45:16Even to a point where in one morning I woke up
45:18And I can hear them fighting
45:19You know, that's the last thing you want to hear
45:21You know, rats fighting over your Cheerios in the cupboard
45:24Clean Kill, the company tackling the infestation on this estate
45:28Can you imagine doing that job?
45:29No, I couldn't, Jenny
45:30No, I can't either
45:31No
45:31Oh, there you go, there you go
45:33Oh!
45:34Wasn't he meant to be catching the rat?
45:35He was meant to be catching the rat
45:36He was terrified of it
45:37Climate change may be speeding things up
45:40But the rise of the rats is really a reflection of who we are
45:43Them rats are looking well healthier, I'm not going to lie
45:46Yeah, they do look like they're eating good, innit?
45:48Yeah
45:48We're going to be outnumbered by rats before long
45:50I think we're outnumbered by rats anyway
45:52It's not AI we need to worry about
45:54It's rats
45:56Do you remember that little shrew we had in this cottage?
45:59Oh, Stuart Little
45:59Yeah
46:00He was sweet
46:01Do you remember?
46:02He was so tame that he went across the wall
46:04He kept bringing dry leaves in to make a nest
46:07He used to come across the floor, Mary
46:09In front of us
46:10And then make a little nest underneath
46:12And then we had to tidy it away
46:14And he started all over again the next day
46:16He was sweet
46:17Then I found him drowned in a dog bowl
46:20From pretty huge to has anyone ever been this big before?
46:28The whole Swifty Showgirl story streaming right now
46:31And young never-been-away Brits get paired with pensioners
46:34Who thought their travelling days were done for a race across Japan
46:37Worlds Apart begins Tuesday after Bake Off at 9.15
46:41Well, skits and giggles next
46:43Mitchell and Webb are on the way
46:45Have a good night
46:54Are you okay?
46:56Have a good night
46:58You
46:58Have a good night
47:03donde
47:03Wolves
47:04Am
47:06But
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