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00:00:00If I'd ever slept with anyone's father, it's like a care bear.
00:00:04Sarah's already entered the zone of being disrespectful, and that's something that needs to end.
00:00:08And for Julia, Ruth and Devani...
00:00:10Sparkle's definitely there. We're literally like, yin-yang-yang.
00:00:14Conflicting accounts of the honeymoon...
00:00:16We said that how amazing it was...
00:00:18On what planet?
00:00:19...left their marriage hanging by a thread.
00:00:21The honeymoon was not easy.
00:00:23They've heard a different story. It makes no sense.
00:00:27I just want to be genuine.
00:00:32Tonight is the very first commitment ceremony.
00:00:35It's time for the couples to face the experts.
00:00:38Can't communicate with you, and you don't listen. You don't back down.
00:00:42It's been difficult. It's been proper difficult.
00:00:44This isn't going to work.
00:00:46Tension builds as two couples clash.
00:00:48No emotional connection. No communication.
00:00:51I thought we could build from the wedding day.
00:00:54We're just miles apart.
00:00:57And Sarah's bad-mouthing...
00:00:59Do you think that you were rude while talking about your partner?
00:01:03...catches up with her.
00:01:05This man is talking about how lovely his partner is,
00:01:08and you are on the other side of the room disrespecting him.
00:01:12It's not me. It's not who I am.
00:01:14That was good. Right, now, get the other one in.
00:01:30Other one.
00:01:31Oh!
00:01:32Nah.
00:01:33Right, put him down there.
00:01:34We're all going to be so interested.
00:01:35Can I have this piece of toast?
00:01:41That was a bit buttery.
00:01:43Cholesterol for breakfast.
00:01:51Yesterday, it was a lot, wasn't it?
00:01:53It was a lot, yeah.
00:01:54Fun, no?
00:01:55Yeah, we had a really good time.
00:01:56I felt really confident with you,
00:01:58even before we saw everybody else,
00:02:00but then when we did see everyone else
00:02:01and we saw where they were at,
00:02:02I was like, oh, actually, we are super strong.
00:02:04Yeah, it's a nice feeling, isn't it?
00:02:06I loved walking into the dinner party with Bec.
00:02:08I loved showing her off,
00:02:09and I walked in with a big smile on my face.
00:02:11Bailey and I are really good.
00:02:12We're happy.
00:02:13We have gone from strength to strength every day.
00:02:16We're very tactile.
00:02:17Intimity's great.
00:02:18The spark for Oz is flying,
00:02:20so we're going into the commitment ceremony
00:02:22in a really strong position.
00:02:27The vibe this morning is a little bit tense.
00:02:30After last night's dinner party,
00:02:31Devani and I spent the night separately.
00:02:33We had an argument.
00:02:36Compared to other couples,
00:02:37I knew that we were struggling.
00:02:40It felt like, again, we were on different pages.
00:02:43He was trying to just paint a picture
00:02:44so no one could see what was going on.
00:02:46He's saying it's f***ing daisies.
00:02:49It wasn't the best feeling
00:02:50to know that my wife was upset.
00:02:53How I articulated our issues
00:02:55was a little bit sugar-coated.
00:02:58I can admit that.
00:02:59But that's what I chose to do,
00:03:01because obviously we're a team.
00:03:10So anyway,
00:03:12last night was intense, wasn't it?
00:03:14Yeah, I'm sorry about the crying.
00:03:16I wasn't planning on doing that.
00:03:17Yeah.
00:03:19I got upset at the dinner party yesterday
00:03:22from the Honesty Box.
00:03:23I feel a little bit embarrassed.
00:03:25Nelly,
00:03:26can you see yourself falling for me?
00:03:29It's very hard for me to say.
00:03:32Yeah.
00:03:32Yeah.
00:03:33Why is it so hard for you to talk about falling for somebody?
00:03:37I think I'm so afraid of being so emotionally open and vulnerable to someone.
00:03:46I think they know who I am and think, you know what, I'm not into her.
00:03:49And then they break my heart.
00:03:52I can't with it anymore.
00:03:54It's too much.
00:03:54Just a lot for week one.
00:03:59Yeah, of course it is.
00:04:00It's like, when the Honesty Box comes out, we will know what that sort of entails.
00:04:04So, very courageous of you to show that emotion and say what he says.
00:04:07Stephen's doing all the right things, but I still keep getting into my own head thinking,
00:04:13well, does he like you?
00:04:14Are you sure about that?
00:04:15I don't want to scare him off or give him the ick.
00:04:18And I will convince myself, if he doesn't hold my hand for long enough, it's because he's
00:04:22not into me, even though the poor guy probably just wants his arm back.
00:04:25He's clearly telling me he's being truthful.
00:04:27Why can't I believe it?
00:04:31Looking forward to seeing the experts today.
00:04:33Do you think you're going to get emotional?
00:04:35Me?
00:04:35I don't get emotional.
00:04:38What if they poke you in all the right places?
00:04:41Well, that hasn't happened for a while, so...
00:04:43Grace and I, I feel, are in a really good place.
00:04:48We're quite stable at the moment, so I'm quite happy with where I am.
00:04:52Is there anything you're looking to talk to the experts about?
00:04:55I feel like they might...
00:04:56I don't think it could be confronting.
00:04:58I'm scared.
00:04:58I wasn't myself on honeymoon.
00:05:00It's all been so overwhelming and so hard.
00:05:05I don't want to do this, sorry.
00:05:07On their wedding day...
00:05:09What's upsetting you?
00:05:13I just...
00:05:14I can't...
00:05:15Grace struggled to find a connection with Ashley.
00:05:18I was raised like a man of the breadwinners.
00:05:22Like old-school morals, basically.
00:05:24Yeah.
00:05:26And the honeymoon brought her walls up even higher.
00:05:29Okay, is that enough now?
00:05:32Yikes.
00:05:34I'm not really feeling it.
00:05:36I feel like everything I'm doing is wrong and I don't know why.
00:05:39In an effort to turn things around, Grace finally opened up to Ashley.
00:05:43I just want to explain the physical touch thing, because I feel like maybe I'm making it seem like it's you.
00:05:49I've been the place since I was a kid.
00:05:51It's a sensation that I don't like.
00:05:53It's like skin.
00:05:54Yeah.
00:05:54But it's especially bad when I'm a bit stressed and the people I don't know, they don't need to project it onto you.
00:06:00I just hope I don't get upset.
00:06:03If you do feel emotional, what is it that I'm supposed to do?
00:06:05Because my natural reaction would be to give you a hug if you're emotional, but you obviously don't...
00:06:09You're not going to want that, so what is it I do?
00:06:11I might want that.
00:06:12I don't know.
00:06:13Let's just see.
00:06:14Let's just cross that bridge.
00:06:15I am nervous about seeing the experts.
00:06:19Obviously, they're going to shine a light on all the things that, you know, sometimes I avoid talking about.
00:06:24The touching, the PDA, all of that.
00:06:27I'm the problem.
00:06:29That's how I feel, actually.
00:06:30So that's maybe why I'm nervous.
00:06:36I'm so sorry you feel sick.
00:06:39David is feeling really unwell.
00:06:41He's so achy.
00:06:43That poor man has got no energy whatsoever.
00:06:46How are you feeling about seeing the experts tonight by yourself?
00:06:49Overall, I'm terrified about going by myself and I don't want to go.
00:06:53I'm sure you're going to be fine.
00:06:55Yeah, I got a spot, but don't worry.
00:06:56But drink the honey and lemon ginger tea when it's hot.
00:07:00It does nothing now.
00:07:01It's cold.
00:07:03A little bit worried about walking into my first ceremony without him, but I think we're really strong, so it should be fine.
00:07:11The first commitment ceremony today.
00:07:14What do you think they're going to say to us?
00:07:15I don't really know.
00:07:16From here, shit gets deeper, doesn't it?
00:07:19I want the experts to tell us where we're going wrong.
00:07:21We're just not there yet in terms of the romantic connection.
00:07:24It's more than friends, but at the same time, she doesn't want to rip my clothes off.
00:07:29I said, you just need to let your wall down a little bit more.
00:07:31Like, I'm trying.
00:07:32I'm being way more open and vulnerable than I ever would in any situation.
00:07:35The thing is, mine's not by choice.
00:07:38That vulnerability or, like, moving to that next stage with you is just not coming naturally.
00:07:42Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:07:42And it's not, like, something that I'm choosing to do.
00:07:45And it sounds so shallow.
00:07:47I think this whole narrative of, like, oh, you're not my typical type, so, like, I'm struggling to fill the romance.
00:07:53It's not just about, like, you don't have an undercut, you know what I mean?
00:07:56Me having my walls up isn't by choice.
00:07:57Like, it's not something I'm in control of.
00:07:59Like, I feel like I'm blocked off, and I can't unblock.
00:08:03It's just, like, how do I let these walls down?
00:08:06But at the same time, I think I'm more willing to try and get the wall down.
00:08:12There's a big decision to make today.
00:08:14I'm trying to be open and vulnerable, but I've had my walls up for so long, it's going to be really hard to change and let my guard down.
00:08:20I'm trying to, like, give it my all and be completely open.
00:08:24And initially, that attraction wasn't there, so I'm intrigued to see what the expert's advice is and what they think is beneficial for us to do moving forward.
00:08:36Are you still feeling shit?
00:08:38Yeah, I feel terrible, to be honest.
00:08:40I feel like crap.
00:08:42Joe's feeling proper poorly, so I don't know if he's going to be able to attend the commitment ceremony.
00:08:47I'm nervous, you know.
00:08:48Obviously, like, it's a commitment ceremony.
00:08:50And I hate feelings, so I'm guessing we're going to be talking about how we feel about each other.
00:08:57Joe's expressing some feelings towards us at the dinner party.
00:09:01I feel exactly the same way, I'm just not very good at showing it.
00:09:04But I'm obviously going to tell the experts that I really like Joe, because I can't stop smiling when I talk about him.
00:09:10I'm feeling a little bit disappointed.
00:09:16I came away from the dinner party feeling the same about Paul as I did going in.
00:09:21I agree with Rebecca, saying that Paul and I was one of the weakest couples.
00:09:26I'm struggling with the emotional connection.
00:09:29Whatever decision I make today is very important.
00:09:33I did this experiment to find love, so I'd be gutted to walk away without it.
00:09:39I'm 100% needy of the experts.
00:09:44I care very much about Anita, but openly up about my emotional feelings has always been a struggle for me.
00:09:51My coping mechanism is to put a barrier up, and I think that's something that Anita's found hard to break down.
00:09:57I'm not too empathetic towards her feelings, maybe.
00:10:03It's something I need to improve on.
00:10:06Anita has compassion and patience.
00:10:08I'm hoping she stays around long enough and work together to build a marriage going forward.
00:10:14I've no idea where Anita stands.
00:10:15I've no idea if she's going to say stay or leave.
00:10:22What do you think about Sarah and Dean?
00:10:25He hasn't said much, but I know, obviously, she said bits to you.
00:10:29Oh, she did say she got the ick.
00:10:31Did she?
00:10:32Like, proper ick.
00:10:33That's a bit of a sad one, to be fair, because he's such a nice lad.
00:10:37She said there's no physical attraction there for her at all.
00:10:39Yeah.
00:10:39There's nothing sexual for her.
00:10:41Last night, it was harder than I thought it was going to be.
00:10:52Yeah, definitely.
00:10:53It's hard to see everyone as well, like, be lovey-dovey.
00:10:56Mm-hm.
00:10:57Because I'm the guy, like, oh, comparison's the thief of the truth.
00:10:59I'm not going to compare.
00:11:00But, yeah, it's definitely a feeling, a lot of feelings yesterday.
00:11:04You can't help that.
00:11:05No, yeah, I'm like, I won't, but, yeah.
00:11:08I'd obviously said that I probably would compare.
00:11:11It obviously would be the attraction thing, which is, for me, the hardest bit.
00:11:15And last night, it was emotional at points, so I think, yeah, today will be the same.
00:11:20Last night's dinner party has given me a little bit of a wake-up call.
00:11:23My and Dean's relationship is not where I would have imagined it to be.
00:11:27It is quite hard to see other couples being quite all over each other.
00:11:30Dean and I aren't like that.
00:11:32And I think that's making me feel very emotional.
00:11:36I'm nervous about it as well, because it's kind of putting everything out there, isn't it?
00:11:39Mm-hm.
00:11:40And it is so intense.
00:11:41I think it's only going to get intense, though.
00:11:42If we're honest, it can kind of only help.
00:11:46I like Sarah.
00:11:47I'm optimistic she'll say stay.
00:11:49There is reasons that we are matched.
00:11:51We're both here to kind of try and make it work.
00:11:53So, yeah, I'm confident that she'll stay.
00:11:57We're all wanting to get somewhere within this experiment.
00:12:00We're both where we are.
00:12:00We're like, yeah, we need help.
00:12:01And that's what they're there for, so hopefully.
00:12:05I don't know what the experts could do to help get that spark.
00:12:10Looking at the other couples and feeling that, like, you know, sexual energy and sexual spark,
00:12:16I mean, that was, like, flying through the room at one point.
00:12:20I genuinely just don't know if we're going to get to it.
00:12:27I genuinely just don't know if we're going to get to it.
00:12:57We're going to get to it.
00:12:59And we are so excited to start your journeys with you.
00:13:03This is where the hard work begins.
00:13:07It's imperative that all of you commit to being honest and open.
00:13:13Honesty is the key to the success of your marriages.
00:13:16You're all here to make a very important decision, whether to stay or leave the experiment.
00:13:25A couple can only leave the experiment if both write leave.
00:13:31If just one person wants to stay, then the couple must stay in the experiment and continue to work on their marriage.
00:13:38Now, David and Joe cannot be here today due to illness.
00:13:44But for the rest of you, let's all get down to business.
00:13:47Our first couple up to the couch tonight is Grace and Ashley.
00:13:59Hey!
00:14:02Come and join us, you two.
00:14:07Hello!
00:14:07Why don't you take us back to the wedding day, Grace?
00:14:13How did you feel leading up to the ceremony?
00:14:16I don't really know what I was expecting.
00:14:19I certainly didn't expect it to hit me like the ton of bricks that it did.
00:14:23I think I just panicked.
00:14:25I was like frustrated with myself and like berating myself and I took myself on a downward spiral.
00:14:32Later there was talk of Ash's traditional values and being an old school gentleman and I didn't really know what that meant.
00:14:39I love being an independent woman and I just thought it's dead in the water before it even starts.
00:14:45How did that feel for you, Ashley?
00:14:47It was like a deer at headlights when sort of Grace was feeling the way she was.
00:14:50So that kind of made me spiral a little bit because I said from the very beginning I wanted to be unapologetically me.
00:14:56That's really hard to do when you're the reason she's feeling like she is.
00:15:02It's about terminology, isn't it?
00:15:04Yeah.
00:15:04Grace, he is old school gent and she thinks, I'm not a trad wife.
00:15:09Yeah.
00:15:09I had no idea it would even be taken that way.
00:15:12So it completely kind of wiped me off my feet because I just wasn't expecting it.
00:15:17It sounds like that was quite difficult for you.
00:15:21And then you went on the honeymoon.
00:15:23On the honeymoon.
00:15:23Okay, so for the first couple of days I'm feeling upset.
00:15:27Everything made me on the brink of tears.
00:15:30I'm not the most touchy-feely person.
00:15:33And in this moment when I was feeling so overwhelmed and so stressed and so anxious, so vulnerable,
00:15:38that not wanting to be touchy-feely, it became a huge deal.
00:15:45And Ash, in wanting to let me feel better, is like, are you okay? Are you all right?
00:15:51And I was like, it was making me go more and more and more inside myself.
00:15:56I was struggling.
00:15:56Ash, how was that experience for you?
00:16:02If someone's feeling down, I try and make it better.
00:16:04Because the way I flirt, if someone likes you, they're touching you more.
00:16:09So I always thought touch was good and let them know that you like them.
00:16:12But that wasn't what she wanted or needed.
00:16:15And I was kind of making it worse.
00:16:16Grace, are you able to direct your own insight back to yourself here on this one
00:16:23and see where that lack of comfort with all the touching comes from?
00:16:27I don't know anyone else like me.
00:16:29I don't know anyone else that doesn't really like the feeling of, like, skin on skin.
00:16:34But I do function as an adult.
00:16:35Like, I'm a midwife.
00:16:36I rub people's backs.
00:16:37I hold people's hands.
00:16:40But this experiment...
00:16:43Okay.
00:16:46I'm doing great.
00:16:48When you're doing really good.
00:16:51It is confronting.
00:16:53Because for me, it's normal.
00:16:54I've always been this way.
00:16:55But then, like, looking at everyone else, finding it so easy, so natural,
00:17:00you do start to feel like a bit of a freak.
00:17:02You're like...
00:17:03And it's made me question, what was I thinking?
00:17:07Why did I think I could come into this?
00:17:11Why did I...
00:17:12Like, it makes me think, like, what a bizarre thing to do.
00:17:15Or maybe it's a brave thing to do.
00:17:17Yeah, okay, thanks, Paul.
00:17:19And I'll see you.
00:17:23You know, we all have different levels of comfort with touch.
00:17:26And I think what's important here is the two of you can start talking about what those boundaries are.
00:17:31On this point, when you both sat here on the couch, you, Grace, you were feeling emotional.
00:17:38Yeah.
00:17:38So, Ashley, literally, I just saw him put his hand out like this, and he went to touch you, and he was like, uh-oh, uh-oh.
00:17:45I better not do this.
00:17:46I better not do this here.
00:17:47And then he goes, shh.
00:17:48It was one of those, oh, yeah, I'm cool.
00:17:51And I felt for you in that moment.
00:17:53Yeah.
00:17:53But I think it's also important for you, Ashley, to be able to say, you know, I'm here for you in this moment.
00:17:59Right?
00:18:00That's right.
00:18:00To do it verbally.
00:18:01To do it verbally.
00:18:02Yeah.
00:18:03I'm very verbal as a person anyway.
00:18:05If I feel a certain way or I'm upset with something, I just come straight out and say it.
00:18:10So hopefully we can sort of just keep going like that.
00:18:13So where would you say you guys ended up at the end of a honeymoon compared with where you started?
00:18:20Full 180.
00:18:22Tell us about that.
00:18:23We just agreed that we couldn't just be strangers, and then husband and wife, I guess, had to be friendship first.
00:18:29Then it was fun.
00:18:31I was cracking up.
00:18:32I was laughing so much.
00:18:33I made a conscious effort when I did feel in a good place to, like, to try and be more affectionate.
00:18:39And then I can see that she's making a big effort, and I really appreciate it.
00:18:43And hopefully she sees the same with the way I'm saying things and sort of that.
00:18:47Yeah.
00:18:48It's quite remarkable, I think, how much progress the two of you have made.
00:18:53Ashley, you're showing such patience with this woman you've just met who's showing behaviours that you don't quite understand.
00:18:59And for you, Grace, you are showing incredible bravery.
00:19:02Yeah.
00:19:02Because you're doing things so differently from how you've done them before.
00:19:05So I think it's brilliant that the two of you have come so far already.
00:19:10I think we're going to go to a decision.
00:19:14Let's start with you first, Ashley.
00:19:17So I honestly feel like we've come so, so far.
00:19:22And I can't wait to see how far we can take this.
00:19:24And I'm really excited to do the rest of this experiment and see where we go.
00:19:28So I voted to stay.
00:19:31Brilliant.
00:19:31And to you, Grace?
00:19:37I feel really lucky that I got partnered with someone so patient, so tolerant, so willing to learn, so open-minded.
00:19:46I'm happy to be here, and I'm glad that it's with you.
00:19:49So yeah, I'm going to...
00:19:50Thank you so much.
00:19:58This is a really positive journey that you've taken so far.
00:20:02Keep doing what you're doing, guys.
00:20:03You're off to a good start.
00:20:04Thank you so much.
00:20:05Thanks, guys.
00:20:06Take a seat.
00:20:06Good work.
00:20:06Good work.
00:20:06Good work.
00:20:07Good work.
00:20:07Good work.
00:20:07Good work.
00:20:08Good work.
00:20:08Good work.
00:20:08Good work.
00:20:08Good work.
00:20:08Good work.
00:20:08Good work.
00:20:08Good work.
00:20:08Good work.
00:20:13All right, next up to the couch.
00:20:20If we can have Julia Root and Devani, come on up.
00:20:32Welcome.
00:20:34Welcome.
00:20:35How are we doing?
00:20:36Good.
00:20:37It is so good for you both to be here, because I have so many questions.
00:20:43Can we start with the wedding?
00:20:45Oh, my God.
00:20:46Magical.
00:20:48It was wild.
00:20:49Best wedding ever.
00:20:49Best wedding ever.
00:20:51The vibes were up there.
00:20:52So much fun.
00:20:52It was just like, damn, this person actually exists.
00:20:56I was stupid excited.
00:20:58I'm so excited.
00:20:59Just the true beauty that I saw in her at the beginning threw me off.
00:21:03That's big.
00:21:04Yeah.
00:21:05And then I'm laughing, and I'm snorting, and I'm giggling.
00:21:07It was a lot of emotions.
00:21:08It was really great.
00:21:10The energy was so good.
00:21:10We were vibing.
00:21:11It started.
00:21:12All right.
00:21:13Next day, we go on honeymoon.
00:21:14Yes.
00:21:15Honeymoon was?
00:21:17Started off great.
00:21:18Started off good.
00:21:19I think that we arrived in Morocco, and that was when it hit me.
00:21:27Okay, I'm married.
00:21:29So I did, like, kind of feel overwhelmed.
00:21:32And I'm trying to find some joyous moments for us to build some sort of, like, emotional connection.
00:21:39Can you explain that?
00:21:40The physical didn't come naturally, so I'm like, let's build the, we're having so much fun, and we're laughing that maybe that comes that way.
00:21:48But everything is really heavy and deep.
00:21:52It's always intense.
00:21:53Can you give an example for us?
00:21:58So we were on the camels, and I asked you, what is your, like, biggest fear?
00:22:04And then you spiraled into the deepest conversation I've ever had in my life, which was shocking.
00:22:09You went on and you were like, it's always just be me.
00:22:14Always end up in these situations.
00:22:15No one's ever going to love me.
00:22:16It's always going to be me by myself.
00:22:17It's all this dark stuff.
00:22:18And I'm sitting there, and I'm like, bro, like.
00:22:21Can I ask you a question, though?
00:22:22Yeah.
00:22:23You just asked about his deepest fear.
00:22:27Fears are dark.
00:22:29I know that fear is a big word, but I'm feeling overwhelmed by the amount of information that is being dumped onto me continuously.
00:22:37It feels like trauma dumping.
00:22:41We talk about deep stuff so much, there's inappropriate times where I just feel like I want to have fun with you.
00:22:47Devani, in that moment, how did you interpret what was happening?
00:22:53Answering that question was very personal to me, for sure.
00:22:56But it was just me opening up at that moment, and I just expressed myself the way I needed to express myself.
00:23:04Devani, do you feel clear when the right time is to talk in a deep way and when to kind of have a bit of fun?
00:23:12Do you feel clear in terms of what Julia Roof wants from you?
00:23:15Sometimes when I communicate, it can go on and on and on and on.
00:23:20It's just finding that balance of just choosing a part of the information, and then maybe I can pick it up and then feed it another time.
00:23:26Right.
00:23:27All right.
00:23:28Vital information missed.
00:23:31I obviously had the argument after the camels, and it erupted.
00:23:35Devani's heightened and jittery and upset.
00:23:38And I don't like how you handled that situation.
00:23:41You don't back down.
00:23:43You get more intense.
00:23:45And you're going at me.
00:23:47And you did that last night after the dinner party, too.
00:23:50And I'm like, whoa, like, okay, this isn't going to work.
00:23:54I needed to get things off my chest.
00:23:56But you agree, though, it was explosive.
00:23:58It was a bit explosive, yeah.
00:23:59Okay.
00:24:00So that is a major detail.
00:24:03So we have two issues of poor communication that happens on the honeymoon.
00:24:09And, Julia Roof, what you're telling me is that there's many of these.
00:24:12So honeymoon, not so good.
00:24:16You come back.
00:24:17You move in to the apartment.
00:24:19How did you feel about your marriage when you walked into the dinner party?
00:24:23We sat down, had a conversation.
00:24:26We said we're going to be on the same page at the dinner party.
00:24:29So, like, if we're getting asked the questions by people, how has your, like, time been?
00:24:34The wedding was great.
00:24:35It's been good.
00:24:36And it's been really bad.
00:24:37For sure.
00:24:39But I sat down and talked to people.
00:24:40And then I tell them how the relationship's going.
00:24:42They were like, oh, like, that's not what I've heard.
00:24:45And I'm like, what do you mean that's not what you've heard?
00:24:48It's been, you've been really good, like, smooth sailing.
00:24:50That's why I was very confused, because I go around looking like a dickhead,
00:24:54saying that our relationship's been turbulent.
00:24:57And he's saying it's been a hiccup flying.
00:25:00Okay.
00:25:02That's not even remotely close to what's been going on in a relationship.
00:25:07I know that, obviously, we went through our shit.
00:25:10But I was going into the dinner party hopeful.
00:25:14You know, I'm curious.
00:25:15You mentioned there was an argument last night.
00:25:17What happened after the dinner party?
00:25:19Coming back to the apartment, I did confront her, you know,
00:25:22I was just getting things off my chest.
00:25:23You always say you're getting things off your chest.
00:25:25And that's not fun, because you attack me.
00:25:27I want us to have the space so we don't yell at each other.
00:25:32And that's why I say, go and breathe and come back to me
00:25:34when you can talk to me like a person.
00:25:36You don't talk to me like a person.
00:25:38You go at me.
00:25:40You don't listen to me.
00:25:41I'm like, should I go to another room?
00:25:43And you're going at me.
00:25:44Okay, well, then I'm going to go to another room.
00:25:48And you get more intense and more intense and more intense.
00:25:52You get so heightened, and I can't communicate with you.
00:25:55I don't like that.
00:25:56You get more intense and more intense and more intense.
00:26:14You get so heightened, and I can't communicate with you.
00:26:18I don't like that.
00:26:19You know what's so interesting about you two?
00:26:27You're the most hot and cold couple in this experiment.
00:26:32Wedding?
00:26:32Oh, my gosh.
00:26:33Ten, ten wedding.
00:26:34I can't believe it.
00:26:35By the next day, it's like, I don't even know if I want to be with this person, right?
00:26:42So what do you want from this relationship?
00:26:45So what I want is a companion, someone that's very supportive, someone that understands me in a whole entirety, obviously having fun.
00:26:53That's what I'm looking for.
00:26:55Okay.
00:26:55And you still want that in Julia Ruth?
00:26:58Yes.
00:26:59Okay.
00:26:59Julia Ruth, what do you want?
00:27:01I want someone who's going to go 50-50 or 60-40 at different times with me in terms of energy.
00:27:09I don't mind being there for you.
00:27:11I don't mind you unloading to me.
00:27:12If Amy won, I feel like I've got you.
00:27:16Let's also enjoy each other.
00:27:18I want to have that feeling of, like, we're laughing so hard that the physical intimacy kicks off.
00:27:23We don't have that.
00:27:24And that's why I said, like, coming back to the apartments, I'm very excited because then I can take you out on dates and actually have those memorable moments of actually having fun.
00:27:34That's why coming and moving into the apartments was a thrill.
00:27:36The other thing, Giovanni, too, is I think what's very important, and I hear Julia Ruth wanting as well, is for you to listen.
00:27:45Sometimes listening means I'm going to take a cool-off period.
00:27:48And then during that period, reflecting upon what your partner said, what your partner feels, what their emotion is.
00:27:55So, therefore, you're coming back in a position where you can actually resolve the conflict.
00:28:03You know, I have hope.
00:28:05Ultimately, you know what you both said?
00:28:07You want to have someone who will support you.
00:28:10And I think that's the place to remain focused on.
00:28:13Be each other's support.
00:28:14Okay?
00:28:14Can we go to a decision?
00:28:19Giovanni, why don't you take us away?
00:28:22Julia Ruth, it's been difficult.
00:28:24It's been proper difficult throughout this honeymoon.
00:28:29But obviously, I'm here for a reason.
00:28:32And I do believe in us.
00:28:33So, my actual decision is for me to stay.
00:28:44For me, it's tricky.
00:28:54The vibes on the wedding day were unreal.
00:28:59I just haven't seen you let your hair loose and just have a fun, lighthearted conversation
00:29:05and just have giggles with me and create fun memories.
00:29:07I don't need everything to be picked apart and to be deep.
00:29:14We do have some good moments and I don't like spending time away from you because I miss you.
00:29:23So, I think I have chosen to stay.
00:29:33Alright, done.
00:29:34Done.
00:29:37I think it's going to take a lot of work for Giovanni and I to fix and restart or mend our relationship.
00:29:48I hold on to so dearly the moments from the wedding.
00:29:51I want to stay because I'm fighting for those moments.
00:29:54I've shared how I felt and I think it's now up to him how he processes the information.
00:30:03Next up to the couch.
00:30:04Rebecca and Bailey.
00:30:13Hello.
00:30:15Hello.
00:30:15Hello.
00:30:16Good to see the two of you.
00:30:19Looking extremely comfortable with one another.
00:30:22I'm absolutely loving this.
00:30:25Okay, so I'm super keen to hear about your wedding.
00:30:29Kind of a rollercoaster.
00:30:30Okay.
00:30:31Initial reaction, turning around, stunning, absolutely gorgeous.
00:30:35I feel like the only thing, I just couldn't catch a vibe, I feel like.
00:30:38I was a bit thrown by it.
00:30:40Yeah.
00:30:41And then throughout the day, he kind of just followed on that path for me, just up and down like a yo-yo.
00:30:45So, it sounds like you were trying to work out what is she feeling.
00:30:49Yeah.
00:30:49And Rebecca, what was the experience like for you?
00:30:53I think I had in my mind I would get to the end of the aisle and there would be massive sparks flying because that's what I'm used to, like that initial big attraction.
00:31:05And we didn't have that.
00:31:06I know that for you, it's really important to have someone that is very much an alpha male.
00:31:13And that was something that was quite difficult for you.
00:31:16On the wedding day, I struggled with that because I couldn't see, like, the real Bailey.
00:31:19And I was like, oh my God, is he, you know, am I going to eat him alive?
00:31:23And that made me go into my shell.
00:31:27I was crying through the vows.
00:31:28I was very overwhelmed.
00:31:31Take me to the honeymoon.
00:31:33Did that get any better?
00:31:34It changed everything.
00:31:36We really, really got on.
00:31:38Yeah, I started talking, laughing, tables started turning.
00:31:41I saw him for who he was and I thought, wow, like, I can really connect with this person.
00:31:46You call me a golden retriever.
00:31:48Yeah, he's got golden retriever energy, I've got black cat energy.
00:31:51Yeah, we match so well in that way.
00:31:53Yeah, so we started to have a little bit of a giggle, like, yeah, a little bit of laugh, which, like, I like, I can connect over.
00:31:58Bailey is who he is through and through.
00:32:00He doesn't put on a show or anything like that.
00:32:03Is there a definition of an alpha man?
00:32:05A hundred percent.
00:32:07He knows how to look after me whilst allowing me to just completely be myself.
00:32:12I go to the gym.
00:32:13I can carry my bags.
00:32:14I can do things for myself.
00:32:15Bailey takes away anything that he can do while still making me feel that I'm capable.
00:32:22I do like to do the little things, like going at the bar, getting you a drink, carrying your bags, little, just little things.
00:32:28They're only small.
00:32:29But because she was, like, super independent, I could do everything on my own.
00:32:32It kind of felt better when she'd put that trust into me and kind of relinquishing a little bit of that independence that she has was nice.
00:32:38Well, you say that they're small things, but it sounds like they're small things with a big meaning.
00:32:43Yeah, and it's not just, like, little acts of service like that.
00:32:46It's, like, the little glance across the room or, like, the, are you OK?
00:32:50And the idea back to him, like, there is a real connection there.
00:32:54Yeah.
00:32:54Well, I think that helps me to kind of neatly go on to the next question around intimacy.
00:32:59So how are things going in the intimacy department?
00:33:02Like, in the Lakers Cheshire Cup?
00:33:05Yeah.
00:33:06All good.
00:33:07Yeah, really good.
00:33:07Yeah.
00:33:08Very well matched in that department.
00:33:11So no complaints.
00:33:13I can't stop.
00:33:13Yeah.
00:33:14Rebecca, do you want to help in here?
00:33:16No.
00:33:17I'm sweating here, all right?
00:33:19No, everything's good on that front.
00:33:21Yeah, great.
00:33:22Well, I am so excited with this union, and it's just so nice to see the physical affection between the two of you, the way you have each other's back.
00:33:31Yeah, we're constantly laughing and joking at home.
00:33:33Loads of fun.
00:33:34I mean, I ask for, like, a little bestie, and that's just what I've got.
00:33:38Yeah, it's a good feeling.
00:33:39It feels secure.
00:33:41So let's go to the decisions, if we can start with you, Rebecca.
00:33:46Yeah.
00:33:47From our wedding day, I never, ever expected to be in this position.
00:33:52And now, I think more than anything, I just love how you make me feel.
00:33:56Yeah.
00:33:56So it's an easy one for me.
00:33:59It's a stay.
00:34:02Thank you, Rebecca.
00:34:03And Bailey, what's your decision?
00:34:05I'm really enjoying just getting to know you.
00:34:08I love just spending time with you at home, and I'm looking forward to that carrying on.
00:34:13So I've decided to.
00:34:14I'm upside down, but stay.
00:34:21So Rebecca and Bailey, the couple to watch.
00:34:24I'm excited.
00:34:25Look forward to seeing you next week.
00:34:27Cheers.
00:34:27Really appreciate it.
00:34:27Cheers.
00:34:28Next up to the couch.
00:34:40Sarah and Dean.
00:34:48Hello.
00:34:48Hello.
00:34:49Oh, there.
00:34:50Oh, there.
00:34:51So, how are we both?
00:34:53Nervous.
00:34:54Nervous?
00:34:55I'm nervous.
00:34:55Yeah, I'm good.
00:34:56No, I'm good.
00:34:56Oh, you're good.
00:34:57Oh, that's good.
00:34:57No, I'm good.
00:34:58Okay.
00:34:58So, can we go to the wedding?
00:35:02Mm-hmm.
00:35:03So the moment you saw Sarah, what did you think?
00:35:07Seeing that, I thought, the energy's here.
00:35:09And I was like, she's a beautiful girl as well.
00:35:11And I was like, yeah, this is good.
00:35:13You would say physically attractive, check?
00:35:15Yeah, yeah, definitely.
00:35:17Sexually attractive?
00:35:18Yeah, I guess I thought I could have sex with her.
00:35:22Okay.
00:35:23But it's important to know, because there is a distinction between the two.
00:35:28Yeah, yeah.
00:35:29So, okay.
00:35:30Sarah, how did you feel going in to the wedding?
00:35:34I was very nervous.
00:35:35And I think I had envisioned in my head of who was going to be at the end of the aisle.
00:35:40And what was that vision?
00:35:43Okay, so, I'll be honest.
00:35:46Yeah.
00:35:48Tall.
00:35:48I love tattoos, so covered in tattoos.
00:35:53Probably look like they've just come out of jail.
00:35:55I'm not going to lie.
00:35:56Because that was your quote-unquote type.
00:36:01Okay, what else?
00:36:03I mean, I do also like a guy that's, like, into fitness and gym.
00:36:08So, yeah, I mean, maybe...
00:36:12Physical as well.
00:36:15It wasn't what I thought it was going to be.
00:36:18Okay.
00:36:21I don't want to hurt your feelings.
00:36:22I'm sorry.
00:36:23Yeah, it's got to be honest.
00:36:23I promise.
00:36:24You're not going to hurt my feelings.
00:36:25Dean, are you okay?
00:36:26You're literally fine.
00:36:27I'm fine.
00:36:28It's so good.
00:36:28It's so good.
00:36:30Okay.
00:36:31It was an honest start.
00:36:32We appreciate that.
00:36:34So, let's move to the honeymoon.
00:36:38Yeah, it was hard.
00:36:39I had, like, a wobble, because I sing a lot, and you're like, it can get a little bit greater,
00:36:45and you're like, yeah, it's a bit...
00:36:46Yeah, it was just a lot of random outbursts of singing.
00:36:50It was getting just a little bit, I was like, I'm getting irritated by this.
00:36:54Okay.
00:36:55It's because I don't really like sharing my emotions too much.
00:36:59But if you listen to the song I'm singing, that's how I'm feeling.
00:37:01So, I'll be singing, like, a sad song.
00:37:03And if you listen to the one, like, that's how I'm feeling.
00:37:05So, are you saying that you were sad during the honeymoon?
00:37:08Uh, yeah.
00:37:09Well, I was at a point.
00:37:11We had a meal, and we was talking, and I reverted back to, like, the little fat kid at school
00:37:16who's trying to fit in, you know?
00:37:19I've not been that so long, because I've built myself up so much, I guess, doubts, you know,
00:37:23started coming, and then I was like, oh, man, I don't like this.
00:37:28And that was a real low, and that's when I spoke to Sarah about it.
00:37:31And that's when I was like, let's just enjoy getting to know each other.
00:37:35You know what's interesting?
00:37:36I think when there are painful moments, we try to go past them quickly.
00:37:41Yeah, probably, man.
00:37:43You just said something that touches upon a moment in childhood.
00:37:47Yeah, yeah.
00:37:48Let's give that respect.
00:37:50I felt like what?
00:37:51The fat kid, like, back at school.
00:37:54And what made you feel that way?
00:37:57Probably feeling, like, in all honesty, like a bit of rejection.
00:38:01You know, and not feeling like I was enough.
00:38:04And what was it that made you feel like you were rejected and not enough?
00:38:10The physical attraction thing is something that kind of, I guess, hits me more than I think it does.
00:38:16Yeah, it put my defenses up.
00:38:18You know, like, that I didn't like it.
00:38:21Yeah.
00:38:24So when you both leave the honeymoon, are you at all optimistic about your marriage?
00:38:29I was super, because, like, we get on so well.
00:38:33We're always having a great time.
00:38:35And there's no one else I'd rather be with in this.
00:38:38For me, I was like, yeah, this could be, like...
00:38:40This could be something.
00:38:41Yeah, yeah, 100%.
00:38:42So were you optimistic at all, Sarah?
00:38:44I was optimistic.
00:38:51We have been matched for a reason, and I can see why.
00:38:55I think my problem is, people I've dated or been with, I've always had that initial attraction.
00:38:59I've always wanted to rip their clothes off and just eat them.
00:39:03Just, you know what, that feeling.
00:39:05And I'm really struggling because I don't have that with Dean.
00:39:08But then I've got everything else.
00:39:10You wanted someone who was going to be funny.
00:39:12You wanted someone who could be a support system for you.
00:39:16So, Sarah, you feel as if Dean is everything that you need.
00:39:20Oh, that's what I said.
00:39:21I said, I'm the husband you need, not the one you want.
00:39:23And I don't want him to change the...
00:39:24Like, I, you know, the singing and the rapping, it did irritate me.
00:39:28It did.
00:39:29I mean, the raps and the songs sort of stopped.
00:39:31So he's receptive to modifying his behavior.
00:39:35Yeah.
00:39:35So, what behavior are you modifying?
00:39:41Is there any modification that you think that you need?
00:39:46I don't know.
00:39:48You feel like you're good.
00:39:49You're doing everything appropriately.
00:39:51I feel like I'm, I feel like I'm doing everything okay.
00:39:54I think the communication's great.
00:39:55I think the honesty's great as well.
00:39:57You're giving it everything and that's all I wanted.
00:39:59Dean, what we've seen here is you kind of rescuing Sarah in this.
00:40:03And that says a lot about you in terms of the kind-hearted person that you are.
00:40:07But I think at the moment, it feels a little bit like, Dean, you're willing to modify behavior.
00:40:13You're willing to reel in the singing a little bit and the rapping.
00:40:17But what we're asking, Sarah, is what are you willing to do?
00:40:20What are you willing to change?
00:40:23I don't know.
00:40:25So I've got something for you.
00:40:27Oh, God, okay.
00:40:28You could begin by stopping the disrespect of your husband.
00:40:39Let me take you to the dinner party.
00:40:40Okay.
00:40:41Someone disrespects you.
00:40:44What are they doing?
00:40:45Well, they're being rude.
00:40:47They're being rude. What else?
00:40:49They're being mean.
00:40:51Do you think that you were rude while talking about your partner at the dinner party?
00:40:56Oh, I was going to get him this.
00:41:01I mean, I maybe said you'd given me the ick with some things that you'd said.
00:41:08So in other words, you disrespected your husband.
00:41:14I get the challenge around physical attraction.
00:41:17But where you absolutely lost me is when you went around gossiping about your husband to other people.
00:41:23And you were laughing at it.
00:41:26Oh, was I?
00:41:27It was a joke.
00:41:27I didn't mean to laugh.
00:41:28Well, you were.
00:41:29Okay.
00:41:30And I thought, this man is talking about how lovely his partner is.
00:41:35And you are on the other side of the room disrespecting him.
00:41:40I don't think I said that much, did I?
00:41:43You know what?
00:41:44Disrespect.
00:41:44I know, I know, I know.
00:41:45One iota of disrespect is too much.
00:41:47You are on the other side of the room disrespecting him.
00:42:03I didn't touch it that much, did I?
00:42:06You know what?
00:42:07Disrespect.
00:42:07I know, I know, I know.
00:42:08One iota of disrespect is too much.
00:42:18I'm so sorry.
00:42:20I'm sorry.
00:42:22These relationships are a two-way street.
00:42:24And really, what I want you to think about is, how can I be considerate to my partner?
00:42:30Yeah.
00:42:31There's no excuse for saying what I said yesterday, and I really apologize.
00:42:36Dean?
00:42:37Are you okay?
00:42:39It kind of caught me off that.
00:42:40Yeah, I know, I know, I know, I know, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:42:46I found yesterday really hard as well, I'm sorry.
00:42:49This couch is a very difficult place.
00:42:53But it is a place where relationships are broken, or where they grow.
00:42:59Now, the physical and sexual attraction, it's significant.
00:43:02But the best antidote is just to say, how can I, every day, work on strengthening my relationship?
00:43:12And as long as you are continuing to make progress, week after week after week, think of where you'll be at the end.
00:43:21On that note, I would like to go to a decision.
00:43:25Okay.
00:43:25And I would love to start with Dean first.
00:43:32It's honestly been a proper, like, emotional time, like, together, like, hard, and like, we're like, how do we get to that next stage?
00:43:43Because how can I make someone fancy me if they don't?
00:43:49But I do think we have got a good base.
00:43:51And I'm hoping it will come now.
00:43:53I'm still optimistic.
00:43:55I think this could be something special, you know, something different.
00:43:58And so, it is a state.
00:44:06Thank you so much, Sarah.
00:44:08This journey has just been so up and down.
00:44:18I can see all of the reasons why we've been matched.
00:44:22And I really wanted the nice guy.
00:44:24And I've got him.
00:44:25And I just really wanted to work because you're such a nice guy.
00:44:28So, I have decided to stay.
00:44:36Stay.
00:44:37Okay.
00:44:38Woo!
00:44:42We applaud that you're staying.
00:44:46And what I would encourage you to do is think about how every day you can develop something that is strengthening your relationship.
00:44:55Thank you, guys.
00:44:58We're going to be okay.
00:45:13I'm okay.
00:45:15I'm okay.
00:45:16We're going to be okay.
00:45:18It was really hard to hear what Paul had to say.
00:45:20And I apologize.
00:45:21And, yeah, I'm sorry.
00:45:22It's not me.
00:45:22It's not who I am.
00:45:23And maybe if I did have that spark, I wouldn't have said anything like that because I wouldn't have.
00:45:30But there's not the spark there.
00:45:31So, that was the only reason why I said it.
00:45:34I haven't meant it maliciously at all.
00:45:37I don't want to hurt anyone.
00:45:39I'm being true to myself.
00:45:40But then it's coming across really badly.
00:45:42So, yeah, it's been a really hard week.
00:45:51Hearing that Sarah has been disrespecting me has caught me off guard.
00:45:55That is my probably biggest red flag.
00:45:58It does hurt me.
00:45:59And I can also feel myself, like, dwindling my shine.
00:46:01And I don't want to lose me.
00:46:04Okay.
00:46:04From here, I think we're at a low.
00:46:08But I think that's when you bounce back.
00:46:10There is so much there.
00:46:11Like, I'm still willing to trust and build.
00:46:14But it can never happen again.
00:46:15Are you joking me?
00:46:16It can never, ever happen again.
00:46:25Sarah, are you okay?
00:46:26Yeah.
00:46:27I just, yeah.
00:46:28I just feel bad.
00:46:29We want everyone to grow.
00:46:31Right.
00:46:31And so, any time we see something, we'll call it out.
00:46:33But if you ever disagree, if there's a disagreement, hold us accountable to the disagreement as well.
00:46:39Okay?
00:46:40All right.
00:46:44Next up to the couch, we have Kia.
00:46:48Hi, Kia.
00:46:54Hello.
00:46:55Good to see you.
00:46:56Good to see you.
00:46:56It's fair to see that Daveed's not here.
00:46:59Me too.
00:47:00So, how was your wedding?
00:47:02The wedding was amazing.
00:47:04I was incredibly nervous.
00:47:07But then, Daveed grabbed both my hands and said that he got us.
00:47:10It kind of calmed me down and made me feel really grounded and safe.
00:47:14Lovely.
00:47:15And in terms of attraction, would you say there was a real attraction there?
00:47:18Oh, 100%.
00:47:19Have you seen Daveed?
00:47:21We've all seen Daveed.
00:47:22He's got the most beautiful brown eyes with these little orange flecks.
00:47:27It's like, his smile lights up an entire room.
00:47:30He's just fantastic.
00:47:33It sounds like you guys got off to a really brilliant start.
00:47:36Yeah.
00:47:36So, let's move on to my favourite question.
00:47:41How's the intimacy in your relationship?
00:47:43It's wonderful, thank you.
00:47:45It's great.
00:47:47I love that response.
00:47:48It's great.
00:47:49It feels like you practised that.
00:47:51The intimacy or the response?
00:47:53The two of you sounds like you're in a really, really good place.
00:48:00And it's so lovely to see the progress of this relationship.
00:48:04So, we know that Daveed is a man of many words.
00:48:08And he has very kindly written a letter for you.
00:48:16Okay.
00:48:20Great.
00:48:20Hey there, you beautiful human.
00:48:24I have no words to explain how amazing you are and how much I adore you.
00:48:30This last week, I have seen us go from strength to strength.
00:48:33And I could not be more proud to have you as my husband.
00:48:37My care that I'm falling for.
00:48:40I'm sorry that I'm not there to let you know in person how much you mean to me.
00:48:45So, for sure, I'll stay as long as you want me to, Daveed.
00:48:50Oh, my God.
00:48:55Powerful words.
00:48:56Yeah.
00:48:57It means a lot.
00:48:57It means everything.
00:48:58Yeah.
00:48:59We know what Daveed's response is to you.
00:49:03What's your decision?
00:49:04Daveed is finding ways to make me smile every single day.
00:49:09I'm honestly loving absolutely every second and can safely say I'm falling for him, too.
00:49:14Which no one tell him before I get a chance to.
00:49:18So, I will, of course, stay.
00:49:20Thank you so much, Keir.
00:49:28We love love.
00:49:29So, it's so amazing to see how well the two of you are matched.
00:49:33Fabulous.
00:49:33Thank you so much.
00:49:34Thank you so much.
00:49:40That's so cool.
00:49:41I am framing that.
00:49:43Next on the couch, if we could have...
00:49:49Lee and Leah.
00:49:52Come on up.
00:49:56Hi, ladies.
00:50:00How are you both?
00:50:03Good.
00:50:04Phenomenal.
00:50:05All right.
00:50:06Can we start with the wedding?
00:50:08It was just a mad experience.
00:50:10Yeah.
00:50:11It was surreal.
00:50:12So, what did you think when you saw Lee?
00:50:14I thought she was really cute.
00:50:16And obviously, she's beautiful.
00:50:17I think straight away, I just had this thing in my head.
00:50:20I was like, she's going to be an annoying little princess.
00:50:23I think because I've seen a princess dress, and then I've seen she had a little bit of attitude,
00:50:27and I thought, nah, she's all right.
00:50:30All right.
00:50:30So, Lee, what did you think?
00:50:35I think it was just a bit of a shock, because it's so far from what I would normally go for
00:50:40in a romantic sense.
00:50:42I'd never go for more feminine women.
00:50:46It's not just about physical type, like hair colour or eye colour or things like that.
00:50:51I've never felt physically attracted to a girly woman.
00:50:55I can appreciate their beauty.
00:50:57I can say that they look stunning, which Leah absolutely is.
00:51:00But there's like a persona of a person in the gay community that I'm usually attracted to.
00:51:06And Leah is not that person.
00:51:08Fair enough, and that's a great explanation.
00:51:12But I've realised since being in this experiment with Leah that I've spent the last year and a bit,
00:51:19since I became single, building myself up from being really let down by someone.
00:51:24And I've realised I've shut myself off so much from when I was hurt that I'm now struggling to turn it back on.
00:51:35And I'm like, I don't know how to get it going again.
00:51:38Lee, what you're telling us is that, hey, I've had the door shut, and it was bolted shut.
00:51:43And I'm now just taking the locks off of the door.
00:51:47So challenging to start a marriage like this.
00:51:50But now, the work that you need to do is how do you establish a stronger emotional connection.
00:52:00And I think the beauty is that the result is going to be positive no matter what.
00:52:04It's going to lead to a better understanding of self.
00:52:07It maybe just leads to, you know what, I'm now willing to open the door all the way.
00:52:12But no matter what, it's going to be a win.
00:52:15Yeah.
00:52:16I think the worry is, like, how do we get to the next step?
00:52:20This is a popular question.
00:52:22How do you get out of the friend zone?
00:52:24I find one of the most productive strategies is to think about how you would behave outside of the friend zone
00:52:32and just behave like that.
00:52:33That's what I have actually been trying to do.
00:52:35Like, I'm a little bit more, OK, I need to be vulnerable, I need to be open.
00:52:39I don't even feel like you're necessarily, like, going through these paces, though,
00:52:42because you are just being open and vulnerable.
00:52:45Yeah.
00:52:46Do you know what I mean?
00:52:46But I'm still trying.
00:52:47Like, I'm trying to be like that.
00:52:49If I'm honest, I feel like who's more willing to make this work?
00:52:52100% me, yeah, in my opinion.
00:52:56You are making more of an effort.
00:52:58You are being tactile.
00:52:59You are doing all of these things, and I'm not able to get them.
00:53:03Leah, if you were not in the friend zone, what would your relationship look like?
00:53:08I think being more tactile with one another, maybe more flirty with one another, having a snog now and again.
00:53:15OK.
00:53:17Everything that you've said that you would need is what I would be if those natural feelings were there.
00:53:24But I've just had a block there.
00:53:26It's stopping me from doing it, because I've never wanted to feel like I'm leading Leah on.
00:53:29I just don't see it that deep.
00:53:31I can have a flirty and have a snog now and again, I don't see it that deep.
00:53:35Like, and it's never going to lead me on.
00:53:37I overthink it a bit.
00:53:38She overthinks, I'm not an overthinker.
00:53:40At the end of the day, I would encourage you to experiment with what the behaviour is to be out of the friend zone.
00:53:49Whatever that is, practice that.
00:53:52So, let's go to the decision.
00:53:55Leah, you'll go first.
00:53:56I feel like it has been a tough week for me this week.
00:54:02But I'm optimistic and I'm very hopeful.
00:54:05I see why we've been matched in so many different ways.
00:54:09And I'm happy and grateful I've been matched with us, so I vote stay.
00:54:13I know that I've been a little bit difficult to deal with, because my head's been a little bit all over the place.
00:54:26You've been so patient and still thrown yourself into it 100% and been completely vulnerable with me,
00:54:36even when I haven't been able to give that back to you.
00:54:39And so that I'm really grateful for.
00:54:44Yeah, and I am hopeful to see where it goes.
00:54:47So for that reason, I vote stay.
00:54:49Well done to both of you.
00:54:58Stop overthinking everything.
00:55:00I'm going to try.
00:55:01Right, just be in the moment.
00:55:02Thank you so much.
00:55:16Next up to the couch, if we can have Anita and Paul.
00:55:19Hey, guys.
00:55:28Hi.
00:55:28Hey.
00:55:29Hi.
00:55:29How are you both?
00:55:31Okay, yeah.
00:55:32Yeah, yeah.
00:55:32Okay, all right.
00:55:33Yeah.
00:55:34Let's go to the wedding.
00:55:35Anita, what were your thoughts?
00:55:38There was a fun element straight away.
00:55:39We kind of laughed nearly all day, didn't we?
00:55:42Yeah.
00:55:42Yeah.
00:55:43It was a good day.
00:55:45All right.
00:55:45Paul, how was the day for you?
00:55:47There was excitement, then laughter.
00:55:50Conversation was very easy.
00:55:52After talking for a while, I thought there was potential to build.
00:55:57I thought, okay.
00:55:59Now it begins.
00:56:00Now it begins.
00:56:01All right.
00:56:02So you're looking forward to the honeymoon?
00:56:04Yeah.
00:56:05I thought we could build from the wedding day.
00:56:08Anita, are you looking forward to the honeymoon?
00:56:11Yeah, because he is a fun guy to be around.
00:56:14He did make me laugh nearly all day.
00:56:16So, yeah, going forward.
00:56:18I knew we could have a good time.
00:56:20So, as we go into the honeymoon, you begin to investigate shared values, shared outlook on life.
00:56:27What did you notice that the two of you shared?
00:56:30So much.
00:56:30So much.
00:56:31Okay.
00:56:31Like what?
00:56:32Got the same values.
00:56:34Same values?
00:56:34Yeah.
00:56:35Family orientated.
00:56:36Okay.
00:56:37Same morals.
00:56:38All right.
00:56:39It feels like things are good.
00:56:40The outside stuff matched us perfectly, but when it comes to the inner deep stuff, the emotional and the attraction, we couldn't be so far apart on the scale.
00:56:53Paul's a good talker, but when you pin him down to talk, he deviates around the relationship side.
00:57:02So are you really saying Paul wasn't emotionally connecting with you?
00:57:08No connection, no emotional connection.
00:57:11No communication.
00:57:12Yeah, just miles apart.
00:57:16Okay.
00:57:16Okay.
00:57:17To be fair, I didn't really give Anita anything emotional to grip onto.
00:57:21All my other barriers are down.
00:57:23Right.
00:57:23All my cards are on the table, and I think Anita knows that she saw them.
00:57:27I struggle to open up emotionally.
00:57:29It's hard for me.
00:57:31Paul, when you and I met on a one-to-one, I felt like you were quite open.
00:57:36So I'm wondering, was there something that you needed in this interaction to have made you feel a little bit more able to open up?
00:57:46I can interact all day.
00:57:47I can talk to you all day.
00:57:49When it comes to affairs of the heart with the opposite sex in our relationship, I'm a different beast.
00:57:55That's when it feels a bit difficult to do.
00:57:57It feels extremely awkward and difficult, yeah.
00:57:59It sounds like on the honeymoon, Anita, you were observing Paul in terms of his emotional availability.
00:58:08You have placed him in this box, but it sounds like you've permanently placed him in the box.
00:58:13Because everyone can become emotionally available.
00:58:19Did you feel like, because he's not bringing that to the table now, I want nothing to do with him?
00:58:26No.
00:58:28I put him in that box because he said he wasn't in that headspace to be available.
00:58:34He's on a self-discovery journey, and I'm on a love journey.
00:58:38So until he's discovered himself and found out what he actually really needs in his life...
00:58:43Are those two mutually exclusive?
00:58:45They're on different paths.
00:58:46Are they, Anita?
00:58:50I have no idea.
00:58:52What we're saying is that the two can exist together, so you can be on a journey to find love,
00:58:58and you can also find yourself on that journey as well.
00:59:02Go ahead.
00:59:03Okay, all right.
00:59:04Honeymoon is done.
00:59:05Yep.
00:59:06You move into the apartments.
00:59:08Ish.
00:59:09Ish.
00:59:10For about ten minutes.
00:59:12What happened?
00:59:13Went into the apartments.
00:59:15And I just thought, I just don't know if I can do this.
00:59:19The thing that tipped me over the edge, it was like a make-or-break thing in my head.
00:59:23It was just like, Paul, what's the name of my two children?
00:59:25And he just went.
00:59:28That was the communication thing, and the lack of interest in me was kind of like, well...
00:59:34And was that because Paul hadn't asked you the names of your children?
00:59:40I've spoke about my children.
00:59:42I've actually said the names.
00:59:43Right.
00:59:43The grandchildren as well, I've spoke about them.
00:59:46So you felt like Paul just wasn't listening to you, and because he wasn't listening, he
00:59:50wasn't truly interested in you?
00:59:51Yeah.
00:59:52Okay.
00:59:54In my brain, there's no real point of pursuing it.
00:59:58Okay.
00:59:59It's interesting.
01:00:00So, Paul, what's your take?
01:00:01I have my children's tattoos, names and dates of birth on my arm for a reason, so I can't
01:00:05remember nothing.
01:00:06I talk constantly, and I put all my cards on the table, because that's how I operate.
01:00:11I volunteer the information.
01:00:14How Anita operates is she likes to be asked the information.
01:00:21So, at the end of the day, why are you here?
01:00:25To find love.
01:00:27Well, what does that mean to you?
01:00:29A partner in crime.
01:00:30Somebody to walk alongside us, still be holding hands when we're 80, somebody who's there
01:00:37for you.
01:00:40Now, Paul, what do you want?
01:00:47Invariably, I want to find a partner.
01:00:49I want to find love.
01:00:50I want to cry with somebody, laugh with someone.
01:00:54So, how is what you just said, Paul, and what you just said, Anita, different?
01:00:59In terms of what you're looking for, or is it the same?
01:01:04I want love.
01:01:06Is what you described what Paul just described?
01:01:09Yeah.
01:01:10Okay, so what's the problem?
01:01:13Ultimately, you both said you want to have someone who will support you, and I think that's
01:01:18the place to remain focused on, is be each other's support.
01:01:25Can we go to a decision?
01:01:29Anita.
01:01:34Paul's a lovely man.
01:01:37He's the gentleman I asked for.
01:01:39He really is attentive.
01:01:42I'm totally saying why.
01:01:44You matched us all.
01:01:47But I still feel that I'm missing something.
01:01:50So, for that reason, I will leave.
01:02:00I'm missing something.
01:02:16So, for that reason, I will leave.
01:02:26So, Paul?
01:02:37Um, for me, it's about building that trust and respect.
01:02:46Building that emotional bond.
01:02:47I'm sorry it wasn't happening at the start.
01:02:51I do apologize for that.
01:02:53I feel a little bit inadequate that I didn't provide that.
01:02:57Fine.
01:03:04But it's the start of the journey.
01:03:05I'm going to stay.
01:03:06So, if one person writes, stay, then the couple must stay and continue to work on their relationship.
01:03:22Now, let me give you my opinion.
01:03:26The miscommunication is in the listening and the asking of the questions.
01:03:32If those are done, this relationship becomes stronger.
01:03:38So, are you prepared to give us a go?
01:03:40Paul, are you prepared to give us a go?
01:03:56Yes!
01:04:00Paul, clearly, you have homework to do here.
01:04:03Yep.
01:04:04And Anita, can you think about what can you be doing to strengthen the relationship?
01:04:09Thank you both.
01:04:10Thanks very much.
01:04:11Thank you, Dad.
01:04:14I wrote leave because it was about wasting time.
01:04:18I'm hoping that Paul takes the expert's advice.
01:04:22And he has listened this time.
01:04:24Doesn't listen much to me.
01:04:25So, hopefully, he has a light bulb moment and thinks, yeah, I've got to try opening up.
01:04:31Rejection's a very difficult thing to cope with.
01:04:34A little bit disappointed that she doesn't want to try.
01:04:36It's only been eight days.
01:04:39Really?
01:04:40I hope that Anita can look at the differences we've got and work together to build the marriage going forward.
01:04:49Next up to the couch.
01:04:50We have Maeve.
01:04:59Hiya.
01:05:00Hi, Maeve.
01:05:01Is it all right?
01:05:01Yeah.
01:05:02How are you?
01:05:02Good to see you.
01:05:03Of course, Joe's not feeling very well.
01:05:06Yeah.
01:05:06So, we're just really keen to know how the whole process has been for you.
01:05:10So, take me back to the wedding.
01:05:12What were your first impressions of Joe?
01:05:13What were your first impressions of Joe?
01:05:15I was a little bit intimidated.
01:05:17I couldn't make eye contact with him.
01:05:20He was looking at me and I was just like, like, I couldn't look at him.
01:05:24What do you think was going on there for you?
01:05:27He's very good looking and I was just thinking, like, oh my God.
01:05:31He's not going to find me attractive whatsoever.
01:05:33I was quite sad to hear you say that.
01:05:38Because I've always got that self-doubt about it, do you know what I mean?
01:05:41Because I always go on like I'm loud and confident, but I am quite, like, shy inside.
01:05:45And when I saw him, I thought, nah, like, he's not going to like us.
01:05:52It sounded like you felt a bit intimidated when you saw Joe.
01:05:56Yeah.
01:05:58And then you went on honeymoon?
01:06:00Yeah.
01:06:01What happened?
01:06:03I argued with him.
01:06:05And he said something and I took it out of context completely.
01:06:09I could feel myself getting angry with him.
01:06:12And I had to take myself out of the situation because I thought, I don't want to be angry at you.
01:06:17Do you think because you felt quite intimidated, that's made you think, okay, let me kind of ruffle feathers here?
01:06:25Yeah.
01:06:26I could feel myself bubbling up thinking, I'm going to kick off, I'm going to kick off.
01:06:28So you felt quite triggered in that moment.
01:06:31Okay.
01:06:31I could feel myself liking him.
01:06:34And I was thinking, oh, God, I don't want to go through the heartache again.
01:06:36I don't want to go through the shit times again.
01:06:38I can't do it.
01:06:39I can't.
01:06:40I can't.
01:06:40Like, I'm trying to be vulnerable, but I really struggle doing that.
01:06:44I don't want people to see that side.
01:06:46And how did you resolve the argument with Joe?
01:06:50You know, when I said I want someone to speak to her softly, like, when I'm having bad moments, like, that's exactly what he did.
01:06:56Like, I'm just so grateful that that's what he did.
01:07:03Because I know I'm not an easy person to be around when I'm like that.
01:07:06And he's, like, so nice.
01:07:07There's so much more to him than, like, what he looks like.
01:07:10He's absolutely incredible.
01:07:12Yeah.
01:07:13I was getting in my head.
01:07:14I was thinking, oh, my God, I like him.
01:07:15I like him.
01:07:15Like, what am I going to do here?
01:07:17I don't want to be nasty to him.
01:07:20I'm feeling too much in my head because I struggle liking people.
01:07:24Because you feel that what?
01:07:25I don't know.
01:07:26I just feel like it's always going to end bad.
01:07:27I think he's too good for me.
01:07:33I mean, it's quite heartbreaking to hear you say that.
01:07:36Yeah.
01:07:36That you feel he's too good for you.
01:07:39Well, he is.
01:07:40No.
01:07:40No, he's not.
01:07:41No, no, no, no.
01:07:43And he doors her so much.
01:07:46Maybe there might be things that Joe could do differently to help you to feel more secure.
01:07:51He doesn't do anything wrong.
01:07:52Do you know what I mean?
01:07:53So Joe's perfect?
01:07:54No one's perfect.
01:07:56If you do nothing wrong, you're perfect.
01:07:58Well, he's perfect to me so far.
01:08:03Okay.
01:08:04But now let's talk about your part in this.
01:08:07Because you, Maeve, are the classic self-sabotager.
01:08:13But that comes from having low self-worth.
01:08:17Low self-worth comes from lots of places, but in particular from horrible relationships
01:08:23where we have been trounced on time and time again.
01:08:28And then you look at yourself and you say, you know what?
01:08:31I'm not worthy to have a great relationship.
01:08:33And we also place people on pedestals.
01:08:36And that's what you're doing.
01:08:37You're saying, I'm not worthy to be with someone that perfect.
01:08:41But you need to love on yourself more.
01:08:47You do.
01:08:54What do you do to love on yourself?
01:08:59I don't know.
01:09:01Nothing.
01:09:01Everyone's on a path here.
01:09:05And so what I hope for you in this path is that you find your self-worth.
01:09:11This is more important than your relationship with Joe.
01:09:17You understand this?
01:09:17Yeah.
01:09:18Okay.
01:09:19Let's go to the decisions, Maeve.
01:09:26I've had a bit of a rollercoaster of emotions, like, with this journey.
01:09:30And I've been vulnerable as much as I can be.
01:09:34But obviously I want to be a bit more vulnerable.
01:09:37And I want to give myself a little bit more self-love.
01:09:42That's the main one.
01:09:42So what I have decided is that I'm going to stay.
01:09:47So hold on, hold on, wait.
01:09:55Joe obviously can't be here.
01:09:58Yeah.
01:09:58But he has let us know his decision.
01:10:01And I can tell you he has decided to stay.
01:10:09Well, Maeve, I hope you grow to love yourself as much as we all love you.
01:10:14Right.
01:10:15Can I go on?
01:10:15You can.
01:10:17Thanks, Maeve.
01:10:25Imagine if the fucker said leave.
01:10:29Next on the couch, Nellie and Stephen.
01:10:32Hi.
01:10:39Hello.
01:10:40Hello.
01:10:40You all right?
01:10:41Welcome.
01:10:42Lovely to see the two of you.
01:10:43Lovely to see you.
01:10:44So let's start from the beginning.
01:10:47How was your wedding?
01:10:48Wedding was amazing.
01:10:50Yeah.
01:10:50Couldn't have asked for a better day, to be honest.
01:10:53I was a little bit concerned when I turned around and saw six guys walking towards me.
01:10:56I thought, hang on, where's the wife?
01:10:58But yeah, once I saw her being carried in on a dolly and saw her face, my first word was just wow.
01:11:05Yeah, that's nice.
01:11:06And it was just like a portrait.
01:11:07Oh my God, like, this is going to be my wife.
01:11:10I feel like this person I'm going to say I'll do to and give my all to.
01:11:13So yeah, it was really in that moment then.
01:11:16That's when I was like, OK, I'm ready.
01:11:17And Nellie, what was your experience?
01:11:22As soon as I saw Stephen, I just felt really calm.
01:11:27I just got a really nice vibe from him.
01:11:29For me, it was really important that my partner would value family a lot because I'm really close to mine.
01:11:33So that was amazing to see.
01:11:35Yeah.
01:11:36It was just really, really special.
01:11:37It was really nice.
01:11:39Sounding absolutely amazing.
01:11:41I'm very hopeful that you're going to say the same thing about the honeymoon.
01:11:44Was sparks still flying?
01:11:45Yeah, we had such an amazing time.
01:11:48Yeah.
01:11:49And where did you go?
01:11:50To Jamaica.
01:11:51We just literally just felt that whole Jamaican aura.
01:11:56We didn't bicker and it just got on so well.
01:11:59We laughed a lot.
01:12:00Yeah, we just had a really, really good time.
01:12:03We get on, we have a similar sense of humour.
01:12:05We are really playful with each other.
01:12:08It's exactly what I wanted.
01:12:11But I always just think like, well, when's something going to go wrong?
01:12:15It sounds like there's a part of you that's thinking this is too good to be true.
01:12:21Yeah, exactly that.
01:12:23I'm like kind of waiting for something to happen and it freaks me out a little bit that it hasn't.
01:12:28Why aren't we arguing?
01:12:29Why haven't you irritated me?
01:12:30Why haven't I irritated you?
01:12:34I end up trying to look for something.
01:12:36So for example, I love how affectionate you were on our honeymoon.
01:12:42And then I'd come back to the apartment and I would kind of think, he's not giving me a kiss this morning.
01:12:48And then I get in my head and think, yeah, it's because he doesn't like you.
01:12:53And then he will give me a kiss and I think, oh, that was nice.
01:12:55He does like me.
01:12:56And it's just constant.
01:12:59And I even feel saying this now, I'm thinking, oh my God, this is going to give him the ick and it's going to push him away.
01:13:03Do you know why you do that?
01:13:32No.
01:13:33Your last three relationships, how did those end?
01:13:39They all cheated on me.
01:13:40Right.
01:13:42So they betrayed your trust.
01:13:47Whenever our trust is betrayed over and over again, we develop what's called a hypervigilance for red flags.
01:13:56Because you have to learn to protect yourself.
01:13:58Okay.
01:13:58So you now are in this mode of self-protection.
01:14:02But you know what the problem is when you're just looking for red flags?
01:14:06I don't see the green ones.
01:14:07You miss all the beautiful green ones.
01:14:09And so the best advice I can give on this is become hypervigilant about green flags.
01:14:18Okay.
01:14:18Retrain your brain, and that's how you do it.
01:14:22Obviously on the reassurance piece, it comes out a little bit harder for me.
01:14:25I get frustrated with myself because I know I should give a lot more.
01:14:28Exactly.
01:14:29Yeah.
01:14:29I was going to say this.
01:14:30You have to actually say it.
01:14:33And it's very important for you to be consistent, and what you know is that you do have to reassure, and you have to do that consistently.
01:14:39And Nelly, at the dinner party yesterday, we saw you get quite emotional when it came to the honesty box, and you worrying about being too much.
01:14:53I just kind of worry that if I show too much emotion, like in my last relationship, I would be too emotional sometimes.
01:15:00Or if I get tearful, it was, oh, for God's sake, you're crying again.
01:15:03Sometimes I think I shouldn't give those emotions because what if that happens again?
01:15:07And then, yeah, the tears kept leaking from my face.
01:15:09I really applaud the fact that you did that, and I could see that that wasn't an easy thing for you to do.
01:15:16I would like to also say, though, that it is really important for you to be kinder to yourself.
01:15:22And I would encourage you to acknowledge that, actually, it's all right to show emotion if there's a lot more about your ex-partners that they weren't able to hold that.
01:15:32But what I'm seeing here is that Stephen can.
01:15:37He can be there for you, and we're seeing that right now.
01:15:39Yeah.
01:15:40I feel it.
01:15:42I don't think you.
01:15:44I'm sorry.
01:15:45Tell me, what are you like?
01:15:46Trying to poke you in the eye.
01:15:50Stephen, how was it for you to hear Nelly be so vulnerable yesterday?
01:15:55In a weird sense, it's pleasing.
01:15:58Obviously, I never want to see, like, the first time we've got to cry.
01:16:01It shows that she cares.
01:16:02It shows that she's willing to be vulnerable.
01:16:04But I've kept little memories and little moments to then, on those random days where maybe she's feeling a little bit too much in her head, to be like, well, look, here's what this week's meant to me.
01:16:15Here's our, like, week in a small little bag.
01:16:17The reassurance I'll give, I like to do it through action and not purely through words all the time.
01:16:22She walked in the other day in her head a little bit, and I, of course, picked her up, gave her a kiss, and, sort of, not resting her to the ground.
01:16:28But I loved it.
01:16:28That's what I want.
01:16:29It's fun.
01:16:30It's playful.
01:16:30I want stuff like that.
01:16:32You two sound like you're falling for each other.
01:16:34You can definitely say you're on the path for that, because there's been nothing wrong.
01:16:37So you're on the path?
01:16:39Yeah, you're on the path.
01:16:39Yeah, 100%.
01:16:40I am.
01:16:41I'm just going to have to say it.
01:16:42I probably would say I feel like I'm a little bit more ahead of Stephen.
01:16:45And I'll agree to that, because she's allowed herself to be vulnerable.
01:16:48So she's taken those extra couple of steps.
01:16:50I haven't yet.
01:16:51Yeah.
01:16:51So until I make that step and jump ahead, then we can start walking, like, hand in hand again.
01:16:58Can we go to a decision?
01:17:00Well, I am really grateful to have been matched with you in this process.
01:17:06And I love being around you.
01:17:08I am looking forward to doing this journey with you.
01:17:10And I really want to know a little bit more about you.
01:17:15So I'll put stay.
01:17:18Stay.
01:17:22And Stephen, what's your decision?
01:17:24It's leading in the right direction for me.
01:17:26And I'm saying I'm fully committed to opening up a little bit more.
01:17:29But, yeah, I'm fully in.
01:17:31I've been fully in since I see you in that dolly.
01:17:33So, yeah, for me, it's 100% stay with a little smiley face.
01:17:37I put a smiley as well.
01:17:44I think the two of you just made for each other.
01:17:46I'm so excited to see where this goes.
01:17:48And we wish you all the best for the rest of the week.
01:17:50I appreciate that.
01:17:51Yeah, thank you so much.
01:17:57I'm really glad that actually Paul highlighted what I'm doing,
01:18:00because I knew I was doing it, but I didn't know how to stop it.
01:18:05100% I'm going to be focusing on the green flags more.
01:18:09I feel better.
01:18:10Yeah, I feel more reassured already.
01:18:16Next time.
01:18:17Hello.
01:18:18It's Experts Week.
01:18:20Do I have permission to unmute you, Rose?
01:18:22While some couples lean into physical intimacy.
01:18:24Oh, I hope you know where the key is to that.
01:18:27Anita's patience with Paul wears even thinner.
01:18:30Surely you should know what you want by now.
01:18:31Are you expecting me to be fully committed attitudes?
01:18:33I need to know where this relationship's going.
01:18:37No, I'm not hanging around.
01:18:39And an unwanted interference in one couple's marriage.
01:18:42Other people don't need to know my shit,
01:18:44because you'll see a side of me which probably you won't like.
01:18:48I'm not having you told that I was trying to come to a relationship.
01:18:51I'm not.
01:18:51Couldn't give a flying fuck if I'm completely honest.
01:18:53I'm here for my relationship.
01:18:54Causes two husbands to collide.
01:18:56So many people just basically just bark off.
01:19:00You're not part of this relationship, so see yourself out.
01:19:03Oh, I'm not.
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