00:00yeah growing up there was I mean we had so much fun he was such a fun kid there was all kinds of
00:06like pranks he pulled and jokes he was always something and before I left um you know after
00:12filming and all the things I'd be like I love everybody except for Josh and it was like this
00:17we did it every time every time so it was like one of those things that like we just had this
00:22connection um he texted me two weeks before he was arrested uh sending me memes we very much
00:29kept in touch and you know the first scandal was really really hard for me to get not to get over
00:37but to accept and like to like whoa like who are you but then I realized that everybody and then the
00:44and then the Ashley Madison scandal right everything like everyone it felt like everyone
00:49popped up like apologized everyone was working everything was so healthy and good and so I was
00:54like why am I like holding this against this person you know everyone's human you know and so I like
00:59reconciled in my mind of like okay if everyone else can forgive I can too you know kind of thing
01:05because it wasn't towards me right and so I was like okay you make mistakes we don't know the whole
01:10full story we don't know their marriage like what you know all the things I don't know I don't know
01:14what I thought but I like I still like loved him regardless of the of the crap he did um and so he
01:22was sending they would send me messages and memes and and text messages and funny things all the time
01:27um and when Homeland Security showed up at my house I I I mean I broke down I didn't I don't know that
01:38person so I do not miss that person because he wasn't really real he would I mean that was just like
01:45a version of him but apparently in my opinion that is not fully him and uh I think the fully him part
01:55was when I confronted him and so that is the scariest thing I know and that's a boundary that
02:01I will I will never cross um now that I have a child now that I know the beauty of it and the
02:07innocence of them I will do everything in my power to speak on how to protect children and that's a
02:15boundary I will never cross it's been a very long time it's been um basically right before the trial
02:21of Josh uh the last one um you know in the book I gave a list of lies that were told um just grabbing
02:29at straws wherever he could you know kind of thing and I uh I just realized right then that like
02:35he didn't think that we deserved the truth like we weren't like worthy of the truth and I I hate
02:42the how that's come about but at the same time it made me like okay okay I see where I stand in the
02:48like in the totem hole you know like I see how much worth I really do mean to you um and so for
02:54that reason there's boundaries there because I'm not gonna put myself through that again
02:58and neither is my mom my mom realized really quickly that uh there were some unhealthy patterns
03:03in my opinion we'll say that so when I was driving there I was just like I'm tired of lies and I'm tired
03:11of people telling half truths and not like not saying what is really going on it was like literally
03:17impossible to find in my family and I was like that's it that's it and so I just got in my car
03:23and started driving and when I when I got there I didn't know what I was gonna do okay I had no idea
03:29but I was just like I'm going to like I'm gonna find out something there's gonna be some kind of
03:34information given to me or so help me god you know and so I when I was talking to him and I was so mad
03:43girl oh girl I was red as a firecracker I'm not kidding and just and it was like a righteous rage
03:52you know it's like how dare you touch these girls how dare you do the things that you did
03:56and um I don't know I don't know where that strength came from
04:00it did it showed up man it showed up and I realized I'm like five two okay I'm like a little
04:09thing I'm a little thing and I was just like like I just let every I just let it I just let it all go
04:16let me tell you I I don't know what I was thinking I don't know I don't I really don't know bravery
04:21wasn't like I'm gonna be brave today like no I was just like that's it like for Willa Deville
04:27and she's like driving in the car like that would be
04:30you
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