- 2 days ago
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00If you're looking for me, you better check under the sea, cause that is where you'll find me, underneath the sea lab, underneath the water, sea lab, at the bottom of the sea.
00:23Authorization code please.
00:30934, Texas.
00:32Authorized. Commence fingerprint scan.
00:39Confirmed. Access granted.
00:50Retinal scan commencing.
00:53Identity confirmed. Good morning, Captain Murphy.
01:00Good morning, Lattice.
01:15Hello, old friend.
01:17Well, hello, consumer. Yes, hello, consumer. Bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop bop b
01:47And I say to myself, I need exact change.
01:56That is exact change, jerk face.
01:59And I say to myself...
02:00You fucker crap! I'll have you turn into an artificial wreath!
02:05Come on, you piece of junk!
02:07Give me my main to stone! Come on!
02:09You big piece of crap!
02:17Okay, keep it together, Murphy. Just stay cool. Take a deep breath.
02:26Oh! Oh, my ribs! Oh, searing pain!
02:32God, is anything down there not broken?
02:36Oh, no. No, it's all crushed and wet.
02:42Man, I hope that soda...
02:45Help! Somebody help me!
02:47Hello? Help?
02:52Where the hell is everybody?
02:56Oh, yeah! This concert rocks!
03:00Oh, I hope he does booties for breakfast, man!
03:04Oh, yes!
03:05Oh, my God. He totally just looked at me.
03:08I love you, MC Chris! MC Chris!
03:12Look at these! They're jiggling, baby!
03:15Oh, yes!
03:16All right, Davey!
03:17Dammit!
03:19Hey, quit. Go get more drinks.
03:21I gotta grab some...
03:21Hello?
03:24Anybody?
03:26Oh!
03:28Keep it together, Murphy.
03:30You just gotta keep cool and figure out a plan.
03:34You've been in tighter scrapes than...
03:36Ouch!
03:57Oh, poison!
03:59Corsi through my veins!
04:01Oh, working out.
04:05Any second.
04:06No, no.
04:08I'm fighting it off.
04:11I'm gonna make it.
04:17Papa, Papa, come see.
04:19I'm going for the record.
04:21Papa.
04:22Damn it, young Murphy.
04:23I'm watching Magnum.
04:25But Papa, I'm...
04:26Shut up.
04:27TC's doing something.
04:29But Papa.
04:31Oh, what the...
04:40Oh, jeez.
04:43My tooth.
04:46What's that?
04:48Hello?
04:49Hello?
04:55Thank God.
04:57Sir, some sort of
04:59rescue toaster.
05:01Okay.
05:02Okay, go get help, boy.
05:04But if you've got one of those
05:05little barrels with brandy in it,
05:07I...
05:07Hey, don't go yet.
05:10I need brandy.
05:11Oh, my teeth.
05:14Oh, my face.
05:21Now just listen here, you.
05:30What?
05:31What are you making?
05:31A necklace?
05:32Shut up!
05:55Oh, it's you, Ben.
05:59Sorry about that.
06:01Uh, what's on tap for today?
06:04Ah, yeah.
06:05Mango Reinhardt.
06:07The thinking man's pop.
06:08Ha, ha, thank you, Ben.
06:15Ah, ah, oh, hold on, Ben.
06:18Aren't you, uh, forgetting something?
06:22Come on, come on.
06:24What are you waiting for?
06:25Daddy needs his medicine.
06:28I'm sick, baby.
06:29I'm sick.
06:30Come on, baby.
06:31Daddy needs his feel gorgeous.
06:34Oh, oh, yeah, yeah.
06:36That's the stuff.
06:38That's what Daddy needs.
06:40Yeah, yeah, yeah.
06:42See, see, see what it is,
06:44is we're all community.
06:46And when you're community
06:48and when love enters into it,
06:51it's...
06:51It's...
06:53Put him in a scupper
07:06with a hose pipe in him.
07:07Put him in a scupper
07:08with a hose pipe in him.
07:10Earl I.A. in the morning.
07:14Wrong melody.
07:15Hee, hee, hee, hee, hee.
07:17Ben?
07:18Ha, ha.
07:19What are you doing down there?
07:20Hey, ha, ha, that tickles.
07:22What?
07:24You kidding?
07:25Oh, that's wonderful.
07:28You've laid your brood of eggs
07:29in my navel.
07:31Ha, ha, ha.
07:31We're gonna be mommies.
07:34Ben, this is the...
07:35That was my last tooth,
07:39you f...
07:40Whoa.
07:45Tooth-stealing, bastard!
07:47You get it, Ben!
07:48The eyes, Ben.
07:52Go to the eyes!
07:54That's it.
07:55You can do it.
07:56Sting and move!
07:57Sting and move!
07:58Sting and move!
08:07Ben?
08:09Ben?
08:10You bastard!
08:14You killed Ben!
08:16Yeah, me.
08:16Oh, Ben!
08:19And your babies!
08:21Oh, ha, ha.
08:23They're hatching!
08:25They're orphans!
08:26Oh, I'm getting angry!
08:29You won't like me when I'm angry!
08:31Murphy!
08:35Murphy!
08:36Kill robot!
08:39Murphy!
08:40Spare robot!
08:47Well, it's good to be back at C-Lab.
08:50Man!
08:50When Debbie got us backstage,
08:52who'd have guessed that MC Chris
08:54would ask us all to go on a world tour
08:56as his roadies?
08:57What a crazy year.
08:59Best year of my freaking life, man.
09:01Speak for yourself!
09:05You can't cage MC Chris, Debbie.
09:08He's a bird, man.
09:09He's got to be free.
09:11Yeah, girl, let her play a play.
09:13Can't hold a man down.
09:15Anyway, I wonder where Captain Murphy is.
09:20Yes, ma'am!
09:21Holy bajito!
09:21Yes, ma'am!
09:23Yeah!
09:24Bebop!
09:25Cola!
09:27Good!
09:30Huh?
09:31Gold, right?
09:33Not edgy enough.
09:35What else you got?
09:37Not edgy?
09:38What about the scorpions?
09:39Yeah.
09:40What's with that?
09:41Are they premiums?
09:42What?
09:42You're not getting it.
09:44The scorpions are symbolic.
09:46Of the fifth!
09:48Ken, no bugs.
09:50What else you got?
09:51Okay, okay, okay, you're right, you're right, no bugs.
09:54We got this other, our main idea.
09:57Ken, today?
09:58Okay, okay, we've perfected a technology that'll allow us to put a billboard into space.
10:04Think of it, Dick.
10:05Your billboard would be seen by everyone in the entire world.
10:10Keep talking.
10:11Well, there would be catastrophic tidal waves, but the upshot here?
10:15Kids love to surf.
10:16Rip the car, Dick!
10:18That would be a choice demographic, Dick.
10:21Gentlemen, surf's up!
10:24My backpacks got chance.
10:26Well, I'm Boba, all that fat.
10:28Well, I bounty hunt for a job of hard to finance my bed.
10:32Well, I chill in deep space.
10:34A mask gets over my face.
10:36Well, I deliver the price, but I still narrow my eyes.
10:39Cause my time, I don't like to waste.
10:40Get down.
10:41I bounty hunt for a job of hard to finance my bed.
10:48I'll bet a lot of you are uncomfortable in your seats after watching this program.
10:56You probably need some talcum.
10:57If you're looking for me, you better check under the sea.
11:08Cause that is where you'll find me.
11:12Underneath the sea lab, underneath the water.
11:19Sea lab at the bottom of the sea.
11:27I'm so sick of this crap tank.
11:47Day in, day out, same old metal walls, same old glass, two feet thick,
11:53keeping the same old stupid water pressure from crushing us like fleas.
11:57I need a change!
12:00I don't think your hair can take another perm, Skip.
12:04Nor do I.
12:06But I'm talking about feng shui.
12:08The ancient Chinese study of harmony with one's surroundings.
12:11Oh, yeah.
12:12So, I've hired the best feng shui guy in the business to come down here
12:16and get my yin and yang in balance, cause I friggin' love harmony!
12:24I've got to up his saltpeter dosage.
12:28Welcome to sea lab, Master Lu.
12:31Right.
12:32Yeah.
12:34This place is a dump.
12:36That's why we're gonna redo the whole place.
12:38The bridge, the reactor.
12:39Ho, ho, ho, wait, wait, wait.
12:43I know you're excited, but you know feng shui costs like ungodly amounts of money, alright?
12:48Whatever.
12:49It's all taxpayer money, so go nuts.
12:52Pad the hell out of it.
12:53Yeah, well, don't worry about that.
12:55First up, my crapper.
12:57That's where I really focus a lot on my chi.
13:03Do not mess with me.
13:05Do not mess with me.
13:09Okay.
13:14Lu?
13:16I'm speechless.
13:18Yeah, you know, uh, $50,000 toilet'll do that.
13:22You know that's how much that costs, right?
13:24I mean, just so we're clear before we rip out the cafeteria.
13:27I'll, uh, I'll catch up.
13:29I gotta get something down on paper.
13:33Oh, you gotta get...
13:34I gotcha.
13:36Bathroom humor.
13:37That's great.
13:38You know any funny stuff about farts?
13:42Yeah.
13:44Oh, yeah, man.
13:45It's a gold mine.
13:46Insane amounts of money.
13:49No, man.
13:49He thinks I invented feng shui.
13:51Do you believe that?
13:52He's like Captain Trusting.
13:54Oh, yeah.
13:55You got a pen?
13:56Here's his social.
13:56Hey, what's going on out there?
14:09Oh, Murphy hired a feng shui dude to redecorate the joint.
14:12Feng shui?
14:13That's not in the budget.
14:15How we paying for all this?
14:16Selling pot.
14:20Holders.
14:23Made of hemp.
14:25Yeah, so she goes 69?
14:28You mean you want beef with broccoli?
14:30Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
14:31Yeah.
14:32Sexist and racist.
14:33Wow.
14:34Two in one.
14:35You have a gift.
14:36Yeah, yeah, I got a ton of those.
14:39So, so, hey, uh, uh, what am I eating here anyway?
14:43Korean.
14:44For starters, mousse on chai.
14:47Then bibimbap with a kochujang pepper sauce.
14:51And this little guy over here is a side of kimchi.
14:55No kidding.
14:56Yeah, uh, Kim, uh...
14:58Kimchi.
14:59Is it chi?
15:00Kimchi dates back like a, uh, like I think like a thousand years to the, uh,
15:06ding-dong dynasty.
15:08Oh, oh, sure, the ding-dongs.
15:10Say, let's put some wind chimes up around here.
15:13What do you say?
15:13Murphy, listen to me.
15:15You live in an airtight capsule.
15:17How can a wind chime work without wind?
15:20Is there nothing we can't learn when we look to the east?
15:25Hi.
15:26Dude, that's why we're selling you the golden fans.
15:30To generate the wind.
15:32Yo, Marco!
15:34This Master Lou guy.
15:35Anybody check him out?
15:37Stingray softly sleeps.
15:40My probing will not wake him.
15:42Sweet dreams, little one.
15:45What?
15:46Haiku, baby.
15:48I bought Master Lou's best-selling book.
15:50Only $99.95.
15:53Wait a minute.
15:54Oh, okay.
15:55Ah.
15:57Oh.
15:58Oh, here we go.
15:59I poke, poke his face.
16:03And yet he still ignores me.
16:06Poke, poke, poke, poke, poke.
16:13This is crap.
16:15I don't know who put these tubes here, but they've got to go.
16:18Okay?
16:19You need rocks and wood and leaves and, you know.
16:23I think we need those.
16:26And that, Captain, is how these evaporators make breathable air from seawater.
16:35Any questions?
16:36Yes.
16:37Can I borrow your pick?
16:41No.
16:45Nope.
16:46Guess not.
16:47Rip them out.
16:49Dig it.
16:49All right, I'm going to find out about this Master Lou, boy.
16:52I don't trust that boy as far as I can tell, man.
16:54I'm going to find out what's going on with him.
16:56Master Lou can't fool me.
16:57Interpol.
16:58Yeah, hi.
16:58I need you to run a background check on a Master Lou, which may be an alias.
17:03I'll just type that in.
17:08How'd you hear about us?
17:09My mom.
17:10Yeah.
17:11Let's see.
17:12He's wanted for fraud, theft by fraud, and oh, murder.
17:16I knew it.
17:17Will you be needing anything else today, sir or ma'am?
17:20No, thank you.
17:20Would you like to take advantage of wiretap Wednesdays?
17:23No, no, thank you.
17:24No, thank you.
17:27Check out this bitchin' shuriken Master Lou sold me.
17:31Only a hundred bucks.
17:32I got noontaku.
17:34What did you get?
17:35Uh, this crappy-ass bird.
17:39Loser, I'm so sorry.
17:40And this ceremonial katana.
17:44With Tonto.
17:46Hey, where's Master Lou?
17:48Whoa, whoa.
17:50Take your shoes off.
17:51Don't disrespect our dojo, dude.
17:54Shut up.
17:55Master Lou is an imposter.
17:58Never.
18:01Dude, you're an idiot.
18:06Good call on the bamboo, Lou.
18:08Feels good, huh?
18:09Now let's put a Zen garden in the tank room.
18:11I feel kinda lightheaded.
18:17Yeah.
18:18You wanna totally ride that feeling, cause I'm stoked about this decision.
18:23Yeah, man.
18:24Hey.
18:24You know, someone had told me that you're famous.
18:27Yeah?
18:27Also, can I get your autograph?
18:28Ha ha!
18:30All right.
18:33Dude.
18:34Listen to me, people.
18:36He's swindled C-Lab out of millions.
18:39What if our whole world was like, um, a giant video game?
18:46Huah!
18:47Ow!
18:48Give me back my chips!
18:50Hey, evaporators, let's stop working.
18:54Nitrogen, Narcosis.
18:56Nitrogen, Narcosis is potentially fatal.
19:02And the reactor's offline.
19:05Hey, get Hesh on two.
19:07Hurry up, Spock.
19:09All right, Officer Buzzkill.
19:12Bridge to reactor.
19:13Hesh, come in.
19:15Hi!
19:15What the hell are you doing?
19:18Master Lou ripped out all the electronics.
19:20Turned the reactor room into a Japanese bathhouse.
19:23And forced you to dress like a geisha.
19:25Uh, no.
19:27That was my idea.
19:28Why don't you come on down?
19:29Give you a body shampoo.
19:30Happy ending.
19:31We're no evaporator.
19:34And no reactor.
19:36We're new!
19:37Dude.
19:38Oh, man.
19:39That's great.
19:41To the tank room.
19:42We can put on the scuba gear.
19:46This Feng Shui stuff is great.
19:49Look, I got a skate.
19:54And you're totally out of money, right?
19:55Mm-hmm.
19:56So, uh, how do I get out where there's not water?
20:02Hold it right there, Lou.
20:04Interpol told me all about you.
20:07God, those guys, like, totally hate me.
20:09Hey, uh, if you remember, what did they tell you about, uh, this?
20:13Oh, look at that!
20:14Holy bejesus!
20:17Away!
20:19You see this?
20:20You see how my body's glowing like that?
20:22Yeah, a lot of people can't do that.
20:24Come get some of this glowing.
20:27Okay, Master Lou.
20:29Come and get a shot of vitamin M!
20:32Hi-yah!
20:32Oh, okay.
20:34You want, you want some.
20:35You want some of the glowing.
20:36Look, man, your soul, I'm gonna totally chew on it and floss with your spirit.
20:40I read that somewhere.
20:43But I'll do it.
20:44Oh, yeah, gringo?
20:45Well, I'm just gonna plain kick your ass!
20:48Hi-yah!
20:52Ha! Ha!
20:53Feltzer!
20:55Feltzer!
20:55This game is stupid.
20:56You spend an hour hanging wind chimes and then you fight and then the game is out.
21:00Back to the back of the head.
21:02That's right, Master.
21:03Hit him in the face again.
21:04Time out.
21:04Time out by joystick.
21:05It's not working.
21:07Feltzer!
21:07Will you quit it?
21:08Look at that!
21:09Look at that!
21:09Look how bad I'm beating.
21:10You know, I slept wrong on my wrist two weeks ago and it's unfair that you're making me play with my hands.
21:15Oh, you know, Shane, get your dead ass up and fight me.
21:18Wait, bud, for real.
21:20Can we just time out for a minute, please?
21:21No, you're dead.
21:22And I'm gonna desecrate your cards.
21:24You know what?
21:25Video games are forbidden.
21:27From now on.
21:28I'm not kidding.
21:28That's right.
21:29Get out of here.
21:30It's the Balloon Stones.
21:31I'm solo on this.
21:34Bonus, Kratzer.
21:35What did I just tell you?
21:37Uh-oh.
21:38Eugh!
21:38Whoa!
21:39Don't!
21:39Use your joystick.
21:41I raised things all summer to do this thing.
21:44Well, it's broken now.
21:46And guess what?
21:46I'm gonna go break everything in your room.
21:49I didn't know I didn't know.
21:50Disobedient.
21:527030.
21:52Is this yours?
21:53That's not mine.
21:54Because it's gone.
21:55You're breaking somebody else's thing, though.
21:57It's cheap looking and it's out of here.
21:59What kind of crap is this?
22:00Did an elephant paint this?
22:01If you're looking for me, you better check under the sea.
22:11Because that is where you'll find me.
22:14Underneath the sea lab, underneath the water.
22:21Sea lab at the bottom of the sea.
22:27Look, I'm just gonna lay my cards on the table and maybe you'll think it sounds crazy.
22:37I mean, who knows?
22:39Maybe I am crazy.
22:41But if this is crazy, babe, I don't want to be sane.
22:44I'm in love with you, Wendy.
22:47Oh, Captain.
22:49For so long, I have quivered at the thought of your lips on my crudely drawn mouth.
22:55Hey.
22:55Your strong hands caressing my slender wooden body.
23:00Hey, don't talk like that, you slut.
23:02But when we met, I was working as a hook-em-up.
23:07Stop it, Buckethead Wendy.
23:09Betting down every filthy brew who laid down a peso for a bristle job.
23:13I warned her.
23:19Save me, save me.
23:21He's an animal.
23:23What the hell are you two doing?
23:25You know I didn't mean it, baby.
23:28Oh, man.
23:29I was starting to lose it there.
23:31Hey, the door's broken.
23:33We've been trapped in here for three days.
23:35It's not broken.
23:37You just press the...
23:38No, no, no, no.
23:39You idiot.
23:40You just press the...
23:41You just...
23:43The door's broken.
23:45Huh.
23:46What the hell?
23:47Idiota!
23:48Cabeza de piedras!
23:49Yo nunca conocido un hombre tan estupido como tú!
23:52Stop yelling, okay?
23:54You're just sucking up all the air.
23:56Don't tell me what to yell or not yell.
23:58Jeez, horse nostrils slooping up all the precious oxygen!
24:03Sparks, get a hold of yourself.
24:05Claustrophobic.
24:06Not getting enough...
24:08I warned him.
24:11Damn, he's out cold.
24:12Yeah?
24:13Hey, you know, you throw a pretty good punch, Captain.
24:17Well, there were a lot of bullies in my neighborhood when I was a kid.
24:20Your dad got you boxing lessons?
24:22No.
24:23No, I just got beat up a lot.
24:26So, now when I get the chance, I like to sucker punch people.
24:30Yeah.
24:33Hey, the repair grid says this door's broken.
24:36Oh, right, man.
24:36Is that right?
24:37You're really saying...
24:38What'd you do that for?
24:41Look, we've been through all that.
24:43Get away, kitty.
24:43The point is, once his buddies find out, they'll be on me like stink on rice.
24:49Got it?
24:50We gotta cover this up.
24:52Wait!
24:52Don't close the...
24:53Door!
24:54Come on.
24:55We gotta make it look like he fell or something.
24:57It looks like he fell.
25:00Yeah, right.
25:00Okay.
25:01Uh, help me strip him.
25:02We'll take some blackmail photos.
25:04That's how we got there to quit drinking.
25:06What are you gonna do?
25:07Posing with Buckethead Windy?
25:09You bastard!
25:11Aha!
25:12Okay.
25:13Ow!
25:13It's gotta stop.
25:14Jeez, your chin's like a rock!
25:16Yeah.
25:17Okay, listen.
25:18Once this guy doesn't report back, someone's gonna come looking for him.
25:21I'm gonna catch some Z's.
25:25Seriously, I think my hand's broken.
25:28Good night, sir.
25:33Hey, damn it!
25:34Wasn't me.
25:35That doesn't!
25:37Oof!
25:37Nighty-nighty-night, sir.
25:42Come on, I wanna show you something.
25:44What?
25:45A box?
25:46You could say that.
25:47Mm-hmm.
25:48Shh, shh, shh.
25:49Shut the door.
25:50Shut the door.
25:50Okay.
25:51Now then, where were we?
25:53Ooh, turn on the light, girl.
25:56No, I kinda like it better off.
25:58Well, now how are we supposed to get supplies in the dark?
26:01I think I found what I'm looking for.
26:04Ooh, ooh, ooh, girl.
26:05Girl, you are so bad.
26:07Mm, guess this really is the tall closet.
26:11Hey!
26:12Ugh!
26:12What the hell's going on here?
26:14Marco!
26:15Whoa, whoa, whoa.
26:17Quinn, don't swing like that, baby.
26:18Shut up.
26:19Ah!
26:20What are you two doing in here?
26:22Uh, getting supplies?
26:25What are you doing in here?
26:26We were trapped!
26:27Oh, why did you shut the door?
26:31I simply will not stand here and listen to a bunch of foul-mouthed innuendo.
26:34What?
26:35Yeah, and I, I was looking for this, so now I'll just be on my way.
26:41The door's broken.
26:44The door's broken.
26:45Look, my break's only an hour, so if you don't...
26:47Oh, my God.
26:49Who beat up all these people?
26:50Oh, uh, that.
26:52Well, uh, they got into a fight.
26:55And, you know, I tried to stop it, yeah.
26:57But they overpowered me, see?
26:59Uh, that one guy over there, he has, like, a big hammer.
27:02Yeah, a big hammer.
27:03And then, I guess they must have beat each other unconscious, because, uh, I don't know.
27:08I was asleep already.
27:11Murphy did it.
27:13Nice.
27:14Really believable.
27:16Well, I couldn't come up with a smooth one like getting supplies.
27:21Yeah, you know.
27:22You were supplying that booty, wasn't you?
27:25No, isn't that right?
27:28Yeah, baby.
27:30Hey, I'm standing right here.
27:35Sorry, baby.
27:36Buckethead Wendy, is that you?
27:38Captain?
27:39Uh, um, you're awake.
27:41Hey, who hit me?
27:43Uh, beard guy.
27:44Oh, yeah?
27:45Yeah, but...
27:46Sir...
27:47How you like me now, chinstrap?
27:50How do you like...
27:50Sir!
27:51Huh?
27:52Sir!
27:55I warned him.
27:56The important thing is, Quinn's here now, and he's gonna think of a way to get us out of here.
28:00Get some manhooks off my lady!
28:01Why did you do that?
28:05What'd you expect?
28:06I'll turn it up like that, you're just asking for it.
28:09Don't be a tramp like Debbie for...
28:10Man, I really gotta get out of here.
28:14Hey, Sparks, come on.
28:16There's not enough air in here for...
28:18Oh, my face.
28:19Oh, yeah!
28:20My lungs are imploding!
28:26Oh, you're awake.
28:27Excellent.
28:28When old guy hit me...
28:29Fix away.
28:30I got, might think, a concussion.
28:32Waiting on you.
28:33Now, cause, remember, I can't fix stuff.
28:37Oh, great.
28:38Now what?
28:39I gotta lay down back.
28:41Cause our concussion happened to be sleepy.
28:46Can't fix it laying down, baby.
28:48Let's go.
28:49I'll tell you when I see Murphy, man.
28:50I'm gonna get out of here, man.
28:51Murphy, keep messing...
28:51Oh.
28:53Yeah!
28:54That's right, punk!
28:55Hey, should Beard Guy be asleep with a concussion?
28:58No, absolutely not.
29:00Wake him up!
29:01No, no, no, no, no.
29:03Let him sleep.
29:04He'll need a lot less air.
29:05He might die, idiot!
29:07Then he'll need a lot less.
29:09Not asleep yet.
29:10Shut up!
29:12Okay, Quinn.
29:13You got a big, fat brain.
29:15Huh.
29:16So think us up a way out of here, would ya?
29:18Alright, first off, what do we have on hand that we can use?
29:21Fire!
29:21Let's start a fire so the smoke detector goes off.
29:25And then, and then we can get rescued and we can breathe!
29:27I saw a gas can in here somewhere.
29:29Who's got a lighter?
29:30Yeah, you know, we probably won't even have time to die of smoke inhalation before those
29:34oxygen tanks explode and blow us through the roof.
29:37Great idea!
29:39We'll use the oxygen tanks to blow us out of here!
29:42Come on, people!
29:43You know C-Lab is prone to massive explosions?
29:46Yeah, this place is a freaking bomb on stilts.
29:49You know, if I had a nickel for...
29:50Oh my God!
29:51I'm claustrophobic!
29:52We gotta get out of here!
29:55I've got a plan.
29:57Okay, I'm gonna need this, gonna need that, gonna need a little...
30:01Okay, how about this one?
30:02This is a bank nail.
30:03That means good luck.
30:04Now, duct tape wouldn't hurt.
30:06Anybody...
30:06Hello, duct tape!
30:07You go right here.
30:09Oh, yeah.
30:11Alright then, we got the lovely Wendy here to sing her irresistible song.
30:16Siren song.
30:17And lure unwitting mariners into the closet.
30:20Then we shanghai them and make them think of a plan.
30:26Um, I'm just gonna use Beard Guy's tools and bypass the circuit.
30:30Well, why don't you just shout down every suggestion I come up with?
30:34Why don't you call Bruce Springsteen and tell him to get another nickname since you're already the boss?
30:39Huh?
30:40Why don't you do that?
30:41Yeah!
30:42I'm gonna go fix the door now.
30:45Who's Bruce Springsteen?
30:46Who's Bru...
30:47Man, you people.
30:49Bunch of Philistines.
30:51Put that over here.
30:52Put the right thing here.
30:53Okay, I...
30:54Come on already.
30:55I'm...
30:55I'm running on CO2 here, okay?
30:57And...
30:58We really should have some plants in this room.
31:00Would you shut up?
31:01Oh, yeah.
31:02God forbid anybody speak while a mighty Quinn is doing his plan.
31:06No!
31:07You don't want to incur the wrath of Quinn.
31:09Thou shall have no other gods before Quinn.
31:12Mighty Quinn.
31:13Big Quinn.
31:15Quinn is...
31:16Do you want this door open or not?
31:19I do.
31:21Okay, then.
31:22Okay, then.
31:23Nice doggy.
31:30Hurry, quick!
31:31Shut it!
31:31Shut it!
31:33Just me!
31:34What the hell was that?
31:35Where did all those dogs come from?
31:37Oh, yeah.
31:38Now I remember.
31:40Remember what?
31:41Uh, well, you know how some people rescue greyhounds?
31:45I mean, from the track?
31:46Those weren't any damn greyhounds.
31:49No, I don't like greyhounds.
31:51Too pointy.
31:51So I rescued some fighting dogs from Guatemala.
31:55What?
31:55Ah, yeah.
31:56Tough bastards, too.
31:58Real killers.
31:59What the hell were you thinking, man?
32:02Anywho, I came down here to get them some food.
32:05They haven't been fed in three days?
32:07Uh, more like ten.
32:09I kept forgetting.
32:11We're trapped in here!
32:13Yes.
32:14Yes, we are.
32:15But it could be worse.
32:17How?
32:17How could it possibly be any freaking worse?
32:21We could be out there.
32:25Like Stormy.
32:26We could be out there.
32:27We could be out there.
32:28We could be out there.
32:29We could be out there.
32:29We could be out there.
32:30We could be out there.
32:30We could be out there.
32:31We could be out there.
32:32We could be out there.
32:33We could be out there.
32:34We could be out there.
32:35We could be out there.
32:36We could be out there.
32:37We could be out there.
32:38We could be out there.
32:39We could be out there.
32:40We could be out there.
32:41We could be out there.
32:42We could be out there.
32:43We could be out there.
32:44We could be out there.
32:45We could be out there.
32:46We could be out there.
32:47We could be out there.
32:48We could be out there.
32:49We could be out there.
32:50We could be out there.
32:51Do you want the mustache on or off?
33:02Too bad.
33:21All I wanted was to make the world a better place and make an ass load of money.
33:40But it all went so terribly wrong.
33:46Hey, Skip. How you feeling? Feeling okay today?
33:50Uh, yeah, I guess, uh, well, pretty good, you know.
33:54Did you say pretty good? Well, how'd you like to feel really good?
34:01Hey, hey, hey, hey, see here, mister? This is a clean ship and I won't have any...
34:05Hey, hey, hey, hey, relax, Skip. It's merely an herbal dietary supplement.
34:10Gimme, gimme, gimme.
34:11I call them Stimutax. Catchy, huh? All natural, mostly kelp.
34:16They give you more energy and promote a general sense of well-being.
34:22Hey, come on!
34:28Nothing.
34:30Give me another one.
34:30Hey, hey, give it a minute. You gotta digest the ingredients.
34:35I don't have all day to start feeling good, okay?
34:38Oh, hey.
34:42Whoa, hey!
34:43Oh, hey, hey!
34:45It's, uh, I mean, it's like a koala bear crapped a rainbow in my brain!
34:51Okay, Captain.
34:52I'm gonna make so much freaking money with this stuff.
34:55There he goes.
34:58Dude, what's with Murphy?
35:00Nothing. Here, eat this.
35:01Should my physical self feel created from untold millions of minute bubbles?
35:13Uh, I don't know.
35:14Sparks?
35:15I have total cognizance of every synapse in my cerebral cortex.
35:22No kidding.
35:23I must ingest more of the ovoid capsules.
35:26Tomorrow.
35:27What shall I do until then?
35:28Go bounce somewhere else.
35:31Indeed.
35:34Oh, uh, tell your friends.
35:37Do you even know what's in it?
35:40I don't care.
35:42Colors are more vivid, and food tastes better, which, actually, I haven't eaten since yesterday,
35:48but the air tastes better, and...
35:50Amazing air!
35:52I have the energy of a bear that has the energy of two bears!
35:56How are you hanging up there?
35:57Hmm.
35:58I dig my toes into the ceiling.
36:00Into NASA-grade titanium?
36:02Mm-hmm.
36:03Don't you get it?
36:04This isn't natural.
36:05You shouldn't be that strong.
36:07That's nothing compared to my telica-wats's powers.
36:10Behold!
36:11Sir, what are you doing?
36:12Silence!
36:14I'm psychoflexing.
36:15Come on.
36:16Bend.
36:17Rubber spoon, rubber spoon, rubber spoon, rubber spoon, rubber spoon, rubber spoon, rubber spoon, rubber spoon, rubber spoon, rubber spoon, rubber spoon, rubber spoon, rubber spoon, rubber spoon, rubber spoon.
36:22I'll be right back.
36:22Rubber spoon, rubber spoon, rubber spoon, rubber spoon, yes.
36:26Okay.
36:27Captain, it is not the spoon that you wish to bend,
36:31but rather the will of the spoon.
36:34You just bought yourself a ticket to Pretzel Town, buddy.
36:43Damn your non-metal body.
36:47I told you already, I made it.
36:50You made a drug.
36:51Herbal supplement.
36:53Totally safe.
36:54Look, it's like 99% kelp for crying out.
36:57Kelp is crap.
36:58What's the other 1%?
37:00Secret ingredient.
37:00What is it, Sparks?
37:02Can't tell you.
37:02Yeah, well, your little secret is driving everybody crazy,
37:05and now they're all addicted.
37:07Yes.
37:08So now I'm going to start charging for it.
37:11You can't test drugs on humans.
37:12There are rules, procedures.
37:15It has to be tested on animals first.
37:17Why?
37:18Why does all the crap we consume have to be tested on animals first?
37:22Because that is...
37:23A rat doesn't wear lipstick, okay?
37:25A rabbit doesn't use hairspray.
37:27A monkey doesn't need pills to get ramped up for hot monkey sex.
37:31It's people, man.
37:33We're miserable.
37:34So why shouldn't we try it all first?
37:42Well, you've got a point there, actually.
37:45I'll try it.
37:48Really?
37:49Um, yeah.
37:50Give me one.
37:51It'll be scientific research.
37:53That's the old pepper.
37:55I, um...
37:57I just need a glass of water.
38:02Uh, let me know how it works.
38:06I wonder if it's legal to sell this stuff to kids.
38:09I will now bend this Stilson wrench using my psycho-flexative powers.
38:22Come on.
38:23Bend.
38:24Oh, wow.
38:26I bet I could kill a guy with my toes.
38:28Captain, give me that.
38:29Oh, yeah!
38:31Hey!
38:32My wrench!
38:33Well, I'd be totally hacked if Stimutax weren't so...
38:38Outrageously chill?
38:39Word.
38:41Stormy, float your ass over here and magic me up another wrench.
38:44Nay, Captain.
38:45Oh, yeah.
38:46You're not for earthly goods and pleasures.
38:49Cast off this taint and become taintless.
38:53Hey, hey, hey!
38:53Shut up!
38:54It's 420.
38:55Word up!
38:56Time to go get some more pills.
38:58Okay, Sparks, let's see here.
39:03Kelp.
39:04Kelp.
39:05Wait a...
39:06Oh, my God.
39:08That's the secret ingredient.
39:10Toxin from the fugu.
39:12The world's most poisonous fish.
39:14This venom causes massive neurological damage.
39:17That's what's causing the side effects.
39:19I've got to warn the...
39:20Ah!
39:21Oops.
39:22Dart in your neck.
39:23You crazy ass son of a...
39:24Shh.
39:25Ride the Stimutax.
39:27Stimutax?
39:29My God.
39:30Do you realize what you've done?
39:35Give me another one.
39:37Ha, ha.
39:38I knew you'd see the light.
39:39Light!
39:40Light!
39:41A thousand points of delicious light sparkling like diamonds in my brain.
39:48Oh, man.
39:50Are you digging this air?
39:53This air rules.
39:56Sparks!
39:58Sparks!
39:59Sparks!
39:59Hey, whoa, whoa.
39:59Hey, I'm serious here, people.
40:01Hey, hey, hey, hey.
40:02I'm serious here, people.
40:03No money, no Stimutax.
40:06Who's next?
40:07Me.
40:07Me, me, me, me, me, me, me.
40:08Me, me, me, me.
40:10Hey, I think I need up my dosage because I'm not, you know, like, feeling it like before.
40:14One.
40:15Everybody just gets one little pill.
40:17Why?
40:18Hey, hey, are you running out?
40:19Hey, he's running out.
40:20Hey, hey, we are not in my batman.
40:22No fronties.
40:23I gotta catch up.
40:24It is imperative that we be given preference over these mendicants.
40:29Marduk commands it.
40:31Who the hell is Marduk?
40:32The sun god who dwells inside me.
40:36In front or in back?
40:37Marduk, son of Ea, slayer of Tiamat.
40:41Marduk rules.
40:42He totally does.
40:43I want Marduk the sun god in me.
40:45Everybody shut up.
40:47Look at yourselves.
40:48You're like zombies.
40:51Debbie, Debbie, look at me.
40:52What you need inside you is some food.
40:54If I eat food, there won't be any room for Marduk, slayer of Tiamat.
40:59Marduk desires not the barren wasteland of your desiccated viscera.
41:05He totally doesn't.
41:06Hey, Marduk can kiss my black ass, because I need some more Stimutax.
41:10Quit being a bitch and peel me up.
41:12Bitch.
41:12All right, that's it.
41:13No more Stimutax.
41:15Everybody, get out.
41:16The pharmacy is closed.
41:18Closed?
41:19No, no, no, no.
41:20No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
41:29No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
41:38Ah, later.
41:40Please kill me!
41:42Move!
41:43Hey, don't hit my hair!
41:45Well, that's the last of it.
41:48Just in time, too.
41:50Those guys are hot and my...
41:52Sparks!
41:53Open this door, Sparks, you bastard!
41:56Come on, Sparks, open up!
41:57Hey, there's no more stim-y attacks, okay?
42:01The fugu fish is extinct now.
42:04Thanks to, well, thanks to yours truly.
42:07But whatever, there's no more stim-y attacks, you freaks.
42:10Look at yourselves.
42:11Look at what you've become.
42:15Punch it, hoe bag.
42:18He's getting away.
42:19Stop him.
42:21Get in there.
42:22He's running.
42:22I can't do it.
42:23He's doing all that.
42:25I'm coming.
42:25He's starting to come in.
42:26No, no, I'm going to hold me back, man.
42:28Good luck in rehab.
42:31No!
42:33Oh, damn.
42:34Oh, damn.
42:36Oh, damn.
42:38You bastard.
42:42I can't.
42:43Marco didn't mean it.
42:44Oh, damn.
42:47Oh, damn it.
42:49Oh, damn.
42:51And so, I barely escaped.
42:54As for the crew of Sea Lab, well, in the end, slaves to their own insatiable hunger for
43:03my creation, they destroyed themselves.
43:10Somehow.
43:10And so, but my journey continues, and where it will take me, no one will know, but I am not
43:21alone.
43:23Right, Marduk?
43:25Eat some more pills, pill-head.
43:27You totally rule.
43:32I totally already know that.
43:39Sea
43:39Lab
43:42Sea Lab
43:45Rubber spoon, rubber spoon, rubber spoon, rubber spoon, yes.
44:05If you're looking for me, you better check under the sea, cause that is where you'll find
44:17me, underneath the sea lab, underneath the water, sea lab, at the bottom of the sea.
44:31Sea
44:33Madre mia, the reactor's been hit.
44:48Ah, radiation leak.
44:51I'm sealing it off.
44:53Good God, man.
44:55You just wasted the lives of 20 good men.
44:57See, Capitan, 20 lives to save 200, those are odds I can live with.
45:03How dare you gamble, gamble with, with, with their souls.
45:10Their what?
45:10I, I can barely hear you.
45:12Cut!
45:13Okay, people, this is not a break, so don't go anywhere.
45:17Oh, good.
45:18Do you even read the scripts?
45:21Hal, why?
45:23Oh, this line's all wrong.
45:24I think we, we have to-
45:25Don't think, Hal.
45:26Eric, once again, terrific.
45:28Okay, baby.
45:29How you feeling?
45:29You hot?
45:30No, no.
45:30You're hot.
45:31No, I-
45:31Somebody get Mr. Estrada a spring water.
45:34You gotta hydrate, Eric.
45:35It's key.
45:36All right, baby.
45:37Hal.
45:38Yeah.
45:38Why?
45:39It's just, you know, this line.
45:41Why would Murphy take orders from Mark-
45:43I'm getting hung.
45:45It's like there's a knife in my eye, and you're twisting it, man.
45:48And would Murphy even care about a bunch of-
45:51Hal.
45:51Without zombies?
45:52I mean, come on.
45:53Hal.
45:53What?
45:56Eric, buddy.
45:57Yes, sir.
45:57What can I say?
45:58I'm helpless, man.
45:59I love you.
46:00All right, baby.
46:00Oh, please.
46:02Let's pick it up at 20 lives, people.
46:05Places, people.
46:06Rolling.
46:08Speeding.
46:09Trapedo attack.
46:10Take seven.
46:12Cue lights and siren.
46:16Okay, cue fog.
46:19Fog.
46:20Fog.
46:21The fog machine, idiot.
46:25Ass.
46:27And action.
46:33Less fog.
46:34Less fog.
46:35Ass.
46:36Less.
46:38Here we go from the top.
46:41See, Capitan.
46:4220 lives to save 200.
46:44Those are odds I can live with.
46:47Cut!
46:54That's a break.
46:55I'll be in my trailer.
46:56Damn it, Hal.
46:57Hey, Eric, wait up.
46:59Buzz off, dude.
47:00Miller!
47:03Why am I a friggin' Martian?
47:05Hey, sweet.
47:06Wardrobe got you set up.
47:08And listen, you are not a Martian.
47:09You're from a super race of symbiotes.
47:12Little snake lives in your belly.
47:13Since when?
47:14Well, the writers were, you know, having trouble writing for, uh, urban characters.
47:19Urban meaning black.
47:21So now he's like Mr. Spock, but urban.
47:24Like, get at me, dog.
47:26This show sucks.
47:27Here you go, Mr. Butler.
47:29A spear?
47:30Space spear.
47:31Shoots lasers.
47:33Mm-hmm.
47:34Pew!
47:35Man, all I know is I better be getting points on these stupid dolls.
47:40My girlfriend's tuition isn't gonna pay itself.
47:42Look at this crap.
47:43That's your action figure?
47:45I'm way better looking than this.
47:47I can't believe this.
47:48Look at mine.
47:49Does this look right?
47:51You wish.
47:52This show sucks.
47:53The writers absolutely suck.
47:56Have they ever even talked to a woman?
47:58I mean, when I do get a line, my character's either pregnant or having her period or screwing some...
48:03Don't forget the gratuitous nudity.
48:05God, I know.
48:06And could this green room be any hotter?
48:12So, uh, you wanna have sex?
48:15Yeah.
48:17Man, this show totally blows butt.
48:19Yeah.
48:20That Debbie chick is, like, mad hot.
48:22Sick hot, dude.
48:23Let's go get some pills from Mom.
48:25I'm gonna eat the hell out of some pills.
48:27Urgh!
48:34Where's my writer?
48:36Okay, look...
48:37What are you wearing?
48:40It's pretty tough, don't you think?
48:42Where is Eric?
48:43Well, probably in his trailer.
48:45You know, I don't have a trailer.
48:46I don't even have a chair.
48:48How?
48:48But what I want is a trailer in which to put my chair.
48:51What I want is to make the most adrenaline-pumping, fogged-up, smoked-out action sequence since Hooper.
48:58So just do the scene.
49:00Yeah, I know, but it just doesn't make any sense.
49:02Oh, you know what doesn't make sense, actually, is, um, you.
49:06Because, like, I had you written as 30-ish.
49:09And handsome.
49:10Please tell the writer not to address the talent.
49:13What talent?
49:14Oh, you.
49:15Oh.
49:16Sorry.
49:16Oh, yeah, cute.
49:18Where's all this going, Adam Reed, writer of C-Lab 2021?
49:22God.
49:22Torpedo attack.
49:23Then the alien cavemen kidnap Debbie.
49:26Then they go back in time and join McHale's Navy.
49:28Love.
49:29And then C-Lab blows up.
49:30Somehow.
49:31Oh, yeah.
49:32Another punch-out ending?
49:33Oh, God.
49:34No.
49:35We pull out at the last shot to reveal a snow globe with C-Lab inside.
49:40What?
49:40And that is the end.
49:42It's layers upon layers, Hal.
49:44It's awesome.
49:44That's...
49:44That's Citizen Kane, you hack.
49:47Do not call me a hack, okay?
49:50You whole.
49:51I wrote for Carrot Top.
49:53What drew you to the role of Sparks?
49:56Well, Sparks is just such a great character.
49:59But I think the main impetus was...
50:02My Gundam told me to take the part to...
50:04Um, Gun what?
50:06Gundam.
50:07He's my mentor in astrotology.
50:10Oh, right.
50:12The Hollywood cult.
50:13It's not a cult.
50:15It's a religion.
50:16Not according to the IRS.
50:18Oh, there will be a day of reckoning for you, non-believer.
50:23A totaling of sums.
50:25And a snapping of necks.
50:27And you will count yourself among the damned.
50:33What's it like working with Estrada?
50:36Never met him.
50:37Trapido attack.
50:41Take 13.
50:43See, Capitan?
50:4420 lives to save 200.
50:47Those are odds I can live with.
50:49How dare you gamble with their souls.
50:51Hal!
50:52What?
50:53That's the line.
50:54Hal?
50:55Pretend you're an actor.
50:56Hey!
50:57Shut up.
50:58Okay, that's it.
51:00I'll be in my trailer.
51:01Way to go, Hal.
51:02All right, where are my cavemen?
51:05Guys, we're a little behind.
51:07But I need you to keep that energy up.
51:11Do not mess with me.
51:14Somebody go get Eric.
51:17Hello?
51:17Mr. Estrada?
51:19They're ready for you, sir.
51:20Man, I look good and khaki.
51:23Watch out!
51:23A drunk driver.
51:24Go get him, punch!
51:25Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun!
51:29This is 7 Mary 4.
51:30We're in hot pursuit.
51:33Buzz off, dude.
51:39This is where my trailer would be.
51:41In this taped area, kind of.
51:43Hey, I really need to get these guys in some water.
51:45All of this area inside the tape would be my trailer.
51:50And this chair with my name on it will go behind a really costly desk.
51:54What the hell are you wearing?
51:56Murphy's a captain, right?
51:58Taking him in a new direction.
52:00You have five seconds to be on your mark and in wardrobe,
52:03or I will personally climb inside your abdominal cavity
52:06and make a little house in there for my dogs to play in.
52:09Oh, your stupid mutts get a playhouse.
52:12But I can't even get a friggin' chair!
52:14Kill him! Kill him! Get him!
52:16Oh, yeah! Beat the crap out of him!
52:18Damn it, Darlene!
52:19What did I tell you about the pills?
52:21They need them pills to keep in peppy so's they can work.
52:24I got bills to pay, damn it.
52:26Oh, yeah? Price of crack go up?
52:28Oh, you don't talk to me like that.
52:30I'll sue your Hollywood ass.
52:33Ah!
52:35My bad, biatch.
52:37Thank you, brat.
52:38Word up, Holmes.
52:39That urban enough for you?
52:43Uh, no diggity.
52:46Okay, people.
52:47We get this shot.
52:48It's lunch.
52:49Fajitas.
52:49I know you like that.
52:51Fajitas!
52:52Eric, are you ready?
52:54Wait.
52:58Yes, let's do it.
53:00Hal?
53:01You gonna be a buddy?
53:02Oh, what's the point?
53:03Hal!
53:04I don't even have a chair.
53:06Okay.
53:06We get this shot.
53:08I'll give you Adam's chair.
53:10Dude!
53:11Shut up.
53:12Hal, are we deal buddies?
53:13No punch-out ending?
53:14I mean, like that giant space baby crap we did last week?
53:17Stop twisting the knife!
53:19Can I have a second with Hal?
53:21My name is Hal.
53:23Yeah, whatever.
53:25Hal.
53:26Hal.
53:27It's not about the chairs.
53:29Yeah, but...
53:29Look at that chair, Hal.
53:31Huh?
53:31Look at that chair.
53:34Now look at me.
53:36Now quick!
53:36Look at the chair again!
53:39Now how did those fajitas get there?
53:41I'll tell you how.
53:43Movie magic.
53:45And we're lucky enough to be part of it because we're actors.
53:49We're not chairs.
53:50We're not fajitas.
53:51We, sir, are actors.
53:55Oh my God, that's it.
53:58I see it now.
54:00I love you, Eric.
54:02Yeah, whatever.
54:03And action.
54:09All right, let's try this.
54:12See, Capitan?
54:1320 lives to save 200.
54:16Those are odds I can live with.
54:18How dare you gamble with their soul?
54:21Roll out!
54:22Damn it!
54:23Damn it!
54:24Damn, damn, damn!
54:25Honey?
54:25Honey, wake up!
54:27You won't believe the dream I just had.
54:29Oh, right, Hal.
54:30What is it?
54:31I was an actor.
54:33Or a captain or something.
54:34But underwater.
54:36I'm happy for you.
54:37Good night.
54:38Nothing made sense in this place.
54:40I mean, Eric Estrada was there and...
54:42Hal, I want a divorce.
54:44I'm sorry?
54:47So am I, Hal.
54:48But I don't love you anymore.
54:51This isn't very funny.
54:53No.
54:54No, it's not.
54:55Some things just aren't funny.
55:00That C-Lab show is funny.
55:03Only sometimes.
55:04Only sometimes.
Recommended
4:10
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