Mumbai: In an exclusive Interview with actress Suchitra Krishnamoorthi, where she reflected on her journey through grief, creativity, and healing. She opened up about the loss of her mother and sister, and how her autobiographical play Drama ‘Queen’, based on her 2013 audiobook, became a powerful tribute to them. She discussed the challenges of sharing personal stories on stage, the support from her family and audience, and how music, storytelling, and creativity have been her anchor. From artistic freedom to emotional vulnerability, the interview captures her resilience, humor, and deep emotional insight with refreshing honesty.
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NewsTranscript
00:00Okay, welcome Suchitra to IMS. Thank you. It is lovely having you here. Thank you.
00:04So firstly, tell me now that you have, you know, you're venturing into this entire audio space,
00:11how was the experience and how thrilled are you to look about it?
00:14See, I'm very thrilled because I've been doing the play for a while,
00:18Drama Queen. It's based on my book, which was released in 2013, long ago. And then I was doing
00:25the play for many years. And then of course, mom passed away two years ago, my mother passed away.
00:31So I stopped the shows of Drama Queen actually, because I just, you know, the play is all about
00:36my relationship with her, with my family, our dynamic. So I stopped the play completely.
00:42So when I got this suggestion from my publisher to put it out as an audio book, I jumped at it
00:49because it was a way of keeping my art alive, you know, my memories alive. In a way, my memories
00:58of my relationship, my family alive, because I had a lot of loss in the last few years, you know,
01:05my sister, my dad, my mom, my two dogs in the play. They are also in the play, they are central
01:13characters in the play. And also the hero of the play, my love interest, he also kind of disappeared
01:19from the face of the earth. So it's just been very painful. So I had wound it up. And of course,
01:25my play also was very conducive to this format because I was always alone on stage and all the
01:33other actors were just voice actors. So in that sense, I had to just re-engineer a bit. I had 60,
01:4170 percent of the play already in the format required for Audible, which is why it was suggested
01:48to me to do it on, you know, put it out in an audio format.
01:52Okay. So, you know, like you mentioned that you lost, I mean, during this entire tenure of
01:59getting your book into your audio space, you lost a lot of, on your personal front.
02:04Yeah.
02:04Right. So how did you kind of cope up with the entire loss? Because it's extremely difficult
02:12when there's a personal loss, you know, it's very difficult to focus on your professional front.
02:16How did you kind of strike a balance?
02:20See, when loss is so deep, I think it gives you a very, very different perspective and
02:28understanding of life. And also somewhere creativity is a panacea. So I think I've become more active,
02:34more creative, I've plunged more into, you know, things that completely absorb my mind and my
02:41energies, and that keep me in a happy space. Because to dwell on loss just causes, you know,
02:49grief. And it's, it's one has to just accept that it's a part of life. It sounds very philosophical now,
02:55but once you've been through the grief, you have to, of course, allow yourself time to grieve. And then,
03:01you know, life goes on, what do you do? You have to live it to the best of your ability.
03:06Absolutely.
03:07Yeah.
03:07Having said that, did your family, I mean, the one that you lost,
03:13did they get a chance to actually see the play a little bit?
03:16Oh, yeah, yeah. In fact, like I said, the play is a lot about my relationship with my mother,
03:23which was always when I was growing up very turbulent. And so when I wrote the book, of course,
03:31they knew it. And they said, listen, you're an artist, do it, whatever. Dad wasn't too happy,
03:36but mom said, chalo, Carlo, you know, it's your story, you have a right to say it. And then when
03:41I did the play, I was very nervous because, you know, a play is something, it's all out there,
03:48you know, it's in your face. So when mommy had come for the opening night, I was very nervous.
03:54Like, I hope she doesn't feel bad. I hope. And you won't believe it. She was laughing the loudest.
03:59Throughout the play, I could hear my mother's voice ringing in the auditorium. She was laughing so much.
04:06So that was, you know, and ultimately, see, you know, with intelligence, you accept differences,
04:13you accept, you know, that everybody has a point of view, they're entitled to their point of view,
04:19and you understand intention. So I think it was a big relief for me. So no, my family was very, very,
04:26in fact, my sister gave the voice of Amma in the play, and my sister was also no more. So my sister
04:32Sujata Kumar. So, like I said, this is a way for me to keep, you know, keep them alive. Yeah, yeah.
04:40Right, right. So how much was your, what was your daughter's reaction? Has she got a chance to see
04:47the play and all of that?
04:48Of course, she's come for practically every show of mine, especially those that I've had in Bombay,
04:53out of town, she's not come. She's come sometimes, but not for all of them,
04:58but she's also given a song in the play. Yeah, so she's given, gifted me a song in the play. So,
05:05no, she's, I think, she's always been very encouraging. And she's like,
05:10mom, with your talent, you can't just sit around looking after me, you need to do so much more,
05:14you know.
05:15Right, right. Your play has, like I read, it has an incorporation of Karan Johar,
05:21and Ram Gopal Verma and Suchutra Pillai and all these, all these stalwarts of the industry.
05:26Yeah, yeah.
05:27How exciting or how was it working with them?
05:31So basically, Ram Gopal Verma and Karan Johar are references in the play. So we have,
05:39I have voice actors playing their parts. Of course, I mean, I wrote the book with their permission and I
05:45got their legal, you know, clearance and everything. Publishers are very particular about all this.
05:52And then, so we got voice actors to do Karan Johar and Ram Gopal Verma. Suresh Menon, in fact,
05:59did Ram Gopal Verma and Ketan Parikh did, Ketan Shah, Ketan Shah did Karan Johar. So no,
06:11no, so it was, and then Suchitra Pillai has played the character of the shrink, the psychiatrist.
06:18Yeah, because a lot of my writing always has a psychiatrist or a counsellor. There's always one
06:24central character in most of my writing, who represents me actually. Yeah.
06:30So is it like a personal takeaway from your life or something like that?
06:33Of course, it's a, my book itself is a, it's a fictional memoir. So I've taken real incidents and
06:40fictionalized and dramatized them. So even these incidents that I talk about with whether it's with
06:45Karan or with Ramu, they happened not as exaggeratedly and as dramatized as I've portrayed,
06:54but that's just an artistic liberty I've taken. But these incidents actually happened. So when I was
06:59writing and these incidents were coming naturally, naturally in the narrative, I actually reached out
07:06to them and I said, Hey, this is what I'm writing and is it okay? And can you just give me the go
07:10ahead? And they were all very supportive. I mean, I couldn't have done it. Nagesh Kuknoor and Ken Ghosh
07:15gave their own voice. They came and dubbed for me, you know? So, so, so I'm very grateful.
07:22Arif Zakaria played the, he played, he did the voice of Pankaj, the love interest, you know?
07:28Yeah. So it's all crazy. In fact, Pankaj's character is based on this friend I have called
07:37Pramod Goinka and who's disappeared. Seven years ago, he just disappeared and he's never been heard
07:42of or seen ever again. So it's been bizarre what has happened, you know? Yeah.
07:47You know, talking about your podcast, the Suchitra Krishnamurti show, right? So that emphasizing on
07:55storytelling through music and memories and all of that. So how do you differentiate between creating
08:00for stage, audio, plays and podcasts? So as one person, how do you kind of bifurcate?
08:07It's all the same thing. I think I'm doing the same thing. People saying, people keep saying that
08:11you do so many different things, but like Drama Queen is all about, it's a musical. So I've composed
08:18the music in it. I've sung in it. You know, I've done the lyrics and my podcast, I stuck to talking
08:26about music because it's probably the only thing I know to an extent that I can talk of with some
08:31experience and, you know, some knowledge. So, I mean, if you ask me to talk about cricket or like any sport
08:39or, you know, quantum physics, I can't, but I can talk about music. So that's what I chose to do.
08:47So with Drama Queen, Audible has launched its first Indian musical, to be precise. So do you think this
08:54will kind of open opportunities for the musical aspect of the industry because that is something
08:59that is not yet, you know, tapped on well as of yet? I think it's a great opportunity and all Indian
09:05storytelling, our form is through music, you know, it started with Nautanki and it's our traditional
09:13form of storytelling. So if, I mean, I'm sure it will open a lot of doors and people will use this
09:21opportunity to, you know, express like my story is very urban, but there'll be so many regional
09:29stories, there'll be so many things that are more rooted even in our culture that could come out,
09:35you know, there's so much possibility. The possibilities are so much.
09:38And if there's any one emotion or takeaway that you would want every listener of Drama Queen
09:45to kind of feel or carry with them, what would that be? Kind of seen the Drama Queen or all of that?
09:51Like, . No, he doesn't see or he's not interested in anything I do.
09:56Trust me. And it's vice versa now for me also. He's not seen it. He's not read my book. He's not
10:04come to any show. So no, no inputs from him. Okay. And as a co-parent, right? How much has he been
10:14available as a father? He's a very good father. I always tell him as difficult as you were with me,
10:22that nice you are too. And bless him for that. At least Kaveri has that. You know, I never saw that
10:28side of him. And a man and a husband... a man, a husband and a father are completely different
10:36people, you know. So she's got the benefit of knowing him as a father and it's beautiful.
10:42Yeah. So she has a very close relationship with her father and I'm very grateful for it. Because
10:49I mean, there are people who've been really nasty, you know, towards their children and
10:55no, they know their children. Yeah. And you know, how much of you have
11:01involvement in Kaveri's career decisions? Nothing. It's all Kaveri's. In fact,
11:08when she did Bobby or Rishi also, she got the offer. She went and screen tested.
11:13And then she told, yeah. And then she told us. So she's very, very independent. Of course,
11:20we're always there. Yeah. We're always there. And you know, ultimately the paperwork and all the
11:27donkey work I only do. But her decisions are hers. The creative side is all hers.
11:32Yeah. It's all hers. Yeah. Yeah. So it's never been the case that she's probably asked you,
11:36can you just put in a word or something like that for some kind of work? No.
11:42No. At the most, it'll be like, you know, I'm trying to get in touch and not able to.
11:47But even that is very, very rare. It'll be like, has the number changed? You know,
11:54that kind of stuff. Never can you just put in words. Yeah. No, no, no, no. She's very,
12:00she's very, what should I say? And you know, there's been so much bullying with the Star
12:05Kids and all that. So I think she's also very conscious that she wants to do things on her own.
12:10Right. And when we talk about Star Kids, right, what is your take on this entire,
12:17you know, chaos around nepotism and Star Kids? It's rubbish. What are they supposed to do?
12:22Change their parents just because some falthu person is getting upset, you know, and decided that
12:28my life is miserable. So anybody who's looking like they have something in their life, I'll start putting
12:34them down. Where you're born is, what can you do about it? And you should be proud of wherever you
12:41come from. You know what I mean? I came from a completely different background. I never cursed
12:46my parents for not being celebrities. You know what I'm saying? So everybody has their own ability
12:52and you should make the best of what you have rather than curse what, you know, somebody else has.
12:57Sulk over the world. Yeah. And this hate, this become a culture of hate. It's silly. It's silly.
13:04Right. But do you not feel that kids with a basic kind of establishment in the,
13:13whose parents have an establishment in the industry, kind of have a little more easier way to...
13:18Of course. I think the beginning is always much easier. You know, the beginning is always much
13:24easier. But ultimately, you know, it's your connect with the audience. I mean, otherwise,
13:31every superstar's kid would be a superstar. But there's no superstar's kid who's such a superstar.
13:38You know what I'm saying? It's very hard. It's very hard because regardless of your parents,
13:44you have every individual, every person has their own destiny.
13:49Just take a second.
13:51Pani, Pani.
13:53Pani, Pani.
13:55I'm so sorry.
13:58Okay. So now, were you going to continue to answer?
14:03Did I interrupt something?
14:04No, no. So I said every child, every human being has their own destiny.
14:10So you can't fight it and you can't grudge somebody else's beginnings or journey. You know,
14:16you have to make your own.
14:18Right. Because I remember after, especially this nepotism entire debate started after Sushant
14:23Singh Rajputi's passing away. So do you really feel that it was just for the sake of it?
14:30In truth, it can happen that the outsiders termed us. When they come into the market and with so
14:38much of establishment already there, with so many star kids already there in the market,
14:42it becomes very difficult for them to break the ice even in Bollywood parties or something like that.
14:47What is the need to break the ice in Bollywood parties? Is Kritti Sanon from a star background?
14:52No, she's not. Is Disha Patani? You know, there are so many girls.
14:57For every star kid, there are equal number of non-star kids who have made it.
15:03So is Karthik Aryan from a filmy background, you know?
15:08So you have to have the courage of your own talent and the power of your own confidence.
15:16You know, yeah, what do you need to be an insider? You don't need to be an insider.
15:26You know what I'm saying? So even these misconceptions,
15:30if I go to the party and show you, it's all nonsense. To do good work,
15:38your work and your hard work and your effort and your destiny is what gets people knocking on your door.
15:48Right. Not just being some floozy at a party somewhere, you know?
15:52Right.
15:53Yeah. That may get you some like social media eyeballs and followers.
15:58But not work.
15:59Not work. And ultimately, you know, we have forgotten that life is about work.
16:03Yeah.
16:03I mean, it should be. Though, you know, my Insta bio, I just changed it. All play, no work.
16:09No work, all play. Because that's what I feel is my life. It's like, I don't look at anything as work.
16:14But what I'm saying is, ultimately, you have to have some kind of skill. Something, something, you know?
16:20Sustain in life.
16:21Yeah.
16:22True. You know, now talking about your journey as an actor, basically, right?
16:28I remember back in the day, you started with Chinauti, if I'm wrong, right?
16:32So, from Chinauti, then Kabhi Haan, Kabhi Na, and all these movies, and especially your big screen
16:38interview was with Shah Rukh Khan, right? So, how much do you think has the industry changed from back
16:46in the early 90s to now, especially after post-COVID era, with social media, you know, booming,
16:53probably even more than the silver screen, your social media is just there. Like, you have to be
16:57visible on your social media. So, how much do you think the industry has changed and has it changed
17:02for the good or bad?
17:05It's changed completely. There's no doubt about it. Good or bad, I don't know. It is what it is.
17:10But things are very different. I think they're also more organized now. The money is so big now,
17:15you know, in everything. The monies are so big and the stakes are so much higher. The pressure is so much
17:21more. But things are so much more organized. There's different kinds of stories being explored.
17:27You know, there's different kinds of opportunities people can grab. You know, earlier, TV meant
17:35Dur Darshan or picture meant Yash Raj. You know, then you've made it. But now there's so many options.
17:43So, I think it's a good time to be in the world, to be young in the world.
17:46Right. Yeah. Or old in the world, like I am. But it's a good time.
17:50Yeah, I was just going to ask you the same question. Do you feel that,
17:54agar ap ne abhi dabhi ki on the Bollywood mein?
17:56Mujhe a chaayat, break hi nahi milta. Because it's so competitive. Everybody is so good. Everybody
18:02is so perfect. You know, I came with my school ID ka photo. Yeah, I should, for the Chinouti thing,
18:09they, because I just went because I saw a lot of kids were going and they asked for my photographs
18:15and I had no idea ki portfolio ya professional pictures ya. So, I gave my school ID.
18:20Oh. Yeah. That's how you got Chinouti. Yeah. That's how I got Chinouti. So, now in today's day
18:25and time, I would, they would think, ah, he's so unprofessional. She doesn't care. She won't
18:29be responsible. Let's, you know, forget about her. So, I would not even get a break, I think,
18:34in today's time. So, but like when you presented to your school ID, what was unka kya reaction?
18:39Unka, I think, baut piara laga. You know, because unko baut piara laga. Because it was,
18:45I was genuine. I mean, I had no idea ki log make-up dal ke photo lete hain, studio mein and all that.
18:52Yeah. So, they said photo. I said haa, photo. Right. Absolutely. So, you know, talking about
18:58Shah Rukh Khan, I mean, back then, kabhi haan, kabhi na. It was a, it was a, it was a,
19:04there's no word ki, us movie ke lihe, us movie ne kya kiya hai, industry mein or viewers pe. But,
19:09now, after almost 20, 25, 25, 30 years. 30 years. 30 years, right. Yeah. After 30 years,
19:17Shah Rukh Khan ki aange ka generation is, you know, has come, stepped into the industry with
19:23the bags of Bollywood. I mean, I'm talking about Aryan Khan. So, did you get a chance to talk to Shah Rukh
19:27Shah Rukh Khan? But I'm so happy. It's like a whole new generation is emerging and I just wish
19:34them all the best, you know. And like I said, you know, the pressure on kids, on Star Kids is so much.
19:39Like, I always say that you can't imagine the pressure on Abhishek. So, similarly, the pressure
19:46on Aryan must be a lot. So, bless him and I wish him all the best. Right. Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah.
19:52Do you think that considering today's era of storytelling and Bollywood and all of that,
19:57do you think that women have a little more freedom to kind of ask for what they deserve
20:04and be it the pay parity or be it the pay or talking about the work hours or anything basically.
20:11Back in the day in 80s, 90s, Shahid go utuna sen nahi tha women ko as female actresses ko,
20:17as compared to now. So, do you think that woe confidence or woe establishment go dae industry?
20:26I think this work hour debate is overdone. But let me tell you, give you my take on it. See,
20:34for everything you refuse, there are 10 prettier, younger girls waiting to grab it. So, one has to
20:40be practical. And I think when you are putting so many conditions on a project, you're thinking about
20:50yourself more than the project, which I don't think is fair because filmmaking is a very collaborative
20:56and involved process. And I think you have to give it your best. So, that's my take on it.
21:04That's exactly what I'm saying. So, I think everybody has a right to ask and everybody has a right to
21:17refuse. But the very fact that when you're getting into a project of that scale, of course, you have
21:23to prioritize your own life. But they have even a project has to be prioritized, you know, like even
21:29if you're, for example, if you're employing a staff in your office or something, and they came with so
21:36many conditions, you'll say like, I don't think it's going to work out. So, you know, one has to be
21:40practical. One has to be practical and look out for yourself, but then understand that every choice you
21:46make also has a consequence. Right. If I may ask that had you been in Deepika's place, like Maan Ke Chalo,
21:53that you have a very small child and you have a very good project as well, what would you have done?
21:58I have done many times. I've just sat at home. For me, there was no question of even taking up the
22:05offer. So, I think, but that's a valid enough choice. It's a valid enough choice. And I wanted
22:11to do that. And I did it, you know. So, I was a stay at home mom for a very long time and to each
22:17their own, to each their own, because, I mean, it's like a few times I would, you know, try to do
22:24something. And I spoke about this even, I gave a TED talk recently. And I said that,
22:30strangely, every time I, you know, did something or accepted an offer or try to do something,
22:36my daughter would get eczema or she would get chicken pox or something. So, that paranoia, I just,
22:43I just eased out of the workplace completely. When you talk about, you know, kids kind of falling
22:51ill when the moms are not around, it happens usually. So, how does a mother kind of overcome
22:56the mom guilt that they have? Because that has been a new social media word, SEO word basically,
23:02mom guilt. Everybody's talking about that, especially all working mothers.
23:05You know, there's a very famous quote, show me a woman who doesn't feel guilt and I'll show you a man.
23:13You know what I'm saying? Because if you don't feel guilt, then you're a man,
23:17you know, you have a different mindset. So, I think, but there are a lot of women who
23:25have that mindset and they succeed. I mean, I have a friend who started working when her,
23:31she had twin boys and she started working when her kids were six weeks old, leaving them with the
23:38maid and everything. And see, her kids have turned out fine. So, who knows whether hers was the right
23:44decision or mine was to be a, you know, 24 hour mom. You know what I'm saying? So, I don't think
23:51there's any fixed rule for anything. I think women should do what they consider correct for themselves.
23:58And of course, for the unit. To each their own. You have to honor your choices and others' choices as
24:04well, you know. You know, talking about acting, is the right kind of considerate?
24:10I don't know why people think that I'm not acting and I'm refusing acting offers. No, so I want to say
24:16this and I'm not refusing anything that I have liked. I only refused things that I have not thought were
24:24appropriate for me. I'll give you an example. It's like, I'll tell you, hey, you want to have vada pao?
24:32And you say, yeah, yeah, I love vada pao, right? I love vada pao. So, I'll say, okay, you go out,
24:37go straight, turn left, turn right, turn left. Then over there, there's a field, dig the potatoes out,
24:44boil them, then go to this place, get the wheat, you know, take it to the chakki, piso it, then make your vada pao.
24:50You'll say, I don't want vada pao, you know, so that is my situation. I want to eat that vada pao,
24:57but I don't want all that... Tam jam, forget it. I want ready-made, good, tasty vada pao,
25:05not too spicy, not too hot, you know, just get it to me on a plate.
25:10Yeah. You know what, I mean, in the 80s and 90s era of top heroines also, now all those top heroines
25:22have been approached with mother... Oh, I get mother roles all the time.
25:27So, how comfortable are you, if you have to say that you want to play your mummi?
25:31No, see, I would look at the role. I think the minute people call me and say heroine's mummy
25:39or hero's mummy, I bang the phone down. It's different if they say that, you know,
25:44there is this character and she's like this and she has a kid and, you know, this is the conflict
25:50and this is her part in the story. But the fact that you're describing a role as heroine's mummy or
25:56heroine's mummy, it shows that they are, what should I say, satellite roles.
26:03They have no... They are satellite roles, they are not central to the story. So, I'll play a 150
26:12year-old, I don't care, but it depends on the role. It depends on the role, you know.
26:18So, basically, you don't have any forms of play... No, I don't have the vanity. I mean,
26:22I have a grown-up daughter. I have a daughter who's a heroine myself now, you know. So,
26:28I have no problems about playing my age or older or whatever, but it all depends on the
26:35substance that's offered to me. All the quality content matters.
26:39Yeah, quality content. Like, vada pa be tasty hona chahiyeh na? Not just phal tu vada pao, you know.
26:45No, no, no, no. That's why I don't eat it. That's why I don't eat it. You know.
26:52Right. Right. Right.
26:53You know, talking about social media, do you think there was an era in the 90s and 80s
27:05where actors and stars were also made that there was a certain mystery around them, right? We didn't
27:12know that there was a lot of intrigue-ness, a lot of curiosity. Like, where is the actor
27:16doing or what is the actor doing? Now that their life, because of Instagram or Facebook or even
27:22YouTube vlogs are not there, the video-vlogs are being started, everything is out. Like, there's no
27:29curiosity. There is no... fans are not intrigued anymore. So, do you think it's like taken
27:35away from the mystery and that stardom jo hai, that's kind of fade away ho ra hai? I don't think so.
27:41I think it's... I mean, you're watching everybody 24-7, right? But you still want to watch some
27:47people more, no? So, that's stardom. Right. Have you ever thought of starting your own YouTube channel?
27:55I have, no? My Dasuchitra Krishnamurthy show. Right. But have you like started it or it's gonna...
28:01No, no. Please watch it and tell all of you, please watch my show, The Suchitra Krishnamurthy show.
28:06Okay. So, how many... I'm on season two. I'm so sorry.
28:10Yeah. No, no. I'm on season two. The thing is, it's very niche. No, when I started it,
28:14I knew it's a slow burn. It's very niche. And I wanted to avoid this... of course,
28:23I have many musician friends who I deeply love and admire. But I wanted to avoid
28:29this concept of making a music podcast or a music show just about celebrity interviews.
28:36Exactly. Yeah.
28:37So, I wanted to avoid that. So, I'm talking about music. Like my last episode,
28:42which I just released a few days ago, was about gharanas. So, I've explained what is the gharana
28:47system. And most people don't even know. It's such a standard question. It's like,
28:50what is the gharana you learned from the house? But they don't know why they're asking the question
28:57of what the gharana even is. It's just a question for them to make themselves feel knowledgeable.
29:04Yeah.
29:04So, these are kind of stories I'm putting out. And I'm having a lot of fun. And you know how
29:12music impacts neural pathways. And yeah, it's all proven. My next series is going to be all,
29:21it's like on Raga Chikitsa and Raga stories. So, that's why I said, I'm bringing my knowledge to
29:30the thing. And I don't, you know, I didn't want to make it about celebrity interviews. I wanted
29:38to make it about knowledge and sharing of knowledge and that way. So, it's a slow burn
29:43and I'm enjoying it. I'm in season two.
29:45That's great to know. And like, when I asked you the question, I wanted to, I basically wanted to
29:51ask, these daily vlogs about their lives and about I'm going here, I'm going there,
29:57a lot of vlogs. Right?
29:59Everybody, even doctors and surgeons, I'm like, when do you work?
30:02Yeah, everybody's on.
30:03When do you work? You know? Yeah.
30:05Have you ever given the thought that I should also start vlogging or, you know,
30:08give an insight, sneak peek into my life?
30:10No, no, no, please.
30:12Do you think that's easy?
30:13No, it's a lot of work. See, everything is a lot of work.
30:17Everything is a lot of work. And so, people who are doing it, I feel hats off, very enthusiastic,
30:22you know, you know what I mean? You have to be an entho cutlet every day. Yeah, yeah.
30:28And you know, talking about, sorry, let me say that.
30:30No, go on.
30:31So, I was like, since you're very, very, you know, nausea of music and art and all of that,
30:39what is your take on the current state of music reality shows?
30:43Oh, I think it's, the standard is exceptional. I don't know if they're all, I don't think they're
30:48singing live. I think it's all pre-recorded. I can, I can hear the Melodyne, but the standard
30:57is very high. So, the standard is exceptionally high. Exceptionally high. I love it.
31:05Have you ever been taught as a judge?
31:06No, no, I want to judge. I want to judge a music show. I've put it out in the universe, you know,
31:12because it's so up. I had done Sare Gama Little Champs some years ago, many years ago, judging.
31:20Yeah, yeah. So, no, I want to judge a music show.
31:25And going by it, would you, do you have any particular reality show in mind?
31:33No, they're all good. They're all good. They're all good, you know, and also because I have a,
31:39I have an experience in different fields, you know, so I feel like I'll have some skill to bring to the
31:45table and I'll enjoy it. I'll really enjoy it. And you'd really have that eye and the fear for
31:50the right kind of music. Yeah.
31:52Yeah. Also, do you think when we watch reality shows,
31:55it's based on the songs, it's based on the songs. It's very emotional,
32:01which is true, I'm sure. But see, life is about stories.
32:06Ultimately, the only thing that sustains is stories.
32:09Do you think that is a platform?
32:12I think it gets the eyeballs, you know, I think it gets the eyeballs and
32:18money goes where the eyeballs go, you know? Yeah. So it's as simple as that.
32:23Yeah.
32:23It's business.
32:24Yeah. It's business.
32:26Yeah. Yeah.
32:26So now talking about what does success mean to you now as compared to what success meant to you
32:33back when you were very young in the industry?
32:36See, when I was very young, like everybody who's very young, I had a, I was quite silly. I was quite
32:42vain. I was very, what should I say, I was very callous. Now, when I think back, you know, like,
32:49I was very, I had a very, very, I never took myself or my talents seriously. You know, I used to just be
32:57very like, huh, hey toh, nahi toh, you know, which I still have to an extent, but I was, I never took
33:04anything seriously. You know, it's like, I never thought of myself as having a career. I was like,
33:12oh, I'm just enjoying myself. So when people say that you gave up a career, I'm like, I didn't know
33:17I had a career. Did I have one? You know, so I think definitely that is an attitude that
33:26like, I now look at things with a lot more maturity and gratitude. Yeah. And I, you know,
33:34like I tell God, you know, enough suffering, but I also thank God every day for giving me so much.
33:41Right. Yeah. Yeah. You know, when we talk about like, when we just hear the name
33:46Suchitara Krishnamurti. So long, no? Well, it's very classy. Yeah. It's the longest in any list,
33:52you know, in any list. Yeah. So any list, you see the name sticking most out, it's yours. Yeah.
34:00So when you hear the name Suchitara Krishnamurti, right? The first thing that pops our mind's eye,
34:05you think will stick with the audiences? I think it'll be like, what fun.
34:12Because that's the response I've basically got. It's like a, it's a laugh, it's a laugh riot.
34:16Right. So amongst all the viewers and the audience who have heard or seen, you know, drama queen,
34:23what is that one big compliment that you've received probably from your mother, if at all?
34:28My mother's was of course, her reaction was so important. My sister, I was lucky enough that she
34:34saw the opening shows and before she passed away. So, so I've got a lot of support from family,
34:41but also from audiences, because wherever, you know, I've had women clutching my hand and saying,
34:47Oh my God, this is our story. You've said something that we've not, we've not been able to put our finger
34:52on or express, you know, even like, we've not been able to understand, but you've just,
34:59you've said our story and the number of people who said that their relationship with their mother is
35:03exactly like what I've portrayed. So somewhere I, our story is all very universal. You know,
35:08you just have the, you just need to have the, I think courage to say it your way.
35:13Right. Right. But the, the, the, the experience is quite universal. Right. Yeah. Right. To each zone.
35:19Yeah. Yeah. So, you know, talking about your life journey till yet, right, today, there's been,
35:25like, as viewers, we have seen, there's been a lot of ups and downs, there's been a lot of,
35:30too much. No, I'm fed up now. I keep telling God enough now, enough challenges, you know, enough.
35:38I've learned my lessons, please. No more lessons to learn. I'm a nice, humble girl. Now I've learned
35:45all my lessons. Do you feel that in moments of loneliness or in moments of, you know, certain downs,
35:53has music really been your, you know, your escapism or that place, basically your pillar of strength?
36:02I, of course, I mean, I think music, like I always say, has been my core competence since I was a child.
36:08There are times when I've, the only times joy has really abandoned me is when I've abandoned my music.
36:15And I did, I did that for a long time in my life. I didn't, I wasn't singing. I wasn't doing anything.
36:20So it is such an essential part of my being. And it, see, music also keeps you very grounded.
36:28You know, you, it keeps you very grounded. You can never be, like, you're always a slave to it.
36:34You know what I'm saying? So I love that aspect of it. And I feel what also keeps me sane is just
36:43my creativity. So whether I'm singing, whether I'm composing, whether I'm writing songs,
36:49whether I'm writing blogs, like, I think in the last one week, I've written some five blogs,
36:54I've revived my suchitra.com. I have a website. And it was inactive again, since
37:00Amma passed away. And so suddenly, I'm just writing, writing. So for me, creativity is a panacea.
37:11It keeps me sane. And I really, I would like to advocate that art is a very good form of healing.
37:21It's a very powerful method of healing.
37:23I completely concur. So, you know, when you lose, when you lost your mom, right? I'm sure it must have
37:32been, obviously, it's been very difficult. But at the same time, you also have been,
37:36I've been a very strong mother, a single mother for many, many years, right? So how difficult or is,
37:42how difficult was it basically to, especially back then, when the concept of single mother was very,
37:48you know, alien? Yeah, it was a trendsetter. Yeah, of course. It was very alien. Poster girl.
37:56So, like, single mother concept, single father concepting was back then. Yeah.
38:01But despite wanting, sticking to a relationship that didn't probably give you joy, you chose to,
38:06you know, amicably separate and raise a happy soul, being happy souls all together, right? So how
38:13difficult was it for you to kind of... It was very difficult, very difficult. And frankly,
38:20I think I could have done much better, you know, I could have managed my emotions much better.
38:25I could have done things differently, but I tried my best. I did the best I could when I did it,
38:32you know, of course, wisdom comes with age and experience. So, yeah, but it was very difficult.
38:38Sometimes, you know, a lot of people who are going through turmoil, they say that, but you did it,
38:44even I can do it. I said, no, you can't. You have no idea. You have no idea how tough it is.
38:50It's killing, you know, it's just killing, but you do it. But why would somebody, unless there's no
38:57choice? In my case, I didn't have a choice emotionally, spiritually, just as a person,
39:06you know, I didn't have a choice. I had to do it. So this is basically something that you do not
39:12want people to be, you know, seeking inspiration from you. No, don't seek inspiration. Be practical.
39:17You know, be practical. Be practical. Think not only of yourself. Think of the child. Be practical.
39:22When you talk about Kaveri, right, she also saw parents at a very young age, right? Also,
39:30not just common parents, I mean, from the common background, they've been stalwarts in their own
39:35shoes and their own fields, right? So how difficult or how pressurizing has it been for Kaveri? Or is
39:42it any kind of, does she feel any pressure because her father is Shekhar Kapoor and her mother is
39:46such like Krishnamurthy? So does she feel any kind of pressure of living to the, you know, the legacy?
39:52Every, every child feels it. Every child of, you know, parents who've already achieved something
39:59feels it even though and showbiz is even worse, you know, unlike business or everything where everything
40:04is not, your life is not up for public scrutiny. So yeah, she definitely feels it. She definitely
40:10feels it. She also feels the pressure of the trauma she faced when, you know, of the public scandals and
40:18the, you know, the negativity and the backlash and just the hostility and things that she saw between
40:26her parents and the, you know, the court cases and everything is very damaging. It's very, very
40:31damaging. She was too young. So it's very, very damaging. So I would say as long as you can try to
40:37make it work, then you must try, of course, then, but if some situations, you just can't, you know,
40:43so ultimately you have to stand up for yourself also. Absolutely. Talking about the current paparazzi,
40:49you know, paparazzi field, jo aya ha ek dam se uber ke culture. It's a culture. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
40:55Paparazzi culture jo after COVID, it's just boomed. Right. So also paparazzis are running behind
41:04star kids, as we would say. But Kaviri is one such child that we have seen as journalists who is
41:09a little away from the unnecessary razzmatize and the media glare for the unnecessary of it. So is it
41:15like a conscious decision? Oh, yeah, she doesn't know. No, it's she it's her decision. I mean,
41:20I keep telling her go. I mean, you know, she gets keeps and I don't get invited to all those awards and
41:25all. She gets invited to a lot of these really glam chic things and everything. And she's like,
41:31does it make sense for me to go there? I don't know. I have nothing to talk about, you know,
41:35so she's and I feel as an artist, she has to she can decide her own path, what she wants to do,
41:44what she doesn't want to do. And in fact, just yesterday, I wrote a blog about visibility versus
41:51ability, you know, and how like visibility has nothing to do with ability, you know,
41:57so just because you're all over the place, you're paying some paps, it doesn't mean you're
42:02you're able. So I think that is something that I've actually I was inspired to write this vlog
42:07by her because that is her sentiment. She's like,
42:10mom, like, I'm what does it mean if somebody is just going to come outside my gym? It doesn't make
42:15sense. You know, yeah, there needs to be some context to why they're there. Also, what do I
42:21talk about? You know, so, so I think I admire her. She has an individual stand on this stance on this,
42:30and I admire it. And I agree with it. Yeah. I mean, and now what is, I see some stuff on my feet. I
42:40mean, just some cuts on the backside and the bum is showing and people have gone mad. I mean, yeah.
42:51Though mind you, I feel Indian paps are very decent, very decent. I don't think they ever cross a line.
42:56They, but when you inviting them to cross the line, then it's their job, no?
43:02Right.
43:03You know what I'm saying, you know,
43:15So, but I find paps, and I've always felt this. I mean, for the last, from the beginning of my career,
43:22I feel Indian paps and Indian presses are very decent compared to like what they have in the
43:26West and everything. They're sharks. Yeah, they're barracudas. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because we have
43:32a basic maryada and a sanskar in our culture. Yeah, the boundaries are there, which if you maintain,
43:40they maintain back with you. Right.
43:41Absolutely. So, also talking about your, I mean, talking about Shekhar Kapoor, I'm talking about
43:49the layman audience. Yeah. Who doesn't know you. Okay. Oh, I come across as reserved.
43:53Reserved or probably very classy or a woman of few words. Shayad, she may not be like,
43:59hey, she may not be all over the place and be like, so what is exactly, what exactly
44:03Suchitra Krishnamurti like? Who knows? I think I change all the time.
44:07According to people or according to situations, how does it go?
44:12No, I think according to, like in life, it's not static. No, it's everything is,
44:18yeah, you are, but I think if I was to describe myself in three words,
44:26I would say I'm straightforward. I'm talented.
44:34Yeah. And I'd like to stay humble.
44:35Yeah. Like what's your core personality like?
44:37Talented.
44:39Yeah. That's one word that you would want people to resonate with you.
44:45No, it's something that I need to keep reminding myself also about, you know, because I've been,
44:50mind you, I've been through phases of extreme low self-worth and, you know, all that. So I have
44:56to also keep reminding myself that, hello, you're very talented. You always have your talent to fall
45:02back on, you know. When you enter the industry, right, there was no part of it. You just, as you
45:08said, you just entered with a small photo ID and that's how your journey actually kicks down.
45:12Yeah. So, but throughout this sustaining in any industry is not easy, especially that of glamour.
45:19Yeah. How, and you have sustained so many decades now. So how was it, how difficult or easy was it,
45:27number one? And number two, was there anybody from the industry who actually turned out to be like a
45:33mentor figure for you? I think in a sense, because when I came back up, when my marriage was breaking up
45:45and I didn't know what to do with my life. And when I came back and I met a few people, I was still
45:50living in London those days, but I met a few people and everybody would just keep asking me,
45:55so Shekhar doesn't mind you acting, Shekhar se poochha, you know, what will Shekhar say, you know,
46:03because once somebody gets very successful, mind you, at that time, he was probably the most
46:06famous and successful Indian in the world. You know, flies used to stop for him literally.
46:13So that is all that people asked me, would ask me. And so Ram Gopal Verma, when I met him
46:19and I said, Ramu, I don't know what to do with my life. And he asked me two things. He said,
46:22you want to sing or you want to act? I said, whatever, I just want to, you know, I want to do something.
46:27So he didn't ask me and mind you, we and Shekhar are very good friends. He didn't ask me a single
46:34question. He gave me a script and he offered me My Wife's Murder very tentatively. He said,
46:38it's a very small role, but we need somebody who can pull off the title role. And that's how My Wife's
46:46Murder happened. So that respect and that affection he gave me at that time, just a respect as an artist
46:52that he gave me. So I'm very, very grateful for that. And then after that, of course, I did run,
46:57you know, I did, I've done some stuff with him. So I'm very grateful for that. And then in the art
47:03world, you know, Harish Goenka has been like a mentor, like a big connoisseur supporter of my art.
47:09When I started painting, I thought I was going mad. I said, Harish, I've never painted in my life
47:14what's going on. So he actually curated my first few shows and everything. So I've had a lot of support
47:19from some very brilliant people. So I'm very grateful for that. And then my music teacher,
47:24I'll tell you Ravi Jule, for a long time, I couldn't sing, you know, I completely like lost my voice,
47:29whatever voice paralysis or whatever. It's just an emotional thing. So I would, even through that,
47:34I would struggle. I would go and sit with my Guruji and then my, I wouldn't be able to sing,
47:38you know, I would burst out crying and this and that. And my Guruji was so patient. He would say,
47:44Suchitra, you've forgotten. Suchitra, Krishnamurti. What is it? We don't forget it.
47:49You know, so you need this kind of support in your life, you know. So, and I would be like,
47:55what is it? There's nothing. You know, he's like, no, go on, go on, let's start. You know.
48:01I mean, such a Guru is definitely...
48:03No, no, it's, he's a best part. He's a very important part of my journey.
48:06Yeah. If you want to, if I can ask and if you want to answer, what happened in the world's
48:12paralysis? Because I don't think not many people know about it exactly.
48:15No, I just couldn't sing. So people would...
48:17Was there any trauma?
48:19Of course, it was, I guess, trauma, you know, and it's very common. There are movies made about it.
48:23A lot of singers have gone through it and I would just get panic attacks. Anybody asked me to sing,
48:28I would get panic attacks and my voice would freeze. I would feel like I'm being choked, you know.
48:33Yeah. So, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's scary. Yeah, yeah. So it took a long time. And I would say,
48:40I feel, I started feeling like I can never sing again.
48:43And you had Kaveri already?
48:45Yeah, yeah, of course.
48:46How did you deal with...
48:47In fact, first few years of Kaveri, this happened after my divorce, actually.
48:51First few years of Kaveri, even when she was very small, I was writing music, I was singing,
48:57making albums, making songs. So this happened a little later. So I got back to music only some
49:04four, five years back.
49:05Okay. Now you're just there now.
49:09Oh, have you heard my Vande Mataram? I released a single on Independence Day.
49:14Yes, yes.
49:15So please hear it.
49:16No, no, I did. I did.
49:16I was talking about Independence Day, I did because I think Highness did cover that.
49:20Yeah. So I'm, I'm very happy. I think I'm, I'm feeling confident again. I'm doing a show on the
49:2731st of August. So I have another single that I want to release in November. So now I'm, I'm,
49:34I'm, you know, touch wood. Yeah.
49:38So you're content at the place that you are at, right?
49:42Yeah, I think it's progress. Yeah.
49:44Lastly, Kavita Krishnamurti has been an actor, she is an actor, a music, you know, a singer,
49:54a painter, an author, a podcaster, you know, and whatnot. What next is there on plate?
50:06Let's see. I mean, I'd like to like produce, not produce, and direct a film, maybe write and write
50:13and direct a film. That is left. Yeah, that is left.
50:15That is left. Okay, lastly, what would you want to tell the audience regarding your podcast,
50:22season two, as well as the drama queen? Please do watch my show, the Suchitra Krishnamurti show.
50:29It's all about music, the music stories, I call it. And the channel is called the Suchitra Krishnamurti
50:35show. So it's youtube.com slash at the Suchitra Krishnamurti show. And don't forget to like,
50:42subscribe and share. Thank you. Thank you so much.
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