Fictional story: On October 10th, 2001, a lady from Kingston, ON was using her office's Windows 2000 Professional Computer System. Suspected inappropriate and illegal activity was taking place on her entire office's computer system, and what happened next was anyone’s guess….
Credits for material used in this video: (C) Mattel, Inc. for Barney logo, images, songs, and character. (C) Microsoft for the Sam voice, Windows 2000 Startup, Shutdown and Error Sounds. Pixabay for all other stock sounds and music. VoiceForge Kidaroo, Susan, and Tamika voices provided by: https://lazypy.ro/tts/
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00:00Okay. It's time to go to work. I can't believe I chose a job where I had to crunch numbers and colds all day. Luckily, my office invested in Windows 2000 Professional to make my life a bit easier.
00:16Hello. I've got an error box. What the hell's going on here?
00:34Attention workers. Your office floor's entire Microsoft Windows 2000 Professional computer system has been infected with a Barney error.
00:44Wait. This merely isn't a Barney error. It is a Barney's associates error. Barney and his associates have taken over your office's operating system because they know that someone on this floor has been downloading and sending inappropriate images using this office's email system. It is a high breach of security, and whoever is responsible will be terminated.
01:10Yeah, right.
01:11Mr. Conductor from Shining Time Station will begin this error by giving you six chances. Please take care not to waste them, or else we will force you to answer a riddle beyond basic literary learning capabilities. Remember, we are watching you.
01:28I have a very low tolerance level for stupid bullshit.
01:33Damn. George Carlin is Mr. Conductor. I was just taping Shining Time Station on Nick Jr. for my kids last night.
01:41There's a letter in your mailbox!
01:44What letter would that be? A spam email?
01:46A spam email.
01:47Nobody cares about your children. I speak for everyone.
01:51I've been appointed by the rest of the group to inform you we don't care about your children.
01:56That's why they're...
01:57Go fuck yourself, then.
01:58You blow it out your ass!
01:59You have blatantly disrespected Mr. Conductor. For that, you had your first chance taken away from you, and a time increase has occurred. Keep it up, and you will not like what happens next. Now it's time for Scooter to start this next chance screen.
02:22Great. A friggin' squirrel that'll never be seen on TV again. This is Ludacris.
02:28Hey! I see you turned off your Windows 2000 professional computer for the first time. Don't do that again, please!
02:35Or what? Where are we? Yeah, man. I've got shit to do and I can't be held up any longer.
02:41Well, that's just too fuckin' bad, bitch. You cannot escape the wrath of a Barney's Associates error, and you just used profanity towards me. Unacceptable!
02:55Eat my shorts, shorts eaters.
03:02Word is a privilege! Now for white! You just cast the fuckin' line! Now suffer!
03:11I just did you a favor and shut your computer down!
03:16What a stupid ass. You pissed off Scooter and got another chance taken away from you. Plus, another time increase has occurred. If you push it again, then I will increase the time by 45 minutes every time. Miss Etiquette is here now, and you'd better listen to her.
03:35A purple bird. Get on with it, then.
03:38Hello, mindless drone. Welcome to my error screen. You are fucked six ways from Sunday right now. We know that you're responsible for blackmailing your coworkers and distributing the inappropriate images via email. We will not tolerate or accept this behavior, and we have notified your boss about the activity on your Windows 2000 system. Give it up. Give it up now.
04:03Give it up. Give it up now. You know that turning this error off will lead to more dire consequences.
04:09That wasn't me. That wasn't me. That was Harvey. Blame Harvey for that kind of shit.
04:15Keep turning it off. We fuckin' dare you.
04:18How dare you turn off your fuckin' computer three times now? You have just summoned Babybot to this error. You had best listen to her, or we will unscrew your head and shit down your neck. Three chances and sixty minutes to wait now. You're getting on my fuckin' nerves.
04:38Oh, am I? I'm dreadfully greed, sir. But know nothin' of it.
04:43Hello, my friend. My name is Babybot, and I'm initiating the three chance and one hour time screen. It appears that you have wasted half of your chances and increased the timer to one hour. And if you turn it off again, I'm gonna be very, very mad. Keep eating your goddamn apples and bananas. I don't dare shut my punishment up.
05:11Bye. Too bad. I have a higher body count than you, bitch.
05:22Come on now, you stupid c*****. You just disrespected Babybot. Do you really hate Barney and Friends so much that you had to push it this far? I think you've been dealt a bad end in your miserable life. We're still watching you. Here's BJ now.
05:39Bring it on.
05:40Hello, my friend. My name is BJ, and I'm bringing you the Chance 2 and 20-10 hour screen. You have just increased the timer by 90 hours from the last turn off, and you have disrespected my little sister Babybot. Keep turning it off. We freakin' dare you to keep turning it off. And watch what happens next, bitch. Come on.
06:07This is the lamest shit I have ever seen in my whole goddamn life. Go away.
06:12Asshole. You have summoned the big purple dino himself. This is your last chance and time increase. If you hit that f**king power button one more time, then we will initiate the riddle. You won't be able to solve it. Now, while Barney performs his theme song, you'd better listen.
06:37No. I don't wanna listen to your theme song. It sucks my dress.
06:42It sucks my dress.
06:43How dare you disrupt my theme song, bitch? I didn't even get started speaking on the chance screen. And you think that you could display music like that? Fuck you.
06:57Okay, okay, okay. I think it's grand. I want you to calm down and go back to normal form.
07:04That's what I thought. I've calmed down now, but it's not gonna change the fact that you only have one chance left and 100 hours to wait out this whole damn thing so that my error will self-destruct.
07:18And there's one thing that you won't like, Mrs. Entitled Bitch. They won't serve fried chicken and watermelon in a prison cafeteria. If you keep turning it off like this, that's where you're gonna end up.
07:31You wanna pull the race card on me, you lethargic purple dickhead? Then I'll pull the race card on you.
07:38You lethargic purple dickhead? Then I'll lethargic purple dickhead? Then I'll pull the race card on you.
07:45Then I'll pull the race card on me, you lethargic yellow dickhead. You gayder Vere opps, I'll pull the race card.
08:00I hope you ready for the run, bitch. Cause it's coming up soon.
08:05soon. Riddle time, riddle time, riddle time. I am a most knowledgeable creature with neither a heart
08:14nor a brain. I have plenty of courage to seek, harbor, and tell the truth. What am I? Choose an
08:24answer on your mouse now. I used to be really into riddles when I was young. This one can't be hard
08:32enough not to solve. I'll go with the computer. Answer chosen. Your Windows 2000 professional
08:41computer will now reboot.
08:42I'm sorry, but the answer you entered was wrong. Here's the right answer. The right answer was B,
09:09a book. Because a book is printed, it always states the facts, and computers always spread
09:17conspiracy theories, which are untrue. Books always tell the truth, and you should have
09:24known that from working in your office job and taking conspiracy crimes. That is so it.
09:31You won't be punished now. How will I punish you? I will force you to listen to more of
09:37my music for all eternity. And while this music is taking place, I will count down and crash
09:46your computer. Goodbye. Goodbye. Oh, fuck no. What have I done? I should have just kept the
09:54images in my flash grab. The raindrops drop all around. Two, three, eight, seven, six, four,
10:03four, three, two, one, zero. This is the part where you run away.
10:13Geo Ready Since Re Paradise
10:14One, andус Bares and Bill
10:16wackios
10:16One, andu. The raindrops
10:30three, six, five, one,grunds, two from the f entry Giant's
10:33There is one, that was my Arthur Stewart. It was taken a message and the one, that was
10:35absolutely impossible to complete. But if you went to hell, here you would answer
10:37ausa the universe was mentioned to my 1996. Here we tried Afuzino.
10:39Okay, yes, since we were söyled King the Ficus, he argued for you.ische
10:41ARS
10:48ARS
10:55watching
10:59Hox
10:59you
11:00were terminated
11:01from your job
11:02because, all of them,
11:04it lost you.
11:05You blackmailed your whole office
11:07into giving you a promotion
11:08you didn't work for.
11:10Now it's time to crash your computer.
11:13Crashing your computer in 3, 2, 1, gone.
11:20And the final message.
11:22Great. Now I have to get out of here and start looking for a new job.
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