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BRITCOM I
  • 2 days ago

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📺
TV
Transcript
00:00You're going to die, you're going to die!
00:07Attention! This is an arrestation.
00:09In good shape. Drop your gun.
00:11Don't approach your ass!
00:13Or I'll take a ball in the head!
00:15Restez calm, Mr.
00:16This is a police operation.
00:18Drop your gun!
00:20Don't kill people we don't want to kill.
00:22We just kill people we can kill.
00:25Drop your gun!
00:27This intervention is based on your identity of terrorist,
00:30not your identity of...
00:32Ethnic.
00:33Listen to the man!
00:34Ah!
00:41We're supposed to be terrorists,
00:43and you play like in the Calebs.
00:45I'm sorry to play the Arabian service.
00:47I understand the motivation of my characters.
00:49Let's do the psychology.
00:51Why is he violent, my terrorist?
00:53Is he traumatized by his childhood?
00:55Evidemment qu'il y a un traumatisme, c'est un terroriste.
00:57Tu penses quoi qui fait ça pour les avantages sociaux?
00:59Je sais pas, moi, mais ils prennent quand même
01:00leur retraite anticipée.
01:02Qu'est-ce que la base du jeu, Monia?
01:04C'est la vérité des personnages.
01:06La vérité, c'est qu'on est deux comédiens pas connus
01:08qui faisons des rôles de terroristes
01:09dans une école de police déprimante.
01:11Parce qu'à chaque fois qu'on nous engage pour des rôles,
01:12on joue quoi?
01:13Des membres de gang de rue,
01:14des vendeurs de drogue,
01:15des proxénètes.
01:16What?
01:17Et tu sais, la semaine dernière,
01:18j'ai passé une audition.
01:19Devine, c'était quoi?
01:20C'est un terroriste qui vend de la drogue
01:21pour financer son taxi.
01:22On est des acteurs à la base, tabarnak.
01:24On peut-tu oublier deux secondes qu'on est arabe?
01:26Ta viande est-tu halal?
01:27Ben, c'est des hot dogs.
01:28Je sais que c'est des hot dogs,
01:29mais c'est quoi comme viande?
01:30De la saucisse.
01:31Pas mal pathétique, ton menu, hein?
01:33L'affaire la plus pathétique, là,
01:34c'est les deux terroristes libanais,
01:36algériens,
01:37qui mangent pas de porc
01:38pis qui boivent de l'alcool.
01:40C'est de l'alcool, ça?
01:41Je sais pas, moi, ils le mettent avec les jus.
01:43On va te prendre deux sandwichs aux yeux, OK?
01:46On va faire 15,99$.
01:4815,99$ pour des sandwichs aux yeux?
01:50C'est du bol?
01:51Je vais être habitué.
01:52Hé!
01:53Je vais payer pour les deux.
01:54Non, c'est bon, je vais payer.
01:55C'est sûr?
01:56Deux secondes.
01:57Voilà.
01:58Sauf pas ta carte,
01:59ça sera pas long et t'es fort.
02:00T'as trop jamais ta carte.
02:01Hé!
02:06C'est beau chose, je vais payer pour les deux.
02:08Je paierai la prochaine fois.
02:09Ouais.
02:10Inch'Allah, Inch'Allah.
02:16Ce sont nos meilleurs recrues, commandant Rousseau.
02:19Ils sont pires que la dernière batch de finissants, chef.
02:22Ils ont de la misère à être crédible en policier.
02:24Ça va être quoi si ils sont posés pour des criminels?
02:26Les comédiens qui jouent les terroristes
02:28sont très meilleurs qu'eux autres.
02:29Je vous rappelle que de prendre des finissants
02:31de l'école de police dans votre équipe d'infiltration,
02:33c'est la seule façon de s'assurer qu'ils soient pas corrompus.
02:37Commandant Rousseau.
02:40Le chef Bissonnette m'a dit que les trois dernières missions
02:44de votre prestigieuse équipe d'infiltration
02:46ont été sabotées par des taupes.
02:48À qui ai-je l'honneur?
02:50Carl, mais avec un cul.
02:52Oui, Carl va désormais vous assister
02:55dans votre équipe d'infiltration.
02:57Ça va être un honneur pour moi d'assister
02:58la célèbre commandant Rousseau.
03:00J'ai pas besoin d'assistant.
03:02Je dirais pas ça, moi, parce que...
03:03Rousseau!
03:04Votre taux de succès est un des plus bas jamais enregistrés.
03:08J'attendrai pas que la moitié de mes agents infiltrés
03:10soient morts pour agir.
03:12Carl fait maintenant partie de l'équipe
03:14que vous le vouliez ou non.
03:18Puis essayez donc de penser un peu
03:20«hanta da box».
03:25C'est facile à dire, ça, «hanta da box».
03:27C'est pas si facile à dire que ça.
03:29T'es sérieux là?
03:32Quoi?
03:35T'as volé la bouteille, Hama?
03:37Ils nous considèrent déjà comme des voleurs, je vous ai rendus là.
03:38Monir?
03:39You're serious?
03:46What?
03:47You got the bottle, Ahmad?
03:50They are already like a voleur.
03:52Monhir?
03:55Adam Ali, Monhir boit.
03:58If it's for the bottle of wine, it's not us.
04:00We're muslims.
04:01Suivez-moi.
04:02You want to infiltrate the organized crime?
04:07We're not prepared for the police.
04:09It's dramatic, but...
04:11It's just that I think it's easier to show you to be a police officer
04:16than to be a police officer.
04:18I'm going to go.
04:20You're probably the best of your generation.
04:23Why do we always play a terrorist?
04:26I'm not in the show business.
04:29I propose you to put your talent to be a comedian in the real life.
04:35The real life.
04:36It's not dangerous to infiltrate criminals?
04:38It's easy to do.
04:39In reality, it's because we lost our last agents.
04:42You've lost how much?
04:44A pénurie of main-d'oeuvre.
04:48It's a risk, but you'll be paid in consequence.
04:52You're talking about how much?
04:54I'd say...
04:55I'll take it right away.
04:56You want to do our missions?
04:57I'll take it right away.
04:58I'll take it right away.
04:59I'll take it right away.
05:00I'll take it right away.
05:01I'll take it right away.
05:02I'll take it right away.
05:03I'll take it right away.
05:04Two thousand each each, by mission.
05:05Deal.
05:06Okay.
05:07What are you saying?
05:08The comments?
05:09Yes, I'm going to leave your missions.
05:10Yes, I have some comments.
05:12We're going to play your missions,
05:14but I have to play some complex characters.
05:16I want to grow up in the psychology of the characters.
05:18Their jeunesse.
05:20We want guns and real guns.
05:22I could play a gangster...
05:24Cubans.
05:26Yes, because he threw a ball in his feet.
05:28Poor guy.
05:30We want AK-47, M-16, 2 PP-7,
05:32and I want a gun that I can put in my butt.
05:34I want him to be a dentist.
05:36But he's in the prison.
05:38Poor guy.
05:40I want the gilets par ball.
05:42Not the gilets par ball.
05:44I want the gilets par ball.
05:46I want the gilets par ball.
05:48I want the gilets par ball.
05:50I want the gilets par ball.
05:52I want a Lamborghini.
05:54But discrète, noire.
05:56I don't have money in my shoes.
06:00I don't have shoes.
06:02Who puts shoes in his construction?
06:04Oh!
06:06We're going to do this.
06:08I want the gilets par ball.
06:10I'll tell you what to play.
06:12I'll think about my proposal.
06:14If you're in, we'll see tomorrow morning.
06:16Good luck for the next day.
06:18Cal, I'll let you.
06:20$2,000 per mission.
06:22My mother will be so proud.
06:24It's confidential.
06:25It's not a question of talking about your mother, your parents, your parents, your friends, your friends, your neighbors, your neighbors, your neighbors.
06:30Even not your neighbors.
06:32Is it clear?
06:33Okay, it's fine.
06:34We won't talk about it.
06:35I'll tell you.
06:36It's fine.
06:37It's fine.
06:38It's fine.
06:39Can I do it for $4,000?
06:42Yeah!
06:43Yeah!
06:44Yeah!
06:45Yeah!
06:46Yeah!
06:47Yeah!
06:48Yeah!
06:49Yeah!
06:50Yeah!
06:51Hello, the cocos.
06:52How are you?
06:53How are you?
06:54How are you doing?
06:55How are you doing?
06:56No, I'm doing it.
06:57How are you doing?
06:58How are you doing?
06:59How are you doing?
07:00How are you doing?
07:01How are you doing?
07:02How are you doing it?
07:03We're taking it, taking it, taking it, taking it and executing it.
07:06Oh my God!
07:07You're not trying to play with the service Arabs?
07:08Don't just play it.
07:10There's an interesting role.
07:11Tomorrow, I'll play a great role.
07:13I'll play a great role.
07:14I'll play a double infiltration.
07:16I'll play a double agent.
07:17You know what you're doing at the police school is more expensive than what you're doing?
07:21Why don't you just want me to pay my salary?
07:23It's not a shame to be at home at our time.
07:25My family doesn't live at our time.
07:27Hey, it's important for me.
07:28I need to play.
07:29You know what?
07:30I have a great feeling.
07:32Yeah.
07:33You had a great feeling, too, when I was doing a crotchet in a cereal pub.
07:36It's a...
07:38It's a raisin sec.
07:39I'm going to take my touch.
07:41It's a raisin sec.
07:43My particulars don't have less no space than any of the ricescologies.
07:46I need to leave some crotchet outside.
07:55I left my steps and I'm going to do a break.
07:59I'm going to be down.
08:01I'm going to put my water out there.
08:03Man, I have to sew the reductions from the edges.
08:05Another one.
08:11Good morning, how are you doing?
08:18What's going on?
08:20All it is so all.
08:22What are you doing?
08:23Everything is too good.
08:25How are you doing?
08:27I am very well.
08:29It's funny that you're talking about it, I was just at the restaurant with
08:31Pierre-Luc Funk and Claude Legault, friends with me from work.
08:36Oh, it's good to work?
08:39Yes, I just have a new job, my agent found it.
08:44I play an infiltration police in an American movie.
08:48American?
08:49American.
08:50Oh, I'm proud of you!
08:53How do you call it?
08:54Game of Drone.
08:56It's not a definitive title, but it's Game of Drone.
08:59We're very proud that you're friends with the Prime Minister Claude Legault.
09:04Claude Legault, Prime Minister, is François Legault.
09:07Why aren't you friends with him?
09:09I don't know François Legault, I don't know why I'm friends with him.
09:12And then?
09:13It's not a reason?
09:15It's true, it's...
09:21I think you're a problem with your Wi-Fi.
09:23Are we everybody?
09:24I'll follow you Sarah.
09:25Oh.
09:26Hey-we…
09:28Ha, hihihi.
09:29Ha, YouTube!
09:30Oh...
09:31Ha...
09:32Ha!
09:33Mounir,
09:34ha, mon is, ha, ha, ha!
09:35Ha, ha!
09:36Ha, ha!
09:37Ha.
09:39Ha, ha!
09:40Ha, ha, ha!
09:41Ha, ha!
09:42Ha ha!
09:44Ha, ha!
09:45Ha, raconte01 algabariquiss ser—
09:46ha!
09:47Sea—
09:48Ha!
09:49Ha, ha!
09:50Ha, ha!
09:51Ha!
09:52To see it as a scientific experience?
09:54It's us who are going to be able to manage the experience.
09:57You don't worry about it.
09:58At least, if we don't lose anything, we don't lose anything.
10:03Wow!
10:04That's great, your bureaus!
10:06What are you doing with the credit card?
10:09Fee?
10:11Not bad, huh?
10:13What's that? I even took a gun to the police department.
10:16Your friend won't come, right?
10:19I'm here.
10:21So you're not afraid.
10:23Les poulets,
10:25I'm going to offer you an offer
10:28that you will refuse.
10:38For your first mission,
10:40you're inspectors of the insurance company.
10:42You're going to the Prêteur-sur-Gage of Sylvain Nessart.
10:46Can we have a stylo with a little mic?
10:48No.
10:49The stylo with cameras?
10:50No.
10:51The stylo?
10:52No.
10:53No.
10:54No.
10:55No.
10:56No.
10:57No.
10:58No.
10:59No.
11:00No.
11:01No.
11:02No.
11:03No.
11:04No.
11:05No.
11:06No.
11:07No.
11:08No.
11:09No.
11:10No.
11:11No.
11:12No.
11:13No.
11:14No.
11:15No.
11:16No.
11:17No.
11:18No.
11:19No.
11:20No.
11:21No.
11:22No.
11:23No.
11:24No.
11:25No.
11:26No.
11:27No.
11:28No.
11:29I don't want to see Claude Claude today.
11:32Vos mallettes.
11:36Why is there a cul in your cul?
11:38You call Carl with a cul?
11:40My mother is an original.
11:42Claude Claude, Carl with a cul.
11:44After this discussion, it's more complicated.
11:46Monsieur?
11:48I'm sure.
11:53It's our dream, it's our dream?
11:55No, I wanted action.
11:57I don't want to calculate the gain in capital.
11:59I don't understand my character.
12:01It's Kiki who looks like this,
12:02apart from my uncle Driss.
12:04What? Fuck their scenario.
12:06Fuck their scenario.
12:07They took it because we had talent,
12:09and we'll show them that we have talent.
12:11No, you know what happens when you improvise.
12:14We follow the plan.
12:15I don't want to take risks.
12:17I have a family, okay?
12:19Okay?
12:20Yes, okay.
12:22Okay.
12:27Hello.
12:28Hello.
12:29Hello.
12:30Hello.
12:31Hello.
12:32I'm Dr. Ephraim Darius Saint-Amable.
12:34Actual.
12:35I'm an employee of the RDMC.
12:36What is that?
12:37I'm a recensement of the...
12:38... minister...
12:39... comptable.
12:40Yeah.
12:41What is that?
12:42...
12:43...
12:44...
12:45...
12:46...
12:47...
12:48...
12:49...
12:50...
12:51...
12:52...
12:53...
12:54...
12:55...
12:56...
12:57Dier.
12:58...
13:00...
13:02belt blind décmonter.
13:03You can't take a cesani spiral.
13:04...
13:05...
13:06...
13:07...
13:08...
13:10It's a piece of identity, you know?
13:12You know, identity is subjective.
13:14We can't...
13:15Okay, it's too low.
13:16This is a braquage, okay?
13:18You put the documents in a bag!
13:20What do you do?
13:21I'm improvising.
13:22What is this guy?
13:23I'm at school, okay?
13:24I'm on the plan.
13:25Okay, I want the content of the case and the most!
13:28I think you have a problem, guys,
13:30because what you have in your hands,
13:31it's a guy in the plomb.
13:32Look, the trou at the bottom of the cannon is all small.
13:34You see, the trou at the bottom of the cannon is
13:36much bigger.
13:37And then...
13:39We're talking about 1-12.
13:40Well, you know,
13:41it's going to respond to the guns.
13:42We're going to let you have 5 stars on Google.
13:49Just press the button.
13:50Ah, well, that's what I do.
13:52Okay.
13:54Let's go, guys.
13:56We're going to do a little tour in the back
13:57for going to work.
14:03Okay.
14:05Well, I'm going to introduce Mario,
14:07l'imbécile qui m'a pas payé.
14:09Mario,
14:10je te présente les deux imbéciles
14:11qui ont voulu me braquer
14:12avec un gun.
14:17Oui, mais je vois qu'on est tous partis
14:18sur de mauvaises bases.
14:19On peut y aller, je sais.
14:20Moi, si j'étais toi,
14:21commencerais par prier.
14:23Oh, mon Dieu!
14:24Oh, ok, ok, c'est là, c'est là.
14:26Bismillah ar-Rahman ar-Rahim.
14:29Alhamdulillah.
14:32C'est quoi la suite?
14:33Alhamdulillah.
14:34Alhamdulillah.
14:35Alhamdulillah.
14:36Alhamdulillah.
14:37Alhamdulillah.
14:38Alhamdulillah.
14:39Alhamdulillah.
14:40Maliki Omid.
14:41Okay, okay, c'est beau la prière.
14:43Trois, deux, un...
14:44Sylvain!
14:45Lâche ton gun, tu suite.
14:46Comment ça? Tu connais mon nom, toi?
14:47C'est Claude qui nous envoie.
14:49Claude.
14:50Le Claude, le Claude Claude.
14:52T'en connais d'autres, t'as des Claude Claude?
14:54Non, non.
14:55Ben, je...
14:56Ch-ch-ch-ch quoi?
14:57Il se travaille-tu pour un autre Claude que notre Claude?
14:58Non, non.
14:59Non, non, mais...
15:00J'suis un gars loyal, moi, les gars.
15:02C'est Claude Claude qui va en décider.
15:03Parce qu'on est venu vérifier.
15:04C'est lui qui nous a envoyés.
15:05Il paraît qu'il y a des trucs qui tombent pas rond ici.
15:06Ben, voyons-nous.
15:07J'suis un gars legit, moi.
15:08Legit, legit.
15:09On va le voir si t'es legit.
15:10Il veut savoir justement s'il se fait fourrer
15:11pis s'il se fait donner sa cote comme faux.
15:12Ouais, pis c'est quoi tout ça, hein?
15:14Comment c'est que t'expliques ça?
15:15Voyons.
15:16Fais Mario!
15:19Oh, fuck.
15:20Euh...
15:21Des clients.
15:22Restez ici.
15:23Checkez là, je reviens.
15:24Ok?
15:25Ok.
15:26Ah la merde!
15:27On aurait peut-être pas dû improviser aussi?
15:28Tu vois, t'auras-tu pas improvisé?
15:29Moi, j'tais correct, j'tais correct,
15:30jusqu'à tant que t'arrives, je l'avais.
15:31De quoi tu parles?
15:32Tu faisais n'importe quoi!
15:33Sylvain va le savoir qu'on travaille pas
15:34pas que l'autre l'autre.
15:35Quoi?
15:36Bon!
15:39Euh...
15:40On a besoin de quoi pour Claude Claude?
15:43Qu'est-ce qu'il y a, lui?
15:46Qu'est-ce qu'il y a, lui?
15:47Qu'est-ce qu'il y a, Mario?
15:48Tu as-tu à fermer ta gueule, hein?
15:49De toute façon, un pourri de même,
15:51on s'en fout de ce qu'il a dit, là!
15:52Tiens!
15:53Il a pas fermé de la gueule, hein, Mario?
15:55Hé!
15:56Ok!
15:57On dirait qu'il voulait parler.
15:59Bon, ok, mais qu'est-ce qu'il me garantit
16:02que vous travaillez pour Claude Claude?
16:03On te l'a dit.
16:05Ouais, pis on connaît son nom de famille.
16:07Tout le monde connaît son nom de famille.
16:08C'est sa face que personne a vu.
16:10Ouais, ben non, on l'a vu.
16:11Ouais, on l'a vu plein de fois, Claude Claude.
16:12Il ressemble à quoi?
16:13Un... un... un...
16:14Un... un...
16:15Ouais, il y a un long tron,
16:16mais des tout petites jaumes.
16:17Ouais, mes cheveux assez, euh...
16:18Ouais, pis des belles fesses bien bombées
16:19avec un tatou de dragon.
16:20C'est beau, c'est beau!
16:21Qu'est-ce que vous faites pour Claude Claude?
16:24Ben, plein d'affaires.
16:25Meurtre.
16:26Ben, beaucoup de meurtre.
16:27Tuez du monde, vous deux.
16:28Si nous, on tue du monde,
16:29on tue tous les jours.
16:31Sauf les fins de semaine.
16:32Ah ouais, ben non,
16:33parce que sinon,
16:34c'est pas une qualité de vie.
16:35Non.
16:36Qu'est-ce que t'as, twist?
16:38OK.
16:39Si vous êtes des tueurs...
16:41Ça va me passer, Mario.
16:42Moi, ça?
16:43Vas-y, passe-les, Mario.
16:44Moi, pourquoi?
16:45Ben, passe-Mario.
16:46Passe-Mario.
16:47J'ai compris.
16:48Tire.
16:49C'est le moment, là.
16:50Faut tirer.
16:51Tire!
16:52Tire!
16:53Tire!
16:54Tire!
16:55Ah ouais, vas-y!
16:56Montre-moi ta technique!
16:57Tire!
16:58Tire!
16:59Tire!
17:00Pas capable!
17:01Vous êtes deux imposteurs.
17:02Par qui je commence?
17:07Hé?
17:08Claude-Claude?
17:09Hé, je m'excuse.
17:11Je savais pas que c'était toi, là.
17:13Je savais pas que c'était toi.
17:15Oh, Claude-Claude.
17:18Ben oui, c'est moi, Claude-Claude.
17:21Et t'as été un bon.
17:22T'as été un bon, Sylvain.
17:23C'est bon.
17:24C'est correct.
17:25T'as été un bon, Sylvain.
17:26T'as protégé la chope.
17:27Ça, c'est très bien, OK?
17:28Je suis fier de toi.
17:29Claude-Claude est très fier de toi.
17:30Et là, il veut les livres comptables
17:31des cinq dernières années.
17:32Tout de suite.
17:33Oui.
17:34Tout de suite!
17:35Ah oui!
17:36Ils sont dans le bureau.
17:37Ça sera pas long.
17:38Excuse-moi, mon mari.
17:41Ben, bravo, messieurs.
17:43C'est du très beau travail.
17:45Je savais que ça marcherait,
17:46le scénario des fonctionnaires.
17:47Ah oui, t'es un génie, Claude.
17:48On y a réfléchi, puis finalement,
17:49on va prendre notre job à l'école de police, OK?
17:50Ah non, non, non, non, non, non.
17:51Il y a quelque chose que vous comprenez pas, là.
17:52Là, vous savez des choses que vous devriez pas savoir.
17:53Nous autres, on peut pas se permettre de vous laisser partir.
17:54Quoi?
17:55On peut pas sortir de l'équipe d'infiltration juste de même.
17:56Ah oui?
17:57Ah oui!
17:58T'es un génie.
17:59Je dirais qu'on va y passer.
18:00On va y penser.
18:02Eh bien, mon avis, mon avis, mon avis,
18:04c'est ce qui va m'échapper.
18:06Bien, nan, nan, nan, nan, nan, nan.
18:07Il y a quelque chose que vous comprenez pas, là.
18:09Là, vous savez des choses que vous devriez pas savoir.
18:11Nous autres, on peut pas se permettre de vous laisser partir.
18:12Quoi?
18:13On peut pas sortir de l'équipe d'infiltration juste de même.
18:15Ah oui!
18:16Tiquez-nous donc, partir.
18:17J'ai oublié de vous dire qu'on vous a augmentés 5000
18:19chaque à mission.
18:20Et on a oublié de vous dire qu'on restait!
18:21Parfait!
18:22Qu'on se voit demain matin?
18:27A bag.
18:33She's in my pocket.
18:34Yeah.
18:35I'm in my pocket.
18:36I'm in my pocket.
18:37I'm in my pocket.
18:40Five thousand dollars per mission,
18:41that's a lot of money.
18:42Think about everything you can buy to your wife.
18:44I don't know.
18:45I don't know.
18:46I don't know.
18:47I don't know.
18:48I don't know.
18:49And your wife, too.
18:50You could put her in my pocket.
18:51You can leave my wife tranquille.
18:53I'm going to play with my wife.
18:54It's my own.
18:55But her husband.
18:56It's all the time she is coming,
18:57I'm not going to pay our money.
18:58Like, you could go and head up.
18:59Frérot.
19:00Parle encore de ma femme
19:01and I'm going to wait to me to see.
19:02I'm going to get nervous.
19:03I'm going to get nervous.
19:04I am, my dear.
19:05I tell you about it.
19:06Too many people comptes on you.
19:07Yeah, because there's no one.
19:08I don't have a family in Algeria
19:10who just attend
19:11that I get to them.
19:12And that I'm going to say,
19:13I'm going to be a big actor.
19:15I don't think that's easy, that?
19:17We've also been something today.
19:19We've been playing for real.
19:21We've been playing for real life.
19:23It's exceptional.
19:24I don't want you to do it.
19:26You didn't say anything?
19:28I need you.
19:30I need you.
19:32I can't do it all alone.
19:34Today, you've saved me.
19:36I need you.
19:38Okay.
19:40What do you say, Johanny?
19:42Don't worry, it's my department.
19:44It's easier for your family.
19:46We're going to work in a house or something like that.
19:49We're going to discuss in a good restaurant.
19:52No, no, no, no, no, no.
19:54I don't want to eat frites and potatoes.
19:56You can eat Moroccans if you want.
19:58With insects.
20:00Libanian?
20:02Libanian.
20:04I don't know.
20:06I don't know.
20:08I don't know.
20:10I don't know.
20:12I don't know.
20:14I don't know.
20:16I don't know.
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