- 4 months ago
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00:00What's that? Have you seen that though? What is it? What is it? I don't know. Oh, don't pull it. No. Pull off the sleeve off. I'll put it off. Oh, thank you. Just be careful. What? Don't cut me top. Oh, I won't cut your top. No, I don't.
00:17Oh. Hurry up. Cut your top. Oh, you want that? I missed it. That's you pulling it. Oh, I told you not to do it. That's you. You don't frigging listen to a word I say.
00:30Yes. Oh, happy days. Oh, Daniella, I like this. He's gone and done and did it. I don't trust him because he's teetotal. Oh, no. No. Cryptic, that ain't it. Convoluted that. Oh, no, no. What a waste of a muffin. What's that? Unacceptable. Yeah. What the hell? Is that it? It's not much evidence of man boob, is Sir Mary? Oh, I hate Swiss roll. Oh, no.
00:59Oh, no. Oh, he's a badger. He is. He's a badger. Oh, man, he's got one in and one out. Oh. Was that good for you or was it was for me?
01:11In the week Donald Trump confirmed he wasn't dead, we enjoyed lots of great telly. BBC One had gone speed dating.
01:19Yeah, it's a lovely place. Yeah. Not the warmest, but lovely. Yeah.
01:23I don't have any flirting skills. Do you know what? When me and Toby first met, I remember saying to my friends, like, oh, my God, I don't like this, I don't like that.
01:31And they were like, is he? He's just trying to flirt with you.
01:35Why? What were he doing?
01:37I just thought I thought he were cocky.
01:38Oh, I thought Toby were cocky when I first met him. Were you trying to flirt with me, too?
01:47Paul had his beady eyes on the bakers on Channel 4.
01:51They risked serving Paul and Prue a Swiss roll without its signature swell.
01:55That would give me the heebie-jeebies with him standing at the end of my desk, wouldn't it, you?
02:00If you're standing at the end of my bed, I'd be really creeped out.
02:02I wouldn't mind that so much.
02:03And it was a new term in our favourite Yorkshire school.
02:12I mean, they're allowed to wear trousers now. We couldn't wear trousers at school.
02:16You never used to wear a skirt. You used to roll it up to your crotch.
02:19Yeah, I did when I was coming home off the bus because I liked the lad at the garage.
02:30In Surrey...
02:31Shane, you got the vote here.
02:33Who's oxtail do you love the most in this house?
02:36I have to give it to Dad.
02:37Oh!
02:38I do have to give it to Dad.
02:39It's got the nice brown colour and it's just...
02:43Ooh!
02:44And the pressure cooker.
02:45Ooh!
02:46Let's stop there, Shay. Let's stop there.
02:47Meet Sarah, her husband, Andre, and their daughter, Shay.
02:52One thing I will give to you, Mum.
02:54What's that?
02:54Mum's curry goat is better than yours, Pops.
02:56I'm so sorry.
02:57Andre, no.
02:58That curry mutton!
02:59Ooh!
03:00Never, never, never, never.
03:01I'm so sorry I was going to give that one to Mum.
03:03Never, Shay, I ain't cooking ever.
03:04You see, this time I cook...
03:05Yours is too Vincent-style!
03:06We need a punch!
03:07Next time, next time I'm cooking, you can have chicken Kiev.
03:10LAUGHTER
03:11On Tuesday night, there was a new batch of bakers hoping to rise to the occasion on Channel 4.
03:22Voila!
03:24That's a bit posh, that, innit?
03:25Baker?
03:26I like watching this because I cannot bake or cook really at all.
03:30I wouldn't say that. Your toast's pretty good.
03:32LAUGHTER
03:33Oh, the lady next door gave me some apple pie yesterday.
03:37It was bloody lovely.
03:38Oh, wow.
03:39Oh, absolutely.
03:41She even asked if I wanted custard, and I thought, I can't be so cheeky.
03:45Do you know why?
03:45Why?
03:46She thinks you're old.
03:47It's like meals on wheels.
03:48Yeah, well, I don't mind.
03:49Bring it on.
03:51LAUGHTER
03:52I told her what I want for me breakfast.
03:56LAUGHTER
03:57Is it I've moved on from Paul Hollywood now?
04:01It's Andy's Dinosaurs.
04:03Yeah.
04:03Andy Day from CBeebies fame.
04:06So, for your first ever challenge...
04:09We all like a challenge.
04:10Yeah.
04:11The judges would like you to make a Swiss roll.
04:14Oh!
04:15Yeah.
04:16That's a good one.
04:17I used to do Swiss roll at school.
04:18Do you want a tissue?
04:19God!
04:20You're dribbling out your chin.
04:21That's what I used to do at school, Swiss roll.
04:24Your Swiss roll must be beautifully decorated.
04:27And your sponge must have an inlay design.
04:30An inlay design?
04:31What's the hell's that?
04:33Well, I don't know.
04:34How do you shove that in a Swiss roll, innit?
04:36And be rolled with at least two different fillings.
04:39Two different fillings?
04:41Creating the perfect swirl.
04:43Oh, I get it.
04:45I see.
04:46Oh, I hate Swiss roll.
04:47Oh, no.
04:48I don't think that's that difficult, is it?
04:50Right.
04:50On your marks.
04:52Get set.
04:53Bake.
04:54Let's go.
04:55Slightly overwhelmed.
04:57How can you get overwhelmed over a Swiss roll?
05:00Very nervous.
05:01Still quite shaky, to be honest.
05:03Well, I suppose that'll help you sift in the flour.
05:07Oh.
05:08Good start from Hassan.
05:10He's broken the sieve.
05:12I'll be saying, defective tools already.
05:15His decadent bake will see him roll chocolate sponge around thick caramel on a milk chocolate and coffee ganache.
05:21OK.
05:21All right, Hassan.
05:22Sounds like a bit of me.
05:23Coffee and caramel.
05:25Really?
05:25It's a lot.
05:26Now, would you pull your ganache out on week one?
05:29Well, yeah.
05:30But in the showstopper.
05:32Yeah.
05:32That'll really take Paul's breath away.
05:34Yeah.
05:34A battered ganache.
05:37It's crucial every curd, jam and ganache is cool before the bakers begin assembling.
05:43Yeah, otherwise it's just going to be a hot sloppy mess, isn't it?
05:46My caramel.
05:47See, it's not quite bad.
05:49I'll have to do it again.
05:50Oh, no, Hassan.
05:52That is not looking good for you, brother.
05:54My gravy looks like that.
05:57Never turn your back on caramel.
05:59No.
05:59Always stir.
06:01The rest of the bakers are starting to assemble.
06:03Assembling it already?
06:04What?
06:05Oh, come on.
06:06And Hassan's still making his caramel.
06:07The caramel's still quite soft.
06:09Uh-oh.
06:10I mean, it looks good, but it's going to be a horrible mess.
06:12Oh, you can't roll liquid.
06:14Oh, I've got to roll it up.
06:17Ah, this is going to go everywhere.
06:19Oh, it's all coming out the sides.
06:21Oh, it's a swimming pool, Hassan.
06:25It's a swimming pool of caramel.
06:28Oh, it's got no stability.
06:30Oh, man, I'm handling it.
06:32Oh, come on.
06:35Oh, no.
06:36I'll still eat it, though.
06:37I'll still eat it.
06:38I've had a mer.
06:39I've had a right mer.
06:41Oh, no, no.
06:43Oh, my God.
06:45I mean, he didn't even try and, like, move it with a palette knife or something.
06:48He literally just picked it up with his fists.
06:51Bakers, your time is up.
06:57Oh, look, he knows he's done it wrong.
07:01If I was at that right now, I'd just walk out.
07:03I'd just be like...
07:04I'd be like, thank you for the opportunity.
07:06Please step away from your Swiss rolls.
07:09Step well back, Hassan.
07:14Hassan!
07:16What is that?
07:19That's not even...
07:21Sir Hassan, not your best morning.
07:24Yeah, quite disappointed in myself.
07:26It looks like a roulade rather than a Swiss roll.
07:27Oh, Paul's there to stick the moot in.
07:30Cool, sir.
07:30At least it looks like something.
07:35Wow.
07:36What do you reckon?
07:37What does it taste like?
07:38Flavour-wise, stunning.
07:39Absolutely delicious.
07:40At least it tastes delicious.
07:41Every cloud.
07:42Yeah.
07:42There you go.
07:43Yeah.
07:43Man smashed it.
07:44Actually, it might look like shite, but it tastes all right.
07:47Yeah.
07:47It looks like it's been dropped out of a tree.
07:49It's black.
07:53And that's putting it politely.
07:55Just a tree.
07:56He could have gone higher, to be fair.
07:58Yeah.
08:01In Yorkshire...
08:02So, here are puppies.
08:04They're all orange, pink, blue, green, yellow, brown.
08:08Meet Sarah and her daughter-in-law, Lara.
08:11Yeah, for one more week and then you go.
08:14You will miss them.
08:15She won't miss them, though.
08:16The mother never does.
08:17No.
08:18It's quite extraordinary.
08:18She'll keep one.
08:19She'll keep one, yes.
08:20It'll be fun.
08:21Are you little, little munchkins?
08:23Aren't you all little munchkins?
08:25They're probably all wee on us a minute, but never mind.
08:30On Friday, there are more shenanigans on the cobbles on ITV.
08:35Are you ready for some curry?
08:36I'm always ready for some curry.
08:38I thought that.
08:39Some things are guanning in Coronation Street, I can tell you that.
08:42Mm-hmm.
08:44Oh!
08:44You're going to have to give me full backstory of Corrie.
08:52I will.
08:53I've been binge-watching Corrie because I missed a week or on holiday, won't I?
08:57Kevin's brother, Carl, has come over from Germany and he's been doing the okey-cokey with Kevin's wife.
09:03Riveting stuff, Julie.
09:05What have I forgotten?
09:06I've got my passport, phone charge of wine, gums.
09:10They're having the affair.
09:12Right.
09:12She's about to go on holiday with her husband.
09:14OK.
09:15You know, I'm not happy about you going on holiday with another man.
09:17You're a brother.
09:18Yeah.
09:19It's not another man, it's your brother and your husband, love.
09:22It's you I want to be with, all right?
09:23There'll be no funny business with Kevin, I promise.
09:25You're on holiday.
09:26That's why you go on holiday.
09:30Hi, babe.
09:33And here's Tracy.
09:34You passed the deadline.
09:35We're working on it.
09:36We'll work harder then.
09:37Tracy's obviously blackmailing them because she's found out.
09:40Ten grand she wants.
09:42Tracy wants ten grand off them?
09:43Yeah.
09:44To not tell Kevin?
09:45Yeah.
09:45What exactly was it that made you such a vindictive cow?
09:50Bella, Abby.
09:51Nobody wants you.
09:52Nobody wants me.
09:53Yep.
09:54Carl does.
09:55Oh, has he been knocking Tracy off?
09:58Tracy's been flinging herself at Carl and that's how she's ended up getting wind of this affair
10:02because she gave her the knock back.
10:04Tracy, Carl would never fancy you.
10:07I mean, come on.
10:08I mean, come on.
10:11That is like laying down a challenge.
10:14Carl would never fancy you.
10:17And then she might think, oh, yes, well, let's see if I can make him.
10:21Your hot pot will be five minutes, Tops.
10:23Really?
10:24I've already been waiting half an hour.
10:25You're telling me they're never doing the still and hot pot in the Rovers?
10:28Yeah, they do.
10:29She's been dead years, Betty Terpyn.
10:31Yeah, but she had loads in the freezer.
10:35That'll be £2.50 for the juice, please.
10:40Can I get you a drink, mate?
10:41Oh, he's a bit of all right.
10:42Look at his muscles.
10:44He's a PT trainer, you can tell.
10:46No, thanks.
10:47You know what you need?
10:49New life?
10:50A good workout.
10:51Ah, here's trouble.
10:53Oh, look, there's Tracy.
10:54There's Tracy's coming at an awkward moment.
10:57James, not in the mood, mate.
10:59There's nothing like getting all hot and sweaty to make you forget your worries.
11:03Nothing like getting out and sweaty to forget your worries.
11:06That's what's got me in this mess in the first place, Tiger.
11:08Off your fuck.
11:11You know, James is right.
11:13Nothing like getting down and dirty to take your mind off stuff.
11:16Oh, I see.
11:18Yeah.
11:18Oh, dear.
11:19I mean, she literally is like a doggone heat.
11:22Yeah.
11:23A bitch, if you like.
11:24Sorry, bitch on heat.
11:29What's this now?
11:30Oh, where is she?
11:31This is his room.
11:32This is Kyle's room in the hotel.
11:39What are you doing here?
11:40What's he doing?
11:41Why is he hot and sweaty?
11:42Have you got showered for me?
11:44Let it go, woman.
11:46She's pretty obvious.
11:47She's not giving up, is she?
11:49No, she's like a dog with a bone, Tracy.
11:51Tracy, you're pathetic.
11:52I'm not interested.
11:53How many ways can you say no?
11:55Clearly, you prefer it the hard way.
11:58So, I want my money.
12:01What a wicked woman.
12:03So, basically, she's saying if she don't get me, she needs to get paid.
12:06Oh, wow.
12:06What he should have said also, would that clear the debt?
12:09Would it clear the debt, Nutty?
12:12It could be like a gigolo.
12:15Yeah, but she probably hates her.
12:17A gigolo of Manchester.
12:18Wait, wait, wait, wait.
12:24Who's there?
12:25Who's there?
12:25Someone's there.
12:29That wasn't your biggest fan again, was it?
12:31Oh!
12:32Oh, bagel!
12:34Oh, ha, ha!
12:35What the fuck?
12:37Yo!
12:39Correlation Street!
12:41You're doing us like this!
12:44No!
12:50That's very modern, isn't it, Nutty?
12:52No-one saw that coming.
12:53No.
12:54That!
12:55I was not expecting that.
12:57That is the biggest curveball!
13:00Fucking brilliant.
13:01Correlation Street has ever thrown.
13:10In Manchester...
13:12Helena, I need you to try this cardigan,
13:15cos I need to check how long you want the sleeves.
13:18OK.
13:18Alison, her husband, George, and her daughter, Helena.
13:22See, you've got a balloon sleeve, do you see?
13:26So what you want me to do is cuff it to become a balloon sleeve,
13:30or I can leave it as a bellend.
13:32Which would you like?
13:34I'll cuff it, please, so you stop saying bellend.
13:39On Wednesday night,
13:40some singletons were paired up in paradise on BBC One.
13:44Dating shows, there's nothing, innit?
13:46There's too many.
13:47There's too many.
13:48Which one's out there?
13:49There's...
13:50Blind date.
13:51Andre.
13:52Blind date.
13:52You're showing your age now.
13:54Oh, my God.
13:54Blind date.
13:55Andre.
13:56Far from the distractions of home,
13:5912 singles looking for lifelong love.
14:03I've seen this advertised.
14:04It's basically, well, the singletons,
14:06they meet, quickly get married,
14:09then they're basically just left on a desert island for three weeks.
14:13Will they thrive in isolation and find love?
14:16Oh, it's Davina!
14:17I'd like to pick Davina McCall.
14:19Yeah, can you imagine?
14:20LAUGHTER
14:20And how do you feel about your partner?
14:23I'd appreciate the host, actually.
14:25Stranded on Honeymoon Island.
14:29So it's basically Survivor, married at first sight,
14:32slash love island.
14:33It is literally a date and reality show, Orgy.
14:37I'm May, originally from Mansfield, but now living in London.
14:41Oh, May's cute.
14:42May looks like a normal, nice girl, doesn't she?
14:45So my last proper boyfriend, unfortunately, there was an accident.
14:51Oh, no, he died.
14:53Oh, Jesus.
14:54Where he fell.
14:56Oh.
14:57Oh, God, that's not good.
14:59Into his colleague's vagina.
15:00LAUGHTER
15:01You've got to be careful.
15:04You can trip up and fall into anything nowadays.
15:07Yeah, he basically left me for his colleague.
15:10Oh, my God, she...
15:12What the...?
15:12Mie's got a bit of something about her, OK.
15:13What's that bad thing?
15:14OK.
15:15After a bit of speed dating...
15:17Where are you from?
15:18I'm from Edinburgh, Scotland.
15:19Oh.
15:20Hey.
15:21Hi.
15:22Representing my man.
15:22I love how she's...
15:23Oh!
15:25God, that's nice.
15:27Oh.
15:28I mean, those in glass houses, if she's from Mansfield.
15:31Oh, yeah.
15:32It was time for May to discover who she was tying the knot with.
15:36Whoo!
15:36I'm so...
15:37I'm so relieved to see you here.
15:38Yeah, me too.
15:39Oh, it's a relief.
15:41Oh, well, they're happy.
15:42That's good.
15:42Yeah.
15:43If I manifested this right, number 25 is standing in front of me.
15:46What did she say?
15:47If I manifested this right, number 25 is standing in front of me.
15:50He was number 25.
15:51I mean, I bet she's just put insert number.
15:54Yeah.
15:54If I've manifested this right, insert number will be stood in front of me.
16:00That'd be my luck, that.
16:02I've been through some tough times when it's come to love.
16:04It's not that I was too much, it's that they weren't enough.
16:08I love how he's just bitten his lip there.
16:10He's thinking, you shit.
16:11Got a bit of a live fire here.
16:13At this point, he looks like he's got regret for signing off for this show.
16:17I promise to be the most loyal person you've ever met.
16:20To love you with the biggest, purest heart.
16:23It's quite deep, this, isn't it?
16:24Yeah.
16:24To be your partner in crime, your biggest cheerleader.
16:27No.
16:28Oh, she's still going.
16:29How many words has she crammed on that bitter card?
16:32Yeah.
16:33That's beautiful.
16:34OK, let's see what he has to say.
16:38I vowed to never steal the covers.
16:40OK.
16:40Tick.
16:41Right, that's a good beginning.
16:42I promise to never lose my temper with you.
16:45OK.
16:45That's not going to last.
16:47You might need to lose your temper at some point or she'll walk all over you, mate.
16:55Anymore?
16:56That is the vows.
16:57That is the vows.
16:58Is that it?
16:59What's he done?
17:00Written him on the back of a fag packet?
17:01He's written him on the way down the jetty.
17:04Shit.
17:06Oh, vows.
17:08One night in of being stranded, we got to see how newlyweds May and Morrie were getting along.
17:14I don't think you'll annoy me.
17:16No.
17:16I think you're like, you're just like, really cute.
17:19I think she's quite keen on him at the minute though, isn't she?
17:21But they haven't been there about five minutes.
17:22Yeah.
17:24Am I your type?
17:25No, you're not.
17:30That was so quick.
17:30You didn't even think about it.
17:32I think that would bother me if you said it that quick.
17:34Yeah.
17:34I think with you, I just sort of see, I like, want to protect you.
17:37Ah, that's nice.
17:39I see you as like a little sister almost.
17:41Oh!
17:43Oh, no, Morrie.
17:45What are you doing?
17:47Oh, fucking hell.
17:48Why have you said that?
17:49Well, there, he said it.
17:50If it's friend zone, like, sometimes you can get out with your friends, do you know what I mean?
17:53Once you put her in the sister box, you can't, incest, you can't touch her.
17:57Eh, eh, eh, not Adam and Eve out here.
17:59It's the little sister vibes that I'm getting.
18:01Oh.
18:02He said it again.
18:02Again!
18:03He said it again.
18:04Oh, he's reinforcing it, isn't he?
18:06Well, I suppose at least he's not led her on.
18:09No, he's telling her.
18:10It's just like how I'm feeling right now, like, especially with the little sister vibes and
18:14stuff and like...
18:15Are you still going all about it?
18:16Fucking leave it out.
18:17Do you know what?
18:18I actually can't wait to watch this again, just to see how many more times he says she
18:24looks like his sister.
18:29In Leeds...
18:30What do you think of my new shirt?
18:32It's very art teacher.
18:34Very art teacher?
18:35It's very art teacher.
18:37I got it from a charity shop this morning.
18:39Sisters Ellie and Izzy.
18:42He's very art teacher.
18:44I just don't know what my style is.
18:46No, I don't either.
18:48It's a bit Friar Tuck.
18:52I knew it rang a bell with someone.
18:54I couldn't put my finger on it, but it's nice.
18:55Somebody Friar Tuck.
18:57We don't need a rosary and a rope belt.
19:00With that haircut as well.
19:04On Sunday night, Channel 4 was giving us that back to school feeling with the return
19:10of this.
19:11High school was probably one of the most hostile environments I've ever been to.
19:15It's like a prison with no prison guards.
19:18I feel sorry for teachers nowadays, I'd be honest.
19:21You wouldn't want to be a teacher nowadays, would you?
19:23No.
19:23The kids are little bastards.
19:25The feral.
19:26Over a decade ago, the nation fell in love with a school in Yorkshire.
19:31I can't believe it's been ten years since it's been on.
19:32I used to love this show, mate.
19:33I'm so glad it's back.
19:35I know.
19:35Now, the cameras are back.
19:37These lot are insane.
19:38Is it like Waterloo Road?
19:40No!
19:41That's made up.
19:42That's drama.
19:43This is a real school with real kids and it's just what's going on in the school.
19:48It's as if we were both going to school today and there was cameras in there.
19:52Oh, you wouldn't want to be recording me.
19:54No.
19:55Well, I was never in the classes to be recorded.
19:57Welcome to the world of education!
20:00My mum said I was misunderstood and because I was ginger, I always used to stick out.
20:05You were naughty, weren't you?
20:06I was naughty.
20:07Yeah.
20:08And I was at school with both my sisters-in-law, so when I turned up to marry their brother,
20:12it was their deepest, darkest nightmare, wasn't it?
20:14Well, it was quite weird, I must say.
20:17It's form time for the Year 8s and tutor Mr Geary is going over their behaviour points.
20:23He's getting the classic easily distracted and then distracts others on his report.
20:28Yeah, that's what you used to get.
20:30In our day, it might have been called High Spirits Murray and it would have been knocked out of you.
20:35I think it's E numbers.
20:36Now, we're going to do your negatives.
20:38Ethan, one.
20:40Isaac, one.
20:42Nah.
20:42Boy's struggling.
20:43He's a bit hyper, isn't he?
20:45Riley, nine.
20:47Nine what?
20:48Negatives for last week.
20:49Nine negative!
20:51Oh!
20:53Oh, I shouldn't laugh.
20:56Do you know who he reminds me of?
20:57Macaulay Culkin.
20:58Yeah.
20:59We didn't really see a peep out of Riley in Year 7.
21:03So what's changed?
21:04Yeah.
21:05Something's happened.
21:06What does everybody believe or believe?
21:09Riley, I've asked you once.
21:11If I ask you again, it'll be a verbal warning.
21:12And then that's in form.
21:14I'm not singing.
21:14Oh, no!
21:18It's just...
21:19It's funny.
21:20The first step for Mrs Delaney Hudson is to carry out a neurodiversity screening.
21:25There we go.
21:26Right.
21:26Oh, this is how you discover ADHD and stuff.
21:29You had a dyslexia screening when you were five or six, and they said there might be a slight chance that you're dyslexic.
21:36And you are very dyslexic.
21:37And you're like...
21:38Do you want to know how we know?
21:39The most dyslexic person.
21:41Do you have difficulty making out the sounds of words?
21:47Sometimes.
21:49No.
21:50Are you doing this test yourself?
21:52Yeah.
21:52Okay.
21:52Do you find that you can't explain why you did something?
21:55Yeah, often.
22:00Aw, sweetheart.
22:01He seems a compliant little chap, doesn't he?
22:06Mum, Bobby, has come in to meet Mrs Delaney Hudson for the results.
22:10Would there be anything worse than your mum having to come into school?
22:14Mortifying.
22:15Mortifying, yeah.
22:16Your teacher feedback is that you display more concerning behaviour traits after lunch.
22:23After lunch, something is eating.
22:26Oh.
22:27Diet-related, Mary.
22:28That's what you said, wasn't it?
22:30That's what I suspected.
22:31Well, yeah, but is he eating loads of sugar-ishite that's making him...
22:35At lunchtime, making him disruptive, have too much energy.
22:38Yeah.
22:38So, average daily diet.
22:41Wheat-a-bix.
22:42Nice.
22:43Well, I'd have said that's all right.
22:44It's roughage.
22:45Chocolate-wheat-a-bix, normally.
22:47Chocolate-wheat-a-bix.
22:48Yeah.
22:48Sugar, sugar, sugar.
22:49Well, I've never heard of chocolate-wheat-a-bix.
22:51Oh, Jane, come on.
22:52Yeah, but...
22:53Then he puts sugar on him.
22:54Chocolate-wheat-a-bix with sugar.
22:55That's not a crime.
22:56I put sugar on my wheat-a-bix.
22:58Cup of coffee.
23:00Cup of coffee.
23:01He's having coffee.
23:03It's off his tits.
23:04Then sometimes he'll take a chew with Pringles out of cupboard.
23:06I think I used to have, like, I don't know, toast or cereal for breakfast.
23:11Toast from a teller on, toast with jam, and then you'd go to school, and then you'd wait
23:14to school, you'd stop at the shop, you'd get a bag of Transformers.
23:18Oh, yes.
23:18I'm quite confident that we might have found the trigger as to what causes some of his behaviour
23:24choices.
23:25Is that it?
23:26It's just loaded up with sugar and caffeine?
23:27Yeah, by the sound of it.
23:28Oh, Miss Marple's quite the case here.
23:30Yeah.
23:31Well, thank you, Agatha Christie.
23:32Later in the programme, after a few tweaks to his diet, we caught up with Riley back in
23:38class.
23:39Riley, do you want to read down to across the land?
23:42The wind was just getting stronger and my shirt was floppy.
23:46I felt like I was up on a ship because the whole belt frame was moving.
23:53I think he seems a lot calmer.
23:54Settling down a bit now, isn't he?
23:56Now he's not high as a kite on sugar.
23:58I'm so jealous he can read better than me.
24:01He's also 12, by the way, as well.
24:02I think I could have done better in education.
24:05Well, I come out of school with two GCSEs, so I definitely could have done better.
24:09Yeah, you could have done with going back, really.
24:11But then I went to college and got functional skills, so it doesn't matter.
24:14Oh, not the functional skills.
24:25In Glasgow.
24:26Up at 5.30 as well?
24:27Do you know what?
24:28Actually, once you're up, that's the problem.
24:30I had to buy myself, like, an alarm clock that will, like, ring at the other side of the room.
24:35Meet best mates Jake and Callum.
24:38But once you're up, it's like, you get up before the rest of the city does.
24:41That was great.
24:42Nice.
24:42All right, Batman.
24:43Yeah.
24:46Listen, Arkham needs me.
24:47I'm glad you're protecting our streets when I'm...
24:49I've still got another two hours sleep to get.
24:53On Sunday night, there was a brand new game show from Beyond the Grave on Channel 4.
24:59I mean, it would be nice, wouldn't it, if you just got a fat inheritance off somebody.
25:04But it does mean that somebody has had to pass to the other side.
25:08No, it wouldn't be wonderful because you've lost a loved one.
25:10Well, if it was...
25:11That's the difference between you and me.
25:13Greed.
25:13No, if it was someone that you weren't that arse about.
25:23You don't want tat leaving to your dear.
25:26Most people leave you tatting it.
25:27What are you going to do with that?
25:28It's all they have all these house clearances.
25:30Nobody wants it.
25:31All they want is bricks and mortar money.
25:33Yeah, but at least I thought that counts.
25:35Fuck the fort.
25:37Hello, darlings.
25:38That's Elizabeth Hurley.
25:40I have some bad news.
25:41Are you ready?
25:42She looks a bit AI.
25:44I don't like bad news.
25:45Looks good, though, doesn't she?
25:46Do you know how old she is, Jed?
25:47She'll be 70-odd, I should think.
25:49Oh, yeah, bitch.
25:50Oh, God, sorry.
25:51Here goes.
25:53I'm dead.
25:54Dead.
25:55Oh.
25:56Well, you're not, are you?
25:57Because you're just there.
25:59She's there.
25:59She's not...
26:00Oh, unless you've recorded it before she died.
26:02She died.
26:02When one perfectly proportioned door closes...
26:05Another one opens.
26:07And that's where you come in.
26:09Oh, she's speaking to all the people
26:11who are going to potentially inherit her wealth.
26:13I've got it.
26:14Each of you is in with a chance
26:15to get your hands on my generous assets.
26:20I'll tell you what, she's talking my language here.
26:23My inheritance.
26:25Oh.
26:26I need to, like, Google if she's dead or not.
26:28She's not dead.
26:30And if she is, this is a very poor taste.
26:32Good morning.
26:38Oh, we love a bit of Rob Rinder.
26:41Love Rob Rinder.
26:42He's like whack-a-mole, not it.
26:44As soon as he's been finished one thing,
26:46he pops up in another thing.
26:48He does.
26:49In the programme, Rob set the contestants off
26:51on their first task,
26:53to find, blend and bottle wine,
26:55some of which was at the bottom of a lake.
26:58It's like walking through soup.
27:00Oh, he's gone in.
27:03Get stuck in, go on.
27:04I'm for sure going in that lake.
27:06Oh, he's straight in with his head under the water.
27:10God love him.
27:10Because I'm decent at swimming,
27:12and also it's something that other people don't want to do.
27:16He's playing the game already.
27:17Yeah, so it looks like you've worked harder.
27:20Yeah.
27:20Doing the stuff that somebody else doesn't want to do.
27:23Yeah.
27:23The boy is strong.
27:25Wow.
27:27Come on.
27:27Oh, my God.
27:28Everyone's loving Jessie's, like, attitude towards this.
27:32You'd be like,
27:33guys, I'm sitting this one out.
27:36I want this money.
27:37I want to contribute.
27:38I want to show everyone I can be,
27:40you know, I am useful.
27:41Well, don't stop it then.
27:43Leave the bottles inside.
27:44Leave the bottles inside.
27:45There's a fucking way.
27:46This feels like what most corporate away days
27:48end up spiralling into.
27:49Shut up.
27:50Shut up.
27:51I'm in a motion right now.
27:52Let me work.
27:53Shut up, please.
27:54Oh.
27:54She's not making any mates telling him to shut up, is she?
27:58It's really not giving teamwork, is it?
28:00Yeah.
28:01It's giving...
28:02They're going to hate you, girl.
28:03Oh, my God.
28:04That whole raft is just going to sink.
28:05All those bottles.
28:07Oh, no, they've lost them all.
28:08They're losing it.
28:09Oh, crumbs.
28:10So now they've lost bottles,
28:11and those bottles is money.
28:14Yep.
28:14Oh, shit.
28:16Zara's going to get rinsed for that.
28:18A bit later, after more fighting,
28:20Rinder was back with his big red book.
28:23Today you're successfully released...
28:25..5,600 pounds.
28:30Very nice.
28:31Ooh!
28:32Can I get a whoop-whoop?
28:33Those who think they contributed most
28:36must step forward as a claimant.
28:39Jessie, step forward right now.
28:41Don't tell me Zara's going to put herself forward.
28:43She ain't done now.
28:45Today, I feel like I am the most valuable player.
28:48Go on, Jess.
28:51There you go.
28:52I did object straight away.
28:56I cannot believe Zara is sat up there.
28:58The audacity.
29:00The absolute audacity.
29:02The audacity.
29:04The five cents.
29:07You guys should be...
29:08That's my bestie.
29:10What do you want to say?
29:11Do you want to just...
29:12When somebody is chatting out their arse,
29:15I have to stop them.
29:17Whoa!
29:18Chatting out their arse!
29:21Love it.
29:22This is what the show is all about.
29:25The jury...
29:25Has chosen Jessie as prime beneficiary.
29:30Jessie!
29:33Thank God.
29:35Jessie, you've inherited £5,600.
29:38That's a lot of money.
29:40It's now time to go to the strong room.
29:42What's the strong room?
29:43The what?
29:44What is that?
29:45That sounds really off.
29:46Like, really...
29:46I'm not going to be Kristen Gray, though.
29:50That's what it sounds like.
29:52Jessie, welcome to the strong room.
29:55Right.
29:56What?
29:56You've got a decision to make.
29:59You may gift up to half of it to any of the members of the jury.
30:02You could buy a second-hand Skoda Yeti for that, Nutty.
30:05It's what we paid for ours, wasn't it?
30:07You can, of course, decide to keep it all.
30:09Oh, keep it all.
30:10Oh, keep it all.
30:10Yeah.
30:11Now, Jessie, whether you choose to disclose what happens in this room
30:14is entirely up to you.
30:17There's this sneaky bit here now.
30:18Yeah.
30:19Do you know what?
30:20I'd just say that I did put it in some in everybody's box.
30:23Yeah.
30:25And I'd keep it for myself.
30:27It's now time to decide.
30:29At the end of the day, the game is a game.
30:32Exactly, mate.
30:33This man's changed.
30:34I still love him.
30:36Yeah.
30:36I don't care.
30:38He's playing a game and he's playing it right.
30:39That decision would be so easy for me.
30:41Like, keeping my money.
30:43Honestly, I'm not sharing it.
30:44None of them did as much as Jessie did.
30:46Let's be honest.
30:47So, if Brad left us at Inheritance, you wouldn't share it?
30:52If she said, oh, it's all going to go to you, Imani, would you not feel bad?
30:56And then think, why would I?
30:58Why would I?
31:00So, what if I'm living in the slums and you're out here kicking it up in a mansion?
31:04How's that right?
31:05Sorry.
31:06It's just your fate.
31:07What can I do?
31:07Have you seen the village group, darling?
31:16There's two feral cats that hunt in the village.
31:19Yet again, the village WhatsApp group is enlightening the world.
31:24Meet Andrew and his husband, Alfie.
31:26Somebody in one of the big houses is being called out for potentially promoting the feral cats to cull off the pigeon population, which seems to plague us.
31:36Having a laugh.
31:38I mean, there are a lot of rutting pigeons in the village at the moment.
31:41That's what that flapping was in the hedge the other night.
31:43Yeah.
31:44I thought it was the next door neighbour doing something with their mats from their car or something.
31:50You know, when you shake a mat out from a car, it sounds like that.
31:52Yeah, it sounds like a...
31:53And then I thought it was a bird stuck in the hedge.
31:55Oh, yeah.
31:56No, they...
31:57Then I realised it's not.
31:58It's just pigeon shagging, yeah.
32:00On Saturday, there were more twists and turns from across the pond on the BBC.
32:04I'm interested in what's going on, absolutely.
32:07I can't understand anybody's...
32:08Oh, I hate politics.
32:10Because the life is politics, isn't it?
32:12Somebody said to me once they were going to start a happy news channel.
32:15That was me.
32:16Oh, that was you.
32:17You were about to slate it.
32:19I think it's a brilliant idea.
32:21The dogs are watching the news, Ellie.
32:22Oh, my God, look at them.
32:24They are.
32:24Fixated.
32:26Very highbrow, my dogs.
32:28Good afternoon.
32:31President Trump has criticised a US appeals court ruling that has found many of his global
32:36tariffs to be illegal.
32:38I'm not even shocked anymore.
32:39Of course he is.
32:41That's so Trump.
32:42It deemed he had unlawfully invoked emergency powers to impose them.
32:46I don't trust him because he's T-Total.
32:48This is sure of the character for him.
32:50The ruling doesn't take effect until mid-October, which would give the US government time to
32:55ask the Supreme Court to review the case.
32:58They'll just get out of it again if they've got to the Supreme Court, sir.
33:02Well, they're all his people, aren't they?
33:03Yeah, he's in with them all.
33:05There you go.
33:05You know, rather than them going through a lengthy Supreme Court thing, why don't they
33:10ask chat GPT whether it's legal or not?
33:15Mr Trump said the decision, if allowed to stand, would literally destroy America.
33:19I think that's probably an exaggeration.
33:21He's doing quite a good job of that himself, isn't he?
33:23Yeah.
33:24He said the 2nd of April would be one of the most important days in American history.
33:28This is Liberation Day.
33:30Liberation from what?
33:32Like, why does no one ask that question?
33:35Yeah.
33:35It's gone from liberation to buggeration overnight.
33:41Commiseration.
33:42It's not liberation, did Ronald.
33:45Donald.
33:46Ronald.
33:47Donald.
33:47Ronald McDonald.
33:50On his Truth Social website, the President was undaunted.
33:54All tariffs are still in effect.
33:55That's on Truth Social, which is quite an ironic name.
33:58That's a bit rich.
33:59Look at that, all capitals at the top.
34:01He's shouting.
34:02That's a sign of a mad person.
34:05You text like that, Mum.
34:06No, I don't.
34:07You do?
34:08Excuse me, no.
34:09But even if the Supreme Court upholds this ruling, Trump could still impose similar tariffs through other legal routes.
34:16He said this ruling would literally destroy the United States of America.
34:20He won't give up on his tariff policies without a fight.
34:23He will just continue and bully on through.
34:26The only thing that's going to change it is people's reaction to it and the tariffs that they put on them, whether they're going to hurt America in any way.
34:33Oh, you sound semi-intelligent, darling.
34:35I mean, why is he introduced tariffs?
34:37Because he just wanted to piss people off.
34:39It's a bit like smart meters, innit?
34:42What?
34:43Yeah.
34:43A lot of people don't like them smart meters.
34:46What's that got to do with Trump?
34:48Well, now he hasn't introduced them, it's us who give us smart meters.
34:52They're all your life.
35:01In home...
35:02You haven't heard about my new bed, have you?
35:04You've got a new bed, have you?
35:06Yeah.
35:06Oh, I bet you're christening that, aren't you?
35:08Oh, I am.
35:09I'm going up and down, up and down, up and down.
35:12It's lovely.
35:13It's electric.
35:14Best friends Jenny and Lee.
35:16Up and down, up and down.
35:19That would annoy me, totally.
35:22I'd cut the bastard wires.
35:24No, it's lovely, Alan.
35:25Laying next to somebody going...
35:26Ray said it's the most he's seen me move for a long time.
35:34On Monday night, a nail-biting new thriller had us on the edge of our seats on BBC One.
35:40God, we do love a good drama, don't we, darling?
35:43We do love a good drama.
35:44So, less drama in our house, more drama on telly.
35:47Yeah, they don't have the dramas on in the summer, do they?
35:49No.
35:49I suppose it's because everybody's barbecuing.
35:50They won't be watching this shite.
35:52It's like, you don't have a drama...
35:53You don't have a drama and a barbecue, do you?
35:57The guest, here we go.
36:03OK, all right.
36:04I love being a guest.
36:05Oh, yeah, you do, cos you come here and get weighted on hand and foot.
36:09In the programme, we met a cleaner called Ria, arriving for her first day in a new job.
36:14Look at that pile.
36:18She wouldn't be doing her own shopping in Tesco's, would she?
36:21Imagine cleaning that.
36:23Christ, I wouldn't want to be able to clean that, she would bloody fart me.
36:26Import from the States, Asia.
36:30Is she an interior designer?
36:32It looks like she's, yeah.
36:34Europe, I mean, obviously, that's not as easy as it used to be.
36:38We do refurbs, refits.
36:41She's got a tabard on, just so we can all identify that she is the cleaner of the house.
36:45Of course.
36:46She's got a tabard on.
36:47Having taken her under her wing, Fran was keen for Ria to find a new boyfriend.
36:53Oh, hello, he's gorgeous.
36:56Oh, he is, isn't he?
36:57He is gorgeous, isn't he?
36:59Hi.
37:01I can't believe she's actually gone on this date.
37:03She's got a boyfriend.
37:05Yeah, it's good money.
37:06Like, most years, I clear 100k, isn't he?
37:11He's talking about money on the first date.
37:13Red flag.
37:14Ooh.
37:15Oh, my bingo wings are flapping.
37:17Uh, so, sorry, what about you?
37:19What do you do for, um, for work?
37:22Oh, what is she going to say?
37:24I'm sorry, I'm, I'm, I run a company.
37:28Ooh.
37:28Do you now?
37:31Yeah, um, high-end finisher, night-fittings, prefer fishmines, that sort of thing.
37:36Oh, she's taking on the personality of Fran.
37:40We just, we saw some of the world, the States, Asia, Europe, which isn't as easy as it used
37:46to be now, obviously.
37:47She's copying what Fran said earlier.
37:50Oh, what a tangled web we weave.
37:52That's really cool.
37:53Do you think there's a spark between them, Mary?
37:55There seems to be.
37:58A bit later, we saw Fran heading off for the weekend, leaving Ria in charge of the big
38:04fancy house.
38:07Oh, she's getting rid of all the pictures, all the evidence.
38:13Oh, she is.
38:14She's going to have a dirty weekend in the house with the boyfriend, the new boyfriend.
38:19Hey.
38:20I wasn't sure if I was in the right house.
38:23OK.
38:24You're not.
38:25You'd have a ring doorbell on a gaff like that, wouldn't you?
38:27Of course you would.
38:27How's he got up the drive?
38:29She's not left them gates open.
38:31Bloody hell.
38:32This is a bit nice.
38:33He's thinking he's landed on his feet, yeah.
38:36Do you want to talk?
38:37Yeah.
38:39When I come round to your house, when I first met you, you didn't say, do you want to talk?
38:44It would have took all of 20 seconds, wouldn't it?
38:46You're so fucking hot.
38:49The rats already?
38:50That escalated fast.
38:52La, la, la, la, la, la, la.
38:55I read quite a lot of rumpy, pumpy novels.
38:59Because they help me go to sleep.
39:04Who's that?
39:04Who's that?
39:05Who's in that car?
39:08Hi, this is Ria.
39:09Please leave a message.
39:12Hi, it's me.
39:13Oh, it's Fran.
39:14I got halfway there and realised I forgot my bloody key.
39:17Oh!
39:18She's on her way home.
39:19Pictures, man in the house.
39:21This is not going to go down well.
39:22Where he says I should be there in ten minutes.
39:24Ten minutes!
39:25Shit!
39:26They're going to be caught in play grande.
39:33Oh, turn it off.
39:34Answer the bloody phone.
39:37Thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God.
39:41Anyway, where he says I should be there in ten minutes.
39:44What are you going to do now?
39:46How's she going to cover up this one?
39:48I don't know.
39:48Who keeps calling you?
39:50Oh, he's getting a bit aggy, isn't it?
39:52My boyfriend is on the way back home, so I need you to leave.
39:55Oh!
39:56Oh!
39:56She's that maid, she's got a boyfriend.
40:00I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
40:01This is fucked.
40:02This is fucked.
40:03It's going to get nasty.
40:04So why are you being like that for?
40:05Oh, my God, I'm not being like anything.
40:06Can you just leave, please?
40:07I've asked you.
40:08He's not going to leave now.
40:09I don't think he's going to, you know.
40:11He's off his rocker.
40:11Oh!
40:13Get out!
40:14Get out!
40:14Get out!
40:15Get out!
40:16Oh!
40:17Oh, she's...
40:18Oh, my God!
40:23No, no, no.
40:25Don't, don't, don't, don't!
40:26No, don't!
40:27Run!
40:30Oh!
40:33This has gone from 0 to 100 in about 10 seconds now.
40:39Oh!
40:41Bloody hell!
40:44Get up!
40:45Get the fuck up!
40:47Whoa!
40:49Oh!
40:50Oh!
40:52Oh!
40:55Oh!
40:56Oh!
41:02She's got about two minutes to leave up the mess before the bus.
41:06My God, that was dramatic.
41:08This is proof as to why we shouldn't use dating apps, isn't it?
41:11Because it's the devil's playground.
41:13Yeah.
41:14Nothing good ever comes from a dating app.
41:16Well, it has never for me.
41:18Definitely hasn't for you.
41:20All right!
41:21What do you look like with them socks and slippers?
41:29I don't care.
41:30Teresa and her wife, Anita.
41:32When I met you, you had real high levels of, you know, dress sense.
41:39And you criticised a lot of what I wore.
41:42I had to throw out a flowery coat because of you.
41:44Well, you just hit the nail on the head there.
41:45What?
41:46When I met you, things changed.
41:51On Thursday night, there were more canine capers with the nation's favourite homeless hounds on Channel 4.
41:58Oh!
41:58Oh, it's the doghouse!
42:03It's OK.
42:04We're not getting it.
42:05Don't worry.
42:06Do you mind getting your feet off those?
42:08Sorry.
42:10You're about to eat my cheesy feet instead of your cheese straws.
42:13Do they taste good, these cheese straws?
42:14They're lovely.
42:15This house at the moment is bonkers.
42:20I've got six puppies, a Labrador and two Tibetan Terriers.
42:2614-year-old Lucy has rallied the whole family in search of a four-legged friend to finally call her own.
42:32I hope they find something special for Lucy.
42:35I think for us it's about the personality and temperament of the dog more than necessarily the breed.
42:41You want a dog, this cut she, doesn't it?
42:43Cut she, do I.
42:44Do you want something she can have on her lap?
42:46Yeah.
42:47Like my dachshund?
42:48Yeah.
42:48If she had my dachshund, she would love it.
42:51She would love a dachshund.
42:53Oh, I'm Pomeranian.
42:55Oh, wow, OK.
42:56They're quite small, aren't they, Pomeranian?
42:58Small, fluffy one.
42:59Yeah, but they're yuppie Lucy.
43:01Be very careful with them.
43:02Not all of them.
43:03Occasionally, you've said, haven't you, I'm lonely and I'd like a dog.
43:06Yeah.
43:07Give her a dog.
43:09Give her a dog, give her two.
43:10Oh, I want her to find a nice Pomeranian.
43:12She is going to find a nice Pomeranian.
43:13We've narrowed it down to two possibilities.
43:17OK.
43:18Oh, I wonder what they got for her.
43:20Who is this?
43:22Pomeranian.
43:23Perfect.
43:25Oh.
43:26Oh, that ticks every box for that.
43:27Bloody brilliant.
43:28I want you to understand that Fox is a stray.
43:32What?
43:33A stray Pomeranian?
43:35Yeah.
43:36How did that happen?
43:37Is there just like a pack of Pomeranians breeding in the wild somewhere?
43:41That would be a goldmine if we find it.
43:43I know.
43:43He has an affectionate side, but we don't know if he's ever lived in a house before.
43:49Oh, that's a bit tricky.
43:51It might not be good with people.
43:53So the other option is a little beagle.
43:56OK.
43:57And her name is Poppy.
43:59Oh, beagles are cute.
44:00Let's see both, Lucy.
44:01Don't jump the gun.
44:02Oh, look at her.
44:10Oh, Fox looks like a fox.
44:12Fox is a fox.
44:14Fox.
44:15Fox.
44:16Come on, Foxy.
44:19Foxy.
44:21Go on, have a little jump up.
44:23Say hello.
44:24Foxy, get up.
44:26Fox.
44:30Oh, no, he's going the other way.
44:32Go and see her.
44:35Please.
44:36Fox isn't obviously going to just come and curl up on your lap today, Lucy,
44:41or maybe not even in a week.
44:42Or never.
44:44Exactly.
44:44It might not ever happen.
44:46And he doesn't like being picked up.
44:47Oh, well, what's your dream for, then?
44:49Oh, well, that's no forgot.
44:50Maybe they could have mentioned that.
44:51Yeah, and that would have been a good one to start with.
44:55Lucy.
44:56Oh, she's disappointed.
44:58Well, that's understandable.
45:00Foxy's no good for her.
45:02You can't even pick it up.
45:03Get out.
45:04Get it out.
45:04Get the next one.
45:05Why did they bring it in for her, then?
45:07Exactly.
45:10Oh.
45:11Oh.
45:12Poppy.
45:13This is Poppy.
45:15Hello, Poppy.
45:16Come on, Poppy.
45:17Come on.
45:18Knock it out the court, Pops.
45:19Now, I like that dog instantly,
45:21because it's got the face of an old bloke.
45:23Poppy.
45:23Good girl.
45:26Woo-hoo.
45:27Up we go.
45:28Come to see Lucy.
45:29Come to see Lucy.
45:31Oh, that's better.
45:32Mother's like, come on, Poppy.
45:34Come on.
45:35Go ahead and fucking see Lucy.
45:39She said hello to you.
45:41She loves me.
45:43Oh, she likes her.
45:44Poppy might be the one.
45:45I think Poppy might be the winner.
45:47Yeah.
45:47Yes, yes, yes.
45:51Lucy.
45:52I do love her.
45:55Poppy, I love you.
45:56Oh, she loves her.
45:58Oh, Poppy, I think you might have just found your forever home, sweetheart.
46:01Oh, it's making me cry.
46:02Oh, she's crying.
46:04Oh.
46:04Is it making you cry?
46:06No.
46:06No.
46:08First, I thought she wants the Pomeranian.
46:11Please make it work for her.
46:13But then everything worked out in the end,
46:15and the bagel was actually better.
46:16The bagel.
46:18Not the bagel.
46:20What they're called?
46:21Bagel.
46:22Oh, they're fucking bagel.
46:24So you have for your breakfast?
46:29Well, if you want your share of Elizabeth Hurley's inheritance after tonight,
46:33the deliciously devious new game continues on Sunday night at nine.
46:37When it's time to go big, we'll go home.
46:40Now, if you like your Friday nights and new comedy-free zone,
46:43well, Mitchell and Webb are not helping with that.
46:46Next, tonight here on Channel 4.
46:47Next, tonight here on Channel 4.
46:48You're perfect, perfect world
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