01:03But at the same time, he forbids me from seeing my family.
01:08He doesn't like when I call them, he doesn't like when I go over.
01:11So I almost secretly have to call my mom or check on them.
01:16And if I don't tell him that I'm talking to my mom, am I being sinful or something?
01:21Because you have to obey your husbands.
01:23And he keeps telling me that the men are in charge of women.
01:26And you have to do what I say, I'm the ameer of the household.
01:29So according to Allah and his deen, according to the sunnah and the sharia,
01:33you have to obey me and you're under my household now.
01:35So you can't stay in communication with your parents or your siblings or whatever.
01:41And then on top of that, he adds like, I don't want you to leave the house ever.
01:47Like just stay home and until I take you out, don't go anywhere kind of thing.
01:51So she's like, am I sinful for, you know, she got in trouble for going in the backyard one time or something.
01:56So like she's frustrated and her husband was there,
02:00but he was in a bathroom break or something.
02:03So she figured she'd slip in the question.
02:06SubhanAllah.
02:07I realized that, you know, a lot of times people do things in the name of Islam
02:10and they quote Quran, Sunnah, Sharia.
02:14But, dude, it's like the exact opposite.
02:18You know, like, so, you know, the relationship between a husband and a wife is one of a partnership.
02:24And even though the husband has been given certain responsibilities in the home,
02:31the Quran's language is not men are authorities over women.
02:34الرجال قوامون على النساب
02:36Maintainers over women.
02:37The word قوام has nothing to do with authority.
02:39Which is really interesting.
02:40A lot of translations say men are authorities over women.
02:42But the word قوام in all of its meanings,
02:45none of them have to do with authority.
02:46Actually, from it is one of the names of Allah.
02:49الله لا إله إلا هو الحيء
02:51قيوم
02:52From the same origin.
02:54And the word قيوم has nothing to do with authority,
02:56even when you're talking about Allah.
02:57It has to do with Him taking care of, maintaining, holding upright, etc.
03:00He maintains the entire existence.
03:02That's what makes Him قيوم.
03:05So just to take that and first of all say that I'm the authority over you,
03:09this doesn't make any sense.
03:11And then second of all, like, you know,
03:13I have a relationship with my wife.
03:16Or my wife has a relationship with me.
03:17she has a relationship with her parents
03:19with her siblings
03:20with her friends
03:21with all these relationships
03:23one relationship
03:25does not have the right to
03:26tell me
03:27to violate all the other relationships
03:30so it doesn't supersede
03:31everybody has their space
03:34you're not a slave
03:35no human being is the slave of another slave
03:37or another human being
03:38we're all slaves of Allah
03:39so I owe certain things to my mom
03:42for example
03:43but she cannot tell me
03:45to do something against my wife
03:47or the other way around
03:49and the same thing with my wife
03:52I can tell her to do certain things
03:53but if it's making her violate
03:55some basic rights of her own parents
03:59like she's not leaving the house
04:01and moving in with them or something
04:03but she's giving them a call
04:04and checking on them
04:04that's not something I can stop her from
04:06and even if I do it doesn't count
04:08because she owes them that responsibility
04:10it came from Allah
04:11like it's not something that
04:12she decided she has to have
04:14it's actually from Allah
04:15you have to be the best to your parents
04:16when Allah says
04:17وَبِالْوَالِدِينِ اِحْسَانَ
04:18He doesn't say
04:18men be the best to your parents
04:20women until you get married
04:21the rest of the time
04:25consider them history
04:27and you can just casually
04:28like every Eid
04:29kind of say salat
04:30it doesn't say that
04:32these are family situations
04:33the other weird thing
04:36in this whole scenario
04:37first of all
04:38they bring religion in
04:38where it doesn't belong
04:39then even about the freedom of this woman
04:41where can she go
04:42can she go outside
04:43and things like that
04:44this is actually
04:45not a religious mandate
04:47and he cannot tell her
04:48you cannot go outside
04:49as a
04:50kind of from the religion
04:51but if he's insecure
04:54and he's overprotective
04:55and he's like
04:56going crazy
04:58that she shouldn't go outside
04:59etc etc
04:59he
05:01this is his psychological issue
05:04not the religion's
05:06so I'm not saying
05:07that she should be able
05:09to disobey her husband
05:10because
05:11she's obligated
05:13she's actually going
05:16even if she's not obligated
05:18it's a choice to go
05:20and she still has the right
05:21in other words
05:22you can't stop people
05:23from fulfilling obligations
05:25and you also can't stop people
05:27from their own rights
05:28I have the right to fresh air
05:30somebody could use this
05:33for an extreme
05:33they could say
05:34okay well you know what
05:35I watched a lecture
05:37and I heard about this
05:38or I heard this story
05:39about Umar
05:39and then you know what
05:41I'm going to go on a road trip
05:43I'm driving to California
05:44husband
05:45see you later
05:45people could do that
05:48but that's their problem
05:50then that's another
05:51psychological disorder
05:52like I'm just going to be
05:53rebellious
05:53because I can be
05:54etc
05:54I mean family is not about
05:55rules that are imposed
05:57like I have to quote
05:58a hadith at you
05:59every time I want you
05:59to do something
06:00or you have to quote
06:00an ayah at me
06:01then we've got much
06:02deeper issues than
06:03you know
06:04than Quran and Sunnah
06:06we don't have a normal marriage
06:08like marriage is about
06:09you know discussion
06:11and compromise
06:11making sure the other
06:12person is happy
06:13right
06:14and when you have to
06:15blackmail someone
06:16to do something
06:16using their religion
06:17that's like
06:18ultimate
06:19like evil
06:21I can't think of anything
06:22more messed up than that
06:23in a relationship
06:24to use chips like that
06:26to use hadith
06:26and Quran
06:27to impose your will
06:29on somebody else
06:30even though that
06:31doesn't even fit
06:32you know
06:32subhanAllah
06:33so
06:33I tried to tell her
06:35what I could
06:35but you know
06:37at the end of the day
06:38she's
06:38she's in this situation
06:40and I can't
06:41or nobody else
06:42can intervene
06:42at the end of the day
06:43she's gonna have to
06:44work those things out
06:44with her husband
06:45directly
06:46maybe it did help
06:47yeah
06:48and maybe it did help
06:49you know
06:49but at the very least
06:50this
06:51I think in a lot of
06:52relationships
06:53there needs to be
06:53open conversation
06:54and when people are
06:56misusing religion
06:58they should be
06:59called out for it
07:00you know
07:01I just
07:02makes me sad
07:03to see this
07:04but inshallah
07:04things are getting better
07:06at least people
07:06have the courage
07:07now to at least
07:08come up to me
07:09I commend her courage
07:10it's not easy
07:11to come and talk
07:11about a problem
07:12you're having at home
07:13you know
07:13so I pray that
07:14inshallah
07:15so many people
07:15get helped
07:16because she's
07:17had the courage
07:18to come and ask
07:19the question
07:19I'll see you next
07:20time
07:20ciao
07:21ciao
07:21ciao
07:22ciao
07:23ciao
07:24ciao
07:26ciao
07:49ciao
