- 11 months ago
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00:00namaste achari ji so my question is because i'm in my ca final level so i did do jobs in delhi and
00:09gurgaon and in finance and accounts department and then i also worked for a startup in ib investment
00:14banking after a point i've switched many jobs and put a gap in between and have tried multiple
00:22things but now my parents have said that just finish your college finish off your degree and
00:29then you can do anything you want now as time is passing and i'm seeing that they're like they're
00:35saying that it's now your age to marry currently i want to finish off my few papers left and then i
00:40want to explore other things but in my house the environment that is being created is like
00:45they'll randomly start talking about like my mother has already told her sister to look for somebody
00:51and she regularly updates me about this boy and i have never seen the picture of this boy also like
00:59i'm not even interested in it but the thing is that now the environment which is being created
01:04it's very distracting whenever i say that i i want to like after completing this exam i want to look
01:11for other opportunities they say that don't no no don't please don't leave otherwise
01:16but on the other side they're ready to send me to some stranger's house
01:26i don't understand the irony so this is going on so i'm not understanding that i have to finish my
01:33degree within six months or should i like change my environment and look for some other opportunities
01:38outside i don't want to be distracted in these things i want to focus on other important things
01:44right now see the foundation does not want to be sued by your parents
01:47we but still i'll i'll drop you hints
01:55sir whatever you want to say you can say i'm not i'm not it is well known that i speak in a
02:06very measured way no express myself very modestly so
02:12you would be in your 20s right yes i recently turned 24
02:2524 is
02:29voting right driving license
02:35you can be a lawmaker you can sit in the legislative assembly next year
02:45you're 24 right you can you can sit in the parliament
02:50at the age of 20 or 21
02:57you could be the administrator of an entire district
03:01if you clear the UPSC exam
03:04how is it that at 24 you are not mature enough to decide for yourself in your most intimate
03:15matters
03:15you can be a pilot responsible for the lives of hundreds of people every flight
03:28if you can be trusted with the lives of hundreds of people every hour how can you not be trusted
03:38with your own life
03:39i'm trying to be diplomatic i'm working really hard at it
03:51it's not like that like in some sense they are open-minded
03:56also like they they have been very supportive of my career as well like in initial days
04:03when i was like at the age of 20 i started working i shifted to another city and they were very supportive
04:09but then when i changed few jobs and i was like not not knowing in which field i have to work for a very long time
04:17so they thought that now my age is 24 and they think that she might not really be very very serious about anything
04:24they think that marriage is the only way but it's not like that
04:29it's just i'm just exploring and finding what i have to do
04:34like they want everything to go perfect or at the right age
04:39so they have some deadline set
04:41i don't understand that
04:43i don't understand is it a problem within me that i'm not able to achieve those things in a very early age
04:49or it's something else
04:52parents want things to go perfect for their daughters
05:02just as they always knew what was perfect for them
05:09for you to know what is perfect for the other
05:14you should have known at least what is semi-perfect for you
05:19i'm not talking about your parents in particular
05:23parents look at the lives of parents
05:26how close are they to perfection
05:32how many of you are results of perfect alliances
05:37do we know what perfection means
05:45do we know what it means
05:50to live a fulfilled life
05:52and if we do not know these things for ourselves
05:54is it love
05:57to impose these things
05:59on our sons and daughters
06:03in my own life i've very clearly seen i do not know anything
06:09the fact is that i'm a goddamn fool
06:14and yet i want
06:16my offsprings
06:19to live as per my decisions and desires
06:22is that love
06:24but i was trying to be diplomatic
06:32you guys will get in trouble
06:41very soon
06:42answer sir
06:50you are 24 right
06:51today you are asking me these questions
06:53tomorrow you decide to
06:55go by your parents wishes
06:58next year you are a mama
07:01that's possible
07:02that happens in this country
07:04will you be a perfect mom
07:07tonight
07:13this hour
07:14we are we are mired in confusion
07:18we do not know
07:20out of this confusion
07:24some random decision gets taken
07:27very coincidentally
07:31very ignorantly
07:32very randomly
07:33from that decision
07:36you get a baby
07:37and then you want all the perfect things for your baby
07:41is that realistic
07:45have we first of all
07:50bothered
07:51to shape
07:52our own lives
07:54in any way that resembles perfection
07:56then how will we
07:59be perfect as parents
08:00and why must the wishes of parents
08:05be taken
08:06with such seriousness
08:08i mean
08:14i'm old enough to be the parent of a youngster
08:21and had i been a parent i wouldn't have wanted
08:26the girl or boy to
08:29obey my wishes
08:31mostly because i know
08:36i can act a
08:38huge idiot at times
08:40many times
08:41alright most times
08:43why would i
08:47throw myself
08:49at someone who is 20 or 25
08:51and ask them to
08:53to my line
08:54let's have some honesty at least
09:01we are not talking to someone who is 5 years old
09:05we are talking to a 25 year old
09:07and the parent is 45 or 50 or 55
09:10in terms of consciousness both are equals
09:15right
09:18how does one of them then get the right
09:22to dominate
09:25to dominate the other's mind
09:26and also
09:31again at the risk of being
09:34portrayed
09:36a
09:36a dreaded
09:39family breaker or somebody
09:42all these excuses that daughters come up with
09:48in defense of their parents
09:51no no my parents are not totally evil
09:53they gave me a decent education
09:55this is nonsense
09:59decent education so that you can be married off
10:03or is that very different
10:07from keeping somebody uneducated so that she can be married off
10:11the purpose is the same
10:13of what youth is education
10:22when the FLPR in the country is continuously declining
10:27and women are more educated today than they ever were
10:32more educated
10:36and yet dropping out of jobs
10:38why because the first priority
10:44is the wedding
10:46and the man
10:47and the baby
10:48that's how the parents have indoctrinated them
10:54what is the point of education
10:58just so that the CV looks good
11:01you don't educate someone
11:12so that she is more efficient in the kitchen
11:16or more productive on the bed
11:19is that what education is for
11:21if all these years of education
11:30are going to be
11:32ultimately eaten up
11:34by household chores
11:37what have parents educated their daughter for
11:51go out and check on this particular metric
11:57FLPR
11:59female labour participation rate
12:01there is something happening culturally in this country
12:05something very very vicious
12:07proportionally more women were part of the workforce
12:2020-30 years back
12:27the cultural environment is degrading in a direction
12:30that is discouraging
12:34probably even forbidding or threatening women
12:38away from the workforce
12:40the workplace
12:45and you say you know
12:47do you English honours
12:48what's the point
12:53what is the point
12:54and I respect
12:56the household jobs
12:59but you also know
13:03that had the household jobs been of paramount importance
13:06the men would have taken them
13:12and it does not take a genius to figure out the
13:15total
13:18financial value
13:20monetizable value
13:21of all the household jobs that you do
13:24you can add that up
13:27and see what it comes to
13:29is that what you got educated for
13:32they say you know
13:44there is great dignity in household work
13:46yes I understand
13:47there is great
13:47let the men do it
13:48why do the men want to be deprived of dignity
13:52then their final vulgar argument is
13:58then will the men give birth and breastfeed
14:01this is what the argument ultimately comes to
14:06I am just trying to be diplomatic
14:11holding myself back
14:13sir like I also love traveling a lot
14:20so recently I shared that I want to travel to
14:23from Kashmi to Kanyakumari
14:25and I have decided everything
14:27like which buses I have to take
14:29from where I have to travel
14:31everything
14:31and I want to do a solo trip first time
14:35so my parents were very shocked
14:37and my father said that first talk to Tao ji
14:39and if he approves then you can go
14:41then we will see
14:43so I was very angry on that
14:45I also discovered
14:47like what Tao ji has to do with this
14:49if I have to go on a solo trip
14:52I understand like it's a joint family
14:55and everything
14:56and it's a banya family
14:57and everybody gets married till 25
15:00so my brother who is like one year older
15:03he has already got married
15:04now everybody is just looking at me
15:07so every time they have the same thing
15:11like whenever I visit them
15:13so in this environment
15:17I am thinking that
15:19in March when my exams will get over
15:21then I will see if
15:23whatever I have in my hand
15:25I am just not thinking about it currently
15:27listen lady
15:28this ugly world
15:30this world
15:32understands
15:34only the language of power
15:36your Tao ji
15:43he might be 60 or whatever
15:45but if there is a 25 year old
15:49with enough
15:52financial heft
15:55your Tao ji will bow down
15:57you could be
16:07in some industry
16:08at the age of 22, 24
16:10earning a fat package
16:12and then people are less likely
16:15to get into your business
16:18they will stay away
16:23and
16:23respect
16:25their limits
16:27you could be an IAS at 21
16:37and
16:38you can have 50 year olds
16:40reporting to you
16:42and all those 50 year olds
16:47will be somebody's Tao ji's
16:49and Pupa ji's
16:50and Mama ji's
16:50and Papa ji's
16:55gather power for yourself
16:59in whatever way you can
17:03if you remain feeble
17:05and dependent
17:06this
17:08this
17:10ugly world
17:11will simply eat you up
17:12they will throw you away somewhere
17:16and that would be the end of their role
17:21and they will not come to inquire
17:22investigate
17:23or help
17:24keep everything else
17:34off your mind
17:35build yourself up
17:38and gather strength
17:40this is a very loveless world
17:44it knows only the language of power
17:48Tao ji will sanction
18:01your travels
18:03and it's quite likely that
18:06Tao ji's boss
18:09is a 30 year old
18:10and he sanctions Tao ji's leaves
18:13be that boss
18:19attain a similar position
18:26then they
18:29forget all
18:31their gender based prejudices
18:33they also forget caste hierarchies
18:37everything is forgotten in front of power and money and authority
18:43that's the only language they understand
18:45forget that you are a Baniya or anything
18:56a woman has no caste
18:58she only has a body
19:00that's the world we live in
19:06that's the world we live in
19:07the world you are a womb
19:14what they want you to get married so that you can play little cute games with the man
19:23what else is marriage
19:25go procreate
19:28get us a few toys to play with
19:31in the name of
19:33furthering the clan
19:35if you
19:39are well educated
19:40use your education for your empowerment
19:43and that power will
19:47give you
19:50the leverage
19:51to live life on your own terms
19:53else anybody
20:00everybody
20:01will ride roughshod over you
20:05and you will internalize it
20:13and you will have to
20:15resist
20:16one resists only to the point
20:16there is a point in resisting
20:18no?
20:20and after that point what do you do?
20:23you succumb
20:23you surrender
20:23you give in to the situation
20:29you start pretending as if
20:32you are in the situation by choice
20:34in fact you start siding
20:39with your hunters
20:43you start acting as if
20:47your oppressors are your well-wishers
20:49because you know very well
20:51there is no point resisting anymore
20:52you flip sides
20:56let that not happen to you
21:02women die a very early
21:06death internally
21:08after that they are just
21:11machines of flesh
21:14eating
21:16reproducing
21:17entertaining
21:19and getting entertained
21:21talking gibberish
21:23and spewing venom on anyone
21:30who dares to show them the mirror
21:32at 24
21:35you are talking to me
21:37and you are ready
21:38to at least lend an ear to what I am saying
21:41it's possible at 34 you hate me
21:44it's possible at 34 you say
21:48you know this man is evil
21:50avoid him at all cost
21:51because at 34 it is very possible that you will be very very deeply invested
21:59in this same traditional system
22:02you will be so deeply invested you will know there is no way out
22:05so you will want to pretend as if you have willingly chosen to be in that system
22:13and you will pretend so deeply you will believe in it
22:22and you will believe in the hatred you will have for me
22:25a lot of women hate me from their guts
22:29if they find me they will slash my throat
22:36extremely visceral hatred
22:39you know why they hate me
22:44they hate me because I didn't come to them when it was time
22:49they hate me for coming too late to them
22:53they will not accept this
22:57when I say this they will scoff at it
23:01instead of acknowledging
23:02the fact is
23:08every 15 year old needs to listen to this
23:11or else it will be too late
23:17I was supposed to be
23:21diplomatic
23:23you will get me in jail
23:28you know then later
23:29yeah that is all
23:32thank you so much sir
23:36thank you
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