- 3 weeks ago
Rapture-Palooza (2013) - Full HD Movie Uncut
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:30CastingWords
00:01:00Now the book of Revelations tells us the rapture is the literal, physical, bodily coming of Christ in the clouds to snatch out of this world all believers, the dead and living who were in Christ our Lord. Amen.
00:01:15Those sinners who remain on earth shall face torments and suffer beyond their wildest nightmares.
00:01:22Who are these people?
00:01:23Well, we all know them.
00:01:25Musicians.
00:01:26Gays.
00:01:27Gay musicians.
00:01:28The entire 1997 Denver Broncos and all of Hollywood.
00:01:32Gays.
00:01:33Gays.
00:01:34Gays.
00:01:35Gays.
00:02:04incredibly freaky, to me, anyway.
00:02:07I always say that Ben sort of saved the world.
00:02:10He's that amazing.
00:02:11He, well, he says that I saved the world,
00:02:14but he's probably just being nice.
00:02:16It doesn't matter.
00:02:17That's me looking fairly shocked.
00:02:21But honestly, not that shocked,
00:02:23because the truth is a lot of crazy stuff
00:02:25had already gone down.
00:02:29Wow.
00:02:29Maybe I should back up a little.
00:02:34See, it all started with the rapture.
00:02:38I've got needs, you've got needs, we are needs,
00:02:41just a little bit of a break.
00:02:42It was league night.
00:02:44I had just gotten a strike.
00:02:45Oh, yeah.
00:02:48Oh, my God.
00:02:50And Ben was even more excited than me.
00:02:52He usually is, which is why I love him.
00:02:54Oh, thank you.
00:02:56Oh, thank you.
00:02:58Anyway, um, then, all of a sudden,
00:03:04half the world was totally gone.
00:03:11Well, now you better run.
00:03:13Run when I hear somebody's calling you.
00:03:15Well, you better run.
00:03:17Run when I say somebody's calling you.
00:03:19Well, you better run.
00:03:20Run, run, run.
00:03:21Somebody's calling you.
00:03:23Well, now meet me.
00:03:37Good Lord, meet me.
00:03:39Somebody's calling you, I feel like my time ain't long
00:03:44Time ain't long, time ain't long
00:03:48Well now meet me, good lord meet me
00:03:52Won't you meet me in the middle of the air
00:03:55Cause now if these two wings fail me
00:03:59Lord I want to hinge on another path
00:04:02Well you better run
00:04:04Somebody's calling you, you better run
00:04:08Somebody's calling you, you better run
00:04:12Somebody's calling you, I feel like my time ain't long
00:04:17Time ain't long, time ain't long
00:04:20Well now Shadrach said to me, Shadrach
00:04:24And they said to a bend me, go
00:04:27My good lord
00:04:28Don't you see how they done, poor old Daniel
00:04:31We better count up our cause and
00:04:34Well
00:04:35The people who went to church and prayed and missed out on a lot of fun stuff
00:04:52got sucked straight up to heaven
00:04:55And the rest of us, well
00:04:57We were screwed
00:04:59We weren't believers
00:05:01So I guess that's why we weren't taken
00:05:04Both my mom and Ben's mom went to church religiously
00:05:15Well that's the only way you can go to church
00:05:18The point is they both got raptured
00:05:20But in the only recorded case of such a thing happening
00:05:27My mother was sent back
00:05:29The very next day
00:05:31Mom?
00:05:35Laura
00:05:35I uh
00:05:37What happened?
00:05:40I don't know
00:05:41I wasn't having
00:05:43Wait, you got sent back?
00:05:45So God like returned you?
00:05:47Well
00:05:48I guess so
00:05:50Yes
00:05:50Oh
00:05:51I was just in line
00:05:53Uh huh
00:05:53And they were giving out massages
00:05:55And a guy butt in front of me
00:05:57He probably didn't butt
00:05:59He barged right in front of me
00:06:01And he said I need something in the shoulder
00:06:03Were you in the right line?
00:06:04I was in the right line
00:06:06Honey, you're almost never in the right line
00:06:08Listen to me
00:06:09It was unprofessional
00:06:10It was poorly organized
00:06:11You have this backwards
00:06:12You go up there to be judged
00:06:14You don't do the judging
00:06:16I don't want to be here
00:06:25I know, you just smell like shit
00:06:28Did anybody vacuum while I was going?
00:06:31We all vacuumed
00:06:33We all vacuumed all the time
00:06:35Lots of vacuum
00:06:38And then the torments started
00:06:42First came these little locusty things
00:06:46Ow
00:06:47I hate those little things
00:06:50Suffer!
00:06:51Suffer!
00:06:52I am suffering
00:06:53You little butt
00:06:54Suffer!
00:06:56You're not going anywhere
00:06:58You little fuckers
00:06:59If you're wondering
00:07:00They were impervious to most butt sprays
00:07:03Suffer!
00:07:03I got an idea
00:07:06How about you suffer
00:07:08Suffer!
00:07:09Suffer!
00:07:10Come on!
00:07:11What the fuck?
00:07:14The apocalypse is killing me
00:07:15What?
00:07:16What?
00:07:17I don't know why
00:07:18You Jesus freak
00:07:20Why did you ask God?
00:07:21Oh yeah, I forgot
00:07:22He doesn't like you
00:07:24What?
00:07:24It's my parents, you guys
00:07:27I can't stand it anymore
00:07:29Good times
00:07:30Good times
00:07:30Then God in his infinite wisdom
00:07:37Did this really gross thing
00:07:40It just seemed so unsanitary
00:07:43You know?
00:07:43What is that?
00:07:45Is that?
00:07:46I think it's raining blood
00:07:48Blood?
00:07:50It's raining blood
00:07:51That's not disgusting
00:07:52What the fuck is the point of that?
00:07:54There's no point
00:07:55Wipers don't work for shit
00:07:58I had a sprayer thing
00:08:00Sprayer thing
00:08:01Oh, well, that's great
00:08:03Now it's all smeared
00:08:04The rates showed up about a year ago
00:08:12They were like a nightmare come to life
00:08:14They went all around the world
00:08:16Wrecking everything
00:08:17And killing people
00:08:18Holy cow
00:08:20Monsters, man
00:08:22Real monsters
00:08:25Without the costumes
00:08:27Because the costumes are real
00:08:29You know?
00:08:32So a lot of people died
00:08:34During the apocalypse
00:08:35The only one I know
00:08:36Who came back
00:08:37Was my neighbor
00:08:39Mr. Murphy
00:08:40We all thought it was weird
00:08:45That instead of chasing us around
00:08:47Trying to eat our delicious brains
00:08:49All he did was
00:08:51Mow his lawn
00:08:52Maybe it was on his mind
00:08:54When he died
00:08:54I don't know
00:08:55Finally this neighbor
00:09:01Got so sick of it
00:09:02That he stole the mower
00:09:03But then Mr. Murphy
00:09:06Just walked around
00:09:07Without the mower
00:09:09This is sad
00:09:11Hello, Mr. Murphy
00:09:14Your lawn looks really nice
00:09:18Have a good day, Mr. Murphy
00:09:23And just as the Bible predicted
00:09:26The Antichrist finally showed up
00:09:28Nobody thought his name would be Earl Gundy, though
00:09:31Certainly not that he'd be from Idaho
00:09:33I might take you to rock bottom
00:09:35But I'm gonna bring you back up
00:09:36And I guess not really a surprise
00:09:38That the Antichrist was a politician first
00:09:39Because I'm Earl Gundy
00:09:41And we can make it
00:09:42And then he gets invited to the White House
00:09:44He poisons everyone's sandwiches
00:09:46And then just starts using our missiles
00:09:49To make everyone in the world obey him
00:09:50He blew up a bunch of cities
00:09:54Chicago, Tokyo, London
00:09:56You know, just to make everybody scared of him
00:09:59Oh, come on!
00:10:02Not Orlando!
00:10:04Oh, man!
00:10:05Come on!
00:10:07Think of all those ride operators
00:10:08They're just kids
00:10:10Oh, and he makes everyone call him the Beast
00:10:13Because he thinks it makes him sound cool
00:10:15Everyone thought he was gonna live in some palace
00:10:19In the Middle East
00:10:20But he settled right here
00:10:22In my hometown
00:10:23Not biblically referenced
00:10:26Seattle
00:10:27Overall, I'd say the Book of Revelations
00:10:32Got most of what's happened pretty much right
00:10:34There were some things that happened
00:10:36That weren't predicted
00:10:37Like the foul-mouthed crows, for instance
00:10:40Oh, nice!
00:10:42That's right
00:10:43Hey, you!
00:10:45Yeah, you!
00:10:47Fuck you!
00:10:48Ha!
00:10:48Ben, baby
00:10:49Just ignore that
00:10:50Man, I hate those guys
00:10:52I mean, why do we just let them insult us like this?
00:10:54I know
00:10:55Hey, shit!
00:10:56Fucker!
00:10:58Hold on
00:10:58Nope, mm-mm
00:10:59Not worth it
00:11:00Hey, homie!
00:11:01And don't forget the balls!
00:11:03Ha!
00:11:03Yeah, don't forget my balls, you stupid crow
00:11:05I'm sorry
00:11:06You're right
00:11:07You're right
00:11:07It's not worth it
00:11:08Yeah, walk away, pussy!
00:11:09Ha!
00:11:10Bounce me!
00:11:11Ha!
00:11:12I just don't think that that bird knows what he's saying
00:11:14Yeah
00:11:14Felchim, he doesn't know what that means
00:11:16It's just a noise coming out of their mouth
00:11:17Ha-ha!
00:11:18Fuck them!
00:11:19No, no, no, no
00:11:19Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!
00:11:23Ha!
00:11:24Ben and I had this idea of starting our own sandwich cart
00:11:33Yeah
00:11:33Because, you know, people appreciate a good sandwich
00:11:36Even when the world is ending
00:11:37Maybe, especially when the world is ending
00:11:41Oh, that one's better
00:11:43Yeah, it's the horseradish
00:11:45Mmm
00:11:46I couldn't find any mustard, so
00:11:47I think it goes well with it
00:11:50Oh, I'm trying
00:11:51I'm trying to make that part
00:11:52Stay calm
00:11:55It's okay
00:11:56After a while, you just get used to the locusts and the blood rain and
00:12:03Oh, and the fiery rocks falling from the sky
00:12:07Is that Trevor Burdick?
00:12:12Oh, yeah, I think it is
00:12:14Trevor, get inside, man!
00:12:18I ain't scared!
00:12:20Bring it out!
00:12:22Wow, he's so dumb
00:12:23An idiot
00:12:24Trevor!
00:12:25Trevor!
00:12:37That was horrible
00:12:46Yeah
00:12:48Well
00:12:49What?
00:12:50No, it was horrible
00:12:51It was terrible
00:12:52What were you going to say?
00:12:53Nothing
00:12:54What were you going to say?
00:12:56I mean, come on
00:12:58A guy's standing there
00:12:59With his hands up
00:13:00Yelling, bring it on
00:13:01He's stupid
00:13:02He's an idiot
00:13:03Am I wrong?
00:13:04No, that's not funny
00:13:05That's a
00:13:05It's human life, you know
00:13:07Dumb, dumb human life
00:13:09No, that's not funny, Ben
00:13:11That's sad
00:13:11He's a dummy
00:13:13You want to, uh
00:13:16Yeah, later, baby
00:13:18My parents are going to be home any second
00:13:20Later, like
00:13:21No
00:13:23No?
00:13:24See?
00:13:25Oh
00:13:25Kill me
00:13:26The therapy helping your mom at all?
00:13:30Yeah, she seems to be crying a lot less
00:13:32She still says why a lot, though
00:13:33Oh, that's good
00:13:34Rocked, baby
00:13:37Come on
00:13:38Sounds close
00:13:39Dad!
00:13:51Why?
00:13:55Why?
00:13:57Oh, my eggs!
00:14:02My eggs!
00:14:06My eggs!
00:14:17My eggs! My eggs!
00:14:21That day was the worst day of my life,
00:14:23which is saying something in the apocalypse.
00:14:26I didn't know how to feel.
00:14:33The apocalypse was hard and stressful for everybody.
00:14:36Well, not everybody.
00:14:38My brother, Clark, and his idiot friend, Fry,
00:14:41were actually into it.
00:14:43But I think that's because they were idiots before the rapture,
00:14:46so...
00:14:47Where are you going, Clark?
00:14:48Oh, uh, Fry and I go hide the blood river.
00:14:50I don't think that's a good idea, Clark.
00:14:52Whatever.
00:14:53Clark!
00:14:55Hey, Clark.
00:14:57Hey, buddy. Be careful.
00:14:59Out on the river, okay?
00:15:00Because your mom could seriously not handle anything bad.
00:15:03Dude!
00:15:04Suck it.
00:15:05Keep any open wounds covered.
00:15:07Later, asswipe.
00:15:10Be careful of the wraiths, Clark!
00:15:13The wraiths have been here a while now,
00:15:15and they're still bad, I guess.
00:15:17Like, some of them still work for the beast,
00:15:19but a lot of them are basically unemployed
00:15:21and they don't really have anything to do.
00:15:23Hey, Clark.
00:15:24So...
00:15:25A lot of them have become serious potheads.
00:15:27You know, joints or a bag?
00:15:31Dude, forget it. You sold me for the last bag.
00:15:33Look, I'll pay you.
00:15:34No, forget it.
00:15:35I will destroy you.
00:15:38We will destroy you.
00:15:40Wow, I'm so scared right now.
00:15:41Just one joint, man.
00:15:42Fuck, fine. Here you go.
00:15:43Thanks, man.
00:15:44Thanks, bro.
00:15:45You're a fucking babe.
00:15:55You still seeing Catherine?
00:15:56Yeah. She's intense.
00:15:58You shouldn't let bitches push you around.
00:16:00Everyone was struggling to get by now,
00:16:03except the people who made a deal with the devil.
00:16:05I mean, they were on his payroll.
00:16:07Like Ben's dad.
00:16:08That's exactly right.
00:16:09And you've recently split
00:16:10from your wife of eight years, Kimberly.
00:16:11Why?
00:16:12Well, she's kind of a stupid vapid whore, Liz.
00:16:15I'm just kidding.
00:16:17No, I'm not.
00:16:18And now she's off in Los Angeles
00:16:19trying to be an actress.
00:16:21Good luck.
00:16:23I prefer to be right here in Seattle.
00:16:26Go Mariners.
00:16:27Are there any romantic prospects released?
00:16:30Well, the problem with most of the women I meet
00:16:33is that they're all sluts.
00:16:35You know, and I'm looking for somebody
00:16:37who's, you know, old-fashioned.
00:16:40The girl next door, you know,
00:16:42with a nice rack and a nice round.
00:16:44Ah.
00:16:45See?
00:16:46Right there.
00:16:47Can't see you.
00:16:48I'm right there behind him,
00:16:49right there with a mustache.
00:16:50Oh, yeah.
00:16:51Yeah.
00:16:52Not bad, huh?
00:16:54Your old man's on global TV there, Benjamin.
00:16:57You know, if you ask my opinion,
00:17:00the guy's gotten a bad rap.
00:17:02He's the Antichrist, Ted.
00:17:04Ugh.
00:17:05He's the Antichrist.
00:17:06He's the Antichrist.
00:17:07I'm just saying.
00:17:08He's done a couple of good things,
00:17:10so sue me.
00:17:11Like what?
00:17:12Seriously.
00:17:13Like what?
00:17:14Okay, well, for instance,
00:17:15um, he abolished the penny.
00:17:17He's the most evil individual
00:17:18has ever lived, Mr. H.
00:17:19Wow.
00:17:20You know what?
00:17:21The most evil individual
00:17:22who's ever lived
00:17:23is paying the bills around here.
00:17:24Whatever.
00:17:25I'm just saying.
00:17:26He's not as bad as everybody says.
00:17:27That's all.
00:17:28He blew up Chicago, Mr. H.
00:17:30I'm not saying I support
00:17:31everything he's done, Lindsay.
00:17:33I was against that.
00:17:34I was totally against that.
00:17:36And I said so at the time.
00:17:37There's no good reason to blow up Chicago,
00:17:40except for the food,
00:17:41the weather, and the people.
00:17:42Okay, now you're defending him
00:17:43blowing up Chicago.
00:17:44No, I'm not, Ben.
00:17:45I'm just providing context.
00:17:47You know what?
00:17:50You guys should come work with me.
00:17:52Then you'd see the deal.
00:17:53No.
00:17:54We're not gonna be beastly guards, Dad.
00:17:56You don't have to be a beastly guard.
00:17:57You could work in the, uh, the shop,
00:17:59and you could do the kitchen
00:18:01with the other gals.
00:18:02Yeah, a couple guys just quit.
00:18:04Well, they didn't quit, per se.
00:18:07They were laid off.
00:18:08Let go.
00:18:10Killed.
00:18:11Sounds great.
00:18:12Look, they were working against him, Ben.
00:18:14I mean, what's he supposed to do?
00:18:16Give him a raise?
00:18:18You're so morally lost.
00:18:20Hey, kiddo, I'm just saying,
00:18:22that's the way the world works.
00:18:23And you're not exactly raking in the dough
00:18:26at the homeless shelter.
00:18:27Somebody has to help those people, Mr. H.
00:18:29Are you trying to be good or something
00:18:31so that you get raptured?
00:18:32Because I'm telling you, kids,
00:18:34that was a one-time dealie, okay?
00:18:37And this one up here, forget about it.
00:18:40You're not going anywhere
00:18:41with all the carrying on in your room.
00:18:43You'd think masturbating powered the lights around here.
00:18:46Hey, I'm not going anywhere either, Ben, okay?
00:18:49Your mommy's gonna be up there all by her lonesome.
00:18:52Miss you, babe.
00:18:53We're gonna work on the sandwich cart.
00:18:55Uh-huh.
00:18:56Hey, health insurance, dental.
00:18:58They cover acupuncture, Lindsey.
00:19:00Thanks for the pizza.
00:19:01Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
00:19:02I never liked you.
00:19:05Kids.
00:19:06Whoa, it's an embarrassing rapture.
00:19:08The rapture show's on!
00:19:09Get him!
00:19:10What the ?
00:19:11This guy's on a toilet!
00:19:13Oh!
00:19:14I saw it coming, and I still laughed.
00:19:17You know, I was thinking, if this goes well, and we make a little money, I think we should
00:19:34move out of our parents and get a place together.
00:19:36Yeah?
00:19:37Yeah.
00:19:38Maybe get married and start a family.
00:19:42I mean, would you really want kids in a world like this?
00:19:49Things are bound to get better at some point, right?
00:19:53So, maybe that point's right now.
00:19:54Just humor me.
00:19:55I'll humor you.
00:19:56Come on.
00:19:57Come inside.
00:19:58Come on.
00:19:59Come on.
00:20:00Come on.
00:20:01Come on.
00:20:02Come on.
00:20:03Come on.
00:20:04Come inside.
00:20:05Come on.
00:20:07Are you kidding me?
00:20:08What the fuck!
00:20:09I'm fucking done with this shit!
00:20:24No, come on.
00:20:25Are you okay?
00:20:26Are you okay?
00:20:27I'm fine.
00:20:28I'm sorry.
00:20:29I'm fine.
00:20:30I'm fine.
00:20:31I'm fine.
00:20:32I'm fine.
00:20:33I'm fine.
00:20:34I'm fine.
00:20:35I'm fine.
00:20:36I really, really love that food cart.
00:20:41I did, Ben. I did. I did.
00:20:43I did. I very much wanted to see you kids succeed at that.
00:20:45But, I mean, let's not kid ourselves here.
00:20:47It is not easy to make money these days.
00:20:50Well, we're only going to do it until we have enough money to rebuild the cart, Dad.
00:20:53Absolutely. Absolutely. A month max.
00:21:01You know, people will tell you cardio all the time, and, uh...
00:21:04There he is.
00:21:06Hey!
00:21:08How's it going today?
00:21:09Oh, let's see. Oh, this is yours.
00:21:11Yeah.
00:21:12Dickhead.
00:21:13Nah.
00:21:13She's right there.
00:21:14That's not what it says.
00:21:15What are these?
00:21:16This is my son and his girlfriend.
00:21:17Just bringing them to work today.
00:21:20Father's an asshole.
00:21:21So you know.
00:21:25We have fun.
00:21:26No, we don't.
00:21:27He's just having fun.
00:21:28No, I'm not.
00:21:29A real joker, this one.
00:21:30Not with this guy.
00:21:31Got a minivan coming in.
00:21:36Not a minivan.
00:21:37It's soccer mom coming through.
00:21:38Not a minivan.
00:21:42Okay.
00:21:43Well, fuck you.
00:21:44Oh, really?
00:21:44Fuck me.
00:21:45Fuck you.
00:21:45You're a real asshole.
00:21:55The beast isn't here, so he's kind of chill.
00:21:59Pretty cool your old man to be showing you around on his day off, huh?
00:22:02I'm going to put you kids by the pool area.
00:22:11It's a very quick back assignment.
00:22:13You're going to love it.
00:22:14Hey, Margie, flowers look great.
00:22:17Don't look anybody in the eye, okay?
00:22:19I'm serious.
00:22:19Don't look anybody in the eye.
00:22:21Okay.
00:22:23This is it.
00:22:24This is the pool.
00:22:24Gorgeous, huh?
00:22:26You got to be careful, because there are landmines all over the place.
00:22:29Holy dick and balls.
00:22:34What is it?
00:22:34The beast.
00:22:35He's coming down.
00:22:37What for?
00:22:37What?
00:22:38I have no idea.
00:22:40Okay, but listen.
00:22:41Whatever he says, you just say yes.
00:22:44Let's go, guys.
00:22:44Line it up.
00:22:45So don't say anything.
00:22:47Don't even say yes.
00:22:48Okay?
00:22:49I'll say yes.
00:22:51Walt?
00:22:52Hey, Morgan.
00:22:53No matter what happens, you say yes.
00:22:55I know the deal.
00:22:55We know the deal.
00:22:57All clear here, boss!
00:22:59We know the deal.
00:23:29This is my son, Little Beast.
00:23:39Well, what a treat for me.
00:23:41Delightful to meet you, young man.
00:23:42A real chip off the old block.
00:23:44You are handsome and intelligent.
00:23:45Little Beast has some special requirements for the pool area.
00:23:49Uh, I'm sorry?
00:23:50The pool area.
00:23:52You heard me say pool area, right?
00:23:54Yes.
00:23:54Where are we standing right now?
00:23:55The pool area.
00:23:56Yeah.
00:23:56The motherfucking pool!
00:23:57Shut up!
00:23:58Okay.
00:23:59But, uh...
00:24:00Yeah.
00:24:01I'm not...
00:24:01Are you dumb or just stupid?
00:24:03Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, of course.
00:24:07The pool area.
00:24:07What, uh, what can I do you for?
00:24:09Tell them what you want, Little Beast.
00:24:10The Beast!
00:24:11Hey, Earl!
00:24:12Ah!
00:24:13You never called me back.
00:24:14Kim!
00:24:14You never called me back.
00:24:14I have done so much...
00:24:15Kim!
00:24:15Slow down!
00:24:16Tell them what you want.
00:24:17I'm not one of your little...
00:24:18Kim, stop.
00:24:18I want a big slide.
00:24:20Kim!
00:24:20Okay?
00:24:21Hey, Earl!
00:24:21My name is not Earl, okay?
00:24:24It's Beast!
00:24:25Do the shit what you want to call yourself.
00:24:27You're still an asshole.
00:24:28I will fuck your shit up!
00:24:30Goodbye, Kimberly.
00:24:31Don't you fucking hang up on me!
00:24:33Don't you fucking...
00:24:33Anything else, Little Beast?
00:24:36I hate you!
00:24:37I wish you were dead!
00:24:38Ah-ha!
00:24:38Ha-ha!
00:24:39Very funny.
00:24:40Right back at you, kid.
00:24:41We'll need this done by next week.
00:24:42You got it?
00:24:43Yes, of course.
00:24:44Back to the cart, Little Beast.
00:24:46Next week.
00:24:47Oh!
00:24:50Who's your assistant contractor?
00:24:52Huh?
00:24:53Oh, nobody.
00:24:53That's my son, Ben.
00:24:55No.
00:24:55Not Rachel Maddow.
00:24:57Uh, that is his girlfriend, Lindsay.
00:25:11I'm a pool contractor now.
00:25:12Shut your mouth.
00:25:20Welcome, Lindsay.
00:25:22Uh, thank you.
00:25:23Can I get you anything?
00:25:24Some, uh, iced tea, mocha, latte, hot dog, corn on the cob, sausage, other dick-shaped food?
00:25:35No, thank you.
00:25:36I'm fine.
00:25:37Yes.
00:25:37Yes, you are.
00:25:40Mm.
00:25:41He's a children's asshole, but he's an asshole.
00:25:43You son of a bitch, not for leaving me out to try.
00:25:45Want to go for a walk around the premises?
00:25:47Oh, I just...
00:25:48I'm not a man you want to say no to, my dear.
00:25:55Oh.
00:25:56Come on.
00:25:56Come.
00:25:57Come.
00:25:58No pun intended.
00:26:00Okay?
00:26:00Pun very much intended.
00:26:02I won't bite you.
00:26:03Come on.
00:26:04Okay.
00:26:08Back to work, contractor.
00:26:10Yes, sir.
00:26:10Back to the house, little beast.
00:26:12But, Dad!
00:26:14Make your...
00:26:15Get the fuck back in the house now!
00:26:17Little fucker.
00:26:19Fuck.
00:26:20We are traveling.
00:26:21We are traveling.
00:26:22Fuck.
00:26:25Fuck.
00:26:26This is bullshit.
00:26:27Don't.
00:26:28Don't.
00:26:28No.
00:26:29Don't.
00:26:33Listen, these people will kill you as soon as look at you.
00:26:35I'm not going to let the Antichrist steal my girlfriend, Dad.
00:26:37Oh, come on!
00:26:38What are you going to do?
00:26:40Challenge him to a fight?
00:26:41I don't know.
00:26:42But I'm going to do something.
00:26:43No, you're not.
00:26:44No, you're not.
00:26:45Look, they're just talking.
00:26:46You need to believe in me, Dad.
00:26:47Oh, believe in you, Ben?
00:26:49Really?
00:26:51Yes.
00:26:51Come on.
00:26:53You are delicious.
00:26:54You know that?
00:26:55I bet your vagina tastes like pistachio mint ice cream.
00:26:59Oh.
00:26:59Love that.
00:27:01So tell me, Lindsay, what's a gorgeous girl like yourself doing in a job like you?
00:27:05Yes.
00:27:07Well, my boyfriend, Ben, and I were-
00:27:09Ex-boyfriend.
00:27:11I'm just kidding.
00:27:12Not really.
00:27:13Go ahead.
00:27:15Yeah, we were starting this sandwich business, and our cart got crushed by one of those falling rocks.
00:27:21Oh!
00:27:22Bad luck.
00:27:25Right, so now we're just working with his dad.
00:27:27Bad luck for you, but good luck for me.
00:27:30Huh?
00:27:31You know what you look like?
00:27:32You look like a cross between, like, Scarlett Johansson and Hilary Swank.
00:27:37Anybody ever tell you that, Lindsay?
00:27:39No.
00:27:40You gotta be kidding me.
00:27:42No.
00:27:42You.
00:27:43Who she look like?
00:27:44What'd you say?
00:27:45Scarlett Johansson, Hilary Swank.
00:27:46Fucking, yeah.
00:27:47Shut up.
00:27:47Both lovely, lovely ladies with lovely, lovely racks, like yourself.
00:27:52Yeah.
00:27:57I have a wonderful, spontaneous idea.
00:28:00Let's have sex in these bushes right here.
00:28:02What?
00:28:02Yeah.
00:28:03What'd you think?
00:28:05Don't fight the impulse now, Lindsay.
00:28:06No, I don't.
00:28:07That's okay.
00:28:08I don't-
00:28:08No, thank you.
00:28:09I-
00:28:10I really don't want to do that.
00:28:12What?
00:28:12I don't want to do that.
00:28:13Why not?
00:28:14Why not?
00:28:15I think you do.
00:28:16I-
00:28:17No, I-
00:28:18Come on, why not?
00:28:19For so many reasons.
00:28:21I, uh, I just don't-
00:28:23You don't want-
00:28:24I don't do that.
00:28:24I don't-
00:28:24I don't-
00:28:25What are you, a virgin?
00:28:29You are?
00:28:32Really?
00:28:34Yeah.
00:28:35Whoa, a virgin?
00:28:37Whoa!
00:28:38You hear that?
00:28:39That's hard to find.
00:28:40Winner, are you a virgin?
00:28:42That's great.
00:28:43Honey, needed a slap.
00:28:44Girl's gonna give it up to you, sir.
00:28:46Shut your mouth!
00:28:47I'm so sorry.
00:28:49Where are your sunglasses?
00:28:50Mine fell in the koi pond.
00:28:53It's not like-
00:28:54It's not a big deal.
00:28:55No, it is to me.
00:28:57Yeah.
00:28:58You gotta take it through the hole, sir.
00:28:59Mm-hmm.
00:29:01I probably shouldn't have said anything.
00:29:02I know, I get it, I get it.
00:29:03You want your first time to be special.
00:29:08Beautiful.
00:29:09Yeah.
00:29:10And so it will be.
00:29:13I promise you, your first time, no anal.
00:29:16This way, my dear.
00:29:20I don't care, Dad.
00:29:22I'm gonna punch that guy in the face.
00:29:24Ben, come on.
00:29:25Be reasonable.
00:29:26No, I am.
00:29:30No!
00:29:30Oh, shit.
00:29:35We just met, though, so...
00:29:37I know!
00:29:38And at first, I swear, I thought you were just another hot piece of ass, but a virgin.
00:29:43And, oh, that is really something.
00:29:49Fuck y'all.
00:29:54It's rude.
00:29:54You know, I'm...
00:29:56I'm no good at this type of thing, but fuck it.
00:30:01Marry me, Lindsay.
00:30:02Marry me and become the mother of my evil offspring.
00:30:05What?
00:30:05I know!
00:30:06Call me impetuous.
00:30:08Call me an incurable romantic.
00:30:10But something in my gut tells me you're the one for me.
00:30:12Okay, you...
00:30:14Well, you already have a son, though.
00:30:15Sorry.
00:30:16Little Beast is a dud.
00:30:17I need more children.
00:30:19A minibus full, you know?
00:30:22You all right, Ben?
00:30:27You hit me with a shovel?
00:30:29Only a little bit?
00:30:33You having reservations, aren't you, my dear?
00:30:36Yes.
00:30:36I can tell.
00:30:37This is a horse.
00:30:38It's big.
00:30:39I want to show you something, Lindsay.
00:30:41Not that.
00:30:42Not yet.
00:30:44You will see my penis later.
00:30:45Oh.
00:30:48I'm gonna get that guy.
00:30:49Ben, come on!
00:30:51What, you're gonna hit me again?
00:30:52Come on.
00:30:54Shit.
00:30:55Shit.
00:30:57Gotta get out of here.
00:31:00I know exactly what you're worried about, Lindsay.
00:31:03You do?
00:31:04But, Mr. Beast,
00:31:06as much as I'm attracted to you,
00:31:08and I am,
00:31:09the truth is,
00:31:09I'm scared.
00:31:12Ow.
00:31:12If I marry you and become your evil queen,
00:31:14won't people despise me?
00:31:16Won't I become a target,
00:31:17just like you?
00:31:19And unlike you,
00:31:20if I'm killed,
00:31:21I won't return as Satan.
00:31:24Why am I using air quotes?
00:31:26I will be Satan.
00:31:29Yeah, um, actually...
00:31:30Hey, hey, hey.
00:31:32You will become a target,
00:31:33but there's a weapon here
00:31:35that very few people know about.
00:31:41That's a...
00:31:42Yes.
00:31:43A real, live,
00:31:46XGL, TL, GL,
00:31:49laser beam,
00:31:50or something.
00:31:52Right.
00:31:53See, there's this rumor going around,
00:31:55this prediction of sorts
00:31:57that before long,
00:31:58someone who shall remain nameless,
00:32:00Jesus,
00:32:01is gonna come down from the sky
00:32:03and vanquish me.
00:32:05Oh.
00:32:05Yeah,
00:32:06but I don't think so.
00:32:07Oh, oh, wow.
00:32:11See that, girl?
00:32:12Fuckers,
00:32:13top-line salad!
00:32:14Okay.
00:32:17Primer set.
00:32:21Yeah!
00:32:26Bam!
00:32:28Yeah!
00:32:29Toss my salad, crow!
00:32:31Suck my balls!
00:32:32That big motherfucker up there
00:32:33has no idea who he's dealing with.
00:32:36I call it my
00:32:37you-know-who buster.
00:32:40Uh-huh.
00:32:41Excuse me.
00:32:42Oh.
00:32:43So,
00:32:44you see, my dear,
00:32:45you
00:32:45would be perfectly safe
00:32:48here with me.
00:32:50Huh.
00:32:52So, what'd he say?
00:32:53No.
00:32:56Um,
00:32:58fine.
00:32:59All right.
00:33:00I understand.
00:33:02Um,
00:33:03of course,
00:33:06I gotta kill everyone you know,
00:33:07starting with your boyfriend
00:33:08and his father.
00:33:09What?
00:33:10Your choice, my dear.
00:33:12No, wait, wait, wait, wait.
00:33:13Uh-huh.
00:33:14If I could just have, like,
00:33:15a little time to think about it.
00:33:18Of course.
00:33:19You have
00:33:20eight hours.
00:33:22And in that time,
00:33:23if you're not back here
00:33:24ready to marry me
00:33:24and bear my evil children,
00:33:26I'll kill everyone you know.
00:33:28Sound fair?
00:33:30Okay.
00:33:30Oh, I feel so good about this.
00:33:34Don't you?
00:33:36Take the rest of the day off, Lindsey.
00:33:39Get ready for tonight.
00:33:40Paint your toenails,
00:33:41trim your bush,
00:33:42bleach your asshole,
00:33:43douche, whatever.
00:33:45Eight hours, remember?
00:33:47Ow!
00:33:48Don't trim your bush too much now.
00:33:50Okay.
00:33:51I do, Lindsey.
00:33:54I do.
00:33:56Hi.
00:34:00Toodaloo!
00:34:02Throw this bitch down!
00:34:04Fuck with my vertigo,
00:34:05motherfucker.
00:34:08Jesus, Dad.
00:34:09I'm not saying
00:34:10it's good or right,
00:34:12Benjamin.
00:34:12I'm just saying
00:34:13he's the antichrist here
00:34:14and you're you.
00:34:16You know what I'm saying.
00:34:17He's like a god,
00:34:18which is ironic
00:34:19if you think about it.
00:34:22Maybe, maybe Lindsey
00:34:23will like it, huh?
00:34:24Lindsey's not gonna like it.
00:34:25How do you know?
00:34:26Because she likes me, right?
00:34:28You don't like him.
00:34:29Hey, hey,
00:34:30how do we know anything?
00:34:31No, I know she likes me.
00:34:33Why would you like me?
00:34:34That's what you sound like right now.
00:34:35Why would you mock me?
00:34:36You're such a terrible father.
00:34:40Hey, Lindsey.
00:34:42Um,
00:34:43I just wanted to say that,
00:34:45you know,
00:34:46ever since your father
00:34:47was, well,
00:34:49squashed by a big, giant rock,
00:34:50I feel like a father to you,
00:34:53you know?
00:34:53And as your father,
00:34:55I feel like
00:34:56I just have to say,
00:34:58I just think you have to
00:34:59go with the beast here.
00:35:00Thanks for the advice.
00:35:00No, and of course,
00:35:01if you don't,
00:35:02and he kills Ben and I,
00:35:03and not to mention your mom
00:35:04and your brother
00:35:04and who knows who else,
00:35:05then as long as
00:35:06you're happy with that,
00:35:08that is all that matters,
00:35:10you know?
00:35:12Because that means
00:35:13your honor was more important
00:35:15to you than we are.
00:35:16She's not gonna go
00:35:17with the beast, Dad.
00:35:18I know, Ben.
00:35:19I know.
00:35:21Mm-hmm.
00:35:24Your mom's gonna have
00:35:25a meltdown, you know.
00:35:27Maybe not.
00:35:28We're cursed, Lindsey!
00:35:30Cursed!
00:35:32Why?
00:35:32Why, Lindsey?
00:35:33Why are we so cursed?
00:35:35Why?
00:35:36Why?
00:35:36Why?
00:35:37Why?
00:35:38Maybe because you're, like,
00:35:39so annoying.
00:35:40I am not annoying.
00:35:42Clark,
00:35:43I am a woman
00:35:43with feelings.
00:35:45Oh, my God.
00:35:45I'm gonna be in love
00:35:46with the Antichrist.
00:35:48Poor me.
00:35:49I like to cry all the time.
00:35:50I hate Clark.
00:35:51Mom, just do with it, okay?
00:35:52God.
00:35:53Why?
00:35:55So be nicer to Mom.
00:35:57Good, man.
00:35:57It's about your problem.
00:35:58This is what you gotta do.
00:35:59You go with this beast guy,
00:35:59you have a great night out,
00:36:00and at the end,
00:36:01you fucking knife the shit out of him.
00:36:03If my knife in me
00:36:03comes back as Satan.
00:36:05Okay, then fucking knife Satan, too.
00:36:06I don't know.
00:36:06Just keep on knifeing.
00:36:07Don't stop.
00:36:07That's not gonna work.
00:36:08Oh, what's up, man?
00:36:09What's up, dude?
00:36:09Oh, I'm just supposed
00:36:10to marry the beast.
00:36:11Oh, congrats, man.
00:36:12Sounds great.
00:36:12No, we're gonna kill him.
00:36:14She should knife him.
00:36:15Yeah, I just said that.
00:36:16She should fucking knife him.
00:36:16Fucking knife him.
00:36:17Just grab the knife.
00:36:18Just start fucking knife him.
00:36:19Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
00:36:20Oh, fucking knife him.
00:36:22I know.
00:36:23Just a second.
00:36:25Knife him.
00:36:26Vic, I told you
00:36:26I had to come here before, too.
00:36:28I need some weed, man.
00:36:30You got a serious problem
00:36:31with pot, you know that, Ray?
00:36:32What?
00:36:33Me?
00:36:34Come on, guys.
00:36:36It's me, Vic.
00:36:37When was the last time
00:36:38you went, like,
00:36:38one day without weed?
00:36:39Uh, yesterday.
00:36:41Really?
00:36:42Okay, never.
00:36:44If you're gonna do it this much,
00:36:45you should really get a vaporizer, okay?
00:36:46I know.
00:36:48It's a cry for help,
00:36:49and you know it.
00:36:55Mommy, you okay?
00:36:57I mean, I just, uh...
00:36:59Do it, Lindsay.
00:37:01Go with the beast.
00:37:02Please, please, please, please.
00:37:04Mom!
00:37:05Please, I can't stand
00:37:06another bad thing
00:37:06happening to this family.
00:37:07I can't stand it.
00:37:08I can't stand it!
00:37:09I can't stand it!
00:37:10Oh!
00:37:11I'm not marrying
00:37:12that evil idiot, okay?
00:37:13He's not killing
00:37:14everybody I love.
00:37:14There is a plan
00:37:15to deal with this,
00:37:16and Ben and I
00:37:17are gonna think of it.
00:37:17Okay.
00:37:17Okay?
00:37:18If you're gonna stand there
00:37:19crying and being a drama queen,
00:37:20at least do it
00:37:20while you're making us coffee,
00:37:21okay?
00:37:22Okay.
00:37:23I love you.
00:37:24I'm sorry I hit you.
00:37:26Bye.
00:37:27Bye, Ben.
00:37:29I'm gonna make coffee!
00:37:30What about that guy you knew?
00:37:33Uh, uh, the mob guy,
00:37:35Gina Pagano?
00:37:35It's a good idea.
00:37:36He got raptured, though.
00:37:37He did?
00:37:39I'm starting to think
00:37:40that maybe we should've
00:37:41just gone to church
00:37:41with our moms,
00:37:42believed, you know?
00:37:43Yeah, but if you don't,
00:37:44you don't, you know?
00:37:45What if we really are cursed?
00:37:46We're not.
00:37:47But what if we are?
00:37:48We're not.
00:37:48We have gotten through a lot.
00:37:50We're gonna get through this.
00:37:51Uh-huh.
00:37:52Because we just are.
00:37:52Yeah, yeah.
00:37:53And if I have to fucking
00:37:54kick the antichrist ass myself,
00:37:55I will.
00:37:56I know.
00:37:57I'll do it.
00:37:57I know.
00:37:59Did you find anything?
00:38:00Well, we definitely can't kill him
00:38:01because of the hole
00:38:02possessed by Satan.
00:38:02Right, the only ones
00:38:03who can kill, kill him
00:38:04are Jesus and God, right?
00:38:05Right, but it does seem
00:38:06like he could be locked up.
00:38:08Really?
00:38:09Yeah, that's what's
00:38:10gonna happen, apparently.
00:38:11It's gonna be locked up
00:38:11for a thousand years.
00:38:12By God?
00:38:13Yes.
00:38:14Why for just a thousand years?
00:38:15Why not forever?
00:38:16That's just what it says.
00:38:17See, this is exactly
00:38:17what I'm talking about.
00:38:18Makes no fucking sense at all.
00:38:20You have him.
00:38:21Why would you let him go?
00:38:22I don't know.
00:38:23This shit.
00:38:23It just seems so
00:38:25pieced together.
00:38:26You know, did anyone
00:38:27think it through?
00:38:28Wait, why couldn't
00:38:29we do this?
00:38:32Do what?
00:38:32Lock him up?
00:38:34Sure.
00:38:35How?
00:38:38Okay, well,
00:38:39you remember how Buster
00:38:40was like a total escape artist
00:38:41and my dad had to build
00:38:42in that completely
00:38:43escape-proof kennel?
00:38:47Yeah.
00:38:48Wouldn't he yell?
00:38:54Fuck you!
00:38:55You will suffer forever!
00:38:56Well, even if he did,
00:38:57you know,
00:38:58nobody likes him.
00:38:59He's the Antichrist.
00:39:00Who'd help him?
00:39:01That's true.
00:39:01That's true.
00:39:02What if he got out, though?
00:39:03We just have to be
00:39:04incredibly careful
00:39:05that he didn't.
00:39:06Yeah, like,
00:39:06tell everybody...
00:39:07Remember to always...
00:39:09Always.
00:39:09...always keep
00:39:10the Antichrist locked up.
00:39:12Yeah.
00:39:13You know,
00:39:16maybe over time,
00:39:17we could, like,
00:39:18turn him good.
00:39:20How?
00:39:21We could get him,
00:39:21like, a little pet.
00:39:23You been chewing on my books?
00:39:25You adorable little skimp.
00:39:26I think after, like,
00:39:2750 years,
00:39:28he's not even gonna be
00:39:29that bad.
00:39:30Chocolate chip cookies, kids?
00:39:34Thank you, Uncle Beast!
00:39:36You hungry little motherfuckers.
00:39:39Wait, Lins.
00:39:40No.
00:39:41How are we gonna do this?
00:39:42What do you mean?
00:39:44Think about it.
00:39:44I mean,
00:39:45I'd have to get
00:39:46onto the property, right?
00:39:48Past all the wraiths
00:39:49and the beastly guards.
00:39:50Right,
00:39:50and the beastly guards
00:39:51kill everybody they see.
00:39:52Everybody.
00:39:53We need someone
00:39:54who couldn't be killed.
00:39:55And who can't be killed?
00:40:07Excuse me, Mr. Murphy?
00:40:08Oh.
00:40:10Hi.
00:40:12We're wondering if
00:40:13we could just talk to you
00:40:14for a minute.
00:40:15Just mowing my lawn here.
00:40:17Right,
00:40:17and it looks great,
00:40:18as always,
00:40:19but, um,
00:40:20we were wondering...
00:40:21Well, we actually need
00:40:22your help, sir.
00:40:24What?
00:40:25Yeah, see,
00:40:25you're really the only one
00:40:26who can help us
00:40:27because you're dead.
00:40:29Dead?
00:40:31Who's dead?
00:40:34Nobody.
00:40:35He isn't.
00:40:37I'm just mowing my lawn here.
00:40:39Right,
00:40:39but we were wondering...
00:40:41Just mowing my lawn here!
00:40:45Dude,
00:40:46you're dead.
00:40:47You're dead,
00:40:48plus you have no lawnmower.
00:40:50You're pushing nothing.
00:40:51Mr. Murphy?
00:40:55Okay?
00:40:56I don't think it's helping.
00:40:58You're dead,
00:40:59you're able to dead.
00:41:00Wait, stay here.
00:41:01I have an idea.
00:41:07Hey!
00:41:09Hey, Dad.
00:41:11What are you doing?
00:41:13Can I borrow the truck, Dad?
00:41:15Yeah, what for?
00:41:17To take Lindsay
00:41:18to the beasts.
00:41:20Yeah.
00:41:21She's going with him.
00:41:22Ho, ho, ho, ho!
00:41:25Ah!
00:41:27Bitch!
00:41:29Oh!
00:41:30Ooh!
00:41:31Oh, my God!
00:41:33Yeah, I'm so proud of you!
00:41:35I'm so relieved.
00:41:37I'm so relieved
00:41:37she's gonna fuck him!
00:41:39Yeah.
00:41:40Good for her.
00:41:42So, uh,
00:41:43what's, uh,
00:41:44what's all this?
00:41:46Oh!
00:41:47Thing is,
00:41:48he's demanding a dowry?
00:41:50A dowry?
00:41:51Yeah, isn't that weird?
00:41:52Yeah, well, uh,
00:41:53it's old-fashioned,
00:41:54for sure.
00:41:55Uh, but nice.
00:41:57Exactly.
00:41:57Out of the way.
00:41:58So.
00:41:59Hey, uh, Ben?
00:42:00Yeah?
00:42:02So you're gonna give him
00:42:03the mower?
00:42:04Well,
00:42:05what do you get
00:42:06the guy who has everything?
00:42:08Yeah.
00:42:09What's really going on here?
00:42:11Nothing.
00:42:12Like, I mean,
00:42:13the dowry.
00:42:15Yeah, I don't believe you.
00:42:18We're gonna fight him.
00:42:20Oh, God!
00:42:21Ben!
00:42:21No.
00:42:22Don't be ridiculous!
00:42:24No, listen,
00:42:24we have a plan.
00:42:25Oh!
00:42:27Oh!
00:42:27Oh, you have a plan!
00:42:29What is it?
00:42:29Dad, we're gonna lock him
00:42:30in a kennel.
00:42:31You can do that.
00:42:32You can keep him prisoner
00:42:33for a thousand years.
00:42:35Oh!
00:42:36Oh!
00:42:37I didn't know.
00:42:38I didn't know
00:42:40that you could
00:42:41lock
00:42:42the Antichrist
00:42:44in a fucking kennel
00:42:47for a thousand years!
00:42:49You dumb,
00:42:50empty,
00:42:51retarded,
00:42:52mongoloid,
00:42:54idiot child!
00:42:55Dad,
00:42:55it's gonna work.
00:42:56Well,
00:42:56what if it doesn't work?
00:42:57Huh?
00:42:58Do you have a backup plan?
00:43:00It will work.
00:43:01It won't work!
00:43:02You don't have a backup plan!
00:43:03I don't need one.
00:43:04Stop it!
00:43:06Well,
00:43:07I can't let you do this, Ben.
00:43:08Well,
00:43:09you're gonna have to,
00:43:10so...
00:43:10Oh,
00:43:10I'm gonna have to,
00:43:11huh?
00:43:11Yeah.
00:43:11Put down the shovel, Ben.
00:43:19You're gonna hit me
00:43:20with a rake now?
00:43:20Come on.
00:43:21Put it down.
00:43:41What's he doing now?
00:43:44He got really freaked out
00:43:45after you left,
00:43:46and he just started doing that.
00:43:48Mr. Murphy, sir!
00:43:49Nope,
00:43:49not talking to you!
00:43:50Can I show you something?
00:43:51Nope.
00:43:53I think you'll like it.
00:43:54Nope, nope, nope, nope.
00:43:58Nope, nope, nope, nope.
00:44:01He smells really bad.
00:44:09You like it?
00:44:11You like it?
00:44:12You like it?
00:44:13You like it?
00:44:14You like it?
00:44:19It's yours if you want it.
00:44:22All you have to do
00:44:23is keep mowing.
00:44:26Yeah.
00:44:27Oh,
00:44:28nah.
00:44:31Unnecessary.
00:44:35Well, he's super gross.
00:44:36He's really gross.
00:44:38This was our plan.
00:44:39He's really gross.
00:44:42Number one.
00:44:42Clark and Fry help Ben
00:44:43get past the wraiths
00:44:44with their plot.
00:44:48Number two.
00:44:48I use the beast's obsession
00:44:50with my lady bits
00:44:51to distract and drug him.
00:44:54Number three.
00:44:56Get our zombie neighbor
00:44:57to draw with guards.
00:45:00And number four.
00:45:01Bring the drugged-out beast back
00:45:03and lock him up
00:45:04in Buster's kennel.
00:45:06Good plan.
00:45:08Almost nothing can go wrong.
00:45:09Oh, my God.
00:45:22You look so slutty.
00:45:25Thanks.
00:45:26Wow.
00:45:27Okay.
00:45:30Um...
00:45:31Maybe this isn't
00:45:32a good idea.
00:45:34Well,
00:45:35you know,
00:45:36what else are we gonna do, Ben?
00:45:37I don't know.
00:45:38I don't know.
00:45:39Are we sure this is a good plan?
00:45:40Yeah.
00:45:42It is.
00:45:43And it's the only one we have
00:45:44besides me having sex with him,
00:45:45which is not gonna be the plan.
00:45:48No.
00:45:49You know,
00:45:50so I'm gonna take care of him
00:45:51and the guards.
00:45:52All right.
00:45:52I'll deal with the wraiths
00:45:54and, um,
00:45:55we'll use Mr. Murphy
00:45:56to deal with the perimeter guards.
00:45:57How soon can you get to me?
00:45:58By nine, for sure.
00:46:00Can you handle him for that long?
00:46:01Oh, yeah.
00:46:02All right.
00:46:02Totally.
00:46:02He's so dumb, Ben.
00:46:04Good.
00:46:05Okay.
00:46:06We can do this.
00:46:07Right?
00:46:07Yeah, we can.
00:46:08Right?
00:46:12I love you.
00:46:13I love you.
00:46:14I'll see you in a couple hours.
00:46:16Okay.
00:46:17Awesome.
00:46:19I love you, Mom.
00:46:20I love you, too, honey.
00:46:21Have fun.
00:46:22Uh, call or text
00:46:24if you're gonna be really late.
00:46:25Yeah.
00:46:42So when do we leave,
00:46:43Benjamin Franklin?
00:46:44Five minutes.
00:46:45Okay, if we're into a problem,
00:46:46here's what we do.
00:46:46Let me guess.
00:46:47Knife him?
00:46:48Yeah, totally.
00:46:49Yeah, stab him in the fucking gut, right?
00:46:50Yeah, or then that could just be like,
00:46:51oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
00:46:52All the way down.
00:46:52Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
00:46:53The inside's falling out.
00:46:54Stop.
00:46:54This is extremely important,
00:46:55and you're acting like morons.
00:47:03Revelations tells us what's gonna happen next.
00:47:06Spoiler alert.
00:47:07Jesus is gonna come down on a white horse
00:47:10and smite the Antichrist
00:47:11before God sets up his kingdom here on Earth.
00:47:14Who is a sexy beast?
00:47:35I am a sexy beast.
00:47:38Who is a sexy beast?
00:47:40I am a sexy beast.
00:47:42Who is a sexy?
00:47:43Turn the mirror.
00:47:44I am a sexy beast.
00:47:47Who is a sexy beast?
00:47:49I am a sexy...
00:47:50Oh, you a sexy beast.
00:47:53You a sexy beast.
00:47:54Yeah.
00:47:55You a sexy beast.
00:47:56You, is that a turn on?
00:47:58Turn off.
00:47:58That's a turn on, sir.
00:47:59You like that?
00:48:00Fuck, yeah.
00:48:01I'm going deep tonight.
00:48:03I'm going deep tonight.
00:48:05I'm going to push it.
00:48:06You want to do it?
00:48:07I'll get you wet.
00:48:07Huh?
00:48:08My pussy's so wet.
00:48:10What?
00:48:14I didn't say that.
00:48:16I didn't say anything.
00:48:30I didn't say anything.
00:48:33I didn't say anything.
00:48:35I didn't say anything.
00:48:40Wow.
00:48:42Lindsay, you look...
00:48:43Look at those titties.
00:48:46So lovely.
00:48:51Did you, uh...
00:48:52Yep.
00:48:57Chambers!
00:48:57Ow!
00:49:02Sorry?
00:49:03That was me getting an erection.
00:49:05Oh. That's nice.
00:49:07Thank you. Service it? No!
00:49:10Now's the time for romance.
00:49:14These are from him.
00:49:16Coronations.
00:49:18Thank you. You have such good taste.
00:49:21I know.
00:49:23Lindsay, I cannot imagine a lovelier receptacle from that evil seed than you.
00:49:31So much seed.
00:49:37B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b. Just wait here for a second.
00:49:41If you break his heart, I'll be super pissed.
00:49:47Alright, let's go.
00:49:49He will join you in the parlor.
00:49:58Yep.
00:50:05Welcome to where we're gonna do it.
00:50:08I wanna touch your booty.
00:50:14All night long.
00:50:17I wanna touch your booty.
00:50:20And stick my dick in you, girl.
00:50:24Stick my, stick my dick in yo.
00:50:27Stick my dick in yo.
00:50:29Stick my dick in yo.
00:50:31Yeah, booty.
00:50:37Mmm, stick my dick in yo booty.
00:50:42That was so good.
00:50:43That was something I was working on for you.
00:50:44Eggnog blender drink, my dear?
00:50:46Uh, actually, I would love to pour this for you, sir.
00:50:50Of course, my dear.
00:50:52So, um, you like eggs there?
00:50:55Fucking love eggs.
00:50:57They remind me of titties.
00:50:58Good to know.
00:50:59Chocolate eggs, easter eggs.
00:51:01Any type of eggs.
00:51:02You put some eggs in that, I'm eating that shit.
00:51:04You know what I'm saying?
00:51:05Yeah.
00:51:06I love jelly beans, too.
00:51:07But I hate Peeps.
00:51:09I despise them.
00:51:10Putting those assholes out of business.
00:51:12Promise.
00:51:13Sure.
00:51:14Fucking hate them.
00:51:15I'm gonna take that whole company down.
00:51:17Put them out of business.
00:51:18Tomorrow, as a matter of fact,
00:51:20Marshmallow ass chicken?
00:51:22Feel the power of the fucking beast.
00:51:24Peep toe?
00:51:25Kick so much ass, my feet need condoms.
00:51:30So, how's the gay boyfriend taking all of this, my dear?
00:51:35You know, like badly.
00:51:39Like a, like a bitch.
00:51:40Please don't leave me.
00:51:42No.
00:51:43I'm with the beast now, tiny, little, tiny boy.
00:51:46But please, I love you.
00:51:48No.
00:51:49Get away from me with your chicken baby penis.
00:51:52Oh, please, please.
00:51:54I want beast cock.
00:51:55Please, beast cock.
00:51:57Please, beast cock.
00:51:59Something like that?
00:52:00It was just like that.
00:52:01Hmm.
00:52:02What can I say?
00:52:03I'm the beast.
00:52:04I know these things.
00:52:05Hmm.
00:52:06This is for you.
00:52:08Thank you much.
00:52:09I...
00:52:10I feel so silly.
00:52:13This is so embarrassing.
00:52:14Wait, wait, wait.
00:52:15I was hoping that...
00:52:18Yeah.
00:52:19Maybe we could get, like, all the beastly guards in here.
00:52:22Freaky.
00:52:23Anyway, and, um, and have them come in this room and propose a toast to me.
00:52:27Thought you had a challenge.
00:52:31Beastly guards!
00:52:33You will now come to me and join me in toasting your new queen.
00:52:39This is Morgan on the PA system.
00:52:41All beastly guards, please report to the dining area.
00:52:44I'm not drinking any of that shit.
00:52:46I hate one thing.
00:52:47Noxzema is away.
00:52:48Oh.
00:52:49Oh, well, well, well.
00:52:50The prodigal asshole returns.
00:52:51Huh.
00:52:52That's funny.
00:52:53Um, I'm here to make a delivery to Walt House, the asshole.
00:52:57Yeah, well, uh, not on the list.
00:52:59He promised me that I'd have no problem getting this.
00:53:02Oh, God, that's so sad.
00:53:03Oh, that's a sad story, man.
00:53:05So you're just gonna be impossible about this?
00:53:07We are.
00:53:08Get your vehicle.
00:53:09Turn it around.
00:53:10Get the fuck out of here.
00:53:11All right.
00:53:12Fine.
00:53:13Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
00:53:14Mm-hmm.
00:53:17What's that smell?
00:53:18What smell?
00:53:19You know that smell.
00:53:23What's happening, Rose?
00:53:24Want some?
00:53:26No.
00:53:29I don't mention this yet.
00:53:31I got a fucking pillow.
00:53:32He's got a fucking pillow.
00:53:35Come with me.
00:53:36Leave the car running.
00:53:37Come on.
00:53:38Come, beastly guards.
00:53:39Get your fat asses in here.
00:53:40Drink the nectar of eggs.
00:53:41Toast your new queen.
00:53:42Make sure everybody gets some.
00:53:43Go, go, go, go.
00:53:44Ah.
00:53:45To you, my dear.
00:53:46God damn it.
00:53:47Promise a little beast I'd go say goodnight.
00:53:48If you cry, if I don't.
00:53:49Um, do you want the drink, though?
00:53:50It looks so good.
00:53:51I made it.
00:53:52Don't worry.
00:53:53We'll fuck soon.
00:53:54Do you want the drink, though?
00:53:55It looks so good.
00:53:56I made it.
00:53:57Don't worry.
00:53:58We'll fuck soon.
00:53:59Do you want the drink, though?
00:54:00It looks so good.
00:54:01Do you believe that?
00:54:02Do you want the drink, though?
00:54:03Do you want the drink, though?
00:54:04It looks so good.
00:54:05I made it.
00:54:06Don't worry.
00:54:07We'll fuck soon.
00:54:08Duty calls.
00:54:12Get your fucking ass to bed, little beast.
00:54:13No.
00:54:14Don't be a dud, little fucker.
00:54:17Get your fucking ass to the bed, little beast!
00:54:19Get your fucking ass in the bed, little beast.
00:54:26No!
00:54:28Don't be a dud, little fucker.
00:54:31Kids, did I say anything that deserves that?
00:54:35So much.
00:54:36What a dud.
00:54:37It's not a nice thing to say about your son.
00:54:39Oh, my sweet protective mother hen.
00:54:43He's still a dud, though.
00:54:44He won't be like our children.
00:54:47Here's another idea.
00:54:48Let's have sex on his bed right now.
00:54:49Let's wait until after dinner.
00:54:52Of course.
00:54:55I gotta take a poop anyway.
00:54:59Oh, this is gonna be fantastic.
00:55:02Oh, that's excellent weed, guys.
00:55:10You sure I can't make that delivery really quick?
00:55:13Hold on one second.
00:55:14I forgot.
00:55:14What did you want to do?
00:55:16You were so hot.
00:55:17What do you think?
00:55:23Yes.
00:55:24Yes?
00:55:24Wait, what?
00:55:24Wait, what?
00:55:25What?
00:55:26No, I think that's a bad idea.
00:55:28No, dude.
00:55:29Don't be so fucking paranoid, man.
00:55:30Fucking paranoid?
00:55:32Yeah, what if it's a fucking great idea, man?
00:55:34That's what I'm saying.
00:55:34All I'm saying is that it's a good idea.
00:55:38Get out of here.
00:55:38Yeah, do it.
00:55:39All right, yeah.
00:55:40Okay.
00:55:40Do it.
00:55:41Thanks.
00:55:41Do any other race want to party, man?
00:55:57All right, you should call them up.
00:55:58Whoa.
00:55:58Let's go to Highville.
00:55:59You want to blow up something?
00:56:05Let's blow up Helsinki.
00:56:09Buenos Aires.
00:56:11Listen, I want to blow up the whole world tonight.
00:56:13How do you feel about that?
00:56:14What?
00:56:15Yep.
00:56:15The whole world?
00:56:16Kind of.
00:56:17Oh, that's sexy.
00:56:18It is sexy.
00:56:19You're not the girl I thought you were, huh?
00:56:21Nope.
00:56:21You little vixen.
00:56:23You're going to blow up the world, wouldn't you?
00:56:24Yeah.
00:56:25I'm going to do that tonight.
00:56:27Yeah, we're going to bust the world up.
00:56:29And I'm going to bust all over your face.
00:56:31Oh.
00:56:31Was that too much?
00:56:48Ready to cut some grass, Mr. Murphy?
00:56:50Yep.
00:56:51Now, remember, there's a lot that needs to be cut.
00:56:54So don't stop till you get all of it.
00:56:55What?
00:56:56And don't let anybody stop you.
00:56:57What?
00:57:00You do know how to drive one of these things, right?
00:57:03Nope.
00:57:04Hey, you!
00:57:05Shit.
00:57:06Shit.
00:57:07All right, just mo.
00:57:14Oh.
00:57:16Fuck.
00:57:18Use your push mower.
00:57:28Hey!
00:57:37Hey!
00:57:39Hey, asshole!
00:57:42What are you doing?
00:57:45I will kill you with murder.
00:57:47I'm just caught in the grass.
00:57:49All right, take him out.
00:57:56How do you like that?
00:57:57How?
00:58:02Go check him.
00:58:03I need everybody at day two.
00:58:18Right away, everybody at day two.
00:58:20I got some sort of undead, lawn mowing, dead zombie motherfucker.
00:58:25Stop your vehicle!
00:58:30Stop your vehicle!
00:58:36Oh, shit, oh, shit, oh, shit, oh, shit, oh, shit, oh, shit, oh, shit, oh, shit, oh, shit.
00:58:39What was that?
00:58:40Did you guys hear that?
00:58:41What was that?
00:58:41Dude, I don't hear anything, man.
00:58:43Yeah, dude, you're being paranoid.
00:58:45You're being paranoid?
00:58:45Dude, you're being paranoid.
00:58:58Damn, this is good.
00:59:00Shit!
00:59:02Nothing like a shrimping mushroom mama, am I right?
00:59:04What was I, my dear?
00:59:06Your ex-wife.
00:59:08God, just, I can't even believe I did that.
00:59:11I was young and stupid and seduced by a natural blonde.
00:59:15You know what I mean?
00:59:16I think I do, yeah.
00:59:17Her pubes were blonde.
00:59:19Her pubes, yeah.
00:59:20Her pubes are black.
00:59:21As you'll find out, no secret to shrimp,
00:59:25you gotta check out the dark line in the back.
00:59:27That's their poo.
00:59:29I poop a lot, three or four times a day.
00:59:31That's why I'm so healthy.
00:59:32Good, that's impressive.
00:59:33I'm glad you told me.
00:59:36Uh, are those guards around me
00:59:39have any more that I've not left so thirsty?
00:59:42So, where do you want to go for our honeymoon?
00:59:46Um...
00:59:47Not that it matters,
00:59:48because you've been getting face-fucked the whole time,
00:59:50am I right?
00:59:51Hey, let's stay here and just have intercourse.
00:59:55And watch movies.
00:59:56I love intercourse, I love movies.
00:59:58Are you a Vin Diesel fan?
01:00:00I love Vin Diesel.
01:00:02Ah, do it!
01:00:03Fucking Chronicles of Riddick!
01:00:04Are you kidding me?
01:00:05It's the best.
01:00:06It's so, like, underrated.
01:00:08See?
01:00:09You see?
01:00:10I do.
01:00:11We're connected.
01:00:12I'm right here with you.
01:00:14Let's go make the beast with two backs.
01:00:17You get it?
01:00:18The beast with two backs?
01:00:19Cause I'm the beast and...
01:00:20I got it back and you got it.
01:00:22It's not that funny.
01:00:23Come on, let's go.
01:00:24Um...
01:00:25Yeah.
01:00:26We could, um...
01:00:27We should...
01:00:28We should go to the Jacuzzi.
01:00:33Jacuzzi?
01:00:35Sounds sexy.
01:00:37It's gonna be.
01:00:40Holy shit.
01:00:45Dude, what the fuck are they doing?
01:00:46I think I saw them take some shirts, bro.
01:00:49What is going on?
01:00:55We should fucking knife him.
01:00:56Fucking knife him?
01:00:57Yeah.
01:00:58Fucking knife the shit out of him.
01:01:07Shit!
01:01:08Oh, my God.
01:01:14If I was a dinosaur, I guess what kind of dinosaur I'd be.
01:01:16What?
01:01:17A Lickolotipus.
01:01:19You get it?
01:01:21That's so funny.
01:01:22I do get it.
01:01:23Cause I'd be...
01:01:24That's so funny.
01:01:25Licking your vagina all the time.
01:01:26I get it.
01:01:27Oh.
01:01:28What you looking for, baby?
01:01:29I'm right here.
01:01:32Um...
01:01:33Ben!
01:01:35You calling your boyfriend?
01:01:36Come on, Ben!
01:01:37Baby!
01:01:38I thought we had something.
01:01:40This...
01:01:41This hurts.
01:01:42I thought we had a moment.
01:01:47Ben!
01:01:48That's cool.
01:01:49I didn't really like you that much.
01:01:50Whatever.
01:01:52Okay, Ben!
01:01:53Seriously!
01:01:56Ben!
01:01:57Let her go, Antichrist!
01:02:01This is...
01:02:02This is who you screaming for?
01:02:03This Frodo-looking motherfucker?
01:02:05He even walks gay!
01:02:07I'm the beast, baby!
01:02:09Beastly guards!
01:02:11Most of them are chasing a dead guy on a lawnmower.
01:02:14Okay, what does that mean?
01:02:16Race!
01:02:17Come to me!
01:02:22Fucking useless potheads.
01:02:24Just let her go, man.
01:02:25Or what?
01:02:27Or I'll kick your evil ass.
01:02:29Ooh!
01:02:30Oh, that's...
01:02:32That's...
01:02:33That's a good one.
01:02:34Hey, I got a good one, too.
01:02:35How about you do like this?
01:02:36Brrr!
01:02:37To my booty hole!
01:02:38I'm warning you, Earl.
01:02:39My name is Beast.
01:02:42What are you gonna do to me, anyway, huh?
01:02:44What, you gonna kill me?
01:02:46I'm gonna lock you in a dog kennel.
01:02:49I don't even know how to respond to that.
01:02:51I...
01:02:52But you know what?
01:02:53Seeing as I have better things to do, like make it with your lady...
01:02:58How about I shoot you?
01:03:00No!
01:03:04Back up!
01:03:05Back!
01:03:06Back up!
01:03:09I killed Jimmy Neutron!
01:03:15Back up.
01:03:16What?
01:03:17What you gonna do, huh?
01:03:19You don't wanna shoot me.
01:03:20Unless you want me to come back as Satan.
01:03:23Don't push me.
01:03:25Okay, Earl?
01:03:27I'm really sick of this crap.
01:03:29And honestly, you in particular.
01:03:30You are so lame.
01:03:32I'm lame?
01:03:33You dating Peter Brady?
01:03:34I've been letting you say this gross shit to me all night.
01:03:36I'm not afraid of you.
01:03:37The fact that anybody is afraid of you is incredible.
01:03:40If they knew what a child...
01:03:42It doesn't matter!
01:03:43I will shoot you!
01:03:44I will...
01:03:45I will...
01:03:46Totally shoot you!
01:03:47Whatever!
01:03:52That's for being an asshole.
01:03:59Let's party, baby.
01:04:01Ah!
01:04:02Ah!
01:04:03Ah!
01:04:04Ah!
01:04:08Ah!
01:04:12See you later, baby.
01:04:17Oh, shit.
01:04:20Oh, baby.
01:04:22Uh...
01:04:24Why do I keep getting hit in the head?
01:04:25I don't know, I'm sorry, baby.
01:04:26I shot him.
01:04:27Huh?
01:04:28Baby, I killed him.
01:04:29Where?
01:04:30I'm serious.
01:04:31Right here.
01:04:40I am unstoppable!
01:04:44Now what do we do?
01:04:46Just keep killing him.
01:04:47Until what?
01:04:48Maybe it'll take at some point.
01:04:49Maybe.
01:04:50Well, I'm gonna need more guns.
01:04:51Okay, I'm on it.
01:04:53That really hurt...
01:04:55Ah, damn!
01:04:58Ben?
01:04:59Yeah?
01:05:02Will you stop shooting?
01:05:03Fuck you!
01:05:06This can't be lit!
01:05:09Ben?
01:05:10Yeah?
01:05:11I know what you think.
01:05:12No, baby!
01:05:13Come on!
01:05:15Quick question.
01:05:16I'm getting pretty good at this, baby!
01:05:17I'm coming!
01:05:20Motherfucker!
01:05:21Ah!
01:05:32What you gonna do now, fool?
01:05:34Ah!
01:05:45What time is it?
01:05:46You don't seem like the type...
01:05:47No.
01:05:48Nah, that won't work either.
01:05:49Go to bed, little beast, little fucker.
01:05:50But I have an idea.
01:05:51How does this go down?
01:05:52You need a screwdriver or something.
01:05:53What is that?
01:05:54What is that?
01:05:55It's coming right at us!
01:05:56Ben, wait!
01:05:57Ben, wait!
01:05:58Ben, wait!
01:05:59Ben, wait!
01:06:00Ben, wait!
01:06:01Ben, wait!
01:06:02Ben, wait!
01:06:03Ben, wait!
01:06:04Ben, wait!
01:06:05Ben, wait!
01:06:07Ben, wait!
01:06:08Ben, wait!
01:06:09Ben, wait!
01:06:10Ben, wait!
01:06:12I'm waiting!
01:06:13What's that?
01:06:14What?
01:06:15Ben, wait!
01:06:16How does this go down?
01:06:17You need a screwdriver or something.
01:06:18What is that?
01:06:19It's coming right at us.
01:06:23Ben, wait!
01:06:25Ben, wait!
01:06:49Oh, no.
01:06:56Oh, no.
01:06:58So bad, baby.
01:07:00I didn't know.
01:07:01I didn't know, Linz.
01:07:02I thought it was a rock.
01:07:04This is, like, incredibly bad, Ben.
01:07:08Okay, okay.
01:07:08Can we do CPR?
01:07:10Maybe?
01:07:11You laser-beamed him, baby.
01:07:13I don't think CPR's gonna work.
01:07:14I can't believe I did this.
01:07:16Oh.
01:07:17How could I have been so fucking stupid?
01:07:19I feel really sick, Ben.
01:07:21My dad's right.
01:07:24I'm a fucking idiot.
01:07:25Oh.
01:07:49Is that it?
01:07:54What?
01:07:55Is that it?
01:07:58Idiots!
01:07:59What have you done?
01:08:01I, uh...
01:08:03Um, okay.
01:08:06Well...
01:08:07Yeah.
01:08:08Answer me!
01:08:10Right, okay.
01:08:11We sort of killed the Antichrist at first.
01:08:14Or we did.
01:08:15It was not nearly as hard as you might think.
01:08:18Right.
01:08:19Yeah, we just, like, shot him with a regular gun,
01:08:21and then we were hitting him...
01:08:23Ben was hitting him with a shovel.
01:08:24Bonked him.
01:08:25That was it.
01:08:26You barbecued my son.
01:08:30I...
01:08:30I saw this thing coming from the sky.
01:08:33I had no idea what it was.
01:08:34It could have been bad.
01:08:35Like, he didn't know.
01:08:36It could have been bad.
01:08:38I panicked.
01:08:39And I...
01:08:40I...
01:08:41Yeah.
01:08:42I laser-beamed him.
01:08:43I beamed Jesus.
01:08:44I'm so sorry.
01:08:45It was a total accident, though.
01:08:47Yeah.
01:08:48Total.
01:08:48Do you two have any idea what you've done here?
01:08:54Um...
01:08:54Well...
01:08:55No.
01:08:57There was a plan.
01:08:59A rather detailed and specific plan.
01:09:02Involving the final chapter of all human existence.
01:09:07Do you understand that that plan is completely ruined?
01:09:11We didn't mean to.
01:09:12We are so...
01:09:15Just incredibly sorry, sir.
01:09:18It was a gaffe.
01:09:19Just...
01:09:20Ugh.
01:09:21It was a mistake.
01:09:22Ding.
01:09:23That's all I needed to hear.
01:09:25Hey, you're sorry.
01:09:26I forgive you.
01:09:27It's kind of what I do.
01:09:29It's all good.
01:09:31We'll just start over.
01:09:32It's no big deal.
01:09:33It's not like I spent a lot of time on this.
01:09:35Only 4,000 fucking years!
01:09:37You proud of yourselves?
01:09:39You pathetic little shits.
01:09:42Fuck you, dude.
01:09:44Oh.
01:09:45Don't.
01:09:46No.
01:09:46That's...
01:09:47You don't have to be so mean.
01:09:49I'm sorry, but...
01:09:51You don't have to be so mean.
01:09:52What did you say, Owen?
01:09:54You heard me, man.
01:09:56I said fuck you.
01:09:57You're being a dick.
01:09:58Dr. God.
01:09:59You're a dick!
01:10:01You're like a...
01:10:02bug to me!
01:10:04You made her.
01:10:05Yeah.
01:10:06So...
01:10:06Good call, baby.
01:10:08Well, you made her, so...
01:10:10He doesn't talk like that.
01:10:11I'm not southern.
01:10:11You talk exactly like that, Ben!
01:10:13That is how I made you!
01:10:15He doesn't have a pinched nose.
01:10:16What is that?
01:10:16You sound exactly like that.
01:10:18No, I don't.
01:10:19Give me that sweater.
01:10:20Don't do it.
01:10:21Just give me the fucking sweater.
01:10:22Because I'm fucking God.
01:10:23Give it to me.
01:10:24Don't do it, baby.
01:10:25Do it!
01:10:26Don't.
01:10:26He has a jacket.
01:10:27Don't.
01:10:27I want a sweater!
01:10:29God, wait.
01:10:30I'm behind you.
01:10:31You actually expect me to fall for that trick?
01:10:34No, no.
01:10:34It's not a trick.
01:10:35It's not a trick.
01:10:36It's so stupid.
01:10:39Ow!
01:10:40Oh, Earl!
01:10:41What the fuck, man?
01:10:43That's right, big boy!
01:10:45Okay, this isn't about you, Earl.
01:10:46Okay?
01:10:47Oh, it's all about me.
01:10:49And my official name is Satan.
01:10:52So none of this Earl bullshit.
01:10:53Okay, let me smite these fuckers down,
01:10:55and then we can talk, all right?
01:10:57You think I want to talk?
01:10:59No, no, no, no, no.
01:11:00All I want to do is kick your candy ass.
01:11:05What the fuck you think?
01:11:06Yeah.
01:11:07You want to go, Fat Prince?
01:11:08Let's do it.
01:11:09Thou shalt whoop your ass.
01:11:13It's all right.
01:11:17Ow!
01:11:18Come on, bitch.
01:11:19That's all you got?
01:11:21You want some?
01:11:21Happy meal?
01:11:22Happy meal?
01:11:24You like that?
01:11:27Oh, you're fresh out of timeout, bitch.
01:11:36Who are we rooting for?
01:11:37They both want to kill us.
01:11:38Right.
01:11:41Revelations, bitch!
01:11:42Maybe we should get out of here.
01:11:43This is a pretty unusual thing to be watching,
01:11:45when you think about it.
01:11:46Oh, okay.
01:11:46Yeah!
01:11:47You win!
01:11:48Come on, Confucius.
01:12:03Come on, Confucius.
01:12:07I'm going to follow you, motherfucker.
01:12:19Fuck you up.
01:12:23Fuck you, Earl.
01:12:31You're already my ass.
01:12:35You're a terrible father.
01:12:36You want to talk?
01:12:38Touché!
01:12:39Earl, my name is Satan.
01:12:42I had enough of this shit.
01:12:51Shit.
01:12:51Shit.
01:12:52Shit.
01:12:52Shit.
01:12:52Shit.
01:12:53Shit.
01:12:53Shit.
01:12:54Shit.
01:12:54Shit.
01:12:55Shit.
01:12:55Shit.
01:12:56Shit.
01:12:56Shit.
01:12:57Shit.
01:12:57Shit.
01:12:58Shit.
01:12:58Shit.
01:12:59Shit.
01:13:00Shit.
01:13:00Shit.
01:13:01Shit.
01:13:13Wow.
01:13:15Oh.
01:13:17I definitely didn't think that was possible, right?
01:13:21You'd have thought that God would have seen that coming.
01:13:24Yeah.
01:13:25You know?
01:13:25Maybe he did.
01:13:26His plan was to get electrocuted in a jacuzzi?
01:13:28Most of it didn't make a lot of sense to me, so it's possible.
01:13:31True.
01:13:32True.
01:13:32It's possible.
01:13:33Oh.
01:13:35Oh.
01:13:35Oh.
01:13:43They're showing me!
01:13:44You fucking idiots!
01:13:47I should spank you both!
01:13:49Wow!
01:13:50You did it!
01:13:51You killed him!
01:13:53I knew you could do it!
01:13:55No, you didn't.
01:13:56You just had to apply yourself, Benjamin.
01:13:57That's all.
01:13:58You said the opposite.
01:13:59You're not a loser anymore.
01:14:00Good for you.
01:14:01And who's that right there?
01:14:02Is that, uh...
01:14:03Yeah.
01:14:04Hmm.
01:14:05He's tiny, huh?
01:14:06So...
01:14:07Wow.
01:14:08I mean, huh?
01:14:09Right?
01:14:10A lot of questions.
01:14:11There he is!
01:14:12Dead zombie motherfucker!
01:14:13Stop that fucking lawnmower!
01:14:14Stop it!
01:14:16What the fuck?
01:14:17You killed him?
01:14:20Oh, no, man.
01:14:23What the fuck?
01:14:24You killed him?
01:14:25Oh, man.
01:14:28He's dead.
01:14:29He's dead.
01:14:30I'm dead.
01:14:31I'm dead.
01:14:32I'm dead.
01:14:33I'm dead.
01:14:34I'm dead.
01:14:35I'm dead.
01:14:36I'm dead.
01:14:37I'm dead.
01:14:38Oh, thank God, it's over.
01:14:43I'm free!
01:14:44We did it!
01:14:45We killed him!
01:14:46No more beatings.
01:14:48No more rapings.
01:14:50Yeah.
01:14:51Oh, I guess that means I'm in charge.
01:14:55I will take that leap.
01:14:57That's a big leap.
01:14:58I'm the leader of the world.
01:15:00Bow down before me.
01:15:02No.
01:15:03What?
01:15:04No?
01:15:05How come you all of a sudden you're in charge?
01:15:07I mean, there's as much reason for me to be in charge
01:15:09as there is for you to be in charge.
01:15:10Fuck!
01:15:11No, he thought you were the pool guy.
01:15:13He used to rape you.
01:15:14You have a massive head wound.
01:15:16That is a brain injury.
01:15:18So what?
01:15:19You look like a jerk.
01:15:20So what? I could still have a mustache.
01:15:22Look at your world rulers look like jerks.
01:15:24Who cares?
01:15:25What?
01:15:26You guys, um, awkward.
01:15:28Um, I just feel like, you know,
01:15:30probably nobody's in charge.
01:15:32No.
01:15:33Well, everybody's in charge.
01:15:35Everybody's in charge.
01:15:36Everybody's in charge.
01:15:37So it's a good thing.
01:15:38We're all in charge.
01:15:39We can be grown-ups.
01:15:42Everybody okay with that?
01:15:44Yeah.
01:15:45You're definitely not in charge, though.
01:15:46So what do we do now?
01:15:50Just live.
01:15:52That's what we're gonna do.
01:15:54Right?
01:15:55That's deep, baby.
01:15:56That's deep, baby.
01:15:57Yeah.
01:15:59Just live.
01:16:01Let's go make out.
01:16:03All right.
01:16:04You kids be safe.
01:16:06We're gonna live.
01:16:09Yeah, I might, uh,
01:16:11I might go back to school.
01:16:13Yeah!
01:16:14Yeah.
01:16:15I never, I never went to college.
01:16:17I know.
01:16:18I know.
01:16:19I know.
01:16:20Okay.
01:16:21It's over.
01:16:23Okay.
01:16:24So nice to be held.
01:16:27Okay.
01:16:28Okay.
01:16:29Oh, you're so strong.
01:16:31Okay.
01:16:32Okay.
01:16:33All right.
01:16:34I got those big arms, don't you?
01:16:35Don't make this into something it's not, okay?
01:16:37Huh?
01:16:38Don't make this into something it's not.
01:16:39You didn't feel anything?
01:16:40No.
01:16:41Let's just live.
01:16:42Live our lives.
01:16:43Right.
01:16:44All right.
01:16:45I thought with the mustache and everything.
01:16:47I won't.
01:16:48No.
01:16:49No.
01:16:50You're sending a real message there.
01:16:52No.
01:16:53Put a dick in here.
01:17:05Whoa.
01:17:06Look at that.
01:17:07Look at that.
01:17:08Mm-hmm.
01:17:09Life goes on, man.
01:17:11Yeah.
01:17:12Life goes on.
01:17:15Yeah.
01:17:18After that night, things sort of went back to normal.
01:17:21Good sandwiches went from a smashed lunch cart to a popular lunch destination.
01:17:26Overall, I'd have to say the future looks really, really bright.
01:17:32Okay.
01:17:33That sounded really corny, but whatever.
01:17:36I killed God and the Antichrist, man.
01:17:38Do whatever I want.
01:17:40The rocks stopped falling out of the sky.
01:17:43The rates were still around, but Mom made some new friends and calmed down a little bit.
01:17:49You guys are hungry later.
01:17:50I made an amazing pot of beans last night.
01:17:53It's, um, they've been hanging out in the crock pot for almost 12 hours at a low setting.
01:17:58And I'll tell you what.
01:17:59I soaked, I soaked those guys overnight and, uh, it's better than the quick soak.
01:18:11Some things didn't go back like before.
01:18:12Like Mr. Murphy.
01:18:13Still dead.
01:18:14Er, undead.
01:18:15But Ben and I stole his lawnmower back for him.
01:18:17He loves it.
01:18:18Doesn't seem to notice we broke the motor either.
01:18:20This used to be the Devil's Mansion.
01:18:23It's ours now.
01:18:24Ha ha!
01:18:25Ben's dad now lives at the Beast's Mansion.
01:18:28I'm not sure that he should, but he's gonna kick him out.
01:18:31Ah!
01:18:32I put PCP in the salsa!
01:18:35This is gonna get fucking crazy!
01:18:39Fucking crazy!
01:18:41Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
01:18:43Let's go to Mexico!
01:18:45Who is sexy beast?
01:18:48I am sexy beast.
01:18:50Who is sexy beast?
01:18:52I am sexy beast.
01:18:58Who is sexy beast?
01:18:59Who is sexy beast?
01:19:00Who is sexy beast?
01:19:01Who is sexy beast?
01:19:02Who is sexy beast?
01:19:03Who is sexy beast?
01:19:04Who is sexy beast?
01:19:05Who is sexy beast?
01:19:06Who is sexy beast?
01:19:07Who is sexy beast?
01:19:08Who is sexy beast?
01:19:09Who is sexy beast?
01:19:10Who is sexy beast?
01:19:11Who is sexy beast?
01:19:12Who is sexy beast?
01:19:13Who is sexy beast?
01:19:14Who is sexy beast?
01:19:15Who is sexy beast?
01:19:16Who is sexy beast?
01:19:17Who is sexy beast?
01:19:18Who is sexy beast?
01:19:19Who is sexy beast?
01:19:20Who is sexy beast?
01:19:21Who is sexy beast?
01:19:22Who is sexy beast?
01:19:23Who is sexy beast?
01:19:24Who is sexy beast?
01:19:25Who is sexy beast?
01:19:26Who is sexy beast?
01:19:28Go deep tonight, go deep tonight, go deep tonight, go deep tonight, go deep tonight, go deep tonight, go deep tonight, go deep tonight, go deep tonight, go deep tonight, go deep tonight, go deep tonight, go deep tonight, ooh, you a sexy bitch, you a sexy bitch, ooh, you a sexy bitch.
01:19:58You a sexy bitch.
01:19:59Ooh, ooh.
01:20:00You a sexy bitch.
01:20:02You a sexy bitch.
01:20:03Yeah, ooh, ooh, ooh.
01:20:04You a sexy bitch.
01:20:06You like that?
01:20:07Yeah.
01:20:28Ooh, ooh, ooh.
01:20:58Oh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh,
01:21:05ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh,
01:21:11ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh,
01:21:17Ooh, you a sexy beast.
01:21:20You like that?
01:21:21Yeah.
01:21:47Ooh, you a sexy beast.
01:22:17Look out below as the guillotine swings, taking out fiends of the queens and kings.
01:22:22Yes, it makes sense, I'm the prince of the night, when evil lurks and I feel alright.
01:22:27Blood karaoke, the baker's men, kill em, kill em all with the stroke of the pen.
01:22:32Let em all hang, hang till I say when, dice em and rice em like Uncle Ben.
01:22:37Cut up, flame it, dark in the alley.
01:22:39What it wasn't over, I told ya.
01:22:41Right goes wrong and tonight it's on.
01:22:44Barbara, cinnamon, stone cold killer.
01:22:46Cut up, flame it, dark in the alley.
01:22:49What it wasn't over, I told ya.
01:22:51Right goes wrong and tonight it's on.
01:22:53Barbara, cinnamon, stone cold killer.
01:22:56Monsters, nightmares, wars going on
01:22:59Right goes wrong and tonight it's on
01:23:01You don't even know what the hell is near
01:23:04Right underneath and it smells your fear
01:23:06Comes from the depths of your soul
01:23:08Hiding in your closet, ten years old
01:23:10And it's gonna get you, cry for your mama
01:23:13Sentimental heartbreak, die from the horror
01:23:15Horror, cinema, stone cold killer
01:23:18Know it ain't jack over, this is a thriller
01:23:20Get you, get you going, running from the nightmare
01:23:23Run around a corner, and it's standing right there
01:23:25Cut up, flamey, dunk in the alley
01:23:28Thought it wasn't over, I told ya
01:23:31Right goes wrong and tonight it's on
01:23:33Horror, cinema, stone cold killer
01:23:35Cut up, flamey, dunk in the alley
01:23:38Thought it wasn't over, I told ya
01:23:41Right goes wrong and tonight it's on
01:23:43Horror, cinema, stone cold killer
01:23:55Or now it's on
01:23:56Doña falls on
01:23:58The shower, cars are on
01:24:00Horror, none
01:24:01Even though, if, if, if, if,い
01:24:04Did you get mad at home
01:24:05Go to
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