Why Your Need for Approval Is Ruining You || Acharya Prashant, Dubai Tour (2025)

Acharya Prashant

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00:00hello sir i've been following you for the last five or six years i think what i've learned is

00:09like in a lot of the my aspects of life i feel like i'm always chasing validation and i have

00:17never really understood that certain parts of my life i feel like i don't need validation and those

00:22are not the good actions and there's certain parts where i feel which are the good things which i know

00:27i should be doing i need validation and i get that validation for a certain time but then i can't

00:32kind of continue that action so i would love to hear your thoughts on this

00:37you can hear my being on this i mean i'm saying something to you that's not coming from any

00:48particular textbook or any pre-validated source how do i know whether any of what i say to you makes

01:00any sense

01:00the moment the question arises there's a problem

01:09you have to be sure of yourself you have to ask yourself first of all whether you are brutally

01:21honest in your dealings with the others

01:24you have to know for yourself that you are giving not just hundred percent but a little more than that

01:33to the other now you will not need to look into the others eyes and beg for validation

01:43i'm already doing the maximum possible

01:48you know whether or not it pleases you there is no way i can do anything extra or more

01:54so if you say i am doing well fine and if you say i am doing poorly that too is fine

02:06so i don't need validation then but that requires you to be ruthlessly honest with yourself first

02:13when the inner eye is missing then the outer eye keeps roving

02:20can can you please certify that i am talking sense can you please attest that i am not an idiot

02:31can you please assure me that my decisions are correct

02:37all that happens when you are not talking a lot to yourself

02:43others should not become easy substitutes your first relationship is with your own inner truth

02:53and it's the most powerful source of validation

02:59others how will they ever know you beyond a point

03:05there must be people in your life right

03:10you think you know them really well

03:12no

03:14you do not know people really well how will anybody know you really well

03:19so even if others validate what you are saying or doing

03:23does that hold any value

03:26this person does not know me but he says sir you are great

03:31now this attestation must it matter to me he does not know me anyway at all

03:38so even if he is certifying that i am wonderful why should i be inflated because of that

03:47i am getting the only person who can know me well is me

03:55if i have to ask somebody i'll ask myself if i have to ask how am i doing i'll ask myself but that would require

04:05you to be impartial, nirmam. That's the word from Gita. That will require a certain detachment

04:17from oneself. A love for truth rather than personal weaknesses. It doesn't matter even

04:25if I have won the race. I know for myself I didn't run well. They might have given me

04:34the gold medal. But I know for myself I'm not proud of how I run. Are you getting this?

04:46The problem is not that we go and seek validation from others. The problem is that we have a

04:52broken relationship with ourselves. We keep talking of relationships. We don't talk of

05:00the first, most fundamental, most important relationship. All your life you have to live

05:07basically with yourself. Even when you are with others, have you not experienced loneliness?

05:15You might be surrounded, you might be in a crowd and still there is loneliness. Not experience

05:21loneliness. Because you have to live with yourself. So maintain that relationship. Do well

05:28there. And the word there is honesty. Honesty. No trick, no magic, no formula can be a substitute

05:38for that. Honesty. Honesty. All wisdom literature, all spiritual practices, all philosophy stops

05:50at that point. Honesty. That little thing. Because there can be no proof if you say, you know, I'm

05:58a fearless man. How can it be proven to you that you are not fearless? That's something internal.

06:05And in absence of honesty, you can continue nourishing your illusions. And keep telling yourself, I'm

06:12fearless, I'm fearless, I'm fearless. If you say, you don't have fever, the doctor here

06:19can prove to you that you have fever, right? But if you say, you don't have fear, how will

06:24I prove to you that you have fear? Maybe, maybe I can display that you are afraid in some situation.

06:32But you can come up with an argument and say, no, no, no. This I was doing just to please

06:37you, just to humor you. I was not actually afraid. I was afraid by mistake. And even if

06:47I am afraid, that's not my fault. I have been taught to be afraid. So that means I am not

06:52afraid. I have been taught to be afraid. You can come up with any kinds of smart or cunning

06:56arguments. Therefore, what you need is honesty. Otherwise, there can be all kinds of devices

07:03and pretenses. And we are masters at it. Try telling somebody the truth and the kind of resistance you get

07:14is bewildering. Anything can be accepted. But truth is greeted with colossal resistance. And such arguments,

07:25you will be confronted. I mean, you might start thinking, maybe there is a point there. The fellow might be an idiot.

07:34But when it comes to defending his falseness, he becomes the wisest, the smartest man possible. Want to awaken

07:46somebody's potential? Make them resist the truth. And they will give it everything they have. Be with yourself. Just honestly.

08:03Just honestly. Just honestly. Just honestly. And to be inspired to do that, and to believe that it can be done,

08:15read about people who live that way. Or if you are very lucky, live with people who live that way.

08:23Usually, we are not that lucky. So read about such people. Therefore, great literature is very important.

08:33Be alright with yourself. I am not saying you must not take others' opinions or feedbacks. That's alright.

08:42But the primary judge must sit within. You need not look at yourself through others' eyes. The inner eye must be one's own. And that's all.

08:55A precedent for us is to sit down and wait. You ought to be the saints of faith. The inner eye must be one's own.

09:06To be one of the servants, all whoầubytt�시ved wives are so loudly. You need not look at yourself. The rotary is the best turn.

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