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CortometrajesTranscripción
00:00If I was single, and it's cuffing season, I will definitely try to slide in someone's DM or see if my friend has a friend.
00:13Yeah, I'm not going to just be by myself in cuffing season.
00:17Oh, cuffing season is hunting season, you know?
00:20If you don't have a significant other already in place, you go out hunting every weekend.
00:25Give me one margarita, I'mma open my legs. Give me two margaritas, I'mma give you some legs.
00:30Give me three margaritas, I'mma put it in my cuss. Give me four margaritas, I'mma put it in my tush.
00:35Give me five margaritas, I'mma get some fudge. Give me five margaritas, I'mma open my legs.
00:42Let's grab that table a little bit. No, no, no, we're going to stand at the bar and look sexy, yet approachable.
00:46If men are going to reject me, I'd much rather be seated, you know, set expectations.
00:49I've got some fish laps to sit. Great, a dark, musty corner.
00:53This thing is very highly underrated. If they can see us.
00:57Oh, hey, someone is making eyes at you from the bar.
01:01Oh, no, thank you. No, no, no, no, no, no.
01:04Do you even want to meet someone? Of course I do, you know?
01:08Not only do I need to, like, forget about Rory, but I need to move on from Alex.
01:12Good. So, we know our goal. Let us help you get there.
01:15Okay, what you need to know about me is that because of societal standards, I'm like human cilantro.
01:21Seriously, to some guys, I'm like so. And the ones that do want me, they're already up on somebody else's taco.
01:26What about that guy that was flirting with you in class?
01:28Oh, Carlos.
01:29Carlos. Yes, yes, yes, yes. The fruit agent. No.
01:32I already did the work thing and it was a certifiable shit show.
01:35But I met Lamar at work.
01:37Wait, why was he at Sephora?
01:38Fashion week. When you're a makeup artist, you meet fine-ass models on the reg, like, all day.
01:43And, honey, they all check for me.
01:45Honey, I've never thought about Carlos like that.
01:48Well, have you tried them out?
01:49What do you mean?
01:50Oh, I audition all my cotton classes.
01:52I do a dry fantasy run, and if it becomes a wet fantasy run, I make those dreams come true.
01:58Okay, well, here's to making dreams come.
02:00I'll send you an app to set the menu. Thank me later.
02:05Okay, Ellie. Let's see what your app can do.
02:14My play premiere was a huge success.
02:17I was giddy and tipsy from so many people congratulating me, and that last glass of Prosecco certainly didn't help.
02:24I sneak backstage to center myself when I see that sexy actor Herman.
02:29I'd always heard about understudies having a stars-born moment.
02:33I should really see that movie again. The original, not Gaga's.
02:36Hey, girl, stop letting your mind wander. You're supposed to be thinking about Carlos. Now get to work.
02:42I realized we were all alone backstage. He met my gaze and slowly sauntered over.
02:48I was wondering if you can help me. I got sewed into these pants. It's kind of embarrassing, but I can't take them out.
02:56All I wanted to do was rip those pants right off, but we needed them for tomorrow's performance.
03:02So I found a pin and knelt in front of him to undo the stitches. I felt flesh. Was it the Prosecco or was it him?
03:11You're supposed to be Carlos.
03:18You tell him, girl. This is supposed to be a Carlos fantasy run. Now help me help you and focus. Where was I? Oh, yes.
03:26The air was electric as I slowly loosened each stitch on those pants. I was so close to his Jack in the Box, I could tell he was ready to pop right out.
03:35Tonight's performance was over, but I was up for an encore and he was definitely up too.
03:40Be careful. It tickles.
03:43Wait, why are we letting him back in?
03:45I just want to make you happy.
03:47Because I know he can get me there and I'm going to be late for work.
03:50Oh!
03:56Well, there's some naming drama with the ghost kitchen.
03:59Sir Rizalot is the front runner, but Kaya wants my new sourdough starter to be Lil Yeasty.
04:05But like, why's it got to be little, you know?
04:08Yeah.
04:09Oh, shiz.
04:11I'm out of Mel's hazelnut creamer.
04:13Never mind, I will crush up some...
04:15No, no, actually, just one coffee for me.
04:18Let's go, let's go.
04:19Uh-oh.
04:21Trouble in paradise?
04:22No.
04:24Wheatney Houston.
04:26Yes.
04:28Hi.
04:29As managers, you are the first line of defense against sexual harassment.
04:33So it's important to know, what constitutes harassment?
04:37Well, that can include unwanted sexual advances,
04:40comments about appearance, cat calling, sexual innuendo...
04:44Having a vivid dream about a co-worker?
04:47Pardon me?
04:49Uh...
04:51Having a vivid dream about a co-worker, does that... does that count?
04:57Not if you don't say it out loud.
05:00As managers, you will be the eyes and ears of JFK.
05:04And when it comes to romantic relationships in the workplace,
05:07it's okay to ask a person out once.
05:10But if they say no, asking them again would be harassment.
05:13What if you've been hanging out with someone, say, for a month and some change,
05:16but she didn't have the DTR combo yet?
05:18Hypothetically.
05:19I don't know what DTR means.
05:21Define the relationship.
05:23Best not to shit where you eat.
05:26Pardon my French.
05:28As managers, it's best for you to just disclose any workplace relationship to the head of HR,
05:33so there are no issues if it goes south.
05:36I can tell you that one in three U.S. workers have or are currently involved in a romantic workplace relationship,
05:44and the majority of those people, they did not disclose to their employers.
05:48So, my High Flyers, the moral of this story is disclose, disclose, disclose.
05:55You don't have to do it three times.
05:57Just the once will be fine.
05:58The other two times, I did for emphasis.
06:01I found your earrings this morning.
06:06Why are you cheating like it's evident?
06:11I could have got it tonight.
06:14Does this mean you'll finally stay at my place?
06:16No, not with your mom in the next room.
06:18No, she don't care.
06:19Besides, she told me to invite you to Thanksgiving.
06:23She can throw her down.
06:26You make it hard to say no.
06:28Let me see if I can work out my schedule.
06:29You make the schedule.
06:31Oh, um, I disclosed our relationship to HR.
06:36Wait, why?
06:38You're a manager.
06:39You should know that.
06:42It's part of the sexual harassment seminar.
06:44Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're right.
06:45You're right.
06:46Yeah.
06:47You're right.
06:48What else did you learn today?
06:50I'm not telling you about the dream I had where I handcuffed you.
06:55Oh.
06:56It's definitely sexual harassment.
07:01Ms. Hill?
07:02Mm-hmm.
07:03You're very, very convincing.
07:06Why don't you notify HR that I will be coming to yours for Thanksgiving?
07:12Deal.
07:13Deal.
07:14Tell your mama too.
07:17Bye.
07:18Bye.
07:19Bye.
07:25You know you're amazing, right?
07:30Oh yeah, I just, I just want you to be happy.
07:34Frick!
07:36Why are you still here?
07:37You're gonna be late for your pickup.
07:38I know.
07:39I'm supposed to be having lunch with Mike.
07:41He's my suitor from Lost and Found.
07:43Gross.
07:44I'll take it if you take my Friday night.
07:46Really?
07:47Nice!
07:48No, we don't do that.
07:49Oh.
07:50Bachelorette in New Orleans.
07:51Mm-hmm.
07:52Okay, well one piece of advice.
07:53No matter how drunk you get, those beads have no value.
07:57Keep your ladies covered.
07:58It's not that type of Bachelorette.
07:59And what kind of Bachelorette is it?
08:00We're just a bunch of married ladies in matching PJs, giving the bride lessons from the battlefield.
08:14Ah, well can I come please?
08:15Uh-huh.
08:16Man, I thought I'd have relationships figured out by now, but I definitely don't.
08:21Boy problems?
08:22Yeah, it's complicated.
08:24I thought I was over my ex, but he is living in my head all rent free.
08:29Mm.
08:30Girl, been there.
08:31Yeah, it's like part of me knows that I need to make a clean break of it and just move
08:36on, but it's hard.
08:38Yeah.
08:39It's so hard because we work together every single day.
08:43Marissa!
08:44Julie!
08:45Julie!
08:46You made it!
08:47Wild horses and six pins in my ankle couldn't keep me away.
08:51Uh, Mel, go ahead.
08:53Talk to you for a second.
08:54Uh-huh.
08:55This is supposed to be Patty's pickup.
08:58Now I know why.
08:59So, me and Julie had a fight last night about our exes at a wedding.
09:03Uh-huh.
09:04Uh, and I had to tell her about us.
09:05Wait, she doesn't know about us?
09:06No, it's not bad.
09:07It'd just be great if you could, like, not be here right now.
09:09Yeah, lucky for you.
09:10I don't want to be here.
09:11Mel!
09:12I've heard so much about you.
09:13It's nice to finally meet.
09:14Right!
09:15It's just...
09:16Let's do it.
09:17Okay, all right.
09:18Look at us.
09:19Uh, Carissa, this is Mel.
09:22Wait.
09:23You're Mel.
09:25I have to pick up a foreign dignitary, so I'm gonna get on that and get you seated so you
09:32guys can get the show on the road, am I right?
09:35How does this work?
09:37Is it?
09:38Attention passengers.
09:39The terminal is now on lockdown.
09:41All flights are grounded and you cannot leave the terminal until further notice.
09:45We appreciate your patience as we work to resolve the situation.
09:49Shit.
09:50So, we're stuck here?
09:53Huh?
09:54Yeah.
09:56Yeah, we are.
10:02Serena!
10:03Serena!
10:04Oh, this is unnecessary.
10:06unnecessary. Serena's a wanderer, always has been. She'll wander back soon. I'm sorry but since you
10:10already checked her in as an unaccompanied minor, she's the airline's responsibility until she's
10:14found. Serena! Now we know why we're on lockdown. Well, there goes the swamp tour. You know what,
10:21I should get to the security office ASAP. I'll drop you. Oh, okay, great. No, no, no. Is everything
10:27okay? I checked in the luggage that had all the Scammager Huntless inside, so I only had this one
10:31copy. Oh, ma'am. I figured we could do all we wait, but now what? You know what, yummy, that is
10:40actually solvable. We'll just go to my office and make some copies. No, no, you need to do your job
10:43so we can get out of here, but maybe Mel could take me. Oh, no, she's busy. It'll be really quick.
10:50Thanks so much. Girl, when you call my phone, just say what's on your mind. All right, bye.
10:55Oh, Lord, I appreciate it. I've got your man and you can't do anything.
11:02Oh, it's on the Scavenger Huntless. Change shirt to the stranger, get risked by a cop, sign a guy's
11:09what? I don't see how Alex could find these inappropriate. Oh, he's just probably being
11:14protected. Yeah, that's what he says. I mean, lucky for him, I like to keep things spicy.
11:19I bet you do. So, Carissa tells me you hung up on some guy at work. It's not Alex, is it?
11:26Oh, no, no, no, no. It's Carlton Herman. He's a merman model. He models swimwear.
11:31Oh, okay. When he's not doing business, my business. He's all up in my business.
11:37But yeah, Herman is my nickname for him with my friends, so.
11:40Oh, my nickname for Alex is Energizer Bunny. Oh.
11:42He could keep going and going. Did you have a nickname for Alex?
11:46Oh, no, no, no. I don't give boyfriends nicknames. It's just plain old Alex.
11:52Hey, here we go. Let's get you some copies, all right?
11:59Wait, boyfriend? I thought it was a little three months friends with benefits thing.
12:03Nope. It was exactly that. Not a big deal.
12:06Yeah, right. Of course not.
12:09Oh, God. No, it's just Alex told me that you're very clear you don't want anything more.
12:12No, I didn't, and I don't.
12:14Right. Look, we're so glad that you're coming to our wedding.
12:18Alex told me that you're afraid to fly.
12:19Yep. You're such a good friend for doing that.
12:25Hope this lockdown lasts all day, too.
12:27See, I'm trying to take all y'all money.
12:28Oh, yep, that's my book.
12:30What's this about Tina and Thanksgiving?
12:32Please tell me you didn't say yes.
12:34It's just dinner.
12:34Aw, y'all cute or whatever.
12:37It's not just dinner, T. It's Thanksgiving dinner.
12:40That's why they named it.
12:41Look, bro, next thing you know, she's gonna be at your house every night.
12:43Bond it on.
12:44Facts.
12:45Probably canceling her cable and utilities right now.
12:47Uh, don't pay them no mind.
12:49It's not even that serious.
12:50We literally just started dating.
12:51Oh, we just started dating like a year ago.
12:53Okay, okay, let's settle this.
12:55Has she left any random shit or just what?
12:58Uh, a pair of earrings, but it was an accident.
13:01Oh, okay.
13:02If it was one earring, it would be an accident.
13:04A pair of earrings?
13:05She's saying, oh, we go together now.
13:06Exactly.
13:07Bro, what'd I tell you?
13:09These girls are smart, three stacks.
13:11What about your earrings?
13:12Do you leave them at home or you got a place to leave them?
13:15What are you doing right now?
13:16I'm trying to hit on her.
13:17Bro, why would you say that?
13:18Okay, anyway, if you aren't serious about Tina,
13:22you need to break up with her before the holidays.
13:25Look, do I like her?
13:26Yeah, of course.
13:27She's great.
13:28But is she the one?
13:29I don't know.
13:30I mean, how does anyone know?
13:31You know, bro, honestly, for me, it's when their imperfections stop being the deal breaker.
13:38That's when you know.
13:39You know what I'm saying?
13:39Like, I knew Dee Dee was the one when I was sharing everything with her.
13:42Aw.
13:43Everything?
13:44Even your food?
13:45Oh, especially my food, bro.
13:46For real.
13:46I'm not sharing my food with nobody.
13:48I will never be that in love.
13:49Straight up.
13:50Famous last words.
13:51You'll be alone forever.
13:52Done.
13:53We thank you for your continued patience during this lockdown.
13:57Oh, no way.
13:58Hey, are you looking for anything in particular?
14:02Can I help?
14:03When I started dating Alex, he would take me to this Thai restaurant all the time.
14:07He thought he was being all fancy ordering off the menu.
14:10We'll take the good shrimp, not the frozen shrimp, and tell Gus to make it extra spicy.
14:15Um, that's a good order.
14:17I used to work there.
14:23You know, you have such a pretty face.
14:27Like, there has to be someone that can help you move on from Mr. Merman.
14:32Yeah, there's this guy in my management class.
14:35But, you know, he entered the chat, but I don't know.
14:38Okay, fun fact.
14:40I wasn't so sure of Alex's reimbursement.
14:43But then he surprised me by making me fall in love with him.
14:47I probably shouldn't tell you this, but Alex is looking at jobs at Hartsfield-Jackson.
15:01Cool.
15:02I could put in a good word with him if you like.
15:04Yeah, that would, oh, look, okay.
15:07It's always the toner.
15:08Of course.
15:09It's always the last place you look.
15:11We should, you know, probably test it out.
15:12Yeah, let's test it out.
15:14Just so you won't forget.
15:16Of course you have perfect titties.
15:23Oh, my God.
15:25What?
15:26He's going to love this.
15:27Oh.
15:29Oh.
15:31Hmm.
15:33Hmm.
15:35Hmm.
15:37Hmm.
15:39Hmm.
16:05Hmm.
16:06Hmm.
16:07Hmm.
16:08It's crazy how much random food is in here, and it doesn't smell like a compost pile.
16:22You'd be surprised what Palo Santo can do, you know?
16:24Oh, that's true.
16:25Powerful stuff.
16:26Okay, be honest.
16:28How much of this shit do you end up stealing?
16:30Honestly, most of it.
16:32Listen, it's not like people can come back looking for it or whatever.
16:36They go off to whatever country they're from.
16:39They leave all this stuff to go bad.
16:41Better to not waste it.
16:42Yeah, you are doing a good service, sir.
16:48I'm actually surprised you came.
16:50Well, I'm full of surprises.
16:57Let me give you the tour.
16:58Yeah, yeah, yeah.
17:01It tastes like salami.
17:03I'm sensing a theme.
17:05I can do this, just like I practiced.
17:10Thank God I shaved this morning.
17:14Is he doing the alphabet?
17:17Nope, just the letter I, italicized.
17:21He's so proud of himself.
17:23Good for you.
17:25Is that a condom or chocolate?
17:26Either way, yes.
17:28Not a chocolate.
17:35Ooh, it's chocolate week on British Bake Off.
17:39Girl, focus up before it's over.
17:42And it's over.
17:44Okay.
17:47Woo!
17:48That was fun, right?
17:50I miss Alex.
17:53Yeah, I was, totally.
17:55Uh, where'd you get that scar on your chest?
17:57Oh, we went camping upstate last summer,
18:00and I tried this Barrett Girls hack, and I was-
18:02We?
18:03What do you mean by we?
18:05You don't care that I got a missus, right?
18:07You're married.
18:10Uh-huh.
18:12Of course.
18:13Mel, what's the big deal?
18:14No one has to know.
18:15I do.
18:16I know.
18:17Why would you cheat on your wife?
18:18I don't want to talk about my marriage right now.
18:20Okay.
18:21Yeah, and I wanted to come, and that didn't happen for me,
18:24so I guess this wouldn't work out for either of us.
18:26Wow.
18:27Okay.
18:28You know what?
18:29Just one thing.
18:30Why me?
18:31Why not?
18:32You're beautiful.
18:33Ew, ew, ew.
18:34Ew, we're two adults, killing time during a lockdown.
18:39I-I seriously don't understand why you're getting so upset.
18:43Because I shot where I ate.
18:50All together.
18:51All together.
18:52what are you doing back here nothing is my favorite thing to do that's it though I am
19:19very much in the mood to do absolutely nothing a lot of people are looking for you right now
19:28why are you hiding because my mom says I have to go to North Carolina to see my dad
19:35that sounds fun because I've never been in North Carolina what if I don't like it
19:40hmm well depending on which part you might not but you know doing something new is scary for
19:49everybody not just you let me tell you a story about taking chances it's about Essie something
19:57she was the first black female pilot to fly in the U.S. or France there was something about France
20:07I wish I read the blur but I got the gist anyway imagine how she felt doing something new for the
20:14first time not knowing how they treat her or if she'd make friends no no duck
20:21who is that man nobody absolutely nobody
20:34you know what do you want to see the display and you'll have something fun to tell your dad
20:43do you okay all right let's get out of here
20:46oh no I forgot how to honk the horn oh I can do it okay
20:56ladies and gentlemen the lockdown has been lifted thank you for your patience as we work to get you
21:03your destiny where are you you should have checked in I could have helped at least now you know I can
21:08handle things but you're not around have fun in Atlanta
21:12those jackals picked every bone clean up there first rule of lockdown take what's yours and fast
21:24okay good to know you got survival skills
21:26talk about biting the hand that feeds you sorry it's not you I promise I grew up with five brothers
21:34and my survival skill is not sharing food well there'll be plenty enough to go around on Thanksgiving
21:38no need to bear your fans babe I will be on my best behavior I will even bake a pie
21:42while my break is done I'll see you tonight
21:48oh and you owe me a foot row yes ma'am
21:52well well well Melissa action jacks how does it feel to be a hero
22:02I don't really feel much like a hero what's up I'm really trying to change Terrence I keep getting wall after wall after wall and it's like I'm stuck and I don't want to give up but shit hurts
22:21you sound like my room come again hear me out my first god I was like yo this robot is about to
22:29change my life about to change the challenge stay with me Jackson so for the first couple of days
22:34all the rumor did was hit walks I thought the shit was broke I was ready to send it back then I woke up
22:40one day and shit was working turns out walls were information every wall was teaching it where to go
22:48and where not to okay Yoda
22:53all right I'm a room love
22:57Patty for Mel pick up at B35
23:04Roger that on my way
23:08I don't know why she's such a bitch
23:10uh you're still pressing the talk button
23:12I know
23:13I gotta go
23:16okay one wall at a time
23:23that's fair
23:24plus if I quit you'll figure out that the only reason why I come down here is for your little metaphors
23:29I got a million of them
23:30and your chips
23:32and gum
23:35mmm good
23:37no I'm serious we've all have thought about having sex at work right I just didn't think I would do it on top of or near charcuterie you know sausage goes inside not under thank you as God is my witness I am never ever dating anyone at work again well your boy would have to do it on top of or near charcuterie
23:59no sausage goes inside not under thank you as God is my witness I am never ever dating anyone at work again
24:06well your boyfriend jacket is going to fix it all day thank you all right let's ruin this fruit man's life I got his Facebook LinkedIn and Benmo up
24:13I know I appreciate you but currently I got no more cards to play so if you want to help me you can update my hive mind profile yeah I hit a wall today but
24:20keep going
24:30I'm proud of you thank you
24:34you have no full body pics on this um that's because they already know what's on the outside of that
24:40all right hold on I think I have something that'll work
24:42okay have you had sex at the bar
24:45okay that was a long pause
24:50I got it my finest work Mel meet Mel 2.0
24:56oh
24:59okay legs I'm stealing that top
25:03wow all right let's put this picture to work y'all
25:06okay
25:08here we go
25:10nope
25:11he's cute
25:12he's 24
25:13that's a teeny weeny beeny
25:15what ew
25:16get away from the life coaches that's just drug dealers
25:18action
25:19he has that many scarves he don't need me
25:20no no no it's a life coach
25:21okay no the fish if he was cooking it
25:23no he's got so full eyes
25:25he's cute
25:26it's my brother
25:31why is that so funny
25:34he's married
25:36maybe
25:37i don't believe in you
25:53you don't believe in me
25:57how could you
25:59you make me cry
26:01there's no way to get out
26:04i don't know why
26:06i'm not trying
26:09to make you cry
26:11five-step to your heart
26:14straight to your heart
26:16i can't get to your heart
26:18i can't get to your heart
26:29i can't get you
26:42how could you hear
26:44where does someone
26:45any
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