- 3 months ago
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:30I've been running for 32 years. In and out of prison like a junkie jack-in-the-box. Change. Strength of an ape.
00:01:00Where was I? Oh, uh, right. Change. Change rising from... Oh, this doesn't turn out good.
00:01:14Can we change?
00:01:29Change.
00:01:34Choo.
00:01:41I'm Jerry Blank, and this is my story.
00:01:45Stranglers with...
00:01:50Guess we'll never know. Oh, that's me!
00:01:54Mommy, I'm home!
00:01:56Can I help you?
00:02:05Uh, who are you and what are you doing in my house?
00:02:09I think you have the wrong house, dear.
00:02:12I think I would know my own house.
00:02:15Hmm?
00:02:19Hmm?
00:02:20Yeah, this is it.
00:02:21Well, nice to have met you.
00:02:27I think we've got ourselves a little situation.
00:02:31Ah!
00:02:32Ah!
00:02:33Son of a...
00:02:34Bitches!
00:02:35God, I'm Jerry Blank!
00:02:36What did you say you are?
00:02:37Jerry Blank!
00:02:38Oh, my muck-a-lucks!
00:02:39Would you, would you stay on the runner, please?
00:02:40So, uh, maybe you want to tell me who you are.
00:02:42I'm Sarah Blank.
00:02:43I'm Sarah Blank.
00:02:44I'm married to your father.
00:02:45Well, doesn't that upset my mother?
00:02:47How do I put this delicately?
00:02:48Your mother's dead.
00:02:49Your father's upstairs in a coma.
00:02:50And we have a son, Derek.
00:02:51So, thanks so much for coming by.
00:02:52I want my daddy.
00:02:53Miss, I'm sorry.
00:02:54Daddy!
00:02:55I'm sorry.
00:02:56Daddy!
00:02:57I'm sorry.
00:02:58Daddy!
00:02:59I'm sorry.
00:03:00I'm sorry.
00:03:01Daddy!
00:03:02I'm sorry.
00:03:03I'm sorry.
00:03:04I'm sorry.
00:03:05I'm sorry.
00:03:06I'm sorry.
00:03:07I'm sorry.
00:03:08I'm sorry.
00:03:09I'm sorry.
00:03:10I'm sorry.
00:03:11I'm sorry.
00:03:12Daddy!
00:03:13Miss, would you, please.
00:03:14Daddy!
00:03:15Would you please stay on the runner?
00:03:16Daddy!
00:03:17I'm sorry!
00:03:18Daddy!
00:03:19Dr. Putney!
00:03:20Yes?
00:03:21Jerry Blank.
00:03:22Jerry Blank.
00:03:23Jerry Blank?
00:03:25I delivered you.
00:03:28I still have the scars.
00:03:30Born with a complete set of teeth.
00:03:32Medical marvel.
00:03:33Dr. Putney, what's wrong with my daddy?
00:03:36Your father has what we call a stress-induced coma.
00:03:40You see, after you left home, your mother died of grief.
00:03:45Mother!
00:03:46Oh!
00:03:47No, may I keep these?
00:03:49Of course, Jerry, but I'll keep the urn.
00:03:51It's stainless steel.
00:03:53As I was saying, the stress of her demise combined with anguish over your disappearance
00:03:59led to this death-like rigor that you see before you.
00:04:03What was that?
00:04:04Maybe it was just a nervous reaction.
00:04:05Oh, I poke needles in him all the time.
00:04:06I never get a response.
00:04:07Somehow, your mere presence is bringing him back to life.
00:04:24Quick!
00:04:25Everyone!
00:04:26Out into the hall!
00:04:27His slight movement defies all medical logic.
00:04:40Is my daddy's gonna be fixed now?
00:04:43Hard to say, Jerry.
00:04:44Hard to say.
00:04:45This would be my advice.
00:04:47Stimulate him.
00:04:48Take him back to that magical time.
00:04:50When life was good and precious.
00:04:51And worth being conscious for.
00:04:52And he was still this little girl.
00:04:54That's it!
00:04:55I'm hesitant to ask.
00:04:56I'm picking my life up exactly where I left off.
00:04:58I'm gonna go back to high school and be the good girl I never was or had any desire to be.
00:05:14Maybe that'll help save my daddy.
00:05:16Well, it's a start, Jerry.
00:05:17But you have to do better than good.
00:05:19You can't reverse 32 years of depravity in a single day.
00:05:23You have to put some effort into it.
00:05:25We call it balancing the psychic equation.
00:05:29Who's we?
00:05:30You know, the people in my carpool.
00:05:32But the point is, you have to be special, Jerry.
00:05:36Special?
00:05:37You have to make the honor roll.
00:05:39Win the spelling bee.
00:05:40Be prom queen!
00:05:42Make the honor roll.
00:05:46Well, I've said enough.
00:05:48Thank you for coming, Doctor.
00:05:50Oh, hi.
00:06:03Mom!
00:06:04I'm home!
00:06:05Okay, who is that and why does he bother me?
00:06:08Jerry, this is our son, Derek.
00:06:11Let me give you a little advice, derelict.
00:06:14I think it'd be behoovey of you not to cut into my mommy time, all right?
00:06:17We're bonding.
00:06:18Mom, what's happening?
00:06:19It's all right, darling.
00:06:20Go to your room and lock the door.
00:06:28So, where do I stow my stuff?
00:06:31All right, Jerry.
00:06:33You can have your old room back, but only until your father gets better.
00:06:37Oh, here's your mother.
00:06:39You won't even know I'm here.
00:06:42Hey, Winseys.
00:06:43What?
00:06:44I take chorizo and eggs on a flour tortilla.
00:06:46But go easy on the jalapenos.
00:06:48I got a bit of the squirties.
00:06:50God, I'm going to bed.
00:06:52Bed?
00:06:54Good night, Mommy.
00:07:00Wow!
00:07:09What the hell is going on?
00:07:32How do I look?
00:07:33What did you do to my shirt?
00:07:35Well, I knew you'd want to take me to school on my first day, Mommy.
00:07:37Are you insane?
00:07:38Daddy, come back.
00:08:07I'm afraid.
00:08:10What if the kids don't like me?
00:08:12What if I don't fit in?
00:08:14What if the first day of high school is always scary, Jerry?
00:08:18Especially the second time around.
00:08:20Just be yourself, and if things don't work out, we'll know where the problem lies.
00:08:26Maybe I should go home and change.
00:08:30Get out of my car.
00:08:33Get out.
00:08:34Check out the wide load who got a ride from Mommy.
00:08:37That's the last time, old lady!
00:08:39God, you're suffocating me!
00:08:40I hate you!
00:08:41Hit me up at 315.
00:08:42Don't be late.
00:08:43Thanks, Mommy.
00:08:44Are you kidding me?
00:08:45God, mothers!
00:08:46I can be so clingy, right?
00:08:47Just don't want to see you grow up.
00:08:48Hey!
00:08:49Check out the thumbsucker getting a ride from his Mommy!
00:08:51What a chump!
00:08:52Hey, don't worry!
00:08:53I'll change his diapers for you!
00:08:54Hi, I'm Jerry.
00:08:55Would you like to carry my books?
00:08:56right? Just don't want to see you grow up. Hey, check out the thumbsucker getting a ride from his
00:09:02mommy. What a chump. Hey, don't worry, I'll change his diapers for you. Hi, I'm Jerry. Would you like
00:09:16to carry my books? Alice, Henry, so nice to have members of the school board in my chambers.
00:09:31Can I fix you two a drink? This is a high school, Onyx. My mistake. Would you care to handle my
00:09:38pistol? No, thanks. Alice? I think I've handled your pistol enough. I'm sorry, that was insensitive.
00:09:44So as to what do I owe the pleasure of this surprise attack visit, may I blithely assume
00:09:50you're here to deliver the rest of my discretionary funding? Look, Onyx, you're required to send
00:09:55us documentation proving that your students have actually achieved the high TIS scores that you
00:09:59claim. What? You didn't receive my package? Iris! Yes, Principal Blackman. What happened to the
00:10:07documents the school board requested? I don't know. Hmm. I know what must have happened.
00:10:14I didn't send it. I'm glad that's cleared up. I'll take that drink now. If we don't receive
00:10:19concrete proof by next week, you will not be receiving any future funding, and as required
00:10:23by law, we'll return any and all monies the board has already provided. Understand?
00:10:27But Alice, I naturally assume that given our past long-standing mutuality, you'd perhaps be
00:10:33more generous with your letting it slide? Our days of sliding are over.
00:10:37Am I missing something here? No, Henry, you're not missing anything. And neither am I.
00:10:44I'm sorry to hear that, Alice. Are you? Let me ask a question here.
00:10:53Did you have sex with Alice? You have one week to prove your students are above average in any way.
00:11:00I have a right to know I'm on the school board.
00:11:12I have 3,000 students and nearly a dozen teachers. Surely one of them must have a decent frame.
00:11:18Hey! Hey, that's my car! Hey!
00:11:30Oh, I'm going to jail.
00:11:32God damn it!
00:11:34You look lost.
00:11:37What?
00:11:38It's okay. You can talk to me. I'm the art teacher.
00:11:42I may be an authority figure, but I have the mind of a child.
00:11:45Well, today's my first day back at school, and I'm a little nervous.
00:11:49There's no reason to be nervous.
00:11:50Just remember, the first day of school is the most important day of your whole life.
00:11:55If it doesn't go right, there's no way to get it back.
00:11:58No way.
00:11:59Here you go. What a pleasantly threatening task.
00:12:09I'm here to see the principal.
00:12:11Principal Blackman is busy. Have a seat.
00:12:14Here you go.
00:12:29What's shaking, Red? Carpet match the drapes?
00:12:37I'm Jerry. Jerry blank.
00:12:40What are you in for? Boost some goodies? You can tell Mama.
00:12:43I didn't make my school fundraising quota.
00:12:46They're probably going to call my parents.
00:12:48Ah, it's no big deal. Tell you what.
00:12:50Usually, I look out for numero me, but I like you. You're sweet.
00:12:55So I just might be willing to take you under my spicy buffalo weight.
00:12:59No, butter child?
00:13:00I'll never slap you around, unless, of course, you get out of line.
00:13:04Miss Dico.
00:13:05You get your money. All I need is one more week.
00:13:09Lock my head off.
00:13:11Go ahead. What doesn't kill me makes me stronger.
00:13:14Oh, right.
00:13:16How about in the meantime?
00:13:19Could I interest you in a bright, shiny school bus?
00:13:22I could stock a full of fresh, young cheerleaders.
00:13:25Hello? Hello.
00:13:29Principal Blackman?
00:13:30Who wants to know?
00:13:31I'm Jerry blank, and, well, I used to go to school here, and I'd like to come back.
00:13:35I'm sorry, but all of our custodial positions are filled.
00:13:38Well, I want to be a student.
00:13:40What?
00:13:41Well, I'm starting my life all over again, and I'm picking up exactly where I left off.
00:13:45I don't think...
00:13:46Wait, what's your IQ?
00:13:48Pisces.
00:13:49Listen, Black.
00:13:50I've already got enough hungry rats on my sinking ship.
00:13:53I've got the school board breathing down my neck like a drunken jock at a roofie party.
00:13:58School board.
00:13:59Why would I doctor the books in order to improve the overall test scores of the student body
00:14:03just so I could collect bonus funds from the state, which I willfully misappropriated,
00:14:07in order to pay off large gambling debts?
00:14:09It just doesn't add up, Black.
00:14:10Investigate me all you want.
00:14:12Oh, my.
00:14:13How deep are you in?
00:14:17It took two of my toes.
00:14:18I don't know what that's like.
00:14:20You've lost some toes?
00:14:21No, I've taken a few.
00:14:22Listen, Black.
00:14:23As far as I know, I'm waiting to find out.
00:14:25I can't legally keep you out of school.
00:14:27But I'll be watching you, Black.
00:14:29And if you so much as slip a once as you step out of line, you're escrammy-vous.
00:14:33Now get out!
00:14:34Thanks, Principal Blackman.
00:14:35I won't let you down.
00:14:36Other than that, there's no reason for women to have breasts.
00:14:43Okay.
00:14:44That concludes our unit on reproduction.
00:14:47The important thing for you kids to remember...
00:14:49God damn it!
00:15:06We have a new student.
00:15:10Jerry Blank.
00:15:15Okay, Mr. Blank.
00:15:17Why don't you tell us something about yourself?
00:15:20Oh, all right.
00:15:23Well, hello.
00:15:26I'm Jerry Blank, and I'm an alcoholic.
00:15:30I'm also addicted to amphetamines as well as mainline narcotics.
00:15:34Some people say I have a sex addiction,
00:15:36but I think all those years of prostitution
00:15:38was just a means to feed my ravenous hunger for heroin.
00:15:40It's kind of like the chicken or the nugget.
00:15:42The point is, I'm addicted to gambling.
00:15:46Oh, and my daddy's in a coma.
00:15:51Okay, Jerry, you can have a seat.
00:15:52Okay.
00:15:52Okay.
00:15:52Okay.
00:15:53Okay.
00:15:53Okay.
00:15:53Okay.
00:15:53Okay.
00:15:53Okay.
00:15:53Okay.
00:15:54Okay.
00:15:54Okay.
00:15:54Okay.
00:15:55Okay.
00:15:56Okay.
00:15:56Okay.
00:15:57Okay.
00:15:58Okay.
00:15:59Okay.
00:16:00Okay.
00:16:01Okay.
00:16:02Okay.
00:16:03Okay.
00:16:03All right, let's get back to class.
00:16:15Now, as many of you know,
00:16:18this is a very special time of year for me.
00:16:21First of all, it was one year ago that I hit rock bottom,
00:16:25discovered God, and realized that evolution is a farce.
00:16:29Second of all, it's science fair time again,
00:16:31where you students get to make up science projects,
00:16:33which then go to the state science fair and compete against all the other schools in the
00:16:38state on Saturday.
00:16:41We only have a week?
00:16:43Look, I guess I was supposed to tell you a month ago, but maybe I was a little more concerned
00:16:47about immortal souls and keeping them from the lake of fire.
00:16:50Sorry.
00:16:51Sorry.
00:16:52Now, unless Beelzebub here wants to poke me with his pitchfork some more, I'd like to teach my
00:16:57class.
00:16:58I want to put the sign-up sheet out in the hall, and you can all sign up for this very
00:17:04special event or not.
00:17:07It don't make no never mind to me.
00:17:09Okay.
00:17:10Open your science books to page 15, Galileo's letters to the Corinthians, chapter 3, verse
00:17:1716.
00:17:19And when the demon did give me the telescope, I was sore afraid, for the lights of heaven
00:17:24were beyond my knowing.
00:17:25Busted!
00:17:26Something you'd like to share with the entire class, Jerry?
00:17:32Did you draw this?
00:17:35He gave it to me.
00:17:40Maniaco, did you draw this?
00:17:44Okay, Jerry, I guess you're both a liar and a snitch.
00:17:48What?
00:17:49See me after class.
00:18:02You wanted to see me?
00:18:05Yes, Jerry.
00:18:06I've got my eye on you, and if you give me any excuse, I will bring the hammer down.
00:18:12Do we get each other?
00:18:14You bet.
00:18:15Okay, you can go.
00:18:18Faggot.
00:18:19What'd you say?
00:18:20What did you hear?
00:18:21I'd rather not repeat it.
00:18:22Well, then I guess we'll never know.
00:18:31Oh, Dominus.
00:18:32Hey, Chuck.
00:18:33Geoffrey.
00:18:34Try and guess what I do with my art class today.
00:18:35I don't think so.
00:18:36We've broken that new kiln by placing items in it that the manual specifically prohibits.
00:18:42I can see why car batteries near the top of the list.
00:18:45I get it now.
00:18:46Geoffrey, I'm busy.
00:18:47Did you get my note?
00:18:48Yeah, one of my students found it.
00:18:49Doesn't even look like me.
00:18:50What do you want?
00:18:51I was drawing it from memory.
00:18:52Look, Geoffrey, I'm glad you stopped by.
00:18:53I'd like you to leave.
00:18:54Sorry, what's happening?
00:18:55It's over.
00:18:56What are you saying, Chuck?
00:18:57I need more out of this relationship than I'm willing to put in.
00:18:58And I think I deserve better than you.
00:18:59And I think I deserve better than you.
00:19:00Don't you?
00:19:01I think I deserve better than you.
00:19:02Don't you?
00:19:03Don't you?
00:19:04I'm sorry.
00:19:05I'm sorry.
00:19:06What's happening?
00:19:07I'm sorry.
00:19:08What's happening?
00:19:09Hey, I know this is hard on you.
00:19:10Hey, I know this is hard on you.
00:19:11It would be hard for me too.
00:19:12If I broke up with me.
00:19:13I know what you're losing you're losing.
00:19:14Hey?
00:19:15I know what I'm losing you are Tensorgy.
00:19:16I know Your Honor is hurting you.
00:19:17You're hurting my family Please.
00:19:18What are you saying, Chuck?
00:19:20I need more out of this relationship than I'm willing to put in.
00:19:24And I think I deserve better, don't you?
00:19:33Hey.
00:19:35Hey, I know this is hard on you.
00:19:37It would be hard for me, too, if I broke up with me.
00:19:41I know what you're losing.
00:19:44The important thing is...
00:19:48I'm taking this back.
00:19:57Joffrey!
00:19:59Would you hang this up in the hallway?
00:20:03I hate you.
00:20:05Please, Joffrey, I got enough of that from my wife.
00:20:18Hey, guys.
00:20:27What's up?
00:20:29Sorry, we've been picking on you.
00:20:32To make it up, we got you a little something.
00:20:35You guys put dog shit in my locker.
00:20:37Who are you calling a dog?
00:20:41That's ours.
00:20:42Let me help you with your books.
00:20:44What's happening, Derek?
00:20:46Get out of here, stump.
00:20:47Who's the new kid?
00:20:48Maybe she's my sister or something.
00:20:50Well, we have a surprise for you, too, new kid.
00:20:52A surprise?
00:20:53A surprise for me?
00:20:55A surprise for me?
00:20:57A surprise? A surprise for me?
00:21:22Hey, hey, wait up. That was amazing.
00:21:25I was nothing. Filipino?
00:21:27Indonesian.
00:21:28Java Sumatra.
00:21:29Sumatra?
00:21:30I smuggled a lot of peppercorns across the straits, Asanda. Rucksies.
00:21:34My name is Megawati Sakarnaputri.
00:21:36Not that Megawati Sakarnaputri. It's a common name.
00:21:39Jerry. Jerry blank.
00:21:45Hey, the science fair. Are you thinking about signing up?
00:21:49No, I'm thinking about pussy. Science fair is for queers.
00:21:52It's not, Jerry. It's really special.
00:21:56Special? Why is that word important to me?
00:22:00You have to be special, Jerry.
00:22:03Shhh.
00:22:04Do something special.
00:22:06Not now, brain. I'm trying to think.
00:22:08All I'm saying is that winning the science fair might just be that special thing that wakes your father up.
00:22:15That's it!
00:22:17Give me that pencil. We've got a science fair to win.
00:22:20What are you two doing looming around my office?
00:22:22We need to sign up for the science fair!
00:22:24Get to class!
00:22:27Win the science fair.
00:22:28It's not gonna do anybody any good.
00:22:30You have one week to prove your students are above average in any way.
00:22:35Not now, brain. I'm trying to...
00:22:38Wait a second.
00:22:41Iris!
00:22:43Get me Roger Beatton. I've got a science fair to win.
00:22:47Daddy, I'm home!
00:22:49Yum, yum, yum, yum.
00:22:51You want my sausage, right?
00:22:52Daddy?
00:22:53Ooh.
00:22:54Daddy?
00:22:57Oh, yeah.
00:22:58Who's this?
00:23:00Oh.
00:23:01Jerry, this is Stu, our meat man.
00:23:04Mother.
00:23:05Stepmother, Jerry.
00:23:07I wouldn't want you to think that that slithered out of my room.
00:23:10Huh.
00:23:11Huh.
00:23:25Science.
00:23:27Fair.
00:23:30Ideas.
00:23:31By Jerry Blank.
00:23:33Number one.
00:23:35Easy.
00:23:40Science fair.
00:23:41Science fair.
00:23:46And right now.
00:23:47Science fair ideas.
00:23:49Science fair ideas.
00:23:50The monkey's hitting the other monkey with the bite.
00:24:20The monkey's hitting the other one.
00:24:50This is nice. Family. You got the mommy, and the daddy, and the brother, and the sister, and the... this guy.
00:24:57Just getting a roll.
00:25:05You crossed my chow zone again, you're gonna pull back a bloody stump.
00:25:08Sarah?
00:25:09Jerry. Mommy. Hey daddy, I signed up for the science for today.
00:25:12Hey, we don't speak with food in our mouths at this table.
00:25:15I don't have any food in my mouth.
00:25:17We'll put some in.
00:25:19How was school today, Derek?
00:25:21The coach made me the co-captain of the junior varsity squat thrust team.
00:25:26What a fabulous shirt.
00:25:28Way to go, bag lick.
00:25:30Jerry. Language.
00:25:32I'll have you know, stump, that the varsity squat thrust team took third in all conference.
00:25:37And how does that make you not gay?
00:25:39What are you talking about, troll?
00:25:41We squat together, we spot each other on the workout mat, and we play grab ass in the showers.
00:25:45How is that gay?
00:25:47What do you think of the brisket?
00:25:52Who's this guy again?
00:25:54Jerry!
00:25:55Stu is our meat man and he is deserving of our respect.
00:25:58I just wanted to tell daddy that I signed up for the science for today.
00:26:01Hey Jerry, your project could be about finding the link between a loser and a fatty.
00:26:08Next time I'm going to take a thumb.
00:26:14That's it!
00:26:15Get out!
00:26:16He started it!
00:26:17Oh my god!
00:26:18Right now!
00:26:19You're not my real daddy!
00:26:20You're not my real daughter!
00:26:21Stop it!
00:26:22Go to your room!
00:26:24Jerry!
00:26:25Jerry!
00:26:26Go to your room!
00:26:27Oh honey!
00:26:28Leave the plate!
00:26:29Now stop it!
00:26:31You little bitch!
00:26:36You know something, it never meant much to me to have a baby.
00:26:47But then I found out nobody wanted to give me one.
00:26:50And nobody denies me something I think I might want.
00:26:55Chuck.
00:26:56Geoffrey.
00:26:57Everybody, listen up.
00:27:01I want to win that state science fair this year.
00:27:03Do you understand?
00:27:04I want to show that school board just what flat point students are capable of, even if
00:27:08they're incapable of it.
00:27:09Now but, you're the science teacher.
00:27:11What's the progress?
00:27:12Progress?
00:27:13Good.
00:27:14I don't want a repeat of last year's fiasco, which reminds me, no wolves.
00:27:19Here's the plan.
00:27:22Roger!
00:27:23You got my telegram.
00:27:24Everybody, this is Roger Beekman.
00:27:27For those of you not to know, Roger Beekman here is the nine-time state science fair champion
00:27:34and current cover board for regional high school science teacher weekly.
00:27:38The number one high school science teacher weekly publication in this region.
00:27:50Don't mind Boswell here, he's writing my autobiography.
00:27:52Just treat him like a piece of furniture.
00:27:54I do.
00:27:55Don't write that down.
00:27:57Hello, Roger.
00:27:59Wait.
00:28:00Wait.
00:28:01Don't tell me.
00:28:03Tell me.
00:28:04No.
00:28:05Don't tell me.
00:28:06I have a mnemonic device.
00:28:08Crotch niblet.
00:28:10Chuck knoblet.
00:28:11Right.
00:28:12Right.
00:28:13And we met at the, um...
00:28:14Bunsen burner seminar.
00:28:16Yes.
00:28:17Yes.
00:28:18You had the...
00:28:19The chemistry mishap.
00:28:20I see your hair grew back.
00:28:22That is real hair, isn't it?
00:28:24It is.
00:28:25What are you doing here, Roger?
00:28:27I can answer that one.
00:28:28Roger has agreed to shepherd a flat point team for the state science fair.
00:28:31What?
00:28:32I...
00:28:33I'm the science teacher.
00:28:34We don't need an outsider.
00:28:35This is madness.
00:28:36What's the big deal, knoblet?
00:28:37Roger will do his project and you'll do yours and may the best man humiliate the other.
00:28:42Oh!
00:28:43Now that Roger's in the mix, I've decided to do a minor reshuffling of the students.
00:28:47You know, split the students between the two of you.
00:28:49Those are my students.
00:28:51Roger Beekman's team will consist of Chang Kai Cho, Kim Luck, Akita Guy Pan, Hyman Lowenstein,
00:28:57Moshe Einstein, Tesla, and Alexander Graham Wang.
00:29:01Now, wait a second.
00:29:02Now, to Chuck Knoblet, we have Glenn Sinker, Terry Pitts, Dwayne Louse, Dale Dim, Jerry Blank,
00:29:08and Billy Joke, provided we have wheelchair access.
00:29:11I don't want to lose my advanced students.
00:29:14It's all right, Onyx.
00:29:15Let him keep his hand-picked team.
00:29:17I'll create my own.
00:29:18Confidence.
00:29:19I love it.
00:29:20And by the way, anybody who'd like to volunteer as my assistant, I could certainly use one.
00:29:25As long as you're willing to put me ahead of your students.
00:29:28I could do that!
00:29:31This is bullshit.
00:29:34This is bullshit!
00:29:37New deal.
00:29:38In order to get more students involved in the science fair, I'm going to take this list and boil it down to the best and the brightest.
00:29:47That selected group will then present one project which will make Roger Beekman look like a fool.
00:29:53That doesn't involve more students. It involves less.
00:29:56Hey, look at you adding and subtracting!
00:29:59Well, this isn't math, mister. This is science. Understand?
00:30:05Okay, you Koreans and you Jews will make the core of the think tank.
00:30:09Megawati, you're the wild card.
00:30:11What about me?
00:30:12You're off the team.
00:30:14What?
00:30:15But I already signed up!
00:30:18And now you didn't.
00:30:21But my daddy's in a coma!
00:30:23Good point, Jerry. Go see the school grief counselor. She's supposed to care.
00:30:28Go on.
00:30:30Come on.
00:30:31Let's go. On your feet!
00:30:32Come on. Let's go.
00:30:33Come on.
00:30:34Come on.
00:30:35There you go. You'll feel better.
00:30:38Let the healing begin.
00:30:46Oh, Joffrey.
00:30:47I'm a little busy right now, Chuck.
00:30:49Look, there's a really ugly rumor I'm about to start and I want to make sure I've got it right.
00:30:53Are you working with Roger Beekman?
00:30:55Perhaps he values the contribution that our teacher can make to science.
00:30:59Joffrey, where's my cocoa?
00:31:01Coming, Roger!
00:31:02That's my mug.
00:31:03Gotta go, Chuck.
00:31:04Science!
00:31:18Eyes in the back of the room!
00:31:20There's something I want you to see back there. Eyes in the back of the room.
00:31:25Good God.
00:31:33Geoffrey.
00:31:34Hello.
00:31:35Are you the grief counselor?
00:31:36Oh God, it never ends. Have a seat.
00:31:37I should tell you upfront, each student gets ten minutes. That last student took fifteen. So, you get... five.
00:31:46never ends. Have a seat. I should tell you, up front, each student gets 10 minutes. That
00:31:53last student took 15, so you get five. Well, that's not fair. Take it up with Les. He's
00:32:01the one that's frigid. So? I'm Jerry Blank, and my daddy's in a coma. You know what, Jerry?
00:32:10I wish my daddy was in a coma. He's dead, Jerry. He was executed for war crimes. But
00:32:18for insurance purposes, we say he was eaten by wolves. Anyway, my point is, Jerry, somebody's
00:32:23always got it worse. Well, the reason I'm here is that I want to get on the science fair
00:32:29team so I can fix my daddy. Okay, I'll tell you what, Jerry, in order to shorten our little
00:32:33reading, I'm going to give you a note, okay? You think I'm pretty? There. Now you're
00:32:46on the science team. Uh, Jerry. You gotta be kidding, right? It's my lunch money.
00:32:58Okay. My theory is, Noah had three of everything, just in case one died. See, science...
00:33:13God damn it! Ladies? Okay, oh, guys, in the back of the room,
00:33:28I can't believe I'm a team. We're going to make the best science project ever. Whoopee on
00:33:47me on me! Who's that? Oh, that's just Bracey. God, check out the titties on that arm!
00:33:59Take your hand! Come with me, baby, to love land! Let me show you how sweet it could be!
00:34:15Let's go to the wall! So, Jerry, what looks good? To you a banana. Let's go sit over here.
00:34:24We can start mapping out plans for our project. Great idea. I'll see you later.
00:34:28Hey, homies. I want making some room. Beat it, chubs. Yeah. I'll catch you in gym.
00:34:41Right. What are you listening to?
00:34:47Sounds like someone with a steel plate in their head getting worked over with a pipe. Sketchy.
00:34:56It's traditional Indonesian music, Jerry. What do you want?
00:35:00Well, looks like it's just you and me, Megatwati. It's Megawati, Jerry.
00:35:04Geez, I know. I'm just having some cruel fun at your expense. Geez, I thought you peoples had thicker skins than that.
00:35:10You know, fighting them tigers in the jungle and all. Why doesn't anybody like me?
00:35:14I guess they just don't know you yet. Mm-hmm.
00:35:17Hey, Tammy. Rusty. Oh, hey, Jerry.
00:35:21Mr. Noblet added Tammy to the science project team. Oh, yeah? You think you got the skills to pay the bills there, Capita?
00:35:26Well, I got straight A's in science last semester. Let me tell you something. I run a pretty tight posse, all right?
00:35:31Now, if you want to be part of the crew, you're going to have to follow a few simple rules, all right?
00:35:36It's about getting caught and not telling, killing and not caring, and dying without fear. You down for beating up with that? I guess.
00:35:42Tame! Tame. Tame. Yeah, Tame.
00:35:57Okay.
00:35:59Tamelas, my life is perfect. We're going to win that science fair, and my daddy's going to be just like he was before, with expectations this high. I mean, what could go wrong?
00:36:09Nothing, Jerry, as long as you don't lose your focus. Well, then nothing's going to distract me.
00:36:14Man, look at the workout he's giving his chili hole.
00:36:20What do you think of that Brayson?
00:36:23He's all right. I've heard he likes to steal home on the first date.
00:36:27Batter up.
00:36:28Brayson doesn't go out with girls like you and me. He goes out with girls like Monica.
00:36:32Hey, but I do know someone who has a crush on you.
00:36:35Who?
00:36:36It's someone you just met.
00:36:38Oh, and, uh, does this person go to this school?
00:36:41Uh-huh.
00:36:42Mm-hmm.
00:36:43And does she have a ripe little rump that makes you want to take a bite out of it?
00:36:48It's megawattish.
00:36:49Let me guess, let me guess.
00:36:51Does she have a pair of pert pouty breasts, the kind that fill your mind with all sorts of stinky thoughts?
00:36:57It's megawattish.
00:36:59Please, I really want to get this one.
00:37:01Is she slim-hipped with the promise of forbidden treasures between those milky white thighs?
00:37:06I'm going to make you feel so good.
00:37:10All right, ladies, listen up.
00:37:12Today we are going to learn about an athletic tradition that takes place in Spain.
00:37:16And we are lucky enough to have an expert with us, Coach Divers.
00:37:20Be-beed, ladies. Coming through.
00:37:22Watch it. Watch it. Careful. Move, move, move. Thank you.
00:37:27Ladies.
00:37:28Ahem.
00:37:29Ladies,
00:37:30chterelle.
00:37:32Last year, I was privileged enough to cond
00:37:41my family was fulfilling the first year of season 15pin.
00:37:46I took the 12 to do a wonderful evening, Sam.
00:37:47Netherlands.
00:37:48Just leave me the last year of season 15in.
00:37:50Ladies,
00:37:52last year I was privileged enough to share the important holiday.
00:37:55Ladies, last year I was privileged enough to run with the Bulls in Pamplona.
00:38:02You know, the interesting thing about Spain is it's very, very difficult to make a personal injury lawsuit stick.
00:38:09Bueno, gracias.
00:38:10All right, senoritas, let's load them in.
00:38:17All right, ones, let's go.
00:38:19Move it into the chute.
00:38:20Load them in, load them in.
00:38:21Come on, pick up the pace a little bit, ladies.
00:38:24Get in there.
00:38:25All right, go up.
00:38:37Hit it, ladies!
00:38:38Put those knees east of the chest.
00:38:40Go, go, go, go!
00:38:42Move it!
00:38:43Link, if you don't want a horn in the gun, you've got to move your knees.
00:38:46Put some effort into it.
00:38:52Hurry!
00:38:53Oh, he just winged you, Blank.
00:38:57He'll get over it.
00:38:58Hit the showers.
00:38:59Move your own, ladies.
00:39:00And number twos, let's go!
00:39:02Let's go!
00:39:03Pump them!
00:39:03Please, get them!
00:39:04Come on!
00:39:06Pump it!
00:39:06Pump it!
00:39:07Pump it!
00:39:07What are you doing?
00:39:17Putting a piece down.
00:39:19It doesn't go there.
00:39:19There's a gap.
00:39:20Oh, simmer downs, too.
00:39:21It clearly goes in the loin.
00:39:22You're trying to jam it in the shank.
00:39:24I didn't know.
00:39:24Look at the box!
00:39:29Oh.
00:39:29Is that the same picture?
00:39:48Is that for you?
00:39:49No.
00:39:50No, Stu.
00:39:50No.
00:39:52Well, it sure as shit ain't for me.
00:39:53I don't even live here, Sarah.
00:39:54You know, I don't like anybody here after six, Stu.
00:39:57Can I make a suggestion, here, Stu?
00:40:11Make it quick.
00:40:12I'm trying to deal with this doorbell situation.
00:40:14Well, maybe it's for Jerry.
00:40:16Who?
00:40:17You know...
00:40:18Ah!
00:40:19Jerry!
00:40:19Jerry!
00:40:21I'll get it!
00:40:22Jerry!
00:40:24Hey!
00:40:25What's this all about, Jerry?
00:40:30These are my new best friends.
00:40:32Who's his face and what's her name?
00:40:33They're going to help me.
00:40:34Pac?
00:40:35You're such a poo hole, Derek.
00:40:36You're a fat goblin.
00:40:37I'll write you two.
00:40:38She is.
00:40:39I know, Derek.
00:40:40I have eyes.
00:40:41Look, Jerry.
00:40:42I made us t-shirts for a science project team.
00:40:45We're the fig neutrons!
00:40:47No!
00:40:48Hey, I've got an idea.
00:40:50Let's wear them to school tomorrow.
00:40:52Oh, yeah!
00:40:53It's an idea!
00:40:53It's an idea!
00:40:54Come on!
00:40:54Let's do it!
00:40:54Let's do it!
00:40:55Let's do it!
00:40:55Yeah, well, you're going to be great.
00:40:59Sorry about the smell.
00:41:02Hey, you guys want to make some crank calls?
00:41:04No, we have a lot of work to do, Jerry.
00:41:05All right.
00:41:06Science.
00:41:07Okay.
00:41:08Light her up.
00:41:09Okay.
00:41:09Okay, so you guys want to hear my idea?
00:41:11Shoot.
00:41:11I'm all ears.
00:41:12I was thinking that we could make a miniature superconductor.
00:41:16If we get a whole bunch of soup cans and we cool them down to the proper temperature.
00:41:20Come on, Jerry.
00:41:21You need to focus.
00:41:22I thought you wanted to save your daddy.
00:41:24I do, but come on, you guys.
00:41:26Science is so boring.
00:41:28Stupid science.
00:41:30What did science ever do for me?
00:41:31Hey, Bobo, would you hand me the TV clicker and the electric shaver?
00:41:35I'm going to take off.
00:41:36This is pointless.
00:41:38Don't be such a mega snotty.
00:41:40We got a lot of work done today.
00:41:43We haven't gotten anything done yet.
00:41:45Well, that's because we've been working too hard.
00:41:48We deserve a break.
00:41:50So, why don't you go for a swing in your banana tree?
00:41:53And Tammy and I will have a girly talk.
00:41:55Why should ladies lock up?
00:41:58God, it's Boresville.
00:42:00Okay, listen.
00:42:02I'm going to ask you about a boy and you tell me if you can imagine kissing him or not,
00:42:05all right?
00:42:06Matt Lappin.
00:42:07I guess.
00:42:08Okay, ask me any boy.
00:42:11Okay.
00:42:12Megawati Sokronoputri.
00:42:14No, no, no.
00:42:14Ask me about anybody.
00:42:16Ask me about Brayson.
00:42:18How about Brayson?
00:42:19Damn, I'd work its crank so hard.
00:42:21I should get going.
00:42:22Tamelas.
00:42:25Oh, Tamelas.
00:42:27Do you ever think about the changes our bodies are making?
00:42:30Yeah, I guess.
00:42:32I mean, I've gotten it.
00:42:34What do you mean?
00:42:35You know, it.
00:42:38Yeah, me too.
00:42:42Those sudden hot flashes where you get so hot you have to pull what covers off you at night.
00:42:48You snap at people for no reason.
00:42:50Is that what it's like for you?
00:42:52Sort of.
00:42:53I don't know.
00:42:54Not really.
00:42:55Not so.
00:42:58You know something, Tammy?
00:43:00You're my best friend.
00:43:02Can I go now?
00:43:08In a while.
00:43:09No, no.
00:43:19It's Jack.
00:43:20It's Jack.
00:43:20She's a fit neutron.
00:43:40Neutron.
00:43:42Got a sexy science t-shirt on.
00:43:44Sexy science, baby.
00:43:45It really turns me on when she's so fine.
00:43:56Monica, Melissa, Melanie.
00:43:59Hi.
00:44:00Hi, Jerry.
00:44:01Nice shirt.
00:44:03I got it for the science fair.
00:44:05You should say pig neutrons.
00:44:07I just want to thank you kids for accepting my invitation to be my science team.
00:44:32We're getting paid, right?
00:44:33In cash.
00:44:34Look, I don't know why you won us.
00:44:36We don't know anything about science.
00:44:37We're not qualified.
00:44:38I'm going to let you in on a little secret.
00:44:40You want to know how you win a state science fair?
00:44:43One word.
00:44:44Possess.
00:44:46So what's our science project going to be anyways?
00:44:48I didn't win nine straight science fairs by worrying about what my science project was
00:44:53going to be, okay?
00:44:55We could take leaves and put them between wax paper.
00:44:58What we need to concern ourselves with is pop.
00:45:01Pop.
00:45:01Jerry, what are you doing?
00:45:02I was just looking at Brace.
00:45:04Well, mind your own business.
00:45:05Get back to class.
00:45:06Go on.
00:45:07Go.
00:45:07Get.
00:45:08Poshé.
00:45:10Now, Johnick, I want you to take over for me.
00:45:13I want you to listen to him.
00:45:14Listen to him as if he's me.
00:45:16And he's going to show us what he's got in cooking.
00:45:18Joffrey.
00:45:19He's going to drink.
00:45:20Listen to him.
00:45:20Joey Sparkle.
00:45:22Why?
00:45:23Whatever he says, you do.
00:45:26You do what he says.
00:45:27Right?
00:45:28What do you do?
00:45:29You hurt me.
00:45:30Yes.
00:45:31What are you doing there?
00:45:35I was just heading over to the pep rally.
00:45:38Well, Mr. Nosy Eyes, let's see how much rallying you get done in detention.
00:45:42Giddy up.
00:45:47Focus is the key to safe driving.
00:45:54Focus.
00:45:55Start your cars.
00:46:04Lance.
00:46:05Lights.
00:46:07Action.
00:46:08Hey.
00:46:09Sunny day.
00:46:11Middle of summer.
00:46:13Driving down the road.
00:46:15Not much to see.
00:46:17Clear day.
00:46:18Dry conditions.
00:46:19Child's ball!
00:46:22Focus.
00:46:23As on the road.
00:46:23All right.
00:46:27Doing well.
00:46:29Tap the break.
00:46:30Where's your fake neutron shirt?
00:46:32Fake neutron shirt?
00:46:33I don't know what you're talking about.
00:46:35I just gave it to you, Jerry.
00:46:38Oh, right.
00:46:40Fig shirt.
00:46:42Right.
00:46:43I threw it away.
00:46:46I thought science fair meant something to you, Jerry.
00:46:49I thought I meant something to you.
00:46:51Megawaddy!
00:46:57Betrayal.
00:47:01See what happens when you lose focus, Jerry?
00:47:04Tragic.
00:47:05What's going on, Joffrey?
00:47:12I have work to do.
00:47:14Why aren't you doing it?
00:47:15Just poaching my ideas.
00:47:17Now, you listen and...
00:47:18Roger.
00:47:19Just the person I've been looking for.
00:47:21Sit down.
00:47:22What's the update?
00:47:22Tell me all about it.
00:47:24I think you'll be duly impressed with our execution.
00:47:29Dead sea salts?
00:47:30Nothing brings me to life like dead salt.
00:47:32Elucidate upon your elaboration.
00:47:34Go ahead, Roger.
00:47:35Grill me.
00:47:36Tell me all about it.
00:47:40How about a eucalyptus spritz?
00:47:42I don't mind if I do.
00:47:44I'll continue, Roger.
00:47:44Uh, well, we're sort of reimagining the, uh, nexus of the...
00:47:49We don't have a project yet.
00:47:51What?
00:47:52The science race in 48 hours.
00:47:54My eyes!
00:47:55My eyes!
00:47:57My eyes!
00:47:59My eyes!
00:48:00My eyes!
00:48:01My eyes!
00:48:02My eyes!
00:48:04My eyes!
00:48:12Rick!
00:48:13Chuck!
00:48:14No, it's Roger.
00:48:16Make a note of it.
00:48:20Joffrey?
00:48:21Chuck?
00:48:22Was that Roger Beekman I just saw living here?
00:48:27Have the two of you...
00:48:28What, Chuck?
00:48:32Collaborated?
00:48:33Why should you care, Chuck?
00:48:35You pushed me away.
00:48:37I wasn't pushing you away.
00:48:40I was pulling me toward myself.
00:48:43Well, it's too late, Chuck.
00:48:47Go on.
00:48:50As you know, due to the kiln fire, we'll be having class out here in the parking lot.
00:48:59Remember, the magic of art is there are no incorrect answers.
00:49:03Anything goes.
00:49:04That's wrong.
00:49:07Oh, I like this.
00:49:08Hello.
00:49:10One ball.
00:49:11Gee, someone woke up on the wrong side of the coconut.
00:49:15Are you still PO'd at me?
00:49:16I'll tell you what, why don't you come to my house tonight and we'll work on the project
00:49:22there.
00:49:23Will that soothe your savage breasts?
00:49:26Hmm?
00:49:27Okay, Jerry.
00:49:29So, have you guys come up with a project yet for the science fair?
00:49:32No.
00:49:32I hear Chuck, er, uh, Mr. Knoblet's class is doing a superconductor.
00:49:38Why can't our team have an idea like that?
00:49:40Yeah, why can't we?
00:49:42Because they already have it.
00:49:44Okay, but when I want to do something original, you know the first thing I do?
00:49:48I get out my tracing paper.
00:49:51Understand?
00:49:53I'll see you at rehearsal.
00:49:57Oh, I love that.
00:49:58Hey, maybe someone from Mr. Knoblet's team would help us out.
00:50:01No, that's wrong.
00:50:02But why would they do that?
00:50:06Perhaps they have a weak link that could be exploited.
00:50:15Ching chong, min chong.
00:50:17Oh, you're also ready, sir.
00:50:19Oh, hot out today.
00:50:20Very hot out today.
00:50:22Seven o'clock.
00:50:23Seven o'clock.
00:50:23I'll set my alarm.
00:50:24All right.
00:50:25All right.
00:50:25I'll see you tonight, McElwani.
00:50:27Okay.
00:50:28Bye.
00:50:32So, uh, Jerry, what are you doing tonight?
00:50:34Nothing.
00:50:38Monica's having a party.
00:50:40You want to be my date?
00:50:41I want your spermies.
00:50:42Take that as a yes.
00:50:49God damn it.
00:50:51Derek?
00:50:53Derek?
00:50:56Who is it, honey?
00:50:58Someone to see the toad.
00:50:59Stay on the runner, please.
00:51:04I'm sorry.
00:51:06We're all out of candy.
00:51:08What do you mean, Derek?
00:51:10Aren't you trick-or-treating?
00:51:12I mean, you're all dressed up in that loser costume.
00:51:22Oh, hey, Megawati.
00:51:24Sorry, we're out of candy.
00:51:26I already did that one, Chunk.
00:51:29I hate you.
00:51:33What's shaking, bacon?
00:51:36Jerry, I'm here to work on the project.
00:51:38I made you a new shirt, and I drew up some plans.
00:51:42Oh, I tell you what.
00:51:45Why don't I take these and give them a look-see
00:51:49right after I go out on my date with Brayson
00:51:51to Monica's party?
00:51:51Oh, Megawati, don't look at me like that.
00:51:57It's nothing but me falling in love with someone
00:51:59who isn't you.
00:52:00We'll always be the best of acquaintances.
00:52:03Nothing will ever come between me and Brayson.
00:52:06Quick, act like a banana and peel out of here.
00:52:08Go.
00:52:09Back to her.
00:52:10What about the science project?
00:52:11Science isn't going anywhere, but you are.
00:52:13Brayson.
00:52:26Hey, Dirk.
00:52:27Uh, Dirk.
00:52:28How's everything on the varsity squat thrusting team?
00:52:32It's cool.
00:52:33I saw the final thrust you made
00:52:36in that meet against Mount Valley.
00:52:39It changed the way I thought about squatting.
00:52:41Brayson!
00:52:45Take a hike, bag ball.
00:52:46He's here to see me.
00:52:50Why don't you relax while I run upstairs
00:52:51and get some girly things?
00:52:52You know, rubbers and such.
00:52:54Can't we just go now?
00:52:55I don't really want to drag this out.
00:52:56Oh, sure, sure, sure.
00:52:57But first I'd like you to say hello to my daddy, okay?
00:53:00That'd be the proper thing to do.
00:53:03All right.
00:53:06Hi there, sir.
00:53:07I just...
00:53:07Why are you talking to me?
00:53:11That's not my daddy.
00:53:12That's my mommy's meat man.
00:53:14My daddy's upstairs.
00:53:25Don't be too tough on him, daddy.
00:53:27I'll be right back.
00:53:28I'm just going to go freshen up my wet scone sour.
00:53:30What's going on, Jerry?
00:53:31Hey, mother, come on.
00:53:31Talk to you for a second.
00:53:32Get in there.
00:53:33Oh, God.
00:53:39What is the refrigerator doing up here?
00:53:41Look, I don't want to fight, all right?
00:53:43I just need some mother-daughter advice.
00:53:45What is it, Jerry?
00:53:46Well, I'm a little nervous tonight about my date with Brayson.
00:53:48Is this my kabuki magic?
00:53:50Don't worry.
00:53:51You'll get it back.
00:53:52Keep it.
00:53:52It's all gummed up.
00:53:54Well, listen, what if he tries something?
00:53:56Like what?
00:53:57Kiss you?
00:53:57Well, that, and let's say I'm giving him a rusty trombone and he turns around and tries
00:54:01to slap a dirty Sanchez on me.
00:54:02What are you getting at, Jerry?
00:54:04Well, a rusty trombone is when you spread the cheese.
00:54:06I know what a rusty trombone is, Jerry.
00:54:07I used to be a stewardess.
00:54:09Jerry?
00:54:10Brayson!
00:54:11Thanks.
00:54:13How did you get the refrigerator up the stairs?
00:54:19Hello, Monica.
00:54:21Hey, thanks for inviting Braille's me to your party.
00:54:25Take off your shoes.
00:54:27My mom's a freak about the floors.
00:54:41Keep your car.
00:54:42Just do your job.
00:54:44I'll keep your car.
00:54:45You'll hang in on.
00:54:47Mons.
00:54:48Hey.
00:54:49Make room for Jerry, guys.
00:54:51Mel.
00:54:51Melis.
00:54:52Make room for Jerry.
00:55:06Explode-a-pop.
00:55:08They say it's carbalicious.
00:55:11Wow, this is a really groovy scene, Monica. Nice.
00:55:19So, Jerry, we're friends, right?
00:55:22Well, sure, Monica.
00:55:24I would love to hear about that science project of yours.
00:55:28There's not much to say, really.
00:55:30It's all up here in the old acorn.
00:55:32I got blueprints and everything.
00:55:33They're back in my bedroom.
00:55:34Safe gaping.
00:55:36The fig neutrons are going to bust this nut out.
00:55:40That's great, Jerry.
00:55:42Yeah.
00:55:43But I'm more interested in the specifics of the science project.
00:55:48Oh, I'm not supposed to talk about that.
00:55:51Come on, Jerry.
00:55:53You can tell us.
00:55:55Yeah, it'll be our little secret.
00:55:57Really?
00:55:58No, I can't talk about that.
00:56:02Well, maybe you just need to loosen up a little bit.
00:56:07Are you trying to get me high?
00:56:09Come on, Jerry.
00:56:10Why would I try and get you high?
00:56:12I shook that monkey off my back a long time ago, and I will not go down that road again.
00:56:15It led me to a dark place where I was sleeping in the gutter and cooking my breakfast up on a teaspoon.
00:56:19By the end, it was barely human.
00:56:21Let me see that.
00:56:22Oh, yeah, that's Panama Red.
00:56:24You got a seed in there.
00:56:25Good luck.
00:56:26Go ahead, Jerry.
00:56:28One hit's not going to hurt.
00:56:29Oh, come on, Jerry.
00:56:30Don't you want to be cool?
00:56:31You just want to be cool?
00:56:32Come on.
00:56:41Go!
00:56:42Back!
00:56:43Shoot!
00:56:44Shoot!
00:56:45Go!
00:56:46Three!
00:56:47Come on!
00:56:48Come on!
00:56:49Come on!
00:56:50Jerry!
00:56:53Stop!
00:56:54No!
00:56:55Jerry!
00:56:59Stop!
00:57:00No!
00:57:01Jerry!
00:57:06Jerry, stop!
00:57:14No!
00:57:15No!
00:57:16No!
00:57:17No!
00:57:18No!
00:57:19No!
00:57:20It all came rushing back to me.
00:57:28The years of abuse and debasement.
00:57:31How about another hit?
00:57:32Get out.
00:57:33But Munns...
00:57:34Get her out of here.
00:57:36Jerry, I think we'd better go.
00:57:38We just got here.
00:57:40You know what you have to do, so do it.
00:57:43Let's go.
00:57:45Come on.
00:57:50What are you guys still doing up?
00:57:54It's 8.30, troll.
00:57:57Listen, my old man and I are heading up to my room.
00:57:59So if you hear any screams, don't come and knock it.
00:58:06The stairs can be a little rickety,
00:58:07so you might want to grab onto something more firm.
00:58:10Jerry, help me probably change the channel.
00:58:12Why do I always...
00:58:13Are we going to talk through the whole channel changing?
00:58:15Take my hand
00:58:20Come with me, baby
00:58:24To the land
00:58:26Sugerium
00:58:28Let me show you feel it
00:58:29How sweet it could be
00:58:32Share the love for the me
00:58:35I want you to
00:58:37Flow, flow, flow
00:58:40Come on, come on, come on
00:58:42Flow, flow, flow
00:58:44Come on, come on, come on
00:58:47Flow, flow, flow, flow
00:58:49Uh, Jerry, I really just wanted to look at the plants
00:58:54Take a look at these
00:58:55Oh, jeez
00:58:56Damn it, Jerry
00:58:57You know, I thought we could share
00:59:01I guess I was wrong
00:59:02Oh, Bryson, I care about you
00:59:05Well, prove it
00:59:07What about these?
00:59:14Yeah, we're talking
00:59:16Oh, Bryson
00:59:29Let's get this off
00:59:32I've never done this before
00:59:35I'm a little nervous
00:59:36So go gentle
00:59:38And second thought
00:59:40Why don't you slap me around
00:59:41I don't have any trouble getting in the mood
00:59:42Oh, boy, there's a snack thing down here
00:59:47There you go
00:59:56Oh, wait there
00:59:59Well, I'm gonna get going
01:00:10Had a few things come up
01:00:12The plans
01:00:14Jesus, Jerry, you don't let up
01:00:17What, you think I came up here to steal your stupid plans?
01:00:20That really hurts my feelings
01:00:21Oh, I'm sorry, Bryson
01:00:24You should be
01:00:24I don't even want these
01:00:25So I'm gonna go
01:00:27I'm gonna take these
01:00:27Just to prove a point
01:00:29What's the point?
01:00:31Why don't you figure that out?
01:00:32You seem to have all the answers
01:00:32Bryson!
01:00:34Bryson!
01:01:04How's the project going, Nablet?
01:01:05Oh
01:01:06I feel pretty confident
01:01:08Mind if I take a little peekity-boo?
01:01:11Oh, not at all
01:01:12Shoo, shoo, shoo
01:01:13Come on
01:01:14Hmm
01:01:20This looks suspiciously like Roger Beekman's project
01:01:25Why?
01:01:26What are they making?
01:01:28A superconductor out of soup cans
01:01:30That's what we're making
01:01:31What are the odds?
01:01:32Well, obviously he stole our idea
01:01:34I don't see how he could have stole it if I saw his first
01:01:36Anyway, Roger's got a real winner on his hands
01:01:39And we don't really need two winners, do we, Nablet?
01:01:42That would just gum up the victory
01:01:43Get my drift?
01:01:44Principal Blackman, please
01:01:45Wait
01:01:46Peggy!
01:01:47Wait, Peggy!
01:01:48That?
01:01:49How could this have happened?
01:01:51They stole our idea
01:01:52Perhaps it was just a, uh, going-a-dinks
01:01:55Megawati
01:01:56Did you guard those plans with your life like you said you were gonna?
01:02:00Well, sort of
01:02:01And then I gave them to Jerry for a while
01:02:04Well, what are you looking at me for?
01:02:08Everybody knows you've been hanging out with Bryson, Jerry
01:02:11They do?
01:02:12I mean, I hope you can back that accusation up with something other than a fact
01:02:16Come clean, Jerry
01:02:17What?
01:02:18What are you saying?
01:02:18I slung like a canary?
01:02:20A squealer?
01:02:20A stoolie?
01:02:21Well, people like that are just scum to be scraped off the bottom of their foothill
01:02:24I did it
01:02:25I just let them take an itty-bitty peek at the plans
01:02:28We were a team
01:02:29How could you betray us?
01:02:32What?
01:02:33I would never do anything to hurt you, figs
01:02:36You're like family to me
01:02:38Well, the white one
01:02:39You darker ones are more like valued family servants
01:02:41The point is
01:02:43You're the only friends I've got in the whole world
01:02:45My daddy's in a coma
01:02:50It's too late, Jerry
01:02:52Mags
01:02:54Tamela's
01:03:15When I was first rejected by the Peace Corps
01:03:27I decided there and then I was going to turn
01:03:30Joffrey
01:03:31Roger
01:03:32I think we need to cut away a little bit of the fat before tomorrow
01:03:36I hear you
01:03:37That Melissa's a little bumble-footed
01:03:38I'm talking about you, Joffrey
01:03:40I'm sorry, what's happening?
01:03:43You're off the team
01:03:44Come on, Boswell
01:03:46I have more talking to do
01:03:47And then you can watch me eat a sandwich
01:03:49Bye, yay, see you later
01:03:55Grayson, they kicked me off the team
01:04:04Didn't you hear, Jerry?
01:04:07Fat hips sink ships
01:04:08Monica, why can't we just be friends?
01:04:11In what kind of mad fantasy world would someone like you and someone like me ever be friends?
01:04:17Grayson, I just want you to know that I will never, ever be able to forgive you for what you did to me
01:04:23So let's just put it behind us
01:04:26New beginnings
01:04:27I really need you to hold me right now
01:04:32Sorry
01:04:35Grayson
01:04:43So yeah, like
01:04:46The Mustang was sweet about it
01:04:49It was insane
01:04:50Daddy
01:04:58I wanted you to be so proud of me
01:05:02I don't know what else to say except
01:05:07I wish I could talk to you
01:05:09Goodbye forever
01:05:12Daddy
01:05:28Daddy, is that, is that really you?
01:05:33Or are you just a product of a drug-addled, alcohol-tainted, disease-ridden mind?
01:05:41I better not answer that
01:05:43Well then just tell me if you're as real as some of the other things in the room
01:05:46Like the demon with a hundred eyes
01:05:49That's a very good example
01:05:52I'm as real as the demon with a hundred eyes
01:05:56No, you are real
01:05:58Who's this guy?
01:06:02I, uh, I really can't vouch for him
01:06:04Can we get on with this?
01:06:05Huh?
01:06:06We got a coma to be in
01:06:07I don't belong here, Daddy
01:06:09Nobody wants me
01:06:10Nobody needs me
01:06:12Your friends need you
01:06:14You can't let them down
01:06:15You can't let Meese down
01:06:17Maybe I can come up with an idea for the project to save the day
01:06:24That's a very good start, Jerry
01:06:26Thanks, Daddy
01:06:28You look well-rested
01:06:45Maybe there's still some hope
01:06:56Hope?
01:06:57You fool
01:07:00Don't you know death when you see it?
01:07:05I'm being punished
01:07:06You have no idea the terrible things I've done
01:07:11Curse God and die
01:07:15Hey, Figaroos
01:07:22What do you sit around like a bunch of losers for?
01:07:28Get out, Jerry
01:07:29I mean it
01:07:29We've got a science fair to win
01:07:34And I've got an idea
01:07:35Number first
01:07:37Dig up a corpse
01:07:38Now, I know we're winning
01:07:39I'll kill you
01:07:44I'll kill you
01:07:46No, no, I'll kill you
01:07:48I'll kill you
01:07:49It's joke time, fatties
01:07:54Help me, help me
01:07:56Jerry, maybe you should leave
01:08:01I'm just trying to help
01:08:03Haven't you done enough already
01:08:05It's late, Jerry
01:08:08We're gonna go home
01:08:09Late
01:08:10Late
01:08:11Late
01:08:12Come on now
01:08:14In the slammer
01:08:15Or some of the best stuff we'd get done would be at night
01:08:17We'd be mixing up the jungle juice
01:08:19We'd slap on the old transistor radios
01:08:22Of course, we had to make our own batteries
01:08:23Because the bulls kept taking the real ones
01:08:25You could drop a couple D-cell batteries into a pillowcase
01:08:27And use it to shatter a Puerto Rican skull
01:08:29Brittle skulls
01:08:32Oh, the batteries
01:08:33Okay, right
01:08:34So what we would do is we'd take our own poopers
01:08:36We'd work it into a paste
01:08:37And that would make the alkaloid, right?
01:08:39Then we'd fold in some tinfoil for the cells
01:08:41And for the acid, we'd use our own spit
01:08:42Battery
01:08:43Sounds like a bomb
01:08:45That's a fine line
01:08:46That's it
01:08:47We'll make a battery
01:08:49An energy source
01:08:50Made from non-polluting renewable material
01:08:52Well, it pollutes the little
01:08:53Dooties
01:08:54We'll never get a presentation together in time
01:08:57You will with my help
01:09:00What are you doing here, Geoffrey?
01:09:04Aren't you on Roger Beekman's team?
01:09:06That's yesterday's news, Chuck
01:09:08Not really
01:09:09I saw you working with him like an hour ago
01:09:11What, did he kick you off his team?
01:09:13Let's just say I'm kicking myself onto yours
01:09:17What do you say, kids?
01:09:26Do we need his help?
01:09:29Well, that's all I need to hear
01:09:31All right
01:09:32We got a little time and a lot of work to do
01:09:35Mr. Jelinek
01:09:36Okay
01:09:37I'm out of ideas
01:09:40Perhaps we can present the battery
01:09:44Using the traditional music of my homeland
01:09:46Indonesia
01:09:46What the hell does that have to do
01:09:48With a goddamn battery?
01:09:51Nothing
01:09:52Well, nothing is something I'm used to working with
01:09:54I love it!
01:10:00Let's do it!
01:10:01Let's do it!
01:10:10Thank you
01:10:10Let's do it!
01:10:11Let's do it!
01:10:13Let's do it!
01:10:27Let's do it!
01:10:29Howdy-ho. See anything you like?
01:10:34We're still looking.
01:10:36Hmm. Ouch. That's a long title. I was napping before I made it to the end.
01:10:41Please.
01:10:42All I'm saying is, don't quit your day job.
01:10:44These are high school students.
01:10:45Oh, how long can they use that excuse?
01:10:48She's with me now, Onyx.
01:10:51On the board of ed.
01:10:53Can we please keep this educational?
01:10:54Ah, the miracle of reproductions.
01:11:00Oh, my. That's full-on ballgame.
01:11:04Wow. I'm impressed.
01:11:06Mount Valley might have this one nailed.
01:11:11Whoa, what do we have here?
01:11:13Another show-stopping science fair project by Roger Beekman?
01:11:17This is exhilarating.
01:11:19Intimulating.
01:11:24Fire was invented by burning some wood
01:11:32A water wheel is the wheel that could
01:11:36When you boil liquid, it gets you some steam
01:11:39Fossil fuel doesn't keep the environment clean
01:11:43Superconductor!
01:11:45Superconductor!
01:11:46Superconductor!
01:12:06Roger! I knew you could do it. I loved it.
01:12:10You've redefined the science project as we know it.
01:12:12I loved those catchy songs with those rhymes and those ladies in their catsuits and that machine, whatever it did.
01:12:18Oh, Onyx, that was wonderful.
01:12:20Ah, I'm just warming up.
01:12:21You whore!
01:12:26Well, I'm just gonna go tally up the points.
01:12:29Well, tally-ho then.
01:12:31Wait!
01:12:33Wait!
01:12:33What's this about an obelisk?
01:12:37My project.
01:12:38What about it?
01:12:39Roger's already got this thing wrapped up tighter than a teenage burrito.
01:12:43Look, these students stayed up and put this project together all by myself.
01:12:47And I think I deserve to have them show you what I'm capable of letting them do.
01:12:51If I may interject.
01:12:55I'm sure I don't need to remind the judge
01:12:57that there can be no new entries once the tallying has begun.
01:13:04Henry loves Alice?
01:13:08Well, I guess they're still eligible.
01:13:11All right, let's make it quick.
01:13:12I want to get my award and go home.
01:13:40Oh, my God.
01:14:10Oh, my God.
01:14:40Oh, my God.
01:15:10Henry, do you think you're capable of tallying up the score?
01:15:13I think I can handle it.
01:15:14Why don't I just declare the victor?
01:15:33The winner of the state science fair is...
01:15:38Chuck Knoblauch!
01:15:41Yes!
01:15:44Yes, that makes me hydrogen.
01:15:47I don't understand.
01:15:48Element number one.
01:15:50No, Chuck.
01:15:50You're a boron.
01:15:52Come, Boswell.
01:15:53Now that I knew you could do it.
01:15:59Congratulations.
01:16:01So, Monica, who's fat and ugly now?
01:16:04Still you, Jerry.
01:16:06Let me rephrase that.
01:16:07Who's the winner now, huh?
01:16:10Crazy.
01:16:11Daddy's a witch!
01:16:19Daddy!
01:16:19Daddy!
01:16:21Daddy!
01:16:22Daddy!
01:16:23Did you see?
01:16:23Did you see I won?
01:16:25I'm sorry, Jerry.
01:16:27But I saw him move.
01:16:28That was me.
01:16:29I was just trying to prime the pump.
01:16:30I was hoping he could get a kickstart.
01:16:32But I thought if I won...
01:16:33I know what you thought, Jerry.
01:16:35I told you to think it.
01:16:45Fire!
01:16:46Fire!
01:16:47Fire!
01:17:03Fire!
01:17:30Fire!
01:17:31Fire!
01:17:32Fire!
01:17:32Joffrey, Joffrey.
01:17:59Chuck?
01:18:00Claire!
01:18:02What's going on?
01:18:30You were knocked unconscious, but luckily your father carried you to safety.
01:18:36What?
01:18:37It seems that the shock from the explosion rocked him out of his eternal slumber.
01:18:41Daddy!
01:18:42Careful, careful.
01:18:43He's resting.
01:18:44He was in a coma for 32 years.
01:18:46He's got a lot of sleep to catch up on.
01:18:48So how soon before she's healthy enough to move?
01:18:52Oh, I think you'd probably get her up and walking in a couple of days.
01:18:55No, I mean move out.
01:18:56The important thing is that she has a qualified physician at her side at all times.
01:19:04Well, I'll say goodnight.
01:19:10Hangs?
01:19:12We have cable, right?
01:19:13Yeah.
01:19:14Downstairs.
01:19:14If you're paying for cable and not watching TV, you're losing money.
01:19:18It's just simple economics.
01:19:21Damn it.
01:19:22Smagawaddy's.
01:19:23Get in here.
01:19:24I can't believe you won that science fair.
01:19:35I can't believe you won that science fair.
01:19:49Actually, we got disqualified, Jenny.
01:19:56Oh, well.
01:19:58At least I learned a valuable lesson.
01:20:02Tamela's Megawaddy, I'm so sorry for betraying you.
01:20:06For betraying my daddy.
01:20:08I sold you out because I wanted friends that were more attractive and popular than you.
01:20:13But I've changed.
01:20:14Now I know that I shouldn't feel the way I so strongly still do.
01:20:19Ding.
01:20:21Hi.
01:20:22I'm Jerry Blank.
01:20:24And that was my story.
01:20:26Now, before you judge me, consider this.
01:20:29You're not so innocent yourself.
01:20:31I'm guessing you've done some pretty horrible things.
01:20:34Like the time you set that boat on fire and watched those Haitians panic.
01:20:38Oh, wait.
01:20:38That was me.
01:20:39The point is, you're a racist.
01:20:44Think about it.
01:20:46I haven't.
01:20:47Good night.
01:20:47No lo sé, pero creo que sÃ, ¿qué quiere? Dice no, ¿dónde está la panaderÃa?
01:21:17Dice no, ¿dónde está la panaderÃa?
01:21:47Dice no, ¿dónde está la panaderÃa?
01:21:54guitar solo
01:22:24guitar solo
01:22:54guitar solo
01:23:24With a shield
01:23:26And yes
01:23:27She burns some
01:23:28Haitians
01:23:29On the boat
01:23:30She doesn't like
01:23:31albinos
01:23:33No pigeons
01:23:34She's an ambassador
01:23:35Of love
01:23:37Love
01:23:38She'll be sort of
01:23:40Moose it
01:23:41She's hot
01:23:42But black men
01:23:43Can really shred it
01:23:46Shatter-do
01:23:46When watching people
01:23:48Dancing
01:23:49It's hard to watch
01:23:51The credits
01:23:52Let them know
01:23:53guitar solo
01:24:00guitar solo
01:24:30guitar solo
01:25:00guitar solo
01:25:30guitar solo
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