- 2 months ago
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00You
00:00:30THE END
00:01:00I am not interested in your problems, Agent Karloff.
00:01:09I am only interested in getting our property back
00:01:11and getting rid of their agent permanently.
00:01:30The END
00:01:40This is Banner.
00:01:44I must meet you.
00:01:47Well, I can finish up here later.
00:01:50Sure.
00:01:51When can we meet?
00:01:52Not tomorrow.
00:01:54I've got a little side trip I've got to take first.
00:01:57The next day, then?
00:01:58I could meet you Thursday night in L.A., though.
00:02:00At the Bonaventure?
00:02:01Yeah, at the Bonaventure.
00:02:02Sure.
00:02:03Okay.
00:02:04All right, Miss Karloff.
00:02:05Eight-ish?
00:02:06Eight-ish it is, then.
00:02:08Okay.
00:02:09Sorry, Ling.
00:02:12Got to go.
00:02:13But maybe we can pick this up another time, huh?
00:02:16Or even another lifetime, darling.
00:02:20Ciao.
00:02:20Bye.
00:02:20Oh, my God.
00:02:50Oh, what a waste.
00:02:56Francois, are you coming?
00:02:57Oui, monsieur.
00:02:59At least, monsieur Banner, I got my gun off.
00:03:04God, I love this job.
00:03:06I'm living on the edge
00:03:31Without a prayer in sight
00:03:34You've got me walking on a ledge
00:03:39In the darkest part of night
00:03:44Standing at the end
00:03:47With so much left to learn
00:03:51You know that you're my only friend
00:03:55I've got nowhere left to turn
00:03:59I'm living on the edge
00:04:04And standing all alone
00:04:07I'm walking on a ledge
00:04:12With nowhere left to go
00:04:15But one day I'll be free
00:04:19And I'll step down off the ledge
00:04:24Until it's over
00:04:26I'll be living on the edge
00:04:32When I'm alone with you
00:04:40The world becomes so clear
00:04:44But then the moment's all so few
00:04:48When I can have you near me
00:04:53So much time to work
00:04:57So little time to pay
00:05:00I guess it's just my love in life
00:05:05And a heavy price to pay
00:05:09I'm living on the edge
00:05:13And you're just standing all alone
00:05:17I'm walking on a ledge
00:05:22With nowhere left to go
00:05:25And one day I'll be free
00:05:28And I'll step down off the ledge
00:05:33Until it's over
00:05:35I'll be living on the edge
00:05:41I'll be living on the edge
00:05:42When it's over
00:05:46To be over
00:05:50I'll be waiting for you
00:05:57When it's over
00:06:01When it's over
00:06:03Truly ever
00:06:06I'll be here
00:06:09With you
00:06:14I'm living on the edge
00:06:25Just standing all alone
00:06:29I'm walking on a ledge
00:06:34With nowhere left to go
00:06:37But one day I'll be free
00:06:40And I'll step down off the ledge
00:06:45Until it's over
00:06:47I'll be living on the edge
00:06:52Where the hell is that unreliable son of a bitch?
00:07:04How come you can be on time and he can't?
00:07:05He's here, sir
00:07:06I saw him in his quarters last night
00:07:08I'll bet you did
00:07:09I thought you two were through again
00:07:10Listen, why don't you just give this to him?
00:07:13I'm sick and tired of sitting around
00:07:14Waiting for the great Mr. Banner
00:07:16Who called?
00:07:20Well, hi, y'all
00:07:21What the hell is she doing here?
00:07:25Well, why don't you just think of me
00:07:27As your report card, by the way?
00:07:29No, Mr. E counts on me
00:07:31To protect the special interests
00:07:33Of these special operations
00:07:35You're doing a swell job, Chesney
00:07:37Just what I need
00:07:38A goddamn watchdog
00:07:39Just keep it up, Python
00:07:44And you're a dead man
00:07:49You know, Python
00:07:53It's really good to see our two agencies
00:07:56Working together again
00:07:57On this mission, Hotshot
00:08:00You're working for me
00:08:01Oh, is that a fact, Colonel?
00:08:03As long as I outrank you, it is
00:08:05Gentlemen, I believe we have a job to do
00:08:08All right, just run it down, Python
00:08:11It's pretty cut and dry, Sonny
00:08:13But if you need me to explain it to you
00:08:16You've got to go someplace you're not supposed to be
00:08:18To take out a radar installation
00:08:20That's not supposed to exist
00:08:21And there's one more thing, Super Spy
00:08:24I want you to remember that it's because of you
00:08:27I lost my legs in the interest of interagency cooperation
00:08:32Now you get the hell out of here before I really get mad
00:08:37And I want you to check with me every step of the way
00:08:41And if you need backup, I'm your contact
00:08:44You understand, trust me
00:09:07I want you to check with me
00:09:37Okay, Banner, it looks like the camp is just a half a mile to the east
00:09:49We might as well take it down
00:09:55Hey, did you get a good look at that radar unit?
00:09:58Yeah, yeah, there's only a couple of guys around
00:10:00It looks like a piece of cake
00:10:01Well, hell, Jake
00:10:03Let's go get a piece
00:10:04Oh, please, Banner
00:10:06Yeah, yeah
00:10:06Yeah, yeah
00:10:10Yeah, yeah
00:10:27Yeah, yeah
00:10:32Oh, my God.
00:11:02Oh, Jacqueline, give me your .38, would you?
00:11:05What?
00:11:07Just a little extra protection for me.
00:11:13Daddy Yankee?
00:11:17Buenos dias, senorita.
00:11:21Come on, Banner. Let's blow this pop stand.
00:11:24This?
00:11:25I'm sure our comrades are going to bang out of this one.
00:11:27Here, take an end to this, will you?
00:11:32Oh, my God.
00:12:02BIRDS CHIRP
00:12:32BIRDS CHIRP
00:13:02BIRDS CHIRP
00:13:04BIRDS CHIRP
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00:14:00BIRDS CHIRP
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00:14:14BIRDS CHIRP
00:14:16BIRDS CHIRP
00:14:18Just hang in there, Val.
00:14:41This was never in the manual.
00:14:48The target is in sight, sir.
00:14:56Good lieutenant.
00:14:58What about your friend, Banner?
00:15:00You got him spotted yet?
00:15:03No.
00:15:04No sign of him yet.
00:15:18No sign of him yet.
00:15:48No sign of him yet.
00:16:18No sign of him yet.
00:16:48Thank God for small miracles.
00:16:49You were right.
00:16:51It is compact.
00:16:53Maybe even mobile.
00:16:55Could be a very serious threat.
00:16:57The only serious threat out there is that son of a bitch Banner.
00:17:03All right.
00:17:03Just stick to the script and get the job done.
00:17:07Yes, sir.
00:17:07Whatever it takes.
00:17:08Just as planned.
00:17:09Just as planned.
00:17:09Just as planned.
00:17:09We'll be right back and get the full of magic Ditkin.
00:17:14Just skip two minutes.
00:17:18What's artwork?
00:17:19Here we are.
00:17:20What's artwork?
00:17:22Just to admit it.
00:17:23And give me rest.
00:17:24I have nothing.
00:17:25I have nothing.
00:17:26I have nothing.
00:17:27I have nothing.
00:17:28I've got nothing.
00:17:28I have nothing.
00:17:30I have nothing.
00:17:31I'll be right back.
00:19:04American pig?
00:19:06What the hell is he to now?
00:19:10Jeez.
00:19:11Lieutenant.
00:19:11Yes, sir?
00:19:12Take it there's a problem.
00:19:13Yes.
00:19:14We might need some backup.
00:19:15I figured you as much.
00:19:16What's your position?
00:19:18Banner's coordinates, they're 457.7 latitude, 52.8 longitude.
00:19:26He's got about 30 seconds, sir, to make a splash, or should I say a bang?
00:19:31All right, just get on with it.
00:19:32Play it safe and cover your ass.
00:19:35Get out of there, with or without Banner.
00:19:37Yes, sir.
00:19:38Yes, I know the drill.
00:19:40Jacqueline.
00:19:41Yes.
00:19:41I hope he doesn't forget what he came there for.
00:19:44Yes, I'm sure he'll take the jammy unit out.
00:19:46He can take care of himself, sir.
00:19:48Yeah.
00:19:49If I know him, he'll probably take himself out with it.
00:19:52And don't worry about the backup.
00:19:54It's on its way.
00:19:55Yeah, this is Python.
00:20:08Give me the Pentagon.
00:20:11Huh?
00:20:12I'm surprised that your government can't do better than this.
00:20:15Patateschewskja!
00:20:18Mucha patateschewskja!
00:20:19General, you know, with the budget cuts that our government's doing, I mean, it just makes
00:20:27our job a little harder.
00:20:28Ah!
00:20:37Nice.
00:20:38Nice.
00:20:39You know, General, time flies when you're having fun, doesn't it?
00:20:44It's not short!
00:20:45What if I put it?
00:20:46Give me that, General.
00:20:47Stick it where the sun don't shine.
00:20:49Come on, get out of there, Steven James Banner.
00:21:01Dos vedadne, General.
00:21:02Armeo.
00:21:05Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:21:18Almost done.
00:21:19Come on, come on, come on.
00:21:20Come on.
00:21:22Come on, come on.
00:21:24Come on, come on.
00:21:25Armeo.
00:21:26¡Apúrase, apúrase!
00:21:56Get down.
00:22:02Come on, baby!
00:22:04Take him up, boy.
00:22:07Hagrid!
00:22:09Get out of here!
00:22:11Get out of here!
00:22:13God, get out of here!
00:22:15God, get out of here!
00:22:39Get out of here!
00:23:09I wonder why I am so fired.
00:23:39Code 5, Code 4, come in. Can you read?
00:23:45I'm a little busy right now.
00:23:48I'm sorry, I lost your visual. Can you make it to the plane?
00:23:51Roger, I'm almost there. You'd better be too, Jack.
00:24:09I'm sorry.
00:24:11I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
00:24:13I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
00:24:15I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
00:24:17I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
00:24:19I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
00:24:21I'm sorry.
00:24:23I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
00:24:25I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
00:24:27This is Code 5, Code 5.
00:24:29Jack, when are you there? Come in.
00:24:31What was that explosion?
00:24:33Is our ticket out of here?
00:24:35The plane? The plane's been hit?
00:24:37All right, listen.
00:24:39I radioed for some backup earlier.
00:24:41There should be a chopper at the rendezvous point.
00:24:43Any minute.
00:24:44Okay, on my way.
00:24:47You'd better be there.
00:24:49You son of a bitch.
00:25:07Go on, Jack.
00:25:08Get the hell out of here.
00:25:09That's in order.
00:25:10That's in order.
00:25:11Oh!
00:25:12Yeah!
00:25:13Go on, Jack.
00:25:14Get the hell out of here!
00:25:15That's in order!
00:25:16Come on, Jacqueline. Get the hell out of here.
00:25:34That's in order.
00:25:46Peter, breathe!
00:25:48Whoa!
00:26:00It's not too long.
00:26:15Buddy.
00:26:17Three's a crowd.
00:26:22Oh, Steven.
00:26:25Jacket.
00:26:34Bravo leader, this is Code 5 Commander. Do you have copy?
00:26:3823 phase 3.
00:26:41All right. The target is permanently disabled.
00:26:43I repeat, permanently disabled.
00:26:46Take your troops to the pre-designated coordinates and destroy the remains of the camp.
00:26:51Do you understand, Bravo leader?
00:26:53One, two, three.
00:26:55Good.
00:26:57God damn it, Banner. Nobody touches that camp. Do you copy, Bravo leader?
00:27:06Banner, what frequency are you on?
00:27:09Switching to frequency 1.25 X-ray.
00:27:13Charlie, Charlie Company team leader.
00:27:14Are you in position?
00:27:15Banner.
00:27:16Can anybody hear me?
00:27:21I knew he'd do this to me. They're gonna have my ass for this.
00:27:26Good. But remember, this is the 1980s, guys, and not the Bay of Pigs, so just back up Bravo Company with some firepower and get your boys home. Is that understood, Charlie?
00:27:42Yes, sir, Captain. We're moving in now.
00:27:44Good luck, man.
00:27:45Out.
00:28:04Banner!
00:28:05Thanks, guys.
00:30:35We have Mitzi O'Connor, high school senior, valedictorian, cheerleader and poet laureate of public school 247 in Brooklyn.
00:30:45Let's hear it for us.
00:30:46Yes, Natasha.
00:30:54I'm sorry.
00:30:55The main agent Karloff is on the phone.
00:31:01Ah, comrade Karloff.
00:31:04Is the meeting still on?
00:31:06Yes, sir.
00:31:07Yes, sir.
00:31:08I reached Banner in Hong Kong.
00:31:10Thought this guy was raising hell in Cuba.
00:31:13That's the preliminary report.
00:31:16Let's see.
00:31:17Banner.
00:31:18E-A-N-N-E-R.
00:31:23Steven James.
00:31:27Data is coming up on the screen now.
00:31:29Oh, yes.
00:31:30Number three.
00:31:31Age 32.
00:31:32Single.
00:31:33High kill ratio.
00:31:34Very deadly man.
00:31:35This Banner character.
00:31:36Sir, I don't understand what's so important about the print of that Christmas film Mr. E got from us or why we'd even want it back.
00:31:49That film's story is not just fictitious Hollywood. There was only one print of that film before we destroyed the negative. But this film documents what one of our agents, the one Mickey Schultz, did last Christmas and what his potential is for doing more damage this year. That footage is real, comrade.
00:32:14Pardon me, General, but this doesn't seem to be very important from our country's point of view.
00:32:20Just get the film away from the Americans and drop it in the vault at our UN operations.
00:32:27Yes, sir.
00:32:44Ladies and gentlemen, would you please give Mr. E your undivided attention?
00:32:58I believe you all know why you're here.
00:33:02Uh, if you will allow me, sir. It took a great deal of effort and interagency cooperation in order to obtain this valuable piece of black men. I have personally laid my reputation on the line. Now, if you will, pay close attention to what you're going to see on the screen.
00:33:23The subject had no knowledge that he was being filmed.
00:33:48Suffice it to say, this is confidential. I trust that nothing will go beyond this room. Agreed?
00:33:57Thank you, Mr. E. Roll film, please.
00:34:01OK, right away.
00:34:05Good night, everybody.
00:34:10Yeah, thank you very much.
00:34:27What is this, a joke?
00:34:43I assure you, it's not.
00:34:46And if you'll just be patient, Lieutenant,
00:34:49we'll all be able to find out just how critical this is to our national security.
00:34:56And I'm a cop.
00:34:57I carry a badge, a gun, and bullets, and a night's ticket, and handcuffs in.
00:35:04That's right.
00:35:05That's right.
00:35:05That's right.
00:37:13That, folks, was almost 20 years ago.
00:37:29Turn on the lights.
00:37:45What's wrong with the film?
00:37:47Damn.
00:37:48What are you guys doing there?
00:37:50What?
00:37:51It appears the rest of the film is missing, sir.
00:37:57Gone.
00:37:59Find that film today.
00:38:01Put your best man on it.
00:38:03Yes, sir.
00:38:04Consider it done.
00:38:10Stephen, I'm so glad you could make dinner tonight.
00:38:24I must say, it's been a most enlightening evening.
00:38:27Why, thank you, Stephen.
00:38:29And I must say, I was certainly surprised to know you were free tonight.
00:38:34The scuttlebutt around the office is you're working on a very important project.
00:38:39The scuttlebutt.
00:38:40Sure.
00:38:41Maybe, but that's pretty much behind us now.
00:38:44Uh, tell me, Ms. Karloff, how long have you been with our agency?
00:38:48And how did you know about my son?
00:38:51Oh, well, you certainly aren't inquisitive, little devil, aren't you?
00:38:55I almost feel as if you don't trust me, Stephen.
00:38:58No, not at all.
00:39:00This has been a long trip back from Hong Kong.
00:39:03That's all.
00:39:04I'm just a little tired.
00:39:05Excuse me, sir.
00:39:06You may have an urgent phone call.
00:39:07Oh, God.
00:39:08I'll never ask you.
00:39:10Banner here.
00:39:11Stephen, I'm glad I found you.
00:39:14How did you?
00:39:15I won't even ask.
00:39:17I suppose it's important, though, huh?
00:39:19Mr. E is livid.
00:39:21Someone inside our headquarters snatched a highly secret film that must...
00:39:24...be recovered.
00:39:26You suspect, of course, a...
00:39:28Yes, a double agent.
00:39:30Uh, right, Lieutenant.
00:39:33I think the answer might be staring me right in the face.
00:39:36What?
00:39:37Never mind.
00:39:38I'll, uh, I'll explain it all later.
00:39:40Uh, where's the meet?
00:39:42At the submarine base.
00:39:43About one hour.
00:39:44Okay.
00:39:45Sure.
00:39:46Well...
00:39:47I need to run, but duty does call.
00:39:51Uh, waiter.
00:39:53Can this lovely lady have some coffee?
00:39:55Or...
00:39:56Perhaps you'd prefer, uh, black Russian.
00:40:02Again, a check!
00:40:04Give me a scotch of water straight off.
00:40:07Certainly, madam.
00:40:08Oh, and this should take care of the goddamn film.
00:40:21Mr. E is livid.
00:40:23Someone inside our headquarters snatched a highly secret film that must be recovered.
00:40:27You're looking for me, Jacqueline.
00:40:44Looking for me, Jacqueline?
00:40:51Late as usual, Banner.
00:40:53Well, don't worry.
00:40:56I've brought along some of those gizmos you guys like to play with.
00:41:01Here's your A-48 decoder.
00:41:03It'll get you into the Soviet's computer room at the U.N.
00:41:06We think the film's in the safe by the main terminal room.
00:41:12God, I love these toys.
00:41:14Knock it off. I signed for that.
00:41:17Now, here's their latest printout, cross-referenced to gain access to the main computer.
00:41:21It should open the safe.
00:41:23Hopefully, the film's still in there.
00:41:25What's with this film anyway, Jacqueline?
00:41:29Porno movies, right?
00:41:30Not likely, but Mr. E's bent on getting this back into our hands.
00:41:34Says it could be a real smoking gun for the Kremlin.
00:41:37So they haven't even told you.
00:41:40Rather high security, Jacqueline.
00:41:42Rather high priority, Banner.
00:41:47Touche.
00:41:54Miss Karloff, what is your location?
00:41:56I'm right outside our computer operations building.
00:42:00Stephen has already gone in.
00:42:03Stephen?
00:42:04Are you two that close?
00:42:07Please, General.
00:42:08If he's as good as his record, he might just bypass security, decode the safe, and get the film back into United States' hands.
00:42:19I agree.
00:42:20I suggest we bring in more manpower and...
00:42:26Yet, Karloff.
00:42:28Karloff, I don't want anyone, not even our own people, seeing that film.
00:42:34Homrad, Mickey, that kid in the film, he's now an adult and one of our agents.
00:42:41He must be protected.
00:42:46I see no purpose in going on with this charade.
00:43:06But, in truth, he's no agent.
00:43:14He's my grandson, a psychopathic killer whose identity, if known to the rest, could prove very embarrassing to our government.
00:43:25And, definitely, the end of my career.
00:43:31But, sir, I thought that...
00:43:32Enough said, comrade.
00:43:34Just recover that film and deliver it directly to me.
00:43:40Yes, sir. Consider it done.
00:43:42End communication.
00:43:48Goodbye, Karloff.
00:43:49And good luck.
00:44:19Bye, Karloff.
00:44:49Do you want to play a game?
00:45:11Uh, no, computer. I do not want to play a game.
00:45:16Oh, please enter your security code, then.
00:45:20I acknowledge your authority. Let us begin.
00:45:41By all means.
00:45:43I'd like to know, computer, where the movie film that was recently deposited here is being kept.
00:45:49The motion picture film is being kept in the master safe in the east part of this room.
00:45:56Good.
00:45:58Computer, just what is on that film that's so damn important?
00:46:02Apparently, one of our Moscow-based generals had a son who is a psychopathic killer.
00:46:11One Christmas Eve, he hacked up his mother and his father.
00:46:16What the hell?
00:46:18What the hell?
00:46:22Sir?
00:46:23Nothing, computer.
00:46:25Begin sequencing the combination of the airlock safe.
00:46:28The sequencing to open the master safe has been done.
00:46:40Okay. Thank you, computer.
00:46:41Only ten seconds now until you will have access to the vault.
00:46:46Continue the vault.
00:46:50Countdown.
00:46:52Five.
00:46:53Four.
00:46:54Three.
00:46:55Two.
00:46:56One.
00:46:57Two.
00:46:58And open.
00:46:59Open.
00:47:05You now have two minutes.
00:47:08Two.
00:47:09Good job, oh boy.
00:47:13Damn it.
00:47:26You can't run.
00:47:27You can't hide.
00:47:29Nothing is in your eyes.
00:47:33You recognize.
00:47:36No!
00:47:37No!
00:47:38No!
00:47:39No!
00:47:40No!
00:47:41No!
00:47:42No!
00:47:43No!
00:47:44No!
00:47:45No!
00:47:46No!
00:47:47No!
00:47:48No!
00:47:49No!
00:47:50No!
00:47:51No!
00:47:52No!
00:47:53No!
00:47:54No!
00:47:55No!
00:47:56No!
00:47:57No!
00:47:58No!
00:47:59No!
00:48:00No!
00:48:01No!
00:48:02No!
00:48:03No!
00:48:04No!
00:48:05No!
00:48:06No!
00:48:07No!
00:48:08No!
00:48:09No!
00:48:10No!
00:48:11No!
00:48:12No!
00:48:13No!
00:48:14No!
00:48:15No!
00:48:16No!
00:48:17No!
00:48:18No!
00:48:19No!
00:48:20No!
00:48:21No!
00:48:22No!
00:48:23Fight for your life
00:48:25Oh, yeah!
00:48:26I am...
00:48:27I am...
00:48:28...with everything in you
00:48:30Fight for...
00:48:32Oh, yeah!
00:48:33Oh, yeah!
00:48:34Fight for your life
00:48:35Oh, yeah!
00:48:36Oh, yeah!
00:48:37Oh, yeah!
00:48:38Oh, yeah!
00:48:39Fight for your life
00:48:43You're too close
00:48:46With everything in you
00:48:49Fight, fight!
00:48:51Fight, fight!
00:48:53Fight!
00:48:55Fight!
00:48:57Fight!
00:48:59Fight!
00:49:01Fights!
00:49:03Fights!
00:49:31You're an old boy.
00:49:38Ah, Mr. Edy, good timing.
00:50:04Hit it, driver.
00:50:08This is Banner, catch me through the aerial surveillance.
00:50:27Yeah, this is field agent Banner.
00:50:30Getting some aerial surveillance on target heading south on 101.
00:50:37I can get the target in sight.
00:50:44Yeah, it is a motorcycle.
00:50:48Right.
00:50:49Just keep the distance and be ready to fire if necessary.
00:50:54Faster, driver.
00:50:56There's no reason that you say answer my questions.
00:51:03Don't take me away.
00:51:07Oh, that was close.
00:51:08It'll be all right.
00:51:09Oh, that was close.
00:51:10It'll be all right.
00:51:14Oh, that was close.
00:51:15It'll be all right.
00:51:16Oh, that was close.
00:51:17It'll be all right.
00:51:21Oh, that was close.
00:51:22It'll be all right.
00:51:23Oh, that was close.
00:51:24It'll be all right.
00:51:25Oh, that was close.
00:51:26Oh.
00:51:27Take it.
00:51:40No, no, hold to the fire.
00:51:41No, no, hold your fire.
00:51:52I think you're okay.
00:51:55That's a scream.
00:52:04I'm good.
00:52:11That's a scream, that's a scream.
00:52:14Follow him, driver.
00:52:30Well, I'm afraid you've lost this matter.
00:52:36Well, maybe not.
00:52:41You know that film you've had to die, you son of a bitch.
00:52:48You cheap son of a bitch.
00:52:50That's what you get for sticking me with a check.
00:52:54Not so fast, Karloff.
00:52:57You asshole.
00:53:02You asshole.
00:53:03Of course, now that the film is gone, we could say we just did our part for detente, huh?
00:53:17Ciao.
00:53:18But, Fanner, I don't know how to land this thing!
00:53:19Oh, damn you!
00:53:20It does have a nice ass, though.
00:53:24Okay.
00:53:25Yes, sir.
00:53:26Yes, sir.
00:53:27Yes, sir.
00:53:28I don't know how to land this thing!
00:53:29Oh, damn you!
00:53:30I don't know how to land this thing!
00:53:31I don't know how to land this thing!
00:53:32I don't know how to land this thing!
00:53:33Oh, damn you!
00:53:36It does have a nice ass, though.
00:53:38Okay.
00:53:39Yes?
00:53:40What?
00:53:41Put it on the screen!
00:53:45How close is our sub?
00:53:50And the Americans?
00:53:51Get our divers in the water!
00:54:05Now!
00:54:08I want that film!
00:54:13Life is in the water! Now! I want that film!
00:54:33Permission to come aboard, Corporal.
00:54:35Oh, yes, sir.
00:54:36Yes, sir, Captain Banner.
00:54:38It's Mr. Corporal, ma'am.
00:54:40Nice of you to drop in like this.
00:54:42I hope you didn't, uh, dress up on my account.
00:54:45Well, gee.
00:54:46Uh, Lieutenant.
00:54:49I've been running around a lot today.
00:54:51Rush the sub, close your fence on target, ma'am.
00:54:53Thank you, Corporal.
00:54:55Come on, Steven. Your gear is down in the torpedo.
00:54:57This way, sir.
00:54:59Captain Levy Bridge. Dive, dive!
00:55:10I'm Scott.
00:55:13I'm Scott.
00:55:14I'm Scott.
00:55:15I'm Scott.
00:55:17Jacqueline, just what the hell is going on with this film?
00:55:20I've been going around here like...
00:55:22Steven, I'll explain everything later.
00:55:24The Russians have to be stopped at any cost.
00:55:27Understood?
00:55:28Yes, yes.
00:55:29Captain, understood.
00:55:31Ma'am, yes, ma'am.
00:55:34Sorry, Steven. Just be careful, okay?
00:55:37Those guys are acting real serious.
00:56:04That I see.
00:56:05God, would you look at that picture.
00:56:08Who year is that taking, anyway?
00:56:11Still hiding your eyes in front of whining us, don't you, Steven?
00:56:16Oh, Jacqueline.
00:56:18I know I can trust you, but...
00:56:20You're so happy.
00:56:21Besides, I've always been able to see right through me, anyway.
00:56:25You don't pull me.
00:56:271983.
00:56:29Kyle.
00:56:30What?
00:56:31Oh, the picture, remember?
00:56:33Operation Karnak, I believe.
00:56:36Oh, yeah.
00:56:37Well, we sure got around, didn't we?
00:56:40Mm-hmm.
00:56:46How did I ever let myself get involved with you, Steven?
00:56:49Wasn't it the rules?
00:56:50Oh, rules, rules.
00:56:52No interpersonal relationships between agents, that's...
00:56:56Well, Banner, those are the rules, you know.
00:56:59I know.
00:57:00The agency's rules, Jacqueline.
00:57:02Why do you think they call our unit S-O-V?
00:57:05What the hell with them?
00:57:06The hell with Mr. E.
00:57:07Man, I have this...
00:57:09Steven!
00:57:10Steven!
00:57:11Steven Boucher!
00:57:12The locket looks really nice on you, Steven.
00:57:25Do you really like it?
00:57:26Of course I do.
00:57:27I love it.
00:57:28It'll be my good luck charm.
00:57:30Kind of like a gold dog test.
00:57:33Oh, that's the thanks I get for...
00:57:36Damn it, Jacqueline.
00:57:37I don't know why you always want to pick a fight when I gotta leave.
00:57:41Maybe it pisses me off.
00:57:43Well, I never could compete with all your women.
00:57:46Hey, there never was a contest.
00:57:50Especially me when you're done.
00:57:52Look, Steven.
00:57:53You look, Steven.
00:57:54You are what you are.
00:57:55And it feels like I'm just holding you back.
00:57:58I'm just holding you, Jacqueline.
00:58:00I'm so proud of you, Steven Jones, Ben.
00:58:03I'm always so strong.
00:58:07Tell that to my heart, George.
00:58:08I think if the moment is breaking,
00:58:10make sure you can't come, Jacqueline.
00:58:12What?
00:58:13To New Zealand?
00:58:14I'm afraid not, babe.
00:58:15I sure won't miss you, though.
00:58:16I'll always miss you.
00:58:17I'll always miss you.
00:58:33Stephen, I can watch you fight and I can watch you win, but I will never watch you die.
00:58:45And that is the reality of you, that sometimes some place in the world where you let your guard down, some places assassin will kill you.
00:58:55And I think I'd rather not be there for that scene if you don't mind, darling.
00:58:59And I...
00:59:29Weapons time, you have permission to fire.
00:59:31Down there, scoops.
00:59:32Fire!
00:59:33I want.
00:59:34Water!
00:59:36Water!
00:59:46Water!
00:59:50Water!
00:59:51Let's go.
01:00:21Let's go.
01:00:51Let's go.
01:01:21Ladies and gentlemen, we have at great cost recover the film that Mr. E here so desperately wanted.
01:01:39Why, thank you, Captain Banner.
01:01:41I assure you, sir, your efforts will not go unrecognized.
01:01:45After viewing it, though, sir, I must say that this snuff movie Detective Brody obtained appears at first glance to be nothing more than one of those awful holiday horror movies we see in the theaters.
01:01:56But, of course, as all of us know in this room, the murders are real.
01:02:01Certainly, it does reveal the identity of a very sick little boy.
01:02:04And mainly that the killer is the grandson of one of Russia's most premier generals.
01:02:11Very damaging piece of blackmail.
01:02:13But if you want my opinion, Mr. E, and I'm sure that you do, I think in the spirit of glasnost and the friendship that we're now experiencing between our two countries, you should destroy this little film and put our agency to better use next time.
01:02:27That's enough, Captain.
01:02:28Banner, that's just not your call.
01:02:31All right.
01:02:31Well, if you'll excuse me, I do have a plane to catch.
01:02:35Oh, and I hope you're amused at this clever little piece of satire.
01:02:39But think hard about what you're going to do with this film.
01:02:43It was up to me.
01:02:44Quite frankly, I would burn it.
01:02:48Good day, gentlemen, ladies, detective, Mr. E.
01:02:54Enjoy.
01:02:58If you all remember, in the opening segment of this film, the young boy had just killed his mother and her lover.
01:03:07And that was in 1965.
01:03:10A detective, Brody, here had put him away.
01:03:13In the next portion, you'll see that young Mickey is back in action.
01:03:17Only now he's quite grown up.
01:03:21And very, very deadly.
01:03:26Just roll the film, Brody.
01:03:28Hi, Janie.
01:03:48You're just in time.
01:03:51Bobby's over here.
01:03:53Look, Bobby, Janie's here.
01:03:55I know.
01:03:56Hi, Bobby.
01:03:56Hi.
01:03:58Gosh, Mrs. Brown, what a beautiful tree.
01:04:00This year looks like Christmas in here.
01:04:02Thanks, Janie.
01:04:03Look, here's 20 bucks for pizza in case you get hungry.
01:04:07That should cover a tip, too.
01:04:09I'll be out real late tonight.
01:04:10And see that he doesn't get into his presents, okay?
01:04:14I know.
01:04:15No problem, Mrs. Brown.
01:04:16Bobby and I will be just fine.
01:04:18Bobby, now don't make a mess.
01:04:20I just had the place cleaned.
01:04:21I know.
01:04:23Ciao, everyone.
01:04:23Come on.
01:04:28Ah!
01:04:29Woo!
01:04:29Sorry!
01:04:31Sorry!
01:04:31Sorry!
01:04:34No, baby.
01:04:40Oh, God.
01:04:41Stop.
01:04:41Stop.
01:04:42I think I got him.
01:04:43I don't know.
01:04:44I don't know.
01:04:45It's okay.
01:04:46Come on, guys.
01:04:47Come on, guys.
01:04:47Come on, guys.
01:04:48Come on, guys.
01:04:48Come on, guys.
01:04:49Come on, guys.
01:04:50Come on, guys.
01:04:50Come on, guys.
01:04:51No, I just love him so much.
01:04:54They said that he wasn't even human.
01:04:56Sure, just when I thought it was safe to come back into this apartment.
01:04:59Yeah, I knew you were going to say this.
01:05:01I'm sure you did.
01:05:02I had this really freaky dream about this big red moon,
01:05:06and it was just bleeding all over me.
01:05:08It was so corrupt.
01:05:10You know, I get crazy when there's a phone moving.
01:05:13You mean a phone would get crazy?
01:05:14You're nuts anyway.
01:05:17I got it.
01:05:18I got a word that's just going to kill you.
01:05:20Oh, yeah?
01:05:20Yeah, try it.
01:05:22How do you spell fornicate?
01:05:24Fornicate?
01:05:24That's easy.
01:05:26F, you got that?
01:05:28O, U, Q.
01:05:33But, Katie, I'm not sleepy.
01:05:35Shh, Bobby.
01:05:37Now you just close your eyes and get some rest.
01:05:40I'll try to get these people out of here as soon as I can.
01:05:43Remember, Santa's coming tonight.
01:05:45I need help.
01:05:46As strange and amusing as this might appear,
01:05:54keep in mind that every murder you see on this film is real.
01:05:58Rumors have it that a series of so-called snuff films were made
01:06:02using easily manipulated mental patients to commit actual murders.
01:06:07This particular film our experts have documented is absolutely authentic.
01:06:14And more important, the identity of this killer is what is of interest to us.
01:06:21Great interest.
01:06:23The evidence is also griminter.
01:06:26The evidence is not of interest.
01:06:27Freeligible fornication.
01:06:28готов único money to meet.
01:06:29Class of the gente at this film is what is of interest.
01:06:31.
01:06:32...
01:06:32...
01:06:37...
01:06:40...
01:06:41...
01:06:43...
01:06:43Oh
01:07:13Who is it?
01:07:38Who is there?
01:07:43Attention all units, this is an all points bulletin for a heavy set man reportedly dressed
01:08:09in a red suit, black boots, white beard, and possibly armed-
01:08:14And eight tiny reindeer.
01:08:16The suspect escaped tonight from Sunnydale Sanitarium.
01:08:21His name is Mickey Schultz, his alias.
01:08:25Get this gag, it's Kris Kringle.
01:08:28So it's back in town now, a real nut.
01:08:33You know what, Anderson?
01:08:35What, Brody?
01:08:37About 20 years ago, he killed his mother and his old man with a butcher knife on Christmas Eve.
01:08:44I never saw so much blood in my life, and I'll never forget it either.
01:08:49Watch it, Brody, a red light.
01:08:51Fuck, um, I'm a cop.
01:08:54Anyway, we went in, and we found the two of them layin' there, cacked up like a side of beef.
01:09:01And that little monster's standin' there with a knife in his hands.
01:09:06My partner, Kelly, he started pukin'.
01:09:11He started pukin' his guts out all over the place.
01:09:14Uh, excuse me, Brody.
01:09:16I think we should acknowledge that APB.
01:09:19Don't worry about it, Anderson.
01:09:21I got my own way of finding this.
01:09:24One look into his dead black eyes, and I'll know him.
01:09:31He's a stone nut.
01:09:32Ever since he saw his mama kissin' Santa Claus, he's been crazy ever since.
01:09:37You know what, Anderson?
01:09:39When the doctors examined the kid's head, they found dog shit for brains.
01:09:45Thank you, Detective, for that illuminating and tasteful description of the murder.
01:09:51Shall we proceed?
01:09:54The next brutal murder takes place here.
01:10:02The next brutal murder takes place here.
01:10:06Hey, man.
01:10:07What's goin' on?
01:10:10Shoot, I'll check it.
01:10:12I gotta do everything myself.
01:10:32Get down.
01:10:33The point in time at the police station.
01:10:34Oh, no.
01:10:35The one that's true.
01:10:36It's a bad witch.
01:10:37I'm so sorry about that.
01:10:38The fact I can't really worry about laughing.
01:10:39I feel like I'm so sorry about it.
01:10:41I got it.
01:10:42I'm so sorry about it.
01:10:43Oh, no.
01:10:44We'll go.
01:10:46It's a bad witch.
01:10:47I'm so sorry about it.
01:10:48The fact that I have norüstie.
01:10:50I won't be so sorry about it.
01:10:51What happens when I did it now?
01:10:52I'm so sorry about it.
01:10:53I'm so sorry about it.
01:10:55I don't see any of that.
01:10:57I try to jump in his head.
01:10:59I'm so sorry about it.
01:11:00Well, I guess that's graphic enough
01:11:20to give us the general idea.
01:11:23Obviously, our murderer is quite mad,
01:11:26and he continues killing
01:11:27until there's only one girl left.
01:11:30Mmm. Want some?
01:11:40Mmm, yeah.
01:11:42Oh, minute. I gotta pee.
01:11:45Hey, watch your mouth.
01:11:46You're gonna have to learn how to talk more like a lady.
01:11:48Hey, Sherry! Get a load of this!
01:12:00Far out.
01:12:16My baby does it, okay?
01:12:19Hey, splish-splash.
01:12:35Are you okay?
01:12:36John, what's all the racket going on?
01:13:00Oh, the tub.
01:13:04Oh, the tub.
01:13:04Mr.
01:13:08I'm sorry.
01:13:13Billy, did you hear that?
01:13:39Oh, it's probably just Sherry.
01:13:41She's a moaner.
01:13:42Yeah?
01:13:43How would you know?
01:13:44Billy, hurry.
01:13:45I think you better go see what's wrong.
01:13:47No way, Jose.
01:13:48Please.
01:13:49I better call the police.
01:13:57Oh, my God.
01:13:58The phone's dead.
01:13:59Oh, my God.
01:14:00The phone's dead.
01:14:06Oh, my God.
01:14:07The phone's dead.
01:14:09Oh, my God.
01:14:10The phone's dead.
01:14:11So am I.
01:14:12I'll just fast forward this to get to the end.
01:14:18Now, the point is, is that these murders are real, and the cycle they use to commit them
01:14:25is none other than the grandson of General Alexey Grossoff of the USSR Secret Police.
01:14:26Oh, my God.
01:14:27Oh, my God.
01:14:28Okay.
01:14:29I'll just fast forward this to get to the end.
01:14:31Okay.
01:14:32I'll just fast-forward this to get to the end.
01:14:37Now, the point is, is that these murders are real.
01:14:41And the cycle they use to commit them is none other than the grandson of General Alexey Grossoff of the USSR Secret Police.
01:14:53And he knows that we know all about it and won't hesitate to use it against him.
01:15:02It's going to be a while.
01:15:08Oh, my God!
01:15:11No!
01:15:12No!
01:15:13No!
01:15:14No!
01:15:15No!
01:15:16No!
01:15:17No!
01:15:18No!
01:15:19No!
01:15:20No!
01:15:21No!
01:15:22No!
01:15:23No!
01:15:24No!
01:15:25No!
01:15:26No!
01:15:27No!
01:15:28No!
01:15:29No!
01:15:30No!
01:15:31No!
01:16:01It's okay, miss. Brody's in charge now.
01:16:20Oh, no, you're not, detective.
01:16:24As a matter of fact, with this film in the hands of SOB,
01:16:29we are very clearly in charge.
01:16:31It is our intention to leak the information to the KGB
01:16:35and let them take care of their own.
01:16:38It keeps our hands clean of all that messy business
01:16:41and gets rid of an adversary at the same time.
01:16:53Now you know why it was so important to obtain this evidence.
01:16:56Right, Mr. E. Now you know, and soon, the whole world will know
01:17:08that my grandson grew up to be a very sick man.
01:17:15The last part is...
01:17:20He's still out there.
01:17:22He's still out there.
01:17:26He's still out there.
01:17:28There he is.
01:17:28Well, he's still out there, when we go out there.
01:17:30He's still out there.
01:17:31I don't know.
01:18:01You're really very good, Stephen James, Banner.
01:18:04You know, having this picnic was a great idea.
01:18:07Well, I'm just full of great ideas, Fanchella.
01:18:10Such as mine?
01:18:11Such as a little more champagne.
01:18:13Please, that crazy story you were telling me about that Mickey character, is it really true?
01:18:20Classified, darling.
01:18:21In fact, I really shouldn't say no more about it.
01:18:24What if he was still alive?
01:18:26Wouldn't you be in danger?
01:18:27I mean, you were responsible for his cop of death.
01:18:30Well, I suppose I do have to take that chance, don't I?
01:18:35Get down, Fanchella.
01:18:37Jesus.
01:18:41Fanchella, it's only...
01:18:45Jack on.
01:18:46Just saving your ass again.
01:18:48And it is such a nice ass, Stephen.
01:18:50That little Fanchella of yours just happens to be working at the Soviet embassy down here at the islands.
01:18:57I thought you'd be back in Washington by now, Lieutenant.
01:19:00Stephen, work is in everything you know.
01:19:03People do change.
01:19:05Stephen, it's so good to see you again.
01:19:20But darling, I thought you and me, this wasn't supposed to happen.
01:19:23Oh, shut up and kiss me.
01:19:25Me.
01:19:25I thought that was my life, guys.
01:19:28Oh, say love me.
01:19:30Living on the edge
01:19:34Without a prayer in sight
01:19:37You've got me walking on a ledge
01:19:42In the darkest part of night
01:19:47Standing at the edge
01:19:51With so much laughter
01:19:53Turn in the wind
01:19:55You're right
01:19:56Let's pray
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