The Sin of Harold Diddlebock

Movie Majesty

The Sin of Harold Diddlebock (1947) is a screwball comedy directed by Preston Sturges and starring silent-film legend Harold Lloyd in his final starring role.   Plot: The film picks up years after Lloyd’s classic The Freshman (1925). Harold Diddlebock is a timid, underpaid office worker who’s abruptly fired. To cheer him up, a fast-talking racetrack tout buys Harold his first cocktail—setting off an uncharacteristic spree of gambling, hijinks, and unexpected success, including acquiring a circus with a lion.   Tone & Style: Typical of Sturges, it blends sharp, rapid-fire dialogue with farcical situations. It’s a mix of mid-century Hollywood comedy and nostalgia for Lloyd’s silent-era antics.   Notable Facts: Later re-edited and re-released in 1950 as Mad Wednesday with added scenes. It’s often discussed as both a farewell to Lloyd’s career and a commentary on changing comedic tastes after the silent era.

Transcript

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00:09:27I go to everything.

00:09:28Football, Mr. Wigelberry.

00:09:29Football, of course.

00:09:30And I presume I promised you a job.

00:09:31I usually do when I get excited.

00:09:32Oh.

00:09:33But you shall have it.

00:09:34With me, a promise is a sacred pledge.

00:09:36My word is my bond.

00:09:37My handshake is like a certified check.

00:09:39My check is like a...

00:09:40He who loses honor loses everything.

00:09:42Right.

00:09:43We don't start people at the top, you understand?

00:09:45That would be too easy.

00:09:46We do it the American way.

00:09:48We give them an opportunity to work up from the American way.

00:09:51We give them an opportunity to work up from the American way.

00:09:54We give them an opportunity to work up from the bottom.

00:09:57What satisfaction.

00:09:58What a feeling of accomplishment you will have

00:10:01when you are able to look back from whatever rung of the ladder

00:10:04your go-gettiveness will have placed you upon and say,

00:10:07I, I did that.

00:10:09Yes, sir.

00:10:10Fine.

00:10:11You know nothing about the advertising business at all, I presume?

00:10:15Well, I, uh...

00:10:16Good.

00:10:17Then you won't have anything to unlearn.

00:10:19You'll be able to start right in the basement

00:10:21and your rise will be all the more.

00:10:23Spectacular.

00:10:24Every man is the architect of his own fortune.

00:10:26Excellent.

00:10:27I have ideas.

00:10:28You could almost say bursting with them.

00:10:29But contain them.

00:10:30Save them.

00:10:31Don't squirt them all out at once.

00:10:32The, uh...

00:10:33The idea department is a little congested at the moment.

00:10:34It always is for that matter.

00:10:35There never seems to be any shortage of, uh...

00:10:36Oh, but that would only depress you.

00:10:37I'll tell you what I'm going to do for you.

00:10:38I'm going to find you a little nook in the, uh...

00:10:39The bookkeeping department.

00:10:40A regular little niche.

00:10:41I'll tell you what I'm going to do for you.

00:10:42I'm going to find you a little nook in the, uh...

00:10:44The bookkeeping department.

00:10:45A regular little niche.

00:10:46You could almost call it a cranny.

00:10:47The rest will depend upon you.

00:10:48Well, thank you very much.

00:10:49But these ideas...

00:10:50How I envy you this chance you're receiving today.

00:10:51My...

00:10:52My father unfortunately left me the business.

00:10:53Oh.

00:10:54Just one of those things.

00:10:55You have no personal fortune, I hope.

00:10:56Well, no, sir.

00:10:57I, uh...

00:10:58Great!

00:10:59And probably only the clothes you stand in.

00:11:00Well, not exactly.

00:11:01I mean...

00:11:02This isn't my other suit.

00:11:03Oh, isn't it?

00:11:04No, sir.

00:11:05Well, no matter.

00:11:06Clothes do not make the man.

00:11:07On the contrary.

00:11:08As Shaffner said to Marx, it's man who makes the clothes.

00:11:10Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.

00:11:14Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha

00:11:44All right.

00:12:14Come on.

00:12:16Come on.

00:12:18Come on.

00:12:20Come on.

00:12:23Come on.

00:12:24Come on.

00:12:25Come on.

00:12:26Come on.

00:12:27Come on.

00:12:28Come on.

00:12:29Let's go.

00:12:29Come on.

00:12:31Good night.

00:12:31Come on.

00:12:32Let's go.

00:12:33Let's go.

00:12:35Finish it.

00:12:35Mr. Jittle, Doc.

00:12:36Yes, William?

00:12:37Mr. Baldwin?

00:12:38Hello.

00:12:39Mr. Baldwin?

00:12:40I've heard this morning.

00:12:41I can tell you my name.

00:12:42Mr. Jittle, Doc.

00:12:43Yes, William.

00:12:45Mr. Baldwin?

00:12:45Mr. Baldwin.

00:12:46Mr. Boss would like to see you.

00:12:48Oh, me?

00:12:49Oh.

00:12:52Either way.

00:13:16Come in.

00:13:26Come in.

00:13:47Do you want to see me, Chief?

00:14:13I'm sorry, Harold.

00:14:15Oh.

00:14:16How long have you been with us, Little Bot?

00:14:19About 20 years, I guess. 22 years.

00:14:22Too long.

00:14:23Why, it seems like yesterday to me. I mean that I started here.

00:14:27Well, it was quite a few yesterdays ago.

00:14:29The Earth has cooled considerably since you put on your first pair of sleeve protectors outside there.

00:14:34Yes, I guess it has.

00:14:36And so have you, Harold. So have you.

00:14:40I don't know exactly what you're talking about.

00:14:43I may be a little older, but I'm quite sure that I...

00:14:45I had great hopes for you, Little Bot.

00:14:47If ever I saw a promising type of American youth full of zing, full of zest, full of zowie, it was you.

00:14:53I remember that day I first saw you. The bases were full. The crowd was breathless.

00:14:57You strutted up to the plate swinging three bats at once.

00:15:00What?

00:15:01Oh, no. It was hockey, wasn't it? Ice hockey, of course. You got the puck.

00:15:06It wasn't?

00:15:07Well, what does it matter anyway at this point?

00:15:10A man is only as young as his arteries, Harold. And a firm is only as young as its employees.

00:15:15My father fired anyone who got to be 50. Man, woman, or child, it didn't matter to him.

00:15:20That was his motto, the cornerstone of its success.

00:15:23Personally, I found the method harsh. I do not subscribe to it.

00:15:26With me, a man is as young as his ideas.

00:15:29Yes, sir.

00:15:30I even participated in, or at least closed my eyes, too, a small deception some of the older employees practiced when,

00:15:37because my father was extremely nearsighted, they dyed their hair and returned to work for us as their own sons.

00:15:42Blessed...

00:15:43Of course they are. Unfortunately for you, Harold, my own eyes are excellent.

00:15:48You have not only ceased to go forward, you have gone backward.

00:15:51You have not only stopped progressing, you have stopped thinking.

00:15:54You not only make the same mistakes year after year, you don't even change your apologies.

00:15:58You have become a bottleneck.

00:16:00You are the living proof of the low quality of work we demand of our employees,

00:16:05and a bad example to the younger employees who figure that if you can get away with it, they can too,

00:16:09they don't have to be any better than you are, which is zero.

00:16:12What?

00:16:13There are no buts. I, uh, I have, uh, bought you a Swiss watch, 18 carats at Chimes.

00:16:18It is, uh, properly inscribed with gratitude and love and kisses, uh, for 20 years devoted to service and so forth and so forth,

00:16:25and I herewith present it to you.

00:16:27Here is also a check for, uh, um, uh, $2,946.12,

00:16:34which, uh, represents your, your, uh, savings deposited with the company.

00:16:38I am surprised you haven't saved more in 20 years.

00:16:41I had a lot more, only it was invested in the preferred stock of the company,

00:16:45and you remember what happened in 1929.

00:16:47Oh, yes, yes, I remember. Of course it was just as hard on all of us.

00:16:50You know, the little and the big we all shared and shared life, but that's all water under the bridge.

00:16:55Goodbye and good luck. And as a parting thought, I want you to know that this is hurting me much more than it is you, Harold.

00:17:01Much more. Thank you very much. Goodbye.

00:17:05Don't let it get you down. Thank you.

00:17:10How are you doing?

00:17:11It's working.

00:17:15It's playing.

00:17:17It's playing.

00:17:18I'm ready.

00:17:19I'm ready.

00:17:20I'm ready.

00:17:21I'm ready.

00:17:22I'm ready.

00:17:23I'm ready.

00:17:24Sorry, Harold.

00:17:28Thanks.

00:17:28Like that and cash, please?

00:17:30Well, what's the matter?

00:17:31Don't you trust us anymore?

00:17:33Once bitten, twice shy.

00:17:36I'll have to get it out of the safe.

00:17:38I'll bring it over to your desk.

00:17:39Thank you, Charlie.

00:17:40You'd better buy a wig.

00:17:41Huh?

00:17:42Why?

00:17:42You'll find out.

00:17:43I'm a man.

00:17:44I'm a man.

00:17:46I'm a man.

00:17:47I'm a man.

00:17:48I'm a man.

00:17:49I'm a man.

00:17:50I'm a man.

00:17:51I'm a man.

00:17:52I'm a man.

00:17:53Here you are, Harold.

00:17:59Thanks, Charlie.

00:18:04Justin Dorsett.

00:18:23Thanks, Harold.

00:18:25So long, Charlie.

00:18:53Here you go.

00:19:23THE END

00:19:53Oh, might I speak to you a moment, Miss Otis?

00:20:01Certainly, Mr. Diddlebox.

00:20:03You mean privately?

00:20:04Well, with some privacy.

00:20:06I could look for something in the private leavens.

00:20:08I never find anything anywhere.

00:20:09Splendid. I'll join you in a moment.

00:20:23Miss Otis, uh...

00:20:33Yes, Mr. Diddlebox?

00:20:36Miss Otis, when...

00:20:38your eldest sister, Hortense,

00:20:40came to work here some 17 or 18 years ago,

00:20:43I fell in love with her.

00:20:44She was a lovely girl.

00:20:46Yes, I know.

00:20:47I mean that you fell in love with her.

00:20:48She told me.

00:20:49Oh, she swept me off my feet.

00:20:52My circumstances at that time

00:20:54did not permit even the contemplation of marriage.

00:20:56I know, she told me.

00:20:58When she very wisely stopped waiting for me

00:21:01and married the gentleman

00:21:02whose life she has since illuminated,

00:21:04I felt that my own life was ended,

00:21:06that I would never love again,

00:21:09that the sunshine had withdrawn permanently

00:21:11behind the clouds.

00:21:12I know.

00:21:13Clouds mistaken.

00:21:14Of course.

00:21:14Because when your next eldest sister, Irma,

00:21:16came to work here,

00:21:17I fell even more deeply in love with her

00:21:19than I had with Hortense.

00:21:20I know.

00:21:21She told me.

00:21:22Hortense even got a little burned about it.

00:21:24Well, she needn't have

00:21:25because when Irma and her turn

00:21:26got married and was replaced

00:21:28by your next eldest sister, Harriet,

00:21:30I felt that everything that had gone before

00:21:33was merely an appetizer.

00:21:35I know.

00:21:36She told me, too.

00:21:37They were getting better and better.

00:21:39Your mother seemed to be making them nicer every year.

00:21:43I haven't come to you yet.

00:21:45When Harriet ran away

00:21:46with that headstone salesman,

00:21:48I was inconsolable.

00:21:49None of us felt very good about it.

00:21:51I was going to propose the very next day.

00:21:53She didn't know that.

00:21:54I had the ring in my pocket.

00:21:56I just made the last payment on it,

00:21:58the one I'd started for Hortense.

00:21:59You came so close.

00:22:01I never felt so defeated in my life.

00:22:03I never thought I'd smile again.

00:22:05You only met Margie.

00:22:06That's right.

00:22:08She was even better than the others.

00:22:10You might have had more practice.

00:22:11Practice makes perfect.

00:22:12By then, of course, I'd been wiped out in the market.

00:22:15Was that it?

00:22:16She never knew.

00:22:17That's right.

00:22:18I started to get on my feet again

00:22:20when your sister Claire came to work.

00:22:22Why didn't you ask her?

00:22:23Didn't you like her?

00:22:24Like her?

00:22:25I worshipped her.

00:22:27Only that irresponsible lout.

00:22:30That loafer who married my sister chose that very moment

00:22:33to kick the bucket to pass on

00:22:35without leaving even a dime's worth of insurance.

00:22:39So I found myself with a ready-made family.

00:22:43Poor Mr. Littlebock.

00:22:45I suppose you were in love with Rosemary, too,

00:22:47while she was here.

00:22:48Naturally.

00:22:49Of course, I was so in the habit of being in love

00:22:51with your mother's daughters,

00:22:52but then that it would be impossible for me

00:22:54to even see one without, without...

00:22:56Without what, Mr. Littlebock?

00:22:59I presume you know I've adored you

00:23:03since the first morning you punched your first time card.

00:23:08You knew it, didn't you?

00:23:09Well, I suspected it.

00:23:11My sisters had warned me.

00:23:12Of course.

00:23:13Imagine being exposed to seven Miss Americas

00:23:18and muffing the whole seven of them.

00:23:20Poor Mr. Littlebock.

00:23:22I'm leaving here today.

00:23:24Oh, no, Mr. Littlebock.

00:23:25That's what I really wanted to tell you.

00:23:26I don't know where I'm going,

00:23:27and I very probably won't see you again.

00:23:30So I want to just take this.

00:23:34It's all paid for.

00:23:36Someday when you meet some young man

00:23:39who's really worthy of you

00:23:41and who has everything but the engagement ring,

00:23:45you can take that excuse away from him anyway,

00:23:48and...

00:23:50Well...

00:24:09Well...

00:24:28I don't...

00:24:34I don't know.

00:24:36Let's go.

00:25:06Yes, sir, let's go.

00:25:10Confidentially I left my money on the dresser this morning when I was leaving.

00:25:15You couldn't let me have $4 until I say you couldn't let me have four...

00:25:23You couldn't let me have $4 till Wednesday.

00:25:27That's my lucky day.

00:25:29There's a mag called Foot Shuler running out on the drive.

00:25:32Oh, dear.

00:25:34And you don't have to go if you can't spare it.

00:25:36I just said if you happen to have $4 you wasn't using

00:25:38until Footshore come in.

00:25:39The fool and his money are soon parted.

00:25:41Yeah, but think what beautiful memories he lays up.

00:25:44How about $2 till tomorrow?

00:25:46He who lendeth money ended friendship.

00:25:48Well, that's all right.

00:25:49We ain't friends.

00:25:50I never even seen you before.

00:25:52Well, that's a fine argument.

00:25:54How about a quarter for a racing farm?

00:25:56This is day before yesterday.

00:25:57Oh, here, since you're so melancholy about yourself.

00:26:00Well, that's a fine argument.

00:26:02How about a quarter for a racing farm?

00:26:04Fish hooks?

00:26:05What?

00:26:06I say, maybe you caught your mittens and fish hooks.

00:26:08Holy Moses.

00:26:09Westerner, huh?

00:26:13Oh, here.

00:26:15What's the difference?

00:26:16Holy mackerel, you're a right guy.

00:26:18You stick to me, you'll be wearing rubies.

00:26:20No, I'm not.

00:26:21It's just that I've been saving it for 20 years,

00:26:23and I'm getting tired of it.

00:26:24It's what you call an impulse.

00:26:25Like a man works all his life in a glass factory,

00:26:28while one day he feels like picking up a hammer.

00:26:31You say you work in a glass factory?

00:26:33No, I didn't say that at all.

00:26:34It's just...

00:26:35Oh, well, you wouldn't understand.

00:26:37But you needed a drink.

00:26:38Oh, no.

00:26:39I never touch it.

00:26:40I never have.

00:26:41It runs in my family not to.

00:26:42The demon rum...

00:26:43I'll tell you what I'm going to do.

00:26:44Since you've been so generous and all with me...

00:26:45No, no.

00:26:46I tell you, I have never in my whole life...

00:26:48You're never too old to learn.

00:26:49You can't teach an old dog new tricks.

00:26:51Every dog is entitled to one bite.

00:26:53Let sleeping dogs lie.

00:26:54A barking dog never bites.

00:26:55He who sleepeth with dogs rises with fleas.

00:26:57Now, wait a minute.

00:26:58How about a little wine for thy stomach's sake?

00:27:01That's from the good book.

00:27:02He who hesitates is lost.

00:27:03Lips that touch liquor shall never touch mine.

00:27:05Eat, drink, and be merry.

00:27:06The priest and the prophet have urged through strong drink.

00:27:09They are swallowed up of wine.

00:27:10They are out of the way through strong drink.

00:27:11They err in vision.

00:27:12They stumble in judgment.

00:27:13Isaiah 28.

00:27:14You've got me.

00:27:15What kind of a drink would you suggest?

00:27:16Nothing too strong, of course.

00:27:17How deep is your trouble, brother?

00:27:18How did you know I was in trouble?

00:27:19Well, I've been around quite a lot of them.

00:27:20I hear you.

00:27:21Did you ever hear of a Texas tornado?

00:27:22Not till this moment.

00:27:23Oh, you'll be surprised and amazed.

00:27:24I know.

00:27:25I know.

00:27:26I know.

00:27:27I know.

00:27:28I know.

00:27:29I know.

00:27:30I know.

00:27:31I know.

00:27:32I know.

00:27:33I know.

00:27:34I know.

00:27:35I know.

00:27:36I know.

00:27:37I know.

00:27:38I know.

00:27:39I know.

00:27:40I know.

00:27:41I know.

00:27:42Oh, you'll be surprised and amazed.

00:27:44Right this way.

00:27:45What?

00:27:46Come on.

00:27:47Wait a minute.

00:27:48Oh, come on.

00:27:49I shouldn't be doing.

00:27:50Sure.

00:27:51Down in there.

00:27:52Oh, come on.

00:28:00Don't flash that roll in here.

00:28:01I wouldn't want anything to happen to it.

00:28:03A wise man keep of his own counsel.

00:28:05Fine.

00:28:06Come on.

00:28:12Come on.

00:28:13Come on.

00:28:14Good morning, gents.

00:28:15Good morning, Warby.

00:28:16What's your pleasure?

00:28:17Jake, I want you to meet my friend, Mr. Uh...

00:28:18He's taking me to a bankroll.

00:28:19Oh, Foley.

00:28:20He must be new around here.

00:28:21This calls for a little celebration, Mr. Uh...

00:28:22Uh...

00:28:23Diddlebock.

00:28:24Harold Diddlebock.

00:28:25Diddle what?

00:28:26Diddlebock.

00:28:27Bock as in beer.

00:28:28Oh, I thought you said Diddlebock as in buckwheat cake.

00:28:30No, I didn't.

00:28:31Brother Diddlebock, uh, back.

00:28:32Uh, what's the matter with me?

00:28:33Oh, yeah, Buck.

00:28:34He's in some kind of trouble.

00:28:35Who is it?

00:28:36He's about to have his first drink.

00:28:37His first drink?

00:28:38Uh-huh.

00:28:39Drown my kittens.

00:28:40This is quite a moment.

00:28:41You mean his first this morning?

00:28:42Or really his first ever and ever since he was weaned?

00:28:44I have never partaken.

00:28:45I have never partaken.

00:28:46I have never partaken.

00:28:47I have never partaken.

00:28:48Uh-huh.

00:28:49I have never partaken.

00:28:50Uh-huh.

00:28:51I have never been to a bankroll.

00:28:52Uh-huh.

00:28:53I have never been to a bankroll.

00:28:54Uh-huh.

00:28:55I have never been to a bankroll.

00:28:56Uh-huh.

00:28:57You never know how the other half lives.

00:28:58You aroused the artist in me.

00:28:59It was just an impulse.

00:29:00Well, obey that impulse.

00:29:01Why don't you have a cigar?

00:29:02Have a cigar?

00:29:03Yes, sir.

00:29:04I'd like to make you something.

00:29:05Hmm.

00:29:06Something you would remember.

00:29:07I wouldn't want anything.

00:29:08I mean, if I had anything at all.

00:29:09Nothing potent.

00:29:10You understand?

00:29:11You never feel it.

00:29:12I was thinking of a Texas tornado.

00:29:14Oh, not for an occasion like this, were me.

00:29:16A tornado's like a tornado.

00:29:17I don't want anything.

00:29:18I mean, if I had anything at all.

00:29:19Nothing potent.

00:29:20You understand?

00:29:21You never feel it.

00:29:22I was thinking of a Texas tornado.

00:29:24Oh, not for an occasion like this, were me.

00:29:26A tornado's a perfectly reliable commercial drink

00:29:28for conventions and hangovers and things like that.

00:29:31But this, this is almost, uh, is the word vestal?

00:29:35Huh?

00:29:36I mean, it ought to have organ music.

00:29:38I wouldn't want anything.

00:29:39I mean, opportunities like this come along all too rarely

00:29:42for a man with his heart and his work.

00:29:44Now, tell me, Mr. Dittlebeck, about...

00:29:47Where were you born?

00:29:49Uh, what?

00:29:50Nebraska.

00:29:51Corn.

00:29:52Corn.

00:29:53In what year, please?

00:29:54Nineteen hundred and one.

00:29:55Fine, fine.

00:29:56They distilled some very palatable stuff in nineteen hundred and one.

00:30:01Well, let me see.

00:30:02Let me see, uh...

00:30:13I wouldn't do this for everybody.

00:30:15I wouldn't want you to...

00:30:16Hey, you leave it to me.

00:30:17You just leave it to him.

00:30:18Nineteen hundred and one.

00:30:19Nineteen hundred and one.

00:30:20Nineteen hundred and one.

00:30:21A sort of meeting of old friends.

00:30:22Brothers under the stars.

00:30:23It ought to help your personalities to get together.

00:30:24Or don't you believe in astrology?

00:30:25I've never thought much about it.

00:30:26If you're making that for me...

00:30:27You believe in personalities.

00:30:28I suppose so.

00:30:29I...

00:30:30How about posterity?

00:30:31What?

00:30:32Posterity is just around the corner.

00:30:33Now, just a couple of technical questions.

00:30:35Would you like it frappé or flambé?

00:30:36How?

00:30:37You like ice skating or turkish bands?

00:30:38I used to skate a little.

00:30:39Frappé.

00:30:40Frappé.

00:30:42Frappé.

00:30:43What?

00:30:44What?

00:30:45What?

00:30:46What?

00:30:47What?

00:30:48What?

00:30:49What?

00:30:50What?

00:30:51What?

00:30:52What?

00:30:53What?

00:30:54What?

00:30:55What?

00:30:56What?

00:30:57What?

00:30:58What?

00:30:59What?

00:31:00What?

00:31:01What?

00:31:02What?

00:31:03Ah, just relax.

00:31:04One final question.

00:31:05Do you prefer fluke?

00:31:06What?

00:31:07Well, you think I should have done a bus 10 unt sven ella.

00:31:12ヽナーで飲られていますか?

00:31:13It would have been some times.

00:31:14Well, son.

00:31:15What?

00:31:16Wait.

00:31:17You want to be prepared, would you go dry?

00:31:18Obviously.

00:31:19I said noな, I'm just not排泄い necessarily.

00:31:30I'm not sure the animals are.

00:31:31One final question.

00:31:33Do you prefer the taste of rosemary or wormwood?

00:31:35Who or who?

00:31:36Do you like Benedictine or absinthe?

00:31:38What?

00:31:39What kind of toothpaste do you use?

00:31:41Psozidone.

00:31:42I got you.

00:31:46If that's for me, you just leave it to him.

00:31:49What a scientist.

00:31:50Ain't that pretty?

00:31:51I wouldn't want anything to, uh,

00:31:53They call him the professor.

00:31:55You just leave it to him.

00:31:57Oh, boy.

00:31:58Gentlemen, the diddlebock.

00:32:00Ain't he wonderful?

00:32:02A genuine genius.

00:32:03That's certainly very kind of you.

00:32:05Don't mention it.

00:32:06If you don't mind, I'll sample a mouthful with you.

00:32:09Well, I certainly hope you will after mixing up this much.

00:32:12The artist does not weigh his clay.

00:32:15You're very good health, Mr. Diddlebock.

00:32:17Here's to you, Mr. Diddlebock.

00:32:26Ain't that something if I do say so myself?

00:32:29Well, that's certainly very kind of you.

00:32:31I'm only sorry that you made so much of it.

00:32:33Heh.

00:32:34Certainly the last thing I ever expected was to have an alcoholic refreshment named after me.

00:32:39Very attractive aroma.

00:32:42Very mild.

00:32:43Nothing to it.

00:32:44I wouldn't say that.

00:32:45But it has always seemed to me that the cocktails should approach us on tiptoe, like a young girl, whose first appeal is innocence.

00:32:49What a poet.

00:32:50Here's to innocence.

00:32:51Bottoms up.

00:32:52Over your ears.

00:32:53Doggone if he didn't inhale, I'd like an expert.

00:32:55Welcome to the Brotherhood.

00:32:56Is that all there is to it?

00:32:57You are now a member in full standing.

00:32:58That's it.

00:32:59I'm sorry.

00:33:00I'm sorry.

00:33:01I'm sorry.

00:33:02I'm sorry.

00:33:03I'm sorry.

00:33:04I'm sorry.

00:33:05I'm sorry.

00:33:06I'm sorry.

00:33:07I'm sorry.

00:33:08I'm sorry.

00:33:09I'm sorry.

00:33:10I'm sorry.

00:33:11I'm sorry.

00:33:12I'm sorry.

00:33:13I'm sorry.

00:33:14I'm sorry.

00:33:15Doggone if he didn't inhale, I'd like an expert.

00:33:17Welcome to the Brotherhood.

00:33:18Is that all there is to it?

00:33:20You are now a member in full standing.

00:33:22That's very, very pleasant.

00:33:24Just a little dividend.

00:33:26Just a drop.

00:33:27You'd never guess that you'd make so many different flavors in it.

00:33:31Like a poem.

00:33:33I suppose there is some alcohol in this.

00:33:36I will not deceive you.

00:33:38There is.

00:33:39You'd never know it.

00:33:40That's where the skill comes in.

00:33:42What a scientist.

00:33:46There ain't hardly another mixer in town could do you a thing like that.

00:33:49Oh, boy.

00:33:58Lovely.

00:33:59Just like Delbert.

00:34:00What was that yelling?

00:34:01Did you hear something just then?

00:34:07To innocence.

00:34:08And still more innocence.

00:34:10What is...

00:34:11What is...

00:34:12You know, just beginning and all.

00:34:13It ain't as if anyone ever drank a fiddle box before.

00:34:15You can't tell what it'll do to you.

00:34:16This lemonade.

00:34:17Shake up another batch of it.

00:34:18Shake up a bucket of it.

00:34:19Oh, wait a minute.

00:34:20What are you talking about?

00:34:21What are you looking at?

00:34:22Who, me?

00:34:23Nothing.

00:34:24Hurry it up.

00:34:26What is that yelling I keep hearing?

00:34:28Say, is somebody strangling a horse around here?

00:34:43You know, I thought I heard something.

00:34:44Everything's under control, Mike.

00:34:45It was like a sneeze and yet it wasn't like a sneeze.

00:34:47It was more like, uh...

00:34:48What's the matter?

00:34:49Uh, won't you have a little drink while you're here?

00:34:50No, thanks.

00:34:51Not while I'm on duty.

00:34:52The, uh, diddle box isn't really a drink.

00:34:53Diddle what?

00:34:54It's just a little thing I invented in Brother Diddlebox's honor.

00:34:56It's, uh, more like a fruit cup, really.

00:34:57A fruit cup with sex appeal.

00:34:58Thanks, just the same.

00:35:00Very fine fellow.

00:35:01One of the finest.

00:35:02Diddle-ho!

00:35:08There it is again.

00:35:09I could have sworn I heard something.

00:35:10I suppose I didn't end up in that time.

00:35:11I'm very glad you noticed it, because I did, too.

00:35:13Yeah, don't tell me.

00:35:15I've been telling these boys about it, but maybe you didn't.

00:35:17Get it out of here and tell me what it is.

00:35:19Well, I'll tell you.

00:35:20You're right, sir.

00:35:21I'll tell you the best.

00:35:22And I'll tell you, Mr. Dick.

00:35:23You're right, sir.

00:35:24Well, I'll tell you.

00:35:25Well, you're not sure.

00:35:26You're right, sir.

00:35:27And I'll tell you.

00:35:28You're right, Mr. Dick.

00:35:29That's a good friend.

00:35:30Tell me.

00:35:30I've been telling these boys about it, but they're not sure.

00:35:33To me, it sounded like a cross between a Mongolian lynx and a wounded moose.

00:35:37Have you ever hunted the Mongolian lynx?

00:35:39I have not.

00:35:40How about a wounded moose?

00:35:41Likewise.

00:35:42You're probably better off.

00:35:43Why don't you give the gentleman a drink instead of letting him stand there with his tongue hanging out?

00:35:46Look, before your tongue starts hanging out, you better lay off a couple of them diddlepots.

00:35:51A fine thing at 11 o'clock in the morning.

00:35:53Who's he talking to?

00:35:54You?

00:35:54Now, wait a minute.

00:35:55Just a moment, officer.

00:35:57My friend may be small, but I want you to know that he's got a heart of gold.

00:36:01And I won't hear one word against him.

00:36:02You understand?

00:36:03When I was in the depths of desperation, the dregs of despair, who befriended me?

00:36:08Not E.J.

00:36:09Waggleberry and company.

00:36:11Not the fellow employees besides whom I toil for 22 years and whose sorrows I seared.

00:36:16Who wouldn't?

00:36:17Not the Metropolitan Police Force whose salaries I have paid and whose uniforms I have purchased

00:36:22to keep them warm in winter, cool in summer, and fresh in all times.

00:36:26But yawns, bolder, befriended, when befriended matter nothing.

00:36:31You understand?

00:36:32You handle him.

00:36:33Ha!

00:36:34A-yoo!

00:36:36Wait a minute.

00:36:37I just saw it.

00:36:39So what?

00:36:40The fellow doing the yelling.

00:36:41He's hiding behind the post there.

00:36:42Probably an escape room to take.

00:36:43I don't see anybody, Mr. Dittlebock.

00:36:45What do you mean you don't see anybody?

00:36:47You can't see that old crackpot with the spectacle?

00:36:49Why, that's you, Mr. Dittlebock.

00:36:50Me?

00:36:51That old tramp?

00:36:52Why, that doesn't look anything more like me.

00:36:54Look at that collar.

00:36:55Looks like a horse collar.

00:36:56Oh, it ain't so bad, Mr. Dittlebock.

00:36:58How long have I been looking like this?

00:36:59You've always looked like that, Mr. Dittlebock, at least ever since I've known you.

00:37:03Why, this is an outrage.

00:37:04Look at that old scarecrawl.

00:37:05Look at that suit.

00:37:06Look at that hat.

00:37:07Look at that face.

00:37:09Oh, it ain't so bad as all that, Mr. Dittlebock.

00:37:11It's worse.

00:37:12Why I wouldn't trust a face like that to empty a spittoon?

00:37:14Oh, yes, you would, Mr. Dittlebock.

00:37:16Are you positive that's me?

00:37:18Two will get you 12.

00:37:19Then where is there a barber and a jet furnishing outfit?

00:37:22This is a calamity that must be repaired immediately.

00:37:26Right upstairs, Mr. Dittlebock.

00:37:28Only I'll...

00:37:28Only what?

00:37:29Don't you think you'd better sit down a little while for you?

00:37:30Sit down?

00:37:31Why should I sit down?

00:37:32Do I look tired?

00:37:33That's the trouble with the men of today.

00:37:35They don't enjoy.

00:37:36They have no stamina.

00:37:38Look at our forefathers.

00:37:40Look at Washington.

00:37:41Look at Valley Forge.

00:37:43Look at the pioneers.

00:37:44Then look at me.

00:37:46Hey, are you a barber?

00:37:48I'm looking for one.

00:37:48Yes, but excuse me.

00:37:50Is there a leopard loose in the building or something?

00:37:51Everything is under control.

00:37:55Men were men in those days.

00:37:58Here, buy yourself a new suit.

00:38:00You look terrible.

00:38:01They mined the earth and dug the rivers and tamed the wilderness

00:38:06and brought forth peaceful homesteads in the shadow of the eagle

00:38:10and the echo of the thundering herd.

00:38:13And in a final analysis, where are they?

00:38:16I ask you and I reply, dead, my friends.

00:38:21Deader than a boiled mackerel.

00:38:24I thank you.

00:38:27Are you all right?

00:38:29A barber in the table.

00:38:30A barber in the table.

00:38:31A barber in the table.

00:38:33And the world is mine.

00:38:35A barber in the table.

00:38:38You better remember what you put in that so it won't happen again.

00:38:41What's the matter with this?

00:38:46Should all acquaintance be forgot for the sake of auld lang syne?

00:38:56Now, if you'll just slip into this, Mr. Diddlebuck.

00:38:58That wouldn't be a little on the quiet side, would it?

00:39:00Yes, I think you're right.

00:39:02Hide not thy light under a bush.

00:39:03You need a tent to hide that one.

00:39:05Well, then we'll try this little blen awkward plan.

00:39:07Well, murder.

00:39:08Well, now, Mr. Diddlebuck indicated to me that he wanted something courageous.

00:39:12I made this for a dog act.

00:39:14I can hear it barking.

00:39:16Very clever.

00:39:17I bet they have to get up pretty early in the morning to catch you in bed.

00:39:21It's been tried.

00:39:22Uh-oh.

00:39:24Well, now, suppose we try this little pinstripe.

00:39:28Why?

00:39:29Well, we just thought, the young lady and I, that this was a smidgen on the loud side.

00:39:33A mildly.

00:39:34Oh, you did?

00:39:34It's the check within the check within the check that turns my stomach.

00:39:38Oh, it is.

00:39:38How true.

00:39:39Hello, Max.

00:39:40How depressingly true.

00:39:42Who's the toss-butt?

00:39:44That's my friend, Mr. Diddlebuck.

00:39:45Now, that would call for a waist measurement of about 32.

00:39:49Oh, excellent.

00:39:51I'll be back in a flash and you won't know yourself.

00:39:55Well, so long.

00:39:56Better luck next time.

00:39:57Just a moment.

00:39:58Why are you giving that lowbrow your money?

00:40:00Lowbrow?

00:40:01Now, wait a minute.

00:40:02Now, here, wait a minute.

00:40:03This is Max, the bookie's man.

00:40:05Don't you remember that goat I was betting on?

00:40:06This goat?

00:40:07Listen, Chester.

00:40:08No, no, no.

00:40:09Butcher, he lost.

00:40:10Why do you bet on goats?

00:40:11You want to bet on something?

00:40:12Bet on horses.

00:40:13They're run faster.

00:40:14Yes, sir.

00:40:15You say this animal lost?

00:40:17Totally.

00:40:18Hmm, I see.

00:40:19Well, now is the time to turn defeat into victory through a clever maneuver.

00:40:24Yes, sir.

00:40:24Now, who are the contestants in the next sprint?

00:40:26Let's see.

00:40:27Windipane, Butcher Boy.

00:40:28Senor Pepito.

00:40:30Oxnose, Pepper Pot, Crazy Maisie.

00:40:33Get a joy.

00:40:34These handles.

00:40:35Pulpit, pulpit catapetal, and emmeline.

00:40:38Emmeline?

00:40:39Did you say emmeline?

00:40:40Yeah, emmeline.

00:40:41Devoid of speed.

00:40:42Probable odds, 30 to 1.

00:40:44Emmeline was my mother's younger sister.

00:40:46You don't tell me.

00:40:47Oh, yes.

00:40:48She was a little shorter than mother, though.

00:40:49A little plumper, too.

00:40:50But a very pretty girl.

00:40:51That's remarkable.

00:40:53Avoid her like poison.

00:40:55She had the prettiest blue eyes.

00:40:57But she's 30 to 1.

00:40:59But no bookie pays more than 15 to 1.

00:41:02I'll take 15.

00:41:03Don't you understand what odds mean?

00:41:05I think so.

00:41:06They represent a difference of opinion.

00:41:08Right.

00:41:08Well, my opinion is emmeline.

00:41:10She must be a beautiful goat.

00:41:13I mean, if she's anything.

00:41:13She's a horse.

00:41:14Oh, well, all the better.

00:41:16They run faster.

00:41:17I don't want to hurry, isn't I?

00:41:19But if anybody still wants to get a bet down.

00:41:21I get 15 to 1 for emmeline?

00:41:23Especially if she wins.

00:41:25A $1,000.

00:41:26A $1,000.

00:41:27A $1,000?

00:41:28A $1,000?

00:41:30You mean on the nose?

00:41:32Wherever you put it.

00:41:33Now, wait a minute.

00:41:34Take it easy, will you?

00:41:35Don't get excited.

00:41:36It's nothing but a symbol that costs practically nothing to print.

00:41:39There is no shortage of it at any time.

00:41:41Don't do that, Mr. Dittlebottom.

00:41:42You have to take chances in this life.

00:41:44Will you take a grand on emmeline?

00:41:45Well, look, you don't have to take those kind of chances.

00:41:4715 to 1.

00:41:48Don't do that, Mr. Dittlebottom.

00:41:49What are you doing, Mr. Dittlebottom?

00:41:50Nonsense.

00:41:51You didn't know Aunt Emmeline.

00:41:52I got the dough right here in my mitt.

00:41:54Here, put it in my mitt.

00:41:55Are you sure?

00:41:56Nonsense.

00:41:57I wish you would change.

00:41:58The dye is cast.

00:41:59Of course, it ain't any of my business, but...

00:42:01You sure you'd want to think this over?

00:42:03Certainly not.

00:42:04When the iron is hot, strike.

00:42:05Mark, I joke that...

00:42:06Obey that impulse.

00:42:08Okay, it's your funeral.

00:42:10Okay.

00:42:11I tell you, I got it right here in my mitt.

00:42:14Can't you hear it?

00:42:16You made a bet.

00:42:17Maybe not.

00:42:18The best bet in the world, but a bet.

00:42:19They're off.

00:42:20I can hear the short wave.

00:42:21Senor Pepita going to the front by your head.

00:42:24Winterpane, second.

00:42:25Crazy Maisie, third.

00:42:26Put your boy, fourth.

00:42:27And a po-po-cater pedal.

00:42:28Let me hear that.

00:42:29A thousand bucks.

00:42:30Keep quiet.

00:42:31Let me hear that, will you please?

00:42:33Around the chain.

00:42:34It's the pedo in front by three quarters of a length.

00:42:37Winterpane, second by your head.

00:42:39Crazy Maisie, third by your head.

00:42:41At the quarter, it's Winterpane by your head.

00:42:43And here we are, Mr. Dittlebottom.

00:42:45I just brought a few accessories in case.

00:42:48The pedo was second by.

00:42:49Very good.

00:42:50Now, if you just slip into these, Mr. Dittlebottom.

00:42:52Certainly.

00:42:53Would you mind glancing the other way, your dear?

00:42:56With pleasure.

00:42:57Oh.

00:42:58With your permission, Mr. Dittlebottom.

00:43:00The butcher boy got through on the inside and is going to the...

00:43:02Crazy Maisie floated.

00:43:03She swearing to the butcher boy on the rim.

00:43:05Like the skin on her feet.

00:43:08All this noise.

00:43:09This one.

00:43:11By all means.

00:43:12Now, if you just slip you coat off the Dittlebottom.

00:43:15Spock.

00:43:16Crazy Maisie ran wide and bit him.

00:43:18What?

00:43:19She's crazy.

00:43:20Now she's back at the rail in front by a length.

00:43:22And there we are.

00:43:24Very nice.

00:43:25Coming up between horses and clean for home.

00:43:27It's Crazy Maisie by a length.

00:43:29The pedo was second by half a length.

00:43:30And the butcher boy's coming up.

00:43:31No.

00:43:32No.

00:43:33No.

00:43:34No.

00:43:35No.

00:43:36No.

00:43:37What?

00:43:38Here comes Emeline.

00:43:39Emeline!

00:43:40They're coming up between.

00:43:41Oh.

00:43:42Oh.

00:43:43Oh.

00:43:44Oh.

00:43:45It kills the soup.

00:43:46They kill each other.

00:43:47Here comes Emeline.

00:43:48It's a driving finish.

00:43:49Their noses apart.

00:43:50They're going across the line.

00:43:51They're finished now and it's Emeline.

00:43:53Emeline.

00:43:54Emeline.

00:43:55Here.

00:43:56Put your boys second by half a length.

00:43:57And Crazy Maisie is straight in front of...

00:43:59That...

00:44:00Is me.

00:44:01Emeline.

00:44:02Emeline win.

00:44:03Hot dog.

00:44:33Come on, son.

00:44:34Wake up.

00:44:35Wake up.

00:44:36Wake up, you nasty thing.

00:44:37A fine brother you turned out to be.

00:44:38I work and slave and give up the best years of my life to make you a home full of charming womanly touches and keep my children pure-minded.

00:44:40And as a reward for all this, you come rolling home at midnight in a condition which I for one Mr. Thibault...

00:44:42Wake up, wake up, you nasty thing.

00:44:45A fine brother you turned out to be.

00:44:47I work and slave and give up the best years of my life

00:44:50to make you a home full of charming, womanly touches

00:44:52and keep my children pure-minded.

00:44:54As a reward for all this, you come rolling home at midnight

00:44:57in a condition which I, for one, Mr. Littlebot...

00:44:59What's so late about midnight?

00:45:00Yes, but where were you all day Wednesday?

00:45:03All day Wednesday, all day Wednesday.

00:45:05You were drunk, that's where you were.

00:45:07Drunk as is probably rolling in a gutter someplace.

00:45:10All day Wednesday?

00:45:11What are you talking about, Flora?

00:45:12I never had a drink in my life.

00:45:14Coming home on horseback.

00:45:15Horseback?

00:45:16Waking up all the neighbors.

00:45:17On horseback?

00:45:18And when all Mrs. Chauncey called out the window,

00:45:20the night was made for sleep, Mr. Littlebot.

00:45:22You and your drunken friends had to holler back.

00:45:24The night was made for love, Mrs. Chauncey,

00:45:26or have you forgotten?

00:45:27I said that.

00:45:28Said it, you sang it.

00:45:29Where's my suit?

00:45:30Well, you came home in this thing.

00:45:35What is it, a horse blanket?

00:45:37It would look as good on a horse as it did on you.

00:45:39You mean I actually walked the streets in this?

00:45:41You rode horseback in the streets in it.

00:45:44I wonder if anybody saw me.

00:45:45Oh, no, of course not.

00:45:46You probably didn't attract any more attention

00:45:48than Lady Godiva in Macy's window at noon.

00:45:51Form fit, Franklin, featuring the figure phenomenal.

00:45:54Form fit?

00:45:55I wonder if I get my money back on it.

00:45:56You could try, but I doubt it.

00:45:59You might see what you can get on this while you're at it.

00:46:01Oh, take it off, will you?

00:46:05I feel bad enough as it is.

00:46:06I had a fortune.

00:46:07I had thousands.

00:46:09I had all my savings in one big...

00:46:11Wait a minute.

00:46:12I had tens of thousands.

00:46:14You had tens of thousands.

00:46:16I tell you, I did.

00:46:17Where are my pants?

00:46:17Maybe you threw them out the window.

00:46:19I tell you, I had a fortune in them.

00:46:21You had a fortune in them.

00:46:22And where did you acquire this fortune, may I ask,

00:46:24if I'm not too inquisitive?

00:46:26Is there such a thing as a goat race?

00:46:28A goat race?

00:46:29No, I remember.

00:46:30It was Mother.

00:46:30You say Mother was racing some way?

00:46:32Bertha B, that's right.

00:46:33Were there any other angels in the race?

00:46:35It was a horse race.

00:46:36You know what a horse is, don't you?

00:46:37What's the matter with you, Clara?

00:46:38First, I bet on a horse called Emmeline.

00:46:41You remember Aunt Emmeline?

00:46:42She won easily, naturally.

00:46:43Then I took the $15,000 I bet on Emmeline.

00:46:46$15,000?

00:46:47That's right.

00:46:47She paid $15 to $1.

00:46:48I took the $15,000 I bet on Aunt Emmeline and betted...

00:46:52On Mother.

00:46:53On Bertha B.

00:46:54Bertha B.

00:46:55You remember your old mother's name, don't you?

00:46:57Yes.

00:46:57And she won too, I suppose.

00:46:59Easily, I presume.

00:47:00You must be on the millions, you presume.

00:47:02I seem to remember a big fat man someplace where there was some very pretty girls dancing

00:47:09the tom-tom and slinging their garters around.

00:47:12Oh, I see it.

00:47:13This big fat man, big hearted mower, was it generous, Jake?

00:47:18He was always smiling.

00:47:19He had a big happy smile, like a shark.

00:47:21He had it right in his pocket for him.

00:47:22He said, all in cash.

00:47:23All he had to do was reach right in and pull it out.

00:47:26He said.

00:47:26That's right.

00:47:27But the government didn't want anybody to have that much in case.

00:47:30That was it.

00:47:30It wasn't patriotic.

00:47:32For him.

00:47:32That's right.

00:47:33And when I said, I suppose, that's why they want you to put your money in bonds.

00:47:36He said, bonds, Brother Diddlebock.

00:47:38When they say bonds, they mean investments.

00:47:41And have I got an investment for you, Brother Diddlebock.

00:47:44And what was it?

00:47:47I don't remember.

00:47:48Well, I'll tell you what it was, Brother Diddlebock.

00:47:51It was a drunkard's dream.

00:47:53The horses were nightmares.

00:47:54And the money is just something you never had, and they're never going to get, Brother Diddlebock,

00:47:58because you're just an old failure.

00:48:00So just get into your clothes and go down to the office and walk in.

00:48:02As though nothing had ever happened, then probably you'll find nothing did happen.

00:48:05What about Wednesday, Flora?

00:48:06What was I doing all day Wednesday?

00:48:08Don't tell them you had a cold.

00:48:10They probably had brunks working for them before.

00:48:11I just don't believe it, Flora.

00:48:13I don't care if I could only find those pants.

00:48:20Oh, boy.

00:48:22Now you'll see whether it was a dream or not, whether I never made any money or never will.

00:48:26Just feast your eyes on that.

00:48:43Well, that's certainly funny.

00:48:51Good morning, sir.

00:48:52Good morning.

00:48:54Good morning.

00:48:56Shall I follow you, sir, or will you hop in now?

00:48:59You talking to me?

00:49:00By all means, sir.

00:49:01I said, shall I follow you, or will you hop in now?

00:49:03Uh, just a moment.

00:49:04Why should I ride in that safe?

00:49:06Well, it's your cab, sir.

00:49:07You bought it last Tuesday.

00:49:09My cab?

00:49:10You mean including the horse?

00:49:12Most assuredly, sir.

00:49:13How else would we propel it?

00:49:15Well, what did I use for money?

00:49:17Why, you had tons of it, sir.

00:49:18And you were most generous, and I spirited with it, too,

00:49:20if I may make so bold.

00:49:22I was.

00:49:23Positively, sir.

00:49:24Took me back to the good old days.

00:49:26It was a gorgeous message.

00:49:28Well, hardly anyone could render you a slight of service

00:49:31without you pressing a 50, or at least a 20, into his eager hands.

00:49:35I almost thought once or twice you overdid it, sir.

00:49:37Excuse me.

00:49:38You didn't happen to notice what I did with any of that money,

00:49:40did you, or even some of it?

00:49:42Oh, you were most free with it, sir.

00:49:44The women were at your feet, sir, if I may make so bold.

00:49:47They were.

00:49:48Prostrate, sir.

00:49:50Absolutely horizontal.

00:49:52The weaker sex simply adore a generous man, sir.

00:49:54Excuse me.

00:49:55You wouldn't like to buy this vehicle back in a bargain, would you?

00:49:57I could let you have it very reasonably,

00:49:59including the horse and the whole.

00:50:01But you've already paid me a must wage, sir.

00:50:04And you gave me to understand the position was permanent.

00:50:06I really hate to disappoint you, but wait a minute.

00:50:09You don't happen to know whether a horse called Bertha B-1 on Tuesday,

00:50:13do you?

00:50:13By all means, one rather easily, I believe, in 201.

00:50:16Then what did I do with you?

00:50:17You mean the tale?

00:50:19Yes.

00:50:19And where was I all day when?

00:50:21You mean where weren't we, sir?

00:50:23Oh, it was like the good old days.

00:50:26You'd say Algernon.

00:50:27Your name's Algernon.

00:50:28My name's Thomas, sir, but you had difficulty in remembering it.

00:50:31You called me Algernon James Macbeth, and even Othello once or twice.

00:50:36Excuse me, but...

00:50:37Morning, Mr. Dindlebuck.

00:50:39I thought you'd be over there, but since you wasn't, I'd come over here.

00:50:41Morning, Hamlet.

00:50:42Good morning, Wormy.

00:50:43Now, before you do anything else, you've got to see about getting them some breakfast.

00:50:46Getting them some breakfast?

00:50:48They would like to have their breakfast immediately, if not sooner.

00:50:50Who would like to have their breakfast?

00:50:52The lions.

00:50:53You know anything about any lions?

00:50:55I rejoice to say I do not, sir.

00:50:57The lions that come with the circus.

00:50:59I've been out there for two days.

00:51:01What an aroma.

00:51:02Just what circus are you alluding to?

00:51:03Your circus.

00:51:05And it ain't no illusion.

00:51:06My circus?

00:51:07Who in heaven's name ever gave you the idea that I had a circus?

00:51:11Whoever gave me the idea?

00:51:13You sent me out to take care of it, didn't you?

00:51:15Right in the middle of the party, didn't you?

00:51:16Just when I'm getting in good with this big blonde, I got to beat it out to Queens, just

00:51:20in time for an elephant to squirt a bucket of ice water in my kisser, and for one of

00:51:24them cats to, well, never mind.

00:51:25Where the how in heaven's name did I ever get a circus?

00:51:28Lucky Leopold gave it to you instead of the dough you won from him, while Bill Hitchcock

00:51:33lost his circus to him.

00:51:34Then I did win on Bertha B.

00:51:36Oh, sure, for all the good it done you.

00:51:38You said you had always won at his circus.

00:51:40I did.

00:51:40You did, and you have.

00:51:41You sure got your wish.

00:51:42I see.

00:51:43And we have many hungry mouths to feed.

00:51:46Oh, we have.

00:51:47I was hoping it was just a small lion act or something.

00:51:49Maybe one lion and a couple of trained birds, maybe.

00:51:52One lion.

00:51:53I just mentioned the lions first because they were yelling the loudest.

00:51:56We got 37 lions.

00:51:5837?

00:51:59Yes, 37.

00:52:00We also got 14 tigers.

00:52:0214 tigers?

00:52:03That's right.

00:52:04Also, seven bears, some odd jaguars, and a puma.

00:52:07A puma?

00:52:07And what a puma?

00:52:08That's the one.

00:52:09Look, we got horses, a shettling pony.

00:52:11Never mind.

00:52:12Where'd you say this Noah's Ark is located?

00:52:14Over the bridge in Queens.

00:52:15Then what's the joker?

00:52:16Why did I get it?

00:52:17What's wrong with it?

00:52:18Oh, nothing, except we ain't got no tent to give the show in.

00:52:21You've got to have a fireproof tent, and you can't get a fireproof tent.

00:52:24And we owe six months' feed bill and four months' back salary.

00:52:27And there's a plaster on every piece of rolling stock and a habeas corpus on the whole work.

00:52:31Now, how would you feel about repossessing your circus at a fraction of its original cost?

00:52:45I'd like to be 9,000 miles away from it, home in the arms of my mother.

00:52:50I see.

00:52:51I could make you an exceptionally attractive offer.

00:52:53You couldn't make me an attractive offer.

00:52:55Not if you got down your bended knees and threw in a set of dishes.

00:52:59I see.

00:52:59You don't, but you will.

00:53:01The only reason I hung around as long as I did and gambled away my steak was because they were so hungry.

00:53:06And you don't find many people takes pity on a lion.

00:53:09That's right.

00:53:10You got any idea how much meat a lion, not a monarch of the jungle, just a small, ordinary lion like, uh, like, uh, oh, like that one there.

00:53:20Come here, Jackie.

00:53:21What?

00:53:21Come here.

00:53:22Jackie.

00:53:22Come up here.

00:53:24You got any idea how much a lion eats per day?

00:53:27I, I, I haven't discussed the slightest idea.

00:53:3021 pounds.

00:53:32Hmm.

00:53:33Per day.

00:53:34Quite, quite, quite, quite a pet.

00:53:36Yeah, like a kitten.

00:53:37Of course, you don't get any choice, because it's just ordinary meat.

00:53:42But then they don't exactly give it away, either.

00:53:44I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I.

00:53:46I, I, I, I, I, I, I.

00:53:48Now you multiply 21 pounds per day by 37 lions, 14 tigers, and 9 jaguars.

00:53:56Yeah, I know, a pupuma.

00:53:58And a pupuma.

00:53:59Then you multiply that by 30 days by September, April, May, and November.

00:54:05yeah whatever it is but all the rest have 31 and that means one more big deal

00:54:11except February alone only 28 I see did you ever try selling them to a circus

00:54:22Ringling Brothers did you ever try some pills to Carter go on away Jackie how

00:54:28about

00:54:30you did well a circus must be really quite a white elephant I'm glad you

00:54:37brought that up have you got any idea how much an elephant eats and all say a

00:54:42week hot or cold rain or shine 52 weeks a year regular haven't the slightest idea

00:54:48well not counting the peanuts or the 150 pounds of bran or the 200 pounds of

00:54:55oats or the 50 gallons of pure spring water they drink to wash it down with

00:55:00can your mind envision a ton of hay a tongue a haystack of hay alfalfa why

00:55:07that's impossible a die of indigestion nothing to eat on a hay an elephant can

00:55:11with ease now let me tell you about the hippopotamus a hippopotamus does not as

00:55:16you might suppose live on a diet of water

00:55:19the hippopotamus is all very nice but where is the fish fish you want mr.

00:55:27diddleback Friday there's a few characters out here would like to have a little word

00:55:30with you just a moment we will speak for ourselves if it's all the same to you my

00:55:36small friend you sir this is indeed a great pleasure mr.

00:55:41middleback isn't it place is all mine sir madam ethically and morally we are not

00:55:44responsible for the acts of our predecessor but sometimes technically

00:55:48we are and now if you'll come this way and present your statements one at a time

00:55:55how do you do what is your trouble young man i happen to have some very hungry cats and i was just wondering if your organization could help me out a little just temporarily

00:56:03most certainly we're here for that purpose it wouldn't matter about the size of the cat not a particle we mother all cats that was the desire of our dear benefactor very handsome man well that's certainly a relief now have you one or plural cats

00:56:18plurals excellent the number please 61 if you want to count that people i beg your pardon uh well in the neighborhood of 60 it's quite a neighborhood well you know how they multiply there are ways of controlling that you know i don't want to sound crude but are you quite sure that being out of the

00:56:48work of work and everything you could afford to support quite so many of our dear little friends well i'd be very happy to bring over a couple of wagon loads oh not permitted or all too soon our little home would be overflowing especially with ours we will go through for the distance the important thing is that they're hungry isn't it of course it is so i'll just give you a requisition for uh you can finish the back door for shall we say six bottles of milk

00:57:17oh let's make it eight bottles of milk and some nice freshly chopped liver about how much liver do you think your poor little darlings could manage

00:57:24well uh would about uh three tons be asking too much three tons we could have took a couple of pounds of that liver what for for lunch ah we gotta think along very much broader lines than that this is a big problem

00:57:46you're telling me i used to solve problems all the time when i was in college trigonometry calculus but a time this would be

00:57:53you know something what i don't think i've thought in years no fooling i'm always thinking always trying to figure an angle that's because you have to you haven't got security you haven't got a job like i have i mean like i have

00:58:05well you have to get up at the same time every day eat the same breakfast go to the office on the same car work on the same ledger all day then go home the same way you came to the office except backwards

00:58:12sure makes me dizzy to ride back doesn't take any thought to do all that so you don't think anymore like you stop taking exercise

00:58:19i sure hate exercise i was even in love with the same girl all my life except in a different body same with me i gotta have change all the time so long susie hello nelly hail and farewell

00:58:27you know something else what he may have been right to fire me huh i'm just an old has-been what are you talking about have ever i seen a live wire a good time jolly with the rubber off his roll and a whistle for the game why this little problem wouldn't have been no problem at all to you on tuesday

00:58:42Huh?

00:58:42I'm just an old has-been.

00:58:44What are you talking about?

00:58:45Have ever I seen a live wire, a good-time Charlie with a rubber off his roll, and a whistle for the game?

00:58:50Why, this little problem wouldn't have been no problem at all to you on Tuesday.

00:58:53Where there's a problem, there must be a solution.

00:58:56Where there's a mind, there must be thought.

00:58:58Do you follow me?

00:58:59Well, at a distance.

00:59:01Where there's a circus, there must be money.

00:59:03You said it.

00:59:04Now, where do you get money?

00:59:06Wall Street.

00:59:07Correct.

00:59:07And where in Wall Street?

00:59:08A bank.

00:59:09Correct again.

00:59:10And how do you get that money out of that bank?

00:59:12A hold-up?

00:59:13No, no, no.

00:59:14By using your head.

00:59:16Nothing is impossible if you use your head.

00:59:18You can go through granite walls with your head.

00:59:20I nearly done it one time.

00:59:21I tried out a horse.

00:59:22It was a very quick stop.

00:59:24Baraboo.

00:59:24Huh?

00:59:25Baraboo, Wisconsin.

00:59:26A banker from Baraboo, Wisconsin.

00:59:28Uh-huh.

00:59:29The winter headquarters.

00:59:30A Ringling Brothers Circus.

00:59:31What's that got to do with it?

00:59:33What's that got to do with it?

00:59:34Any boy from Baraboo, Wisconsin naturally wanted to hang around a circus as much as they'd let him.

00:59:39All his spare time he was there.

00:59:40He'd carry water for the elephants, take me down to the public library.

00:59:44He'd chop meat for the lions.

00:59:46He'd stuff hay in the hippopotamus.

00:59:48Naturally, he wanted to run away with a circus.

00:59:49Every American boy does.

00:59:53I see.

00:59:53That's a very clever piece of deductive reasoning, Mr. Diddlebacher.

00:59:56A very brilliant hypothesis.

00:59:57Just plain, but...

00:59:58Uh, you are interested in circuses, aren't you, Mr. Sergeant?

01:00:01Deeply.

01:00:02Splendid.

01:00:02Where did you develop your interest in circuses, Mr. Diddlebacher?

01:00:06I, uh, uh, dabble in circuses.

01:00:08You know, jump in, take a small profit, jump out.

01:00:11Oh, yes, it's that last part.

01:00:12That's the hard part.

01:00:13I, uh, might have wished that you were a true lover of circuses rather than just a traitor in them,

01:00:17but beggars can't be choosy.

01:00:18How true?

01:00:18And now, Mr. Sergeant...

01:00:19Lord and Elephants.

01:00:20How so rude you'll be ready to take over my circus?

01:00:22Take over your circus?

01:00:23Well, time is of the essence, naturally.

01:00:24You must have found owning circuses before.

01:00:26But once you make a reminder that the scores one of them, the sooner the sweeter...

01:00:28Oh, yes, it is.

01:00:30Perhaps I shouldn't tell you this, but you certainly came on the right day.

01:00:33I've just received my monthly fee bills.

01:00:35And I'm prepared to make you a genuine bargain.

01:00:36I'll meet you more than halfway.

01:00:38In fact, I'm willing to take a stupendous loss.

01:00:39I'll make you such a sacrifice.

01:00:41Oh, yes, I will.

01:00:42This is the end.

01:00:43By death, we can acquire my circus in such a reasonable term that...

01:00:46You mean you can acquire my circus?

01:00:47That's right.

01:00:49Give that to me again?

01:00:50We got the circus, and you being fond of circuses, we thought naturally you'd be...

01:00:54That you could sell it to me?

01:00:56Uh-huh.

01:00:57I, uh...

01:00:58I knew this was too good to be true.

01:01:02Now, I hate bankers.

01:01:04Why?

01:01:04Because they won't lend you any money like they're supposed to.

01:01:07Everybody hates them.

01:01:08Don't you hate them?

01:01:09I never thought much about it.

01:01:10Now, let's see.

01:01:11Why would a banker want to buy a circus?

01:01:14Take off his income tax?

01:01:15I don't think they pay income tax.

01:01:17At least you never see their names.

01:01:18They're very high on the list.

01:01:19You're leaving us to pay it firm.

01:01:21I hate bankers.

01:01:22Could he be sorry for the animals?

01:01:24A banker?

01:01:25What we need is an argument.

01:01:27What we need is some meat.

01:01:29That'll come.

01:01:30Now, why would you buy a circus if you were a banker?

01:01:33I wouldn't.

01:01:34Even if you could afford it?

01:01:35I should say not.

01:01:36Pooey.

01:01:37Why, I would.

01:01:38I guess maybe that's why I bought one.

01:01:41I was always going to buy a circus when I got rich.

01:01:43You sure bought one.

01:01:44Keep it in the poorest part of town.

01:01:46Let all the kids in for nothing.

01:01:48All year round.

01:01:49Just to see their faces.

01:01:51You get awful tired of that whiff.

01:01:53Wait a minute.

01:01:54You say everybody hates bankers?

01:01:56Naturally.

01:01:56There you are.

01:01:57Huh?

01:01:58Nothing to it.

01:01:59Where's there another bank?

01:02:00They're all banks.

01:02:01Then come on.

01:02:02What happened?

01:02:03We just sold a circus.

01:02:04Huh?

01:02:04James R. Smokin' company.

01:02:10James R. Smokin' company.

01:02:11Morning, gentlemen.

01:02:12Morning.

01:02:12Is Mr. Smokin'?

01:02:13We'd like to smoke him out.

01:02:14We'll go inside, Wormy.

01:02:15You got an appointment?

01:02:16We'll make an appointment.

01:02:18What do you want to see him about?

01:02:19An investment.

01:02:20Of what?

01:02:20What's it's your business?

01:02:22Well, go ahead.

01:02:23I'm not stopping you.

01:02:24There are plenty of people inside for that.

01:02:25Go on and try it.

01:02:26Big mug.

01:02:27Come on, Wormy.

01:02:28Big mug.

01:02:29I hate bankers.

01:02:34Well, listen, you.

01:02:43We didn't figure this out far enough.

01:02:47You've got to figure these things out to the bitter end.

01:02:49What you'll do, then what they'll do.

01:02:51Then what you'll do after that, then what they'll do.

01:02:53Then what you'll do after that.

01:02:55It's like, do you play chess?

01:02:56No.

01:02:57I don't either.

01:02:57Maybe if you wore the other suit in the Big Kelly.

01:03:00What for?

01:03:00To frighten them?

01:03:01No.

01:03:02What we need is an open sesame.

01:03:04Well, no way we can dig up a couple of blackjacks.

01:03:06No, no, no.

01:03:07What we need is a rule.

01:03:08Oh.

01:03:09Did you ever hear of the Trojan horse?

01:03:11Where was he running?

01:03:12Forget it.

01:03:12There's nothing that succeeds like success.

01:03:15No.

01:03:15Like thought.

01:03:16With thought, you can penetrate granite walls.

01:03:19Right, Big Mug.

01:03:21All we need, then, is a thought.

01:03:23But that goes all the way through.

01:03:24Right.

01:03:24That don't stop at the bitter end.

01:03:26Right.

01:03:26You and your little brother.

01:03:27Never mind that.

01:03:30There's nothing to it.

01:03:32What?

01:03:32We'll be in jail by 3.30?

01:03:33Huh?

01:03:34Out again by a quarter to five?

01:03:35Huh?

01:03:36I've got it.

01:03:37Absolutely and beyond question.

01:03:39It cannot fail.

01:03:40What is it this time?

01:03:42We've just sold the circus.

01:03:43That's all.

01:03:44Again?

01:03:44Right.

01:03:44Come on.

01:03:45Must you go?

01:03:46We'll be back.

01:03:47You'll find out, you big stiff.

01:03:49Right.

01:03:51Right.

01:03:51Since you have repeatedly failed to clean up this matter,

01:03:55despite numerous warnings from me,

01:03:57which I was in no way obligated to show.

01:03:59Which we were in no way obligated to show.

01:04:03We are reluctantly forced to inform you

01:04:07that we will have to take over your building.

01:04:10As of the...

01:04:12As of the...

01:04:14Oh!

01:04:16Oh!

01:04:19Oh!

01:04:32Oh!

01:04:33Whoa!

01:04:36Oh!

01:04:37Oh, no, no, no!

01:04:42Oh, no, no, no!

01:04:44Oh, no, no, no, no!

01:04:46Ha ha!

01:04:51Ha ha ha!

01:04:55Ha ha ha ha!

01:05:07I hope we're not intruding.

01:05:11Mr. Smoke, I presume?

01:05:14I wonder if I could have a few moments of your valuable time.

01:05:18Mr. Smoke.

01:05:20Where are you, Mr. Smoke?

01:05:22Now, wait a minute, Jackie.

01:05:24No!

01:05:26No!

01:05:38Will you, will you take that m-m-m-bash that they got out of here?

01:05:41You wouldn't hurt a butterfly, Mr. Smoke.

01:05:43Butter wouldn't melt in his mouth.

01:05:44Give the gentleman your paw, Jackie.

01:05:48Here, give Mr. Smoke a drink.

01:05:50It's nothing.

01:05:52It's called the dillbots.

01:05:54I have only a few moments before the police reserves arrive,

01:05:59so I will be extremely brief.

01:06:01As you know, Mr. Smoke, you are loathed by everything.

01:06:05Why?

01:06:06Because you are a banker.

01:06:08I am here to repopularize you overnight

01:06:10through the medium of the James R. Smoke year-round police circus for children.

01:06:13Adults, 55 cents.

01:06:15Remember that the richest man in the world spent millions to become popular.

01:06:19I will make you popular overnight and for nothing.

01:06:22There's only one circus in the world for sale.

01:06:24Why, Jackie?

01:06:25I have it.

01:06:26The James R. Smoke year-round police circus for children.

01:06:29Adults, 55 cents.

01:06:31The price is $30,000.

01:06:33I will leave you with that thought.

01:06:34My name is Dittlebock.

01:06:35You can locate me through the papers.

01:06:37Good day.

01:06:38Come on, Jackie.

01:06:40Come on, boy.

01:06:41Good day.

01:06:43Buck, as in Bill.

01:06:47That's where I am, and they don't, uh...

01:06:50business.

01:06:52Hold everything down there.

01:07:02Come on, everybody.

01:07:03We'll go back and walk.

01:07:04Dad, can you go?

01:07:05Do you want to take something?

01:07:06Come on, Jimmy?

01:07:07How are you?

01:07:08Goodbye, everybody.

01:07:09Yes, sir.

01:07:10Ha, ha, ha.

01:07:12Julius Margok.

01:07:14Julius Margoff, year-round free circus for children.

01:07:17Remember those words.

01:07:18Add those 55 cents.

01:07:20As you know, Mr. Margoff, you are abominated by everybody.

01:07:24And my plan is to make you have a pop-up.

01:07:25Here, hold a drink.

01:07:26It's nothing.

01:07:27Stand back to the wild animals.

01:07:28Stand back to the wild animals.

01:07:29Stand back to the wild animals.

01:07:30Stand back to the wild animals.

01:07:31You see.

01:07:32Get up, Jackie.

01:07:33Stand up.

01:07:34As you know, Mr. Blackston, you are despised, reviled,

01:07:38and detested by all normal human beings.

01:07:40My plan is to undo this great wrong

01:07:42through the medium of the Jeremiah T. Blackston year-round

01:07:45free circus for poor children.

01:07:46Add those 55 cents.

01:07:47Drop that gun.

01:07:48Here, have a drink.

01:08:05I'm sorry we had to break in only like this,

01:08:06but I want you to know about the McDuffie year-round

01:08:08free circus for poor children.

01:08:10Add those 55 cents.

01:08:11As you know, Mr. McDuffie.

01:08:13Just a minute, young man.

01:08:14What do you mean crashing in here without being announced?

01:08:16What you got there, dog?

01:08:17He don't smell nice.

01:08:18Why don't you give him a bath?

01:08:20Now, get out of here before I ring for the janitor.

01:08:22Now, if I can never find that, Tessie Bell,

01:08:24then have you escort to the street pronto.

01:08:26Go on out, now.

01:08:27The McDuffie circus would make you very popular.

01:08:30I don't want to be popular.

01:08:31I don't like nobody, and nobody likes me.

01:08:33If it's all right with him, it's all right with me.

01:08:35Here, have a drink.

01:08:36Certainly, that's the one thing I do like.

01:08:38The McDuffie circus will probably make-

01:08:39Very nice, man's only friend.

01:08:42Now, get that dog out of here.

01:08:44I hate dogs.

01:08:45Shoe-rober.

01:08:46Go on, get out.

01:08:47Get out now.

01:08:48Where are you?

01:08:49Get out of here, now.

01:08:50I can smear you, but I can't.

01:08:53Get out of here.

01:08:54No, no.

01:08:55Hey, Jackie.

01:08:58Look out for Jackie.

01:09:00Here, Jackie.

01:09:01Here, Jackie.

01:09:02Now, look what you've done.

01:09:03Here, Jackie.

01:09:05Here, Jackie.

01:09:06Here, Jackie.

01:09:07Look, look, look, look.

01:09:10Oh, Jackie, look, look, look.

01:09:12Oh, Taking a look.

01:09:17Don't shoot, caras.

01:09:22Oh,

01:09:28You gotta do.

01:09:31Oh, Jackie.

01:09:32Yeah, Jackie.

01:09:35Oh, Jackie.

01:09:35Jackie.

01:09:37Jackie.

01:09:41Jackie.

01:09:45Jackie.

01:09:49Jackie.

01:09:53Jackie.

01:09:57Come on.

01:09:58Come on, come on.

01:09:59For me.

01:10:00Get out of here.

01:10:02Get out of here.

01:10:14Come on, Jackie.

01:10:16Come on, Jackie.

01:10:18Come on, Jackie.

01:10:20We'll go in there.

01:10:22Take him in through the end window.

01:10:24All right.

01:10:26Stay back, boy.

01:10:28No! Stay back.

01:10:30Come on.

01:10:32Try the other one.

01:10:34All right.

01:10:36No, Jackie.

01:10:38Try this one over here.

01:10:40All right.

01:10:42Stay back in there, boy.

01:10:44Quiet now.

01:10:46Stay back.

01:10:48Stay right.

01:10:50It's locked, too.

01:10:52Huh?

01:10:53I'll try the other one.

01:10:54Right.

01:10:55All right.

01:10:56Quiet, boy.

01:10:57Oh!

01:10:58Mr. Dilma!

01:10:59No!

01:11:00Hand!

01:11:01Just do something.

01:11:02Here.

01:11:03Get back, boy.

01:11:04Give me your hand, now.

01:11:05Careful.

01:11:06Hey!

01:11:07No, no, no.

01:11:08Wait a minute.

01:11:09Come on, Bubba.

01:11:10Come on.

01:11:11Hold my hand.

01:11:12Look out.

01:11:13Look out.

01:11:14What are you doing?

01:11:15Hey!

01:11:16No, no, no, no.

01:11:17What's the matter with you?

01:11:18I said...

01:11:19It's enough.

01:11:20Stay back there.

01:11:21Now I've got my glasses.

01:11:22Oh, all right.

01:11:23I'll buy you another pair.

01:11:24They were only from the dime store,

01:11:26but it took me three weeks to pick them up.

01:11:28Where are you?

01:11:29Never mind.

01:11:30Look out!

01:11:31Look out!

01:11:32No!

01:11:33Mr. Dilma.

01:11:34No!

01:11:35No!

01:11:36Please, Mr. Dilma.

01:11:37What are you trying to do here?

01:11:39You don't see the...

01:11:40I'm just...

01:11:41Careful now.

01:11:42Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:11:43Ah!

01:11:44No, hang on.

01:11:45No!

01:11:46No!

01:11:47No!

01:11:48No!

01:11:49Stay back there.

01:11:50I'll show you how to open them.

01:11:51Wait a minute.

01:11:52Don't frighten Jackie.

01:11:53You don't frighten that easy.

01:11:54This is one time I thought the thought all the way through.

01:11:57Get back, Jackie.

01:11:58And I ain't going over that precipice again.

01:12:00Now...

01:12:01Hey!

01:12:02Stay there, Jackie, now.

01:12:04Now be quiet, Jackie.

01:12:06That's a nice old iron.

01:12:08Only be a second now.

01:12:10Only be a second now.

01:12:11Be careful, boy.

01:12:13Oh, no!

01:12:15Watch out!

01:12:16For heaven's sake!

01:12:22Be careful, Jackie.

01:12:23Please.

01:12:24Stay back there now.

01:12:25Stay still.

01:12:26What's the matter with you?

01:12:27Be careful.

01:12:28I want to cut your arm off.

01:12:30Yeah.

01:12:31I thought I told you.

01:12:32Not to make any noise.

01:12:33How can you throw a telephone show or play glass window

01:12:36without making any noise?

01:12:38You don't throw two play glass windows.

01:12:40Oh.

01:12:41What a mess.

01:12:44Can you see him?

01:12:45There's a good old Jackie.

01:12:46There's a good boy.

01:12:47Oh, you dare.

01:12:48There's a good old Jackie.

01:12:49There's a boy.

01:12:50But just let me get you.

01:12:52Oh.

01:12:53Have you got a hold of me?

01:12:54Right by that coach.

01:12:55Hang on, now.

01:12:56I'll get a change.

01:12:57I got you.

01:12:58Right, Jackie.

01:12:59Get your tail out of the way now.

01:13:00Hang on.

01:13:01Easy.

01:13:02No!

01:13:03No!

01:13:04No!

01:13:05Hang on.

01:13:06Come on, Mr. Gilbert.

01:13:07No!

01:13:08Quiet, Jackie.

01:13:09Come on, Jackie.

01:13:10Come on.

01:13:12I almost!

01:13:13It looks like that.

01:13:14You hit me in the finest.

01:13:20Jackie!

01:13:21Do you all right now?

01:13:22Just one minute.

01:13:23Now take it in.

01:13:24Not take it in.

01:13:25All right, Jackie, I can't.

01:13:29We're on the edge now.

01:13:30Not ya.

01:13:31Now, no.

01:13:33Where's that level up?

01:13:34Where are you?

01:13:35I got you.

01:13:36You got a hold of me?

01:13:37Yeah, I got you.

01:13:38Now hang on.

01:13:39I got it.

01:13:40I got it.

01:13:41Oh, no.

01:13:42I see.

01:13:43Show the tail up from around Jackie's.

01:13:45The chain from up around Jackie's.

01:13:47I see.

01:13:48Have you got a good hold of it?

01:13:49Just a minute.

01:13:50Now hang on.

01:13:51What?

01:13:52What's the matter?

01:13:53I'll show you.

01:13:54Oh, God.

01:13:55If I only had my glasses.

01:13:57OK, now hang on.

01:13:58I got you.

01:13:59Here I go.

01:14:00I got you.

01:14:01I got you.

01:14:02I got you.

01:14:03I got you.

01:14:04I got you.

01:14:05I can't see you holding me.

01:14:06I got you in a jet trip.

01:14:07You got me.

01:14:08Couldn't stop it.

01:14:09You betcha.

01:14:10Here I go now.

01:14:11Be careful now, Mr. Dildon.

01:14:12I got it.

01:14:13I got a good hold of me.

01:14:14Sure I got you.

01:14:15But why is your voice so far away when your co-tails are right here?

01:14:19What?

01:14:20What?

01:14:21Wormy!

01:14:22Help me!

01:14:23Help!

01:14:24Help!

01:14:25Wormy!

01:14:26Wormy!

01:14:27Mr. Dildon!

01:14:28Wormy!

01:14:29Wormy!

01:14:30Mr. Dildon!

01:14:31Hurry!

01:14:32Somebody help me!

01:14:33No, Jackie.

01:14:34Give me your help!

01:14:35Help me!

01:14:36Help me!

01:14:37Help me!

01:14:38I'm way over here now!

01:14:39Over where?

01:14:40Jack, I'm trying to go!

01:14:41Do something!

01:14:42Wormy!

01:14:43Way over here, Wormy!

01:14:44No, Jackie!

01:14:45I'm trying to go!

01:14:46No!

01:14:47Hurry up, go!

01:14:48Oh!

01:14:49Mr. Dildon!

01:14:50Mr. Dildon!

01:14:51Mr. Dildon!

01:14:52Mr. Dildon!

01:14:53Mr. Dildon!

01:14:54Mr. Dildon!

01:14:55Mr. Dildon!

01:14:56Mr. Dildon!

01:14:57Mr. Dildon!

01:14:58Mr. Dildon!

01:14:59Mr. Dildon!

01:15:00Mr. Dildon!

01:15:01Hurry up for me!

01:15:02Oh!

01:15:03Ty!

01:15:04Have you got him?

01:15:05Come on, boy!

01:15:06Have you got him, Will?

01:15:08No!

01:15:09No!

01:15:10Can you reach me?

01:15:11I'll get something!

01:15:12Hurry up!

01:15:13Do something!

01:15:14Where are you?

01:15:15Mr. Dildon!

01:15:16I can get a hold of it!

01:15:17There it goes!

01:15:18Everything!

01:15:19Everything!

01:15:20Mr. Dildon!

01:15:21Mr. Dildon!

01:15:22Hold on a minute!

01:15:23Come on, Will!

01:15:24Come on!

01:15:25Mr. Dildon!

01:15:26Mr. Dildon!

01:15:27Hold on a minute!

01:15:28Come on, Will!

01:15:29Come on, Will!

01:15:30Come on, Will!

01:15:31Hold on a minute!

01:15:32Come on!

01:15:33Hey, look out there!

01:15:34Oh!

01:15:35Oh!

01:15:36That's right!

01:15:37Mr. Dildon!

01:15:38Hold on, Will!

01:15:40I got you!

01:15:41Now, what do you do?

01:15:42Wait a minute!

01:15:43Huh?

01:15:44Ah!

01:15:45Come on!

01:15:46Hey!

01:15:47Hey!

01:15:48Hey!

01:15:50Hey!

01:15:51What do you do?

01:15:52Hey!

01:15:53Hey!

01:15:54Hey!

01:15:55Hey!

01:15:56Hey!

01:15:57I'll do your best.

01:16:27Take care of me now.

01:16:57Oh, let's don't do this!

01:17:27Hold on, let's get out!

01:17:33Let's get out!

01:17:34Get out!

01:17:35Mr. Niddlebats!

01:17:46Now!

01:17:47Get him down!

01:17:48Wait!

01:17:49Come on, Captain!

01:17:51Come on, Captain!

01:17:52Come on, Captain!

01:17:54Come here, Jack.

01:17:56Come here, Jack.

01:17:57That a boy, Jack.

01:17:58That a boy, Jack.

01:17:59Good old Jack.

01:18:00Yeah, good old Jack.

01:18:02Was he fond of the lamb?

01:18:04No, there was something at it.

01:18:07Oh, boy, am I glad something.

01:18:08Something at it.

01:18:09Oh, boy, are you sure he's all right, Wormy?

01:18:12Are you all right?

01:18:13Are you all right?

01:18:14Good.

01:18:24Well, look out.

01:18:37Hang on.

01:18:38Help.

01:18:39Hang on.

01:18:40Help.

01:18:41Hang on.

01:18:42Help.

01:18:43Hang on.

01:18:44Help.

01:18:45Hang on.

01:18:46What's the matter with you?

01:18:47I'm sorry.

01:18:49I ain't never going to be this same again.

01:18:52Oh, boy, is this nice in here.

01:18:54What you didn't like, Jales?

01:18:55This is the first time I ever appreciated one.

01:18:58So cozy, so solid.

01:19:01Don't they build them nice?

01:19:02Well, we'll be out of it pretty soon.

01:19:04No hurry.

01:19:05Salmon.

01:19:09We got to get over this, you know.

01:19:10That wasn't part of the plan at all.

01:19:11You were telling me.

01:19:13Now, let's see.

01:19:14I said that we'd be in jail by 3.30.

01:19:17We are, and I love it.

01:19:18And out again by a quarter to five.

01:19:20We ain't, and it's all right with me.

01:19:23Good old Jackie, did you stick your neck out?

01:19:26They ought to be here with certified checks.

01:19:28Who?

01:19:28The bankers.

01:19:29They have to come with certified checks.

01:19:31There's nothing in this world as strong as a good idea.

01:19:34Never has failed, never will fail.

01:19:36It cannot fail.

01:19:37The thought is planted.

01:19:39One more second.

01:19:39They could have planted us, too.

01:19:41Can you imagine watching a trapeze act?

01:19:43Oh.

01:19:45There's a cop.

01:19:46Who?

01:19:47The bankers.

01:19:48Now, you just watch her.

01:19:49Pretend to be indifferent.

01:19:50Right.

01:19:51Right.

01:19:52Right.

01:19:58Young lady bailed you out.

01:20:00A young lady?

01:20:02The bankers secretary.

01:20:04He sent her over here.

01:20:05Come on.

01:20:10Hello, Mr. Diddlebock.

01:20:12I'm so sorry, you're in trouble, but that's...

01:20:14Why, Miss Otis, that's just Jackie.

01:20:15Don't pay any attention to him.

01:20:17You bailed me out?

01:20:18Well, naturally, Mr. Diddlebock.

01:20:19We just put our savings together.

01:20:20That's all.

01:20:20He can't get out, can he?

01:20:21Of course not.

01:20:22That's all savings are for, anyway.

01:20:23Naturally, they weren't all mine.

01:20:24Hortense had the most, of course, being the others.

01:20:26Naturally.

01:20:27And when we heard you were in trouble,

01:20:28are you sure the strong one?

01:20:29Of course they are.

01:20:29They keep murders in them.

01:20:30I can't thank you enough, my dear Miss Otis.

01:20:33I'm terribly touched, and as soon as I have a minute,

01:20:35I'll thank you for hours.

01:20:36But I'm not in the slightest trouble.

01:20:38This is all part of a plan, a foolproof plan.

01:20:41That cannot fail.

01:20:42That cannot fail.

01:20:43Oh, I thought you were in trouble.

01:20:45Far from it.

01:20:46Do I look as if I were in trouble?

01:20:48Now, you didn't have to see any bankers downstairs

01:20:50on your way up here, did you?

01:20:51No, I didn't, Mr. Diddlebock, only a colored man.

01:20:53What was he doing?

01:20:54Mopping the floor, except the sergeant.

01:20:55They've had plenty of time to get here.

01:20:57At least one of them should have come

01:20:58to steal a march on the others.

01:21:00They must know where I am.

01:21:01The paper says exactly, the Battery Park Police Station.

01:21:04You didn't have any trouble finding me, did you?

01:21:06I didn't say the papers, Mr. Diddlebock.

01:21:08Your coachman came and got me.

01:21:15Why, there's life there's hope, sir.

01:21:17And while you was acrobatic-ing this afternoon,

01:21:19I would pick you to my show.

01:21:20Thanks.

01:21:27I'm awfully sorry, Mr. Diddlebock.

01:21:29I don't know exactly what you're disappointed about.

01:21:32But maybe you could get arrested some other time,

01:21:33if that's what you're trying to do.

01:21:35Well, that's that.

01:21:36But I just can't understand it.

01:21:39Come on, Wormy.

01:21:40We'll take Miss Otis home anyway.

01:21:42It's about all we have to offer.

01:21:45And we'll come back and get Jackie in.

01:21:48I'd be glad to go back to jail, Miss Otis,

01:21:50if it would get you your savings back.

01:21:53Don't talk nonsense, Mr. Diddlebock.

01:21:55Don't be depressed.

01:21:56The day is always dark and so-

01:21:57I know, just before the cyclone.

01:22:00Say, what's the Battery Park Police Station

01:22:04doing on Canal Street?

01:22:05The Battery Park Police Station, sir?

01:22:07Yes, that's where the paper said I was.

01:22:09Oh, they couldn't take you in.

01:22:10There wasn't room.

01:22:11Some roisterous of some kind got in ahead of you.

01:22:13Oh, they didn't like lions or something.

01:22:15Then where is the Battery Park Police Station?

01:22:17Why, in Battery Park, sir, naturally.

01:22:19And what are you waiting for?

01:22:21Get in.

01:22:22You see what I told you?

01:22:23Hot dog, let's go!

01:22:25Woo-hoo!

01:22:27Let's go!

01:22:28Woo!

01:22:46Quiet, quiet!

01:22:47Did anybody see any bankers around here?

01:22:49Here!

01:22:50Here!

01:22:51Quiet!

01:22:52Quiet!

01:22:53Quiet!

01:22:54Quiet!

01:22:55Quiet!

01:22:56Quiet!

01:22:57Quiet!

01:22:58Quiet!

01:22:59Quiet!

01:23:00Quiet!

01:23:01Quiet!

01:23:02Quiet!

01:23:03Quiet!

01:23:04Quiet!

01:23:05Quiet!

01:23:06Quiet!

01:23:07Quiet!

01:23:08Quiet!

01:23:09Quiet!

01:23:10Quiet!

01:23:11Quiet!

01:23:12Quiet!

01:23:13Quiet!

01:23:14Quiet!

01:23:15Quiet!

01:23:16Quiet!

01:23:17Quiet!

01:23:18Quiet!

01:23:19Quiet!

01:23:20Quiet!

01:23:21Quiet!

01:23:22Quiet!

01:23:23Quiet!

01:23:24Have a good night.

01:23:25I'll be back.

01:23:26Take care.

01:23:28Take care.

01:23:32Get him!

01:23:46Get him right there!

01:23:48Get him right back.

01:23:50Do you feel better now?

01:24:11The air would do you good.

01:24:14That's very kind of you.

01:24:16Oh yes, this is my cab isn't it?

01:24:19What a day.

01:24:21Say, was I hanging off a line from a building or should I have a nightmare?

01:24:25I'm afraid you did, Mr. Diddlebox.

01:24:27I mean, hang off the building.

01:24:28But I really wish you wouldn't anymore, now that it isn't necessary.

01:24:30You wish I wouldn't.

01:24:32I mean, now that you're a member of the firm and everything.

01:24:34What firm is that?

01:24:35Well, Waggleberry and Company, where you always work.

01:24:37You say I'm a...

01:24:38But of course you are.

01:24:39Mr. Waggleberry said that Sergeant's Free Circus idea was the best advertising idea he'd heard of since Brody jumped off the bridge.

01:24:45And then when you got the accountant on.

01:24:47You say Sergeant bought the circus?

01:24:48Oh no, he already had a circus of his own.

01:24:50Ringling Brothers Barnum and Bailey bought your circus.

01:24:52Ringling Brothers Barnum and Bailey?

01:24:54You mean for money?

01:24:55He certainly didn't buy it for peanuts.

01:24:57But I thought that there were some bankers.

01:24:59Weren't there some bankers who wanted it or something?

01:25:01Oh yes, but they didn't want it as much as Ringling Brothers Barnum and Bailey wanted it.

01:25:04They just wanted it for the Free Circus idea which Mr. Sargent already had, which made you a member of the firm.

01:25:09But Ringling Brothers Barnum and Bailey really wanted it.

01:25:11The bankers never got any higher than $150,000.

01:25:14$150,000?

01:25:15That's right.

01:25:16But when Ringling Brothers don't like something, they really don't like it.

01:25:19They don't like it.

01:25:20They don't like it.

01:25:21They don't like Free Circuses.

01:25:22$175,000 worth they don't like them.

01:25:24$175,000.

01:25:26I'm so happy for you Mr. Diddlebock.

01:25:28I mean so much happening in such a short time.

01:25:31I'm very proud of you, too.

01:25:33You must be terrible on Kelly John.

01:25:35I beg your pardon, Mr. Diddlebock.

01:25:37$175,000.

01:25:39That's right.

01:25:40You see, it's written...

01:25:41Oh.

01:25:43It's written twice.

01:25:45Oh, you're wearing it.

01:25:47The engagement ring.

01:25:48I remember now.

01:25:50$175,000.

01:25:52How beautiful it looks on your little hand.

01:25:55$175,000.

01:25:57I see.

01:26:12What's the matter, Mr. Diddlebock?

01:26:14It's ought to be the happiest day of my life.

01:26:16The unexpected job, the unexpected money.

01:26:19But it isn't.

01:26:21Funny, isn't it?

01:26:22I'm not quite sure I understand, Mr. Diddlebock.

01:26:24What's so difficult to understand about it?

01:26:26I just said that I'm very happy for you.

01:26:28If I didn't say it, I meant it.

01:26:29I've just made a killing in circuses.

01:26:31I am, you tell me, a member of a large advertising firm.

01:26:34And I don't know how much per year.

01:26:36If ever I could afford to support a...

01:26:38It's now.

01:26:39And once again, I've just lost one of the little girls in the world.

01:26:42The last one.

01:26:43I am naturally delighted.

01:26:45Excuse me for even thinking like this.

01:26:47Now, if you tell me where you live, I'll take you home.

01:26:49You mean you don't remember, Mr. Diddlebock?

01:26:51Remember what?

01:26:52What is there for me to remember?

01:26:53What I want to do is to learn how to forget.

01:26:55Remember that you married me.

01:26:56Remember that I married you.

01:26:57How's that again?

01:26:58I said, don't you remember marrying me, Mr. Diddlebock?

01:27:00Marrying you, Mr. Diddlebock?

01:27:01How could I possibly remember marrying you, Mr. Diddlebock,

01:27:03in the first place your name is, Mr. Diddlebock, and the second place...

01:27:06You mean you don't remember coming out to Flatbush in the middle of the night with a full orchestra?

01:27:10Flatbush!

01:27:11And waking up the whole neighborhood while you told Mother it was about time you did something about one of her daughters,

01:27:15and then wrapping me in a long velvet cloak that turned out afterwards to be a window curtain,

01:27:19and then galloping all the way back to New Jersey.

01:27:21I'll bet you, Ellison...

01:27:22Are you sure of your facts, Miss Otis?

01:27:25Am I sure?

01:27:26Really, Mr. Diddlebock?

01:27:27This is terrible, Miss Otis.

01:27:29I'll never forgive myself if I live to be to be.

01:27:31I mean, difference in our age alone is.

01:27:33I mean to say not that I don't worship the very ground you walk on,

01:27:36but I mean, looking at us together, I must have been out of my mind.

01:27:39I was out of my mind.

01:27:41Why didn't you resist me, Miss Otis?

01:27:43Because you were irresistible.

01:27:44Irresistible?

01:27:45Irresistible.

01:27:46My grandmother's poodle, I mean to say.

01:27:48Look at me.

01:27:49I'm looking at you, Miss Otis.

01:27:50What do you see?

01:27:51My husband.

01:27:52Your husband.

01:27:53Piffle.

01:27:54Bunk.

01:27:55Sentimental drip trap.

01:27:56Fortunately, there's still time to rectify this nonsense, this miscarriage of a...

01:28:00We'll have it a no for you.

01:28:01I don't think that would be practical, Miss Otis.

01:28:03All right.

01:28:04Then you can go to Reno or any place else that you like.

01:28:06At least I can afford it now.

01:28:08What do you mean it wouldn't be practical?

01:28:09I'll always be glad to look after you as generously and as well as I know how.

01:28:14Anything that I have is yours, Miss Otis.

01:28:17Everything I have is yours, Mr. Diddlebock.

01:28:20And I'll tell you something else, Mr. Diddlebock.

01:28:22I'm not going to Reno or any place else because you see, Mr. Diddlebock, it took you so long

01:28:27to make up your mind and join our family that now that we have you, we don't think we'd

01:28:31better ever let you go.

01:28:32But my dear Miss, Mrs.

01:28:34Oh, sure.

01:28:35And I'll tell you something else, Mr. Diddlebock, that you also haven't bothered to ask me.

01:28:39I love you, Mr. Diddlebock.

01:28:41Mr. Diddlebock.

01:28:42My dear Miss Otis, I, I, I, my dear child.

01:28:46Oh, my dear.

01:28:48Yes.

01:29:04That must be what I was doing all day Wednesday.

01:29:07Yee-haw!

01:29:18Yes.

01:29:19Yes.

01:29:20Yes.

01:29:21Yes.

01:29:22Yes.

01:29:23Yes.

01:29:24Yes.

01:29:25Oh, my dear dear Miss O'Connor, I, my dear, we will hear you.

01:29:28We'll hear you.

01:29:30That's your name, Mr. Diddlebock!

01:29:31Yes.

01:29:32Yes!

01:29:33Yes.

01:29:34Yes.

01:29:35Yes.

01:29:36Yes.

01:29:37Yes.

01:29:38Yes.

01:29:39Yes.

01:29:40Yes.

01:29:43Yes.

01:29:44Yes.

01:29:45Yes.

01:29:46Yes.

01:29:47Yes.

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