Why Your Habits Never Stick - Habit Quest #1 - video Dailymotion

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So you're trying to build good habits, but none of them stick. You try harder and use all the tips and tricks you can find, but nothing seems to work. You might want to look at the very first step in the process because most people skip this completely. Understanding this psychology will save you so much time, and you'll be on your way to building a better life in no time.

Transcript

00:00Link wants to get top grades in school, so he commits to building a habit of studying.

00:05And boy, is he motivated and ready to go hard.

00:08He starts grinding 8, 9, sometimes 10 hours a day.

00:11But a few days in, Link's motivation starts to slip.

00:15So he tries using a reward system, an episode of anime after every successful study session,

00:20or squatting up with boys for every completed assignment.

00:23But no matter how many tricks and hacks he tries, he still can't build a habit of studying consistently.

00:29And before you know it, he's gone a whole week without opening a single book.

00:33Habit Quest failed.

00:36So where did Link go wrong?

00:38It wasn't that he lost motivation.

00:40It wasn't that he didn't try hard enough.

00:42The problem was his goal.

00:44Link was focused on getting top grades.

00:46He was chasing an outcome.

00:48Outcomes are usually not under our control.

00:50You could be doing all the right things, but if the weather was off,

00:53or if your friends persuade you to play one more game, then you're finished.

00:57A better approach would be to dig deeper and figure out what kind of person is able to get top grades.

01:03What does this character do?

01:04What decisions does this character make?

01:06These are called identity-based habits.

01:08These are habits not based on reaching an outcome, but instead around building a character.

01:12The goal is not to get top grades.

01:14The goal is to become a person who studies every day.

01:17If we look at any story or video game, there's always an overarching quest.

01:21In Star Wars, Rey's quest is to save the galaxy from the evil Sith.

01:25Harry Potter's quest is to save the world from this guy.

01:29Sure, they each have a quest, but that quest doesn't decide whether or not they'll succeed.

01:33What's important is their transformation.

01:35Their identity changes.

01:37Rey becomes a Jedi.

01:39Harry becomes a wizard.

01:40And this new identity is the key to success.

01:43Think about it like this.

01:44Our motivation lies on a spectrum.

01:46One end of the spectrum depends on external factors.

01:48Getting rewards, like good grades, or avoiding punishments, like disappointing your Asian parents.

01:54The other end of the spectrum depends on internal factors, like your values.

01:58You do it because it's who you are.

02:00It's your identity.

02:01We want to move away from outcomes and towards identity on this spectrum.

02:05But all of this is still considered extrinsic motivation.

02:08The motivation comes from outside the habit itself.

02:12Remove that motivation and you no longer want to do the habit.

02:15The ultimate form is intrinsic motivation, where you're driven by the pure joy or love

02:20for the habit itself.

02:22If you actually love to study, you're able to tap into limitless motivation and you'll

02:26become unstoppable.

02:27But let's be real.

02:28If you're struggling to build a habit of studying every day, then chances are you probably don't

02:33love studying all that much.

02:35Most people don't.

02:36But that doesn't mean that you can't be open to the idea.

02:38When we build identity-based habits, those habits become part of our self-image.

02:43So if I pride myself on being a good student, even if I'm not a good student yet, then I'm

02:49more likely to choose the behaviors that align with being a good student.

02:52Every time I choose to act like a good student, like I go to class instead of sleeping in,

02:57or I put my phone away when I study, or exercise to keep my brain sharp, those decisions reinforce

03:02my identity that I'm a good student.

03:05And over time, all these small wins start to add up.

03:08I start to study more regularly, get better grades.

03:11I start to build up all this evidence that says, hey, maybe I am a good student after

03:16all.

03:16And this transformation moves me up the spectrum to the point where I actually start to enjoy

03:21the habit of studying.

03:23It becomes fun.

03:24And you know what they always say, you can't out-compete someone who's just having fun.

03:28But your character transformation can also happen in the reverse.

03:32When you keep telling yourself things like, I'm not a morning person, or I'm bad at math.

03:36When you constantly repeat this story to yourself, you start to believe it, even if it's not

03:41true.

03:41And over time, you'll subconsciously do things to avoid becoming a morning person or avoid

03:46studying math.

03:47So I had a high school teacher repeatedly tell me that I was a failure and that I would amount

03:52to nothing.

03:53For a long time, I internalized that.

03:54It affected how I saw myself, and I subconsciously acted in ways that would reinforce that identity.

04:00It took me years to reverse the cycle and climb out of that hole of self-defeat.

04:05Now I know that if I someday become a parent, how important it is to watch the narratives

04:10that I feed my kids.

04:11So the first step in building habits that last is not choosing an outcome to get, but

04:16choosing a character to become.

04:17The goal is not to get a million subscribers on YouTube.

04:20The goal is to become a character who consistently makes awesome videos that people want to watch.

04:26The goal is not to make a million dollars.

04:28The goal is to become a character who constantly builds products that solves people's problems.

04:33The goal is not to get straight A's.

04:35The goal is to become a character who studies a little bit every day.

04:38Don't even worry about the outcomes.

04:40Focus on the transformation.

04:42Because frankly, you're not going to see outcomes right away.

04:45Like, if you've never gotten straight A's in your entire life, then you're not all of

04:49a sudden going to get straight A's tomorrow.

04:50But don't even worry about it, okay?

04:52Focus on what you can control.

04:54Make the right decisions every day.

04:56And over time, your habits will compound and transform your identity.

05:00Now, if you don't know what character you're trying to become, here's an exercise we can

05:04do to figure that out.

05:05If you've been following this channel for a while, you might be familiar with the Feynman

05:09technique.

05:09You can check out this video here for a detailed walkthrough on how to use the Feynman technique

05:13to improve your grades.

05:15We can also use it to build our habits.

05:17The Feynman technique will help you discover the character you wish to become based on the

05:22habits you're currently thinking about.

05:23The way it works is by asking the most important question.

05:27Why?

05:27Why do you want to build a habit of studying?

05:30Because I want to get top grades.

05:31Why do you want to get top grades?

05:33Because I want a strong resume.

05:34Why do you want a strong resume?

05:35Because I want to get into medical school and become a doctor.

05:38Why do you want to become a doctor?

05:39Now, when you start getting into these more broad life questions, you start to see extrinsic

05:44motivation creeping into your story.

05:46If you want to become a doctor because your parents told you to or because you want to be

05:49rich or have the prestige, then that's chasing an outcome.

05:52On the other hand, if you want to become a doctor because you're genuinely curious about

05:56how the body works, or you enjoy learning, researching, and teaching about health, then

06:01you're more likely to build habits around it that stick.

06:04So now, I want you to take out a piece of paper or open a notes app on your phone and

06:08write down your own answers.

06:09We'll also build a free habit quest template eventually.

06:12We'll put it in the description when it's ready.

06:13But take some time to try this exercise because once you've found your deepest why, you can

06:18extrapolate better habits for your character and begin to build your habit systems.

06:23Take your time with this one.

06:24I've had a lot of students tell me that this single exercise has changed their life, or

06:28at least revealed to them what has been missing.

06:31After you're done, put your answers in the comments below.

06:33I'd love to read them and get to know you a little bit better.

Why Your Habits Never Stick - Habit Quest #1

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