- 6 months ago
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:30CastingWords
00:01:00CastingWords
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00:01:08But we live in a permissive society.
00:01:10Not on this street we don't.
00:01:12Everybody's at it.
00:01:14Not with me they're not.
00:01:16Girls are supposed to be crying out for it.
00:01:18Not this one.
00:01:20I'm the silent majority.
00:01:22It's only manners these days.
00:01:24Total strangers do it now instead of shaking hands.
00:01:26God is Lord.
00:01:29Jesus.
00:01:31Jesus.
00:01:32Jesus.
00:01:34Jesus.
00:01:36Jesus.
00:01:56We've never seen him in real life though.
00:01:58Oh, he's picturing the papers.
00:02:01Oh, come on, Sandra, let's go.
00:02:03No, I don't want to.
00:02:04Oh, I'm standing out here. It's stupid.
00:02:06But he might come in a minute.
00:02:08Somebody waited ages yesterday and he never turned up there.
00:02:10But that was yesterday. He might be here today.
00:02:12Oh, that little birdie dust standing here.
00:02:14Come on.
00:02:14Come on, you're supposed to be going shopping.
00:02:16Oh, wait.
00:02:17Oh, please, let's go.
00:02:22Oh, no.
00:02:23I told you so, didn't I?
00:02:25I feel a right twit now.
00:02:26I don't fancy yours.
00:02:30Which is mine?
00:02:32Any except the blonde.
00:02:34Oh, good.
00:02:36Who are being stared at?
00:02:38Where?
00:02:41Don't fancy yours.
00:02:45Which is mine?
00:02:47Any.
00:02:48Except the blonde or the one with the yellow legs.
00:02:52Thanks.
00:02:54Neither do I.
00:02:54Fancy the one with the twitch.
00:03:00About as much as Mountsy-Tung's granddad, with all due respect.
00:03:04To his granddad.
00:03:06Ask him if they do a turn.
00:03:08You.
00:03:09I thought we were giving sex up.
00:03:11There's a protest at never getting any.
00:03:14Ignore them.
00:03:14Hi.
00:03:24Hi.
00:03:26Hi.
00:03:26Hi.
00:03:27Hi.
00:03:33Peace, ma'am.
00:03:34Were you hoping to see Georgie Best?
00:03:37He's in Majorca.
00:03:39Come on, then.
00:03:41May only get an hour for lunch.
00:03:42It's a discotheque in Albert Square.
00:03:52Come on.
00:03:53I thought we were going for tights.
00:03:58It's our lunch hour.
00:04:01It's ours.
00:04:02We were going for lunch.
00:04:08Shall I tell you something pretty mind-blowing about Majorca?
00:04:11It's one place I've never been.
00:04:15Pardon?
00:04:17I'm Geoffrey.
00:04:20I don't happen to be attached.
00:04:22I'm Beryl.
00:04:23I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:25Don't you worry.
00:04:43Love and rainy weather may sound funny.
00:04:49But they go together fine every single time.
00:04:59Love and rainy weather.
00:05:01First you're up there on another plane and then you're nowhere.
00:05:08And the tears are raining down.
00:05:15It's a run around.
00:05:20Love and rainy weather.
00:05:25Sure can get you down.
00:05:28Not going twisting tonight, then?
00:05:38That's the modern name for it, isn't it?
00:05:40What?
00:05:41Cutting a rug.
00:05:44Pardon?
00:05:45Grooving, Mildred.
00:05:46It's called grooving nowadays.
00:05:48Grooving and or freaking.
00:05:50Right?
00:05:51What I'm not doing tonight.
00:05:53Right.
00:05:54Right on.
00:05:56You're staying in tonight, then?
00:05:57Tonight.
00:05:58Tomorrow night.
00:05:59Every night.
00:06:02They might sell me overcoat.
00:06:03Life's not all pleasure, you know.
00:06:06Mildred, don't hassle the lad.
00:06:09Hustle.
00:06:11It's a different world today, Mildred.
00:06:14We had a week's honeymoon in Blackpool for what this finny haddy cost.
00:06:18They do their old things.
00:06:19With the usual 1,300 weight.
00:06:22Yes, please.
00:06:24Now, that's the new world that we work for.
00:06:27And fought for.
00:06:29Full-page advert for contraception.
00:06:31It's his birthright.
00:06:35I'm not hungry.
00:06:37What's that supposed to mean?
00:06:39It's the hip way cool people say I'm not hungry.
00:06:42I'm not hungry.
00:06:42I love you.
00:06:43I love him.
00:06:47He rules.
00:06:49La, la, la.
00:06:52La, la, la.
00:06:54I enjoy staying in Chattingham an evening.
00:07:03I find it fantastically enjoyable.
00:07:06No, really.
00:07:08I really do.
00:07:09Some people don't.
00:07:12I do.
00:07:14Beryl, please take my word for it.
00:07:16Paul McCartney's never going to ring that doorbell and invite you to the pictures.
00:07:20Paul McCartney who?
00:07:20He doesn't know you've been faithful to him ever since our day's night.
00:07:24And please don't say Paul McCartney who.
00:07:27I sacrifice too much for your six-old levels.
00:07:30You were terrific in the pictures.
00:07:34I never touched you.
00:07:35Terrific self-control.
00:07:41What did you say your name was?
00:07:50Mind you, just a weekend I'd do with you, Paul.
00:08:05Not a dirty weekend.
00:08:08A disgusting one.
00:08:10Night-night, Percy Filth.
00:08:24Have you always been insatiable?
00:08:28It's not my fault.
00:08:30It's just that I don't like blondes.
00:08:32It's-it's psychosomatic.
00:08:39I'm sorry.
00:08:45Ah.
00:08:46Oh, Sandra.
00:09:05There is almost blonde in this light.
00:09:11What's wrong?
00:09:12Just being brave.
00:09:16What about?
00:09:17Ending it all.
00:09:20Before we hurt each other too much.
00:09:23It's our first date.
00:09:27I've probably wasted your entire evening, haven't I?
00:09:31Not yet.
00:09:32Not if your parents aren't back till midnight.
00:09:34Don't you think you're too old for this sort of thing?
00:09:41Straight from Stanley Matthews to Bridget Bardot you went.
00:09:44Overnight.
00:09:46That was when you were too young for this sort of thing.
00:09:49It's artistic, Mother.
00:09:51Like your Tutankham and Butter dish.
00:09:53What?
00:10:04Got it.
00:10:05Got what?
00:10:06You now ask if I never want to see you again.
00:10:09I say I do.
00:10:11You then stop crying quick as a flash
00:10:13and say something like,
00:10:14how about Sunday, half seven, outside Central Library?
00:10:17No, I don't.
00:10:19Tomorrow, half seven, outside Central Library.
00:10:21Then when I say OK,
00:10:24does your zip miraculously undo?
00:10:27It does not.
00:10:29I thought it did.
00:10:31Not till you've unfastened the press, Studd.
00:10:35I can see her doing your ironing
00:10:37and cooking and cleaning.
00:10:39You wouldn't need to book for the Christmas pantomime.
00:10:41I don't intend to marry her, Mother.
00:10:44In case it interferes with my career.
00:10:46We're just good friends.
00:10:48Good night.
00:10:51Miss Bardot.
00:11:05Marry me.
00:11:09You know what they say?
00:11:12Once you've had a Manchester lad,
00:11:13you never touch anything else.
00:11:14It's about time and all.
00:11:31Aye.
00:11:32Aye.
00:11:32Aye.
00:11:32Peace, man.
00:11:36Did you have a good time, Miss Knight?
00:11:38Great.
00:11:38Is this you?
00:11:40Satisfied.
00:11:41I'll say it in for a change.
00:11:42Did you get much?
00:11:47Did you?
00:11:52Did you know that raping Princess Anne
00:11:53was a capital offence?
00:11:55Not that I have done.
00:11:57Paid him for a change instead.
00:11:59Ticket.
00:12:18I ain't got my ticket.
00:12:20We're late already.
00:12:23See you behind the goal, then.
00:12:24deployment projectiles.
00:12:28Hey.
00:12:29Hey.
00:12:29Hey.
00:12:31Hey.
00:12:32Hey.
00:12:34Hey.
00:12:37Hey.
00:12:40Hey.
00:12:41Well, tonight's beauty sleep's done nothing for her.
00:12:44Snooty old bag.
00:12:45Trendy. Crimson shoes with bottle green socks. Must be going steady with a set of traffic lights.
00:12:57Still, who else would have him?
00:13:00Anyway, they're all the same in the dark, rumour has it.
00:13:10Different girl every night, you can tell the type.
00:13:15Probably an omen seeing her before the match. I bet we lose 3-1.
00:13:21Well, I'm certainly not making the first move. At least I've got me proud.
00:13:26Oh, hello.
00:13:28Oh, hi.
00:13:29Hi.
00:13:30Didn't see you.
00:13:31No, Normie.
00:13:33Are you going that way?
00:13:35Yeah. Not especially, no. You going that?
00:13:40Yeah, well, erm, no. I was sort of...
00:13:44Going to the football match?
00:13:45Are you?
00:13:46Shopping.
00:13:54I'm probably going to the pictures tonight.
00:13:55I am.
00:13:56Which?
00:13:57Which are you?
00:13:58Any.
00:13:59Good.
00:14:00See you then.
00:14:01Tonight?
00:14:02Pardon?
00:14:03Oh, I...
00:14:04All right then.
00:14:05Right.
00:14:06Super socks.
00:14:07Did you see that?
00:14:08They're all on drugs. A lot of them.
00:14:09A lot of them.
00:14:10A lot of them.
00:14:11A lot of them.
00:14:12Oh, I now, you know.
00:14:13Oh, I'm sorry.
00:14:14I can't go.
00:14:15O, I'm sorry.
00:14:16I'm sorry.
00:14:17Oh, I knew I was going to go.
00:14:18I'm sorry.
00:14:19All right.
00:14:20Super socks.
00:14:21Did you see that?
00:14:22They're all on drugs. A lot of them.
00:14:23Did you see that?
00:14:26They're all on drugs.
00:14:27The lot of them.
00:14:45The score?
00:14:47Losing.
00:14:483-1.
00:14:533-1.
00:15:09Excuse me.
00:15:17Excuse me, I...
00:15:19I only go to restaurants with deaf waiters.
00:15:25Ah.
00:15:29Hi.
00:15:31Hello, mate.
00:15:32Oh, um, peace man.
00:15:34Surprise, surprise.
00:15:35Surprise.
00:15:36In anywhere controversial.
00:15:38Pictures.
00:15:39The boyfriend.
00:15:40She's slim.
00:15:41I'm just going to the, um...
00:15:42Oh, I'll come with you.
00:15:43Are you and Beryl, um...
00:15:48You know.
00:15:52You know.
00:15:53Oh.
00:16:03Would you, uh...
00:16:04What do you sort of reckon?
00:16:06She's a...
00:16:08Fair sort of bird.
00:16:11Sorry, sorry.
00:16:11She's all right.
00:16:15I mean, nothing sensational, obviously.
00:16:18Geoffrey.
00:16:19She's a bird.
00:16:24You having a coffee with us?
00:16:25No, thanks, kid.
00:16:26Neville's ravenous.
00:16:28You've just eaten.
00:16:31Oh, of course.
00:16:32Yeah.
00:16:32Sorry.
00:16:32You see, what I thought Ken was always trying to do...
00:16:39By implication.
00:16:41Probably by implication.
00:16:43Was to allow the images to provoke a moral response from our own aesthetic judgment.
00:16:47You see?
00:16:48Yes.
00:16:51Was he the errand boy?
00:16:52Was who the errand boy?
00:16:54Ken Thingy.
00:16:55He directed it.
00:16:57Oh, yes.
00:16:58I was probably thinking of Andy Warhol.
00:17:03Probably.
00:17:08You're not like other boys at all, are you?
00:17:11Well, I'm probably a little more mature, that's all.
00:17:14It's over 200 yards from the cinema.
00:17:16And you talk to me the whole way, like a person.
00:17:19And...
00:17:19Other boys seem to have one-track minds these days.
00:17:25Sex?
00:17:26Marriage.
00:17:27Pardon?
00:17:29The number of boys that asked me to marry them.
00:17:32A couple of dates and pal, they want to get married.
00:17:35I want to live a bit before I get married.
00:17:37I suppose I just don't have a hang-up about it.
00:17:41Get married?
00:17:42Hmm.
00:17:44No.
00:17:48Actually, I find girls, or most girls, it is, a bit obsessed these days.
00:17:55It's not marriage.
00:17:56It's not marriage.
00:17:57No.
00:17:57Sex.
00:17:59Percy Phil?
00:18:03Sex.
00:18:04That's what I said.
00:18:06Oh.
00:18:07Well, I'm not like that.
00:18:10Not Percy Phil motivated?
00:18:12No.
00:18:12No.
00:18:14No.
00:18:14Did you want to say any more about Andy Warhol?
00:18:29Ken Russell?
00:18:30Yeah.
00:18:31No.
00:18:31No.
00:18:38This is it.
00:18:39I won't come in, with it being our first date.
00:18:54No. Oh.
00:18:56Anywhere my mum's gone to bed, we'd be on our own.
00:18:59Is that a reason for me not coming in, though?
00:19:02Yes, Geoffrey. Oh.
00:19:12Nice house. Thank you.
00:19:1525-year mortgage.
00:19:18Oh, thanks for seeing me home.
00:19:26Funny, isn't it?
00:19:28First date with someone.
00:19:31It always leads to one of three things.
00:19:34Either nothing...
00:19:36or something...
00:19:40or everything.
00:19:42Don't think about Percy Filth at this stage, Beryl.
00:19:46I'm not.
00:19:48No, I'm not.
00:19:51Night-night. God bless.
00:20:04I won't give you my phone number in case you think I'm one of those scheming females.
00:20:08What is it?
00:20:09Three, two, seven, double, four, two, one.
00:20:11The easy way to remember it is the three and the two make five, which is two less than seven,
00:20:15then two fours, and half of four, which is two, and half of two, which is one.
00:20:18Um...
00:20:19But you mustn't ring me if you don't want.
00:20:21No.
00:20:22But you can if you do.
00:20:23Do you want me to?
00:20:25Not if you'd rather not.
00:20:26Three, two, seven, double, four, two, one.
00:20:28Night.
00:20:29Night.
00:20:30Night.
00:20:32Well, hello, Mrs Battersby.
00:21:02Beryl's brought you up a cup of tea.
00:21:04Oh, they all have a past life flashed before me then.
00:21:10Can't be Mother's Day. You'd have forgotten.
00:21:14Has there been any clips?
00:21:16Mum, I want the benefit of your experience.
00:21:21What do you think of Andy Warhol?
00:21:24You see, Geoffrey has this theory that by implication...
00:21:27Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:28Of course, Geoffrey knows about these things.
00:21:31Everything.
00:21:33Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:34He's fantastically intelligent.
00:21:36See, Geoffrey's idea...
00:21:38Beryl, who's Geoffrey?
00:21:41Oh, no-one.
00:21:47No-one's special.
00:21:52His name's Geoffrey.
00:21:55How did this Beryl Bird turn out last night, then?
00:22:01What Beryl Bird? I told him.
00:22:04Did she, er...
00:22:06Did she, er...
00:22:08What?
00:22:12Wow!
00:22:14She doesn't, then.
00:22:16You don't listen, do you?
00:22:17I said...
00:22:18How about Sundry?
00:22:26Chips.
00:22:27German sod.
00:22:34Not seeing him tonight, then.
00:22:40Who?
00:22:45I've rather better things to do, thank you.
00:22:47I said he was no-one special.
00:22:57Have they got a phone here?
00:23:00Why?
00:23:02They haven't, have they?
00:23:05Do you want to get some nookie lined up or something?
00:23:08If I did, do you think I'd be playing darts with you two?
00:23:10Look, are you fed up here?
00:23:13Are you?
00:23:15We'll split after this game.
00:23:16Anything you say.
00:23:17And go for a few at the King's Head.
00:23:19Great.
00:23:21And that ends our probe.
00:23:23Well, Monday tomorrow.
00:23:25Hallelujah.
00:23:27Pardon?
00:23:28I don't know what you're paying for that phone,
00:23:29but whatever it is, you're being done.
00:23:31Good night.
00:23:37Good morning.
00:23:38Good morning.
00:24:00Good morning.
00:24:07Good morning.
00:24:10Chalton for Pope.
00:24:11Long may you reign.
00:24:12Amen.
00:24:15What's going on?
00:24:16Pounds up again.
00:24:18Oh, God.
00:24:20Today's special.
00:24:21Bloody travellers, Jax.
00:24:23Here.
00:24:24Suddenly everyone's going on holiday.
00:24:26So does.
00:24:28Enjoy yourself while you're young.
00:24:38Why do we always do that?
00:24:39Ninety-three times a day.
00:24:41We never see anything.
00:24:45Why do we always do that?
00:24:47Ninety-three times a day.
00:24:49We never see anything.
00:24:50We never see anything.
00:24:51We never see anything.
00:24:53Happy birthday.
00:24:54Oh.
00:24:55Richard.
00:24:56Okay.
00:24:57You are ready.
00:24:58You are ready.
00:25:00This is what you are making today.
00:25:02Oh my boy.
00:25:03It ain't sick.
00:25:05I know, Janice ofƩp campbell.
00:25:07Don't leave any volunteers.
00:25:08You're in a profession today.
00:25:10Only one moreé£Æ okulasias the sun was rising.
00:25:12I heard the Maiden singing
00:25:15in the Valley if you know.
00:25:17My typing not disturbing your singing, I hope.
00:25:18See Geoffrey on Sunday.
00:25:20Oh, Geoffrey.
00:25:24That Neville's the greatest.
00:25:29Is he dishy or is he dishy?
00:25:35Neville promises he's going to take this...
00:25:36I'm considering packing Geoffrey in.
00:25:39One date was enough.
00:25:41Why?
00:25:43He's cancer and I'm Libra.
00:25:45Is that bad?
00:25:46Hopeless.
00:25:47Actually, I'm slightly off the male gender at the moment.
00:26:01Five.
00:26:02Five, which is...
00:26:03Which is...
00:26:05Three and two is five, which is two less than seven.
00:26:09Which is...
00:26:11Oh.
00:26:13I see the Spanish police are throwing your lot out of Ibiza.
00:26:17Bank clerks.
00:26:18Your lot.
00:26:20Football supporters.
00:26:22Hippies.
00:26:23Oh.
00:26:24My lot.
00:26:26At the third stroke, it will be 7.22 and 40 seconds.
00:26:35It will be 7.22 and 50 seconds.
00:26:38That's it, then.
00:26:42Fate.
00:26:43All over by 7.23 precisely.
00:26:47So what?
00:26:50Plenty more where she came from.
00:26:55Is that the speaking clock?
00:26:57Is that Geoffrey?
00:26:58Is that Beryl?
00:27:00Yes.
00:27:01Yes.
00:27:02Hi.
00:27:05Hi.
00:27:23It's terrifically exciting, isn't it?
00:27:26Getting to know a person.
00:27:27Fantastic.
00:27:28I want to know all about you.
00:27:35That's what it's all about.
00:27:39For example, with things in common already.
00:27:42Definitely.
00:27:45Like what?
00:27:49We're enormously fond of animals.
00:27:52Right.
00:27:53And we're both from Manchester.
00:28:00Have you ever been abroad?
00:28:02No.
00:28:04Have you?
00:28:05No.
00:28:07Unless you count Istanbul.
00:28:09Istanbul?
00:28:10Was it beyond belief?
00:28:12I don't know.
00:28:13I was only three.
00:28:13Do you ever get the feeling you've been somewhere before?
00:28:22Sometimes.
00:28:24I do.
00:28:26What now?
00:28:29No.
00:28:30Just, just sometimes.
00:28:35Yes, I do.
00:28:36Such a lot, isn't there?
00:28:42In getting to know a person.
00:28:44Mm.
00:28:49He was lithe and easy-limbed.
00:28:52His stride quietly casual.
00:28:54His eyes clear and confident.
00:28:56And his strong mouth ready to break into a relaxed, assured, lopsided grin.
00:29:06You know, Geoffrey, you have a really lopsided grin.
00:29:10Really?
00:29:11You know, lopsided.
00:29:15I don't think I have.
00:29:17It's in the eye of the beholder.
00:29:21See?
00:29:23Geoffrey doesn't need someone else when he's tying a knot.
00:29:26He holds it down with his little finger.
00:29:30It must be marvellous being a man.
00:29:34It's OK, I suppose.
00:29:35Men can do anything.
00:29:37Conquer Everest.
00:29:39Do heart transplants.
00:29:40Become leader of the opposition.
00:29:44Anything!
00:29:53Geoffrey, N-O spells no.
00:29:56It's good for your circulation, Beryl.
00:29:58Read any women's magazine.
00:30:00It's good for theirs, too.
00:30:01Not sure they recommend Percy Filth on Tuesdays.
00:30:05I only see you on Tuesdays and Saturdays.
00:30:07All Saturdays.
00:30:10Beryl.
00:30:11Oh, Beryl.
00:30:16Oh, Geoffrey Bobble's bumble.
00:30:18Oh, Beryl.
00:30:19Oh, Geoffrey.
00:30:21Oh, Beryl!
00:30:23Are you all right?
00:30:23What exactly happened?
00:30:24Don't tell me.
00:30:26I just heard a sharp achak of dramatic irony.
00:30:28Pardon?
00:30:34Come back.
00:30:35They're better.
00:30:36It's better.
00:30:37I'm OK.
00:30:41I told you.
00:30:42It's going to pour.
00:30:43It's not.
00:30:47Urgh.
00:30:48It's only the angels crying.
00:30:55I know how they feel.
00:30:58Well, don't blame me.
00:30:59I haven't done anything.
00:31:00That's true.
00:31:01That's not true, Beryl.
00:31:04I have apologised.
00:31:06I keep going down on me knees when I'm talking to you.
00:31:09Independent observers think I'm training to be a Cossack dancer.
00:31:12It must be a bad line.
00:31:13I can't hear you.
00:31:14You'd better apologise again.
00:31:17I apologise again.
00:31:20Gosh, this lousy line.
00:31:22I wonder if Geoffrey would like to come to tea on Sunday.
00:31:28Pardon?
00:31:29Pardon?
00:31:31Is that who I think it is?
00:31:34No, dear.
00:31:45Well, isn't this nice?
00:31:51Sardine sandwich.
00:31:53Is it all sardine?
00:31:54Yeah.
00:31:55She's got her own trawler.
00:32:01Isn't it awful?
00:32:05What?
00:32:06I was speaking to Geoffrey.
00:32:08What's happening in the world?
00:32:09I blame the politicians.
00:32:11What for?
00:32:12For what's happening in the world.
00:32:17Talk to her.
00:32:21I can't speak Portuguese.
00:32:23Tasty.
00:32:24They're in oil.
00:32:27They're nice in oil.
00:32:28She's got a bad leg.
00:32:31The bread's extremely wholesome.
00:32:34Why, after this little baker down the road, he does something with the bleach.
00:32:40Yes.
00:32:40I can't do long conversations about sardines so much as your mind goes blank.
00:32:54Start thinking about life after death.
00:32:56Oh, that Neville, honestly.
00:33:04Number of hearts he must have broken.
00:33:06Every girl in Manchester, nearly.
00:33:09Geoffrey definitely has.
00:33:10Probably even more.
00:33:14Air hostesses.
00:33:16All sorts.
00:33:18Tell me about your terrible past, Geoffrey.
00:33:20I haven't had one yet.
00:33:22White man speak with forked tongue.
00:33:25Actually, I was hoping more for a terrible future.
00:33:33Wow, is that the time?
00:33:34At this moment in time.
00:33:36What have I done?
00:33:37Is Neville the insanely jealous type?
00:33:40Right in the slightest.
00:33:42You're lucky.
00:33:43Why, it's Geoffrey.
00:33:45Wow.
00:33:47You're not jealous of all my ex-flames, are you?
00:33:49Of course not.
00:33:51Why should I be?
00:33:52Please stop interrogating me, Geoffrey.
00:33:53Forget it.
00:33:56That's all in the past.
00:33:58Then, nothing to be jealous about.
00:34:03Who needs drama?
00:34:06So I shouted back at her.
00:34:08No shop assistant shouts at me, I shouted.
00:34:10In the end, Neville nearly bolted me for swearing.
00:34:14He thumped you.
00:34:16Walloped you on.
00:34:18No.
00:34:18I said nearly.
00:34:23You never thumped me, will you?
00:34:25Like Neville does Sandra.
00:34:27She adores it.
00:34:29Of course not.
00:34:31No.
00:34:34Geoffrey, Percy Filth isn't the only thing in life.
00:34:37It isn't even one of the things in mine.
00:34:38He used to talk to me.
00:34:40All right.
00:34:41Let's talk.
00:34:41Geoffrey, I've just had the most super idea.
00:34:49Why?
00:34:49Is your mum going out?
00:34:53May as well pack in, really.
00:34:57Why?
00:34:57Why not?
00:35:03Good thinking.
00:35:10Thanks for a stimulating few weeks.
00:35:12You too.
00:35:13It was real.
00:35:14It's psychedelic.
00:35:15You can keep me grateful dead, LP.
00:35:17I was scratched anyway.
00:35:19It's been a gasp.
00:35:21Groovy.
00:35:23I won't wave from the window.
00:35:25No, I won't look back anyway.
00:35:27Good.
00:35:28It's been a gasp.
00:35:29You've said that once.
00:35:40You're well-bred, Beryl.
00:35:41There's plenty more fish in the sea.
00:35:45About three very lonely sardines.
00:35:50Mother, please don't try raising one eyebrow at me.
00:35:53You know you can't do it.
00:35:59You'll never thund me, will you, Geoffrey?
00:36:03Ow!
00:36:04Beryl, I just had the most super idea.
00:36:07Are we going to put it up?
00:36:08No.
00:36:09We're going to pack it in.
00:36:10Don't say that.
00:36:11Please don't say that.
00:36:12That.
00:36:15Sandra.
00:36:16Sandra.
00:36:18You're Sandra.
00:36:19Mine.
00:36:23Two months.
00:36:24Two months, nine days.
00:36:28Is she positive?
00:36:29The test was.
00:36:31What are you going to do?
00:36:33She'll think of something.
00:36:35Sandra, it's stupendous.
00:36:39Congratulations.
00:36:40I hope you'll both be very happy.
00:36:42Oh, thanks, kid.
00:36:44Sandra, I don't know how you do it.
00:36:48Often.
00:36:48I don't know how you do it.
00:36:50I don't know how you do it.
00:36:51I don't know how you do it.
00:36:51I don't know how you do it.
00:36:52I don't know how you do it.
00:36:52I don't know how you do it.
00:36:53I don't know how you do it.
00:36:53I don't know how you do it.
00:36:54I don't know how you do it.
00:36:54I don't know how you do it.
00:36:55I don't know how you do it.
00:36:55I don't know how you do it.
00:36:56I don't know how you do it.
00:36:56I don't know how you do it.
00:36:57I don't know how you do it.
00:36:57I don't know how you do it.
00:36:58I don't know how you do it.
00:36:58I don't know how you do it.
00:36:59I don't know how you do it.
00:36:59I don't know how you do it.
00:37:00So
00:37:30John for Pope.
00:37:42Long may reign.
00:37:50Aren't you, uh...
00:37:52Yeah.
00:37:55And you're, uh...
00:37:57That's right.
00:37:57Going somewhere incredible.
00:38:00I'm meeting my parents.
00:38:02Taking them to see Fiddler on the roof.
00:38:04That's pretty incredible.
00:38:06Your mummy and daddy.
00:38:09Uh...
00:38:10Oh, hell, no, that's tomorrow.
00:38:13If I'm in the mood.
00:38:16Where you are.
00:38:18Depends where you take me.
00:38:27All I was saying about your friend with the glasses...
00:38:33Rowland.
00:38:34Rowland.
00:38:34Is that I found him intellectually unaware and psychologically incredibly boring.
00:38:39It's not bad at snooker.
00:38:43And how are you and little Beryl?
00:38:46Didn't she tell you?
00:38:47I don't work there anymore.
00:38:50I packed her in.
00:38:50Did she turn you off?
00:39:01Beryl?
00:39:02Yeah.
00:39:06I haven't really looked.
00:39:09Seen one, you seen them all.
00:39:13Not quite all.
00:39:15I'll go and get me coat.
00:39:16It must be my birthday.
00:39:28Boys aren't the only thing in life, Beryl.
00:39:32I do wish you'd find one.
00:39:37They aren't all after Percy, Filth.
00:39:40Yes, they are.
00:39:42Mmm.
00:39:44Oh, you were terrific on the bus.
00:39:46Was it?
00:39:48Mmm.
00:39:50Terrific self-control.
00:39:53Joan of Arc never married, yet she led a full and happy life.
00:39:57Or am I thinking of someone else?
00:39:59Mother, I don't happen to be interested in boys.
00:40:02I happen to be interested in having early nights and writing poetry in bed with me Moe Felt-tip pen.
00:40:06It's run out of ink.
00:40:07I used it for me laundry list.
00:40:10My God, your generation's got a few things to answer for.
00:40:12Oh, please.
00:40:13Oh, please.
00:40:15Oh, don't.
00:40:18Please.
00:40:19You can't ravish a girl on her own doorstep.
00:40:23Well, let's go inside, then.
00:40:26Smooth-talking bastard.
00:40:28What about the boy with the freckles from Shakespeare Crescent?
00:40:40I don't believe that question.
00:40:42You used to be crazy about him.
00:40:45I was 11 years old.
00:40:47He used to let me chalk on his tortoise.
00:40:49I was 11 years old.
00:41:19What's your name again?
00:41:21What's yours?
00:41:22Rock.
00:41:23That's not your real name.
00:41:26No.
00:41:27Steven.
00:41:29God, that turns me on.
00:41:37When I first met you in the street, I thought, just a quiet drink and a chat.
00:41:43Shows you the art of conversation ain't dead.
00:41:45Don't move a muscle, however gorgeous.
00:41:53Mm-hmm.
00:41:55Mm-hmm.
00:41:59Mm-hmm.
00:42:03Mm-hmm.
00:42:10Mm-hmm.
00:42:10Let's go.
00:42:19Testing. Testing.
00:42:21Oh, Geoffrey Milleharp returns to the day.
00:42:23I wish you everything you've ever wished yourself.
00:42:40I'm fed up.
00:42:44Who are you? Who are you?
00:42:48What are you fed up about? Teachers don't have to do homework.
00:42:53No? They just market.
00:42:56Anyone can market. They've got the answers.
00:43:04Do you know it's after two o'clock?
00:43:08What's he doing here, then?
00:43:12Well, this is your Uncle Stephen.
00:43:16This is my revolting brother, Jeremy.
00:43:22How do you do?
00:43:23Don't my mum and dad know he's here.
00:43:25Jeremy, bed.
00:43:27I could always wake them up and tell them.
00:43:29Jeremy, little boys need sleep.
00:43:35Even big astronauts.
00:43:37Do you know where babies come from?
00:43:41Do you?
00:43:43Say no.
00:43:44No.
00:43:45I do.
00:43:46Say yes.
00:43:47Shall I tell you?
00:43:48He knows.
00:43:49The man has this male organ and some blood cells and erectile glands.
00:43:53There's these 500 million spermatozoas in these testes that he has as well.
00:43:58They go through his male organ into the female uterus that the lady has.
00:44:02Who told you that?
00:44:04Then they go to the fallopian tubes after that.
00:44:07One of them fertilises with the female egg.
00:44:10The others don't bother.
00:44:12Anyway, that's what you have to do.
00:44:14Then you have a baby.
00:44:16Did they teach you that at school?
00:44:18They do woodwork in the next class.
00:44:21People can only make babies at certain times of the year.
00:44:24But animals, like dogs and cats and giraffes, I think, do it all the time.
00:44:30No, erm, that's people.
00:44:35What is?
00:44:38Well, people do it all the time.
00:44:44Whenever they feel like it.
00:44:50In the next class you can do metalwork if you don't like woodwork.
00:44:55Good night, Jeremy.
00:44:5725p?
00:44:5950.
00:45:0050.
00:45:0150.
00:45:12Good night, Uncle Stephen.
00:45:27Would you care for a government health warning?
00:45:34Hey, Veronica!
00:45:35Yes?
00:45:36Who the hell's Uncle Stephen at 10 past 2 in the morning?
00:45:39A friend of Jeremy's!
00:45:40He's going now!
00:45:44Good night, love.
00:45:48We would have done that, wouldn't we?
00:45:49And how!
00:45:50You can't win them all, can you?
00:45:53Anyway, do you good going without for a change.
00:46:05Still, there's always another day.
00:46:07Tomorrow?
00:46:08No.
00:46:10Tomorrow's another day.
00:46:11Shh!
00:46:12Not unless you happen to be in Plymouth.
00:46:15Where?
00:46:16I'm joining the Wrens for three years.
00:46:21What Wrens?
00:46:22The Royal Navy's Wrens.
00:46:26This time tomorrow I'll be in barracks with about 50 other girls and 30,000 sailors.
00:46:31Hope I like it.
00:46:36Well, thanks for nearly everything.
00:46:41We definitely would have done, wouldn't we?
00:46:42Well, obviously.
00:46:44We're as good as dead, in a way, really.
00:46:47Almost.
00:46:48Just keep telling yourself and we will have only better.
00:46:52Goodnight, love.
00:46:55Try our barrel.
00:47:01Morning, previous generation.
00:47:27What's for breakfast?
00:47:31You knew it was your mother's birthday.
00:47:33Now, what we'd like to know,
00:47:34is where were you while we were fiddling on the flaming roof?
00:47:37I'm sorry, Mum.
00:47:39I'll take you out another night.
00:47:40Something cropped up.
00:47:41Like what?
00:47:43Dad, you understand.
00:47:47I don't, Geoffrey.
00:47:49Well, you always say you do.
00:47:51Geoffrey, you're at it every night.
00:47:54Yes, Dad.
00:47:55And we don't complain.
00:47:56No, Dad.
00:47:57But last night was different.
00:47:59I knew you'd understand.
00:48:01It's all in for Pope.
00:48:02Yeah.
00:48:03It's all in for Pope.
00:48:04It's all in for Pope.
00:48:05It's all in for Pope.
00:48:06This is what?
00:48:07It's all in.
00:48:08OK.
00:48:09Newsē©ŗ, above the Scots.
00:48:21Yeah.
00:48:22What?
00:48:23Yes, Dad.
00:48:24You're over
00:48:35Pounds down again. Up and down like a fair of knickers.
00:48:38You should know.
00:48:40Or me.
00:48:42Know what I mean?
00:48:44What a night.
00:48:46Wow.
00:48:48A lot.
00:48:50Including action replays in slow motion.
00:48:56Hey lads, I picked up a bit of spare last night.
00:48:59Who didn't?
00:49:00No, it's true.
00:49:02Yes, Jeffrey.
00:49:04It is.
00:49:05Yes, Jeffrey.
00:49:11Bloody yes.
00:49:15Poor Jeffrey.
00:49:17Beryl, please. It's Neville's engagement party as well. He had to invite him.
00:49:21He'll see me.
00:49:23It's cruel.
00:49:24He'll see other girls.
00:49:26I shan't take him back, Sandra.
00:49:29I shan't.
00:49:31It's been two weeks. He may have got over you by now.
00:49:35Don't know much about men, do you, love?
00:49:38It was doing him a kindness, really. Finally splitting up.
00:49:55He only had one ambition in life.
00:50:10Send my knickers to Oxfam.
00:50:12Good job she hasn't joined the Wrens. The entire Navy had gone strike.
00:50:21I expect he's sorry now.
00:50:23I won't even consider taking him back if he isn't.
00:50:26She might have changed, of course.
00:50:29If she has, I might let her have the old orgy now and again.
00:50:32He's got to accept we've finally split up.
00:50:35Otherwise, I definitely won't take him back.
00:50:41Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:50:44At least I've got me pride.
00:50:47I left with Beryl, baby.
00:50:49Oh, hi.
00:50:50Didn't see you?
00:50:51No, nor me.
00:50:53And how's Manchester City doing without me cheering them on, then?
00:50:56United. We're winning every game now.
00:50:59Oh, good.
00:51:02And what's new with Geoffrey, then?
00:51:09I asked you what was new with you.
00:51:11I asked you.
00:51:16Did you?
00:51:17Did I say more?
00:51:19Pardon?
00:51:20And how's Beryl, baby, getting on, then?
00:51:23Geoffrey, I'm not all that ecstatic about you calling me Beryl, baby.
00:51:27It isn't like you.
00:51:29Say that again.
00:51:30Beryl, baby.
00:51:33What's your name, handsome?
00:51:36You'll laugh.
00:51:37Everybody laughs.
00:51:38It's the story of my life.
00:51:41You tell it like it is, Chuck.
00:51:43She's putting on an axe.
00:51:46What do you care?
00:51:47I don't have a baby.
00:51:52Is she going to get into bed with him now?
00:51:53Probably.
00:51:54Geoffrey always looks half asleep these days.
00:51:56Is she going to get into bed with him now?
00:52:06Probably.
00:52:10Geoffrey always looks half asleep these days.
00:52:13Well, it's very exhausting.
00:52:16What is?
00:52:19Working in a bank.
00:52:20Oh.
00:52:26I had this bad seat, this chick, and decided to split.
00:52:33So I cut out, man, like there's no tomorrow.
00:52:39This cat gets it together where he's at, man.
00:52:44Lots of beautiful bags, baby.
00:52:47So if you want a piece of the action, don't cool it.
00:52:53Dig?
00:52:53Hmm?
00:52:58Sorry, I no understand English.
00:53:07Gesundheit.
00:53:09I thought she'd only just been to bed with the other one.
00:53:13She has.
00:53:15And which is her husband?
00:53:17Neither.
00:53:18It's warming up, isn't it?
00:53:31Great beat, isn't it?
00:53:34Great to dance to.
00:53:40Do you agree that life's an onion?
00:53:41If so, what's death?
00:53:48Erm...
00:53:49A banana.
00:53:52Yes, I expect it is when you think about it.
00:53:56Have you read Schopenhauer's concept of existence?
00:54:01Erm...
00:54:01No.
00:54:03But I've seen the film.
00:54:05You married?
00:54:06No.
00:54:08Grab yourself an adage.
00:54:11Marriage is a cabbage.
00:54:14You're a poet.
00:54:16Never ask the questions.
00:54:18Ask the answers.
00:54:19You are a poet.
00:54:22To any manager, Marks and Spencers.
00:54:25Good job.
00:54:28I really dirt you.
00:54:29Now, he's taking his clothes off.
00:54:34What's on ITV?
00:54:36This.
00:54:38What's on BBC?
00:54:43Catching over.
00:54:44What's that like?
00:54:46This.
00:54:49Oh, come on now.
00:54:50You know that's not where it's at.
00:54:52Let's get this.
00:54:54What's the word?
00:54:55Let's get it clear.
00:54:57Let's get down to the real nitty-gritty-sville, okay?
00:55:09Women's lip is not about burning brass.
00:55:13Papers, yeah.
00:55:15What papers?
00:55:17A marriage certificate.
00:55:18A dog's license.
00:55:19Whatever you prefer to call it.
00:55:21Look, let's be basic about this, Enid.
00:55:23All girls want marriage.
00:55:24And a wide wedding.
00:55:25Really basic.
00:55:27You want to be really basic.
00:55:29Utterly basic.
00:55:30Balls.
00:55:32Grass?
00:55:35Enid.
00:55:36When Sandra says every girl, she means most girls.
00:55:39Well, like herself.
00:55:41Not me, of course, because I incredibly value my independence.
00:55:44But most girls definitely want...
00:55:46Balls!
00:55:47If you can't conduct an intelligent conversation without recourse to...
00:55:51But you're according to anything, I'm merely telling you what girls want.
00:55:54Yes.
00:55:55What?
00:55:55Balls!
00:55:56Balls!
00:55:57Would you please stop saying that?
00:56:00You believe in free love, right?
00:56:02Wrong!
00:56:02I believe in free everything.
00:56:04Freedom from all male chauvinist.
00:56:06Pig domination.
00:56:07Honestly, don't you understand?
00:56:09Excuse me, you've got your hand on me.
00:56:10If we're liberating society for the future, I'm sure.
00:56:12No, thank you.
00:56:13Excuse me, excuse me, you've got your hand on me.
00:56:15No!
00:56:16Ah!
00:56:17Oh, sorry.
00:56:18Well, I'm sorry.
00:56:20It's all right.
00:56:21Oh, gee.
00:56:21It's a pleasure.
00:56:23Grass?
00:56:24Geoffrey, you've not to.
00:56:25Why not?
00:56:26I said don't.
00:56:27You're not to smoke it.
00:56:28No.
00:56:29Oh, wow.
00:56:39We're as liberated as you, Enid.
00:56:42We've equal importance as individuals.
00:56:45Neither of us is boss.
00:56:46It just doesn't arise.
00:56:48We'll make some coffee, kid.
00:56:50Yes.
00:56:50You see, what we believe is...
00:56:52Now!
00:56:55You see...
00:56:56Where are one?
00:56:57I can see there's only one way to get through.
00:57:05What are you doing?
00:57:06Lighting everybody's fire.
00:57:11Burn my bra.
00:57:16Right.
00:57:17That's it.
00:57:18Finished.
00:57:19The end.
00:57:20Full stop.
00:57:22We've finally split up.
00:57:24Neville, Sandra wants you.
00:57:26I should imagine.
00:57:27It's sad, isn't it?
00:57:33Pathetic.
00:57:38Well, I can't follow plays these days.
00:57:41It's just showing real life, that's all.
00:57:43I once thought I'd found her.
00:57:50I've got a good look.
00:57:50Perfect girl.
00:57:54Red hair.
00:57:55Not too skinny.
00:57:58Very gentle and shy.
00:58:01Passionate when roused.
00:58:04Yeah.
00:58:06She packed me in for picking my teeth with a matchstick.
00:58:09You're very sweet, Roland.
00:58:10I've always thought you were.
00:58:16Did you know you very nearly have a lopsided grin?
00:58:19It's just I'm a bit tired.
00:58:21No, it's nice.
00:58:40I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:49Oh, sorry.
00:58:54Do you know... What, Beryl? She can ask me anything.
00:58:59Do you know where Geoffrey's got to?
00:59:04He's upstairs, I think.
00:59:10Is it true they're dry on their own?
00:59:15Usually.
00:59:21I hate to be any trouble, but I think I'm dying.
00:59:24You'll be all right, honest.
00:59:27She said I shouldn't smoke it.
00:59:29Who?
00:59:30She said...
00:59:34Geoffrey?
00:59:38Geoffrey?
00:59:41Move up a bit, Geoffrey.
00:59:43Put your legs...
00:59:45That's better.
00:59:49It's because it's your first time, isn't it?
00:59:50Oh.
00:59:52Oh.
00:59:53Oh.
00:59:54Oh.
00:59:55Oh.
00:59:57Oh.
00:59:58Move up a bit, Geoffrey.
00:59:59Put your legs.
01:00:00Oh.
01:00:01That's better.
01:00:05It's because it's your first time, isn't it?
01:00:09Oh.
01:00:11Oh.
01:00:12Call Dr. Weisberg.
01:00:15Quilmslow Road.
01:00:20It wasn't marijuana, you know.
01:00:26What was it then?
01:00:28Grass.
01:00:30Grass is marijuana.
01:00:33This grass wasn't.
01:00:35It was the real thing.
01:00:38From the front lawn.
01:00:40Is that you, Beryl?
01:00:55Had a nice time?
01:00:57Even though it's three o'clock in the morning.
01:01:00Not that I mind, if you've had a nice time.
01:01:03Even though I've been in bed since ten, having a good night's worry.
01:01:08Did you see Geoffrey?
01:01:10That's good.
01:01:19Do you ever get the feeling you're trying too hard?
01:01:35I didn't try at all.
01:01:39Gave it to rest.
01:01:44I'm right off, birds.
01:01:46I am.
01:01:47I am.
01:01:49For good.
01:01:51Me too.
01:01:53And me.
01:01:54Good morning.
01:02:14Your mother would like to know if you have a reservation at this hotel.
01:02:17Good night.
01:02:18Good night.
01:02:38Good night.
01:02:39Let's go.
01:03:09Oh, Beryl.
01:03:15Geoffrey.
01:03:18Can I rip your trousers off and have my way with you?
01:03:23Oh, Beryl.
01:03:27Oh, Geoffrey.
01:03:30Oh, God.
01:03:39Hello.
01:03:45Will you be required in the room again, sir?
01:03:48Because we're thinking of taking bookings for the next pop festival.
01:03:51You're a bugger.
01:03:54I don't know who he takes after.
01:03:59PHONE RINGS
01:04:03Hello?
01:04:04It's me.
01:04:05Who?
01:04:06My God, that's symbolic.
01:04:08Oh, hello, Beryl.
01:04:10I'm just ringing to tell you I never want to see you again.
01:04:13If you have a phone or call, please don't, because I shan't be in.
01:04:16Tonight or any other night.
01:04:17Anyway, tonight I'm helping me mum at the school jumble sale.
01:04:20It's a small world.
01:04:48Good evening, Mrs. Battersby.
01:04:54I was looking for a nice lampshade.
01:04:56Oh?
01:04:57Probably this one.
01:05:00Definitely.
01:05:01Magic in satin.
01:05:02Oh, certainly, Geoffrey.
01:05:04Who's here in his nice crimson shoes?
01:05:10You'd like some nice fancy random paper, wouldn't you?
01:05:17I'm a child of the universe, Beryl. I have a right to be here.
01:05:19I'm afraid we don't sell marijuana on Sundays. Try the co-op.
01:05:22Beryl, listen.
01:05:23If you can smell burning, it's just that the vicar's been around burning his jock strap.
01:05:25Beryl, listen.
01:05:26Can I help you, madam?
01:05:27Have you got that in another colour?
01:05:29No, madam.
01:05:30I'll leave it then.
01:05:40Listen to what, for heaven's sake?
01:05:42Don't matter.
01:05:44What doesn't?
01:05:45You wouldn't, anyway.
01:05:46Wouldn't what?
01:05:49Go to the match with me on Saturday.
01:05:52Me?
01:05:53A football match?
01:05:54With 40,000 skinheads and you?
01:05:57Told you.
01:06:00Who are they playing?
01:06:06Huddersfield Town.
01:06:08In the co-op.
01:06:09I've always wanted to watch Huddersfield Town.
01:06:11The...
01:06:12The fourth from the bottom.
01:06:18Shows you.
01:06:23Away from home.
01:06:24They've won three, drawn five and lost twelve.
01:06:29Drawn five.
01:06:34So what do you think?
01:06:37I think I nearly love you.
01:06:41Never mind.
01:06:42It's only a game.
01:06:43I thought you said you nearly love me.
01:07:02Never mind.
01:07:03It's only a game.
01:07:06I thought you said you nearly love me.
01:07:11I don't recall Grace Kelly enticing Prince Rainier by going to Watch United.
01:07:20I may be wrong.
01:07:22Grace who?
01:07:24We live in a permissive society, Beryl.
01:07:26Read any colour supplement.
01:07:28Mother, you're supposed to be my mother.
01:07:30I am, love.
01:07:31And it wasn't through going to football matches.
01:07:34You are the same mother that makes me tug my skirt down every time I stand up,
01:07:37even if he's only on the phone.
01:07:38Yes, uh, well, uh, boys are very, sir.
01:07:42And I am your mother.
01:07:43That's what I said.
01:07:47I don't mean, uh, permissive permissive.
01:07:51Let's see.
01:07:52Romantic.
01:07:55Pardon?
01:07:56Kissing, cuddling.
01:07:58Things of that nature.
01:08:00Oh, we do.
01:08:02Do what?
01:08:04What you just said.
01:08:06Good.
01:08:07Not too much, I hope.
01:08:08Oh, God.
01:08:10Boys are very funny.
01:08:12They're novices compared to mothers.
01:08:14Did I tell you that two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains?
01:08:22Oh.
01:08:26Two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains.
01:08:29Fantastic.
01:08:38The Cowgills.
01:08:40Mr. and Mrs. Cowgill.
01:08:42Married couple.
01:08:45Newlyweds.
01:08:47Not long married.
01:08:49You go bald doing that.
01:08:51Doing what?
01:08:52I'll tell you that twenty-eight stockbrokers have moved into the office opposite with the dirty curtains.
01:09:09Living in sin.
01:09:12Can you say one single sentence without the word marriage in it?
01:09:16If I said to you, do you think Cassius Clay would have beaten Rocky Marciano,
01:09:24would you say what's it matter so long as they're happily married?
01:09:28I don't think so.
01:09:31Beryl would.
01:09:34Given you a bad time, is she?
01:09:37Oh, I wouldn't say that.
01:09:43I haven't even mentioned the word.
01:09:45What word?
01:09:47Goodness me, a single person can have a relationship with another single person
01:09:50without everyone thinking she's automatically...
01:09:52I never said you were!
01:09:54You think it!
01:10:08All right, Geoffrey.
01:10:10I hereby promise never to utter the word again.
01:10:14Marriage?
01:10:16Never.
01:10:17Well, until I am.
01:10:20If I ever do.
01:10:21Which I fervently hope I never will.
01:10:23For someone who's not uttering something, when's your old pee coming out?
01:10:27No two people have a divine right to happiness, Geoffrey.
01:10:34You mustn't feel guilty about me.
01:10:37Sorry?
01:10:40No-one can say you've completely ruined me life.
01:10:43Not yet.
01:10:44What are you staring at?
01:10:45Hello?
01:10:46You all right, son?
01:10:47Terrific.
01:10:48Why did you throw your sponge pudding at the cat, then?
01:10:49Your mother's theory is you're overworking.
01:10:50Hmm.
01:10:51My theory is you're overdoing it with some dolly bird.
01:10:52Oh.
01:10:53What's your theory?
01:10:54Indigestion.
01:10:55Oh.
01:10:56What's your theory?
01:10:57Oh.
01:10:58What's your theory?
01:10:59Indigestion.
01:11:00Oh.
01:11:01What's yours, Sundance?
01:11:02Hasn't he said anything at all?
01:11:03He has said one thing.
01:11:04Oh, what's that?
01:11:05Oh, what's that?
01:11:06If God had meant sardines to be in oil, it'd have given them dipsticks, all right?
01:11:12The weeks and months drag by, and with neither side willing to compromise, we still have deadlock.
01:11:19Her Majesty's government have consistently tried to find a way out of this dilemma.
01:11:22Another wild night learning what N.O. spells and how many of us school pals are getting married.
01:11:27And what N.O. spells.
01:11:28And what N.O. spells.
01:11:29Great.
01:11:30And what N.O. spells.
01:11:31And what N.O. spells.
01:11:32Great.
01:11:33I might as well go bald and open my own monastery.
01:11:34So, society, that's you and me, says, end this dispute.
01:11:39End it now.
01:11:40Good night.
01:11:41Good night.
01:11:42Here, Ere.
01:11:43Here.
01:11:44Here.
01:11:45Here.
01:11:46Here.
01:11:47Here.
01:11:49Here, here.
01:11:50Good night.
01:11:51Here.
01:11:52Here.
01:11:53Here.
01:11:54Here.
01:11:55Here.
01:11:56Here.
01:11:57Here.
01:11:58Here.
01:11:59Good night.
01:12:01Hear, hear.
01:12:02Good, wasn't it?
01:12:04Terrific.
01:12:05Especially when he said good night.
01:12:08We're just enjoying ourselves.
01:12:10Having a good time.
01:12:12Just having fun.
01:12:13Being happy!
01:12:15Take two a day, after meals,
01:12:18and one if you find yourself crying your heart out again
01:12:21in the middle of a zebra crossing for no reason at all.
01:12:24You're sure this has nothing to do with a boyfriend?
01:12:29Absolutely positive.
01:12:31That was the first film we ever saw together.
01:12:36Make that three a day, after meals.
01:12:48Look, Beryl.
01:12:50How's this for a peace plan?
01:12:52You join a marriage bureau, and I'll get a job on the stage.
01:12:55Twice nightly in Denmark.
01:12:57Then we'll both be happy.
01:12:59Right?
01:13:00Right.
01:13:01Good Jesus Christ, superstar. Amen.
01:13:05Oh, hell.
01:13:06Hands up again.
01:13:07See you tomorrow.
01:13:09Where do you think you're going?
01:13:16Geoffrey, I'll get the sack.
01:13:18It's important.
01:13:19What is?
01:13:20I keep asking you, what is?
01:13:22What is?
01:13:23To be on our own.
01:13:24What?
01:13:25So as we can talk.
01:13:26What?
01:13:27Had an old speech worked out on the bus this morning.
01:13:29The only bit I can remember is, and that's what I think.
01:13:30Last night I dreamt I was in goal for Manchester United and Grace Kelly kicked nine goals past me.
01:13:42Grace who?
01:13:43Grace who?
01:13:44She was playing for United as well.
01:13:45Weird, isn't it?
01:13:46Weird, isn't it?
01:13:47The main thing is, we do communicate.
01:13:48Oh, we do.
01:13:49Oh, we do.
01:13:50Oh, we do.
01:13:51Oh, we do.
01:13:52We do.
01:13:53We do.
01:13:54We do.
01:13:55We do.
01:13:56We do.
01:13:57See what I think.
01:13:58See what I think.
01:13:59Go on.
01:14:00No, you.
01:14:01Mine wasn't important.
01:14:02Mine wasn't important.
01:14:03No, mine wasn't important.
01:14:04No, mine wasn't important.
01:14:05It's a good job, isn't it?
01:14:07It's a good job, isn't it?
01:14:09The main thing is, we do communicate.
01:14:13Oh, we do.
01:14:15so what face do i want to see what i've got no you mine wasn't important no mom wasn't
01:14:41beryl
01:14:42are you happy of course very i am no one is every second of every minute of every day
01:14:58no i'm not
01:15:04do you think it's because we love each other do you think
01:15:10probably not actually said the words often
01:15:19well not in so many words mostly in words to that effect
01:15:24is there anything you don't love about me
01:15:40no i don't think so honestly no nothing if there is there isn't you just tell me and i'll stop doing
01:15:49it there isn't anything honest good
01:15:52it wouldn't upset me it'd just make me a better human being to deserve your love
01:15:58like you know crimson shoes and bottle green socks
01:16:07well you don't wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks beryl if i did i'd stop to please you
01:16:16i see
01:16:23there's no need to be sensitive jeffrey
01:16:25there's no need to be sensitive jeffrey in a meaningful relationship you must like even what you don't
01:16:32your mother
01:16:34pardon
01:16:35i like your mother
01:16:36please don't sulk jeffrey
01:16:37handle lampshades
01:16:38sulking isn't the most endearing quality in a person
01:16:41well you ought to know you've almost made it an art form
01:16:45anything else at random
01:16:46you've got 24 hours to spare
01:16:48after all i'm no bridgette bardo
01:16:50according to reliable sources in san trapez she's 105 next birthday
01:16:54over 98 percent of the male population of manchester and salford can tell the difference between
01:16:58bridgette bardo and beryl battersby
01:17:00ask any opinion poll i'm much fatter for a start
01:17:03you're not all that fat beryl
01:17:05i am
01:17:06start slimming
01:17:07men like something to get hold of
01:17:08if they're allowed to get hold of it
01:17:10you always succeed in getting back to percy filth in the end don't you always
01:17:14no i don't beryl you do i always fail
01:17:17do you know what some girls find extremely likeable
01:17:20the extremely likeable way some boys stare at every girl they see
01:17:23boys like it when girls tell them what n o spells
01:17:26especially for the 600th time that they really dig
01:17:29you never say dig
01:17:31i did then
01:17:32your passionate unrequited love for 11 boring men kicking a ball about that's really lovable
01:17:39i never knew you thought that
01:17:41neither did i
01:17:43do now though
01:17:53used to say dig before i met you
01:17:55used to say all sorts of things
01:18:00there's a lot about me i can't even remember
01:18:12you think you might i'm thinking
01:18:26think so
01:18:27we just don't like each other
01:18:37at all
01:18:39oh goodbye then
01:18:52good luck
01:18:54peace man
01:18:55peace man
01:18:56saint anne square
01:18:57saint anne square
01:18:58saint anne square please
01:19:02so that just leaves a cot two matinee coats two romper suits and what else do i need
01:19:19and what else do i need
01:19:21oh yes a ring
01:19:23teething ring
01:19:25wedding ring
01:19:27of course
01:19:29and what else do you think
01:19:30oh they have gorgeous prams in the shops these days
01:19:32oh they have gorgeous prams in the shops these days
01:19:33no wonder everyone's at it
01:19:35oh sorry
01:19:37what about
01:19:38what about
01:19:39skip it
01:19:40about time too
01:19:41with her sympathy
01:19:43not that i need any actually i've never been as happy in me life
01:19:47but she doesn't know that
01:19:49if i'm looking miserable sandra
01:19:52it's because i'm feeling happy for you
01:19:54yeah
01:19:58we know what you must be thinking
01:19:59of course we do
01:20:01how to pop the pink without going in off
01:20:09ace
01:20:11she used to wear pink you know
01:20:13i won't tell you where
01:20:17a hell of a lot more where hers came from
01:20:20wow
01:20:24did you want the chalk jeffrey
01:20:26i know spells no
01:20:30super day for it
01:20:32mmm sin being inside a day like this
01:20:36well sandra
01:20:38this is it
01:20:39yep
01:20:40the big day
01:20:41yep
01:20:42coming to the crotch
01:20:44crunch
01:20:46i dare say it'll hardly break me heart in the slightest
01:20:49seeing him again
01:20:50you mustn't think i'll be crying inside because i most definitely won't be
01:20:54and what's more no one will know that i am
01:20:57because i shan't
01:20:59truly
01:21:00and
01:21:03sandra please you've enough to think of
01:21:08it's a big day for you as well really isn't it
01:21:15and now one of the bride and groom on their own
01:21:17and
01:21:19do you mind stepping back sir
01:21:21fine
01:21:22this is fine enough
01:21:23here
01:21:24about there lovely
01:21:25you can kiss the bride on this one sir
01:21:27wow
01:21:28official permission to actually kiss her
01:21:30whew
01:21:32ow
01:21:33oh sorry
01:21:34that's right
01:21:36hold it
01:21:37lovely
01:21:39thank you
01:21:40right now a nice family group of the parents please
01:21:43right
01:21:44funny
01:21:45i remember the friday lunch time they first met
01:21:47it
01:21:48how have you been
01:21:50absolutely great
01:21:52you
01:21:53never better
01:21:54ever
01:21:55that's it
01:21:56a little bit like that
01:21:58it's all over now
01:21:59bar the salmon salad
01:22:02it's tuna fish
01:22:04it's life
01:22:05see president nixon went to china then
01:22:15that was before we ever met
01:22:17i know
01:22:18why has something happened about it
01:22:20no
01:22:21no
01:22:22could i trouble you for the salad cream please
01:22:24hmm
01:22:26speaking personally i think there are enough problems to sort out on earth without going to the moon
01:22:31Nixon
01:22:34why is he going
01:22:36no
01:22:37the astronauts
01:22:39oh
01:22:40it's the wives and sweethearts i feel sorry for
01:22:43we never really talked did we about things that matter
01:22:49good isn't it
01:22:51shows we're friends
01:22:52now that we know we don't like each other
01:22:54everybody thinks we're broken hearted
01:22:57we've really grown up haven't we
01:23:03me mother's convinced herself we split up because we had too much percy filth
01:23:07i'm right off it myself
01:23:09i've been able to walk off buses perfectly normally for the past few weeks
01:23:12aww
01:23:13i expect it's only temporary
01:23:15i hope not
01:23:16it's marvellous
01:23:17good
01:23:18i don't fancy you in the slightest now
01:23:21thank you love
01:23:23still off the food i noticed
01:23:28and we've learned a fantastic amount for the future
01:23:34fantastic
01:23:35for example
01:23:36say i finally did marry someone like you only someone i love
01:23:39i bet i'd now let him wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks every night
01:23:44in bed a bear
01:23:47and you'll probably meet some little fatty who's never even heard of kenny warhol
01:23:54and marry her three days later
01:23:56we probably won't see each other at all now we're pals
01:24:01i expect you're going to the match this afternoon
01:24:03oh yeah
01:24:04i'm helping sandra packer going away case
01:24:06where's she going?
01:24:07hospital
01:24:08well
01:24:09we'll bump into each other sometime
01:24:12well
01:24:14we'll bump into each other sometime
01:24:42uh hello mrs battersby uh you won't remember me
01:25:01good afternoon jeffrey
01:25:03uh um is uh is beryl there please
01:25:08she's gone to the football match
01:25:10there is no football it's cricket now
01:25:15well it's the same thing isn't it
01:25:17good afternoon
01:25:18thank you
01:25:22well it's the kick-off
01:25:24oh
01:25:25hello
01:25:26hello
01:25:27hello
01:25:28hi
01:25:30when's the kick-off?
01:25:32Hi.
01:25:42When's the kick-off?
01:25:45In about three months. Football season's over now, Beryl.
01:25:49What on earth did you want to come for?
01:25:53I forgot. I'm not all that interested these days.
01:25:58Where will you go now, then?
01:26:01I don't know.
01:26:05Could always go inside and practice booing for next season.
01:26:10Where will you?
01:26:12Might go and get a new pair of tights.
01:26:15Hey, it's like the countryside, isn't it, when it's empty?
01:26:18Fancy a stroll in the country?
01:26:20May as well, if you like. Don't mind. Why not?
01:26:25Just as friends.
01:26:26Oh, I meant just as friends.
01:26:28Yeah, I did.
01:26:31Wish we had a ball.
01:26:37Could play shooting in.
01:26:40You could go in goal.
01:26:45Amazing how people change, isn't it?
01:26:51Well, we're certainly much happier without each other.
01:27:01We'll be even happier with someone else.
01:27:13Anyone, really.
01:27:15There's millions to choose from.
01:27:16All nearly exactly right for us.
01:27:30You'll find someone, Geoffrey.
01:27:31You will, Beryl.
01:27:32Just a matter of keeping your eyes open, really.
01:27:36Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:40Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:52Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:53umbs up.
01:28:04TŠ°Š»ŃŠ½Š°Ń cheering.
01:28:09And you'll find sometimes
01:28:33Love and rainy weather can turn out fine
01:28:38Getting wet together's fun
01:28:43When the crying's dark
01:28:48Love and rainy weather
01:28:53Are followed by the sun
01:28:58Love and rainy weather
01:29:03Love and rainy weather
01:29:06When the crying's dark
01:29:13Love and rainy weather
01:29:18Are followed by the sun
01:29:23Love and rainy weather
01:29:29Hello
01:29:30Hello
01:29:34Hello
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