- 5 months ago
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:30CastingWords
00:01:00CastingWords
00:01:06CastingWords
00:01:08But we live in a permissive society.
00:01:10Not on this street we don't.
00:01:12Everybody's at it.
00:01:14Not with me they're not.
00:01:16Girls are supposed to be crying out for it.
00:01:18Not this one.
00:01:20I'm the silent majority.
00:01:22It's only manners these days.
00:01:24Total strangers do it now instead of shaking hands.
00:01:26God is Lord.
00:01:30Jesus.
00:01:30Jesus.
00:01:31We've never seen him in real life though.
00:01:58And he's picturing the papers.
00:02:01Oh come on Sandra let's go.
00:02:03No I don't want to.
00:02:04I want to wait.
00:02:04I want to be standing out here.
00:02:05It's stupid.
00:02:06But he might come in a minute.
00:02:08Somebody waited ages yesterday and he never turned up there.
00:02:10But that was yesterday.
00:02:11He might be here today.
00:02:12I want to be going shopping.
00:02:16Oh wait he might come.
00:02:17Oh wait he might come.
00:02:17Please let's go.
00:02:22Oh no.
00:02:23I told you so didn't I?
00:02:25I feel a right twit now.
00:02:27I don't fancy yours.
00:02:30Which is mine?
00:02:31Any except the blonde.
00:02:34Oh.
00:02:35Good.
00:02:36They were being stared at.
00:02:38Where?
00:02:39Don't fancy yours.
00:02:45Which is mine?
00:02:47Any.
00:02:48Except the blonde or the one with the yellow legs.
00:02:52Thanks.
00:02:54Neither do I.
00:02:56Fancy the one with the twitch.
00:03:00About as much as Mountsy-Tung's granddad.
00:03:02With all due respect.
00:03:04To his granddad.
00:03:05Ask him if they do a turn.
00:03:08You.
00:03:09I thought we were giving sex up.
00:03:11There's a protest at never getting any.
00:03:13Ignore them.
00:03:22Hi.
00:03:24Hi.
00:03:26Hi.
00:03:27Hi.
00:03:30Hi.
00:03:33Peace man.
00:03:33Were you hoping to see Georgie Best?
00:03:37He's in Mallorca.
00:03:39Come on then.
00:03:41We only get an hour for lunch.
00:03:44It's a discotheque in Albert Square.
00:03:52Come on.
00:03:54I thought we were going for tights.
00:03:58It's our lunch hour.
00:03:59It's ours.
00:04:02We were going for lunch.
00:04:08Shall I tell you something pretty mind-blowing about Mallorca?
00:04:12It's one place I've never been.
00:04:15Pardon?
00:04:17I'm Jeffrey.
00:04:20I don't happen to be attached.
00:04:22I'm Beryl.
00:04:23I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:25Don't you worry.
00:04:43Love and rainy weather may sound funny.
00:04:49But they go together fine.
00:04:54Every single time.
00:05:01First you're up there on another plane and then you're nowhere.
00:05:08And the tears are raining down.
00:05:14It's a run around.
00:05:19Love and rainy weather.
00:05:24Sure can get you down.
00:05:27Not going twisting tonight then?
00:05:38That's the modern name for it, isn't it?
00:05:40What?
00:05:41Cutting a rug.
00:05:44Pardon?
00:05:45Grooving, Mildred.
00:05:47It's called grooving nowadays.
00:05:48Grooving and or freaking.
00:05:50Right?
00:05:51What I'm not doing tonight.
00:05:53Right.
00:05:54Right on.
00:05:55You're staying in tonight then?
00:05:57Tonight.
00:05:58Tomorrow night.
00:05:59Every night.
00:06:02They might sell me overcoat.
00:06:03Life's not all pleasure, you know.
00:06:06Mildred, don't hassle the lad.
00:06:09Hustle.
00:06:11It's a different world today, Mildred.
00:06:13We had a week's honeymoon in Blackpool for what this finny haddy cost.
00:06:18They do their own thing.
00:06:19The usual 1,300 weight.
00:06:22Yes, please.
00:06:22Now, that's the new world that we work for and fought for.
00:06:29Full page advert for contraception.
00:06:31It's his birthright.
00:06:35I'm not hungry.
00:06:37What's that supposed to mean?
00:06:39It's the hip way cool people say I'm not hungry.
00:06:42I enjoy staying in Chattingham an evening.
00:07:03I find it fantastically enjoyable.
00:07:06No, really.
00:07:07I really do.
00:07:09Some people don't.
00:07:12I do.
00:07:14Beryl, please take my word for it.
00:07:16Paul McCartney's never going to ring that doorbell and invite you to the pictures.
00:07:20Paul McCartney who?
00:07:21He doesn't know you've been faithful to him ever since our day's night.
00:07:24And please don't say Paul McCartney who.
00:07:27I sacrifice too much for your six-o levels.
00:07:29Five.
00:07:30You were terrific in the pictures.
00:07:33I've never touched you.
00:07:35Terrific self-control.
00:07:41What did you say your name was?
00:07:43Mind you, just a weekend I'd do with you, Paul.
00:08:05Not a dirty weekend.
00:08:07A disgusting one.
00:08:10Night-night, Percy Filth.
00:08:24Have you always been insatiable?
00:08:28It's not my fault.
00:08:30It's just that I don't like blondes.
00:08:36It's psychosomatic.
00:08:37I'm sorry.
00:08:46Ah.
00:08:46Oh, Sandra.
00:09:05You're almost blonde in this light.
00:09:07What's wrong?
00:09:14Just being brave.
00:09:16What about?
00:09:17Ending it all.
00:09:20Before we hurt each other too much.
00:09:23It's our first date.
00:09:24I've probably wasted your entire evening, haven't I?
00:09:31Not yet.
00:09:32Not if your parents aren't back till midnight.
00:09:37Don't you think you're too old for this sort of thing?
00:09:41Straight from Stanley Matthews to Bridget Bardot you went.
00:09:45Overnight.
00:09:46That was when you were too young for this sort of thing.
00:09:48It's artistic, Mother.
00:09:51Like your Tutankhamen butter dish.
00:10:03What?
00:10:04Got it.
00:10:05Got what?
00:10:06You now ask if I never want to see you again.
00:10:09I say I do.
00:10:10You then stop crying quick as a flash and say something like,
00:10:14How about Sunday, half seven, outside Central Library?
00:10:17No, I don't.
00:10:19Tomorrow, half seven, outside Central Library.
00:10:23Then when I say okay, does your zip miraculously undo?
00:10:27It does not.
00:10:29I thought it did.
00:10:31Not till you've unfastened the press, Studd.
00:10:35I can see her doing your ironing and cooking and cleaning.
00:10:39You wouldn't need to book for the Christmas pantomime.
00:10:41I don't intend to marry her, Mother.
00:10:44In case it interferes with my career.
00:10:46We're just good friends.
00:10:48Good night.
00:10:49Miss Bardot.
00:11:05Marry me.
00:11:09You know what they say?
00:11:12Once you've had a Manchester lad, you never touch anything else.
00:11:14It's about time and all.
00:11:31Aye.
00:11:32Aye.
00:11:32Aye.
00:11:32Peace, man.
00:11:36Did you have a good time, Miss Knight?
00:11:38Great.
00:11:38Is this you?
00:11:40Satisfied.
00:11:41I'll say it in for a change.
00:11:44Did you get much?
00:11:47Did you?
00:11:52Did you know that raping Princess Anne was a capital offence?
00:11:55Not that I have done.
00:11:57They'd paid him for a change instead.
00:12:14Ticket.
00:12:19I ain't got me ticket.
00:12:20We're late already.
00:12:23See you behind the goal, then.
00:12:26Aye!
00:12:26Aye!
00:12:26Aye!
00:12:28Aye!
00:12:28Aye!
00:12:30Aye!
00:12:30Aye!
00:12:31Aye!
00:12:32Aye!
00:12:33Aye!
00:12:33Aye!
00:12:34Aye!
00:12:35Aye!
00:12:35Aye!
00:12:36Aye!
00:12:37Aye!
00:12:37Aye!
00:12:38Aye!
00:12:39Nou!
00:12:40Well, tonight's beauty sleep has done nothing for her.
00:12:44Snooty, old bag.
00:12:50Trendy.
00:12:51Crimson shoes with bottle green socks.
00:12:55Must be going steady with the set of traffic lights.
00:12:57Still, who else would have him?
00:12:59Anyway, they're all the same in the dark, rumour has it.
00:13:10Different girl every night. It's all the type.
00:13:14Probably an omen seeing her before the match.
00:13:17I bet we lose 3-1.
00:13:20Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:13:23At least I've got me proud.
00:13:25Oh, hello.
00:13:27Oh, hi.
00:13:29Hi.
00:13:30Didn't see you.
00:13:31No, Normie.
00:13:33You going that way?
00:13:35Yeah. Not specially, no.
00:13:37You going that?
00:13:39Yeah, well...
00:13:41No. I was sort of...
00:13:43Going to the football match?
00:13:45Are you?
00:13:46Shopping.
00:13:53I'm probably going to the pictures tonight.
00:13:55I am.
00:13:56Which?
00:13:57Which are you?
00:13:58Any?
00:13:59I am.
00:14:06See you, then.
00:14:07Tonight?
00:14:08Pardon?
00:14:09Oh, I...
00:14:10All right, then.
00:14:11Right.
00:14:13Super socks.
00:14:24Did you see that?
00:14:25They're all on drugs.
00:14:26A lot of them.
00:14:27A lot of them.
00:14:46This score, losing 3-1.
00:14:49Excuse me, I...
00:15:19I only go to restaurants with deaf waiters.
00:15:25Ah.
00:15:28Hi.
00:15:30Hello, mate.
00:15:32Peace man.
00:15:34Surprise, surprise.
00:15:36Been anywhere controversial?
00:15:38The boyfriend.
00:15:40She's slim.
00:15:41I'm just going to the...
00:15:42Oh, I'll come with you.
00:15:44Are you and Beryl, um, you know...
00:15:49You know.
00:15:52Oh.
00:16:02Would you, uh...
00:16:05What do you sort of reckon?
00:16:06She's a...
00:16:08Fair sort of bird.
00:16:10Sort of.
00:16:11She's all right.
00:16:13I mean, nothing sensational, obviously.
00:16:17Geoffrey, she's a bird.
00:16:23You having a coffee with us?
00:16:25No, thanks, kid.
00:16:26Neville's ravenous.
00:16:27You've just eaten.
00:16:30Oh, of course.
00:16:31Yeah.
00:16:32Sorry.
00:16:35You see, what I thought Ken was always trying to do...
00:16:39By implication?
00:16:40Probably by implication.
00:16:42Was to allow the images to provoke a moral response from our own aesthetic judgement.
00:16:46You see?
00:16:48Yes.
00:16:50Was he the errand boy?
00:16:52Was who the errand boy?
00:16:53Ken Thingy.
00:16:54He directed it.
00:16:56Oh, yes.
00:16:59I was probably thinking of Andy Warhol.
00:17:02Probably.
00:17:07You're not like other boys at all, are you?
00:17:11Well, probably a little more mature, that's all.
00:17:13It's over 200 yards from the cinema.
00:17:15And you talk to me the whole way, like a person.
00:17:18Other boys seem to have one-track minds these days.
00:17:24Sex?
00:17:25Marriage.
00:17:27Pardon?
00:17:28The number of boys that asked me to marry them.
00:17:31A couple of dates and pal they want to get married.
00:17:34I want to live a bit before I get married.
00:17:36I suppose I just don't have a hang-up about it.
00:17:40Getting married?
00:17:41Hmm.
00:17:43No.
00:17:44Actually, I find girls, or most girls, that is, a bit obsessed these days.
00:17:54Not marriage.
00:17:56No.
00:17:57Sex.
00:17:59Percy Filth?
00:18:03Sex.
00:18:04That's what I said.
00:18:06Oh.
00:18:07Well, I'm not like that.
00:18:09Not Percy Filth motivated?
00:18:11No.
00:18:14No.
00:18:27Did you want to say any more about Andy Warhol?
00:18:29Ken Russell?
00:18:30Yeah.
00:18:31No.
00:18:38This is it.
00:18:44I won't come in, with it being our first date.
00:18:54No.
00:18:55Oh.
00:18:56Anywhere my mum's gone to bed, we'd be on our own.
00:18:59Is that a reason for me not coming in, though?
00:19:01Yes, Geoffrey.
00:19:02Oh.
00:19:03Oh.
00:19:04Oh.
00:19:13Nice house.
00:19:1625-year mortgage.
00:19:23Well, thanks for seeing me home.
00:19:24It's funny, isn't it?
00:19:25First date with someone.
00:19:26It always leads to one of three things.
00:19:27Either nothing.
00:19:28Or something.
00:19:29Or everything.
00:19:30Well, don't think about Percy Filth at this stage, Beryl.
00:19:31I'm not.
00:19:32No, I'm not.
00:19:33Night-night.
00:19:34Night-night.
00:19:35God bless.
00:19:36Night-night.
00:19:37God bless.
00:19:39I won't give you me phone number in case you think I'm one of those scheming females.
00:19:45Well, I won't give you me phone number in case you think I'm one of those scheming females.
00:19:59I won't give you my phone number in case you think I'm one of those scheming females.
00:20:08What is it?
00:20:09327-4421.
00:20:12The easy way to remember it is the three and the two make five, which is two less than seven,
00:20:16then two fours, and half of four, which is two, and half of two, which is one.
00:20:19But you mustn't ring me if you don't want.
00:20:22No.
00:20:22But you can if you do.
00:20:24Do you want me to?
00:20:25Not if you'd rather not.
00:20:28327-4421.
00:20:29Good night.
00:20:30337-4421.
00:20:31Let's go.
00:21:01Well, hello, Mrs Battersby. Beryl's brought you up a cup of tea.
00:21:04Oh, they all have a past life flashed before me then.
00:21:11Can't be Mother's Day. You'd have forgotten.
00:21:15Has there been any clips?
00:21:17Mum, I want the benefit of your experience.
00:21:22What do you think of Andy Warhol?
00:21:24You see, Geoffrey has this theory that, by implication...
00:21:27Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:28Of course, Geoffrey knows about these things.
00:21:30Oh, these things. Everything.
00:21:34Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:35He's fantastically intelligent.
00:21:37See, Geoffrey's idea...
00:21:39Beryl, who's Geoffrey?
00:21:42Oh, no-one.
00:21:47No-one's special.
00:21:49Oh, no.
00:21:53His name's Geoffrey.
00:21:59How did this Beryl Bird turn out last night, then?
00:22:02What Beryl Bird?
00:22:03I told him.
00:22:04Did she, uh...
00:22:05Did she, uh...
00:22:06Did she, uh...
00:22:07What?
00:22:08What?
00:22:09Oh, ho, ho, ho.
00:22:10Wow.
00:22:14She doesn't, then.
00:22:15You don't listen, do you?
00:22:17I said...
00:22:18How about Sandra?
00:22:19How about Sandra?
00:22:27Chips.
00:22:28German sod.
00:22:34Not seeing him tonight, then.
00:22:40Who?
00:22:41I've rather better things to do, thank you.
00:22:55I said he was no-one special.
00:22:58Have they got a phone here?
00:23:00Why?
00:23:03They haven't, have they?
00:23:05Do you want to get some nookie lined up or something?
00:23:08If I did, do you think I'd be playing darts with you two?
00:23:11Look, are you fed up here?
00:23:13Are you?
00:23:15We'll split after this game.
00:23:16Anything you say.
00:23:17We can go for a few at the King's Head.
00:23:19Great.
00:23:21And that ends our pro...
00:23:23Well, Monday tomorrow.
00:23:25Hallelujah.
00:23:26Pardon?
00:23:28I don't know what you're paying for that phone,
00:23:29but whatever it is, you're being done.
00:23:31Goodnight.
00:23:57Morning.
00:24:00Morning.
00:24:01Morning.
00:24:10Charlton for Pope.
00:24:11Long may you reign.
00:24:13Amen.
00:24:15What's going on?
00:24:16Pound's up again.
00:24:18Oh, God.
00:24:20Today's special.
00:24:21Bloody travellers, Jax.
00:24:23Here.
00:24:24Suddenly everyone's going on holiday.
00:24:26So does.
00:24:28Enjoy yourself while you're young.
00:24:29Why don't we always do that?
00:24:30Ninety-three times a day.
00:24:31We never see anything.
00:24:32Why don't we always do that?
00:24:33Ninety-three times a day.
00:24:34We never see anything.
00:24:35Mr.
00:24:52Why don't we always do that?
00:24:53Ninety-three times a day.
00:24:55We never see anything.
00:24:59Oh, my God.
00:25:00My typing, not disturbing your singing, I hope.
00:25:19See Geoffrey on Sunday.
00:25:22Oh, Geoffrey.
00:25:24That Neville's the greatest.
00:25:26Is he dishy, or is he dishy?
00:25:35Never promise he's going to take this...
00:25:36I'm considering packing Geoffrey in.
00:25:39One date was enough.
00:25:41Why?
00:25:43He's cancer and I'm Libra.
00:25:45Is that bad?
00:25:46Hopeless.
00:25:49Actually, I'm slightly off the male gender at the moment.
00:25:56Five, five, which is, which is, three and two is five, which is two less than seven, which is, oh.
00:26:13I see the Spanish police are throwing your lot out of Ibiza.
00:26:17Bank clerks.
00:26:18Your lot.
00:26:20Football supporters.
00:26:22Hippies.
00:26:23Oh.
00:26:24My lot.
00:26:26At the third stroke, it will be 7.22 and 40 seconds.
00:26:35It will be 7.22 and 50 seconds.
00:26:40That's it then.
00:26:42Fate.
00:26:43All over by 7.23 precisely.
00:26:45So what?
00:26:50Plenty more where she came from.
00:26:55Is that the speaking clock?
00:26:57Is that Geoffrey?
00:26:58Is that Beryl?
00:27:00Yes.
00:27:01Yes.
00:27:02Hi.
00:27:05Hi.
00:27:05Hi.
00:27:15It's terrifically exciting, isn't it?
00:27:26Getting to know a person.
00:27:28Fantastic.
00:27:32I want to know all about you.
00:27:35That's what it's all about.
00:27:39For example, with things in common already.
00:27:41Definitely.
00:27:45About what?
00:27:49We're enormously fond of animals.
00:27:52Right.
00:27:54And we're both from Manchester.
00:27:59Have you ever been abroad?
00:28:02No.
00:28:03Have you?
00:28:05No.
00:28:06Unless you count Istanbul.
00:28:08Miss Statton, was it beyond belief?
00:28:12I don't know.
00:28:13I was only three.
00:28:19Do you ever get the feeling you've been somewhere before?
00:28:22Sometimes.
00:28:24I do.
00:28:26What now?
00:28:29No.
00:28:30Just, just sometimes.
00:28:32Yes, I do.
00:28:39Such a lot, isn't there?
00:28:42In getting to know a person.
00:28:44Hmm.
00:28:44He was lithe and easy-limbed.
00:28:52His stride quietly casual.
00:28:55His eyes clear and confident.
00:28:57And his strong mouth ready to break into a relaxed, assured, lopsided grin.
00:29:06You know, Geoffrey, you have a really lopsided grin.
00:29:10Really?
00:29:11You know, lopsided.
00:29:13I don't think I have.
00:29:17It's in the eye of the beholder.
00:29:21See?
00:29:23Geoffrey doesn't need someone else when he's tying a knot.
00:29:26He holds it down with his little finger.
00:29:30It must be marvellous being a man.
00:29:34It's OK, I suppose.
00:29:35Men can do anything.
00:29:37Conquer Everest.
00:29:39Do heart transplants.
00:29:40Become leader of the opposition.
00:29:42Anything.
00:29:43Anything.
00:29:53Geoffrey, N-O spells no.
00:29:56It's good for your circulation, Beryl.
00:29:58Read any women's magazine.
00:30:00It's good for theirs, too.
00:30:01Not sure they recommend Percy Filth on Tuesdays.
00:30:04I only see you on Tuesdays and Saturdays.
00:30:07All Saturdays.
00:30:10Beryl.
00:30:15Beryl.
00:30:16Oh, Geoffrey, bobbles, bumble.
00:30:18Oh, Beryl.
00:30:19Oh, Geoffrey.
00:30:21Oh, Beryl.
00:30:22Are you all right?
00:30:23What exactly happened?
00:30:24Don't tell me.
00:30:25I just had a sharp pachaca of dramatic irony.
00:30:28Pardon?
00:30:34Come back.
00:30:35They're better.
00:30:36It's better.
00:30:37I'm OK.
00:30:37I told you.
00:30:42It's going to pour.
00:30:43It's not.
00:30:48Ugh.
00:30:51It's only the angels crying.
00:30:53I know how they feel.
00:30:58Well, don't blame me.
00:30:59I haven't done anything.
00:31:00That's true.
00:31:03That's not true, Beryl.
00:31:04I have apologised.
00:31:06I keep going down on me knees when I'm talking to you.
00:31:09Independent observers think I'm training to be a Cossack dancer.
00:31:12It must be a bad line.
00:31:13I can't hear you.
00:31:14You'd better apologise again.
00:31:17I apologise again.
00:31:20Gosh, this lousy line.
00:31:22I wonder if Geoffrey would like to come to tea on Sunday.
00:31:28Pardon?
00:31:29Pardon?
00:31:31Is that who I think it is?
00:31:34No, dear.
00:31:46Well, isn't this nice?
00:31:51Sardine sandwich.
00:31:52Is it all sardine?
00:31:54Yeah.
00:31:55She's got her own trawler.
00:32:03Isn't it awful?
00:32:05What?
00:32:06I was speaking to Geoffrey.
00:32:08What's happening in the world?
00:32:09I blame the politicians.
00:32:11What for?
00:32:12For what's happening in the world?
00:32:14I'm talking to her.
00:32:16I can't speak Portuguese.
00:32:18I can't speak Portuguese.
00:32:20Tasty.
00:32:21They're in oil.
00:32:22She's got a bad leg.
00:32:24The bread's extremely wholesome.
00:32:25Why, after this little baker down the road, he does something with the bleach.
00:32:37I can't do long conversations about sardines, so much as your mind goes blank.
00:32:54Start thinking about life after death.
00:32:56Oh, that Neville, honestly.
00:33:03Number of hearts he must have broken.
00:33:06Every girl in Manchester, nearly.
00:33:09Geoffrey definitely has.
00:33:10Probably even more.
00:33:12Air hostesses.
00:33:14Air hostesses.
00:33:16All sorts.
00:33:18Tell me about your terrible past, Geoffrey.
00:33:20I haven't had one yet.
00:33:22White man speak with forked tongue.
00:33:25Actually, I was hoping more for a terrible future.
00:33:33Wow, is that the time, at this moment in time?
00:33:36What have I done?
00:33:37Is Neville the insanely jealous type?
00:33:40Not in the slightest.
00:33:42You're lucky.
00:33:43Why, it's Geoffrey.
00:33:45Wow.
00:33:47You're not jealous of all my ex-flames, are you?
00:33:50Of course not.
00:33:50Why should I be?
00:33:52Please stop interrogating me, Geoffrey.
00:33:53Forget it.
00:33:56That's all in the past.
00:33:58Then, nothing to be jealous about.
00:34:03Who needs drama?
00:34:06So I shouted back at her.
00:34:08No shop assistant shouts at me, I shouted.
00:34:10In the end, Neville nearly belted me for swearing.
00:34:14He thumped you?
00:34:16Walloped you on?
00:34:17No.
00:34:18I said nearly.
00:34:23You'll never thump me, will you?
00:34:25Like Neville does Sandra.
00:34:27She adores it.
00:34:28Of course not.
00:34:31No.
00:34:34Geoffrey, Percy Filth isn't the only thing in life.
00:34:37It isn't even one of the things in mine.
00:34:38He used to talk to me.
00:34:40All right, let's talk.
00:34:46Geoffrey, I've just had the most super idea.
00:34:49Why?
00:34:49Is your mum going out?
00:34:53May as well pack in, really.
00:34:57Why?
00:34:59Why not?
00:35:02Good thinking.
00:35:03Thanks for a stimulating few weeks.
00:35:12You too.
00:35:13It was real.
00:35:14It's psychedelic.
00:35:15You can keep me grateful dead, LP.
00:35:17I was scratched anyway.
00:35:20It's been a gasp.
00:35:21Groovy.
00:35:23I won't wave from the window.
00:35:25No, I won't look back anyway.
00:35:27Good.
00:35:28It's been a gasp.
00:35:29You've said that once.
00:35:30You're well-bred barrel.
00:35:41There's plenty more fish in the sea.
00:35:45About three very lonely sardines.
00:35:50Mother, please don't try raising one eyebrow at me.
00:35:53You know you can't do it.
00:35:54You'll never thong of me, will you, Geoffrey?
00:36:03Ow!
00:36:04Beryl, I just had the most super idea.
00:36:07Are we going to put it up?
00:36:08No.
00:36:09We're going to pack it in.
00:36:10Don't say that.
00:36:11Please don't say that.
00:36:12That.
00:36:15Sandra.
00:36:17Sandra.
00:36:18You're Sandra.
00:36:19Mine.
00:36:23Two months.
00:36:24Two months, nine days.
00:36:28Is she positive?
00:36:30The test was.
00:36:31What are you going to do?
00:36:33She'll think of something.
00:36:35Sandra, it's stupendous.
00:36:40Congratulations.
00:36:40I hope you'll both be very happy.
00:36:42Oh, thanks, kid.
00:36:44Sandra, I don't know how you do it.
00:36:47Yeah, I don't know how you do it.
00:36:57Hurrah!
00:37:10Hurrah!
00:37:12Hurrah!
00:37:14Hurrah!
00:37:15John for Pope.
00:37:42Long may reign.
00:37:50Aren't you, er... Yeah.
00:37:55And you're, er... That's right.
00:37:58Going somewhere incredible. I'm meeting my parents.
00:38:01Taking them to see Fiddler on the roof. That's pretty incredible.
00:38:05Your mummy and daddy.
00:38:08Er... Oh, hell no, that's tomorrow.
00:38:12If I'm in the mood.
00:38:15Where you are.
00:38:18Depends where you take me.
00:38:21All I was saying about your friend with the glasses...
00:38:31Roland.
00:38:32Roland.
00:38:33Is that I found him intellectually unaware and psychologically incredibly boring.
00:38:38It's not bad at snooker.
00:38:41And how are you and little Beryl?
00:38:44Didn't she tell you?
00:38:46I don't work there anymore.
00:38:48I packed her in.
00:38:50Did she turn you on?
00:39:00Beryl?
00:39:01Yeah.
00:39:02I haven't really looked.
00:39:07I've seen one.
00:39:08You've seen one.
00:39:09You've seen them all.
00:39:10Not quite all.
00:39:11I'll go and get me coat.
00:39:14I'll go and get me coat.
00:39:15Looks to be my birthday.
00:39:16Boys aren't the only thing in life, Beryl.
00:39:31I do wish you'd find one.
00:39:34They aren't all after Percy, Philse.
00:39:39Yes, they are.
00:39:41Mmm.
00:39:42Oh, you were terrific on the bus.
00:39:45Was I?
00:39:46Mmm.
00:39:47Terrific self-control.
00:39:50Joan of Arc never married, yet she led a full and happy life.
00:39:55Or am I thinking of someone else?
00:39:58Mother, I don't happen to be interested in boys.
00:40:00I happen to be interested in having early nights and writing poetry in bed with my Moe felt-tip pen.
00:40:05It's run out of ink. I used it for my laundry list.
00:40:08My God, your generation's got a few things to answer for.
00:40:12Mmm.
00:40:13Mmm.
00:40:14Mmm.
00:40:15Mmm, please.
00:40:16Mmm, don't.
00:40:17Please.
00:40:18You can't ravish a girl on her own doorstep.
00:40:23Well, let's go inside, then.
00:40:25Hmm.
00:40:26Smooth-talking bastard.
00:40:32It is me birthday.
00:40:36What about the boy with the freckles from Shakespeare Crescent?
00:40:39I don't believe that question.
00:40:41You used to be crazy about him.
00:40:43I was 11 years old.
00:40:45He used to let me chalk on his tortoise.
00:40:48Fuck.
00:40:49What about this boy with my child?
00:40:50That's a joke, isn't it?
00:40:51I'll be back then.
00:40:52What about the boy with the haunt?
00:40:53I don't think he's a little girl right at all of us.
00:40:55I think he's a good boy, but we've been walking on your finances.
00:40:56And he's a weird boy now.
00:40:57I'm no-no.
00:40:58what's your name again what's yours rock that's not your real name no Steven
00:41:27when I first met you in the street I thought just a quiet drink and a chat shows you the art of
00:41:44conversation ain't dead don't move a muscle however gorgeous
00:41:57testing testing oh Jeffrey Milleup returns to the day I wish you everything you've ever wished yourself
00:42:25I'm fed up
00:42:43who are you who are you what are you fed up about teachers don't have to do homework
00:42:53no they just mark it anyone can mark it they've got the answers
00:43:00do you know it's after two o'clock what's he doing here then
00:43:09well this is your uncle Steven this is my revolting brother Jeremy
00:43:19how do you do don't me mum and dad know he's here Jeremy bed I could always wake him up and tell him
00:43:28Jeremy little boys need sleep
00:43:33even big astronauts do you know where babies come from
00:43:39do you say no no I do say yes shall I tell you he knows the man has this male organ and some blood
00:43:51cells and erectile glands and there's these 500 million spermatozoas in these testes that he has
00:43:57well and they go through his male organ into the female uterus at the lady house
00:44:02who told you that then they go to the fallopian tubes after that one of them fertilizes with the
00:44:08female egg the others don't bother anyway that's what you have to do then you have a baby
00:44:15did they teach you that at school they do woodwork in the next class
00:44:20people can only make babies at certain times of the year but animals like dogs and cats and giraffes I think
00:44:28do it all the time
00:44:29no that's people
00:44:34what is
00:44:36well people do it all the time
00:44:41whenever they feel like it
00:44:46in the next class you can do metal work if you don't like woodwork
00:44:53good night Jeremy
00:44:5625p
00:44:5950
00:45:0050
00:45:03good night uncle Stephen
00:45:14would you care for a government health warning
00:45:31hey veronica
00:45:35yes
00:45:36who the hell's uncle Stephen at 10 past 2 in the morning
00:45:39a friend of Jeremy's
00:45:41he's going now
00:45:42good night love
00:45:45we would have done that wouldn't we
00:45:49and how
00:45:50you can't win them all can you
00:45:56anyway do you good going without for a change
00:45:59still there's always another day
00:46:06tomorrow
00:46:07no
00:46:08tomorrow's another day
00:46:11shh
00:46:12not unless you happen to be in Plymouth
00:46:14where
00:46:16I'm joining the wrens for three years
00:46:18what wrens
00:46:22the royal navy's wrens
00:46:24this time tomorrow I'll be in barracks with about 50 other girls and 30,000 sailors
00:46:30hope I like it
00:46:33well thanks for nearly everything
00:46:39we definitely would have done wouldn't we
00:46:42well obviously
00:46:43we're as good as dead in a way really
00:46:46almost
00:46:47just keep telling yourself and we will have
00:46:50only better
00:46:51good night love
00:46:53good night love
00:46:54try a barrel
00:46:55try a barrel
00:46:55try a barrel
00:46:56try a barrel
00:47:00good night love
00:47:01good night love
00:47:02good night love
00:47:03good night love
00:47:04good night love
00:47:05good night love
00:47:06good night love
00:47:07good night love
00:47:08good night love
00:47:09good night love
00:47:10good night love
00:47:11good night love
00:47:12good night love
00:47:13good night love
00:47:14good night love
00:47:15good night love
00:47:16good night love
00:47:17good night love
00:47:18good night love
00:47:19good night love
00:47:20good night love
00:47:21good night love
00:47:22good night love
00:47:23what's for breakfast
00:47:27you knew it was your mother's birthday now what we'd like to know is where were you while we
00:47:36were fiddling on the flaming roof i'm sorry mum i'll take you out another night something cropped
00:47:41up like what dad you understand i don't jeffrey well you always say you do jeffrey you're at it
00:47:52every night yes dad and we don't complain no dad but last night was different i knew you'd understand
00:48:22oh
00:48:30charlton for pope on me around amen what's going on pounds down again up and down like a pair of
00:48:37knickers you should know or me know what i mean what a night wow a lot
00:48:48including action replays in slow motion
00:48:57hey lads i picked up a bit of spare last night who didn't no it's true
00:49:03yes jeffrey it is yes jeffrey
00:49:06bloody yes
00:49:16poor jeffrey beryl please it's neville's engagement party as well he had to invite him
00:49:22he'll see me it's cruel i'll see other girls i shan't take him back sandra
00:49:28i shan't it's been two weeks he may have got over you by now
00:49:34i don't know much about men do you love
00:49:48it was doing him a kindness really finally splitting up he only had one ambition in life
00:50:09send my knickers to oxfam
00:50:16good job she hasn't joined the rent the entire navy gone strike
00:50:20i expect he's sorry now i won't even consider taking him back if he isn't
00:50:28she might have changed of course if she has i might let her have the old orgy nine again
00:50:33he's got to accept we've finally split up otherwise i definitely won't take him back
00:50:38well i'm certainly not making the first move at least i've got me pride
00:50:48i left with beryl baby oh hi didn't see you no nor me
00:50:54and how's manchester city doing without me cheering them on then united we're winning every
00:50:59game now oh good and what's new with jeffrey then
00:51:08i asked you what was new with you did you need i say more
00:51:20pardon how's beryl baby getting on then jeffrey i'm not all that ecstatic about
00:51:25you calling me beryl baby it isn't like you say that again beryl baby
00:51:31what's your name handsome you'll laugh everybody laughs it's a story of my life
00:51:42you tell it like it is chuck
00:51:50she's putting on an act what do you care
00:51:56i don't have a baby
00:52:02is she going to get into bed with him now
00:52:06probably
00:52:10jeffrey always looks half asleep these days well it's very exhausting
00:52:17what is working in a bank
00:52:20i had this bad scene this chick and decided to split
00:52:33so i cut out man like there's no tomorrow
00:52:39this cat gets it together where he's at
00:52:41what's a beautiful bag baby so if you want a piece of the action don't cool it
00:52:53dig
00:52:58sorry i no understand english
00:53:01i thought she'd only just been to bed with the other one
00:53:13she has
00:53:15and which is her husband
00:53:16i don't understand neither
00:53:22it's warming up isn't it
00:53:31great beat isn't it great to dance to
00:53:35do you agree that life's an onion
00:53:44if so what's death
00:53:50a banana
00:53:50yes i expect it is when you think about it
00:53:56have you read schopenhauer's concept of existence
00:54:00um
00:54:02no
00:54:03but i've seen the film
00:54:05you married
00:54:08no
00:54:09grab yourself an adage
00:54:11marriage is a cabbage
00:54:12you're a poet
00:54:16never ask the questions ask the answers
00:54:19you are a poet
00:54:22to any manager marks and spencers
00:54:26good job
00:54:28i really dirt you
00:54:30now he's taking his clothes off
00:54:34what's on itv
00:54:37this
00:54:38what's on bbc
00:54:43kissing over
00:54:45what's that like
00:54:46this
00:54:49come on now
00:54:50you know that's not where it's at
00:54:52let's get this what's the word
00:54:55let's get it clear let's get down to the real nitty grittiesville okay
00:55:00women's lip is not about burning bras papers yeah
00:55:15what papers
00:55:16a marriage certificate
00:55:18a dog's license whatever you prefer to call it
00:55:21look let's be basic about this enid
00:55:23all girls want marriage and a wide wedding
00:55:26really basic you want to be really basic
00:55:29utterly basic
00:55:30balls
00:55:33grass
00:55:35enid
00:55:36when sandra says every girl she means most girls
00:55:39well like herself not me of course because i incredibly value my independence
00:55:44but most girls definitely want balls
00:55:48if you can't conduct an intelligent conversation without recourse to
00:55:51you're according to anything i'm merely telling you what girls want
00:55:54what
00:55:55balls
00:55:56oh
00:55:57would you please stop saying that
00:56:00you believe in free love right
00:56:02wrong i believe in free everything freedom from all male chauvin is pig domination
00:56:07honestly don't you understand excuse me you've got your hand on me
00:56:12excuse me excuse me you've got your hand on me
00:56:15no
00:56:16oh
00:56:17oh sorry wow man i'm sorry
00:56:20it's all right
00:56:20oh gee
00:56:22it's pleasure
00:56:23grass
00:56:24jeffrey you've not to
00:56:25why not
00:56:26i said don't you not to smoke it
00:56:37oh wow
00:56:38we're as liberated as you enid
00:56:42we've equal importance as individuals
00:56:44neither of us is boss
00:56:46just doesn't arise
00:56:47we'll make some coffee
00:56:49yes
00:56:50you see
00:56:51what we believe is
00:56:52now
00:56:53you see
00:56:56where are one
00:56:57i can see there's only one way to get through
00:57:01what are you doing
00:57:06lighting everybody's fire
00:57:11burn my bra
00:57:17right that's it finished the end full stop
00:57:22we've finally split up neville sandra wants you i should imagine
00:57:29sad isn't it
00:57:31pathetic
00:57:38well i can't follow plays these days
00:57:41it's just showing real life that's all
00:57:48i once thought i'd found her
00:57:51a perfect girl
00:57:54red hair
00:57:55not too skinny
00:57:58very gentle and shy
00:58:01passionate when roused
00:58:04yeah
00:58:06i should pack me in for picking my teeth with a matchstick
00:58:09you're very sweet
00:58:12i've always thought you were
00:58:17did you know you're very nearly have a lopsided grin
00:58:19it's just i'm a bit tired
00:58:22no it's nice
00:58:23i don't think i've washed that one
00:58:39i don't think i've washed that one
00:58:50oh
00:58:54do you know
00:58:56she can ask me anything
00:58:57do you know
00:58:59do you know where jeffrey's got to
00:59:04he's upstairs i think
00:59:05is it true they're dry on their own
00:59:16usually
00:59:16i hate to be any trouble but i think i'm dying
00:59:25you'll be all right honest
00:59:27she said i shouldn't smoke it
00:59:29who
00:59:30she said
00:59:35jeffrey
00:59:38jeffrey
00:59:45sorry
00:59:52jeffrey
00:59:52move up a bit jeffrey
00:59:59put your legs
01:00:01that's better
01:00:05it's because it's your first time isn't it
01:00:13call dr wiseberg quillmslow road
01:00:16it wasn't marijuana you know
01:00:26what was it then
01:00:28grass
01:00:30grass is marijuana
01:00:33this grass wasn't
01:00:36it was the real thing
01:00:39from the front lawn
01:00:46that you beryl
01:00:55had a nice time
01:00:57even though it's three o'clock in the morning
01:01:00not that i mind
01:01:01if you've had a nice time
01:01:03even though i've been in bed since 10 having a good night's worry
01:01:08did you see jeffrey
01:01:12that's good
01:01:16do you ever get the feeling you're trying too hard
01:01:37i didn't try at all
01:01:39gave me to rest
01:01:44i'm right off birds
01:01:46i am
01:01:47i am
01:01:49for good
01:01:51me too
01:01:53and me
01:02:13good morning
01:02:14your mother would like to know if you have a reservation at this hotel
01:02:17and i
01:02:44you're gonna want to know if you have a reservation at this hotel
01:02:49Oh, Beryl, Beryl, Geoffrey.
01:03:16Oh, can I rip your trousers off and have my way with you?
01:03:23Oh, Beryl.
01:03:27Oh, Geoffrey.
01:03:30Oh, God.
01:03:42Hello. Hello.
01:03:45Will you be required in the room again, sir?
01:03:48We're thinking of taking bookings for the next pop festival.
01:03:51You're a bugger.
01:03:54I don't know who he takes after.
01:04:03Hello? It's me.
01:04:05Who? My God, that's symbolic.
01:04:08Oh, hello, Beryl.
01:04:09I'm just ringing to tell you I never want to see you again.
01:04:12If you have a phone or call, please don't,
01:04:14because I shan't be in tonight or any other night.
01:04:17Anyway, tonight I'm helping me mum at the school jumble sale.
01:04:20Well, I'll take the shot.
01:04:21This little man is coming up and won and I will see you again soon.
01:04:22Stop.
01:04:23I love you having fun.
01:04:24One more time.
01:04:25Here.
01:04:26I'll be happy with you.
01:04:27I'll be happy with you.
01:04:28Dad?
01:04:29Oh, no.
01:04:30I'll be happy with you.
01:04:31There's no baby.
01:04:32You're grateful.
01:04:33You're me.
01:04:34I'll be happy with you all.
01:04:35It's all right.
01:04:36But this little boy.
01:04:37We're happy with you.
01:04:38A small world.
01:04:52Good evening, Mrs Battersby.
01:04:54I was looking for a nice lampshade.
01:04:57Oh?
01:04:59Probably this one.
01:05:01Definitely. Magic in satin.
01:05:03Oh, certainly, Geoffrey.
01:05:05Who's here in his nice crimson shoes?
01:05:08You'd like some nice, fancy, rapid paper, wouldn't you?
01:05:17I'm a child of the universe, Beryl. I have a right to be here.
01:05:20I'm afraid we don't sell marijuana on Sundays. Try the co-op.
01:05:23Beryl, listen.
01:05:23If you can smell burning, it's just that the vicar's been around burning his jockstrap.
01:05:26Beryl, listen.
01:05:27Can I help you, madam?
01:05:27Have you got that in another colour?
01:05:30No, madam.
01:05:31I'll leave it then.
01:05:38Listen to what, for heaven's sake?
01:05:43Don't matter.
01:05:45What doesn't?
01:05:46You wouldn't, anyway.
01:05:47Wouldn't what?
01:05:49Go to the match with me on Saturday.
01:05:52Me?
01:05:53A football match?
01:05:55With 40,000 skinheads and you?
01:05:58Told you.
01:06:00Who are they playing?
01:06:01Huddersfield Town.
01:06:08In the cot?
01:06:09I've always wanted to watch Huddersfield Town.
01:06:16The...
01:06:16The fourth from the bottom.
01:06:20Shows you.
01:06:23Away from home,
01:06:25they've won three, drawn five,
01:06:27and lost twelve.
01:06:28Drawing five.
01:06:34So what do you think?
01:06:37I think I nearly love you.
01:06:38Yeah.
01:06:58Never mind.
01:07:03It's only a game.
01:07:06I thought you said you nearly loved me.
01:07:13No!
01:07:15Yeah!
01:07:16I don't recall Grace Kelly
01:07:18enticing Prince Rainier
01:07:20by going to Watch United.
01:07:21I may be wrong.
01:07:22Grace who?
01:07:24We live in a permissive society,
01:07:26Beryl.
01:07:26Read any colour supplement.
01:07:27Mother, you're supposed to be my mother.
01:07:30I am, love.
01:07:31And it wasn't through going to football matches.
01:07:34You are the same mother
01:07:35that makes me tug my skirt down
01:07:36every time I stand up,
01:07:37even if he's only on the phone.
01:07:39Yes, so, well, uh,
01:07:41boys are very, sir.
01:07:42And I am your mother.
01:07:44That's what I said.
01:07:47I don't mean, uh,
01:07:48permissive permissive.
01:07:51I see.
01:07:52Romantic.
01:07:53Pardon?
01:07:54Pardon?
01:07:56Kissing?
01:07:57Cuddling?
01:07:58Things of that nature.
01:08:02Oh, we do.
01:08:03Do what?
01:08:04What you just said.
01:08:06Good.
01:08:07Not too much, I hope.
01:08:09Oh, God.
01:08:10Boys are very funny.
01:08:12They're novices compared to mothers.
01:08:13Did I tell you that
01:08:19two new people have moved
01:08:20into the house opposite
01:08:21with the green curtains?
01:08:23Oh.
01:08:27Two new people have moved
01:08:28into the house opposite
01:08:29with the green curtains.
01:08:32Fantastic.
01:08:32The Cowgills.
01:08:40Mr. and Mrs. Cowgill.
01:08:42Married couple.
01:08:45Newlyweds.
01:08:46Not long married.
01:08:49You go bald doing that.
01:08:51Doing what?
01:08:52Do I tell you
01:09:0428 stockbrokers
01:09:06have moved into the office
01:09:07opposite with the dirty curtains.
01:09:09Living in sin.
01:09:13Can you say
01:09:14one single sentence
01:09:15without the word
01:09:15marriage in it?
01:09:16If I said to you
01:09:22do you think Cassius Clay
01:09:23would have beaten
01:09:24Rocky Marciano
01:09:25would you say
01:09:26what's it matter
01:09:26so long as they're
01:09:27happily married?
01:09:28I don't think so.
01:09:31Beryl would.
01:09:35Giving you a bad time,
01:09:36is she?
01:09:38Oh.
01:09:39I wouldn't say that.
01:09:43I haven't even
01:09:44mentioned the word.
01:09:46What word?
01:09:47Goodness me,
01:09:48a single person
01:09:49can have a relationship
01:09:50with another single person
01:09:51without everyone
01:09:51thinking she's automatically
01:09:53I've never said you were.
01:09:54You think it.
01:10:09All right, Jeffrey.
01:10:10I hereby promise
01:10:12never to utter the word again.
01:10:15Marriage.
01:10:16Never.
01:10:19Well, until I am.
01:10:21If I ever do.
01:10:22Which I fervently hope
01:10:23I never will.
01:10:24For someone who's not
01:10:25uttering something,
01:10:26when's your old pee
01:10:27coming out?
01:10:31No two people
01:10:32have a divine right
01:10:33to happiness, Jeffrey.
01:10:34You mustn't feel guilty
01:10:36about me.
01:10:38Sorry.
01:10:38No one can say you've completely
01:10:42ruined me life.
01:10:44Not yet.
01:10:49What are you staring at?
01:10:51Hello?
01:10:52Hello?
01:10:56You all right, son?
01:10:57Terrific.
01:10:58Why did you throw your sponge
01:10:59pudding at the cat then?
01:11:01Your mother's theory is
01:11:02you're overworking.
01:11:02My theory is you're
01:11:06overdoing it
01:11:06with some dolly bird.
01:11:08Oh.
01:11:09What's your theory?
01:11:11Indigestion.
01:11:12Oh.
01:11:14What's yours, Sundance?
01:11:15Hasn't he said anything
01:11:18at all?
01:11:19He has said one thing.
01:11:21Oh, what's that?
01:11:22If God had meant
01:11:22sardines to be in oil
01:11:23it had given them
01:11:24dipsticks.
01:11:24All right.
01:11:27The weeks
01:11:28and months
01:11:28dragged by
01:11:29and with neither side
01:11:31willing to compromise
01:11:32we still have
01:11:33deadlock.
01:11:35Her Majesty's
01:11:35government
01:11:36have consistently
01:11:37tried to find a way
01:11:38out of this
01:11:39dilemma.
01:11:39Another wild night
01:11:41learning what NO
01:11:41spells and how many
01:11:42of us school pals
01:11:43are getting married
01:11:44and what NO
01:11:45spells
01:11:45and what NO
01:11:47spells
01:11:48great
01:11:48I might as well
01:11:50go bald and open
01:11:51me own monastery.
01:11:52And so society
01:11:53that's you and me
01:11:54says
01:11:55end this dispute
01:11:57end it
01:11:59now
01:11:59good night.
01:12:01Hear, hear.
01:12:03Good, weren't he?
01:12:04Terrific
01:12:05especially when he
01:12:06said good night.
01:12:07We're just enjoying
01:12:09ourselves.
01:12:10Having a good time.
01:12:12Just having fun.
01:12:14Being happy.
01:12:16Take two a day
01:12:17after meals
01:12:18and one if you find
01:12:20yourself crying
01:12:20hard out again
01:12:21in the middle of a
01:12:21zebra crossing
01:12:22for no reason at all.
01:12:27You're sure this has
01:12:28nothing to do with
01:12:28a boyfriend?
01:12:29Absolutely positive.
01:12:33That was the first
01:12:34film we ever saw
01:12:35together.
01:12:37Make that three a day
01:12:39after meals.
01:12:49Look, Beryl.
01:12:50How's this for a peace
01:12:51plan?
01:12:52You join a marriage
01:12:53bureau and I'll get
01:12:55a job on the stage
01:12:56twice nightly in
01:12:57Denmark.
01:12:58Then we'll both be
01:12:58happy.
01:12:59Right?
01:13:00Right.
01:13:01Good Jesus Christ,
01:13:02superstar, amen.
01:13:03Oh, hell.
01:13:07Time's up again.
01:13:08See you tomorrow.
01:13:10Where do you think
01:13:11you're going?
01:13:17Jeffrey, I'll get the
01:13:18sack.
01:13:18It's important.
01:13:21What is?
01:13:22I keep asking you
01:13:25what is.
01:13:28What is?
01:13:30To be on our own.
01:13:32What?
01:13:34So as we can talk.
01:13:36What?
01:13:42Had an old speech
01:13:43worked out on the bus
01:13:44this morning.
01:13:45The only bit I can
01:13:48remember is, and
01:13:49that's what I think.
01:13:51Last night I
01:13:52dreamt I was in
01:13:52goal for Manchester
01:13:53United and Grace
01:13:54Kelly kicked nine
01:13:55goals past me.
01:13:57Grace who?
01:13:57She was playing for
01:13:58United as well.
01:14:00Weird, isn't it?
01:14:01The main thing is, we
01:14:12do communicate.
01:14:14Oh, we do.
01:14:23See what face
01:14:24I wanted.
01:14:26Go on.
01:14:27No, you.
01:14:27Mine wasn't important.
01:14:28Her mum wasn't.
01:14:41Beryl?
01:14:45Are you
01:14:46happy?
01:14:49Of course.
01:14:51Very.
01:14:53I am.
01:14:55No one is every
01:14:56second of every
01:14:57minute of every
01:14:57day.
01:14:58Do you think it's
01:15:09because we love
01:15:09each other, do you
01:15:10think?
01:15:17Probably.
01:15:18Not actually said the
01:15:19words often.
01:15:20Well, not in so many
01:15:21words.
01:15:23Mostly in words to that
01:15:24effect.
01:15:24Is there anything you
01:15:39don't love about me?
01:15:42No.
01:15:43I don't think so.
01:15:44Honestly, no.
01:15:45Nothing.
01:15:46If there is, you just
01:15:48tell me and I'll stop
01:15:48doing it.
01:15:49There isn't anything
01:15:49honest.
01:15:51Good.
01:15:54It wouldn't upset me.
01:15:55It would just make me
01:15:56a better human being
01:15:57to deserve your love.
01:16:03Like, you know,
01:16:06crimson shoes and
01:16:07bottle green socks.
01:16:10Well, you don't wear
01:16:11crimson shoes and
01:16:12bottle green socks,
01:16:12whisper.
01:16:13If I did, I'd stop to
01:16:15please you.
01:16:20I see.
01:16:25There's no need to be
01:16:26sensitive, Jeffrey.
01:16:27In a meaningful
01:16:28relationship, you must
01:16:29like even what you
01:16:30don't.
01:16:33Your mother.
01:16:34Pardon?
01:16:34I like your mother.
01:16:35Please don't
01:16:36sulk, Jeffrey.
01:16:37Hand her lampshades.
01:16:38Sulking isn't the most
01:16:39endearing quality in a
01:16:40person.
01:16:42Well, you ought to
01:16:43know.
01:16:43You've almost made it
01:16:44an art form.
01:16:45Anything else at
01:16:46random?
01:16:47You've got 24 hours to
01:16:48spare.
01:16:48After all, I'm no
01:16:49Bridget Bardot.
01:16:51According to
01:16:51reliable sources in
01:16:52Saint-Tropez, she's
01:16:53105 next birthday.
01:16:54Over 98% of the
01:16:56male population of
01:16:56Manchester and
01:16:57Salford can tell the
01:16:58difference between
01:16:58Bridget Bardot and
01:16:59Beryl Battersby.
01:17:00Ask any opinion poll.
01:17:02I'm much fatter for a
01:17:03start.
01:17:03You're not all that
01:17:04fat, Beryl.
01:17:05I am.
01:17:06Start slimming.
01:17:07Men like something
01:17:08to get hold of.
01:17:09If they're allowed to
01:17:09get hold of it.
01:17:11You always succeed in
01:17:12getting back to Percy
01:17:13Filth in the end, don't
01:17:14you?
01:17:14Always.
01:17:14No, I don't, Beryl.
01:17:16You do.
01:17:16I always fail.
01:17:18Do you know what
01:17:18some girls find
01:17:19extremely likeable?
01:17:20The extremely likeable
01:17:21way some boys stare at
01:17:22every girl they see.
01:17:23Boys like it when
01:17:24girls tell them what
01:17:25N-O spells.
01:17:26Especially for the
01:17:27600th time.
01:17:28That they really dig.
01:17:30You never say dig.
01:17:31I did then.
01:17:32Your passionate,
01:17:34unrequited love for
01:17:3511 boring men
01:17:36kicking a ball about.
01:17:37That's really
01:17:38lovable.
01:17:39I never knew you
01:17:40thought that.
01:17:42Neither did I.
01:17:44Do now, though.
01:17:45used to say dig
01:17:54before I met you.
01:17:59Used to say all
01:18:00sorts of things.
01:18:05There's a lot about me
01:18:06I can't even
01:18:07remember.
01:18:29Thinking what I'm
01:18:30thinking?
01:18:30I think so.
01:18:35We just don't like
01:18:36each other.
01:18:38At all.
01:18:51Oh, goodbye, then.
01:18:53Good luck.
01:18:54Peace, ma'am.
01:19:00St Anne's Square.
01:19:01St Anne's Square, please.
01:19:13So that just leaves
01:19:14a cot, two matinee coats,
01:19:17two romper suits.
01:19:18And what else
01:19:20do I need?
01:19:22Oh, yes, a ring.
01:19:24Teething ring?
01:19:26Wedding ring?
01:19:27Of course.
01:19:28Oh, they have
01:19:29gorgeous plans
01:19:30in the shops
01:19:31these days.
01:19:32No wonder
01:19:33everyone's at it.
01:19:35Oh, sorry.
01:19:37What about?
01:19:38Skip it.
01:19:40About time, too.
01:19:42With her sympathy.
01:19:43Not that I need any,
01:19:44actually.
01:19:45I've never been
01:19:45as happy in me life.
01:19:47But she doesn't
01:19:47know that.
01:19:49If I'm looking
01:19:50miserable, Sandra,
01:19:51it's because
01:19:52I'm feeling happy
01:19:53for you.
01:19:54Yeah.
01:19:58We know
01:19:58what you must
01:19:59be thinking.
01:19:59Of course we do.
01:20:01How to pop the pink
01:20:02without going in
01:20:03off.
01:20:08Ace.
01:20:11She used to wear
01:20:12pink, you know.
01:20:13I won't tell you
01:20:14where.
01:20:15A hell of a lot
01:20:18more where hers
01:20:18came from.
01:20:20Wow.
01:20:24Did you want
01:20:25the chalk, Jeffrey?
01:20:26I know.
01:20:27Spells no.
01:20:30Super day for it.
01:20:33Sin being inside
01:20:34a day like this.
01:20:36Well, Sandra,
01:20:38this is it.
01:20:39Yep.
01:20:40The big day.
01:20:42Yep.
01:20:43Coming to the
01:20:43crotch.
01:20:44crunch.
01:20:45Crunch.
01:20:46I dare say
01:20:47it'll hardly
01:20:47break my heart
01:20:48in the slightest
01:20:49seeing him again.
01:20:51You mustn't think
01:20:51I'll be crying
01:20:52inside because
01:20:52I most definitely
01:20:53won't be.
01:20:55And what's more,
01:20:56no one will know
01:20:56that I am.
01:20:58Because I shan't.
01:20:59Truly.
01:21:02Sandra, please,
01:21:03you've enough
01:21:04to think of.
01:21:04It's a big day for you
01:21:09as well, really,
01:21:10isn't it?
01:21:16And now one of the
01:21:16bride and groom on
01:21:17their own.
01:21:19Do you mind
01:21:20stepping back, sir?
01:21:20It's fine.
01:21:22Is this fine enough?
01:21:23Here?
01:21:23About there, lovely.
01:21:25You can kiss the bride
01:21:27on this one, sir.
01:21:28Wow.
01:21:28Official permission
01:21:29to actually kiss her.
01:21:32Ow!
01:21:33Oh, sorry.
01:21:36That's right.
01:21:37Hold it.
01:21:38Lovely.
01:21:40Right, now,
01:21:41a nice family group
01:21:42with the parents, please.
01:21:43Right, parents.
01:21:44I remember
01:21:45the Friday lunchtime
01:21:46they first met.
01:21:48How have you been?
01:21:50Absolutely great.
01:21:52You?
01:21:53Never better.
01:21:54Ever.
01:21:55That's it.
01:21:55Hold it like that.
01:21:58It's all over now.
01:21:59Bar the salmon salad.
01:22:00It's tuna fish.
01:22:04It's life.
01:22:12See, President,
01:22:13Nick,
01:22:13something to China, then.
01:22:15That was before
01:22:16we ever met.
01:22:17I know.
01:22:18Why?
01:22:19Has something happened
01:22:19about it?
01:22:21No.
01:22:21Oh?
01:22:22Could I trouble you
01:22:23for the salad cream, please?
01:22:24Hmm.
01:22:27Speaking personally,
01:22:28I think there are enough
01:22:29problems to sort out
01:22:30on Earth without
01:22:30going to the moon.
01:22:33Nixon?
01:22:34Why is he going?
01:22:36No.
01:22:38The astronauts.
01:22:39Oh.
01:22:41It's the wives
01:22:42and sweethearts
01:22:42I feel sorry for.
01:22:46We never really talked,
01:22:47did we,
01:22:48about things that matter?
01:22:50Good, isn't it?
01:22:51Shows we're friends.
01:22:53Now that we know
01:22:53we don't like each other.
01:22:55Everybody thinks
01:22:56we're brokenhearted.
01:22:57We've really grown up,
01:23:02haven't we?
01:23:03My mother's convinced
01:23:04herself we split up
01:23:05because we had
01:23:06too much Percy filth.
01:23:07I'm right off it myself.
01:23:09I've been able
01:23:10to walk off buses
01:23:10perfectly normally
01:23:11for the past few weeks.
01:23:13Oh,
01:23:14I expect it's only temporary.
01:23:16I hope not.
01:23:17It's marvellous.
01:23:18Good.
01:23:19I don't fancy you
01:23:20in the slightest now.
01:23:22Thank you, love.
01:23:26Still off the food,
01:23:27I noticed.
01:23:32And we've learned
01:23:33a fantastic amount
01:23:34for the future.
01:23:35Fantastic.
01:23:36For example,
01:23:37say I finally did marry
01:23:38someone like you,
01:23:39only someone I love.
01:23:41I bet I'd now let him
01:23:42wear crimson shoes
01:23:42and bottle green socks
01:23:43every night.
01:23:44in bed a bit.
01:23:51And you'll probably
01:23:52meet some little fatty
01:23:53who's never even heard
01:23:54of Kenny Warhol
01:23:54and marry her
01:23:55three days later.
01:23:59We probably won't
01:23:59see each other at all
01:24:00now we're pals.
01:24:02I expect you're going
01:24:03to the match this afternoon.
01:24:04Oh, yeah.
01:24:04I'm helping
01:24:06Sandra Packer
01:24:06go in a way case.
01:24:08Where's she going?
01:24:09Hospital.
01:24:13Well,
01:24:13we'll bump
01:24:15into each other
01:24:16sometime.
01:24:46hello mrs. Battersby. you won't remember me. good afternoon Jeffrey. is Beryl there
01:25:07please? she's gone to the football match. there is no football. it's cricket now.
01:25:14well, it's the same thing, isn't it?
01:25:39hi! that's the kickoff.
01:25:43in about three months. football season's over now, Beryl. what on earth did you want to come for?
01:25:51I forgot. I'm not all that interested these days. where will you go now then?
01:25:59I don't know. I could always go inside and practice booing for next season.
01:26:07where will you? might go and get a new pair of tights. hey, it's like the countryside,
01:26:15isn't it, when it's empty? fancy a stroll in the country? may as well. if you like. don't mind. why not?
01:26:23just as friends. oh, i meant just as friends. yeah, i did.
01:26:35wish we had a ball.
01:26:37you could play shooting in. you could go in goal.
01:26:49amazing how people change, isn't it?
01:26:51well, we're certainly much happier without each other.
01:27:05well, we're certainly much happier without each other.
01:27:19we'll be even happier with someone else. anyone, really.
01:27:34there's millions to choose from.
01:27:35all nearly exactly right for us.
01:27:41you'll find someone, jeffrey.
01:27:44you will, Beryl.
01:27:46just a matter of keeping your eyes open, really.
01:27:49picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:05you'll find sometimes
01:28:29and you'll find sometimes
01:28:33Love and rainy weather can turn out fine
01:28:38Getting wet together's fun
01:28:41When the crying's dark
01:28:47Love and rainy weather
01:28:51Are followed by the sun
01:28:57Love and rainy weather
01:29:03Love and rainy weather
01:29:05When the crying's dark
01:29:12Love and rainy weather
01:29:16Are followed by the sun
01:29:22Love and rainy weather
01:29:33Good morning, good morning, good morning, good morning.
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