- 4 months ago
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:30CastingWords
00:01:00CastingWords
00:01:02CastingWords
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00:01:06CastingWords
00:01:08But we live in a permissive society.
00:01:10Not on this street we don't.
00:01:12Everybody's at it.
00:01:14Not with me they're not.
00:01:16Girls are supposed to be crying out for it.
00:01:18Not this one.
00:01:20I'm the silent majority.
00:01:22It's only manners these days.
00:01:24Total strangers do it now instead of shaking hands.
00:01:26God is Lord.
00:01:29Jesus.
00:01:31Jesus.
00:01:32We've never seen him in real life though.
00:01:45We've never seen him in real life, though.
00:01:58Oh, he's picturing the papers.
00:02:01Oh, come on, Sandra, let's go.
00:02:03No, I don't want to.
00:02:04Oh, I'm not standing out here.
00:02:05It's stupid.
00:02:06But he might come in a minute.
00:02:08Somebody waited ages yesterday and he never turned up there.
00:02:10But that was yesterday.
00:02:11He might be here today.
00:02:12Oh, no.
00:02:12And he'll really dust standing here.
00:02:14Come on.
00:02:14Oh, you're supposed to be going shopping.
00:02:16But he might come.
00:02:17Oh, please, let's go.
00:02:22Oh, no.
00:02:23I told you so, Linta.
00:02:25I feel a right twit now.
00:02:28I don't fancy yours.
00:02:30Which is mine?
00:02:31Any except the blonde.
00:02:34Oh, good.
00:02:36Who are being stared at?
00:02:38Where?
00:02:42Don't fancy yours.
00:02:43Which is mine.
00:02:47Any?
00:02:48Except the blonde or the one with the yellow legs.
00:02:53Thanks.
00:02:54Neither do I.
00:02:56Fancy the one with the twitch.
00:03:00About as much as Mountsy-Tung's granddad, with all due respect.
00:03:04To his granddad.
00:03:05Ask him if they do a turn.
00:03:08You.
00:03:09I thought we were giving sex up.
00:03:11There's a protest at never getting any.
00:03:13Ignore them.
00:03:14Hi.
00:03:23Hi.
00:03:24Hi.
00:03:26Hi.
00:03:26Hi.
00:03:30Hi.
00:03:33Peace, ma'am.
00:03:34Were you, er, hoping to see Georgie Best?
00:03:37He's in Majorca.
00:03:38Come on, then.
00:03:41We only get an hour for lunch.
00:03:44It's a discotheque in Albert Square.
00:03:52Come on.
00:03:54I thought we were going for tights.
00:03:58It's our lunch hour.
00:04:01It's ours.
00:04:02We were going for lunch.
00:04:04Shall I tell you something pretty mind-blowing about Majorca?
00:04:12It's one place I've never been.
00:04:15Pardon?
00:04:17I'm, er, Geoffrey.
00:04:20I don't happen to be attached.
00:04:22I'm Beryl.
00:04:23I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:34Don't you worry.
00:04:44Love and rainy weather may sound funny,
00:04:49but they go together fine
00:04:53every single time.
00:04:59Love and rainy weather.
00:05:01First you're up there, on another plane, and then you're nowhere.
00:05:08And the tears are raining down, it's a runaround.
00:05:20Love and rainy weather, surely can get you down.
00:05:31Not going twisting tonight, then?
00:05:37That's the modern name for it, isn't it?
00:05:40What? Cutting a rug.
00:05:43Pardon?
00:05:45Grooving, Mildred. It's called grooving nowadays. Grooving and or freaking. Right?
00:05:51What I'm not doing tonight? Right.
00:05:54Right on.
00:05:55You're staying in tonight, then?
00:05:57Tonight? Tomorrow night? Every night.
00:06:01They might sell me overcoat.
00:06:03Life's not all pleasure, you know.
00:06:05Mildred, don't hassle the lad.
00:06:08Hustle.
00:06:10It's a different world today, Mildred.
00:06:13We had a week's honeymoon in Blackpool for what this finny haddy cost.
00:06:17They do their own thing.
00:06:19The usual 1,300 weight.
00:06:21Yes, please.
00:06:24Now, that's the new world that we work for.
00:06:26And fought for.
00:06:28Full page advert for contraception.
00:06:30It's his birthright.
00:06:32I'm not hungry.
00:06:35What's that supposed to mean?
00:06:38It's the hip way cool people say I'm not hungry.
00:06:41I enjoy staying in Chattingham an evening.
00:06:43I find it fantastically enjoyable.
00:06:44No, really.
00:06:45I really do.
00:06:46Some people don't.
00:06:47I do.
00:06:48Beryl, please take my word for it.
00:06:49Paul McCartney's never going to ring that doorbell at any time.
00:06:50I do.
00:06:51I do.
00:06:52I do.
00:06:53I do.
00:06:54I do.
00:06:55I do.
00:06:56I do.
00:06:57I do.
00:06:58Beryl, please take my word for it.
00:06:59Paul McCartney's never going to ring that doorbell and invite you to the pictures.
00:07:00Paul McCartney who?
00:07:01He doesn't know you've been faithful to him ever since our day.
00:07:03I do.
00:07:04I do.
00:07:05I do.
00:07:06I do.
00:07:07I do.
00:07:08I do.
00:07:09I do.
00:07:10I do.
00:07:11I do.
00:07:12I do.
00:07:13Beryl, please take my word for it.
00:07:14I do.
00:07:15I do.
00:07:16I do.
00:07:17I do.
00:07:18I do.
00:07:19I do.
00:07:20I do.
00:07:21You look old lady.
00:07:22Paul McCartney who doesn't know you've been faithful to him ever since our day's night.
00:07:27And please don't say Paul McCartney who.
00:07:28I sacrifice too much for your six-o-levels.
00:07:29...five...
00:07:31You were terrific in the pictures.
00:07:33I never touched you.
00:07:34Terrific self-control.
00:07:35Bye-bye.
00:07:36What did you say your name was?
00:07:40What did you say your name was?
00:08:02Mind you, just a weekend I'd do with you, Paul.
00:08:05Not a dirty weekend.
00:08:08A disgusting one.
00:08:13Night-night, Percy Filth.
00:08:24Have you always been insatiable?
00:08:28It's not my fault.
00:08:30It's just that I don't like blondes.
00:08:33It's psychosomatic.
00:08:39I'm sorry.
00:08:41Oh, Sandra.
00:08:43It is almost blonde in this light.
00:08:47What's wrong?
00:08:49Just being brave.
00:08:53What about?
00:08:54Ending it all before we hurt each other too much.
00:08:59It's our first date.
00:09:01I've probably wasted your entire evening, haven't I?
00:09:03Not yet.
00:09:04Not yet.
00:09:05Not if your parents aren't back till midnight.
00:09:07Not yet.
00:09:08Not if your parents aren't back till midnight.
00:09:11Don't you think you're too old for this sort of thing?
00:09:13Straight from Stanley Matthews to Bridget Barton.
00:09:15Don't you think you're too old for this sort of thing?
00:09:19Straight from Stanley Matthews to Bridget Barton you went overnight.
00:09:20That was when you were too young for this sort of thing.
00:09:21That was when you were too young for this sort of thing.
00:09:22It's your first date.
00:09:23It's your first date.
00:09:24You've probably wasted your entire evening, haven't I?
00:09:26Not yet.
00:09:27Not if your parents aren't back till midnight.
00:09:28Don't you think you're too old for this sort of thing?
00:09:29Straight from Stanley Matthews to Bridget Bardot you went.
00:09:44Overnight.
00:09:46That was when you were too young for this sort of thing.
00:09:49It's artistic mother.
00:09:50Like your Tutankhamen butter dish.
00:10:03What?
00:10:04Got it.
00:10:05Got what?
00:10:06You now ask if I never want to see you again.
00:10:09I say I do.
00:10:11You then stop crying quick as a flash and say something like
00:10:14How about Sunday half seven outside Central Library?
00:10:17No I don't.
00:10:19Tomorrow half seven outside Central Library.
00:10:22Then when I say okay does your zip miraculously undo?
00:10:26It does not.
00:10:28I thought it did.
00:10:30Not till you've unfastened the press stud.
00:10:33I can see her doing your ironing and cooking and cleaning.
00:10:38You wouldn't need to book for the Christmas pantomime.
00:10:40I don't intend to marry her mother.
00:10:42In case it interferes with my career.
00:10:45We're just good friends.
00:10:47Good night.
00:10:48Miss Bardot.
00:11:05Marry me.
00:11:09You know what they say?
00:11:10Once you've had a Manchester lad you never touch anything else.
00:11:29About time and all.
00:11:30Aye.
00:11:31Aye.
00:11:32Peace man.
00:11:33Do you have a good time last night?
00:11:38Did you?
00:11:40Satisfied.
00:11:41I stayed in for a change.
00:11:44Did you get much?
00:11:47Did you?
00:11:52Did you know that raping Princess Anne was a capital offence?
00:11:55Not that I have done.
00:11:57I stayed in for a change instead.
00:12:03I stayed in for a change.
00:12:18Ticket! I ain't got my ticket.
00:12:20We're late already.
00:12:23See you behind the goal then.
00:12:33Ticket! Ticket! Ticket! Ticket!
00:12:40Well, tonight's beauty sleep's done nothing for her.
00:12:44Snooty old bag.
00:12:50Trendy.
00:12:51Crimson shoes with bottle green socks.
00:12:54Must be going steady with a set of traffic lights.
00:12:57Still, who else would have him?
00:13:00Anyway, they're all the same in the dark.
00:13:03Rumour has it.
00:13:11Different girl every night.
00:13:13It's all the type.
00:13:15Probably an omen seeing her before the match.
00:13:18I bet we lose.
00:13:193-1.
00:13:21Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:13:24At least I've got me proud.
00:13:26Oh, hello.
00:13:26Oh, hi.
00:13:29Hi.
00:13:31Didn't see you.
00:13:31No, Normie.
00:13:34You going that way?
00:13:35Yeah.
00:13:36Not especially, no.
00:13:38You going that?
00:13:40Yeah, well, um, no.
00:13:42I was, I was, I sort of, um...
00:13:44Going to the football match?
00:13:46Are you?
00:13:46Shopping.
00:13:47I'm probably going to the pictures tonight.
00:13:56I am.
00:13:56Which?
00:13:57Which of you?
00:13:57Any.
00:13:58I am.
00:14:07See you then.
00:14:08Tonight?
00:14:09Pardon?
00:14:10Oh, I...
00:14:11All right, then.
00:14:13Right.
00:14:13Right.
00:14:13Right.
00:14:17Super socks.
00:14:25Did you see that?
00:14:26They're all on drugs.
00:14:27A lot of them.
00:14:28Cough, cough, cough.
00:14:46Did he score?
00:14:48Losing. 3-1.
00:14:58Excuse me.
00:15:17Excuse me, I...
00:15:22I only go to restaurants with deaf waiters.
00:15:25Ah.
00:15:29Hi.
00:15:31Hello, mate.
00:15:32Oh, um...
00:15:33Peace man.
00:15:34Surprise, surprise.
00:15:35Surprise.
00:15:36Been anywhere controversial?
00:15:38Pictures.
00:15:39The boyfriend.
00:15:40She's slim.
00:15:41I'm just going to the...
00:15:42Oh, I'll come with you.
00:15:46Are you and Beryl, um...
00:15:48You know.
00:15:52You know.
00:15:53Oh.
00:15:58What do you, uh...
00:15:59What do you sort of reckon?
00:16:00She's a...
00:16:01Fair sort of bird.
00:16:02Sort of.
00:16:03She's all right.
00:16:04She's all right.
00:16:05I mean, nothing sensational, obviously.
00:16:06Geoffrey.
00:16:07She's a bird.
00:16:08You're having a coffee with us?
00:16:09No thanks, kid.
00:16:10Neville's ravenous.
00:16:11You've just eaten.
00:16:12Oh, of course.
00:16:13Yeah.
00:16:14Oh, of course, yeah.
00:16:15Sorry.
00:16:16You see, what I thought Ken was always trying to do.
00:16:17By implication.
00:16:18Probably by implication.
00:16:19Was to allow the images to provoke a moral response from our own.
00:16:22Are you having a coffee with us?
00:16:25No, thanks, kid. Neville's ravenous.
00:16:28You've just eaten.
00:16:30Oh, of course, yeah. Sorry.
00:16:35You see, what I thought Kenneth was always trying to do...
00:16:39By implication?
00:16:41Probably by implication.
00:16:43It was to allow the images to provoke a moral response from our own aesthetic judgement.
00:16:47You see?
00:16:48Yes.
00:16:50Was he the errand boy?
00:16:52Was who the errand boy?
00:16:54Ken Thingy.
00:16:55He directed it.
00:16:57Oh, yes.
00:16:59I was probably thinking of Andy Warhol.
00:17:02Probably.
00:17:08You're not like other boys at all, are you?
00:17:11Well, probably a little more mature, that's all.
00:17:14It's over 200 yards from the cinema.
00:17:16And you talk to me the whole way, like a person.
00:17:20Other boys seem to have one-track minds these days.
00:17:25Sex?
00:17:26Marriage.
00:17:28Pardon?
00:17:29The number of boys that asked me to marry them.
00:17:32A couple of dates and pal they want to get married.
00:17:35I want to live a bit before I get married.
00:17:37I suppose I just don't have a hang-up about it.
00:17:41Get married?
00:17:42Hmm.
00:17:43No.
00:17:44Actually, I find girls, or most girls, that is, a bit obsessed these days.
00:17:54Not marriage.
00:17:55No.
00:17:56Sex.
00:17:57Percy Phil?
00:17:58Sex.
00:17:59That's what I said.
00:18:00Oh.
00:18:01Well, I'm not like that.
00:18:02Not Percy Phil motivated.
00:18:03No.
00:18:04No.
00:18:05No.
00:18:06No.
00:18:07Did you want to say any more about Andy Warhol?
00:18:08Ken Russell?
00:18:09Yeah.
00:18:10No.
00:18:11No.
00:18:12No.
00:18:13Did you want to say any more about Andy Warhol?
00:18:15Ken Russell?
00:18:16Yeah.
00:18:17No.
00:18:18No.
00:18:19No.
00:18:20No.
00:18:21No.
00:18:22No.
00:18:23No.
00:18:24No.
00:18:25No.
00:18:26No.
00:18:27Did you want to say any more about Andy Warhol?
00:18:29Ken Russell?
00:18:30Yeah.
00:18:31No.
00:18:38This is it.
00:18:48I won't come in, with it being our first date.
00:18:54No.
00:18:55Oh.
00:18:56Anywhere my mum's gone to bed, we'd be on our own.
00:18:59Is that a reason for me not coming in, though?
00:19:02Yes, Geoffrey.
00:19:03Oh.
00:19:13Nice house.
00:19:1525-year mortgage.
00:19:23Well, thanks for seeing me home.
00:19:27Funny, isn't it?
00:19:29First date with someone.
00:19:31It always leads to one of three things.
00:19:35Either nothing.
00:19:37Or something.
00:19:40Or everything.
00:19:41Well, don't think about Percy Filth at this stage, Beryl.
00:19:46You're not.
00:19:49No, I'm not.
00:19:52Night-night. God bless.
00:19:53I won't give you my phone number in case you think I'm one of those scheming females.
00:20:08What is it?
00:20:09327-4421.
00:20:10The easy way to remember it is the three and the two make five, which is two less than seven,
00:20:15then two fours, and half of four, which is two, and half of two, which is one.
00:20:19Um...
00:20:20But you mustn't ring me if you don't want.
00:20:22No.
00:20:23But you can if you do.
00:20:24Do you want me to?
00:20:25Not if you'd rather not.
00:20:27327-4421.
00:20:29Good night.
00:20:55Well, hello, Mrs. Battersby.
00:20:56Beryl's brought you up a cup of tea.
00:20:57Oh, they all have a past life flashed before me, then.
00:21:03Can't be Mother's Day.
00:21:04You'd have forgotten.
00:21:05Has there been any clips?
00:21:06Mum, I want the benefit of your experience.
00:21:10What do you think of Andy Warhol?
00:21:11You see, Geoffrey has this theory that, by implication...
00:21:28Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:29Of course, Geoffrey knows about these things.
00:21:33These things. Everything.
00:21:34Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:35He's fantastically intelligent.
00:21:37See, Geoffrey's idea...
00:21:38I have his idea. Beryl, who's Geoffrey?
00:21:42Oh, no-one.
00:21:48No-one's special.
00:21:53His name's Geoffrey.
00:21:59How did this Beryl Bird turn out last night?
00:22:02What Beryl Bird? I told him.
00:22:05Does she yell?
00:22:08What?
00:22:12Wow!
00:22:15She doesn't, then.
00:22:17You don't listen, do you? I said...
00:22:19How about Sandra?
00:22:27Chips. Chums. Sod.
00:22:30Not seeing him tonight, then.
00:22:40Who?
00:22:45I've rather better things to do, thank you.
00:22:47Said he was no-one special.
00:22:58Have they got a phone here?
00:23:01Why?
00:23:03They haven't, have they?
00:23:04Do you want to get some nookie lined up or something?
00:23:08If I did, do you think I'd be playing darts with you two?
00:23:11Look, are you fed up here?
00:23:13Are you?
00:23:15We'll split after this game.
00:23:16Anything you say.
00:23:17We can go for a few at the King's Head.
00:23:19Great.
00:23:21And that ends our probe.
00:23:23Well, Monday tomorrow.
00:23:24Monday tomorrow.
00:23:25Hallelujah.
00:23:26Pardon?
00:23:28I don't know what you're paying for that phone, but whatever it is, you're being done.
00:23:32Good night.
00:23:33Good night, Jianley.
00:23:34Good morning.
00:24:01Good morning.
00:24:03Chalton for Pope. Long may he reign. Amen.
00:24:13What's going on? The pound's up again.
00:24:18Oh, God. Today's special. Bloody travellers, Jax.
00:24:23Here. Suddenly everyone's going on holiday.
00:24:26So does. Enjoy yourself while you're young.
00:24:33Why do we always do that? 93 times a day?
00:24:50We never see anything.
00:25:03Happy one morning. Just as the sun was rising, I heard a maiden singing in the valley.
00:25:15My typing not disturbing. You're singing, I hope.
00:25:19See Geoffrey on Sunday.
00:25:22Oh, Geoffrey. That neville's the greatest.
00:25:26Is he? Dishy, or is he? Dishy.
00:25:34He never promises he's going to take this trip out and film this.
00:25:37I'm considering packing Geoffrey in. One date was enough.
00:25:41Why?
00:25:43He's cancer and I'm Libra. Is that bad?
00:25:46Hopeless.
00:25:48Actually, I'm slightly off the male gender at the moment.
00:26:01Five. Five. Which is... Which is...
00:26:05Three and two's five. Which is two less than seven.
00:26:09Which is... Oh.
00:26:13I see the Spanish police are throwing your lot out of Ibiza.
00:26:17Bank clocks.
00:26:18Your lot.
00:26:20Football supporters.
00:26:22Hippies.
00:26:23Oh. My lot.
00:26:26That's it, then. Fate. All over by 7.23 precisely.
00:26:47So what?
00:26:49Plenty more where she came from.
00:26:52Is that the speaking clock?
00:26:57Is that Geoffrey?
00:26:58Is that Beryl?
00:27:00Yes.
00:27:01Yes.
00:27:02Hi.
00:27:05Hi.
00:27:06It's terrifically exciting, isn't it? Getting to know a person.
00:27:27Fantastic.
00:27:28I want to know all about you.
00:27:34That's what it's all about.
00:27:37For example, with things in common already.
00:27:41Definitely.
00:27:42About what?
00:27:46We're enormously fond of animals.
00:27:51Right.
00:27:53And we're both from Manchester.
00:27:56Have you ever been abroad?
00:28:01No.
00:28:03Have you?
00:28:04No.
00:28:05Unless you count Istanbul.
00:28:08Istanbul?
00:28:09Was it beyond belief?
00:28:11I don't know.
00:28:12I was only three.
00:28:18Do you ever get the feeling you've been somewhere before?
00:28:21Sometimes.
00:28:22I do.
00:28:23What now?
00:28:24No.
00:28:25Just...
00:28:26Just sometimes.
00:28:27Yes, I do.
00:28:28Such a lot, isn't there?
00:28:29In getting to know a person.
00:28:30Hmm.
00:28:31He was lithe and easy-limbed.
00:28:32His stride quietly casual.
00:28:33His eyes clear and confident.
00:28:34And his strong mouth ready to break into a relaxed, ashore.
00:28:37lopsided grin.
00:28:38You know, Jeffrey, what?
00:28:39Yes, I do.
00:28:40I do.
00:28:41I do.
00:28:42I do.
00:28:43I do.
00:28:44No.
00:28:45I do.
00:28:46I do.
00:28:47I do.
00:28:49I do.
00:28:50I do.
00:28:51I do.
00:28:52his stride quietly casual his eyes clear and confident and his strong mouth ready to break
00:28:59into a relaxed assured lopsided grin you know jeffrey you have a really lopsided grin really
00:29:11you know lopsided i don't think i have it's in the eye of the beholder
00:29:18see jeffrey doesn't need someone else when he's tying a knot he holds it down with his little finger
00:29:30it must be marvelous being a man it's okay i suppose men can do anything conquer everest
00:29:39do heart transplants become leader of the opposition anything
00:29:48jeffrey no spells no it's good for your circulation beryl read any women's magazine
00:30:00it's good for theirs too i'm not sure they recommend percyfilth on tuesdays
00:30:05i only see you on tuesdays and saturdays all saturdays
00:30:08beryl oh jeffrey bobbles bumble oh beryl oh jeffrey oh beryl are you all right what exactly
00:30:24happened don't tell me i just had a sharp achak of dramatic irony pardon
00:30:29come back they're better it's better i'm okay
00:30:41i told you it's going to pause it's not
00:30:44it's only the angels crying i know how they feel
00:30:58well don't blame me i haven't done anything that's true that's not true beryl i have apologized
00:31:06i keep going down on me knees when i'm talking to you independent observers think
00:31:10i'm training to be a cossack dancer it must be a bad line i can't hear you you better apologize again
00:31:18i apologize again gosh this lousy line
00:31:23i wonder if jeffrey would like to come to tea on sunday
00:31:28pardon pardon is that who i think it is no dear
00:31:40well isn't this nice
00:31:51sardine sandwich the old sardine yeah she's got her own trawler
00:32:03isn't it awful what i was speaking to jeffrey what's happening in the world i blame the
00:32:09politicians what for for what's happening in the world
00:32:18talk to her
00:32:21i can't speak portuguese
00:32:23tasty
00:32:26very in oil
00:32:28nice in oil she's got a bad leg
00:32:32the bread's extremely wholesome
00:32:33oh i have this little baker down the road he does something with the bleach
00:32:40yes
00:32:47i can't do long conversations about sardine sandwiches
00:32:50your mind goes blank
00:32:54start thinking about life after death
00:33:01oh that neville honestly number of hearts he must have broken every girl in manchester nearly
00:33:07jeffrey definitely has probably even more
00:33:13air hostesses
00:33:16all sorts
00:33:18tell me about your terrible past jeffrey i haven't had one yet
00:33:22white man speak with forked tongue
00:33:24actually i was hoping more for a terrible future
00:33:26wow is that the time at this moment in time what have i done
00:33:38is neville the insanely jealous type right in the slightest
00:33:42you're lucky why is jeffrey
00:33:46wow you're not jealous of all my ex flames are you of course not why should i be please stop
00:33:52interrogating me jeffrey forget it
00:33:56that's all in the past
00:33:59then nothing to be jealous about
00:34:03who needs drama
00:34:07so i shouted back at her no shop assistant shouts at me i shouted
00:34:10in the end neville nearly belted me for swearing
00:34:14he thumped you
00:34:16walloped you one
00:34:18no
00:34:19i said nearly
00:34:23you never thump me will you like neville does sandra
00:34:27she adores it
00:34:28and i said that's all in the middle of the night
00:34:31no
00:34:34jeffrey percy filth isn't the only thing in life
00:34:37there's not even one of the things in mine
00:34:38you used to talk to me
00:34:40all right let's talk
00:34:46jeffrey i've just had the most super idea
00:34:48why is your mum going out
00:34:53may as well pack in really
00:34:55why
00:34:59why not
00:35:03good thinking
00:35:10thanks for a stimulating few weeks
00:35:12you too it was real
00:35:14it's psychedelic
00:35:16you can keep me grateful dead lp was scratched anyway
00:35:19it's been a gas
00:35:21groovy
00:35:22i won't wave from the window
00:35:25no i won't look back anyway
00:35:27good
00:35:29it's been a gas
00:35:29you've said that once
00:35:40you're well red barrel
00:35:41there's plenty more fish in the sea
00:35:45about three very lonely sardines
00:35:47mother please don't try raising one eyebrow at me
00:35:53you know you can't do it
00:36:00you'll never thought of me will you jeffrey
00:36:02oh
00:36:03oh
00:36:04feral i just had the most super idea
00:36:07are we going to put it up
00:36:08no we're going to pack it in
00:36:10don't say that please don't say that
00:36:12that
00:36:15sandra
00:36:16sandra
00:36:18you're sandra
00:36:19mine
00:36:20two months
00:36:24two months nine days
00:36:28is she positive the test was
00:36:31what are you going to do
00:36:33she'll think of something
00:36:35sandra it's stupendous
00:36:39congratulations i hope you'll both be very happy
00:36:42oh thanks kid
00:36:44sandra i don't know how you do it
00:36:48often
00:37:12and i was going to get down
00:37:14to get him
00:37:16before
00:37:18i don't know how i said
00:37:21to get him
00:37:21and then i don't know how to get him
00:37:22after seeing him
00:37:23yeah
00:37:25yeah
00:37:28and
00:37:33yeah
00:37:35yeah
00:37:36yeah
00:37:37yeah
00:37:38yeah
00:37:40yeah
00:37:41yeah
00:37:41John for Pope, among my reign.
00:37:50Aren't you, er...
00:37:52Yeah.
00:37:55And you're, er...
00:37:56That's right.
00:37:58Going somewhere incredible.
00:38:00I'm meeting my parents.
00:38:02Taking them to see Fiddler on the roof.
00:38:04That's pretty incredible.
00:38:06Your mummy and daddy.
00:38:08Er...
00:38:09Oh, hell no, that's tomorrow.
00:38:13If I'm in the mood.
00:38:16Where you are.
00:38:18Depends where you take me.
00:38:30All I was saying about your friend with the glasses...
00:38:33Roland.
00:38:34Roland.
00:38:35Is that I found him intellectually unaware and psychologically incredibly boring.
00:38:39It's not bad at snooker.
00:38:43And how are you and little Beryl?
00:38:46Didn't she tell you?
00:38:47I don't work there anymore.
00:38:50I packed her in.
00:38:53What?
00:38:53Did she turn you on?
00:39:01Beryl?
00:39:02Yeah.
00:39:06I haven't really looked.
00:39:09Seen one, you seen them all.
00:39:13Not quite all.
00:39:15I'll go and get me coat.
00:39:16It must be my birthday.
00:39:28Boys aren't the only thing in life, Beryl.
00:39:32I do wish you'd find one.
00:39:34They aren't all after Percy, Philz.
00:39:41Yes, they are.
00:39:42Mmm.
00:39:44Oh, you were terrific, on the bus.
00:39:46Was I?
00:39:48Mmm.
00:39:50Terrific self-control.
00:39:53Joan of Arc never married, yet she led a full and happy life.
00:39:57Or am I thinking of someone else?
00:39:59Mother, I don't happen to be interested in boys.
00:40:02I happen to be interested in having early nights
00:40:04and writing poetry in bed with me Moe Felt-tip pen.
00:40:06It's run out of ink.
00:40:07I used it for me laundry list.
00:40:10My God, your generation's got a few things to answer for.
00:40:13Mmm.
00:40:15Mmm.
00:40:15Mmm, please.
00:40:17Mmm, don't.
00:40:18Please.
00:40:19You can't ravish a girl on her own doorstep.
00:40:21Well, let's go inside, then.
00:40:25Mmm.
00:40:26Smooth-talking bastard.
00:40:33It is me birthday.
00:40:36What about the boy with the freckles from Shakespeare Crescent?
00:40:40I don't believe that question.
00:40:42You used to be crazy about him.
00:40:45I was 11 years old.
00:40:47He used to let me chalk on his tortoise.
00:40:51What's your name again?
00:41:20What's yours?
00:41:22Rock.
00:41:23That's not your real name.
00:41:26No.
00:41:27Steven.
00:41:28Mmm.
00:41:29God, that turns me on.
00:41:31Mmm.
00:41:32Mmm.
00:41:33Mmm.
00:41:34Mmm.
00:41:37When I first met you in the street,
00:41:40I thought, just a quiet drink and a chat.
00:41:43Shows you the art of conversation ain't dead.
00:41:45Mmm.
00:41:46Mmm.
00:41:48Mmm.
00:41:48Don't move a muscle.
00:41:51Oh, ever gorgeous.
00:41:56Mmm.
00:41:56Mmm.
00:41:57Mmm.
00:41:57Mm.
00:41:57Let's go.
00:42:19Testing, testing. Oh, Geoffrey Milleharp returns to the day.
00:42:23I wish you everything you've ever wished yourself.
00:42:27I'm fed up.
00:42:43Who are you? Who are you?
00:42:47What are you fed up about? Teachers don't have to do homework.
00:42:53No. They just market.
00:42:56Anyone can market. They've got the answers.
00:43:05Do you know it's after two o'clock?
00:43:08What's he doing here, then?
00:43:12Well, this is your Uncle Stephen. This is my revolting brother, Jeremy.
00:43:20How do you do?
00:43:23Don't my mum and dad know he's here?
00:43:25Jeremy, bed. I could always wake them up and tell them.
00:43:29Jeremy, little boys need sleep.
00:43:33Even big astronauts.
00:43:36Do you know where babies come from?
00:43:38Do you?
00:43:42Say no.
00:43:43No.
00:43:44I do.
00:43:45Say yes.
00:43:46Shall I tell you?
00:43:47He knows.
00:43:48The man has this male organ and some blood cells and erectile glands.
00:43:53And there's these 500 million spermatozoas in these testes that he has as well.
00:43:58And they go through his male organ into the female uterus that the lady has.
00:44:02Who told you that?
00:44:04Then they go to the fallopian tubes after that.
00:44:06One of them fertilises with the female egg.
00:44:09The others don't bother.
00:44:11Anyway, that's what you have to do.
00:44:13Then you have a baby.
00:44:15Did they teach you that at school?
00:44:18They do woodwork in the next class.
00:44:20People can only make babies at certain times of the year.
00:44:23But animals, like dogs and cats and giraffes, I think, do it all the time.
00:44:30No, erm, that's people.
00:44:34What is?
00:44:37Well, people do it all the time.
00:44:43Whenever they feel like it.
00:44:46In the next class you can do metalwork if you don't like woodwork.
00:44:54Goodnight, Jeremy.
00:44:5725p?
00:44:5950.
00:45:0150.
00:45:12Goodnight, Uncle Stephen.
00:45:16HE DINGS
00:45:29Would you care for a government health warning?
00:45:34Hey, Veronica!
00:45:35Yes.
00:45:36Who the hell's Uncle Stephen at ten past two in the morning?
00:45:39A friend of Jeremy's. He's going now.
00:45:44Goodnight, love.
00:45:46We would have done that, wouldn't we?
00:45:49And how?
00:45:53You can't win them all, can you?
00:45:56Anyway, do you good going without for a change.
00:46:04Still, there's always another day. Tomorrow?
00:46:07No.
00:46:09Tomorrow's another day.
00:46:11Not unless you happen to be in Plymouth.
00:46:14Where?
00:46:16I'm joining the Wrens for three years.
00:46:20What Wrens?
00:46:21The Royal Navy's Wrens.
00:46:26This time tomorrow, I'll be in barracks with about 50 other girls and 30,000 sailors.
00:46:31Hope I like it.
00:46:36Well, thanks for nearly everything.
00:46:40We definitely would have done, wouldn't we?
00:46:42Well, obviously.
00:46:43Well, we... we're as good as dead, in a way, really.
00:46:46Almost.
00:46:47Just keep telling yourself and we will have only better.
00:46:51Goodnight, love.
00:46:54Try a barrel.
00:46:55Try a barrel.
00:46:56Try a barrel.
00:46:57You can't really get that.
00:46:58You can't get that.
00:46:59Try a barrel.
00:47:01Good morning, previous generation.
00:47:03Morning, previous generation.
00:47:27What's for breakfast?
00:47:27You knew it was your mother's birthday.
00:47:33Now, what we'd like to know is where were you while we were fiddling on the flaming roof?
00:47:37I'm sorry, Mum. I'll take you out another night. Something cropped up.
00:47:41Like what?
00:47:43Dad, you understand.
00:47:46I don't, Geoffrey.
00:47:48Well, you always say you do.
00:47:51Geoffrey, you're at it every night.
00:47:53Yes, Dad. And we don't complain. No, Dad.
00:47:56Well, last night was different.
00:47:58I knew you'd understand.
00:48:00You never had any cursory.
00:48:02But I heard she & my wife told you something.
00:48:04Well, yes, I wish I'll go back to town.
00:48:06Let's get up.
00:48:08I got all time every day.
00:48:10You gave the people to walk to town.
00:48:12But that's my face.
00:48:14I've done that, sir.
00:48:20I've done that, sir.
00:48:23I've done that.
00:48:30Charlton for Pope. Long me and Ryan. Amen.
00:48:34What's going on? Pound's down again. Up and down like a pair of knickers.
00:48:39You should know. Or me.
00:48:42Know what I mean?
00:48:44What a night.
00:48:46Wow.
00:48:48A lot.
00:48:50Including action replays in slow motion.
00:48:56Hey lads, I picked up a bit of spare last night.
00:48:58Who didn't?
00:49:00No, it's true.
00:49:02Yes, Geoffrey.
00:49:04It is.
00:49:06Yes, Geoffrey.
00:49:08Bloody yes.
00:49:16Poor Geoffrey. Beryl, please.
00:49:18It's Neville's engagement party as well.
00:49:20He had to invite him.
00:49:22He'll see me. It's cruel.
00:49:24He'll see other girls.
00:49:26I shan't take him back, Sandra.
00:49:30I shan't. It's been two weeks.
00:49:32He may have got over you by now.
00:49:34Don't know much about men, do you, love?
00:49:38It was doing him a kindness, really.
00:49:52Finally splitting up.
00:49:54He only had one ambition in life.
00:49:56Send my knickers to Oxfam.
00:49:58Good job she hasn't joined the rent.
00:50:00The entire navy had gone strike.
00:50:02I expect he's sorry now.
00:50:04I won't even consider taking him back if he isn't.
00:50:06She might have changed, of course.
00:50:08If she has, I might let her have the old orgy now and again.
00:50:10He's got to accept we've finally split up.
00:50:12Otherwise I definitely won't take him back.
00:50:14Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:50:18At least I've got me pride.
00:50:20I left with Beryl, baby.
00:50:22I left with Beryl, baby.
00:50:24Oh, hi.
00:50:25Didn't see you.
00:50:26No, nor me.
00:50:27And how's Manchester City doing without me cheering them on, then?
00:50:31United.
00:50:32We're winning every game now.
00:50:33Oh, good.
00:50:34And what's new with Beryl?
00:50:35What's new with Beryl?
00:50:36What's new with Beryl?
00:50:37What's new with Beryl?
00:50:38What's new with Beryl?
00:50:39Well, he's got to accept we've finally split up.
00:50:40Otherwise I definitely won't take him back.
00:50:42Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:50:45At least I've got me pride.
00:50:47I left with Beryl, baby.
00:50:49Oh, hi.
00:50:50Didn't see you.
00:50:51No, nor me.
00:50:54And how's Manchester City doing without me cheering them on, then?
00:50:57United.
00:50:58We're winning every game now.
00:51:00Oh, good.
00:51:02And what's new with Geoffrey, then?
00:51:09I asked you what was new with you.
00:51:11I asked you.
00:51:15Did you?
00:51:16Need I say more?
00:51:19Pardon?
00:51:20And how's Beryl, baby, getting on, then?
00:51:23Geoffrey, I'm not all that ecstatic about you calling me Beryl, baby.
00:51:27It isn't like you.
00:51:29Say that again.
00:51:30Beryl, baby.
00:51:32What's your name, handsome?
00:51:36You laugh.
00:51:37Everybody laughs.
00:51:38It's the story of my life.
00:51:41You tell it like it is, Chuck.
00:51:43She used to put on an axe.
00:51:44What do you care?
00:51:45I don't have a baby.
00:51:46Is she going to get into bed with him now?
00:51:49Probably.
00:51:50Jeffrey always looks half asleep these days.
00:51:51Well, it's very exhausting.
00:51:52It is.
00:51:53Working in a bank.
00:51:54Oh.
00:51:55Working in a bank.
00:51:56Oh.
00:51:57Hi.
00:51:58Hi.
00:51:59Hi.
00:52:00Hi.
00:52:01I had this bad scene.
00:52:02Miss Chick.
00:52:03I decided to split.
00:52:04I had this bad scene.
00:52:05Miss Chick.
00:52:06I decided to split.
00:52:07So I cut out, man.
00:52:08Like there's no tomorrow.
00:52:09I had this bad scene.
00:52:11Miss Chick.
00:52:12So I cut out, man.
00:52:13Like there's no tomorrow.
00:52:14This cat gets it together where he's at, man.
00:52:15I cut out, man.
00:52:16This cat gets it together where he's at, man.
00:52:18Yeah.
00:52:19Is it really exhausting?
00:52:21It is.
00:52:22I have this bad scene.
00:52:23Is it to split?
00:52:25It is.
00:52:27I cut out, man.
00:52:28Like there's no tomorrow.
00:52:30This cat gets it together where he's at, man.
00:52:34It's got off, man, like there's no tomorrow.
00:52:39This cat gets it together where it's at, man.
00:52:44Lots of beautiful bag, baby.
00:52:47So if you want a piece of the action,
00:52:50don't cool it.
00:52:53Dig?
00:52:57Sorry, I no understand English.
00:53:05Gesundheit.
00:53:08I thought she'd only just been to bed with the other one.
00:53:13She has.
00:53:15And which is her husband?
00:53:17Neither.
00:53:22It's warming up, isn't it?
00:53:31Great beat, isn't it?
00:53:32Great to dance to.
00:53:39Do you agree that life's an onion?
00:53:43Pardon?
00:53:45If so, what's death?
00:53:47Erm...
00:53:49A banana.
00:53:52Yes, I expect it is when you think about it.
00:53:54Have you read Schopenhauer's Concept of Existence?
00:53:59Erm...
00:54:01No.
00:54:03But I've seen the film.
00:54:05Are you married?
00:54:07No.
00:54:09Grab yourself an adage.
00:54:11Marriage is a cabbage.
00:54:13Are you a poet?
00:54:14I'm a poet.
00:54:16Never ask the questions.
00:54:17Ask the answers.
00:54:19You are a poet.
00:54:22To any manager, Marks and Spencers.
00:54:25Good job.
00:54:28I really dirt you.
00:54:30Now he's taking his clothes off.
00:54:32What's on ITV?
00:54:36This.
00:54:38What's on BBC?
00:54:42Cassinova.
00:54:44What's that like?
00:54:46This.
00:54:48Oh, come on now.
00:54:49You know that's not where it's at.
00:54:52Let's get this.
00:54:53What's the word?
00:54:55Let's get it clear.
00:54:57Let's get down to the real nitty grittiesville.
00:54:59Okay?
00:55:09Women's lip is not about burning brass.
00:55:13Papers, yeah.
00:55:15What papers?
00:55:16A marriage certificate.
00:55:17A dog's licence.
00:55:18Whatever you prefer to call it.
00:55:20Look, let's be basic about this, Enid.
00:55:23All girls want marriage.
00:55:24And a white wedding.
00:55:26Really basic?
00:55:27You want to be really basic?
00:55:29Utterly basic.
00:55:31Bulls.
00:55:33Grass?
00:55:35Enid.
00:55:36When Sandra says every girl, she means most girls.
00:55:39Well, like herself.
00:55:41Not me, of course, because I incredibly value my independence.
00:55:44But most girls definitely want...
00:55:45Bulls!
00:55:47If you can't conduct an intelligent conversation without recourse to...
00:55:50I'm not recourse to anything.
00:55:52I'm merely telling you what girls want.
00:55:54What?
00:55:55Bulls!
00:55:57Would you please stop saying that?
00:55:59You believe in free love, right?
00:56:01Wrong!
00:56:02I believe in free everything.
00:56:04Freedom from all male chauvinist pig domination.
00:56:06Honestly, don't you understand?
00:56:08Excuse me, you've got your hand on me.
00:56:09If we're liberation society for the future, I'm sure.
00:56:11No, thank you.
00:56:12Excuse me.
00:56:13Excuse me.
00:56:14You've got your hand on me.
00:56:15No!
00:56:17Oh, sorry.
00:56:18Wow, man.
00:56:19Sorry.
00:56:20It's all right.
00:56:21Oh, gee.
00:56:22It's a pleasure.
00:56:23Grass?
00:56:24Geoffrey, if not to.
00:56:25Why not?
00:56:26I said don't.
00:56:27You're not to smoke it.
00:56:28Oh, wow.
00:56:39We're as liberated as you, Enid.
00:56:42We've equal importance as individuals.
00:56:44Neither of us is boss.
00:56:45It just doesn't arise.
00:56:48We'll make some coffee, kid.
00:56:50You see, what we believe is...
00:56:51Now!
00:56:55You see...
00:56:56Now, one.
00:56:58I can see there's only one way to get through.
00:57:04What are you doing?
00:57:05Lighting everybody's fire.
00:57:11Burn my bra.
00:57:16Right.
00:57:17That's it.
00:57:18Finished.
00:57:19The end.
00:57:20Full stop.
00:57:22We've finally split up.
00:57:23Neville, Sandra wants you.
00:57:25I should imagine.
00:57:28Sad, isn't it?
00:57:32Pathetic.
00:57:37Well, I can't follow plays these days.
00:57:40It's just showing real life, that's all.
00:57:43I once thought I'd found her.
00:57:51Perfect girl.
00:57:53Red hair.
00:57:55Not too skinny.
00:57:57Very gentle and shy.
00:58:01Passionate when roused.
00:58:02Yeah.
00:58:03I should pack me in for picking my teeth with a matchstick.
00:58:04You're very sweet, Roland.
00:58:05I've always thought you were.
00:58:07Did you know you very nearly have a lopsided grin?
00:58:08It's just I'm a bit tired.
00:58:09No, it's nice.
00:58:10Ah, I've always thought you were.
00:58:12Did you know you very nearly have a lopsided grin.
00:58:14It's just I'm a bit tired.
00:58:15No, it's nice.
00:58:16did you know you very nearly have a lopsided grin it's just I'm a bit tired
00:58:22no it's nice
00:58:46I don't think I've washed that one do you know she can ask me anything do you
00:59:00know where Jeffrey's got to he's upstairs I think
00:59:07is it true they're dry on their own usually
00:59:16I hate to be any trouble but I think I'm dying
00:59:25she said I shouldn't smoke it
00:59:29she said
00:59:31Jeffrey
00:59:35Jeffrey
00:59:39sorry
00:59:45Jeffrey
00:59:53move up a bit Jeffrey put your legs
01:00:00that's better
01:00:02it's because
01:00:06it's your first time isn't it
01:00:08call dr. wiseberg quillmslow road
01:00:17it wasn't marijuana you know
01:00:23what was it then
01:00:27grass
01:00:28grass is marijuana
01:00:31this grass wasn't
01:00:34it was the real thing
01:00:37from the front lawn
01:00:40like you Beryl
01:00:50had a nice time
01:00:56even though it's three o'clock in the morning
01:00:59not that I mind
01:01:01if you've had a nice time
01:01:03even though I've been in bed since ten
01:01:05having a good night's worry
01:01:06did you see Jeffrey
01:01:09that's good
01:01:13do you ever get the feeling you're trying too hard
01:01:35I didn't try at all
01:01:38gave it to rest
01:01:40I'm right off birds
01:01:45I am
01:01:47I am
01:01:48for good
01:01:50me too
01:01:52and me
01:01:54good morning
01:02:13your mother would like to know
01:02:15if you have a reservation at this hotel
01:02:17and I
01:02:18come on
01:02:19yourいや
01:02:34I
01:02:38I
01:02:39I
01:02:39I
01:02:39I
01:02:41I
01:02:41I
01:02:43I
01:02:43I
01:02:47I
01:02:48I
01:02:48Oh, Bernal, Bernal.
01:03:11Geoffrey, can I rip your trousers off and have my way with you?
01:03:24Oh, Bernal.
01:03:28Oh, Geoffrey.
01:03:31Oh, God.
01:03:41Hello.
01:03:44Ta-ra.
01:03:46Will you be required in the room again, sir?
01:03:48Because we're thinking of taking bookings for the next pop festival.
01:03:52You're a bugger.
01:03:54I don't know who he takes after.
01:04:04Hello?
01:04:05It's me.
01:04:06Who?
01:04:07My God, that's symbolic.
01:04:09Oh, hello, Beryl.
01:04:11I'm just ringing to tell you I never want to see you again.
01:04:13If you have a phone or call, please don't, because I shan't be in.
01:04:16Tonight or any other night.
01:04:18Anyway, tonight I'm helping me mum at the school jumble sale.
01:04:21let's go.
01:04:22Let's go, G.
01:04:23look, G.
01:04:24back over.
01:04:25Let's go.
01:04:26Hey, p.
01:04:28You do it.
01:04:29Only two.
01:04:30You do it.
01:04:31Hey, p.
01:04:32You do it.
01:04:33You do it.
01:04:34Just about to be in trouble.
01:04:35You do it.
01:04:36Got to be in trouble.
01:04:37I'll take care of the help.
01:04:38You do it.
01:04:39You do it.
01:04:40You do it.
01:04:41You do it.
01:04:42You do it.
01:04:43You do it.
01:04:44You do it, Michael.
01:04:45I'll keep it.
01:04:46You do it.
01:04:47I don't know.
01:04:48I don't know what the people.
01:04:49small world good evening mrs battersby i was looking for a nice lampshade oh
01:04:59probably this one definitely magic in satin oh certainly jeffrey who's here in his nice crimson
01:05:07shoes you'd like some nice fancy random paper wouldn't you
01:05:13i'm a child of the universe beryl i have a right to be here i'm afraid we don't sell marijuana on
01:05:21sundays try the co-op if you can smell burning it's just that the vicar's been around burning
01:05:25his jock strap beryl listen have you got that in another color no madam i'll leave it then
01:05:31listen to what for heaven's sake don't matter what doesn't you wouldn't anyway wouldn't what
01:05:49go to the match with me on saturday me a football match with 40 000 skinheads and you told you
01:05:58who are they playing
01:06:06huddersfield town in the cop i've always wanted to watch huddersfield town
01:06:16the the fourth from the bottom shows you
01:06:20away from home the one three drawn five and lost 12. drawn five
01:06:34so what do you think i think i nearly love you
01:06:50so
01:07:02never mind it's only a game i thought you said you nearly loved me
01:07:08i don't recall grace kelly enticing prince rainier by going to watch united i may be wrong
01:07:22grace who we live in a permissive society beryl read any color supplement mother you're supposed to
01:07:29be my mother i am love and it wasn't through going to football matches you are the same mother that
01:07:35makes me tug my skirt down every time i stand up even if he's only on the phone
01:07:39yes sir well uh boys are very sir and i am your mother that's what i said
01:07:47i don't mean uh permissive permissive
01:07:50i see romantic pardon kissing cuddling things of that nature
01:07:59oh we do do what what you just said good not too much i hope oh god boys are very funny
01:08:11they're novices compared to mothers
01:08:18did i tell you that two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains oh
01:08:23two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains fantastic
01:08:38the cowgills mr and mrs cowgill married couple newlyweds not long married
01:08:47you go bald doing that you go bald doing that doing what
01:09:04did i tell you 28 stockbrokers have moved into the office opposite with the dirty curtains
01:09:09living in sin
01:09:13can you say one single sentence without the word marriage in it
01:09:17if i said to you do you think cassius clay would have beaten rocky marciano would you say
01:09:26what's it matter so long as they're happily married i don't think so
01:09:31beryl would
01:09:35giving you a bad time is she oh i wouldn't say that
01:09:39i haven't even mentioned the word what word goodness me a single person can have a relationship
01:09:50with another single person without everyone thinking she's automatically i never said you were
01:09:54you think it
01:10:08all right jeffrey i hereby promise never to utter the word again
01:10:12a word again
01:10:15marriage never
01:10:19well until i am if i ever do which i fervently hope i never will
01:10:24for someone who's not uttering something when's your lp coming out
01:10:31no two people have a divine right to happiness jeffrey
01:10:34you mustn't feel guilty about me
01:10:38sorry
01:10:40no one can say you've completely ruined me life
01:10:44not yet
01:10:44what are you staring at
01:10:55hello
01:10:56you all right son terrific
01:10:58why did you throw your sponge pudding at the cat then your mother's theory is you're overworking
01:11:04hmm my theory is you're overdoing it with some dolly bird
01:11:08oh
01:11:09what's your theory indigestion
01:11:12oh
01:11:14what's yours sundance
01:11:17hasn't he said anything at all he has said one thing oh what's that if god had meant sardines to
01:11:23be in oil it had given them dipsticks all right
01:11:27the weeks and months dragged by and with neither side willing to compromise we still have deadlock
01:11:35her majesty's government have consistently tried to find a way out of this dilemma another wild
01:11:40night learning what i know spells and how many of us school pals are getting married and what no
01:11:45spells and what no spells great i might as well go bald and open my own monastery and so society
01:11:53that's you and me says end this dispute
01:11:58end it now
01:12:00good night
01:12:01area
01:12:03good one day
01:12:04terrific
01:12:05especially when he said good night
01:12:07we're just enjoying ourselves having a good time just having fun being happy
01:12:16take two a day after meals and one if you find yourself crying hard out again in the middle of a
01:12:21zebra crossing for no reason at all
01:12:23you're sure this has nothing to do with a boyfriend absolutely positive
01:12:33that was the first film we ever saw together
01:12:38make that three a day after meals
01:12:39look beryl how's this for a peace plan
01:12:52you join a marriage bureau and i'll get a job on the stage twice nightly in denmark then we'll both
01:12:58be happy right right good jesus christ superstar amen
01:13:05oh hell
01:13:06arms up again see you tomorrow
01:13:10where do you think you're going
01:13:17jeffrey i'll get the sack
01:13:18it's important
01:13:21what is
01:13:24i keep asking you what is
01:13:28what is
01:13:30to be on our own
01:13:33what
01:13:34so as we can talk
01:13:36what
01:13:42that old speech worked out on the bus this morning
01:13:48the only bit i can remember is and that's what i think
01:13:51last night i jumped i was in goal for manchester united and grace kelly kicked nine goals past me
01:13:56grace who
01:13:57she was playing for united as well weird isn't it
01:14:09the main thing is we do communicate
01:14:13oh we do
01:14:24so what face what i wanted
01:14:26go on
01:14:27no you mine wasn't important
01:14:30her mum wasn't
01:14:30so what i wanted to talk about is i had a good time
01:14:32i was about to talk about a good time
01:14:33i can't explain it to him
01:14:34but i don't know what i needed to do
01:14:35i was about to talk about a good time
01:14:35i would say
01:14:36Beryl, are you... happy?
01:14:48Of course.
01:14:51Very.
01:14:53I am.
01:14:55No one is every second of every minute of every day.
01:15:00No.
01:15:03I'm not.
01:15:06Do you think it's because we love each other, do you think?
01:15:17Probably.
01:15:18I've not actually said the words often.
01:15:20Well, not in so many words.
01:15:23Mostly in words to that effect.
01:15:36Is there anything you don't love about me?
01:15:42No.
01:15:43I don't think so.
01:15:44Honestly, no.
01:15:45Nothing.
01:15:46If there is, you just tell me and I'll stop doing it.
01:15:49If there isn't anything, honest.
01:15:51Good.
01:15:54It wouldn't upset me.
01:15:55It would just make me a better human being to deserve your love.
01:15:58Like, you know, crimson shoes and bottled green socks.
01:16:10Well, you don't wear crimson shoes and bottled green socks, Beryl.
01:16:13If I did, I'd stop to please you.
01:16:20I see.
01:16:25There's no need to be sensitive, Jeffrey.
01:16:27In a meaningful relationship, you must like even what you don't.
01:16:33Your mother.
01:16:34Pardon?
01:16:34I like your mother.
01:16:35Please don't sulk, Jeffrey.
01:16:37Handle lampshades.
01:16:38Sulking isn't the most endearing quality in a person.
01:16:42Well, you ought to know.
01:16:43You've almost made it an art form.
01:16:45Anything else at random?
01:16:47You've got 24 hours to spare.
01:16:48After all, I'm no Bridget Bardot.
01:16:51According to reliable sources in Saint-Tropez, she's 105 next birthday.
01:16:54Over 98% of the male population of Manchester and Salford
01:16:57can tell the difference between Bridget Bardot and Beryl Battersby.
01:17:00Ask any opinion poll.
01:17:02I'm much fatter for a start.
01:17:04You're not all that fat, Beryl.
01:17:05I am.
01:17:06Start slimming.
01:17:07Men like something to get hold of.
01:17:09If they're allowed to get hold of it.
01:17:11You always succeed in getting back to Percy Philth in the end, don't you?
01:17:14Always.
01:17:14No, I don't, Beryl.
01:17:16You do.
01:17:16I always fail.
01:17:18Do you know what some girls find extremely likeable?
01:17:20The extremely likeable way some boys stare at every girl they see.
01:17:23Boys like it when girls tell them what N-O spells.
01:17:26Especially for the 600th time.
01:17:28That they really dig.
01:17:30You never say dig.
01:17:31I did then.
01:17:32Your passionate, unrequited love for 11 boring men kicking a ball about.
01:17:37That's really lovable.
01:17:39I never knew you thought that.
01:17:42Neither did I.
01:17:44Do now, though.
01:17:45I used to say dig before I met you.
01:17:59I used to say all sorts of things.
01:18:01There's a lot about me I can't even remember.
01:18:07Thinking what I'm thinking.
01:18:26Thinking what I'm thinking?
01:18:33I think so.
01:18:35We just don't like each other.
01:18:38At all.
01:18:51Oh, goodbye then.
01:18:53Good luck.
01:18:55Peace, man.
01:18:59St Anne's Square.
01:19:01St Anne's Square, please.
01:19:12So that just leaves a cot, two matinee coats, two romper suits.
01:19:19And what else do I need?
01:19:22Oh, yes, a ring.
01:19:24Teething ring?
01:19:25Wedding ring?
01:19:27Of course.
01:19:28Oh, they have gorgeous prams in the shops these days.
01:19:32No wonder everyone's at it.
01:19:35Oh, sorry.
01:19:37What about?
01:19:38Skip it.
01:19:40About time, too.
01:19:41With her sympathy.
01:19:42Not that I need any, actually.
01:19:45I've never been as happy in me life.
01:19:46But she doesn't know that.
01:19:48If I'm looking miserable, Sandra, it's because I'm feeling happy for you.
01:19:54Yeah.
01:19:54We know what you must be thinking.
01:19:58We know what you must be thinking.
01:19:59Of course we do.
01:20:01How to pop the pink without going in and off.
01:20:08Ace.
01:20:09She used to wear pink, you know.
01:20:13I won't tell you where.
01:20:17A hell of a lot more where hers came from.
01:20:19Wow.
01:20:20Did you want the chalk, Geoffrey?
01:20:26I know.
01:20:27Spells no.
01:20:30Super day for it.
01:20:32Hmm.
01:20:33Sin being inside a day like this.
01:20:36Well, Sandra.
01:20:38This is it.
01:20:39Yep.
01:20:40The big day.
01:20:42Yep.
01:20:43Coming to the crutch.
01:20:44Crunch.
01:20:45I dare say it'll hardly break my heart in the slightest seeing him again.
01:20:50You mustn't think I'll be crying inside because I most definitely won't be.
01:20:55And what's more, no one will know that I am.
01:20:58Because I shan't.
01:20:59Truly.
01:21:02Sandra, please, you've enough to think of.
01:21:08It's a big day for you as well, really, isn't it?
01:21:15And now one of the bride and groom on their own.
01:21:19Do you mind stepping back, sir?
01:21:21Fine.
01:21:22Is this fine enough?
01:21:23Here?
01:21:23About there, lovely.
01:21:25You can kiss the bride on this one, sir.
01:21:28Wow.
01:21:28Official permission to actually kiss her.
01:21:32Ow!
01:21:34Oh, sorry.
01:21:36That's right.
01:21:37Hold it.
01:21:39Lovely.
01:21:40Right, now, a nice family group of the parents, please.
01:21:43Funny.
01:21:44I remember the Friday lunchtime we first met.
01:21:48How have you been?
01:21:50Absolutely great.
01:21:52You?
01:21:53Never better.
01:21:54Ever.
01:21:58It's all over now.
01:21:59Bar the salmon salad.
01:22:02It's tuna fish.
01:22:04It's life.
01:22:05See, President.
01:22:13Nixon went to China, then.
01:22:15That was before we ever met.
01:22:17I know.
01:22:18Why, has something happened about it?
01:22:21No.
01:22:21No?
01:22:22Could I trouble you for the salad cream, please?
01:22:24Hmm.
01:22:27Speaking personally, I think there are enough problems to sort out on Earth without going to the moon.
01:22:31Well, Nixon.
01:22:34Why is he going?
01:22:36No.
01:22:38The astronauts.
01:22:39Oh.
01:22:41It's the wives and sweethearts I feel sorry for.
01:22:46We never really talked, did we, about things that matter?
01:22:50Good, isn't it?
01:22:51Shows we're friends.
01:22:53Now that we know we don't like each other.
01:22:55Everybody thinks we're broken-hearted.
01:22:57We've really grown up, haven't we?
01:23:03My mother's convinced herself we split up because we had too much Percy filth.
01:23:07I'm right off it, myself.
01:23:09I've been able to walk off buses perfectly normally for the past few weeks.
01:23:13Aw.
01:23:14I expect it's only temporary.
01:23:16I hope not.
01:23:17It's marvellous.
01:23:18Good.
01:23:19I don't fancy you in the slightest now.
01:23:22Thank you, love.
01:23:22Still off the food, I noticed.
01:23:32And we've learned a fantastic amount for the future.
01:23:35Fantastic.
01:23:36For example, say I finally did marry someone like you, only someone I love.
01:23:41I bet I'd now let him wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks every night.
01:23:44In bed, I bet.
01:23:51And you'll probably meet some little fatty who's never even heard of Kenny Warhol and marry
01:23:55her three days later.
01:23:59We probably won't see each other at all now, we're pals.
01:24:02I expect you're going to the match this afternoon.
01:24:04Oh, yeah.
01:24:05I'm helping Sandra Packer go in a way case.
01:24:08Where's she going?
01:24:09Hospital.
01:24:09Hospital.
01:24:13Well, we'll bump into each other sometime.
01:24:16Thank you very much.
01:24:46Oh, hello Mrs. Battersby.
01:24:59You won't remember me.
01:25:01Good afternoon, Geoffrey.
01:25:04Oh, um, is, uh, is Beryl there, please?
01:25:08She's gone to the football match.
01:25:12There is no football. It's cricket now.
01:25:14Well, it's the same thing, isn't it?
01:25:16It's the same thing, isn't it?
01:25:17It's the same thing.
01:25:18It's the same thing, isn't it?
01:25:19It's the same thing.
01:25:21It's the same thing, isn't it?
01:25:22It's the same thing.
01:25:23It's the same thing, isn't it?
01:25:25It's the same thing, isn't it?
01:25:26It's the same thing.
01:25:27It's the same thing, isn't it?
01:25:28It's the same thing.
01:25:29It's the same thing, isn't it?
01:25:31Hi.
01:25:40When's the kick-off?
01:25:44In about three months. Football season's over now, Beryl.
01:25:48What on earth did you want to come for?
01:25:52I forgot. I'm not all that interested these days.
01:25:57Where will you go now, then?
01:26:00I don't know.
01:26:04I could always go inside and practice booing for next season.
01:26:09Where will you?
01:26:11Might go and get a new pair of tights.
01:26:14Hey, it's like the countryside, isn't it, when it's empty?
01:26:17Fancy a stroll in the country?
01:26:19May as well, if you like. Don't mind. Why not?
01:26:24Just as friends.
01:26:25Oh, I meant just as friends.
01:26:27Yeah, I did.
01:26:30Wish we had a ball.
01:26:36Could play shooting in.
01:26:39You could go in goal.
01:26:44Amazing how people change, isn't it?
01:26:54Well, we're certainly much happier without each other.
01:27:09We'll be even happier with someone else.
01:27:24Anyone, really.
01:27:26There's millions to choose from.
01:27:38All nearly exactly right for us.
01:27:41You'll find someone, Geoffrey.
01:27:43You will, Beryl.
01:27:45Just a matter of keeping your eyes open, really.
01:27:48Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:50Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:51Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:52Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:53Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:54Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:55Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:56Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:57Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:58Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:59Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:00Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:01Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:02Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:03Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:04Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:05Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:06Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:07Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:08Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:09Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:10Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:11And you'll find sometimes
01:28:33Love and rainy weather can turn out fine
01:28:38Getting wet together's fine
01:28:41When the crying's dark
01:28:47Love and rainy weather
01:28:51Are followed by the sun
01:28:57Love and rainy weather
01:29:00Love and rainy weather
01:29:05When the crying's dark
01:29:11Love and rainy weather
01:29:16Are followed by the sun
01:29:21Love and rainy weather
01:29:25That made me
01:29:27Love and rainy weather
01:29:28eternity
01:29:29Era
01:29:32Cover and rainy weather
01:29:36With a native sea
01:29:37Do you see me
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