5 Tips from Rabbi Freddy Friedman for Building a Strong Jewish Marriage

1. Start with Shared Values
Before anything else, ensure your marriage is firmly rooted in common Torah principles, mutual respect, and a shared vision for your home. A couple who begins their journey with aligned priorities—Shabbos, kashrus, chesed, learning—will have a far stronger foundation when life’s challenges inevitably arise. Shared values give direction and clarity, ensuring that decisions large and small are made with unity and purpose.

2. Prioritize Communication
Speak openly, kindly, and respectfully, even when the topic is difficult. A strong marriage is built when words are used to strengthen, not weaken, the relationship. Avoid hurtful speech, even in moments of frustration, and learn the art of listening—truly hearing your spouse without interrupting or judging. As I often tell couples in Lakewood, “Healthy communication is not about winning arguments—it’s about winning each other’s trust, over and over again.”

3. Seek Guidance Early
Don’t wait until problems have grown into walls between you. If you sense tension, misunderstanding, or resentment beginning to form, seek the perspective of a trusted rav, mentor, or experienced counselor. Early guidance can prevent small disagreements from becoming sources of lasting hurt. In my years as Freddy Friedman Shadchan, I’ve seen how proactive couples thrive—because they see guidance not as a sign of weakness, but as an investment in their future.

4. Balance Spiritual and Practical Needs
A bayis ne’eman b’Yisrael thrives when both the spiritual and the practical are in harmony. It is not enough to focus solely on learning or mitzvos without also nurturing the day-to-day needs of the household—emotional connection, financial stability, shared responsibilities, and rest. A couple who balances Torah goals with practical realities will find greater peace in the home. Remember: a marriage is a partnership in both Avodas Hashem and daily living.

5. Invest in Chesed Within the Home
Acts of kindness between husband and wife are not “extras”—they are the glue that holds a marriage together. A thoughtful note, a warm meal prepared with love, a word of encouragement, or simply noticing when your spouse needs help—these are the quiet, consistent gestures that build lifelong trust and affection. True chesed starts at home, and when practiced daily, it creates an atmosphere where both spouses feel valued, respected, and deeply loved.