- 7 months ago
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:30CastingWords
00:01:00CastingWords
00:01:02CastingWords
00:01:04CastingWords
00:01:06CastingWords
00:01:08But we live in a permissive society.
00:01:10Not on this street we don't.
00:01:12Everybody's at it.
00:01:14Not with me they're not.
00:01:16Girls are supposed to be crying out for it.
00:01:18Not this one.
00:01:20I'm the silent majority.
00:01:22It's only manners these days.
00:01:24Total strangers do it now instead of shaking hands.
00:01:26God is Lord.
00:01:29Jesus.
00:01:31Jesus.
00:01:32We've never seen him in real life though.
00:01:58Oh, he's picturing the papers.
00:02:01Oh, come on, Sandra, let's go.
00:02:03No, I don't want to.
00:02:04Oh, I'm standing out here. It's stupid.
00:02:06But he might come in a minute.
00:02:08Somebody waited ages yesterday and he never turned up there.
00:02:10But that was yesterday. He might be here today.
00:02:12Oh, that little birdie dust standing here.
00:02:14Come on.
00:02:14Come on, you're supposed to be going shopping.
00:02:16Oh, wait.
00:02:17Oh, please, let's go.
00:02:22Oh, no.
00:02:23I told you so, didn't I?
00:02:25I feel a right twit now.
00:02:26I don't fancy yours.
00:02:30Which is mine?
00:02:32Any except the blonde.
00:02:34Oh, good.
00:02:36Who are being stared at?
00:02:38Where?
00:02:41Don't fancy yours.
00:02:45Which is mine?
00:02:47Any.
00:02:48Except the blonde or the one with the yellow legs.
00:02:52Thanks.
00:02:54Neither do I.
00:02:54Fancy the one with the twitch.
00:03:00About as much as Mountsy-Tung's granddad, with all due respect.
00:03:04To his granddad.
00:03:06Ask him if they do a turn.
00:03:08You.
00:03:09I thought we were giving sex up.
00:03:11There's a protest at never getting any.
00:03:14Ignore them.
00:03:14Hi.
00:03:15Hi.
00:03:24Hi.
00:03:25Hi.
00:03:27Hi.
00:03:30Hi.
00:03:32Peace, ma'am.
00:03:34Were you hoping to see Georgie Best?
00:03:37He's in Mallorca.
00:03:39Come on, then.
00:03:41May only get an hour for lunch.
00:03:42It's a discotheque in Albert Square.
00:03:52Come on.
00:03:53I thought we were going for tights.
00:03:58It's our lunch hour.
00:04:01It's ours.
00:04:02We were going for lunch.
00:04:08Shall I tell you something pretty mind-blowing about Mallorca?
00:04:11It's one place I've never been.
00:04:15Pardon?
00:04:17I'm Geoffrey.
00:04:20I don't happen to be attached.
00:04:22I'm Beryl.
00:04:23I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:25Don't you worry.
00:04:43Love and rainy weather may sound funny,
00:04:49But they go together fine
00:04:53Every single time
00:04:58First you're up there
00:05:04On another plane
00:05:06And then you're nowhere
00:05:08And the tears are raining down
00:05:13It's a run around
00:05:18Love and rainy weather
00:05:23Sure can get you down
00:05:28Not going twisting tonight, then?
00:05:38That's the modern name for it, isn't it?
00:05:40What?
00:05:41Cutting a rug.
00:05:44Pardon?
00:05:45Grooving, Mildred.
00:05:46It's called grooving nowadays.
00:05:48Grooving and or freaking.
00:05:50Right?
00:05:51What I'm not doing tonight.
00:05:53Right.
00:05:54Right on.
00:05:56You're staying in tonight, then?
00:05:57Tonight.
00:05:58Tomorrow night.
00:05:59Every night.
00:06:02They might sell me overcoat.
00:06:03Life's not all pleasure, you know.
00:06:06Really?
00:06:06Mildred, don't hassle the lad.
00:06:09Hustle.
00:06:11It's a different world today, Mildred.
00:06:13We had a week's honeymoon in Blackpool
00:06:16For what this finny haddy cost.
00:06:18They do their old things.
00:06:19The usual 1,300 weight.
00:06:22Yes, please.
00:06:24Now that's the new world that we work for
00:06:26and fought for.
00:06:29Full page advert for contraception.
00:06:31It's his birthright.
00:06:35I'm not hungry.
00:06:37What's that supposed to mean?
00:06:39It's the hip way cool people say I'm not hungry.
00:06:42I enjoy staying in Chattingham an evening.
00:07:03I find it fantastically enjoyable.
00:07:06No, really.
00:07:08I really do.
00:07:09Some people don't.
00:07:12I do.
00:07:14Beryl, please take my word for it.
00:07:16Paul McCartney's never going to ring that doorbell
00:07:18and invite you to the pictures.
00:07:20Paul McCartney who?
00:07:21He doesn't know you've been faithful to him
00:07:22ever since our day's night.
00:07:24And please don't say Paul McCartney who.
00:07:26I sacrifice too much for your 6-0 levels.
00:07:30You were terrific in the pictures.
00:07:34I never touched you.
00:07:35Terrific self-control.
00:07:41What did you say your name was?
00:07:43Mind you, just a weekend I'd do with you, Paul.
00:08:05Not a dirty weekend.
00:08:07A disgusting one.
00:08:13Night-night, percy filth.
00:08:24Have you always been insatiable?
00:08:28It's not my fault.
00:08:30It's just that I don't like blondes.
00:08:36It's psychosomatic.
00:08:37I'm sorry.
00:08:45Ah.
00:08:46Oh, Sandra.
00:09:05You're almost blonde in this light.
00:09:07What's wrong?
00:09:13Just being brave.
00:09:16What about?
00:09:17Ending it all.
00:09:19Before we hurt each other too much.
00:09:23It's our first date.
00:09:27I've probably wasted your entire evening, haven't I?
00:09:31Not yet.
00:09:32Not if your parents aren't back till midnight.
00:09:37Don't you think you're too old for this sort of thing?
00:09:41Straight from Stanley Matthews to Bridget Bardot you went.
00:09:45Overnight.
00:09:46That was when you were too young for this sort of thing.
00:09:49It's artistic, Mother.
00:09:51Like your Tuttenhamen butter dish.
00:09:53What?
00:10:04Got it.
00:10:05Got what?
00:10:06You now ask if I never want to see you again.
00:10:09I say I do.
00:10:11You then stop crying quick as a flash
00:10:13and say something like,
00:10:14how about Sunday, half seven, outside Central Library?
00:10:17No, I don't.
00:10:19Tomorrow, half seven, outside Central Library.
00:10:21Then when I say okay,
00:10:24does your zip miraculously undo?
00:10:27It does not.
00:10:29I thought it did.
00:10:31Not till you've unfastened the press, Stud.
00:10:35I can see her doing your ironing
00:10:37and cooking and cleaning.
00:10:39You wouldn't need to book for the Christmas pantomime.
00:10:41I don't intend to marry her, Mother.
00:10:44In case it interferes with my career.
00:10:46We're just good friends.
00:10:48Goodnight.
00:10:48Goodnight.
00:10:51Miss Bardot.
00:11:05Marry me.
00:11:09You know what they say?
00:11:12Once you've had a Manchester lad,
00:11:13you never touch anything else.
00:11:14About time and all.
00:11:31Aye.
00:11:32Aye.
00:11:32Aye.
00:11:32Peace, man.
00:11:36Did you have a good time, Miss Knight?
00:11:38Great.
00:11:38Is this you?
00:11:40Satisfied.
00:11:40I'll save him for a change.
00:11:42Did you get much?
00:11:47Did you?
00:11:52Did you know that raping Princess Anne
00:11:53was a capital offence?
00:11:55Not that I have done.
00:11:57Paid him for a change instead.
00:11:59Ticket.
00:12:18I ain't got me ticket.
00:12:20We're late already.
00:12:23See you behind the goal then.
00:12:24Well, tonight's beauty sleep's done nothing for her.
00:12:43Snooty old bag.
00:12:45Trendy.
00:12:51Crimson shoes with bottle green socks.
00:12:54Must be going steady with a set of traffic lights.
00:12:57Still, who else would have him?
00:13:00Anyway, they're all the same in the dark.
00:13:03Rumor has it.
00:13:04Different girl every night.
00:13:13It's all the type.
00:13:15Probably an omen seeing her before the match.
00:13:18Bet we lose.
00:13:193-1.
00:13:21Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:13:24At least I've got me proud.
00:13:26Oh, hello.
00:13:28Oh, hi.
00:13:29Hi.
00:13:31Didn't see you.
00:13:31You're going that way?
00:13:35Yeah.
00:13:36Not especially, no.
00:13:38You going that?
00:13:40Yeah, well, um, no.
00:13:42I was, I sort of, um...
00:13:44Going to the football match?
00:13:46Are you?
00:13:46Shopping.
00:13:53I'm probably going to the pictures tonight.
00:13:56I am.
00:13:56Which?
00:13:57Which are you?
00:13:57Any.
00:13:58I am.
00:14:01See you then.
00:14:08Tonight?
00:14:09Pardon?
00:14:10Oh, I...
00:14:11All right then.
00:14:13Right.
00:14:19Super socks.
00:14:24Did you see that?
00:14:26They're all on drugs.
00:14:27A lot of them.
00:14:28Cough, cough, cough.
00:14:46Did he score?
00:14:47Lose in.
00:14:483-1.
00:14:49Excuse me.
00:15:08Excuse me.
00:15:09I...
00:15:09Excuse me.
00:15:13I only go to restaurants with deaf waiters.
00:15:25Ah.
00:15:29Hi.
00:15:31Hello, mate.
00:15:32Oh, um, peace man.
00:15:34Surprise, surprise.
00:15:35Surprise.
00:15:36Is it anywhere controversial?
00:15:38Pictures.
00:15:39The boyfriend.
00:15:40She's slim.
00:15:41I'm just going to the, um...
00:15:42Oh, I'll come with you.
00:15:46Are you and Beryl, um, you know...
00:15:49Uh...
00:15:50You know.
00:15:53Oh.
00:15:54Would you, uh...
00:16:05What do you sort of reckon?
00:16:06She's, uh...
00:16:08A fair sort of bird.
00:16:11Sort of.
00:16:12She's all right.
00:16:15I mean, nothing sensational, obviously.
00:16:18Geoffrey, she's a bird.
00:16:24You're having a coffee with us?
00:16:25No, thanks, kid.
00:16:26Neville's ravenous.
00:16:28You've just eaten.
00:16:31Oh, of course.
00:16:32Yeah.
00:16:32Sorry.
00:16:35You see, what I think it was always trying to do...
00:16:39By implication.
00:16:41Probably by implication.
00:16:43Was to allow the images to provoke a moral response from our own aesthetic judgment.
00:16:47You see?
00:16:48Yes.
00:16:51Was he the errand boy?
00:16:52Was he the errand boy?
00:16:53Ken Thingy.
00:16:55He directed it.
00:16:57Oh, yes.
00:16:59I was probably thinking of Andy Warhol.
00:17:03Probably.
00:17:07You're not like other boys at all, are you?
00:17:11Well, probably a little more mature, that's all.
00:17:14It's over 200 yards from the cinema.
00:17:16And you talk to me the whole way, like a person.
00:17:19Other boys seem to have one-track minds these days.
00:17:25Sex?
00:17:26Marriage.
00:17:28Pardon?
00:17:29The number of boys that asked me to marry them.
00:17:32A couple of dates and pal, they want to get married.
00:17:34I want to live a bit before I get married.
00:17:37I suppose I just don't have a hang-up about it.
00:17:41Get married?
00:17:42Hmm.
00:17:44No.
00:17:44Actually, I find girls, and most girls, that is, a bit obsessed these days.
00:17:55Not marriage.
00:17:57No.
00:17:57Sex.
00:17:58That's what I said.
00:18:06Oh.
00:18:07Well, I'm not like that.
00:18:10Not percifilth-motivated?
00:18:12No.
00:18:14No.
00:18:14Did you want to say any more about Andy Warhol?
00:18:29Ken Russell.
00:18:30Yeah.
00:18:31No.
00:18:38This is it.
00:18:44I won't come in, with it being our first date.
00:18:55No.
00:18:56Oh.
00:18:57Anywhere me mum's gone to bed, we'd be on our own.
00:19:00Is that a reason for me not coming in, though?
00:19:02Yes, Geoffrey.
00:19:04Oh.
00:19:13Nice house.
00:19:1725-year mortgage.
00:19:23Well, thanks for seeing me home.
00:19:27Funny, isn't it?
00:19:29First date with someone.
00:19:31It always leads to one of three things.
00:19:35Either nothing.
00:19:36Or something.
00:19:40Or everything.
00:19:41Well, don't think about percifilth at this stage, Peryl.
00:19:46You're not.
00:19:49No, I'm not.
00:19:52Night-night.
00:19:52God bless.
00:19:53I won't give you my phone number, in case you think I'm one of those scheming females.
00:20:08What is it?
00:20:09Three, two, seven, double, four, two, one.
00:20:12The easy way to remember it is, the three and the two make five, which is two less than seven.
00:20:16Then two fours, and half of four, which is two, and half of two, which is one.
00:20:19Um, but you mustn't ring me if you don't want.
00:20:22No.
00:20:22But you can if you do.
00:20:24Do you want me to?
00:20:25Not if you'd rather not.
00:20:27Three, two, seven, double, four, two, one.
00:20:30Night.
00:20:30Oh, my God.
00:21:00Well, hello, Mrs Battersby. Beryl's brought you up a cup of tea.
00:21:04Oh, they all have a past life flashed before me then.
00:21:11Can't be Mother's Day. You'd have forgotten.
00:21:15Has there been any clips?
00:21:17Mum, I want the benefit of your experience.
00:21:21What do you think of Andy Warhol?
00:21:24You see, Geoffrey has this theory that by implication...
00:21:27Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:28Of course, Geoffrey knows about these things.
00:21:31These things. Everything.
00:21:33Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:35He's fantastically intelligent.
00:21:37See, Geoffrey's idea...
00:21:39Beryl, who's Geoffrey?
00:21:42Oh, no-one.
00:21:47No-one's special.
00:21:53His name's Geoffrey.
00:21:58How did this Beryl Bird turn out last night, then?
00:22:01What Beryl Bird?
00:22:03I told him.
00:22:04Did she, er...
00:22:06Does she, er...
00:22:08What?
00:22:12Wow!
00:22:15She doesn't, then.
00:22:16You don't listen, do you?
00:22:18I said...
00:22:19How about Sandra?
00:22:27Chips.
00:22:28Chums. Sod.
00:22:29Not seeing him tonight, then.
00:22:40Who?
00:22:45I've rather better things to do, thank you.
00:22:47I said he was no-one special.
00:22:48Have they got a phone here?
00:22:50Why?
00:22:51They haven't, have they?
00:22:52Do you want to get some nookie lined up or something?
00:22:53If I did, do you think I'd be playing darts with you two?
00:22:54Look, are you fed up here?
00:22:55Are you?
00:22:56We'll split after this game.
00:22:57Anything you say.
00:22:58We can go for a few at the King's Head.
00:22:59Great.
00:23:00And that ends our pro...
00:23:01And that ends our pro...
00:23:02Oh, no.
00:23:03No, no.
00:23:04No, no.
00:23:05No, no.
00:23:06No, no.
00:23:07No, no.
00:23:08No, no.
00:23:09No, no.
00:23:10No, no.
00:23:11No, no.
00:23:12No, no.
00:23:13No, no.
00:23:14No, no.
00:23:15No, no.
00:23:16No, no.
00:23:17No, no.
00:23:18No, no.
00:23:19No, no.
00:23:20No, no.
00:23:21And that ends our pro...
00:23:23Well, Monday tomorrow.
00:23:25Hallelujah.
00:23:26Pardon?
00:23:27I don't know what you're paying for that phone,
00:23:29but whatever it is, you're being done.
00:23:31Goodnight.
00:23:51Morning.
00:23:52Morning.
00:23:53Morning.
00:23:54Chalton for Pope.
00:23:55Long may you reign.
00:23:56Amen.
00:23:57What's going on?
00:23:58Pound's up again.
00:23:59Oh, God.
00:24:00Today's special, bloody, traveller's checks.
00:24:02Yeah.
00:24:03Suddenly everyone's going on holiday.
00:24:04So, those.
00:24:05Enjoy yourself while you're young.
00:24:06You know?
00:24:07I know.
00:24:08I know.
00:24:09I know.
00:24:10I know.
00:24:11I know.
00:24:12I know.
00:24:13I know.
00:24:14I know.
00:24:15I know.
00:24:16I know.
00:24:17I know.
00:24:18I know.
00:24:19I know.
00:24:20I know.
00:24:21I know.
00:24:22I know.
00:24:23I know.
00:24:24I know.
00:24:25I know.
00:24:26I know.
00:24:27Enjoy yourself while you're young.
00:24:45Why do we always do that?
00:24:4793 times a day?
00:24:49We never see anything.
00:24:57We were warm just as the sun was rising.
00:25:11I heard a maiden singing in the valley.
00:25:16My timing not disturbing your singing, I hope.
00:25:19See Geoffrey on Sunday.
00:25:22Oh, Geoffrey.
00:25:24That Neville's the greatest.
00:25:29Is he dishy or is he dishy?
00:25:35I'm considering packing Geoffrey in.
00:25:39One date was enough.
00:25:41Why?
00:25:43He's Cancer and I'm Libra.
00:25:45Is that bad?
00:25:46Hopeless.
00:25:49Actually, I'm slightly off the male gender at the moment.
00:25:54Five.
00:25:56Five.
00:25:57Five.
00:25:58Which is...
00:25:59Which is...
00:26:00Three and two is five.
00:26:01Which is two less than seven.
00:26:03Which is...
00:26:04I see the Spanish police are throwing your lot out of Ibiza.
00:26:07Bank clocks.
00:26:08Your lot.
00:26:09Football supporters.
00:26:10Hippies.
00:26:11Oh.
00:26:12My lot.
00:26:13At the third stroke, it will be 7.22 and 40 seconds.
00:26:16It will be 7.22 and 50 seconds.
00:26:17That's it then.
00:26:18Fate.
00:26:19All over by 7.23 precisely.
00:26:21So what?
00:26:22Plenty more where she came from.
00:26:23That's it then.
00:26:24Fate.
00:26:25All over by 7.23 precisely.
00:26:26So what?
00:26:27Plenty more where she came from.
00:26:28Is that the speaking clock?
00:26:29Is that Geoffrey?
00:26:30Is that Beryl?
00:26:31Is that Beryl?
00:26:32No.
00:26:33No.
00:26:34No.
00:26:35No.
00:26:36No.
00:26:37No.
00:26:38No.
00:26:39No.
00:26:40It will be 7.22 and 50 seconds.
00:26:41It's 7.22 and 50 seconds.
00:26:43That's it then.
00:26:44Fate.
00:26:45All over by 7.23 precisely.
00:26:46So what?
00:26:47Plenty more where she came from.
00:26:52PHONE RINGS
00:26:55Is that the speaking clock?
00:26:57Is that Geoffrey?
00:26:58Is that Beryl?
00:27:00Yes.
00:27:01Yes.
00:27:02Hi.
00:27:04Hi.
00:27:22It's terrifically exciting, isn't it? Getting to know a person.
00:27:27Fantastic.
00:27:32I want to know all about you.
00:27:35That's what it's all about.
00:27:39For example, with things in common already.
00:27:41Definitely.
00:27:45Like what?
00:27:49We're enormously fond of animals.
00:27:52Right.
00:27:55And we're both from Manchester.
00:28:00Have you ever been abroad?
00:28:02No.
00:28:04Have you?
00:28:05No.
00:28:06Unless you count Istanbul.
00:28:08Istanbul?
00:28:09Was it beyond belief?
00:28:11I don't know. I was only three.
00:28:19Do you ever get the feeling you've been somewhere before?
00:28:22Sometimes.
00:28:23I do.
00:28:26What now?
00:28:29No.
00:28:30Just...
00:28:31Just sometimes.
00:28:35Yes, I do.
00:28:39Such a lot, isn't there?
00:28:40No.
00:28:41In getting to know a person.
00:28:43Hmm.
00:28:49He was lithe and easy-limbed, his stride quietly casual, his eyes clear and confident, and his strong mouth ready to break into a relaxed, assured, lopsided grin.
00:29:02You know, Geoffrey, you have a really lopsided grin.
00:29:03You know, Geoffrey, you have a really lopsided grin.
00:29:05Really?
00:29:06You know, lopsided.
00:29:07I don't think I have.
00:29:08It's in the eye of the beholder.
00:29:09See?
00:29:10Geoffrey doesn't need someone else when he's tying a knot.
00:29:11He holds it down with his little finger.
00:29:13It must be marvellous being a man.
00:29:14It's okay, I suppose.
00:29:15Men can do anything.
00:29:16Conquer Everest.
00:29:17Do heart transplants.
00:29:18Become leader of the opposition.
00:29:19Anything.
00:29:20It's okay, I suppose.
00:29:21Men can do anything.
00:29:22Conquer Everest.
00:29:23Do heart transplants.
00:29:24Become leader of the opposition.
00:29:25Anything.
00:29:26Geoffrey, N.O. spells no.
00:29:27Does he say Gru is dead?
00:29:28What do you say?
00:29:29This is a very good thing.
00:29:30What do you say?
00:29:31What do you say?
00:29:32But you're trying to do something, He holds it down with his little finger.
00:29:35It must be marvellous being a man.
00:29:36It's okay, I suppose.
00:29:37Men can do anything.
00:29:38Conquer Everest.
00:29:39Do heart transplants.
00:29:40Become leader of the opposition.
00:29:42Anything.
00:29:43Can you think he's responsible for doing anything?
00:29:52Geoffrey, N.O. spells no.
00:29:54Father, what do you think?
00:29:55It's good for your circulation, Beryl. Read any women's magazine.
00:29:59It's good for theirs, too.
00:30:01I'm not sure they recommend Percy Filth on Tuesdays.
00:30:04I only see you on Tuesdays and Saturdays.
00:30:06All Saturdays.
00:30:10Beryl.
00:30:14Beryl.
00:30:16Oh, Geoffrey Bobble's bumble.
00:30:18Oh, Beryl.
00:30:19Oh, Geoffrey.
00:30:20Oh, Beryl!
00:30:22Are you all right? What exactly happened? Don't tell me.
00:30:25I just had a sharp attack of dramatic irony.
00:30:28Pardon?
00:30:34Come back. They're better.
00:30:36It's better. I'm OK.
00:30:41I told you, it's going to pour.
00:30:43It's not.
00:30:47Urgh.
00:30:49It's only the angels crying.
00:30:55I know how they feel.
00:30:57Well, don't blame me. I haven't done anything.
00:31:00That's true.
00:31:02That's not true, Beryl. I have apologised.
00:31:05I keep going down on me knees when I'm talking to you.
00:31:08Independent observers think I'm training to be a Cossack dancer.
00:31:11It must be a bad line. I can't hear you.
00:31:14You'd better apologise again.
00:31:17I apologise again.
00:31:20Gosh, this lousy line.
00:31:23I wonder if Geoffrey would like to come to tea on Sunday.
00:31:28Pardon?
00:31:29Pardon?
00:31:31Is that who I think it is?
00:31:33No, dear.
00:31:34Well, isn't this nice?
00:31:50Sardine sandwich.
00:31:52Is it all sardine?
00:31:53Yeah.
00:31:55She's got her own trawler.
00:31:57What?
00:31:58I was speaking to Geoffrey.
00:31:59What's happening in the world?
00:32:00I blame the politicians.
00:32:01What for?
00:32:02For what's happening in the world.
00:32:03Talk to her.
00:32:04I can't speak Portuguese.
00:32:05Tasty.
00:32:06They're in oil.
00:32:07They're in oil.
00:32:08She's got a bad leg.
00:32:09The bread's extremely wholesome.
00:32:10I have this little baker down the road.
00:32:11He does something with the bleach.
00:32:12Yes.
00:32:13Yes.
00:32:14They're in oil.
00:32:15They're in oil.
00:32:16They're in oil.
00:32:17They're in oil.
00:32:18She's got a bad leg.
00:32:19The bread's extremely wholesome.
00:32:20Why, after this little baker down the road, he does something with the bleach.
00:32:24Yes.
00:32:25They're in oil.
00:32:26They're in oil.
00:32:27They're in oil.
00:32:28She's got a bad leg.
00:32:29The bread's extremely wholesome.
00:32:30Why, after this little baker down the road, he does something with the bleach.
00:32:36Yes.
00:32:37Can't do long conversations about sardine sandwiches.
00:32:39Mine goes blank.
00:32:40Start thinking about that.
00:32:43Life after death.
00:32:44Ooh, that Neville, honestly.
00:33:02Number of hearts he must have broken.
00:33:05Every girl in Manchester, nearly.
00:33:08Geoffrey definitely has.
00:33:10probably even more air hostesses all sorts tell me about your terrible past
00:33:20Jeffrey I haven't had one yet white man speak with forked tongue actually I was
00:33:25hoping more for a terrible future hmm Wow is that the time at this moment in
00:33:35time what have I done he's never the insanely jealous type right in the
00:33:40slightest you're lucky why is Jeffrey Wow you're not jealous of all my explains
00:33:49are you of course not why should I be please stop interrogating me Jeffrey
00:33:53forget it that's all in the past then nothing to be jealous about who needs
00:34:04drama so I shouted back at her no shop assistant shouts at me I shouted in the
00:34:11end never nearly bolted me for swearing he thumped you walloped you on no I said
00:34:19nearly you never thump me will you like Neville does Sandra she adores it
00:34:28of course not no Jeffrey Percy filth isn't the only thing in life isn't even one of the things in
00:34:38mine used to talk to me all right let's talk Jeffrey I've just had the most super idea why is
00:34:49your mum going out may as well pack in really why why not good thinking
00:35:03thanks for stimulating few weeks you too it was real psychedelic you can keep me grateful dead LP
00:35:17was scratched anyway it's been a gas groovy I won't wave from the window no won't look back anyway good
00:35:27it's been a gas you've said that once you're well red barrel there's plenty more fish in the sea
00:35:43about three very lonely sardines
00:35:47mother please don't try raising one eyebrow at me you know you can't do it
00:35:54you'll never thump me will you Jeffrey oh
00:36:03I just have the most super idea are we going to put it up no we're going to pack it in don't say that
00:36:11please don't say that that
00:36:13Sandra Sandra you're Sandra mine
00:36:20two months two months nine days
00:36:26is she positive the test was what are you going to do
00:36:32she'll think of something Sandra it's stupendous
00:36:37congratulations I hope you'll both be very happy oh thanks kid
00:36:43Sandra I don't know how you do it
00:36:46often
00:36:48often
00:36:48sorry
00:36:52you
00:36:54rooust
00:36:55sorry
00:37:00road
00:37:00oh
00:37:01you
00:37:02you
00:37:04you
00:37:04you
00:37:06well
00:37:07you
00:37:08you
00:37:09you
00:37:10you
00:37:11you
00:37:13you
00:37:14John for Pope.
00:37:42Long may reign.
00:37:49Aren't you, er...
00:37:51Yeah.
00:37:55And you're, er...
00:37:56That's right.
00:37:58Going somewhere incredible.
00:38:00I'm meeting my parents.
00:38:01Taking them to see Fiddler on the roof.
00:38:03That's pretty incredible.
00:38:05Your mummy and daddy.
00:38:08Er...
00:38:09Oh hell no, that's tomorrow.
00:38:12If I'm in the mood.
00:38:14Where you are.
00:38:17Depends where you take me.
00:38:20All I was saying about your friend with the glasses...
00:38:32Roland.
00:38:33Roland.
00:38:34Is that I found him intellectually unaware and psychologically incredibly boring.
00:38:38It's not bad at snooker.
00:38:42And how are you and little Beryl?
00:38:45Didn't she tell you?
00:38:47I don't work there anymore.
00:38:49I packed her in.
00:38:51Did she turn you on?
00:39:00Beryl?
00:39:01Yeah.
00:39:02I hadn't really looked.
00:39:07Seen one, you seen them all.
00:39:10Not quite all.
00:39:11I'll go and get me coat.
00:39:13Looks to be my birthday.
00:39:27Boys aren't the only thing in life, Beryl.
00:39:31I do wish you'd find one.
00:39:37They aren't all after Percy, Philse.
00:39:40Yes, they are.
00:39:41Mmm.
00:39:42Oh, you were terrific on the bus.
00:39:45Wasn't it?
00:39:47Mmm.
00:39:48Terrific self-control.
00:39:51Joan of Arc never married yet she led a full and happy life.
00:39:56Or am I thinking of someone else?
00:39:58Mother, I don't happen to be interested in boys.
00:40:01I happen to be interested in having early nights
00:40:03and writing poetry in bed with me mo felt-tip pen.
00:40:06It's run out of ink.
00:40:07I used it for me laundry list.
00:40:09My God, your generation's got a few things to answer for.
00:40:13Mmm.
00:40:14Mmm.
00:40:15Mmm, please.
00:40:16Mmm, don't.
00:40:17Please.
00:40:18You can't ravish a girl on her own doorstep.
00:40:23Well, let's go inside then.
00:40:25You smooth-talking bastard.
00:40:32It is me birthday.
00:40:36What about the boy with the freckles from Shakespeare Crescent?
00:40:39I don't believe that question.
00:40:41You used to be crazy about him.
00:40:44I was 11 years old.
00:40:46He used to let me chalk on his tortoise.
00:40:55What's your name again?
00:40:56What's yours?
00:40:57Rock.
00:40:58That's not your real name.
00:40:59No.
00:41:00Steven.
00:41:01Hmm.
00:41:02Hmm.
00:41:03Hmm.
00:41:04Hmm.
00:41:05Hmm.
00:41:06what's your name again what's yours rock that's not your real name no Stephen
00:41:27God that turns me on
00:41:36when I first met you in the street I thought just a quiet drink and a chat shows you the
00:41:44art of conversation ain't dead don't move a muscle however gorgeous
00:42:06testing testing Jeffrey Milleup returns to the day I wish you everything you've ever wished yourself
00:42:25I'm fed up
00:42:43who are you
00:42:46who are you
00:42:47what are you fed up about
00:42:50teachers don't have to do homework
00:42:53no
00:42:54they just mark it anyone can mark it they've got the answers
00:43:00do you know it's after two o'clock
00:43:08what's he doing here then
00:43:09well this is your uncle Stephen this is my revolting brother Jeremy
00:43:19how do you do
00:43:23don't me mum and dad know he's here Jeremy bed
00:43:26I could always wake him up and tell him
00:43:28Jeremy
00:43:29little boys need sleep
00:43:33even big astronauts do you know where babies come from do you say no no I do say yes
00:43:46shall I tell you he knows the man has this male organ and some blood cells and erectile glands and there's these 500 million spermatozoas in these testes that he has as well and they go through his male organ into the female uterus that the lady has
00:44:02who told you that then they go to the fallopian tubes after that one of them fertilizes with the female egg the others don't bother
00:44:11anyway that's what you have to do then you have a baby
00:44:15did they teach you that at school
00:44:18they do woodwork in the next class
00:44:21people can only make babies at certain times of the year
00:44:24but animals like dogs and cats and giraffes I think do it all the time
00:44:30no that's people
00:44:35what is
00:44:36well
00:44:39people do it all the time
00:44:41whenever they feel like it
00:44:46in the next class you can do metal work if you don't like woodwork
00:44:53goodnight Jeremy 25 p 50 50
00:45:12goodnight uncle Steven
00:45:16who the hell's uncle Steven at 10 past 2 in the morning a friend of Jeremy's he's going now
00:45:41goodnight love
00:45:48we would have done that wouldn't we
00:45:49and how
00:45:50you can't win them all can you
00:45:54anyway do you good going without for a change
00:45:58still there's always another day
00:46:07tomorrow
00:46:08no
00:46:09tomorrow's another day
00:46:11shhh
00:46:12not unless you happen to be in Plymouth
00:46:15where?
00:46:16I'm joining the wrens for three years
00:46:19what wrens?
00:46:21the Royal Navy's wrens
00:46:22the Royal Navy's wrens
00:46:26this time tomorrow I'll be in barracks with about 50 other girls and 30,000 sailors
00:46:31hope I like it
00:46:36well thanks for nearly everything
00:46:40we definitely would have done wouldn't we?
00:46:42well obviously
00:46:43well we
00:46:44well we
00:46:45we're as good as dead in a way really
00:46:47almost
00:46:48just keep telling yourself and we will have
00:46:50only better
00:46:51goodnight love
00:46:53try our barrel
00:46:55try our barrel
00:47:17morning previous generation
00:47:26what's for breakfast?
00:47:31you knew it was your mother's birthday
00:47:33now what we'd like to know
00:47:34is where were you while we were fiddling on the flaming roof
00:47:37I'm sorry mum
00:47:38I'll take you out another night
00:47:40something cropped up
00:47:41like what?
00:47:43dad
00:47:44you understand
00:47:46I don't Geoffrey
00:47:48well you always say you do
00:47:50Geoffrey you're at it every night
00:47:53yes dad
00:47:55and we don't complain
00:47:56no dad
00:47:57well last night was different
00:47:58I knew you'd understand
00:48:23well
00:48:28come on
00:48:29shallton for Pope
00:48:30on me around
00:48:31amen
00:48:32what's going on?
00:48:34the pound's down again
00:48:35up and down like a fair of knickers
00:48:37you should know
00:48:39or me
00:48:40know what I mean?
00:48:42what a night
00:48:43wow
00:48:44a lot
00:48:45what a night wow a lot including action replays in slow motion
00:48:57hey lads i picked up a bit of spare last night who didn't no it's true
00:49:03yes jeffrey it is yes jeffrey
00:49:06bloody yes
00:49:16poor jeffrey beryl please it's neville's engagement party as well he had to invite him
00:49:22he'll see me it's cruel i'll see other girls i shan't take him back sandra
00:49:30i shan't it's been two weeks he may have got over you by now
00:49:34don't know much about men do you love
00:49:48it was doing him a kindness really finally splitting up he only had one ambition in life
00:50:09send my knickers to oxfam
00:50:16good job she hasn't joined the rent the entire navy had gone strike
00:50:21i expect he's sorry now i won't even consider taking him back if he isn't
00:50:28she might have changed of course if she has i might let her have the old orgy now and again
00:50:32he's got to accept we've finally split up otherwise i definitely won't take him back
00:50:42well i'm certainly not making the first move he's still got me pride
00:50:46i left with beryl baby oh hi didn't see you no nor me
00:50:54and how's manchester city doing without me cheering them on then united we're winning every game now
00:51:00oh good and what's new with jeffrey then
00:51:04i asked you what was new with you
00:51:16did you did i say more
00:51:20pardon how's beryl baby getting on
00:51:24jeffrey i'm not all that ecstatic about you calling me beryl baby
00:51:28it isn't like you say that again beryl baby
00:51:33what's your name handsome
00:51:37you'll laugh everybody laughs it's the story of my life
00:51:42you tell it like it is chuck
00:51:43she used to put them on an axe
00:51:53what do you care
00:51:56i don't have a baby
00:52:02is she going to get into bed with him now
00:52:06probably
00:52:07jeffrey jeffrey always looks out for sleep these days well it's very exhausting
00:52:17what is
00:52:19working in a bank
00:52:26i had this bad scene this chick and decided to split
00:52:31so i cut off man like there's no tomorrow
00:52:39this cat gets it together where he's at
00:52:44lots of beautiful bag baby
00:52:47so if you want a piece of the action don't cool it
00:52:53big
00:52:53i'm sorry i no understand english
00:53:07gesundheit
00:53:09i thought she'd only just been to bed with the other one
00:53:13she has
00:53:15and which is her husband
00:53:17neither
00:53:18it's warming up isn't it
00:53:31great beat isn't it
00:53:34great to dance to
00:53:40do you agree that life's an onion
00:53:41it's so what's death
00:53:47um
00:53:50a banana
00:53:52yes i expect it is when you think about it
00:53:56have you read schopenhauer's concept of existence
00:54:00um
00:54:02no
00:54:03but i've seen the film
00:54:05you married
00:54:06no
00:54:09grab yourself an adage
00:54:11marriage is a cabbage
00:54:14you're a poet
00:54:16never ask the questions ask the answers
00:54:19you are a poet
00:54:22to any manager marks and spencers
00:54:24yes
00:54:25what's that
00:54:28i really dirt you
00:54:30now he's taking his clothes off
00:54:34what's on itv
00:54:37this
00:54:38what's on bbc
00:54:43kissing over
00:54:45what's that like
00:54:47this
00:54:49come on now
00:54:50you know that's not where it's at
00:54:52let's get this
00:54:53what's the word
00:54:55let's get it clear
00:54:57let's get down to the real nitty grittiesville okay
00:55:09women's lip is not about burning brass papers yeah
00:55:15what papers
00:55:17a marriage certificate dog's license whatever you prefer to call it
00:55:21look let's be basic about this enid
00:55:23all girls want marriage and a white wedding
00:55:26really basic you want to be really basic
00:55:29utterly basic
00:55:30balls
00:55:32grass
00:55:35enid when sandra says every girl she means most girls
00:55:39well like herself not me of course because i incredibly value my independence
00:55:44but most girls definitely want
00:55:46balls
00:55:47if you can't conduct an intelligent conversation without recourse to
00:55:51i'm not recourse into anything i'm merely telling you what girls want
00:55:54what
00:55:55balls
00:55:55oh
00:55:57would you please stop saying that
00:56:00you believe in free love right
00:56:02wrong i believe in free everything freedom from all male chauvin is pig domination
00:56:07honestly don't you understand excuse me you've got your hand on me
00:56:10i'm excited for the future i'm sure excuse me excuse me if you've got your hand on me
00:56:15i don't want you to get your hand on me
00:56:17oh sorry wow man i'm sorry
00:56:20it's all right
00:56:20oh gee
00:56:21it's a pleasure
00:56:22grass
00:56:23jeffrey you've not to
00:56:25why not
00:56:26i said don't you're not to smoke it
00:56:38oh wow
00:56:40we're as liberated as you enid
00:56:42we've equal importance as individuals
00:56:45neither of us is boss
00:56:46just doesn't arise
00:56:48we'll make some coffee
00:56:51you see what we believe is
00:56:52you see
00:56:56well one
00:56:58i can see there's only one way to get through
00:57:05you're doing lighting everybody's fire
00:57:11burn my bra
00:57:17right that's it finished the end full stop
00:57:22we've finally split up neville
00:57:25sandra wants you
00:57:26i should imagine
00:57:29sad isn't it
00:57:33pathetic
00:57:38well i can't follow plays these days
00:57:41it's just showing real life that's all
00:57:43i once thought i'd found her
00:57:51the perfect girl
00:57:54red hair
00:57:55not too skinny
00:57:58very gentle and shy
00:58:02passionate when roused
00:58:03she packed me in for picking my teeth with a matchstick
00:58:09you're very sweet
00:58:12i've always thought you were
00:58:17did you know you're very nearly have a lopsided grin
00:58:21it's just i'm a bit tired
00:58:22no it's nice
00:58:34i don't think i've washed that one
00:58:40i don't think i've washed that one
00:58:50oh sorry
00:58:55do you know what beryl she can ask me anything
00:58:59do you know where jeffrey's got to
00:59:01do she's upstairs i think
00:59:12is it true they're dry on their own
00:59:15usually
00:59:16i hate to be any trouble but i think i'm dying
00:59:25you'll be all right honest
00:59:27she said i shouldn't smoke it
00:59:29who
00:59:31she said
00:59:35jeffrey
00:59:38jeffrey
00:59:45sorry
00:59:52jeffrey
00:59:53move up a bit jeffrey
00:59:59put your legs
01:00:01that's better
01:00:05it's because it's your first time isn't it
01:00:13call dr wiseberg quillmslow road
01:00:16it wasn't marijuana you know
01:00:26what was it then
01:00:28grass
01:00:30grass is marijuana
01:00:33this grass wasn't
01:00:36it was the real thing
01:00:39from the front lawn
01:00:46that you beryl
01:00:55had a nice time
01:00:57even though it's three o'clock in the morning
01:01:00not that i mind
01:01:01if you've had a nice time
01:01:03even though i've been in bed since 10
01:01:05having a good night's worry
01:01:08did you see jeffrey
01:01:13that's good
01:01:16do you ever get the feeling you're trying too hard
01:01:37i didn't try at all
01:01:39gave me to rest
01:01:44i'm right off birds
01:01:46i am
01:01:47i am
01:01:49for good
01:01:51me too
01:01:53and me
01:02:13good morning
01:02:14your mother would like to know if you have a reservation at this hotel
01:02:17i know
01:02:44you have a reservation at this hotel
01:02:44and i will do
01:02:46A barrel, a barrel.
01:03:16Geoffrey, can I rip your trousers off and have my way with you?
01:03:24Oh, barrel.
01:03:28Oh, Geoffrey.
01:03:31Oh, God.
01:03:33Hello.
01:03:44Ta-ra.
01:03:46Will you be required in the room again, sir?
01:03:48Because we're thinking of taking bookings for the next pop festival.
01:03:52You're a bugger.
01:03:54I don't know who he takes after.
01:04:03Hello?
01:04:05It's me.
01:04:06Who?
01:04:07My God, that's symbolic.
01:04:09Oh, hello, Beryl.
01:04:10I'm just ringing to tell you I never want to see you again.
01:04:13If you have a phone or call, please don't, because I shan't be in.
01:04:16Tonight or any other night.
01:04:18Anyway, tonight I'm helping me mum at the school jumble sale.
01:04:21It's a small world.
01:04:50Good evening, Mrs. Battersby.
01:04:55I was looking for a nice lampshade.
01:04:57Oh?
01:04:59Probably this one.
01:05:01Definitely.
01:05:02Magic in satin.
01:05:03Oh, certainly, Geoffrey.
01:05:05Who's here in his nice crimson shoes?
01:05:11You'd like some nice fancy random paper, wouldn't you?
01:05:15I'm a child of the universe, Beryl. I have a right to be here.
01:05:20I'm afraid we don't sell marijuana on Sundays. Try the co-op.
01:05:23Beryl, listen.
01:05:24If you can smell burning, it's just that the vicar's been around burning his jock strap.
01:05:26Beryl, listen.
01:05:27Can I help you, madam?
01:05:28Have you got that in a nova cola?
01:05:30No, madam.
01:05:31I'll leave it then.
01:05:32Listen to what, for heaven's sake?
01:05:44Don't matter.
01:05:45What doesn't?
01:05:46You wouldn't, anyway.
01:05:47Wouldn't what?
01:05:49Go to the match with me on Saturday.
01:05:52Me?
01:05:53A football match?
01:05:55With 40,000 skinheads and you?
01:05:57Told you.
01:05:59Who are they playing?
01:06:06Huddersfield Town.
01:06:08In the cot.
01:06:09I've always wanted to watch Huddersfield Town.
01:06:16The...the fourth from the bottom.
01:06:19Shows you.
01:06:21Away from home, they've won three, drawn five and lost 12.
01:06:28Drawn five.
01:06:34So what do you think?
01:06:35I think I nearly love you.
01:06:51Never mind, it's only a game.
01:07:04I thought you said you nearly loved me.
01:07:06I don't recall Grace Kelly enticing Prince Rainier by going to watch United. I may be wrong.
01:07:21Grace who?
01:07:22We live in a permissive society, Beryl. Read any colour supplement.
01:07:25Mother, you're supposed to be my mother.
01:07:26I am, love.
01:07:27And it wasn't through going to football matches.
01:07:28You are the same mother that makes me tug my skirt down every time I stand up, even if he's only on the phone.
01:07:38Yes, well, boys are very safe. And I am your mother.
01:07:44That's what I said.
01:07:45I don't mean permissive permissive.
01:07:51Let's see.
01:07:52Romantic.
01:07:53Pardon?
01:07:54Kissing, cuddling, things of that nature.
01:08:00Oh, we do.
01:08:03Do what?
01:08:04What you just said.
01:08:06Good.
01:08:07Not too much, I hope.
01:08:09Oh, God.
01:08:10Boys are very funny.
01:08:12They're novices compared to mothers.
01:08:18Did I tell you that two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains?
01:08:23Oh.
01:08:24Fantastic.
01:08:25The Cowgills.
01:08:26Mr. and Mrs. Cowgill.
01:08:27Married couple.
01:08:28Newlyweds.
01:08:29Not long married.
01:08:30You go bald doing that.
01:08:31Doing what?
01:08:32No.
01:08:33No.
01:08:34No.
01:08:35No.
01:08:36No.
01:08:37No.
01:08:38No.
01:08:39No.
01:08:40No.
01:08:41No.
01:08:42No.
01:08:43No.
01:08:44No.
01:08:45No.
01:08:46No.
01:08:47No.
01:08:48No.
01:08:49No.
01:08:50No.
01:08:51No.
01:08:52No.
01:08:53No.
01:08:54What do you want?
01:08:55No.
01:08:56No.
01:08:57No.
01:08:58No.
01:08:59No.
01:09:00No.
01:09:01No.
01:09:02No.
01:09:03No.
01:09:04I'll tell you 28 stockbrokers have moved into the office opposite with the dirty curtains,
01:09:05living in sin.
01:09:10Can you say one single sentence without the word marriage in it?
01:09:17If I said to you, do you think Cassius Clay would have beaten Rocky Marciano,
01:09:25would you say what's it matter so long as they're happily married?
01:09:28I don't think so.
01:09:31A barrel would.
01:09:35Giving you a bad time, is she?
01:09:38Oh, I wouldn't say that.
01:09:43I haven't even mentioned the word.
01:09:46What word?
01:09:47Goodness me, a single person can have a relationship with another single person
01:09:51without everyone thinking she's automatically...
01:09:53I never said you were.
01:09:54You think it.
01:10:09All right, Geoffrey.
01:10:10I hereby promise never to utter the word again.
01:10:15Marriage?
01:10:16Never.
01:10:19Well, until I am.
01:10:20If I ever do.
01:10:22Which I fervently hope I never will.
01:10:24For someone who's not uttering something, when's your LP coming out?
01:10:27No two people have a divine right to happiness, Geoffrey.
01:10:34You mustn't feel guilty about me.
01:10:38Sorry?
01:10:38No one can say you've completely ruined my life.
01:10:43Not yet.
01:10:44Not yet.
01:10:44What are you staring at?
01:10:45Hello?
01:10:46You all right, son?
01:10:47Terrific.
01:10:48Why did you throw your sponge pudding at the cat, then?
01:10:49Your mother's theory is you're overworking.
01:10:51Hmm.
01:10:52My theory is you're overdoing it with some dolly bird.
01:10:54Oh.
01:10:55Oh.
01:10:56What's your theory?
01:10:57Indigestion.
01:10:58Oh.
01:10:59Oh.
01:11:00What's your theory?
01:11:01Oh.
01:11:02What's yours, Sundance?
01:11:03Hasn't he said anything at all?
01:11:04He has said one thing.
01:11:05Oh, what's that?
01:11:06If God had meant sardines to be in oil it'd have given them dipsticks, all right?
01:11:10The weeks and months dragged by, and with neither side willing to compromise, we still have
01:11:17dedicated to the food.
01:11:18What's your theory?
01:11:19I'm not just a thing.
01:11:20I'm not just a thing.
01:11:21I don't give you anything.
01:11:22I'm not just a thing.
01:11:23I'm not just a thing.
01:11:24It's a thing.
01:11:25I'm not just a guy.
01:11:26Have some time?
01:11:27Oh.
01:11:28My theory is you're overdoing it with some dolly bird.
01:11:30Oh.
01:11:31What's your theory?
01:11:32we still have deadlock.
01:11:34Her Majesty's government have consistently tried to find a way out of this dilemma.
01:11:39Another wild night learning what NO spells and how many of us school pals are getting married.
01:11:44And what NO spells.
01:11:46And what NO spells. Great!
01:11:49I might as well go bald and open my own monastery.
01:11:52And so society, that's you and me, says end this dispute.
01:11:57End it now.
01:11:59Good night.
01:12:01Hear, hear.
01:12:03Good, weren't it?
01:12:04Terrific.
01:12:05Especially when he said good night.
01:12:08We're just enjoying ourselves!
01:12:10Having a good time!
01:12:12Just having fun!
01:12:13Being happy!
01:12:15Take two a day, after meals,
01:12:18and one if you find yourself crying your heart out again in the middle of a zebra crossing for no reason at all.
01:12:26You're sure this has nothing to do with a boyfriend?
01:12:29Absolutely positive.
01:12:31That was the first film we ever saw together.
01:12:37Make that three a day after meals.
01:12:40Look, Beryl, how's this for a peace plan?
01:12:52You join a marriage bureau, and I'll get a job on the stage twice nightly in Denmark. Then we'll both be happy. Right? Right!
01:13:01Good Jesus Christ, superstar. Amen.
01:13:03Oh, hell.
01:13:05Hands up again.
01:13:07See you tomorrow.
01:13:08Good night.
01:13:09Good morning.
01:13:10Good night.
01:13:23I keep asking you, what is?
01:13:28What is?
01:13:30To be on our own.
01:13:32What?
01:13:34So as we can talk.
01:13:36What?
01:13:42Had an old speech worked out on the bus this morning.
01:13:47The only bit I can remember is, and that's what I think.
01:13:50Last night, I dreamt I was in goal for Manchester United and Grace Kelly kicked nine goals past me.
01:13:56Grace who?
01:13:57She was playing for United as well. Weird, isn't it?
01:14:09The main thing is, we do communicate.
01:14:14Oh, we do.
01:14:20See, what face is there, aren't you?
01:14:24See, what I...
01:14:25Go on.
01:14:27No, you. Mine wasn't important.
01:14:30No, mine wasn't.
01:14:41Beryl?
01:14:42Are you...
01:14:46Happy?
01:14:49Of course.
01:14:51Very.
01:14:53I am.
01:14:55No one is every second of every minute of every day.
01:15:01No.
01:15:03I'm not.
01:15:04Do you think it's because we love each other, do you think?
01:15:17Probably.
01:15:18I've not actually said the words often.
01:15:20Well, not in so many words.
01:15:23Mostly in words to that effect.
01:15:24Is there anything you don't love about me?
01:15:42No.
01:15:43I don't think so.
01:15:44Honestly, no.
01:15:45Nothing.
01:15:46If there is, you just tell me and I'll stop doing it.
01:15:49If there isn't anything, honest.
01:15:51Good.
01:15:51It wouldn't upset me.
01:15:55It would just make me a better human being to deserve your love.
01:16:03Like, you know, crimson shoes and bottle green socks.
01:16:10Well, you don't wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks, Beryl.
01:16:13If I did, I'd stop to please you.
01:16:20I see.
01:16:21There's no need to be sensitive, Geoffrey.
01:16:27In a meaningful relationship, you must like even what you don't.
01:16:33Your mother.
01:16:34Pardon?
01:16:34I like your mother.
01:16:35Please don't sulk, Geoffrey.
01:16:37Hand her lampshades.
01:16:38Sulking isn't the most endearing quality in a person.
01:16:42Well, you ought to know.
01:16:43You've almost made it an art form.
01:16:45Anything else at random?
01:16:47You've got 24 hours to spare.
01:16:48After all, I'm no Bridget Bardot.
01:16:50Well, according to reliable sources in Saint-Tropez, she's 105 next birthday.
01:16:54Over 98% of the male population of Manchester and Salford can tell the difference between Bridget Bardot and Beryl Battersby.
01:17:00Ask any opinion, Pole.
01:17:02I'm much fatter for a start.
01:17:04You're not all that fat, Beryl.
01:17:05I am.
01:17:06Start slimming.
01:17:07Men like something to get hold of.
01:17:08If they're allowed to get hold of it.
01:17:11You always succeed in getting back to Percy Philz in the end, don't you?
01:17:14Always.
01:17:14No, I don't, Beryl.
01:17:16You do.
01:17:16I always fail.
01:17:18Do you know what some girls find extremely likeable?
01:17:20The extremely likeable way some boys stare at every girl they see.
01:17:23Boys like it when girls tell them what N-O spells.
01:17:26Especially for the 600th time.
01:17:28That they really dig.
01:17:29You never say dig.
01:17:31I did then.
01:17:33Your passionate, unrequited love for 11 boring men kicking a ball about.
01:17:37That's really lovable.
01:17:39I never knew you thought that.
01:17:42Neither did I.
01:17:44Do now, though.
01:17:45I used to say dig before I met you.
01:17:59I used to say all sorts of things.
01:18:05There's a lot about me I can't even remember.
01:18:15There's a lot about you.
01:18:29Thinking what I'm thinking?
01:18:33Think so.
01:18:35We just don't like each other.
01:18:38At all.
01:18:45Oh, goodbye, then.
01:18:53Good luck.
01:18:55Peace, ma'am.
01:19:00St Anne's Square.
01:19:01St Anne's Square, please.
01:19:02So that just leaves a cot, two matinee coats, two romper suits, and what else do I need?
01:19:22Oh, yes, a ring.
01:19:24Teething ring?
01:19:26Wedding ring?
01:19:27Of course.
01:19:28Oh, they have gorgeous plans in the shops these days.
01:19:32No wonder everyone's at it.
01:19:35Oh, sorry.
01:19:37What about?
01:19:38Skip it.
01:19:40About time, too, with her sympathy.
01:19:43Not that I need any, actually. I've never been as happy in me life.
01:19:47But she doesn't know that.
01:19:49If I'm looking miserable, Sandra, it's because I'm feeling happy for you.
01:19:54Yeah.
01:19:57We know what you must be thinking.
01:19:59Of course we do.
01:20:00How to pop the pink without going in and off.
01:20:08Ace.
01:20:11She used to wear pink, you know.
01:20:13I won't tell you where.
01:20:14A hell of a lot more where hers came from.
01:20:19Wow.
01:20:24Did you want the chalk, Geoffrey?
01:20:26I know.
01:20:27Spells no.
01:20:30Super day for it.
01:20:33Sin being inside a day like this.
01:20:35Well, Sandra, this is it.
01:20:39Yep.
01:20:40The big day.
01:20:42Yep.
01:20:43Coming to the crutch.
01:20:44Crunch.
01:20:45I dare say it'll hardly break my heart in the slightest seeing him again.
01:20:51You mustn't think I'll be crying inside because I most definitely won't be.
01:20:55And what's more, no one will know that I am.
01:20:58Because I shan't.
01:20:59Truly.
01:21:02Sandra, please, you've enough to think of.
01:21:04It's a big day for you as well, really, isn't it?
01:21:16And now one of the bride and groom on their own.
01:21:19Do you mind stepping back, sir?
01:21:21Fine.
01:21:22This is fine enough.
01:21:23Here?
01:21:23About there, lovely.
01:21:25You can kiss the bride on this one, sir.
01:21:28Wow.
01:21:28Official permission to actually kiss her.
01:21:32Ow!
01:21:33Oh, sorry.
01:21:36That's right.
01:21:37Hold it.
01:21:39Lovely.
01:21:40Right, now, a nice family group of the parents, please.
01:21:43Right, parents.
01:21:44I remember the Friday lunchtime they first met.
01:21:48How have you been?
01:21:50Absolutely great.
01:21:52You?
01:21:52Never better.
01:21:54Ever.
01:21:58It's all over now.
01:21:59Bar the salmon salad.
01:22:02It's tuna fish.
01:22:04It's life.
01:22:12See, President Nixon went to China, then.
01:22:15That was before we ever met.
01:22:17I know.
01:22:18Why?
01:22:19Has something happened about it?
01:22:21No.
01:22:21Oh?
01:22:22Could I trouble you for the salad cream, please?
01:22:24Hmm.
01:22:27Speaking personally, I think there are enough problems to sort out on Earth without going to the moon.
01:22:33Nixon?
01:22:33Why is he going?
01:22:35Why is he going?
01:22:36No.
01:22:38The astronauts.
01:22:39Oh.
01:22:41It's the wives and sweethearts I feel sorry for.
01:22:43We never really talk, did we, about things that matter?
01:22:49Good, isn't it?
01:22:51Shows we're friends.
01:22:52Now that we know we don't like each other.
01:22:54Everybody thinks we're broken hearted.
01:22:56Everybody thinks we're broken hearted.
01:23:01We've really grown up, haven't we?
01:23:03My mother's convinced herself we split up because we had too much Percy filth.
01:23:07I'm right off it myself.
01:23:09I've been able to walk off buses perfectly normally for the past few weeks.
01:23:12Oh, I expect it's only temporary.
01:23:16I hope not.
01:23:17It's marvellous.
01:23:18Good.
01:23:18I don't fancy you in the slightest now.
01:23:22Thank you, love.
01:23:26Still off the food, I noticed.
01:23:32And we've learned a fantastic amount for the future.
01:23:35Fantastic.
01:23:36For example, say I finally did marry someone like you, only someone I love.
01:23:41I bet I'd now let him wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks every night.
01:23:46In bed a bit.
01:23:48And you'll probably meet some little fatty who's never even heard of Kenny Warhol and marry her three days later.
01:23:59We probably won't see each other at all now, we're pals.
01:24:02I expect you're going to the match this afternoon.
01:24:04Oh, yeah.
01:24:05I'm helping Sandra Packer go in a way case.
01:24:08Where's she going?
01:24:09Hospital.
01:24:13Well, we'll bump into each other sometime.
01:24:20We'll bump into each other.
01:24:31You'll bump into each other.
01:24:41And I'll do some Dahmer.
01:24:44Oh hello Mrs. Battersby. You won't remember me. Good afternoon Jeffrey.
01:25:04Is Beryl there please? She's gone to the football match.
01:25:12There is no football. It's cricket now. Well it's the same thing isn't it?
01:25:39Hi!
01:25:42When's the kick off? In about three months. Football season's over now Beryl.
01:25:48What on earth did you want to come for?
01:25:52I forgot. I'm not all that interested these days.
01:25:57Where will you go now then? I don't know.
01:26:01I could always go inside and practice booing for next season.
01:26:07Where will you?
01:26:11Might go and get a new pair of tights.
01:26:13Hey it's like the countryside isn't it when it's empty?
01:26:17Fancy a stroll in the country?
01:26:19May as well. If you like. Don't mind. Why not?
01:26:23Just as friends.
01:26:25Oh I meant just as friends.
01:26:27Yeah I did.
01:26:35Wish we had a ball.
01:26:37Could play shooting in.
01:26:39You could go in goal.
01:26:49Amazing how people change isn't it?
01:26:51Well we're certainly much happier without each other.
01:27:05We'll be even happier with someone else.
01:27:21Anyone really.
01:27:23There's millions to choose from.
01:27:25All nearly exactly right for us.
01:27:27You'll find someone Geoffrey.
01:27:29You will Beryl.
01:27:30Just a matter of keeping your eyes open really.
01:27:31Just a matter of keeping your eyes open really.
01:27:33Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:35Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:49Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:51Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:53Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:54Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:55Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:56Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:57Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:58Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:59Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:00Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:01Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:02Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:03Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:04Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:05Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:06Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:07Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:08Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:09Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:10Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:11Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:12Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:13Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:14And you'll find sometimes
01:28:33Love and rainy weather can turn out fine
01:28:38Getting wet together's fun
01:28:41When the crying's dark
01:28:47Love and rainy weather
01:28:51Are followed by the sun
01:28:57Love and rainy weather
01:29:00Love and rainy weather
01:29:05When the crying's dark
01:29:12Love and rainy weather
01:29:16Are followed by the sun
01:29:21Love and rainy weather
01:29:25Love and rainy weather
01:29:30Love and rainy weather
01:29:32Love and rainy weather
01:29:34Love and rainy weather
01:29:35Love and rainy weather
01:29:37Love and rainy weather
01:29:38Love and rainy weather
01:29:39Love and rainy weather
01:29:40Love and rainy weather
01:29:41Love and rainy weather
01:29:42Love and rainy weather
01:29:43Love and rainy weather
01:29:44Love and rainy weather
01:29:45Love and rainy weather
01:29:46Love and rainy weather
01:29:47Love and rainy weather
01:29:48Love and rainy weather
01:29:49Love and rainy weather
01:29:50Love and rainy weather
01:29:51Love and rainy weather
01:29:52Love and rainy weather
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