- 3 months ago
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:30CastingWords
00:01:00CastingWords
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00:01:08But we live in a permissive society.
00:01:10Not on this street we don't.
00:01:12Everybody's at it.
00:01:14Not with me they're not.
00:01:16Girls are supposed to be crying out for it.
00:01:18Not this one.
00:01:20I'm the silent majority.
00:01:22It's only manners these days.
00:01:24Total strangers do it now instead of shaking hands.
00:01:26God is Lord.
00:01:29Jesus.
00:01:31Jesus.
00:01:32We've never seen him in real life though.
00:01:58Oh, he's picturing the papers.
00:02:01Oh, come on, Sandra, let's go.
00:02:03No, I don't want to.
00:02:04Oh, I'm standing out here. It's stupid.
00:02:06But he might come in a minute.
00:02:08Somebody waited ages yesterday and he never turned up there.
00:02:10But that was yesterday. He might be here today.
00:02:12Oh, that little birdie dust standing here.
00:02:14Come on.
00:02:14Come on, you're supposed to be going shopping.
00:02:16Oh, wait.
00:02:17Oh, please, let's go.
00:02:22Oh, no.
00:02:23I told you so, didn't I?
00:02:25I feel a right twit now.
00:02:26I don't fancy yours.
00:02:30Which is mine?
00:02:32Any except the blonde.
00:02:34Oh, good.
00:02:36Who are being stared at?
00:02:38Where?
00:02:41Don't fancy yours.
00:02:45Which is mine?
00:02:47Any.
00:02:48Except the blonde or the one with the yellow legs.
00:02:52Thanks.
00:02:54Neither do I.
00:02:54Fancy the one with the twitch.
00:03:00About as much as Mountsy-Tung's granddad, with all due respect.
00:03:04To his granddad.
00:03:06Ask him if they do a turn.
00:03:08You.
00:03:09I thought we were giving sex up.
00:03:11There's a protest at never getting any.
00:03:14Ignore them.
00:03:14Hi.
00:03:22Hi.
00:03:24Hi.
00:03:26Hi.
00:03:27Hi.
00:03:33Peace, ma'am.
00:03:34Were you hoping to see Georgie Best?
00:03:37He's in Majorca.
00:03:39Come on, then.
00:03:41May only get an hour for lunch.
00:03:42It's a discotheque in Albert Square.
00:03:52Come on.
00:03:53I thought we were going for tights.
00:03:58It's our lunch hour.
00:04:01It's ours.
00:04:02We were going for lunch.
00:04:08Shall I tell you something pretty mind-blowing about Majorca?
00:04:10It's one place I've never been.
00:04:15Pardon?
00:04:17I'm Geoffrey.
00:04:20I don't happen to be attached.
00:04:22I'm Beryl.
00:04:23I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:25Don't you worry.
00:04:43Love and rainy weather may sound funny, but they go together fine.
00:04:53Every single time.
00:04:55Every single time.
00:04:59Love and rainy weather.
00:05:01First you're up there.
00:05:04On another plane and then you're nowhere.
00:05:08And the tears are raining down.
00:05:13It's a run around.
00:05:15It's a run around.
00:05:20Love and rainy weather.
00:05:25Sure can get you down.
00:05:32Not going twisting tonight, then?
00:05:34That's the modern name for it, isn't it?
00:05:40For what?
00:05:41Cutting a rug.
00:05:44Pardon?
00:05:45Grooving, Mildred.
00:05:47It's called grooving nowadays.
00:05:48Grooving and or freaking.
00:05:50Right?
00:05:51What I'm not doing tonight.
00:05:53Right.
00:05:54Right on.
00:05:56You're staying in tonight, then?
00:05:57Tonight.
00:05:58Tomorrow night.
00:05:59Every night.
00:06:01They might sell me overcoat.
00:06:03Life's not all pleasure, you know.
00:06:06Mildred, don't hassle the lad.
00:06:09Hassle.
00:06:11It's a different world today, Mildred.
00:06:13We had a week's honeymoon in Blackpool for what this finny haddy cost.
00:06:18They do their own thing.
00:06:19The usual 1,300 weight.
00:06:24Now, that's the new world that we work for.
00:06:27And fought for.
00:06:29Full-page advert for contraception.
00:06:31It's his birthright.
00:06:33I'm not hungry.
00:06:37What's that supposed to mean?
00:06:39It's the hip way cool people say I'm not hungry.
00:06:42I enjoy staying in Chattingham an evening.
00:07:03I find it fantastically enjoyable.
00:07:06No, really.
00:07:07I really do.
00:07:09Some people don't.
00:07:12I do.
00:07:14Beryl, please take my word for it.
00:07:16Paul McCartney's never going to ring that doorbell and invite you to the pictures.
00:07:20Paul McCartney who?
00:07:21He doesn't know you've been faithful to him ever since our day's night.
00:07:24And please don't say Paul McCartney who.
00:07:27I sacrifice too much for your six-old levels.
00:07:30You were terrific in the pictures.
00:07:34I never touched you.
00:07:35Terrific self-control.
00:07:37What did you say your name was?
00:07:43Mind you, just a weekend I do with you, Paul.
00:08:05Not a dirty weekend.
00:08:07A disgusting one.
00:08:13Night-night, Percy Filth.
00:08:16Have you always been insatiable?
00:08:28It's not my fault.
00:08:30It's just that I don't like blondes.
00:08:35It's psychosomatic.
00:08:40I'm sorry.
00:08:41Ah.
00:09:02Ah, Sandra.
00:09:05It is almost blonde in this light.
00:09:07what's wrong just being brave what about ending it all before we hurt each other too much
00:09:22it's our first date
00:09:24probably wasted your entire evening haven't i not yet not if your parents aren't back till midnight
00:09:37don't you think you're too old for this sort of thing straight from stanley matthews to bridget bardo
00:09:43you went overnight that was when you were too young for this sort of thing it's artistic mother
00:09:50like your tut and carmen butter dish
00:09:53what got it got what you now ask if i never want to see you again i say i do you then stop crying
00:10:12quick as a flash and say something like how about sunday half seven outside central library
00:10:17no i don't tomorrow half seven outside central library then when i say okay does your zip
00:10:25miraculously undo it does not i thought it did not till you've unfastened the press stud
00:10:36i can see her doing your ironing and cooking and cleaning you wouldn't need to book for the
00:10:40christmas pantomime i don't intend to marry her mother in case it interferes with my career
00:10:46we're just good friends good night
00:11:02miss bardo
00:11:06marry me
00:11:06you know what they say once you've had a manchester lad you never touch anything else
00:11:29about time and all hi hi hi peace man
00:11:36did you have a good time last night great did you
00:11:39satisfied i stayed in for a change did you get much did you
00:11:52did you know that raping princess anne was a capital offense
00:11:55not that i have done played him for a change instead
00:12:06uh
00:12:20is
00:12:21uh
00:12:23is
00:12:24uh
00:12:29uh
00:12:33Well, tonight's beauty sleep's done nothing for her, snooty old bag.
00:12:50Trendy. Crimson shoes with bottle green socks.
00:12:54Must be going steady with a set of traffic lights.
00:12:57Still, who else would have him?
00:12:59Anyway, they're all the same in the dark, rumour has it.
00:13:11Different girl every night. It's all the type.
00:13:15Probably an omen seeing her before the match.
00:13:18I bet we lose 3-1.
00:13:21Well, I'm certainly not making the first move. At least I've got me proud.
00:13:26Oh, hello.
00:13:28Oh, hi.
00:13:29Hi.
00:13:30Didn't see you.
00:13:31No, Normie.
00:13:34You going that way?
00:13:35Yeah. Not especially, no.
00:13:38You going that?
00:13:40Yeah, well, um, no. I was sort of...
00:13:44Going to the football match?
00:13:46Are you?
00:13:46Shopping.
00:13:53I'm probably going to the pictures tonight.
00:13:56I am.
00:13:56Which?
00:13:57Which are you?
00:13:57Any.
00:13:58I am.
00:14:07See you then.
00:14:08Tonight?
00:14:09Pardon?
00:14:10Oh, I...
00:14:11All right then.
00:14:13Right.
00:14:19Super socks.
00:14:21Did you see that?
00:14:26They're all on drugs.
00:14:27The lot of them.
00:14:28Oh, my God.
00:14:46Did he score?
00:14:48Losing. 3-1.
00:14:58Excuse me.
00:15:17Excuse me, I...
00:15:22I only go to restaurants with deaf waiters.
00:15:25Ah.
00:15:29Hi.
00:15:31Hello, mate.
00:15:33Peace man.
00:15:34Surprise, surprise.
00:15:35Surprise.
00:15:36In anywhere controversial.
00:15:38Pictures.
00:15:39The boyfriend.
00:15:40She's slim.
00:15:41I'm just going to the...
00:15:42Oh, I'll come with you.
00:15:47Are you and Beryl, um...
00:15:48You know.
00:15:52You know.
00:15:53Oh.
00:15:58What do you, uh...
00:15:59What do you sort of reckon?
00:16:00She's a...
00:16:01Fair sort of bird.
00:16:02Sort of.
00:16:03She's all right.
00:16:04Yes.
00:16:05I mean, nothing sensational, obviously.
00:16:06Geoffrey.
00:16:07She's a bird.
00:16:08You having a coffee with us?
00:16:09No thanks, kid.
00:16:10No thanks, kid.
00:16:11Neville's ravenous.
00:16:12You've just eaten.
00:16:13Oh, of course, yeah.
00:16:14Sorry.
00:16:15You see.
00:16:16What I thought was always trying to do...
00:16:17By implication.
00:16:18Probably by implication.
00:16:19Was to allow the images to provoke a moral response from our own aesthetic judgement.
00:16:22You see.
00:16:23Yes.
00:16:24Was he the errand boy?
00:16:25Was he the errand boy?
00:16:26Was he the errand boy?
00:16:27I see.
00:16:28I can't see.
00:16:29I'm sorry.
00:16:30No thanks, kid.
00:16:31You're having a coffee with us.
00:16:32No thanks, kid.
00:16:33Neville's ravenous.
00:16:34You've just eaten.
00:16:35Oh, of course, yeah.
00:16:36Sorry.
00:16:37You see.
00:16:38What I thought was always trying to do...
00:16:39By implication.
00:16:40Probably by implication.
00:16:41Was to allow the images to provoke a moral response from our own aesthetic judgement.
00:16:45You see.
00:16:47Yes.
00:16:48Was he the errand boy?
00:16:49Was he the errand boy?
00:16:51Was he the errand boy?
00:16:53Was who the errand boy?
00:16:54Ken Thingy.
00:16:55He directed it.
00:16:57Oh, yes.
00:16:59I was probably thinking of Andy Warhol.
00:17:02Probably.
00:17:08You're not like other boys at all, are you?
00:17:11Well, probably a little more mature, that's all.
00:17:14It's over 200 yards from the cinema.
00:17:16And you talk to me the whole way, like a person.
00:17:21Other boys seem to have one-track minds these days.
00:17:25Sex?
00:17:26Marriage.
00:17:27Pardon?
00:17:28The number of boys that asked me to marry them.
00:17:31A couple of dates and pal they want to get married.
00:17:34I want to live a bit before I get married.
00:17:37I suppose I just don't have a hang-up about it.
00:17:40Get married?
00:17:42Hmm.
00:17:43No.
00:17:45Actually, I find girls, most girls, a bit obsessed these days.
00:17:54Not marriage.
00:17:56No.
00:17:57Sex.
00:17:58Percy Filth?
00:18:00Sex.
00:18:01That's what I said.
00:18:04Oh.
00:18:05Well, I'm not like that.
00:18:08Not passive-elf-motivated?
00:18:11No.
00:18:12No.
00:18:13No.
00:18:14No.
00:18:27Did you want to say any more about Andy Warhol?
00:18:29Ken Russell?
00:18:30Yeah.
00:18:31No.
00:18:38This is it.
00:18:52I won't come in, with it being our first date.
00:18:54No.
00:18:55Oh.
00:18:56Anywhere my mum's gone to bed, we'd be on our own.
00:18:59Is that a reason for me not coming in, though?
00:19:02Yes, Geoffrey.
00:19:03Oh.
00:19:13Nice house.
00:19:1525-year mortgage.
00:19:18Well, thanks for seeing me home.
00:19:25Funny, isn't it?
00:19:28First date with someone.
00:19:31It always leads to one of three things.
00:19:34Either nothing.
00:19:36Or something.
00:19:40Or everything.
00:19:42Well, don't think about Percy Filth at this stage, Beryl.
00:19:46I'm not.
00:19:49No, I'm not.
00:19:52Night-night. God bless.
00:20:05I won't give you me phone number in case you think I'm one of those scheming females.
00:20:08What is it?
00:20:09327-4421.
00:20:11The easy way to remember it is the three and the two make five, which is two less than seven,
00:20:15then two fours, and half of four, which is two, and half of two, which is one.
00:20:19Um...
00:20:20But you mustn't ring me if you don't want.
00:20:21No.
00:20:22But you can if you do.
00:20:23Do you want me to?
00:20:24Not if you'd rather not.
00:20:26327-4421.
00:20:28Night.
00:20:29Good night.
00:20:30Good night.
00:20:31Oh, my God.
00:21:01Well, hello, Mrs. Battersby. Beryl's brought you up a cup of tea.
00:21:04Oh, they all have a past life flashed before me then.
00:21:11Can't be Mother's Day. You'd have forgotten.
00:21:15Has there been any clips?
00:21:17Mum, I want the benefit of your experience.
00:21:22What do you think of Andy Warhol?
00:21:24You see, Geoffrey has this theory that, by implication...
00:21:27Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:28Of course, Geoffrey knows about these things.
00:21:31Oh, these things. Everything.
00:21:34Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:35He's fantastically intelligent.
00:21:37See, Geoffrey's idea...
00:21:39Beryl, who's Geoffrey?
00:21:42Oh, no-one.
00:21:47No-one's special.
00:21:49His name's Geoffrey.
00:21:58How did this Beryl Bird turn out last night, then?
00:22:02What Beryl Bird?
00:22:03I told him.
00:22:04Did she, uh...
00:22:05Did she, uh...
00:22:06Did she, uh...
00:22:07What?
00:22:08What?
00:22:09Oh, ho, ho, ho.
00:22:10Wow.
00:22:12She doesn't, then.
00:22:16You don't listen, do you?
00:22:18I said...
00:22:19How about Sandrick?
00:22:27Chips.
00:22:27Chum sod.
00:22:34Not seeing him tonight, then.
00:22:40Who?
00:22:40I've rather better things to do, thank you.
00:22:47Said he was no-one special.
00:22:58Have they got a phone here?
00:22:59Why?
00:23:01Why?
00:23:03They haven't, have they?
00:23:05Do you want to get some nookie lined up or something?
00:23:08If I did, do you think I'd be playing darts with you two?
00:23:11Look, are you fed up here?
00:23:14Are you?
00:23:15We'll split after this game.
00:23:16Anything you say.
00:23:17We can go for a few of the King's Head.
00:23:19Great.
00:23:21And that ends our pro...
00:23:23Well, Monday tomorrow.
00:23:25Hallelujah.
00:23:26Pardon?
00:23:27I don't know what you're paying for that phone,
00:23:29but whatever it is, you're being done.
00:23:32Good night.
00:23:32Good night.
00:23:57Good morning.
00:24:01Good morning.
00:24:10Chalton for Pope.
00:24:11Long may you reign.
00:24:13Amen.
00:24:15What's going on?
00:24:16Pound's up again.
00:24:18Oh, God.
00:24:19Today's special.
00:24:21Bloody travellers, Jax.
00:24:23Yeah.
00:24:24Suddenly everyone's going on holiday.
00:24:26So does.
00:24:28Enjoy yourself while you're young.
00:24:29Why don't we always do that?
00:24:4893 times a day.
00:24:50We never see anything.
00:24:52Come on in.
00:25:15My timing not disturbing.
00:25:18You're singing, I hope.
00:25:19See Geoffrey on Sunday.
00:25:20Oh, Geoffrey.
00:25:24That's Neville's the greatest.
00:25:29Is he?
00:25:30Dishy or is he?
00:25:32Dishy.
00:25:35Never tell us he's going to take this.
00:25:36I'm considering packing Geoffrey in.
00:25:39One date was enough.
00:25:41Why?
00:25:43He's Cancer and I'm Libra.
00:25:45Is that bad?
00:25:46Hopeless.
00:25:47Actually, I'm slightly off the male gender at the moment.
00:26:01Five.
00:26:02Five.
00:26:03Which is...
00:26:03Which is...
00:26:04Three and two is five.
00:26:06Which is two less than seven.
00:26:07I see the Spanish police are throwing your lot out of Ibiza.
00:26:17Bank clocks.
00:26:18Your lot?
00:26:20Football supporters.
00:26:22Hippies.
00:26:22Oh.
00:26:24My lot.
00:26:26At the third stroke, it will be 7.22 and 40 seconds.
00:26:35It will be 7.22 and 50 seconds.
00:26:40That's it then.
00:26:41Fate.
00:26:42All over by 7.23 precisely.
00:26:47So what?
00:26:50Plenty more where she came from.
00:26:55Is that the speaking clock?
00:26:57Is that Geoffrey?
00:26:58Is that Beryl?
00:27:00Yes.
00:27:01Yes.
00:27:02Hi.
00:27:05Hi.
00:27:05Hi.
00:27:05It's terrifically exciting, isn't it?
00:27:26Getting to know a person.
00:27:28Fantastic.
00:27:28Fantastic.
00:27:32I want to know all about you.
00:27:35That's what it's all about.
00:27:39For example, with things in common already.
00:27:42Definitely.
00:27:45Like what?
00:27:49We're enormously fond of animals.
00:27:52Right.
00:27:55And we're both from Manchester.
00:28:00Have you ever been abroad?
00:28:02No.
00:28:04Have you?
00:28:05No.
00:28:05No.
00:28:07Unless you count Istanbul.
00:28:09Istanbul?
00:28:10Was it beyond belief?
00:28:12I don't know.
00:28:13I was only three.
00:28:19Do you ever get the feeling you've been somewhere before?
00:28:22Sometimes.
00:28:24I do.
00:28:26What now?
00:28:29No.
00:28:30Just, just sometimes.
00:28:32Yes, I do.
00:28:36Yes, I do.
00:28:39Such a lot, isn't there?
00:28:42In getting to know a person.
00:28:43Hmm.
00:28:44He was alive and easy-limbed, his stride quietly casual, his eyes clear and confident, and
00:28:57his strong mouth ready to break into a relaxed, assured, lopsided grin.
00:29:03You know, Geoffrey, you have a really lopsided grin.
00:29:10Really?
00:29:11You know, lopsided.
00:29:13I don't think I have.
00:29:16It's in the eye of the beholder.
00:29:21See?
00:29:23Geoffrey doesn't need someone else when he's tying a knot.
00:29:26He holds it down with his little finger.
00:29:28It must be marvellous being a man.
00:29:34It's OK, I suppose.
00:29:35Men can do anything.
00:29:37Conquer Everest.
00:29:39Do heart transplants.
00:29:40Become leader of the opposition.
00:29:43Anything!
00:29:44Anything!
00:29:53Geoffrey, N-O spells no.
00:29:55It's good for your circulation, Beryl.
00:29:58Read any women's magazine.
00:30:00It's good for theirs, too.
00:30:02Not sure they recommend Percy Filth on Tuesdays.
00:30:05I only see you on Tuesdays and Saturdays.
00:30:07All Saturdays.
00:30:10Beryl.
00:30:15Beryl.
00:30:16Oh, Geoffrey Bobble's bumble.
00:30:18Oh, Beryl.
00:30:19Oh, Geoffrey.
00:30:21Oh, Beryl!
00:30:22Are you all right?
00:30:23What exactly happened?
00:30:24Don't tell me.
00:30:26I just had a sharp achak of dramatic irony.
00:30:28Pardon?
00:30:34Come back.
00:30:35They're better.
00:30:36It's better.
00:30:37I'm OK.
00:30:41I told you, it's going to pour.
00:30:43It's not.
00:30:44It's only the angels crying.
00:30:55I know how they feel.
00:30:58Well, don't blame me.
00:30:59I haven't done anything.
00:31:00That's true.
00:31:03That's not true, Beryl.
00:31:04I have apologized.
00:31:05I keep going down on me knees when I'm talking to you.
00:31:09Independent observers think I'm training to be a Cossack dancer.
00:31:12It must be a bad line.
00:31:13I can't hear you.
00:31:14You'd better apologize again.
00:31:17I apologize again.
00:31:20Gosh, this lousy line.
00:31:23I wonder if Geoffrey would like to come to tea on Sunday.
00:31:28Pardon?
00:31:29Pardon?
00:31:30Is that who I think it is?
00:31:34No, dear.
00:31:46Well, isn't this nice?
00:31:51Sardine sandwich.
00:31:53Is it all sardine?
00:31:54Yeah.
00:31:55She's got her own trawler.
00:32:00Isn't it awful?
00:32:05What?
00:32:06I was speaking to Geoffrey.
00:32:08What's happening in the world?
00:32:09I blame the politicians.
00:32:11What for?
00:32:12For what's happening in the world?
00:32:17Talk to her.
00:32:21I can't speak Portuguese.
00:32:23Tasty.
00:32:25Very in oil.
00:32:27Nice in oil.
00:32:28She's got a bad leg.
00:32:30The bread's extremely wholesome.
00:32:34Why, after this little baker down the road, he does something with the bleach.
00:32:40Yes.
00:32:47I can't do long conversations about sardine sandwiches.
00:32:50Your mind goes blank.
00:32:54It's like thinking about life after death.
00:32:56Oh, that neville, honestly.
00:33:03Number of hearts he must have broken.
00:33:06Every girl in Manchester, nearly.
00:33:09Geoffrey definitely has.
00:33:10Probably even more.
00:33:13Air hostesses.
00:33:15All sorts.
00:33:18Tell me about your terrible past, Geoffrey.
00:33:20I haven't had one yet.
00:33:22White man speak with forked tongue.
00:33:25Actually, I was hoping more for a terrible future.
00:33:26Mm-hmm.
00:33:33Wow, is that the time?
00:33:34At this moment in time.
00:33:36What have I done?
00:33:37Is Neville the insanely jealous type?
00:33:40Right in the slightest.
00:33:42You're lucky.
00:33:43Why, it's Geoffrey.
00:33:46Wow.
00:33:46You're not jealous of all my ex-flames, are you?
00:33:50Of course not.
00:33:50Why should I be?
00:33:52Please stop interrogating me, Geoffrey.
00:33:53Forget it.
00:33:56That's all in the past.
00:33:58Then, nothing to be jealous about.
00:34:03Who needs drama?
00:34:06So I shouted back at her.
00:34:08No shop assistant shouts at me, I shouted.
00:34:10In the end, Neville nearly bolted me for swearing.
00:34:14He thumped you.
00:34:15He thumped me, will you, like Neville does Sandra?
00:34:27She adores it.
00:34:28Of course not.
00:34:31No.
00:34:34Geoffrey, Percy Filth isn't the only thing in life.
00:34:37It isn't even one of the things in mine.
00:34:38He used to talk to me.
00:34:40All right, let's talk.
00:34:45Geoffrey, I've just had the most super idea.
00:34:49Why, is your mum going out?
00:34:53May as well pack in, really.
00:34:57Why?
00:34:57Why not?
00:35:03Good thinking.
00:35:10Thanks for a stimulating few weeks.
00:35:12You too.
00:35:13It was real.
00:35:14It's psychedelic.
00:35:15You can keep me grateful dead, LP.
00:35:17We're scratched anyway.
00:35:18It's been aghast.
00:35:21Groovy.
00:35:23I won't wave from the window.
00:35:25No, I won't look back anyway.
00:35:27Good.
00:35:28It's been aghast.
00:35:29You've said that once.
00:35:30You're well-bred barrel.
00:35:41There's plenty more fish in the sea.
00:35:45About three very lonely sardines.
00:35:50Mother, please don't try raising one eyebrow at me.
00:35:53You know you can't do it.
00:35:54You'll never thought of me, will you, Geoffrey?
00:36:03Ow!
00:36:04Beryl, I just had the most super idea.
00:36:07Are we going to put it up?
00:36:08No.
00:36:09We're going to pack it in.
00:36:10Don't say that.
00:36:11Please don't say that.
00:36:12That.
00:36:15Sandra.
00:36:16Sandra.
00:36:18You're Sandra.
00:36:19Mine.
00:36:23Two months.
00:36:24Two months, nine days.
00:36:28Is she positive?
00:36:30The test was.
00:36:31What are you going to do?
00:36:33She'll think of something.
00:36:35Sandra, it's stupendous.
00:36:39Congratulations.
00:36:40I hope you'll both be very happy.
00:36:42Oh, thanks, kid.
00:36:44Sandra, I don't know how you do it.
00:36:48Often.
00:36:54I don't know how you do it.
00:36:55I don't know how you do it.
00:36:56I don't know how you do it.
00:36:57I don't know how you do it.
00:36:57I don't know how you do it.
00:36:58I don't know how you do it.
00:36:59I don't know how you do it.
00:36:59I don't know how you do it.
00:37:00I don't know how you do it.
00:37:00I don't know how you do it.
00:37:01I don't know how you do it.
00:37:01I don't know how you do it.
00:37:02I don't know how you do it.
00:37:02I don't know how you do it.
00:37:03I don't know how you do it.
00:37:04I don't know how you do it.
00:37:05I don't know how you do it.
00:37:05I don't know how you do it.
00:37:06I don't know how you do it.
00:37:07I don't know how you do it.
00:37:08I don't know.
00:37:38John for Pope. Long may I reign.
00:37:49Aren't you, er... Yeah.
00:37:54And you're, er... That's right.
00:37:57Going somewhere incredible. I'm meeting my parents.
00:38:01Taking them to see Fiddler on the roof. That's pretty incredible.
00:38:05Your mummy and daddy.
00:38:08Er... Oh, hell no. That's tomorrow.
00:38:12If I'm in the mood.
00:38:15Where you are.
00:38:18Depends where you take me.
00:38:30All I was saying about your friend with the glasses... Roland.
00:38:33Is that I found him intellectually unaware and psychologically incredibly boring.
00:38:39He's not bad at snooker.
00:38:42And how are you and little Beryl?
00:38:45Didn't she tell you?
00:38:46I don't work there anymore.
00:38:49I packed her in.
00:38:51What?
00:38:55Did she turn you off?
00:39:00Beryl?
00:39:01There.
00:39:05I haven't really looked.
00:39:07You've seen one. You've seen them all.
00:39:12Not quite all.
00:39:13I'll go and get me coat.
00:39:14It looks to be my birthday.
00:39:15Boys aren't the only thing in life, Beryl.
00:39:17I do wish you'd find one.
00:39:18They aren't all after Percy, Fils.
00:39:19Yes, they are.
00:39:20Mmm.
00:39:21Oh, you were terrific on the bus.
00:39:22Was I?
00:39:23Terrific self-control.
00:39:26Oh, yeah.
00:39:27Yeah, yes!
00:39:28Oh, that's good.
00:39:30It must be my birthday.
00:39:31Boys aren't the only thing in life, Beryl.
00:39:32I do wish you'd find one.
00:39:37They aren't all after Percy, Fils.
00:39:39Yes, they are.
00:39:41Mmm.
00:39:43Oh, you were terrific on the bus.
00:39:46Was I?
00:39:48Mmm.
00:39:50Terrific self-control.
00:39:53Joan of Arc never married, yet she led a full and happy life.
00:39:57Or am I thinking of someone else?
00:39:59Mother, I don't happen to be interested in boys.
00:40:02I happen to be interested in having early nights and writing poetry in bed with me Moe Felt-tip pen.
00:40:06It's run out of ink. I used it for me laundry list.
00:40:10My God, your generation's got a few things to answer for.
00:40:12Oh, please.
00:40:17Oh, don't.
00:40:18Please.
00:40:19You can't ravish a girl on her own doorstep.
00:40:23Well, let's go inside, then.
00:40:26Smooth-talking bastard.
00:40:33It is me birthday.
00:40:36What about the boy with the freckles from Shakespeare Crescent?
00:40:40I don't believe that question.
00:40:41You used to be crazy about him.
00:40:45I was 11 years old.
00:40:47He used to let me chalk on his tortoise.
00:40:49I was 11 years old.
00:41:03It is meкой-should.
00:41:06It is?
00:41:09No.
00:41:11It is mehouse.
00:41:17What's your name again? What's yours?
00:41:21Rock. That's not your real name.
00:41:25No. Steven.
00:41:28God, that turns me on.
00:41:36When I first met you in the street, I thought, just a quiet drink and a chat.
00:41:42Shows you the art of conversation ain't dead.
00:41:46Mmm. Mmm!
00:41:49Don't move a muscle, however gorgeous.
00:42:16Testing. Testing. Oh, Geoffrey Milleup returns to the day. I wish you everything you've ever wished yourself.
00:42:25I'm fed up!
00:42:40I'm fed up!
00:42:43Who are you? Who are you?
00:42:46Hmm. What are you fed up about?
00:42:50Teachers don't have to do homework.
00:42:53No?
00:42:54They just mark it. Anyone can mark it. They've got the answers.
00:43:04Do you know it's after two o'clock?
00:43:07What's he doing here, then?
00:43:10Well, er, this is your Uncle Steven.
00:43:16This is my revolting brother, Jeremy.
00:43:20How do you do?
00:43:23Don't me mum and dad know he's here.
00:43:25Jeremy. Bed.
00:43:26I could always wake them up and tell them.
00:43:28Jeremy, little boys need sleep.
00:43:35Even big astronauts.
00:43:36Do you know where babies come from?
00:43:40Do you?
00:43:42Say no.
00:43:43No.
00:43:44I do.
00:43:45Say yes.
00:43:46Shall I tell you?
00:43:47He knows.
00:43:48The man has this male organ and some blood cells and erectile glands.
00:43:52And there's these 500 million spermatozoas in these testes that he has as well.
00:43:57And they go through his male organ into the female uterus that the lady has.
00:44:02Who told you that?
00:44:04Then they go to the fallopian tubes after that.
00:44:06One of them fertilises with the female egg.
00:44:09The others don't bother.
00:44:11Anyway, that's what you have to do.
00:44:13Then you have a baby.
00:44:15Did they teach you that at school?
00:44:17They do woodwork in the next class.
00:44:20People can only make babies at certain times of the year.
00:44:23But animals, like dogs and cats and giraffes, I think, do it all the time.
00:44:30No, erm, that's people.
00:44:34What is?
00:44:37Well, people do it all the time.
00:44:43Whenever they feel like it.
00:44:46In the next class you can do metalwork if you don't like woodwork.
00:44:52Good night, Jeremy.
00:44:5625p?
00:44:5850.
00:44:5950.
00:45:0050.
00:45:01Good night, Uncle Stephen.
00:45:1450.
00:45:1659.
00:45:1650.
00:45:1780.
00:45:1870.
00:45:1950...
00:45:2061...
00:45:21Woody.
00:45:2262.
00:45:2365.
00:45:2465.
00:45:2563.
00:45:27czę.
00:45:2967.
00:45:30for a government health warning?
00:45:34Hey, Veronica? Yes?
00:45:36Who the hell's Uncle Stephen at ten past two in the morning?
00:45:39A friend of Jeremy's. He's going now.
00:45:44Good night, love.
00:45:48We would have done that, wouldn't we? And how?
00:45:54You can't win them all, can you?
00:45:56Anyway, do you good going without for a change.
00:46:00OK.
00:46:05Still, there's always another day.
00:46:07Tomorrow?
00:46:08No.
00:46:09Well, tomorrow's another day.
00:46:11Shh.
00:46:12Not unless you happen to be in Plymouth.
00:46:15Where?
00:46:16I'm joining the Wrens for three years.
00:46:20What Wrens?
00:46:21The Royal Navy's Wrens.
00:46:25This time tomorrow I'll be in barracks with about 50 other girls and 30,000 sailors.
00:46:31Hope I like it.
00:46:36Well, thanks for nearly everything.
00:46:40We definitely would have done, wouldn't we?
00:46:42Well, obviously.
00:46:43Well, we...
00:46:44We're as good as dead, in a way, really.
00:46:47Almost.
00:46:48Just keep telling yourself and we will have only better.
00:46:52Goodnight, love.
00:46:54Try a barrel.
00:47:17Morning, previous generation.
00:47:18What's for breakfast?
00:47:19You knew it was your mother's birthday.
00:47:20Now, what we'd like to know is where were you while we were fiddling on the flaming roof?
00:47:24I'm sorry, Mum.
00:47:25I'll take you out another night.
00:47:26Something cropped up.
00:47:27Like what?
00:47:40Dad, you understand.
00:47:43I don't, Geoffrey.
00:47:45Well, you always say you do.
00:47:46Geoffrey, you're at it every night.
00:47:50Geoffrey, you're at it every night
00:47:53Yes, Dad
00:47:55And we don't complain
00:47:56No, Dad
00:47:56But last night was different
00:47:58I knew you'd understand
00:48:20Chalton for Pope
00:48:30Long me and Ryan
00:48:32Amen
00:48:32What's going on?
00:48:35Pound's down again
00:48:36Up and down like a pair of knickers
00:48:38You should know
00:48:39Or me
00:48:41Know what I mean?
00:48:44What a night
00:48:45Wow
00:48:47A lot
00:48:48Including action replays in slow motion
00:48:53Hey, lads
00:48:57I picked up a bit of spare last night
00:48:59Who didn't?
00:49:00No, it's true
00:49:01Yes, Geoffrey
00:49:04It is
00:49:05Yes, Geoffrey
00:49:07Bloody is
00:49:13Poor Geoffrey
00:49:17Beryl, please
00:49:18It's Neville's engagement party as well
00:49:20He had to invite him
00:49:22He'll see me
00:49:23It's cruel
00:49:24He'll see other girls
00:49:26I shan't take him back, Sandra
00:49:28I shan't
00:49:31It's been two weeks
00:49:33He may have got over you by now
00:49:34Don't know much about men, do you, love?
00:49:38It was doing him a kindness, really
00:50:04Finally splitting up
00:50:06He only had one ambition in life
00:50:09Send mine knickers to Oxfam
00:50:12Good job she hasn't joined the rent
00:50:18The entire Navy had gone strike
00:50:20I expect he's sorry now
00:50:22I won't even consider taking him back if he isn't
00:50:27She might have changed, of course
00:50:29If she has, I might let her have the old orgy now and again
00:50:32He's got to accept we've finally split up
00:50:36Otherwise I definitely won't take him back
00:50:38Well, I'm certainly not making the first move
00:50:44At least I've got me pride
00:50:46I left with Beryl, baby
00:50:49Oh, hi
00:50:50Didn't see you
00:50:51No, nor me
00:50:52And how's Manchester City doing without me cheering them on, then?
00:50:57United
00:50:57We're winning every game now
00:50:59Oh, good
00:51:01And what's new with Geoffrey, then?
00:51:10I asked you what was new with you
00:51:11Did you?
00:51:17Need I say more?
00:51:20Pardon?
00:51:20And how's Beryl, baby, getting on, then?
00:51:24Geoffrey, I'm not all that ecstatic about you calling me Beryl, baby
00:51:27It isn't like you
00:51:29Say that again
00:51:30Beryl, baby
00:51:31What's your name, handsome?
00:51:36You'll laugh
00:51:37Everybody laughs
00:51:38It's the story of my life
00:51:40You tell it like it is, Chuck
00:51:43She used to put them on an axe
00:51:51What do you care?
00:51:55I don't have a baby
00:51:57Is she going to get into bed with him now?
00:52:07Probably
00:52:07Geoffrey always looks out for sleep these days
00:52:13Well, it's very exhausting
00:52:15It is
00:52:17Working in a bank
00:52:20Oh
00:52:21I had this bad scene
00:52:29This chick
00:52:29And decided to split
00:52:31So I cut out, man
00:52:35Like there's no tomorrow
00:52:37This cat gets it together where he's at, man
00:52:42Lots of beautiful bag, baby
00:52:46So if you want a piece of the action
00:52:49Don't cool it
00:52:51Dig?
00:52:58Sorry, I no understand English
00:53:01Gesundheit
00:53:07I thought she'd only just been to bed with the other one
00:53:11She has
00:53:14And which is her husband?
00:53:17Neither
00:53:18It's warming up, isn't it?
00:53:31Great beat, isn't it?
00:53:34Great to dance to
00:53:35Do you agree that life's an onion?
00:53:43Why?
00:53:44If so, what's death?
00:53:48Erm...
00:53:49A banana
00:53:50Yes, I expect it is when you think about it
00:53:55Have you read Schopenhauer's concept of existence?
00:54:01Erm...
00:54:01No
00:54:02But I've seen the film
00:54:05Are you married?
00:54:08No
00:54:08Grab yourself an adage
00:54:10Marriage is a cabbage
00:54:13Are you a poet?
00:54:16Never ask the questions
00:54:17Ask the answers
00:54:19You are a poet
00:54:20To any manager, Marks and Spencers
00:54:24What's that?
00:54:25What's that?
00:54:28I really dirt you
00:54:29Now he's taking his clothes off
00:54:32What's on ITV?
00:54:37This
00:54:37What's on BBC?
00:54:43Catching over
00:54:43What's that like?
00:54:46This
00:54:47Oh, come on now
00:54:50You know that's not where it's at
00:54:52Let's get this
00:54:53What's the word?
00:54:55Let's get it clear
00:54:57Let's get down to the real nitty grittiesville
00:54:59Okay?
00:55:00Mm
00:55:01Women's lip is not about burning brass
00:55:13Papers, yeah
00:55:14What papers?
00:55:16A marriage certificate
00:55:18A dog's licence
00:55:19Whatever you prefer to call it
00:55:20Look, let's be basic about this, Enid
00:55:23All girls want marriage
00:55:24And a wide wedding
00:55:25Really basic?
00:55:27You want to be really basic?
00:55:28Utterly basic
00:55:30Bulls
00:55:31Gras?
00:55:35Enid
00:55:35When Sandra says every girl
00:55:38She means most girls
00:55:39Well, like herself
00:55:40Not me, of course
00:55:41Because I incredibly value my independence
00:55:43But most girls definitely want
00:55:46Bulls!
00:55:47If you can't conduct an intelligent conversation
00:55:50Without recourse to
00:55:51I'm not recourseing to anything
00:55:52I'm merely telling you what girls want
00:55:54Bulls!
00:55:55Bulls!
00:55:56Bulls!
00:55:57Would you please stop saying that?
00:56:00You believe in free love, right?
00:56:02Wrong!
00:56:02I believe in free everything
00:56:04Freedom from all male chauvinists
00:56:06Pig domination
00:56:07Honestly, don't you understand?
00:56:09Excuse me, you've got your hand on me
00:56:10If we're liberated in society for the future
00:56:11I'm sure
00:56:12No, thank you
00:56:13Excuse me, excuse me
00:56:14If you've got your hand on me
00:56:14No!
00:56:16Ah!
00:56:17Oh, sorry!
00:56:19Well, I'm sorry
00:56:20It's all right
00:56:20Oh, jeez
00:56:21It's a pleasure
00:56:22Grass
00:56:23Geoffrey, you've not to
00:56:25Why not?
00:56:26I said don't
00:56:27You're not to smoke it
00:56:28Oh, wow
00:56:38We're as liberated as you, Enid
00:56:42We've equal importance as individuals
00:56:44Neither of us is boss
00:56:46It just doesn't arise
00:56:47We'll make some coffee, kid
00:56:49Yes
00:56:50You see, what we believe is
00:56:52Now
00:56:53You see
00:56:56Well, one
00:56:57I can see there's only one way to get through
00:57:02What are you doing?
00:57:06Lighting everybody's fire
00:57:08Burn my bra
00:57:12Right, that's it
00:57:18Finished
00:57:19The end
00:57:20Full stop
00:57:21We've finally split up
00:57:24Neville
00:57:24Sandra wants you
00:57:26I should imagine
00:57:27Sad, isn't it?
00:57:33Pathetic
00:57:34Well, I can't follow plays these days
00:57:40It's just showing real life, that's all
00:57:43I once thought I'd found her
00:57:50A perfect girl
00:57:52Red hair
00:57:54Not too skinny
00:57:56Very gentle and shy
00:57:59Passionate when roused
00:58:03Yeah
00:58:04You should pack me in for picking my teeth with a matchstick
00:58:08You're very sweet, Roland
00:58:10I've always thought you were
00:58:14Did you know you very nearly have a lopsided grin?
00:58:21It's just I'm a bit tired
00:58:22No, it's nice
00:58:23I don't think I've washed that one
00:58:49Oh, sorry
00:58:50Do you know
00:58:55What, Beryl?
00:58:56You can ask me anything
00:58:57Do you know where Geoffrey's got to?
00:59:04He's upstairs, I think
00:59:05Is it true they're dry on their own?
00:59:16Usually
00:59:16I hate to be any trouble
00:59:23But I think I'm dying
00:59:25You'll be all right
00:59:26Honest
00:59:26She said I shouldn't smoke it
00:59:29Who?
00:59:30She said
00:59:31Geoffrey
00:59:35Geoffrey
00:59:39Sorry
00:59:45Geoffrey
00:59:53Move up a bit, Geoffrey
00:59:58Put your legs
01:00:00That's better
01:00:02It's because it's your first time, isn't it?
01:00:08Call Dr. Weisberg
01:00:15Quilmslow Road
01:00:17It wasn't marijuana, you know
01:00:23What was it then?
01:00:28Grass
01:00:28Grass is marijuana
01:00:31This grass wasn't
01:00:34It was the real thing
01:00:37From the front lawn
01:00:40Is that you, Beryl?
01:00:55Had a nice time?
01:00:57Even though it's three o'clock in the morning
01:00:59Not that I mind
01:01:01If you've had a nice time
01:01:03Even though I've been in bed since ten
01:01:05Having a good night's worry
01:01:06Did you see Geoffrey?
01:01:12That's good
01:01:13Do you ever get the feeling you're trying too hard?
01:01:35I didn't try at all
01:01:38Gave it to rest
01:01:40I'm right off, birds
01:01:45I am
01:01:47I am
01:01:48For good
01:01:50Me too
01:01:52And me
01:01:54Good morning
01:02:14Your mother would like to know
01:02:15If you have a reservation at this hotel
01:02:17Can I?
01:02:18Good morning
01:02:48Oh, Bernal, Bernal.
01:03:11Geoffrey, can I rip your trousers off and have my way with you?
01:03:24Oh, Bernal.
01:03:28Oh, Geoffrey.
01:03:31Oh, God.
01:03:41Hello.
01:03:44Ta-ra.
01:03:46Will you be required in the room again, sir?
01:03:48Because we're thinking of taking bookings for the next pop festival.
01:03:51You're a bugger.
01:03:54I don't know who he takes after.
01:04:04Hello?
01:04:05It's me.
01:04:06Who?
01:04:07My God, that's symbolic.
01:04:09Oh, hello, Beryl.
01:04:10I'm just ringing to tell you I never want to see you again.
01:04:13If you have a phone or call, please don't, because I shan't be in.
01:04:16Tonight or any other night.
01:04:18Anyway, tonight I'm helping my mum at the school jumble sale.
01:04:40The small world.
01:04:53Good evening, Mrs. Battersby.
01:04:55I was looking for a nice lampshade.
01:04:57Oh?
01:04:59Probably this one.
01:05:01Definitely.
01:05:02Magic in satin.
01:05:03Oh, certainly, Geoffrey.
01:05:05Who's here in his nice crimson shoes?
01:05:11You'd like some nice fancy random paper, wouldn't you?
01:05:17I'm a child of the universe, Beryl.
01:05:19I have a right to be here.
01:05:20I'm afraid we don't sell marijuana on Sundays.
01:05:22Try the co-op.
01:05:23Beryl, listen.
01:05:24Have you got that in another colour?
01:05:25No, madam.
01:05:26I'll leave it then.
01:05:27Listen to what, for heaven's sake?
01:05:29Don't matter.
01:05:30What doesn't?
01:05:31You wouldn't, anyway.
01:05:32Wouldn't what?
01:05:33Go to the match with me on Saturday.
01:05:34Me?
01:05:35A football match?
01:05:36With 40,000 skinheads on you.
01:05:37Told you.
01:05:38Who are they playing?
01:05:39Those are the few times.
01:05:40I don't know how to play.
01:05:41I mean, I'm not a good fortune...
01:05:42I don't know what you're feeling.
01:05:43No.
01:05:44I know.
01:05:45The only thing I hate you is, I don't know.
01:05:46Well, I don't know.
01:05:47I don't know.
01:05:48What?
01:05:50Go to the match with me on Saturday.
01:05:53Me? A football match? With 40,000 skinheads and you?
01:05:58Told you.
01:06:00Who are they playing?
01:06:07Huddersfield Town. In the cot.
01:06:10I've always wanted to watch Huddersfield Town.
01:06:13The...the fourth from the bottom.
01:06:19Shows you.
01:06:23Away from home, they've won three, drawn five and lost twelve.
01:06:29Drawn five.
01:06:34So what do you think?
01:06:36I think I nearly love you.
01:06:43loves it.
01:06:55Never mind. It's only a game.
01:06:57I thought he said you nearly loved me.
01:07:01Never mind, it's only a game.
01:07:06I thought you said you nearly loved me.
01:07:13No!
01:07:15I don't recall Grace Kelly enticing Prince Rainier by going to watch United.
01:07:21I may be wrong.
01:07:22Grace who?
01:07:24We live in a permissive society, Beryl.
01:07:26Read any colour supplement.
01:07:28Mother, you're supposed to be my mother.
01:07:30I am, love.
01:07:31And it wasn't through going to football matches.
01:07:34You are the same mother that makes me tug my skirt down every time I stand up,
01:07:37even if he's only on the phone.
01:07:39Yes, well, boys are very safe.
01:07:42And I am your mother.
01:07:44That's what I said.
01:07:47I don't mean permissive permissive.
01:07:51Let's see.
01:07:52Romantic.
01:07:55Pardon?
01:07:56Kissing, cuddling.
01:07:58Things of that nature.
01:08:00Oh, we do.
01:08:03Do what?
01:08:04What you just said.
01:08:06Good.
01:08:07Not too much, I hope.
01:08:09Oh, God.
01:08:10Boys are very funny.
01:08:12They're novices compared to mothers.
01:08:13Did I tell you that two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains?
01:08:23Oh.
01:08:26Two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains.
01:08:29The cowgills.
01:08:30The cowgills.
01:08:39Mr. and Mrs. Cowgill.
01:08:42Married couple.
01:08:45Newlyweds.
01:08:46Not long married.
01:08:47You go bald doing that.
01:08:49You go bald doing that.
01:08:50Doing what?
01:08:51Doing what?
01:08:52That's all.
01:08:53Nice to meet you.
01:09:04I'll tell you, 28 stockbrokers have moved into the office opposite with the dirty curtains.
01:09:09Living in sin.
01:09:10can you say one single sentence without the word marriage in it if I said to you do you think
01:09:23Cassius Clay would have beaten Rocky Marciano would you say what's it matter so long as they're
01:09:27happily married I don't think so a barrel would giving you a bad time is she oh I wouldn't say
01:09:39that I haven't even mentioned the word what word goodness me a single person can have a relationship
01:09:50with another single person without everyone thinking she's automatically I never said you
01:09:53were you think it
01:09:55all right Geoffrey I hereby promise never to utter the word again
01:10:13marriage never well until I am if I ever do which I fervently hope I never will
01:10:23for someone who's not uttering something when's your old pee coming out
01:10:27no two people have a divine right to happiness Geoffrey you mustn't feel guilty about me
01:10:36sorry no one can say you've completely ruined me life not yet
01:10:44what are you staring at
01:10:51hello you all right son terrific why did you throw your sponge pudding at the cat then
01:11:00your mother's theory is you're overworking my theory is you're overdoing it with some dolly bird
01:11:07oh what's your theory indigestion oh what's your sundance
01:11:15hasn't he said anything at all he has said one thing oh what's that if God had meant sardines
01:11:23to be in oil it had given them dipsticks all right
01:11:25the weeks and months dragged by and with neither side willing to compromise we still have deadlock
01:11:34her majesty's government have consistently tried to find a way out of this dilemma
01:11:39another wild night learning what I know spells and how many of us school pals are getting married
01:11:44and what I know spells and what I know spells great I might as well go bald and open my own monastery
01:11:51and so society that's you and me says end this dispute end it now good night
01:12:01here here good one day terrific especially when he said good night
01:12:07we're just enjoying ourselves having a good time just having fun
01:12:14being happy take two a day after meals and one if you find yourself crying your heart out
01:12:21again in the middle of a zebra crossing for no reason at all
01:12:23you're sure this has nothing to do with a boyfriend absolutely positive
01:12:30that was the first film we ever saw together
01:12:35make that three a day after meals
01:12:39look Beryl how's this for a peace plan you join a marriage bureau and I'll get a job on the stage
01:12:56twice nightly in Denmark then we'll both be happy right right good Jesus Christ superstar amen
01:13:03oh hell
01:13:06pounds up again see you tomorrow
01:13:08where do you think you're going
01:13:11Jeffrey I'll get the sack
01:13:18it's important
01:13:19what is
01:13:22I keep asking you what is
01:13:26what is
01:13:29to be on our own
01:13:31what
01:13:33so as we can talk
01:13:35what
01:13:37had an old speech worked out on the bus this morning
01:13:45the only bit I can remember is and that's what I think
01:13:50last night I dreamt I was in goal for Manchester United and Grace Kelly kicked nine goals past me
01:13:56Grace
01:13:57Grace who
01:13:58she was playing for United as well
01:14:00weird isn't it
01:14:01the main thing is we do communicate
01:14:14oh we do
01:14:15see what I think
01:14:25what I think
01:14:26go on
01:14:27no you mine wasn't important
01:14:29her mum wasn't
01:14:31Beryl
01:14:42are you
01:14:46happy?
01:14:48happy?
01:14:49of course
01:14:50very
01:14:51I am
01:14:54no one is every second of every minute of every day
01:14:58no
01:15:01I'm not
01:15:03do you think it's because we love each other do you think?
01:15:16probably
01:15:17not actually said the words often
01:15:19well not in so many words
01:15:22mostly in words to that effect
01:15:38is there anything you don't love about me?
01:15:40no
01:15:42no
01:15:43I don't think so
01:15:44honestly no
01:15:45nothing
01:15:46if there is
01:15:47there isn't
01:15:48you just tell me and I'll stop doing it
01:15:49there isn't anything
01:15:50honest
01:15:51good
01:15:52it wouldn't upset me
01:15:54it would just make me a better human being to deserve your love
01:16:03like
01:16:04you know
01:16:05crimson shoes and bottle green socks
01:16:08well you don't wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks Beryl
01:16:13if I did I'd stop
01:16:15to please you
01:16:20I see
01:16:25there's no need to be sensitive Jeffrey
01:16:27in a meaningful relationship you must like even what you don't
01:16:33your mother
01:16:34pardon
01:16:35please don't sulk Jeffrey
01:16:37handle lampshades
01:16:38sulking isn't the most endearing quality in a person
01:16:42well you ought to know
01:16:43you've almost made it an art form
01:16:45anything else at random?
01:16:46you've got 24 hours to spare
01:16:48after all I'm no Bridgette Bardot
01:16:50according to reliable sources in San Tropez
01:16:53she's 105 next birthday
01:16:54over 98% of the male population of Manchester and Salford
01:16:57can tell the difference between Bridgette Bardot and Beryl Battersby
01:17:00ask any opinion poll
01:17:01I'm much fatter for a start
01:17:03you're not all that fat Beryl
01:17:05I am
01:17:06start slimming
01:17:07men like something to get hold of
01:17:08if they're allowed to get hold of it
01:17:10you always succeed in getting back to Percy Filth in the end
01:17:13don't you always
01:17:14no I don't Beryl
01:17:15you do
01:17:16I always fail
01:17:17do you know what some girls find extremely likeable
01:17:19the extremely likeable way some boys stare at every girl they see
01:17:22boys like it when girls tell them what N-O spells
01:17:26especially for the 600th time that they really dig
01:17:29you never say dig
01:17:31I did then
01:17:32your passionate unrequited love for 11 boring men kicking a ball about
01:17:37that's really lovable
01:17:39I never knew you thought that
01:17:41neither did I
01:17:43do now though
01:17:53used to say dig before I met you
01:17:59used to say all sorts of things
01:18:05there's a lot about me I can't even remember
01:18:07thinking what I'm thinking
01:18:30think so
01:18:34we just don't like each other
01:18:37at all
01:18:51oh goodbye then
01:18:53good luck
01:18:54peace man
01:18:56St Anne's Square
01:19:00St Anne's Square please
01:19:02so that just leaves a cot
01:19:15two matinee coats
01:19:17two romper suits
01:19:19and what else do I need
01:19:21oh yes a ring
01:19:23teething ring
01:19:25wedding ring
01:19:27of course
01:19:28oh they have gorgeous prams in the shops these days
01:19:32no wonder everyone's at it
01:19:35oh sorry
01:19:37what about
01:19:38skip it
01:19:40about time too
01:19:41with a sympathy
01:19:42not that I need any actually
01:19:44I've never been as happy in me life
01:19:46but she doesn't know that
01:19:49if I'm looking miserable Sandra it's because I'm feeling happy for you
01:19:53yeah
01:19:54yeah
01:19:58we know what you must be thinking
01:19:59of course we do
01:20:01how to pop the pink without going in off
01:20:08Ace
01:20:10she used to wear pink you know
01:20:12I won't tell you where
01:20:14a hell of a lot more where hers came from
01:20:20wow
01:20:25did you want the chalk Geoffrey
01:20:27I know spells no
01:20:31super day for it
01:20:33mmm sin being inside a day like this
01:20:35yes
01:20:37well Sandra
01:20:39this is it
01:20:40yep
01:20:41the big day
01:20:42yep
01:20:43coming to the crotch
01:20:44crunch
01:20:47I dare say it'll hardly break my heart in the slightest seeing him again
01:20:51you mustn't think I'll be crying inside because I most definitely won't be
01:20:55and what's more no one will know that I am
01:20:58because I shan't
01:21:00truly
01:21:02Sandra please you've enough to think of
01:21:09it's a big day for you as well really isn't it
01:21:16and now one of the bride and groom on their own
01:21:19do you mind stepping back sir
01:21:21eh fine
01:21:22this is fine enough
01:21:23here
01:21:24about there lovely
01:21:26you can kiss the bride on this one sir
01:21:28wow
01:21:29official permission to actually kiss her
01:21:31whew
01:21:33ow
01:21:34oh sorry
01:21:36that's right
01:21:37hold it
01:21:39lovely thank you
01:21:41right now a nice family group of the parents please
01:21:43bride parents
01:21:45and the bride
01:21:46I remember the Friday lunch time they first met
01:21:49how have you been
01:21:51absolutely great
01:21:52you
01:21:53never better
01:21:54ever
01:21:55that's it
01:21:56hold it like that
01:21:58it's all over now
01:21:59bar the salmon salad
01:22:02it's tuna fish
01:22:04it's life
01:22:05it's life
01:22:12see President Nick
01:22:13somewhere to China then
01:22:15that was before we ever met
01:22:17I know
01:22:19why has something happened about it
01:22:21no
01:22:22no
01:22:23could I trouble you for the salad cream please
01:22:25hmm
01:22:27speaking personally I think there are enough problems to sort out on earth without going to the moon
01:22:32Nixon
01:22:34why is he going
01:22:36no
01:22:38the astronauts
01:22:39oh
01:22:41it's the wives and sweethearts I feel sorry for
01:22:46we never really talked did we about things that matter
01:22:50good isn't it
01:22:51shows we're friends
01:22:53now that we know we don't like each other
01:22:55everybody thinks we're broken hearted
01:22:58we've really grown up haven't we
01:23:03me mother's convinced herself we split up because we had too much Percy filth
01:23:07I'm right off it myself
01:23:09I've been able to walk off buses perfectly normally for the past few weeks
01:23:13aww
01:23:14I expect it's only temporary
01:23:16I hope not
01:23:17it's marvellous
01:23:19good
01:23:21I don't fancy you in the slightest now
01:23:23thank you love
01:23:27still off the food I noticed
01:23:28and we've learned a fantastic amount for the future
01:23:35fantastic
01:23:36for example
01:23:37say I finally did marry someone like you
01:23:39only someone I love
01:23:41I bet I'd now let him wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks every night
01:23:46in bed a bit
01:23:51and you'll probably meet some little fatty who's never even heard of Kenny Warhol
01:23:55and marry her three days later
01:23:56we probably won't see each other at all now we're pals
01:24:01I expect you're going to the match this afternoon
01:24:04oh yeah
01:24:06I'm helping Sandra Packer go in a way case
01:24:08where's she going?
01:24:09hospital
01:24:13well
01:24:15we'll bump into each other sometime
01:24:16come on
01:24:32come on
01:24:34down
01:24:38come on
01:24:40come on
01:24:42come on
01:24:44come on
01:24:46Hello Mrs. Battersby. You won't remember me. Good afternoon Geoffrey.
01:25:04Is Beryl there please? She's gone to the football match.
01:25:12There is no football. It's cricket now. Well it's the same thing isn't it?
01:25:39Hi!
01:25:42When's the kick off? In about three months. Football season's over now Beryl.
01:25:49What on earth did you want to come for?
01:25:52I forgot. I'm not all that interested these days.
01:25:57Where will you go now then? I don't know.
01:26:04Could always go inside and practice booing for next season.
01:26:07Where will you? Might go and get a new pair of tights.
01:26:14Hey it's like the countryside isn't it when it's empty?
01:26:17Fancy a stroll in the country?
01:26:19May as well. If you like. Don't mind. Why not?
01:26:24Just as friends.
01:26:26Oh I meant just as friends.
01:26:28Yeah I did.
01:26:35Wish we had a ball.
01:26:38Could play shooting in.
01:26:43You could go in goal.
01:26:44You could go in goal.
01:26:49Amazing how people change isn't it?
01:26:51Well we're certainly much happier without each other.
01:27:06We'll be even happier with someone else.
01:27:09Anyone really.
01:27:13There's millions to choose from.
01:27:22All nearly exactly right for us.
01:27:27You'll find someone Jeff.
01:27:30There's millions to choose from.
01:27:37All nearly exactly right for us.
01:27:41You'll find someone, Geoffrey.
01:27:44You will, Beryl.
01:27:46Just a matter of keeping your eyes open, really.
01:27:49Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:51Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:21Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:28And you'll find sometimes, love and rainy weather can turn out fine.
01:28:38Getting wet together's fun, when the crying's dark.
01:28:47Love and rainy weather are followed by the sun.
01:28:58Love and rainy weather.
01:29:03Love and rainy weather.
01:29:05Love and rainy weather are followed by the sun.
01:29:21Love and rainy weather are followed by the sun.
01:29:23Love and rainy weather are followed by the sun.
01:29:24Love and rainy weather are followed by the sun.
01:29:25Love and rainy weather are followed by the sun.
01:29:26Love and rainy weather are followed by the sun.
01:29:27Love and rainy weather are followed by the sun.
01:29:28Amen.
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