- 4 months ago
Category
ðĨ
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:30CastingWords
00:01:00CastingWords
00:01:06CastingWords
00:01:08But we live in a permissive society.
00:01:10Not on this street we don't.
00:01:12Everybody's at it.
00:01:14Not with me they're not.
00:01:16Girls are supposed to be crying out for it.
00:01:18Not this one.
00:01:20I'm the silent majority.
00:01:22It's only manners these days.
00:01:24Total strangers do it now instead of shaking hands.
00:01:26God is Lord.
00:01:30Jesus.
00:01:30Jesus.
00:01:31We've never seen him in real life though.
00:01:58And he's picturing the papers.
00:02:01Oh come on Sandra let's go.
00:02:03No I don't want to.
00:02:04I want to wait.
00:02:04I want to be standing out here.
00:02:05It's stupid.
00:02:06But he might come in a minute.
00:02:08Somebody waited ages yesterday and he never turned up there.
00:02:10But that was yesterday.
00:02:11He might be here today.
00:02:12I want to be going shopping.
00:02:16Oh wait he might come.
00:02:17Oh wait he might come.
00:02:17Please let's go.
00:02:22Oh no.
00:02:23I told you so didn't I?
00:02:25I feel a right twit now.
00:02:27I don't fancy yours.
00:02:30Which is mine?
00:02:31Any except the blonde.
00:02:34Oh.
00:02:35Good.
00:02:36They were being stared at.
00:02:38Where?
00:02:39Don't fancy yours.
00:02:45Which is mine?
00:02:47Any.
00:02:48Except the blonde or the one with the yellow legs.
00:02:52Thanks.
00:02:54Neither do I.
00:02:56Fancy the one with the twitch.
00:03:00About as much as Mountsy-Tung's granddad.
00:03:02With all due respect.
00:03:04To his granddad.
00:03:05Ask him if they do a turn.
00:03:08You.
00:03:09I thought we were giving sex up.
00:03:11There's a protest at never getting any.
00:03:13Ignore them.
00:03:22Hi.
00:03:24Hi.
00:03:26Hi.
00:03:27Hi.
00:03:30Hi.
00:03:33Peace man.
00:03:33Were you hoping to see Georgie Best?
00:03:37He's in Mallorca.
00:03:39Come on then.
00:03:41We only get an hour for lunch.
00:03:44It's a discotheque in Albert Square.
00:03:52Come on.
00:03:54I thought we were going for tights.
00:03:58It's our lunch hour.
00:03:59It's ours.
00:04:02We were going for lunch.
00:04:08Shall I tell you something pretty mind-blowing about Mallorca?
00:04:12It's one place I've never been.
00:04:15Pardon?
00:04:17I'm Jeffrey.
00:04:20I don't happen to be attached.
00:04:22I'm Beryl.
00:04:23I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:25Don't you worry.
00:04:43Love and rainy weather may sound funny.
00:04:49But they go together fine.
00:04:54Every single time.
00:05:01First you're up there on another plane and then you're nowhere.
00:05:08And the tears are raining down.
00:05:14It's a run around.
00:05:19Love and rainy weather.
00:05:24Sure can get you down.
00:05:27Not going twisting tonight then?
00:05:38That's the modern name for it, isn't it?
00:05:40What?
00:05:41Cutting a rug.
00:05:44Pardon?
00:05:45Grooving, Mildred.
00:05:47It's called grooving nowadays.
00:05:48Grooving and or freaking.
00:05:50Right?
00:05:51What I'm not doing tonight.
00:05:53Right.
00:05:54Right on.
00:05:55You're staying in tonight then?
00:05:57Tonight.
00:05:58Tomorrow night.
00:05:59Every night.
00:06:02They might sell me overcoat.
00:06:03Life's not all pleasure, you know.
00:06:06Mildred, don't hassle the lad.
00:06:09Hustle.
00:06:11It's a different world today, Mildred.
00:06:13We had a week's honeymoon in Blackpool for what this finny haddy cost.
00:06:18They do their own thing.
00:06:19The usual 1,300 weight.
00:06:22Yes, please.
00:06:22Now, that's the new world that we work for and fought for.
00:06:29Full page advert for contraception.
00:06:31It's his birthright.
00:06:35I'm not hungry.
00:06:37What's that supposed to mean?
00:06:39It's the hip way cool people say I'm not hungry.
00:06:42I enjoy staying in Chattingham an evening.
00:07:03I find it fantastically enjoyable.
00:07:06No, really.
00:07:07I really do.
00:07:09Some people don't.
00:07:12I do.
00:07:14Beryl, please take my word for it.
00:07:16Paul McCartney's never going to ring that doorbell and invite you to the pictures.
00:07:20Paul McCartney who?
00:07:21He doesn't know you've been faithful to him ever since our day's night.
00:07:24And please don't say Paul McCartney who.
00:07:27I sacrifice too much for your six-o levels.
00:07:29Five.
00:07:30You were terrific in the pictures.
00:07:33I've never touched you.
00:07:35Terrific self-control.
00:07:41What did you say your name was?
00:07:43Mind you, just a weekend I'd do with you, Paul.
00:08:05Not a dirty weekend.
00:08:07A disgusting one.
00:08:10Night-night, Percy Filth.
00:08:24Have you always been insatiable?
00:08:28It's not my fault.
00:08:30It's just that I don't like blondes.
00:08:36It's psychosomatic.
00:08:37I'm sorry.
00:08:46Ah.
00:08:46Oh, Sandra.
00:09:05You're almost blonde in this light.
00:09:07What's wrong?
00:09:14Just being brave.
00:09:16What about?
00:09:17Ending it all.
00:09:20Before we hurt each other too much.
00:09:23It's our first date.
00:09:24I've probably wasted your entire evening, haven't I?
00:09:31Not yet.
00:09:32Not if your parents aren't back till midnight.
00:09:37Don't you think you're too old for this sort of thing?
00:09:41Straight from Stanley Matthews to Bridget Bardot you went.
00:09:45Overnight.
00:09:46That was when you were too young for this sort of thing.
00:09:48It's artistic, Mother.
00:09:51Like your Tutankhamen butter dish.
00:10:03What?
00:10:04Got it.
00:10:05Got what?
00:10:06You now ask if I never want to see you again.
00:10:09I say I do.
00:10:10You then stop crying quick as a flash and say something like,
00:10:14How about Sunday, half seven, outside Central Library?
00:10:17No, I don't.
00:10:19Tomorrow, half seven, outside Central Library.
00:10:23Then when I say okay, does your zip miraculously undo?
00:10:27It does not.
00:10:29I thought it did.
00:10:31Not till you've unfastened the press, Studd.
00:10:35I can see her doing your ironing and cooking and cleaning.
00:10:39You wouldn't need to book for the Christmas pantomime.
00:10:41I don't intend to marry her, Mother.
00:10:44In case it interferes with my career.
00:10:46We're just good friends.
00:10:48Good night.
00:10:49Miss Bardot.
00:11:05Marry me.
00:11:09You know what they say?
00:11:12Once you've had a Manchester lad, you never touch anything else.
00:11:14It's about time and all.
00:11:31Aye.
00:11:32Aye.
00:11:32Aye.
00:11:32Peace, man.
00:11:36Did you have a good time, Miss Knight?
00:11:38Great.
00:11:38Is this you?
00:11:40Satisfied.
00:11:41I'll say it in for a change.
00:11:44Did you get much?
00:11:47Did you?
00:11:52Did you know that raping Princess Anne was a capital offence?
00:11:55Not that I have done.
00:11:57They'd paid him for a change instead.
00:12:14Ticket.
00:12:19I ain't got me ticket.
00:12:20We're late already.
00:12:23See you behind the goal, then.
00:12:26Aye!
00:12:26Aye!
00:12:26Aye!
00:12:28Aye!
00:12:28Aye!
00:12:30Aye!
00:12:30Aye!
00:12:31Aye!
00:12:32Aye!
00:12:33Aye!
00:12:33Aye!
00:12:34Aye!
00:12:35Aye!
00:12:35Aye!
00:12:36Aye!
00:12:37Aye!
00:12:37Aye!
00:12:38Aye!
00:12:39Well, tonight's beauty sleep's done nothing for her.
00:12:43Snooty, old bag.
00:12:50Trendy.
00:12:51Crimson shoes with bottle green socks.
00:12:54Must be going steady with the set of traffic lights.
00:12:56Still, who else would have him?
00:12:58Who else would have him?
00:13:00Anyway, they're all the same in the dark, rumour has it.
00:13:11Different girl every night. You can tell the type.
00:13:15Probably an omen seeing her before the match.
00:13:18I bet we lose 3-1.
00:13:21Well, I'm certainly not making the first move. At least I've got me proud.
00:13:25Oh, hello.
00:13:28Oh, hi.
00:13:29Hi.
00:13:30Didn't see you.
00:13:31No, Normie.
00:13:34Are you going that way?
00:13:35Yeah. Not especially, no.
00:13:38Are you going that?
00:13:40Well, no. I was sort of...
00:13:43Going to the football match?
00:13:45Are you?
00:13:46Shopping.
00:13:53I'm probably going to the pictures tonight.
00:13:55I am.
00:13:56Which?
00:13:57Any?
00:13:58I am.
00:14:07See you then.
00:14:08Tonight?
00:14:09Pardon?
00:14:10Oh, I...
00:14:11All right then.
00:14:12Right.
00:14:13Super socks.
00:14:14Did you see that?
00:14:26They're all on drugs.
00:14:27A lot of them.
00:14:28?
00:14:29Three-cough.
00:14:30Oh.
00:14:31What're you doing senior children?
00:14:33Oh.
00:14:34PÞhl.
00:14:35Oh, his wife.
00:14:36Oh, myí am going to stop at the stage.
00:14:38Oh, my leg.
00:14:39Oh, my wing hydrogen.
00:14:41That's okay, dear Gay.
00:14:44Oh, my e p.
00:14:56Excuse me, I only go to restaurants with deaf waiters.
00:15:24Ah.
00:15:28Hi.
00:15:30Hello, mate.
00:15:32Oh, um, peace man.
00:15:34Surprise, surprise.
00:15:35Surprise.
00:15:36In anywhere controversial?
00:15:38Pictures.
00:15:39The boyfriend.
00:15:40She's slim.
00:15:41I'm just going to the, um...
00:15:42Oh, I'll come with you.
00:15:45Are you and Beryl, um, you know...
00:15:49You know.
00:15:53Oh.
00:16:03Would you, uh, what do you sort of reckon?
00:16:06She's a fair sort of bird, sort of.
00:16:12She's all right.
00:16:15I mean, nothing sensational, obviously.
00:16:18Geoffrey, she's a bird.
00:16:23You're having a coffee with us?
00:16:25No, thanks, kid.
00:16:26Neville's ravenous.
00:16:27You've just eaten.
00:16:29Oh, of course, yeah.
00:16:31Sorry.
00:16:32You see, what I thought Ken was always trying to do...
00:16:39By implication?
00:16:40Probably by implication.
00:16:42It was to allow the images to provoke a moral response from our own aesthetic judgment.
00:16:47You see?
00:16:48Yes.
00:16:49Was he the errand boy?
00:16:51Was he the errand boy?
00:16:52Was who the errand boy?
00:16:53Ken Thingy.
00:16:54He directed it.
00:16:56Oh, yes.
00:16:58I was probably thinking of Andy Warhol.
00:17:01Probably.
00:17:03You're not like other boys at all, are you?
00:17:09Well, probably a little more mature, that's all.
00:17:13It's over 200 yards from the cinema.
00:17:15And you talk to me the whole way, like a person.
00:17:18Other boys seem to have one-track minds these days.
00:17:24Sex?
00:17:25Marriage.
00:17:26Pardon?
00:17:27The number of boys that asked me to marry them.
00:17:30A couple of dates and pal they want to get married.
00:17:34I want to live a bit before I get married.
00:17:36I suppose I just don't have a hang-up about it.
00:17:39Get married?
00:17:41Hmm.
00:17:42No.
00:17:43Actually, I find girls, or most girls, that is, a bit obsessed these days.
00:17:54Not marriage.
00:17:55No.
00:17:56Sex.
00:17:57Percy Filth?
00:17:58Sex.
00:17:59That's what I said.
00:18:01Oh.
00:18:02Well, I'm not like that.
00:18:04Not Percy Filth Motivator.
00:18:07No.
00:18:08No.
00:18:09No.
00:18:10No.
00:18:11Did you want to say any more about Andy Warhol?
00:18:13Ken Russell?
00:18:14Yeah.
00:18:15No.
00:18:16No.
00:18:17Did you want to say any more about Andy Warhol?
00:18:20Ken Russell?
00:18:21Yeah.
00:18:22No.
00:18:23No.
00:18:24No.
00:18:25This is it.
00:18:39I won't come in, with it being our first date. No.
00:18:55Oh. Anywhere my mum's gone to bed, we'd be on our own.
00:18:59Is that a reason for me not coming in, though? Yes, Geoffrey.
00:19:04Oh.
00:19:09Nice house. Thank you.
00:19:1625-year mortgage.
00:19:22Well, thanks for seeing me home.
00:19:26Funny, isn't it? First date with someone.
00:19:30It always leads to one of three things.
00:19:34Either nothing or something.
00:19:38Or everything.
00:19:42Don't think about Percy Filth at this stage, Beryl.
00:19:45You're not.
00:19:47No, I'm not.
00:19:51Night-night. God bless.
00:19:54I won't give you my phone number in case you think I'm one of those scheming females.
00:20:07What is it?
00:20:08Three, two, seven, double, four, two, one.
00:20:11The easy way to remember it is the three and the two make five, which is two less than seven.
00:20:15Then two fours, and half of four, which is two, and half of two, which is one.
00:20:18Um...
00:20:19But you mustn't ring me if you don't want.
00:20:21No.
00:20:22But you can if you do.
00:20:23Do you want me to?
00:20:24Not if you'd rather not.
00:20:26Three, two, seven, double, four, two, one.
00:20:28Good night.
00:20:29Good night.
00:20:31Good night.
00:20:32Good night.
00:20:36Good night.
00:20:54Well, hello, Mrs. Battersby. Beryl's brought you up a cup of tea.
00:21:04Oh, they all have a past life flashed before me then.
00:21:11Can't be Mother's Day. You'd have forgotten.
00:21:15Has there been any clips?
00:21:17Mum, I want the benefit of your experience.
00:21:22What do you think of Andy Warhol?
00:21:24You see, Geoffrey has this theory that, by implication...
00:21:27Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:28Of course, Geoffrey knows about these things.
00:21:31Oh, these things. Everything.
00:21:34Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:35He's fantastically intelligent.
00:21:37See, Geoffrey's idea...
00:21:39Beryl, who's Geoffrey?
00:21:42Oh, no-one.
00:21:47No-one's special.
00:21:49No-one's special.
00:21:53His name's Geoffrey.
00:21:59How did this Beryl Bird turn out last night, then?
00:22:02What Beryl Bird?
00:22:03I told him.
00:22:04Did she, uh...
00:22:06Did she, uh...
00:22:07What?
00:22:09Oh, ho, ho, ho.
00:22:10Wow.
00:22:15She doesn't, then.
00:22:17You don't listen, do you?
00:22:18I said...
00:22:19How about Sandra?
00:22:20Chips.
00:22:27Chams, sod.
00:22:34Not seeing him tonight, then.
00:22:40Who?
00:22:40I've rather better things to do, thank you.
00:22:55Said he was no-one special.
00:22:58Have they got a phone here?
00:23:01Why?
00:23:03They haven't, have they?
00:23:05Do you want to get some nookie lined up or something?
00:23:07If I did, do you think I'd be playing darts with you two?
00:23:11Look, are you fed up here?
00:23:14Are you?
00:23:15We'll split after this game.
00:23:16Anything you say.
00:23:17We can go for a few of the King's Head.
00:23:19Great.
00:23:21And that ends our probe.
00:23:23Well, Monday tomorrow.
00:23:25Hallelujah.
00:23:26Pardon?
00:23:28I don't know what you're paying for that phone,
00:23:29but whatever it is, you're being done.
00:23:32Good night.
00:23:37Good morning.
00:24:01Good morning.
00:24:01Good morning.
00:24:07Chalton for Pope.
00:24:11Long may it reign.
00:24:13Amen.
00:24:15What's going on?
00:24:16Pounds up again.
00:24:18Oh, God.
00:24:20Today's special.
00:24:21Bloody travellers, Jax.
00:24:23Here.
00:24:24Suddenly everyone's going on holiday.
00:24:26So does.
00:24:28Enjoy yourself while you're young.
00:24:37Why do we always do that?
00:24:4893 times a day.
00:24:50We never see anything.
00:24:52Come on, then.
00:25:16My typing not disturbing your singing, I hope.
00:25:19See Geoffrey on Sunday.
00:25:22Oh, Geoffrey.
00:25:24That Neville's the greatest.
00:25:29Is he dishy or is he dishy?
00:25:35Neville promises he's going to take this...
00:25:36I'm considering packing Geoffrey in.
00:25:39One date was enough.
00:25:41Why?
00:25:43He's Cancer and I'm Libra.
00:25:45Is that bad?
00:25:46Hopeless.
00:25:49Actually, I'm slightly off the male gender at the moment.
00:25:51I see the Spanish police are throwing your lot out of Ibiza.
00:26:16Bank clerks.
00:26:18Your lot.
00:26:20Football supporters.
00:26:22Hippies.
00:26:23Oh.
00:26:24My lot.
00:26:25And the third stroke.
00:26:28At the third stroke, it will be 7.22 and 40 seconds.
00:26:35It will be 7.22 and 50 seconds.
00:26:38That's it, then.
00:26:39All over by 7.23, precisely.
00:26:47So what?
00:26:50Plenty more where she came from.
00:26:55Is that the speaking clock?
00:26:57Is that Geoffrey?
00:26:58Is that Beryl?
00:27:00Yes.
00:27:01Yes.
00:27:02Hi.
00:27:05Hi.
00:27:05Hi.
00:27:05It's terrifically exciting, isn't it?
00:27:26Getting to know a person.
00:27:28Fantastic.
00:27:28I want to know all about you.
00:27:35That's what it's all about.
00:27:39For example, with things in common already.
00:27:42Definitely.
00:27:45Like what?
00:27:49We're enormously fond of animals.
00:27:52Right.
00:27:53And we're both from Manchester.
00:28:00Have you ever been abroad?
00:28:02No.
00:28:04Have you?
00:28:05No.
00:28:07Unless you count Istanbul.
00:28:09Istanbul?
00:28:10Was it beyond belief?
00:28:12I don't know.
00:28:13I was only three.
00:28:19Do you ever get the feeling you've been somewhere before?
00:28:21Sometimes.
00:28:24I do.
00:28:26What now?
00:28:29No.
00:28:30Just, just sometimes.
00:28:35Yes, I do.
00:28:39Such a lot, isn't there?
00:28:42In getting to know a person.
00:28:44Hmm.
00:28:44He was live and easy-limbed, his stride quietly casual, his eyes clear and confident, and
00:28:57his strong mouth ready to break into a relaxed, assured, lopsided grin.
00:29:03You know, Geoffrey, you have a really lopsided grin.
00:29:10Really?
00:29:11You know, lopsided.
00:29:15I don't think I have.
00:29:17It's in the eye of the beholder.
00:29:21See?
00:29:23Geoffrey doesn't need someone else when he's tying a knot.
00:29:26He holds it down with his little finger.
00:29:30It must be marvellous being a man.
00:29:34It's OK, I suppose.
00:29:35Men can do anything.
00:29:37Conquer Everest.
00:29:39Do heart transplants.
00:29:40Become leader of the opposition.
00:29:44Anything!
00:29:44Geoffrey, N-O spells no.
00:29:56It's good for your circulation, Beryl.
00:29:58Read any women's magazine.
00:30:00It's good for theirs, too.
00:30:02Not sure they recommend Percy Filth on Tuesdays.
00:30:05I only see you on Tuesdays and Saturdays.
00:30:07All Saturdays.
00:30:10Beryl.
00:30:11Oh, Beryl.
00:30:16Oh, Geoffrey Bobble's bumble.
00:30:18Oh, Beryl.
00:30:19Oh, Geoffrey.
00:30:21Oh, Beryl!
00:30:22Are you all right?
00:30:23What exactly happened?
00:30:24Don't tell me.
00:30:26I just heard a sharp achak of dramatic irony.
00:30:28Pardon?
00:30:34Come back.
00:30:35They're better.
00:30:36It's better.
00:30:37I'm OK.
00:30:41I told you.
00:30:42It's going to pour.
00:30:43It's not.
00:30:48Urgh.
00:30:52It's only the angels crying.
00:30:55I know how they feel.
00:30:58Well, don't blame me.
00:30:59I haven't done anything.
00:31:00That's true.
00:31:01That's not true, Beryl.
00:31:04I have apologised.
00:31:06I keep going down on me knees when I'm talking to you.
00:31:09Independent observers think I'm training to be a Cossack dancer.
00:31:12It must be a bad line.
00:31:13I can't hear you.
00:31:14You'd better apologise again.
00:31:17I apologise again.
00:31:20Gosh, this lousy line.
00:31:22I wonder if Geoffrey would like to come to tea on Sunday.
00:31:28Pardon?
00:31:29Pardon?
00:31:31Is that who I think it is?
00:31:34No, dear.
00:31:46Well, isn't this nice?
00:31:47Sardine sandwich.
00:31:53Is it all sardine?
00:31:54Yeah.
00:31:56She's got her own trawler.
00:32:03Isn't it awful?
00:32:05What?
00:32:06I was speaking to Geoffrey.
00:32:08What's happening in the world?
00:32:09I blame the politicians.
00:32:11What for?
00:32:12For what's happening in the world?
00:32:14I'm talking to her.
00:32:21I can't speak Portuguese.
00:32:23Tasty.
00:32:25Very in oil.
00:32:27Nice in oil.
00:32:28She's got a bad leg.
00:32:31The bread's extremely wholesome.
00:32:34Why, after this little baker down the road,
00:32:35he does something with the bleach.
00:32:40Yes.
00:32:44I can't do long conversations about sardines so much as your mind goes blank.
00:32:54Start thinking about life after death.
00:32:56Oh, that Neville, honestly.
00:33:03Number of hearts he must have broken.
00:33:06Every girl in Manchester, nearly.
00:33:09Geoffrey definitely has.
00:33:11Probably even more.
00:33:14Air hostesses.
00:33:16All sorts.
00:33:18Tell me about your terrible past, Geoffrey.
00:33:20I haven't had one yet.
00:33:22White men speak with forked tongue.
00:33:25Actually, I was hoping more for a terrible future.
00:33:33Wow, is that the time?
00:33:34At this moment in time.
00:33:36What have I done?
00:33:37Is Neville the insanely jealous type?
00:33:40Not in the slightest.
00:33:42You're lucky.
00:33:43Why, it's Geoffrey.
00:33:46Wow.
00:33:46You're not jealous of all my ex-flames, are you?
00:33:50Of course not.
00:33:50Why should I be?
00:33:52Please stop interrogating me, Geoffrey.
00:33:53Forget it.
00:33:56That's all in the past.
00:33:59Then, nothing to be jealous about.
00:34:03Who needs drama?
00:34:07So I shouted back at her.
00:34:08No shop assistant shouts at me, I shouted.
00:34:10In the end, Neville nearly bolted me for swearing.
00:34:14He thought you.
00:34:16Walloped you on?
00:34:18No.
00:34:19I said nearly.
00:34:23You never thump me, will you?
00:34:25Like Neville does Sandra.
00:34:27She adores it.
00:34:29Of course not.
00:34:31No.
00:34:34Geoffrey, Percy Filth isn't the only thing in life.
00:34:37It isn't even one of the things in mine.
00:34:38He used to talk to me.
00:34:40All right.
00:34:41Let's talk.
00:34:41Let's talk.
00:34:46Geoffrey, I've just had the most super idea.
00:34:49Why?
00:34:49Is your mum going out?
00:34:53May as well pack in, really.
00:34:57Why?
00:34:59Why not?
00:35:02Good thinking.
00:35:03Thanks for a stimulating few weeks.
00:35:12You too.
00:35:13It was real.
00:35:14It's psychedelic.
00:35:15You can keep me grateful dead, LP.
00:35:17We're scratched anyway.
00:35:20It's been a gasp.
00:35:21Groovy.
00:35:23I won't wave from the window.
00:35:25No, I won't look back anyway.
00:35:27Good.
00:35:28It's been a gasp.
00:35:29You've said that once.
00:35:40You're well-bred, Beryl.
00:35:41There's plenty more fish in the sea.
00:35:45About three very lonely sardines.
00:35:50Mother, please don't try raising one eyebrow at me.
00:35:53You know you can't do it.
00:35:54You'll never thong me, will you, Geoffrey?
00:36:03Ow!
00:36:04Beryl, I just had the most super idea.
00:36:07Are we going to put it up?
00:36:08No.
00:36:09We're going to pack it in.
00:36:10Don't say that.
00:36:11Please don't say that.
00:36:12That.
00:36:15Sandra.
00:36:16Sandra.
00:36:18You're Sandra.
00:36:19You're Sandra.
00:36:19Mine.
00:36:23Two months.
00:36:24Two months, nine days.
00:36:28Is she positive?
00:36:30The test was.
00:36:31What are you going to do?
00:36:33She'll think of something.
00:36:35Sandra, it's stupendous.
00:36:39Congratulations.
00:36:40I hope you'll both be very happy.
00:36:42Oh, thanks, kid.
00:36:44Sandra, I don't know how you do it.
00:36:48Often.
00:36:48Often.
00:36:54I don't know how you do it.
00:36:58Bye-bye.
00:37:22John for Pope.
00:37:42Long may reign.
00:37:49Aren't you, er...
00:37:51Yeah.
00:37:54And you're, er...
00:37:56That's right.
00:37:58Going somewhere incredible.
00:38:00I'm meeting my parents. Taking them to see Fiddler on the roof.
00:38:03That's pretty incredible.
00:38:05Your mummy and daddy.
00:38:08Er...
00:38:09Oh hell no, that's tomorrow.
00:38:12If I'm in the mood.
00:38:15Where you are.
00:38:18Depends where you take me.
00:38:30All I was saying about your friend with the glasses...
00:38:32Roland.
00:38:33Roland.
00:38:34Is that I found him intellectually unaware and psychologically incredibly boring.
00:38:39It's not bad at snooker.
00:38:42And how are you and little Beryl?
00:38:45Didn't she tell you?
00:38:47I don't work there anymore.
00:38:49I packed her in.
00:38:52What?
00:38:54Oh boy!
00:38:56Did she turn you on?
00:38:59Beryl?
00:39:00Her.
00:39:01I haven't really looked.
00:39:06You've seen one, you've seen them all.
00:39:09Not quite all.
00:39:11I'll go and get me coat.
00:39:12Looks to be my birthday.
00:39:13Boys aren't the only thing in life Beryl.
00:39:14I do wish you'd find one.
00:39:18They aren't all after Percy Filth.
00:39:19Yes they are.
00:39:20Mmm.
00:39:21Oh you were terrific on the boss.
00:39:22Wasn't it?
00:39:23Mmm.
00:39:24Terrific self-control.
00:39:26Joan of Arc never married yet she led a full and happy life.
00:39:31Or am i thinking of someone else?
00:39:32Mother I don't happen to be interested in boys.
00:39:33I don't happen to be interested in boys.
00:39:34You do know a findå of girls, no matter what's it.
00:39:35You love your little friend.
00:39:36You do know a find, you're not a find, you're not a friend.
00:39:37I never told and willing to go to your friend.
00:39:38I don't think of you.
00:39:39I want your friend too.
00:39:40I won a friend.
00:39:41I say he won a friend.
00:39:42I believe you're not a friend.
00:39:43I'll be cuales.
00:39:44I'm not a friend.
00:39:45You're not a friend.
00:39:46Well, you're not a friend.
00:39:47How young are you?
00:39:48You're a friend.
00:39:49And I'm a friend.
00:39:51Oh, you're a friend.
00:39:53Joan of Arc never married, yet she led a full and happy life.
00:39:57Or am I thinking of someone else?
00:39:59Mother, I don't happen to be interested in boys.
00:40:02I happen to be interested in having early nights
00:40:04and writing poetry in bed with me Moe Felt-tip pen.
00:40:06It's run out of ink. I used it for me laundry list.
00:40:10My God, your generation's got a few things to answer for.
00:40:13Mmm. Mmm. Mmm, please. Mmm, don't.
00:40:18Please. You can't ravish a girl on her own doorstep.
00:40:22Well, let's go inside, then.
00:40:25Mmm. Smooth-talking bastard.
00:40:33It is me birthday.
00:40:36What about the boy with the freckles from Shakespeare Crescent?
00:40:40I don't believe that question.
00:40:42You used to be crazy about him.
00:40:45I was 11 years old. He used to let me chalk on his tortoise.
00:40:49I was 12 years old.
00:41:07I was 11 to 23,000.
00:41:11I was 11 years old.
00:41:13I was 15 years old.
00:41:15Well, I was 16 years old.
00:41:16what's your name again what's yours rock that's not your real name no Steven
00:41:27God that turns me on
00:41:31when I first met you in the street I thought just a quiet drink and a chat shows you the
00:41:44art of conversation and dead don't move a muscle however gorgeous
00:42:14testing testing Jeffrey Milleharp returns to the day I wish you everything you've ever wished yourself
00:42:25I'm fed up
00:42:43who are you who are you what are you fed up about teachers don't have to do homework
00:42:53no they just mark it anyone can mark it they've got the answers
00:43:00do you know it's after two o'clock what's he doing here then
00:43:09well this is your uncle Steven this is my revolting brother Jeremy
00:43:19how do you do
00:43:23don't me mum and dad know he's here Jeremy bed
00:43:26I could always wake them up and tell them Jeremy little boys need sleep
00:43:33even big astronauts do you know where babies come from
00:43:39do you
00:43:42say no no
00:43:44I do
00:43:45say yes
00:43:46shall I tell you
00:43:47he knows
00:43:48the man has this male organ and some blood cells and erectile glands
00:43:53and there's these 500 million spermatozoas in these testes that he has as well
00:43:58and he goes through his male organ into the female uterus that the lady has
00:44:02who told you that then they go to the fallopian tubes after that one of them
00:44:07fertilizes with the female egg the others don't bother anyway that's what you
00:44:13have to do then you have a baby
00:44:15did they teach you that at school they do woodwork in the next class
00:44:20people can only make babies at certain times of the year
00:44:24but animals like dogs and cats and giraffes I think
00:44:28do it all the time
00:44:30no that's people
00:44:34what is
00:44:36well people do it all the time
00:44:41whenever they feel like it
00:44:46in the next class you can do metal work if you don't like woodwork
00:44:53good night jeremy 25p 50
00:45:0050
00:45:03good night uncle steven
00:45:14would you care for a government health warning
00:45:31hey veronica
00:45:35yes
00:45:36who the hell's uncle steven at 10 past 2 in the morning
00:45:39a friend of jeremy's he's going now
00:45:42good night love
00:45:45we would have done that wouldn't we
00:45:49and how
00:45:50you can't win them all can you
00:45:56anyway do you good going without for a change
00:45:59tomorrow's another day
00:46:11tomorrow's another day
00:46:11shh
00:46:11not unless you happen to be in plymouth
00:46:14where
00:46:16i'm joining the wrens for three years
00:46:18what wrens
00:46:21the royal navy's wrens
00:46:24this time tomorrow i'll be in barracks with about 50 other girls and 30,000 sailors
00:46:30hope i like it
00:46:32well thanks for nearly everything
00:46:39we definitely would have done wouldn't we
00:46:42well obviously
00:46:43we're as good as dead in a way really
00:46:46almost
00:46:47just keep telling yourself and we will have
00:46:50only better
00:46:51good night love
00:46:53try a barrel
00:46:55morning previous generation
00:47:19what's for breakfast
00:47:27you knew it was your mother's birthday
00:47:33now what we'd like to know
00:47:34is where were you while we were fiddling on the flaming roof
00:47:37i'm sorry mum
00:47:38i'll take you out another night
00:47:40something cropped up
00:47:41like what
00:47:42dad
00:47:44you understand
00:47:45i don't jeffrey
00:47:48well you always say you do
00:47:50jeffrey you're at it every night
00:47:53yes dad
00:47:55and we don't complain
00:47:56no dad
00:47:56but last night was different
00:47:58i knew you'd understand
00:48:00like that
00:48:13MUSIC PLAYS
00:48:29Charlton for Pope. Long me around. Amen.
00:48:33What's going on? Pounds down again. Up and down like a pair of knickers.
00:48:38You should know. Or me.
00:48:41You know what I mean? What a night.
00:48:46Wow. A lot.
00:48:50Including action replays in slow motion.
00:48:56Hey lads, I picked up a bit of spare last night. Who didn't?
00:49:00No, it's true.
00:49:02Yes, Geoffrey. It is.
00:49:05Yes, Geoffrey.
00:49:11Bloody yes.
00:49:15Poor Geoffrey.
00:49:17Beryl, please. It's Neville's engagement party as well. He had to invite him.
00:49:21He'll see me. It's cruel.
00:49:24He'll see other girls.
00:49:26I shan't take him back, Sandra.
00:49:30I shan't.
00:49:31It's been two weeks. He may have got over you by now.
00:49:35Don't know much about men, do you, love?
00:49:38It was doing him a kindness, really. Finally splitting up.
00:49:41He only had one ambition in life.
00:49:45Send my knickers to Oxfam.
00:49:46It was doing him a kindness, really. Finally splitting up.
00:49:50He only had one ambition in life.
00:49:52Send my knickers to Oxfam.
00:49:56Good job she hasn't joined the Wrens. The entire Navy had gone strike.
00:49:59I expect he's sorry now. I won't even consider taking him back if he was here.
00:50:01It was doing him a kindness, really. Finally splitting up.
00:50:04He only had one ambition in life.
00:50:06Send my knickers to Oxfam.
00:50:09Good job she hasn't joined the Wrens. The entire Navy had gone strike.
00:50:11I expect he's sorry now. I won't even consider taking him back if he isn't.
00:50:26She might have changed, of course. If she has, I might let her have the old orgy now and again.
00:50:32He's got to accept we've finally split up. Otherwise I definitely won't take him back.
00:50:38Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:50:44At least I've got me pride.
00:50:46I left with Beryl, baby.
00:50:49Oh, hi. Didn't see you.
00:50:51No, nor me.
00:50:53And how's Manchester City doing without me cheering them on, then?
00:50:56United. We're winning every game now.
00:50:59Oh, good.
00:51:01And what's new with Geoffrey, then?
00:51:08I asked you what was new with you. I asked you.
00:51:16Did you?
00:51:17Need I say more?
00:51:19Pardon?
00:51:20And how's Beryl, baby, getting on, then?
00:51:23Geoffrey, I'm not all that ecstatic about you calling me Beryl, baby.
00:51:27It isn't like you.
00:51:29Say that again. Beryl, baby.
00:51:31What's your name, handsome?
00:51:36You laugh. Everybody laughs.
00:51:38It's the story of my life.
00:51:40You tell it like it is, Chuck.
00:51:49She's putting on an act.
00:51:51What do you care?
00:51:53I don't have a baby.
00:52:02Is she going to get into bed with him now?
00:52:06Probably.
00:52:10Geoffrey always looks half asleep these days.
00:52:13Well, it's very exhausting.
00:52:16What is?
00:52:18Working in a bank.
00:52:20I had this bad scene, this chick,
00:52:29and decided to split.
00:52:33So I cut out, man, like there's no tomorrow.
00:52:39This cat gets it together where he's at, man.
00:52:44Lots of beautiful bags, baby.
00:52:47So if you want a piece of the action,
00:52:50don't cool it.
00:52:53Dig?
00:52:58Sorry, I no understand English.
00:53:06Gesundheit.
00:53:09I thought she'd only just been to bed with the other one.
00:53:11She has.
00:53:15Then which is her husband?
00:53:17Neither.
00:53:22It's warming up, isn't it?
00:53:31Great beat, isn't it?
00:53:33Great to dance to.
00:53:35Do you agree that life's an onion?
00:53:38Fine.
00:53:40If so, what's death?
00:53:42Erm...
00:53:44A banana.
00:53:46Yes, I expect it is when you think about it.
00:53:47Have you read Schopenhauer's concept of existence?
00:53:49Erm...
00:53:51No.
00:53:53But I've seen the film.
00:53:55You married?
00:53:57No.
00:53:59Grab yourself an adage.
00:54:01Marriage is a cabbage.
00:54:03Are you a poet?
00:54:05Never ask the question.
00:54:07No.
00:54:09No.
00:54:11No.
00:54:13No.
00:54:14You are a poet.
00:54:16Never ask the questions.
00:54:17Ask the answers.
00:54:19You are a poet.
00:54:22To any manager of Marks and Spencer's.
00:54:25Good job.
00:54:28I really dirt you.
00:54:30Now he's taking his clothes off.
00:54:34What's on ITV?
00:54:36This.
00:54:38What's on BBC?
00:54:39Casinova.
00:54:44What's that like?
00:54:46This.
00:54:48Oh, come on now.
00:54:50You know that's not where it's at.
00:54:52Let's get this.
00:54:54What's the word?
00:54:56Let's get it clear.
00:54:58Let's get down to the real nitty grittiesville.
00:55:00OK?
00:55:01Oh, come on.
00:55:02Oh, come on.
00:55:04Oh, come on.
00:55:06Shh.
00:55:08Shh.
00:55:09Women's lip is not about burning brass.
00:55:13Papers, yeah.
00:55:15What papers?
00:55:17A marriage certificate, a dog's licence, whatever you prefer to call it.
00:55:21Look, let's be basic about this, Enid.
00:55:23All girls want marriage and a wide wedding.
00:55:26Really basic?
00:55:27You want to be really basic?
00:55:28Utterly basic.
00:55:30Bulls.
00:55:32Grass?
00:55:34Enid, when Sandra says every girl, she means most girls.
00:55:39Well, like herself.
00:55:41Not me, of course, because I incredibly value my independence.
00:55:44But most girls definitely want...
00:55:46Bulls!
00:55:48If you can't conduct an intelligent conversation without recourse to...
00:55:51I'm not recourseing to anything.
00:55:53I'm merely telling you what girls want.
00:55:55Bulls!
00:55:57Would you please stop saying that?
00:56:00You believe in free love, right?
00:56:02Wrong!
00:56:03I believe in free everything.
00:56:04Freedom from all male chauvinists, pig domination.
00:56:07Honestly, don't you understand?
00:56:09If we're liberating society for the future, I'm sure.
00:56:12No, thank you.
00:56:13Excuse me, if you've got your hand on me.
00:56:15No!
00:56:17Oh, sorry!
00:56:18Wow, man!
00:56:19Sorry!
00:56:20It's all right.
00:56:21Oh, gee!
00:56:22It's a pleasure.
00:56:23Grass?
00:56:24Geoffrey, if not to.
00:56:25Why not?
00:56:26I said don't.
00:56:27You're not to smoke it.
00:56:28Oh, wow.
00:56:29We're as liberated as you, Enid.
00:56:30We've equal importance as individuals.
00:56:32Neither of us is boss.
00:56:33It just doesn't arise.
00:56:35We'll make some coffee, kid.
00:56:37Yes.
00:56:38You see, what we believe is...
00:56:39Now!
00:56:40You see...
00:56:41Where are one?
00:56:42I can see there's only one way to get through.
00:56:47What are you doing?
00:56:48Lighting everybody's fire.
00:56:50Oh, no.
00:56:51Oh, no.
00:56:52Oh, no.
00:56:53Oh, no.
00:56:54Oh, no.
00:56:56Oh, no.
00:56:57Oh, no.
00:56:58Oh, no.
00:56:59Oh, no.
00:57:00Oh, no.
00:57:01Oh, no.
00:57:02Oh, no.
00:57:03Oh, no.
00:57:04Oh, no.
00:57:05Oh, no.
00:57:06Oh, no.
00:57:07Oh, no.
00:57:08Oh, no.
00:57:09Oh, no.
00:57:11Burn my bra.
00:57:16Right.
00:57:17That's it.
00:57:18Finished.
00:57:19The end.
00:57:20Full stop.
00:57:22We've finally split up.
00:57:24Neville, Sandra wants you.
00:57:26I should imagine.
00:57:29Sad, isn't it?
00:57:33Pathetic.
00:57:34Well, I can't follow plays these days.
00:57:40Oh, it's just showing real life, that's all.
00:57:43I once thought I'd found her.
00:57:44The perfect girl.
00:57:45Red hair.
00:57:46Not too skinny.
00:57:47Yeah.
00:57:48Very gentle and shy.
00:57:49Passionate when roused.
00:57:50Yeah.
00:57:51She packed me in for picking my teeth with a matchstick.
00:57:52You're very sweet, Roland.
00:57:53I've always thought you were.
00:57:54Did you know you very nearly have a lopsided grin?
00:57:59It's just I'm a bit tired.
00:58:00No, it's nice.
00:58:01No, it's nice.
00:58:02It's coming.
00:58:03I'm like a shampoo and a cinemas for real life.
00:58:04Okay.
00:58:05It's not that big girl, thank you.
00:58:06It's aęĩ, but I can't possibly be with a Mesa.
00:58:07I can't feel a bit turnaround, no.
00:58:08But I can't feel confident.
00:58:09I can feel confident when roused.
00:58:10Yeah.
00:58:11I shall...
00:58:12You should pack me in for picking my teeth with a matchstick.
00:58:13You're very sweet, Roland.
00:58:14I've always thought you were.
00:58:15Did you know you very nearly have a lopsided grin?
00:58:18It's just I'm a bit tired.
00:58:19No, it's nice.
00:58:21I can.
00:58:22I can't.
00:58:23If you're worried.
00:58:24Come on.
00:58:25I can't.
00:58:26Come on.
00:58:27You kind of...
00:58:28I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:49Oh, sorry.
00:58:54Do you know...
00:58:55Come on, Beryl. She can ask me anything.
00:58:58Do you know where Geoffrey's got to?
00:59:04He's upstairs, I think.
00:59:11Is it true they're dry on their own?
00:59:15Usually.
00:59:20Oh, I hate to be any trouble, but I think I'm dying.
00:59:25You'll be all right, honest.
00:59:26She said I shouldn't smoke it.
00:59:29Who?
00:59:30She said...
00:59:33Geoffrey?
00:59:37Geoffrey?
00:59:42Sorry.
00:59:43Geoffrey?
00:59:44Move up a bit, Geoffrey.
00:59:58Put your legs...
01:00:00That's better.
01:00:02It's because it's your first time, isn't it?
01:00:13Call Dr. Wise, put a Quilmslow road.
01:00:16It wasn't marijuana, you know.
01:00:21What was it, then?
01:00:22Grass.
01:00:23Grass is marijuana.
01:00:25This grass wasn't.
01:00:27It was the real thing.
01:00:29From the front lawn.
01:00:33Is that you, Beryl?
01:00:34Had a nice time?
01:00:35Even though it's three o'clock in the morning.
01:00:36Not that I mind, if you've had a nice time.
01:00:38Even though I've been in bed since ten, having a good night's worry.
01:00:41Did you see Geoffrey?
01:00:42Did you see Geoffrey?
01:00:43That's good.
01:00:44I'm sure.
01:00:45Got a little bit.
01:00:46It's not bad.
01:00:47Hey, it's my old friend.
01:00:48Yes!
01:00:49Is that you, Beryl?
01:00:54Had a nice time?
01:00:57Even though it's three o'clock in the morning.
01:00:58Not that I mind, if you've had a nice time.
01:01:01Even though I've been in bed since ten, having a good night's worry.
01:01:08Did you see Geoffrey?
01:01:09That's good.
01:01:32Do you ever get the feeling you're trying too hard?
01:01:36I didn't try at all.
01:01:39Gave it to rest.
01:01:43I'm right off, birds.
01:01:46I am. I am.
01:01:49For good.
01:01:51Me too.
01:01:53And me.
01:02:09Good morning.
01:02:13Your mother would like to know if you have a reservation at this hotel.
01:02:16I know either.
01:02:17Good night.
01:02:18Good night.
01:02:19Good night.
01:02:21Good night.
01:02:22But let's play a prayer inside.
01:02:25I will be back in a morning with you.
01:02:26Okay.
01:02:28How long are you going?
01:02:31Good night.
01:02:33Good night.
01:02:34Good night.
01:02:36Let's go.
01:03:06Oh, Beryl, Beryl.
01:03:15Geoffrey.
01:03:18Can I rip your trousers off and have my way with you?
01:03:23Oh, Beryl.
01:03:27Oh, Geoffrey.
01:03:30Oh, God.
01:03:36Hello.
01:03:43Ta-ra.
01:03:45Will you be required in the room again, sir?
01:03:48Because we're thinking of taking bookings for the next pop festival.
01:03:51Ignorant bugger.
01:03:54I don't know who he takes after.
01:03:59PHONE RINGS
01:04:02PHONE RINGS
01:04:03Hello?
01:04:04It's me.
01:04:05Who?
01:04:06My God, that's symbolic.
01:04:08Oh, hello, Beryl.
01:04:10I'm just ringing to tell you I never want to see you again.
01:04:12If you have a phone or call, please don't, because I shan't be in.
01:04:15Tonight or any other night.
01:04:17Anyway, tonight I'm helping me mum at the school jumble sale.
01:04:20It's a small world.
01:04:49Good evening, Mrs. Battersby.
01:04:54I was looking for a nice lampshade.
01:04:56Oh?
01:04:57Probably this one.
01:05:00Definitely.
01:05:01Magic in satin.
01:05:02Oh, certainly, Geoffrey.
01:05:04Who's here in his nice crimson shoes?
01:05:10You'd like some nice fancy random paper, wouldn't you?
01:05:13I'm a child of the universe, Beryl. I have a right to be here.
01:05:19I'm afraid we don't sell marijuana on Sundays. Try the co-op.
01:05:22Beryl, listen.
01:05:23If you can smell burning, it's just that the vicar's been round burning his jock strap.
01:05:25Beryl, listen.
01:05:26Can I help you, madam?
01:05:27Have you got that in another colour?
01:05:29No, madam.
01:05:30I'll leave it then.
01:05:40Listen to what, for heaven's sake?
01:05:42Don't matter.
01:05:44What doesn't?
01:05:45You wouldn't, anyway.
01:05:46Wouldn't what?
01:05:49Go to the match with me on Saturday.
01:05:52Me?
01:05:53A football match?
01:05:54With 40,000 skinheads and you?
01:05:57Told you.
01:06:00Who are they playing?
01:06:06Huddersfield Town.
01:06:08In the cot.
01:06:09I've always wanted to watch Huddersfield Town.
01:06:11The...
01:06:16The fourth from the bottom.
01:06:19Shows you.
01:06:23Away from home.
01:06:24They've won three, drawn five and lost twelve.
01:06:29Drawn five.
01:06:34So what do you think?
01:06:37I think I nearly love you.
01:06:41Never mind.
01:06:42It's only a game.
01:07:04I thought you said you nearly loved me.
01:07:06I thought you said you nearly loved me.
01:07:11I don't recall Grace Kelly enticing Prince Rainier by going to Watch United.
01:07:20I may be wrong.
01:07:22Grace who?
01:07:23We live in a permissive society, Beryl.
01:07:26Read any colour supplement.
01:07:28Mother, you're supposed to be my mother.
01:07:30I am, love.
01:07:31And it wasn't through going to football matches.
01:07:34You are the same mother that makes me tug my skirt down every time I stand up,
01:07:36even if he's only on the phone.
01:07:38Yes.
01:07:39Well, er, boys are very safe.
01:07:42And I am your mother.
01:07:43That's what I said.
01:07:47I don't mean, er, permissive permissive.
01:07:50I see.
01:07:52Romantic.
01:07:54Pardon?
01:07:56Kissing, cuddling.
01:07:58Things of that nature.
01:08:00Oh, we do.
01:08:02Do what?
01:08:04What you just said.
01:08:06Good.
01:08:07Not too much, I hope.
01:08:08Oh, God.
01:08:10Boys are very funny.
01:08:11They're novices compared to mothers.
01:08:14Did I tell you that two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains?
01:08:22Oh.
01:08:26Two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains.
01:08:31Fantastic.
01:08:32The Cowgills.
01:08:37The Cowgills.
01:08:39Mr. and Mrs. Cowgill.
01:08:42Married couple.
01:08:44Newlyweds.
01:08:46Not long married.
01:08:48You go bald doing that.
01:08:51Doing what?
01:08:52Come back, sir.
01:09:03I tell you 28 stockbrokers had moved into the office opposite with the dirty curtains.
01:09:09Living in sin.
01:09:12Can you say one single sentence without the word marriage in it?
01:09:16if i said to you do you think cassius clay would have beaten rocky marciano would you say what's
01:09:26it matter so long as they're happily married i don't think so a barrel would
01:09:35giving you a bad time is she oh i wouldn't say that
01:09:39i haven't even mentioned the word what word goodness me a single person can have a relationship
01:09:50with another single person without everyone thinking she's automatically i never said you
01:09:53were all right jeffrey i hereby promise never to utter the word again
01:10:13marriage never well until i am if i ever do which i fervently hope i never will
01:10:24for someone who's not uttering something when's your lp coming out
01:10:31no two people have a divine right to happiness jeffrey you mustn't feel guilty about me sorry
01:10:38no one can say you've completely ruined me life not yet
01:10:50what are you staring at
01:10:55hello you all right son terrific why did you throw your sponge pudding at the cat then your mother's
01:11:01theory is you're overworking my theory is you're overdoing it with some dolly bird
01:11:08oh what's your theory indigestion oh what's yours sundance
01:11:17hasn't he said anything at all he has said one thing oh what's that if god had meant sardines to
01:11:23be in oil it had given them dipsticks all right the weeks and months dragged by and with neither side
01:11:31willing to compromise we still have deadlock her majesty's government have consistently tried to
01:11:37find a way out of this dilemma another wild night learning what i know spells and how many of us
01:11:42school pals are getting married and what no spells and what no spells great i might as well go bald
01:11:50and open my own monastery and so society that's you and me says end this dispute end it now
01:11:59good night here good one day terrific especially when he said good night
01:12:08we're just enjoying ourselves having a good time
01:12:12just having fun be happy take two a day after meals and one if you find yourself crying hard
01:12:21out again in the middle of a zebra crossing for no reason at all
01:12:27you're sure this has nothing to do with a boyfriend absolutely positive
01:12:30that was the first film we ever saw together make that three a day after meals
01:12:49look beryl how's this for a peace plan you join a marriage bureau and i'll get a job on the stage
01:12:56twice nightly in denmark then we'll both be happy right right good jesus christ superstar amen
01:13:05oh hell hands up again see you tomorrow
01:13:10where do you think you're going
01:13:17jeffrey i'll get the sack it's important
01:13:19what is i keep asking you what is what is to be on our own
01:13:33what so as we can talk what
01:13:42that old speech worked out on the bus this morning
01:13:45the only bit i can remember is and that's what i think last night i dreamt i was in goal for
01:13:53manchester united and grace kelly kicked nine goals past me
01:13:57grace who she was playing for united as well weird isn't it
01:14:00the main thing is we do communicate oh we do
01:14:14what's the main thing is we do
01:14:24what face do you want to see what i think
01:14:26go on no you mine wasn't important
01:14:30no mom wasn't
01:14:41beryl
01:14:45are you happy of course
01:14:51very
01:14:54i am
01:14:55no one is every second of every minute of every day
01:15:01no
01:15:03i'm not
01:15:08do you think it's because we love each other do you think
01:15:14not
01:15:16probably
01:15:17i've not actually said the words often
01:15:20well not in so many words
01:15:23mostly in words to that effect
01:15:32Is there anything you don't love about me?
01:15:42No. I don't think so.
01:15:44Honestly, no.
01:15:45Nothing.
01:15:46If there is, you just tell me and I'll stop doing it.
01:15:49If there isn't anything, honest.
01:15:51Good.
01:15:54It wouldn't upset me.
01:15:55It'd just make me a better human being to deserve your love.
01:16:02Like, you know, crimson shoes and bottle green socks.
01:16:10Well, you don't wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks, Beryl.
01:16:13If I did, I'd stop to please you.
01:16:19I see.
01:16:25There's no need to be sensitive, Geoffrey.
01:16:27In a meaningful relationship, you must like even what you don't.
01:16:32Your mother.
01:16:34Pardon?
01:16:34I like your mother.
01:16:35Please don't sulk, Geoffrey.
01:16:37Hand her lampshades.
01:16:38Sulking isn't the most endearing quality in a person.
01:16:42Well, you ought to know.
01:16:43You've almost made it an art form.
01:16:45Anything else at random?
01:16:47You've got 24 hours to spare.
01:16:48After all, I'm no Bridget Bardot.
01:16:51According to reliable sources in Saint-Tropez,
01:16:53she's 105 next birthday.
01:16:54Over 98% of the male population of Manchester and Salford
01:16:57can tell the difference between Bridget Bardot and Beryl Battersby.
01:17:00Ask any opinion, Pole.
01:17:02I'm much fatter for a start.
01:17:04You're not all that fat, Beryl.
01:17:05I am.
01:17:06Start slimming.
01:17:07Men like something to get hold of.
01:17:09If they're allowed to get hold of it.
01:17:11You always succeed in getting back to Percy Filth in the end, don't you?
01:17:14Always.
01:17:14No, I don't, Beryl.
01:17:16You do.
01:17:16I always fail.
01:17:18Do you know what some girls find extremely likeable?
01:17:20The extremely likeable way some boys stare at every girl they see.
01:17:23Boys like it when girls tell them what N-O spells.
01:17:26Especially for the 600th time.
01:17:28That they really dig.
01:17:29You never say dig.
01:17:31I did then.
01:17:33Your passionate, unrequited love for 11 boring men kicking a ball about.
01:17:37That's really lovable.
01:17:39I never knew you thought that.
01:17:42Neither did I.
01:17:44Do now, though.
01:17:45I used to say dig before I met you.
01:17:59I used to say all sorts of things.
01:18:05There's a lot about me I can't even remember.
01:18:07I used to say all sorts of things.
01:18:15I used to say all sorts of things.
01:18:28Thinking what I'm thinking?
01:18:34Think so.
01:18:35We just don't like each other.
01:18:38At all.
01:18:45Oh, goodbye, then.
01:18:53Good luck.
01:18:55Peace, ma'am.
01:19:00St Anne's Square.
01:19:01St Anne's Square, please.
01:19:02So that just leaves a cot, two matinee coats, two romper suits, and what else do I need?
01:19:22Oh, yes, a ring.
01:19:24Teething ring?
01:19:26Wedding ring?
01:19:27Of course.
01:19:28Oh, they have gorgeous plans in the shops these days.
01:19:32No wonder everyone's at it.
01:19:35Oh, sorry.
01:19:37What about?
01:19:38Skip it.
01:19:40About time, too, with her sympathy.
01:19:43Not that I need any, actually. I've never been as happy in me life.
01:19:47But she doesn't know that.
01:19:49If I'm looking miserable, Sandra, it's because I'm feeling happy for you.
01:19:54Yeah.
01:19:57We know what you must be thinking.
01:19:59Of course we do.
01:20:00How to pop the pink without going in and off.
01:20:08Ace.
01:20:11She used to wear pink, you know.
01:20:13I won't tell you where.
01:20:14A hell of a lot more where hers came from.
01:20:19Wow.
01:20:24Did you want the chalk, Geoffrey?
01:20:26I know.
01:20:27Spells no.
01:20:30Super day for it.
01:20:33Sin being inside a day like this.
01:20:35Well, Sandra, this is it.
01:20:39Yep.
01:20:40The big day.
01:20:42Yep.
01:20:43Coming to the crutch.
01:20:44Crunch.
01:20:45I dare say it'll hardly break my heart in the slightest seeing him again.
01:20:51You mustn't think I'll be crying inside because I most definitely won't be.
01:20:55And what's more, no one will know that I am.
01:20:58Because I shan't.
01:20:59Truly.
01:21:02Sandra, please, you've enough to think of.
01:21:04It's a big day for you as well, really, isn't it?
01:21:16And now one of the bride and groom on their own.
01:21:19Do you mind stepping back, sir?
01:21:21Fine.
01:21:22This is fine enough.
01:21:23Here?
01:21:23About there, lovely.
01:21:25You can kiss the bride on this one, sir.
01:21:28Wow.
01:21:28Official permission to actually kiss her.
01:21:32Ow!
01:21:33Oh, sorry.
01:21:36That's right.
01:21:37Hold it.
01:21:39Lovely.
01:21:40Right, now, a nice family group of the parents, please.
01:21:43Right, parents.
01:21:44I remember the Friday lunchtime they first met.
01:21:48How have you been?
01:21:50Absolutely great.
01:21:52You?
01:21:52Never better.
01:21:54Ever.
01:21:58It's all over now.
01:21:59Bar the salmon salad.
01:22:02It's tuna fish.
01:22:04It's life.
01:22:12See, President Nixon went to China, then.
01:22:15That was before we ever met.
01:22:17I know.
01:22:18Why?
01:22:19Has something happened about it?
01:22:21No.
01:22:21Oh?
01:22:22Could I trouble you for the salad cream, please?
01:22:24Hmm.
01:22:27Speaking personally, I think there are enough problems to sort out on Earth without going to the moon.
01:22:33Nixon?
01:22:33Why is he going?
01:22:35Why is he going?
01:22:36No.
01:22:38The astronauts.
01:22:39Oh.
01:22:41It's the wives and sweethearts I feel sorry for.
01:22:43We never really talk, did we, about things that matter?
01:22:49Good, isn't it?
01:22:51Shows we're friends.
01:22:52Now that we know we don't like each other.
01:22:54Everybody thinks we're broken hearted.
01:22:56Everybody thinks we're broken hearted.
01:23:01We've really grown up, haven't we?
01:23:03My mother's convinced herself we split up because we had too much Percy filth.
01:23:07I'm right off it myself.
01:23:09I've been able to walk off buses perfectly normally for the past few weeks.
01:23:12Oh, I expect it's only temporary.
01:23:16I hope not.
01:23:17It's marvellous.
01:23:18Good.
01:23:18I don't fancy you in the slightest now.
01:23:22Thank you, love.
01:23:26Still off the food, I noticed.
01:23:32And we've learned a fantastic amount for the future.
01:23:35Fantastic.
01:23:36For example, say I finally did marry someone like you, only someone I love.
01:23:41I bet I'd now let him wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks every night.
01:23:46In bed a bit.
01:23:48And you'll probably meet some little fatty who's never even heard of Kenny Warhol and marry her three days later.
01:23:59We probably won't see each other at all now, we're pals.
01:24:02I expect you're going to the match this afternoon.
01:24:04Oh, yeah.
01:24:05I'm helping Sandra Packer go in a way case.
01:24:08Where's she going?
01:24:09Hospital.
01:24:13Well, we'll bump into each other sometime.
01:24:18We'll bump into each other here.
01:24:22We'll bump into each other.
01:24:22We'll bump into each other.
01:24:26č―
01:24:42Hello, Mrs. Battersby. You won't remember me.
01:25:01Good afternoon, Geoffrey.
01:25:05Is Beryl there, please?
01:25:08She's gone to the football match.
01:25:12There is no football. It's cricket now.
01:25:15Well, it's the same thing, isn't it?
01:25:39Hi!
01:25:42When's the kick-off?
01:25:45In about three months. Football season's over now, Beryl.
01:25:49What on earth did you want to come for?
01:25:52I forgot. I'm not all that interested these days.
01:25:57Where will you go now, then?
01:26:00I don't know.
01:26:04I could always go inside and practice booing for next season.
01:26:10Where will you?
01:26:12Might go and get a new pair of tights.
01:26:14Hey, it's like the countryside, isn't it, when it's empty?
01:26:17Fancy a stroll in the country?
01:26:19May as well. If you like. Don't mind. Why not?
01:26:24Just as friends.
01:26:26Oh, I meant just as friends.
01:26:27Yeah, I did.
01:26:36Wish we had a ball.
01:26:39Could play shooting in.
01:26:43You could go in goal.
01:26:44Yeah.
01:26:49Amazing how people change, isn't it?
01:26:51Well, we're certainly much happier without each other.
01:27:06We'll be even happier with someone else.
01:27:24Anyone, really.
01:27:26Anyone, really.
01:27:34There's millions to choose from.
01:27:38All nearly exactly right for us.
01:27:42You'll find someone, Geoffrey.
01:27:44You will, Beryl.
01:27:46Just a matter of keeping your eyes open, really.
01:27:50Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:56To our families ...
01:28:08To our families ...
01:28:16We're little here, bloodíia.
01:28:19You got sick!
01:28:20You have sick, you have sick.
01:28:23And you'll find sometimes
01:28:33Love and rainy weather can turn out fine
01:28:38Getting wet together's fun
01:28:41When the crying's dark
01:28:47Love and rainy weather
01:28:51Are followed by the sun
01:28:58Love and rainy weather
01:29:00Love and rainy weather
01:29:05When the crying's dark
01:29:12Love and rainy weather
01:29:16Are followed by the sun
01:29:23Love and rainy weather
01:29:25Love and rainy weather
01:29:30I'llã configuration and plan onŲŲ
01:29:33Toilet
01:29:38Love and rainy weather
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