- 7 weeks ago
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:30CastingWords
00:01:00CastingWords
00:01:02CastingWords
00:01:04CastingWord
00:01:06CastingWords
00:01:08But we live in a permissive society!
00:01:10Not on this street, we don't.
00:01:12Everybody's at it!
00:01:14Not with me, they're not.
00:01:16Girls are supposed to be crying out for it.
00:01:18Not this one.
00:01:20I'm the silent majority.
00:01:22It's only madness these days.
00:01:24Total strangers do it now instead of shaking hands.
00:01:26Jesus! God is Lord!
00:01:30Jesus!
00:01:56We've never seen him in real life, though.
00:01:58And he's picturing the papers.
00:02:00Oh, come on, Sandra, let's go.
00:02:02No, I don't want to. I want to wait.
00:02:04Oh, Neil, that's standing out here. It's stupid.
00:02:06But he might come in a minute.
00:02:07Somebody waited ages yesterday and he never turned up there.
00:02:09But that was yesterday. He might be here today.
00:02:11Oh, no. That little birdie dust standing here.
00:02:13Come on.
00:02:14Come on. You're supposed to be going shopping.
00:02:16Oh, wait. Please, let's go.
00:02:21Oh, no.
00:02:23I told you so, didn't I?
00:02:24But I feel a right twit now.
00:02:27I don't fancy yours.
00:02:29Which is mine?
00:02:31Any, except the blonde.
00:02:33Oh, good.
00:02:36Who are being stared at? Where?
00:02:41I don't fancy yours.
00:02:45Which is mine?
00:02:46Any.
00:02:47Except the blonde or the one with the yellow legs.
00:02:51Thanks. Neither do I.
00:02:55Fancy the one with the twitch?
00:02:59About as much as Mountsy-Tung's granddad, with all due respect.
00:03:03To his granddad.
00:03:05Ask him if they do a turn.
00:03:07You.
00:03:09I thought we were giving sex up. There's a protest at never getting any.
00:03:13Ignore them.
00:03:22Hi.
00:03:24Hi.
00:03:25Hi.
00:03:26Hi.
00:03:32Peace, ma'am.
00:03:33Were you, er, hoping to see Georgie Best?
00:03:36He's in Majorca.
00:03:39Come on, then.
00:03:40May only get an hour for lunch.
00:03:43It's a discotheque in Albert Square.
00:03:52Come on.
00:03:54I thought we were going for tights.
00:03:58It's our lunch hour.
00:04:01It's ours.
00:04:02We were going for lunch.
00:04:08Shall I tell you something pretty mind-blowing about Majorca?
00:04:11It's one place I've never been.
00:04:14Pardon?
00:04:17I'm, er, Geoffrey.
00:04:19I don't happen to be attached.
00:04:22I'm Beryl.
00:04:23I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:24I don't have to be surprised.
00:04:40Don't you worry.
00:04:45Love and rainy weather may sound funny
00:04:48But they go together fine
00:04:53Every single time
00:04:58First you're up there
00:05:04On another plane
00:05:06And then you're nowhere
00:05:08And the tears are raining down
00:05:13It's a run around
00:05:18Love and rainy weather
00:05:23Sure can get you down
00:05:31Not going twisting tonight then?
00:05:37That's the modern name for it, isn't it?
00:05:39What? Cutting a rug.
00:05:42Pardon?
00:05:44Grooving, Mildred.
00:05:46It's called grooving nowadays
00:05:48Grooving and or freaking
00:05:50Right?
00:05:51What I'm not doing tonight
00:05:52Right
00:05:54Right on
00:05:55You're staying in tonight then?
00:05:57Tonight?
00:05:58Tomorrow night?
00:05:59Every night
00:06:01You might sell me overcoat
00:06:03Life's not all pleasure, you know
00:06:05Really?
00:06:06Mildred, don't hassle the lad
00:06:08Hassle
00:06:10It's a different world today, Mildred
00:06:12We had a week's honeymoon in Blackpool for what this finny haddy cost
00:06:16They do their own thing
00:06:18The usual 1,300 weight
00:06:20Yes please
00:06:22Now that's the new world that we work for
00:06:26And fought for
00:06:28Full page advert for contraception
00:06:30It's his birthright
00:06:32I'm not hungry
00:06:34I'm not hungry
00:06:36What's that supposed to mean?
00:06:38It's the hip way cool people say I'm not hungry
00:06:40I enjoy staying in chatting of an evening
00:06:42I find it fantastically enjoyable
00:06:46No really?
00:06:48I really do
00:06:50Some people don't
00:06:52I do
00:06:54Beryl
00:06:56Please take my word for it
00:06:58Paul McCartney's never going to ring that doorbell
00:07:00And invite you to the pictures
00:07:02Paul McCartney who?
00:07:04He doesn't know you've been faithful to him ever since our day's night
00:07:06And please don't say Paul McCartney who
00:07:08I sacrifice too much for your 6-0 levels
00:07:10You were terrific in the pictures
00:07:12I never touched you
00:07:14Terrific self-conditioning
00:07:16Terrific self-conditioning
00:07:18No really?
00:07:19No really?
00:07:20No really?
00:07:21No really?
00:07:22No really?
00:07:23I really do
00:07:24Some people don't
00:07:25I do
00:07:26Beryl
00:07:27Please take my word for it
00:07:29Paul McCartney's never going to ring that doorbell
00:07:31And invite you to the pictures
00:07:32Paul McCartney who?
00:07:33I never touched you
00:07:35Terrific self-control
00:07:41What did you say your name was?
00:07:43Mind you, just a weekend I'd do with you, Paul
00:07:51Not a dirty weekend
00:07:53A disgusting one
00:07:57Night-night, Percy Filth
00:08:07Have you always been insatiable?
00:08:09It's not my fault
00:08:11It's just that I don't like blondes
00:08:15It- it's psychosomatic
00:08:17I'm sorry
00:08:25sensational it's not my fault it's just that I don't like blondes it's
00:08:36psychosomatic. I'm sorry.
00:08:43Oh Sandra, it is almost blonde in this light.
00:09:07what's wrong? just being brave. what about? ending it all before we hurt each other too
00:09:21much. it's our first date. probably wasted your entire evening haven't I? not yet.
00:09:32not if your parents aren't back till midnight. don't you think you're too old
00:09:39for this sort of thing? straight from Stanley Matthews to Bridget Bardot you
00:09:44went overnight. that was when you were too young for this sort of thing. it's
00:09:49artistic mother. like your Tutankhamen butter dish.
00:10:02what? got it. got what? you now ask if I never want to see you again. I say I do.
00:10:10you then stop crying quick as a flash and say something like how about Sunday
00:10:15half seven outside central library? no I don't. tomorrow half seven outside central
00:10:21library. then when I say okay does your zip miraculously undo? it does not.
00:10:29thought it did. not till you've unfastened the press stud.
00:10:34I can see her doing your ironing and cooking and cleaning. you wouldn't need to book for the
00:10:40Christmas pantomime. I don't intend to marry her mother. in case it interferes with my career.
00:10:46we're just good friends. good night.
00:10:49Miss Bardot. marry me. you know what they say? once you've had a Manchester lad you never touch anything else.
00:11:1419th! 19th! 19th! 19th! 19th! 19th! 19th! 19th! 19th! 19th! 19th! 19th! 19th! 19th! 19th! 19th! 19th! 19th! 19th! 19th! 19th! 19th! 19th! 19th! 19th! 19th! 19th! 19th! 19th! 19th! 19th! 19th! 19th! 19th! 19th! 19th! 19th! 19th! 19th! 19th! 19th! 19th! 19th! 19th! 19th! 19th! 19th! 19th! 19th! 19th! 19th! 19th! 19th! 19th! 19th! 19th! 19th! 19th! 19th! 19th! 19th! 19th! 19th! 19th! 19th! 19th! 19th! 19th! 19th! 19th! 19th! 19th! 19th! 19th
00:11:44Did you get much?
00:11:47Did you?
00:11:52Did you know that raping Princess Anne was a capital offence?
00:11:55Not that I have done.
00:11:57Paid him for a change instead.
00:12:14Ticket? I ain't got me ticket.
00:12:20We're late already.
00:12:22See you behind the goal then.
00:12:40Well, now its beauty sleep's done nothing for her.
00:12:44It's a beauty old bag.
00:12:49Trendy.
00:12:51Crimson shoes with bottle green socks.
00:12:54Must be going steady with a set of traffic lights.
00:12:57Still, who else would have him?
00:13:00Anyway, they're all the same in the dark.
00:13:03Rumour has it.
00:13:11Different girl every night.
00:13:12You can tell her tight.
00:13:15Probably an omen seeing her before the match.
00:13:18Bet we lose 3-1.
00:13:20Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:13:23At least I've got me proud.
00:13:25Oh, hello.
00:13:26Oh, hello.
00:13:28Oh, hi.
00:13:29Hi.
00:13:30Didn't see you.
00:13:31No, Normie.
00:13:33Are you going that way?
00:13:35Yeah.
00:13:36Not specially, no.
00:13:38Are you going that?
00:13:40Yeah, well...
00:13:41Um, no.
00:13:42I was...
00:13:43I sort of...
00:13:44Going to the football match?
00:13:46Are you?
00:13:47Shopping.
00:13:48I'm probably going to the pictures tonight.
00:13:49I am.
00:13:50Which?
00:13:51Which are you?
00:13:52Any.
00:13:53I am.
00:13:54See you then.
00:13:55Tonight?
00:13:56Pardon?
00:13:57Oh, I...
00:13:58All right then.
00:13:59Right.
00:14:00Super socks.
00:14:01Did you see that?
00:14:02They're all on drugs.
00:14:03A lot of them.
00:14:04Ah!
00:14:05Ah!
00:14:06Ah!
00:14:07Ah!
00:14:08Ah!
00:14:09Ah!
00:14:10Ah!
00:14:11Ah!
00:14:12Ah!
00:14:13Ah!
00:14:14Ah!
00:14:16Ah!
00:14:17Ah!
00:14:18Ah!
00:14:19Ah!
00:14:20Ah!
00:14:21Ah!
00:14:22Ah!
00:14:23Ah!
00:14:24Ah!
00:14:25Ah!
00:14:26Ah!
00:14:27Ah!
00:14:28Ah!
00:14:29Ah!
00:14:30Ah!
00:14:31Ah!
00:14:32Ah!
00:14:33Ah!
00:14:34Ah!
00:14:35Ah!
00:14:36Ah!
00:14:37Ah!
00:14:38Ah!
00:14:41Ah!
00:14:42Ah!
00:14:43Ah!
00:14:44Ah!
00:14:45Ah!
00:14:46The score?
00:14:46Losin, 3-1.
00:14:483-1!
00:15:00Excuse me.
00:15:17Excuse me, I...
00:15:22I only go to restaurants with deaf waiters.
00:15:25Ah.
00:15:27Hi.
00:15:30Hello, mate.
00:15:32Oh, um...
00:15:33Peace man.
00:15:34Surprise, surprise.
00:15:35Surprise.
00:15:36Been anywhere controversial?
00:15:38Pictures.
00:15:39The boyfriend.
00:15:40She's slim.
00:15:41I'm just going to the...
00:15:42Oh, I'll come with you.
00:15:46Are you and Beryl, um...
00:15:48You know.
00:15:50Uh...
00:15:51You know.
00:15:53Oh.
00:15:57Would you, uh...
00:16:01What do you sort of reckon?
00:16:03She's a...
00:16:04Fair sort of bird.
00:16:05Sorry, sorry.
00:16:06She's all right.
00:16:07Yes.
00:16:08I mean, nothing sensational, obviously.
00:16:10Geoffrey.
00:16:11She's a bird.
00:16:12You're having a coffee with us?
00:16:13No thanks, kid.
00:16:14Neville's ravenous.
00:16:15You've just eaten.
00:16:16Oh, of course, yeah.
00:16:17Sorry.
00:16:18You see, what I think was always trying to do...
00:16:19By implication.
00:16:20Probably by implication.
00:16:21Was to allow the images to provoke a moral response from our own aesthetic judgment.
00:16:24You see?
00:16:25Yes.
00:16:26Was he the errand boy?
00:16:27Was he the errand boy?
00:16:28Was he the errand boy?
00:16:29He can think of.
00:16:30Oh, yeah.
00:16:31You're having a coffee with us.
00:16:32No, thanks, kid.
00:16:33Neville's ravenous.
00:16:34You've just eaten.
00:16:35Oh, of course, yeah.
00:16:36Sorry.
00:16:37You see, what I think was always trying to do...
00:16:39By implication.
00:16:40Probably by implication.
00:16:41Was to allow the images to provoke a moral response from our own aesthetic judgment.
00:16:45You see?
00:16:46Yes.
00:16:47Was he the errand boy?
00:16:48Was who the errand boy?
00:16:49Ken Thingy.
00:16:50He directed it.
00:16:51Oh, yes.
00:16:52I was probably thinking of Andy Warhol.
00:16:53Probably.
00:16:54You're not like other boys at all, are you?
00:16:56Well, probably a little more mature, that's all.
00:16:57It's over 200 yards from the cinema.
00:16:58And you're not like other boys at all, are you?
00:16:59Well, probably a little more mature, that's all.
00:17:01It's over 200 yards from the cinema.
00:17:03Can you see?
00:17:04And you talk to me the whole way?
00:17:05Like a person.
00:17:06Other boys seem to have one-track minds these days.
00:17:07Sex?
00:17:08Marriage.
00:17:09Pardon?
00:17:10The number of boys that asked me to marry them.
00:17:11A couple of dates and pal they want to get married.
00:17:12Oh, yes.
00:17:13Oh, yes.
00:17:14Oh, yes.
00:17:15Oh, yes.
00:17:16Oh, yes.
00:17:17Oh, yes.
00:17:18Oh, yes.
00:17:19Oh, yes.
00:17:20Oh, yes.
00:17:21Oh, yes.
00:17:22Oh, yes.
00:17:23Oh, yes.
00:17:24Oh, yes.
00:17:25Oh, yes.
00:17:26Oh, yes.
00:17:27Oh, yes.
00:17:28Oh, yes.
00:17:29Oh, yes.
00:17:30Oh, yes.
00:17:31Oh, yes.
00:17:32A couple of dates and pal they want to get married.
00:17:35I want to live a bit before I get married.
00:17:37I suppose I just don't have a hang-up about it.
00:17:40Get married?
00:17:42Hmm.
00:17:43No.
00:17:48Actually, I find girls, most girls, that is,
00:17:51a bit obsessed these days.
00:17:54Not marriage.
00:17:56No.
00:17:57Sex.
00:17:59Percy Phil.
00:18:01Sex.
00:18:02That's what I said.
00:18:04Oh.
00:18:05Well, I'm not like that.
00:18:08Not passive health motivated.
00:18:10No.
00:18:11No.
00:18:12No.
00:18:13Did you want to say any more about Andy Warhol?
00:18:16Ken Russell.
00:18:17Yeah.
00:18:18No.
00:18:19No.
00:18:20This is it.
00:18:21No.
00:18:22No.
00:18:23No.
00:18:24No.
00:18:25No.
00:18:26No.
00:18:27No.
00:18:28No.
00:18:29No.
00:18:30No.
00:18:31No.
00:18:32No.
00:18:33No.
00:18:34No.
00:18:35No.
00:18:36No.
00:18:37No.
00:18:38No.
00:18:39No.
00:18:40No.
00:18:41No.
00:18:42No.
00:18:43No.
00:18:44No.
00:18:45No.
00:18:46No.
00:18:47No.
00:18:48No.
00:18:49No.
00:18:50No.
00:18:51No.
00:18:52No.
00:18:53No.
00:18:54No.
00:18:55Oh.
00:18:56Anywhere my mum's gone to bed, we'd be on our own.
00:18:58Is that a reason for me not coming in, though?
00:18:59Yes, Geoffrey.
00:19:00Oh.
00:19:01Nice house.
00:19:0325 year mortgage.
00:19:05Well, thanks for seeing me home.
00:19:08It's funny, isn't it?
00:19:11First date with someone.
00:19:12It always leads to one of three things.
00:19:14Either nothing.
00:19:15Or something.
00:19:16Or everything.
00:19:17What?
00:19:18What?
00:19:19No.
00:19:20No.
00:19:21No.
00:19:22No.
00:19:23No.
00:19:24No.
00:19:25No.
00:19:26No.
00:19:27No.
00:19:28No.
00:19:29No.
00:19:30No.
00:19:31No.
00:19:32No.
00:19:33No.
00:19:34No.
00:19:35No.
00:19:36No.
00:19:37No.
00:19:38No.
00:19:39No.
00:19:40No.
00:19:41No.
00:19:42No.
00:19:43No.
00:19:44No.
00:19:45No, I'm not.
00:19:46No, I'm not.
00:19:48I won't give you me phone number, in case you think I'm one of those scheming females.
00:20:02What is it?
00:20:03I won't give you my phone number in case you think I'm one of those scheming females.
00:20:08What is it?
00:20:09327-4421.
00:20:11The easy way to remember it is the three and the two make five, which is two less than seven,
00:20:15then two fours, and half of four which is two, and half of two which is one.
00:20:19Erm...
00:20:20But you mustn't ring me if you don't want.
00:20:22No.
00:20:23But you can if you do.
00:20:24Do you want me to?
00:20:25Not if you'd rather not.
00:20:27327-4421.
00:20:29Night.
00:20:331-.
00:20:37Well, hello, Mrs. Battersby.
00:21:02Beryl's brought you up a cup of tea.
00:21:04Oh, the all of me past life flashed before me then.
00:21:07Can't be Mother's Day.
00:21:13You'd have forgotten.
00:21:15Has there been any clips?
00:21:17Mum, I want the benefit of your experience.
00:21:22What do you think of Andy Warhol?
00:21:24You see, Geoffrey has this theory that by implication...
00:21:27Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:28Of course, Geoffrey knows about these things.
00:21:31These things.
00:21:33Everything.
00:21:34Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:35He's fantastically intelligent.
00:21:37See, Geoffrey's idea...
00:21:39Beryl, who's Geoffrey?
00:21:42Oh, no one.
00:21:47No one's special.
00:21:53His name's Geoffrey.
00:21:54How did this Beryl Bird turn out last night, then?
00:22:02What Beryl Bird?
00:22:03I told him.
00:22:04Did she, uh...
00:22:06Does she, uh...
00:22:08What?
00:22:09Oh, wow.
00:22:15She doesn't, then.
00:22:17You don't listen, do you?
00:22:18I said...
00:22:19How about Sundry?
00:22:27Chips.
00:22:28Chums.
00:22:28Sod.
00:22:29Not seeing him tonight, then.
00:22:40Who?
00:22:45I've rather better things to do, thank you.
00:22:47I said he was no one special.
00:22:58Have they got a phone here?
00:23:01Why?
00:23:03They haven't, have they?
00:23:05Do you want to get some nookie lined up or something?
00:23:08If I did, do you think I'd be playing darts with you two?
00:23:11Look, are you fed up here?
00:23:14Are you?
00:23:15We'll split after this game.
00:23:16Anything you say.
00:23:17We can go for a few of the King's Head.
00:23:19Great.
00:23:21And that ends our probe.
00:23:23Well, Monday tomorrow.
00:23:25Hallelujah.
00:23:26Pardon?
00:23:28I don't know what you're paying for that phone,
00:23:29but whatever it is, you're being done.
00:23:32Good night.
00:23:32Good night.
00:24:01Good morning.
00:24:01Good morning.
00:24:02Good night.
00:24:32Good night.
00:24:34why do we always do that 93 times a day we never see anything
00:25:04my timing not disturbing your singing i hope see jeffrey on sunday
00:25:20oh jeffrey that neville's the greatest
00:25:26is he dishy or is he dishy
00:25:32i'm considering packing jeffrey in one day it was enough
00:25:40why he's cancer and i'm libra is that bad hopeless
00:25:47actually i'm slightly off the male gender at the moment
00:25:51five five which is which is three and two is five which is two less than seven
00:26:07which is i see the spanish police are throwing your lot out of ibiza
00:26:16bank clerks your lot football supporters hippies oh
00:26:24my lot
00:26:26at the third stroke it will be 7 22 and 40 seconds
00:26:31it will be 7 22 and 50 seconds
00:26:38that's it then fate all over by 7 23 precisely
00:26:45so what plenty more where she came from
00:26:52is that the speaking clock is that jeffrey is that beryl
00:26:59yes yes hi hi
00:27:05it's terrifically exciting isn't it getting to know a person
00:27:27fantastic
00:27:30i want to know all about you
00:27:34that's what it's all about
00:27:36for example with things in common already
00:27:41definitely
00:27:42like what
00:27:46we're enormously fond of animals
00:27:51right
00:27:53and we're both from manchester
00:27:56have you ever been abroad
00:28:01no
00:28:02have you
00:28:04no
00:28:05unless you count istanbul
00:28:08istan
00:28:09was it beyond belief
00:28:11belief
00:28:12i don't know i was only three
00:28:14do you ever get the feeling you've been somewhere before
00:28:21sometimes
00:28:23i do
00:28:24what now
00:28:27no
00:28:30just
00:28:31just sometimes
00:28:32yes i do
00:28:35yes i do
00:28:39such a lot isn't there
00:28:41in getting to know a person
00:28:43hmm
00:28:44he was live and easy-limbed
00:28:51his stride quietly casual
00:28:54his eyes clear and confident
00:28:56and his strong mouth ready to break into a relaxed assured lopsided grin
00:29:02you know jeffrey you have a really lopsided grin
00:29:09really you know lopsided
00:29:12i don't think i have
00:29:16it's in the eye of the beholder
00:29:18see
00:29:21jeffrey doesn't need someone else when he's tying a knot
00:29:25he holds it down with his little finger
00:29:28it must be marvelous being a man
00:29:32it's okay i suppose
00:29:34men can do anything
00:29:36conquer everest
00:29:38do heart transplants
00:29:40become leader of the opposition
00:29:42anything
00:29:52jeffrey no spells no
00:29:54it's good for your circulation beryl
00:29:57read any women's magazine
00:29:59it's good for theirs too
00:30:00i'm not sure they recommend percifilth on tuesdays
00:30:03i only see you on tuesdays and saturdays
00:30:06all saturdays
00:30:07beryl
00:30:10beryl
00:30:14beryl
00:30:15oh jeffrey bubbles bumble
00:30:17oh beryl
00:30:19oh jeffrey
00:30:20oh beryl
00:30:22are you all right what exactly happened don't tell me
00:30:25i just had a sharp attack of dramatic irony
00:30:28pardon
00:30:34come back
00:30:35they're better
00:30:36it's better
00:30:37i'm okay
00:30:39i told you it's going to pour
00:30:43it's not
00:30:44it's not
00:30:45it's only the angels crying
00:30:53i know how they feel
00:30:56well don't blame me i haven't done anything
00:30:59that's true
00:31:00that's not true beryl i have apologized
00:31:04i keep going down on me knees when i'm talking to you
00:31:07independent observers think i'm training to be a cossack dancer
00:31:11it must be a bad line i can't hear you
00:31:14you'd better apologize again
00:31:17i apologize again
00:31:19gosh this lousy line
00:31:22i wonder if jeffrey would like to come to tea on sunday
00:31:26pardon
00:31:28pardon
00:31:29pardon
00:31:30is that who i think it is
00:31:33no dear
00:31:34well isn't this nice
00:31:47sardine sandwich
00:31:52is it all sardine
00:31:53yeah
00:31:54she's got her own trawler
00:32:03isn't it awful
00:32:04what
00:32:05i was speaking to jeffrey
00:32:07what's happening in the world i blame the politicians
00:32:10what for
00:32:11for what's happening
00:32:12in the world
00:32:14talk to her
00:32:17i can't speak portuguese
00:32:21tasty
00:32:23very in oil
00:32:26nice in oil
00:32:28she's got a bad leg
00:32:31the bread's extremely wholesome
00:32:33i have this little baker down the road
00:32:35he does something with the bleach
00:32:37yes
00:32:40yes
00:32:47i can't do long conversations about sardine sandwiches
00:32:49your mind goes blank
00:32:54start thinking about life after death
00:33:01oh that neville honestly
00:33:03number of hearts he must have broken
00:33:05every girl in manchester nearly
00:33:07jeffrey definitely has
00:33:10probably even more
00:33:11air hostesses
00:33:14all sorts
00:33:16tell me about your terrible past jeffrey
00:33:19i haven't had one yet
00:33:20white man speak with forked tongue
00:33:23actually i was hoping more for a terrible future
00:33:24hmm
00:33:25actually i was hoping more for a terrible future
00:33:32wow is that the time
00:33:34at this moment in time
00:33:35what have i done
00:33:36what have i done
00:33:37is neville the insanely jealous type
00:33:39right in the slightest
00:33:41you're lucky
00:33:42why is jeffrey
00:33:43wow
00:33:45you're not jealous of all my ex flames are you
00:33:47course not
00:33:48why should i be
00:33:49please stop interrogating me jeffrey forget it
00:33:53that's all in the past
00:33:56then nothing to be jealous about
00:33:59who needs drama
00:34:03so i shouted back at her
00:34:04no shop assistant shouts at me i shouted
00:34:06in the end neville nearly bolted me for swearing
00:34:09he thumped you
00:34:11walloped you on
00:34:12no
00:34:13i said nearly
00:34:15you never thump me will you
00:34:16like neville does sundra
00:34:17she adores it
00:34:18of course not
00:34:19no
00:34:20jeffrey
00:34:21percy filth isn't the only thing
00:34:23you never thump me will you
00:34:24like neville does sundra
00:34:25she adores it
00:34:26of course not
00:34:27no
00:34:28jeffrey
00:34:29percy filth isn't the only thing in life
00:34:32isn't even one of the things in mine
00:34:33you used to talk to me
00:34:34all right
00:34:35let's talk
00:34:36jeffrey i've just had the most super idea
00:34:40why is your mum going out
00:34:43may as well pack in really
00:34:46why
00:34:48why
00:35:01why not
00:35:02good thinking
00:35:09thanks for a stimulating few weeks
00:35:11you too it was real
00:35:13psychedelic
00:35:15you can keep me grateful dead lp
00:35:17was scratched anyway
00:35:18it's been a gas
00:35:20groovy
00:35:21i won't wave from the window
00:35:24no
00:35:25i won't look back anyway
00:35:26good
00:35:27it's been a gas
00:35:28you've said that once
00:35:40you're well red barrel
00:35:41there's plenty more fish in the sea
00:35:43about three very lonely sardines
00:35:50mother please don't try raising one eyebrow at me
00:35:52you know you can't do it
00:36:00you'll never thump me will you jeffrey
00:36:02ow
00:36:04i've just had the most super idea
00:36:06are we going to put it up
00:36:07no
00:36:08we're going to pack it in
00:36:09don't say that
00:36:10please don't say that
00:36:11that
00:36:12that
00:36:19sandra
00:36:20sandra
00:36:21sandra
00:36:22you're sandra
00:36:23mine
00:36:24two months
00:36:25two months nine days
00:36:26is she positive
00:36:29the test was
00:36:30what are you going to do
00:36:32she'll think of something
00:36:34sandra it's stupendous
00:36:37congratulations i hope you'll both be very happy
00:36:41oh thanks kid
00:36:43sandra i don't know how you do it
00:36:46pe Orange
00:36:48morphine
00:36:51the
00:36:54the
00:36:55the
00:36:57the
00:37:00the
00:37:01the
00:37:03the
00:37:07the
00:37:08the
00:37:13the
00:37:14John for Pope.
00:37:42Long may reign.
00:37:50Aren't you, er... Yeah.
00:37:55And you're, er... That's right.
00:37:58Going somewhere incredible. I'm meeting my parents.
00:38:01Taking them to see Fiddler on the roof. That's pretty incredible.
00:38:05Your mummy and daddy.
00:38:08Er... Oh, hell no. That's tomorrow.
00:38:12If I'm in the mood.
00:38:15Where you are.
00:38:18Depends where you take me.
00:38:21All I was saying about your friend with the glasses...
00:38:31Roland.
00:38:32Roland.
00:38:33Is that I found him intellectually unaware and psychologically incredibly boring.
00:38:38It's not bad at snooker.
00:38:41And how are you and little Beryl?
00:38:44Didn't she tell you?
00:38:46I don't work there anymore.
00:38:48I packed her in.
00:38:50Did she turn you on?
00:39:00Beryl?
00:39:01Yeah.
00:39:02I haven't really looked.
00:39:07I've seen one.
00:39:08You've seen one.
00:39:09You've seen them all.
00:39:10Not quite all.
00:39:13I'll go and get me coat.
00:39:15It must be my birthday.
00:39:16Boys aren't the only thing in life Beryl.
00:39:18I do wish you'd find one.
00:39:21They aren't all after Percy Filth.
00:39:22Yes, they are.
00:39:23Mmm.
00:39:24Oh, you were terrific on the bus.
00:39:25Was it?
00:39:26Mmm.
00:39:27Terrific self-control.
00:39:28Joan of Arch never married yet she led a happy life.
00:39:41Or am I thinking of someone else?
00:39:42Mmm. Oh, you were terrific on the bus.
00:39:46Was I?
00:39:48Mmm. Terrific self-control.
00:39:53Joan of Arc never married, yet she led a full and happy life.
00:39:57Or am I thinking of someone else?
00:39:59Mother, I don't happen to be interested in boys.
00:40:02I happen to be interested in having early nights and writing poetry in bed with me Moe Felt-tip pen.
00:40:06It's run out of ink. I used it for me laundry list.
00:40:09My God, your generation's got a few things to answer for.
00:40:13Mmm. Mmm. Mmm, please. Mmm, don't.
00:40:18Please. You can't ravish a girl on her own doorstep.
00:40:23Well, let's go inside, then.
00:40:26Smooth-talking bastard.
00:40:33It is me birthday.
00:40:34What about the boy with the freckles from Shakespeare Crescent?
00:40:40I don't believe that question.
00:40:42You used to be crazy about him.
00:40:45I was 11 years old. He used to let me chalk on his tortoise.
00:40:49I was 12 years old. He used to close to his tortoise but better.
00:40:54I've been a girl in the lacuna Emperor and Paul for three hours.
00:40:57I've been a girl in the cast.
00:40:59I've been a girl and hell in a lad a puppy.
00:41:00I've been a woman in the selính who has a bee and she was electorate.
00:41:02I've been a girl who has no idea why.
00:41:03I love her.
00:41:08I love her my boy molt dear.
00:41:08I'm a girl.
00:41:09She's a girl in my youngerと...
00:41:11I've had been a boy in thebas.
00:41:15Oh my sister.
00:41:17Men I didn't care.
00:41:18What's your name again? What's yours?
00:41:21Rock. That's not your real name.
00:41:24No. Steven.
00:41:27God, that turns me on.
00:41:37When I first met you in the street, I thought, just a quiet drink and a chat.
00:41:42Shows you the art of conversation ain't dead.
00:41:45Mmm! Mmm!
00:41:48Don't move a muscle, however gorgeous.
00:42:15Testing. Testing. Oh, Geoffrey Milleharp returns to the day.
00:42:22I wish you everything you've ever wished yourself.
00:42:24I'm fed up!
00:42:29Who are you? Who are you?
00:42:31Who are you? Who are you?
00:42:34Hmm. What are you fed up about?
00:42:37Teachers don't have to do homework.
00:42:40No.
00:42:41They just market. Anyone can market. They've got the answers.
00:42:46Do you know it's after two o'clock?
00:42:49What's he doing here, then?
00:42:51Well, er, this is your Uncle Steven.
00:42:54This is my revolting brother, Jeremy.
00:42:58How do you do?
00:42:59How do you do?
00:43:00Don't me mum and dad know he's here.
00:43:01Jeremy, bed.
00:43:02I could always wake him up and tell him.
00:43:04Jeremy, little boys need sleep.
00:43:07Do you know it's after two o'clock?
00:43:09What's he doing here, then?
00:43:11Well, er, this is your Uncle Steven.
00:43:15This is my revolting brother, Jeremy.
00:43:20How do you do?
00:43:22Don't me mum and dad know he's here.
00:43:24Jeremy, bed.
00:43:25I could always wake him up and tell him.
00:43:28Jeremy, little boys need sleep.
00:43:34Even big astronauts.
00:43:36Do you know where babies come from?
00:43:40Do you?
00:43:42Say no.
00:43:43No.
00:43:44I do.
00:43:45Say yes.
00:43:46Shall I tell you?
00:43:47He knows.
00:43:48The man has this male organ and some blood cells and erectile glands.
00:43:52And there's these 500 million spermatozoas in these testes that he has as well.
00:43:57And they go through his male organ into the female uterus that the lady has.
00:44:02Who told you that?
00:44:03Then they go to the fallopian tubes after that.
00:44:06One of them fertilises with the female egg.
00:44:09The others don't bother.
00:44:10Anyway, that's what you have to do.
00:44:13Then you have a baby.
00:44:15Did they teach you that at school?
00:44:17They do woodwork in the next class.
00:44:20Yes.
00:44:21People can only make babies at certain times of the year.
00:44:24But animals, like dogs and cats and giraffes, I think, do it all the time.
00:44:31No.
00:44:32That's people.
00:44:34What is?
00:44:38Well, people do it all the time.
00:44:44Whenever they feel like it.
00:44:50In the next class you can do metalwork if you don't like woodwork.
00:44:54Good night, Jeremy.
00:44:5725p?
00:44:5950.
00:45:0150.
00:45:12Good night, Uncle Stephen.
00:45:13And...
00:45:29Would you care for a government health warning?
00:45:34Hey, Veronica?
00:45:35Yes?
00:45:36Who the hell's Uncle Stephen at ten past two in the morning?
00:45:38A friend of Jeremy's.
00:45:39He's going now.
00:45:44Good night, love.
00:45:48We would have done that, wouldn't we?
00:45:49And how?
00:45:54You can't win them all, can you?
00:45:56Anyway, do you good going without for a change.
00:45:59Good night.
00:46:04Still, there's always another day.
00:46:06Tomorrow?
00:46:07No.
00:46:09Tomorrow's another day.
00:46:11Shh.
00:46:12Not unless you happen to be in Plymouth.
00:46:15Where?
00:46:16I'm joining the Wrens for three years.
00:46:20What Wrens?
00:46:21The Royal Navy's Wrens.
00:46:26This time tomorrow I'll be in barracks with about 50 other girls and 30,000 sailors.
00:46:31Hope I like it.
00:46:36Well, thanks for nearly everything.
00:46:40We definitely would have done, wouldn't we?
00:46:42Well, obviously.
00:46:44We're as good as dead, in a way, really.
00:46:46Almost.
00:46:47Just keep telling yourself and we will have only better.
00:46:52Goodnight, love.
00:46:54To our barrel.
00:46:55Morning, previous generation.
00:47:17Morning, previous generation.
00:47:26What's for breakfast?
00:47:31You knew it was your mother's birthday.
00:47:33Now, what we'd like to know is where were you while we were fiddling on the flaming roof?
00:47:37I'm sorry, Mum.
00:47:38I'll take you out another night. Something cropped up.
00:47:41Like what?
00:47:43Dad, you understand.
00:47:46I don't, Geoffrey.
00:47:48Well, you always say you do.
00:47:50Geoffrey, you're at it every night.
00:47:52Yes, Dad.
00:47:54And we don't complain.
00:47:55No, Dad.
00:47:56But last night was different.
00:47:58I knew you'd understand.
00:47:59I knew you'd understand.
00:48:29Charlton for Pope.
00:48:30Long me around.
00:48:31Amen.
00:48:33What's going on?
00:48:34Pound's down again.
00:48:36Up and down like a pair of knickers.
00:48:38You should know.
00:48:40Or me.
00:48:42Know what I mean?
00:48:44What a night.
00:48:46Wow.
00:48:48A lot.
00:48:50Including action replays in slow motion.
00:48:53Hey lads, I picked up a bit of spare last night.
00:48:59Who didn't?
00:49:00No, it's true.
00:49:02Yes, Geoffrey.
00:49:04It is.
00:49:05Yes, Geoffrey.
00:49:11Bloody is.
00:49:15Poor Geoffrey.
00:49:16Beryl, please.
00:49:17It's Neville's engagement party as well.
00:49:19He had to invite him.
00:49:21He'll see me.
00:49:23It's cruel.
00:49:24He'll see other girls.
00:49:26I shan't take him back, Sandra.
00:49:29I shan't.
00:49:31It's been two weeks.
00:49:32He may have got over you by now.
00:49:35Don't know much about men, do you, love?
00:49:37I knew you, love.
00:50:02It was doing him a kindness, really.
00:50:04Finally splitting up.
00:50:05He only had one ambition in life.
00:50:09Send my knickers to Oxfam.
00:50:15Good job she hasn't joined the Wrens.
00:50:17The entire Navy had gone strike.
00:50:20I expect he's sorry now.
00:50:23I won't even consider taking him back if he isn't.
00:50:27She might have changed, of course.
00:50:29If she has, I might let her have the old orgy now and again.
00:50:33He's got to accept we've finally split up.
00:50:35Otherwise, I definitely won't take him back.
00:50:41Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:50:44At least I've got me pride.
00:50:46I left with Beryl, baby.
00:50:49Oh, hi.
00:50:50Didn't see you.
00:50:51No, nor me.
00:50:53And how's Manchester City doing without me cheering them on, then?
00:50:57United.
00:50:58We're winning every game now.
00:51:00Oh, good.
00:51:02And what's new with Geoffrey, then?
00:51:09Er, I asked you what was new with you.
00:51:10I asked you.
00:51:15Did you?
00:51:17Need I say more?
00:51:19Pardon?
00:51:20And how's Beryl, baby, getting on, then?
00:51:23Geoffrey, I'm not all that ecstatic about you calling me Beryl, baby.
00:51:27It isn't like you.
00:51:29Say that again.
00:51:30Beryl, baby.
00:51:33What's your name, handsome?
00:51:36You'll laugh.
00:51:37Everybody laughs.
00:51:39It's the story of my life.
00:51:41You tell it like it is, Chuck.
00:51:43She's putting on an axe.
00:51:52What do you care?
00:51:55I don't have a baby.
00:52:02Is she going to get into bed with him now?
00:52:06Probably.
00:52:10Geoffrey always looks half asleep these days.
00:52:13Well, it's very exhausting.
00:52:16What is?
00:52:18Working in a bank.
00:52:19Oh.
00:52:26I had this bad scene, this chick, and decided to split.
00:52:33So I cut off, man, like there's no tomorrow.
00:52:39This cat gets it together where he's at, man.
00:52:44Lots of beautiful bag, baby.
00:52:46So if you want a piece of the action,
00:52:49don't cool it.
00:52:52Dig?
00:52:55Hm?
00:52:57I'm sorry, I no understand English.
00:53:06Gesundheit.
00:53:08I thought she'd only just been to bed with the other one.
00:53:13She has.
00:53:15And which is her husband?
00:53:17Neither.
00:53:19It's warming up, isn't it?
00:53:22It's warming up, isn't it?
00:53:31Great beat, isn't it?
00:53:33Great to dance to.
00:53:35Do you agree that life's an onion?
00:53:41One.
00:53:43If so, what's death?
00:53:45Erm...
00:53:47A banana.
00:53:50Yes, I expect it is when you think about it.
00:53:52Have you read Schopenhauer's concept of existence?
00:53:58Erm...
00:54:00No.
00:54:02But I've seen the film.
00:54:04Are you married?
00:54:06No.
00:54:08Grab yourself an adage.
00:54:10Marriage is a cabbage.
00:54:12Are you a poet?
00:54:13Are you a poet?
00:54:15Never ask the questions.
00:54:17Ask the answers.
00:54:19You are a poet.
00:54:22To any manager at Marks and Spencers.
00:54:25Ciao.
00:54:27I really dirt you.
00:54:29Now he's taking his clothes off.
00:54:34What's on ITV?
00:54:36This.
00:54:38What's on BBC?
00:54:39Catching over.
00:54:43What's that like?
00:54:45This.
00:54:48Oh, come on now.
00:54:50You know that's not where it's at.
00:54:52Let's get this...
00:54:54What's the word?
00:54:56Let's get it clear.
00:54:58Let's get down to the real nitty-gritties-ville.
00:55:00OK?
00:55:01Oh, come on.
00:55:05Shh.
00:55:07Shh.
00:55:09Women's lip is not about burning brass.
00:55:12Papers, yeah.
00:55:14What papers?
00:55:16A marriage certificate.
00:55:18A dog's licence.
00:55:20Whatever you prefer to call it.
00:55:22Look, let's be basic about this, Enid.
00:55:24All girls want marriage.
00:55:25And a wide wedding.
00:55:26Really basic?
00:55:28You want to be really basic?
00:55:29Utterly basic.
00:55:30Bulls.
00:55:32Grass?
00:55:34Enid.
00:55:36When Sandra says every girl, she means most girls.
00:55:39Well, like herself.
00:55:41Not me, of course, because I incredibly value my independence.
00:55:44But most girls definitely want...
00:55:46Bulls!
00:55:48If you can't conduct an intelligent conversation without recourse to...
00:55:51I'm not recourseing to anything.
00:55:53I'm merely telling you what girls want.
00:55:55Bulls!
00:55:57Would you please stop saying that?
00:55:59You believe in free love, right?
00:56:01Wrong!
00:56:02I believe in free everything.
00:56:04Freedom from all male chauvinists.
00:56:05Pig domination.
00:56:06Honestly, don't you understand?
00:56:08Excuse me, you've got your hand on me.
00:56:10If we're liberating society for the future, I'm sure.
00:56:12Excuse me, excuse me, you've got your hand on me.
00:56:14No!
00:56:16Oh, sorry!
00:56:18Well, I'm sorry.
00:56:20It's all right.
00:56:22It's a pleasure.
00:56:24Grass?
00:56:25You can't.
00:56:26I said don't. You're not to smoke it.
00:56:27Oh, wow.
00:56:28We're as liberated as you, Enid.
00:56:30We've equal importance as individuals.
00:56:32Neither of us is boss.
00:56:33It just doesn't arise.
00:56:35We'll make some coffee, kid.
00:56:37Yes.
00:56:38You see, what we believe is...
00:56:40Now!
00:56:42You see...
00:56:43We're our one.
00:56:44I can see there's only one way to get through.
00:57:04What are you doing?
00:57:05Lighting everybody's fire.
00:57:11Burn my bra.
00:57:16Right. That's it. Finished. The end. Full stop.
00:57:22We've finally split up. Neville, Sandra wants you. I should imagine.
00:57:28Sad, isn't it?
00:57:32Pathetic.
00:57:37Well, I can't follow plays these days.
00:57:41It's just showing real life, that's all.
00:57:47I once thought I'd found her.
00:57:50The perfect girl.
00:57:53Red hair. Not too skinny.
00:57:57Very gentle and shy.
00:58:01Passionate when roused.
00:58:03Yeah.
00:58:06She packed me in for picking my teeth with a matchstick.
00:58:08You're very sweet, Roland.
00:58:11I've always thought you were.
00:58:16Did you know you very nearly have a lopsided grin?
00:58:20It's just I'm a bit tired.
00:58:21No, it's nice.
00:58:22I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:23Oh, sorry.
00:58:24I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:25Oh, sorry.
00:58:26Do you know...
00:58:27What, Beryl?
00:58:28What, Beryl?
00:58:29What, Beryl?
00:58:30She can ask me anything.
00:58:31I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:32Oh, sorry.
00:58:33Do you know...
00:58:34What, Beryl?
00:58:35She can ask me anything.
00:58:36Do you know where Jeffrey's got to?
00:58:37He's upstairs, I think.
00:58:38What, Beryl?
00:58:39What, Beryl?
00:58:40What, Beryl?
00:58:41She can ask me anything.
00:58:42Do you know where Jeffrey's got to?
00:58:43He's upstairs, I think.
00:58:47Is it true they're dry on their own?
00:58:48Usually.
00:58:49I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:50I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:51I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:52Oh, sorry.
00:58:54Do you know...
00:58:55What, Beryl?
00:58:56You can ask me anything.
00:58:57Do you know where Jeffrey's got to?
00:59:00He's upstairs, I think.
00:59:02Is it true they're dry on their own?
00:59:15Usually.
00:59:21I hate to be any trouble, but I think I'm dying.
00:59:24You'll be all right, honest.
00:59:26She said I shouldn't smoke it.
00:59:28Who?
00:59:30She said...
00:59:34Jeffrey?
00:59:37Jeffrey?
00:59:38Sorry.
00:59:51Jeffrey?
00:59:56Move up a bit, Jeffrey.
00:59:58Put your legs.
01:00:00That's better.
01:00:01It's because it's your first time, isn't it?
01:00:10Oh.
01:00:12Call Dr. Weisberg.
01:00:14Quilmslow Road.
01:00:20It wasn't marijuana, you know.
01:00:22What was it, then?
01:00:27Grass.
01:00:29Grass is marijuana.
01:00:32This grass wasn't.
01:00:35It was the real thing.
01:00:38From the front lawn.
01:00:39That you, Beryl?
01:00:55Had a nice time?
01:00:57Even though it's three o'clock in the morning.
01:00:59Not that I mind, if you've had a nice time.
01:01:02Even though I've been in bed since ten, having a good night's worry.
01:01:08Did you see Jeffrey?
01:01:12That's good.
01:01:32Do you ever get the feeling you're trying too hard?
01:01:36I didn't try at all.
01:01:38Gave it to rest.
01:01:43I'm right off, birds.
01:01:45I am.
01:01:47I am.
01:01:49For good.
01:01:51Me too.
01:01:53And me.
01:02:02Good morning.
01:02:03Your mother would like to know if you have a reservation at this hotel.
01:02:16Can I?
01:02:32It doesn't matter.
01:02:35That's not what I was looking for.
01:02:37I can't remember.
01:02:39It's a great day.
01:02:41I'm waiting.
01:02:43How's that?
01:02:46I'm waiting for a checkup.
01:02:48I'm waiting for a checkup.
01:02:50Get out.
01:02:52I don't know if you tryin' to see here.
01:02:55How are you?
01:02:57How are you doing?
01:02:58Oh, Beryl.
01:03:10Beryl.
01:03:15Geoffrey.
01:03:19Can I rip your trousers off and have my way with you?
01:03:24Oh, Beryl.
01:03:25Oh, Geoffrey.
01:03:30Oh, God.
01:03:42Hello.
01:03:44Will you be required in the room again, sir?
01:03:48Because we're thinking of taking bookings for the next pop festival.
01:03:51In your room, bugger.
01:03:52There was a note of protest.
01:03:54I don't know who he takes after.
01:04:04Hello?
01:04:05It's me.
01:04:06Who?
01:04:07My God, that's symbolic.
01:04:09Oh, hello, Beryl.
01:04:10I'm just ringing to tell you I never want to see you again.
01:04:13If you have a phone or call, please don't, because I shan't be in.
01:04:16Tonight or any other night.
01:04:18Anyway, tonight I'm helping me mum at the school jumble sale.
01:04:20I'm a small world.
01:04:49Good evening, Mrs. Battersby.
01:04:54I was looking for a nice lampshade.
01:04:57Oh?
01:04:59Probably this one.
01:05:01Definitely.
01:05:02Magic in satin.
01:05:03Oh, certainly, Geoffrey.
01:05:05Who's here in his nice crimson shoes?
01:05:07You'd like some nice fancy random paper, wouldn't you?
01:05:17I'm a child of the universe, Beryl.
01:05:19I have a right to be here.
01:05:20I'm afraid we don't sell marijuana on Sundays.
01:05:22Try the co-op.
01:05:23Beryl, listen.
01:05:23If you can smell burning.
01:05:24It's just that the vicar's been around burning his jockstrap.
01:05:26Beryl, listen.
01:05:26Can I help you, madam?
01:05:27Have you got that in another column?
01:05:30No, madam.
01:05:30I'll leave it, then.
01:05:40Listen to what, for heaven's sake?
01:05:43Don't matter.
01:05:45What doesn't?
01:05:46You wouldn't, anyway.
01:05:47Wouldn't what?
01:05:49Go to the match with me on Saturday.
01:05:51Me?
01:05:53A football match?
01:05:55With 40,000 skinheads and you?
01:05:58Told you.
01:06:00Who are they playing?
01:06:06Huddersfield Town.
01:06:08In the cot.
01:06:09I've always wanted to watch Huddersfield Town.
01:06:17They're fourth from the bottom.
01:06:20Shows you.
01:06:21Away from home.
01:06:25They've won three, drawn five, and lost 12.
01:06:29Drawn five.
01:06:34So what do you think?
01:06:37I think I nearly love you.
01:06:38Never mind, it's only a game.
01:06:51Never mind, it's only a game.
01:07:05I thought you said you nearly love me.
01:07:08I don't recall Grace Kelly enticing Prince Rainier by going to watch United.
01:07:21I may be wrong.
01:07:22Grace who?
01:07:24We live in a permissive society, Beryl.
01:07:26Read any colour supplement.
01:07:28Mother, you're supposed to be my mother.
01:07:30I am love.
01:07:31And it wasn't through going to football matches.
01:07:34You are the same mother that makes me tug my skirt down every time I stand up, even if he's only on the phone.
01:07:39Yes.
01:07:39Well, boys are very safe.
01:07:42And I am your mother.
01:07:44That's what I said.
01:07:45I don't mean, er, permissive, permissive.
01:07:51Let's see.
01:07:52Romantic.
01:07:55Pardon?
01:07:56Kissing, cuddling.
01:07:58Things of that nature.
01:07:59Oh, we do.
01:08:03Do what?
01:08:04What you just said.
01:08:06Good.
01:08:07Not too much, I hope.
01:08:09Oh, God.
01:08:10Boys are very funny.
01:08:12They're novices compared to mothers.
01:08:18Did I tell you that two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains?
01:08:23Oh.
01:08:27Two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains.
01:08:29Two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains.
01:08:31Fantastic.
01:08:37The Cowgills.
01:08:40Mr. and Mrs. Cowgill.
01:08:42Married couple.
01:08:45Newlyweds.
01:08:46Not long married.
01:08:49You go bald doing that.
01:08:51Doing what?
01:08:59Do I tell you, 28 stockbrokers have moved into the office opposite with the dirty curtains.
01:09:09Living in sin.
01:09:10Can you say one single sentence without the word marriage in it?
01:09:21If I said to you, do you think Cassius Clay would have beaten Rocky Marciano, would you say what's it matter so long as they're happily married?
01:09:28I don't think so.
01:09:29I don't think so.
01:09:32Beryl would.
01:09:35Giving you a bad time, is she?
01:09:38Oh.
01:09:39I wouldn't say that.
01:09:39I haven't even mentioned the word.
01:09:46What word?
01:09:47Goodness me, a single person can have a relationship with another single person without everyone thinking she's automatically...
01:09:53I never said you were!
01:09:54What do you think it?
01:10:09All right, Geoffrey.
01:10:10I hereby promise never to utter the word again.
01:10:15Marriage?
01:10:16Never.
01:10:19Well, until I am.
01:10:21If I ever do.
01:10:22Which I fervently hope I never will.
01:10:24For someone who's not uttering something, when's your old pee coming out?
01:10:31No two people have a divine right to happiness, Geoffrey.
01:10:34You mustn't feel guilty about me.
01:10:38Sorry.
01:10:40No one can say you've completely ruined me life.
01:10:44Not yet.
01:10:49What are you staring at?
01:10:51No one can say you're staring at me.
01:10:52No one can say you're staring at me.
01:10:55Hello?
01:10:56You all right, son?
01:10:57Terrific.
01:10:58Why did you throw your sponge pudding at the cat, then?
01:11:00Your mother's theory is you're overworking.
01:11:02Hmm.
01:11:03My theory is you're overdoing it with some dolly bird.
01:11:06Oh.
01:11:07What's your theory?
01:11:08Indigestion.
01:11:09Oh.
01:11:10What's yours, Sundance?
01:11:11Hasn't he said anything at all?
01:11:13He has said one thing.
01:11:14Oh, what's that?
01:11:15If God had meant sardines to be in oil, it had given them dipsticks, all right.
01:11:22The weeks and months dragged by, and with neither side willing to compromise, we still have deadlock.
01:11:34Her Majesty's government have consistently tried to find a way out of this dilemma.
01:11:39Another wild night learning what NO spells and how many of us school pals are getting married.
01:11:44And what NO spells.
01:11:46And what NO spells.
01:11:48Great!
01:11:49I might as well go bald and open me own monastery.
01:11:52And so society, that's you and me, says end this dispute.
01:11:58End it now.
01:12:00Good night.
01:12:01Hear, hear.
01:12:02Good, wasn't he?
01:12:04Triffic.
01:12:05Especially when he said good night.
01:12:08We're just enjoying ourselves.
01:12:10Having a good time.
01:12:12Just having fun.
01:12:13Being happy!
01:12:15Take two a day, after meals, and one if you find yourself crying your heart out again in the middle of a zebra crossing for no reason at all.
01:12:26You're sure this has nothing to do with a boyfriend?
01:12:29Absolutely positive.
01:12:33That was the first film we ever saw together.
01:12:37Make that three a day after meals.
01:12:45Look, Beryl, how's this for a peace plan?
01:12:52You join a marriage bureau, and I'll get a job on the stage twice nightly in Denmark.
01:12:57Then we'll both be happy.
01:12:59Right?
01:13:00Right.
01:13:01Good Jesus Christ, superstar.
01:13:03Amen.
01:13:06Oh, hell.
01:13:07Hands up again.
01:13:08See you tomorrow.
01:13:10Where do you think you're going?
01:13:15Geoffrey, I'll get the sack.
01:13:18It's important.
01:13:21What is?
01:13:24I keep asking you what is.
01:13:28What is?
01:13:30To be on our own.
01:13:32What?
01:13:34So as we can talk.
01:13:36What?
01:13:37I've had an old speech worked out on the bus this morning.
01:13:47The only bit I can remember is, and that's what I think.
01:13:51Last night I dreamt I was in goal for Manchester United and Grace Kelly kicked nine goals past me.
01:13:56Grace who?
01:13:57She was playing for United as well. Weird, isn't it?
01:14:08The main thing is, we do communicate.
01:14:14Oh, we do.
01:14:24See what I think...
01:14:26See what I think...
01:14:27Go on.
01:14:28No, you. Mine wasn't important.
01:14:30No, mine wasn't.
01:14:37Beryl.
01:14:41Beryl.
01:14:45Are you...
01:14:48Happy?
01:14:49Course.
01:14:51Very.
01:14:54I am.
01:14:55No one is every second of every minute of every day.
01:15:01No.
01:15:03I'm not.
01:15:08Do you think it's because we love each other, do you think?
01:15:17Probably.
01:15:18I've not actually said the words often.
01:15:20Well, not in so many words.
01:15:23Mostly in words to that effect.
01:15:38Is there anything you don't love about me?
01:15:42No.
01:15:43Don't think so.
01:15:44Honestly, no.
01:15:46Nothing.
01:15:47If there is...
01:15:48There isn't.
01:15:49You just tell me and I'll stop doing it.
01:15:50If there isn't anything.
01:15:51Honest.
01:15:52Good.
01:15:54It wouldn't upset me.
01:15:56It'd just make me a better human being to deserve your love.
01:15:58Like, you know, crimson shoes and bottle green socks.
01:16:10Well, you don't wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks, Beryl.
01:16:13If I did, I'd stop.
01:16:14To please you.
01:16:20I see.
01:16:25There's no need to be sensitive, Jeffrey.
01:16:27In a meaningful relationship, you must like even what you don't.
01:16:33Your mother.
01:16:34Pardon?
01:16:35Please don't sulk, Jeffrey.
01:16:36Handle lampshades.
01:16:37Sulking isn't the most endearing quality in a person.
01:16:42Well, you ought to know.
01:16:43You've almost made it an art form.
01:16:45Anything else at random?
01:16:46You've got 24 hours to spare.
01:16:48After all, I'm no Bridgette Bardot.
01:16:51According to reliable sources in Saint-Tropez, she's 105 next birthday.
01:16:54Over 98% of the male population of Manchester and Salford
01:16:57can tell the difference between Bridgette Bardot and Beryl Battersby.
01:17:00Ask any opinion poll.
01:17:02I'm much fatter for a start.
01:17:03You're not all that fat, Beryl.
01:17:05I am.
01:17:06Start slimming.
01:17:07Men like something to get hold of.
01:17:08If they're allowed to get hold of it.
01:17:10You always succeed in getting back to Percy Filth in the end, don't you?
01:17:14Always.
01:17:15No, I don't, Beryl.
01:17:16You do.
01:17:17I always fail.
01:17:18Do you know what some girls find extremely likeable?
01:17:20The extremely likeable way some boys stare at every girl they see.
01:17:23Boys like it when girls tell them what N-O spells.
01:17:26Especially for the 600th time.
01:17:28That they really dig.
01:17:30You never say dig.
01:17:31I did then.
01:17:32Your passionate, unrequited love for 11 boring men kicking a ball about.
01:17:37That's really lovable.
01:17:39I never knew you thought that.
01:17:41Neither did I.
01:17:43Do now, though.
01:17:45I used to say dig before I met you.
01:17:55I used to say all sorts of things.
01:18:00There's a lot about me I can't even remember.
01:18:07I didn't say all sorts of things.
01:18:08Do you think that?
01:18:09Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
01:18:10I think so.
01:18:12Thinking what I'm thinking?
01:18:33I think so.
01:18:35We just don't like each other.
01:18:38At all.
01:18:42Oh, goodbye, then.
01:18:53Good luck.
01:18:55Peace, ma'am.
01:19:00St Anne's Square.
01:19:01St Anne's Square, please.
01:19:12So that just leaves a cot, two matinee coats, two romper suits, and what else do I need?
01:19:22Oh, yes, a ring.
01:19:24Teething ring?
01:19:26Wedding ring?
01:19:27Of course.
01:19:28Oh, they have gorgeous prams in the shops these days.
01:19:32No wonder everyone's at it.
01:19:35Oh, sorry.
01:19:37What about?
01:19:38Skip it.
01:19:40About time, too.
01:19:41With her sympathy.
01:19:43Not that I need any, actually.
01:19:45I've never been as happy in me life.
01:19:47But she doesn't know that.
01:19:48If I'm looking miserable, Sandrick, it's because I'm feeling happy for you.
01:19:54Yeah.
01:19:58We know what you must be thinking.
01:19:59Of course we do.
01:20:01How to pop the pink without going in off.
01:20:09Ace.
01:20:09She used to wear pink, you know.
01:20:13I won't tell you where.
01:20:17A hell of a lot more where hers came from.
01:20:20Wow.
01:20:24Did you want the chalk, Geoffrey?
01:20:26I know.
01:20:27Spells no.
01:20:30Super day for it.
01:20:33Sin being inside a day like this.
01:20:36Well, Sandra.
01:20:37This is it.
01:20:39Yep.
01:20:40The big day.
01:20:42Yep.
01:20:43Coming to the crotch.
01:20:44Crunch.
01:20:46I dare say it'll hardly break my heart in the slightest, seeing him again.
01:20:51You mustn't think I'll be crying inside, because I most definitely won't be.
01:20:55And what's more, no one will know that I am.
01:20:57Because I shan't.
01:20:59Truly.
01:21:02Sandra, please, you've enough to think of.
01:21:07It's a big day for you as well, really, isn't it?
01:21:16And now one of the bride and groom on their own.
01:21:19Do you mind stepping back, sir?
01:21:21Fine.
01:21:22Is this fine enough?
01:21:23Here?
01:21:23About there, lovely.
01:21:26You can kiss the bride on this one, sir.
01:21:27Wow.
01:21:28Official permission to actually kiss her.
01:21:32Ow!
01:21:33Oh, sorry.
01:21:36That's right.
01:21:37Hold it.
01:21:38Lovely.
01:21:40Right, now, a nice family group of the parents, please.
01:21:43Funny.
01:21:44I remember the Friday lunchtime they first met.
01:21:48How have you been?
01:21:50Absolutely great.
01:21:52You?
01:21:53Never better.
01:21:54Ever.
01:21:54That's it, a little bit like that.
01:21:58It's all over now.
01:21:59Bar the salmon salad.
01:22:02It's tuna fish.
01:22:04It's life.
01:22:12See, President Nixon went to China, then.
01:22:15That was before we ever met.
01:22:17I know.
01:22:18Why, has something happened about it?
01:22:21No.
01:22:21Oh?
01:22:22Could I trouble you for the salad cream, please?
01:22:24Hmm.
01:22:27Speaking personally, I think there are enough problems to sort out on Earth without going to the moon.
01:22:33Nixon.
01:22:34Why is he going?
01:22:36No.
01:22:37The astronauts.
01:22:39Oh.
01:22:41It's the wives and sweethearts I feel sorry for.
01:22:46We never really talked, did we, about things that matter?
01:22:50Good, isn't it?
01:22:51Shows we're friends.
01:22:53Now that we know we don't like each other.
01:22:54Everybody thinks we're broken-hearted.
01:23:01We've really grown up, haven't we?
01:23:03My mother's convinced herself we split up because we had too much Percy filth.
01:23:07I'm right off it, myself.
01:23:09I've been able to walk off buses perfectly normally for the past few weeks.
01:23:13Aw.
01:23:14I expect it's only temporary.
01:23:16I hope not.
01:23:17It's marvellous.
01:23:18Good.
01:23:19I don't fancy you in the slightest now.
01:23:22Thank you, love.
01:23:26Still off the food, I noticed.
01:23:32And we've learned a fantastic amount for the future.
01:23:35Fantastic.
01:23:36For example, say I finally did marry someone like you, only someone I love.
01:23:41I bet I'd now let him wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks every night.
01:23:46In bed a bit.
01:23:48And you'll probably meet some little fatty who's never even heard of Kenny Warhol
01:23:54and marry her three days later.
01:23:59We probably won't see each other at all now, we're pals.
01:24:02I expect you're going to the match this afternoon.
01:24:04Oh, yeah.
01:24:05I'm helping Sandra Packer go in a way case.
01:24:08Where's she going?
01:24:09Hospital.
01:24:13Well, we'll bump into each other sometime.
01:24:48Hello, Mrs. Battersby. You won't remember me.
01:25:00Good afternoon, Geoffrey.
01:25:03Is Beryl there, please?
01:25:07She's gone to the football match.
01:25:11There is no football. It's cricket now.
01:25:14Well, it's the same thing, isn't it?
01:25:17Hello.
01:25:38Hi.
01:25:41When's the kick-off?
01:25:44In about three months. Football season's over now, Beryl.
01:25:48Well, what on earth did you want to come for?
01:25:51I forgot. I'm not all that interested these days.
01:25:57Where will you go now, then?
01:26:00I don't know.
01:26:04Could always go inside and practise booing for next season.
01:26:09Where will you?
01:26:11Might go and get a new pair of tights.
01:26:13Hey, it's like the countryside, isn't it, when it's empty?
01:26:16Fancy a stroll in the country?
01:26:18May as well, if you like. Don't mind. Why not?
01:26:23Just as friends.
01:26:25Oh, I meant just as friends.
01:26:27Yeah, I did.
01:26:29I wish we had a ball.
01:26:39Could play shooting in.
01:26:42You could go in goal.
01:26:48Amazing how people change, isn't it?
01:26:51Well, we're certainly much happier without each other.
01:27:18We'll be even happier with someone else.
01:27:23Anyone, really.
01:27:33There's millions to choose from.
01:27:36All nearly exactly right for us.
01:27:39You'll find someone, Geoffrey.
01:27:42You will, Beryl.
01:27:44Just a matter of keeping your eyes open, really.
01:27:47Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:50France is!
01:27:54France is!
01:27:55France is!
01:28:11France is!
01:28:15And you'll find sometimes
01:28:33Love and rainy weather can turn out fine
01:28:38Getting wet together's fun
01:28:41When the crying's dark
01:28:47Love and rainy weather
01:28:51Are followed by the sun
01:28:57Love and rainy weather
01:29:00Love and rainy weather
01:29:05When the crying's dark
01:29:12Love and rainy weather
01:29:16Are followed by the sun
01:29:21Love and rainy weather
01:29:25Love and rainy weather
01:29:34Love and rainy weather
01:29:36Love and rainy weather
01:29:37Have followed by the sun
01:29:39of the sun
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