- 4 months ago
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:30CastingWords
00:01:00CastingWords
00:01:02CastingWords
00:01:04CastingWords
00:01:06CastingWords
00:01:08But we live in a permissive society.
00:01:10Not on this street we don't.
00:01:12Everybody's at it.
00:01:14Not with me they're not.
00:01:16Girls are supposed to be crying out for it.
00:01:18Not this one.
00:01:20I'm the silent majority.
00:01:22It's only manners these days.
00:01:24Total strangers do it now instead of shaking hands.
00:01:26God is Lord.
00:01:29Jesus.
00:01:31Jesus.
00:01:32Jesus.
00:01:34Jesus.
00:01:36Jesus.
00:01:38Jesus.
00:01:40Jesus.
00:01:42Jesus.
00:01:44Jesus.
00:01:46Jesus.
00:01:48Jesus.
00:01:50Jesus.
00:01:52Jesus.
00:01:54Jesus.
00:01:56We've never seen him in real life, though.
00:01:58Oh, he's picturing the papers.
00:02:01Oh, come on, Sandra, let's go.
00:02:03No, I don't want to.
00:02:04Oh, he'll be standing out here. It's stupid.
00:02:06But he might come in a minute.
00:02:08Somebody waited ages yesterday and he never turned up there.
00:02:10But that was yesterday. He might be here today.
00:02:12Oh, no. He'll be really deaf standing here.
00:02:14Come on, you're supposed to be going shopping.
00:02:16Oh, wait. Please, let's go.
00:02:22Oh, no.
00:02:23I told you so, didn't I?
00:02:25I feel all right, Twit, now.
00:02:27I don't fancy yours.
00:02:30Which is mine?
00:02:32Any except the blonde.
00:02:34Oh, good.
00:02:36Who are being stared at?
00:02:38Where?
00:02:41I don't fancy yours.
00:02:45Which is mine?
00:02:47Any.
00:02:48Except the blonde or the one with the yellow legs?
00:02:52Thanks.
00:02:53Neither do I.
00:02:55Fancy the one with the twitch?
00:03:00About as much as Mountsy-Tung's granddad, with all due respect.
00:03:04To his granddad.
00:03:06Ask him if they do a turn.
00:03:08You.
00:03:09I thought we were giving sex up.
00:03:11There's a protest at never getting any.
00:03:14Ignore them.
00:03:14Hi.
00:03:15Hi.
00:03:15Hi.
00:03:15Hi.
00:03:24Hi.
00:03:26Hi.
00:03:26Hi.
00:03:26Hi.
00:03:30Hi.
00:03:32Peace, ma'am.
00:03:34Were you, er, hoping to see Georgie Best?
00:03:37He's in Majorca.
00:03:38Come on, then.
00:03:40Can we only get an hour for lunch?
00:03:44It's a discotheque in Albert Square.
00:03:52Come on.
00:03:53I thought we were going for tights.
00:03:58It's our lunch hour.
00:04:01It's ours.
00:04:02We were going for lunch.
00:04:04Shall I tell you something pretty mind-blowing about Majorca?
00:04:11It's one place I've never been.
00:04:15Pardon?
00:04:17I'm, er, Geoffrey.
00:04:18I don't happen to be attached.
00:04:22I'm Beryl.
00:04:23I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:25Don't you worry.
00:04:43Love and rainy weather may sound funny, but they go together fine.
00:04:52Every single time.
00:04:59Love and rainy weather.
00:05:01First you're up there on another plane, and then you're nowhere.
00:05:08And the tears are raining down.
00:05:14It's a run around.
00:05:17Love and rainy weather.
00:05:24Sure can get you down.
00:05:31Now, going twisting tonight, then?
00:05:34That's the modern name for it, isn't it?
00:05:40For what?
00:05:41Cutting a rug.
00:05:44Pardon?
00:05:45Grooving, Mildred.
00:05:46It's called grooving nowadays.
00:05:48Grooving and or freaking.
00:05:50Right?
00:05:51What I'm not doing tonight.
00:05:53Right.
00:05:54Right on.
00:05:55You're staying in tonight, then?
00:05:57Tonight.
00:05:58Tomorrow night.
00:05:59Every night.
00:06:00You might sell me overcoat.
00:06:03Life's not all pleasure, you know.
00:06:06Mildred, don't hassle the lad.
00:06:09Hustle.
00:06:11It's a different world today, Mildred.
00:06:14We had a week's honeymoon in Blackpool for what this finny haddy cost.
00:06:18They do their own thing.
00:06:19The usual 1,300 weight.
00:06:22Yes, please.
00:06:24Now, that's the new world that we work for.
00:06:27And fought for.
00:06:29Full-page advert for contraception.
00:06:31It's his birthright.
00:06:35I'm not hungry.
00:06:37What's that supposed to mean?
00:06:39It's the hip way cool people say I'm not hungry.
00:06:42I enjoy staying in Chattingham an evening.
00:07:03I find it fantastically enjoyable.
00:07:06No, really.
00:07:07I really do.
00:07:09Some people don't.
00:07:10I do.
00:07:14Beryl, please take my word for it.
00:07:16Paul McCartney's never going to ring that doorbell and invite you to the pictures.
00:07:20Paul McCartney who?
00:07:21He doesn't know you've been faithful to him ever since our day's night.
00:07:24And please don't say Paul McCartney who.
00:07:27I sacrifice too much for your six-old levels.
00:07:29Five.
00:07:30You were terrific in the pictures.
00:07:34I never touched you.
00:07:35Terrific self-control.
00:07:36What did you say your name was?
00:07:43Mind you, just a weekend I'd do with you, Paul.
00:08:05Not a dirty weekend.
00:08:07A disgusting one.
00:08:10Night-night, Percy Filth.
00:08:24Have you always been insatiable?
00:08:28It's not my fault.
00:08:30It's just that I don't like blondes.
00:08:32It's-it's psychosomatic.
00:08:39I'm sorry.
00:08:45Ah.
00:08:46Oh, Sandra.
00:09:05You're almost blonde in this light.
00:09:11What's wrong?
00:09:12Just being brave.
00:09:16What about?
00:09:17Ending it all.
00:09:20Before we hurt each other too much.
00:09:23It's our first date.
00:09:27I've probably wasted your entire evening, haven't I?
00:09:31Not yet.
00:09:32Not if your parents aren't back till midnight.
00:09:34Don't you think you're too old for this sort of thing?
00:09:41Straight from Stanley Matthews to Bridget Bardot you went.
00:09:44Overnight.
00:09:46That was when you were too young for this sort of thing.
00:09:49It's artistic, Mother.
00:09:51Like your Tutankham and Butter dish.
00:09:53What?
00:10:04Got it.
00:10:05Got what?
00:10:06You now ask if I never want to see you again.
00:10:09I say I do.
00:10:11You then stop crying quick as a flash
00:10:13and say something like,
00:10:14how about Sunday, half seven, outside Central Library?
00:10:17No, I don't.
00:10:19Tomorrow, half seven, outside Central Library.
00:10:21Then when I say okay,
00:10:24does your zip miraculously undo?
00:10:27It does not.
00:10:29I thought it did.
00:10:31Not till you've unfastened the press, Stud.
00:10:35I can see her doing your ironing
00:10:37and cooking and cleaning.
00:10:39You wouldn't need to book for the Christmas pantomime.
00:10:41I don't intend to marry her, Mother.
00:10:44In case it interferes with my career.
00:10:46We're just good friends.
00:10:48Good night.
00:10:51Miss Bardot.
00:11:05Marry me.
00:11:09You know what they say?
00:11:12Once you've had a Manchester lad,
00:11:13you never touch anything else.
00:11:14About time and all.
00:11:31Aye.
00:11:32Aye.
00:11:32Aye.
00:11:32Peace, man.
00:11:36Did you have a good time, Miss Knight?
00:11:38Great.
00:11:38Is this you?
00:11:40Satisfied.
00:11:40I'll say it in for a change.
00:11:42Did you get much?
00:11:47Did you?
00:11:52Did you know that raping Princess Anne
00:11:53was a capital offence?
00:11:55Not that I have done.
00:11:57Paid him for a change instead.
00:11:59Ticket.
00:12:18I ain't got me ticket.
00:12:20We're late already.
00:12:23See you behind the goal then.
00:12:24Well, tonight's beauty sleep's done nothing for her.
00:12:44Snooty old bag.
00:12:45Trendy. Crimson shoes with bottle green socks. Must be going steady with a set of traffic lights.
00:12:57Still, who else would have him?
00:13:00Anyway, they're all the same in the dark, rumour has it.
00:13:10Different girl every night, you can tell the type.
00:13:15Probably an omen seeing her before the match. I bet we lose 3-1.
00:13:21Well, I'm certainly not making the first move. At least I've got me proud.
00:13:26Oh, hello.
00:13:28Oh, hi.
00:13:29Hi.
00:13:30Didn't see you.
00:13:31No, Normie.
00:13:33Are you going that way?
00:13:35Yeah. Not especially, no. You going that?
00:13:40Yeah, well, erm, no. I was sort of...
00:13:44Going to the football match?
00:13:45Are you?
00:13:46Shopping.
00:13:54I'm probably going to the pictures tonight.
00:13:55I am.
00:13:56Which?
00:13:57Which are you?
00:13:58Any.
00:13:59The star-spers.
00:14:00Come on, my.
00:14:01What do you see?
00:14:02I'm comfortable, then.
00:14:03See you, then.
00:14:04Tonight?
00:14:05Pardon?
00:14:06Oh, I...
00:14:07You all right, then?
00:14:08Right, then.
00:14:09Right.
00:14:10Oh, I...
00:14:11All right, then.
00:14:13Right.
00:14:19Super socks.
00:14:24Did you see that?
00:14:26They're all on drugs. A lot of them.
00:14:40No one elim.
00:14:45Get it.
00:14:47Let's go.
00:14:48Losing 3-1.
00:15:10Excuse me, I...
00:15:22I only go to restaurants with deaf waiters.
00:15:25Ah.
00:15:29Hi.
00:15:31Hello, mate.
00:15:33Peace, ma'am.
00:15:35Surprise, surprise.
00:15:37We're controversial.
00:15:38The pictures.
00:15:39The boyfriend.
00:15:40She's slim.
00:15:41I'm just going to the...
00:15:42Oh, I'll come with you.
00:15:46Are you and Beryl, um, you know...
00:15:51You know.
00:15:53Oh.
00:15:55Would you, uh...
00:16:05What do you sort of reckon?
00:16:07She's a...
00:16:09Fair sort of bird.
00:16:11Sort of.
00:16:12She's all right.
00:16:14I mean, nothing sensational, obviously.
00:16:18Geoffrey, she's a bird.
00:16:20You're having a coffee with us?
00:16:25No, thanks, kid.
00:16:26Neville's ravenous.
00:16:27You've just eaten.
00:16:31Oh, of course, yeah.
00:16:32Sorry.
00:16:35You see, what I thought Ken was always trying to do...
00:16:39By implication.
00:16:40Probably by implication.
00:16:42Was to allow the images to provoke a moral response from our own aesthetic judgement.
00:16:47You see?
00:16:48Yes.
00:16:51Was he the errand boy?
00:16:52Was who the errand boy?
00:16:53Ken Thingy.
00:16:55He directed it.
00:16:57Oh, yes.
00:17:00I was probably thinking of Andy Warhol.
00:17:02Probably.
00:17:08You're not like other boys at all, are you?
00:17:11Well, probably a little more mature, that's all.
00:17:13It's over 200 yards from the cinema.
00:17:15And you talk to me the whole way, like a person.
00:17:22Other boys seem to have one-track minds these days.
00:17:25Sex?
00:17:26Marriage.
00:17:28Pardon?
00:17:29The number of boys that asked me to marry them.
00:17:32A couple of dates and pal they want to get married.
00:17:35I want to live a bit before I get married.
00:17:37I suppose I just don't have a hang-up about it.
00:17:41Get married?
00:17:42Hmm.
00:17:43No.
00:17:48Actually, I find girls, and most girls, that is, a bit obsessed these days.
00:17:55Not marriage.
00:17:57No.
00:17:58Sex.
00:18:00Percy Filth.
00:18:03Sex.
00:18:04That's what I said.
00:18:06Oh.
00:18:08Well, I'm not like that.
00:18:10Not Percy Filth-motivated.
00:18:12No.
00:18:14No.
00:18:15Did you want to say any more about Andy Warhol?
00:18:16Ken Russell?
00:18:17Yeah.
00:18:18No.
00:18:19No.
00:18:20No.
00:18:21No.
00:18:22No.
00:18:23No.
00:18:24No.
00:18:25No.
00:18:26No.
00:18:27No.
00:18:28Did you want to say any more about Andy Warhol?
00:18:29Ken Russell?
00:18:30No.
00:18:31Yeah.
00:18:32No.
00:18:38This is it.
00:18:39No.
00:18:40No.
00:18:41No.
00:18:42No.
00:18:43No.
00:18:44No.
00:18:45No.
00:18:46No.
00:18:47No.
00:18:48No.
00:18:49No.
00:18:50No.
00:18:51No.
00:18:52No.
00:18:53I won't come in, with it being our first date.
00:18:55No.
00:18:56Oh.
00:18:57Anywhere my mum's gone to bed, we'd be on our own.
00:19:00Is that a reason for me not coming in, though?
00:19:02Yes, Geoffrey.
00:19:04Oh.
00:19:13Nice house.
00:19:1725-year mortgage.
00:19:22Oh, thanks for seeing me home.
00:19:27Funny, isn't it?
00:19:29First date with someone.
00:19:31It always leads to one of three things.
00:19:34Either nothing.
00:19:36Or something.
00:19:40Or everything.
00:19:43Don't think about Percy Filth at this stage, Beryl.
00:19:46You're not.
00:19:48No, I'm not.
00:19:52Night-night. God bless.
00:20:05I won't give you my phone number, in case you think I'm one of those scheming females.
00:20:09What is it?
00:20:10327-4421.
00:20:12The easy way to remember it is the three and the two make five, which is two less than seven,
00:20:16then two fours, and half of four, which is two, and half of two, which is one.
00:20:19Um...
00:20:20But you mustn't ring me if you don't want.
00:20:22No.
00:20:23But you can if you do.
00:20:25Do you want me to?
00:20:26Not if you'd rather not.
00:20:28327-4421.
00:20:30Night.
00:20:31No.
00:20:37No.
00:20:38Safe linders
00:20:40Stay with us everybody.
00:20:42Oh, my God.
00:20:44Thanks, James!
00:20:45well hello mrs. Battersby. Beryl's brought you up a cup of tea.
00:21:04all of me past life flashed before me then.
00:21:08Can't be Mother's Day. You'd have forgotten. Has there been any clips?
00:21:16Mom, I want the benefit of your experience.
00:21:20What do you think of Andy Warhol?
00:21:23You see, Jeffrey has this theory that by implication...
00:21:27Who's Jeffrey?
00:21:28Of course, Jeffrey knows about these things. These things. Everything.
00:21:33Who's Jeffrey?
00:21:34He's fantastically intelligent.
00:21:36See, Jeffrey's idea...
00:21:38Beryl, who's Jeffrey?
00:21:40Oh, no one.
00:21:46No one's special.
00:21:52His name's Jeffrey.
00:21:58How did this Beryl Bird turn out last night then?
00:22:00What Beryl Bird? I told him.
00:22:03Did she, uh...
00:22:05Did she, uh...
00:22:07What?
00:22:11Wow!
00:22:13She doesn't then.
00:22:15You don't listen, do you?
00:22:17I said...
00:22:18How about Sandra?
00:22:20...
00:22:36What's next��?!
00:22:38Perhaps...
00:22:39You days...
00:22:40Chips, jam and sod.
00:22:41I've rather better things to do, thank you.
00:22:55Said he was no one special.
00:22:58Have they got a phone here?
00:23:01Why?
00:23:03They haven't, have they?
00:23:05Do you want to get some nookie lined up or something?
00:23:08If I did, do you think I'd be playing darts with you two?
00:23:10Look, are you fed up here?
00:23:13Are you?
00:23:15We'll split after this game.
00:23:16Anything you say.
00:23:17We can go for a few of the King's head.
00:23:19Great.
00:23:21And that ends our probe.
00:23:23Well, Monday tomorrow.
00:23:25Hallelujah.
00:23:26Pardon?
00:23:28I don't know what you're paying for that phone, but whatever it is, you're being done.
00:23:32Good night.
00:23:40Good morning.
00:23:58Morning.
00:23:59Morning.
00:23:59Morning. Morning.
00:24:09Charlton for Pope. Long may you reign. Amen.
00:24:14What's going on? Pound's up again.
00:24:17Oh, God.
00:24:19Today's special. Bloody travellers, Jax.
00:24:22Here. Suddenly everyone's going on holiday.
00:24:25Except those.
00:24:27Enjoy yourself while you're young.
00:24:45Why do we always do that?
00:24:4793 times a day?
00:24:49We never see anything.
00:24:57Mary, the sun is rising.
00:24:58I heard the maidens singing in the valley.
00:25:02My typing not disturbing. Your singing a hope.
00:25:05See Geoffrey on Sunday.
00:25:07Oh, Geoffrey.
00:25:08As the sun was rising, I heard a maiden singing in the valley below.
00:25:16My timing, not disturbing your singing, I hope.
00:25:19See Geoffrey on Sunday.
00:25:22Oh, Geoffrey.
00:25:24That Neville's the greatest.
00:25:29Is he dishy or is he dishy?
00:25:35Neville promises he's going to take this dream back in Geoffrey, Anne.
00:25:39One day it was enough.
00:25:41Why?
00:25:43He's cancer and I'm Libra.
00:25:45Is that bad?
00:25:46Hopeless.
00:25:49Actually, I'm slightly off the male gender at the moment.
00:26:01Five.
00:26:02Five, which is...
00:26:03Three and two is five, which is two less than seven.
00:26:08Which is...
00:26:10I see the Spanish police are throwing your lot out of Ibiza.
00:26:17Bank clocks.
00:26:18Your lot?
00:26:20Football supporters.
00:26:22Hippies.
00:26:22Oh, my lot.
00:26:27At the third stroke, it will be 7.22 and 40 seconds.
00:26:35It will be 7.22 and 50 seconds.
00:26:40That's it then.
00:26:42Fate.
00:26:43All over by 7.23 precisely.
00:26:45So what?
00:26:48Plenty more where she came from.
00:26:52PHONE RINGS
00:26:53Is that the speaking clock?
00:26:57Is that Geoffrey?
00:26:59Is that Beryl?
00:27:00Yes.
00:27:01Yes.
00:27:02Hi.
00:27:05Hi.
00:27:05It's terrifically exciting, isn't it?
00:27:26Getting to know a person.
00:27:28Fantastic.
00:27:28Fantastic.
00:27:32I want to know all about you.
00:27:35That's what it's all about.
00:27:39For example, with things in common already.
00:27:42Definitely.
00:27:45Like what?
00:27:49We're enormously fond of animals.
00:27:52Right.
00:27:55And we're both from Manchester.
00:28:00Have you ever been abroad?
00:28:01No.
00:28:04Have you?
00:28:05No.
00:28:07Unless you count Istanbul.
00:28:09Istanbul?
00:28:10Was it beyond belief?
00:28:12I don't know.
00:28:13I was only three.
00:28:19Do you ever get the feeling you've been somewhere before?
00:28:22Sometimes.
00:28:24I do.
00:28:24What now?
00:28:29No.
00:28:30Just sometimes.
00:28:35Yes, I do.
00:28:36Yes, I do.
00:28:38Such a lot, isn't there?
00:28:42In getting to know a person.
00:28:44Hmm.
00:28:44He was lithe and easy-limbed, his stride quietly casual, his eyes clear and confident, and
00:28:57his strong mouth ready to break into a relaxed, assured, lopsided grin.
00:29:03You know, Geoffrey, you have a really lopsided grin.
00:29:10Really?
00:29:11You know, lopsided.
00:29:15I don't think I have.
00:29:17It's in the eye of the beholder.
00:29:21See?
00:29:23Geoffrey doesn't need someone else when he's tying a knot.
00:29:26He holds it down with his little finger.
00:29:28It must be marvellous, being a man.
00:29:33It's OK, I suppose.
00:29:35Men can do anything.
00:29:37Conquer Everest.
00:29:39Do heart transplants.
00:29:40Become leader of the opposition.
00:29:44Anything!
00:29:53Geoffrey, N-O spells no.
00:29:56It's good for your circulation, Beryl.
00:29:57Read any women's magazine.
00:30:00It's good for theirs, too.
00:30:02Not sure they recommend Percy Filth on Tuesdays.
00:30:05I only see you on Tuesdays and Saturdays.
00:30:07All Saturdays.
00:30:10Beryl.
00:30:15Beryl.
00:30:16Oh, Geoffrey Bobble's bonbon.
00:30:18Oh, Beryl.
00:30:19Oh, Geoffrey.
00:30:21Oh, Beryl!
00:30:22Are you all right?
00:30:23What exactly happened?
00:30:24Don't tell me.
00:30:25I just had a sharp pachaca of dramatic irony.
00:30:28Pardon?
00:30:34Come back.
00:30:36They're better.
00:30:36It's better.
00:30:37I'm OK.
00:30:37I told you.
00:30:42It's going to pour.
00:30:43It's not.
00:30:52It's only the angels crying.
00:30:55I know how they feel.
00:30:57Well, don't blame me.
00:30:59I haven't done anything.
00:31:00That's true.
00:31:03That's not true, Beryl.
00:31:04I have apologised.
00:31:06I keep going down on me knees when I'm talking to you.
00:31:09Independent observers think I'm training to be a Cossack dancer.
00:31:12It must be a bad line.
00:31:13I can't hear you.
00:31:14You'd better apologise again.
00:31:16I apologise again.
00:31:20Gosh, this lousy line.
00:31:23I wonder if Geoffrey would like to come to tea on Sunday.
00:31:28Pardon?
00:31:29Pardon?
00:31:31Is that who I think it is?
00:31:34No, dear.
00:31:34Well, isn't this nice?
00:31:51Sardine sandwich.
00:31:53Is it all sardine?
00:31:54Yeah.
00:31:56She's got her own trawler.
00:31:57Isn't it awful?
00:32:05What?
00:32:06I was speaking to Geoffrey.
00:32:08What's happening in the world?
00:32:09I blame the politicians.
00:32:11What for?
00:32:12For what's happening in the world.
00:32:17Talk to her.
00:32:21I can't speak Portuguese.
00:32:23Tasty.
00:32:24They're in oil.
00:32:27They're nice in oil.
00:32:28She's got a bad leg.
00:32:31The bread's extremely wholesome.
00:32:34Why, after this little baker down the road,
00:32:35he does something with the bleach.
00:32:40Yes.
00:32:47I can't do long conversations about sardine sandwiches.
00:32:50Your mind goes blank.
00:32:54Start thinking about life after death.
00:33:01Oh, that Neville, honestly.
00:33:04Number of hearts he must have broken.
00:33:06Every girl in Manchester, nearly.
00:33:09Geoffrey definitely has.
00:33:10Probably even more.
00:33:13Air hostesses.
00:33:15All sorts.
00:33:18Tell me about your terrible past, Geoffrey.
00:33:20I haven't had one yet.
00:33:22White man speak with forked tongue.
00:33:25Actually, I was hoping more for a terrible future.
00:33:33Wow, is that the time?
00:33:34At this moment in time.
00:33:36What have I done?
00:33:37Is Neville the insanely jealous type?
00:33:40Right in the slightest.
00:33:41You're lucky.
00:33:43Why, is Geoffrey?
00:33:46Wow.
00:33:47You're not jealous of all my ex-flames, are you?
00:33:50Of course not.
00:33:50Why should I be?
00:33:52Please stop interrogating me, Geoffrey.
00:33:53Forget it.
00:33:56That's all in the past.
00:33:59Then, nothing to be jealous about.
00:34:00Who needs drama?
00:34:06So I shouted back at her.
00:34:08No shop assistant shouts at me, I shouted.
00:34:10In the end, Neville nearly bolted me for swearing.
00:34:14He thumped you.
00:34:16Walloped you on.
00:34:18No.
00:34:19I said nearly.
00:34:23You never thump me, will you?
00:34:25Like Neville does Sandra.
00:34:27She adores it.
00:34:28Of course not.
00:34:31No.
00:34:34Geoffrey, Percy Filth isn't the only thing in life.
00:34:37It isn't even one of the things in mine.
00:34:38He used to talk to me.
00:34:40All right, let's talk.
00:34:46Geoffrey, I've just had the most super idea.
00:34:49Why, is your mum going out?
00:34:53May as well pack in, really.
00:34:55Why?
00:34:59Why not?
00:35:02Good thinking.
00:35:10Thanks for a stimulating few weeks.
00:35:12You too.
00:35:13It was real.
00:35:14It's psychedelic.
00:35:15You can keep me grateful dead, LP.
00:35:17I was scratched anyway.
00:35:19It's been a gasp.
00:35:21Groovy.
00:35:22I won't wave from the window.
00:35:25No, I won't look back anyway.
00:35:27Good.
00:35:28It's been a gasp.
00:35:29You've said that once.
00:35:30You're well-bred barrel.
00:35:41There's plenty more fish in the sea.
00:35:45About three very lonely sardines.
00:35:51Mother, please don't try raising one eyebrow at me.
00:35:53You know you can't do it.
00:35:54You'll never thought of me, will you, Geoffrey?
00:36:03Ow!
00:36:04Beryl, I just had the most super idea.
00:36:07Are we going to put it up?
00:36:08No.
00:36:09We're going to pack it in.
00:36:10Don't say that.
00:36:11Please don't say that.
00:36:12That.
00:36:15Sandra.
00:36:16Sandra.
00:36:18You're Sandra.
00:36:19Mine.
00:36:23Two months.
00:36:24Two months, nine days.
00:36:28Is she positive?
00:36:30The test was.
00:36:31What are you going to do?
00:36:33She'll think of something.
00:36:35Sandra, it's stupendous.
00:36:40Congratulations.
00:36:40I hope you'll both be very happy.
00:36:42Oh, thanks, kid.
00:36:44Sandra, I don't know how you do it.
00:36:46Ralph Insurance.
00:36:49...
00:36:51...
00:36:55...
00:37:06...
00:37:08...
00:37:09...
00:37:09...
00:37:10...
00:37:11...
00:37:14...
00:37:14...
00:37:14...
00:37:14...
00:37:16John for Pope.
00:37:42Long may reign.
00:37:46aren't you uh... yeah
00:37:52and you're uh... that's right
00:37:57going somewhere incredible. I'm meeting my parents
00:38:01taking them to see Fiddler on the roof. that's pretty incredible
00:38:05your mummy and daddy
00:38:07oh hell no that's tomorrow
00:38:11if I'm in the mood
00:38:14where you are
00:38:17depends where you take me
00:38:21all I was saying about your friend with the glasses
00:38:33Roland
00:38:33is that I found him intellectually unaware
00:38:36and psychologically incredibly boring
00:38:39it's not bad at snooker
00:38:40and how are you and little Beryl?
00:38:44didn't she tell you?
00:38:47I don't work there anymore
00:38:49I packed her in
00:38:51did she turn you off?
00:39:00Beryl?
00:39:01her
00:39:02there
00:39:06I haven't really looked
00:39:09you've seen one you've seen them all
00:39:13not quite all
00:39:15I'll go and get me coat
00:39:17it must be my birthday
00:39:23it must be my birthday
00:39:24boys aren't the only thing in life Beryl
00:39:30I do wish you'd find one
00:39:33they aren't all after Percy Filth
00:39:39yes they are
00:39:41yes they are
00:39:42mmm
00:39:43oh you were terrific on the bus
00:39:46was I?
00:39:47mmm
00:39:48terrific self control
00:39:51Joan of Arc never married yet she led a full and happy life
00:39:56or am I thinking of someone else?
00:39:58mother I don't happen to be interested in boys
00:40:01I happen to be interested in having early nights
00:40:04and writing poetry in bed with me mo felt tip pen
00:40:06it's run out of ink
00:40:07I used it for me laundry list
00:40:09my god your generation's got a few things to answer for
00:40:12mmm
00:40:14mmm
00:40:15mmm
00:40:16please
00:40:16mmm don't
00:40:17please
00:40:18you can't ravish a girl on her own doorstep
00:40:21well let's go inside then
00:40:25smooth talking bastard
00:40:28it is me birthday
00:40:34what about the boy with the freckles from Shakespeare Crescent?
00:40:40I don't believe that question
00:40:41you used to be crazy about him
00:40:44I was 11 years old
00:40:46he used to let me chalk on his tortoise
00:40:49first of all
00:40:51It's a shame
00:40:52I used to be better with my friend
00:40:53when you talk to my wife
00:40:53because I wasn't able to think of your wife
00:40:55and his daughter
00:40:56but I wanted to know
00:40:57so I was willing to take me by my wife
00:40:58and I immediately knew her
00:41:00and I expected my wife
00:41:00and I was able to cry
00:41:01and get me out of my way
00:41:02then I got to say
00:41:03so I made her
00:41:05and I was able to cry
00:41:05and I was able to cry
00:41:06and I did not cry
00:41:07and I thought she didn't get me
00:41:07I had to cry
00:41:08because I didn't think of playing
00:41:09and I had to cry
00:41:10and I still have to cry
00:41:10but I did not cry
00:41:11because I didn't cry
00:41:11but I had to cry
00:41:12so I needed to cry
00:41:13and I could cry
00:41:14and I was able to cry
00:41:14what's your name again what's yours rock that's not your real name no Steven
00:41:27God that turns me on
00:41:31when I first met you in the street I thought just a quiet drink and a chat shows you the
00:41:44art of conversation and dead don't move a muscle however gorgeous
00:42:14testing testing Jeffrey Milleharp returns to the day I wish you everything you've ever wished yourself
00:42:25I'm fed up
00:42:43who are you
00:42:46who are you
00:42:47what are you fed up about
00:42:50teachers don't have to do homework no they just mark it anyone can mark it
00:42:59they've got the answers
00:43:00do you know it's after two o'clock
00:43:08what's he doing here then
00:43:09well this is your uncle Steven
00:43:15this is my revolting brother Jeremy
00:43:19how do you do
00:43:23don't me mum and dad know he's here
00:43:25Jeremy bed
00:43:26I could always wake them up and tell them
00:43:28Jeremy
00:43:29little boys need sleep
00:43:33even big astronauts
00:43:36do you know where babies come from
00:43:39do you say no no I do say yes
00:43:46shall I tell you he knows
00:43:48the man has this male organ and some blood cells and erectile glands
00:43:53and there's these 500 million spermatozoas in these testes that he has as well
00:43:58and they go through his male organ into the female uterus that the lady has
00:44:02who told you that
00:44:04then they go to the fallopian tubes after that one of them fertilizes with the female egg
00:44:09the others don't bother
00:44:11anyway that's what you have to do
00:44:13then you have a baby
00:44:15did they teach you that at school
00:44:18they do woodwork in the next class
00:44:20people can only make babies at certain times of the year
00:44:24but animals like dogs and cats and giraffes I think
00:44:28do it all the time
00:44:29no that's people
00:44:34what is
00:44:36well people do it all the time
00:44:41whenever they feel like it
00:44:46in the next class you can do metal work if you don't like woodwork
00:44:53good night Jeremy
00:44:56good night Uncle Stephen
00:45:13good night
00:45:15good night
00:45:17good night
00:45:19good night
00:45:21good night
00:45:23good night
00:45:25we would have done that wouldn't we
00:45:49and how
00:45:50you can't win them all can you
00:45:56anyway
00:45:57do you good going without for a change
00:45:59still there's always another day
00:46:06tomorrow
00:46:07tomorrow's another day
00:46:11shh
00:46:11not unless you happen to be in Plymouth
00:46:14where?
00:46:16I'm joining the Wrens for three years
00:46:18what Wrens?
00:46:21the Royal Navy's Wrens
00:46:24this time tomorrow I'll be in barracks with about 50 other girls and 30,000 sailors
00:46:30hope I like it
00:46:33thanks for nearly everything
00:46:39we definitely would have done that
00:46:41we definitely would have done wouldn't we
00:46:42well obviously
00:46:43we're as good as dead in a way really
00:46:46almost
00:46:47just keep telling yourself and we will have
00:46:50only better
00:46:51good night love
00:46:53try a barrel
00:46:55morning previous generation
00:47:19what's for breakfast
00:47:27you knew it was your mother's birthday
00:47:33now what we'd like to know
00:47:34is where were you while we were fiddling on the flaming roof
00:47:37I'm sorry mum
00:47:38I'll take you out another night
00:47:40something cropped up
00:47:41like what?
00:47:43dad
00:47:44you understand
00:47:45I don't Geoffrey
00:47:48well you always say you do
00:47:50Geoffrey you're at it every night
00:47:53yes dad
00:47:55and we don't complain
00:47:56no dad
00:47:56but last night was different
00:47:58I knew you'd understand
00:48:00I knew you'd understand
00:48:30Charlton for Pope
00:48:30long me around
00:48:32amen
00:48:32what's going on?
00:48:35pounds down again
00:48:36up and down like a fair of knickers
00:48:38you should know
00:48:39or me
00:48:41you know what I mean?
00:48:44what a night
00:48:45wow
00:48:47a lot
00:48:48including action replays in slow motion
00:48:53hey lads
00:48:57I picked up a bit of spare last night
00:48:59who didn't?
00:49:00no it's true
00:49:01yes Geoffrey
00:49:04it is
00:49:05yes Geoffrey
00:49:06bloody is
00:49:13poor Geoffrey
00:49:17Beryl please
00:49:18it's Neville's engagement party as well
00:49:20you had to invite him
00:49:22he'll see me
00:49:23it's cruel
00:49:24I'll see how the girls
00:49:26I shan't take him back Sandra
00:49:28I shan't
00:49:31it's been two weeks
00:49:33he may have got over you by now
00:49:34don't know much about men
00:49:37do you love?
00:49:38it was doing him a kindness really
00:50:04finally splitting up
00:50:06he only had one ambition in life
00:50:09send my knickers to Oxfam
00:50:12good job she hasn't joined the rent
00:50:18the entire navy had gone strike
00:50:20I expect he's sorry now
00:50:23I won't even consider taking him back if he isn't
00:50:27she might have changed of course
00:50:29if she has I might let her have the old orgy nine again
00:50:32he's got to accept we've finally split up
00:50:36otherwise I definitely won't take him back
00:50:38well I'm certainly not making the first move
00:50:44at least I've got me pride
00:50:46I left with Beryl baby
00:50:49oh hi
00:50:50didn't see you
00:50:51no nor me
00:50:52and how's Manchester City doing without me cheering them on then
00:50:57united
00:50:57we're winning every game now
00:50:59oh good
00:51:01and what's new with Geoffrey then
00:51:04I asked you what was new with you
00:51:11did you?
00:51:17need I say more
00:51:18pardon?
00:51:21and how's Beryl baby getting on then?
00:51:24Geoffrey I'm not all that ecstatic about you calling me Beryl baby
00:51:27it isn't like you
00:51:29say that again
00:51:30Beryl baby
00:51:31what's your name handsome?
00:51:36you'll laugh
00:51:37everybody laughs
00:51:38it's the story of my life
00:51:40you tell it like it is Chuck
00:51:43she's putting on an axe
00:51:51what do you care?
00:51:55I don't Beryl baby
00:51:57is she going to get into bed with him now?
00:52:06probably
00:52:07Geoffrey always looks half asleep these days
00:52:13well it's very exhausting
00:52:15what is?
00:52:19working in a bank
00:52:20oh
00:52:21I had this bad scene
00:52:29this chick
00:52:29and decided to split
00:52:31so I cut out man
00:52:35like there's no tomorrow
00:52:37this cat gets it together where he's at man
00:52:42lots of beautiful bags baby
00:52:46so if you want a piece of the action
00:52:49don't cool it
00:52:51dig?
00:52:53I'm sorry I no understand English
00:53:01I thought she'd only just been to bed with the other one
00:53:11she has
00:53:14she has
00:53:14and which is her husband?
00:53:17neither
00:53:18it's warming up isn't it?
00:53:24great beat isn't it?
00:53:33great to dance to
00:53:35do you agree that life's an onion?
00:53:43mine?
00:53:44if so what's death?
00:53:47erm
00:53:48a banana
00:53:50yes I expect it is
00:53:54when you think about it
00:53:55have you read Schopenhauer's concept of existence?
00:54:00erm
00:54:00no
00:54:02but I've seen the film
00:54:05you married?
00:54:08no
00:54:08grab yourself an adage
00:54:10marriage is a cabbage
00:54:13are you a poet?
00:54:16never ask the questions
00:54:17ask the answers
00:54:19you are a poet
00:54:20to any manager of Marks and Spaces
00:54:24don't you?
00:54:28I'm heavy dirt you
00:54:29now he's taking his clothes off
00:54:32what's on ITV?
00:54:37this
00:54:37what's on BBC?
00:54:43Casinova
00:54:43what's that like?
00:54:47this
00:54:47oh come on now
00:54:50you know that's not where it's at
00:54:52let's get this
00:54:53what's the word
00:54:54let's get it
00:54:56clear
00:54:57let's get down to the real
00:54:58nitty grittiesville
00:54:59okay?
00:55:00hmm
00:55:01women's lip
00:55:10is not about burning brass
00:55:13papers yeah
00:55:14what papers
00:55:16a marriage certificate
00:55:18a dog's license
00:55:19whatever you prefer to call it
00:55:20look let's be basic about this
00:55:22Enid
00:55:23all girls want marriage
00:55:24and a wide wedding
00:55:25really basic
00:55:27you want to be really basic
00:55:29utterly basic
00:55:30balls
00:55:31grass
00:55:33Enid
00:55:35when Sandra says
00:55:37every girl
00:55:38she means most girls
00:55:39well
00:55:39like herself
00:55:40not me of course
00:55:41because I incredibly value my independence
00:55:43but most girls definitely want
00:55:46balls
00:55:46if you can't conduct an intelligent conversation
00:55:50without recourse to
00:55:51you're according to anything
00:55:52I'm merely telling you what girls want
00:55:54yes
00:55:55what?
00:55:55balls
00:55:56oh
00:55:56would you please stop saying that
00:55:59you believe in free love right?
00:56:02wrong
00:56:02I believe in free everything
00:56:04freedom from all male chauvinist
00:56:06pig domination
00:56:07honestly don't you understand
00:56:09excuse me you've got your hand on me
00:56:10if we're liberating society
00:56:10for the future
00:56:11I'm sure
00:56:12no thank you
00:56:13excuse me
00:56:13excuse me you've got your hand on me
00:56:14no
00:56:15oh
00:56:16oh sorry
00:56:18well I'm sorry
00:56:20it's all right
00:56:20oh gee
00:56:21it's pleasure
00:56:22grass
00:56:23Geoffrey you've not to
00:56:25why not?
00:56:26I said don't
00:56:27you're not to smoke it
00:56:28oh wow
00:56:38we're as liberated as you Enid
00:56:42we've equal importance as individuals
00:56:44neither of us is boss
00:56:46it just doesn't arise
00:56:47we'll make some coffee
00:56:49you see
00:56:51what we believe is
00:56:52you see
00:56:56wow
00:56:57I can see
00:56:59there's only one way
00:57:00to get through
00:57:02what you doing?
00:57:06lighting everybody's fire
00:57:08burn my bra
00:57:12right
00:57:17that's it
00:57:18finished
00:57:19the end
00:57:20full stop
00:57:21we've finally split up
00:57:24Neville
00:57:24Sandra wants you
00:57:26I should imagine
00:57:27sad isn't it?
00:57:33pathetic
00:57:34well I can't follow plays
00:57:39these days
00:57:40it's just showing real life
00:57:43that's all
00:57:43I once thought I'd found her
00:57:50the perfect girl
00:57:52red hair
00:57:54not too skinny
00:57:56very gentle and shy
00:57:59passionate when roused
00:58:03yeah
00:58:04she packed me in for picking my teeth with a matchstick
00:58:08you're very sweet
00:58:10you're very sweet
00:58:10I've always thought you were
00:58:14did you know you very nearly have a lopsided grin
00:58:20it's just I'm a bit tired
00:58:22no it's nice
00:58:23I don't think I've washed that one
00:58:49oh
00:58:50oh sorry
00:58:50do you know
00:58:55what girl
00:58:56you can ask me anything
00:58:57do you know where Jeffrey's got to?
00:59:04he's upstairs I think
00:59:05is it true
00:59:12they're dry on their own
00:59:13usually
00:59:16I hate to be any trouble
00:59:23but I think I'm dying
00:59:25you'll be alright
00:59:26honest
00:59:26she said I shouldn't smoke it
00:59:29who?
00:59:30she said
00:59:31Geoffrey
00:59:35Geoffrey
00:59:39sorry
00:59:45Geoffrey
00:59:53move up a bit Geoffrey
00:59:58put your legs
01:00:00that's better
01:00:02it's because it's your first time isn't it?
01:00:13call Dr. Weisberg
01:00:15Quilmslow Road
01:00:17it wasn't marijuana you know
01:00:23what was it then?
01:00:28grass
01:00:28grass
01:00:31grass is marijuana
01:00:31this grass wasn't
01:00:34it was the real thing
01:00:37from the front lawn
01:00:40is that you Beryl?
01:00:50had a nice time
01:00:56even though it's three o'clock in the morning
01:00:59not that I mind
01:01:01if you've had a nice time
01:01:03even though I've been in bed since ten
01:01:05having a good night's worry
01:01:06did you see Geoffrey?
01:01:13that's good
01:01:13do you ever get the feeling you're trying too hard?
01:01:37I didn't try at all
01:01:38gave me to rest
01:01:40I'm right off birds
01:01:45I am
01:01:47I am
01:01:48for good
01:01:50me too
01:01:52and me
01:01:54good morning
01:02:14your mother would like to know if you have a reservation at this hotel
01:02:17Yeah
01:02:20it's
01:02:21here
01:02:21home
01:02:22come to me
01:02:32here
01:02:36done
01:02:37good
01:02:38good
01:02:38good
01:02:39good
01:02:41good
01:02:41good
01:02:42na
01:02:42good
01:02:43how could the
01:02:44A barrel, a barrel.
01:03:14Geoffrey, can I rip your trousers off and have my way with you?
01:03:23Oh, barrel.
01:03:27Oh, Geoffrey.
01:03:30Oh, God.
01:03:33Hello.
01:03:43Ta-ra.
01:03:45Will you be required in the room again, sir?
01:03:48Because we're thinking of taking bookings for the next pop festival.
01:03:52You're a bugger.
01:03:54I don't know who he takes after.
01:04:01PHONE RINGS
01:04:03Hello?
01:04:04It's me.
01:04:05Who?
01:04:06My God, that's symbolic.
01:04:08Oh, hello, Beryl.
01:04:10I'm just ringing to tell you I never want to see you again.
01:04:13If you have a phone or call, please don't, because I shan't be in.
01:04:16Tonight or any other night.
01:04:18Anyway, tonight I'm helping my mum at the school jumble sale.
01:04:28It's a small world.
01:04:49Good evening, Mrs Battersby.
01:04:54I was looking for a nice lampshade.
01:04:57Oh?
01:04:59Probably this one.
01:05:01Definitely.
01:05:02Magic in satin.
01:05:03Oh, certainly, Geoffrey.
01:05:05Who's here in his nice crimson shoes?
01:05:11You'd like some nice fancy wrapping paper, wouldn't you?
01:05:17I'm a child of the universe, Beryl.
01:05:19I have a right to be here.
01:05:20I'm afraid we don't sell marijuana on Sundays.
01:05:22I'll try the co-op.
01:05:23Beryl, listen.
01:05:24If you can smell burning, it's just that the vicar's been around burning his jock strap.
01:05:26Beryl, listen.
01:05:27Can I help you, madam?
01:05:28Have you got that in another colour?
01:05:29No, madam.
01:05:30I'll leave it then.
01:05:31Listen to what, for heaven's sake?
01:05:44Don't matter.
01:05:45What doesn't?
01:05:46You wouldn't, anyway.
01:05:47Wouldn't what?
01:05:49Go to the match with me on Saturday.
01:05:52Me?
01:05:53A football match?
01:05:55With 40,000 skinheads and you?
01:05:57Told you.
01:05:59Who are they playing?
01:06:06Huddersfield Town.
01:06:08In the cot?
01:06:09I've always wanted to watch Huddersfield Town.
01:06:15The...the fourth from the bottom.
01:06:19Shows you.
01:06:21Away from home, they've won three, drawn five and lost 12.
01:06:28Drawn five.
01:06:30So what do you think?
01:06:34I think I nearly love you.
01:06:37I think I nearly love you.
01:06:41Never mind.
01:06:42It's only a game.
01:06:47I thought you nearly loved me.
01:06:54I thought you said you nearly loved me.
01:06:58Hey, brother...
01:07:01Oh, my God...
01:07:03Never mind.
01:07:04It's only a game.
01:07:06I thought you said you nearly loved me.
01:07:13No!
01:07:15Yeah!
01:07:16I don't recall Grace Kelly enticing Prince Rainier by going to watch United.
01:07:21I may be wrong.
01:07:22Grace who?
01:07:24We live in a permissive society, Beryl.
01:07:26Read any colour supplement.
01:07:28Mother, you're supposed to be my mother.
01:07:30I am, love.
01:07:31And it wasn't through going to football matches.
01:07:34You are the same mother that makes me tug my skirt down every time I stand up,
01:07:37even if he's only on the phone.
01:07:39Yes, well, boys are very safe.
01:07:42And I am your mother.
01:07:44That's what I said.
01:07:47I don't mean permissive permissive.
01:07:51Let's see.
01:07:52Romantic.
01:07:55Pardon?
01:07:56Kissing, cuddling.
01:07:58Things of that nature.
01:08:02Oh, we do.
01:08:03Do what?
01:08:05What you just said.
01:08:06Good.
01:08:07Not too much, I hope.
01:08:09Oh, God.
01:08:10Boys are very funny.
01:08:12They're novices compared to mothers.
01:08:18Did I tell you that two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains?
01:08:23Oh.
01:08:27Two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains.
01:08:29Fantastic.
01:08:30The cowgills.
01:08:31The cowgills.
01:08:32The cowgills.
01:08:33Mr. and Mrs. cowgill.
01:08:34Married couple.
01:08:35Newlyweds.
01:08:36Not long married.
01:08:37You go bald doing that.
01:08:38Doing what?
01:08:39I'll tell you, 28 stockbrokers have moved into the office opposite with the dirty curtains.
01:08:42Living in sin.
01:08:43Living in sin.
01:08:44Can you say one single sentence?
01:08:45Can you say one single sentence?
01:08:46I'll tell you, 28 stockbrokers have moved into the office opposite with the dirty curtains.
01:08:51Living in sin.
01:08:52Can you say one single sentence without the word marriage in it?
01:08:58If I said to you, do you think Cassius Clay would have beaten Rocky Marciano, would you say what's
01:08:59it matter so long as they're happily married?
01:09:00If I said to you, do you think Cassius Clay would have beaten Rocky Marciano, would you say what's
01:09:01it matter so long as they're happily married?
01:09:05I don't think so.
01:09:06A barrel would.
01:09:28I don't think so.
01:09:31Beryl would.
01:09:34Giving you a bad time, is she?
01:09:38I wouldn't say that.
01:09:43I haven't even mentioned the word.
01:09:45What word?
01:09:47Goodness me, a single person can have a relationship with another person
01:09:50without everyone thinking she's automatically...
01:09:52I never said you were! You think it!
01:09:58All right, Geoffrey. I hereby promise never to utter the word again.
01:10:15Marriage?
01:10:16Never.
01:10:18Well, until I am. If I ever do.
01:10:21Which I fervently hope I never will.
01:10:24For someone who's not uttering something, when's your LP coming out?
01:10:29No two people have a divine right to happiness, Geoffrey.
01:10:34You mustn't feel guilty about me.
01:10:37I'm sorry.
01:10:40No-one can say you've completely ruined me life.
01:10:43Not yet.
01:10:45What are you staring at?
01:10:55Hello?
01:10:56You all right, son?
01:10:57Terrific.
01:10:58Why did you throw your sponge pudding at the cat, then?
01:11:00Your mother's theory is you're overworking.
01:11:03Hmm.
01:11:04My theory is you're overdoing it with some dolly bird.
01:11:07Oh.
01:11:08What's your theory?
01:11:09Indigestion.
01:11:11Oh.
01:11:13What's yours, Sundance?
01:11:17Hasn't he said anything at all?
01:11:19He has said one thing.
01:11:20Oh, what's that?
01:11:21If God had meant sardines to be in oil, it had given them dipsticks.
01:11:24All right.
01:11:26The weeks and months drag by, and with neither side willing to compromise, we still have deadlock.
01:11:33Her Majesty's government have consistently tried to find a way out of this dilemma.
01:11:39Another wild night learning what NO spells and how many of us school pals are getting married.
01:11:44And what NO spells.
01:11:46And what NO spells.
01:11:47Great!
01:11:49I might as well go bald and open me own monastery.
01:11:52And so society, that's you and me, says end this dispute.
01:11:58End it now.
01:12:00Good night.
01:12:01Hear, hear.
01:12:02Good, weren't it?
01:12:03Terrific.
01:12:05Especially when he said good night.
01:12:08We're just enjoying ourselves.
01:12:10Having a good time!
01:12:12Just having fun!
01:12:14Being happy!
01:12:16Take two a day, after meals, and one if you find yourself crying your heart out again in the middle of a zebra crossing for no reason at all.
01:12:26You're sure this has nothing to do with a boyfriend?
01:12:29Absolutely positive.
01:12:32That was the first film we ever saw together.
01:12:36Make that three a day after meals.
01:12:38Look, Beryl, how's this for a peace plan?
01:12:39You join a marriage bureau and I'll get a job on the stage twice nightly in Denmark.
01:12:44Then we'll both be happy.
01:12:45Right?
01:12:46Right!
01:12:47Good Jesus Christ, Superstar.
01:12:48Amen.
01:12:49Oh, hell.
01:12:50Oh, hell.
01:12:51Hands up again.
01:12:52See you tomorrow.
01:12:53Where do you think you're going?
01:12:54Geoffrey, I'll get the sack.
01:12:55It's important.
01:12:56What is?
01:12:57What is?
01:12:58I keep asking you what is.
01:12:59What is?
01:13:00What is?
01:13:01To be on our own.
01:13:02What is?
01:13:03To be on our own.
01:13:04What is?
01:13:05I keep asking you what is.
01:13:06What is?
01:13:07To be on our own.
01:13:08What?
01:13:09To be on our own.
01:13:10What?
01:13:11So we can talk.
01:13:12What?
01:13:14To be on our own.
01:13:15What?
01:13:17So as we can talk.
01:13:18What?
01:13:19What?
01:13:20To be on our own.
01:13:21What?
01:13:22On our own.
01:13:24What?
01:13:27What?
01:13:33Oh, man.
01:13:38I've had an old speech worked out on the bus this morning.
01:13:47The only bit I can remember is, and that's what I think.
01:13:51Last night I dreamt I was in goal for Manchester United and Grace Kelly kicked nine goals past me.
01:13:56Grace who?
01:13:57She was playing for United as well. Weird, isn't it?
01:14:08The main thing is, we do communicate.
01:14:14Oh, we do.
01:14:23See, what face do I want you to do?
01:14:26Go on.
01:14:27No, you. Mine wasn't important.
01:14:30No, mine wasn't.
01:14:38Beryl, are you happy?
01:14:49Of course.
01:14:51Very.
01:14:53I am.
01:14:55No one is every second of every minute of every day.
01:15:01No.
01:15:03I'm not.
01:15:08Do you think it's because we love each other, do you think?
01:15:17Probably.
01:15:18I've not actually said the words often.
01:15:20Well, not in so many words.
01:15:23Mostly in words to that effect.
01:15:38Is there anything you don't love about me?
01:15:42No.
01:15:43I don't think so.
01:15:44Honestly, no.
01:15:45Nothing.
01:15:46If there is, you just tell me and I'll stop doing it.
01:15:49If there isn't anything, honest.
01:15:51Good.
01:15:54It wouldn't upset me.
01:15:55It'd just make me a better human being to deserve your love.
01:15:58Like, you know, crimson shoes and bottled green socks.
01:16:10Well, you don't wear crimson shoes and bottled green socks, Beryl.
01:16:13If I did, I'd stop to please you.
01:16:20I see.
01:16:20There's no need to be sensitive, Geoffrey.
01:16:27In a meaningful relationship, you must like even what you don't.
01:16:33Your mother.
01:16:34Pardon?
01:16:34I like your mother.
01:16:35Please don't sulk, Geoffrey.
01:16:37Hand her lampshades.
01:16:38Sulking isn't the most endearing quality in a person.
01:16:42Well, you ought to know.
01:16:43You've almost made it an art form.
01:16:45Anything else at random?
01:16:47You've got 24 hours to spare.
01:16:48After all, I'm no Bridget Bardot.
01:16:51According to reliable sources in Saint-Tropez,
01:16:53she's 105 next birthday.
01:16:54Over 98% of the male population of Manchester and Salford
01:16:57can tell the difference between Bridget Bardot and Beryl Battersby.
01:17:00Ask any opinion poll.
01:17:02I'm much fatter for a start.
01:17:04You're not all that fat, Beryl.
01:17:05I am.
01:17:06Start slimming.
01:17:07Men like something to get hold of.
01:17:09If they're allowed to get hold of it.
01:17:11You always succeed in getting back to Percy Filth in the end, don't you?
01:17:14Always.
01:17:14No, I don't, Beryl.
01:17:16You do.
01:17:16I always fail.
01:17:18Do you know what some girls find extremely likeable?
01:17:20The extremely likeable way some boys stare at every girl they see.
01:17:23Boys like it when girls tell them what N-O spells.
01:17:26Especially for the 600th time.
01:17:28That they really dig.
01:17:29You never say dig.
01:17:31I did then.
01:17:32Your passionate, unrequited love for 11 boring men kicking a ball about.
01:17:37That's really lovable.
01:17:38I never knew you thought that.
01:17:41Neither did I.
01:17:44Do now, though.
01:17:45I used to say dig before I met you.
01:17:55I used to say all sorts of things.
01:18:05There's a lot about me I can't even remember.
01:18:07thinking what I'm thinking.
01:18:25Thinking what I'm thinking?
01:18:33I think so.
01:18:35We just don't like each other.
01:18:38At all.
01:18:51Oh, goodbye, then.
01:18:53Good luck.
01:18:55Peace, ma'am.
01:19:00St Anne's Square.
01:19:01St Anne's Square, please.
01:19:12So that just leaves a cot, two matinee coats, two romper suits.
01:19:19And what else do I need?
01:19:22Oh, yes, a ring.
01:19:24Teething ring?
01:19:26Wedding ring?
01:19:27Of course.
01:19:28Oh, they have gorgeous plans in the shops these days.
01:19:32No wonder everyone's at it.
01:19:35Oh, sorry.
01:19:37What about?
01:19:38Skip it.
01:19:40About time, too.
01:19:42With a sympathy.
01:19:42Not that I need any, actually.
01:19:44I've never been as happy in me life.
01:19:47But she doesn't know that.
01:19:49If I'm looking miserable, Sandra, it's because I'm feeling happy for you.
01:19:54Yeah.
01:19:54Yeah.
01:19:54We know what you must be thinking.
01:19:59Of course we do.
01:20:01How to pop the pink without going in and off.
01:20:08Ace.
01:20:09She used to wear pink, you know.
01:20:13I won't tell you where.
01:20:14A hell of a lot more where hers came from.
01:20:19Wow.
01:20:20Did you want the chalk, Geoffrey?
01:20:26I know.
01:20:27Spells no.
01:20:30Super day for it.
01:20:32Hmm.
01:20:33Sin being inside a day like this.
01:20:35Well, Sandra, this is it.
01:20:39Yep.
01:20:40The big day.
01:20:42Yep.
01:20:43Coming to the crotch.
01:20:44Crunch.
01:20:46I dare say it'll hardly break my heart in the slightest seeing him again.
01:20:51You mustn't think I'll be crying inside because I most definitely won't be.
01:20:55And what's more, no one will know that I am.
01:20:57Because I shan't.
01:20:59Truly.
01:21:02Sandra, please, you've enough to think of.
01:21:05It's a big day for you as well, really, isn't it?
01:21:16And now one of the bride and groom on their own.
01:21:19Do you mind stepping back, sir?
01:21:21Fine.
01:21:22This is fine enough.
01:21:23Here?
01:21:23About there, lovely.
01:21:25You can kiss the bride on this one, sir.
01:21:28Wow.
01:21:28Official permission to actually kiss her.
01:21:32Ow!
01:21:33Oh, sorry.
01:21:35That's right.
01:21:37Hold it.
01:21:39Lovely.
01:21:40Right, now, a nice family group of the parents, please.
01:21:43Funny.
01:21:44I remember the Friday lunchtime we first met.
01:21:48How have you been?
01:21:50Absolutely great.
01:21:52You?
01:21:52Never better.
01:21:53Never better.
01:21:54Ever.
01:21:55That's it.
01:21:55A little bit like that.
01:21:58It's all over now.
01:21:59Bar the salmon salad.
01:22:02It's tuna fish.
01:22:04It's life.
01:22:05I see, President.
01:22:13Nixon went to China, then.
01:22:15That was before we ever met.
01:22:17I know.
01:22:18Why?
01:22:19Something happened about it.
01:22:20No.
01:22:21Oh.
01:22:22Could I trouble you for the salad cream, please?
01:22:24Hmm.
01:22:27Speaking personally, I think there are enough problems to sort out on Earth without going to the moon.
01:22:33Nixon.
01:22:34Why is he going?
01:22:36No.
01:22:38The astronauts.
01:22:39Oh.
01:22:41It's the wives and sweethearts I feel sorry for.
01:22:46We never really talked, did we, about things that matter?
01:22:50Good, isn't it?
01:22:51Shows we're friends.
01:22:53Now that we know we don't like each other.
01:22:54Everybody thinks we're broken-hearted.
01:23:01We've really grown up, haven't we?
01:23:03My mother's convinced herself we split up because we had too much Percy filth.
01:23:07I'm right off it, myself.
01:23:09I've been able to walk off buses perfectly normally for the past few weeks.
01:23:13Oh.
01:23:14I expect it's only temporary.
01:23:16I hope not.
01:23:17It's marvellous.
01:23:18Good.
01:23:19I don't fancy you in the slightest now.
01:23:22Thank you, love.
01:23:24Still off the food, I noticed.
01:23:32And we've learned a fantastic amount for the future.
01:23:35Fantastic.
01:23:36For example, say I finally did marry someone like you, only someone I love.
01:23:41I bet I'd now let him wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks every night.
01:23:46In bed a bit.
01:23:47And you'll probably meet some little fatty who's never even heard of Kenny Warhol and marry her three days later.
01:23:59We probably won't see each other at all now, we're pals.
01:24:02I expect you're going to the match this afternoon.
01:24:04Oh, yeah.
01:24:05I'm helping Sandra Packer go in a way case.
01:24:07Where's she going?
01:24:09Hospital.
01:24:13Well, we'll bump into each other sometime.
01:24:46Oh, hello, Mrs. Battersby.
01:24:59You won't remember me.
01:25:01Good afternoon, Geoffrey.
01:25:02Oh, um, is, uh, is Beryl there, please?
01:25:08She's gone to the football match.
01:25:12But there is no football.
01:25:13It's cricket now.
01:25:15Well, it's the same thing, isn't it?
01:25:16Hi.
01:25:29When's the kickoff?
01:25:30Hi.
01:25:42When's the kick-off?
01:25:44In about three months.
01:25:47Football season's over now, Beryl.
01:25:49What on earth did you want to come for?
01:25:52I forgot.
01:25:54I'm not all that interested these days.
01:25:58Where will you go now, then?
01:26:00I don't know.
01:26:04Could always go inside and practise booing for next season.
01:26:10Where will you?
01:26:11Might go and get a new pair of tights.
01:26:14Hey, it's like the countryside, isn't it, when it's empty?
01:26:18Fancy a stroll in the country?
01:26:20May as well, if you like.
01:26:22Don't mind, why not?
01:26:24Just as friends.
01:26:26Oh, I meant just as friends.
01:26:28Yeah, I did.
01:26:28I wish we had a ball.
01:26:38Could play shooting in.
01:26:42You could go in goal.
01:26:43Amazing how people change, isn't it?
01:26:51Well, we're certainly much happier without each other.
01:27:19We'll be even happier with someone else.
01:27:25Anyone, really.
01:27:34There's millions to choose from.
01:27:35All nearly exactly right for us.
01:27:41You'll find someone, Geoffrey.
01:27:44You will, Beryl.
01:27:46Just a matter of keeping your eyes open, really.
01:27:49Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:51.
01:28:21And you'll find sometimes
01:28:33Love and rainy weather can turn out fine
01:28:38Getting wet together's fun
01:28:41When the crying's dark
01:28:47Love and rainy weather
01:28:51Are followed by the sun
01:28:58Love and rainy weather
01:29:00Love and rainy weather
01:29:05When the crying's dark
01:29:12Love and rainy weather
01:29:16Are followed by the sun
01:29:22Love and rainy weather
01:29:25Love and rainy weather
01:29:29You
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