- 6 months ago
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:30CastingWords
00:01:00CastingWords
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00:01:08But we live in a permissive society.
00:01:10Not on this street we don't.
00:01:12Everybody's at it.
00:01:14Not with me they're not.
00:01:16Girls are supposed to be crying out for it.
00:01:18Not this one.
00:01:20I'm the silent majority.
00:01:22It's only manners these days.
00:01:24Total strangers do it now instead of shaking hands.
00:01:26God is Lord.
00:01:30Jesus.
00:01:31Jesus.
00:01:32We've never seen him in real life though.
00:01:58Oh, he's picturing the papers.
00:02:01Oh, come on, Sandra, let's go.
00:02:03No, I don't want to.
00:02:04Oh, I'm standing out here. It's stupid.
00:02:06But he might come in a minute.
00:02:08Somebody waited ages yesterday and he never turned up there.
00:02:10But that was yesterday. He might be here today.
00:02:12Oh, that little birdie dust standing here.
00:02:14Come on.
00:02:14Come on, you're supposed to be going shopping.
00:02:16Oh, wait.
00:02:17Oh, please, let's go.
00:02:22Oh, no.
00:02:23I told you so, didn't I?
00:02:25I feel a right twit now.
00:02:26I don't fancy yours.
00:02:30Which is mine?
00:02:32Any except the blonde.
00:02:34Oh, good.
00:02:36Who are being stared at?
00:02:38Where?
00:02:41Don't fancy yours.
00:02:45Which is mine?
00:02:47Any.
00:02:48Except the blonde or the one with the yellow legs.
00:02:52Thanks.
00:02:54Neither do I.
00:02:54Fancy the one with the twitch.
00:03:00About as much as Mountsy-Tung's granddad, with all due respect.
00:03:04To his granddad.
00:03:06Ask him if they do a turn.
00:03:08You.
00:03:09I thought we were giving sex up.
00:03:11There's a protest at never getting any.
00:03:14Ignore them.
00:03:14Hi.
00:03:15Hi.
00:03:16Hi.
00:03:17Hi.
00:03:18Hi.
00:03:18Hi.
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00:03:29Hi.
00:03:30Hi.
00:03:31Hi.
00:03:32Peace, ma'am.
00:03:33Were you, er, hoping to see Georgie Best?
00:03:35He's in Mallorca.
00:03:36Come on, then.
00:03:37Can we only get an hour for lunch?
00:03:40It's a discotheque in Albert Square.
00:03:43Come on.
00:03:44I thought we were going for tights.
00:03:48It's our lunch hour.
00:03:49It's ours.
00:03:50We were going for lunch.
00:03:51Shall I tell you something pretty mind-blowing about Mallorca?
00:03:55It's one place I've never been.
00:03:56Pardon?
00:03:57I'm, er, Geoffrey.
00:03:58Hi.
00:03:59Hi.
00:04:00Hi.
00:04:01Hi.
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00:04:48But they go together fine
00:04:53Every single time
00:04:58First you're up there
00:05:04On another plane
00:05:06And then you're nowhere
00:05:08And the tears are raining down
00:05:13It's a run around
00:05:18Love and rainy weather
00:05:23Sure can get you down
00:05:31Not going twisting tonight then?
00:05:37That's the modern name for it, isn't it?
00:05:39What? Cutting a rug.
00:05:42Pardon?
00:05:44Grooving, Mildred.
00:05:46It's called grooving nowadays
00:05:48Grooving and or freaking
00:05:50Right?
00:05:51What I'm not doing tonight
00:05:52Right
00:05:54Right on
00:05:55You're staying in tonight then?
00:05:57Tonight?
00:05:58Tomorrow night?
00:05:59Every night
00:06:01You might sell me overcoat
00:06:03Life's not all pleasure, you know
00:06:05Really?
00:06:06Mildred, don't hassle the lad
00:06:08Hustle
00:06:10It's a different world today, Mildred
00:06:12We had a week's honeymoon in Blackpool for what this finny haddy cost
00:06:16They do their own thing
00:06:18The usual 1,300 weight
00:06:20Yes please
00:06:22Now that's the new world that we work for
00:06:26And fought for
00:06:28Full page advert for contraception
00:06:30It's his birthright
00:06:32I'm not hungry
00:06:34I'm not hungry
00:06:36What's that supposed to mean?
00:06:38It's the hip way cool people say I'm not hungry
00:06:40Hey cool people say I'm not hungry
00:06:50La la la la
00:06:52La la la la
00:06:54I'm not hungry
00:07:00I enjoy staying in Chattingham an evening
00:07:02I find it fantastically enjoyable
00:07:04No really
00:07:06I really do
00:07:08Some people don't
00:07:10I do
00:07:12Beryl
00:07:14Please take my word for it
00:07:15Paul McCartney's never going to ring that doorbell
00:07:17And invite you to the pictures
00:07:18Paul McCartney who?
00:07:20He doesn't know you've been faithful to him ever since our day's night
00:07:23And please don't say Paul McCartney who
00:07:25I sacrificed too much for your sick soul levels
00:07:28Six soul levels
00:07:30You were terrific in the pictures
00:07:32I never touched you
00:07:34Terrific self control
00:07:40What did you say your name was?
00:07:58Mind you just a weekend I'd do with you Paul
00:08:04Not a dirty weekend
00:08:06A disgusting one
00:08:12Night night
00:08:14Percy Filth
00:08:24Have you always been insatiable?
00:08:28It's not my fault
00:08:30It's just that I don't like blondes
00:08:36It's psychosomatic
00:08:40I'm sorry
00:08:46Ah
00:08:58I'm sorry
00:08:59I'm sorry
00:09:00I'm sorry
00:09:01I'm sorry
00:09:02I'm sorry
00:09:03Oh Sandra
00:09:04There is almost blonde in this light
00:09:10What's wrong?
00:09:12Just being brave
00:09:14What about?
00:09:16Ending it all
00:09:18Before we hurt each other too much
00:09:20It's our first date
00:09:22It's our first date
00:09:24I've probably wasted your entire evening haven't I?
00:09:30Not yet
00:09:32Not if your parents aren't back till midnight
00:09:34Don't you think you're too old for this sort of thing?
00:09:40Straight from Stanley Matthews to Bridget Bardot you went overnight
00:09:44That was when you were too young for this sort of thing
00:09:48It's artistic mother
00:09:50Like your Tutankhamen butter dish
00:10:02What?
00:10:04Got it
00:10:05Got what?
00:10:06You now ask if I never want to see you again
00:10:08I say I do
00:10:10You then stop crying quick as a flash
00:10:12And say something like
00:10:13How about Sunday
00:10:14Half seven outside Central Library
00:10:16No I don't
00:10:18Tomorrow half seven outside Central Library
00:10:21Then when I say okay
00:10:23Does your zip miraculously undo?
00:10:25It does not
00:10:27I thought it did
00:10:29Not till you've unfastened the press stud
00:10:32I can see her doing your ironing
00:10:37And cooking
00:10:38And cleaning
00:10:39You wouldn't need to book for the Christmas pantomime
00:10:41I don't intend to marry her mother
00:10:43In case it interferes with my career
00:10:45We're just good friends
00:10:47Good night
00:11:02Miss Bardot
00:11:05Marry me
00:11:09You know what they say
00:11:11Once you've had a Manchester lad you never touch anything else
00:11:14Nineteen
00:11:26Nineteen
00:11:28Nineteen
00:11:29About time and all
00:11:30Aye
00:11:31Aye
00:11:32Aye
00:11:33Peace ma'am
00:11:35Did you have a good time this night?
00:11:37Great
00:11:38Is it you?
00:11:39Satisfied
00:11:40I say it in for a change
00:11:42Did you get much? Did you? Did you know that raping Princess Anne was a capital offence?
00:11:54Not that I have done. Paid him for a change instead.
00:12:12Ticket? I ain't got my ticket. We're late already. See you behind the goal then.
00:12:24I ain't! I ain't! I ain't! I ain't! I ain't! I ain't! I ain't!
00:12:40Well, tonight's beauty sleep's done nothing for her. Snooty old bag.
00:12:49Trendy. Crimson shoes with bottle green socks.
00:12:54Must be going steady with a set of traffic lights. Still, who else would have him?
00:13:00Anyway, they're all the same in the dark. Rumour has it.
00:13:11Different girl every night. You can tell the type.
00:13:15Probably an omen seeing her before the match. I bet we lose 3-1.
00:13:20Well, I'm certainly not making the first move. At least I've got me proud.
00:13:25Oh, hello.
00:13:27Oh, hi!
00:13:29Hi.
00:13:30Didn't see you. No, Normie.
00:13:31Are you going that way? Yeah. Not especially, no. You going that?
00:13:39Yeah. Well, um, no. I was sort of...
00:13:44Going to the football match?
00:13:46Are you? Shopping.
00:13:48I'm probably going to the pictures tonight. I am.
00:13:49Which?
00:13:50Which are you?
00:13:51Any?
00:13:52I am.
00:13:53See you then.
00:13:54Tonight?
00:13:55Pardon?
00:13:56Oh, I...
00:13:57All right, then.
00:13:58Right.
00:13:59Super socks.
00:14:01Did you see that?
00:14:02They're all on drugs. A lot of them.
00:14:04Oh, I am.
00:14:06Oh, I am.
00:14:08See you then.
00:14:09Tonight?
00:14:10Pardon?
00:14:11Oh, I...
00:14:12All right, then.
00:14:13Right.
00:14:14Oh, I am.
00:14:19Super socks.
00:14:24Did you see that?
00:14:25They're all on drugs. A lot of them.
00:14:27Oh, I am.
00:14:45Good score.
00:14:46Losing.
00:14:473-1.
00:15:14Excuse me, I...
00:15:21I only go to restaurants with deaf waiters.
00:15:24Ah.
00:15:28Hi.
00:15:30Hello, mate.
00:15:31Oh, um...
00:15:32Peace man.
00:15:33Surprise, surprise.
00:15:34Surprise.
00:15:35Been anywhere controversial?
00:15:37The pictures.
00:15:38The boyfriend.
00:15:39She's slim.
00:15:40I'm just going to the, um...
00:15:41Oh, I'll come with you.
00:15:43Yeah.
00:15:46Are you and Beryl, um...
00:15:47You know.
00:15:51You know.
00:15:53Oh.
00:16:02Would you, uh...
00:16:05What do you sort of reckon?
00:16:06She's a...
00:16:08Fair sort of bird.
00:16:10Sort of.
00:16:12She's all right.
00:16:15I mean, nothing sensational, obviously.
00:16:17Geoffrey.
00:16:18She's a bird.
00:16:23You having a coffee with us?
00:16:24No thanks, kid.
00:16:25Neville's ravenous.
00:16:27You've just eaten.
00:16:30Oh, of course.
00:16:31Yeah.
00:16:32Sorry.
00:16:33You see.
00:16:34What I thought Ken was always trying to do.
00:16:38By implication.
00:16:40Probably by implication.
00:16:41Was to allow the images to provoke a moral response from our own aesthetic judgment.
00:16:46You see.
00:16:48Yes.
00:16:50Was he the errand boy?
00:16:52Was who the errand boy?
00:16:53Ken Thingy.
00:16:55He directed it.
00:16:57Oh, yes.
00:16:59I was probably thinking of Andy Warhol.
00:17:02Probably.
00:17:07You're not like other boys at all, are you?
00:17:11Well, probably a little more mature, that's all.
00:17:13It's over 200 yards from the cinema.
00:17:15And you talk to me the whole way, like a person.
00:17:22Other boys seem to have one-track minds these days.
00:17:25Sex?
00:17:26Marriage.
00:17:28Pardon?
00:17:29The number of boys that asked me to marry them.
00:17:32A couple of dates and pal they want to get married.
00:17:35I want to live a bit before I get married.
00:17:37I suppose I just don't have a hang-up about it.
00:17:39Get married?
00:17:41Hmm.
00:17:43No.
00:17:48Actually, I find girls, most girls that is, a bit obsessed these days.
00:17:54Not marriage.
00:17:56No.
00:17:57Sex.
00:17:59Where's he feel?
00:18:03Sex.
00:18:04That's what I said.
00:18:06Oh.
00:18:07Well, I'm not like that.
00:18:09Not person felt motivated.
00:18:11No.
00:18:13No.
00:18:14No.
00:18:26Did you want to say any more about Andy Warhol?
00:18:29Ken Russell?
00:18:30Yeah.
00:18:31No.
00:18:33Nothing would fit his mom.
00:18:37This is it.
00:18:38This is it.
00:18:39I won't come in.
00:18:40With it being our first date.
00:18:41No.
00:18:42Oh.
00:18:44Anywhere me mum's gone to bed, we'd be on our own.
00:18:46I won't come in with it being our first date. No.
00:18:55Oh. Anywhere my mum's gone to bed, we'd be on our own.
00:18:59Is that a reason for me not coming in, though? Yes, Geoffrey.
00:19:04Oh.
00:19:12Nice house. Thank you.
00:19:1625-year mortgage.
00:19:22Well, thanks for seeing me home.
00:19:26Funny, isn't it? First date with someone.
00:19:30It always leads to one of three things.
00:19:34Either nothing...
00:19:36...or something...
00:19:40...or everything.
00:19:42Don't think about Percy Filth at this stage, Beryl.
00:19:45You're not.
00:19:48No, I'm not.
00:19:51Night-night. God bless.
00:19:52I won't give you my phone number in case you think I'm one of those scheming females.
00:20:07What is it?
00:20:09Three, two, seven, double, four, two, one.
00:20:11The easy way to remember it is the three and the two make five, which is two less than seven.
00:20:15Then two fours, and half of four, which is two, and half of two, which is one.
00:20:18Um...
00:20:19But you mustn't ring me if you don't want.
00:20:21No.
00:20:22But you can if you do.
00:20:23Do you want me to?
00:20:24Not if you'd rather not.
00:20:26Three, two, seven, double, four, two, one.
00:20:28Good night.
00:20:29Good night.
00:20:31Good night.
00:20:32Good night.
00:20:33Well, hello, Mrs. Battersby.
00:21:02Beryl's brought you up a cup of tea.
00:21:04Oh, they all have a past life flashed before me then.
00:21:09Can't be Mother's Day. You'd have forgotten.
00:21:14Has there been any clips?
00:21:16Mum, I want the benefit of your experience.
00:21:21What do you think of Andy Warhol?
00:21:24You see, Geoffrey has this theory that by implication...
00:21:27Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:28Of course, Geoffrey knows about these things.
00:21:31Everything.
00:21:33Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:34He's fantastically intelligent.
00:21:36See, Geoffrey's idea...
00:21:38Beryl, who's Geoffrey?
00:21:40Oh, no-one.
00:21:44No-one special.
00:21:49His name's Geoffrey.
00:21:54How did this Beryl Bird turn out last night, then?
00:21:59What Beryl Bird? I told him.
00:22:03Did she, er...
00:22:05Did she, er...
00:22:06Did she, er...
00:22:07What?
00:22:08Oh!
00:22:09Wow!
00:22:12She doesn't, then.
00:22:15You don't listen, do you?
00:22:17I said...
00:22:18How about Sundry?
00:22:19Chips.
00:22:20German sod.
00:22:21Not seeing him tonight, then.
00:22:35Who?
00:22:36I've rather better things to do, thank you.
00:22:50Said he was no-one special.
00:22:53They've got a phone here.
00:22:54Why?
00:22:55They haven't, have they?
00:22:56Do you want to get some nookie lined up or something?
00:22:58If I did, do you think I'd be playing darts with you two?
00:23:00Look, are you fed up here?
00:23:02Are you?
00:23:03We'll split after this game.
00:23:04Anything you say.
00:23:05We can go for a few of the King's Head.
00:23:06Great.
00:23:07And that ends our pro...
00:23:09Well, Monday tomorrow.
00:23:10Hallelujah.
00:23:11Pardon?
00:23:12I don't know what you're paying for that phone, but whatever it is, you're being done.
00:23:15Good night.
00:23:16Good night.
00:23:17If you wait, I'll get a few of the King's Head.
00:23:18You'll get a few of the King's Head.
00:23:19Great.
00:23:20And that ends our pro...
00:23:21Well, Monday tomorrow.
00:23:22Hallelujah.
00:23:23Pardon?
00:23:24I don't know what you're paying for that phone, but whatever it is, you're being done.
00:23:27Good night.
00:23:28Good night.
00:23:47Good morning, good morning.
00:24:10Chalton for Pope. Long may you reign. Amen.
00:24:14What's going on? Pound's up again. Oh, God.
00:24:19Today's special. Bloody travellers, Jax. Here.
00:24:23Suddenly everyone's going on holiday. Except those.
00:24:27Enjoy yourself while you're young.
00:24:44Why do we always do that? 93 times a day.
00:24:49We never see anything.
00:24:53No, no, no.
00:25:05Day one morning just as the sun was rising.
00:25:11I heard a maiden singing in the valley low.
00:25:16My typing not disturbing your singing, I hope.
00:25:19See Geoffrey on Sunday.
00:25:22Oh, Geoffrey.
00:25:24That Neville's the greatest.
00:25:29Is he dishy or is he dishy?
00:25:35Neville promises he's going to take this dream back in Films.
00:25:36I'm considering packing Geoffrey in.
00:25:39One day it was enough.
00:25:41Why?
00:25:43He's cancer and I'm Libra.
00:25:45Is that bad?
00:25:46Hopeless.
00:25:49Actually, I'm slightly off the male gender at the moment.
00:26:01Five.
00:26:02Five, which is...
00:26:03Which is...
00:26:05Three and two is five, which is two less than seven.
00:26:08Which is...
00:26:09I see the Spanish police are throwing your lot out of Ibiza.
00:26:17Bank clocks.
00:26:18Your lot.
00:26:20Football supporters.
00:26:22Hippies.
00:26:22Oh.
00:26:24My lot.
00:26:25At the third stroke, it will be seven, twenty-two and forty seconds.
00:26:35It will be seven, twenty-two and fifty seconds.
00:26:38That's it then.
00:26:41Fate.
00:26:42All over by seven, twenty-three precisely.
00:26:45So what?
00:26:48Plenty more where she came from.
00:26:51Is that the speaking clock?
00:26:57Is that Geoffrey?
00:26:58Is that Beryl?
00:26:59Yes.
00:27:00Yes.
00:27:02Hi.
00:27:03Hi.
00:27:05It's terrifically exciting, isn't it?
00:27:26Getting to know a person.
00:27:27Fantastic.
00:27:28Fantastic.
00:27:29I want to know all about you.
00:27:34That's what it's all about.
00:27:36For example, with things in common already.
00:27:38Definitely.
00:27:39Like what?
00:27:40We're enormously fond of animals.
00:27:43Right.
00:27:44And we're both from Manchester.
00:27:45Have you ever been abroad?
00:27:46No.
00:27:47Have you?
00:27:48No.
00:27:49Unless you count Istanbul.
00:27:51Istan...
00:27:52Was it beyond belief?
00:27:53I don't know.
00:27:54I was only three.
00:27:55No.
00:27:56No.
00:27:57No.
00:27:58No.
00:27:59No.
00:28:00No.
00:28:01No.
00:28:02No.
00:28:03No.
00:28:04No.
00:28:05No.
00:28:06No.
00:28:07No.
00:28:08No.
00:28:09No.
00:28:10No.
00:28:11No.
00:28:12No.
00:28:13No.
00:28:14No.
00:28:15No.
00:28:16Not the last part.
00:28:17No.
00:28:18No.
00:28:19No.
00:28:20No.
00:28:21No.
00:28:23No.
00:28:24No.
00:28:25No.
00:28:26No.
00:28:31Ouch, I wanna go.
00:28:32No.
00:28:33No, it won't go.
00:28:34Do you ever get the feeling you've been somewhere before?
00:28:37Sometimes?
00:28:38I do.
00:28:39What now?
00:28:40No.
00:28:41Just, just sometimes.
00:28:42In getting to know a person.
00:28:44Mm.
00:28:49He was lithe and easy-limbed, his stride quietly casual,
00:28:54his eyes clear and confident,
00:28:57and his strong mouth ready to break into a relaxed, assured, lopsided grin.
00:29:06You know, Geoffrey, you have a really lopsided grin.
00:29:10Really?
00:29:11You know, lopsided.
00:29:15I don't think I have.
00:29:17It's in the eye of the beholder.
00:29:21See?
00:29:23Geoffrey doesn't need someone else when he's tying a knot.
00:29:26He holds it down with his little finger.
00:29:30It must be marvellous being a man.
00:29:34It's OK, I suppose.
00:29:35Men can do anything.
00:29:37Conquer Everest, do heart transplants,
00:29:40become leader of the opposition.
00:29:44Anything.
00:29:53Geoffrey, N-O spells no.
00:29:56It's good for your circulation, Beryl.
00:29:58Read any women's magazine.
00:30:00It's good for theirs, too.
00:30:01I'm not sure they recommend Percy Filth on Tuesdays.
00:30:05I only see you on Tuesdays and Saturdays.
00:30:07All Saturdays.
00:30:10Beryl.
00:30:15Beryl.
00:30:16Oh, Geoffrey bobbles, Bumble.
00:30:18Oh, Beryl.
00:30:19Are you all right?
00:30:23What exactly happened?
00:30:24Don't tell me.
00:30:26I just heard a sharp bachaca of dramatic irony.
00:30:28Pardon?
00:30:34Come back.
00:30:35They're better.
00:30:36It's better.
00:30:37I'm OK.
00:30:37I told you.
00:30:42It's going to pour.
00:30:43It's not.
00:30:48Ugh.
00:30:52It's only the angels crying.
00:30:55I know how they feel.
00:30:58Well, don't blame me.
00:30:59I haven't done anything.
00:31:00That's true.
00:31:01That's not true, Beryl.
00:31:04I have apologised.
00:31:06I keep going down on me knees when I'm talking to you.
00:31:09Independent observers think I'm training to be a Cossack dancer.
00:31:12It must be a bad line.
00:31:13I can't hear you.
00:31:14You'd better apologise again.
00:31:17I apologise again.
00:31:20Gosh, this lousy line.
00:31:23I wonder if Geoffrey would like to come to tea on Sunday.
00:31:28Pardon?
00:31:29Pardon?
00:31:31Is that who I think it is?
00:31:34No, dear.
00:31:46Well, isn't this nice?
00:31:51Sardine sandwich.
00:31:53Is it all sardine?
00:31:54Yeah.
00:31:55She's got her own trawler.
00:32:01She's got her own trawler.
00:32:03Isn't it awful?
00:32:05What?
00:32:06I was speaking to Geoffrey.
00:32:08What's happening in the world?
00:32:09I blame the politicians.
00:32:11What for?
00:32:12For what's happening in the world?
00:32:17Talk to her.
00:32:21I can't speak Portuguese.
00:32:23Tasty.
00:32:24They're in oil.
00:32:27They're nice in oil.
00:32:28She's got a bad leg.
00:32:31The bread's extremely wholesome.
00:32:34Why, after this little baker down the road,
00:32:35he does something with the bleach.
00:32:40Yes.
00:32:40I can't do long conversations about sardines so much as your mind goes blank.
00:32:54Start thinking about life after death.
00:32:56Oh, that Neville, honestly.
00:33:04Number of hearts he must have broken.
00:33:06Every girl in Manchester, nearly.
00:33:09Geoffrey definitely has.
00:33:10Probably even more.
00:33:14Air hostesses.
00:33:16All sorts.
00:33:18Tell me about your terrible past, Geoffrey.
00:33:20I haven't had one yet.
00:33:22White man speak with forked tongue.
00:33:24Actually, I was hoping more for a terrible future.
00:33:33Wow, is that the time?
00:33:34At this moment in time.
00:33:36What have I done?
00:33:37Is Neville the insanely jealous type?
00:33:40Right in the slightest.
00:33:42You're lucky.
00:33:43Why, it's Geoffrey.
00:33:45Wow.
00:33:47You're not jealous of all my ex-flames, are you?
00:33:50Of course not.
00:33:50Why should I be?
00:33:52Please stop interrogating me, Geoffrey.
00:33:53You forget it.
00:33:56That's all in the past.
00:33:59Then, nothing to be jealous about.
00:34:03Who needs drama?
00:34:06So I shouted back at her.
00:34:08No shop assistant shouts at me, I shouted.
00:34:10In the end, Neville nearly bolted me for swearing.
00:34:14He thumped you.
00:34:15Walloped you on?
00:34:16No.
00:34:17I said nearly.
00:34:18You never thumped me, will you, like Neville does Sandra.
00:34:22She adores it.
00:34:23Of course not.
00:34:24No.
00:34:25No.
00:34:26Geoffrey.
00:34:27Percy filth isn't the only thing in life.
00:34:28It isn't even one of the things in mind.
00:34:29He used to talk to me.
00:34:30All right.
00:34:31Let's talk.
00:34:32Geoffrey, I've just had the most super idea.
00:34:33Why?
00:34:34Is your mum going out?
00:34:35May as well pack in, really.
00:34:36Why?
00:34:37Why?
00:34:38Why not?
00:34:39Good thinking.
00:34:40All right, let's talk.
00:34:46Geoffrey, I've just had the most super idea.
00:34:48Why? Is your mum going out?
00:34:53May as well pack in, really.
00:34:57Why?
00:34:59Why not?
00:35:03Good thinking.
00:35:10Thanks for a stimulating few weeks.
00:35:12You too. It was real.
00:35:14Psychedelic.
00:35:15You can keep me Grateful Dead, LP. I was scratched anyway.
00:35:19It's been a gasp.
00:35:21Groovy.
00:35:23I won't wave from the window.
00:35:25Oh, I won't look back anyway.
00:35:27Good.
00:35:28It's been a gasp.
00:35:29You've said that once.
00:35:40You're well rid, Beryl. There's plenty more fish in the sea.
00:35:45About three very lonely sardines.
00:35:51Mother, please don't try raising one eyebrow at me.
00:35:53You know you can't do it.
00:36:00You'll never thought of me, will you, Geoffrey?
00:36:03Ow!
00:36:04Beryl, I've just had the most super idea.
00:36:07Are we going to post it now?
00:36:08No.
00:36:09I'm going to pack it in.
00:36:10Don't say that.
00:36:11Please don't say that.
00:36:12That.
00:36:16Sandra.
00:36:17Sandra.
00:36:18You're Sandra.
00:36:19Mine.
00:36:23Two months.
00:36:24Two months, nine days.
00:36:29Is she positive?
00:36:30The test was.
00:36:31What are you going to do?
00:36:33She'll think of something.
00:36:35Sandra, it's stupendous.
00:36:37Congratulations.
00:36:38I hope you'll both be very happy.
00:36:39Oh, thanks, kid.
00:36:40Sandra, I don't know how you do it.
00:36:42Often.
00:36:43Say hi.
00:36:44She's a good one.
00:36:45Sandra.
00:36:46I don't know how you do it.
00:36:47Often.
00:36:48Muffin!
00:37:18John for Pope.
00:37:42Among my reign.
00:37:48Aren't you, er...
00:37:52Yeah.
00:37:55And you're, er...
00:37:57That's right.
00:37:59Going somewhere incredible.
00:38:01I'm meeting my parents.
00:38:02Taking them to see Fiddler on the roof.
00:38:04That's pretty incredible.
00:38:06Your mummy and daddy.
00:38:09Er...
00:38:10Oh hell no, that's tomorrow.
00:38:13If I'm in the mood.
00:38:16Where you are.
00:38:18Depends where you take me.
00:38:31All I was saying about your friend with the glasses...
00:38:33Roland.
00:38:34Roland.
00:38:35Is that I found him intellectually unaware and psychologically incredibly boring.
00:38:39It's not bad at snooker.
00:38:43And how are you and little Beryl?
00:38:46Didn't she tell you?
00:38:47I don't work there anymore.
00:38:49I packed her in.
00:38:52What?
00:38:54Oh no!
00:38:56Did she turn you on?
00:39:00Beryl?
00:39:01Yeah.
00:39:02I haven't really looked.
00:39:07You've seen one, you've seen them all.
00:39:10Not quite all.
00:39:11I'll go and get me coat.
00:39:16It must be my birthday.
00:39:17Boys aren't the only thing in life Beryl.
00:39:31I do wish you'd find one.
00:39:33They aren't all after Percy Philse.
00:39:36Yes they are.
00:39:37Mmm.
00:39:38Oh you were terrific on the bus.
00:39:39Was her?
00:39:40Mmm.
00:39:41Terrific self control.
00:39:42Joan of Arc never married yet she led a full and happy life.
00:39:44Or am I thinking of someone else?
00:39:46Mother, I don't happen to be interested in boys.
00:39:47I happen to be interested in having early nights and writing poetry in bed with me Moe felt-tip pen.
00:39:53It's through a night of ink. I used it for me laundry list.
00:39:56My God, your generation's got a few things to answer for.
00:40:00Mmm.
00:40:01Mmm.
00:40:02Mmm.
00:40:03Mmm.
00:40:04Mmm.
00:40:05Mmm.
00:40:06Mmm.
00:40:07Mmm.
00:40:08Mmm.
00:40:09Mmm.
00:40:10Mmm.
00:40:11Mmm.
00:40:12Mmm.
00:40:13Mmm.
00:40:14Mmm.
00:40:15Mmm.
00:40:16Please.
00:40:17Mmm.
00:40:18Don't.
00:40:19Please.
00:40:20You can't ravish a girl on her own doorstep.
00:40:23Well, let's go inside then.
00:40:25Mmm.
00:40:26Smooth talking bastard.
00:40:33It is me birthday.
00:40:37What about the boy with the freckles from Shakespeare Crescent?
00:40:40I don't believe that question.
00:40:42You used to be crazy about him.
00:40:45I was 11 years old.
00:40:46He used to let me chalk on his tortoise.
00:40:47I was 11 years old.
00:40:48He used to let me chalk on his tortoise.
00:40:49He would do some 59,000- mahony to dark.
00:40:50Mm-hmm.
00:40:51I'm so I was sitting on youræ€æ°.
00:40:52I was MaĂnahmen and I worked on his tortoise.
00:40:54Yes.
00:40:55I was Ă©vidente anymore.
00:40:56I was able to do a ìą upon it.
00:40:57When it took him about for walking to the house, he would walk in six, God.
00:40:58what's your name again what's yours rock that's not your real name no Steven
00:41:28God that turns me on when I first met you in the street I thought just a quiet drink and a chat shows
00:41:43you the art of conversation ain't dead don't move a muscle however gorgeous
00:41:58testing testing oh Jeffrey Milleharp returns to the day I wish you everything you've ever wished
00:42:24yourself
00:42:29I'm fed up who are you oh yeah what you fed up about teachers don't have to do homework
00:42:53no they just mark it anyone can mark it they've got the answers do you know it's after two o'clock what's
00:43:08he doing here then well this is your uncle Steven this is my revolting brother Jeremy
00:43:19how'd you do don't me mum and dad know he's here Jeremy bed I could always wake them up and tell them
00:43:28Jeremy little boys need sleep
00:43:33even big astronauts do you know where babies come from do you say no no I do say yes shall I tell you
00:43:47he knows the man has this male organ and some blood cells and erectile glands and there's these 500
00:43:54million spermatozoas in these testes that he has as well and they go through his male organ into the
00:44:00female uterus at the lady house who told you that then they go to the fallopian tubes after that one of
00:44:07them fertilizes with the female egg the others don't bother anyway that's what you have to do then you have a
00:44:14baby did they teach you that at school they do woodwork in the next class people can only make babies at
00:44:23certain times of the year but animals like dogs and cats and giraffes I think do it all the time
00:44:29time no that's people what is well people do it all the time whenever they feel like it
00:44:46in the next class you do metal work if you don't like woodwork good night Jeremy 25 p
00:44:5950 50 50
00:45:03good night uncle Steven
00:45:29Would you care for a government health warning?
00:45:34Hey, Veronica? Yes?
00:45:36Who the hell's Uncle Stephen at ten past two in the morning?
00:45:39A friend of Jeremy's. He's going now.
00:45:44Good night, love.
00:45:48We would have done that, wouldn't we? And how?
00:45:54You can't win them all, can you?
00:45:56Anyway, do you good going without for a change.
00:46:05Still, there's always another day.
00:46:07Tomorrow? No.
00:46:10Well, tomorrow's another day.
00:46:12Not unless you happen to be in Plymouth.
00:46:15Where?
00:46:16I'm joining the Wrens for three years.
00:46:21What Wrens?
00:46:22The Royal Navy's Wrens.
00:46:26This time tomorrow I'll be in barracks with about 50 other girls and 30,000 sailors.
00:46:31Hope I like it.
00:46:36Well, thanks for nearly everything.
00:46:40We definitely would have done, wouldn't we?
00:46:42Well, obviously.
00:46:44We're as good as dead, in a way, really. Almost.
00:46:47Almost.
00:46:48Just keep telling yourself and we will have. Only better.
00:46:52Goodnight, love.
00:46:54Try our barrel.
00:46:55Try our barrel.
00:47:17Morning, previous generation.
00:47:19What's for breakfast?
00:47:31You knew it was your mother's birthday.
00:47:33Now, what we'd like to know is where were you while we were fiddling on the flaming roof?
00:47:37I'm sorry, Mum.
00:47:38I'll take you out another night.
00:47:40Something cropped up.
00:47:41Like what?
00:47:43Dad, you understand.
00:47:47I don't, Geoffrey.
00:47:49Well, you always say you do.
00:47:51Geoffrey, you're at it every night.
00:47:54Yes, Dad.
00:47:55And we don't complain.
00:47:56No, Dad.
00:47:57But last night was different.
00:47:58I knew you'd understand.
00:48:28Let's go.
00:48:29And we'll be right back.
00:48:31Thank you for joining us.
00:48:33What's going on?
00:48:35The pound's down again.
00:48:37Up and down, like a fair of knickers.
00:48:39You should know.
00:48:41Or me.
00:48:43Know what I mean?
00:48:45What a night.
00:48:47Wow.
00:48:49A lot.
00:48:51Including action replays in slow motion.
00:48:53hey lads i picked up a bit of spare last night who didn't no it's true
00:49:01yes jeffrey it is yes jeffrey
00:49:06bloody is
00:49:13poor jeffrey beryl please it's neville's engagement party as well he had to invite him
00:49:22he'll see me it's cruel i'll see other girls i shan't take him back sandra
00:49:29i shan't it's been two weeks he may have got over you by now
00:49:34don't know much about men do you love
00:49:52it was doing him a kindness really finally splitting up he only had one ambition in life
00:50:09send my knickers to oxfam
00:50:16good job she hasn't joined the rent the entire navy had gone strike
00:50:20i expect he's sorry now i won't even consider taking him back if he isn't
00:50:27she might have changed of course if she has i might let her have the old orgy now and again
00:50:33he's got to accept we've finally split up otherwise i definitely won't take him back
00:50:40well i'm certainly not making the first move he's still got me pride
00:50:48i left with beryl baby oh hi didn't see you no nor me
00:50:54and how's manchester city doing without me cheering them on then united we're winning every game now
00:50:59oh good and what's new with jeffrey then
00:51:06i asked you what was new with you
00:51:11i asked you
00:51:14did you
00:51:17did i say more
00:51:20pardon
00:51:21how's beryl baby getting on then
00:51:24jeffrey i'm not all that ecstatic about you calling me beryl baby
00:51:28it isn't like you
00:51:30say that again
00:51:31beryl baby
00:51:33what's your name handsome
00:51:36you'll laugh
00:51:38everybody laughs
00:51:39it's the story of my life
00:51:42you tell it like it is chuck
00:51:46she used to put on an axe
00:51:52what do you care
00:51:54i don't have a baby
00:51:57is she going to get into bed with him now
00:52:04probably
00:52:07jeffrey always looks half asleep these days
00:52:12well it's very exhausting
00:52:15what is
00:52:18working in a bank
00:52:20oh
00:52:22i had this bad scene
00:52:29this chick
00:52:30and decided to split
00:52:32so i cut out man
00:52:35like there's no tomorrow
00:52:37this cat gets it together where he's at man
00:52:42lots of beautiful bag baby
00:52:46so if you want a piece of the action
00:52:49don't cool it
00:52:51dig
00:52:53sorry i no understand english
00:52:59i no understand english
00:53:06gesundheit
00:53:08i thought she'd only just been to bed with the other one
00:53:12she has
00:53:14and which is her husband
00:53:16neither
00:53:17it's warming up isn't it
00:53:21it's warming up isn't it
00:53:31great beat isn't it
00:53:34great to dance to
00:53:36you
00:53:39do you agree that life's an onion
00:53:41pardon
00:53:44if so what's death
00:53:46um
00:53:48a banana
00:53:50a banana
00:53:51yes i expect it is when you think about it
00:53:55have you read schopenhauer's concept of existence
00:53:58um
00:54:02no
00:54:03but i've seen the film
00:54:05you married
00:54:06no
00:54:07grab yourself an adage
00:54:10marriage is a cabbage
00:54:13you're a poet
00:54:15never ask the questions
00:54:17ask the answers
00:54:19you are a poet
00:54:21to any manager marks and spencers
00:54:25good job
00:54:27i really dirt you
00:54:29now he's taking his clothes off
00:54:32what's on itv
00:54:35this
00:54:36what's on bbc
00:54:39cassinova
00:54:43what's that like
00:54:45this
00:54:46oh come on now
00:54:49you know that's not where it's at
00:54:52let's get this
00:54:53what's the word
00:54:54let's get it clear
00:54:56let's get down to the real nitty grittiesville
00:54:59okay
00:55:00okay
00:55:09women's lip is not about burning brass
00:55:13papers yeah
00:55:14what papers
00:55:16a marriage certificate
00:55:18a dog's license
00:55:19whatever you prefer to call it
00:55:21look let's be basic about this enid
00:55:23all girls want marriage
00:55:24and a white wedding
00:55:25really basic
00:55:27you want to be really basic
00:55:29utterly basic
00:55:30utterly basic
00:55:31balls
00:55:32grass
00:55:33enid
00:55:36when sandra says every girl
00:55:38she means most girls
00:55:40well like herself
00:55:41not me of course because i incredibly value my independence
00:55:44but most girls definitely want
00:55:46balls
00:55:47if you can't conduct an intelligent conversation without recourse to
00:55:51i'm not recourse to anything i'm merely telling you what girls want
00:55:55what
00:55:56balls
00:55:57oh
00:55:58would you please stop saying that
00:55:59you believe in free love right
00:56:02wrong i believe in free everything freedom from all male chauvinist pig domination
00:56:07honestly don't you understand
00:56:09excuse me you've got your hand on me
00:56:10sorry
00:56:11sorry
00:56:12well i'm sorry
00:56:13oh gee
00:56:14it's a pleasure
00:56:15grass
00:56:16jeffrey you've not to
00:56:17why not
00:56:18i said don't you not to smoke it
00:56:20oh wow
00:56:21we're as liberated as you enid
00:56:22we've equal importance as individuals
00:56:23neither of us is boss
00:56:24just doesn't arise
00:56:25we'll make some coffee
00:56:29please
00:56:30you see
00:56:31what we've equal importance as individuals
00:56:32neither of us is boss
00:56:33just doesn't arise
00:56:34we'll make some coffee
00:56:49you see
00:56:51what we believe is
00:56:52now
00:56:53you see
00:56:56well one
00:56:58i can see there's only one way to get through
00:57:02you
00:57:05you doing
00:57:06lighting everybody's fire
00:57:12burn my bra
00:57:17right
00:57:18that's it
00:57:19finished
00:57:20the end
00:57:21full stop
00:57:23we've finally split up
00:57:24neville
00:57:25sandra wants you
00:57:26i should imagine
00:57:29sad isn't it
00:57:32pathetic
00:57:38well i can't follow plays these days
00:57:40it's just showing real life that's all
00:57:47i once thought i'd found her
00:57:49perfect girl
00:57:51red hair
00:57:53not too skinny
00:57:55very gentle and shy
00:57:57passionate when roused
00:57:58yeah
00:57:59should pack me in for picking my teeth with a matchstick
00:58:00you're very sweet
00:58:01Roland
00:58:02i've always thought you were
00:58:03did you know you're very nearly have a lopsided grin
00:58:04it's just i'm a bit tired
00:58:05no it's nice
00:58:06no it's nice
00:58:22No, it's nice.
00:58:47I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:49Oh, sorry.
00:58:52Do you know...?
00:58:55What, Beryl? You can ask me anything.
00:58:59Do you know where Geoffrey's got to?
00:59:04He's upstairs, I think.
00:59:11Is it true they're dry on their own?
00:59:15Usually.
00:59:17Oh, I hate to be any trouble, but I think I'm dying.
00:59:24You'll be all right, honest.
00:59:27She said I shouldn't smoke it.
00:59:29Who?
00:59:31She said...
00:59:35Geoffrey?
00:59:38Geoffrey?
00:59:39Geoffrey?
00:59:45Sorry.
00:59:52Geoffrey?
00:59:57Move up a bit, Geoffrey.
00:59:58Put your legs...
01:00:01That's better.
01:00:05It's because it's your first time, isn't it?
01:00:07It's time, isn't it?
01:00:14Call Dr. Weisberg.
01:00:16Quilmslow Road.
01:00:21It wasn't marijuana, you know.
01:00:24What was it, then?
01:00:27Grass.
01:00:29Grass is marijuana.
01:00:32This grass wasn't.
01:00:35It was the real thing.
01:00:38From the front lawn.
01:00:39From the front lawn.
01:00:49Is that you, Beryl?
01:00:55Had a nice time?
01:00:57Even though it's three o'clock in the morning.
01:01:00Not that I mind, if you've had a nice time.
01:01:04Even though I've been in bed since ten, having a good night's worry.
01:01:06Did you see Geoffrey?
01:01:12That's good.
01:01:33Do you ever get the feeling you're trying too hard?
01:01:37I didn't try at all.
01:01:39Gave it to rest.
01:01:44I'm right off, birds.
01:01:46I am.
01:01:48I am.
01:01:50For good.
01:01:52Me too.
01:01:54And me.
01:02:06Good morning.
01:02:14Your mother would like to know if you have a reservation at this hotel.
01:02:18Can I then?
01:02:36Sure.
01:02:39I don't know.
01:02:44I'm sure if you'll be good enough.
01:02:47Oh-ah.
01:02:49Chris.
01:02:51I haven't.
01:02:52Oh, Beryl, Beryl.
01:03:15Geoffrey.
01:03:18Can I rip your trousers off and have my way with you?
01:03:23Oh, Beryl.
01:03:27Oh, Geoffrey.
01:03:30Oh, God.
01:03:42Hello.
01:03:45Will you be required in the room again, sir?
01:03:48Because we're thinking of taking bookings for the next pop festival.
01:03:51You're a bugger.
01:03:54I don't know who he takes after.
01:04:04Hello?
01:04:05It's me.
01:04:06Who?
01:04:07My God, that's symbolic.
01:04:09Oh, hello, Beryl.
01:04:10I'm just ringing to tell you I never want to see you again.
01:04:13If you have a phone or call, please don't, because I shan't be in.
01:04:16Tonight or any other night.
01:04:18Anyway, tonight I'm helping me mum at the school jumble sale.
01:04:21It's not a small world.
01:04:37It's not a small world.
01:04:42Good evening, Mrs. Battersby.
01:04:54I was looking for a nice lampshade.
01:04:56Oh?
01:04:57Probably this one.
01:05:00Definitely.
01:05:01Magic in satin.
01:05:02Oh, certainly, Geoffrey.
01:05:04Who's here in his nice crimson shoes?
01:05:07You'd like some nice fancy wrapping paper, wouldn't you?
01:05:17I'm a child of the universe, Beryl. I have a right to be here.
01:05:20I'm afraid we don't sell marijuana on Sundays. Try the co-op.
01:05:22Beryl, listen.
01:05:23If you can smell burning.
01:05:24It's just that the vicar's been around burning his jock strap.
01:05:26Beryl, listen.
01:05:27Can I help you, madam?
01:05:28Have you got that in another colour?
01:05:29No, madam.
01:05:30I'll leave it then.
01:05:37Listen to what, for heaven's sake?
01:05:43Don't matter.
01:05:44What doesn't?
01:05:45You wouldn't, anyway.
01:05:46Wouldn't what?
01:05:48Go to the match with me on Saturday.
01:05:51Me?
01:05:52A football match?
01:05:54With 40,000 skinheads and you?
01:05:56Told you.
01:05:58Who are they playing?
01:06:01Huddersfield Town.
01:06:02In the cot.
01:06:03I've always wanted to watch Huddersfield Town.
01:06:16The...the fourth from the bottom.
01:06:19Shows you.
01:06:21Away from home, they've won three, drawn five and lost 12.
01:06:29Drawn five.
01:06:34So what do you think?
01:06:36I think I nearly love you.
01:06:51Never mind.
01:06:52It's only a game.
01:06:53I thought you said you nearly loved me.
01:07:06No!
01:07:07Yeah!
01:07:08I don't recall Grace Kelly enticing Prince Rainier by going to watch United.
01:07:13I may be wrong.
01:07:14Grace who?
01:07:15We live in a permissive society, Beryl.
01:07:16Read any colour supplement.
01:07:17Mother, you're supposed to be my mother.
01:07:18I am, love.
01:07:19And it wasn't through going to football matches.
01:07:20You are the same mother that makes me tug my skirt down every time I stand up, even
01:07:25if he's only on the phone.
01:07:26Yes.
01:07:27Well, uh, boys are very sad.
01:07:29And I have to say that.
01:07:30I have to say that.
01:07:31I have to say that.
01:07:32I have to say that.
01:07:33I have to say that.
01:07:34I have to say that.
01:07:35I have to say that.
01:07:36I have to say that.
01:07:37I have to say that.
01:07:38I have to say that.
01:07:39I have to say that.
01:07:40I have to say that.
01:07:41Boys are very sad.
01:07:42And I am your mother.
01:07:44That's what I said.
01:07:46I don't mean, uh, permissive permissive.
01:07:51Let's see.
01:07:52Romantic.
01:07:53Pardon?
01:07:55Kissing, cuddling.
01:07:58Things of that nature.
01:08:00Oh, we do.
01:08:03Do what?
01:08:04What you just said.
01:08:06Good.
01:08:07Not too much, I hope.
01:08:09Oh, God.
01:08:10Boys are very funny.
01:08:11They're novices compared to mothers.
01:08:18Did I tell you that two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains?
01:08:23Oh.
01:08:27Two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains.
01:08:32Fantastic.
01:08:33The Cowgills.
01:08:34Mr. and Mrs. Cowgill.
01:08:35Married couple.
01:08:36Newlyweds.
01:08:37Not long married.
01:08:38You go bald doing that.
01:08:39Doing what?
01:08:40Doing what?
01:08:41I'll tell you, 28 stockbrokers have moved into the office opposite with the dirty curtains.
01:08:57living in sin.
01:08:58Can you say one single sentence without the word marriage in it?
01:09:14If I said to you, do you think Cassius Clay would have beaten Rocky Marciano, would you say what's it matter so long as they're happily married?
01:09:28I don't think so.
01:09:29A barrel would.
01:09:30Giving you a bad time, is she?
01:09:31I wouldn't say that.
01:09:32I haven't even mentioned the word.
01:09:33What word?
01:09:34Goodness me, a single person can have a relationship with another single person without everyone thinking she's automatically...
01:09:36I never said you were!
01:09:37You think it!
01:09:38I never said you were!
01:09:39I never said you were!
01:09:40You think it!
01:10:08All right, Geoffrey.
01:10:10I hereby promise never to utter the word again.
01:10:15Marriage?
01:10:16Never.
01:10:17Well, until I am.
01:10:20If I ever do.
01:10:22Which I fervently hope I never will.
01:10:24For someone who's not uttering something, when's your old pee coming out?
01:10:31No two people have a divine right to happiness, Geoffrey.
01:10:35You mustn't feel guilty about me.
01:10:38Sorry.
01:10:40No one can say you've completely ruined me life.
01:10:44Not yet.
01:10:50Who are you staring at?
01:10:56Hello?
01:10:57You all right, son?
01:10:58Terrific.
01:10:59Why did you throw your sponge pudding at the cat, then?
01:11:01Your mother's theory is you're overworking.
01:11:04Hmm.
01:11:05My theory is you're overdoing it with some dolly bird.
01:11:08Oh.
01:11:09What's your theory?
01:11:10Indigestion.
01:11:12Oh.
01:11:14What's yours, Sundance?
01:11:18Hasn't he said anything at all?
01:11:19He has said one thing.
01:11:20Oh, what's that?
01:11:21If God had meant sardines to be in oil, it had given them dipsticks.
01:11:24All right.
01:11:27The weeks and months drag by, and with neither side willing to compromise, we still have deadlock.
01:11:34Her majesty's government have consistently tried to find a way out of this dilemma.
01:11:40Another wild night learning what NO spells and how many of us school pals are getting married.
01:11:45And what NO spells.
01:11:47And what NO spells.
01:11:48Great!
01:11:49I might as well go bald and open my own monastery.
01:11:52And so society, that's you and me, says end this dispute.
01:11:58End it now.
01:12:00Good night.
01:12:02Hear, hear.
01:12:03Good, weren't he?
01:12:05Terrific.
01:12:06Especially when he said good night.
01:12:09We're just enjoying ourselves.
01:12:10Having a good time.
01:12:12Just having fun.
01:12:14Being happy!
01:12:16Take two a day, after meals, and one if you find yourself crying your heart out again in the middle of a zebra crossing for no reason at all.
01:12:27You're sure this has nothing to do with a boyfriend?
01:12:30Absolutely positive.
01:12:33That was the first film we ever saw together.
01:12:37Make that three a day, after meals.
01:12:49Look, Beryl.
01:12:51How's this for a peace plan?
01:12:53You join a marriage bureau, and I'll get a job on the stage.
01:12:57Twice nightly in Denmark.
01:12:58Then we'll both be happy.
01:13:00Right?
01:13:01Right.
01:13:02Good Jesus Christ, superstar.
01:13:03Amen.
01:13:06Oh, hell.
01:13:07Time's up again.
01:13:08See you tomorrow.
01:13:11Where do you think you're going?
01:13:17Geoffrey, I'll get the sack.
01:13:19It's important.
01:13:22What is?
01:13:25I keep asking you, what is?
01:13:29What is?
01:13:31To be on our own.
01:13:33What?
01:13:35Says we can talk.
01:13:37What?
01:13:43Had an old speech worked out on the bus this morning.
01:13:48The only bit I can remember is, and that's what I think.
01:13:51Last night I dreamt I was in goal for Manchester United and Grace Kelly kicked nine goals past me.
01:13:56Grace who?
01:13:57Grace who?
01:13:58She was playing for United as well.
01:14:00We're here, isn't it?
01:14:10The main thing is, we do communicate.
01:14:13Oh, we do.
01:14:14See what I think?
01:14:15See what I think?
01:14:16See what I think?
01:14:17Go on.
01:14:18No, you.
01:14:19Mine wasn't important.
01:14:21No, mine wasn't.
01:14:22No, mine wasn't.
01:14:23No, mine wasn't.
01:14:24Beryl?
01:14:25Are you...
01:14:26Happy?
01:14:27Of course.
01:14:28Very.
01:14:29I am.
01:14:30No one is every second of every minute of every day.
01:14:33No one is every second of every minute of every day.
01:14:37Beryl, are you happy?
01:14:48Of course.
01:14:51Very.
01:14:53I am.
01:14:55No one is every second of every minute of every day.
01:15:00No, I'm not.
01:15:07Do you think it's because we love each other, do you think?
01:15:17Probably.
01:15:18I've not actually said the words often.
01:15:20Well, not in so many words.
01:15:23Mostly in words to that effect.
01:15:37Is there anything you don't love about me?
01:15:42No, I don't think so.
01:15:44Honestly, no.
01:15:45Nothing.
01:15:46If there is, you just tell me and I'll stop doing it.
01:15:49If there isn't anything, honest.
01:15:51Good.
01:15:54It wouldn't upset me.
01:15:55It'd just make me a better human being to deserve your love.
01:15:58Like, you know, crimson shoes and bottled green socks.
01:16:10Well, you don't wear crimson shoes and bottled green socks, Beryl.
01:16:13If I did, I'd stop to please you.
01:16:20I see.
01:16:20There's no need to be sensitive, Geoffrey.
01:16:27In a meaningful relationship, you must like even what you don't.
01:16:33Your mother.
01:16:34Pardon?
01:16:34I like your mother.
01:16:35Please don't sulk, Geoffrey.
01:16:37Hand her lampshades.
01:16:38Sulking isn't the most endearing quality in a person.
01:16:42Well, you ought to know.
01:16:43You've almost made it an art form.
01:16:45Anything else at random?
01:16:47You've got 24 hours to spare.
01:16:48After all, I'm no Bridget Bardot.
01:16:51According to reliable sources in Saint-Tropez,
01:16:53she's 105 next birthday.
01:16:54Over 98% of the male population of Manchester and Salford
01:16:57can tell the difference between Bridget Bardot and Beryl Battersby.
01:17:00Ask any opinion poll.
01:17:02I'm much fatter for a start.
01:17:04You're not all that fat, Beryl.
01:17:05I am.
01:17:06Start slimming.
01:17:07Men like something to get hold of.
01:17:09If they're allowed to get hold of it.
01:17:11You always succeed in getting back to Percy Filth in the end, don't you?
01:17:14Always.
01:17:14No, I don't, Beryl.
01:17:16You do.
01:17:16I always fail.
01:17:18Do you know what some girls find extremely likeable?
01:17:20The extremely likeable way some boys stare at every girl they see.
01:17:23Boys like it when girls tell them what N-O spells.
01:17:26Especially for the 600th time.
01:17:28That they really dig.
01:17:29You never say dig.
01:17:31I did then.
01:17:32Your passionate, unrequited love for 11 boring men kicking a ball about.
01:17:37That's really lovable.
01:17:38I never knew you thought that.
01:17:41Neither did I.
01:17:44Do now, though.
01:17:45I used to say dig before I met you.
01:17:55I used to say all sorts of things.
01:18:05There's a lot about me I can't even remember.
01:18:07thinking what I'm thinking.
01:18:28Thinking what I'm thinking?
01:18:32I think so.
01:18:35We just don't like each other.
01:18:38At all.
01:18:50Oh, goodbye, then.
01:18:53Good luck.
01:18:55Peace, man.
01:18:58St Anne's Square.
01:19:01St Anne's Square, please.
01:19:12So that just leaves a cot, two matinee coats, two romper suits.
01:19:19And what else do I need?
01:19:22Oh, yes, a ring.
01:19:24A teething ring?
01:19:26Of course.
01:19:28Oh, they have gorgeous prams in the shops these days.
01:19:32No wonder everyone's at it.
01:19:34Oh, sorry.
01:19:36What about?
01:19:38Skip it.
01:19:40About time, too, with her sympathy.
01:19:42Not that I need any, actually.
01:19:44I've never been as happy in me life.
01:19:46But she doesn't know that.
01:19:48If I'm looking miserable, Sandra, it's because I'm feeling happy for you.
01:19:53Yeah.
01:19:54Yeah.
01:19:57We know what you must be thinking.
01:19:59Of course we do.
01:20:01How to pop the pink without going in off.
01:20:08Ace.
01:20:09She used to wear pink, you know.
01:20:12I won't tell you where.
01:20:17A hell of a lot more where hers came from.
01:20:19Wow.
01:20:20Did you want the chalk, Geoffrey?
01:20:26I know, spells no.
01:20:30Super day for it.
01:20:32Hmm, sin being inside a day like this.
01:20:36Well, Sandra, this is it.
01:20:39Yep.
01:20:40The big day.
01:20:41Yep.
01:20:42Coming to the crutch.
01:20:44Crunch.
01:20:45I dare say it'll hardly break my heart in the slightest, seeing him again.
01:20:50You mustn't think I'll be crying inside, because I most definitely won't be.
01:20:54And what's more, no-one will know that I am.
01:20:57Because I shan't.
01:20:59Truly.
01:21:02Sandra, please, you've enough to think of.
01:21:08It's a big day for you as well, really, isn't it?
01:21:15And now one of the bride and groom on their own.
01:21:19Do you mind stepping back, sir?
01:21:21Eh, fine.
01:21:22Is this fine enough?
01:21:23Here?
01:21:24About there, lovely.
01:21:25You can kiss the bride on this one, sir.
01:21:27Wow.
01:21:28Official permission to actually kiss her.
01:21:33Ow!
01:21:34Oh, sorry.
01:21:36That's right.
01:21:37Hold it.
01:21:39Lovely.
01:21:41Right, now, a nice family group of the parents, please.
01:21:43Funny.
01:21:44I remember the Friday lunchtime we first met.
01:21:48How have you been?
01:21:50Absolutely great.
01:21:52You?
01:21:53Never better.
01:21:54Ever.
01:21:58It's all over now, bar the salmon salad.
01:22:02It's tuna fish.
01:22:04It's life.
01:22:05It's all over now.
01:22:06It's all over now.
01:22:12See, President. Nixon went to China, then.
01:22:15That was before we ever met.
01:22:17I know.
01:22:18Why?
01:22:19Has something happened about it?
01:22:20No.
01:22:21Oh?
01:22:22Could I trouble you for the salad cream, please?
01:22:24Hmm.
01:22:27Speaking personally, I think there are enough problems to sort out on Earth without going to the moon.
01:22:32Nixon?
01:22:34Why is he going?
01:22:36No.
01:22:38The astronauts.
01:22:39Oh.
01:22:41It's the wives and sweethearts I feel sorry for.
01:22:46We never really talked, did we, about things that matter?
01:22:50Good, isn't it?
01:22:51Shows we're friends.
01:22:53Now that we know we don't like each other.
01:22:54Everybody thinks we're broken-hearted.
01:23:01We've really grown up, haven't we?
01:23:03My mother's convinced herself we split up because we had too much Percy filth.
01:23:07I'm right off it, myself.
01:23:09I've been able to walk off buses perfectly normally for the past few weeks.
01:23:13Aw.
01:23:14I expect it's only temporary.
01:23:16I hope not.
01:23:17It's marvellous.
01:23:19Good.
01:23:20I don't fancy you in the slightest now.
01:23:22Thank you, love.
01:23:25Still off the food, I noticed.
01:23:32And we've learnt a fantastic amount for the future.
01:23:35Fantastic.
01:23:36For example, say I finally did marry someone like you, only someone I love.
01:23:41I bet I'd now let him wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks every night.
01:23:44You better bet.
01:23:45And you'll probably meet some little fatty who's never even heard of Kenny Warhol and marry her three days later.
01:23:56We probably won't see each other at all now, we're pals.
01:24:01I expect you're going to the match this afternoon.
01:24:04Oh, yeah.
01:24:05I'm helping Sandra Packer go in a way case.
01:24:07Where's she going?
01:24:08Hospital.
01:24:13Well, we'll bump into each other sometime.
01:24:16Mm-hmm.
01:24:18Thank you, I'm John.
01:24:50Oh, hello, Mrs. Battersby. You won't remember me. Good afternoon, Geoffrey. Oh, um, is, uh, is Beryl there, please? She's gone to the football match. There is no football. It's cricket now. Well, it's the same thing, isn't it?
01:25:20It's the same thing.
01:25:27Hi. When's the kick-off?
01:25:43In about three months. Football season's over now, Beryl. Well, what on earth did you want to come for?
01:25:51I forgot. I'm not all that interested these days.
01:25:57Where will you go now, then? I don't know. I could always go inside and practice booing for next season. Where will you? Might go and get a new pair of tights. Hey, it's like the countryside, isn't it, when it's empty? Fancy a stroll in the country? May as well. If you like. Don't mind. Why not?
01:26:19Just as friends. Oh, I meant just as friends. Yeah, I did.
01:26:26Wish we had a ball.
01:26:36Could play shooting in.
01:26:39You could go in goal.
01:26:43Amazing how people change, isn't it?
01:26:48Amazing how people change, isn't it?
01:27:17Well, we're certainly much happier without each other.
01:27:22We'll be even happier with someone else.
01:27:25Anyone, really.
01:27:33There's millions to choose from.
01:27:37All nearly exactly right for us.
01:27:41You'll find someone, Geoffrey.
01:27:43You will, Beryl.
01:27:45Just a matter of keeping your eyes open, really.
01:27:49Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:51We call the halls of theĐœŃh, in thethin hul ŃĐ°Đș this day.
01:27:56We'rećing!
01:28:01We've done a while.
01:28:03We're fighting!
01:28:05We've done a while.
01:28:06We're fighting!
01:28:11We're fighting!
01:28:13We love fighting!
01:28:20And you'll find sometimes
01:28:33Love and rainy weather can turn out fine
01:28:38Getting wet together's fun
01:28:41When the crying's dark
01:28:47Love and rainy weather
01:28:51Are followed by the sun
01:28:58Love and rainy weather
01:29:00Love and rainy weather
01:29:05When the crying's dark
01:29:12Love and rainy weather
01:29:16Are followed by the sun
01:29:22Love and rainy weather
01:29:25Love and rainy weather
01:29:26Love and rainy weather
01:29:30Love and rainy weather
01:29:31Love and rainy weather
01:29:32Love and rainy weather
01:29:33Love and rainy weather
01:29:34Love and rainy weather
01:29:35Love and rainy weather
01:29:37Love and rainy weather
01:29:38Love and rainy weather
01:29:39Love and rainy weather
01:29:40Love and rainy weather
01:29:41Love and rainy weather
01:29:42Love and rainy weather
01:29:43Love and rainy weather
01:29:44Love and rainy weather
01:29:45Love and rainy weather
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