these videos were blurred/voice manipulated due to copyright on youtube. please consider joining my patreon for $5/month if you'd like to see them uncensored.
https://shorturl.at/3esxI - Decider Article
https://www.patreon.com/aspynj
https://cash.app/$aspyndotjunderscore
paypal.me/aspyntelevision
ko-fi.com/aspynj
#satc #ajlt #andjustlikethat #sexandthecity #carriebradshaw #hbomax #mirandahobbes #charlotteyork #recap #review #sarahjessicaparker #samanthajones #kristindavis #cynthianixon #kimcattrall
https://shorturl.at/3esxI - Decider Article
https://www.patreon.com/aspynj
https://cash.app/$aspyndotjunderscore
paypal.me/aspyntelevision
ko-fi.com/aspynj
#satc #ajlt #andjustlikethat #sexandthecity #carriebradshaw #hbomax #mirandahobbes #charlotteyork #recap #review #sarahjessicaparker #samanthajones #kristindavis #cynthianixon #kimcattrall
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00Remember Lizette? The lady that Carrie sold her apartment to for an unbeatable price?
00:15Look who it is. The luckiest girl in New York.
00:19Are you going to call me that every time you see me?
00:21For the price you got this apartment, you will never have any other name.
00:24I mean, the price you sold this apartment for is insanity.
00:27Well, for the price I gave for my apartment.
00:29Anyways, Lizette and her flat stomach meet up with Carrie for drinks,
00:33and she's mistakenly jealous that Carrie met Aiden before modern dating.
00:37It's just such a mess-up time to be dating.
00:39I mean, you're so lucky that you met Aiden before all of this.
00:43Damn, Aiden don't got a clue in the f***ing world.
00:46Oh, Lizette, if only you knew that Aiden literally told Carrie to f*** off indefinitely.
00:51Aiden asked for no communication while he deals with his family stuff.
00:55I'm giving it to him.
00:55Is sending her blank-ass postcards to breadcrumb her into continuing holding that five-year torch for him.
01:01Well, what did he write?
01:02Nothing. I've been sending him vintage postcards of old New York.
01:05With just a heart drawn on them.
01:07You're just a little mom here.
01:08And so now he's sending me back blank postcards from Virginia.
01:11Then had the nerve to call her so he could get a nut off.
01:19Hey.
01:19I miss you so much.
01:22But we weren't supposed to call.
01:24Well, that rule went out the window after this third beer.
01:27Touch yourself.
01:28Go ahead.
01:30Be mean for me.
01:31Rejected her request when she wanted the same thing.
01:34Hey.
01:36Hey.
01:36I'm touching myself the way you touch me.
01:39Touch yourself, Aiden.
01:40Oh, Carrie.
01:41I can't do this right now.
01:42I'm in bed with Wyatt.
01:44He's asleep.
01:44He had a bad night.
01:48Showed up to her place unannounced and essentially broke in just to get some overnight b***y while his son was away.
01:54Oh my gosh.
01:57How did you get in?
01:59Some worker was on his way out.
02:01Wyatt's with Kathy's whole family for the night.
02:03Come here.
02:04And then goes to her even after he said she can talk to him.
02:10You can text me.
02:12Little stuff, big stuff.
02:14Call me if it's important.
02:16Here is how Aiden responded to my impassioned text about how much I love this table.
02:22I send you a passionate plea as to why I think that very special table is the essence of us.
02:32And your reaction is to send me back a stupid emoji.
02:36My phone is who I'm in a relationship with.
02:38I'm so sick of it.
02:40I'm so done.
02:41I'm just...
02:41Oh my God.
02:43I better give you this before I get forcibly removed from this bar.
02:49Um, go get your phone.
02:52Go get your phone.
02:53Oh right, I forgot.
02:54Everyone is rich and therefore consequenceless.
02:57So Charlotte can throw her iPhone into a damn blender and then laugh about it.
03:01Stop texting me!
03:04Oh my God!
03:08Carrie can watch her MacBook fall down and break.
03:13And Lizette can just casually yeet a $1,000 phone away without it getting stolen and hacked into.
03:18Also, did you all notice that Lizette is wearing furry heels?
03:21I'm going to take them.
03:29And then she gives Carrie this ugly ass necklace with her old apartment address on it.
03:35I better give you this before I get forcibly removed from this bar.
03:40Hates it!
03:41It's so ugly that Carrie later decides to just repurpose it as a key fob.
03:45Another potential f*** boy, somehow not enraged that her phone just hit him in the head,
03:51which is assault, begins flirting with her.
03:53Which one of you two should I sue?
03:55Can I buy you a drink before we go to court?
03:57Oh, no thanks.
03:58I'm good.
03:58But you can buy my friend here a drink.
04:00I'm Alex.
04:01Hi.
04:01How's that?
04:02Can we get three gimless?
04:03So I guess it looks like she's going to have to add yet another loser to the collection.
04:07I am not a psycho!
04:08You're a liar!
04:09Last night, I got stood up by a psychiatrist.
04:12Well, that can't be good for your mental health.
04:14I'm Alex.
04:15Hi, I'm Zach.
04:17Here we go again.
04:18Ah, s***.
04:20Here we go again.
04:26Carrie is in her castle, giddily writing a heart on a postcard for Aiden like the 50-something
04:31year old teenager that she is.
04:33You would think that Aiden has big levels of riz the way she's carrying on over him,
04:37but instead, he's a mealy-mouthed, passive-aggressive dork who wears underoos, watches s***y action
04:44movies.
04:45Are you the Robbie Gordy who directed Nepal Kapow?
04:48I am.
04:48No way!
04:49Look, me and my boys love Nepal Kapow.
04:52My middle son loves action movies.
04:54And he found that awesome clip on YouTube where the tigers jump out of the freight train and
04:58attack the soldiers.
04:59And lives in the middle of nowhere in Virginia.
05:03And then later, we see Carrie wearing this damn strawberry shortcake, vile plume, Pokemon-esque
05:09bonnet.
05:13Designed by Miriam Kayani.
05:16Take off that silly ass hat.
05:18This goofy ass hat can be yours for only 450 euro or 511 USD, plus taxes.
05:26Y'all, Carrie and her weird ass hats.
05:28Do y'all remember that giant tortilla chip that she wore from last season?
05:32Carrie and Seema are whining about their s*** boyfriends and how Seema wishes that she
05:36were more confident like Carrie is in her ridiculous relationship.
05:39Why didn't you just wait till a better time to talk to him?
05:43Because I'm not you.
05:44I don't have your calm reserve that everything will work out.
05:47What is this girl?
05:48So sure, so confident.
05:50So not dating in her 50s.
05:53We cut to Carrie at home, running around in her labyrinth of an apartment, trying to
05:57turn off the kitchen door alarm before the cops are called.
05:59Kitchen door, open.
06:01Oh, s***.
06:04Hi.
06:05Hi, my alarm is going off.
06:07I'm at Gramercy Park West checking.
06:10Oh, my identifying code is Carrie and Avery.
06:13The kitchen door, yes.
06:15Hold on.
06:16Do not send the police again.
06:18I ate Gramercy Park West.
06:19Kitchen door is Avery.
06:20Um.
06:21Kitchen door is Avery.
06:22No.
06:23No.
06:24It's closed.
06:25It's not.
06:26Kitchen door is Avery.
06:27Oh.
06:28Kitchen door is Avery.
06:29Oh.
06:30Kitchen door is Avery.
06:31No.
06:32No.
06:33No.
06:34No.
06:35It's closed.
06:36It's not.
06:37Kitchen door is Avery.
06:38Kitchen door is Avery.
06:39Kitchen door is Avery.
06:40Miranda.
06:41I've fallen and I can't get up.
06:42I've fallen and I can't get up.
06:43Also, for my younger viewers, this is what she's referencing.
06:46I used this remote control to contact Life Call, my 24 hour emergency medical response
06:53service.
06:54I've fallen and I can't get up.
06:57We're sending help immediately, Mrs. Fletcher.
07:00Carrie is sound asleep when she gets a call from the same guy who told her that he wants
07:04no contact while he's dealing with Wyatt's issues.
07:06Hi.
07:07I thought we weren't supposed to call.
07:09Well, that rule went out the window after this third beer.
07:12I wanna talk about you.
07:13I ache for you.
07:14Can men ache?
07:15No.
07:16This man can't and does no shit.
07:17I ache.
07:18Why are you so bad?
07:19I ache.
07:20I can't go too deep into what happens next because, number one, I'm still completely unnerved
07:30by it and, number two, I'm saving all of my anger and my frustration and my hatred.
07:35For part five of Carrie and Aiden, which is hopefully the last video in this series.
07:42But, here's a summary.
07:43You know how much I love you, Carrie.
07:46I'm right there.
07:48With you.
07:49No!
07:50I think I might have shit my pants a little.
07:54Don't break the mood.
07:55It's so fucking hot.
07:57I need this.
07:59I need this so fucking much.
08:01Oh yeah, are you still fucking yourself?
08:03Here it comes.
08:04Here it comes.
08:05Here it comes.
08:06Here it comes.
08:07Oh my gosh.
08:08Here it comes.
08:09Here it comes.
08:10Watch out.
08:11Here it comes.
08:12I can't.
08:13I am disgusted.
08:18Oh, and surprise surprise, when Carrie wants some guided assistance in the literal only scenes
08:23we see of her self-pleasuring ever, because she didn't do this in the OG series even when
08:28she bought an adult toy, guess what happens?
08:31Hey.
08:32Hey.
08:33Hey.
08:34I'm touching myself the way you touch me.
08:36Oh, Carrie.
08:37I can't do this right now.
08:39I'm in bed with Wyatt.
08:40He's asleep.
08:41Oh, I'm so sorry.
08:42Okay, I'll go.
08:43Bye.
08:44Dude, fuck Aiden.
08:45No contact on her end, but you can call her for a wank and then deny her one when she wants
08:50it.
08:51Carrie is so shook by Aiden's audacity that she actually starts riding again to cope.
08:56While she's riding in her garden, a bunch of rats run out and she rushes to tell Aiden
09:00about her brush with the rodents that are pretty damn common in New York.
09:03Last time I checked.
09:04I mean, Carrie, you used to take the subway for Christ sakes.
09:07Hi, Aiden.
09:08Period.
09:09You won't believe this, but turns out, hiding in our beautiful, bucolic backyard, are rats!
09:19Many, many rats!
09:22But Aiden is a dick and left her on read when she asked to talk, so she rethinks sending
09:37her long message.
09:38Because Aiden has to do things on his time frame now.
09:41I have to do things on my time frame.
09:44Carrie, you know, I gotta worry about Wyatt.
09:47I gotta do things on my time frame, Carrie.
09:49I gotta do things on my time frame, Pop-Tart.
09:52This man just literally rolls up on Carrie and breaks in so he can get some pussy before
09:58he runs back to Virginia again.
09:59Oh, my gosh.
10:01Oh, my God.
10:03Oh, my God.
10:05You almost gave me a heart attack.
10:07You almost gave me a heart attack.
10:09You gave me a heart attack.
10:11Oh, you mean like your shitty ex-husband you never mentioned anymore?
10:15You felt weird about the other night and I've been feeling weird about something, too.
10:19Because I thought we weren't supposed to be in touch.
10:22Yeah, I'm kinda lost, too.
10:25So clearly, Aiden still does not trust Carrie to have non-spoiled milk.
10:30This goddamn milk is bad.
10:32You just let it sit in there.
10:34And did he have to put his whole entire snout in the damn carton?
10:38Bruh, Aiden is a f***ing asshole.
10:45We're at a lesbian bar.
10:46Miranda's not getting any play, but Charlotte is.
10:49Miranda, there's a woman over there smiling at you.
10:52Are you sure it's me?
10:53The last woman who came over was interested in you.
10:55Oh, she was nice.
10:57I mean, duh, Charlotte is fine as s***.
10:59And are we gonna pretend that Samantha didn't have a little gay crush on her in the OG series?
11:03There she was.
11:09Miss Atlantic Slutty.
11:11Lord have mercy, I'm about to bust.
11:14Those are for women who have lost all their money and have to turn tricks.
11:18There is something sexy about a first-timer like Charlotte.
11:21Come here.
11:23Get in there.
11:24I wonder what your fetish is.
11:28I wouldn't be getting the watermelon freak show kind.
11:31I'd get something tasteful.
11:33Something like...
11:34Yours.
11:35Yours are good.
11:36What's wrong with mine?
11:37Well, they're not bad either.
11:38Let's see.
11:39Okay!
11:40Alright!
11:41Miranda is getting checked out by a younger girl, so Charlotte and Carrie dish Miranda once
11:45she gets waved at.
11:46But the tenderoni promptly pops her bubble by asking about Brady, who she used to babysit.
11:51Miranda!
11:52Hi!
11:53Cassandra.
11:54Cassandra Walsh.
11:56Brady's old babysitter.
11:57Oh, I know.
12:02I just walked over here to say hey there, Cassandra Walsh.
12:05And how's my favorite brownstone in the entire effing world?
12:08We just sold it, actually.
12:10Got an offer out of nowhere.
12:12We're divorced now.
12:13Brady's living in a loft with his dad.
12:16I'm in an Airbnb in the village.
12:18I'm in an Airbnb.
12:20Wait, why doesn't she just live with Carrie?
12:23Carrie has like five rooms available in that cavernous, empty-ass house for literally five
12:29years.
12:30So why isn't her bestie occupying one of them?
12:32Also, I really need to do a video on how Carrie and Miranda's friendship was awful,
12:36because Miranda was sleeping on a used twin mattress in her professor's apartment like a
12:42displaced orphan teenager while she was going through a divorce, and yet Carrie can't offer
12:46her alleged bestie one of the wings in her palace?
12:49Seema said it was a lot of space and she wasn't kidding.
12:53How many bedrooms?
12:54Four bedrooms.
12:55Three bathrooms.
12:57Can you see me here too?
12:59Because I'm definitely moving in with her.
13:01Bitch!
13:08Harriet the Spy's nanny, oh my god, rest in peace Michelle Trachtenberg, starts checking
13:13out Miranda during Last Call.
13:15I'm coming home.
13:16There's nothing but randos at the bar now.
13:22But what it's worth, I would not put you in the rando category.
13:25I kept thinking this was a dream sequence because of how badly paced these episodes are
13:29at times.
13:30I'm Miranda.
13:31Hi, I'm Mary.
13:32Oh, hi Mary.
13:33Hi.
13:34You are so pretty.
13:37I have a hotel room.
13:39Okay.
13:40This is like a movie or something.
13:41She ends up boning Rosie O'Donnell because apparently Miranda really needed the validation,
13:46only to find out later that she deflowered a nun.
13:48You are amazing.
13:50Oh, you are really, really something.
13:53I never dreamed of my first time.
13:55Could be both those things.
13:57This was your first time with a woman?
13:59This is my first time with anyone.
14:02You were a virgin?
14:04I'm a nun.
14:05You're a nun.
14:06After you left the bar, I had sex with a nun.
14:11They hate nuns.
14:12Mary never mentioned she was a nun and she was dressed like a regular lesbian.
14:17Aren't they all?
14:18This is a text from her.
14:19The nun.
14:20Can I ghost a nun?
14:21It would be a holy ghost.
14:25And tourists.
14:26She's inviting me to dinner at Tavern on the Green.
14:29Tavern on the Green?
14:31She doesn't know.
14:32It's her first trip to New York City.
14:34I don't know which is worse, that you slept with a nun or a tourist.
14:39I just got another text from Sister Mary Tourist and she's inviting me to meet in Central Park to ride the carousel.
14:47She just got out of Wicked and wants me to meet her someplace.
14:50She's at the M&M's store now and wants me to meet her in Times Square.
14:54The M&M's store in Times Square.
14:56So after reluctantly meeting Mary in Times Square for a final goodbye, we never see her again.
15:02In episode 2, Miranda becomes hooked on this fake love island but for bisexuals.
15:07And it totally reminds me of her obsession with Jules and Mimi in season 6.
15:11Since she's still losing when it comes to the ladies,
15:13she steps up the riz on a woman at a restaurant who also watches the bootleg Love Island show.
15:18But because Miranda's gaydar hasn't fully developed yet.
15:21You know who else is hot?
15:22Ashley from Oregon.
15:23I was gonna say you.
15:25Would you like to grab a drink sometime?
15:28No.
15:29Oh my god, I'm flattered.
15:31But I'm straight.
15:32Girl, just date the British chick already.
15:39Also, is it just me or were they pretty much describing the dynamic between Miranda and Shay
15:45versus the dynamic between her and Naya, who was her initial planned love interest?
15:50There is this one woman that I'm obsessed with.
15:52Jamie.
15:53Yes.
15:54How can she have such horrible taste in both men and women?
15:57I know.
15:58And she has so much more chemistry with Autumn.
15:59It's driving me crazy.
16:00Lily is hot for Lil Mikhail Baryshnikov and is forcing her friends and family to watch him
16:10prance around on stage.
16:11Mom, don't forget Aunt Carrie, Uncle Anthony, and Giuseppe are all going to the ballet's
16:16friends and family dress rehearsal Thursday afternoon.
16:18She's all ILY for this boy in the ballet classes she plays for.
16:22He's 20.
16:23He's 20.
16:24He's 20.
16:25Um, isn't Lily supposed to be 17 in this universe?
16:30Why does Michael Patrick King have a barely legal kink when both she and Brady are technically
16:34supposed to be in their early 20s?
16:36And Charlotte and Harry don't even ask follow-up questions!
16:39And she's all ILY for this boy in the ballet classes she plays for.
16:43He's 20.
16:44What's ILY?
16:45I love you.
16:46And I love you too.
16:48You see what I did there?
16:49I'm also surprised that Anthony or Giuseppe didn't warn her that he might be playing
16:54for the other team, but this show is rooted in reality.
16:57On MARS.
16:58So, whatever.
16:59Lily is wide-eyed at the sight of this ballerino twink, which means she's about to go bully her
17:03mom into another condom run.
17:05Oh my god!
17:08Mom!
17:09Did you want to get caught?
17:10Because y'all are in public, Lil.
17:13What are you doing here?
17:15I'm sorry to interrupt, but you weren't answering any of my calls or texts.
17:19Because I'm busy!
17:20Is that Diego?
17:21Yes.
17:22And it was finally happening and you totally killed the mood.
17:25Oh!
17:27Mom, while you're at it, go get me some condoms and some flavored lube, bitch!
17:31Also, does Rock, like, you know, bathe?
17:35Speaking of smelly, P.U.
17:37Less skateboard, more deodorant.
17:39And get her some deodorant.
17:41Hi, maybe don't leave your smelly socks on the bedroom floor.
17:44Mom, should I wear more deodorant?
17:46The answer is yes.
17:47Take a goddamn shower, Rock, and use soap.
17:50Wash your nasty ass!
17:57In episode one, we're greeted with Seema and her boobs, asleep in bed in front of a laptop,
18:02waiting for Ravi to FaceTime her, but ah, ah, ah!
18:05Hey, you.
18:09Well, let me guess, Ravi sends his apologies?
18:11And then Seema almost kills herself.
18:17Who still smokes in bed? Only the mattress went up.
18:20While she's pretending to not care about this fabric monstrosity that's flopped on top of her friend's head,
18:25Seema whines to Carrie about how she needs Ravi to prove his undying loyalty to her since she hasn't talked to him in weeks.
18:31I called him and kind of demanded that he fly to New York and Seema.
18:35I need proof that he loves me.
18:37What must it be like to not need that?
18:40So he actually flies in.
18:45Ravi, you're two hours early.
18:47The bed's not ready and these guys are still here.
18:50I only see you.
18:56This is like a movie or some shit.
18:58See, that's what I said.
18:59That's what I said.
19:00But then bruh completely ignores her, scouting out a new location instead,
19:04still working on his CGI bloated, faux Michael Bay films that only a lame ass beta simp like Aiden would enjoy.
19:11We missed lunch and now dinner.
19:13I lost track of time.
19:14You also lost track of me.
19:15What are you saying?
19:16I'm saying this pier is the end of your movie and also the end of ours.
19:21Seema's singleness, which is her business the last time I checked, bothers her boss.
19:26Why do I feel like there's an intervention coming?
19:29For years, I have watched you date guy after guy after guy.
19:34It's pained me.
19:35It's actually caused me physical pain.
19:37I don't remember asking you a goddamn thing.
19:39So he sets her up with a matchmaker played by none other than Gail Hailstorm.
19:43She quickly grows annoyed with Sid having to wear pastels.
19:47I need you to do everything I ask you to do.
19:50Starting with the way you dress.
19:52It's all metallics and animal prints.
19:54Metallics read cold and animal prints read predator.
19:59I don't remember asking you a goddamn thing.
20:02And straighten her hair just to get rejected by not Peter Gallagher.
20:06I deadass thought this was Sandy Cohen at first.
20:08So she fires this lady whose character was solely created to introduce this lame pun.
20:13Jake just texted me.
20:14I have enough challenges at work.
20:16Jake is gone and he's never coming back.
20:19Okay.
20:21You and I?
20:22Not a match.
20:23This wasn't the Sidney Jerkoff experience.
20:26It was the Sidney Jerkoff experience.
20:31I heard that one before.
20:32And guess what?
20:33Your ass looks bad!
20:34Lisa and Charlotte, but mainly Charlotte, literally have nothing to do.
20:46So their storyline in episode one revolves around the who threw paint on Samantha in the first film.
20:51Her is murder!
20:54Murder!
20:56Murder!
20:57Murder!
20:58Profiling Charlotte's dog for attacking her dog and getting him canceled.
21:02How do dogs get canceled?
21:03When it was a different English bulldog this entire time.
21:06Get your dog off my penis!
21:10That is not my dog!
21:13Riveting.
21:14Then their latest unrelatable adventure in episode two is trying to solicit some ladies' advice for getting their kids into Ivy League schools and shenanigans ensue.
21:22Lois was very clear.
21:24Don't bother submitting Cleo's ACT score unless it's a 35.
21:28Hi, Charlotte.
21:29Hi, Lisa.
21:30Were you all just talking about Lois Fingerhood, the Ivy Whisperer?
21:34I'm sorry, who?
21:38We are so sorry to barge in on you.
21:41Something very disturbing is happening right outside these doors.
21:44Oh, motherfucker!
21:45I knew this thing would come.
21:47Here we go.
21:48Alright.
21:49Did you call 911?
21:51Hello!
21:52Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
21:54Hi, anything?
21:55She just posted pictures of her son's Little League game.
21:59She's there right now!
22:00Watch out!
22:01Watch out!
22:02Watch out!
22:03Watch out!
22:04Watch out!
22:05Here you go, Asher!
22:06Asher.
22:07I'm starting to lean on Asher.
22:09Oh, my goodness!
22:11Get it!
22:12Are you with the hockey?
22:15In a sense, yes.
22:16Watch it, ladies!
22:17Hey!
22:18Come out of the way!
22:19That's it!
22:20Hey, um!
22:21What's going on?
22:22Coach?
22:23Hi, honey.
22:24Coach!
22:25What are you doing?
22:26I have to talk to Coach Hank.
22:27I've got to teach you how to practice on Thursday.
22:30I'm good!
22:31May I use your restroom?
22:32Yes, of course.
22:39How'd it go?
22:41She said I'd have to stop everything and start all over again.
22:45Me too!
22:46She said, don't mention the cross.
22:48It reeks of privilege.
22:51Yet another story devised with the sole purpose of making a joke out of her last name.
22:56We don't have one.
22:57Lois!
22:58F***ing!
22:59F***ing!
23:00F***!
23:01Someone on Reddit posted this photo, and I'm gonna post the credit once I figure out who actually made this.
23:14And it's extremely accurate.
23:16Lisa and her light-skinned family are the only black representation on the show.
23:20It's extremely Kenya bearish coded.
23:22So to overcompensate for the lack of diversity in the original series, and for Naya's still not mentioned absence,
23:29the showrunners have to remind us over and over again that they're black.
23:32So the final choice for my docuseries celebrating 10 unknown unsung black sheroes.
23:38I'm black, y'all, and I'm black, y'all.
23:41He's got Eugenia.
23:42Who's Eugenia?
23:43She is a free girl of color from pre-Civil War New Orleans.
23:46And I'm blacker than black, and I'm black, y'all.
23:48And mommy is throwing him a very cool cocktail reception at the Red Brewster.
23:57Bliggity black, blacker than black, black.
23:59She's so yeah!
24:01Yeah, yeah, yeah!
24:02She's so yeah!
24:03I love it!
24:04Yeah!
24:05Yeah!
24:06Yeah!
24:07Because I'm black, and I'm black!
24:08Maybe you could switch out one of your 10 choices for Michelle Obama.
24:11And I'm black, y'all!
24:12Anthony is the best part of these episodes, in my opinion.
24:20He's the only one to say the quiet part out loud about Carrie and Aiden's one-sided ass arrangement.
24:25Why aren't you holed up in your gorgeous house splitting some rails with bald onion?
24:29He's out of town.
24:30Oh, for how long?
24:31I don't know.
24:32So, what do you mean you don't know?
24:37How long Aiden's out of town for?
24:39How can you not know?
24:40If he has family stuff, it's complicated.
24:42So, he's doing his thing, I'm doing my thing.
24:44How are you going to be in a relationship if you don't even know when he's coming back?
24:48And if he has family problems, that's his problem.
24:50That has nothing to do with you.
24:52Period.
24:53And what are you supposed to do?
24:54Sit in that big castle all alone and wait?
24:56Who are you, freaking Rapunzel?
24:57You know what I like about ballet?
25:00No words.
25:01Girl, shut the f*** up.
25:02You thought you ate?
25:04And he's the only one who's actually funny.
25:06Do you think it's desperate if I text Lillis Fingerhood again now?
25:09Lowest finger f***ing weight.
25:11Diamonds, daisies, snowflakes, that girl.
25:16Morning, fellas.
25:17Morning.
25:18Don't tell gay f***ing what hot construction workers aren't a thing.
25:22Speaking of thrilling, bread scones.
25:24But he's, of course, shoved to the side at Charlotte's permanent gay accessory who doesn't even remember that he has a bakery.
25:31I brought you down this block because I'm trying to show you something.
25:36Ta-da!
25:37Oh my God, Anthony!
25:38Someone stole your great idea!
25:40It's me!
25:41I stole my great idea!
25:43How did this come together so quickly?
25:45It didn't.
25:46You were just too fricking busy for me to catch you up.
25:48Can y'all please get this man some gay friends to hang out with?
25:51Since Anthony knows he's nothing more than an accessory to two straight white women,
25:55when Carrie gets mad at him for being rightfully confused and concerned about Aiden's indefinite relationship pause, he apologizes.
26:01Hi.
26:02I should never have said any of what I said.
26:05Please don't cut me out.
26:06It took me so long to get in.
26:08Because if you want to be Carrie Bradshaw's friend and maintain your position in the world's most boring clique,
26:14you just gotta agree with everything she says, have zero opinions, and tell her she's pretty and perfect all the time.
26:19Carrie, may I say you look particularly pretty, Saturno?
26:22Well, you can if you say it in Italian.
26:24Carrie, can I tell you that you're particularly beautiful this afternoon?
26:29See? Giuseppe knows what's up.
26:37Since the showrunners are allergic to witty writing,
26:40there's a large number of callbacks that I noticed they're padding the runtime with.
26:44I'm touching myself the way you touch me.
26:46Touch yourself, Aiden.
26:47M-mate for me.
26:49I want to see you.
26:50Oh yeah, are you still a f***ing self?
26:53Yeah.
26:54Remember when I found you in your closet and just heels and a bra?
26:57And I came up behind you and put your hands against the wall.
27:01Remember that?
27:03Kitchen door.
27:04Oh.
27:05Miranda.
27:06Kitchen door.
27:07I've fallen and I can't get up.
27:08It hurts to even hold the phone.
27:10Come over.
27:12Carrie?
27:13Hi.
27:14Hi, my alarm is going off.
27:16Nope, it's closed.
27:17And this is the third time it's happened.
27:19Kitchen door.
27:20Open.
27:21Oh my god, no it isn't!
27:27Oh, hi, this is 5D.
27:30That beeping's back.
27:32Do you think you could send maintenance again?
27:35Why aren't you holed up in your gorgeous house splitting some rails with Paul Bunyan?
27:39Where's Paul Bunyan?
27:41Alright, show me your bar smile.
27:43Adorable!
27:45What exactly does a fake sonogram look like in case I ever need to do it?
27:55Y'all, pray for Shu.
27:57Because ever since Che pretty much forced Carrie to take care of this poor kitten, Shu has been plotting her escape.
28:03She's sick of not being engaged or even played with.
28:05And when Carrie finally makes time for it, it's cut short.
28:08Here.
28:09Here.
28:10Here.
28:11I love, period.
28:16Hope your flight was uneventful, period.
28:18She's tired of being put out of rooms.
28:21I want to see you in the morning.
28:24She gets reprimanded for engaging in normal, affectionate cat behavior.
28:36Oh my god, don't do that!
28:40You know better than that.
28:42Don't do that.
28:43Don't do that again.
28:44She gets reprimanded for literally no reason.
28:46Shu.
28:47This is velvet.
28:48Don't even look at it.
28:50She had to listen to Carrie's cringy phone s**ks and was actively disgusted.
28:54Oh yeah, are you still?
28:57I'm right there.
28:58What the f**k can I do?
28:59Here it comes.
29:01Here it comes.
29:02Here it comes.
29:03Oh my gosh, me too.
29:05Oh f**k.
29:06F**k.
29:07So it only makes sense that she is pretty much always near the door, dreaming of freedom
29:11and a life away from an empty-ass house and an owner who always forgets that she's gone.
29:16Oh!
29:17Don't let the cat out.
29:18No, no, no, no, no.
29:19Shoo's trying to get outside.
29:20No, no, no.
29:21Goodbye.
29:22No outside, no hallways.
29:23Hey Roy, have you seen the cat?
29:25Yeah, she was here when my guy left a few minutes ago.
29:28Shoo?
29:29However, the closest she got to finally being free was thwarted by Aiden 2.0.
29:33Here, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty.
29:35Is this what you're looking for?
29:38I'm sorry, Shoo.
29:39Maybe next time.
Be the first to comment