- 5 months ago
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:30CastingWords
00:01:00CastingWords
00:01:02CastingWords
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00:01:06CastingWords
00:01:08But we live in a permissive society.
00:01:10Not on this street we don't.
00:01:12Everybody's at it.
00:01:14Not with me they're not.
00:01:16Girls are supposed to be crying out for it.
00:01:18Not this one.
00:01:20I'm the silent majority.
00:01:22It's only manners these days.
00:01:24Total strangers do it now instead of shaking hands.
00:01:26God is Lord.
00:01:29Jesus.
00:01:31Jesus.
00:01:32Jesus.
00:01:50We've never seen him in real life, though.
00:01:58Only his picture in the papers.
00:02:00Oh, come on, Sandra, let's go.
00:02:03No, I don't want to.
00:02:04I want to wait.
00:02:05Oh, the old Dats standing out here.
00:02:06It's stupid.
00:02:07But he might come in a minute.
00:02:08Somebody waited ages yesterday and he never turned up there.
00:02:10But that was yesterday.
00:02:11He might be here today.
00:02:12Oh, no.
00:02:13The old Dats standing here.
00:02:14Come on.
00:02:15We're supposed to be going shopping.
00:02:16Oh, wait.
00:02:17But he might.
00:02:18Please, let's go.
00:02:19Oh, no.
00:02:23I told you so, didn't I?
00:02:25I feel a right twit now.
00:02:27I don't fancy yours.
00:02:29Which is mine?
00:02:31Any, except the blonde.
00:02:33Oh, good.
00:02:35They were being stared at.
00:02:37Where?
00:02:38I don't fancy yours.
00:02:42Which is mine?
00:02:44Any, except the blonde or the one with the yellow hair?
00:02:48Except the blonde or the one with the yellow legs.
00:02:52Thanks. Neither do I.
00:02:56Fancy the one with the twitch.
00:03:00About as much as Mountsy-Tung's grandad, with all due respect.
00:03:04To his grandad.
00:03:06Ask him if they do a turn. You.
00:03:10I thought we were giving sex up. There's a protest at never getting any.
00:03:13Ignore them.
00:03:22Hi.
00:03:24Hi.
00:03:26Hi.
00:03:31Hi.
00:03:33Peace, ma'am.
00:03:35Were you hoping to see Georgie Best?
00:03:38He's in Majorca.
00:03:40Come on, then.
00:03:41May only get an hour for lunch.
00:03:44It's a discotheque in Albert Square.
00:03:48Come on.
00:03:52Come on.
00:03:54I thought we were going for tights.
00:03:57It's our lunch hour.
00:04:00It's ours.
00:04:02We were going for lunch.
00:04:03Shall I tell you something pretty mind-blowing about Majorca?
00:04:11It's one place I've never been.
00:04:14Pardon?
00:04:17I'm Jeffrey.
00:04:20I don't happen to be attached.
00:04:21I'm Beryl.
00:04:22I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:24Don't you worry.
00:04:25Love and rainy weather may sound funny.
00:04:26But they go together fine.
00:04:27Every single day.
00:04:28I'm Beryl.
00:04:29I'm Beryl.
00:04:30I'm Beryl.
00:04:31I'm Beryl.
00:04:32I'm Beryl.
00:04:33I'm Beryl.
00:04:34I'm Beryl.
00:04:35I'm Beryl.
00:04:36I'm Beryl.
00:04:37I'm Beryl.
00:04:38I'm Beryl.
00:04:39I'm Beryl.
00:04:40I'm Beryl.
00:04:41I'm Beryl.
00:04:42I'm Beryl.
00:04:43I'm Beryl.
00:04:44I'm Beryl.
00:04:45I'm Beryl.
00:04:46I'm Beryl.
00:04:47I'm Beryl.
00:04:48But they go together fine
00:04:53Every single time
00:04:59First you're up there
00:05:04On another plane
00:05:06And then you're nowhere
00:05:08And the tears are raining down
00:05:13It's a run around
00:05:18Love and rainy weather
00:05:23Sure can get you down
00:05:28Now going twisting tonight then?
00:05:38That's the modern name for it, isn't it?
00:05:40What?
00:05:41Cutting a rug
00:05:42Pardon?
00:05:45Grooving, Mildred
00:05:46It's called grooving nowadays
00:05:48Grooving and or freaking
00:05:50Right?
00:05:51What I'm not doing tonight
00:05:52Right
00:05:53Right on
00:05:55You're staying in tonight then?
00:05:57Tonight?
00:05:58Tomorrow night?
00:05:59Every night
00:06:00They might sell me overcoat
00:06:03Life's not all pleasure, you know
00:06:05Mildred, don't hassle the lad
00:06:08Hassle
00:06:09It's a different world today, Mildred
00:06:13We had a week's honeymoon in Blackpool for what this finny haddy cost
00:06:17They do their own thing
00:06:19With the usual 1,300 weight
00:06:22Now that's the new world that we work for
00:06:26And fought for
00:06:28Full page advert for contraception
00:06:31It's his birthright
00:06:32I'm not hungry
00:06:36What's that supposed to mean?
00:06:39It's the hip way cool people say I'm not hungry
00:06:42I enjoy staying in Chattingham an evening
00:07:01I find it fantastically enjoyable
00:07:05No, really
00:07:07I really do
00:07:08Some people don't
00:07:11I do
00:07:13Beryl, please take my word for it
00:07:16Paul McCartney's never going to ring that doorbell and invite you to the pictures
00:07:19Paul McCartney who?
00:07:21He doesn't know you've been faithful to him ever since our day's night
00:07:24And please don't say Paul McCartney who
00:07:26I sacrifice too much for your six-o levels
00:07:29You were terrific in the pictures
00:07:33I never touched you
00:07:35Terrific self-control
00:07:37Mind you, just a weekend I do with you, Paul
00:07:53Mind you, just a weekend I do with you, Paul
00:08:05Not a dirty weekend
00:08:07A disgusting one
00:08:09Night-night, Percy Filth
00:08:16Have you always been insatiable?
00:08:28It's not my fault
00:08:29It's just that I don't like blondes
00:08:32It's psychosomatic
00:08:37I'm sorry
00:08:41Oh, Sandra
00:09:04It is almost blonde in this light
00:09:07What's wrong?
00:09:13Just being brave
00:09:15What about?
00:09:17Ending it all
00:09:18Before we hurt each other too much
00:09:22It's our first date
00:09:24I've probably wasted your entire evening, haven't I?
00:09:31Not yet
00:09:32Not if your parents aren't back till midnight
00:09:34Don't you think you're too old for this sort of thing
00:09:40Straight from Stanley Matthews to Bridget Bardot you went
00:09:44Overnight
00:09:45That was when you were too young for this sort of thing
00:09:48It's artistic, Mother
00:09:50Like your Tutankham and Butter dish
00:09:53What?
00:10:04Got it
00:10:04Got what?
00:10:06You now ask
00:10:07If I never want to see you again
00:10:09I say I do
00:10:10You then stop crying
00:10:12Quick as a flash
00:10:13And say something like
00:10:14How about Sunday
00:10:15Half seven
00:10:16Outside Central Library
00:10:17No, I don't
00:10:18Tomorrow
00:10:20Half seven
00:10:20Outside Central Library
00:10:21Then when I say OK
00:10:24Does your zip miraculously undo?
00:10:27It does not
00:10:27I thought it did
00:10:30Not till you've unfastened the press, Stud
00:10:33I can see her doing your ironing
00:10:37And cooking
00:10:38And cleaning
00:10:39You wouldn't need to book for the Christmas pantomime
00:10:41I don't intend to marry her, Mother
00:10:43In case it interferes with my career
00:10:45We're just good friends
00:10:47Goodnight
00:10:48Miss Bardo
00:11:03Marry me
00:11:06You know what they say
00:11:10Once you've had a Manchester lad
00:11:13You never touch anything else
00:11:14About time and all
00:11:31Aye
00:11:31Aye
00:11:32Peace, man
00:11:33Did you have a good time, Miss Knight?
00:11:38Great
00:11:38Is this you?
00:11:40Satisfied
00:11:40I say it in for a change
00:11:42Did you get much?
00:11:47Did you?
00:11:52Did you know that raping Princess Anne was a capital offence?
00:11:55Not that I have, Don
00:11:56They had him for a change instead
00:11:59Ticket? I ain't got my ticket
00:12:20We're late already
00:12:21See you behind the goal then
00:12:24Well, tonight's beauty sleep's done nothing for her
00:12:43Snooty old bag
00:12:45Trendy
00:12:50Crimson shoes with bottle green socks
00:12:53Must be going steady with a set of traffic lights
00:12:56Still, who else would have him?
00:13:00Anyway
00:13:01They're all the same in the dark
00:13:02Rumour has it
00:13:04Different girl every night
00:13:12It's all the time
00:13:13Probably an omen seeing her before the match
00:13:17Bet we lose
00:13:193-1
00:13:20Well, I'm certainly not making the first move
00:13:23At least I've got me proud
00:13:25Oh, hello
00:13:26Oh, hi
00:13:29Hi
00:13:30Didn't see you
00:13:31No, Normie
00:13:32Are you going that way?
00:13:35Yeah
00:13:35Not especially, no
00:13:37Are you going that?
00:13:39Yeah
00:13:40Well, erm, no
00:13:42I was, I was, I sort of
00:13:44Going to the football match?
00:13:46Are you?
00:13:46Shopping
00:13:47I'm probably going to the pictures tonight
00:13:55I am
00:13:56Which?
00:13:57Which are you?
00:13:57Any
00:13:58I am
00:13:59See you then
00:14:07Tonight?
00:14:09Pardon?
00:14:10Oh, er
00:14:11All right then
00:14:12Right
00:14:13Super socks
00:14:21Did you see that?
00:14:26They're all on drugs
00:14:27The lot of them
00:14:28They're all on drugs
00:14:28The lot of them
00:14:29Did he score?
00:14:47Losing
00:14:483-1
00:14:49Excuse me
00:15:09Excuse me, I...
00:15:18They only go to restaurants with deaf waiters
00:15:24Ah
00:15:26Hi
00:15:29Hello, mate
00:15:32Oh, erm, peace man
00:15:34Surprise, surprise
00:15:35Surprise
00:15:36In anywhere controversial
00:15:38Pictures
00:15:38The boyfriend
00:15:39She's slim
00:15:41I'm just going to the, erm
00:15:42Oh, I'll come with you
00:15:43Are you and Beryl, erm
00:15:48You know
00:15:48You know
00:15:52Oh
00:15:54Would you, er
00:16:04What do you sort of reckon?
00:16:06She's a
00:16:07Fair sort of bird
00:16:10Sorry, sorry
00:16:11She's all right
00:16:13I mean, nothing sensational, obviously
00:16:17Geoffrey
00:16:18She's a bird
00:16:20You having a coffee with us?
00:16:25No thanks, kid
00:16:26Neville's ravenous
00:16:27You've just eaten
00:16:29Oh, of course
00:16:32Yeah, sorry
00:16:32You see
00:16:36What I thought Ken was always
00:16:38Trying to do
00:16:39By implication
00:16:40Probably by implication
00:16:42Was to allow the images
00:16:44To provoke a moral response
00:16:45From our own aesthetic judgment
00:16:47You see
00:16:48Yes
00:16:49Was he the errand boy?
00:16:52Was he the errand boy?
00:16:54Ken Thingy
00:16:54He directed it
00:16:56Oh, yes
00:16:58I was probably thinking of Andy Warhol
00:17:01Probably
00:17:03You're not like other boys at all, are you?
00:17:11Well, probably a little more mature, that's all
00:17:13It's over 200 yards from the cinema
00:17:16And you talk to me the whole way
00:17:17Like a person
00:17:19Other boys seem to have one-track minds these days
00:17:24Sex?
00:17:26Marriage
00:17:27Pardon?
00:17:29The number of boys that asked me to marry them
00:17:31A couple of dates and pal they want to get married
00:17:34I want to live a bit before I get married
00:17:37I suppose I just don't have a hang-up about it
00:17:39Get married?
00:17:42Hmm
00:17:42No
00:17:44Actually, I find girls
00:17:50And most girls
00:17:50That is
00:17:51A bit obsessed these days
00:17:54Not marriage
00:17:56No
00:17:57Sex
00:17:58Percy Phil
00:18:00Sex?
00:18:04That's what I said
00:18:05Oh
00:18:06Well, I'm not like that
00:18:09Not passive health-motivated
00:18:11No
00:18:12No
00:18:14No
00:18:14Did you want to say any more about Andy Warhol?
00:18:29Ken Russell
00:18:30Yeah
00:18:30No
00:18:31No
00:18:31This is it
00:18:39I won't come in, with it being our first date
00:18:54No
00:18:55Oh
00:18:56Anywhere my mum's gone to bed, we'd be on our own
00:18:59Is that a reason for me not coming in, though?
00:19:02Yes, Geoffrey
00:19:03Oh
00:19:05Nice house
00:19:14Thank you
00:19:15Thank you
00:19:1525-year mortgage
00:19:18Well, thanks for seeing me home
00:19:24Funny, isn't it?
00:19:29First date with someone
00:19:30It always leads to one of three things
00:19:33Either nothing
00:19:35Or something
00:19:37Or everything
00:19:41Well, don't think about Percy Philth at this stage, Beryl
00:19:45You're not
00:19:47No, I'm not
00:19:49Night-night, God bless
00:19:53I won't give you my phone number in case you think I'm one of those scheming females
00:20:08What is it?
00:20:10327-4421
00:20:11The easy way to remember it is
00:20:13The three and the two make five, which is two less than seven
00:20:15Then two fours, and half of four, which is two
00:20:18And half of two, which is one
00:20:19Um
00:20:20But you mustn't ring me if you don't want
00:20:21No
00:20:22But you can if you do
00:20:23Do you want me to?
00:20:25Not if you'd rather not
00:20:26327-4421
00:20:29Night
00:20:30You're welcome
00:20:32I'll see you next time
00:20:46Well, hello, Mrs. Battersby. Beryl's brought you up a cup of tea.
00:21:04Oh, they all have a past life flashed before me then.
00:21:07Can't be Mother's Day. You'd have forgotten.
00:21:14Has there been any clips? Mum, I want the benefit of your experience.
00:21:21What do you think of Andy Warhol? You see, Geoffrey has this theory that by implication...
00:21:27Who's Geoffrey? Of course, Geoffrey knows about these things.
00:21:31These things. Everything. Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:35He's fantastically intelligent. See, Geoffrey's idea...
00:21:39Beryl, who's Geoffrey?
00:21:42Oh, no-one.
00:21:47No-one's special.
00:21:53His name's Geoffrey.
00:21:55How did this Beryl Bird turn out last night, then?
00:22:01What Beryl Bird? I told him.
00:22:04Did she, er...
00:22:06Did she, er...
00:22:08What?
00:22:10She doesn't, then?
00:22:11You don't listen, do you? I said...
00:22:12How about Sundry?
00:22:13Chips.
00:22:27Chips.
00:22:28Chips.
00:22:29Chips.
00:22:30Chips.
00:22:31Chips.
00:22:32Chips.
00:22:34I've not seen him tonight, then.
00:22:40Who?
00:22:45I've rather better things to do, thank you.
00:22:55Said he was no one special.
00:22:58Have they got a phone here?
00:23:01Why?
00:23:02They haven't, have they?
00:23:05Do you want to get some nookie lined up or something?
00:23:08If I did, do you think I'd be playing darts with you two?
00:23:11Look, are you fed up here?
00:23:13Are you?
00:23:15We'll split after this game.
00:23:16Anything you say.
00:23:17And go for a few of the King's head.
00:23:19Great.
00:23:21And that ends our pro...
00:23:23Well, Monday tomorrow.
00:23:25Hallelujah.
00:23:27I don't know what you're paying for that phone, but whatever it is, you're being done.
00:23:30Good night.
00:23:32Good night.
00:24:00Good morning.
00:24:01Good morning.
00:24:10Chalton for Pope. Long may you reign.
00:24:13Amen.
00:24:15What's going on?
00:24:16Pound's up again.
00:24:18Oh, God.
00:24:19Today's special.
00:24:21Bloody travellers, Jax.
00:24:23Here.
00:24:24Suddenly everyone's going on holiday.
00:24:26So does.
00:24:28Enjoy yourself while you're young.
00:24:29Why don't we always do that?
00:24:30Ninety-three times a day.
00:24:31We never see anything.
00:24:35I'm...
00:24:36Why don't we always do that?
00:24:37Ninety-three times a day.
00:24:38We never see anything.
00:24:41I'm...
00:24:42I'm...
00:24:43I'm...
00:24:44I'm...
00:24:45I'm...
00:24:46I'm...
00:24:47I'm...
00:24:48I'm...
00:24:49I'm...
00:24:50I'm...
00:24:51I'm...
00:24:52I'm...
00:24:53I'm...
00:24:54I'm...
00:24:55I'm...
00:24:56I'm...
00:24:57I'm...
00:24:58So...
00:24:59Oh, Geoffrey, that medal's the greatest.
00:25:29Is he dishy or is he dishy?
00:25:34I'm considering packing Geoffrey in. One date was enough.
00:25:41Why?
00:25:43He's cancer and I'm Libra.
00:25:45Is that bad?
00:25:46Hopeless.
00:25:49Actually, I'm slightly off the male gender at the moment.
00:25:59Five. Five, which is... which is...
00:26:04Three and two is five, which is two less than seven.
00:26:08Which is...
00:26:10Oh.
00:26:12I see the Spanish police are throwing your lot out of Ibiza.
00:26:16Bank clocks.
00:26:18Your lot?
00:26:19Football supporters.
00:26:21Hippies.
00:26:23Oh.
00:26:24My lot.
00:26:26At the third stroke, it will be 7.22 and 40 seconds.
00:26:35It will be 7.22 and 50 seconds.
00:26:40That's it then.
00:26:42Fate.
00:26:43All over by 7.23 precisely.
00:26:47So what?
00:26:49Plenty more where she came from.
00:26:52PHONE RINGS
00:26:55Is that the speaking clock?
00:26:57Is that Geoffrey?
00:26:58Is that Beryl?
00:27:00Yes.
00:27:01Yes.
00:27:02Hi.
00:27:04Hi.
00:27:24It's terrifically exciting, isn't it?
00:27:26Getting to know a person.
00:27:27Fantastic.
00:27:28I want to know all about you.
00:27:35That's what it's all about.
00:27:39For example, with things in common already.
00:27:41Definitely.
00:27:45Like what?
00:27:49We're enormously fond of animals.
00:27:52Right.
00:27:55And we're both from Manchester.
00:27:59Have you ever been abroad?
00:28:01No.
00:28:04Have you?
00:28:05No.
00:28:06Unless you count Istanbul.
00:28:08Istanbul?
00:28:09Was it beyond belief?
00:28:11I don't know.
00:28:12I was only three.
00:28:19Do you ever get the feeling you've been somewhere before?
00:28:22Sometimes.
00:28:23I do.
00:28:26What now?
00:28:29No.
00:28:30Just...
00:28:31Just sometimes.
00:28:35Yes, I do.
00:28:39Such a lot, isn't there?
00:28:42In getting to know a person.
00:28:43Hmm.
00:28:44He was lithe and easy-limbed, his stride quietly casual, his eyes clear and confident, and his strong mouth ready to break into a relaxed, assured, lopsided grin.
00:29:03You know, Geoffrey, you have a really lopsided grin. Really? You know, lopsided.
00:29:13I don't think I have.
00:29:16It's in the eye of the beholder.
00:29:21See?
00:29:23Geoffrey doesn't need someone else when he's tying a knot. He holds it down with his little finger.
00:29:28It must be marvellous being a man.
00:29:30It's OK, I suppose.
00:29:31Men can do anything.
00:29:32Conquer Everest.
00:29:33Do heart transplants.
00:29:34Become leader of the opposition.
00:29:35Anything.
00:29:36Anything.
00:29:37Conquer Everest.
00:29:38Do heart transplants.
00:29:40Become leader of the opposition.
00:29:43Anything.
00:29:44Geoffrey.
00:29:45No spells no.
00:29:46It's good for your circulation, Beryl. Read any women's magazine. It's good for theirs, too.
00:30:01I'm not sure they recommend Percy Filth on Tuesdays.
00:30:03I only see you on Tuesdays and Saturdays.
00:30:06All Saturdays.
00:30:07Beryl.
00:30:08Oh, Beryl.
00:30:09Oh, Beryl.
00:30:10Oh, Beryl.
00:30:11Oh, Beryl.
00:30:12Oh, Beryl.
00:30:13Oh, Beryl.
00:30:14Oh, Beryl.
00:30:15Oh, Beryl.
00:30:16Oh, Beryl.
00:30:17Oh, Beryl.
00:30:18Oh, Beryl.
00:30:19Oh, Beryl.
00:30:20Oh, Beryl.
00:30:21Oh, Beryl.
00:30:22Are you all right?
00:30:23What exactly happened?
00:30:24Don't tell me.
00:30:25I just had a sharp pachaca of dramatic irony.
00:30:27Pardon?
00:30:34Come back.
00:30:35They're better.
00:30:36It's better.
00:30:37I'm OK.
00:30:38I told you, it's going to pour.
00:30:43It's not.
00:30:51It's only the angels crying.
00:30:54I know how they feel.
00:30:57Well, don't blame me.
00:30:58I haven't done anything.
00:31:00That's true.
00:31:02That's not true, Beryl.
00:31:04I have apologised.
00:31:05I keep going down on me knees when I'm talking to you.
00:31:08Independent observers think I'm training to be a Cossack dancer.
00:31:11It must be a bad line.
00:31:13I can't hear you.
00:31:14You'd better apologise again.
00:31:16I apologise again.
00:31:17Gosh, this lousy line.
00:31:21I wonder if Geoffrey would like to come to tea on Sunday.
00:31:25Pardon?
00:31:26Pardon?
00:31:27Pardon?
00:31:28Pardon?
00:31:29Pardon?
00:31:30Is that who I think it is?
00:31:33No, dear.
00:31:34Oh, dear.
00:31:35Well, isn't this nice?
00:31:47Sardine sandwich.
00:31:48Is it all sardine?
00:31:49Yeah.
00:31:50She's got her own trawler.
00:31:51Isn't it awful?
00:31:52What?
00:31:53I was speaking to Geoffrey.
00:31:54What's happening in the world?
00:31:55I blame the politicians.
00:31:56What for?
00:31:57What's happening in the world?
00:32:02Talk to her.
00:32:05What? I was speaking to Geoffrey.
00:32:08What's happening in the world? I blame the politicians.
00:32:11What for? For what's happening in the world.
00:32:17Talk to her.
00:32:21I can't speak Portuguese. Tasty.
00:32:26Very in oil.
00:32:27Nice in oil. She's got a bad leg.
00:32:32The bread's extremely wholesome.
00:32:34Why, after this little baker down the road, he does something with the bleach.
00:32:40Yes.
00:32:47I can't do long conversations about sardines sandwiches.
00:32:50Your mind goes blank.
00:32:54Start thinking about life after death.
00:33:01Ooh, that Neville, honestly.
00:33:04Number of hearts he must have broken. Every girl in Manchester, nearly.
00:33:09Geoffrey definitely has. Probably even more.
00:33:14Air hostesses.
00:33:16All sorts.
00:33:18Tell me about your terrible past, Geoffrey.
00:33:20I haven't had one yet.
00:33:22White man speak with forked tongue.
00:33:24Actually, I was hoping more for a terrible future.
00:33:26Hmm.
00:33:33Wow, is that the time? At this moment in time.
00:33:36What have I done?
00:33:38Is Neville the insanely jealous type?
00:33:39Right in the slightest.
00:33:40Right in the slightest.
00:33:41You're lucky.
00:33:43Why is Geoffrey?
00:33:45Wow.
00:33:47You're not jealous of all my ex-flames, are you?
00:33:50Of course not. Why should I be?
00:33:52Please stop interrogating me, Geoffrey. Forget it.
00:33:56That's all in the past.
00:33:57Then, nothing to be jealous about.
00:34:03Who needs drama?
00:34:07So I shouted back at her.
00:34:08No shop assistant shouts at me, I shouted.
00:34:11In the end, Neville nearly bolted me for swearing.
00:34:14He thumped you.
00:34:16Walloped you on?
00:34:18No.
00:34:19I said nearly.
00:34:23You never thumped me, will you?
00:34:25Like Neville does Sandra.
00:34:27She adores it.
00:34:29Of course not.
00:34:31No.
00:34:35Geoffrey, Percy Filth isn't the only thing in life.
00:34:38It isn't even one of the things in mine.
00:34:39He used to talk to me.
00:34:40All right. Let's talk.
00:34:46Geoffrey, I've just had the most super idea.
00:34:49Why? Is your mum going out?
00:34:53May as well pack in, really.
00:34:57Why?
00:34:59Why not?
00:35:03Good thinking.
00:35:10Thanks for a stimulating few weeks.
00:35:12You too. It was real.
00:35:14Psychedelic.
00:35:16You can keep me grateful dead, LP.
00:35:18I was scratched anyway.
00:35:20It's been a gasp.
00:35:22Groovy.
00:35:24I won't wave from the window.
00:35:26No, I won't look back anyway.
00:35:28Good.
00:35:30It's been a gasp.
00:35:31You're well red barrel.
00:35:32There's plenty more fish in the sea.
00:35:34About three very lonely sardines.
00:35:36Mother, please don't try raising one eyebrow at me. You know you can't do it.
00:35:41You'll never thought of me, will you, Geoffrey?
00:35:46Ow!
00:35:48Beryl, I just had the most super idea.
00:35:50Are we going to pose it now?
00:35:52No.
00:35:54We're going to pose it now.
00:35:55Don't say that.
00:36:04Don't say that.
00:36:05Please, don't say that.
00:36:07That.
00:36:11Sandra.
00:36:13Sandra.
00:36:15You're Sandra?
00:36:16Mind.
00:36:18Two months.
00:36:20Two months.
00:36:22Two months.
00:36:24Two months.
00:36:25Two months, nine days.
00:36:29Is she positive? The test was. What are you gonna do?
00:36:34She'll think of something.
00:36:36Sandra, it's stupendous.
00:36:39Congratulations. I hope you'll both be very happy.
00:36:42Oh, thanks, kid.
00:36:44Sandra, I don't know how you do it.
00:36:48Often.
00:36:55She's not good.
00:36:57Baby, you're the best?
00:37:00She's not good.
00:37:01She's not good.
00:37:02I'm sure she is.
00:37:05She's not good.
00:37:07You are good.
00:37:09She's not good.
00:37:11She's not good.
00:37:12You're you're good.
00:37:14And her day.
00:37:16And there you go.
00:37:18It's good.
00:37:19I'm sure I'm sure.
00:37:21That's great.
00:37:22John for Pope.
00:37:42Long may reign.
00:37:50Aren't you, er...
00:37:51Yeah.
00:37:55And you're, er...
00:37:56That's right.
00:37:58Going somewhere incredible.
00:38:00I'm meeting my parents. Taking them to see Fiddler on the roof.
00:38:03That's pretty incredible.
00:38:05Your mummy and daddy.
00:38:09Oh, hell no, that's tomorrow.
00:38:12If I'm in the mood.
00:38:16Where you are.
00:38:18Depends where you take me.
00:38:30All I was saying about your friend with the glasses...
00:38:32Rowland.
00:38:33Rowland.
00:38:34Is that I found him intellectually unaware and psychologically incredibly boring.
00:38:38He's not bad at snooker.
00:38:42And how are you and little Beryl?
00:38:46Didn't she tell you?
00:38:47I don't work there anymore.
00:38:48I packed her in.
00:38:50Did she tell you all?
00:38:51Daryl?
00:38:52Yeah.
00:38:53I haven't really looked.
00:38:54Seen one.
00:38:55You've seen them all.
00:38:56Not quite all.
00:38:57I'll go and get me coat.
00:38:58Must be my birthday.
00:38:59Must be my birthday.
00:39:00Boys aren't the only thing in life, Beryl.
00:39:01Boys aren't the only thing in life, Beryl.
00:39:02I've seen them all.
00:39:03I've seen them all.
00:39:04I've seen them all.
00:39:06If my friends are out there and can look, Beryl, happy and the milk.
00:39:07I haven't really looked.
00:39:08Seen them all.
00:39:10They are not all.
00:39:12I've seen them all.
00:39:14Not quite all.
00:39:15I'll go and get me coat.
00:39:20I wish to be my birthday.
00:39:28Boys aren't the only thing in life, Beryl.
00:39:31I do wish you'd find one.
00:39:37They aren't all after Percy, Filth.
00:39:40Yes, they are.
00:39:42Mmm!
00:39:43Oh, you were terrific, of course.
00:39:46Wasn't it?
00:39:48Mmm!
00:39:49Terrific self-control.
00:39:52Joan of Arc never married, yet she led a full and happy life.
00:39:56Or am I thinking of someone else?
00:39:59Mother, I don't happen to be interested in boys.
00:40:02I happen to be interested in having early nights
00:40:04and writing poetry in bed with my mo felt-tip pen.
00:40:07It's through a night of ink. I used it for my laundry list.
00:40:10My God, your generation's got a few things to answer for.
00:40:15Mmm! Mmm!
00:40:16Mmm, please! Mmm, don't!
00:40:18Please!
00:40:19You can't ravish a girl on her own doorstep.
00:40:24Let's go inside, then.
00:40:26Smooth-talking bastard.
00:40:33It is me birthday.
00:40:37What about the boy with the freckles from Shakespeare Crescent?
00:40:40I don't believe that question.
00:40:42You used to be crazy about him.
00:40:45I was 11 years old. He used to let me chalk on his tortoise.
00:40:49Yes!
00:40:50Yes!
00:40:51I don't believe that he is.
00:40:52You used to love his swan.
00:40:53He used to love hisrotten.
00:40:54It is me.
00:40:55And he used to love his
00:41:13what's your name again what's yours rock that's not your real name no Steven
00:41:27God that turns me on
00:41:31when I first met you in the street I thought just a quiet drink and a chat
00:41:42shows you the art of conversation ain't dead
00:41:45don't move a muscle however gorgeous
00:42:12testing testing oh Jeffrey Milleup returns the day I wish you everything you've ever wished yourself
00:42:25I'm fed up
00:42:43who are you
00:42:46who are you
00:42:47what are you fed up about
00:42:50teachers don't have to do homework
00:42:53no
00:42:54they just mark it
00:42:56anyone can mark it
00:42:59they've got the answers
00:43:00do you know it's after two o'clock
00:43:08what's he doing here then
00:43:09well this is your uncle Steven
00:43:15this is my revolting brother Jeremy
00:43:19how do you do
00:43:23don't me mum and dad know he's here
00:43:25Jeremy bed
00:43:26I could always wake them up and tell them
00:43:28Jeremy
00:43:29little boys need sleep
00:43:33even big astronauts
00:43:36do you know where babies come from
00:43:39do you
00:43:42say no
00:43:44no
00:43:44I do
00:43:45say yes
00:43:46shall I tell you
00:43:47he knows
00:43:48the man has this male organ
00:43:50and some blood cells
00:43:52and erectile glands
00:43:53and there's these 500 million spermatozoas
00:43:56in these testes
00:43:57that he has as well
00:43:58and they go through his male organ
00:44:00into the female uterus
00:44:01that the lady has
00:44:02who told you that
00:44:04then they go to the fallopian tubes after that
00:44:07one of them fertilizes with the female egg
00:44:09the others don't bother
00:44:11anyway that's what you have to do
00:44:13then you have a baby
00:44:15did they teach you that at school?
00:44:19they do woodwork in the next class
00:44:20people can only make babies at certain times of the year
00:44:24but animals like dogs and cats
00:44:26and giraffes I think
00:44:28do it all the time
00:44:29no
00:44:32that's people
00:44:34what is?
00:44:38well
00:44:39people
00:44:40do it all the time
00:44:41whenever they feel like it
00:44:46in the next class
00:44:51you can do metal work
00:44:52if you don't like woodwork
00:44:53goodnight Jeremy
00:44:5625p
00:44:5950
00:45:0050
00:45:03goodnight Uncle Stephen
00:45:14would you care for a government health warning?
00:45:34hey Veronica
00:45:35yes
00:45:36who the hell's Uncle Stephen
00:45:38at ten past two in the morning?
00:45:39a friend of Jeremy's
00:45:41he's going now
00:45:42goodnight love
00:45:45we would have done that wouldn't we?
00:45:50and how
00:45:50you can't win them all can you?
00:45:56anyway
00:45:57do you good going without for a change
00:45:59still there's always another day
00:46:06tomorrow?
00:46:08no
00:46:08tomorrow's another day
00:46:11shh
00:46:12I'm not unless you happen to be in Plymouth
00:46:14where?
00:46:16I'm joining the Wrens for three years
00:46:18what Wrens?
00:46:21the Royal Navy's Wrens
00:46:24this time tomorrow I'll be in barracks with about 50 other girls and 30,000 sailors
00:46:30hope I like it
00:46:31hope I like it
00:46:32well thanks for nearly everything
00:46:39we definitely would have done wouldn't we?
00:46:42well obviously
00:46:43we're as good as dead in a way really
00:46:46almost
00:46:47just keep telling yourself and we will have
00:46:50only better
00:46:51goodnight love
00:46:53try a barrel
00:46:55morning previous generation
00:47:19what's for breakfast
00:47:27you knew it was your mother's birthday
00:47:33now what we'd like to know
00:47:34is where were you while we were fiddling on the flaming roof
00:47:37I'm sorry mum
00:47:38I'll take you out another night
00:47:40something cropped up
00:47:41like what?
00:47:43dad
00:47:44you understand
00:47:45I don't Jeffrey
00:47:48well you always say you do
00:47:50Jeffrey you're at it every night
00:47:53yes dad
00:47:55and we don't complain
00:47:56no dad
00:47:56but last night was different
00:47:58I knew you'd understand
00:48:00I knew you'd understand
00:48:30Charlton for Pope
00:48:30long me around
00:48:32amen
00:48:32what's going on?
00:48:35pounds down again
00:48:36up and down like a fair of knickers
00:48:38you should know
00:48:39or me
00:48:41you know what I mean?
00:48:44what a night
00:48:45wow
00:48:47a lot
00:48:48including action replays in slow motion
00:48:53hey lads
00:48:57I picked up a bit of spare last night
00:48:59who didn't?
00:49:00no it's true
00:49:01yes Jeffrey
00:49:04it is
00:49:05yes Jeffrey
00:49:06bloody yes
00:49:13poor Jeffrey
00:49:17Beryl please
00:49:18it's Neville's engagement party as well
00:49:20you had to invite him
00:49:22he'll see me
00:49:23it's cruel
00:49:24we'll see how the girls
00:49:26I shan't take him back Sandra
00:49:29I shan't
00:49:31it's been two weeks
00:49:33he may have got over you by now
00:49:34don't know much about men
00:49:37do you love?
00:49:38it was doing him a kindness really
00:50:04finally splitting up
00:50:05finally splitting up
00:50:06he only had one ambition in life
00:50:09send my knickers to Oxfam
00:50:12good job she hasn't joined the rent
00:50:18the entire navy had gone strike
00:50:20I expect he's sorry now
00:50:23I won't even consider taking him back if he isn't
00:50:27she might have changed of course
00:50:29if she has I might let her have the old orgy nine again
00:50:32he's got to accept we've finally split up
00:50:36otherwise I definitely won't take him back
00:50:38well I'm certainly not making the first move
00:50:44at least I've got me pride
00:50:46I left with Beryl baby
00:50:49oh hi
00:50:50didn't see you
00:50:51no nor me
00:50:52and how's Manchester City doing without me cheering them on then
00:50:57United
00:50:58we're winning every game now
00:50:59oh good
00:51:01and what's new with Geoffrey then
00:51:04I asked you what was new with you
00:51:11did you?
00:51:17did I say more?
00:51:20pardon?
00:51:21and how's Beryl baby getting on then?
00:51:24Geoffrey I'm not all that ecstatic about you calling me Beryl baby
00:51:27it isn't like you
00:51:29say that again
00:51:30Beryl baby
00:51:31what's your name handsome?
00:51:36you'll laugh
00:51:37everybody laughs
00:51:38it's the story of my life
00:51:40you tell it like it is Chuck
00:51:43she's putting on an axe
00:51:51what do you care?
00:51:55I don't have a baby
00:51:57is she going to get into bed with him now?
00:52:06probably
00:52:07Geoffrey always looks half asleep these days
00:52:13well it's very exhausting
00:52:15what is?
00:52:19working in a bank
00:52:20I had this bad scene
00:52:29this chick
00:52:29and decided to split
00:52:31so I cut out man
00:52:35like there's no tomorrow
00:52:37this cat gets it together where he's at man
00:52:42lots of beautiful bags baby
00:52:46so if you want a piece of the action
00:52:49don't cool it
00:52:51dig?
00:52:58sorry I no understand English
00:53:01gesundheit
00:53:07I thought she'd only just been to bed with the other one
00:53:12she has
00:53:14and which is her husband?
00:53:17neither
00:53:18it's warming up isn't it?
00:53:24great beat isn't it?
00:53:33great to dance to
00:53:35do you agree that life's an onion?
00:53:44if so what's death?
00:53:46um
00:53:48a banana
00:53:50yes I expect it is
00:53:54when you think about it
00:53:55have you read Schopenhauer's concept of existence?
00:54:00um
00:54:00no
00:54:02but I've seen the film
00:54:05you married?
00:54:07no
00:54:08grab yourself an adage
00:54:10marriage is a cabbage
00:54:13are you a poet?
00:54:16never ask the questions
00:54:17ask the answers
00:54:19you are a poet
00:54:20to any manager of Marks and Spencers
00:54:24what's that?
00:54:27I really dirt you
00:54:29now he's taking his clothes off
00:54:32what's on ITV?
00:54:37this
00:54:37what's on BBC?
00:54:39casin' over
00:54:43what's that like?
00:54:46this
00:54:47oh come on now
00:54:50you know that's not where it's at
00:54:52let's get this
00:54:53what's the word
00:54:54let's get it clear
00:54:57let's get down to the real nitty grittiesville
00:54:59okay?
00:55:00hmm
00:55:01women's lip is not about burning brass
00:55:13papers yeah
00:55:14what papers?
00:55:17a marriage certificate
00:55:18a dog's license
00:55:19whatever you prefer to call it
00:55:20look let's be basic about this Enid
00:55:23all girls want marriage
00:55:24and a wide wedding
00:55:25really basic
00:55:27you want to be really basic
00:55:29utterly basic
00:55:30balls
00:55:31grass?
00:55:35Enid
00:55:35when Sandra says every girl
00:55:38she means most girls
00:55:39well like herself
00:55:40not me of course
00:55:41because I incredibly value my independence
00:55:43but most girls definitely want
00:55:46balls
00:55:46if you can't conduct an intelligent conversation
00:55:50without recourse to
00:55:51I'm not recourseing to anything
00:55:52I'm merely telling you what girls want
00:55:54what?
00:55:55balls
00:55:56oh
00:55:56would you please stop saying that?
00:55:59you believe in free love right?
00:56:02wrong
00:56:02I believe in free everything
00:56:04freedom from all male chauvinist
00:56:06pig domination
00:56:07honestly
00:56:07don't you understand?
00:56:09excuse me
00:56:09you've got your hand on me
00:56:10I'm not excited for the future
00:56:11I'm sure
00:56:12no thank you
00:56:12excuse me
00:56:13excuse me if you've got your hand on me
00:56:14no
00:56:15oh
00:56:16oh sorry
00:56:18wow man sorry
00:56:20it's all right
00:56:20oh gee
00:56:21it's a pleasure
00:56:22grass?
00:56:24Geoffrey you've not to
00:56:25why not?
00:56:27I said don't you not to smoke it
00:56:28we're as liberated as you Enid
00:56:42we've equal importance as individuals
00:56:44neither of us is boss
00:56:46it just doesn't arise
00:56:47we'll make some coffee
00:56:49you see
00:56:51what we believe is
00:56:52you see
00:56:56well one
00:56:57I can see there's only one way to get through
00:57:02what you're doing?
00:57:06lighting everybody's fire
00:57:08burn my bra
00:57:12right
00:57:17that's it
00:57:18finished
00:57:19the end
00:57:20full stop
00:57:21we've finally split up
00:57:24Neville
00:57:24Sandra wants you
00:57:26I should imagine
00:57:27sad isn't it?
00:57:33pathetic
00:57:34well I can't follow plays these days
00:57:40it's just showing real life
00:57:43that's all
00:57:43I once thought I'd found her
00:57:50perfect girl
00:57:52red hair
00:57:54not too skinny
00:57:56very gentle and shy
00:57:59passionate when roused
00:58:03yeah
00:58:04she packed me in for picking my teeth with a matchstick
00:58:08you're very sweet Roland
00:58:10I've always thought you were
00:58:14did you know you're very nearly have a lopsided grin
00:58:19it's just I'm a bit tired
00:58:22no it's nice
00:58:23I don't think I've washed that one
00:58:37I don't think I've washed that one
00:58:49oh sorry
00:58:50do you know
00:58:55what Beryl?
00:58:56she can ask me anything
00:58:57do you know where Jeffrey's got to?
00:59:01he's upstairs I think
00:59:05is it true they're dry on their own?
00:59:15usually
00:59:16I hate to be any trouble
00:59:23but I think I'm dying
00:59:25you'll be alright
00:59:26honest
00:59:26she said I shouldn't smoke it
00:59:29who?
00:59:30she said
00:59:32Jeffrey
00:59:35Jeffrey
00:59:39Jeffrey
00:59:39move up a bit Jeffrey
00:59:58put your legs
01:00:00that's better
01:00:02it's because it's your first time isn't it?
01:00:08call Dr. Wiseberg
01:00:15Quilmslow Road
01:00:17it wasn't marijuana you know
01:00:23what was it then?
01:00:28grass
01:00:28grass is marijuana
01:00:31this grass wasn't
01:00:34it was the real thing
01:00:37from the front lawn
01:00:40from the front lawn
01:00:40like you Beryl
01:00:50had a nice time
01:00:56even though it's three o'clock in the morning
01:00:59not that I mind
01:01:01if you've had a nice time
01:01:03even though I've been in bed since ten
01:01:05having a good night's worry
01:01:06did you see Jeffrey?
01:01:12that's good
01:01:13do you ever get the feeling you're trying too hard?
01:01:37I didn't try at all
01:01:38gave me to rest
01:01:40I'm right off birds
01:01:45I am
01:01:47I am
01:01:48for good
01:01:50me too
01:01:52and me
01:01:54good morning
01:02:14your mother would like to know if you have a reservation at this hotel
01:02:17and I
01:02:18I am
01:02:19I am
01:02:20I am
01:02:21I am
01:02:22I am
01:02:23I am
01:02:24I am
01:02:25I am
01:02:26I am
01:02:27I am
01:02:28I am
01:02:29I am
01:02:30I am
01:02:31I am
01:02:32I am
01:02:33I am
01:02:34I am
01:02:35I am
01:02:36I am
01:02:37I am
01:02:38I am
01:02:39I am
01:02:40I am
01:02:41I am
01:02:42I am
01:02:43I am
01:02:44A barrel, a barrel.
01:03:14Geoffrey, can I rip your trousers off and have my way with you?
01:03:23Oh, barrel.
01:03:27Oh, Geoffrey.
01:03:30Oh, God.
01:03:33Hello.
01:03:43Ta-ra.
01:03:45Will you be required in the room again, sir?
01:03:48Because we're thinking of taking bookings for the next pop festival.
01:03:52You're a bugger.
01:03:54I don't know who he takes after.
01:04:01PHONE RINGS
01:04:03Hello?
01:04:04It's me.
01:04:05Who?
01:04:06My God, that's symbolic.
01:04:08Oh, hello, Beryl.
01:04:10I'm just ringing to tell you I never want to see you again.
01:04:13If you have a phone or call, please don't, because I shan't be in.
01:04:16Tonight or any other night.
01:04:18Anyway, tonight I'm helping my mum at the school jumble sale.
01:04:28It's a small world.
01:04:49Good evening, Mrs Battersby.
01:04:54I was looking for a nice lampshade.
01:04:57Oh?
01:04:59Probably this one.
01:05:01Definitely.
01:05:02Magic in satin.
01:05:03Oh, certainly, Geoffrey.
01:05:05Who's here in his nice crimson shoes?
01:05:11You'd like some nice fancy wrapping paper, wouldn't you?
01:05:17I'm a child of the universe, Beryl.
01:05:19I have a right to be here.
01:05:20I'm afraid we don't sell marijuana on Sundays.
01:05:22I'll try the co-op.
01:05:23Beryl, listen.
01:05:24If you can smell burning, it's just that the vicar's been around burning his jock strap.
01:05:26Beryl, listen.
01:05:27Can I help you, madam?
01:05:28Have you got that in another colour?
01:05:29No, madam.
01:05:30I'll leave it then.
01:05:31Listen to what, for heaven's sake?
01:05:44Don't matter.
01:05:45What doesn't?
01:05:46You wouldn't, anyway.
01:05:47Wouldn't what?
01:05:49Go to the match with me on Saturday.
01:05:52Me?
01:05:53A football match?
01:05:55With 40,000 skinheads and you?
01:05:57Told you.
01:05:59Who are they playing?
01:06:06Huddersfield Town.
01:06:08In the cot?
01:06:09I've always wanted to watch Huddersfield Town.
01:06:15The...the fourth from the bottom.
01:06:19Shows you.
01:06:21Away from home, they've won three, drawn five and lost 12.
01:06:28Drawn five.
01:06:30So what do you think?
01:06:34I think I nearly love you.
01:06:37I think I nearly love you.
01:06:41It feels like I have dominion in all positions.
01:06:42Believe me.
01:06:43Never mind.
01:06:44It's only a game.
01:06:46I thought you said you nearly love me.
01:06:51Never mind, it's only a game.
01:06:53It's only a game.
01:06:54Never mind, it's only a game.
01:06:55Never mind, it's only a game.
01:06:59Never mind, it's only a game.
01:07:06I thought you said you nearly loved me.
01:07:13No!
01:07:15I don't recall Grace Kelly enticing Prince Rainier by going to watch United.
01:07:21I may be wrong.
01:07:22Grace who?
01:07:24We live in a permissive society, Beryl.
01:07:26Read any colour supplement.
01:07:28Mother, you're supposed to be my mother.
01:07:30I am, love.
01:07:31And it wasn't through going to football matches.
01:07:34You are the same mother that makes me tug my skirt down every time I stand up,
01:07:37even if he's only on the phone.
01:07:39Yes, well, boys are very safe.
01:07:42And I am your mother.
01:07:44That's what I said.
01:07:47I don't mean permissive permissive.
01:07:51I see.
01:07:52Romantic.
01:07:55Pardon?
01:07:55Kissing, cuddling.
01:07:58Things of that nature.
01:08:02Oh, we do.
01:08:03Do what?
01:08:04What you just said.
01:08:06Good.
01:08:07Not too much, I hope.
01:08:09Oh, God.
01:08:10Boys are very funny.
01:08:12They're novices compared to mothers.
01:08:13Did I tell you that two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains?
01:08:23Oh.
01:08:27Two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains.
01:08:32Fantastic.
01:08:32The cowgill's.
01:08:39Mr. and Mrs. Cowgill.
01:08:42Married couple.
01:08:45Newlyweds.
01:08:46Not long married.
01:08:49You go bald doing that.
01:08:51Doing what?
01:08:52I'll tell you.
01:08:56All right.
01:09:04Do I tell you, 28 stockbrokers have moved into the office opposite with the dirty curtains.
01:09:09Living in sin.
01:09:12Can you say one single sentence without the word marriage in it?
01:09:16If I said to you, do you think Cassius Clay would have beaten Rocky Marciano, would you say what's it matter so long as they're happily married?
01:09:28I don't think so.
01:09:31Beryl would.
01:09:35Giving you a bad time, is she?
01:09:38Oh.
01:09:39I wouldn't say that.
01:09:43I haven't even mentioned the word.
01:09:46What word?
01:09:47Goodness me, a single person can have a relationship with another single person without everyone thinking she's automatically...
01:09:53I never said you were.
01:09:54You think it.
01:10:09All right, Geoffrey.
01:10:11I hereby promise never to utter the word again.
01:10:15Marriage.
01:10:16Never.
01:10:19Well, until I am.
01:10:21If I ever do.
01:10:22Which I fervently hope I never will.
01:10:24For someone who's not uttering something, when's your old pee coming out?
01:10:27No two people have a divine right to happiness, Geoffrey.
01:10:36You mustn't feel guilty about me.
01:10:38Sorry?
01:10:38No one can say you've completely ruined me life.
01:10:43Not yet.
01:10:44Not yet.
01:10:44What are you staring at?
01:10:49What are you staring at?
01:10:51What are you staring at, Geoffrey?
01:10:53Good?
01:10:54Hello? You all right, son? Terrific.
01:10:57Why did you throw your sponge pudding at the cat, then?
01:11:00Your mother's theory is you're overworking.
01:11:03Hmm. My theory is you're overdoing it with some dolly bird.
01:11:07Oh. What's your theory? Indigestion.
01:11:11Oh. What's yours, Sundance?
01:11:17Hasn't he said anything at all? He has said one thing.
01:11:20Oh, what's that? If God had meant sardines to be in oil,
01:11:23I'd have given them dipsticks, all right?
01:11:26The weeks and months dragged by,
01:11:29and with neither side willing to compromise,
01:11:32we still have deadlock.
01:11:34Her Majesty's government have consistently tried to find a way out of this dilemma.
01:11:39Another wild night learning what NO spells
01:11:41and how many of us school pals are getting married.
01:11:44And what NO spells.
01:11:46And what NO spells. Great!
01:11:49I might as well go bald and open my own monastery.
01:11:52So, society, that's you and me, says end this dispute.
01:11:58End it now.
01:12:00Good night.
01:12:01Hear, hear.
01:12:02Good, weren't I?
01:12:04Terrific.
01:12:05Especially when he said good night.
01:12:08We're just enjoying ourselves.
01:12:10Having a good time.
01:12:12Just having fun.
01:12:13Being happy!
01:12:15Take two a day, after meals,
01:12:18and one if you find yourself crying your heart out again
01:12:20in the middle of a zebra crossing for no reason at all.
01:12:26You're sure this has nothing to do with a boyfriend?
01:12:28Absolutely positive.
01:12:29That was the first film we ever saw together.
01:12:34Make that three a day after meals.
01:12:38Look, Beryl. How's this for a peace plan?
01:12:52You join a marriage bureau, and I'll get a job on the stage.
01:12:55Twice nightly in Denmark.
01:12:57Then we'll both be happy.
01:12:58Right?
01:12:59Right.
01:13:00Right.
01:13:01You're Jesus Christ, superstar.
01:13:02Amen.
01:13:05Oh, hell.
01:13:06Hands up again.
01:13:07See you tomorrow.
01:13:10Where do you think you're going?
01:13:16Geoffrey, I'll get the sack.
01:13:18It's important.
01:13:21What is?
01:13:23I keep asking you, what is?
01:13:28What is?
01:13:30To be on our own.
01:13:32What?
01:13:34So as we can talk.
01:13:36What?
01:13:42Had an old speech worked out on the bus this morning.
01:13:47The only bit I can remember is, and that's what I think.
01:13:50Last night I dreamt I was in goal for Manchester United, and Grace Kelly kicked nine goals past me.
01:13:56Grace who?
01:13:57She was playing for United as well.
01:13:59Weird, isn't it?
01:14:09The main thing is, we do communicate.
01:14:13Oh, we do.
01:14:20What?
01:14:23See, what face do I want you?
01:14:24See, what I...
01:14:26Go on.
01:14:27No, you. Mine wasn't important.
01:14:29No, mine wasn't.
01:14:41Beryl?
01:14:45Are you...
01:14:47Happy?
01:14:48Of course.
01:14:50Very.
01:14:53I am.
01:14:55No one is every second of every minute of every day.
01:15:00No.
01:15:03I'm not.
01:15:04I'm not.
01:15:08Do you think it's because we love each other, do you think?
01:15:16Probably.
01:15:18I've not actually said the words often.
01:15:20Well, not in so many words.
01:15:23Mostly in words to that effect.
01:15:35Is there anything you don't love about me?
01:15:41No.
01:15:42I don't think so.
01:15:43Honestly, no.
01:15:45Nothing.
01:15:46If there is, you just tell me and I'll stop doing it.
01:15:48If there isn't anything.
01:15:50Honest.
01:15:51Good.
01:15:54It wouldn't upset me.
01:15:55It'd just make me a better human being to deserve your love.
01:15:58What?
01:16:03Like, you know, crimson shoes and bottle green socks.
01:16:10Well, you don't wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks, Beryl.
01:16:13If I did, I'd stop to please you.
01:16:15I see.
01:16:25There's no need to be sensitive, Jeffrey.
01:16:27In a meaningful relationship, you must like even what you don't.
01:16:32Your mother.
01:16:34Pardon?
01:16:35I like your mother.
01:16:36Please don't sulk, Jeffrey.
01:16:37Hand her lampshades.
01:16:38Sulking isn't the most endearing quality in a person.
01:16:42Well, you ought to know.
01:16:43You've almost made it an art form.
01:16:44Anything else at random?
01:16:46You've got 24 hours to spare.
01:16:47After all, I'm no Bridgette Bardot.
01:16:50According to reliable sources in Saint-Tropez, she's 105 next birthday.
01:16:54Over 98% of the male population of Manchester and Salford can tell the difference between Bridgette Bardot and Beryl Battersby.
01:17:00Ask any opinion poll.
01:17:01I'm much fatter for a start.
01:17:03You're not all that fat, Beryl.
01:17:04I am.
01:17:05Start slimming.
01:17:07Men like something to get hold of.
01:17:08If they're allowed to get hold of it.
01:17:10You always succeed in getting back to Percy Filth in the end, don't you? Always.
01:17:14No, I don't, Beryl.
01:17:15You do.
01:17:16I always fail.
01:17:17Do you know what some girls find extremely likeable?
01:17:19The extremely likeable way some boys stare at every girl they see.
01:17:23Boys like it when girls tell them what N-O spells.
01:17:26Especially for the 600th time.
01:17:27That they really dig.
01:17:28You never say dig.
01:17:29I did then.
01:17:31Your passionate, unrequited love for 11 boring men kicking a ball about. That's really lovable.
01:17:39I never knew you thought that.
01:17:41Neither did I.
01:17:43Do now, though.
01:17:44Used to say dig before I met you.
01:17:59Used to say all sorts of things.
01:18:05There's a lot about me I can't even remember.
01:18:07You thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?
01:18:28Think so.
01:18:30We just don't like each other.
01:18:32At all.
01:18:33Oh, goodbye, then.
01:18:34Good luck.
01:18:35Peace, man.
01:18:36.
01:18:37.
01:18:38.
01:18:42.
01:18:51.
01:19:00St Anne's Square.
01:19:01.
01:19:02.
01:19:04.
01:19:05so that just leaves a cot two matinee coats two romper suits and what else do I need
01:19:21oh yes a ring teething ring wedding ring of course oh they have gorgeous plans in the
01:19:31shops these days no wonder everyone's at it oh sorry what about skip it about time too
01:19:41but a sympathy not that I need any actually I've never been as happy in my life but she
01:19:47doesn't know that if I'm looking miserable Sandra it's because I'm feeling happy for you yeah
01:19:54we know what you must be thinking of course we do how to pop the pink without going in off
01:20:03ace she used to wear pink you know I won't tell you where
01:20:14a hell of a lot more where hers came from wow
01:20:20did you want the chalk Jeffrey I know spells no
01:20:28super day for it hmm sin being inside a day like this
01:20:35well Sandra this is it yep the big day yep coming to the crutch crunch
01:20:45I dare say it'll hardly break my heart in the slightest seeing him again you mustn't think
01:20:51I'll be crying inside because I most definitely won't be and what's more no one will know that
01:20:56I am because I shan't truly Sandra please you've enough to think of
01:21:05it's a big day for you as well really isn't it
01:21:10and now one of the bride and groom on their own do you mind stepping back sir
01:21:20yeah fine this is fine enough here about there lovely you can kiss the bride on this one sir
01:21:27wow official permission to actually kiss her
01:21:30oh sorry that's right hold it
01:21:37lovely thank you right now a nice family group of the parents please
01:21:43funny I remember the Friday lunchtime they first met
01:21:47how have you been absolutely great you never better ever
01:21:54it's all over now bar the salmon salad
01:22:00it's tuna fish
01:22:03it's life
01:22:05see president Nixon went to China then
01:22:14that was before we ever met
01:22:16I know
01:22:18why has something happened about it
01:22:20no
01:22:21could I trouble you for the salad cream please
01:22:24speaking personally I think there are enough problems to sort out on earth without going to the moon
01:22:31Nixon
01:22:33why is he going
01:22:35no
01:22:37the astronauts
01:22:39oh
01:22:40it's the wives and sweethearts I feel sorry for
01:22:43we never really talked did we about things that matter
01:22:49good isn't it
01:22:51shows we're friends
01:22:52now that we know we don't like each other
01:22:54everybody thinks we're broken hearted
01:22:57we've really grown up haven't we
01:23:03my mother's convinced herself we split up because we had too much percy filth
01:23:07I'm right off it myself
01:23:08I've been able to walk off buses perfectly normally for the past few weeks
01:23:12oh
01:23:13I expect it's only temporary
01:23:15I hope not
01:23:16it's marvellous
01:23:18good
01:23:18I don't fancy you in the slightest now
01:23:21thank you love
01:23:22still off the food I noticed
01:23:28and we've learned a fantastic amount for the future
01:23:34fantastic
01:23:35for example
01:23:37say I finally did marry someone like you
01:23:39only someone I love
01:23:40I bet I'd now let him wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks every night
01:23:44and you'll probably meet some little fatty who's never even heard of Kenny Warhol
01:23:54and marry her three days later
01:23:56we probably won't see each other at all now we're pals
01:24:01I expect you're going to the match this afternoon
01:24:04oh yeah
01:24:04I'm helping Sandra Packer go in a way case
01:24:07where's she going?
01:24:09hospital
01:24:09well
01:24:13we'll bump into each other sometime
01:24:16come on
01:24:17there
01:24:18come on
01:24:23you
01:24:26come on
01:24:31over
01:24:32you
01:24:33come on
01:24:34you
01:24:38you
01:24:39you
01:24:41Oh hello Mrs. Battersby. You won't remember me.
01:25:01Good afternoon Jeffrey.
01:25:04Is Beryl there please?
01:25:08She's gone to the football match.
01:25:11There is no football. It's cricket now.
01:25:14Well it's the same thing isn't it?
01:25:17Hi.
01:25:18When's the kickoff?
01:25:24In about three months. Football season's over now Beryl.
01:25:29What on earth did you want to come for?
01:25:30I forgot. I'm not all that interested these days.
01:25:36Where will you go now then?
01:25:37Don't know.
01:25:38I don't know.
01:25:39I could always go inside and practice booing for next season.
01:25:41Where will you?
01:25:42Where will you?
01:25:43I might go and get a new pair of tights.
01:25:44I might go and get a new pair of tights.
01:25:45Hey it's like the coffee.
01:25:46I don't know.
01:25:47It's like the coffee shop.
01:25:48It's like the coffee shop.
01:25:49It's like the coffee shop.
01:25:50I don't know what you are doing.
01:25:51I can't get some coffee shop.
01:25:53I don't know.
01:25:54I don't know.
01:25:55Where will you go now, then?
01:25:57Don't know.
01:26:03Could always go inside and practise booing for next season.
01:26:08Where will you?
01:26:10Might go and get a new pair of tights.
01:26:13Hey, it's like the countryside, isn't it, when it's empty?
01:26:16Fancy a stroll in the country?
01:26:18May as well, if you like.
01:26:20Don't mind. Why not?
01:26:22Just as friends.
01:26:25Oh, I meant just as friends.
01:26:27Yeah, I did.
01:26:35Wish we had a ball.
01:26:38Could play shooting in.
01:26:42You could go in goal.
01:26:48Amazing how people change, isn't it?
01:26:52Well, we're certainly much happier without each other.
01:26:54Well, we're certainly much happier without each other.
01:26:57Yeah.
01:26:58Well, we're certainly much happier without each other.
01:27:22We'll be even happier with someone else.
01:27:25Anyone, really.
01:27:28There's millions to choose from.
01:27:37All nearly exactly right for us.
01:27:41You'll find someone, Geoffrey.
01:27:44You will, Beryl.
01:27:46Just a matter of keeping your eyes open, really.
01:27:49Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:51Picking one out.
01:28:21And you'll find sometimes
01:28:33Love and rainy weather can turn out fine
01:28:38Getting wet together's fun
01:28:41When the crying's dark
01:28:47Love and rainy weather
01:28:51Are followed by the sun
01:28:58Love and rainy weather
01:29:00Love and rainy weather
01:29:05When the crying's dark
01:29:12Love and rainy weather
01:29:16Are followed by the sun
01:29:21Love and rainy weather
01:29:26Love and rainy weather
01:29:30Love and rainy weather
01:29:36Love and rainy weather
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