- 6 months ago
The Three Badasses Who Want Me
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🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Ellen Musk, the only woman on the Forbes 30 Under 30 list, arrives at Atlanta today.
00:00:06What a business tycoon is doing here in Georgia, a forgotten stage no one knows.
00:00:10Angela, my next door neighbor, still selling your hippie junk here?
00:00:15If your mother-in-law sees, she's gonna throw a Bigfoot again.
00:00:20Your mother-in-law was right about you.
00:00:23What's the point of watching the news all day about these moguls if you can't even apply
00:00:26it to your penniless self?
00:00:28And how do you know that this is none of my business?
00:00:32All right, everybody get out!
00:00:35We got an important guest coming!
00:00:39You!
00:00:44You deaf, I said pack up and scram!
00:00:47I paid this off here already, and if you want me to leave, then fine,
00:00:50but you have to compensate for today's losses.
00:00:54You want to say that again?
00:00:58You know who's visiting today?
00:01:00Ellen freaking Musk!
00:01:01One of the richest people in the world!
00:01:03Ellen Musk?
00:01:05Of course a hick like you probably never heard of her.
00:01:07Just know that you can't afford to piss her off.
00:01:11Really?
00:01:12Ellen Musk is flying all the way to Atlanta just to come to some flea market.
00:01:17You don't think that she could be coming to see me?
00:01:23Coming to see you!
00:01:24All right, you know what?
00:01:26I'll play your game.
00:01:28If she does this so much as give you a glance,
00:01:30I'll eat dirt.
00:01:35Deal.
00:01:43Ellen Musk, get to the flea market within 10 minutes, or else you're fired.
00:01:58Prepare the limo.
00:02:09Ms. Lockhart requires this immediately.
00:02:18Ah, you're 10 minutes.
00:02:19You're so messed up.
00:02:19Good.
00:02:20Hope you don't wet your pants.
00:02:23Five, four, three, two, one.
00:02:35Ellen, uh, I mean, Ms. Musk, Ellen, uh, I mean, uh, I'm sorry that I, uh, sorry to frighten you.
00:02:43What?
00:02:45How's my boss, bitch?
00:02:46Kickin' ass, girlfriend.
00:02:48So how do you, like...
00:02:52She's my boss.
00:02:54I prefer business partner or best friend.
00:02:58No way.
00:03:02Well?
00:03:06No.
00:03:06No.
00:03:07No!
00:03:07No, no, no, I'm sorry for unfending your boss.
00:03:09No, I won't do it again.
00:03:13All right, that's enough.
00:03:15We're not tyrants here.
00:03:23Sir, I found Angela Lockhart.
00:03:25You mean Angela Lockhart.
00:03:33My runaway bride.
00:03:36You made me lose one million dollars in just one game of poker.
00:03:41Who are you?
00:03:44Where is she?
00:03:46Atlanta.
00:03:47And you were right.
00:03:48It was secretly her propping up Ellen Musk.
00:03:50My clever bride.
00:03:52I will chase you to the end of the world if I have to.
00:03:55You're right.
00:03:59Max, prep the jet.
00:04:01I'm heading to Atlanta.
00:04:07Dr. Wilson, that means Sterling's on the move.
00:04:09He's headed to Atlanta.
00:04:10Atlanta?
00:04:11The game is afoot.
00:04:12I'm going.
00:04:14Wait, Dr. Wilson, the Prince of Bhutan needs your medical attention.
00:04:16He can wait.
00:04:17I need to pick up my bride.
00:04:23Dr. Wilson!
00:04:25General Eisenhower reporting.
00:04:31Who?
00:04:33Devon Sterling and Shane Wilson are headed to Atlanta.
00:04:36Atlanta!
00:04:38Where is that?
00:04:40Whatever, prepare my warplank.
00:04:42Dosu going after my fiance.
00:04:44This is war.
00:04:53I've secretly allowed your husband, Jared Cooper, to win the bid on the Maple Plaza project,
00:05:06like you asked me to.
00:05:07Thank you so much, Ellen.
00:05:09This is going to be the best anniversary gift ever.
00:05:13That project is worth billions.
00:05:14He can finally take his company public.
00:05:16But Angela, my boss, I don't understand why you do so much for him behind the scenes without ever
00:05:24revealing your true identity.
00:05:27Without your backing, no offense, but he's nothing without you.
00:05:32Well, three years ago...
00:05:34You saved me.
00:05:55He saved me and I fell in love with him instantly.
00:06:03I didn't want to reveal my true identity because I didn't want him to feel the pressure of being
00:06:07with a billionaire heiress.
00:06:10But now, with this contract, I feel like we'll be on more equal footing and then
00:06:15I can finally come out to the public.
00:06:17So that's why you have me secretly helping him.
00:06:21I'm sure he'll be moved when he finds out.
00:06:25But why work at the flea market?
00:06:28Are you disguising yourself to test him?
00:06:31Well, these exotic spices are incredibly rare and cost a fortune to find.
00:06:37Plus, I get to make the best dishes for my hubby and his mom.
00:06:41You seem happy being a housewife.
00:06:47Where the hell are you?
00:06:48Don't tell me you were selling junk at the flea market again.
00:06:52Get home stat.
00:06:53It's a big day today.
00:06:56That was...
00:06:58My mother-in-law, Carol, she judges me because she thinks I come from a lower-class family.
00:07:03But she's going to be ecstatic tonight when I finally come out and tell her who I really am.
00:07:09You know, she even remembered her third year anniversary.
00:07:17Please spend more time with my son.
00:07:21Hi, I'm home.
00:07:23I have a big announcement I have to make.
00:07:26Finally, you're back. Now sign the divorce papers.
00:07:31Divorce papers.
00:07:34Is this some sort of misunderstanding, Mom?
00:07:38God, don't call me Mom again.
00:07:41We're ending that relationship.
00:07:43Just look at you. Dirt all over.
00:07:46You're selling the title of Mrs. Cooper.
00:07:48You don't deserve my son. You're way below his league.
00:07:53I'm below his league?
00:07:54That's right.
00:07:56You are.
00:07:56Jared is signing a $100 billion contract tomorrow with THE Ellen Musk, and then his company's going public.
00:08:06That's how much he's accomplished in three years.
00:08:09But you? You're still just a stinky hippie peddler.
00:08:15Jared's like the king in the clouds.
00:08:17And you...
00:08:17You will always just be a pawn.
00:08:22Like dirt on our shoes.
00:08:26Dirt on your shoes?
00:08:29But Ellen Musk works for me.
00:08:31Ha!
00:08:32You're delusional.
00:08:34You will never upgrade to a queen.
00:08:37How dare you compare yourself to the real deal here.
00:08:43Resorting to lies is definitely not good enough for Jared.
00:08:46And who are you to come into my house and meddle with my family matters?
00:08:54You're nothing but a pathetic excuse for a wife.
00:08:59Jared deserves a queen like Kaylee, not a lowlife dirtbag.
00:09:03Enough!
00:09:04Jared, I knew you wouldn't divorce me.
00:09:09But I am.
00:09:12Don't fight it, Angela.
00:09:13Here's 500k.
00:09:16You'll never make this much as a hippie peddler selling spices.
00:09:20Now sign the papers, take your check, and leave.
00:09:23Don't embarrass yourself further.
00:09:27I've done so much for you these past three years.
00:09:32Did that not mean anything to you?
00:09:34I didn't expect you to be so greedy.
00:09:38Fine. Here's another 200,000.
00:09:40500,000 is too much for her already.
00:09:44She's done nothing.
00:09:46Hasn't even contributed a grandchild.
00:09:49She just sells cheap grass all day.
00:09:52Is that really how much I'm worth to all of you?
00:09:55I took care of both of you these past three years.
00:09:59You think we can't just hire a maid to cook for us or something?
00:10:05And she wouldn't embarrass us with that permanent stench.
00:10:09A hippie peddler becoming the wife of a CEO?
00:10:12What a joke.
00:10:13If you actually love my son, you'll sign the damn divorce papers already and leave.
00:10:23You really think that Jared would have gotten that Mabel Plaza bid without me,
00:10:28let alone taking the company public?
00:10:31I did everything for you, Jared.
00:10:33Now you take credit for my son's success?
00:10:41It's all my work, baby.
00:10:46We're gonna be late for the auction if we keep letting this psycho stall us.
00:10:52Yes. You did say you would win me Princess Diana's tiara, didn't you?
00:10:58So, she's the reason for the divorce.
00:11:02She's worth more than you, Angela.
00:11:06Fine. I'll sign it.
00:11:10But don't regret it.
00:11:13Regret? Do you know who I am?
00:11:16Yeah, a cockroach that only knows how to crawl her way into a married man's bed.
00:11:20I'm Eric Vanderbilt's only daughter.
00:11:25Jared winning the bid at Mabel Plaza was because of my dad.
00:11:30Because he's business partners with Elon Musk.
00:11:34It's part of the power that I have as an elite.
00:11:38You can't do shit because you're poor.
00:11:42Social stratum matters.
00:11:44Yeah, social stratum does matter.
00:11:46And the Coopers are beneath me.
00:11:51And you really think Elon Musk would come to Atlanta if it weren't for me?
00:11:56Ha! You're delusional.
00:11:58Now sign the peepers and scram!
00:12:01You own me, you dirty bitch. You sicken me.
00:12:15You hit me.
00:12:20Now sign the papers, take your check, and get the fuck out!
00:12:23I don't need your penny money.
00:12:42We're finished.
00:12:44You don't want the money that's your loss.
00:12:47Your check is just pennies to me.
00:12:50But I would like my ring back.
00:12:52Wow.
00:13:02Have fun on your economy flight while I catch you right on my private helicopter out of here.
00:13:07And I'm way out of your league.
00:13:20Isn't that the Winston blue diamond ring?
00:13:23It's worth tens of millions of dollars.
00:13:27Oh, it's probably just cheap glass.
00:13:30Something she found at the flea market.
00:13:32You're right. She could never afford anything so expensive.
00:13:38Congrats, Jared Boo Boo, on getting rid of that dirt bag.
00:13:44Oh, my dad says there's going to be a secret big shot financial tycoon at tomorrow's summit.
00:13:51Bigger big shot than Elon Musk?
00:13:53Yeah. And nobody's met them, but I can introduce you.
00:13:57Oh, everything's thanks to you, babe.
00:14:02Uh, Angela? Mr. Vanderbilt, the richest man in Georgia, wants to schedule a meeting before the bidding.
00:14:22Vanderbilt?
00:14:22Yeah, he's actually CEO of one of our companies. Basically our employee.
00:14:27Oh, okay. I'll meet him at the summit tomorrow. It's fine.
00:14:29Well, you're still going to the summit tomorrow? But you and Jared Cooper are already divorced.
00:14:34That's exactly why I'm going.
00:14:41Angela Lockhart. I finally found you.
00:15:02Who is he?
00:15:04That? That's Devin Sterling. He's number one on Forbes 30 under 30 list and early investor of crypto,
00:15:12CEO of Sterling Enterprises. Rumor has that he's worth trillions.
00:15:16And he's your fiancé.
00:15:20What? What? My fiancé?
00:15:22The one and only.
00:15:26So, after running away and leaving me single for three years,
00:15:31have you figured out how you're going to make it up to me yet, babe?
00:15:35That tiara looks perfect on you.
00:15:49What is she doing here?
00:15:54You skank. My son just divorced you yesterday and you're already hooking up with another man?
00:15:59Divorced?
00:16:03That's right. So, I guess this was never meant to be Mr. Sterling.
00:16:10Devin Sterling.
00:16:13So, she has to hide her marital status to find another man.
00:16:16Guess she's not just a forsaken woman. She's also a stinky, penniless whore.
00:16:22How dare you insult my boss like that?
00:16:27Who the fuck are you, bitch? Do you know who I am?
00:16:33They don't know who you are. You hide it well.
00:16:38X-Team! Teach these fools a lesson.
00:16:43Teach these fools a lesson.
00:16:45Sir, you were kind of in a rush when you flew to Atlanta and then to New York.
00:16:53You forgot to bring the security team.
00:17:01Mind if I borrow your men?
00:17:03I'll have to.
00:17:08Toss these ill-mannered apes out.
00:17:10Oh, you bitch. I'll have my son teach you a real lesson.
00:17:20A kiss as a reward, my lady.
00:17:24No.
00:17:25Uh, guest list is very distinguished tonight.
00:17:35You've got Bill Ford, Harvey Buffet, old money like me.
00:17:40Gentlemen, Harvey, Bill, this is Jared Cooper.
00:17:43Pleased to meet you all.
00:17:45Your families all started empires after the industrial revolution. What an honor.
00:17:49I heard you secured the Maple Plaza project.
00:17:52It's worth billions of dollars.
00:17:54Congrats. You'll be next.
00:17:57But we haven't received the contract yet. We deserve it.
00:18:00Pardon me.
00:18:00Oh, that's nothing. I introduced this kid to Ellen Musk.
00:18:04Vanderbilts and Miss Musk have always had a good relationship.
00:18:07So, I thought I'd help the kid out, pull a few strings.
00:18:11Thank you, Mr. Vanderbilt.
00:18:12Now, we just have to impress Miss Musk's special guest of honor.
00:18:17Yes, I heard they're a very important and powerful guest,
00:18:21even wealthier than Ellen Musk.
00:18:24Now, if we can just secure a position with this big shot, we can feast for generations.
00:18:33Up to my best.
00:18:34Excuse me, second gentleman.
00:18:42What if it's the Prince of Bhutan?
00:18:47How did a hobo like you sneak in here?
00:18:49Me, a hobo.
00:18:51How did a cheating scumbag like you sneak in here?
00:18:54You sleep your way in?
00:18:55I told you, Angela Lockhart, don't bother stalking me.
00:18:58Nothing will come of it, and it only sickens me further.
00:19:02Don't flatter yourself.
00:19:06This is your ex-husband?
00:19:10What, were you blindfolded when you married him?
00:19:12Who the hell is this?
00:19:14You were cheating on me?
00:19:28Son, you have to avenge me and Kaylee.
00:19:31That wicked ex-wife of yours hired some thugs and a gigolo to beat us up.
00:19:37They even took Kaylee's tiara!
00:19:39You dare hurt my mom and Kaylee?
00:19:56Get your hands off of her!
00:20:01My lady.
00:20:09My queen.
00:20:28It's...
00:20:30It's him!
00:20:32He scammed a million dollars off me in a game of poker yesterday!
00:20:35Who are these peasants?
00:20:37These seats are reserved for the Ellen Musk and her special guest!
00:20:42Oh, shut up, old man.
00:20:45You're disturbing the peace.
00:20:49Fuckers, you know who that is?
00:20:51That's Eric Vanderbilt.
00:20:52You have any idea how many generations of wealth he has?
00:20:55His ancestors built the railway and steamship empire of America.
00:20:59The Civil War would not have been won without his family's involvement.
00:21:03Vanderbilt.
00:21:04The father of that skank, Kaylee Vanderbilt.
00:21:09Who only knows how to crawl her way into a married man's bed.
00:21:14That, Lolly Vanderbilt family?
00:21:16Oh, goddammit, a stomach ache now?
00:21:30Whatever.
00:21:31Angela can handle herself.
00:21:32She'll be fine.
00:21:33How dare you call one of us low?
00:21:48I'm Harvey F. M. Buffett, the most important investor in the entire stock market.
00:21:53I can wipe you out with a simple pinky only.
00:21:58And I can wipe you out with a strand of my hair.
00:22:01Not with me around.
00:22:04I, Bill Ford, and the entire Ford Auto Empire stand with these gentlemen.
00:22:08You're all just peasants compared to who I really am.
00:22:14You're fucking delusional, Angela.
00:22:16We've had enough of your games.
00:22:18Security!
00:22:20Break their limbs and toss them out.
00:22:22Looks like the old guard is teaming up against you.
00:22:25But don't worry, you got new money here.
00:22:31I can handle myself, thank you.
00:22:32Yes, my great.
00:22:35You're all despicable.
00:22:38An insult to your family names.
00:22:43Now, it's my turn to rule.
00:22:47Destroy Jared Cooper.
00:22:49Cut off all business ties.
00:22:52And if you don't, I will take away all of your family's wealth and power.
00:23:00I knew it.
00:23:01You're here to fuck with me.
00:23:02You can't fool anyone here.
00:23:04How much money did you spend on that getup to hire that gigolo to make me jealous?
00:23:08You're an orphan who sells hippie spices at a flea market.
00:23:13You have nothing, and you will always be nothing.
00:23:17She's a gold digger.
00:23:20Gold digger.
00:23:21Gigolo.
00:23:23Want to try me for a night?
00:23:26Yeah, you're a little too pricey.
00:23:27Mr. Vanderbilt, we really shouldn't keep these bandits here any longer.
00:23:31They might upset Miss Ellen Musk and her special guest.
00:23:34Angela Lockhart is my spurned ex-wife.
00:23:35She's only here to try and ruin my bill in the Maple Plaza project.
00:23:38Oh, I'm gonna kill that sushi chef!
00:23:41Security!
00:23:47Security!
00:23:47You all don't realize that you actually all work for me.
00:23:52And now you're trying to throw a coup?
00:23:55You!
00:23:57Insolent fools.
00:23:59Let me guess, you're that special guest?
00:24:03I don't know.
00:24:04Throw them out!
00:24:06And not without some broken bones, too.
00:24:15Back down, Max.
00:24:16Back down, Max.
00:24:20I got this.
00:24:37Whoa!
00:24:37What the hell are you two doing here?
00:24:50I thought we were supposed to guard you.
00:24:51No, you're supposed to make sure Miss Lockhart is okay.
00:24:55Oh my god, we're so screwed.
00:25:06Angela!
00:25:06Angela! Don't hurt her.
00:25:09You bitch. I've always been sick of you.
00:25:11You just threw yourself at me.
00:25:13How dare you insult my boss like that?
00:25:15Boss?
00:25:16Did you say her boss?
00:25:18Miss Musk.
00:25:20That's Ellen Musk?
00:25:21That woman right there is Angela Lockhart.
00:25:24My boss and sole heiress to the Henry Lockhart's fortune.
00:25:28Their lineage is older than this country itself.
00:25:30Past the American Revolution?
00:25:32Back to the Renaissance.
00:25:33If she's your boss, then that means Angela Lockhart is...
00:25:38That's Lady Lockhart to you.
00:25:39She's royalty.
00:25:40And since you're all subsidiaries, she's your boss's boss.
00:25:44What the hell do you do?
00:25:46Kneel to me.
00:25:47Oh, your majesty.
00:25:51Welcome to the United States.
00:25:54We've always been your loyal subject.
00:25:57Yes, your highness.
00:25:58Is it the queen or princess?
00:26:01It doesn't matter.
00:26:02My queen, please forgive our insolence.
00:26:06Oh yes, we didn't mean to offend.
00:26:08What are you doing, idiot?
00:26:10Let go of the boss, lady, and beg for forgiveness.
00:26:23What rightfully belongs to you.
00:26:25She's a badass herself.
00:26:44He missed out on a good wife.
00:26:46You, you, you told me your wife was a hippie peddler.
00:26:51Turns out you were the freeloading scumbag this entire time.
00:26:53No, no, don't believe their lies.
00:26:55I worked hard for everything.
00:26:57You worked for everything?
00:27:04Hi, Henry.
00:27:04So, our third year anniversary is coming up, and I thought that maybe we can do something
00:27:10special this year.
00:27:11I can't focus on anything trivial like that.
00:27:13I have to figure out this bid for the Maple Plaza project, and if I get it, I can take the
00:27:18company public.
00:27:21Oh my god.
00:27:27You were nothing before me.
00:27:30All your achievements, all your glory, that's all mine.
00:27:34including the Maple Plaza contract.
00:27:38I can take all of that away, just like that.
00:27:42No, you can't take that away from me.
00:27:44So that's why Elon Musk was urging us to pass on deals to this nobody.
00:27:48Oh, and this antique wedding ring?
00:27:52Yeah, I forgot to tell you.
00:27:54It was Queen Victoria's, and its worth is equivalent to more than an entire country's GDP.
00:28:04Oh, I gave you back the ring?
00:28:08I divorced a royal heiress?
00:28:10No!
00:28:11No, please!
00:28:13No!
00:28:13No, please take me back, baby!
00:28:15I still love you!
00:28:20Oh man, looks like they started the party without us.
00:28:23No one's allowed to start a fight without Cole Eisenhower!
00:28:32Guard these two again.
00:28:34Did he say, is he Cole Eisenhower?
00:28:37President Eisenhower's descendant.
00:28:39After General Eisenhower won World War II, each of his descendants have all gone on to become
00:28:43five-star generals, the highest rank in the nation's military.
00:28:46Glad you buffoons know your history.
00:28:48Sorry, I'm late, babe.
00:28:49I got lost trying to find Atlanta, then lost again on my way back to New York.
00:28:58And that there is, that is the legendary boy genius, Dr. Wilson.
00:29:03He's Dr. House's protege.
00:29:05Dr. House?
00:29:06Yes.
00:29:07I thought that was just a TV show.
00:29:08Oh no, that's based on real figure.
00:29:10Yep, that's me.
00:29:12Son of James House.
00:29:13Dr. House, he's practically my uncle.
00:29:15I correctly diagnosed the Pope before him when I was just 12 years old.
00:29:20So he's been off crying himself a waterfall somewhere in the Netherlands for the last 14 years.
00:29:25And I'm late because I ran out of gum and had to make a pit stop.
00:29:33Hey, Alan.
00:29:34Who are these weirdos and why are they here?
00:29:37Uh, they're all your fiancés.
00:29:41What?
00:29:42Fiancés?
00:29:43Plural?
00:29:46Fiancés?
00:29:47Plural?
00:29:49Watch it, nerds.
00:29:51I'm her fiancée.
00:29:52No, I'm her fiancée.
00:29:53You can both shut up.
00:29:55I'm her fiancée.
00:29:56It's you.
00:29:57It's me.
00:29:58Who the hell is he?
00:30:00I'm Spider-Man.
00:30:01How are all three of these men my fiancés?
00:30:07Uh, your father had arranged these engagements years ago, but I didn't tell you because you
00:30:11decided to marry Jared Cooper at the time.
00:30:14She has three badass fiancés and she marries his dumbass.
00:30:21Whatever.
00:30:21Since you're all here, help me finish them.
00:30:27Since you're all here, help me finish them.
00:30:32At your service.
00:30:34Me too.
00:30:36Oh!
00:30:36Oh!
00:30:38Oh!
00:30:40One down, two more to go.
00:30:42She's become queen.
00:30:43Bishop to G4.
00:30:45The most German fest and water in the Nile River.
00:30:58Ruck to A8.
00:31:04Hello.
00:31:07I thought I was king.
00:31:09No, you wish.
00:31:10The king doesn't do anything, so Ellen can be my king.
00:31:14Oh, fine.
00:31:19Bankrupt the forwards right this second.
00:31:26Hey!
00:31:28I've been bankrupt!
00:31:30No!
00:31:31Who is?
00:31:38I've been bankrupt!
00:31:39No!
00:31:40I told you I would remove all of you from status and power if you didn't cooperate.
00:31:45Well, guess what?
00:31:47Game over.
00:31:48All right, boys.
00:31:49Let's figure out this four-way engagement.
00:31:51Oh, that's serious business.
00:31:53I'm right with you.
00:31:56Wait for me!
00:31:57Nobody beats me to the finish line!
00:31:59Angela!
00:32:08Angela!
00:32:11You already have three fiancés?
00:32:14You can't accuse me of cheating.
00:32:16I...
00:32:17want compensation.
00:32:21You greedy SOB.
00:32:23Who the fuck is that?
00:32:24My ex-husband.
00:32:26Wait.
00:32:26You were married?
00:32:28Yeah.
00:32:28And if that's a problem for you, then you can totally back out of this engagement.
00:32:33More for me.
00:32:34No, no.
00:32:34Of course not.
00:32:35Just...
00:32:36Do you want me to check your eyes for you?
00:32:39Don't steal my joke!
00:32:40I can make him disappear without a trace.
00:32:42All evidence of your past with him will be gone.
00:32:46What?
00:32:46Is there something on my face?
00:32:48Uh, yeah.
00:32:49Murderous intent.
00:32:50Let's remarry.
00:32:53Let's remarry.
00:32:55You still don't realize.
00:32:58I only fell in love with you because you saved me from drowning three years ago.
00:33:02I don't know.
00:33:32Eisenhower and Shane Wilson are causing mayhem at the company warehouse.
00:33:35Okay, I'm on my way.
00:33:39She should be okay now.
00:33:44Hey, you!
00:33:46Watch over here.
00:33:47I'll be right back.
00:33:48You saved me.
00:34:00Fuck.
00:34:02I unwittingly gave away my own wife.
00:34:05Fuck.
00:34:06I unwittingly gave away my own wife.
00:34:09You've cheated on me.
00:34:10You've hit me.
00:34:12And you've insulted me.
00:34:13And after all that,
00:34:15I never want to see you again.
00:34:17I fucking hate you.
00:34:20Little lady Larkheim.
00:34:22God, what now?
00:34:24Oh, yes.
00:34:26We understand that you are a very busy person,
00:34:29but if you're not going to give your ex-husband
00:34:31the Maple Plaza project...
00:34:33How about us three?
00:34:34Yes, unlike that scumbag,
00:34:36we won't turn on your own.
00:34:39Yeah, no.
00:34:40You're all fired for trying to throw a coup.
00:34:42But...
00:34:43This is your fault, you doofus.
00:34:45We never should have believed your bullshit.
00:34:47No.
00:34:49No.
00:34:50We can't lose our positions
00:34:52with Elon Musk and the Lockhart.
00:34:55I'll help me.
00:34:57I'll get you for this.
00:34:58I never should have listened to you.
00:35:06I'm ruined because of you.
00:35:21So, what's the situation here?
00:35:24I want to marry you.
00:35:28I only met you guys a few hours ago
00:35:41and I'm not interested in flash marriages.
00:35:44But what if I told you
00:35:46that we've known each other for much longer
00:35:49than just a few hours?
00:35:51Much longer.
00:35:55Angela, your parents would like to have a video
00:35:58call with all of you.
00:36:03My lovely princess, how are you?
00:36:06Look, your mother and I are in Italy.
00:36:08The views here are absolutely stunning.
00:36:11Perfect for a wedding, wouldn't you say?
00:36:13I heard you finally divorced
00:36:16that good-for-nothing, blood-sucking,
00:36:19three-letter husband of yours.
00:36:21Can't call his name, but...
00:36:23Anyway, congratulations.
00:36:25I've selected three prime young men
00:36:28for you to choose from to replace him.
00:36:30Oh, you must pick one of them to marry.
00:36:33Otherwise...
00:36:34Let me do it.
00:36:36You must choose one of them in seven days.
00:36:39Otherwise, we'll kill ourselves.
00:36:43Mom!
00:36:43All right, honey.
00:36:45That's it.
00:36:47Bye.
00:36:48Bye.
00:36:52So, who are you going to choose?
00:36:56Well, what if I want all three of you?
00:37:01Well, what if I want all three of you?
00:37:05That seems greedy.
00:37:14But...
00:37:15I can always remove the other two options.
00:37:19Hey, I may be a doctor,
00:37:22but I can take lives too.
00:37:23I know and have access
00:37:25to all the deadliest poisons in the world.
00:37:28Whoa, okay.
00:37:29No murder, please.
00:37:30I was just kidding.
00:37:33We have seven days to win her over.
00:37:36Ooh.
00:37:37It's like the Bachelorette.
00:37:39I know.
00:37:40We'll start with challenge one.
00:37:44Welcome to the show,
00:37:45the three badasses who want me.
00:37:48Today, we have our first challenge.
00:37:52What is all of this, Ellen?
00:37:55You'll see.
00:37:56Oh, my God.
00:38:06Oh, my God.
00:38:06Cockroaches!
00:38:08All women are afraid of cockroaches,
00:38:10and it is every man's job
00:38:12to save their beloved woman
00:38:14from this monstrosity of a creature.
00:38:16What will our three candidates do
00:38:18to prove their undying love
00:38:20for our single,
00:38:21but screaming her head off, Eris?
00:38:23Looks like one of our contestants
00:38:32has already called it quits.
00:38:34It's up to the final two.
00:38:36Crunchy.
00:38:46That is sick, Cole.
00:39:02Hey, when you're stranded
00:39:04in the middle of the battlefield,
00:39:05you'll be glad to see
00:39:06one of these around.
00:39:09There are two more left.
00:39:10Want to try one?
00:39:11Oh, my God.
00:39:11No.
00:39:12No.
00:39:14Oh, my God.
00:39:15Save.
00:39:16Save you.
00:39:17Save me.
00:39:19Ah!
00:39:21I'm a German folk doctor.
00:39:23These hands can't get germs on them.
00:39:25They're for surgery
00:39:25and saving lives.
00:39:27Thank God you're here.
00:39:45Are you all right, honey?
00:39:48Angela!
00:39:51All right, you won the first challenge,
00:39:53so your reward,
00:39:54you get to watch over her for the night.
00:39:57Just don't cross the line,
00:39:59if you know what I mean.
00:40:00I'm not her scumbag husband.
00:40:02You have nothing to worry about.
00:40:08Honestly, even if you guys fuck,
00:40:10it's not like it's against the rules or anything.
00:40:12At least my girl can get some.
00:40:14I bet her husband has a small dick anyway.
00:40:18The cockroaches.
00:40:19The God, the God.
00:40:21There's nothing in this room
00:40:22except you and me, okay?
00:40:23I'm going to kill Ellen
00:40:27when I see her tomorrow.
00:40:31I need a drink.
00:40:41Whoa, easy.
00:40:42You're on an empty stomach.
00:40:44Oh, why do you care?
00:40:46You're trying to drink away your sorrows, Angela.
00:40:48You guys were late.
00:40:53I was blind for marrying that asshole.
00:40:57You know,
00:40:58I wasted three whole years of my life with him.
00:41:03He never even loved me.
00:41:05And I gave up my entire career for him.
00:41:07Do you really think that you would still be number one
00:41:13on the Forbes 30 under 30 list if I was around?
00:41:19You may not be number one on the Forbes list,
00:41:21but you know what you're number one in?
00:41:24What?
00:41:29You're number one here.
00:41:29You know,
00:41:36we've known each other kind of a long time.
00:41:39Lies.
00:41:42You all just want something from me.
00:41:49Angela,
00:41:50I know it's hard to trust again,
00:41:53but I assure you,
00:41:56I don't care
00:41:57what family you're from.
00:42:01I'm the richest man in the nation.
00:42:02I don't need your power,
00:42:04your status,
00:42:06your wealth,
00:42:07your connections.
00:42:10I just need you.
00:42:14I'll prove my love to you within six days.
00:42:16I promise.
00:42:23Screw the contest.
00:42:30I just want love.
00:42:33Angela.
00:42:35You're drunk.
00:42:36I'm an adult.
00:42:37Can't I go just get what she wants?
00:42:40Okay.
00:42:45But love and sex aren't exactly the same thing.
00:42:49Well,
00:42:50they're not mutually exclusive either.
00:42:53This is what you want.
00:43:02This is what you want.
00:43:02Nine inch penis.
00:43:12Morning to you, too.
00:43:169-inch penis.
00:43:31Morning to you too.
00:43:33You sure you were drunk last night?
00:43:35A girl remembers when she's had a 9-inch penis inside of her.
00:43:41Well, glad you enjoyed it.
00:43:44but don't tell Shane or Cole because then they would say that you're being
00:43:50unfair technically I was having sex as a break
00:43:53any rules I won the first challenge and according to Ellen my prize was to spend
00:43:59a night with you anyway don't make this any harder than it already is you sure
00:44:08you don't want a pretty heart fine fine fine I won't tell but only on one
00:44:22condition I won't tell but only on one condition you have to go out on a date
00:44:31with me I've had a crush on you since college Angela you never noticed me you
00:44:47should get dressed and get out of here for anyone sees you it's only 7 a.m. she's
00:44:54still sleeping yeah I'm not letting my fiance be alone with another man for
00:44:58another second morning gentlemen oh or shall I say roughman oh don't mind him
00:45:08what's up guys we're ready for the second challenge no cockroaches this time yes no
00:45:15more terrifying things that was my bad Angela this better be a good challenge
00:45:19Ellen I'm sure you'll all enjoy this one the second challenge is the second
00:45:25challenge is a date lame I should have asked for something else a date that's
00:45:31it what's the catch no catch just to miss Lockhart enjoys spending her time with
00:45:36the most as simple as that I know what I want to do let's start with me first
00:45:40okay pulls up first then me save the best for last ain't that right Angela and it's
00:45:47decided please don't take my BMW away too bad you pissed off the Lockhart I have nothing left
00:46:00that bitch who ruined me that bitch who ruined me
00:46:15you know Eisenhower sirs at ease lieutenant this is my lieutenant he also manages this boxing gym
00:46:30pleasure to meet you madam Eisenhower it's so serious but hang on lieutenant I don't know who I'm going to marry yet
00:46:39baby I decided to take you here on my first date so that I can introduce you to my guns guns like
00:46:44like murder weapons yes murder weapons
00:46:50like my guns babe pretty rock-hard yeah let me show you what I can do with a gun like death
00:47:07You're like my guns, babe.
00:47:10Pretty rock hard.
00:47:12Yeah.
00:47:13Let me show you what I can do with them.
00:47:15Lieutenant!
00:47:16Come close!
00:47:18Wait!
00:47:19You're just gonna hit him like that?
00:47:21He's not even gonna fight back?
00:47:22Fighting back will be treason, ma'am!
00:47:24Treason?
00:47:25You guys are way too serious.
00:47:28Look, you rock hard bitch, I caught you!
00:47:30If I'm going down, you're all going down with me!
00:47:33Lieutenant!
00:47:34Pissure attack!
00:47:37You dare try to hurt my wife?
00:47:52I will make you pay!
00:47:55You don't mean to keep beating him up, we could just take him to the cops.
00:47:58Not when he tries to hurt you...
00:48:00It's always a bit violent.
00:48:08Some might call it being protective.
00:48:10Poor anger issues.
00:48:12What if we get married and I forget to use a coaster on an antique table or something?
00:48:17Is he gonna be, like, rough?
00:48:20Hey, some girls are into that.
00:48:22I don't know if I am.
00:48:23Well, maybe Shane will be your type.
00:48:30Your date with Shane starts... now.
00:48:33Hey.
00:48:33Hey.
00:48:33Cool ride.
00:48:37A gift from the Chancellor of Germany when I saved his wife.
00:48:43Impressive.
00:48:44Your breath smells like peppermint.
00:48:50Refreshing.
00:48:51I got cool mint, too.
00:48:54Or do you prefer spearmint?
00:48:57What do you not have in this coat of yours?
00:49:00Fruit-flavored gum.
00:49:02I can't stand those.
00:49:03So, where are you taking me tonight?
00:49:05Let me show you.
00:49:06Okay.
00:49:13Dr. Wilson!
00:49:15A VIP of VIPs!
00:49:18Right this way.
00:49:18A VIP of VIPs?
00:49:20Ah, just some other guy I saved.
00:49:22I forget who.
00:49:23You saved a lot of people.
00:49:25I'll do what I can.
00:49:26All right.
00:49:28Oh, my gosh.
00:49:29It's my gold-digging neighbor who just got dumped by her husband.
00:49:34Sandra Miller, what are you doing here?
00:49:37I just thought this was for the VIP of VIPs.
00:49:39Your mother-in-law told me all about the divorce
00:49:41and how you hired some gigolo to beat her and Kaylee Vanderbilt up.
00:49:47How low of you.
00:49:48What are you doing here, Sandra?
00:49:51Of course your birdbrain wouldn't remember.
00:49:53I sell high-fashion jewelry pieces so high-end,
00:49:56you couldn't even afford even if you sold your organs.
00:49:59The auction begins.
00:50:02I'll deal with you later.
00:50:03Here, I'll just be one second.
00:50:11Cameron, I have a task for you.
00:50:14Our next piece is absolutely extraordinary.
00:50:19Cleopatra's armband.
00:50:22Sold by our vendor, Sandra Miller.
00:50:25For $5 million.
00:50:27It's all this.
00:50:28Excuse me.
00:50:30I'd like to donate this piece to auction.
00:50:32It's Queen Victoria's ring.
00:50:35I'd like to donate this piece to auction.
00:50:38It's Queen Victoria's ring.
00:50:39What are they doing?
00:50:41Just watch.
00:50:43Come on.
00:50:45That's right.
00:50:46That is Queen Victoria's ring?
00:50:51Please.
00:50:52I'm an expert and that's a fake.
00:50:54She probably got it at the flea market she works at.
00:50:56You work at a flea market.
00:50:58Not this again.
00:51:00Cut the bullshit.
00:51:01That wouldn't even sell for $5.
00:51:03Oh, yeah?
00:51:04Here, you want it?
00:51:05For free.
00:51:06Ew.
00:51:07I don't want that trash from a stinky hippie peddler.
00:51:10Well, that's too bad then.
00:51:12Because you are the fraud.
00:51:16What are you talking about?
00:51:17Who the hell are you to accuse me?
00:51:20Throw them out.
00:51:22Dr. Wilson, I know you're a legend in medicine.
00:51:25But we're professionals.
00:51:27Oh, yeah?
00:51:28And that armband sells for $5 million?
00:51:31Yeah.
00:51:32Mine is the real thing.
00:51:34You two are just upset because you're too poor to afford our luxury items.
00:51:39What was that so?
00:51:40Would a so-called expert fail to recognize Queen Victoria's ring then?
00:51:44Dear Lord.
00:51:47This is real.
00:51:49It's authentic.
00:51:50It's Queen Victoria's ring.
00:51:52Hey.
00:51:56Cameron, what have you found?
00:51:58Yeah, that picture of Cleopatra's armband you sent me, it's a replica.
00:52:04They had the same one right here at the flea market.
00:52:06So, you are the fraud.
00:52:11You just went to the flea market so you can buy some fakes.
00:52:14And Cameron, how much are these fakes being sold for?
00:52:18$150.
00:52:18Wow.
00:52:20Not even $5.
00:52:22Sandra.
00:52:24You've been duping us the whole time?
00:52:27Arrest her!
00:52:29No!
00:52:29Please!
00:52:30It was just this one time!
00:52:32Please!
00:52:33What's going on, Dr. Wilson?
00:52:35Uh, investigating lead poisoning from cheap jewelry for the Emperor of Japan.
00:52:39Bye.
00:52:40Blacklist her from the jewelry industry forever.
00:52:42I had a really great time tonight.
00:52:54Me too.
00:52:55May I have a kiss?
00:52:57Something wrong?
00:53:13Do you always have gum in your mouth?
00:53:21Yep.
00:53:22You never have to worry about stinky breath for me.
00:53:27You owe us a bunch of money, Cooper.
00:53:39I don't have any money.
00:53:40How did you pay for this hotel, then?
00:53:43I guess you'll only pay up if I break your other leg.
00:53:50Stop!
00:53:54Mr. Vanderbilt.
00:53:55Mr. Buffett.
00:54:03This is the contract for the Maple Plaza project.
00:54:06That's right.
00:54:07Miss Musk wanted me to give it to you.
00:54:10I knew Angela was still in love with me.
00:54:12I knew Angela was still in love with me.
00:54:15No, no, sir.
00:54:16Sorry about those injuries from earlier.
00:54:18It was all just a little misunderstanding.
00:54:21Yeah, we could be partners again.
00:54:23And then maybe you can tell Lady Lockhart to put in a good word for us.
00:54:30Angela still loves me.
00:54:31She's just throwing a fit.
00:54:33She'll be back to me soon enough.
00:54:34Yeah.
00:54:35Do you need any help winning her back?
00:54:37We can give you jewelry to give to her.
00:54:39I was just sucking up to these pricks a few days ago, and now they're all begging me to help them out.
00:54:45It feels so damn good to be in power.
00:54:49Sure.
00:54:50I'll put in a good word for you.
00:54:52I just need...
00:54:53Anything.
00:54:54You tell us, we'll give you anything.
00:54:56Once I take everything from these idiots, I'll go after Angela Lockhart for my revenge.
00:55:08I'll give you the contract to Jared Cooper, just like you asked me to.
00:55:12Well done.
00:55:13He'll be fucked soon.
00:55:16Well done.
00:55:17He'll be fucked soon.
00:55:18I don't get it, Miss Musk.
00:55:20My contract has a preliminary clause.
00:55:22It requires him to pay 50% of the costs up front as a deposit.
00:55:26And if he cared, then what?
00:55:27He'll be bankrupt.
00:55:29So as long as his greeting has to take it.
00:55:33I'm avenging my best friend.
00:55:35I want to show the world that without Angela Lockhart, he's nothing.
00:55:44I signed the Maple Plaza project.
00:55:48We should celebrate.
00:55:49You did?
00:55:50You see, I know my son hasn't hit him.
00:55:53That skank, Angela, is nothing next to you.
00:55:56And it's all thanks to you, sweetheart.
00:55:59Actually, it's thanks to Angela.
00:56:04What?
00:56:06You're trying to ditch me to go back to your wife?
00:56:09Oh, no, no, no, no.
00:56:10He's not.
00:56:11Jared, what are you doing?
00:56:13You have such a beautiful and bright future ahead of you.
00:56:16It's my decision, Mom.
00:56:18I'm the head of the house here.
00:56:21I'm telling my dad.
00:56:22Fine.
00:56:23Go right ahead.
00:56:23He has enough problems himself.
00:56:25If you're obedient, I'll keep you around as his side piece.
00:56:28But if not, you can scram.
00:56:31Dad, Jared is being mean to me.
00:56:34Teach him a lesson.
00:56:35Kaylee, be a good girl, okay?
00:56:37Jared has the backing of some very powerful people now.
00:56:41Don't get on his bad side.
00:56:43We can't afford to piss him off.
00:56:45So do as he says.
00:56:47What, Dad?
00:56:47Dad?
00:56:48I'm sorry.
00:56:56Be your side piece.
00:56:58Very good.
00:57:00I'm happy you've come around.
00:57:01Now let's go celebrate.
00:57:02I mean, do I really want to be with Mr. Minty Mouth forever, though?
00:57:11But that tongue action, though.
00:57:13Tongue is important in more than just one spot.
00:57:16Arlene, we are in public.
00:57:17That's true.
00:57:19Oh, stomachache.
00:57:21Again?
00:57:22I have to run to the bathroom.
00:57:23Devin should be here to pick you up soon.
00:57:25Okay.
00:57:27Devin's late.
00:57:28Not a good sign for a date.
00:57:32This hotel restaurant has five Michelin stars.
00:57:37It's her.
00:57:39And she's alone, with no one to save her.
00:57:43You whore.
00:57:45You seduced my son so he could get back with you.
00:57:50Let me tell you.
00:57:53I would never go back even if your entire family got down on their knees and begged me.
00:57:58Hey, you guys can fight all you want, but you need to take this somewhere else.
00:58:04Whoever gets rid of her from me gets all this.
00:58:07What?
00:58:07Why do I have to leave?
00:58:08She's the one starting shit.
00:58:10Because I have money and you don't.
00:58:13You're just a stinky, hippie peddler.
00:58:15And my son just signed a $100 billion contract.
00:58:19He still got the contract?
00:58:22Hmm.
00:58:22Must be Ellen's doing.
00:58:24Even if he does sign it, he doesn't have the liquidity to pay the deposit up front.
00:58:28Oh, he's just gonna...
00:58:31Bet you've never seen this much cash before.
00:58:34Bet you've never seen this much cash before.
00:58:39You take my charity and toss it in my face as if it's your own.
00:58:44My maid wouldn't even pick up such a pitiful amount.
00:58:47$1,000 to take her away.
00:58:51$2,000 to drag her away.
00:58:54$5,000 to beat her away.
00:58:59Oh, oh, hey!
00:59:01Hey!
00:59:02Ow, hey!
00:59:03You okay?
00:59:06Are you hurt?
00:59:07Weakling.
00:59:12You!
00:59:13You!
00:59:14Just a few days ago, you found yourself a boy toy right after getting divorced.
00:59:18And now you have two more?
00:59:20What a whore.
00:59:21What a whore.
00:59:23Yeah.
00:59:23And Jared wanted to get back with her?
00:59:26What if she has an STD?
00:59:28Oh, like sleeping with a married man wouldn't give you an STD.
00:59:32Let's go.
00:59:33We'll expose her to Jared.
00:59:35Hang on.
00:59:36What do you want?
00:59:39I-I'll scream!
00:59:40I don't hear a woman.
00:59:42But I never said I don't kill a woman.
00:59:45But I never said I don't kill a woman.
00:59:49Oh, God.
00:59:50He is a murderer.
00:59:51What if he murders me?
00:59:53Not him.
00:59:53Definitely not him.
00:59:59We're not afraid of you.
01:00:01That's enough.
01:00:02This isn't a war zone.
01:00:04You'll be removed from being a five-star general.
01:00:06If he hurt a civilian without adequate cause.
01:00:08I was just messing with them.
01:00:10Was he, though?
01:00:12We're not afraid of you.
01:00:14Jared!
01:00:15You have to avenge us.
01:00:17Look at this slut.
01:00:18She's found two more boy toys.
01:00:19She's cheating on you.
01:00:20Don't get back with her.
01:00:21Oh, Mr. Cooper, it's you.
01:00:24I apologize for this scene.
01:00:25I'll toss out the potty crashers immediately so that you can go to his salvation banquet.
01:00:30Who did you say you were going to toss out?
01:00:32Who did you say you were going to toss out?
01:00:34The potty crashers.
01:00:35You have any idea who that is?
01:00:40That's my wife.
01:00:41Please.
01:00:42Save that title for the real skank over there.
01:00:45That's right.
01:00:46Know your place.
01:00:47Shut up.
01:00:48She's cheating on you.
01:00:51Know your place.
01:00:52You're just a side piece.
01:00:53If I still want you, that is.
01:00:55Eric, have you gone mad?
01:00:57This is Eric Vanderbilt's only daughter.
01:00:59You slap her for this whore?
01:01:01Mom!
01:01:02I really think there's something, huh?
01:01:05Angela's an heiress to a family whose wealth and status goes back to the Victorian age.
01:01:09She's richer even than Ellen Musk.
01:01:12I only got the Maple Plaza project because she gave it to me.
01:01:16What?
01:01:18You, apologize right now or I will kick you and your father to the curb.
01:01:28I'm sorry.
01:01:29No.
01:01:30This can't be.
01:01:33I made you divorce.
01:01:38Go home.
01:01:39You're not suited to come with me to my celebration banquet.
01:01:47I apologize on behalf of my mother.
01:01:51Honey, I know you came here to celebrate my achievements.
01:01:55I promise no one will bother you anymore.
01:01:56I didn't come here for you.
01:02:00I'm on a date.
01:02:02A date with two men at the same time?
01:02:05She really is a whore.
01:02:07Angela, please forgive me.
01:02:09I really do love you.
01:02:10Oh, lady Larkhart is here.
01:02:15Oh, lady Larkhart is here.
01:02:20Yeah, yeah, yeah, we already know you beat Ford's effort.
01:02:25We're too old for that.
01:02:26They're here for my celebration banquet.
01:02:29Please, you gave me the contract.
01:02:31So if anyone should go as my guest of honor, it should be you.
01:02:34Oh, yes, please, Ms. Larkhart, join us.
01:02:37We'll all be one happy business family again.
01:02:40What the hell are you all doing here?
01:02:43Where were you?
01:02:45Stomach issues.
01:02:46Again?
01:02:48Would you like my diagnosis?
01:02:49No.
01:02:52Let me make myself clear, okay?
01:02:55I would rather die than be with you again.
01:02:59Seems that they're not actually on good terms.
01:03:02I can't lose face in front of these pricks.
01:03:05Otherwise, they'll cut me off, too.
01:03:07Angela, I know you're still mad, but please give me a chance.
01:03:10I'll prove it to you.
01:03:11You want a chance?
01:03:13Angela, no.
01:03:14You have three great guys here who all want to marry you.
01:03:17Don't take him back.
01:03:19I'll give you two choices.
01:03:23I'll give you two choices.
01:03:27Me.
01:03:28Or the contract.
01:03:30You're kidding me.
01:03:31No, I'm not kidding you.
01:03:34If you choose me, we can remarry this week.
01:03:38But you don't get the $100 billion contract.
01:03:42The choice is all yours.
01:03:44So that's a tough choice.
01:03:46You think so?
01:03:47He either marries a royal heiress or gets a contract that takes his company to the moon.
01:03:51Either way, benefits.
01:03:53Why can't I have both?
01:03:55You really are a greedy bastard.
01:03:58Angela, I saved you in the pool, remember?
01:04:00Remember, I deserved the contract.
01:04:02Did you really?
01:04:07Look who's fashionably late now.
01:04:11He didn't save her at the pool.
01:04:13Wait, what are you talking about?
01:04:15I, uh, I choose the contract.
01:04:18I knew it.
01:04:19You'll get what's coming to you.
01:04:22With this contract, my company's earning potential is limitless.
01:04:27Angela Lockhart, you humiliated me in front of everyone.
01:04:30I will get you one day.
01:04:31Let me show you something.
01:04:44You saved me.
01:04:51You saved me.
01:04:52I'm sorry if his lies led to you wasting three years of your life.
01:04:59But I promise you, I'm going to make it up to you with the rest of our lives.
01:05:04No, no.
01:05:05I wasn't lying.
01:05:07I just couldn't, can't remember exactly what happened that day.
01:05:17Does that mean we both each saved her once?
01:05:21What?
01:05:22Me?
01:05:23And Dr. Wilson losing at saving people?
01:05:26No way.
01:05:27You guys, one of you, do something life-threatening right now.
01:05:32You're crazy.
01:05:34And actually, they've all been doing horrible shit behind your back.
01:05:39What?
01:05:41Mr. Sterling had me investigate their company's dealings.
01:05:44Turns out they've been fudging the numbers on your shared accounts and contracts.
01:05:48Put it simply, they've been stealing from you.
01:05:52I can't believe I didn't realize.
01:05:55Ms. Lockhart, I'm so sorry.
01:05:57I should have had third-party accountants check thoroughly.
01:05:59No, it's not your fault.
01:06:01They're just too slick.
01:06:03You'd like me to punish them for a lot of-
01:06:04Oh God, no.
01:06:06Not that again.
01:06:06Please.
01:06:08Max, you know what to do.
01:06:23The banks have pulled all of our fund.
01:06:26All business ties have been severed.
01:06:28We're bankrupt!
01:06:29How did you do that?
01:06:36Who are you?
01:06:36And don't say Spider-Man!
01:06:41I'll tell you who I am.
01:06:44I'll tell you who I am.
01:06:46I am Crypto-Punk number two.
01:06:52What did he say he was?
01:06:53That's more bizarre than Spider-Man.
01:06:57You're Crypto-Punk number two?
01:06:59Well, I'm Crypto-Punk number one.
01:07:02See?
01:07:02You are number one at something.
01:07:04The most expensive NFT collection in the world.
01:07:06Forget Forbes' list.
01:07:09It's all about young money now.
01:07:11So, how about our date?
01:07:14I'm not letting them one-off me on this one.
01:07:21I'll spy, too.
01:07:35They forgot to cancel my contract.
01:07:38I still have the $100 billion project.
01:07:41Yes!
01:07:43I'm rich!
01:07:45They make them all pay soon!
01:07:53What?
01:07:54Mr. Cooper, sir.
01:07:56The Maple Plaza contract requires us to provide 50% of the costs up front.
01:08:00Otherwise, it's a breach of contract and we'll have to pay for all financial repercussions.
01:08:04No!
01:08:06I'm bankrupt!
01:08:09I'm in the law car.
01:08:10You tricked me!
01:08:16Oh, allow me.
01:08:21I'm sorry I was late, my queen.
01:08:23I had to get some very important materials for our special date.
01:08:29Well, cheers.
01:08:32Cheers.
01:08:34This looks good.
01:08:47Did you use my spices?
01:08:49I know your ex-in-law has never appreciated you.
01:08:54You can have all the money and power in the world and you still can't force a man to love you.
01:09:01Couldn't even remember our anniversary.
01:09:04Angel, your future with me, it's going to be different.
01:09:15Come on.
01:09:17Go to the stairs.
01:09:18Go to the stairs.
01:09:36Wow.
01:09:38Devin, I can't believe this is what I've been missing out on these past few years just because of some silly mistake.
01:09:45Angela, I've known and loved you for three whole years.
01:09:49Actually, I've also loved you for three years.
01:09:53That's right. I fell in love with you three years ago, too.
01:09:57How is all of this possible?
01:09:59I didn't meet any of you until recently.
01:10:03Well, actually, maybe Devin, but...
01:10:07I've had a crush on you since college.
01:10:09You're my motivation to go to business school.
01:10:12Despite who you were, you never judge me for being poor.
01:10:17Are you trying to get hired at Fortune 500 in a suit like that?
01:10:23All you do is babble on and on about internet money, Bitcoin and shit like that.
01:10:37Are you trying to steal my spot?
01:10:41I'll teach you all my son.
01:10:44Hey! Get away from me!
01:10:47Angela!
01:10:50Fights the girl. I like her.
01:10:52How is he?
01:11:04It's a rare poison made from a mixture of dried roots found in Africa.
01:11:08Ostraga saltipa.
01:11:10Can he be cured?
01:11:11I actually think I know that poison.
01:11:13It sounds really scary, but its cure can actually be found in any developed country.
01:11:17Household salt.
01:11:19I like her.
01:11:27There you go.
01:11:29What time is it up?
01:11:30Oh, shoot. I'm late for some practice.
01:11:33I like her.
01:11:35We have been rivals ever since.
01:11:37So, that's how...
01:11:39I like her.
01:11:41We have been rivals ever since.
01:11:44So, that's how...
01:11:46I like her.
01:11:47We have been rivals ever since.
01:11:49I...
01:11:51We...
01:11:52All met.
01:11:53I barely remember.
01:11:55Said I never let you go to swim practice that day.
01:11:57Matthew Richards.
01:11:59The guy who poisoned me.
01:12:01Attacked you out of revenge.
01:12:02You wouldn't have known.
01:12:03I did hear he dropped out and became a loan shark though.
01:12:06That makes you feel any better.
01:12:07Yeah, I think that suits him a little better.
01:12:10Angela, your seven days is almost up.
01:12:13Now that you know they all loved and fought for you for three years, who will you pick?
01:12:20How can that be?
01:12:22Angela Lockhart is an heiress?
01:12:26You know Lockhart is an heiress?
01:12:30Heiress.
01:12:32He's a good girl.
01:12:34I don't know.
01:12:35I don't know.
01:12:36I don't know.
01:12:37The family's son will be a thing.
01:12:38I don't know.
01:12:39I don't know what you're going to do.
01:12:40I don't know what you're going to do.
01:12:41I don't know what you're going to do.
01:12:42Get out of here
01:12:52Jared I have carefully reconsidered. Angela is way better than this dimwit. You should get back with your wife
01:12:59We're bankrupt
01:13:05Jared Cooper
01:13:08We're here to
01:13:12No one is going to save you now
01:13:19What kind of an asshole throws his own mother to the dogs?
01:13:26Who will you pick?
01:13:35I brought you fried chicken. Fried chicken? Hey, not all girls like sushi and caviar. Yeah, he's right
01:13:41I did live in Atlanta for three months
01:13:43Sucking up last minute!
01:13:45At least I don't speak like an AI robot
01:13:47Hey, stop
01:13:49Stop
01:13:51Welcome back to the bachelorette
01:13:53I mean the three badasses who want me. I mean Angela Lockhart
01:13:59You know what I mean
01:14:01Today our heiress bachelorette will choose which one of our three badasses will she marry?
01:14:08Will it be Shane
01:14:10The doctor
01:14:12Cole
01:14:14The general
01:14:16Or Devin
01:14:18The CEO
01:14:20Uh
01:14:22Looks like our bachelorette may need to do a little more time to decide
01:14:26Oh, the suspense is killing me
01:14:28But when she does she will take this eternal rose made from glass imported from Venice and give it to our winner
01:14:36Angela
01:14:38Angela
01:14:41Angela
01:14:42Oh
01:14:43I
01:14:46I need more time to think
01:14:51Uh, while our bachelorette takes a little time to decide, why don't we check in with each of our candidates?
01:14:58Let's check in with each of our candidates
01:15:00Let's start with Cole
01:15:02Cole
01:15:04There's not much to say
01:15:08Who wouldn't want a five-star general who has huge biceps?
01:15:13A massive chest
01:15:15Who would protect their wife?
01:15:19Okay
01:15:21Thank you
01:15:22Uh, Shane?
01:15:24Muscles
01:15:26Money
01:15:28They only get you so far
01:15:30But you need a well-balanced man like me
01:15:32That has more than one way to keep a lady happy
01:15:34If you know what I mean
01:15:39Okay
01:15:40I think we do
01:15:41And Devin
01:15:44That was quite disgusting
01:15:48I just hope Angela's okay
01:15:50I know she's going under a lot of stress right now
01:15:52A lot of choices to make
01:15:54And she's my queen
01:15:56I just really hope she's okay
01:15:58Now one more thing
01:16:00What kind of a doctor
01:16:02Brings fried chicken to a girl?
01:16:04That's a good point
01:16:06It's bad for her heart
01:16:07And then you
01:16:10What?
01:16:11You know what they say about military men
01:16:13They beat their wives
01:16:17Enough!
01:16:21Stand up!
01:16:23Hey, you guys
01:16:24Whoa, break it up!
01:16:25Hey!
01:16:26Break it up!
01:16:27Hey!
01:16:28Break it up!
01:16:29Oh!
01:16:30Oh!
01:16:31Oh!
01:16:32Oh!
01:16:33Oh!
01:16:34Oh!
01:16:35Oh!
01:16:36Cut to commercial!
01:16:37Cut to commercial!
01:16:38Cut to commercial!
01:16:40This is the hardest decision I've ever had to make in my entire life
01:16:59Who do I choose?
01:17:03Angela's marrying me!
01:17:04You're not stealing her from me
01:17:05Oh yeah?
01:17:06I may be a doctor
01:17:07But like I said
01:17:08I know and possess the deadliest poisons in the world
01:17:10What don't you have in that coat?
01:17:11Fruit flavored gum!
01:17:12I won't let you take Angela away from me
01:17:13I'll fight you to the death
01:17:14Don't forget about me
01:17:15I won't let you take Angela away from me
01:17:16I won't let you take Angela away from me
01:17:17I'll fight you to the death
01:17:18Don't forget about me
01:17:19It's time I'll reveal my true identity
01:17:24These stupid profile cards don't make any sense
01:17:29They do not help
01:17:30Who made these?
01:17:32I don't know
01:17:33I'll let you take Angela away from me
01:17:34I'll let you take Angela away from me
01:17:35I'll fight you to the death
01:17:36Don't forget about me
01:17:37It's time I reveal my true identity
01:17:38These stupid profile cards don't make any sense
01:17:42They do not help
01:17:43Who made these?
01:17:44It's time I reveal my true identity I'm actually a part of the X-Men and I have
01:18:13the power of telekinesis we may have to work together to take him down
01:18:43this battle within our heads is the most intense I've ever experienced I may not
01:18:48be able to take them both down if they decide to team up hmm wait a minute or
01:18:53cool you know I've always really liked your hair really I'm actually pretty
01:19:05self-conscious about it so I appreciate that you know cool I've always really
01:19:13like the way you talk what do you got I always really like the way you chew gum
01:19:24yeah yeah it's fresh right yeah you're actually you need me to look at you I
01:19:35got you Angela's been kidnapped Angela's been kidnapped it was Jerry Cooper we have
01:19:46to find her well how her ring her dad installed a GPS tracking mechanism on her
01:19:51ring just in case well let's go then bye oh my fiance my fiance
01:19:56you destroyed me
01:20:09I took everything I have nothing left
01:20:16it's not my fault you're too greedy
01:20:20I was greedy to have sex with my wife
01:20:23what I'm not your wife anymore
01:20:27oh yeah I know you wouldn't take me back now not unless I get you pregnant with my child
01:20:31this is illegal
01:20:32you wouldn't want your child to be away from its father
01:20:35you won't have me arrested you will take me back
01:20:40oh my bitch
01:20:42I'll settle you down a little
01:20:46you will be begging me to fuck you soon
01:20:57you're too late I drugged her she'll be dead soon unless
01:21:09oh yeah have you forgotten who I am
01:21:12he really does have everything in this culture
01:21:15everything except for fruit
01:21:16yeah except for fruit flavor gum we get it already just save my boss
01:21:19here you go
01:21:22you're all good now
01:21:28oh thank god
01:21:30but what do we do with that piece of shit
01:21:33what what are you gonna do to me
01:21:35hey stop no don't
01:21:37enjoy your erectile dysfunction forever
01:21:41glad we didn't actually have that fight
01:21:48turns out he's the most dangerous of them all
01:21:51so who did you pick sweetheart
01:21:59you've invited the most important figures of the world to your wedding
01:22:02the prince of Bhutan
01:22:04and remember we will kill ourselves if you don't choose
01:22:12welcome back to the finale of the three badasses who want me
01:22:17we're down to the wire literally the wedding day
01:22:20but who's the groom
01:22:21welcome back to the finale of the three badasses who want me
01:22:37but who's the groom
01:22:39seems our era still hasn't decided
01:22:47any input from the parents
01:22:49maybe that will help sway our bachelorette's choice
01:22:52this is exciting
01:22:54who should my daughter pick
01:22:56let me think
01:22:58let me think
01:22:59I like the doctor
01:23:03he's cute
01:23:05but the general looks like a strong fellow
01:23:10and we can't forget about Devon Sterling
01:23:13the one who's loved her the longest
01:23:14isn't that right Devon
01:23:15Angela
01:23:17Angela
01:23:24you are all three very fine gentlemen
01:23:29and I'm really grateful for all of your love
01:23:33but this was a really hard decision
01:23:36and I decided to devise one last challenge
01:23:41and I decided to devise one last challenge
01:23:47I'm just kidding I'm just as sick of this as you guys are
01:23:53each of our candidates have saved our main character
01:24:01I mean bachelorette once
01:24:03they've all proven their undying love
01:24:06so who gets to unlock Angela Lockhart's heart
01:24:10literally
01:24:12could it be
01:24:14the sexy and protective
01:24:16general with a temper
01:24:17Mr. Cole Eisenhower
01:24:24or
01:24:25the fun
01:24:26wicked minded
01:24:27but
01:24:28kind of weird
01:24:29Dr. Shane Wilson
01:24:33and last but not least
01:24:35could it be
01:24:36the richest man of them all
01:24:38the man Angela would have married a long time ago
01:24:41Mr. Devon Sterling
01:24:42gentlemen
01:24:47it's been a pleasure getting to know you
01:24:49all right guys
01:24:50may the best man win
01:24:52may the best man win
01:24:54drum roll please
01:24:57seriously Ricky
01:25:19I choose
01:25:27I need a powerful strong man
01:25:31and I really feel like you can protect me
01:25:36who could resist those guns
01:25:40they interest you in an NFD Ellen
01:25:42would you like a full body choco?
01:25:43I'd be like a full body choco
01:25:44shane it's you
01:25:59I'm
01:26:00love sick for you
01:26:01you like that minty flavor don't you?
01:26:03yeah
01:26:06it's that tongue action ladies and gents
01:26:08Ellen be my new queen
01:26:10think of what we can draw together
01:26:12go together
01:26:13go Spade
01:26:26it's always been you
01:26:36I'll always love you
01:26:40let's give it up for those nine inches
01:26:41everybody
01:26:44would you like a full body check up?
01:26:45have you seen my murder weaponers?
01:26:46I need fruit flavored gum for you
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