- 7 weeks ago
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:30CastingWords
00:01:00CastingWords
00:01:02CastingWords
00:01:06CastingWords
00:01:08But we live in a permissive society.
00:01:10Not on this street we don't.
00:01:12Everybody's at it.
00:01:14Not with me they're not.
00:01:16Girls are supposed to be crying out for it.
00:01:18Not this one.
00:01:20I'm the silent majority.
00:01:22It's only manners these days.
00:01:24Total strangers do it now instead of shaking hands.
00:01:26God is Lord.
00:01:30Jesus.
00:01:30Jesus.
00:01:31We've never seen him in real life though.
00:01:58And he's picturing the papers.
00:02:01Oh come on Sandra let's go.
00:02:03No I don't want to.
00:02:04I want to wait.
00:02:05I want to be standing out here.
00:02:05It's stupid.
00:02:06But he might come in a minute.
00:02:08Somebody waited ages yesterday and he never turned up there.
00:02:10But that was yesterday.
00:02:11He might be here today.
00:02:12I want to be going shopping.
00:02:16Oh wait he might come.
00:02:17Please let's go.
00:02:22Oh no.
00:02:23I told you so didn't I?
00:02:25I feel a right twit now.
00:02:27I don't fancy yours.
00:02:30Which is mine?
00:02:31Any except the blonde.
00:02:34Oh.
00:02:35Good.
00:02:36Who are being stared at?
00:02:38Where?
00:02:39I don't fancy yours.
00:02:45Which is mine?
00:02:47Any.
00:02:48Except the blonde or the one with the yellow legs.
00:02:52Thanks.
00:02:54Neither do I.
00:02:56Fancy the one with the twitch.
00:02:57About as much as Mao Tse Tung's granddad.
00:03:02With all due respect.
00:03:04To his granddad.
00:03:06Ask him if they do a turn.
00:03:08You.
00:03:09I thought we were giving sex up.
00:03:11There's a protest at never getting any.
00:03:13Ignore them.
00:03:22Hi.
00:03:24Hi.
00:03:26Hi.
00:03:27Hi.
00:03:27Peace ma'am.
00:03:34Were you hoping to see Georgie Best?
00:03:37He's in Mallorca.
00:03:39Come on then.
00:03:41We only get an hour for lunch.
00:03:44It's a discotheque in Albert Square.
00:03:52Come on.
00:03:54I thought we were going for tights.
00:03:56Shall I tell you something pretty mind-blowing about Mallorca?
00:04:11It's one place I've never been.
00:04:15Pardon?
00:04:15I'm Geoffrey.
00:04:18I don't happen to be attached.
00:04:21I'm Beryl.
00:04:23I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:25Don't you worry.
00:04:26Love and rainy weather may sound funny, but they go together fine.
00:04:44Love and rainy weather may sound funny, but they go together fine.
00:04:53Every single time.
00:04:54Love and rainy weather may sound funny, but they go together fine.
00:04:55Every single time.
00:04:58Love and rainy weather.
00:05:01First you're up there on another plane, and then you're nowhere.
00:05:09And the tears are raining down.
00:05:14It's a run around.
00:05:18Love and rainy weather.
00:05:23Sure can get you down.
00:05:28Bye.
00:05:28Bye.
00:05:32Now going twisting tonight then.
00:05:37That's the modern name for it, isn't it?
00:05:40The what?
00:05:41Cutting a rug.
00:05:44Pardon?
00:05:45Grooving Mildred.
00:05:47It's called grooving nowadays.
00:05:48Grooving and or freaking.
00:05:50Right?
00:05:51what I'm not doing tonight right right on you stay in tonight then tonight
00:05:58tomorrow night every night I might sell me overcoat life's not all pleasure you
00:06:04know Mildred don't hassle the lad hustle it's a different world today Mildred we
00:06:14had a week's honeymoon in Blackpool for what this Finney had he cost they do
00:06:18their own thing the usual 1,300 weight now that's the new world that we work
00:06:26for and fought for full-page advert for contraception it's his birthright I'm not
00:06:35hungry what's that supposed to mean it's the hip way cool people say I'm not
00:06:41I enjoy staying in chatting of an evening
00:07:02I find it fantastically enjoyable no really I really do some people don't
00:07:11I do Beryl please take my word for it Paul McCartney's never going to ring that doorbell
00:07:18and invite you to the pictures Paul McCartney who he doesn't know you've been
00:07:22faithful to him ever since our day's night and please don't say Paul McCartney who
00:07:26I sacrificed too much for your six-o levels
00:07:33I never touched you terrific self-control
00:07:38what did you say your name was
00:07:45mind you just a weekend I do with you Paul not a dirty weekend a disgusting one
00:08:09night night Percy filth
00:08:16have you always been insatiable it's not my fault it's just that I don't like blondes
00:08:31it's it's psychosomatic
00:08:38I'm sorry
00:08:41ah
00:08:46ah
00:08:48ah
00:08:50ah
00:08:52ah
00:08:54ah
00:08:56ah
00:08:58ah
00:09:03Sandra
00:09:05there is almost blonde in this light
00:09:11what's wrong?
00:09:13just being brave
00:09:15what about?
00:09:17ending it all
00:09:19before we hurt each other too much
00:09:22it's our first date
00:09:25I've probably wasted your entire evening haven't I?
00:09:30not yet
00:09:32not if your parents aren't back till midnight
00:09:37don't you think you're too old for this sort of thing?
00:09:40straight from Stanley Matthews to Bridgette Bardot you went overnight
00:09:45that was when you were too young for this sort of thing
00:09:48it's artistic mother
00:09:50like your Tutankhamen butter dish
00:09:51what?
00:10:03got it
00:10:04got what?
00:10:05you now ask if I never want to see you again I say I do
00:10:09you then stop crying quick as a flash and say something like
00:10:13how about Sunday half seven outside central library
00:10:16no I don't
00:10:18tomorrow half seven outside central library
00:10:21then when I say okay does your zip miraculously undo?
00:10:26it does not
00:10:27thought it did
00:10:30not till you've unfastened the press stud
00:10:32I can see her doing your ironing and cooking and cleaning
00:10:38you wouldn't need to book for the Christmas pantomime
00:10:40I don't intend to marry her mother
00:10:43in case it interferes with my career
00:10:45we're just good friends
00:10:47good night
00:11:01Miss Bardot
00:11:03marry me
00:11:06you know what they say
00:11:10once you've had a Manchester lad you never touch anything else
00:11:13Martin
00:11:15Martin
00:11:17Martin
00:11:19Martin
00:11:21Martin
00:11:23Martin
00:11:25Martin
00:11:27Martin
00:11:28Martin
00:11:29about time and all
00:11:30hi
00:11:31hi
00:11:32hi
00:11:33Martin
00:11:34Martin
00:11:35Martin
00:11:36Martin
00:11:37Martin
00:11:38Martin
00:11:39Martin
00:11:40Martin
00:11:41Martin
00:11:42Martin
00:11:43Martin
00:11:44Martin
00:11:45Martin
00:11:46Martin
00:11:47Martin
00:11:48Martin
00:11:49Martin
00:11:50Martin
00:11:51Martin
00:11:52Martin
00:11:53Martin
00:11:54Martin
00:11:55Martin
00:11:56Martin
00:11:57Martin
00:11:58Martin
00:11:59Martin
00:12:00Martin
00:12:01Martin
00:12:02Martin
00:12:03Ticket. I ain't got me ticket.
00:12:20We're late already.
00:12:23See you behind the goal then.
00:12:33Well, tonight's beauty sleep's done nothing for her, snooty old bag.
00:12:50Trendy. Crimson shoes with bottle green socks.
00:12:54Must be going steady with a set of traffic lights.
00:12:57Still, who else would have him?
00:12:59Anyway, they're all the same in the dark, rumour has it.
00:13:11Different girl every night. It's all the type.
00:13:15Probably an omen seeing her before the match.
00:13:18I bet we lose 3-1.
00:13:21Well, I'm certainly not making the first move. At least I've got me proud.
00:13:26Oh, hello.
00:13:28Oh, hi.
00:13:29Hi.
00:13:31Didn't see you.
00:13:31No, Normie.
00:13:34You're going that way?
00:13:35Yeah. Not especially, no.
00:13:38You're going that?
00:13:40Yeah, well, um, no.
00:13:42I was sort of...
00:13:44Going to the football match?
00:13:46Are you?
00:13:46Shopping.
00:13:53I'm probably going to the pictures tonight.
00:13:56I am.
00:13:56Which?
00:13:57Which are you?
00:13:57Any.
00:13:58I am.
00:13:59See you then.
00:14:08Tonight?
00:14:09Pardon?
00:14:10Oh, I...
00:14:11All right, then.
00:14:13Right.
00:14:13All right.
00:14:13Super socks.
00:14:14Did you see that?
00:14:26They're all on drugs.
00:14:27A lot of them.
00:14:28They score.
00:14:41They score.
00:14:43Losing.
00:14:443-1.
00:14:45Did he score?
00:14:47Losing. 3-1.
00:15:15Excuse me, I...
00:15:22I only go to restaurants with deaf waiters.
00:15:25Ah.
00:15:29Hi.
00:15:31Hello, mate.
00:15:33Peace, ma'am. Surprise, surprise.
00:15:36Surprise.
00:15:37Been anywhere controversial? Pictures.
00:15:39The boyfriend. She's slim.
00:15:41I'm just going to the... Oh, I'll come with you.
00:15:46Are you and Beryl, um, you know...
00:15:51You know.
00:15:53Oh.
00:16:03Would you, uh...
00:16:05What do you sort of reckon? She's a...
00:16:08Fair sort of bird.
00:16:10I'm sorry, sorry.
00:16:12She's all right.
00:16:15I mean, nothing sensational, obviously.
00:16:18Geoffrey, she's a bird.
00:16:24You having a coffee with us?
00:16:25No, thanks, kid. Neville's ravenous.
00:16:27You've just eaten.
00:16:31Oh, of course, yeah. Sorry.
00:16:33You see, what I thought Ken was always trying to do...
00:16:39By implication?
00:16:41Probably by implication.
00:16:43Was to allow the images to provoke a moral response from our own aesthetic judgment.
00:16:47You see?
00:16:48Yes.
00:16:50Was he the errand boy?
00:16:52Was he the errand boy?
00:16:53Was who the errand boy?
00:16:54Ken Thingy.
00:16:55He directed it.
00:16:57Oh, yes.
00:16:59I was probably thinking of Andy Warhol.
00:17:02Probably.
00:17:03You're not like other boys at all, are you?
00:17:08Well, I'm probably a little more mature, that's all.
00:17:13It's over 200 yards from the cinema.
00:17:15And you talk to me the whole way, like a person.
00:17:22Other boys seem to have one-track minds these days.
00:17:24Sex.
00:17:26Marriage.
00:17:27Pardon?
00:17:28The number of boys that asked me to marry them.
00:17:31A couple of dates and pal they want to get married.
00:17:34I want to live a bit before I get married.
00:17:37I suppose I just don't have a hang-up about it.
00:17:40Get married?
00:17:42Hmm.
00:17:43No.
00:17:48Actually, I find girls, or most girls, it is,
00:17:51a bit obsessed these days.
00:17:54Not marriage.
00:17:56No.
00:17:57Sex.
00:17:59Percy Filth?
00:18:03Sex.
00:18:04That's what I said.
00:18:06Oh.
00:18:07Well, I'm not like that.
00:18:09Not Percy Filth motivated?
00:18:11No.
00:18:14No.
00:18:21No.
00:18:26Did you want to say any more about Andy Warhol?
00:18:29Ken Russell?
00:18:30Yeah.
00:18:31No.
00:18:38This is it.
00:18:51I won't come in, with it being our first date.
00:18:54No.
00:18:55Oh.
00:18:56Anywhere my mum's gone to bed, we'd be on our own.
00:18:59Is that a reason for me not coming in, though?
00:19:02Yes, Geoffrey.
00:19:04Oh.
00:19:13Nice house.
00:19:1625-year mortgage.
00:19:18Well, thanks for seeing me home.
00:19:27Funny, isn't it?
00:19:29First date with someone.
00:19:31It always leads to one of three things.
00:19:34Either nothing.
00:19:36Or something.
00:19:40Or everything.
00:19:43Well, don't think about Percy Filth at this stage, Beryl.
00:19:45You're not.
00:19:48No, I'm not.
00:19:51Night-night.
00:19:52God bless.
00:19:53I won't give you my phone number in case you think I'm one of those scheming females.
00:20:08What is it?
00:20:09327-4421.
00:20:10The easy way to remember it is the three and the two make five, which is two less than seven,
00:20:14then two fours, and half of four, which is two, and half of two, which is one.
00:20:19Um...
00:20:20But you mustn't ring me if you don't want.
00:20:22No.
00:20:23But you can if you do.
00:20:24Do you want me to?
00:20:25Not if you'd rather not.
00:20:27327-4421.
00:20:29Good night.
00:20:30практиric Als was to be allrs, too, and please join in Julele.
00:20:31Good night.
00:20:32Good night.
00:20:35Good night.
00:20:40Good night.
00:20:51Good night.
00:20:53Good night.
00:20:54My bad smile.
00:20:57Good night.
00:20:58Well, hello, Mrs. Battersby. Beryl's brought you up a cup of tea.
00:21:04Oh, they all have a past life flashed before me then.
00:21:11Can't be Mother's Day. You'd have forgotten.
00:21:15Has there been any clips?
00:21:17Mum, I want the benefit of your experience.
00:21:22What do you think of Andy Warhol?
00:21:24You see, Geoffrey has this theory that by implication...
00:21:27Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:28Of course, Geoffrey knows about these things.
00:21:31These things. Everything.
00:21:34Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:35He's fantastically intelligent.
00:21:37See, Geoffrey's idea...
00:21:39Better who's Geoffrey?
00:21:42Oh, no one.
00:21:47No one's special.
00:21:53His name's Geoffrey.
00:21:57How did this Beryl Bird turn out last night, then?
00:22:02What Beryl Bird?
00:22:03I told him.
00:22:04Did she, er...
00:22:06Does she, er...
00:22:07What?
00:22:09Oh!
00:22:10Oh!
00:22:10Oh!
00:22:11Oh!
00:22:11Oh!
00:22:12Oh!
00:22:12Oh!
00:22:13Oh!
00:22:13Oh!
00:22:14Oh!
00:22:14Oh!
00:22:15Oh!
00:22:15She doesn't, then.
00:22:16You don't listen, do you?
00:22:18I said...
00:22:19How about Sundry?
00:22:20Chips.
00:22:22Jum and sod.
00:22:24Chips.
00:22:25Chips.
00:22:25Chums.
00:22:26Chips.
00:22:26Chips.
00:22:27Chips.
00:22:28Sod.
00:22:28Chips.
00:22:28Chips.
00:22:33Chips.
00:22:34Chips.
00:22:34Not seeing him tonight, then?
00:22:36Ha, ha.
00:22:37Ha, ha.
00:22:37Ha.
00:22:38Ha.
00:22:40Who?
00:22:41Ha ha.
00:22:43Ha!
00:22:44Ha!
00:22:44Ha ha!
00:22:44Ha!
00:22:45Ha!
00:22:46Ha!
00:22:46Ha!
00:22:47said he was no one special
00:22:57got a phone here
00:22:59why
00:23:01they haven't have they
00:23:04do you want to get some nookie lined up or something
00:23:07if I did do you think I'd be playing
00:23:09dance with you two
00:23:10look are you fed up here
00:23:12are you
00:23:14we'll split after this game
00:23:16anything you say
00:23:17and go for a few of the king's head
00:23:18great
00:23:20and that ends our pro
00:23:22well Monday tomorrow
00:23:25hallelujah
00:23:26I don't know what you're paying for that phone
00:23:29but whatever it is you're being done
00:23:31good night
00:23:47good morning
00:24:01good morning
00:24:01good morning
00:24:01discord
00:24:02come on for Pope long may he reign
00:24:12amen
00:24:13what's going on
00:24:16pounds off again
00:24:17oh god
00:24:19today's special
00:24:21bloody travellers
00:24:22Yeah. Suddenly everyone's going on holiday.
00:24:25So does. Enjoy yourself while you're young.
00:24:45Why do we always do that? 93 times a day?
00:24:49We never see anything.
00:25:05MUSIC PLAYS
00:25:16My typing not disturbing your singing, I hope.
00:25:18See Geoffrey on Sunday.
00:25:22Oh, Geoffrey.
00:25:24That Neville's the greatest.
00:25:29Is he dishy or is he dishy?
00:25:34I'm considering packing Geoffrey in.
00:25:38One date was enough.
00:25:40Why?
00:25:42He's Cancer and I'm Libra.
00:25:44Is that bad?
00:25:45Oh, plus...
00:25:48Actually, I'm slightly off the male gender at the moment.
00:26:00Five. Five. Which is... Which is...
00:26:02Three and two's five. Which is...
00:26:04Three and two's five. Which is two less than seven.
00:26:08Which is...
00:26:10Oh.
00:26:12I see the Spanish police are throwing your lot out of Ibiza.
00:26:16Bank clocks.
00:26:18Your lot?
00:26:20Football supporters.
00:26:21Hippies.
00:26:23Oh.
00:26:24My lot.
00:26:26At the third stroke, it will be 7.22 and 40 seconds.
00:26:35It will be 7.22 and 50 seconds.
00:26:38That's it then.
00:26:41Fate.
00:26:43All over by 7.23 precisely.
00:26:47So what?
00:26:49Plenty more where she came from.
00:26:55Is that the speaking clock?
00:26:57Is that Geoffrey?
00:26:59Is that Beryl?
00:27:00Yes.
00:27:01Yes.
00:27:02Hi.
00:27:04Hi.
00:27:23It's terrifically exciting, isn't it? Getting to know a person.
00:27:27Fantastic.
00:27:28I want to know all about you.
00:27:35That's what it's all about.
00:27:39For example, with things in common already.
00:27:41Definitely.
00:27:45About what?
00:27:49We're enormously fond of animals.
00:27:52Right.
00:27:54And we're both from Manchester.
00:27:59Have you ever been abroad?
00:28:02No.
00:28:04Have you?
00:28:05No.
00:28:07Unless you count Istanbul.
00:28:09Istanbul?
00:28:10Was it beyond belief?
00:28:12I don't know. I was only three.
00:28:19Do you ever get the feeling you've been somewhere before?
00:28:22Sometimes.
00:28:24I do.
00:28:26What now?
00:28:29No.
00:28:30Just...
00:28:31Just sometimes.
00:28:35Yes, I do.
00:28:38Such a lot, isn't there?
00:28:41In getting to know a person.
00:28:43Hmm.
00:28:44No.
00:28:45No.
00:28:49He was lithe and easy-limbed.
00:28:51His stride quietly casual.
00:28:54His eyes clear and confident.
00:28:57And his strong mouth ready to break into a relaxed, assured, lopsided grin.
00:29:02Grin.
00:29:06You know, Geoffrey, you have a really lopsided grin.
00:29:10Really? You know, lopsided.
00:29:15I don't think I have.
00:29:16It's in the eye of the beholder.
00:29:21See?
00:29:23Geoffrey doesn't need someone else when he's tying a knot.
00:29:26He holds it down with his little finger.
00:29:30It must be marvellous being a man.
00:29:33It's OK, I suppose.
00:29:34Men can do anything.
00:29:36Conquer Everest.
00:29:38Do heart transplants.
00:29:40Become leader of the opposition.
00:29:43Anything!
00:29:52Geoffrey, NO spells no.
00:29:55It's good for your circulation, Beryl.
00:29:58Read any women's magazine.
00:30:00It's good for theirs, too.
00:30:01I'm not sure they recommend Percy Filth on Tuesdays.
00:30:04I only see you on Tuesdays and Saturdays.
00:30:07All Saturdays.
00:30:10Beryl.
00:30:14Oh, Beryl.
00:30:16Oh, Geoffrey Bobble's bonbon.
00:30:18Oh, Beryl.
00:30:20Oh, Geoffrey.
00:30:22Oh, Beryl!
00:30:23Are you all right? What exactly happened? Don't tell me.
00:30:26I just had a sharp attack of dramatic irony.
00:30:28Pardon?
00:30:31Come back.
00:30:35They're better.
00:30:36It's better.
00:30:37I'm OK.
00:30:41I told you, it's going to port.
00:30:43It's not!
00:30:51It's only the angels crying.
00:30:54I know how they feel.
00:30:57Well, don't blame me. I haven't done anything.
00:31:00That's true!
00:31:02That's not true, Beryl. I have apologised.
00:31:05I keep going down on me knees when I'm talking to you.
00:31:08Independent observers think I'm training to be a Cossack dancer.
00:31:10It must be a bad line. I can't hear you.
00:31:14You'd better apologise again.
00:31:17I apologise again.
00:31:20Gosh, this lousy line!
00:31:23I wonder if Geoffrey would like to come to tea on Sunday?
00:31:28Pardon?
00:31:30Pardon?
00:31:31Is that who I think it is?
00:31:33No, dear.
00:31:45Well, isn't this nice?
00:31:50Sardine sandwich.
00:31:52Is it all sardine?
00:31:53Yeah.
00:31:55She's got her own trawler.
00:32:03Isn't it awful?
00:32:05What?
00:32:06I was speaking to Geoffrey.
00:32:08What's happening in the world?
00:32:09I blame the politicians.
00:32:11What for?
00:32:12For what's happening in the world?
00:32:17Talk to her.
00:32:19I can't speak Portuguese.
00:32:22Tasty.
00:32:25Very in oil.
00:32:27Very nice in oil.
00:32:28She's got a bad leg.
00:32:31The bread's extremely wholesome.
00:32:33I have this little baker down the road.
00:32:35He does something with the bleach.
00:32:39Yes.
00:32:40I can't do long conversations about sardine sandwiches.
00:32:49Your mind goes blank.
00:32:53Start thinking about life after death.
00:33:00Ooh, that Neville, honestly.
00:33:03Number of hearts he must have broken.
00:33:05Every girl in Manchester, nearly.
00:33:07Geoffrey definitely has.
00:33:10Probably even more.
00:33:13Air hostesses.
00:33:15All sorts.
00:33:17Tell me about your terrible past, Geoffrey.
00:33:20I haven't had one yet.
00:33:22White man speak with forked tongue.
00:33:24Actually, I was hoping more for a terrible future.
00:33:26Hmm.
00:33:32Wow, is that the time?
00:33:34At this moment in time.
00:33:36What have I done?
00:33:38Is Neville the insanely jealous type?
00:33:39Quite in the slightest.
00:33:41You're lucky.
00:33:43Why, it's Geoffrey.
00:33:45Wow.
00:33:47You're not jealous of all my ex-flames, are you?
00:33:49Of course not.
00:33:50Why should I be?
00:33:51Please stop interrogating me, Geoffrey.
00:33:53Forget it.
00:33:55That's all in the past.
00:33:58Then, nothing to be jealous about.
00:34:03Who needs drama?
00:34:06So I shouted back at her.
00:34:07No shop assistant shouts at me, I shouted.
00:34:10In the end, Neville nearly bolted me for swearing.
00:34:13He thumped you?
00:34:15Walloped you on?
00:34:16No.
00:34:18I said nearly.
00:34:22You'll never thump me, will you?
00:34:24Like Neville does Sandra.
00:34:26She adores it.
00:34:28Of course not.
00:34:30No.
00:34:33Geoffrey, Percy Filth isn't the only thing in life.
00:34:36It isn't even one of the things in mine.
00:34:38He used to talk to me.
00:34:39All right.
00:34:40Let's talk.
00:34:46Geoffrey, I've just had the most super idea.
00:34:48Why?
00:34:49Is your mum going out?
00:34:53May as well pack in, really.
00:34:56Why?
00:34:58Why not?
00:35:02Good thinking.
00:35:09Thanks for a stimulating few weeks.
00:35:11You too.
00:35:12It was real.
00:35:14Psychedelic.
00:35:15You can keep me grateful dead, LP.
00:35:17I was scratched anyway.
00:35:19It's been a gasp.
00:35:21Groovy.
00:35:23I won't wave from the window.
00:35:25No, I won't look back anyway.
00:35:27Good.
00:35:28It's been a gasp.
00:35:29You've said that once.
00:35:30You're well red barrel.
00:35:31There's plenty more fish in the sea.
00:35:45About three very lonely sardines.
00:35:50Mother, please don't try raising one eyebrow at me.
00:35:52You know you can't do it.
00:35:53You'll never thump me, will you, Geoffrey?
00:35:54Ow!
00:35:55Beryl, I just had the most super idea.
00:35:56Are we going to put it up?
00:35:57No.
00:35:58We're going to pack it in.
00:35:59Don't say that.
00:36:00Please don't say that.
00:36:01That.
00:36:02Sandra.
00:36:03Sandra.
00:36:04You're Sandra.
00:36:05Mine.
00:36:07Two months.
00:36:08Two months.
00:36:09Two months.
00:36:10Two months, nine days.
00:36:12Is she positive?
00:36:13The test was.
00:36:14What are you going to do?
00:36:15She'll think of something.
00:36:16Sandra, it's stupendous.
00:36:17It's stupendous.
00:36:18No.
00:36:19No.
00:36:20We're going to pack it in.
00:36:21No.
00:36:22We're going to pack it in.
00:36:23Don't say that.
00:36:24Please don't say that.
00:36:25That.
00:36:27Sandra.
00:36:28Sandra.
00:36:29Sandra.
00:36:30You're Sandra.
00:36:31Mine.
00:36:32Two months.
00:36:33Two months, nine days.
00:36:34Is she positive?
00:36:35The test was.
00:36:36What are you going to do?
00:36:37Yes.
00:36:39Congratulations.
00:36:40I hope you'll both be very happy.
00:36:41Oh, thanks, kid.
00:36:44Sandra, I don't know how you do it.
00:36:47Often.
00:37:07Your job, your friends.
00:37:10You're looking.
00:37:11Oh, my.
00:37:12Separated and cape ...
00:37:14half day-old.
00:37:15It's not bizarre.
00:37:17So goo Give me the shadow.
00:37:18How's your neighbor next?
00:37:20She doesn't do it.
00:37:22It's funny.
00:37:24It's so funny.
00:37:26How's your neighbor now?
00:37:27I'm trying to şekilde these outside.
00:37:31Why are you here?
00:37:32I'm trying to live out if you have any Hello and Areada.
00:37:34John for Pope.
00:37:42Long may reign.
00:37:50Aren't you, uh...
00:37:52Yeah.
00:37:55And you're, uh...
00:37:56That's right.
00:37:59Going somewhere incredible.
00:38:00I'm meeting my parents.
00:38:02Taking them to see Fiddler on the roof.
00:38:04That's pretty incredible.
00:38:06Your mummy and daddy.
00:38:09Uh...
00:38:10Oh, hell, no, that's tomorrow.
00:38:13If I'm in the mood.
00:38:16Where you are.
00:38:18Depends where you take me.
00:38:30All I was saying about your friend with the glasses...
00:38:33Rowland.
00:38:34Rowland.
00:38:35Is that I found him intellectually unaware...
00:38:37And psychologically incredibly boring.
00:38:39It's not bad at snooker.
00:38:43And how are you and little Beryl?
00:38:46Didn't she tell you?
00:38:47I don't work there anymore.
00:38:50I packed her in.
00:38:50Did she turn you off?
00:39:01Beryl?
00:39:02Yeah.
00:39:06I hadn't really looked.
00:39:09Seen one, you seen them all.
00:39:13Not quite all.
00:39:14I'll go and get me coat.
00:39:16Oh, boy.
00:39:23Looks to be my birthday.
00:39:28Boys aren't the only thing in life, Beryl.
00:39:30Oh, I do wish you'd find one.
00:39:37They aren't all after Percy, Philz.
00:39:40Yes, they are.
00:39:42Mmm.
00:39:44Oh, you were terrific on the bus.
00:39:46Was I?
00:39:48Mmm.
00:39:50Terrific self-control.
00:39:53Joan of Arc never married, yet she led a full and happy life.
00:39:57Or am I thinking of someone else?
00:39:59Mother, I don't happen to be interested in boys.
00:40:02I happen to be interested in having early nights
00:40:04and writing poetry in bed with me Moe Felt-tip pen.
00:40:06It's run out of ink.
00:40:07I used it for me laundry list.
00:40:10My God, your generation's got a few things to answer for.
00:40:13Mmm.
00:40:15Mmm.
00:40:15Mmm, please.
00:40:17Mmm, don't.
00:40:17Mmm, please.
00:40:19You can't ravish a girl on her own doorstep.
00:40:23Well, let's go inside, then.
00:40:25Mmm, smooth-talking bastard.
00:40:33It is me birthday.
00:40:37What about the boy with the freckles from Shakespeare Crescent?
00:40:40I don't believe that question.
00:40:42You used to be crazy about him.
00:40:45I was 11 years old.
00:40:47He used to let me chalk on his tortoise.
00:40:50I was out of it.
00:41:09I hope you guys wrote it.
00:41:12Um.
00:41:13I love you.
00:41:13Um.
00:41:13what's your name again what's yours rock that's not your real name no Steven
00:41:27God that turns me on
00:41:31when I first met you in the street I thought just a quiet drink and a chat
00:41:42shows you the art of conversation ain't dead
00:41:45don't move a muscle however gorgeous
00:42:12testing testing Jeffrey Milleup returns to the day I wish you everything you've ever wished yourself
00:42:25I'm fed up
00:42:43who are you
00:42:46who are you
00:42:47what are you fed up about
00:42:50teachers don't have to do homework
00:42:53no
00:42:54they just mark it
00:42:56anyone can mark it
00:42:59they've got the answers
00:43:00do you know it's after two o'clock
00:43:08what's he doing here then
00:43:09well
00:43:12this is your uncle Steven
00:43:15this is my revolting brother Jeremy
00:43:19how do you do
00:43:23don't my mum and dad know he's here
00:43:25Jeremy bed
00:43:26I could always wake them up and tell them
00:43:28Jeremy
00:43:29little boys need sleep
00:43:33even big astronauts
00:43:36do you know where babies come from
00:43:39do you
00:43:42say no
00:43:44no
00:43:44I do
00:43:45say yes
00:43:46shall I tell you
00:43:47he knows
00:43:48the man has this male organ
00:43:50and some blood cells
00:43:52and erectile glands
00:43:53and there's these 500 million spermatozoas
00:43:56in these testes
00:43:57that he has as well
00:43:58and he goes through his male organ
00:44:00into the female uterus
00:44:01that the lady has
00:44:02who told you that
00:44:04then they go to the fallopian tubes after that
00:44:07one of them fertilizes with the female egg
00:44:09the others don't bother
00:44:11anyway that's what you have to do
00:44:13then you have a baby
00:44:15did they teach you that at school?
00:44:19they do woodwork in the next class
00:44:20people can only make babies at certain times of the year
00:44:24but animals like dogs and cats
00:44:26and giraffes I think
00:44:28do it all the time
00:44:29no
00:44:31no
00:44:32that's people
00:44:34what is?
00:44:38well
00:44:39people
00:44:40do it all the time
00:44:41whenever they feel like it
00:44:46in the next class
00:44:51you can do metal work
00:44:52if you don't like woodwork
00:44:53goodnight Jeremy
00:44:5625p
00:44:5950
00:45:0050
00:45:0150
00:45:0250
00:45:11goodnight Uncle Stephen
00:45:13would you care for a government health warning?
00:45:31hey Veronica
00:45:35yes?
00:45:37who the hell's Uncle Stephen at 10 past 2 in the morning?
00:45:39a friend of Jeremy's
00:45:41he's going now
00:45:42goodnight love
00:45:45we would have done that wouldn't we?
00:45:50and how?
00:45:50you can't win them all
00:45:55can you?
00:45:56anyway
00:45:57do you good going without for a change
00:45:59still there's always another day
00:46:06tomorrow?
00:46:08no
00:46:08tomorrow's another day
00:46:11shh
00:46:12not unless you happen to be in Plymouth
00:46:14where?
00:46:16I'm joining the Wrens for three years
00:46:18what Wrens?
00:46:22the Royal Navy's Wrens
00:46:24this time tomorrow
00:46:27I'll be in barracks
00:46:28with about 50 other girls
00:46:29and 30,000 sailors
00:46:30hope I like it
00:46:33thanks for nearly everything
00:46:39we definitely would have done
00:46:42wouldn't we?
00:46:42well obviously
00:46:43we're as good as dead
00:46:45in a way really
00:46:46almost
00:46:47just keep telling yourself
00:46:49and we will have
00:46:50only better
00:46:51goodnight love
00:46:53to our barrel
00:46:55morning
00:47:18previous generation
00:47:19what's for breakfast?
00:47:31you knew it was your mother's birthday
00:47:33now what we'd like to know
00:47:34is where were you
00:47:35while we were fiddling on the flaming roof
00:47:37I'm sorry mum
00:47:38I'll take you out another night
00:47:40something cropped up
00:47:41like what?
00:47:43dad
00:47:44you understand
00:47:45you understand
00:47:45I don't Jeffrey
00:47:48well you always say you do
00:47:50Jeffrey you're at it every night
00:47:53yes dad
00:47:55and we don't complain
00:47:56no dad
00:47:56but last night was different
00:47:58I knew you'd understand
00:48:00I knew you'd like to know
00:48:12MUSIC PLAYS
00:48:29Charlton for Pope. Long me reign. Amen.
00:48:32What's going on? Pound's down again.
00:48:36Up and down like a pair of knickers. You should know.
00:48:40Or me. You know what I mean?
00:48:44What a night. Wow.
00:48:47A lot.
00:48:50Including action replays in slow motion.
00:48:56Hey lads, I picked up a bit of spare last night. Who didn't?
00:49:00No, it's true.
00:49:02Yes, Geoffrey. It is.
00:49:05Yes, Geoffrey.
00:49:10Bloody yes.
00:49:15Poor Geoffrey.
00:49:17Beryl, please. It's Neville's engagement party as well. He had to invite him.
00:49:21He'll see me. It's cruel.
00:49:24He'll see other girls.
00:49:26I shan't take him back, Sandra.
00:49:29I shan't.
00:49:31It's been two weeks. He may have got over you by now.
00:49:34Don't know much about men, do you, love?
00:49:37It was doing him a kindness, really. Finally splitting up.
00:49:40He only had one ambition in life.
00:49:45Send my knickers to Oxfam.
00:49:48Good job she hasn't joined the rent.
00:49:50I'm sorry.
00:49:51It's been a good job.
00:49:52I'm sorry.
00:49:53I'm sorry.
00:49:54I'm sorry.
00:49:55I'm sorry.
00:49:56I'm sorry.
00:49:57I'm sorry.
00:49:58I'm sorry.
00:49:59I'm sorry.
00:50:00I won't even consider taking him back if he isn't.
00:50:01She might have changed, of course.
00:50:02I'm sorry.
00:50:03I'm sorry.
00:50:04I'm sorry.
00:50:05It was doing him a kindness, really.
00:50:06Finally splitting up.
00:50:07He only had one ambition in life.
00:50:09Send my knickers to Oxfam.
00:50:16Good job she hasn't joined the rent.
00:50:18The entire Navy had gone strike.
00:50:21I expect he's sorry now.
00:50:23I won't even consider taking him back if he isn't.
00:50:27She might have changed, of course.
00:50:29If she has, I might let her have the old orgy nine again.
00:50:32He's got to accept we've finally split up.
00:50:35Otherwise, I definitely won't take him back.
00:50:41Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:50:44At least I've got me pride.
00:50:46I left with Beryl, baby.
00:50:49Oh, hi.
00:50:50Didn't see you?
00:50:51No, nor me.
00:50:53And how's Manchester City doing without me cheering them on, then?
00:50:56United.
00:50:57We're winning every game now.
00:50:59Oh, good.
00:51:01And what's new with Geoffrey, then?
00:51:09I asked you what was new with you.
00:51:11I asked you.
00:51:15Did you?
00:51:16Did I say more?
00:51:18Pardon?
00:51:19And how's Beryl, baby, getting on, then?
00:51:22Geoffrey, I'm not all that ecstatic about you calling me Beryl, baby.
00:51:26It isn't like you.
00:51:28Say that again.
00:51:29Beryl, baby.
00:51:30What's your name, handsome?
00:51:32You'll laugh.
00:51:33Everybody laughs.
00:51:34It's the story of my life.
00:51:36You tell it like it is, Chuck.
00:51:37She's putting on an axe.
00:51:38What do you care?
00:51:39I don't have a baby.
00:51:40Is she going to get into bed with him now?
00:51:43Probably.
00:51:44Geoffrey always looks half asleep these days.
00:51:45She's going to get into bed with him now.
00:51:46Probably.
00:51:47Geoffrey always looks half asleep these days.
00:51:48Well, it's very exhausting.
00:51:49It is.
00:51:50It is.
00:51:51It is.
00:51:52It is.
00:51:53I do care.
00:51:55I don't have a baby.
00:52:02Is she going to get into bed with him now?
00:52:06Probably.
00:52:10Geoffrey always looks half asleep these days.
00:52:13Well, it's very exhausting.
00:52:16What is?
00:52:18Working in a bank.
00:52:20Oh.
00:52:23I had this bad scene, this chick, and decided to split.
00:52:32So I cut out, man, like there's no tomorrow.
00:52:38This cat gets it together where he's at, man.
00:52:43Lots of beautiful bags, baby.
00:52:46So if you want a piece of the action, don't cool it.
00:52:52Take.
00:52:55Hmm?
00:52:57Sorry, I no understand English.
00:53:06Gesundheit.
00:53:07I thought she'd only just been to bed with the other one.
00:53:12She has.
00:53:14And which is her husband?
00:53:16Neither.
00:53:22It's warming up, isn't it?
00:53:24Great beat, isn't it?
00:53:25Great to dance to.
00:53:39Do you agree that life's an onion?
00:53:41Hmm?
00:53:42Pardon?
00:53:43If so, what's death?
00:53:45Erm...
00:53:47A banana.
00:53:49Yes, I expect it is when you think about it.
00:53:51Have you read Schopenhauer's concept of existence?
00:53:52Erm...
00:53:53No.
00:53:54But I've seen the film.
00:53:55Are you married?
00:53:56No.
00:53:57Grab yourself an adage.
00:53:58Marriage is a cabbage.
00:53:59Are you a poet?
00:54:00Never ask the questions.
00:54:01Ask the answers.
00:54:02You are a poet.
00:54:03To any manager, Marks and Spencers.
00:54:04Good job.
00:54:05I really do, aren't you?
00:54:06I really do, aren't you?
00:54:07I really do, aren't you?
00:54:08I really do, aren't you?
00:54:09I really do, aren't you?
00:54:10I really do, aren't you?
00:54:11No.
00:54:12But I've seen the film.
00:54:13You married?
00:54:14No.
00:54:15Grab yourself an adage.
00:54:16Never ask the questions.
00:54:17Ask the answers.
00:54:18You are a poet.
00:54:22To any manager, Marks and Spencers.
00:54:25Good job.
00:54:28I really do, aren't you?
00:54:30Now he's taking his clothes off.
00:54:34What's on ITV?
00:54:36This.
00:54:38What's on BBC?
00:54:42Casinova.
00:54:44What's that like?
00:54:46This.
00:54:49Oh, come on now.
00:54:50You know that's not where it's at.
00:54:52Let's get this.
00:54:53What's the word?
00:54:54Let's get it clear.
00:54:56Let's get down to the real nitty-gritties-ville.
00:54:59Okay?
00:55:09Women's lip is not about burning brass.
00:55:12Papers, yeah.
00:55:14What papers?
00:55:16A marriage certificate.
00:55:17A dog's licence.
00:55:18Whatever you prefer to call it.
00:55:20Look, let's be basic about this, Enid.
00:55:23All girls want marriage.
00:55:24And a white wedding.
00:55:25Really basic?
00:55:26You want to be really basic?
00:55:29Utterly basic.
00:55:30Bulls.
00:55:32Grass?
00:55:33What?
00:55:34What?
00:55:35What?
00:55:36What?
00:55:37What?
00:55:38I want to go to the world.
00:55:39I want to be as self.
00:55:40All girls as girls at all.
00:55:41Most girls like herself.
00:55:42Like myself.
00:55:43Not me, of course, because I incredibly value my independence.
00:55:44But most girls definitely want.
00:55:45Bulls!
00:55:46If you can't conduct an intelligent conversation without recourse to...
00:55:51I'm not recourseing to anything. I'm merely telling you what girls want.
00:55:54What? Bulls!
00:55:56Would you please stop saying that?
00:55:59You believe in free love, right?
00:56:01Wrong! I believe in free everything.
00:56:03Freedom from all male chauvinist pig domination.
00:56:06Honestly, don't you understand?
00:56:08Excuse me, you've got your hand on me.
00:56:10If we're liberating society for the future, I'm sure.
00:56:12Excuse me, you've got your hand on me.
00:56:14No!
00:56:15Oh!
00:56:17Oh, sorry. Well, I'm sorry.
00:56:19It's all right.
00:56:20Oh, gee.
00:56:21It's a pleasure.
00:56:22Grass?
00:56:23Geoffrey, if not to.
00:56:25Why not?
00:56:26I said don't. You're not to smoke it.
00:56:37Oh, wow.
00:56:39We're as liberated as you, Enid.
00:56:41We've equal importance as individuals.
00:56:44Neither of us is boss.
00:56:45It just doesn't arise.
00:56:47We'll make some coffee, kid.
00:56:49Yes.
00:56:50You see, what we believe is...
00:56:51Now!
00:56:55You see...
00:56:56Now, one.
00:56:57I can see there's only one way to get through.
00:57:05What are you doing?
00:57:06Lighting everybody's fire.
00:57:11Burn my bra.
00:57:12Right.
00:57:13Right.
00:57:14That's it.
00:57:15Finished.
00:57:16The end.
00:57:17Full stop.
00:57:18We've finally split up.
00:57:19Neville, Sandra wants you.
00:57:20I should imagine.
00:57:21Sad, isn't it?
00:57:22Pathetic.
00:57:23Well, I can't follow plays these days.
00:57:25It's just showing real life, that's all.
00:57:29I once thought I'd found her.
00:57:30A perfect girl.
00:57:31Red hair.
00:57:32Not too skinny.
00:57:33Very gentle and shy.
00:57:34Passionate when roused.
00:57:35Yeah.
00:57:36Yeah.
00:57:37And it will.
00:57:38I had to take a pair.
00:57:39It's just showing real life, that's all.
00:57:43I once thought I'd found her.
00:57:48Perfect girl.
00:57:49Red hair.
00:57:50Not too skinny.
00:57:51Very gentle and shy.
00:57:54Passionate when roused.
00:57:55Yeah.
00:57:56No.
00:57:57Very gentle and shy.
00:58:01Passionate when roused.
00:58:03Yeah.
00:58:06You should pack me in for picking my teeth with a matchstick.
00:58:09You're very sweet, Roland.
00:58:11I've always thought you were.
00:58:16Did you know you very nearly have a lopsided grin?
00:58:20It's just I'm a bit tired.
00:58:22No, it's nice.
00:58:26I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:29Oh, sorry.
00:58:35Do you know...
00:58:36What, Beryl?
00:58:38I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:50Oh, sorry.
00:58:54Do you know...
00:58:55What, Beryl? She can ask me anything.
00:58:59Do you know where Jeffrey's got to?
00:59:04He's upstairs, I think.
00:59:08Is it true they're dry on their own?
00:59:15Usually.
00:59:20Oh, I hate to be any trouble, but I think I'm dying.
00:59:25It'll be all right, honest.
00:59:27She said I shouldn't smoke it.
00:59:29Who?
00:59:30She said...
00:59:35Jeffrey.
00:59:38Jeffrey.
00:59:45Sorry.
00:59:52Jeffrey.
00:59:57Move up a bit, Jeffrey.
00:59:59Put your legs...
01:00:00That's better.
01:00:05It's because it's your first time, isn't it?
01:00:13Call Dr. Wise per Quilmslow Road.
01:00:17It wasn't marijuana, you know.
01:00:26What was it, then?
01:00:28Grass.
01:00:30Grass is marijuana.
01:00:33This grass wasn't.
01:00:35It was the real thing.
01:00:38From the front lawn.
01:00:40Is that you, Beryl?
01:00:55Had a nice time?
01:00:57Even though it's three o'clock in the morning.
01:01:00Not that I mind, if you've had a nice time.
01:01:03Even though I've been in bed since ten, having a good night's worry.
01:01:06Did you see Jeffrey?
01:01:13That's good.
01:01:13Do you ever get the feeling you're trying too hard?
01:01:37I didn't try at all.
01:01:39Gave me to rest.
01:01:43I'm right off, birds.
01:01:46I am.
01:01:47I am.
01:01:49For good.
01:01:51Me too.
01:01:53And me.
01:01:54Good morning.
01:02:15Your mother would like to know if you have a reservation at this hotel.
01:02:17Good night.
01:02:18Good night.
01:02:47Good night.
01:03:01Oh, Beryl, Beryl.
01:03:15Geoffrey, can I rip your trousers off and have my way with you?
01:03:24Oh, Beryl.
01:03:28Oh, Geoffrey. Oh, God.
01:03:42Hello.
01:03:44Sir Hart.
01:03:46Will you be required in the room again, sir?
01:03:48Because we're thinking of taking bookings for the next pop festival.
01:03:52You're a bugger.
01:03:54I don't know who he takes after.
01:03:58PHONE RINGS
01:04:04Hello?
01:04:05It's me.
01:04:06Who?
01:04:07My God, that's symbolic.
01:04:09Oh, hello, Beryl.
01:04:11I'm just ringing to tell you I never want to see you again.
01:04:13If you have a phone or call, please don't, because I shan't be in.
01:04:16Tonight or any other night.
01:04:18Anyway, tonight I'm helping me mum at the school jumble sale.
01:04:22I'll take you, Keck preserve says,
01:04:23What the hell?
01:04:24It's all hanging out to me.
01:04:25No, no, no, no, no.
01:04:38Come on.
01:04:39Come on.
01:04:40Come on.
01:04:41Hand to God, You're the great little part.
01:04:42Come on.
01:04:43Come on, Matthew.
01:04:44Come on.
01:04:45Come on.
01:04:46Come on.
01:04:47A small world.
01:04:52Good evening, Mrs Battersby.
01:04:54I was looking for a nice lampshade.
01:04:57Oh?
01:04:59Probably this one.
01:05:01Definitely.
01:05:02Magic in satin.
01:05:03Oh, certainly, Geoffrey.
01:05:05Who's here in his nice crimson shoes?
01:05:11You'd like some nice fancy random paper, wouldn't you?
01:05:17I'm a child of the universe, Beryl. I have a right to be here.
01:05:20I'm afraid we don't sell marijuana on Sundays. Try the co-op.
01:05:23Beryl, listen.
01:05:23If you can smell burning, it's just that the vicar's been around burning his jockstrap.
01:05:26Beryl, listen.
01:05:27Can I help you, madam?
01:05:27Have you got that in another colour?
01:05:30No, madam.
01:05:31I'll leave it then.
01:05:40Listen to what, for heaven's sake?
01:05:43Don't matter.
01:05:45What doesn't?
01:05:46It wouldn't, anyway.
01:05:47Wouldn't what?
01:05:49Go to the match with me on Saturday.
01:05:52Me?
01:05:53A football match?
01:05:55With 40,000 skinheads and you?
01:05:58Told you.
01:06:00Who are they playing?
01:06:06Huddersfield Town.
01:06:08In the co-op.
01:06:09I've always wanted to watch Huddersfield Town.
01:06:12The fourth from the bottom.
01:06:19Shows you.
01:06:23Away from home.
01:06:25They've won three, drawn five, and lost 12.
01:06:29Drawn five.
01:06:30I think I nearly love you.
01:06:34So what do you think?
01:06:35I think I nearly love you.
01:06:39I think I nearly love you.
01:06:43Never mind, it's only a game.
01:07:05I thought you said you nearly loved me.
01:07:13I don't recall Grace Kelly enticing Prince Rainier by going to watch United, I may be wrong.
01:07:22Grace who?
01:07:24We live in a permissive society, Beryl. Read any colour supplement.
01:07:28Mother, you're supposed to be my mother.
01:07:30I am, love. And it wasn't through going to football matches.
01:07:34You are the same mother that makes me tug my skirt down every time I stand up, even if he's only on the phone.
01:07:39Yes, well, boys are very safe. And I am your mother.
01:07:44That's what I said.
01:07:47I don't mean permissive permissive.
01:07:51Let's see. Romantic.
01:07:55Pardon?
01:07:56Kissing, cuddling. Things of that nature.
01:08:02Oh, we do. Do what?
01:08:04What you just said.
01:08:06Good. Not too much, I hope.
01:08:09Oh, God.
01:08:10Boys are very funny.
01:08:11They're novices compared to mothers.
01:08:18Did I tell you that two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains?
01:08:22Fantastic.
01:08:23The Cowgills.
01:08:25Mr. and Mrs. Cowgill.
01:08:27Married couple.
01:08:28Newlyweds.
01:08:29Not long married.
01:08:30You go bald doing that.
01:08:31Doing what?
01:08:32No.
01:08:33No.
01:08:34No.
01:08:35No.
01:08:36No.
01:08:37No.
01:08:38No.
01:08:39No.
01:08:40No.
01:08:41No.
01:08:42No.
01:08:43No.
01:08:44No.
01:08:45No.
01:08:46No.
01:08:47No.
01:08:48No.
01:08:49No.
01:08:50No.
01:08:51No.
01:08:52No, no, no.
01:08:53It's not you.
01:08:54No.
01:08:55Do what?
01:08:56Doing what?
01:08:57Oh, yeah.
01:09:04I'll tell you, 28 stockbrokers have moved into the office opposite with the dirty curtains.
01:09:07They're living in sin.
01:09:12Can you say one single sentence without the word marriage in it?
01:09:21If I said to you, do you think Cassius Clay would have beaten Rocky Marciano,
01:09:25would you say what's it matter so long as they're happily married?
01:09:28I don't think so.
01:09:31A barrel would.
01:09:35Giving you a bad time, is she?
01:09:38Oh, I wouldn't say that.
01:09:43I haven't even mentioned the word.
01:09:46What word?
01:09:47Goodness me, a single person can have a relationship
01:09:50with another single person without everyone thinking she's automatically...
01:09:53I never said you were!
01:09:54You think it!
01:10:09All right, Geoffrey.
01:10:10I hereby promise never to utter the word again.
01:10:15Marriage?
01:10:16Never.
01:10:17Well, until I am.
01:10:21If I ever do.
01:10:22Which I fervently hope I never will.
01:10:24For someone who's not uttering something, when's your old pee coming out?
01:10:31No two people have a divine right to happiness, Geoffrey.
01:10:34You mustn't feel guilty about me.
01:10:38Sorry?
01:10:40No-one can say you've completely ruined me life.
01:10:44Not yet.
01:10:44What are you staring at?
01:10:55Hello?
01:10:56You all right, son?
01:10:57Terrific.
01:10:58Why did you throw your sponge pudding at the cat, then?
01:11:01Your mother's theory is you're overworking.
01:11:04Hmm.
01:11:05My theory is you're overdoing it with some dolly bird.
01:11:08Oh.
01:11:09What's your theory?
01:11:11Indigestion.
01:11:11Oh.
01:11:14What's yours, Sundance?
01:11:17Hasn't he said anything at all?
01:11:19He has said one thing.
01:11:21Oh, what's that?
01:11:22If God had meant sardines to be in oil, it had given them dipsticks.
01:11:24All right.
01:11:25The weeks and months dragged by, and with neither side willing to compromise, we still have deadlock.
01:11:35Her Majesty's government have consistently tried to find a way out of this dilemma.
01:11:39Another wild night learning what N.O. spells and how many of us school pals are getting married.
01:11:44And what N.O. spells.
01:11:46And what N.O. spells.
01:11:48Great.
01:11:49I might as well go bald and open me own monastery.
01:11:51And so society, that's you and me, says, end this dispute.
01:11:58End it now.
01:12:00Good night.
01:12:01Hear, hear.
01:12:03Good, wasn't he?
01:12:04Triffic.
01:12:05Especially when he said good night.
01:12:07We're just enjoying ourselves.
01:12:10Having a good time.
01:12:12Just having fun.
01:12:14Being happy.
01:12:16Take two a day, after meals, and one if you find yourself crying your heart out again in the middle of a zebra crossing for no reason at all.
01:12:27You're sure this has nothing to do with a boyfriend?
01:12:29Absolutely positive.
01:12:33That was the first film we ever saw together.
01:12:37Make that three a day, after meals.
01:12:49Look, Beryl.
01:12:50How's this for a peace plan?
01:12:52You join a marriage bureau, and I'll get a job on the stage.
01:12:56Twice nightly in Denmark.
01:12:58Then we'll both be happy.
01:12:59Right?
01:13:00Right.
01:13:01Good Jesus Christ, superstar.
01:13:03Amen.
01:13:05Oh, hell.
01:13:07Time's up again.
01:13:08See you tomorrow.
01:13:10Where do you think you're going?
01:13:17Geoffrey, I'll get the sack.
01:13:18It's important.
01:13:19What is?
01:13:20I keep asking you, what is.
01:13:28What is?
01:13:29To be on our own.
01:13:32What?
01:13:34So as we can talk.
01:13:36What?
01:13:37I've had an old speech worked out on the bus this morning.
01:13:47The only bit I can remember is, and that's what I think.
01:13:51Last night I dreamt I was in goal for Manchester United, and Grace Kelly kicked nine goals past me.
01:13:56Grace who?
01:13:57She was playing for United as well.
01:13:59Weird, isn't it?
01:14:09The main thing is, we do communicate.
01:14:13Oh, we do.
01:14:14Oh, we do.
01:14:24See, what face do I want you to do?
01:14:24See, what face do I want you to do?
01:14:26Go on.
01:14:27No, you.
01:14:27Mine wasn't important.
01:14:30No, mine wasn't.
01:14:31Beryl, are you happy?
01:14:49Of course.
01:14:51Very.
01:14:53I am.
01:14:55No one is every second of every minute of every day.
01:15:01No, I'm not.
01:15:08Do you think it's because we love each other, do you think?
01:15:17Probably.
01:15:18I've not actually said the words often.
01:15:20Well, not in so many words.
01:15:23Mostly in words to that effect.
01:15:31Is there anything you don't love about me?
01:15:42No.
01:15:43I don't think so.
01:15:44Honestly, no.
01:15:45Nothing.
01:15:46If there is, you just tell me and I'll stop doing it.
01:15:49If there isn't anything.
01:15:50Honest.
01:15:51Good.
01:15:51It wouldn't upset me.
01:15:55It would just make me a better human being to deserve your love.
01:16:03Like, you know, crimson shoes and bottle green socks.
01:16:10Well, you don't wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks, Beryl.
01:16:13If I did, I'd stop to please you.
01:16:20I see.
01:16:25There's no need to be sensitive, Jeffrey.
01:16:27In a meaningful relationship, you must like even what you don't.
01:16:33Your mother.
01:16:34Pardon?
01:16:34I like your mother.
01:16:35Please don't sulk, Jeffrey.
01:16:37Hand her lampshades.
01:16:38Sulking isn't the most endearing quality in a person.
01:16:40Well, you ought to know.
01:16:43You've almost made it an art form.
01:16:45Anything else at random?
01:16:47You've got 24 hours to spare.
01:16:48After all, I'm no Bridgette Bardot.
01:16:51According to reliable sources in Saint-Tropez, she's 105 next birthday.
01:16:54Over 98% of the male population of Manchester and Salford can tell the difference between
01:16:58Bridgette Bardot and Beryl Battersby.
01:17:00Ask any opinion poll.
01:17:02I'm much fatter for a start.
01:17:04You're not all that fat, Beryl.
01:17:05I am.
01:17:06Start slimming.
01:17:07Men like something to get hold of.
01:17:08If they're allowed to get hold of it.
01:17:11You always succeed in getting back to Percy Philth in the end, don't you?
01:17:14Always.
01:17:14No, I don't, Beryl.
01:17:16You do.
01:17:16I always fail.
01:17:18Do you know what some girls find extremely likeable?
01:17:20The extremely likeable way some boys stare at every girl they see.
01:17:23Boys like it when girls tell them what N-O spells.
01:17:26Especially for the 600th time.
01:17:28That they really dig.
01:17:29You never say dig.
01:17:31I did then.
01:17:33Your passionate, unrequited love for 11 boring men kicking a ball about.
01:17:37That's really lovable.
01:17:39I never knew you thought that.
01:17:42Neither did I.
01:17:44Do now, though.
01:17:45I used to say dig before I met you.
01:17:59I used to say all sorts of things.
01:18:05There's a lot about me I can't even remember.
01:18:07I used to say all sorts of things.
01:18:07There's a lot about me I can't even remember.
01:18:09There's a lot about me I can't even remember.
01:18:29Thinking what I'm thinking?
01:18:34I think so.
01:18:35We just don't like each other.
01:18:38At all.
01:18:39Oh, goodbye, then.
01:18:54Good luck.
01:18:55Peace, man.
01:19:00St. Anne's Square.
01:19:01St. Anne's Square, please.
01:19:02So that just leaves a cot, two matinee coats, two romper suits.
01:19:18And what else do I need?
01:19:22Oh, yes, a ring.
01:19:24A teething ring?
01:19:26Wedding ring?
01:19:27Of course.
01:19:27Oh, they have gorgeous prams in the shops these days.
01:19:31No wonder everyone's at it.
01:19:35Oh, sorry.
01:19:37What about?
01:19:38Skip it.
01:19:39About time, too.
01:19:40About time, too.
01:19:41With her sympathy.
01:19:42Not that I need any, actually.
01:19:45I've never been as happy in me life.
01:19:47But she doesn't know that.
01:19:49If I'm looking miserable, Sandra, it's because I'm feeling happy for you.
01:19:53Yeah.
01:19:54Yeah.
01:19:58We know what you must be thinking.
01:19:59Of course we do.
01:20:01How to pop the pink without going in off.
01:20:08Ace.
01:20:09She used to wear pink, you know.
01:20:13I won't tell you where.
01:20:17A hell of a lot more where hers came from.
01:20:20Wow.
01:20:24Did you want the chalk, Geoffrey?
01:20:26I know.
01:20:27Spells no.
01:20:30Super day for it.
01:20:33Sin being inside a day like this.
01:20:35Well, Sandra, this is it.
01:20:39Yep.
01:20:40The big day.
01:20:42Yep.
01:20:43Coming to the crotch.
01:20:44Crunch.
01:20:46I dare say it'll hardly break my heart in the slightest seeing him again.
01:20:51You mustn't think I'll be crying inside because I most definitely won't be.
01:20:55And what's more, no one will know that I am.
01:20:57Because I shan't.
01:20:59Truly.
01:21:02Sandra, please, you've enough to think of.
01:21:05It's a big day for you as well, really, isn't it?
01:21:16And now one of the bride and groom on their own.
01:21:19Do you mind stepping back, sir?
01:21:21Fine.
01:21:22This is fine enough.
01:21:23Here?
01:21:23About there, lovely.
01:21:25You can kiss the bride on this one, sir.
01:21:28Wow.
01:21:28Official permission to actually kiss her.
01:21:32Ow!
01:21:33Oh, sorry.
01:21:36That's right.
01:21:37Hold it.
01:21:38Lovely.
01:21:40Right, now, a nice family group of the parents, please.
01:21:43Right, parents.
01:21:44Funny.
01:21:44I remember the Friday lunchtime we first met.
01:21:47How have you been?
01:21:50Absolutely great.
01:21:52You?
01:21:53Never better.
01:21:54Ever.
01:21:55That's it.
01:21:55A little bit like that.
01:21:57It's all over now.
01:21:59Bar the salmon salad.
01:22:00It's tuna fish.
01:22:04It's life.
01:22:12See, President, Nick, somewhere to China, then?
01:22:15That was before we ever met.
01:22:17I don't know.
01:22:18Why?
01:22:19Has something happened about it?
01:22:21No.
01:22:21Oh?
01:22:22Could I trouble you for the salad cream, please?
01:22:24Hmm.
01:22:27Speaking personally, I think there are enough problems to sort out on Earth without going
01:22:31to the moon.
01:22:33Nixon?
01:22:34Why is he going?
01:22:36No.
01:22:38The astronauts.
01:22:39Oh.
01:22:41It's the wives and sweethearts I feel sorry for.
01:22:46We never really talked, did we, about things that matter?
01:22:50Good, isn't it?
01:22:51Shows we're friends.
01:22:53Now that we know we don't like each other.
01:22:55Everybody thinks we're brokenhearted.
01:23:01We've really grown up, haven't we?
01:23:03Me mother's convinced herself we split up because we had too much Percy filth.
01:23:07I'm right off it, meself.
01:23:09I've been able to walk off buses perfectly normally for the past few weeks.
01:23:13Oh.
01:23:14I expect it's only temporary.
01:23:16I hope not.
01:23:17It's marvellous.
01:23:18Good.
01:23:19I don't fancy you in the slightest now.
01:23:22Thank you, love.
01:23:26Still off the food, I noticed.
01:23:28And we've learned a fantastic amount for the future.
01:23:35Fantastic.
01:23:36For example, say I finally did marry someone like you, only someone I love.
01:23:41I bet I'd now let him wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks every night.
01:23:44In bed a bit.
01:23:51And you'll probably meet some little fatty who's never even heard of Kenny Warhol and marry
01:23:55her three days later.
01:23:59We probably won't see each other at all now, we're pals.
01:24:02I expect you're going to the match this afternoon.
01:24:04Oh, yeah.
01:24:04I'm helping Sandra Packer go in a way case.
01:24:08Where's she going?
01:24:09Hospital.
01:24:13Well, we'll bump into each other sometime.
01:24:34Oh, hello, Mrs. Battersby.
01:24:59You won't remember me.
01:25:01Good afternoon, Geoffrey.
01:25:02Oh, um, is, uh, is Beryl there, please?
01:25:08She's gone to the football match.
01:25:12There is no football.
01:25:13It's cricket now.
01:25:15Well, it's the same thing, isn't it?
01:25:32When's the kick-off?
01:25:44In about three months.
01:25:47Football season's over now, Beryl.
01:25:48Well, what on earth did you want to come for?
01:25:53Forgot.
01:25:54I'm not all that interested these days.
01:25:58Where will you go now, then?
01:26:00I don't know.
01:26:04Could always go inside and practice booing for next season.
01:26:07Where will you?
01:26:11Might go and get a new pair of tights.
01:26:14Hey, it's like the countryside, isn't it, when it's empty?
01:26:18Fancy a stroll in the country?
01:26:20May as well, if you like.
01:26:22Don't mind.
01:26:22Why not?
01:26:24Just as friends.
01:26:26Oh, I meant just as friends.
01:26:27Yeah, I did.
01:26:35Wish we had a ball.
01:26:38Could play shooting in.
01:26:42You could go in goal.
01:26:49Amazing how people change, isn't it?
01:26:57Well, we're certainly much happier without each other.
01:27:22We'll be even happier with someone else.
01:27:26Anyone, really.
01:27:27There's millions to choose from.
01:27:37All nearly exactly right for us.
01:27:41You'll find someone, Jeffrey.
01:27:44You will, Beryl.
01:27:46Just a matter of keeping your eyes open, really.
01:27:49Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:51Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:52Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:53Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:54Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:55Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:56Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:57Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:58Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:59Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:00Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:01Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:02Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:03Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:04Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:05Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:06Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:07Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:08Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:09Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:10Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:11Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:12Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:13And you'll find sometimes
01:28:33Love and rainy weather can turn out fine
01:28:38Getting wet together's fun
01:28:41When the crying's dark
01:28:47Love and rainy weather
01:28:51Are followed by the sun
01:28:57Love and rainy weather
01:29:00Love and rainy weather
01:29:05When the crying's dark
01:29:11Love and rainy weather
01:29:16Are followed by the sun
01:29:21Love and rainy weather
01:29:25Mother and rainy weather
01:29:27Love and rainy weather
01:29:31With my согласive
01:29:33Love and rainy weather
01:29:35nachdar
01:29:37Åh åh åh åh åhì the sun
01:29:39I Move andел
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