- 4 months ago
Category
ðĨ
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:30CastingWords
00:01:00CastingWords
00:01:02CastingWords
00:01:04CastingWords
00:01:06CastingWords
00:01:08But we live in a permissive society.
00:01:10Not on this street we don't.
00:01:12Everybody's at it.
00:01:14Not with me they're not.
00:01:16Girls are supposed to be crying out for it.
00:01:18Not this one.
00:01:20I'm the silent majority.
00:01:22It's only manners these days.
00:01:24Total strangers do it now instead of shaking hands.
00:01:26God is Lord.
00:01:29Jesus.
00:01:31Jesus.
00:01:32Jesus.
00:01:34Jesus.
00:01:36Jesus.
00:01:38Jesus.
00:01:40Jesus.
00:01:42Jesus.
00:01:44Jesus.
00:01:46Jesus.
00:01:48Jesus.
00:01:50Jesus.
00:01:52Jesus.
00:01:54Jesus.
00:01:56We've never seen him in real life, though.
00:01:58Oh, he's picturing the papers.
00:02:01Oh, come on, Sandra, let's go.
00:02:03No, I don't want to.
00:02:04Oh, he'll be standing out here. It's stupid.
00:02:06But he might come in a minute.
00:02:08Somebody waited ages yesterday and he never turned up there.
00:02:10But that was yesterday. He might be here today.
00:02:12Oh, no. He'll be really deaf standing here.
00:02:14Come on, you're supposed to be going shopping.
00:02:16Oh, wait. Please, let's go.
00:02:22Oh, no.
00:02:23I told you so, didn't I?
00:02:25I feel all right, Twit, now.
00:02:27I don't fancy yours.
00:02:30Which is mine?
00:02:32Any except the blonde.
00:02:34Oh, good.
00:02:36Who are being stared at?
00:02:38Where?
00:02:41I don't fancy yours.
00:02:45Which is mine?
00:02:47Any.
00:02:48Except the blonde or the one with the yellow legs?
00:02:52Thanks.
00:02:53Neither do I.
00:02:55Fancy the one with the twitch?
00:03:00About as much as Mountsy-Tung's granddad, with all due respect.
00:03:04To his granddad.
00:03:06Ask him if they do a turn.
00:03:08You.
00:03:09I thought we were giving sex up.
00:03:11There's a protest at never getting any.
00:03:14Ignore them.
00:03:14Hi.
00:03:15Hi.
00:03:23Hi.
00:03:24Hi.
00:03:24Hi.
00:03:26Hi.
00:03:27Hi.
00:03:30Hi.
00:03:33Peace, ma'am.
00:03:34Were you, er, hoping to see Georgie Best?
00:03:37He's in Mallorca.
00:03:38He's in Mallorca.
00:03:39Come on, then.
00:03:41We only get an hour for lunch.
00:03:44It's a discotheque in Albert Square.
00:03:52Come on.
00:03:53I thought we were going for tights.
00:03:58It's our lunch hour.
00:04:01It's ours.
00:04:02We were going for lunch.
00:04:04Shall I tell you something pretty mind-blowing about Mallorca?
00:04:12It's one place I've never been.
00:04:15Pardon?
00:04:17I'm, er, Geoffrey.
00:04:18I don't happen to be attached.
00:04:22I'm Beryl.
00:04:23I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:25Don't you worry
00:04:43Love and rainy weather may sound funny
00:04:49But they go together fine
00:04:53Every single time
00:04:59Love and rainy weather
00:05:01First you're up there
00:05:04On another plane
00:05:06And then you're nowhere
00:05:08And the tears are raining down
00:05:13It's a run around
00:05:18Love and rainy weather
00:05:22Sure I can get you down
00:05:27Not going twisting tonight, then?
00:05:38That's the modern name for it, isn't it?
00:05:40What?
00:05:41Cutting a rug.
00:05:44Pardon?
00:05:45Grooving, Mildred.
00:05:47It's called grooving nowadays.
00:05:48Grooving and or freaking.
00:05:50Right?
00:05:51What I'm not doing tonight.
00:05:53Right.
00:05:53Right on.
00:05:56You're staying in tonight, then?
00:05:57Tonight.
00:05:58Tomorrow night.
00:05:59Every night.
00:06:01They might sell me overcoat.
00:06:03Life's not all pleasure, you know.
00:06:06Really?
00:06:06Mildred, don't hassle the lad.
00:06:09Hustle.
00:06:09It's a different world today, Mildred.
00:06:13We had a week's honeymoon in Blackpool
00:06:16for what this finny haddy cost.
00:06:18They do their own thing.
00:06:19The usual 1,300 weight?
00:06:22Yes, please.
00:06:24Now, that's the new world that we work for
00:06:26and fought for.
00:06:28Full-page advert for contraception.
00:06:31It's his birthright.
00:06:32I'm not hungry.
00:06:37What's that supposed to mean?
00:06:39It's the hip way cool people say I'm not hungry.
00:06:42I enjoy staying in Chattingham an evening.
00:07:03I find it fantastically enjoyable.
00:07:06No, really.
00:07:07I really do.
00:07:09Some people don't.
00:07:10I do.
00:07:14Beryl, please take my word for it.
00:07:16Paul McCartney's never going to ring that doorbell
00:07:18and invite you to the pictures.
00:07:20Paul McCartney who?
00:07:21He doesn't know you've been faithful to him
00:07:22ever since our day's night.
00:07:24And please don't say Paul McCartney who.
00:07:27I sacrifice too much for your six-old levels.
00:07:29Five.
00:07:30You were terrific in the pictures.
00:07:34I never touched you.
00:07:35Terrific self-control.
00:07:36Oh.
00:07:40What did you say your name was?
00:07:43What did you say your name was?
00:07:43Mind you, just a weekend I do with you, Paul.
00:08:05Not a dirty weekend.
00:08:08A disgusting one.
00:08:13Night-night, Percy Filth.
00:08:16Have you always been insatiable?
00:08:28It's not my fault.
00:08:30It's just that I don't like blondes.
00:08:36It's psychosomatic.
00:08:40I'm sorry.
00:08:41It's just that I don't like it.
00:08:46Ah.
00:09:03Oh, Sandra.
00:09:05It is almost blonde in this light.
00:09:07It's just that I don't like it.
00:09:11What's wrong?
00:09:14Just being brave.
00:09:16What about?
00:09:17Ending it all.
00:09:20Before we hurt each other too much.
00:09:23It's our first date.
00:09:27I've probably wasted your entire evening, haven't I?
00:09:31Not yet.
00:09:32Not if your parents aren't back till midnight.
00:09:34Don't you think you're too old for this sort of thing?
00:09:41Straight from Stanley Matthews to Bridget Bardot you went overnight.
00:09:46That was when you were too young for this sort of thing.
00:09:49It's artistic, Mother.
00:09:51Like your Tutankhamen butter dish.
00:09:53What?
00:10:04Got it.
00:10:05Got what?
00:10:06You now ask
00:10:07if I never want to see you again.
00:10:09I say I do.
00:10:11You then stop crying
00:10:12quick as a flash
00:10:13and say something like
00:10:14how about Sunday
00:10:15half seven
00:10:16outside Central Library.
00:10:17No, I don't.
00:10:19Tomorrow
00:10:20zero half seven
00:10:20outside Central Library.
00:10:23Then when I say okay
00:10:24does your zip
00:10:25miraculously undo?
00:10:27It does not.
00:10:29I thought it did.
00:10:31Not till you've unfastened
00:10:32the press stud.
00:10:35I can see her doing your ironing
00:10:37and cooking
00:10:38and cleaning.
00:10:39You wouldn't need to book
00:10:40for the Christmas pantomime.
00:10:41I don't intend to marry her, Mother.
00:10:44In case it interferes
00:10:45with my career.
00:10:46We're just good friends.
00:10:48Good night.
00:10:50Miss Bardot.
00:11:05Marry me.
00:11:09You know what they say?
00:11:12Once you've had a Manchester,
00:11:13lad, you never touch anything else.
00:11:14Marry me.
00:11:16Marry me.
00:11:18Marry me.
00:11:20Marry me.
00:11:23Marry me.
00:11:25Marry me.
00:11:27Marry me.
00:11:29Marry me.
00:11:29About time and all.
00:11:31Aye.
00:11:32Aye.
00:11:32Aye.
00:11:32Peace, man.
00:11:35Marry me.
00:11:36Did you have a good time,
00:11:37Miss Knight?
00:11:38Great.
00:11:38Is this you?
00:11:40Satisfied.
00:11:40I say it in for a change.
00:11:42Marry me.
00:11:42Marry me.
00:11:42Marry me.
00:11:44Did you get much?
00:11:47Did you?
00:11:52Did you know that raping Princess Anne
00:11:53was a capital offence?
00:11:55Not that I have done.
00:11:57Paid in for a change instead.
00:11:59Ticket.
00:11:59I ain't got my ticket.
00:12:09We're late already.
00:12:11See you behind the goal then.
00:12:16See you behind the goal then.
00:12:24Well, tonight's beauty sleep's done nothing for her, snooty old bag.
00:12:31Trendy.
00:12:32Crimson shoes with bottle green socks.
00:12:36Must be going steady with a set of traffic lights.
00:12:38Still, who else would have him?
00:12:39Anyway, I'm not going to be a good time.
00:12:40I'm not going to be a good time.
00:12:41I'm not going to be a good time.
00:12:42I'm not going to be a good time.
00:12:43I'm not going to be a good time.
00:12:44I'm not going to be a good time.
00:12:45I'm not going to be a good time.
00:13:15Probably an omen seeing her before the match.
00:13:17I bet we lose 3-1.
00:13:20Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:13:24At least I've got me proud.
00:13:26Oh, hello.
00:13:28Oh, hi.
00:13:29Hi.
00:13:30Didn't see you.
00:13:31No, Normie.
00:13:34Are you going that way?
00:13:35Yeah.
00:13:36Not especially, no.
00:13:38Are you going that?
00:13:40Yeah, well, no.
00:13:42I was sort of...
00:13:44Are you going to the football match?
00:13:46Are you?
00:13:46Shopping.
00:13:53I'm probably going to the pictures tonight.
00:13:56I am.
00:13:56Which?
00:13:57Which are you?
00:13:57Any.
00:13:58I am.
00:14:07See you then.
00:14:08Tonight?
00:14:09Pardon?
00:14:10Oh, I...
00:14:11All right, then.
00:14:13Right.
00:14:19Super socks.
00:14:25Did you see that?
00:14:26They're all on drugs.
00:14:27A lot of them.
00:14:28Good score.
00:14:46Losing.
00:14:47Three-one.
00:14:48in. 3-1.
00:14:50Excuse me, I...
00:15:20I only go to restaurants with deaf waiters.
00:15:25Ah.
00:15:29Hi.
00:15:31Hello, mate.
00:15:33Peace man. Surprise, surprise.
00:15:35Surprise.
00:15:37Anywhere controversial?
00:15:39The boyfriend. She's slim.
00:15:41I'm just going to the... Oh, I'll come with you.
00:15:45Are you and Beryl, um...
00:15:48You know.
00:15:51You know.
00:15:53Oh.
00:16:03Would you, uh...
00:16:05What do you sort of reckon? She's a...
00:16:09Fair sort of bird.
00:16:11Sort of.
00:16:12She's all right.
00:16:15I mean, nothing sensational, obviously.
00:16:18Geoffrey, she's a bird.
00:16:24You having a coffee with us?
00:16:25No, thanks, kid. Neville's ravenous.
00:16:28You've just eaten.
00:16:30Oh, of course. Yeah. Sorry.
00:16:35You see, what I thought Kenneth was always trying to do...
00:16:39By implication.
00:16:40Probably by implication.
00:16:42Was to allow the images to provoke a moral response from our own aesthetic judgment.
00:16:47You see?
00:16:48Yes.
00:16:51Was he the errand boy?
00:16:52Was who the errand boy?
00:16:53Ken Thingy.
00:16:55He directed it.
00:16:57Oh, yes.
00:16:59I was probably thinking of Andy Warhol.
00:17:02Probably.
00:17:03You're not like other boys at all, are you?
00:17:10Well, I'm probably a little more mature, that's all.
00:17:13It's over 200 yards from the cinema.
00:17:15And you talk to me the whole way.
00:17:17Like a person.
00:17:21Other boys seem to have one-track minds these days.
00:17:24Sex?
00:17:25Marriage.
00:17:27Pardon?
00:17:28The number of boys that asked me to marry them.
00:17:31A couple of dates and pal they want to get married.
00:17:35I want to live a bit before I get married.
00:17:37I suppose I just don't have a hang-up about it.
00:17:41Get married?
00:17:42Hmm.
00:17:44No.
00:17:48Actually, I find girls, most girls it is,
00:17:52a bit obsessed these days.
00:17:55Not marriage.
00:17:57No.
00:17:58Sex.
00:18:00Percy Phil?
00:18:03Sex.
00:18:04That's what I said.
00:18:06Oh.
00:18:08Well, I'm not like that.
00:18:10Not Percy Phil motivated?
00:18:12No.
00:18:14No.
00:18:27Did you want to say any more about Andy Warhol?
00:18:29Ken Russell?
00:18:30Yeah.
00:18:31No.
00:18:38This is it.
00:18:39I won't come in, with it being our first date.
00:18:55No.
00:18:56Oh.
00:18:57Anywhere my mum's gone to bed, we'd be on our own.
00:19:00Is that a reason for me not coming in, though?
00:19:02Yes, Geoffrey.
00:19:04Oh.
00:19:13Nice house.
00:19:1625-year mortgage.
00:19:23Well, thanks for seeing me home.
00:19:27Funny, isn't it?
00:19:29First date with someone.
00:19:31It always leads to one of three things.
00:19:34Either nothing.
00:19:36Or something.
00:19:40Or everything.
00:19:43Well, don't think about Percy Phil at this stage, Beryl.
00:19:46I'm not.
00:19:48No, I'm not.
00:19:51Night-night. God bless.
00:19:52Night-night. God bless.
00:20:05I won't give you my phone number, in case you think I'm one of those scheming females.
00:20:09What is it?
00:20:10327-4421.
00:20:12The easy way to remember it is the three and the two make five, which is two less than seven,
00:20:16then two fours, and half of four, which is two, and half of two, which is one.
00:20:19Um...
00:20:20But you mustn't ring me if you don't want.
00:20:22No.
00:20:23But you can if you do.
00:20:24Do you want me to?
00:20:25Not if you'd rather not.
00:20:27327-4421.
00:20:29Night.
00:20:49Well, hello, Mrs. Battersby. Beryl's brought you up a cup of tea.
00:21:04Oh, they all of me past life flashed before me then.
00:21:10Can't be Mother's Day. You'd have forgotten.
00:21:13Has there been any clips?
00:21:16Mum, I want the benefit of your experience.
00:21:20What do you think of Andy Warhol?
00:21:23You see, Geoffrey has this theory that by implication...
00:21:27Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:28Of course, Geoffrey knows about these things.
00:21:31These things. Everything.
00:21:33Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:34He's fantastically intelligent.
00:21:37See, Geoffrey's idea...
00:21:38Beryl ooze Geoffrey.
00:21:41Oh, no one.
00:21:47No one's special.
00:21:53His name's Geoffrey.
00:21:59How did this Beryl Bird turn out last night then?
00:22:00Not Beryl Bird.
00:22:03I told him.
00:22:05Did she, er...
00:22:07Did she, er...
00:22:09What?
00:22:12Wow!
00:22:15She doesn't then.
00:22:17You don't listen, do you?
00:22:19I said...
00:22:20How about Sandra?
00:22:21Chips.
00:22:26Chips.
00:22:28Chums. Sod.
00:22:34Not seeing him tonight, then.
00:22:40Who?
00:22:45I've rather better things to do, thank you.
00:22:47Said he was no-one special.
00:22:49Have they got a phone here?
00:22:51Why?
00:22:53They haven't, have they?
00:22:55Do you want to get some Nookie lined up or something?
00:22:57If I did, do you think I'd be playing darts with you two?
00:22:59Look, are you fed up here?
00:23:01Are you?
00:23:03We'll split after this game.
00:23:05Anything you'd like.
00:23:07Nookie.
00:23:09Nookie.
00:23:10Nookie.
00:23:11Nookie.
00:23:12Nookie.
00:23:14Nookie.
00:23:15We'll split after this game.
00:23:16Anything you say.
00:23:17And go for a few at the King's Ed.
00:23:19Great.
00:23:21And that ends our pro...
00:23:23Well, Monday tomorrow.
00:23:25Hallelujah.
00:23:26Pardon?
00:23:28I don't know what you're paying for that phone, but whatever it is, you're being done.
00:23:32Goodnight.
00:23:45Good morning.
00:23:46Morning.
00:23:47Good morning.
00:23:48Chalton for Pope.
00:23:49Long may you reign.
00:23:50Amen.
00:23:51What's going on?
00:23:52The pound's up again.
00:23:53Oh, God.
00:23:54Today's special.
00:23:55Bloody travellers, Jax.
00:23:56Here.
00:23:57Here.
00:23:58Suddenly everyone's going on holiday.
00:23:59Except those.
00:24:00Enjoy yourself while you're young.
00:24:01Morning.
00:24:10Chalton for Pope. Long may it reign. Amen.
00:24:15What's going on? Pound's up again.
00:24:18Oh, God.
00:24:20Today's special. Bloody travellers, Jax. Here.
00:24:24Suddenly everyone's going on holiday.
00:24:26Seth does.
00:24:28Enjoy yourself while you're young.
00:24:31Why do we always do that?
00:24:4793 times a day.
00:24:50We never see anything.
00:25:01They're not disturbing you, I hope.
00:25:03See Geoffrey on Sunday.
00:25:04Oh, Geoffrey.
00:25:06That's Neville's the greatest.
00:25:13My typing not disturbing your singing, I hope.
00:25:19See Geoffrey on Sunday.
00:25:22Oh, Geoffrey.
00:25:24That Neville's the greatest.
00:25:29Is he dishy or is he dishy?
00:25:35Neville promises he's going to take us to the bathroom film.
00:25:36I'm considering packing Geoffrey in.
00:25:39One day it was enough.
00:25:41Why?
00:25:43He's cancer and I'm Libra.
00:25:45Is that bad?
00:25:46Hopeless.
00:25:49Actually, I'm slightly off the male gender at the moment.
00:26:01Five.
00:26:02Five, which is...
00:26:03Three and two is five, which is two less than seven.
00:26:08Which is...
00:26:10Oh.
00:26:11I see the Spanish police are throwing your lot out of Ibiza.
00:26:17Bank clocks.
00:26:18Your lot.
00:26:20Football supporters.
00:26:22Hippies.
00:26:23Oh.
00:26:24My lot.
00:26:25And the third stroke, it will be seven, twenty-two and forty seconds.
00:26:35It will be seven, twenty-two and fifty seconds.
00:26:40That's it then.
00:26:42Fate.
00:26:43All over by seven, twenty-three precisely.
00:26:45So what?
00:26:46Plenty more where she came from.
00:26:55Is that the speaking clock?
00:26:57Is that Geoffrey?
00:26:58Is that Beryl?
00:26:59Yes.
00:27:00Yes.
00:27:02Hi.
00:27:03Hi.
00:27:05Hi.
00:27:05It's terrifically exciting, isn't it?
00:27:26Getting to know a person.
00:27:27Fantastic.
00:27:28Fantastic.
00:27:32I want to know all about you.
00:27:35That's what it's all about.
00:27:39For example, there's things in common already.
00:27:42Definitely.
00:27:45Like what?
00:27:46We're enormously fond of animals.
00:27:52Right.
00:27:55And we're both from Manchester.
00:28:00Have you ever been abroad?
00:28:02No.
00:28:04Have you?
00:28:05No.
00:28:07Unless you count Istanbul.
00:28:09Istanbul?
00:28:10Was it beyond belief?
00:28:12I don't know.
00:28:13I was only three.
00:28:16Do you ever get the feeling you've been somewhere before?
00:28:22Sometimes.
00:28:24I do.
00:28:26What now?
00:28:29No.
00:28:30Just, just sometimes.
00:28:35Yes, I do.
00:28:39Such a lot, isn't there?
00:28:42In getting to know a person.
00:28:44Hmm.
00:28:46He was live and easy-limbed, his stride quietly casual, his eyes clear and confident, and his
00:28:57strong mouth ready to break into a relaxed, assured, lopsided grin.
00:29:03You know, Geoffrey, you have a really lopsided grin.
00:29:10Really?
00:29:11You know, lopsided.
00:29:15I don't think I have.
00:29:17It's in the eye of the beholder.
00:29:21See?
00:29:23Geoffrey doesn't need someone else when he's tying a knot.
00:29:26He holds it down with his little finger.
00:29:30It must be marvellous being a man.
00:29:34It's OK, I suppose.
00:29:35Men can do anything.
00:29:37Conquer Everest.
00:29:39Do heart transplants.
00:29:40Become leader of the opposition.
00:29:44Anything!
00:29:44Geoffrey, N.O. spells no.
00:29:56It's good for your circulation, Beryl.
00:29:58Read any women's magazine.
00:30:00It's good for theirs, too.
00:30:01Not sure they recommend Percy Filth on Tuesdays.
00:30:05I only see you on Tuesdays and Saturdays.
00:30:07All Saturdays.
00:30:08Beryl.
00:30:15Beryl.
00:30:16Oh, Geoffrey Bobble's bumble.
00:30:18Oh, Beryl.
00:30:19Oh, Geoffrey.
00:30:21Oh, Beryl!
00:30:23Are you all right?
00:30:23What exactly happened?
00:30:24Don't tell me.
00:30:26I just heard a sharp achak of dramatic irony.
00:30:28Pardon?
00:30:34Come back.
00:30:35They're better.
00:30:36It's better.
00:30:37I'm OK.
00:30:38I told you.
00:30:42It's going to pour.
00:30:43It's not.
00:30:48Urgh.
00:30:52It's only the angels crying.
00:30:55I know how they feel.
00:30:58Well, don't blame me.
00:30:59I haven't done anything.
00:31:00That's true.
00:31:03That's not true, Beryl.
00:31:04I have apologised.
00:31:06I keep going down on me knees when I'm talking to you.
00:31:08Independent observers think I'm training to be a Cossack dancer.
00:31:12It must be a bad line.
00:31:13I can't hear you.
00:31:14You'd better apologise again.
00:31:17I apologise again.
00:31:20Gosh, this lousy line.
00:31:22I wonder if Geoffrey would like to come to tea on Sunday.
00:31:28Pardon?
00:31:30Pardon?
00:31:32Is that who I think it is?
00:31:34No, dear.
00:31:34Well, isn't this nice?
00:31:47Sardine sandwich.
00:31:52Is it all sardine?
00:31:54Yeah.
00:31:54She's got her own trawler.
00:32:03Isn't it awful?
00:32:05What?
00:32:06I was speaking to Geoffrey.
00:32:08What's happening in the world?
00:32:09I blame the politicians.
00:32:11What for?
00:32:11For what's happening in the world.
00:32:17Talk to her.
00:32:21I can't speak Portuguese.
00:32:23Tasty.
00:32:25Very in oil.
00:32:27Nice in oil.
00:32:28She's got a bad leg.
00:32:29The bread's extremely wholesome.
00:32:34Why, after this little baker down the road,
00:32:35he does something with the bleach.
00:32:40Yes.
00:32:47I can't do long conversations about sardine sandwiches.
00:32:50Your mind goes blank.
00:32:54It's not thinking about life after death.
00:32:59Oh, that Neville, honestly.
00:33:04Number of hearts he must have broken.
00:33:06Every girl in Manchester, nearly.
00:33:09Geoffrey definitely has.
00:33:11Probably even more.
00:33:13Air hostesses.
00:33:16All sorts.
00:33:18Tell me about your terrible past, Geoffrey.
00:33:20I haven't had one yet.
00:33:22White man speak with forked tongue.
00:33:25Actually, I was hoping more for a terrible future.
00:33:29Wow, is that the time?
00:33:34At this moment in time.
00:33:36What have I done?
00:33:37Is Neville the insanely jealous type?
00:33:40Right in the slightest.
00:33:42You're lucky.
00:33:43Why, it's Geoffrey.
00:33:45Wow.
00:33:47You're not jealous of all my ex-flames, are you?
00:33:50Of course not.
00:33:50Why should I be?
00:33:52Please stop interrogating me, Geoffrey.
00:33:53Forget it.
00:33:56That's all in the past.
00:33:57Then, nothing to be jealous about.
00:34:03Who needs drama?
00:34:06So I shouted back at her.
00:34:08No shop assistant shouts at me, I shouted.
00:34:10In the end, Neville nearly bolted me for swearing.
00:34:14He thumped you.
00:34:16Walloped you on.
00:34:17No, I said nearly.
00:34:23You never thumped me, will you?
00:34:25Like Neville does Sandra.
00:34:27She adores it.
00:34:28Of course not.
00:34:31No.
00:34:34Geoffrey, Percy Filth isn't the only thing in life.
00:34:37It isn't even one of the things in mine.
00:34:38He used to talk to me.
00:34:40All right.
00:34:41Let's talk.
00:34:46Geoffrey, I've just had the most super idea.
00:34:49Why?
00:34:49Is your mum going out?
00:34:53May as well pack in, really.
00:34:57Why?
00:34:59Why not?
00:35:02Good thinking.
00:35:03Thanks for a stimulating few weeks.
00:35:12You too.
00:35:13It was real.
00:35:14It's psychedelic.
00:35:15You can keep me grateful dead, LP.
00:35:17We're scratched anyway.
00:35:20It's been a gasp.
00:35:21Groovy.
00:35:23I won't wave from the window.
00:35:25No, I won't look back anyway.
00:35:27Good.
00:35:28It's been a gasp.
00:35:29You've said that once.
00:35:33There's plenty more fish in the sea.
00:35:45About three very lonely sardines.
00:35:50Mother, please don't try raising one eyebrow at me.
00:35:53You know you can't do it.
00:36:00You'll never thought of me, will you, Geoffrey?
00:36:02Ow!
00:36:04Beryl, I just had the most super idea.
00:36:07Are we going to put it in?
00:36:08No.
00:36:09We're going to pack it in.
00:36:10Don't say that.
00:36:11Please don't say that.
00:36:12That.
00:36:15Sandra.
00:36:16Sandra.
00:36:18You're Sandra.
00:36:19Mine.
00:36:23Two months.
00:36:24Two months, nine days.
00:36:28Is she positive?
00:36:29The test was.
00:36:30What are you going to do?
00:36:33She'll think of something.
00:36:35Sandra, it's stupendous.
00:36:40Congratulations.
00:36:40I hope you'll both be very happy.
00:36:42Oh, thanks, kid.
00:36:44Sandra, I don't know how you do it.
00:36:48Often.
00:36:48Often.
00:37:39John for Pope, long may I reign.
00:37:50Aren't you, er...
00:37:52Yeah.
00:37:55And you're, er...
00:37:56That's right.
00:37:59Going somewhere incredible.
00:38:00I'm meeting me parents.
00:38:02Taking them to see Fiddler on the roof.
00:38:04That's pretty incredible.
00:38:06Your mummy and daddy.
00:38:07Oh, hell no, that's tomorrow.
00:38:13If I'm in the mood.
00:38:16Where you are.
00:38:18Depends where you take me.
00:38:30All I was saying about your friend with the glasses...
00:38:33Roland.
00:38:34Roland.
00:38:34Is that I found him intellectually unaware...
00:38:37And psychologically incredibly boring.
00:38:39It's not bad at snooker.
00:38:43And how are you and little Beryl?
00:38:46Didn't she tell you?
00:38:47I don't work there anymore.
00:38:50I packed her in.
00:38:50Did she turn you on?
00:39:01Beryl?
00:39:02Yeah.
00:39:06I haven't really looked.
00:39:09Seen one, you seen them all.
00:39:13Not quite all.
00:39:14I'll go and get me coat.
00:39:23Looks to be my birthday.
00:39:28Boys aren't the only thing in life, Beryl.
00:39:32I do wish you'd find one.
00:39:34They aren't all after Percy, Philz.
00:39:40Yes, they are.
00:39:42Mmm.
00:39:44Oh, you were terrific, on the bus.
00:39:46Wasn't I?
00:39:48Mmm.
00:39:50Terrific self-control.
00:39:53Joan of Arc never married, yet she led a full and happy life.
00:39:57Or am I thinking of someone else?
00:39:59Mother, I don't happen to be interested in boys.
00:40:02I happen to be interested in having early nights
00:40:04and writing poetry in bed with me Moe Felt-tip pen.
00:40:06It's run out of ink.
00:40:07I used it for me laundry list.
00:40:10My God, your generation's got a few things to answer for.
00:40:13Mmm.
00:40:14Mmm.
00:40:15Mmm, please.
00:40:16Mmm, don't.
00:40:18Please.
00:40:19You can't ravish a girl on her own doorstep.
00:40:23Well, let's go inside, then.
00:40:26Smooth-talking bastard.
00:40:28It is me birthday.
00:40:37What about the boy with the freckles from Shakespeare Crescent?
00:40:40I don't believe that question.
00:40:42You used to be crazy about him.
00:40:45I was 11 years old.
00:40:47He used to let me chalk on his tortoise.
00:40:49I don't know.
00:41:08What is it?
00:41:11what's your name again what's yours rock that's not your real name no Stephen
00:41:27when I first met you in the street I thought just a quiet drink and a chat shows you the art of
00:41:44conversation in dead don't move a muscle however gorgeous
00:41:57testing testing Jeffrey Milleup returns to the day I wish you everything you've ever wished yourself
00:42:27I'm fed up who are you who are you what you fed up about teachers don't have to do homework
00:42:53no they just mark it anyone can mark it they've got the answers
00:43:00do you know it's after two o'clock what's he doing here then
00:43:09well this is your uncle Stephen this is my revolting brother Jeremy
00:43:19how do you do don't my mum and dad know he's here Jeremy bed I could always wake him up and tell him
00:43:28Jeremy little boys need sleep
00:43:33even big astronauts do you know where babies come from
00:43:39do you say no no I do say yes shall I tell you he knows the man has this male organ and some blood
00:43:51cells and erectile glands and there's these 500 million spermatozoas in these testes that he has
00:43:57who told you that then they go to the fallopian tubes after that one of them fertilizes with the
00:44:08female egg the others don't bother anyway that's what you have to do then you have a baby teach you that
00:44:17you have a baby teach you that you have a baby teach you that you have a baby teach you that you have a baby
00:44:24but animals like dogs and cats and giraffes I think do it all the time
00:44:31no that's people what is well people do it all the time whenever they feel like it
00:44:46in the next class you can do metal work if you don't like woodwork good night Jeremy 25p 50
00:45:00good night uncle Stephen
00:45:14would you care for a government health warning
00:45:31hey Veronica yes who the hell's uncle Stephen at 10 past 2 in the morning
00:45:39a friend of Jeremy's he's going now good night love
00:45:45we would have done that wouldn't we and how
00:45:51you can't win them all can you anyway do you good going without for a change
00:45:59tomorrow's another day
00:46:11tomorrow's another day
00:46:11shh not unless you happen to be in Plymouth
00:46:14where
00:46:16I'm joining the Wrens for three years
00:46:18what Wrens
00:46:21the Royal Navy's Wrens
00:46:24this time tomorrow I'll be in barracks with about 50 other girls and 30,000 sailors
00:46:30hope I like it
00:46:32thanks for nearly everything
00:46:39we definitely would have done wouldn't we
00:46:42well obviously
00:46:43we're as good as dead in a way really
00:46:46almost
00:46:47just keep telling yourself and we will have
00:46:50only better
00:46:51good night love
00:46:53try a barrel
00:46:55morning previous generation
00:47:18what's for breakfast
00:47:27you knew it was your mother's birthday
00:47:33now what we'd like to know
00:47:34is where were you while we were fiddling on the flaming roof
00:47:37I'm sorry mum
00:47:38I'll take you out another night
00:47:40something cropped up
00:47:41like what
00:47:42dad you understand
00:47:45I don't Jeffrey
00:47:48well you always say you do
00:47:50Jeffrey you're at it every night
00:47:53yes dad
00:47:55and we don't complain
00:47:56no dad
00:47:56but last night was different
00:47:58I knew you'd understand
00:48:00thank you so much
00:48:13MUSIC PLAYS
00:48:29Charlton for Pope. Long me around. Amen.
00:48:33What's going on? Pound's down again. Up and down like a pair of knickers.
00:48:38You should know. Or me.
00:48:41You know what I mean?
00:48:44What a night. Wow.
00:48:47A lot.
00:48:50Including action replays in slow motion.
00:48:56Hey lads, I picked up a bit of spare last night. Who didn't?
00:49:00No, it's true.
00:49:02Yes, Geoffrey. It is.
00:49:05Yes, Geoffrey.
00:49:11Bloody yes.
00:49:15Poor Geoffrey.
00:49:17Beryl, please. It's Neville's engagement party as well. He had to invite him.
00:49:21He'll see me. It's cruel.
00:49:24He'll see other girls.
00:49:26I shan't take him back, Sandra.
00:49:28I shan't.
00:49:30It's been two weeks. He may have got over you by now.
00:49:35Don't know much about men, do you, love?
00:49:39It was doing him a kindness, really. Finally splitting up. He only had one ambition in life.
00:49:56Send my knickers to Oxfam.
00:49:59Good job she hasn't joined the rent. The entire Navy had gone strike.
00:50:02I expect he's sorry now. I won't even consider taking him back if he isn't.
00:50:06She might have changed, of course. If she has, I might let her have the old orgy now and again.
00:50:21He's got to accept we've finally split up. Otherwise, I definitely won't take him back.
00:50:37Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:50:43At least I've got me pride.
00:50:47I left with Beryl, baby.
00:50:49Oh, hi. Didn't see you. No, nor me.
00:50:53And how's Manchester City doing without me cheering them on, then?
00:50:56United. We're winning every game now.
00:50:59Oh, good.
00:51:02And what's new with Geoffrey, then?
00:51:07I asked you what was new with you. I asked you.
00:51:16Did you?
00:51:17Did I say more?
00:51:20Pardon?
00:51:21And how's Beryl, baby, getting on, then?
00:51:24Geoffrey, I'm not all that ecstatic about you calling me Beryl, baby.
00:51:27It isn't like you.
00:51:29Say that again. Beryl, baby.
00:51:33What's your name, handsome?
00:51:35You'll laugh. Everybody laughs.
00:51:38It's the story of my life.
00:51:41You tell it like it is, Chuck.
00:51:50She's putting on an axe.
00:51:52What do you care?
00:51:54I don't have all babies.
00:52:02Is she going to get into bed with him now?
00:52:06Probably.
00:52:10Geoffrey always looks half asleep these days.
00:52:13Well, it's very exhausting.
00:52:16What is?
00:52:17Working in a bank.
00:52:19Oh.
00:52:27I had this bad scene, this chick, and decided to split.
00:52:33So I cut off, man, like there's no tomorrow.
00:52:36No tomorrow.
00:52:39This cat gets it together where he's at, man.
00:52:44Lots of beautiful bag, baby.
00:52:47So if you want a piece of the action,
00:52:50don't cool it.
00:52:53Dig?
00:52:55Hmm?
00:52:57Sorry, I no understand English.
00:53:07Gesundheit.
00:53:09I thought she'd only just been to bed with the other one.
00:53:13She has.
00:53:15And which is her husband?
00:53:16Neither.
00:53:22It's warming up, isn't it?
00:53:31Great beat, isn't it?
00:53:33Great to dance to.
00:53:39Do you agree that life's an onion?
00:53:42Pardon?
00:53:44If so, what's death?
00:53:47Erm...
00:53:49A banana.
00:53:52Yes, I expect it is when you think about it.
00:53:55Have you read Schopenhauer's Concept of Existence?
00:54:00Erm...
00:54:02No.
00:54:04But I've seen the film.
00:54:06You married?
00:54:08No.
00:54:09Grab yourself an adage.
00:54:11Marriage is a cabbage.
00:54:14Are you a poet?
00:54:16Never ask the questions.
00:54:17Ask the answers.
00:54:19You are a poet.
00:54:22To any manager, Marks and Spencers.
00:54:25Good job.
00:54:28I really dirt you.
00:54:30Now he's taking his clothes off.
00:54:34What's on ITV?
00:54:36This.
00:54:38What's on BBC?
00:54:43Casinova.
00:54:45What's that like?
00:54:47This.
00:54:49Oh, come on, now.
00:54:51You know that's not where it's at.
00:54:53Let's get this...
00:54:55What's the word?
00:54:56Let's get it clear.
00:54:58Let's get down to the real nitty gritties, Phil.
00:54:59Okay?
00:55:00Mm.
00:55:09Women's lip is not about burning brass.
00:55:13Papers, yeah.
00:55:15What papers?
00:55:17A marriage certificate.
00:55:18A dog's license.
00:55:19Whatever you prefer to call it.
00:55:20Look, let's be basic about this, Enid.
00:55:23All girls want marriage.
00:55:24And a white wedding.
00:55:26Really basic?
00:55:27You want to be really basic?
00:55:29Utterly basic.
00:55:30Balls.
00:55:32Grass?
00:55:34Enid.
00:55:36When Sandra says every girl, she means most girls.
00:55:39Well, like herself.
00:55:41Not me, of course, because I incredibly value my independence.
00:55:44But most girls definitely want...
00:55:46Balls!
00:55:48If you can't conduct an intelligent conversation without recourse to...
00:55:51I'm not recourseing to anything.
00:55:52I'm merely telling you what girls want.
00:55:54What?
00:55:55Balls!
00:55:57Would you please stop saying that?
00:56:00You believe in free love, right?
00:56:02Wrong!
00:56:03I believe in free everything.
00:56:04Freedom from all-male chauvinist pig domination.
00:56:07Honestly, don't you understand?
00:56:09Excuse me, you've got your hand on me.
00:56:10If we're liberating society for the future, I'm sure.
00:56:12No, thank you.
00:56:13Excuse me, you've got your hand on me.
00:56:15No!
00:56:17Oh, sorry.
00:56:18Wow, man, sorry.
00:56:19It's all right.
00:56:20Oh, gee.
00:56:21It's a pleasure.
00:56:23Grass?
00:56:24Geoffrey, if not to.
00:56:25Why not?
00:56:26I said don't.
00:56:27You're not to smoke it.
00:56:37Oh, wow.
00:56:39We're as liberated as you, Enid.
00:56:42We've equal importance as individuals.
00:56:44Neither of us is boss.
00:56:45It just doesn't arise.
00:56:48We'll make some coffee, kid.
00:56:49Yes.
00:56:50You see, what we...
00:56:51Now!
00:56:55You see...
00:56:56Where are one?
00:56:58I can see there's only one way to get through.
00:57:05What are you doing?
00:57:06Lighting everybody's fire.
00:57:07Burn my bra.
00:57:08Right.
00:57:09That's it.
00:57:10Finished.
00:57:11The end.
00:57:12Full stop.
00:57:13We've finally split up.
00:57:14Neville, Sandra wants you.
00:57:15I should imagine.
00:57:16Sad, isn't it?
00:57:17Pathetic.
00:57:18Well, I can't follow plays these days.
00:57:20It's just showing real life, that's all.
00:57:21I once thought I'd found her.
00:57:22The perfect girl.
00:57:23I once thought I'd found her.
00:57:24The perfect girl.
00:57:25Red hair.
00:57:26I should imagine.
00:57:29Sad, isn't it?
00:57:33Pathetic.
00:57:38Well, I can't follow plays these days.
00:57:41It's just showing real life, that's all.
00:57:48I once thought I'd found her...
00:57:51a perfect girl.
00:57:53Red hair. Not too skinny.
00:57:57Very gentle and shy.
00:58:01Passionate when roused.
00:58:03Yeah.
00:58:06I should pack me in for picking my teeth with a matchstick.
00:58:09You're very sweet, Roland.
00:58:12I've always thought you were.
00:58:16Did you know you very nearly have a lopsided grin?
00:58:20It's just I'm a bit tired.
00:58:22Yeah, it's nice.
00:58:23I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:24Oh, sorry.
00:58:25I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:26Oh, sorry.
00:58:27I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:28Oh, sorry.
00:58:29Do you know...
00:58:30Do you know...
00:58:31What, Beryl?
00:58:32She can ask me anything.
00:58:33Do you know where Geoffrey's got to?
00:58:34Do you know where Geoffrey's got to?
00:58:36He's upstairs there.
00:58:37I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:39Oh, sorry.
00:58:40Do you know...
00:58:41Come on, Beryl.
00:58:42She can ask me anything.
00:58:43Do you know where Geoffrey's got to?
00:58:44He's upstairs, I think.
00:58:45Is it true they're dry on their own?
00:58:46Is it true they're dry on their own?
00:58:47I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:48I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:49Oh, sorry.
00:58:50I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:51Do you know...
00:58:52Do you know...
00:58:53What, Beryl?
00:58:54She can ask me anything.
00:58:55Do you know where Geoffrey's got to?
00:58:56He's upstairs, I think.
00:58:57Is it true they're dry on their own?
00:59:00Usually.
00:59:01I hate to be any trouble, but I think I'm dying.
00:59:02He'll be all right, honest.
00:59:11She said I shouldn't smoke it.
00:59:12Who?
00:59:13Usually.
00:59:21I hate to be any trouble, but I think I'm dying.
00:59:24We'll be all right, honest.
00:59:26She said I shouldn't smoke it.
00:59:29Who?
00:59:30She said...
00:59:34Geoffrey?
00:59:38Geoffrey?
00:59:43Sorry.
00:59:52Geoffrey?
00:59:57Move up a bit, Geoffrey.
00:59:59Put your legs.
01:00:01That's better.
01:00:05It's because it's your first time, isn't it?
01:00:13Call Dr. Weisberg. Quilmslow Road.
01:00:21It wasn't marijuana, you know.
01:00:26What was it, then?
01:00:27Grass.
01:00:30Grass is marijuana.
01:00:32This grass wasn't.
01:00:34It was the real thing.
01:00:38From the front lawn.
01:00:48Is that you, Beryl?
01:00:54Had a nice time?
01:00:57Even though it's three o'clock in the morning.
01:01:00Not that I mind.
01:01:01If you've had a nice time.
01:01:03Even though I've been in bed since ten,
01:01:05having a good night's worry.
01:01:08Did you see Geoffrey?
01:01:12That's good.
01:01:26Do you ever get the feeling you're trying too hard?
01:01:37I didn't try at all.
01:01:39Gave it to rest.
01:01:44I'm right off, birds.
01:01:46I am.
01:01:47I am.
01:01:49For good.
01:01:51Me too.
01:01:53And me.
01:01:56Good morning.
01:02:14Your mother would like to know if you have a reservation at this hotel.
01:02:17Can I then?
01:02:26Good morning.
01:02:27Good morning, mammy.
01:02:28Bye.
01:02:30Yeah.
01:02:31I'm in a mess.
01:02:32Bye.
01:02:33Bye.
01:02:34Bye.
01:02:36Bye.
01:02:38Bye.
01:02:39Bye.
01:02:40Bye.
01:02:42Bye.
01:02:44Bye.
01:02:46Bye.
01:02:48Bye.
01:02:50Bye.
01:02:52Bye.
01:02:54Oh, Beryl, Beryl.
01:03:15Geoffrey, can I rip your trousers off and have my way with you?
01:03:22Oh, Beryl.
01:03:27Oh, Geoffrey. Oh, God.
01:03:42Hello.
01:03:45Will you be required in the room again, sir?
01:03:48Because we're thinking of taking bookings for the next pop festival.
01:03:51Ignorant bugger.
01:03:54I don't know who he takes after.
01:04:03Hello?
01:04:04It's me.
01:04:05Who?
01:04:06My God, that's symbolic.
01:04:08Oh, hello, Beryl.
01:04:10I'm just ringing to tell you I never want to see you again.
01:04:13If you have a phone or call, please don't, because I shan't be in,
01:04:15tonight or any other night.
01:04:17Anyway, tonight I'm helping me mum at the school jumble sale.
01:04:20It's a small world.
01:04:21You know what I mean?
01:04:22You know what I mean, you know.
01:04:23Don't go to the school jumble sale.
01:04:24I'll go to the school jumble sale.
01:04:26A small world.
01:04:52Good evening, Mrs Battersby.
01:04:54I was looking for a nice lampshade.
01:04:57Oh?
01:04:59Probably this one.
01:05:01Definitely. Magic in satin.
01:05:03Oh, certainly, Geoffrey.
01:05:05Who's here in his nice crimson shoes?
01:05:11You'd like some nice fancy random paper, wouldn't you?
01:05:17I'm a child of the universe, Beryl. I have a right to be here.
01:05:20I'm afraid we don't sell marijuana on Sundays. Try the co-op.
01:05:23Beryl, listen.
01:05:24If you can smell burning, it's just that the vicar's been around burning his jockstrap.
01:05:26Beryl, listen.
01:05:27Can I help you, madam?
01:05:28Have you got that in another colour?
01:05:30No, madam.
01:05:31I'll leave it then.
01:05:32Listen to what, for heaven's sake?
01:05:42Don't matter.
01:05:43What doesn't?
01:05:44You wouldn't, anyway.
01:05:46Wouldn't what?
01:05:47Go to the match with me on Saturday.
01:05:50Me?
01:05:51A football match?
01:05:52With 40,000 skinheads and you?
01:05:53Told you.
01:05:54Who are they playing?
01:05:57Huddersfield Town.
01:05:58In the co-op.
01:05:59I've always wanted to watch Huddersfield Town.
01:06:04The...
01:06:05The fourth from the bottom.
01:06:06Shows you.
01:06:07Away from home, they've won three, drawn five and lost twelve.
01:06:11Drawn five.
01:06:12Drawn five.
01:06:13So what do you think?
01:06:16I think I nearly love you.
01:06:17I think I'd love you.
01:06:19I think I'd love you.
01:06:20You've got to be a good friend.
01:06:21Do you think you'd love me?
01:06:22I'd love you, darling?
01:06:23I'd love you.
01:06:24I'd love you, darling.
01:06:25I'd love you, darling.
01:06:26Drawn five and lost 12.
01:06:29Drawn five.
01:06:34So what do you think?
01:06:37I think I nearly love you.
01:06:56Never mind, it's only a game.
01:07:06I thought you said you nearly loved me.
01:07:16I don't recall Grace Kelly enticing Prince Rainier by going to watch United. I may be wrong.
01:07:22Grace who?
01:07:24I live in a permissive society, Beryl. Read any colour supplement.
01:07:28Mother, you're supposed to be my mother.
01:07:30I am, love. And it wasn't through going to football matches.
01:07:34You are the same mother that makes me tug my skirt down every time I stand up, even if he's only on the phone.
01:07:39Yes, well, boys are very safe. And I am your mother.
01:07:44That's what I said.
01:07:47I don't mean permissive permissive.
01:07:51Let's see.
01:07:52Romantic.
01:07:55Pardon.
01:07:56Kissing, cuddling.
01:07:58Things of that nature.
01:08:02Oh, we do.
01:08:03Do what?
01:08:04What you just said.
01:08:05Good.
01:08:06Not too much, I hope.
01:08:08Oh, God.
01:08:09Boys are very funny.
01:08:11They're novices compared to mothers.
01:08:13Did I tell you that two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains?
01:08:21Oh.
01:08:22Two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains.
01:08:24Oh.
01:08:25Two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains.
01:08:29Fantastic.
01:08:30The Cowgills.
01:08:31Mr. and Mrs. Cowgill.
01:08:32Married couple.
01:08:33Newlyweds.
01:08:34Not long married.
01:08:35You go bald doing that.
01:08:36Doing what?
01:08:37Doing what?
01:08:38I'll tell you, 28 stockbrokers have moved into the office opposite of the house.
01:08:40The Cowgills.
01:08:41The Cowgills.
01:08:42Mr. and Mrs. Cowgill.
01:08:43Married couple.
01:08:45Newlyweds.
01:08:46Not long married.
01:08:48You go bald doing that.
01:08:51Doing what?
01:08:52I'll tell you, 28 stockbrokers have moved into the office opposite with the dirty curtains.
01:09:09Living in sin.
01:09:13Can you say one single sentence without the word marriage in it?
01:09:17If I said to you, do you think Cassius Clay would have beaten Rocky Marciano, would you say
01:09:26what's it matter so long as they're happily married?
01:09:28I don't think so.
01:09:30Beryl would.
01:09:33Giving you a bad time, is she?
01:09:37Oh.
01:09:38I wouldn't say that.
01:09:40I haven't even mentioned the word.
01:09:45What word?
01:09:47Goodness me, a single person can have a relationship with another single person without everyone
01:09:51thinking she's automatically...
01:09:52I never said you were!
01:09:54You think it!
01:09:56All right, Geoffrey.
01:10:10I hereby promise never to utter the word again.
01:10:15Marriage?
01:10:16Never.
01:10:17Well, until I am.
01:10:20If I ever do.
01:10:21Which I fervently hope I never will.
01:10:24For someone who's not uttering something, when's your LP coming out?
01:10:30No two people have a divine right to happiness, Geoffrey.
01:10:34You mustn't feel guilty about me.
01:10:37I'm sorry.
01:10:40No one can say you've completely ruined me life.
01:10:43Not yet.
01:10:49What are you staring at?
01:10:55Hello?
01:10:56You all right, son?
01:10:57Terrific.
01:10:58Why did you throw your sponge pudding at the cat, then?
01:11:01Your mother's theory is you're overworking.
01:11:03Hmm.
01:11:04My theory is you're overdoing it with some dolly bird.
01:11:07Oh.
01:11:08What's your theory?
01:11:10Indigestion.
01:11:11Oh.
01:11:13What's yours, Sundance?
01:11:15Hasn't he said anything at all?
01:11:19He has said one thing.
01:11:20Oh, what's that?
01:11:21If God had meant sardines to be in oil, it had given them dipsticks.
01:11:24All right.
01:11:27The weeks and months drag by, and with neither side willing to compromise,
01:11:32we still have deadlock.
01:11:34Her Majesty's government have consistently tried to find a way out of this dilemma.
01:11:39Another wild night learning what NO spells and how many of us school pals are getting married.
01:11:44And what NO spells.
01:11:46And what NO spells.
01:11:48Great!
01:11:49I might as well go bald and open me own monastery.
01:11:52And so society, that's you and me, says end this dispute.
01:11:58End it now.
01:12:00Goodnight.
01:12:01Hear, hear.
01:12:02Good, weren't I?
01:12:04Terrific.
01:12:05Especially when he said goodnight.
01:12:08We're just enjoying ourselves.
01:12:10Having a good time.
01:12:12Just having fun.
01:12:14Being happy!
01:12:16Take two a day, after meals, and one if you find yourself crying your heart out again
01:12:21in the middle of a zebra crossing for no reason at all.
01:12:27You're sure this has nothing to do with a boyfriend?
01:12:29Absolutely positive.
01:12:33That was the first film we ever saw together.
01:12:36Make that three a day after meals.
01:12:38Look Beryl, how's this for a peace plan?
01:12:52You join a marriage bureau and I'll get a job on the stage twice nightly in Denmark.
01:12:57Then we'll both be happy.
01:12:59Right?
01:13:00Right.
01:13:01You're Jesus Christ Superstar.
01:13:02Amen.
01:13:03Oh, hell.
01:13:04Hands up again.
01:13:05See you tomorrow.
01:13:06Where do you think you're going?
01:13:07Geoffrey, I'll get the sack.
01:13:08It's important.
01:13:09What is?
01:13:10I keep asking you what is.
01:13:11What is?
01:13:12To be on our own.
01:13:13What?
01:13:14So as we can talk.
01:13:15What?
01:13:16That old speech worked out on the bus this morning.
01:13:17I'll get the sack. It's important.
01:13:21What is?
01:13:24I keep asking you, what is?
01:13:28What is?
01:13:30To be on our own.
01:13:32What?
01:13:34So as we can talk.
01:13:36What?
01:13:42Had an old speech worked out on the bus this morning.
01:13:47The only bit I can remember is, and that's what I think.
01:13:51Last night, I dreamt I was in goal for Manchester United
01:13:53and Grace Kelly kicked nine goals past me.
01:13:56Grace who?
01:13:57She was playing for United as well. Weird, isn't it?
01:14:09The main thing is, we do communicate.
01:14:13Oh, we do.
01:14:17What face did I want to do?
01:14:19See, what I...
01:14:21Go on.
01:14:23No, you. Mine wasn't important.
01:14:25No, mine wasn't.
01:14:27No, you. Mine wasn't important.
01:14:29No, mine wasn't.
01:14:41Beryl?
01:14:45Are you...
01:14:48Happy?
01:14:49Of course.
01:14:50Very.
01:14:54I am.
01:14:55No one is every second of every minute of every day.
01:15:01No.
01:15:03I'm not.
01:15:08Do you think it's because we love each other, do you think?
01:15:10Probably.
01:15:11I've not actually said the words often.
01:15:14Well, not in so many words.
01:15:16Mostly in words to that effect.
01:15:20Is there anything you don't love about me?
01:15:21No.
01:15:22I don't think so.
01:15:23Honestly, no.
01:15:24Nothing.
01:15:25If there is, you just tell me and I'll stop doing it.
01:15:26If there isn't anything.
01:15:27Honest.
01:15:28Good.
01:15:30If there isn't anything, honest.
01:15:31Good.
01:15:32It wouldn't upset me.
01:15:34It would just make me a better human being to deserve your love.
01:15:37No, no, no.
01:15:39There's nothing.
01:15:40Ah, I'm sorry.
01:15:42It would be very different.
01:15:43But I don't have a little pain.
01:15:44And I'd be very grateful to them.
01:15:45It would be very similar.
01:15:46But I'd like to say, who doesn't really need it.
01:15:47Is there anything you don't love about me?
01:15:50No.
01:15:52I don't think so.
01:15:53Honestly, no.
01:15:54Anything you just tell me and I'll stop doing it?
01:15:57There isn't anything.
01:15:58like you know crimson shoes and bottle green socks
01:16:10well you don't wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks beryl if i did i'd stop to please you
01:16:20i see
01:16:20there's no need to be sensitive jeffrey in a meaningful relationship you must like even what you don't
01:16:33your mother pardon i like your mother please don't sulk jeffrey handle lampshades sulking isn't the
01:16:38most endearing quality in a person well you ought to know you've almost made it an art form anything
01:16:45else at random you've got 24 hours to spare after all i'm no bridget bardo according to reliable
01:16:52sources in san trapez she's 105 next birthday over 98 of the male population of manchester and salford
01:16:57can tell the difference between bridget bardo and beryl battersby ask any opinion poll i'm much
01:17:02fatter for a start you're not all that fat barrel i am start slimming men like something to get hold
01:17:08of if they're allowed to get hold of it you always succeed in getting back to percy filth in the end
01:17:13don't you always no i don't beryl you do i always fail do you know what some girls find extremely
01:17:19likable the extremely likable way some boys stare at every girl they see boys like it when girls tell
01:17:25them what no spells especially for the 600th time that they really dig you never say dig i did then
01:17:33your passionate unrequited love for 11 boring men kicking a ball about that's really lovable
01:17:39i never knew you thought that neither did i do now though
01:17:53used to say dig before i met you
01:17:59used to say all sorts of things
01:18:00there's a lot about me i can't even remember
01:18:16you're thinking what i'm thinking
01:18:33i think so we just don't like each other at all
01:18:46oh goodbye then good luck peace man
01:19:00saint anne's square saint anne's square please
01:19:02so that just leaves a cot two matinee coats two romper suits
01:19:19and what else do i need oh yes a ring teething ring wedding ring of course
01:19:27oh they have gorgeous prams in the shops these days no wonder everyone's at it
01:19:35oh sorry what about skip it about time too with a sympathy not that i need any actually i've never
01:19:45been as happy in my life but she doesn't know that if i'm looking miserable sandra it's because i'm
01:19:52feeling happy for you yeah
01:19:58we know what you must be thinking of course we do how to pop the pink without going in off
01:20:03yes she used to wear pink you know i won't tell you where
01:20:17a hell of a lot more where hers came from wow
01:20:20did you want the chalk jeffrey i know spells no
01:20:30super day for it hmm sin being inside a day like this
01:20:36well sandra this is it yep the big day yep coming to the crutch crunch
01:20:45i dare say it'll hardly break my heart in the slightest seeing him again
01:20:51you mustn't think i'll be crying inside because i most definitely won't be
01:20:55and what's more no one will know that i am because i shan't truly
01:21:02sandra please you've enough to think of
01:21:04it's a big day for you as well really isn't it
01:21:16and now one of the bride and groom on their own
01:21:19do you mind stepping back sir yeah fine this is fine enough here about there lovely
01:21:26you can kiss the bride on this one sir wow official permission to actually kiss her
01:21:30oh sorry that's right hold it lovely thank you right now a nice family group of the parents
01:21:42please right funny i remember the friday lunch time they first met
01:21:48how have you been absolutely great you never better ever
01:21:54that's it it's all a bit like that it's all over now bar the salmon salad
01:22:02it's tuna fish it's life
01:22:12see president nixon went to china then that was before we ever met
01:22:17i know why has something happened about it no no could i trouble you for the salad cream please
01:22:24speaking personally i think there are enough problems to sort out on earth without going to the moon
01:22:33nixon why is he going no the astronauts oh it's the wives and sweethearts i feel sorry for
01:22:43we never really talked did we about things that matter good isn't it shows we're friends
01:22:53now that we know we don't like each other everybody thinks we're broken hearted
01:23:01we've really grown up haven't we my mother's convinced herself we split up because we had too
01:23:06much percy filth i'm right off it myself i've been able to walk off buses perfectly normally for the
01:23:11past few weeks oh i expect it's only temporary i hope not it's marvelous good i don't fancy you in the
01:23:20slightest now thank you love
01:23:26still off the food i noticed
01:23:32and we've learned a fantastic amount for the future fantastic for example say i finally did
01:23:38marry someone like you only someone i love i bet i'd now let him wear crimson shoes and bottle green
01:23:43socks every night in bed a bit and you'll probably meet some little fatty who's never even heard of
01:23:54kenny warhol and marry her three days later we probably won't see each other at all now we're pals
01:24:01i expect you're going to the match this afternoon oh yeah i'm helping sandra packer going away case
01:24:08where's she going hospital
01:24:13well we'll bump into each other sometime
01:24:31uh
01:24:43Oh hello Mrs. Battersby. You won't remember me. Good afternoon Geoffrey.
01:25:04Is Beryl there please? She's gone to the football match.
01:25:11There is no football. It's cricket now. Well it's the same thing isn't it?
01:25:34Hi. When's the kick off? In about three months. Football season's over now Beryl.
01:25:48What on earth did you want to come for? I forgot. I'm not all that interested these days.
01:25:56Where will you go now then? Don't know.
01:26:04Could always go inside and practice booing for next season.
01:26:10Where will you? Might go and get a new pair of tights.
01:26:14Hey it's like the countryside isn't it when it's empty? Fancy a stroll in the country?
01:26:19May as well. If you like. Don't mind. Why not?
01:26:24Just as friends. Oh I meant just as friends. Yeah I did.
01:26:35Wish we had a ball.
01:26:38Could play shooting in.
01:26:42You could go in goal.
01:26:48Amazing how people change isn't it?
01:26:54Well we're certainly much happier without each other.
01:27:19We'll be even happier with someone else.
01:27:25Anyone really.
01:27:33There's millions to choose from.
01:27:37All nearly exactly right for us.
01:27:40You'll find someone Geoffrey.
01:27:42You will Beryl.
01:27:44Just a matter of keeping your eyes open really.
01:27:48Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:50P shin get into the car over the crowd.
01:27:55P ÐÐūŅ's a McFarland!
01:27:56P
01:28:11T
01:28:13P
01:28:14And you'll find sometimes
01:28:33Love and rainy weather can turn out fine
01:28:38Getting wet together's fun
01:28:41When the crying's dark
01:28:47Love and rainy weather
01:28:51Are followed by the sun
01:28:57Love and rainy weather
01:29:00Love and rainy weather
01:29:05When the crying's dark
01:29:12Love and rainy weather
01:29:16Are followed by the sun
01:29:21Love and rainy weather
01:29:25Love and rainy weather
01:29:33Love and rainy weather
01:29:37When the crying's dark
01:29:39Love and rainy weather
01:29:43Love and rainy weather
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