- 3 months ago
The Three Badasses Who Want Me - Full Movie
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Ellen musk the only woman on the forbes 30 under 30 list arrives at Atlanta today what a business
00:00:12tycoon is doing here in Georgia a forgotten stage no one knows Angela my next-door neighbor still
00:00:19selling your hippie junk here if your mother-in-law sees she's gonna throw a big fit again your mother
00:00:27mom is right about you what's the point of watching the news all day about these mongrels if you can't
00:00:32even apply to your penniless self and how do you know that this is none of my all right everybody
00:00:39get out we got an important guest coming you deaf I said pack up and scram I paid this off here already
00:00:54and if you want me to leave then fine but you have to compensate for today's losses I want to say that
00:01:01again you know who's visiting today Ellen freaking musk one of the richest people in the world Ellen
00:01:10musk of course a hick like you probably never heard of her just know that you can't afford to piss her
00:01:16off really Ellen musk is flying all the way to Atlanta just to come to some flea market you don't think
00:01:24that she could be coming to see me coming to see you all right you know what I'll play your game if she
00:01:34does it so much as give you a glance I'll I'll eat dirt deal Ellen musk get to the flea market within 10
00:01:52minutes or else you're fired
00:02:04prepare the limo miss Lockhart requires us immediately ah you're 10 minutes you're so messed up good hope
00:02:27we don't wet your pants five four three two one Ellen uh I mean miss musk uh Ellen uh I mean uh I'm sorry
00:02:46that I uh sorry to frighten you how's my boss bitch kicking ass girlfriend so how do you like
00:02:56she's my boss and I prefer business partner or best friend no way well no no no I'm sorry for
00:03:14defending your boss no I won't do it again all right that's enough we're not tyrants here
00:03:22sir I found Angela Lockhart
00:03:31you mean Angela Lockhart
00:03:38my runaway pride
00:03:40you made me lose one million dollars in just one game of poker who are you
00:03:47where is she Atlanta and you were right it was secretly her propping up Alan Musk my clever
00:03:57bride I will chase you to the end of the world if I have to
00:04:00Max prep the jet I'm heading to Atlanta
00:04:07Dr. Wilson he's having sterling's on the move he's headed to Atlanta Atlanta the game is afoot I'm going
00:04:18wait Dr. Wilson the Prince of Bhutan needs your medical attention he can wait I need to pick up my bride
00:04:24it shows
00:04:36so you want to come right down
00:04:45Remember, prepare my warplank!
00:04:47Dosu going after my fiance.
00:04:49This is war.
00:05:07I've secretly allowed your husband, Jared Cooper,
00:05:09to win the bid on the Maple Plaza project
00:05:11like you asked me to.
00:05:13Thank you so much, Ellen.
00:05:15This is going to be the best anniversary gift ever.
00:05:17That project is worth billions.
00:05:19He can finally take his company public.
00:05:21But, Angela,
00:05:23my boss,
00:05:25I don't understand why you do
00:05:27so much for him behind the scenes
00:05:29without ever revealing your true identity.
00:05:31Without your backing,
00:05:33no offense,
00:05:35but he's nothing without you.
00:05:37Well, three years ago...
00:05:43You saved me.
00:05:47You saved me.
00:05:49I fell in love with him instantly.
00:05:51I didn't want to reveal my true identity
00:05:53because I didn't want him to feel the pressure
00:05:55of being with a billionaire heiress.
00:05:57But now, with this contract,
00:05:59I feel like we'll be on more equal footing
00:06:01and then I can finally come out to the public.
00:06:03So that's why you have me secretly helping him.
00:06:05I'm sure he'll be moved when he finds out.
00:06:07But why work at the flea market?
00:06:09Are you disguising yourself to test him?
00:06:11Well, the answer is that
00:06:13he's not going to be able to get a deal
00:06:14and run with the deal of money.
00:06:15I don't want to be able to get a deal
00:06:16and let's get a deal of money.
00:06:17That's why he'll be able to get a deal of money.
00:06:18I don't want to do that.
00:06:19I think he'll get to him with him.
00:06:20But now, with this contract,
00:06:21I feel like we'll be on more equal footing
00:06:22and then I can finally come out to the public.
00:06:24So that's why you have me secretly helping him.
00:06:26I'm sure he'll be moved when he finds out.
00:06:28But why work at the flea market?
00:06:32Are you...
00:06:34disguising yourself to test him?
00:06:36Well, these exotic spices are incredibly rare and cost a fortune to find.
00:06:42Plus, I get to make the best dishes for my hubby and his mom.
00:06:46You seem happy being a housewife.
00:06:52Where the hell are you?
00:06:53Don't tell me you were selling junk at the flea market again.
00:06:56Get home, stat.
00:06:58It's a big day today.
00:07:01That was...
00:07:03My mother-in-law, Carol, she judges me because she thinks I come from a lower-class family.
00:07:08But she's going to be ecstatic tonight when I finally come out and tell her who I really am.
00:07:14You know, she even remembered our third year anniversary.
00:07:22Please spend more time with my son.
00:07:26Hi, I'm home.
00:07:28I have a big announcement I have to make.
00:07:30Finally, you're back. Now sign the divorce papers.
00:07:36Divorce papers?
00:07:39Is this some sort of misunderstanding, Mom?
00:07:42Oh, God. Don't call me Mom again.
00:07:45We're ending that relationship.
00:07:47Just look at you. Dirt all over.
00:07:50You're selling the title of Mrs. Cooper.
00:07:52You don't deserve my son. You're way below his league.
00:07:56I'm below his league?
00:07:59That's right. You are.
00:08:02Jared is signing a hundred billion dollar contract tomorrow with THE Ellen Musk.
00:08:08And then his company's going public.
00:08:11That's how much he's accomplished in three years.
00:08:13But you?
00:08:15You're still just a stinky, hippie peddler.
00:08:18Jared's like the king in the clouds.
00:08:21And you?
00:08:23You will always just be a pawn.
00:08:27Like dirt on our shoes.
00:08:31Dirt on your shoes?
00:08:34But Ellen Musk works for me.
00:08:37You're delusional.
00:08:38You will never upgrade to a queen.
00:08:41How dare you compare yourself to the real deal here.
00:08:47Resorting to lies.
00:08:48Definitely not good enough for Jared.
00:08:51And who are you to come into my house and meddle with my family matters?
00:08:57You're nothing but a pathetic excuse for a wife.
00:09:01Jared deserves a queen like Kaylee.
00:09:05Not a low-life dirtbag!
00:09:08Enough!
00:09:10Jared, I knew you wouldn't divorce me.
00:09:14But I am.
00:09:16Don't fight it, Angela.
00:09:19Here's 500k.
00:09:20You'll never make this much as a hippie peddler selling spices.
00:09:25Now sign the papers, take your check, and leave.
00:09:27Don't embarrass yourself further.
00:09:29I've done so much for you these past three years.
00:09:36Did that not mean anything to you?
00:09:39I didn't expect you to be so greedy.
00:09:42Fine.
00:09:44Here's another 200k.
00:09:46500k is too much for her already.
00:09:49She's done nothing.
00:09:51Hasn't even contributed a grandchild.
00:09:53She just sells cheap grass all day.
00:09:56Is that really how much I'm worth to all of you?
00:10:00I took care of both of you these past three years.
00:10:04You think we can't just hire a maid to cook for us or something?
00:10:09And she wouldn't embarrass us with that permanent stench.
00:10:13A hippie peddler becoming the wife of a CEO?
00:10:16What a joke.
00:10:19If you actually love my son, you'll sign the damn divorce papers already.
00:10:25And leave!
00:10:28You really think that Jared would have gotten that Mabel Plaza bid without me?
00:10:32Let alone taking the company public?
00:10:35I did everything for you, Jared.
00:10:39Now you take credit for my son's success?
00:10:42It's all my work!
00:10:48Baby, we're gonna be late for the auction if we keep letting this psycho stall us.
00:10:57You did say you would win me Princess Diana's tiara, didn't you?
00:11:02So, she's the reason for the divorce.
00:11:06She's worth more than you, Angela.
00:11:08Fine.
00:11:12I'll sign it.
00:11:14But don't regret it.
00:11:17Regret?
00:11:19You know who I am?
00:11:21Yeah, a cockroach that only knows how to crawl her way into a married man's bed.
00:11:25I'm Eric Vanderbilt's only daughter.
00:11:29Jared winning the bid on Mabel Plaza was because of my dad.
00:11:34Because he's business partners with Elon Musk.
00:11:38It's part of the power I have as an elite.
00:11:42You can't do shit because you're poor.
00:11:46Social stratum matters.
00:11:48Yeah, social stratum does matter.
00:11:52And the Coopers are beneath me.
00:11:55And you really think Elon Musk would come to Atlanta if it weren't for me?
00:11:59Ha!
00:12:01You're delusional.
00:12:03Now sign the papers and scram!
00:12:08You owe me.
00:12:11You dirty bitch.
00:12:12You sickened me.
00:12:13You hit me.
00:12:14Now sign the papers, take your check and get the fuck out!
00:12:26I don't need your penny money.
00:12:44We're finished.
00:12:46You don't want the money, that's your loss.
00:12:51Your check is just pennies to me.
00:12:54But, I would like my ring back.
00:13:06Have fun on your economy flight while I catch a ride on my private helicopter out of here.
00:13:11And I'm way out of your league.
00:13:24Isn't that the Winston Blue Diamond Ring?
00:13:28It's worth tens of millions of dollars.
00:13:31Oh, it's probably just cheap glass.
00:13:35Something she found at the flea market.
00:13:37You're right.
00:13:38She could never afford anything so expensive.
00:13:43Congrats, Jared Vuvu, on getting rid of that dirt bag.
00:13:48Oh!
00:13:49My dad says there's going to be a secret big shot financial tycoon at tomorrow's summit.
00:13:55Bigger big shot than Elon Musk?
00:13:58Yeah.
00:13:59And nobody's met them, but I can introduce you.
00:14:01Everything's thanks to you, babe.
00:14:04Angela?
00:14:05Mr. Vanderbilt, the richest man in Georgia, wants to schedule a meeting before the bidding.
00:14:10Vanderbilt?
00:14:11Yeah, he's actually CEO of one of our companies.
00:14:15Basically, our employee.
00:14:16Okay, I'll meet about the summit tomorrow.
00:14:17It's fine.
00:14:18You're still going to the summit tomorrow?
00:14:19But you and Jared Cooper are already divorced.
00:14:20That's exactly why I'm going.
00:14:21I don't think so.
00:14:22See you later.
00:14:23Uh, Angela?
00:14:24Mr. Vanderbilt, the richest man in Georgia, wants to schedule a meeting before the bidding.
00:14:27Vanderbilt?
00:14:28Yeah.
00:14:29He's actually CEO of one of our companies.
00:14:30Basically, our employee.
00:14:31Oh, okay.
00:14:32I'll meet about the summit tomorrow.
00:14:33It's fine.
00:14:34You're still going to the summit tomorrow?
00:14:36But you and Jared Cooper are already divorced.
00:14:38That's exactly why I'm going.
00:14:40Angela Lockhart.
00:15:03I finally found you.
00:15:06Who is he?
00:15:08That, that's Devin Sterling.
00:15:11He's number one on Forbes 30 under 30 list and early investor of crypto, CEO of Sterling
00:15:17Enterprises.
00:15:18Rumor has that he's worth trillions.
00:15:20And he's your fiancé.
00:15:23What?
00:15:24What?
00:15:25My fiancé?
00:15:26The one and only.
00:15:28So, after running away and leaving me single for three years, have you figured out how you're
00:15:37making it up to me yet?
00:15:38Babe?
00:15:39That tiara looks perfect on you.
00:15:52What is she doing here?
00:15:56You skank.
00:15:57My son just divorced you yesterday and you're already hooking up with another man.
00:16:05Divorced?
00:16:06That's right.
00:16:07That's right.
00:16:08So, I guess this was never meant to be Mr..
00:16:12Sterling.
00:16:13Devin.
00:16:14Sterling.
00:16:15So she has to hide her marital status to find another man.
00:16:20Guess she's not just a forsaken woman.
00:16:22She's also a stinky penniless whore.
00:16:27How dare you insult my boss like that?
00:16:31Who the fuck are you, bitch?
00:16:34Do you know who I am?
00:16:36They don't know who you are.
00:16:39You hide it well.
00:16:41X-Team!
00:16:43Teach these fools a lesson.
00:16:46Teach these fools a lesson.
00:16:49Sir, you were kind of in a rush when you flew to Atlanta and then to New York.
00:16:57You forgot to bring the security team.
00:17:00Mind if I borrow your men?
00:17:07I'll have.
00:17:08Toss these ill-mannered apes out!
00:17:13Oh!
00:17:14You bitch!
00:17:15I'll have my son teach you a real lesson!
00:17:20A kiss as a reward, my lady.
00:17:28No.
00:17:36The guest list is very distinguished tonight.
00:17:39You've got Bill Ford, Harvey Buffet, old money like me.
00:17:44Gentlemen, Harvey, Bill, this is Jared Cooper.
00:17:47Pleased to meet you all.
00:17:48Your families all started empires after the Industrial Revolution.
00:17:52What an honor.
00:17:53I heard you secured the Maple Plaza project.
00:17:56It's worth billions of dollars.
00:17:58Congrats.
00:17:59You'll be next.
00:18:01But we haven't received a contract yet.
00:18:03We deserve it.
00:18:04Oh, that's nothing.
00:18:05I introduced this kid to Elon Musk.
00:18:07The Vanderbilts and Ms. Musk have always had a good relationship.
00:18:10So, thought I'd help the kid out, pull a few strings.
00:18:14Thank you, Mr. Vanderbilt.
00:18:16Now, we just have to impress Ms. Musk's special guest of honor.
00:18:20Yes.
00:18:21I heard they're a very important and powerful guest.
00:18:25Even wealthier than Elon Musk.
00:18:28Now, if we can just secure a position with his big shot,
00:18:32we can feast for generations.
00:18:34I'll do my best.
00:18:43Excuse me.
00:18:44A second, gentlemen.
00:18:46What if it's the Prince of Bhutan?
00:18:51How did a hobo like you sneak in here?
00:18:53Me?
00:18:54A hobo.
00:18:55How did a cheating scumbag like you sneak in here?
00:18:58You sleep your way in?
00:18:59I told you, Angela Lockhart, don't bother stalking me.
00:19:02Nothing will come of it, and it only sickens me further.
00:19:05Don't flatter yourself.
00:19:10This is your ex-husband?
00:19:14What, were you blindfolded when you married him?
00:19:16Who the hell is this?
00:19:18You were cheating on me?
00:19:19Son, you have to avenge me and Kaylee.
00:19:34That wicked ex-wife of yours hired some thugs and a gigolo to beat us up.
00:19:39They even took Kaylee's tiara!
00:19:42You dare hurt my mom, Kaylee?
00:19:56Get your hands off of her!
00:20:00Get your hands off of her!
00:20:05My lady.
00:20:21My queen.
00:20:30It's...
00:20:34It's him!
00:20:36He scammed a million dollars off me in a game of poker yesterday!
00:20:39Who are these peasants?
00:20:41These seats are reserved for THE Ellen Musk and her special guest!
00:20:46Oh, shut up, old man.
00:20:49You're disturbing the peace.
00:20:53Fuckers, you know who that is?
00:20:55That's Eric Vanderbilt.
00:20:56You have any idea how many generations of wealth he has?
00:20:59His ancestors built the railway and steamship empire of America!
00:21:03The Civil War would not have been won without his family's involvement.
00:21:07Vanderbilt.
00:21:09The father of that skank, Kaylee Vanderbilt,
00:21:13who only knows how to crawl her way into a married man's bed.
00:21:18That Lolly Vanderbilt family?
00:21:26Oh!
00:21:27Goddammit!
00:21:28A stomach ache now?
00:21:30Oh!
00:21:33Mmm, whatever.
00:21:35Angela can handle herself.
00:21:36She'll be fine.
00:21:49How dare you call one of us low?
00:21:51I'm Harvey F. M. Buffett, the most important investor in the entire stock market!
00:21:57I can wipe you out with a simple pinky only.
00:22:02And I can wipe you out with a strand of my hair.
00:22:06Not with me around!
00:22:08I, Bill Ford, and the entire Ford Auto empire stand with these gentlemen!
00:22:13You're all just peasants compared to who I really am.
00:22:16You're fucking delusional, Angela.
00:22:20We've had enough of your games.
00:22:22Security!
00:22:23Break their limbs and toss them out.
00:22:26Looks like the old guard is teaming up against ya.
00:22:29But don't worry.
00:22:31You got new money here.
00:22:34I can handle myself, thank you.
00:22:37Yes, my great.
00:22:39You're all despicable.
00:22:42An insult to your family names.
00:22:47Now, it's my turn to rule.
00:22:50Destroy Jared Cooper.
00:22:53Cut off all business ties.
00:22:56And if you don't,
00:22:58I will take away all of your family's wealth and power.
00:23:03Ha! I knew it!
00:23:05You're here to fuck with me!
00:23:06You can't fool anyone here.
00:23:08How much money did you spend on that getup?
00:23:10To hire that gigolo to make me jealous?
00:23:13You're an orphan.
00:23:14Who sells hippie spices at a flea market.
00:23:17You have nothing.
00:23:18And you will always be nothing.
00:23:21She's a gold digger.
00:23:24Gold digger.
00:23:26Gigolo.
00:23:28Wanna try me for a night?
00:23:30Yeah, you're a little too pricey.
00:23:31Mr. Vanderbilt, we really shouldn't keep these bandits here any longer.
00:23:35They might upset Miss Ellen Musk and her special guest.
00:23:38Angela Lockhart is my spurned ex-wife.
00:23:39She's only here to try and ruin my bill in the Maple Plaza project.
00:23:43Oh, I'm gonna kill that sushi chef!
00:23:45Security!
00:23:51Security!
00:23:52You all don't realize that you actually all work for me.
00:23:56And now you're trying to throw a coup?
00:23:58You!
00:24:00Insolent fools.
00:24:02Let me guess.
00:24:04You're that special guest?
00:24:06I don't know.
00:24:08Throw them out!
00:24:10And not without some broken bones, too.
00:24:19Back down, Max.
00:24:23I got this.
00:24:24I got this.
00:24:51What the hell are you two doing here?
00:24:52I thought we were supposed to guard you.
00:24:55No.
00:24:56You're supposed to make sure Miss Lockhart is okay.
00:24:59Oh my God, we're so screwed!
00:25:10Angela!
00:25:12Don't hurt her!
00:25:14You bitch.
00:25:15I've always been sick of you.
00:25:16You just threw yourself at me.
00:25:17How dare you insult my boss like that!
00:25:19Boss?
00:25:20Did she say her boss?
00:25:22Miss Musk.
00:25:24That's Ellen Musk?
00:25:26That woman right there is Angela Lockhart.
00:25:28My boss and sole heiress to the Henry Lockhart's fortune.
00:25:31Their lineage is older than this country itself.
00:25:34Past the American Revolution?
00:25:36Back to the Renaissance.
00:25:37If she's your boss, then that means Angela Lockhart is...
00:25:42That's Lady Lockhart to you.
00:25:43She's royalty.
00:25:44And since you're all subsidiaries, she's your boss's boss.
00:25:48What the hell do you do?
00:25:50Kneel to me!
00:25:52Oh!
00:25:53Your Majesty!
00:25:55Welcome to the United States.
00:25:58We've always been your loyal subject.
00:26:01Yes, Your Highness.
00:26:03Is it Queen or Princess?
00:26:05It doesn't matter!
00:26:07My Queen, please forgive our insolence.
00:26:10We didn't mean to offend.
00:26:12What are you doing, you idiot?
00:26:14Let go of the boss lady and beg for forgiveness!
00:26:17Yes!
00:26:27What rightfully belongs to you.
00:26:29She's a badass herself.
00:26:48He missed out on a good wife.
00:26:50You! You! You!
00:26:52You told me your wife was a hippie peddler!
00:26:54Turns out you were the freeloading scumbag this entire time!
00:26:57No! No! Don't believe they're lies! I worked hard for everything!
00:27:01You worked for everything?
00:27:07Hi, Henny.
00:27:09So, our third year anniversary is coming up and I thought that maybe we can do something special this year?
00:27:15I can't focus on anything trivial like that.
00:27:17I have to figure out this bid for the Maple Closet Project and if I get it, I can take the company public.
00:27:22You were nothing before me. All your achievements, all your glory, that's all mine! Including the Maple Plaza contract. I can take all of that away just like that.
00:27:44No, you can't take that away from me!
00:27:47So that's why Elon Musk was urging us to pass on deals to this nobody!
00:27:50Oh, and this antique wedding ring? Yeah, I forgot to tell you. It was Queen Victoria's and its worth is equivalent to more than an entire country's GDP.
00:28:02Oh, no. I gave you back the ring? I divorced a royal heiress?
00:28:14No! No, Angela, please! No! No, please take me back, baby! I still love you!
00:28:21Oh, man. Looks like they've started the party without us.
00:28:27No one's allowed to start a fight without Cole Eisenhower!
00:28:29I got these two again.
00:28:37Did he say...is he called Eisenhower?
00:28:41President Eisenhower's descendant. After General Eisenhower won World War II, each of his descendants have all gone on to become five-star generals, the highest rank in the nation's military.
00:28:50Glad you buffoons know your history! Sorry, I'm late, babe. I got lost trying to find Atlanta, then lost again on my way back to New York.
00:28:57And that there is, that is the legendary boy genius, Dr. Wilson.
00:29:06Dr. Wilson!
00:29:07He's Dr. House's protege!
00:29:08Dr. House?
00:29:09Yes.
00:29:10I thought that was just a TV show!
00:29:11Oh, no. That's based on real figure.
00:29:14Yep, that's me.
00:29:15My son of James House.
00:29:16Dr. House, he's practically my uncle.
00:29:19I correctly diagnosed the Pope before him when I was just twelve years old.
00:29:23So he's been off crying himself a waterfall somewhere in the Netherlands for the last fifteen years.
00:29:29And I'm late because I ran out of gum and had to make a pit stop.
00:29:32Hey, Alan, who are these weirdos and why are they here?
00:29:41Uh, they're all your fiancés.
00:29:44What?
00:29:46Fiancés?
00:29:48Plural?
00:29:50Fiancés?
00:29:51Plural?
00:29:52Watch it, nerds!
00:29:53I'm her fiancés!
00:29:54No, I'm her fiancés!
00:29:55You can both shut up!
00:29:58I'm her fiancés!
00:29:59It's you!
00:30:00It's me!
00:30:01Who the hell is he?
00:30:02I'm Spider-Man!
00:30:05How are all three of these men my fiancés?
00:30:10Uh, your father had arranged these engagements years ago, but I didn't tell you because you
00:30:14decided to marry Jared Cooper at the time.
00:30:17She has three bad-ass fiancés and she marries his dumbass!
00:30:24Whatever.
00:30:25Since you're all here, help me finish him.
00:30:30Since you're all here, help me finish him.
00:30:35At your service!
00:30:37Me too.
00:30:38One down, two more to go.
00:30:45She's become queen!
00:30:46Bishop to G4.
00:30:51Ow!
00:30:52Ow!
00:30:53What is that?
00:30:55The most German festive water in the Nile River.
00:31:01Rook to A8.
00:31:03That's right.
00:31:07Hello?
00:31:11I thought I was king!
00:31:12No, you wish.
00:31:13The king doesn't do anything.
00:31:15So, Ellen can be my king.
00:31:17Oh, fine.
00:31:22Pick up the forwards right this second.
00:31:29Hi!
00:31:31I've been bankrupt!
00:31:33No!
00:31:35Who is...
00:31:41I've been bankrupt!
00:31:43No!
00:31:44I told you I would remove all of you from status and power if you didn't cooperate.
00:31:49Well, guess what?
00:31:50Game over.
00:31:51Alright, boys.
00:31:52Let's figure out this four-way engagement.
00:31:55Oh, that's serious business.
00:31:57I'm right with you!
00:31:59Wait for me!
00:32:00Nobody beats me to the finish line!
00:32:11Angela!
00:32:15You already have three fiancés?
00:32:18You can't accuse me of cheating.
00:32:20I...
00:32:21want compensation.
00:32:22You greedy SOB.
00:32:26Who the fuck is that?
00:32:27My ex-husband.
00:32:29Wait.
00:32:30You were married?
00:32:31Yeah.
00:32:32And if that's a problem for you, then you can totally back out of this engagement.
00:32:36More for me.
00:32:37No, no.
00:32:38Of course not.
00:32:39Just...
00:32:40Do you want me to check your eyes for you?
00:32:42Don't steal my joke!
00:32:43I can make him disappear without a trace.
00:32:45All evidence of your past with him will be gone.
00:32:49What?
00:32:50Is there something on my face?
00:32:51Uh, yeah.
00:32:52Murderous intent.
00:32:54Let's remarry.
00:32:56Let's remarry.
00:32:58You still don't realize.
00:33:01I only fell in love with you because you saved me from drowning three years ago.
00:33:05No.
00:33:31Sir, it's an emergency.
00:33:32We need to wreck right away.
00:33:34Nicole Eisenhower and Shane Wilson are causing mayhem at the company warehouse.
00:33:38Okay, I'm on my way.
00:33:42She should be okay now.
00:33:47Hey, you!
00:33:49Watch over here.
00:33:50I'll be right back.
00:33:59You saved me.
00:34:04Fuck.
00:34:05And wittingly gave away my own wife.
00:34:09Fuck.
00:34:10And wittingly gave away my own wife.
00:34:12You've cheated on me.
00:34:13You've hit me.
00:34:15And you've insulted me.
00:34:17And after all that, I never want to see you again.
00:34:21I fucking hate you.
00:34:23Middle-lady Larkheart.
00:34:25God.
00:34:26What now?
00:34:28Yes.
00:34:29We understand that you are a very busy person.
00:34:32But if you're not going to give your ex-husband the Maple Plaza project...
00:34:37How about us three?
00:34:38Yes.
00:34:39Unlike that scumbag, we won't turn on you.
00:34:40You are.
00:34:42Yeah, no.
00:34:43You're all fired for trying to throw a coup.
00:34:45But...
00:34:47This is your fault, you doofus!
00:34:48We never should have believed your bullshit!
00:34:50No!
00:34:52No!
00:34:53We can't lose our positions with Ellen Musk and the Larkheart.
00:34:58Help me!
00:35:00I'll get you for this!
00:35:01I never should have listened to you!
00:35:09I'm ruined because of you!
00:35:24So...
00:35:26What's the situation here?
00:35:27I want to marry you!
00:35:31Listen, I only met you guys a few hours ago and I'm not interested in flash marriages.
00:35:47But...
00:35:48What if I told you that we've known each other for much longer than just a few hours?
00:35:53Much longer.
00:35:54Angela?
00:35:55Your parents would like to have a video call with... all of you.
00:36:03My lovely princess, how are you?
00:36:09Look, your mother and I are in Italy!
00:36:11The views here are absolutely stunning!
00:36:14Perfect for a wedding, wouldn't you say?
00:36:16I heard you finally divorced that good-for-nothing blood-sucking free little husband of yours.
00:36:24Can't call his name, but...
00:36:25Anyway, congratulations!
00:36:27I've selected three prime young men for you to choose from to replace him.
00:36:33Oh, you must pick one of them to marry, otherwise...
00:36:37Let me do it!
00:36:39You must choose one of them in seven days.
00:36:42Otherwise...
00:36:44We'll kill ourselves.
00:36:46Mom!
00:36:47Alright, honey, that's it!
00:36:49Bye!
00:36:51Bye!
00:36:55So, who are you going to choose?
00:36:59Well, what if I want all three of you?
00:37:04Well, what if I want all three of you?
00:37:10That seems greedy.
00:37:17But...
00:37:19I can always remove the other two options.
00:37:22Hey!
00:37:23I may be a doctor, but I can take lives, too.
00:37:26I know and have access to all the deadliest poisons in the world.
00:37:31Whoa, okay. No murder, please. I was just kidding.
00:37:36We have seven days to win her over.
00:37:39Ooh.
00:37:40It's like the Bachelorette.
00:37:42I know.
00:37:43We'll start with challenge one.
00:37:47Welcome to the show, the three badasses who want me.
00:37:51Today, we have our first challenge.
00:37:55What is all of this, Ellen?
00:37:59You'll see.
00:38:08Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Cockroaches!
00:38:10All women are afraid of cockroaches.
00:38:12And it is every man's job to save their beloved woman from this monstrosity of a creature.
00:38:18What will our three candidates do to prove their undying love for our single, but screaming her head off, heiress?
00:38:24Looks like one of our contestants has already called it quits.
00:38:36It's up to the final two.
00:38:37Crunchy.
00:38:38That is sick cold.
00:38:39Hey.
00:38:40When you're stranded in the middle of a battle, you'll get to the final two.
00:38:43You'll be glad to see one of these around.
00:39:01Crunchy.
00:39:03That is sick cold.
00:39:05Hey.
00:39:06When you're stranded in the middle of the battlefield, you'll be glad to see one of these around.
00:39:09There are two more left.
00:39:12Want to try one?
00:39:13Oh, my God!
00:39:14No!
00:39:15No!
00:39:17Oh, my God!
00:39:18Save me!
00:39:19Save you!
00:39:20Save me!
00:39:21Save me!
00:39:23I'm a German phoic doctor.
00:39:25These hands can't get germs on them.
00:39:27They're for surgery and saving lives.
00:39:39Thank God you're here.
00:39:40Are you all right, honey?
00:39:41Angela!
00:39:42All right, you won the first challenge, so your reward, you get to watch over her for the
00:39:59night.
00:40:00Just don't cross the line, if you know what I mean.
00:40:02I'm not her scumbag husband.
00:40:03You have nothing to worry about.
00:40:10Honestly, even if you guys fuck, it's not like it's against the rules or anything.
00:40:14At least my girlfriend gets some.
00:40:16I bet her husband has a small dick anyway.
00:40:20They're cockroaches.
00:40:21They're gone, they're gone.
00:40:23There's nothing in this room except you and me, okay?
00:40:25I'm going to kill Ellen when I see her tomorrow.
00:40:34I need a drink.
00:40:43Whoa, easy!
00:40:44You're on an empty stomach!
00:40:46Oh, why do you care?
00:40:49You're trying to drink away your sorrows, Angela.
00:40:52You guys were right.
00:40:55I was blind for marrying that asshole.
00:40:58You know, I wasted three whole years of my life with him.
00:41:05He never even loved me.
00:41:07And I gave up my entire career for him.
00:41:13Do you really think that you would still be number one on the Forbes 30 under 30 list
00:41:16if I was around?
00:41:21You may not be number one on Forbes list, but you know what you're number one in.
00:41:26What?
00:41:30You're number one here.
00:41:37You know, we've known each other kind of a long time.
00:41:41Lies.
00:41:44You all just want something from me.
00:41:51Angela.
00:41:52Angela.
00:41:54I know it's hard to trust again.
00:41:56But I assure you, I don't care what family you're from.
00:42:02I'm the richest man in the nation.
00:42:04I don't need your power, your status, your wealth, your connections.
00:42:10I just need you.
00:42:16I'll prove my love to you within six days.
00:42:18I promise.
00:42:30Screw the contest.
00:42:32I just want love.
00:42:35Angela.
00:42:37You're drunk.
00:42:39I'm an adult.
00:42:40Can't I go just get what she wants?
00:42:42Okay.
00:42:48But love and sex aren't exactly the same thing.
00:42:51Well, they're not mutually exclusive either.
00:43:03This is what you want.
00:43:209 inch penis.
00:43:34Morning to you too.
00:43:36You sure you were drunk last night?
00:43:38A girl remembers when she's had a 9 inch penis inside of her.
00:43:44Well, glad you enjoyed it.
00:43:45But don't tell Shane or Cole.
00:43:49Because then they would...
00:43:51Say that you were being unfair?
00:43:53Technically, us having sex doesn't break any rules.
00:43:56I won the first challenge and according to Ellen, my prize was to spend a night with you anyways.
00:44:03Don't make this any harder than it already is.
00:44:09Are you sure you don't want it pretty hard?
00:44:11It's not.
00:44:16Fine, fine, fine.
00:44:20I won't tell.
00:44:23But only on one condition.
00:44:27I won't tell.
00:44:29But only on one condition.
00:44:31You have to go out on a date with me.
00:44:35Fine.
00:44:37I've had a crush on you since college, Angela.
00:44:42You never noticed me.
00:44:48You should get dressed and get out of here before anyone sees you.
00:44:54It's only 7am.
00:44:56She's still sleeping.
00:44:57I'm not sleeping alone.
00:44:58Yeah, I'm not letting my fiance be alone with another man for another second.
00:45:02Morning, gentlemen.
00:45:05Oh, or shall I say Ruffman?
00:45:08Oh, don't mind him.
00:45:10What's up, guys?
00:45:12We're ready for the second challenge.
00:45:14No cockroaches this time.
00:45:16Yes, no more terrifying things.
00:45:18That was my bad, Angela.
00:45:20This better be a good challenge, Ellen.
00:45:22I'm sure you'll all enjoy this one.
00:45:24The second challenge is...
00:45:26The second challenge is...
00:45:28A date.
00:45:29Lame.
00:45:30I should've asked for something else.
00:45:31A date?
00:45:33That's it.
00:45:34What's the catch?
00:45:35No catch.
00:45:36Just who Miss Lockhart enjoys spending her time with the most.
00:45:39As simple as that.
00:45:40I know what I want to do.
00:45:41Let's start with me first.
00:45:42Okay.
00:45:43Rolls up first, then...
00:45:44Me.
00:45:45Save the best for last.
00:45:47Ain't that right, Angela?
00:45:49Then it's decided.
00:45:54Please, don't take my BMW away!
00:45:56Too bad.
00:45:57You pissed off the Lockhart's.
00:46:00I have nothing left!
00:46:10It's that bitch who ruined me!
00:46:15It's that bitch who ruined me!
00:46:17Dino Eisenhower served!
00:46:18Please, Lieutenant!
00:46:19This is my Lieutenant.
00:46:20He also manages this boxing job.
00:46:21Pleasure to meet you, Madam Eisenhower!
00:46:22He's so serious.
00:46:23But, hang on.
00:46:25Lieutenant!
00:46:26I don't know who I'm going to marry yet!
00:46:27Baby!
00:46:28I decided to take you here on our first date so that I can introduce you to my guns!
00:46:32Guns?
00:46:33Guns?
00:46:34Like...
00:46:35Murder weapons?
00:46:36Yes.
00:46:37Murder weapons.
00:46:38Murder weapons.
00:46:39Yeah!
00:46:40Murder weapons.
00:46:41Yeah!
00:46:42Yeah!
00:46:43Yeah!
00:46:44Uh, yeah.
00:46:45I'm sorry!
00:46:46I didn't know who I'm going to marry yet!
00:46:47Baby!
00:46:48I decided to take you here on our first date so that I can introduce you to my guns!
00:46:49Guns?
00:46:50Like...
00:46:51Murder weapons?
00:46:52Yes!
00:46:53Murder weapons.
00:46:54you're like my guns babe pretty rock hard yeah let me show you what i can do with them lieutenant
00:47:18come close wait you're just gonna hit him like that he's not even gonna fight back
00:47:24fighting back will be treason ma'am treason you guys are way too serious look you awkward bitch i caught you
00:47:32if i'm going down you're all going down with me lieutenant's pistol attack
00:47:37you dare try to hurt my wife
00:47:51i will make you pay
00:47:55you don't need to keep beating him up we could just take him to the cops not when he tries to hurt you
00:48:02so he's a bit violent some might call it being protective poor anger issues what if we get
00:48:15married and i forget to use a coaster on an antique table or something is he gonna be like rough
00:48:22hey some girls are into that i don't know if i am well maybe shane will be your type
00:48:29your date with shane starts now
00:48:35hey hey cool ride a gift from the chancellor of germany when i saved his wife impressive
00:48:46your breath smells like peppermint refreshing i got cool mint too or do you prefer spearmint
00:48:58what do you not have in this coat of yours fruit flavor gum you can't stand those so where are you
00:49:06taking me tonight let me show you
00:49:08okay
00:49:15dr wilson
00:49:17oh my vip of vips right this way vip of vips
00:49:21ah just some other guys saved i forget who
00:49:25you saved a lot of football i'll do what i can
00:49:30oh my gosh it's my gold digging neighbor who just got dumped by her husband
00:49:36sandra miller what are you doing here i just thought this was for the vip of vips
00:49:41your mother-in-law told me all about the divorce and how you hired some gigolo to beat her and kaylee vanderbilt up
00:49:49hello of you
00:49:51what are you doing here sandra
00:49:52of course your birdbrain wouldn't remember i sell high fashion jewelry pieces so high-end
00:49:57you couldn't even afford even if you sold your organs
00:50:00the auction begins i'll deal with you later
00:50:05here i'll just be one side
00:50:08cameron i have a task for you
00:50:16our next piece is absolutely extraordinary
00:50:21cleopatra's armband sold by our vendor sandra miller for five million dollars
00:50:29excuse me i'd like to donate this piece to auction it's queen victoria's ring
00:50:36i'd like to donate this piece to auction it's queen victoria's ring
00:50:41that is queen victoria's ring please i'm an expert and that's a fake
00:50:55she probably got it at the flea market she works at
00:50:58you work at a flea market not this again cut the bullshit that wouldn't even sell for five
00:51:04dollars oh yeah here you want it for free ew i don't want that trash from a stinky hippie peddler
00:51:12well that's too bad then because you are the fraud
00:51:18what are you talking about who the hell are you to accuse me throw them out
00:51:23dr wilson i know you're a legend in medicine but we're professionals
00:51:28oh yeah and that armband sells for five million dollars
00:51:33yeah mine is the real thing you two are just upset because you're too
00:51:38poor to afford our luxury items
00:51:40what is that so would a so-called expert fail to recognize queen victoria's ring then
00:51:46dear lord this is real it's authentic it's queen victoria's ring
00:51:57cameron what have you found yeah that picture of cleopatra's armband you sent me it's a replica
00:52:05they had the same one right here at the flea market so
00:52:09so you're the fraud so you just went to the flea market so you can buy some fakes and cameron how
00:52:17much are these fakes being sold for 150 wow not even five dollars sandra you've been duping us the
00:52:27whole time arrest her no please this is one time please what's going on dr wilson
00:52:36uh investigating lead poisoning from cheap jewelry for the emperor japan bye black calista from the
00:52:42jewelry industry forever
00:52:53i had a really great time tonight me too may i have a kiss
00:53:06uh something wrong do you always have gum in your mouth
00:53:23yep you never have to worry about stinky breath for me
00:53:34oh you owe us a bunch of money cooper i don't have any money how did you pay for this hotel then
00:53:45i guess you'll only pay up if i break your other way
00:53:51mr randeville mr buffett
00:54:05this is the contract for the maple closet project that's right miss musk wanted me to give it to you
00:54:11i knew angela was still in love with me i knew angela was still in love with me no no sir sorry about those injuries from earlier it was all just uh
00:54:20uh don't let us understand yeah we could be partners again and then maybe you can um tell uh lady lockhart put in a good word for us
00:54:31angela still loves me she's just throwing a fit she'll be back to me soon enough
00:54:36yeah do you need any help winning her back we can give you jewelry to give to her
00:54:41i was just sucking up to these pricks a few days ago and now they're all begging me to help them out
00:54:46it feels so damn good to be in power
00:54:50sure i'll put in a good word for you i just need anything you tell us we'll give you anything
00:54:57once i take everything from these idiots i'll go after angela lockhart for my revenge
00:55:04i'm giving a contract to jerry cooper just like you asked me to well done he'll be
00:55:15soon well done he'll be soon i don't get it miss musk my contract has a preliminary clause it requires
00:55:24him to pay 50 of the costs up front as a deposit and if you can then what he'll be bankrupt so as long
00:55:31as his greedy have to take it i'm avenging my best friend i want to show the world that without
00:55:38angela lockhart he's nothing
00:55:45ah i signed the maple plaza project we should celebrate you did you see i know my son has it
00:55:53in him that skank angela is nothing next to you and it's all thanks to you sweetheart
00:56:01actually it's thanks to angela
00:56:06what you're trying to ditch me to go back to your wife oh no no no he's not jerry what are you doing
00:56:14you have such a beautiful and bright future ahead of you it's my decision mom i'm the head of the
00:56:20house here i'm telling my dad fine go right ahead he has enough problems himself if you're obedient i'll
00:56:27keep you around as a side piece but if not you can scram dad jared is being mean to me teach him a
00:56:36lesson kaylee be a good girl okay jared has the backing of some very powerful people now don't get on his
00:56:43bad side we can't afford to piss him off so do as he says what da
00:56:56i'm sorry be your side piece very good i'm happy you've come around now let's go celebrate
00:57:03i mean do i really want to be with mr minty mouth forever though but that tongue action though
00:57:14tongue is important in more than just one spot darling we are in public that's true oh stomach
00:57:21ache again i have to run to the bathroom devon should be here to pick you up soon okay
00:57:26okay seven's late not a good sign for a date this hotel restaurant has five michelin stars
00:57:38it's her and she's alone with no one to save her
00:57:44you whore you seduced my son so he could get back with you
00:57:47let me tell you i would never go back even if your entire family got down on their knees and begged me
00:58:01hey you guys can fight all you want you need to take this somewhere else
00:58:05whoever gets rid of her for me gets all this what why do i have to leave she's the one starting
00:58:10shit because i have money and you don't you're just a stinky hippie peddler
00:58:16and my son just signed a 100 billion dollar contract he's still got the contract
00:58:23must be ellen's doing even if he does sign it he doesn't have the liquidity to pay the deposit up
00:58:29front oh he's just gonna bet you've never seen this much cash before bet you've never seen this much
00:58:37cash before you take my charity and toss it in my face as if it's your own
00:58:45my maid wouldn't even pick up such a pitiful amount one thousand dollars to take her away
00:58:51two thousand dollars to drag her away five thousand dollars to beat her away
00:59:00oh hey hey
00:59:01stop you okay are you hurt
00:59:12weekly you you just a few days ago you found yourself a boy toy right after getting divorced
00:59:18and now you have two more what a whore what a whore yeah and jared wanted to get back with her what if she
00:59:26has an std oh like sleeping with a married man wouldn't give you an std let's go we'll expose
00:59:34her to jared hang on what do you want i'll scream i don't hear a woman but i never said i don't kill
00:59:43him but i never said i don't kill him i said i don't kill him oh god he is a murderer what if he murders me
00:59:54not him definitely not him
00:59:56we're not afraid of you that's enough this isn't a war zone you'll be removed from being a five-star
01:00:07general if you hurt a civilian without adequate cause i was just messing with them was he though
01:00:13we're not afraid of you jared you have to avenge us look at this slut she's found two more boy toys
01:00:21she's cheating on you don't get back with her oh mr cooper it's you i apologize for this scene
01:00:27i'll toss out the potty crashes immediately so that you can go to his salvation banquet who did
01:00:31you say you were gonna toss out who did you say you were gonna toss out the potty crashes
01:00:36oh you have any idea who that is that's my wife please save that title for the real skank over there
01:00:46that's right know your place shut up she's cheating on you
01:00:53know your place you're just a side piece if i still want you that is eric have you gone mad
01:00:58this is eric vanderbilt's only daughter you slap her for this whore mom
01:01:04they really think there's something huh angela's an heiress to a family whose wealth and status goes
01:01:09back to the victorian age she's richer even than ellen musk i only got the maple closet project because
01:01:15she gave it to me what you apologize right now or i will kick you and your father to the curb
01:01:23i'm sorry no this can't be i made you divorce
01:01:39go home you're not suited to come with me to my celebration banquet
01:01:43i apologize on behalf of my mother honey i know you came here to celebrate my achievements
01:01:55i promise no one will bother you anymore i didn't come here for you
01:02:01i'm on a date a date with two men at the same time she really is a whore
01:02:08angela please forgive me i really do love you
01:02:11oh lady larkhart is here oh lady larkhart is here
01:02:23yeah yeah we already know you beat ford's effort we're we're too old for that
01:02:27they're here for my celebration banquet please you gave me the contract so if anyone should go
01:02:33as my guest of honor it should be you oh yes please miss larkhart join us we'll all be one happy
01:02:40business family again what the hell are you all doing here where were you stomach issues
01:02:47again would you like my diagnosis no let me make myself clear okay i would rather die than be with you
01:02:59again seems that they're not actually on good terms i can't lose face in front of these pricks
01:03:06otherwise they'll cut me off too angela i know you're still mad but please give me a chance i'll prove
01:03:11it to you you want a chance angela no you have three great guys here who all want to marry you don't
01:03:18take him back i'll give you two choices
01:03:24i'll give you two choices
01:03:25me or the contract you're kidding me no i'm not kidding you if you choose me we can remarry this
01:03:38week but you don't get the hundred billion dollar contract the choice is all yours so that's a
01:03:46choice you think so he either marries a royal heiress or gets a contract that takes his company to the
01:03:51moon either way benefits why can't i have both you really are a greedy bastard angela i saved you in
01:04:00the pool remember i deserve the contract did you really look who's fashionably late now he didn't save
01:04:12her at the pool wait what what are you talking about i uh i choose the contract i knew it you'll get
01:04:20what's coming to you with this contract my company's earning potential is limitless angela lockhart
01:04:28you humiliated me in front of everyone i will get you one day let me show you something
01:04:34you saved me
01:04:46you saved me
01:04:47you saved me i'm sorry if his lies led to you wasting three years of your life
01:04:56but i promise you i'm gonna make it up to you with the rest of our lives no no i wasn't lying i just
01:05:08couldn't can't remember exactly what happened that day
01:05:10does that mean we both each saved her once what me dr wilson losing at saving people no way
01:05:28you guys one of you do something life-threatening right now you're crazy and actually
01:05:35they've all been doing horrible behind your back what mr sterling had me investigate their
01:05:44company's dealings turns out they've been fletching the numbers on your shared accounts and contracts
01:05:49put it simply they've been stealing from you i can't believe i didn't realize miss lockhart
01:05:56i'm so sorry i should have had third-party accountants check thoroughly no it's not your fault
01:06:01they're just too slick you'd like me to punish them oh god no not that again please max you know what to do
01:06:24the banks have pulled all our funds all business ties have been severed we're bankrupt
01:06:31how did you do that who are you and don't say spider-man
01:06:41i'll tell you who i am i'll tell you who i am
01:06:49i am crypto punk number two what did he say he was that's more bizarre than spider-man
01:06:56you're crypto punk number two well i'm crypto punk number one see you are number one at something the
01:07:05most expensive nft collection in the world forget forbes's list it's all about young money now so how
01:07:13about our date
01:07:20i'm not letting them one-up me on this one let's buy two
01:07:23they forgot to cancel my contract i still have the 100 billion dollar project
01:07:42yes i'm rich i didn't make them all pay soon
01:07:54what mr cooper sir the maple plaza contract requires us to provide 50 of the costs up front
01:08:00otherwise it's a breach of contract and will have to pay for all financial repercussions
01:08:04no i'm bankrupt i'm just a little lockhart you tricked me
01:08:17oh allow me
01:08:21i'm sorry i was late my queen had to get some very important materials
01:08:26for our special date well cheers cheers
01:08:41this looks good
01:08:47did you use my spices i know your ex-in-law has never appreciated you
01:08:52you can have all the money and power in the world and you still can't force a man to love you
01:09:02couldn't even remember our anniversary
01:09:08angel
01:09:10your future with me
01:09:14it's gonna be different come on
01:09:16go upstairs
01:09:37wow
01:09:39devon i can't believe this is what i've been missing out on these past few years
01:09:43just because of some silly mistake
01:09:46angela
01:09:48i've known and loved you for three whole years
01:09:51actually i've also loved you for three years
01:09:56that's right i fell in love with you three years ago too
01:09:59how is all of this possible i didn't meet any of you until recently well actually maybe devon but
01:10:08i've had a crush on you since college you're my motivation to go to business school
01:10:17despite who you were you never judged me for being poor
01:10:23are you trying to get hired at fortune 500 in a suit like that
01:10:28all you do is babble on and on about internet money bitcoin and shit like that
01:10:39are you trying to steal my spot
01:10:43i'll teach you a lesson
01:10:46hey get away from me
01:10:47angela
01:10:50feisty girl i like her
01:11:03how is he it's a rare poison made from a mixture of dried roots found in africa
01:11:09ostriga saltipa
01:11:10can he be cured
01:11:12i actually think i know that poison it sounds really scary but it's cure can actually be found in
01:11:16any developed country household salt
01:11:26i like her
01:11:29there you go
01:11:31what time is it oh shoot i'm late for some practice
01:11:43i like her
01:11:44we have been rivals ever since
01:11:48so that's how i well we all met
01:11:53i barely remember
01:11:55i said i never let you go to swim practice that day
01:11:58matthew richards the guy who poisoned me
01:12:01attacked you out of revenge you wouldn't have known
01:12:03i did hear he dropped out and became a loan shark though
01:12:06that makes you feel any better
01:12:06yeah i think that suits him a little better
01:12:10yeah
01:12:10angela your seven days is almost up
01:12:13now that you know they all loved and fought for you for three years
01:12:17who will you pick
01:12:23how couldn't that be
01:12:25angela lockhart is an heiress
01:12:28i think that's what's going to happen if you're going to be able to get out of here
01:12:38i think that's what's going to happen if you're going to be able to get out of here
01:12:42Get out of here!
01:12:43You can't do this to me!
01:12:48Jared!
01:12:49Mom, it's me.
01:12:50What happened?
01:12:52Jared, I have carefully reconsidered.
01:12:55Angela is way better than this dimwit.
01:12:57You should get back with your wife.
01:12:59We're bankrupt.
01:13:00What?
01:13:04Jared Cooper.
01:13:08We are here to post your belongings.
01:13:11No one is going to save you now.
01:13:14What?
01:13:19What kind of an asshole throws his own mother to the dogs?
01:13:25Who will you pick?
01:13:29I...
01:13:35I brought you fried chicken.
01:13:36Fried chicken?
01:13:37Hey, not all girls like sushi and caviar.
01:13:40Yeah, he's right.
01:13:41I did live in Atlanta for three months.
01:13:43Sucking up last minute!
01:13:44At least I don't speak like an AI robot.
01:13:47Hey!
01:13:48Stop!
01:13:49Stop!
01:13:51Welcome back to The Bachelorette.
01:13:53I mean, the three badasses who want me.
01:13:56I mean, Angela Lockhart...
01:14:00You know what I mean.
01:14:01Today, our heiress bachelorette will choose.
01:14:05Which one of our three badasses will she marry?
01:14:09Will it be Shane, the doctor?
01:14:11Cole, the general?
01:14:14Or Devin, the CEO?
01:14:22Uh, looks like our bachelorette may need a little more time to decide.
01:14:26Oh, the suspense is killing me!
01:14:28But when she does, she will take this eternal rose, made from glass imported from Venice, and give it to our winner.
01:14:38Angela?
01:14:41Angela?
01:14:42Oh.
01:14:43I, uh...
01:14:46I need more time to think.
01:14:51Uh, while our bachelorette takes a little time to decide, why don't we check in with each of our candidates?
01:14:58Let's check in with each of our candidates.
01:15:01Let's start with Cole.
01:15:03Cole.
01:15:05There's not much to say.
01:15:09Who wouldn't want a five-star general, who has huge biceps, a massive chest?
01:15:16Who would protect their...
01:15:18Wife?
01:15:20Okay.
01:15:23Uh, Shane?
01:15:25Muscles?
01:15:27Money?
01:15:29They only get you so far.
01:15:30But you need a well-balanced man like me, that has more than one way to keep a lady happy.
01:15:35If you know what I mean.
01:15:39Okay.
01:15:40I think we do.
01:15:41And Devin?
01:15:44That was quite disgusting.
01:15:48I just hope Angela's okay.
01:15:50I know she's going under a lot of stress right now.
01:15:53A lot of choices to make.
01:15:55And she's my queen.
01:15:57I just really hope she's okay.
01:15:58It's okay.
01:15:59And then one more thing.
01:16:01What kind of a doctor brings fried chicken to a girl?
01:16:05That's a good point.
01:16:07It's bad for her heart.
01:16:10And then you!
01:16:11What?
01:16:12You know what they say about military men.
01:16:15They beat their wives.
01:16:21Enough!
01:16:23Stand up!
01:16:25Hey!
01:16:26You can hide.
01:16:28Whoa!
01:16:29Break it up!
01:16:30Hey!
01:16:31Break it up!
01:16:32Ugh!
01:16:33Ugh!
01:16:34Ugh!
01:16:36Cut to commercial!
01:16:38Cut to commercial!
01:16:39This is the hardest decision I've ever had to make in my entire life.
01:17:00Who do I choose?
01:17:02Angela's marrying me!
01:17:03You're not stealing her from me.
01:17:04Oh yeah?
01:17:05I may be a doctor, but like I said, I know and possess the deadliest poisons in the world.
01:17:20What don't you have in that code?
01:17:25Fruit flavored gum!
01:17:27I won't let you take Angela away from me!
01:17:29I'll fight you to the death!
01:17:31Don't forget about me.
01:17:33It's time I reveal my true identity.
01:17:38These stupid profile cards don't make any sense.
01:17:41They do not help.
01:17:43Who made these?
01:17:47It's time I reveal my true identity.
01:17:52I'm actually a part of the X-Men.
01:17:55And I have the power of telekinesis!
01:18:01Oh!
01:18:03It's time I reveal my true identity.
01:18:08I'm actually a part of the X-Men.
01:18:11And I have the power of telekinesis!
01:18:18Oh!
01:18:25We may have to work together to take him down.
01:18:43This battle within our heads is the most intense I've ever experienced.
01:18:47I may not be able to take them both down if they decide to team up.
01:18:51Hmm...
01:18:53Wintermint or Coolmint?
01:18:55Wintermint
01:18:58You know?
01:19:00I've always really liked your ear.
01:19:01Really?
01:19:03I'm actually pretty self-conscious about it.
01:19:07So I appreciate that.
01:19:09Hey, hey, hey.
01:19:10And you know, Coolm.
01:19:12I've already really liked the way you talk.
01:19:15Really?
01:19:16Yeah.
01:19:18What do you got for me?
01:19:21I've always really liked the way you chew gum.
01:19:25Yeah?
01:19:26Yeah.
01:19:27It's fresh, right?
01:19:28Yeah.
01:19:30You know, you're actually a really good doctor.
01:19:33Hey, I appreciate it.
01:19:34Hey, if you need me to look at you, I got you closer.
01:19:36I'll take care of you.
01:19:38Angela's been kidnapped!
01:19:40Angela's been kidnapped!
01:19:42It was Jared Cooper!
01:19:44That fucker!
01:19:46We have to find her.
01:19:47What the hell?
01:19:48Her ring.
01:19:49Her dad installed a GPS tracking mechanism on her ring just in case.
01:19:52Well, let's go then!
01:19:53Bye-bye!
01:19:54My fiancé!
01:19:55My fiancé!
01:19:56My fiancé!
01:20:02Jared.
01:20:06What am I doing here?
01:20:08You destroyed me.
01:20:12They took everything.
01:20:15What?
01:20:16What?
01:20:18It's not my fault.
01:20:19You're too greedy.
01:20:21Is it greedy?
01:20:22To have sex with my wife?
01:20:24What?
01:20:26I'm not your wife anymore!
01:20:27Oh yeah, I know.
01:20:28You wouldn't take me back now.
01:20:29Not unless I get you pregnant with my child.
01:20:31This is illegal!
01:20:32You wouldn't want your child to be away from its father.
01:20:36You won't have me arrested.
01:20:38You will take me back.
01:20:40Ow!
01:20:41You're a bitch.
01:20:44I'll set you down a little.
01:20:54You will be begging me to fuck you soon.
01:20:59Hey!
01:21:01Angema!
01:21:02Come in!
01:21:06It's too late!
01:21:07I drugged her!
01:21:08She'll be dead soon unless-
01:21:09Not yet?
01:21:10Have you forgotten who I am?
01:21:13He really does have everything in us, Coach.
01:21:14Everything except for-
01:21:15Yeah, except for fruit-
01:21:16Yeah, except for fruit flavored gum.
01:21:17Get it already!
01:21:18Just save my boss!
01:21:21Here we go.
01:21:27You're all good now.
01:21:29Oh, thank God.
01:21:31But what do we do with that piece of shit?
01:21:33What?
01:21:34What are you gonna do to me?
01:21:35Hey, stop!
01:21:36No!
01:21:37Don't-
01:21:39Enjoy your erectile dysfunction forever.
01:21:46Glad we didn't actually have that fight.
01:21:49Turns out he's the most dangerous of them all.
01:21:51So who did you pick, sweetheart?
01:21:52You've invited the most important figures of the world to your wedding, the Prince of Bhutan.
01:22:05And remember, we will kill ourselves if you don't choose.
01:22:13Welcome back to the finale of The Three Badasses Who Want Me.
01:22:17We're down to the wire.
01:22:18Literally, the wedding day.
01:22:20But who's the groom?
01:22:21Welcome back to the finale of The Three Badasses Who Want Me.
01:22:38But who's the groom?
01:22:39Uh, seems our era still hasn't decided.
01:22:47Any input from the parents?
01:22:49Maybe that will help sway our bachelorette's choice.
01:22:52Oh, this is exciting.
01:22:54Who should my daughter pick?
01:22:57Let me think.
01:23:01I like the doctor.
01:23:03He's cute.
01:23:06But the general looks like a strong fellow.
01:23:10And we can't forget about Devon Sterling, the one who's loved her the longest.
01:23:14Isn't that right, Devon?
01:23:16Angela.
01:23:23You are all three very fine gentlemen.
01:23:28And I'm really grateful for all of your love.
01:23:33But this was a really hard decision.
01:23:36And I decided to devise one last challenge.
01:23:41And I decided to devise one last challenge.
01:23:46I'm just kidding. I'm just as sick of this as you guys are.
01:23:56Each of our candidates have saved our main character.
01:24:00I mean bachelorette once.
01:24:03They've all proven their undying love.
01:24:06So who gets to unlock Angela Lockhart's heart?
01:24:09Literally.
01:24:10Could it be the sexy and protective, general with a temper, Mr. Cole Eisenhower?
01:24:23Or the fun, wicked-minded, but kind of weird, Dr. Shane Wilson?
01:24:29And last but not least, could it be the richest man of them all?
01:24:37The man Angela would have married a long time ago, Mr. Devon Sterling.
01:24:44Gentlemen.
01:24:46It's been a pleasure getting to know you.
01:24:49As may the best man win.
01:24:52May the best man win.
01:24:54Drum roll, please.
01:24:57Gotta make you understand.
01:25:01Never gonna give you up.
01:25:03Never gonna let you down.
01:25:05Never gonna run around and desert you.
01:25:09Seriously, Ricky?
01:25:18I choose...
01:25:23I need the power of a strong man, and I really feel like you can protect me.
01:25:35Who could persist those guns?
01:25:39Could they interest you in an NFD, Ellen?
01:25:42Yeah, would you like a full-body choco?
01:25:43Sure.
01:25:57Shane, it's you. I'm... love sick for you.
01:26:01You like that minty flavor, don't you?
01:26:03Yeah.
01:26:05It's that tongue action, ladies and gents.
01:26:08Ellen, be my new queen!
01:26:09Queen, think of what we can build together.
01:26:11Thank God, babe.
01:26:24It's always been you.
01:26:34I'll always love you.
01:26:36Let's give it up for those nine inches, everybody.
01:26:42Would you like a full body checkup?
01:26:43Have you seen my murderer weapons?
01:26:45I need fruit flavored gum for you.
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