- 3 months ago
The Three Badasses Who Want Me
Category
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Ellen musk the only woman on the Forbes 30 under 30 list arrives at Atlanta today what a business
00:00:12tycoon is doing here in Georgia a forgotten stage no one knows Angela my next-door neighbor still
00:00:19selling your hippie junk here if your mother-in-law sees she's gonna throw a big fit again
00:00:23your mother-in-law was right about you what's the point of watching the news all day about these
00:00:31moguls if you can't even apply it to your penniless self and how do you know that this is none of my
00:00:36business all right everybody get out we got an important guest coming you
00:00:45you deaf I said pack up and scram I paid this off here already and if you want me to leave then
00:00:55fine but you have to compensate for today's losses you want to say that again you know who's visiting
00:01:04today Ellen freaking musk one of the richest people in the world Ellen musk of course a hick like you
00:01:11probably never heard of her just know that you can't afford to piss her off really Ellen musk is
00:01:19flying all the way to Atlanta just to come to some flea market you don't think that she could be coming
00:01:26to see me coming to see you all right oh you know what I'll play your game if she does it so much as
00:01:35I'll just give you a glance I'll I'll eat dirt deal
00:01:49Ellen musk get to the flea market within 10 minutes or else you're fired
00:02:05prepare the limo miss lockhart requires us immediately oh your 10 minutes is your messed up good hope you
00:02:27know what your pants five four three two one
00:02:41Ellen uh I mean miss musk uh Ellen uh I mean uh I'm sorry that I uh sorry to frighten you
00:02:49what how's my boss bitch kicking ass girlfriend so how do you like she's my boss and I prefer
00:03:00business partner or best friend no way well no no no I'm sorry for defending your boss no I won't do it
00:03:15it again all right that's enough we're not tyrants here sir I found Angela Lockhart
00:03:31you mean Angela Lockhart I run away pride
00:03:40you made me lose one million dollars in just one game of poker who are you
00:03:47where is she Atlanta and you were right it was secretly her propping up Ellen musk
00:03:55my clever bride I will chase you to the end of the world if I have to
00:03:59Max prep the jet I'm heading to Atlanta
00:04:07Atlanta Atlanta the game is afoot I'm going wait dr. Wilson the prince of Bhutan needs your medical
00:04:21attention he can wait I need to pick up my bride
00:04:24Dr. Wilson the doctor Wilson the doctor Wilson the doctor Wilson the doctor Wilson are headed to Atlanta Atlanta where is that whatever prepare my war plate
00:04:47those two going after my fiance this is war
00:04:51I've secretly allowed your husband Jared Cooper to win the bid on the maple plaza project like you asked me to
00:05:12thank you thank you thank you so much Ellen this is going to be the best anniversary
00:05:16gift ever that project is worth billions he can
00:05:20finally take his company public but Angela my boss I don't understand why you do so
00:05:28much for him behind the scenes without ever revealing your true identity without
00:05:33your backing no offense but he's nothing without you well three years ago
00:05:41he saved me and I fell in love with him instantly I didn't want to reveal my
00:06:09true identity because I didn't want him to feel the pressure of being with a
00:06:13billionaire heiress but now but this contract I feel like we'll be on more
00:06:18equal footing and then I can finally come out to the public so that's why you
00:06:23have me secretly helping him I'm sure he'll be moved when he finds out but why
00:06:31work at the flea market are you disguising yourself to test him well these exotic
00:06:38spices are incredibly rare and cost a fortune to find plus I get to make the
00:06:44best dishes for my hubby and his mom you seem happy being a housewife
00:06:50where the hell are you don't tell me you were selling junk at the flea market
00:06:56again get home stat it's a big day today that was my mother-in-law Carol she
00:07:06judges me because she thinks I come from a lower-class family but she's gonna be
00:07:10ecstatic tonight when I finally come out and tell her who I really am you know she
00:07:15even remembered a third year anniversary please spend more time with my son hi I'm home I have a big
00:07:29announcement I have to make finally you're back now sign the divorce papers divorce papers
00:07:37is this some sort of misunderstanding mom God don't call me mom again we're ending that relationship
00:07:48just look at you dirt all over you're selling the title of mrs. Cooper you don't deserve my son
00:07:55you're way below his league I'm below his league that's right you are Jared is signing a hundred billion
00:08:05dollar contract tomorrow with the Ellen Musk and then his company's going public that's how much
00:08:12he's accomplished in three years but you you're still just a stinky hippie peddler Jared's like the
00:08:21king in the clouds you you will always just be a pawn like dirt on our shoes dirt on your shoes
00:08:33but Ellen Musk works for me you're delusional you will never upgrade to a queen how dare you compare
00:08:43yourself to the real deal here resorting to lies definitely not good enough for Jared who are you to
00:08:54come into my house and meddle with my family matters you're nothing but a pathetic excuse for a wife
00:09:02Jared deserves a queen like Kaylee not a low-life dirtbag enough Jared I knew you wouldn't divorce me but I am
00:09:15don't fight it Angela here's 500k you'll never make this much as a hippie peddler selling spices now sign the papers take your check and leave don't embarrass yourself further
00:09:29I've done so much for you these past three years did that not mean anything to you didn't expect you to be so greedy
00:09:41fine here's another 200,000 500,000 is too much for her already she's done nothing hasn't even contributed a
00:09:53grandchild she just sells cheap grass all day is that really how much I'm worth all of you I took care
00:10:02of both of you these past three years you think we can't just hire a maid to cook for us or something
00:10:09and she wouldn't embarrass us with that permanent stench a hippie peddler becoming the wife of a CEO
00:10:17CEO what a joke if you actually love my son you'll sign the damn divorce papers already and leave
00:10:26you really think that Jared would have gotten that Mabel Plaza bid without me let alone taking the company public
00:10:35I did everything for you Jared now you take credit for my son's success
00:10:42it's all my work baby we're gonna be late for the auction if we keep letting this psycho stall us you
00:10:58did say you would win me princess Diana's tiara didn't you so she's the reason for the divorce
00:11:05she's worth more than you Angela fine I'll sign it but don't regret it regret do you know who I am
00:11:20yeah a cockroach that only knows how to crawl her way into a married man's bed
00:11:25I'm Eric Vanderbilt's only daughter Jared winning the bid a maple plaza was because of my dad
00:11:34because he's business partners with Ellen Musk it's part of the power I have as an elite you can't do shit
00:11:44because you're poor social stratum matters yeah social stratum does matter and the Coopers are beneath
00:11:55me and you really think Ellen Musk would come to Atlanta if it weren't for me ha you're delusional
00:12:03now sign the papers and scram you dirty bitch you sickened me
00:12:14you hit me
00:12:21now sign the papers take your check and get the fuck out
00:12:27I don't need your penny money
00:12:44we're finished you don't want the money that's your loss your check is just pennies to me but I would like my ring back
00:12:56have fun on your economy flight while I catch right on my private helicopter out of here
00:13:11and I'm way out of your league
00:13:18isn't that the Winston blue diamond ring it's worth tens of millions of dollars
00:13:28it's probably just cheap glass something she found at the flea market
00:13:34you're right she could never afford anything so expensive
00:13:43congrats Jared boo boo on getting rid of that dirt bag
00:13:47oh my dad says there's gonna be a secret big shot financial tycoon at tomorrow's summit
00:13:54bigger big shot than Ellen Musk
00:13:57yeah and nobody's met them but I can introduce you
00:14:01everything's thanks to you
00:14:04everything's thanks to you
00:14:05uh Angela Mr. Vanderbilt the richest man in Georgia wants to schedule a meeting before the bidding
00:14:26Vanderbilt
00:14:27Vanderbilt?
00:14:28yeah he's actually CEO of one of our companies
00:14:30basically our employee
00:14:31okay I'll meet him at the summit tomorrow
00:14:33it's fine
00:14:34well you're still going to the summit tomorrow?
00:14:36but you and Jared Cooper are already divorced
00:14:38that's exactly why I'm going
00:14:41in theP
00:15:00Angela Lockhart
00:15:03I finally found you
00:15:08Who is he?
00:15:09That, that's Devin Sterling.
00:15:12He's number one on Forbes 30 under 30 list,
00:15:14an early investor of crypto,
00:15:16CEO of Sterling Enterprises.
00:15:18Rumor has that he's worth trillions.
00:15:21And he's your fiance.
00:15:25What, what, my fiance?
00:15:28The one and only.
00:15:30So, after running away and leaving me single for three years,
00:15:35have you figured out how you're going to make it up to me yet?
00:15:38Hmm.
00:15:39Babe.
00:15:48That tiara looks perfect on you.
00:15:50What is she doing here?
00:15:56You skank.
00:16:00My son just divorced you yesterday,
00:16:02and you're already hooking up with another man?
00:16:05Divorced?
00:16:08That's right.
00:16:08So, I guess this was never meant to be Mr.
00:16:13Sterling.
00:16:15Devin Sterling.
00:16:16So she has to hide her marital status to find another man.
00:16:21Guess she's not just a forsaken woman.
00:16:23She's also a stinky, penniless whore.
00:16:28How dare you insult my boss like that?
00:16:31Who the fuck are you, bitch?
00:16:34Do you know who I am?
00:16:36They don't know who you are.
00:16:39You hide it well.
00:16:41X-Team!
00:16:43Teach these fools a lesson.
00:16:46Teach these fools a lesson.
00:16:49Sir, you were kind of in a rush when you flew to Atlanta and then to New York.
00:16:57You forgot to bring the security team.
00:17:00Mind if I borrow your men?
00:17:04Toss these ill-mannered apes out.
00:17:14Oh, you bitch.
00:17:16I'll have my son teach you a real lesson.
00:17:20A kiss as a reward, my lady.
00:17:29No.
00:17:37Guest list is very distinguished tonight.
00:17:40You've got Bill Ford, Harvey Buffet, old money like me.
00:17:45Gentlemen, Harvey, Bill, this is Jared Cooper.
00:17:48Pleased to meet you all.
00:17:49Your families all started empires after the Industrial Revolution.
00:17:52What an honor.
00:17:54I heard you secured the Maple Plaza project.
00:17:57It's worth billions of dollars.
00:17:59Congrats.
00:18:00You'll be next.
00:18:02But we haven't received a contract yet.
00:18:04We deserve it.
00:18:05Oh, that's nothing.
00:18:06I introduced this kid to Elon Musk.
00:18:08Vanderbilts and Miss Musk have always had a good relationship.
00:18:11So I thought I'd help the kid out, pull a few strings.
00:18:15Thank you, Mr. Vanderbilt.
00:18:17Now we just have to impress Miss Musk's special guest of honor.
00:18:20Yes.
00:18:21I heard they're a very important and powerful guest, even wealthier than Elon Musk.
00:18:28Now, if we can just secure a position with this big shot, we can feast for generations.
00:18:34Hmm.
00:18:35Hmm.
00:18:36Hmm.
00:18:37Hmm.
00:18:38Hmm.
00:18:39Hmm.
00:18:40Hmm.
00:18:41Hmm.
00:18:42Hmm.
00:18:43Hmm.
00:18:44Excuse me, second, gentlemen.
00:18:45Hmm.
00:18:46What if it's the Prince of Bhutan?
00:18:48Hmm.
00:18:49Hmm.
00:18:50Hmm.
00:18:51How did a hobo like you sneak in here?
00:18:53Me?
00:18:54A hobo?
00:18:55How did a cheating scumbag like you sneak in here?
00:18:58You sleep your way in?
00:18:59I told you, Angela Lockhart, don't bother stalking me.
00:19:02Nothing will come of it, and it only sickens me further.
00:19:05Don't flatter yourself.
00:19:07Hmm.
00:19:10This is your ex-husband?
00:19:14What, were you blindfolded when you married him?
00:19:16Who the hell is this?
00:19:18You were cheating on me?
00:19:32Son, you have to avenge me and Kayleigh.
00:19:35That wicked ex-wife of yours hired some thugs and a gigolo to beat us up.
00:19:40They even took Kayleigh's tiara!
00:19:55You dare hurt my mom, Kayleigh?
00:19:59Get your hands off of her.
00:20:05My lady.
00:20:21My queen.
00:20:22It's...
00:20:32It's him!
00:20:35He scammed a million dollars off me in a game of poker yesterday!
00:20:39Who are these peasants?
00:20:40These seats are reserved for THE Ellen Musk and her special guest!
00:20:45Oh, shut up, old man.
00:20:49You're disturbing the peace.
00:20:53Fuckers, you know who that is?
00:20:54That's Eric Vanderbilt.
00:20:56You have any idea how many generations of wealth he has?
00:20:59His ancestors built the railway and steamship empire of America.
00:21:03The Civil War would not have been won without his family's involvement.
00:21:06Vanderbilt.
00:21:07Vanderbilt.
00:21:09The father of that skank, Kayleigh Vanderbilt, who only knows how to crawl her way into a married man's bed.
00:21:18That, Lolly Vanderbilt family?
00:21:20Oh, Goddammit.
00:21:21It's stomach ached now?
00:21:22Oh...
00:21:23Whatever.
00:21:24Angela can handle herself.
00:21:25She'll be fine.
00:21:27Oh, goddammit, a stomach ache now?
00:21:34Whatever. Angela can handle herself, she'll be fine.
00:21:50How dare you call one of us low?
00:21:52I'm Harvey F. M. Buffett,
00:21:54the most important investor in the entire stock market.
00:21:58I can wipe you out with a simple pinky only.
00:22:02And I can wipe you out with a strand of my hair.
00:22:06Not with me around.
00:22:08I, Bill Ford, and the entire Ford Auto Empire stand with these gentlemen.
00:22:13You're all just peasants compared to who I really am.
00:22:18You're fucking delusional Angela.
00:22:20We've had enough of your games.
00:22:22Security!
00:22:24Break their limbs and toss them out.
00:22:26Looks like the old guard is teaming up against you.
00:22:29But don't worry.
00:22:31You got no money here.
00:22:34I can handle myself, thank you.
00:22:37Yes, my queen.
00:22:39You're all despicable.
00:22:42An insult to your family names.
00:22:44Now, it's my turn to rule.
00:22:50Destroy Jared Cooper.
00:22:53Cut off all business ties.
00:22:56And if you don't,
00:22:58I will take away all of your family's wealth and power.
00:23:03Ha! I knew it!
00:23:05You're here to fuck with me.
00:23:06You can't fool anyone here.
00:23:08How much money did you spend on that getup?
00:23:10To hire that gigolo to make me jealous?
00:23:13You're an orphan.
00:23:14Who sells hippie spices at a flea market.
00:23:17You have nothing.
00:23:18And you will always be nothing.
00:23:21She's a gold digger.
00:23:24Gold digger.
00:23:26Jigolo.
00:23:28Wanna try me for a night?
00:23:30Yeah, you're a little too pricey.
00:23:32Mr. Vanderbilt, we really shouldn't keep these bandits here any longer.
00:23:35They might upset Miss Ellen Musk and her special guest.
00:23:38Angela Lockhart is my spurned ex-wife.
00:23:40She's only here to try and ruin my bill in the Maple Plaza project.
00:23:43Oh, I'm gonna kill that sushi chef!
00:23:45Skirt it!
00:23:51Security!
00:23:53You all don't realize that you actually all work for me.
00:23:56And now you're trying to throw a coup?
00:23:59You!
00:24:01Insolent fools.
00:24:03Let me guess.
00:24:04You're that special guest?
00:24:07I don't know.
00:24:09Throw them out!
00:24:10And not without some broken bones too.
00:24:12Ha, ha, ha.
00:24:19Back down, Max.
00:24:24I got this.
00:24:42Hey!
00:24:43Hey!
00:24:44Hey!
00:24:52What the hell are you two doing here?
00:24:54I thought we were supposed to guard you.
00:24:56No. You're supposed to make sure Miss Lockhart is okay.
00:24:59Oh my god, we're so screwed!
00:25:01That's rude!
00:25:10Angela!
00:25:12Don't hurt her!
00:25:13You bitch.
00:25:14I've always been sick of you.
00:25:15You just threw yourself at me.
00:25:16How dare you insult my boss like that?
00:25:19Boss?
00:25:20Did she say her boss?
00:25:22Miss Musk?
00:25:23That's Ellen Musk?
00:25:25That woman right there is Angela Lockhart.
00:25:28My boss and sole heiress to the Henry Lockhart's fortune.
00:25:31Their lineage is older than this country itself.
00:25:34Past the American Revolution?
00:25:36Back to the Renaissance.
00:25:38If she's your boss, then that means Angela Lockhart is...
00:25:41That's Lady Lockhart to you.
00:25:43She's royalty.
00:25:44And since you're all subsidiaries, she's your boss's boss.
00:25:48What do you want to do?
00:25:49Kneel for me!
00:25:51Oh, your majesty.
00:25:54Welcome to the United States.
00:25:57We've always been your royal subjects.
00:26:00Yes, your highness.
00:26:02Is it queen or princess?
00:26:04It doesn't matter!
00:26:06My queen, please forgive our insolence.
00:26:09We didn't mean to offend.
00:26:12What are you doing, idiot?
00:26:14Let go of the boss lady and beg for forgiveness!
00:26:27What rightfully belongs to you.
00:26:46She's a badass herself.
00:26:48He missed out on a good wife.
00:26:50You!
00:26:51You!
00:26:52You!
00:26:53You told me your wife was a hippie peddler.
00:26:54Turns out you were the freeloading scumbag this entire time!
00:26:57No!
00:26:58No!
00:26:59Don't believe their lies!
00:27:00I worked hard for everything!
00:27:01You worked for everything?
00:27:03No!
00:27:04No!
00:27:05No!
00:27:06No!
00:27:07No!
00:27:08Hi, honey.
00:27:09So, our third anniversary is coming up and I thought that maybe we can do something special
00:27:14this year?
00:27:15I can't focus on anything trivial like that.
00:27:17I have to figure out this bid for the Maple Plaza project and if I get it, I can take the
00:27:21company public.
00:27:23You were nothing before me.
00:27:24All your achievements, all your glory, that's all mine, including the Maple Plaza contract.
00:27:42I can take all of that away just like that.
00:27:46No, you can't take that away from me.
00:27:48So, that's why Elon Musk was urging us to pass on deals to this nobody.
00:27:52Oh, and this antique wedding ring?
00:27:55Yeah, I forgot to tell you.
00:27:57It was Queen Victoria's and its worth is equivalent to more than an entire country's GDP.
00:28:07Oh, no.
00:28:09I gave you back the ring?
00:28:11I divorced a royal heiress?
00:28:14No!
00:28:15No, Angela!
00:28:16Please!
00:28:17No!
00:28:18No!
00:28:19Please take me back, baby!
00:28:20I still love you!
00:28:21Jesus!
00:28:24Aw, man.
00:28:25Looks like they've started the party without us.
00:28:27No one's allowed to start a fight without Cole Eisenhower!
00:28:29I got these two again.
00:28:30Did he say...
00:28:31Is he Cole Eisenhower?
00:28:32President Eisenhower's descendant.
00:28:33After General Eisenhower won World War II, each of his descendants have all gone on
00:28:36to become five-star generals, the highest rank in the nation's military.
00:28:37Glad you buffoons know your history.
00:28:38Sorry I'm late, babe.
00:28:39I got lost trying to find Atlanta, then lost again on my way back to New York.
00:28:46And that there is...
00:28:47That is the legendary boy genius Dr. Wilson.
00:28:48He's Dr. House's protege.
00:28:49Dr. House?
00:28:50Yes.
00:28:51I thought that was just a TV show.
00:28:52Oh, no.
00:28:53That's based on a real figure.
00:28:54Yep, that's me.
00:28:55Son of James House.
00:28:56Dr. House?
00:28:57He's practically my uncle.
00:28:58I correctly diagnosed the Pope before him when I was just 12 years old.
00:29:02So he's been off crying himself.
00:29:03He's been off crying himself and he's been in the same time.
00:29:04He's the wrong way back to New York.
00:29:05And he's the wrong way back to New York.
00:29:06He's the wrong way back to New York.
00:29:08And that there is...
00:29:09That is the legendary boy genius Dr. Wilson.
00:29:12He's Dr. House's protege.
00:29:14Dr. House?
00:29:15Yes.
00:29:16I thought that was just a TV show.
00:29:17Oh, no.
00:29:18That's based on a real figure.
00:29:19Yep, that's me.
00:29:20Son of James House.
00:29:21Dr. House, he's practically my uncle.
00:29:24He's been off crying himself a waterfall somewhere in the Netherlands for the last fifteen years.
00:29:29And I'm late because I ran out of gum and had to make a pit stop.
00:29:37Hey Allen, who are these weirdos and why are they here?
00:29:41Uh, they're all your fiancés.
00:29:44What?
00:29:46Fiancés.
00:29:49Plural?
00:29:50Fiancés.
00:29:51Plural?
00:29:52Watch it, nerds. I'm her fiancé.
00:29:55No, I'm her fiancé.
00:29:56You can both shut up. I'm her fiancé.
00:29:59It's you.
00:30:00It's me. Who the hell is he?
00:30:02I'm Spider-Man.
00:30:05How are all three of these men my fiancés?
00:30:10Uh, your father had arranged these engagements years ago, but I didn't tell you because you decided to marry Jared Cooper at the time.
00:30:17He has three badass fiancés and she marries his dumbass.
00:30:21Whatever.
00:30:25Since you're all here, help me finish him.
00:30:30Since you're all here, help me finish him.
00:30:35At your service.
00:30:37Me too.
00:30:38One down, two more to go.
00:30:45She's become queen.
00:30:46Bishop to g4.
00:30:52What is that?
00:30:55The most German festive water in the Nile River.
00:30:57Ruck to A8.
00:31:08Hello?
00:31:11I thought I was king!
00:31:12No, you wish.
00:31:13The king doesn't do anything.
00:31:15So, Alan can be my king.
00:31:17Oh, fine.
00:31:22Bankrupt the forwards right this second.
00:31:29I...
00:31:30I've been bankrupt!
00:31:33No!
00:31:35Who is...
00:31:41I've been bankrupt!
00:31:43No!
00:31:44I told you I would remove all of you from status and power if you didn't cooperate.
00:31:48Well, guess what?
00:31:49Game over.
00:31:51Alright, boys.
00:31:52Let's figure out this four-way engagement.
00:31:55Oh, that's serious business.
00:31:57I'm right with you!
00:31:59Wait for me!
00:32:00Nobody beats me to the finish line!
00:32:02Hey, I'm doing it!
00:32:15You already have three fiancés?
00:32:18You can't accuse me of cheating.
00:32:20I...
00:32:21want compensation!
00:32:25You greedy SOB.
00:32:27Who the fuck is that?
00:32:28My ex-husband.
00:32:30Wait, you were married?
00:32:31Yeah.
00:32:32And if that's a problem for you, then you can totally back out of this engagement.
00:32:36More for me.
00:32:37No, no.
00:32:38Of course not.
00:32:39Just...
00:32:40Do you want me to check your eyes for you?
00:32:42Don't steal my joke!
00:32:43I can make him disappear without a trace.
00:32:45All evidence of your past with him will be gone.
00:32:49What?
00:32:50Is there something on my face?
00:32:51Uh, yeah.
00:32:52Murderous intent.
00:32:54Let's remarry!
00:32:56Let's remarry!
00:32:58You still don't realize...
00:33:01I only fell in love with you because you saved me from drowning three years ago.
00:33:05I'm sorry.
00:33:06Let's go two years ago.
00:33:08I'm sorry.
00:33:09You could have been waiting for him.
00:33:10I'm sorry one day after the-
00:33:12Okay, I'm on my way.
00:33:42She should be okay now.
00:33:47Hey, you!
00:33:49Watch over here.
00:33:50I'll be right back.
00:33:55You saved me.
00:34:03Fuck.
00:34:05I unwittingly gave away my own wife.
00:34:08Fuck.
00:34:10You've cheated on me, you've hit me, and you've insulted me.
00:34:16And after all that, I never want to see you again.
00:34:20I fucking hate you.
00:34:23Little Lady Lockhart.
00:34:26What now?
00:34:28Yes, we understand that you are a very busy person, but if you're not going to give your ex-husband the Maple Plaza project...
00:34:36How about us three?
00:34:37Yes, unlike that scumbag, we won't turn on you.
00:34:40Yeah, no.
00:34:42You're all fired for trying to throw a coup.
00:34:44But...
00:34:46This is your fault, you doofus!
00:34:48We never should have believed your bullshit!
00:34:50No!
00:34:51No!
00:34:52We can't lose our positions with Elon Musk and the Lockhart.
00:34:57No!
00:34:58I'll help me!
00:34:59I'll get you for this!
00:35:00I'll get you for this!
00:35:07I never should have listened to you!
00:35:09I'm ruined because of you!
00:35:10No!
00:35:24So...
00:35:26What's the situation here?
00:35:27I want to marry you!
00:35:37I want to marry you!
00:35:40Listen...
00:35:42I only met you guys a few hours ago and I'm not interested in flash marriages.
00:35:47But...
00:35:48What if I told you that we've known each other for much longer than just a few hours?
00:35:53Much longer.
00:35:58Angela?
00:35:59Your parents would like to have a video call with...
00:36:02all of you?
00:36:06My lovely princess, how are you?
00:36:09Look!
00:36:10Your mother and I are in Italy!
00:36:11The views here are absolutely stunning!
00:36:13Perfect for a wedding, wouldn't you say?
00:36:16I heard you finally divorced that good-for-nothing blood-sucking free little husband of yours.
00:36:24Can't call his name, but...
00:36:26Anyway!
00:36:27Congratulations!
00:36:28I've selected three prime young men for you to choose from to replace him!
00:36:34You must pick one of them to marry!
00:36:36Otherwise...
00:36:37Let me do it!
00:36:39You must choose one of them in seven days!
00:36:42Otherwise...
00:36:44We'll kill ourselves!
00:36:46Mom!
00:36:47All right, honey!
00:36:48That's it!
00:36:49Bye!
00:36:50Bye!
00:36:55So...
00:36:56Who are you going to choose?
00:36:59Well...
00:37:00What if I...
00:37:01Want all three of you?
00:37:04Well...
00:37:06What if I...
00:37:07Want all three of you?
00:37:08That seems greedy!
00:37:09But...
00:37:10I can always remove the other two options!
00:37:21Hey!
00:37:22I may be a doctor, but I can take lives too!
00:37:25I know and have access to all the devious poisons in the world!
00:37:30Whoa!
00:37:31Okay!
00:37:32No murder, please!
00:37:33I was just kidding!
00:37:36We have seven days to win her over!
00:37:39Ooh!
00:37:40It's like the Bachelorette!
00:37:42I know!
00:37:43We'll start with challenge one!
00:37:47Welcome to the show, the three badasses who want me!
00:37:51Today, we have our first challenge!
00:37:55What...
00:37:56Is...
00:37:57All of this, Ellen?
00:37:58You'll see!
00:38:07Oh my god!
00:38:08Oh my god!
00:38:09Cockroaches!
00:38:10All women are afraid of cockroaches.
00:38:13And it is every man's job to save their beloved woman from this monstrosity of a creature.
00:38:19What will our three candidates do to prove their undying love for our single but screaming her head off heiress?
00:38:28Looks like one of our contestants has already called it quits!
00:38:29It's up to the final two!
00:38:38Crunchy!
00:38:39That is sick cold!
00:38:40Hey!
00:38:41Hey!
00:38:42When you're stranded in the middle of the battlefield, you'll be glad to see one of these around!
00:38:58There are two more left!
00:38:59Want to try one?
00:39:00Oh my god!
00:39:01No!
00:39:02No!
00:39:03No!
00:39:04Oh my god!
00:39:05Save!
00:39:06Save you!
00:39:07Save me!
00:39:08Save you!
00:39:09Save me!
00:39:10Save me!
00:39:11I'm a germaphoic doctor!
00:39:12These hands can't get germs on them!
00:39:14They're for surgery and saving lives!
00:39:16Oh my god!
00:39:17Oh my god!
00:39:18Save you!
00:39:19Save me!
00:39:20Save you!
00:39:21Save me!
00:39:22I'm a germaphoic doctor!
00:39:25These hands can't get germs on them!
00:39:27They're for surgery and saving lives!
00:39:29Oh my god!
00:39:30Thank god you're here!
00:39:31Are you alright honey?
00:39:32Angela!
00:39:33Alright, you won the first challenge so your reward, you get to watch over her for the
00:39:59night.
00:40:00Just don't cross the line if you know what I mean.
00:40:02I'm not her scumbag husband.
00:40:03You have nothing to worry about.
00:40:10Honestly, even if you guys fuck it's not like it's against the rules or anything.
00:40:14At least my girl can get some.
00:40:16I bet her husband has a small dick anyway.
00:40:20They're cockroaches!
00:40:21They're gone!
00:40:22They're gone!
00:40:23There's nothing in this room except you and me, okay?
00:40:26I'm going to kill Ellen when I see her tomorrow.
00:40:34I need a drink!
00:40:43Whoa!
00:40:44Easy!
00:40:45You're on an empty stomach!
00:40:46Oh!
00:40:47Why do you care?
00:40:48You're trying to drink away your sorrows Angela.
00:40:51You guys were late.
00:40:52I was blind for marrying that asshole.
00:40:57You know, I wasted three whole years of my life with him.
00:41:04He never even loved me.
00:41:06And I gave up my entire career for him.
00:41:09Do you really think that you would still be number one on the Forbes 30 under 30 list if I was around?
00:41:21You may not be number one on the Forbes list, but you know what you're number one in?
00:41:26What?
00:41:27You're number one here.
00:41:28You know, we've known each other kind of a long time.
00:41:41Lies.
00:41:44You all just want something from me.
00:41:46Angela, I know it's hard to trust again.
00:41:56But I assure you, I don't care what family you're from.
00:42:03I'm the richest man in the nation.
00:42:04I don't need your power, your status, your wealth, your connections.
00:42:12I just need you.
00:42:16I'll prove my love to you within six days.
00:42:18I promise.
00:42:30Screw the contest.
00:42:32I just want love.
00:42:35Angela.
00:42:37You're drunk.
00:42:39I'm an adult.
00:42:40Can't I go just get what she wants?
00:42:42Okay.
00:42:47But love and sex aren't exactly the same thing.
00:42:51Well, they're not mutually exclusive either.
00:43:03This is what you want.
00:43:04This is what you want.
00:43:05You are so nice who you want.
00:43:06How cute, myывать.
00:43:07I am a puppy special.
00:43:08They don't know.
00:43:09Again.
00:43:10Himself.
00:43:11In this case...
00:43:12No you want.
00:43:13Here's a dog, my voice.
00:43:14I don't know who.
00:43:16This is why you are not missing again.
00:43:20Good morning to you, too.
00:43:22Childďż˝ mayor!
00:43:23Of course.
00:43:251994.
00:43:31$14.200.
00:43:32histograms are the same thing.
00:43:33Morning to you, too
00:43:36You sure you were drunk last night you wouldn't a girl remembers when she's had a
00:43:41nine-inch penis
00:43:44Well glad you enjoyed it
00:43:46But don't tell Shane or Cole
00:43:50Because then they would say that you're being unfair
00:43:54Technically I was having sex as a break any rules I won the first challenge and according to Ellen my prize was to spend a night with you
00:44:02Anyway, just don't make this any harder than it already is
00:44:10Are you sure you don't want it pretty hard?
00:44:17Fine fine fine
00:44:21I won't tell
00:44:23But only on one condition
00:44:27I won't tell
00:44:29But only on one condition
00:44:32You have to go out on a date with me
00:44:36Fine
00:44:40I've had a crush on you since college Angela
00:44:43You never noticed me
00:44:49You should get dressed and get out of here before anyone sees you
00:44:52It's only seven a.m. She's still sleeping
00:44:57I'm not sleeping alone
00:44:58Yeah, I'm not letting my fiancee be alone with another man for another second
00:45:01I don't know what I'm saying
00:45:04Morning gentlemen
00:45:05Oh, or shall I say ruffman
00:45:08Oh, don't mind him
00:45:11What's up guys?
00:45:12We're ready for the second challenge
00:45:14No cockroaches this time
00:45:16Yes, no more terrifying things
00:45:18That was my bad Angela
00:45:19This better be a good challenge, Ellen
00:45:22I'm sure you'll all enjoy this one
00:45:23The second challenge is
00:45:25The second challenge is
00:45:27A date
00:45:29Lane, I should have asked for something else
00:45:31A date?
00:45:32That's it
00:45:34What's the catch?
00:45:35No catch
00:45:36Just who Ms. Lockhart enjoys spending her time with the most
00:45:39As simple as that
00:45:40I know what I want to do
00:45:41Let's start with me first
00:45:42Okay
00:45:43Goals up first
00:45:44Then?
00:45:44Me
00:45:45Save the best for last
00:45:47Ain't that right, Angela?
00:45:49Then it's decided
00:45:54Please don't take my BMW away
00:45:57Too bad
00:45:58You pissed off the Lockhart's
00:46:00I have nothing left
00:46:05It's that bitch who ruined me
00:46:11It's that bitch who ruined me
00:46:13It's that bitch who ruined me
00:46:15It's that bitch who ruined me
00:46:25Do you know Eisenhower, sirs?
00:46:27At ease, Lieutenant
00:46:28This is my Lieutenant
00:46:29This is my Lieutenant
00:46:30He also manages this boxing gym
00:46:31Pleasure to meet you, Madam Eisenhower
00:46:33He's so serious
00:46:35But
00:46:36Hang on
00:46:37Lieutenant
00:46:38I don't know who I'm going to marry yet
00:46:40Baby
00:46:41I decided to take you here on my first date
00:46:43So that I can introduce you to my guns
00:46:45Guns?
00:46:46Like murder weapons?
00:46:48Yes
00:46:49Murder weapons
00:47:03You're like my guns, babe
00:47:04Pretty rock hard
00:47:05Yeah
00:47:06Let me show you what I can do with them
00:47:07Lieutenant!
00:47:08Come close!
00:47:09Wait!
00:47:10You're just gonna hit him like that?
00:47:11He's not even gonna fight back?
00:47:12Fighting back will be treason, ma'am!
00:47:13Treason?
00:47:14You guys are way too serious
00:47:15Look you awkward bitch, I caught you!
00:47:16If I'm going down
00:47:17You're all going down with me!
00:47:18Lieutenant
00:47:19Here's your attack!
00:47:20Ah!
00:47:21Ah!
00:47:22Ah!
00:47:23Ah!
00:47:24You didn't have tried to hurt my wife!
00:47:37Ah!
00:47:41You gotta try to hurt my wife!
00:47:43Ah!
00:47:44Ah!
00:47:45you dare try to hurt my wife
00:47:51I will make you pay
00:47:55you don't need to keep beating him up
00:47:59we could just take him to the cops
00:48:01not when he tries to hurt you
00:48:02so he's a bit violent
00:48:10some might call it being protective
00:48:12poor anger issues
00:48:14what if we get married
00:48:15and I forget to use a coaster
00:48:17on an antique table or something
00:48:18is he going to be like rough
00:48:21hey some girls are into that
00:48:23I don't know if I am
00:48:25well maybe Shane will be your type
00:48:28your date with Shane starts now
00:48:35hey
00:48:37cool ride
00:48:41a gift from the chancellor of Germany
00:48:44when I saved his wife
00:48:45impressive
00:48:46your breath smells like peppermint
00:48:52refreshing
00:48:53I got cool mint too
00:48:55or do you prefer spearmint
00:48:58what do you not have in this coat of yours
00:49:01fruit flavored gum
00:49:03I can't stand those
00:49:04so where are you taking this?
00:49:07let me show you
00:49:08Dr. Wilson
00:49:16a VIP of VIPs
00:49:19right this way
00:49:20VIP of VIPs
00:49:21just some other guy I saved
00:49:24I forget who
00:49:25you saved a lot of football
00:49:27I do what I can
00:49:28oh my gosh
00:49:31it's my gold digging neighbor
00:49:33who just got dumped by her husband
00:49:34Sandra Miller
00:49:37what are you doing here
00:49:38I just thought this was for the VIP of VIPs
00:49:41your mother-in-law told me all about the divorce
00:49:43and how you hired some gigolo
00:49:45to beat her and Kaylee Vanderbilt up
00:49:47hello of you
00:49:50what are you doing here Sandra?
00:49:52of course your bird brain wouldn't remember
00:49:54I sell high fashion jewelry pieces
00:49:56so high end
00:49:57you couldn't even afford
00:49:59even if you sold your organs
00:50:00the auction begins
00:50:03I'll deal with you later
00:50:05here I'll just be one second
00:50:08Cameron
00:50:13I have a task for you
00:50:16our next piece is absolutely extraordinary
00:50:21Cleopatra's armband
00:50:23sold by our vendor
00:50:25Sandra Miller
00:50:26for five million dollars
00:50:29excuse me
00:50:31I'd like to donate this piece to auction
00:50:34it's Queen Victoria's ring
00:50:35I'd like to donate this piece to auction
00:50:39it's Queen Victoria's ring
00:50:41what are you doing?
00:50:43just watch
00:50:44come on
00:50:45that is Queen Victoria's ring?
00:50:52please
00:50:53I'm an expert and that's a fake
00:50:55she probably got it at the flea market she works at
00:50:58you work at a flea market
00:50:59not this again
00:51:01cut the bullshit
00:51:02that wouldn't even sell for five dollars
00:51:04oh yeah
00:51:05here you want it?
00:51:06for free
00:51:07ew
00:51:08I don't want that trash from a stinky hippie peddler
00:51:11well that's too bad then
00:51:14because you are the fraud
00:51:16what are you talking about
00:51:19who the hell are you to accuse me?
00:51:21throw them out
00:51:22Dr. Wilson
00:51:24and I know you're a legend in medicine
00:51:25but we're professionals
00:51:27oh yeah?
00:51:28and that armband
00:51:30sells for five million dollars?
00:51:33yeah
00:51:33mine is the real thing
00:51:35you two are just upset
00:51:36because you're too
00:51:37poor
00:51:38to afford our luxury items
00:51:40what is that so?
00:51:42what a so-called expert
00:51:43felt to recognize
00:51:44Queen Victoria's ring then?
00:51:46dear lord
00:51:47this is real
00:51:50it's authentic
00:51:51it's Queen Victoria's ring
00:51:54Cameron
00:51:58what have you found?
00:52:00yeah that picture of Cleopatra's armband you sent me
00:52:02it's a replica
00:52:03they had the same one right here at the flea market
00:52:07so
00:52:09you are the fraud
00:52:11so you just went to the flea market
00:52:14so you can buy some fakes
00:52:15and Cameron
00:52:16how much are these fakes being sold for?
00:52:19$1.50
00:52:20wow
00:52:21not even $5
00:52:23Sandra
00:52:25you've been duping us the whole time?
00:52:29arrest her!
00:52:30no!
00:52:31please!
00:52:31even this is one time!
00:52:33please!
00:52:34what's going on Dr. Wilson?
00:52:37uh
00:52:37investigating lead poisoning from cheap jewelry for the emperor of Japan
00:52:41bye
00:52:41blacklist her from the jewelry industry forever
00:52:43I had a really great time tonight
00:52:55me too
00:52:56may I
00:52:57have a kiss
00:52:58I
00:53:13something wrong?
00:53:15do you always have gum in your mouth?
00:53:17you never have to worry about stinky breath for me
00:53:25huh
00:53:30you owe us a bunch of money Cooper
00:53:39I don't have any money
00:53:41how did you pay for this hotel then?
00:53:43I guess you'll only pay up
00:53:47if I break your other leg
00:53:51stop!
00:53:52Mr. Vanderbilt
00:53:57Mr. Buffett
00:54:01this is the contract for the maple plaza project
00:54:07that's right
00:54:08Ms. Musk wanted me to give it to you
00:54:10I knew Angela was still in love with me
00:54:13I knew Angela was still in love with me
00:54:16no no
00:54:16sorry about those injuries from earlier
00:54:19it was all just a little misunderstanding
00:54:21yeah we could be partners again
00:54:24and then maybe you can tell Lady Lockhart
00:54:29put in a good word for us
00:54:30Angela still loves me
00:54:32she's just throwing a fit
00:54:33she'll be back to me soon enough
00:54:35yeah
00:54:36do you need any help winning her back?
00:54:38we can give you jewelry to give to her
00:54:40I was just sucking up to these pricks a few days ago
00:54:44but now they're all begging me to help them out
00:54:46it feels so damn good to be in power
00:54:49sure
00:54:51I'll put in a good word for you
00:54:53I just need
00:54:54anything
00:54:55you tell us
00:54:56we'll give you anything
00:54:57once I take everything from these idiots
00:55:00I'll go after Angela Lockhart
00:55:03for my revenge
00:55:04I'm giving a contract to Jarrett Cooper
00:55:11just like you asked me to
00:55:12well done he'll be fucked soon
00:55:15well done he'll be fucked soon
00:55:18I don't get it Miss Musk
00:55:20my contract has a preliminary clause
00:55:22it requires him to pay 50% of the costs up front as a deposit
00:55:25and if he can't then what?
00:55:27he'll be bankrupt
00:55:29so as long as his greedy have to take it
00:55:33I'm avenging my best friend
00:55:35I want to show the world that without Angela Lockhart
00:55:38he's nothing
00:55:44I signed the Maple Plaza project
00:55:47we should celebrate
00:55:49you did?
00:55:50you see
00:55:51I know my son hasn't hit him
00:55:53that skank Angela is nothing next to you
00:55:57and it's all thanks to you sweetheart
00:55:59actually
00:56:00it's thanks to Angela
00:56:02what?
00:56:05you're trying to ditch me to go back to your wife?
00:56:09oh no no no no he's not
00:56:11Jared
00:56:12what are you doing?
00:56:13you have such a beautiful and bright future ahead of you
00:56:17it's my decision
00:56:18mom
00:56:19I'm the head of the house here
00:56:21I'm telling my dad
00:56:22fine
00:56:23go right ahead
00:56:24he has enough problems himself
00:56:25if you're obedient
00:56:26I'll keep you around as his side piece
00:56:28but if not you can scram
00:56:31dad
00:56:32Jared is being mean to me
00:56:34teach him a lesson
00:56:35Kayleigh
00:56:36be a good girl
00:56:37okay?
00:56:38Jared has the backing of some very powerful people now
00:56:41don't get on his bad side
00:56:43we can't afford to piss him off
00:56:45so do as he says
00:56:47but dad
00:56:52I'm sorry
00:56:57be your side piece
00:56:59very good
00:57:00I'm happy you've come around
00:57:01now let's go celebrate
00:57:06I mean
00:57:07do I really want to be with Mr. Minty Mouth forever though?
00:57:10but that tongue action though
00:57:13tongue is important
00:57:14in more than just one spot
00:57:15Ellen
00:57:16we are in public
00:57:17it's true
00:57:18stomach ache
00:57:20again?
00:57:21I have to run to the bathroom
00:57:23Devin should be here to pick you up soon
00:57:25okay
00:57:27Devin's late
00:57:29not a good sign for a date
00:57:33this hotel restaurant has five Michelin stars
00:57:38it's her
00:57:39and she's alone
00:57:40with no one to save her
00:57:44you whore
00:57:45you seduced my son so he could get back with you
00:57:47let me tell you
00:57:51let me tell you
00:57:53I would never go back even if your entire family got down on their knees and begged me
00:57:58oh
00:58:00hey you guys can fight all you want
00:58:02you need to take this somewhere else
00:58:04whoever gets rid of her from me gets all this
00:58:07what? why do I have to leave? she's the one starting shit
00:58:09he's the one starting shit
00:58:10because I have money and you don't
00:58:12you're just a stinky hippie peddler
00:58:15and my son just signed a 100 billion dollar contract
00:58:19he's still got the contract?
00:58:22hmm
00:58:23must be Ellen's doing
00:58:24even if he does sign it
00:58:26he doesn't have the liquidity to pay the deposit up front
00:58:28oh he's just gonna
00:58:30bet you've never seen this much cash before
00:58:34bet you've never seen this much cash before
00:58:39you take my charity
00:58:41and toss it in my face
00:58:43as if it's your own
00:58:45my maid wouldn't even pick up such a pitiful amount
00:58:47one thousand dollars to take her away
00:58:50two thousand dollars to drag her away
00:58:53five thousand dollars to beat her away
00:58:56oh oh hey hey
00:59:01ow hey
00:59:02stop
00:59:05you okay?
00:59:06are you hurt?
00:59:11weakling
00:59:12you
00:59:13you
00:59:14just a few days ago
00:59:15you found yourself a boy toy
00:59:16right after getting divorced
00:59:18and now you have two more
00:59:19what a whore
00:59:21what a whore
00:59:22yeah
00:59:23and Jared wanted to get back with her
00:59:25what if she has an STD?
00:59:28oh like sleeping with a married man
00:59:29wouldn't give you an STD
00:59:32let's go
00:59:33we'll expose her to Jared
00:59:35hang on
00:59:37what do you want?
00:59:38I'll scream
00:59:40I don't hear a woman
00:59:41but I never said I don't kill him
00:59:45but I never said I don't kill him
00:59:47I never said I don't kill him
00:59:50oh god
00:59:51he is a murderer
00:59:52what if he murders me?
00:59:53not him
00:59:54definitely not him
00:59:55definitely not him
01:00:00we're not afraid of you
01:00:02that's enough
01:00:03this isn't a war zone
01:00:04you'll be removed from being a five star general
01:00:06if you hurt a civilian without adequate cause
01:00:09I was just messing with them
01:00:11was he though?
01:00:12we're not afraid of you
01:00:14Jared!
01:00:15you have to avenge us
01:00:17look at this slut
01:00:18she's found two more boy toys
01:00:19she's cheating on you
01:00:20don't get back with her
01:00:22oh Mr. Cooper it's you
01:00:24I apologize for this scene
01:00:26I'll toss out the potty crashers immediately
01:00:28so that you can go to his salvation banquet
01:00:30who did you say you were going to toss out?
01:00:33who did you say you were going to toss out?
01:00:34the potty crashers
01:00:35potty crashers
01:00:39you have any idea who that is?
01:00:41that's my wife
01:00:43please save that title for the real skank over there
01:00:46that's right
01:00:47know your place
01:00:48shut up
01:00:49she's cheating on you
01:00:52know your place
01:00:53you're just a side piece
01:00:54if I still want you that is
01:00:56Eric, have you gone mad?
01:00:58this is Eric Vanderbilt's only daughter
01:01:00you slap her for this whore?
01:01:02mom!
01:01:04they really think there's something up
01:01:06Angela's an heiress to a family
01:01:07whose wealth and status goes back to the victorian age
01:01:10she's richer even than ellen musk
01:01:13I only got the maple closet project because she gave it to me
01:01:17what?
01:01:19you apologize right now
01:01:21or I will kick you and your father to the curb
01:01:23I'm sorry
01:01:28I'm sorry
01:01:30no
01:01:32this can't be
01:01:34I made you divorce
01:01:38go home
01:01:40you're not suited to come with me to my celebration banquet
01:01:48I apologize on behalf of my mother
01:01:50honey I know you came here to celebrate my achievements
01:01:55I promise no one will bother you anymore
01:01:58I didn't come here for you
01:02:00I'm on a date
01:02:02a date with two men at the same time?
01:02:06she really is a whore
01:02:08and now please forgive me
01:02:10I really do love you
01:02:13ah ho! Lady Knockhart is here
01:02:15ah ho! Lady Knockhart is here!
01:02:18ah ho! Lady Knockhart is here!
01:02:21ah so...
01:02:23yeah yeah we already know you beat Ford's effort
01:02:25we're too old for that
01:02:27they're here for my celebration banquet
01:02:29please you gave me the contract
01:02:31so if anyone should go
01:02:33as my guest of honor it should be you
01:02:35oh yes please Miss Lockhart join us
01:02:37we'll all be one happy business family again
01:02:41what the hell are you all doing here?
01:02:42where were you?
01:02:45stomach issues
01:02:47again?
01:02:49would you like my diagnosis?
01:02:50no
01:02:52let me make myself clear
01:02:55okay?
01:02:57I would rather die than be with you again
01:03:00seems that they're not actually on good terms
01:03:03I can't lose face in front of these pricks
01:03:06otherwise they'll cut me off too
01:03:07Angela, I know you're still mad but please give me a chance
01:03:09I'll prove it to you
01:03:11you want a chance?
01:03:13Angela, no!
01:03:15you have three great guys here who all want to marry you
01:03:18don't take him back
01:03:20I'll give you two choices
01:03:24I'll give you two choices
01:03:27me
01:03:29or the contract
01:03:31you're kidding me
01:03:33no, I'm not kidding you
01:03:34if you choose me
01:03:36we can
01:03:38remarry this week
01:03:40but
01:03:41you don't get the hundred billion dollar contract
01:03:43the choice is all yours
01:03:45that's a tough choice
01:03:47you think so?
01:03:48he either marries a royal heiress
01:03:50or gets a contract that takes his company to the moon
01:03:52either way benefits
01:03:54why can't I have both?
01:03:56you really are a greedy bastard
01:03:58Angela, I saved you in the pool, remember?
01:04:00I deserve the contract
01:04:03did you really?
01:04:08look who's fashionably late now
01:04:11he didn't save her at the pool
01:04:13wait, what are you talking about?
01:04:16I, uh, I choose the contract
01:04:19I knew it, you'll get what's coming to you
01:04:22with this contract my company's earning potential is limitless
01:04:26Angela Lockhart, you humiliated me in front of everyone
01:04:30I will get you one day
01:04:32let me show you something
01:04:45you saved me
01:04:51you saved me
01:04:53I'm sorry
01:04:55if his lies led to you wasting three years of your life
01:05:00but I promise you
01:05:02I'm gonna make it up to you with the rest of our lives
01:05:05no, no, I wasn't lying
01:05:07I just couldn't remember exactly what happened that day
01:05:18does that mean we both each saved her once?
01:05:20what?
01:05:22me?
01:05:24Dr. Wilson?
01:05:25losing at saving people?
01:05:27no way
01:05:28you guys, one of you
01:05:30do something life threatening right now
01:05:32you're crazy
01:05:34and actually
01:05:36they've all been doing horrible shit behind your back
01:05:39what?
01:05:42Mr. Sterling had me investigate their company's dealings
01:05:45turns out they've been fudging the numbers on your shared accounts and contracts
01:05:47put it simply
01:05:50they've been stealing from you
01:05:52I can't believe I didn't realize
01:05:54Ms. Lockhart, I'm so sorry
01:05:57I should have had third party accountants check thoroughly
01:06:00no, it's not your fault
01:06:02they're just too slick
01:06:04you'd like me to punish them for a little bit
01:06:06oh god, no, not that again, please
01:06:08Max, you know what to do
01:06:10you know what to do
01:06:24the banks have pulled all of our funds
01:06:26all business ties have been severed
01:06:28we're bankrupt!
01:06:30how did you do that?
01:06:32how did you do that?
01:06:36who are you?
01:06:37and don't say Spider-Man
01:06:39I'll tell you who I am
01:06:44I'll tell you who I am
01:06:49I am
01:06:51Crypto Punk number 2
01:06:53what did he say he was?
01:06:54that's more bizarre than Spider-Man
01:06:57you're Crypto Punk number 2?
01:06:58well, I'm Crypto Punk number 1
01:07:02see, you are number 1 at something
01:07:04the most expensive NFT collection in the world
01:07:07forget Forbes' list
01:07:09it's all about young money now
01:07:11so, how about our date?
01:07:19I'm not letting them one-off me on this one
01:07:22let's buy two
01:07:28they forgot to cancel my contract
01:07:38I still have the 100 billion dollar project
01:07:42yes!
01:07:44I'm rich!
01:07:46they make them all pay soon
01:07:53what?
01:07:54Mr. Cooper, sir
01:07:56the Maple Plaza contract requires us
01:07:58to provide 50% of the costs up front
01:08:00otherwise, it's a breach of contract
01:08:02and we'll have to pay for all financial repercussions
01:08:04no!
01:08:06I'm bankrupt!
01:08:09the manager of a law card
01:08:11you tricked me!
01:08:17oh, allow me
01:08:18I'm sorry I was late, my queen
01:08:23I had to get some very important materials
01:08:27for our special date
01:08:29well, cheers
01:08:31cheers
01:08:41this looks good
01:08:43did you use my spices?
01:08:49I know your ex-in-law's never appreciated you
01:08:52you can have all the money and power in the world
01:08:57and you still can't force a man to love you
01:09:00couldn't even remember our anniversary
01:09:02Angela
01:09:10your future
01:09:12with me
01:09:14it's gonna be different
01:09:16come on
01:09:18go to the stairs
01:09:32wow
01:09:36wow
01:09:38Devin, I can't believe this is what I've been missing out on
01:09:42these past few years
01:09:44just because of some silly mistake
01:09:46Angela
01:09:48I've known and loved you for three whole years
01:09:51actually
01:09:53I've also loved you for three years
01:09:55that's right
01:09:57I fell in love with you three years ago too
01:09:59how is all of this possible?
01:10:02I didn't meet any of you until recently
01:10:05well, actually
01:10:07maybe Devin, but
01:10:09I've had a crush on you since college
01:10:12you're my motivation to go to business school
01:10:16despite who you were
01:10:18you never judge me for being poor
01:10:22are you trying to get hired at fortune 500 in a suit like that?
01:10:27all you do is babble on and on about internet money, bitcoin and shit like that?
01:10:29are you trying to steal my spot?
01:10:43I'll teach you a lesson
01:10:46hey! get away from me!
01:10:47Angela!
01:10:48Feisty girl. I like her.
01:11:03How is he?
01:11:04It's a rare poison, made from a mixture of dried roots found in Africa.
01:11:10Can he be cured?
01:11:11I actually think I know that poison.
01:11:13It sounds really scary, but its cure can actually be found in any developed country.
01:11:17Household salt.
01:11:26I like her.
01:11:29There you go.
01:11:31What time is it up?
01:11:34Oh shoot, I'm late for some practice.
01:11:43I like her.
01:11:45We have been rivals ever since.
01:11:47So, that's how I, well, we, all met.
01:11:52I barely remember.
01:11:54Should have never let you go to swim practice that day.
01:11:57Matthew Richards, the guy who poisoned me, attacked you out of revenge.
01:12:01You wouldn't have known.
01:12:02I did hear he dropped out and became a loan shark though.
01:12:05That makes you feel any better.
01:12:07Yeah, I think that suits him a little better.
01:12:09Yeah.
01:12:10Angela, your seven days is almost up.
01:12:12Now that you know they all loved and fought for you for three years.
01:12:17Who will you pick?
01:12:18How can that be?
01:12:19Angela Lockhart is an heiress?
01:12:23How can that be?
01:12:24Angela Lockhart is an heiress?
01:12:32Kaylee, we've gone bankrupt.
01:12:36Bankrupt?
01:12:37The Vanderbilt's have gone bankrupt?
01:12:41Well then, get out of here.
01:12:42You can't do this to me!
01:12:47Jared!
01:12:48Mom, it's me.
01:12:49What happened?
01:12:51Jared, I have carefully reconsidered.
01:12:54Angela is way better than this dimwit.
01:12:56You should get back with your wife.
01:12:59We're bankrupt.
01:13:00What?
01:13:04Jared Cooper.
01:13:06We're here to recompose your belongings.
01:13:11No one is going to save you now.
01:13:14Mom!
01:13:19What kind of an asshole throws his own mother to the dogs?
01:13:25Who will you pick?
01:13:29I...
01:13:30I brought you fried chicken?
01:13:36Fried chicken?
01:13:37Hey, not all girls like sushi and caviar.
01:13:39Yeah, he's right.
01:13:40I did live in Atlanta for three months.
01:13:43Sucking up last minute!
01:13:44At least I don't speak like an AI robot.
01:13:47Hey!
01:13:48Stop!
01:13:49Stop!
01:13:51Welcome back to The Bachelorette.
01:13:54I mean, the three badasses who want me.
01:13:57I mean, Angela Lockhart...
01:14:00You know what I mean.
01:14:01Today, our heiress Bachelorette will choose
01:14:05Which one of our three badasses will she marry?
01:14:09Will it be Shane, the doctor?
01:14:13Cole, the general?
01:14:16Or Devon, the CEO?
01:14:22Uh, looks like our Bachelorette may need a little more time to decide.
01:14:26Oh, the suspense is killing me!
01:14:28But when she does, she will take this eternal rose, made from glass imported from Venice, and give it to our women.
01:14:38Angela?
01:14:41Angela?
01:14:42Oh.
01:14:43I, uh...
01:14:45I need more time to think.
01:14:51Uh, while our Bachelorette takes a little time to decide, why don't we check in with each of our candidates?
01:14:57Let's check in with each of our candidates.
01:15:00Let's start with Cole.
01:15:02Cole.
01:15:03There's not much to say.
01:15:08Who wouldn't want a five-star general who has huge biceps and massive chest?
01:15:16Who would protect their...
01:15:18wife?
01:15:20Okay.
01:15:23Uh, Shane?
01:15:25Muscles?
01:15:27Money?
01:15:29They only get you so far.
01:15:30But you need a well-balanced man like me.
01:15:32That has more than one way to keep a lady happy.
01:15:35If you know what I mean.
01:15:39Okay.
01:15:40I think we do.
01:15:41And Devin.
01:15:44That was quite disgusting.
01:15:48I just hope Angela's okay.
01:15:50I know she's going under a lot of stress right now.
01:15:53A lot of choices to make.
01:15:55And she's my queen.
01:15:57I just really hope she's okay.
01:15:59And then one more thing.
01:16:01What kind of a doctor brings fried chicken to a girl?
01:16:05That's a good point.
01:16:06It's bad for her heart.
01:16:07And then you.
01:16:10What?
01:16:12You know what they say about military men.
01:16:14They beat their wives.
01:16:20Enough!
01:16:23Stand up!
01:16:25Hey, you guys.
01:16:27Whoa, break it up!
01:16:30Hey!
01:16:31Break it up!
01:16:32Oh!
01:16:33Oh!
01:16:34Oh!
01:16:36Cut to commercial!
01:16:37Cut to commercial!
01:16:38Cut to commercial!
01:16:39Oh!
01:16:57This is the hardest decision I've ever had to make in my entire life.
01:17:02Who do I choose?
01:17:03Angela's marrying me!
01:17:04You're not stealing her from me.
01:17:05Oh yeah?
01:17:07I may be a doctor, but like I said, I know and possess the deadliest poisons in the world.
01:17:23What don't you have in that coat?
01:17:26Fruit flavored gum!
01:17:27I won't let you take Angela away from me.
01:17:29I'll fight you to the death.
01:17:31Don't forget about me.
01:17:33It's time I reveal my true identity.
01:17:38These stupid profile cards don't make any sense.
01:17:42They do not help.
01:17:44Who made these?
01:17:45It's time I reveal my true identity.
01:18:08I'm actually a part of the X-Men.
01:18:11And I have the power of telekinesis!
01:18:30We may have to work together to take him down.
01:18:41This battle within our heads is the most intense I've ever experienced.
01:18:47I may not be able to take them both down if they decide to team up.
01:18:50Hmm.
01:18:52Winter Mint or Cool Mint?
01:18:58You know?
01:19:00I've always really liked our hair.
01:19:01Really?
01:19:03I'm actually pretty self-conscious about it.
01:19:07So I appreciate that.
01:19:08Hey, hey, hey.
01:19:10And you know, Cool.
01:19:12I've always really liked the way you talk.
01:19:15Really?
01:19:16Yeah.
01:19:19What do you got for me?
01:19:21I always...
01:19:23really liked the way you chew gum.
01:19:25Yeah? Yeah.
01:19:26It's fresh, right?
01:19:28You know?
01:19:30You're actually a really good doctor.
01:19:33I appreciate it.
01:19:34You need me to look at you, I got you.
01:19:36I'll take care of you.
01:19:38Angela's been kidnapped.
01:19:40Angela's been kidnapped.
01:19:42It was Jared Cooper.
01:19:44That fucker!
01:19:46We have to find her.
01:19:47What the hell?
01:19:48Her ring.
01:19:49Her dad installed a GPS tracking mechanism on her ring just in case.
01:19:52Well, let's go then!
01:19:54My wife!
01:19:55My fiance!
01:19:56Jared!
01:19:57Jared!
01:20:06What am I doing here?
01:20:08You destroyed me.
01:20:12They took everything.
01:20:14What?
01:20:15I have nothing left.
01:20:16It's not my fault you were too greedy.
01:20:20Is it greedy?
01:20:22To have sex with my wife?
01:20:24What?
01:20:26I'm not your wife anymore!
01:20:27Oh yeah, I know.
01:20:28You wouldn't take me back now.
01:20:29Not unless I get you pregnant with my child.
01:20:31This is illegal!
01:20:32You wouldn't want your child to be away from his father.
01:20:35You won't have me arrested.
01:20:37You will take me back.
01:20:39Ow!
01:20:41What a bitch!
01:20:43I'll settle you down a little.
01:20:45You will be begging me to fuck you soon.
01:20:59Hey!
01:21:01Anteval!
01:21:02Come in!
01:21:06You're too late!
01:21:07I drugged her.
01:21:08She'll be dead soon and let's-
01:21:09Yeah?
01:21:10Have you forgotten who I am?
01:21:13He really does have everything as a coach.
01:21:14Everything except for-
01:21:15Yeah, except for fruit-
01:21:16Yeah, except for fruit-flavored gum!
01:21:17Get it already!
01:21:18Just save my boss!
01:21:21Here we go.
01:21:27You're all good now.
01:21:29Oh, thank God.
01:21:31But what do we do with that piece of shit?
01:21:33What?
01:21:34What are you gonna do to me?
01:21:36Hey, stop!
01:21:37No!
01:21:39Enjoy your erectile dysfunction forever.
01:21:44No!
01:21:45Help!
01:21:47Glad we didn't actually have that fight.
01:21:49Turns out he's the most dangerous of them all.
01:21:57So who did you pick, sweetheart?
01:21:59You've invited the most important figures of the world to your wedding?
01:22:02The Prince of Bhutan?
01:22:04And remember, we will kill ourselves if you don't choose.
01:22:12Welcome back to the finale of The Three Badasses Who Want Me.
01:22:17We're down to the wire.
01:22:18Literally, the wedding day.
01:22:20But who's the groom?
01:22:21Welcome back to the finale of The Three Badasses Who Want Me.
01:22:38But who's the groom?
01:22:39Uh, seems our era still hasn't decided.
01:22:47Any input from the parents?
01:22:49Maybe that will help sway our bachelorette's choice.
01:22:53This is exciting!
01:22:54Who should my daughter pick?
01:22:57Let me think.
01:22:58I like the doctor.
01:23:03He's cute.
01:23:05But the general looks like a strong fellow.
01:23:10And we can't forget about Devon Sterling, the one who's loved her the longest.
01:23:14Isn't that right, Devon?
01:23:16Angela.
01:23:17You are all three very fine gentlemen.
01:23:28And I'm really grateful for all of your love.
01:23:33But this was a really hard decision and I decided to devise one last challenge.
01:23:42And I decided to devise one last challenge.
01:23:48I'm just kidding.
01:23:50I'm just as sick of this as you guys are.
01:23:56Each of our candidates have saved our main character.
01:24:00I mean bachelorette once.
01:24:02They've all proven their undying love.
01:24:06So who gets to unlock Angela Lockhart's heart?
01:24:09Literally.
01:24:11Could it be the sexy and protective, general with a temper,
01:24:16Mr. Cole Eisenhower?
01:24:23Or the fun, wicked minded, but kind of weird, Dr. Shane Wilson?
01:24:32And last but not least, could it be the richest man of them all?
01:24:36The man Angela would have married a long time ago, Mr. Devon Sterling.
01:24:44Gentlemen.
01:24:46It's been a pleasure getting to know you.
01:24:49All right guys.
01:24:50May the best man win.
01:24:52May the best man win.
01:24:53Drum roll, please.
01:24:56It's gotta make you understand.
01:25:00Never gonna give you up.
01:25:03Never gonna let you down.
01:25:05Never gonna run around and desert you.
01:25:09Seriously, Ricky?
01:25:10I choose...
01:25:13I need the power of a strong man and I really feel like he can protect me.
01:25:31Who could resist those guns?
01:25:32Would they interest you in an NFD, Ellen?
01:25:33Yeah, they'd be like full-body choco.
01:25:34I'd be like full-body choco.
01:25:35I'd be like full-body choco.
01:25:36Oh, I'd be like full-body choco.
01:25:38I'd be like full-body choco.
01:25:39I'd be like full-body choco.
01:25:44Shane, it's you.
01:25:58I'm lovesick for you.
01:25:59You like that minty flavor, don't you?
01:26:01Yeah.
01:26:02It's that tongue, actually.
01:26:03It's that tongue action, ladies and gents.
01:26:07Ellen, be my new queen.
01:26:09I hope we can do it together.
01:26:11Dance, babe.
01:26:23It's always been you.
01:26:34I'll always love you.
01:26:38Let's give it up for those nine inches, everybody.
01:26:42Would you like a full body checkup?
01:26:43Have you seen my murder remember this?
01:26:45I need fruit flavored gum for you.
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