- 7 weeks ago
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00Telephone? You have a telephone?
00:19Oh, this is madness. It's becoming impossible to make a phone call anywhere in New York.
00:30You can say that again.
00:34This is an outrage. He's making another call.
00:37It's only his fifth.
00:39He doesn't even talk. He just dials.
00:42Maybe he's got a dialect, huh?
00:44Mr. Roger Shackleforth, age, youthful, 20s.
00:50Occupation? Being in love.
00:53Not just in love, but madly, passionately, illogically, miserably, all-consumingly in love.
00:59With a young woman named Leela who has a vague recollection of his face and even less than a passing interest.
01:05In a moment, you'll see a switch because Mr. Roger Shackleforth, the young gentleman so much in love,
01:11will take a short but very meaningful journey into the twilight zone.
01:24Oh, I simply can't stand this. I must get in there next.
01:27I will buy you a place. A dollar for your place.
01:29Oh, so?
01:31Sir, a dollar for your place.
01:35Madam, a dollar for your place.
01:37Why should first place be the same as the third?
01:41Two dollars.
01:42Two dollars? Very good.
01:44There we are.
01:56Hello?
01:58Hello, Leela Darling. It's Roger.
02:01Oh.
02:02Hello, Roger.
02:03What is it?
02:08May I come to see you?
02:09No. No, I can't. I couldn't bear to see anybody. I'm a mess.
02:15Oh, you could never be a mess. Listen, darling, I have to see you.
02:20Roger, it's impossible.
02:23I must see you, darling. Must. Furiously, fiercely must.
02:27I love you.
02:30Roger, you've got to stop this. You're acting like a baby.
02:34I can't see you now, and that's that.
02:37Well, then talk to me. Say something. Say anything.
02:41Say something?
02:42All right, Roger. I'll say something.
02:49Why don't you take a flying jump at the moon?
02:58There, now. You've, uh, you've finished, haven't you?
03:00No, she hung up on me. I've got to call her back and make sure she isn't sore.
03:03No, no, please. I have an emergency.
03:04Well, so have I.
03:05Well, it won't do any good a call. You see, I understand your problem. I heard it all through the door.
03:08You can't solve it over the telephone. Here. Here's a way to solve your problem.
03:11Look, go and see this man, and go and see him right now.
03:14Believe me, there is no other way. I know.
03:16Go and see that man, and he'll help you.
03:18No.
03:18No, excuse me. You go and see him now, and all your problems will be solved before the day is over.
03:24Emergency.
03:25Emergency.
03:38Oh, boy.
03:57How's your problem?
03:58Oh.
03:58All right.
04:00Oh, boy.
04:02All right.
04:04Bye.
04:05all right all right stop skulking around no i wasn't skulking i just didn't know if uh
04:18common enough disease not knowing you sit down on that pile of books there
04:23do i know you no sir as a matter of fact ah then you haven't come for a bottle of the glove
04:34cleaner glove cleaner no as a matter of fact well perhaps another time as a matter of fact you keep
04:44saying that come to the point well the point is i don't know why i came at all you see a man gave
04:49me your card a stranger oh yes satisfied former customer most likely yes but i don't know why i
04:55came though i was sitting there in this phone of course you know why you came you want what i've
04:58got but i don't know what you've got ointments salves powders sovereign remedies nectars lotus blossoms
05:08toxins tonics antitoxins decoctions concoctions and potions all guaranteed oh well i don't need
05:18anything like that well you must you're here yes but i don't need any medicine you suddenly need
05:23something you look feverish oh well it's uh sort of you know nothing nothing i don't supply something
05:35is my specialty anything is what you get here
05:37you're ambitious is that it you want success money admirers the world at your feet no that's not
05:49it at all power you want power no you don't understand all i want is lila lila yeah if i have
05:58lila i can do all the rest myself lila i might have known all he wants is lila i offer you practically
06:07anything and all he wants is lila and i guess there's nothing you can do about that that's the
06:13simplest of all the elementary parlor trick of my science you disappoint me no you don't understand
06:20you see i'm in love with somebody named lila but she's not in love with me and i don't know why i'm
06:28telling you i do i can arrange it so she'll love you how i promise you she'll never leave your side
06:37when she isn't telling you she loves you she'll be gazing at you lovingly she won't even eat before
06:44you do and nothing will be too much for you to ask of her she'll worship you she'll beg for kisses
06:49and weep for joy at your touch and if in passing time you should perhaps look at another girl or even
06:56do a little more than look she'll feel hurt but she'll forgive you and love you just the same
07:02frankly you'd get the same shake from a cocker spaniel but that's wonderful that's all in the
07:08world i want my lila's love his lila's love it isn't his lila's love it's his dorothy's love his ria's love
07:17or is gwen's love tell me are you sure you wouldn't be interested in the glove cleaner as i call it
07:25there are many names for it including the eradicator but glove cleaner is a nice non-descriptive title
07:34clean colorless tasteless unidentifiable and sure i'm not really interested in glove cleaners
07:42why not sure it's swift leaves no trace it's perfect for its purpose
07:47i don't think you're making any sense at all my boy that's all i make which is why i'm such a lonely
07:55man you're sure you don't want to try the glove cleaner it's very expensive perhaps you can't afford
08:02it for instance this little bottle costs a thousand dollars a thousand dollars are all your prices like
08:10that some are some aren't yeah but that that thing that's going to make lila love me oh that
08:16that's only a dollar a dollar
08:20love potions are my cheapest item and they're overpriced at that a dollar for my lila's love
08:30it won't hurt her if anybody gets hurt it'll be you but i don't expect you to believe me
08:37put it in anything a drink stew soup coffee water anything
08:43you'll get exactly what you say you want well i don't really believe this but i'll try
08:49well i'll try anything thanks professor you know if this works i'll be the happiest man in the world
08:56hello lila roger i told you i was busy tonight well just a minute just a little minute
09:16flowers see
09:17well that's very nice roger thank you now if you'll just run along i couldn't have lasted the
09:24evening without seeing you lila you don't know what it's like to love somebody to love anybody so
09:29much and so desperately look champagne just enough for two glasses now that's not asking much is it
09:37just spare me five minutes and have one drink with me roger you are acting like a clod
09:44a silly stupid south morick clod i love you stop saying that
09:51all right one drink five minutes and then you go
10:03i've got to put on my dress
10:11it's like
10:16it's like millennium
10:20you
10:33and
10:41and
10:43you
10:44Well, let's get this over with.
10:54Well, your time's up.
11:14Thank you very much for the flowers and the champagne.
11:19Now, goodbye, Roger.
11:24Excellent champagne, wasn't it?
11:29It'll pass.
11:30What are you looking at me like that for?
11:33Well, perhaps it's my last look.
11:36All right.
11:38You've had it.
11:41One last little kiss?
11:43Roger, please, let's not prolong this any longer.
11:46I haven't the time.
11:48Now, please go.
11:50Now.
11:52I don't love you.
11:54I don't want you here.
11:56I don't even like you at the moment.
11:58Now, please go.
12:05Oh.
12:08Here.
12:09That's the best I can do.
12:16And that took all my strength.
12:23Roger.
12:25Oh, wait a minute.
12:26Perhaps I am being cruel.
12:32I don't mean to be.
12:35No.
12:39Roger.
12:39Roger.
12:45Oh, let me make it a little nicer.
12:49What's happening?
13:00What's happening?
13:01What's happening?
13:03What difference?
13:05Come here, baby.
13:06Leela, couldn't you please sit in a chair?
13:22Oh, yes, my darling husband.
13:26Oh, I'm sorry if it bothers you.
13:28It's just that I love to kneel at your feet.
13:32Well, kneel in a chair.
13:38Which chair, darling?
13:41Any chair.
13:42It doesn't matter.
13:46Darling, do you want your slippers now?
13:48No, they make my feet hot.
13:50Oh, well, if your feet are hot now, I could soak my hands in ice water and then caress them.
13:57No, no, my feet are fine.
14:00All right.
14:03Well, darling, don't you want to smoke your pipe?
14:07No, it bites my tongue.
14:09It's not broken in very well.
14:12Oh, well, I'd be happy to break it in for you.
14:15I could smoke it all day while you're at the office and then when you came home.
14:18Thanks, Leela, but no thanks.
14:24You're welcome.
14:33Oh, darling.
14:34Oh, darling, I'm sorry.
14:37No, I'll get a cigarette for you in just a minute.
14:39Just one minute.
14:42Here.
14:43I should have put cigarettes in that box by your chair.
14:48Here.
14:54There we go.
14:59Would you like me to rub your back, darling?
15:01You just finished rubbing my back.
15:03I know.
15:05But I adore touching you.
15:07I'd be glad to rub it again.
15:09No, thanks, Leela.
15:10Am I disturbing your reading?
15:27No, no, no.
15:30Did I disturb you by asking you if I was disturbing you?
15:34No, no, no, dearest.
15:36Not at all.
15:38Oh, Roger.
15:41I love you, Roger.
15:44I'm so happy you're you.
15:46You're just perfect.
15:47I love to say I love you.
15:53I love to love you.
15:56Leela, I've got to go out.
15:59Out.
16:00I've got an appointment.
16:01I almost forgot.
16:04Darling, will you be long?
16:07I don't know.
16:08I may be late.
16:09Would you like me to go, too?
16:10No, no, no, no.
16:11I won't be late.
16:12Why don't you stay here and hug my jacket or something?
16:15Is anything wrong, Roger, darling?
16:17No, dearest.
16:17No, it's just that I've got an appointment and I'm late and I need a little air.
16:20While you're gone, my love will grow and grow and when you get back.
16:23Hi there, Professor.
16:50Oh, yes, I've been expecting you.
16:56You have?
16:58Uh, yes, I rather thought you'd like to hear how things turned out.
17:01I know how things turned out.
17:04Oh.
17:07That potion sure works.
17:09I know, I know.
17:13How are things with you?
17:16Things haven't changed with me in years.
17:18It's a pretty ugly situation we've got with China, don't you think?
17:25You don't look so good either.
17:28Me?
17:28Oh, I'm fine.
17:30Fine.
17:30I just dropped around to tell you that things are fine.
17:34I'm glad to hear it.
17:40Oh, the glove cleaner, huh?
17:44Say, do you sell much of that stuff?
17:46Now and again.
17:46By the way, what's in it?
17:50No trace, no odor, no taste.
17:52No way to detect its presence.
17:54And it's sure.
17:54$1,000.
18:03That's what you came for, isn't it?
18:05Me?
18:06No, not at all.
18:09Painless?
18:10Of course.
18:11It's perfect for its purpose.
18:12The only thing of its kind in the world.
18:15Interesting.
18:16She loves you as I said she would, doesn't she?
18:19A constant love.
18:20And nothing you can do to her will change it.
18:23She worships and adores you and hangs on your every word.
18:26Yes, yes, she does.
18:28$1,000.
18:29Professor, I am going out of my ever-loving mind.
18:31I can't stand it anymore.
18:33Naturally.
18:33Is there such a thing as being loved too much?
18:36Isn't there some way we can just quiet it down a little?
18:38No.
18:39Well, isn't there some potion that'll transfer a little of this love to someone else?
18:42Like a nice cocker spaniel?
18:44Not a chance.
18:44She's yours.
18:46But she's so nice to me.
18:47She's so very good.
18:49I know.
18:50The glove cleaner is the only way.
18:53Well, I can't do that.
18:54Uh, there must be another way.
19:05This is the way.
19:07The only way.
19:09$1,000.
19:10Professor, you don't know what it's like all the time.
19:12Love, love, love.
19:13I do know what it's like.
19:16How do you think I came to invent the glove cleaner?
19:22But that's all my savings.
19:24I know.
19:25It's always that way.
19:29No trace.
19:30No odor.
19:30No taste.
19:31No way to detect.
19:35All right.
19:41All made out, eh?
19:43One thing I must caution you about.
19:45You must use it immediately.
19:47Do you hear me?
19:47Immediately.
19:48And you must use it all.
19:50Immediately?
19:51Why?
19:51Will it spoil?
19:51No, but you will.
19:52Once you delay, you are lost.
19:55Believe me.
19:56If you fail the first time you try to use it, you'll never have courage to use it again.
20:00Never.
20:01Goodbye, Professor.
20:03Farewell.
20:09Always the same way.
20:11First stimulant, then the chaser.
20:23My darling.
20:26Party.
20:26I thought we ought to have a party.
20:29After all, it isn't everybody that's been married six months like this.
20:32Darling, what a lovely surprise.
20:35Here you went out, you said you might be late, and instead you come back with champagne and
20:39flowers?
20:41Glasses.
20:41Can't have a party without glasses.
20:44It's just like the first time.
20:46Only this time you don't have to beg to stay.
20:48Later.
20:49Listen, why don't you sit over there and I'll bring it to you.
20:52Over there.
20:53All right.
20:53Oh, darling, would you like to have candlelight?
21:01It's so romantic.
21:02Let's have candlelight, huh?
21:04Sure, sure.
21:05Candlelight, shmandlelight, anything.
21:13Oh, darling.
21:15It's so wonderful being married to you.
21:18I've never been so completely happy in my whole life.
21:22I've lived just to love you.
21:25Only you.
21:27That's nice.
21:31Sweetest, how did you happen to think of the champagne?
21:34It just came to me.
21:37I remember the first time you brought me champagne.
21:41How you look.
21:43Your eyes were filled with love.
21:46And you watched me drink.
21:48And so sadly, because you thought it was going to be our last drink.
21:52Remember?
21:53I remember.
21:57Lover.
21:58Lover Marshmallow, come here.
22:00Come sit next to your Leela.
22:02Come on.
22:03Oh!
22:05There we go.
22:06Oh!
22:12Baby bunny.
22:13I've got news for you, sweet little rabbit.
22:19Rabbit.
22:22Oh, darling.
22:24Oh, we won't worry about it.
22:26We don't need champagne.
22:28We've got each other.
22:30It's all right.
22:31I couldn't have done it.
22:32I couldn't have gone through with it.
22:33I could never have gone through with it.
22:34Think of it, darling.
22:38This is only the beginning.
22:41We'll be like this for the rest of our lives.
22:44Won't we?
22:45The rest of our lives.
22:52Mr. Roger Shackleforth,
22:54who has discovered at this late date
22:56that love can be as sticky as a vat of molasses,
23:00as unpalatable as a hunk of spoiled yeast,
23:02and is all-consuming as a six-alarm fire
23:05in a bamboo and canvas tent.
23:15Case history of a lover boy
23:17who should never have entered
23:18the Twilight Zone.
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