- 6 months ago
Category
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:30CastingWords
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00:01:08But we live in a permissive society.
00:01:10Not on this street we don't.
00:01:12Everybody's at it.
00:01:14Not with me they're not.
00:01:16Girls are supposed to be crying out for it.
00:01:18Not this one.
00:01:20I'm the silent majority.
00:01:22It's only manners these days.
00:01:24Total strangers do it now instead of shaking hands.
00:01:26God is Lord.
00:01:29Jesus.
00:01:31Jesus.
00:01:32Jesus.
00:01:34Jesus.
00:01:36Jesus.
00:01:38Jesus.
00:01:40Jesus.
00:01:42Jesus.
00:01:44Jesus.
00:01:46Jesus.
00:01:48Jesus.
00:01:50Jesus.
00:01:52Jesus.
00:01:54Jesus.
00:01:56We've never seen him in real life, though.
00:01:58Oh, he's picturing the papers.
00:02:01Oh, come on, Sandra, let's go.
00:02:03No, I don't want to.
00:02:04Oh, he'll be standing out here. It's stupid.
00:02:06But he might come in a minute.
00:02:08Somebody waited ages yesterday and he never turned up there.
00:02:10But that was yesterday. He might be here today.
00:02:12Oh, no. He'll be really deaf standing here.
00:02:14Come on, you're supposed to be going shopping.
00:02:16Oh, wait. Please, let's go.
00:02:22Oh, no.
00:02:23I told you so, didn't I?
00:02:25I feel all right, Twit, now.
00:02:27I don't fancy yours.
00:02:30Which is mine?
00:02:32Any except the blonde.
00:02:34Oh, good.
00:02:36Who are being stared at?
00:02:38Where?
00:02:41I don't fancy yours.
00:02:45Which is mine?
00:02:47Any.
00:02:48Except the blonde or the one with the yellow legs?
00:02:52Thanks.
00:02:53Neither do I.
00:02:55Fancy the one with the twitch?
00:03:00About as much as Mountsy-Tung's granddad, with all due respect.
00:03:04To his granddad.
00:03:06Ask him if they do a turn.
00:03:08You.
00:03:09I thought we were giving sex up.
00:03:11There's a protest at never getting any.
00:03:14Ignore them.
00:03:14Hi.
00:03:15Hi.
00:03:15Hi.
00:03:22Hi.
00:03:23Hi.
00:03:26Hi.
00:03:26Hi.
00:03:30Hi.
00:03:33Peace, ma'am.
00:03:34Were you, er, hoping to see Georgie Best?
00:03:37He's in Mallorca.
00:03:39Come on, then.
00:03:41Can we only get an hour for lunch?
00:03:44It's a discotheque in Albert Square.
00:03:52Come on.
00:03:54I thought we were going for tights.
00:03:58It's our lunch hour.
00:04:01It's ours.
00:04:02We were going for lunch.
00:04:04Shall I tell you something pretty mind-blowing about Mallorca?
00:04:11It's one place I've never been.
00:04:14Pardon?
00:04:17I'm Geoffrey.
00:04:20I don't happen to be attached.
00:04:22I'm Beryl.
00:04:23I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:34Love and rainy weather
00:04:46May sound funny
00:04:48But they go together fine
00:04:53Every single time
00:04:59First you're up there
00:05:04On another plane
00:05:06And then you're nowhere
00:05:08And the tears are raining down
00:05:13It's a run around
00:05:18Love and rainy weather
00:05:22Surely I can't get you down
00:05:28Now, going twisting tonight, then?
00:05:37That's the modern name for it, isn't it?
00:05:40What?
00:05:41Cutting a rug.
00:05:44Pardon?
00:05:45Grooving, Mildred.
00:05:47It's called grooving nowadays.
00:05:48Grooving and or freaking.
00:05:50Right?
00:05:51What I'm not doing tonight.
00:05:52Right.
00:05:54Right on.
00:05:56You're staying in tonight, then?
00:05:57Tonight.
00:05:58Tomorrow night.
00:05:59Every night.
00:06:02They might sell me overcoat.
00:06:03Life's not all pleasure, you know.
00:06:06Really?
00:06:06Mildred, don't hassle the lad.
00:06:09Hustle.
00:06:11It's a different world today, Mildred.
00:06:13We had a week's honeymoon in Blackpool for what this finny haddy cost.
00:06:18They do their own thing.
00:06:19The usual 1,300 weight.
00:06:21Yes, please.
00:06:24Now, that's the new world that we work for.
00:06:27And fought for.
00:06:28Full-page advert for contraception.
00:06:31It's his birthright.
00:06:32I'm not hungry.
00:06:35I'm not hungry.
00:06:36What's that supposed to mean?
00:06:39It's the hip way cool people say, I'm not hungry.
00:06:42I enjoy staying in Chattingham an evening.
00:07:01I find it fantastically enjoyable.
00:07:06No, really.
00:07:07I really do.
00:07:09Some people don't.
00:07:12I do.
00:07:14Beryl, please take my word for it.
00:07:16Paul McCartney's never going to ring that doorbell and invite you to the pictures.
00:07:20Paul McCartney who?
00:07:21He doesn't know you've been faithful to him ever since our day's night.
00:07:24And please don't say Paul McCartney who.
00:07:27I sacrifice too much for your six-old levels.
00:07:29Five.
00:07:30You were terrific in the pictures.
00:07:34I never touched you.
00:07:35Terrific self-control.
00:07:41What did you say your name was?
00:08:00Mind you, just a weekend I'd do with you, Paul.
00:08:05Not a dirty weekend.
00:08:08A disgusting one.
00:08:10Night-night, Percy Filth.
00:08:23Have you always been insatiable?
00:08:27It's not my fault.
00:08:29It's just that I don't like blondes.
00:08:36It's psychosomatic.
00:08:40I'm sorry.
00:08:41I'm sorry.
00:08:45Ah.
00:08:45Ah...
00:09:03Sandra, it is almost blonde in this light.
00:09:11What's wrong?
00:09:13Just being brave.
00:09:15What about?
00:09:17Ending it all.
00:09:19Before we hurt each other too much.
00:09:22It's our first date.
00:09:25I've probably wasted your entire evening, haven't I?
00:09:30Not yet.
00:09:32Not if your parents aren't back till midnight.
00:09:37Don't you think you're too old for this sort of thing?
00:09:41Straight from Stanley Matthews to Brigitte Bardot you went overnight.
00:09:45That was when you were too young for this sort of thing.
00:09:49It's artistic, Mother.
00:09:51Like your Tut and Carmen butter dish.
00:10:03What?
00:10:04Got it.
00:10:05Got what?
00:10:06You now ask if I never want to see you again.
00:10:09I say I do.
00:10:10You then stop crying quick as a flash and say something like,
00:10:14How about Sunday, half seven outside Central Library?
00:10:17No, I don't.
00:10:18Tomorrow, half seven outside Central Library.
00:10:22Then when I say okay, does your zip miraculously undo?
00:10:26It does not.
00:10:28I thought it did.
00:10:30Not till you've unfastened the press stud.
00:10:33I can see her doing your ironing and cooking and cleaning.
00:10:38You wouldn't need to book for the Christmas pantomime.
00:10:41I don't intend to marry her, Mother.
00:10:43In case it interferes with my career.
00:10:45We're just good friends.
00:10:47Good night.
00:11:02Miss Bardot.
00:11:05Marry me.
00:11:09You know what they say?
00:11:11Once you've had a Manchester lad, you never touch anything else.
00:11:14Marry me.
00:11:15Marry me.
00:11:16Marry me.
00:11:17Marry me.
00:11:18Marry me.
00:11:19Marry me.
00:11:20Marry me.
00:11:21Marry me.
00:11:22Marry me.
00:11:23Marry me.
00:11:24Marry me.
00:11:25Marry me.
00:11:26Marry me.
00:11:27Marry me.
00:11:28Marry me.
00:11:29About time and all.
00:11:30Aye.
00:11:31Aye.
00:11:32Aye.
00:11:33Peace, man.
00:11:34Marry me.
00:11:35Marry me.
00:11:36Did you have a good time, Miss Knight?
00:11:37Great.
00:11:38Is this you?
00:11:39Satisfied.
00:11:40I say it in for a change.
00:11:42Did you get much?
00:11:43Did you?
00:11:44Did you know that raping Princess Anne was a capital offence?
00:11:49Not that I have done.
00:11:50Played in for a change instead.
00:11:54Ticket.
00:11:55I ain't got me ticket.
00:11:56We're late already.
00:11:57See you behind the goal there?
00:11:58No.
00:11:59No.
00:12:00No.
00:12:01No.
00:12:02No.
00:12:03No.
00:12:04No.
00:12:05No.
00:12:06No.
00:12:07No.
00:12:08No.
00:12:09No.
00:12:10No.
00:12:11No.
00:12:12No.
00:12:13No.
00:12:14No.
00:12:15No.
00:12:32No.
00:12:33No.
00:12:34No.
00:12:35No.
00:12:36Well, tonight's beauty sleep's done nothing for her, snooty old bag.
00:12:50Trendy. Crimson shoes with bottle green socks.
00:12:54Must be going steady with a set of traffic lights.
00:12:57Still, who else would have him?
00:13:00Anyway, they're all the same in the dark, rumour has it.
00:13:06Different girl every night. It's all the type.
00:13:15Probably an omen seeing her before the match.
00:13:18Bet we lose 3-1.
00:13:21Well, I'm certainly not making the first move. At least I've got me proud.
00:13:26Oh, hello.
00:13:28Oh, hi.
00:13:29Hi.
00:13:31Didn't see you.
00:13:31No, nor me.
00:13:34Are you going that way?
00:13:35Yeah.
00:13:35Not especially, no.
00:13:38Are you going that?
00:13:40Yeah, well, um, no.
00:13:42I was, I was, I sort of, um...
00:13:44Going to the football match?
00:13:46Are you?
00:13:46Shopping.
00:13:53I'm probably going to the pictures tonight.
00:13:56I am.
00:13:56Which?
00:13:57Which are you?
00:13:57Any.
00:13:58I am.
00:13:59See you then.
00:14:08Tonight?
00:14:09Pardon?
00:14:10Oh, I...
00:14:11All right then.
00:14:13Right.
00:14:19Super socks.
00:14:21Did you see that?
00:14:22Did you see that?
00:14:26They're all on drugs.
00:14:27The lot of them.
00:14:28.
00:14:46The score?
00:14:47Losing, 3-1.
00:14:58Excuse me.
00:15:17Excuse me, I...
00:15:22I only go to restaurants with deaf waiters.
00:15:25Ah.
00:15:29Hi.
00:15:31Hello, mate.
00:15:32Oh, um...
00:15:33Peace man.
00:15:34Surprise, surprise.
00:15:35Surprise.
00:15:36In anywhere controversial?
00:15:38Pictures.
00:15:39The boyfriend.
00:15:40She's slim.
00:15:41I'm just going to the, um...
00:15:42Oh, I'll come with you.
00:15:46Are you and Beryl, um...
00:15:48You know.
00:15:51You know.
00:15:53Oh.
00:15:58What do you, uh...
00:15:59What do you sort of reckon?
00:16:00She's a...
00:16:01Fair sort of bird.
00:16:02Sorry, sorry.
00:16:03She's all right.
00:16:04I mean, nothing sensational, obviously.
00:16:05Geoffrey.
00:16:06She's a bird.
00:16:07You having a coffee with us?
00:16:08No, thanks, kid.
00:16:09Neville's ravenous.
00:16:10You've just eaten.
00:16:11Oh, of course, yeah.
00:16:12Sorry.
00:16:13You see, what I think it was always trying to do...
00:16:14By implication?
00:16:15Probably by implication.
00:16:16Probably by implication.
00:16:17It was to allow the images to provoke a moral response from our own own minds.
00:16:21And so, what I think it was always trying to do...
00:16:22By implication.
00:16:23Probably by implication.
00:16:24You're having a coffee with us?
00:16:25No, thanks, kid. Neville's ravenous.
00:16:28You've just eaten.
00:16:31Oh, of course, yeah. Sorry.
00:16:35You see, what I thought Ken was always trying to do...
00:16:39By implication.
00:16:41Probably by implication.
00:16:43It was to allow the images to provoke a moral response from our own aesthetic judgment.
00:16:47You see?
00:16:48Yes.
00:16:51Was he the errand boy?
00:16:52Was he the errand boy?
00:16:53Ken Thingy.
00:16:55He directed it.
00:16:57Oh, yes.
00:16:59I was probably thinking of Andy Warhol.
00:17:02Probably.
00:17:07You're not like other boys at all, are you?
00:17:11Well, probably a little more mature, that's all.
00:17:14It's over 200 yards from the cinema.
00:17:16And you talk to me the whole way, like a person.
00:17:19Other boys seem to have one-track minds these days.
00:17:25Sex?
00:17:26Marriage.
00:17:28Pardon?
00:17:29The number of boys that asked me to marry them.
00:17:32A couple of dates and pal, they want to get married.
00:17:34I want to live a bit before I get married.
00:17:37I suppose I just don't have a hang-up about it.
00:17:41Get married?
00:17:42Hmm.
00:17:44No.
00:17:48Actually, I find girls, or most girls, that is, a bit obsessed these days.
00:17:54Sex.
00:17:55Not marriage.
00:17:57No.
00:17:57Sex.
00:18:00Percy Phil.
00:18:03Sex.
00:18:04That's what I said.
00:18:06Oh.
00:18:07Well, I'm not like that.
00:18:10Not Percy Phil motivated.
00:18:12No.
00:18:14No.
00:18:14Did you want to say any more about Andy Warhol?
00:18:29Ken Russell.
00:18:30Yeah.
00:18:31No.
00:18:38This is it.
00:18:44I won't come in, with it being our first date.
00:18:55No.
00:18:56Oh.
00:18:57Anywhere me mum's gone to bed, we'd be on our own.
00:19:00Is that a reason for me not coming in, though?
00:19:02Yes, Geoffrey.
00:19:04Oh.
00:19:13Nice house.
00:19:1725-year mortgage.
00:19:23Well, thanks for seeing me home.
00:19:27Funny, isn't it?
00:19:29First date with someone.
00:19:31It always leads to one of three things.
00:19:35Either nothing.
00:19:36Or something.
00:19:40Or everything.
00:19:41Well, don't think about Percy Phil at this stage, Peryl.
00:19:46You're not.
00:19:49No, I'm not.
00:19:52Night-night.
00:19:52God bless.
00:19:53I won't give you my phone number in case you think I'm one of those scheming females.
00:20:08What is it?
00:20:09Three, two, seven, double, four, two, one.
00:20:12The easy way to remember it is the three and the two make five, which is two less than seven.
00:20:15Then two fours, and half of four, which is two, and half of two, which is one.
00:20:19Um, but you mustn't ring me if you don't want.
00:20:22No.
00:20:22But you can if you do.
00:20:24Do you want me to?
00:20:25Not if you'd rather not.
00:20:27Three, two, seven, double, four, two, one.
00:20:30Night.
00:20:30Oh, my God.
00:21:00Well, hello, Mrs. Battersby.
00:21:02Beryl's brought you up a cup of tea.
00:21:04Oh, they all have a past life flashed before me then.
00:21:11Can't be Mother's Day.
00:21:13You'd have forgotten.
00:21:15Has there been any clips?
00:21:17Mum, I want the benefit of your experience.
00:21:22What do you think of Andy Warhol?
00:21:24You see, Geoffrey has this theory that, by implication...
00:21:27Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:28Of course, Geoffrey knows about these things.
00:21:31Oh, these things.
00:21:33Everything.
00:21:34Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:35He's fantastically intelligent.
00:21:37See, Geoffrey's idea...
00:21:39Better who's Geoffrey.
00:21:42Oh, no one.
00:21:47No one's special.
00:21:49His name's Geoffrey.
00:21:54How did this Beryl Bird turn out last night, then?
00:22:02What Beryl Bird?
00:22:03I told him.
00:22:05Did she, uh...
00:22:06Does she yell?
00:22:08What?
00:22:12Wow.
00:22:15She doesn't, then.
00:22:17You don't listen, do you?
00:22:18I said...
00:22:19How about Sandra?
00:22:20Chips.
00:22:27Chams, sod.
00:22:34Not seeing him tonight, then.
00:22:40Who?
00:22:40I've rather better things to do, thank you.
00:22:55Said he was no one special.
00:22:58Have they got a phone here?
00:22:59Why?
00:23:01Why?
00:23:03They haven't, have they?
00:23:05Do you want to get some nookie lined up or something?
00:23:08If I did, do you think I'd be playing darts with you two?
00:23:11Look, are you fed up here?
00:23:14Are you?
00:23:15We'll split after this game.
00:23:16Anything you say.
00:23:17We can go for a few of the King's Head.
00:23:19Great.
00:23:21And that ends our pro...
00:23:23Well, Monday tomorrow.
00:23:25Hallelujah.
00:23:26Pardon?
00:23:28I don't know what you're paying for that phone,
00:23:29but whatever it is, you're being done.
00:23:32Good night.
00:23:32Good night.
00:23:53Good morning.
00:24:01Good morning.
00:24:10Chalton for Pope.
00:24:11Long may you reign.
00:24:13Amen.
00:24:15What's going on?
00:24:16Pounds up again.
00:24:18Oh, God.
00:24:20Today's special.
00:24:21Bloody travellers, Jax.
00:24:23Yeah.
00:24:24Suddenly everyone's going on holiday.
00:24:26So it does.
00:24:28Enjoy yourself while you're young.
00:24:45Why do we always do that?
00:24:4893 times a day.
00:24:50We never say anything.
00:24:52I don't know.
00:24:52my timing not disturbing your singing a hope see Jeffrey on Sunday
00:25:22Oh, Geoffrey.
00:25:24That Neville's the greatest.
00:25:29Is he dishy or is he dishy?
00:25:35Neville promises he's going to take this...
00:25:36I'm considering packing Geoffrey in.
00:25:39One date was enough.
00:25:41Why?
00:25:43He's cancer and I'm Libra.
00:25:45Is that bad?
00:25:46Hopeless.
00:25:49Actually, I'm slightly off the male gender at the moment.
00:25:52Five, five, which is, which is, three and two is five, which is two less than seven, which is, oh.
00:26:13I see the Spanish police are throwing your lot out of Ibiza.
00:26:17Bank clocks.
00:26:18Your lot?
00:26:20Football supporters.
00:26:21Hippies.
00:26:23Oh.
00:26:24My lot.
00:26:27At the third stroke, it will be 7.22 and 40 seconds.
00:26:35It will be 7.22 and 50 seconds.
00:26:38That's it, then.
00:26:42Fate.
00:26:43All over by 7.23 precisely.
00:26:47So what?
00:26:50Plenty more where she came from.
00:26:51Is that the speaking clock?
00:26:57Is that Geoffrey?
00:26:58Is that Beryl?
00:27:00Yes.
00:27:01Yes.
00:27:02Hi.
00:27:03Hi.
00:27:05Hi.
00:27:05It's terrifically exciting, isn't it?
00:27:26Getting to know a person.
00:27:28Fantastic.
00:27:28Fantastic.
00:27:28I want to know all about you.
00:27:35That's what it's all about.
00:27:39For example, with things in common already.
00:27:42Definitely.
00:27:45About what?
00:27:46We're enormously fond of animals.
00:27:53Right.
00:27:55And we're both from Manchester.
00:28:00Have you ever been abroad?
00:28:02No.
00:28:02Unless you're Countess Stambol.
00:28:09Was it beyond belief?
00:28:12I don't know.
00:28:13I was only three.
00:28:19Do you ever get the feeling you've been somewhere before?
00:28:22Sometimes.
00:28:24I do.
00:28:26What now?
00:28:29No.
00:28:30Just sometimes.
00:28:32Yes, I do.
00:28:39Such a lot, isn't there?
00:28:42In getting to know a person.
00:28:44Hmm.
00:28:49He was lithe and easy-limbed.
00:28:52His stride quietly casual.
00:28:55His eyes clear and confident.
00:28:56And his strong mouth ready to break into a relaxed, assured, lopsided grin.
00:29:03You know, Geoffrey, you have a really lopsided grin.
00:29:10Really?
00:29:11You know, lopsided.
00:29:15I don't think I have.
00:29:17It's in the eye of the beholder.
00:29:21See?
00:29:23Geoffrey doesn't need someone else when he's tying a knot.
00:29:26He holds it down with his little finger.
00:29:30It must be marvellous being a man.
00:29:34It's OK, I suppose.
00:29:35Men can do anything.
00:29:37Conquer Everest.
00:29:39Do heart transplants.
00:29:40Become leader of the opposition.
00:29:43Anything!
00:29:44Geoffrey, N-O spells no.
00:29:56It's good for your circulation, Beryl.
00:29:58Read any women's magazine.
00:30:00It's good for theirs, too.
00:30:02Not sure they recommend Percy Filth on Tuesdays.
00:30:05I only see you on Tuesdays and Saturdays.
00:30:07All Saturdays.
00:30:08Beryl.
00:30:15Beryl.
00:30:16Oh, Geoffrey Bobble's bumble.
00:30:18Oh, Beryl.
00:30:19Oh, Geoffrey.
00:30:21Oh, Beryl!
00:30:23Are you all right?
00:30:23What exactly happened?
00:30:24Don't tell me.
00:30:26I just had a sharp achak of dramatic irony.
00:30:28Pardon?
00:30:34Come back.
00:30:35They're better.
00:30:36It's better.
00:30:37I'm OK.
00:30:38I told you.
00:30:42It's going to pour.
00:30:43It's not.
00:30:52It's only the angels crying.
00:30:55I know how they feel.
00:30:58Well, don't blame me.
00:30:59I haven't done anything.
00:31:00That's true.
00:31:03That's not true, Beryl.
00:31:04I have apologised.
00:31:06I keep going down on me knees when I'm talking to you.
00:31:08Independent observers think I'm training to be a Cossack dancer.
00:31:12It must be a bad line.
00:31:13I can't hear you.
00:31:14You'd better apologise again.
00:31:17I apologise again.
00:31:20Gosh, this lousy line.
00:31:22I wonder if Geoffrey would like to come to tea on Sunday.
00:31:28Pardon?
00:31:30Pardon?
00:31:31Is that who I think it is?
00:31:34No, dear.
00:31:34No.
00:31:34No.
00:31:34Well, isn't this nice.
00:31:51Sardine sandwich.
00:31:52Is it all sardine?
00:31:54Yeah.
00:31:56She's got her own trawler.
00:32:03Isn't it awful?
00:32:05What?
00:32:05I was speaking to Geoffrey.
00:32:08What's happening in the world?
00:32:09I blame the politicians.
00:32:11What for?
00:32:12For what's happening in the world.
00:32:17Talk to her.
00:32:21I can't speak Portuguese.
00:32:23Tasty.
00:32:25Very in oil.
00:32:27Nice in oil.
00:32:28She's got a bad leg.
00:32:29The bread's extremely wholesome.
00:32:34Why, after this little baker down the road,
00:32:35he does something with the bleach.
00:32:40Yes.
00:32:47I can't do long conversations about sardine sandwiches.
00:32:50Your mind goes blank.
00:32:54It's not thinking about life after death.
00:32:59Oh, that Neville, honestly.
00:33:04Number of hearts he must have broken.
00:33:06Every girl in Manchester, nearly.
00:33:09Geoffrey definitely has.
00:33:11Probably even more.
00:33:13Air hostesses.
00:33:16All sorts.
00:33:18Tell me about your terrible past, Geoffrey.
00:33:20I haven't had one yet.
00:33:22White man speak with forked tongue.
00:33:25Actually, I was hoping more for a terrible future.
00:33:29Wow, is that the time?
00:33:34At this moment in time.
00:33:36What have I done?
00:33:37Is Neville the insanely jealous type?
00:33:40Right in the slightest.
00:33:42You're lucky.
00:33:43Why, it's Geoffrey.
00:33:45Wow.
00:33:47You're not jealous of all my ex-flames, are you?
00:33:50Of course not.
00:33:50Why should I be?
00:33:52Please stop interrogating me, Geoffrey.
00:33:53Forget it.
00:33:56That's all in the past.
00:33:57Then, nothing to be jealous about.
00:34:03Who needs drama?
00:34:06So I shouted back at her.
00:34:08No shop assistant shouts at me, I shouted.
00:34:10In the end, Neville nearly bolted me for swearing.
00:34:14He thumped you.
00:34:16Walloped you on.
00:34:17No, I said nearly.
00:34:23You never thumped me, will you?
00:34:25Like Neville does Sandra.
00:34:27She adores it.
00:34:28Of course not.
00:34:31No.
00:34:34Geoffrey, Percy Filth isn't the only thing in life.
00:34:37It isn't even one of the things in mine.
00:34:38He used to talk to me.
00:34:40All right.
00:34:41Let's talk.
00:34:46Geoffrey, I've just had the most super idea.
00:34:49Why?
00:34:49Is your mum going out?
00:34:53May as well pack in, really.
00:34:57Why?
00:34:59Why not?
00:35:02Good thinking.
00:35:03Thanks for a stimulating few weeks.
00:35:12You too.
00:35:13It was real.
00:35:14It's psychedelic.
00:35:15You can keep me grateful dead, LP.
00:35:17We're scratched anyway.
00:35:20It's been a gasp.
00:35:21Groovy.
00:35:23I won't wave from the window.
00:35:25No, I won't look back anyway.
00:35:27Good.
00:35:28It's been a gasp.
00:35:29You've said that once.
00:35:33There's plenty more fish in the sea.
00:35:45About three very lonely sardines.
00:35:50Mother, please don't try raising one eyebrow at me.
00:35:53You know you can't do it.
00:36:00You'll never thought of me, will you, Geoffrey?
00:36:02Ow!
00:36:04Beryl, I just had the most super idea.
00:36:07Are we going to put it in?
00:36:08No.
00:36:09We're going to pack it in.
00:36:10Don't say that.
00:36:11Please don't say that.
00:36:12That.
00:36:15Sandra.
00:36:16Sandra.
00:36:18You're Sandra.
00:36:19Mine.
00:36:23Two months.
00:36:24Two months, nine days.
00:36:28Is she positive?
00:36:29The test was.
00:36:30What are you going to do?
00:36:33She'll think of something.
00:36:35Sandra, it's stupendous.
00:36:40Congratulations.
00:36:40I hope you'll both be very happy.
00:36:42Oh, thanks, kid.
00:36:44Sandra, I don't know how you do it.
00:36:48Often.
00:36:48Often.
00:36:48Yes.
00:36:59Yeah.
00:37:05Bye.
00:37:06Bye.
00:37:06Bye.
00:37:07Bye.
00:37:13Bye.
00:37:14Bye.
00:37:15Bye.
00:37:16Bye.
00:37:17John for Pope.
00:37:42Among my reign.
00:37:47Aren't you, er...
00:37:51Yeah.
00:37:54And you're, er...
00:37:56That's right.
00:37:58Going somewhere incredible.
00:38:00I'm meeting my parents.
00:38:01Taking them to see Fiddler on the roof.
00:38:03That's pretty incredible.
00:38:05Your mummy and daddy.
00:38:08Er...
00:38:09Oh hell no, that's tomorrow.
00:38:12If I'm in the mood.
00:38:15Where you are.
00:38:17Depends where you take me.
00:38:20All I was saying about your friend with the glasses...
00:38:32Roland.
00:38:33Roland.
00:38:34Is that I found him intellectually unaware and psychologically incredibly boring.
00:38:38It's not bad at snooker.
00:38:42And how are you and little Beryl?
00:38:45Didn't she tell you?
00:38:46I don't work there anymore.
00:38:48I packed her in.
00:38:50Did she turn you off?
00:38:59Beryl?
00:39:00Yeah.
00:39:01I haven't really looked.
00:39:06You've seen one, you've seen them all.
00:39:09Not quite all.
00:39:10I'll go and get me coat.
00:39:11Looks to be my birthday.
00:39:12Boys aren't the only thing in life Beryl.
00:39:15I do wish you'd find one.
00:39:16They aren't all after Percy, Filth.
00:39:17Yes they are.
00:39:18Mmm.
00:39:19Oh you were terrific on the last day.
00:39:20was it?
00:39:21Mmm.
00:39:22It must be my birthday.
00:39:27Boys aren't the only thing in life, Beryl.
00:39:30I do wish you'd find one.
00:39:36They aren't all after Percy, Filth.
00:39:39Yes, they are.
00:39:41Mmm. Oh, you were terrific on the bus.
00:39:45Was it?
00:39:47Mmm. Terrific self-control.
00:39:51Joan of Arc never married, yet she led a full and happy life.
00:39:56Or am I thinking of someone else?
00:39:58Mother, I don't happen to be interested in boys.
00:40:01I happen to be interested in having early nights
00:40:03and writing poetry in bed with me mo felt-tip pen.
00:40:06It's run out of ink. I used it for me laundry list.
00:40:09My God, your generation's got a few things to answer for.
00:40:12Mmm. Mmm. Mmm, please. Mmm, don't.
00:40:17Please. You can't ravish a girl on her own doorstep.
00:40:20Well, let's go inside, then.
00:40:24Mmm. Smooth-talking bastard.
00:40:32It is me birthday.
00:40:35What about the boy with the freckles from Shakespeare Crescent?
00:40:39I don't believe that question.
00:40:41You used to be crazy about him.
00:40:44I was 11 years old. He used to let me chalk on his tortoise.
00:40:48I was 11 years old. He used to be $25,000, but he was 15 days though.
00:40:55No. Give turns and flip.
00:40:59I'd have toŃŠ²Š°ŃŠø from nothing.
00:41:02Oh!
00:41:03Yeah.
00:41:04You did an amazing place.
00:41:15what's your name again what's yours rock that's not your real name no Steven
00:41:27God that turns me on
00:41:31when I first met you in the street I thought just a quiet drink and a chat shows you the
00:41:44art of conversation and dead don't move a muscle however gorgeous
00:42:14testing testing Jeffrey Milleharp returns to the day I wish you everything you've ever wished yourself
00:42:25I'm fed up
00:42:43who are you who are you what you fed up about teachers don't have to do homework no they just
00:42:55mark it anyone can mark it they've got the answers do you know it's after two o'clock what's he doing
00:43:09here then well this is your uncle Steven this is my revolting brother Jeremy how'd you do
00:43:23don't me mum and dad know he's here Jeremy bed I could always wake them up and tell them
00:43:28Jeremy little boys need sleep even big astronauts do you know where babies come from
00:43:39do you say no no I don't say yes shall I tell you he knows the man has this male organ and some blood
00:43:51cells and erectile glands and there's these 500 million spermatozoas in these testes that he has
00:43:57as well and they go through his male organ into the female uterus that the lady has who told you
00:44:04that then they go to the fallopian tubes after that one of them fertilizes with the female egg the
00:44:10others don't bother anyway that's what you have to do then you have a baby did they teach you that at
00:44:18school they do woodwork in the next class people can only make babies at certain times of the year
00:44:24but animals like dogs and cats and giraffes I think do it all the time no that's people what is
00:44:36well people do it all the time whenever they feel like it
00:44:46in the next class you can do metal work if you don't like woodwork good night Jeremy 25p 50 50
00:45:00good night uncle Stephen
00:45:14would you care for a government health warning
00:45:31hey Veronica yes who the hell's uncle Stephen at 10 past two in the morning
00:45:39a friend of Jeremy's he's going now good night love
00:45:45we would have done that wouldn't we and how
00:45:50you can't win them all can you anyway do you good going without for a change
00:45:59still there's always another day tomorrow tomorrow's another day
00:46:11shh not unless you happen to be in Plymouth
00:46:14where I'm joining the wrens for three years
00:46:18what wrens the royal navy's wrens
00:46:24this time tomorrow I'll be in barracks with about 50 other girls and 30,000 sailors
00:46:30hope I like it
00:46:32thanks for nearly everything
00:46:39we definitely would have done wouldn't we
00:46:42well obviously
00:46:43we're as good as dead in a way really almost
00:46:47just keep telling yourself and we will have
00:46:50only better
00:46:51good night love
00:46:53try a barrel
00:46:55morning previous generation
00:47:19what's for breakfast
00:47:27you knew it was your mother's birthday
00:47:33now what we'd like to know is where were you while we were fiddling on the flaming roof
00:47:37I'm sorry mum
00:47:38I'll take you out another night something cropped up
00:47:41like what
00:47:42dad you understand
00:47:45I don't Jeffrey
00:47:48well you always say you do
00:47:50Jeffrey you're at it every night
00:47:53yes dad
00:47:55and we don't complain
00:47:56no dad
00:47:56but last night was different
00:47:58I knew you'd understand
00:48:00and then
00:48:12BELL RINGS
00:48:30Charlton for Pope. Long me around. Amen.
00:48:33What's going on? Pounds down again. Up and down like a pair of knickers.
00:48:38You should know. Or me. Know what I mean?
00:48:44What a night. Wow.
00:48:47A lot.
00:48:50Including action replays in slow motion.
00:48:56Hey lads, I picked up a bit of spare last night. Who didn't?
00:49:00No, it's true.
00:49:03Yes, Geoffrey. It is. Yes, Geoffrey.
00:49:08Bloody yes.
00:49:13Poor Geoffrey.
00:49:17Beryl, please. It's Neville's engagement party as well. He had to invite him.
00:49:21He'll see me. It's cruel.
00:49:24He'll see other girls.
00:49:26I shan't take him back, Sandra.
00:49:29I shan't. It's been two weeks. He may have got over you by now.
00:49:35Don't know much about men, do you, love?
00:49:38It was doing him a kindness, really. Finally splitting up.
00:49:53He only had one ambition in life. Send my knickers to Oxfam.
00:50:12Good job she hasn't joined the Wrens. The entire Navy had gone strike.
00:50:21I expect he's sorry now. I won't even consider taking him back if he isn't.
00:50:27She might have changed, of course. If she has, I might let her have the old orgy nine again.
00:50:33He's got to accept we've finally split up. Otherwise, I definitely won't take him back.
00:50:38Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:50:44At least I've got me pride.
00:50:47I left with Beryl, baby. Oh, hi. Didn't see you.
00:50:51No, nor me.
00:50:53And how's Manchester City doing without me cheering them on, then?
00:50:57United. We're winning every game now.
00:51:00Oh, good.
00:51:02And what's new with Geoffrey, then?
00:51:08I asked you what was new with you. I asked you.
00:51:16Did you?
00:51:17Did I say more?
00:51:19Pardon?
00:51:20And how's Beryl, baby, getting on, then?
00:51:23Geoffrey, I'm not all that ecstatic about you calling me Beryl, baby.
00:51:27It isn't like you.
00:51:29Say that again. Beryl, baby.
00:51:32What's your name, handsome?
00:51:35You laugh. Everybody laughs. It's the story of my life.
00:51:41You tell it like it is, Chuck.
00:51:50She's putting on an act.
00:51:52What do you care?
00:51:54I don't have a baby.
00:52:02Is she going to get into bed with him now?
00:52:06Probably.
00:52:10Geoffrey always looks half asleep these days.
00:52:13Well, it's very exhausting.
00:52:16What is?
00:52:18Working in a bank.
00:52:20I had this bad scene, this chick.
00:52:30I decided to split.
00:52:33So I cut out, man, like there's no tomorrow.
00:52:39This cat gets it together where he's at, man.
00:52:44Lots of beautiful bags, baby.
00:52:47So if you want a piece of the action,
00:52:50don't cool it.
00:52:53Dig?
00:52:58Sorry, I no understand English.
00:53:07Gesundheit.
00:53:08I thought she'd only just been to bed with the other one.
00:53:13She has.
00:53:15And which is her husband?
00:53:17Neither.
00:53:22It's warming up, isn't it?
00:53:31Great beat, isn't it?
00:53:33Great to dance to.
00:53:34Great to dance to.
00:53:39Do you agree that life's an onion?
00:53:44Pardon?
00:53:45If so, what's death?
00:53:47Erm...
00:53:50A banana.
00:53:52Yes, I expect it is when you think about it.
00:53:56Have you read Schopenhauer's Concept of Existence?
00:54:00Erm...
00:54:01No.
00:54:03But I've seen the film.
00:54:05You married?
00:54:07No.
00:54:09Grab yourself an adage.
00:54:11Marriage is a cabbage.
00:54:14Are you a poet?
00:54:16Never ask the questions.
00:54:18Ask the answers.
00:54:20You are a poet.
00:54:22To any manager, Marks and Spencers.
00:54:24What's up?
00:54:25I really dirt you.
00:54:27No, he's taking his clothes off.
00:54:30What's on ITV?
00:54:32This.
00:54:34What's on BBC?
00:54:36This.
00:54:38What's on BBC?
00:54:42Casinova.
00:54:44What's that like?
00:54:46This.
00:54:48Oh, come on, now.
00:54:50You know that's not where it's at.
00:54:52Let's get this...
00:54:54What's the word?
00:54:56Let's get it clear.
00:54:58Let's get down to the real nitty-grittiesville, okay?
00:55:00Mm.
00:55:09Women's lip is not about burning brass.
00:55:13Papers, yeah.
00:55:15What papers?
00:55:17A marriage certificate, a dog's licence, whatever you prefer to call it.
00:55:20Look, let's be basic about this, Enid.
00:55:23All girls want marriage, and a white wedding.
00:55:26Really basic?
00:55:27You want to be really basic?
00:55:29Utterly basic.
00:55:31Balls.
00:55:33Grass?
00:55:35Enid, when Sandra says every girl, she means most girls.
00:55:39Well, like herself.
00:55:41Not me, of course, because I incredibly value my independence.
00:55:44But most girls definitely want...
00:55:46Balls!
00:55:47If you can't conduct an intelligent conversation without recourse to...
00:55:51I'm not recourseing to anything.
00:55:52I'm merely telling you what girls want.
00:55:55Balls!
00:55:57Would you please stop saying that?
00:56:00You believe in free love, right?
00:56:02Wrong! I believe in free everything.
00:56:04Freedom from all-male chauvinist pig domination.
00:56:07Honestly, don't you understand?
00:56:09Excuse me, you've got your hand on me.
00:56:10If we're liberating society for the future, I'm sure.
00:56:12No, thank you.
00:56:13Excuse me, you've got your hand on me.
00:56:15No!
00:56:17Oh, sorry!
00:56:18Wow, man!
00:56:19Sorry!
00:56:20It's all right.
00:56:21Oh, gee!
00:56:22It's a pleasure.
00:56:23Grass?
00:56:24Geoffrey, if not to.
00:56:25Why not?
00:56:26I said don't.
00:56:27You're not to smoke it.
00:56:28Oh, wow.
00:56:29We're as liberated as you, Enid.
00:56:42We've equal importance as individuals.
00:56:45Neither of us is boss.
00:56:46It just doesn't arise.
00:56:48We'll make some coffee, kid.
00:56:49You see, what we believe is a...
00:56:51Now!
00:56:55You see...
00:56:56Well, one.
00:56:58I can see there's only one way to get through.
00:57:01What are you doing?
00:57:02Lighting everybody's fire.
00:57:03Burn my bra.
00:57:04Right.
00:57:05That's it.
00:57:06Finished.
00:57:07The end.
00:57:08Full stop.
00:57:09We've finally split up.
00:57:10Neville, Sandra wants you.
00:57:11I should imagine.
00:57:12Sad, isn't it?
00:57:13Pathetic.
00:57:14Well, I can't follow plays these days.
00:57:36Well, I can't follow plays these days.
00:57:40It's just showing real life, that's all.
00:57:48I once thought I'd found her a perfect girl.
00:57:52Red hair, not too skinny.
00:57:56Very gentle and shy.
00:58:00Passionate when roused.
00:58:06She packed me in for picking my teeth with a matchstick.
00:58:09You're very sweet, Roland.
00:58:12I've always thought you were.
00:58:16Did you know you very nearly have a lopsided grin?
00:58:20It's just I'm a bit tired.
00:58:22No, it's nice.
00:58:36I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:50Oh, sorry.
00:58:53Do you know...
00:58:55What, Beryl?
00:58:56She can ask me anything.
00:58:59Do you know where Geoffrey's got to?
00:59:04He's upstairs, I think.
00:59:11Is it true they're dry on their own?
00:59:14Usually.
00:59:22I hate to be any trouble, but I think I'm dying.
00:59:24You'll be all right, honest.
00:59:27She said I shouldn't smoke it.
00:59:29Who?
00:59:30She said...
00:59:35Geoffrey?
00:59:38Geoffrey?
00:59:39Move up a bit, Geoffrey.
00:59:54Put your legs...
00:59:56That's better.
00:59:59It's because it's your first time, isn't it?
01:00:03It's because it's your first time, isn't it?
01:00:13Call Dr. Weisberg. Quilmslow Road.
01:00:20It wasn't marijuana, you know.
01:00:25What was it, then?
01:00:27Grass.
01:00:29Grass is marijuana.
01:00:31This grass wasn't.
01:00:35It was the real thing.
01:00:38From the front lawn.
01:00:48Is that you, Beryl?
01:00:54Had a nice time,
01:00:56even though it's three o'clock in the morning.
01:00:59Not that I mind, if you've had a nice time,
01:01:03even though I've been in bed since ten,
01:01:05having a good night's worry.
01:01:08Did you see Geoffrey?
01:01:12That's good.
01:01:13Do you ever get the feeling you're trying too hard?
01:01:22I didn't try at all.
01:01:23Gave it to rest.
01:01:24I'm right off, birds.
01:01:25I am.
01:01:26I am.
01:01:27For good.
01:01:28Me too.
01:01:29And me.
01:01:30I'm right off, birds.
01:01:31I am.
01:01:32I am.
01:01:33For good.
01:01:34Me too.
01:01:35And me.
01:01:37I am.
01:01:38I am.
01:01:39For good.
01:01:40Me too.
01:01:41And me.
01:01:42I am.
01:01:43I am.
01:01:44I am.
01:01:45I am.
01:01:46For good.
01:01:47Me too.
01:01:48And me.
01:01:49Good morning.
01:01:50Your mother would like to know if you have a reservation at this hotel.
01:01:55I don't either.
01:01:56I don't either.
01:01:57Good morning.
01:01:58Good morning.
01:01:59Good morning.
01:02:00Your mother would like to know if you have a reservation at this hotel.
01:02:17I don't either.
01:02:27But.
01:02:28Just.
01:02:29Just.
01:02:30I am.
01:02:31We'll see you guys later.
01:02:32Bye bye.
01:02:33Bye bye.
01:02:35Let's go.
01:03:05Oh, Beryl.
01:03:10Beryl.
01:03:15Geoffrey.
01:03:18Can I rip your trousers off and have my way with you?
01:03:24Oh, Beryl.
01:03:27Oh, Geoffrey.
01:03:30Oh, God.
01:03:35Hello.
01:03:44Sir Hart.
01:03:46Will you be required in the room again, sir?
01:03:48Because we're thinking of taking bookings for the next pop festival.
01:03:51You're a bugger.
01:03:54I don't know who he takes after.
01:03:56Oh, Beryl.
01:04:04Hello?
01:04:05It's me.
01:04:06Who?
01:04:07My God, that's symbolic.
01:04:09Oh, hello, Beryl.
01:04:10I'm just ringing to tell you I never want to see you again.
01:04:13If you have a phone or call, please don't, because I shan't be in.
01:04:16Tonight or any other night.
01:04:18Anyway, tonight I'm helping me mum at the school jumble sale.
01:04:20I'm a small world.
01:04:49Good evening, Mrs. Battersby.
01:04:54I was looking for a nice lampshade.
01:04:57Oh?
01:04:59Probably this one.
01:05:01Definitely.
01:05:02Magic in satin.
01:05:03Oh, certainly, Geoffrey.
01:05:05Who's here in his nice crimson shoes?
01:05:11You'd like some nice fancy random paper, wouldn't you?
01:05:13I'm a child of the universe, Beryl.
01:05:19I have a right to be here.
01:05:20I'm afraid we don't sell marijuana on Sundays.
01:05:22Try the co-op.
01:05:23Beryl, listen.
01:05:23If you can smell burning, it's just that the vicar's been around burning his jockstrap.
01:05:26Beryl, listen.
01:05:27Can I help you, madam?
01:05:27Have you got that in another colour?
01:05:30No, madam.
01:05:30Listen to what, for heaven's sake?
01:05:43Don't matter.
01:05:45What doesn't?
01:05:46You wouldn't, anyway.
01:05:47Wouldn't what?
01:05:49Go to the match with me on Saturday.
01:05:51Me?
01:05:53A football match with 40,000 skinheads and you.
01:05:58Told you.
01:06:00Who are they playing?
01:06:06Huddersfield Town.
01:06:08In the cot.
01:06:09I've always wanted to watch Huddersfield Town.
01:06:17They're fourth from the bottom.
01:06:20Shows you.
01:06:21Away from home, they've won three, drawn five, and lost 12.
01:06:29Drawn five.
01:06:34So what do you think?
01:06:37I think I nearly love you.
01:06:38Never mind, it's only a game.
01:06:53Never mind, it's only a game.
01:07:06I thought you said you nearly loved me.
01:07:08I don't recall Grace Kelly enticing Prince Rainier by going to watch United.
01:07:21I may be wrong.
01:07:22Grace who?
01:07:24We live in a permissive society, Beryl.
01:07:26Read any colour supplement.
01:07:28Mother, you're supposed to be my mother.
01:07:30I am, love.
01:07:31And it wasn't through going to football matches.
01:07:34You are the same mother that makes me tug my skirt down every time I stand up, even if he's only on the phone.
01:07:39Yes.
01:07:39Well, boys are very safe.
01:07:42And I am your mother.
01:07:44That's what I said.
01:07:45I don't mean, er, permissive, permissive.
01:07:51Let's see.
01:07:52Romantic.
01:07:55Pardon?
01:07:56Kissing, cuddling.
01:07:58Things of that nature.
01:07:59Oh, we do.
01:08:03Do what?
01:08:04What you just said.
01:08:06Good.
01:08:07Not too much, I hope.
01:08:09Oh, God.
01:08:10Boys are very funny.
01:08:12They're novices compared to mothers.
01:08:18Did I tell you that two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains?
01:08:23Oh.
01:08:27Two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains.
01:08:29Two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains.
01:08:31Fantastic.
01:08:37The Cowgills.
01:08:40Mr. and Mrs. Cowgill.
01:08:42Married couple.
01:08:45Newlyweds.
01:08:46Not long married.
01:08:49You go bald doing that.
01:08:51Doing what?
01:08:59Do I tell you, 28 stockbrokers have moved into the office opposite with the dirty curtains.
01:09:09Living in sin.
01:09:10Can you say one single sentence without the word marriage in it?
01:09:21If I said to you, do you think Cassius Clay would have beaten Rocky Marciano, would you say what's it matter so long as they're happily married?
01:09:28I don't think so.
01:09:29I don't think so.
01:09:32Beryl would.
01:09:35Giving you a bad time, is she?
01:09:38Oh.
01:09:39I wouldn't say that.
01:09:39I haven't even mentioned the word.
01:09:46What word?
01:09:47Goodness me, a single person can have a relationship with another single person without everyone thinking she's automatically...
01:09:53I never said you were!
01:09:54What do you think it?
01:10:09All right, Geoffrey.
01:10:10I hereby promise never to utter the word again.
01:10:15Marriage?
01:10:16Never.
01:10:19Well, until I am.
01:10:21If I ever do.
01:10:22Which I fervently hope I never will.
01:10:24For someone who's not uttering something, when's your old pee coming out?
01:10:31No two people have a divine right to happiness, Geoffrey.
01:10:34You mustn't feel guilty about me.
01:10:38Sorry.
01:10:40No one can say you've completely ruined me life.
01:10:44Not yet.
01:10:49What are you staring at?
01:10:51No one can say you're staring at me.
01:10:52No one can say you're staring at me.
01:10:55Hello?
01:10:56You all right, son?
01:10:57Terrific.
01:10:58Why did you throw your sponge pudding at the cat, then?
01:11:00Your mother's theory is you're overworking.
01:11:02Hmm.
01:11:03My theory is you're overdoing it with some dolly bird.
01:11:06Oh.
01:11:07What's your theory?
01:11:08Indigestion.
01:11:09Oh.
01:11:10What's yours, Sundance?
01:11:11Hasn't he said anything at all?
01:11:13He has said one thing.
01:11:14Oh, what's that?
01:11:15If God had meant sardines to be in oil, it had given them dipsticks, all right.
01:11:22The weeks and months dragged by, and with neither side willing to compromise, we still have deadlock.
01:11:34Her Majesty's government have consistently tried to find a way out of this dilemma.
01:11:39Another wild night learning what NO spells and how many of us school pals are getting married.
01:11:44And what NO spells.
01:11:46And what NO spells.
01:11:48Great!
01:11:49I might as well go bald and open me own monastery.
01:11:52And so society, that's you and me, says end this dispute.
01:11:58End it now.
01:12:00Good night.
01:12:01Hear, hear.
01:12:02Good, wasn't he?
01:12:04Triffic.
01:12:05Especially when he said good night.
01:12:08We're just enjoying ourselves.
01:12:10Having a good time.
01:12:12Just having fun.
01:12:13Being happy!
01:12:15Take two a day, after meals, and one if you find yourself crying your heart out again in the middle of a zebra crossing for no reason at all.
01:12:26You're sure this has nothing to do with a boyfriend?
01:12:29Absolutely positive.
01:12:33That was the first film we ever saw together.
01:12:37Make that three a day after meals.
01:12:45Look, Beryl, how's this for a peace plan?
01:12:52You join a marriage bureau, and I'll get a job on the stage twice nightly in Denmark.
01:12:57Then we'll both be happy.
01:12:59Right?
01:13:00Right.
01:13:01Good Jesus Christ, superstar.
01:13:03Amen.
01:13:06Oh, hell.
01:13:07Hands up again.
01:13:08See you tomorrow.
01:13:10Where do you think you're going?
01:13:15Geoffrey, I'll get the sack.
01:13:18It's important.
01:13:21What is?
01:13:24I keep asking you what is.
01:13:28What is?
01:13:30To be on our own.
01:13:32What?
01:13:34So as we can talk.
01:13:36What?
01:13:37I've had an old speech worked out on the bus this morning.
01:13:47The only bit I can remember is, and that's what I think.
01:13:51Last night I dreamt I was in goal for Manchester United and Grace Kelly kicked nine goals past me.
01:13:56Grace who?
01:13:57She was playing for United as well. Weird, isn't it?
01:14:08The main thing is, we do communicate.
01:14:14Oh, we do.
01:14:24See what I think...
01:14:26See what I think...
01:14:27Go on.
01:14:28No, you. Mine wasn't important.
01:14:30No, mine wasn't.
01:14:37Beryl.
01:14:41Beryl.
01:14:45Are you...
01:14:48Happy?
01:14:49Course.
01:14:51Very.
01:14:54I am.
01:14:55No one is every second of every minute of every day.
01:15:01No.
01:15:03I'm not.
01:15:08Do you think it's because we love each other, do you think?
01:15:17Probably.
01:15:18I've not actually said the words often.
01:15:20Well, not in so many words.
01:15:23Mostly in words to that effect.
01:15:38Is there anything you don't love about me?
01:15:42No.
01:15:43Don't think so.
01:15:44Honestly, no.
01:15:46Nothing.
01:15:47If there is...
01:15:48There isn't.
01:15:49You just tell me and I'll stop doing it.
01:15:50If there isn't anything.
01:15:51Honest.
01:15:52Good.
01:15:54It wouldn't upset me.
01:15:56It'd just make me a better human being to deserve your love.
01:15:58Like, you know, crimson shoes and bottle green socks.
01:16:10Well, you don't wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks, Beryl.
01:16:13If I did, I'd stop.
01:16:14To please you.
01:16:20I see.
01:16:25There's no need to be sensitive, Jeffrey.
01:16:27In a meaningful relationship, you must like even what you don't.
01:16:33Your mother.
01:16:34Pardon?
01:16:35Please don't sulk, Jeffrey.
01:16:36Handle lampshades.
01:16:37Sulking isn't the most endearing quality in a person.
01:16:42Well, you ought to know.
01:16:43You've almost made it an art form.
01:16:45Anything else at random?
01:16:46You've got 24 hours to spare.
01:16:48After all, I'm no Bridgette Bardot.
01:16:51According to reliable sources in Saint-Tropez, she's 105 next birthday.
01:16:54Over 98% of the male population of Manchester and Salford
01:16:57can tell the difference between Bridgette Bardot and Beryl Battersby.
01:17:00Ask any opinion poll.
01:17:02I'm much fatter for a start.
01:17:03You're not all that fat, Beryl.
01:17:05I am.
01:17:06Start slimming.
01:17:07Men like something to get hold of.
01:17:08If they're allowed to get hold of it.
01:17:10You always succeed in getting back to Percy Filth in the end, don't you?
01:17:14Always.
01:17:15No, I don't, Beryl.
01:17:16You do.
01:17:17I always fail.
01:17:18Do you know what some girls find extremely likeable?
01:17:20The extremely likeable way some boys stare at every girl they see.
01:17:23Boys like it when girls tell them what N-O spells.
01:17:26Especially for the 600th time.
01:17:28That they really dig.
01:17:30You never say dig.
01:17:31I did then.
01:17:32Your passionate, unrequited love for 11 boring men kicking a ball about.
01:17:37That's really lovable.
01:17:39I never knew you thought that.
01:17:41Neither did I.
01:17:43Do now, though.
01:17:45I used to say dig before I met you.
01:17:55I used to say all sorts of things.
01:18:00There's a lot about me I can't even remember.
01:18:07I didn't remember.
01:18:29Thinking what I'm thinking.
01:18:30Do you think it?
01:18:34I think so.
01:18:36We just don't like each other.
01:18:38At all.
01:18:51Oh, goodbye then.
01:18:54Good luck.
01:18:55Peace, ma'am.
01:19:00St Anne's Square.
01:19:02St Anne's Square, please.
01:19:13So that just leaves a cot,
01:19:15two matinee coats,
01:19:17two romper suits,
01:19:19and what else do I need?
01:19:22Oh, yes, a ring.
01:19:24Teething ring?
01:19:26Wedding ring?
01:19:27Of course.
01:19:29Oh, they have gorgeous prams in the shops these days.
01:19:32No wonder everyone's at it.
01:19:34Oh, sorry.
01:19:36What about?
01:19:38Skip it.
01:19:39About time, too.
01:19:41With her sympathy.
01:19:43Not that I need any, actually.
01:19:45I've never been as happy in me life.
01:19:46But she doesn't know that.
01:19:48If I'm looking miserable, Sandra,
01:19:51it's because I'm feeling happy for you.
01:19:53Yeah.
01:19:58We know what you must be thinking.
01:19:59Of course we do.
01:20:01How to pop the pink without going in off.
01:20:03Ace.
01:20:04She used to wear pink, you know.
01:20:05I won't tell you where.
01:20:06A hell of a lot more where hers came from.
01:20:19Wow.
01:20:20Did you want the chalk, Geoffrey?
01:20:26I know.
01:20:27Spells no.
01:20:30Super day for it.
01:20:32Hmm.
01:20:33Sin being inside a day like this.
01:20:36Well, Sandra, this is it.
01:20:39Yep.
01:20:40The big day.
01:20:41Yep.
01:20:42Coming to the crutch.
01:20:44Crunch.
01:20:45I dare say it'll hardly break my heart in the slightest seeing him again.
01:20:50You mustn't think I'll be crying inside because I most definitely won't be.
01:20:54And what's more, no-one will know that I am.
01:20:57Because I shan't.
01:20:59Truly.
01:21:02Sandra, please, you've enough to think of.
01:21:08It's a big day for you as well, really, isn't it?
01:21:15And now one of the bride and groom on their own.
01:21:19Do you mind stepping back, sir?
01:21:21Fine.
01:21:22Is this fine enough?
01:21:23Here?
01:21:24About there, lovely.
01:21:25You can kiss the bride on this one, sir.
01:21:27Wow.
01:21:28Official permission to actually kiss her.
01:21:34Oh, sorry.
01:21:36That's right.
01:21:37Hold it.
01:21:38Lovely.
01:21:40Right, now, a nice family group of the parents, please.
01:21:43Funny.
01:21:44I remember the Friday lunchtime we first met.
01:21:48How have you been?
01:21:50Absolutely great.
01:21:52You?
01:21:53Never better.
01:21:54Ever.
01:21:58It's all over now, bar the salmon salad.
01:22:02It's tuna fish.
01:22:04It's life.
01:22:05Some of us.
01:22:12See, President Nixon went to China, then.
01:22:15That was before we ever met.
01:22:17I know.
01:22:18Why?
01:22:19Has something happened about it?
01:22:20No.
01:22:21No?
01:22:22Could I trouble you for the salad cream, please?
01:22:24Hmm.
01:22:27Speaking personally, I think there are enough problems to sort out on Earth without going to the moon.
01:22:31Nixon?
01:22:33Why is he going?
01:22:35No.
01:22:37The astronauts.
01:22:39Oh.
01:22:41It's the wives and sweethearts I feel sorry for.
01:22:45We never really talked, did we, about things that matter?
01:22:49Good, isn't it?
01:22:51Shows we're friends.
01:22:53Now that we know we don't like each other.
01:22:55Everybody thinks we're broken-hearted.
01:23:01We've really grown up, haven't we?
01:23:03My mother's convinced herself we split up because we had too much Percy filth.
01:23:07I'm right off it myself.
01:23:09I've been able to walk off buses perfectly normally for the past few weeks.
01:23:13Aw. I expect it's only temporary.
01:23:15I hope not. It's marvellous.
01:23:18Good.
01:23:19I don't fancy you in the slightest now.
01:23:22Thank you, love.
01:23:26Still off the food, I noticed.
01:23:31And we've learnt a fantastic amount for the future.
01:23:35Fantastic.
01:23:36For example, say I finally did marry someone like you.
01:23:39Only someone I love.
01:23:40I bet I'd now let him wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks every night.
01:23:46In bed a bit.
01:23:51And you'll probably meet some little fatty who's never even heard of Kenny Warhol
01:23:54and marry her three days later.
01:23:59We probably won't see each other at all now, we're pals.
01:24:02I expect you're going to the match this afternoon.
01:24:04Oh, yeah.
01:24:05I'm helping Sandra Packer go in a way case.
01:24:07Where's she going?
01:24:08Hospital.
01:24:13Well, we'll bump into each other sometime.
01:24:16Come here, Don.
01:24:17Come here, Don.
01:24:22Come here.
01:24:33Come here.
01:24:35Come here.
01:24:36oh hello mrs. Battersby yeah you won't remember me
01:25:00good afternoon Geoffrey ah um is uh is Beryl there please she's gone to the football match
01:25:12there is no football it's cricket now well it's the same thing isn't it
01:25:30hi when's the kickoff in about three months football season's over now Beryl
01:25:49oh what on earth did you want to come for
01:25:53forgot i'm not all that interested these days
01:25:56where will you go now then i don't know
01:26:04could always go inside and practice booing for next season
01:26:10where will you might go and get a new pair of tights hey it's like the countryside isn't it when it's
01:26:16empty fancy a stroll in the country may as well if you like don't mind why not
01:26:23just as friends oh i meant just as friends yeah i did
01:26:35wish we had a ball
01:26:38could play shooting in
01:26:42you could go in goal
01:26:43you could go in goal amazing how people change isn't it
01:27:04...
01:27:05Well, we're certainly much happier without each other.
01:27:22We'll be even happier with someone else.
01:27:25Anyone, really.
01:27:26There's millions to choose from.
01:27:37All nearly exactly right for us.
01:27:41You'll find someone, Geoffrey.
01:27:44You will, Beryl.
01:27:46Just a matter of keeping your eyes open, really.
01:27:49Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:56Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:26And you'll find sometimes
01:28:33Love and rainy weather can turn out fine
01:28:38Getting wet together's fun
01:28:41When the crying's dark
01:28:47Love and rainy weather
01:28:51Are followed by the sun
01:28:57Love and rainy weather
01:29:00Love and rainy weather
01:29:05When the crying's dark
01:29:12Love and rainy weather
01:29:16Are followed by the sun
01:29:20Are followed by the sun
01:29:22Love and rainy weather
01:29:24Love and rainy weather
01:29:26Mother and rainy weather
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