- 2 days ago
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:30CastingWords
00:01:00CastingWords
00:01:02CastingWords
00:01:06CastingWords
00:01:08But we live in a permissive society.
00:01:10Not on this street we don't.
00:01:12Everybody's at it.
00:01:14Not with me they're not.
00:01:16Girls are supposed to be crying out for it.
00:01:18Not this one.
00:01:20I'm the silent majority.
00:01:22It's only madness these days.
00:01:24Total strangers do it now instead of shaking hands.
00:01:26God is Lord.
00:01:30Jesus.
00:01:30Jesus.
00:01:31We've never seen him in real life though.
00:01:58And he's picturing the papers.
00:02:01Oh come on Sandra let's go.
00:02:03No I don't want to.
00:02:04I want to wait.
00:02:05I want to be standing out here.
00:02:05It's stupid.
00:02:06But he might come in a minute.
00:02:08Somebody waited ages yesterday and he never turned up there.
00:02:10But that was yesterday.
00:02:11He might be here today.
00:02:12I want to be going shopping.
00:02:16But he might come in a minute.
00:02:17Please let's go.
00:02:22Oh no.
00:02:23I told you so didn't I?
00:02:25I feel a right twit now.
00:02:27I don't fancy yours.
00:02:30Which is mine?
00:02:31Any except the blonde.
00:02:34Oh.
00:02:35Good.
00:02:36They were being stared at.
00:02:38Where?
00:02:39I don't fancy yours.
00:02:45Which is mine?
00:02:47Any.
00:02:48Except the blonde or the one with the yellow legs.
00:02:52Thanks.
00:02:54Neither do I.
00:02:56Fancy the one with the twitch.
00:03:00About as much as Mountsy-Tung's granddad.
00:03:02With all due respect.
00:03:04To his granddad.
00:03:05Ask him if they do a turn.
00:03:08You.
00:03:09I thought we were giving sex up.
00:03:11There's a protest at never getting any.
00:03:13Ignore them.
00:03:22Hi.
00:03:24Hi.
00:03:26Hi.
00:03:27Hi.
00:03:30Hi.
00:03:33Peace, ma'am.
00:03:33Were you hoping to see Georgie Best?
00:03:37He's in Mallorca.
00:03:39Come on then.
00:03:41May only get an hour for lunch.
00:03:44It's a discotheque in Albert Square.
00:03:52Come on.
00:03:54I thought we were going for tights.
00:03:56Shall I tell you something pretty mind-blowing about Mallorca?
00:04:11It's one place I've never been.
00:04:15Pardon?
00:04:15I'm Geoffrey.
00:04:18I don't happen to be attached.
00:04:22I'm Beryl.
00:04:23I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:25Don't you worry.
00:04:43Love and rainy weather may sound funny.
00:04:49But they go together fine.
00:04:54Every single time.
00:05:01First you're up there on another plane and then you're nowhere.
00:05:08And the tears are raining down.
00:05:14It's a run around.
00:05:19Love and rainy weather.
00:05:24Sure can get you down.
00:05:27Not going twisting tonight then?
00:05:38That's the modern name for it, isn't it?
00:05:40For what?
00:05:41Cutting a rug.
00:05:44Pardon?
00:05:45Grooving, Mildred.
00:05:47It's called grooving nowadays.
00:05:48Grooving and or freaking.
00:05:50Right?
00:05:51What I'm not doing tonight.
00:05:53Right.
00:05:54Right on.
00:05:55You're staying in tonight then?
00:05:57Tonight.
00:05:58Tomorrow night.
00:05:59Every night.
00:06:02They might sell me overcoat.
00:06:03Life's not all pleasure, you know.
00:06:06Mildred, don't hassle the lad.
00:06:09Hustle.
00:06:11It's a different world today, Mildred.
00:06:13We had a week's honeymoon in Blackpool for what this finny haddy cost.
00:06:18They do their own thing.
00:06:19The usual 1,300 weight.
00:06:21Now that's the new world that we work for and fought for.
00:06:29Full-page advert for contraception.
00:06:31It's his birthright.
00:06:35I'm not hungry.
00:06:37What's that supposed to mean?
00:06:39It's the hip way cool people say I'm not hungry.
00:06:42I enjoy staying in Chattingham an evening.
00:07:03I find it fantastically enjoyable.
00:07:06No, really.
00:07:07I really do.
00:07:09Some people don't.
00:07:10I do.
00:07:14Beryl, please take my word for it.
00:07:16Paul McCartney's never going to ring that doorbell and invite you to the pictures.
00:07:20Paul McCartney who?
00:07:21He doesn't know you've been faithful to him ever since our day's night.
00:07:24And please don't say Paul McCartney who.
00:07:27I sacrifice too much for your six-old levels.
00:07:29Five.
00:07:30You were terrific in the pictures.
00:07:34I never touched you.
00:07:35Terrific self-control.
00:07:36What did you say your name was?
00:07:43Mind you, just a weekend I do with you, Paul.
00:08:05Not a dirty weekend.
00:08:07A disgusting one.
00:08:14Night-night, Percy Filth.
00:08:16Have you always been insatiable?
00:08:28It's not my fault.
00:08:30It's just that I don't like blondes.
00:08:32It's psychosomatic.
00:08:39I'm sorry.
00:08:45Ah.
00:08:46Ah.
00:09:03Oh, Sandra.
00:09:05You're as almost blonde in this light.
00:09:07What's wrong?
00:09:13Just being brave.
00:09:16What about?
00:09:17Ending it all.
00:09:19Before we hurt each other too much.
00:09:23It's our first date.
00:09:24I've probably wasted your entire evening, haven't I?
00:09:31Not yet.
00:09:32Not if your parents aren't back till midnight.
00:09:37Don't you think you're too old for this sort of thing?
00:09:41Straight from Stanley Matthews to Bridget Bardot you went.
00:09:45Overnight.
00:09:46That was when you were too young for this sort of thing.
00:09:49It's artistic, Mother.
00:09:51Like your Tuttenhamen butter dish.
00:10:03What?
00:10:04Got it.
00:10:05Got what?
00:10:06You now ask if I never want to see you again.
00:10:09I say I do.
00:10:11You then stop crying quick as a flash and say something like,
00:10:14how about Sunday, half seven, outside Central Library?
00:10:17No, I don't.
00:10:19Tomorrow, half seven, outside Central Library.
00:10:21Then when I say okay, does your zip miraculously undo?
00:10:27It does not.
00:10:29I thought it did.
00:10:31Not till you've unfastened the press, Stud.
00:10:33I can see her doing your ironing, and cooking, and cleaning.
00:10:39You wouldn't need to book for the Christmas pantomime.
00:10:41I don't intend to marry her, Mother.
00:10:44In case it interferes with my career.
00:10:46We're just good friends.
00:10:48Good night.
00:10:49Miss Bardot.
00:11:05Marry me.
00:11:09You know what they say?
00:11:10Once you've had a Manchester, lad, you never touch anything else.
00:11:17Marry me.
00:11:18Marry me.
00:11:20Marry me.
00:11:22Marry me.
00:11:25Marry me.
00:11:27Marry me.
00:11:29Marry me.
00:11:29About time and all.
00:11:31Aye.
00:11:32Aye.
00:11:32Aye.
00:11:32Peace, man.
00:11:34Marry me.
00:11:34Marry me.
00:11:36Did you have a good time last night?
00:11:37Great.
00:11:38Did you?
00:11:39Satisfied.
00:11:41I say it in for a change.
00:11:44Did you get much?
00:11:47Did you?
00:11:52Did you know that raping Princess Anne was a capital offence?
00:11:55Not that I have done.
00:11:57I say it in for a change instead.
00:12:06I said it in for a change.
00:12:18Ticket!
00:12:19I ain't got me ticket.
00:12:20We're late already.
00:12:23See you behind the goal then.
00:12:26Marry!
00:12:27Yes!
00:12:28Marry!
00:12:29Marry!
00:12:31Marry!
00:12:33Marry!
00:12:34Marry!
00:12:36Well, tonight's beauty sleep's done nothing for her, snooty old bag.
00:12:50Trendy. Crimson shoes with bottle green socks.
00:12:54Must be going steady with a set of traffic lights.
00:12:57Still, who else would have him?
00:13:00Anyway, they're all the same in the dark, rumor has it.
00:13:06Different girl every night. It's all the type.
00:13:15Probably an omen seeing her before the match.
00:13:18Bet we lose 3-1.
00:13:21Well, I'm certainly not making the first move. At least I've got me proud.
00:13:26Oh, hello.
00:13:28Oh, hi.
00:13:29Hi.
00:13:31Didn't see you.
00:13:31No, nor me.
00:13:34Are you going that way?
00:13:35Yeah.
00:13:36Uh, not specially, no.
00:13:38You going that?
00:13:40Yeah, well, um, no.
00:13:42I was, I sort of, um...
00:13:44Going to the football match?
00:13:46Are you?
00:13:46Shopping.
00:13:53I'm probably going to the pictures tonight.
00:13:56I am.
00:13:56Which?
00:13:57Which are you?
00:13:57Any.
00:13:58I am.
00:13:59See you then.
00:14:08Tonight?
00:14:09Pardon?
00:14:10Oh, I...
00:14:11All right, then.
00:14:13Right.
00:14:19Super socks.
00:14:21Did you see that?
00:14:22Did you see that?
00:14:26They're all on drugs.
00:14:27The lot of them.
00:14:28Oh, I...
00:14:28Let's see.
00:14:43You scored.
00:14:45Lose in.
00:14:463-1.
00:14:47Lose in 3-1.
00:15:17Excuse me, I...
00:15:22I only go to restaurants with deaf waiters.
00:15:25Ah.
00:15:29Hi.
00:15:31Hello, mate.
00:15:33Peace, ma'am. Surprise, surprise.
00:15:36Surprise.
00:15:37Been anywhere controversial? Pictures.
00:15:39The boyfriend. She's slim.
00:15:41I'm just going to the... Oh, I'll come with you.
00:15:47Are you and Beryl, um, you know...
00:15:52You know.
00:15:53Oh.
00:16:03Would you, uh...
00:16:05What do you sort of reckon? She's a...
00:16:08Fair sort of bird.
00:16:10I'm sorry, sir.
00:16:12She's all right.
00:16:14Yes.
00:16:16I mean, nothing sensational, obviously.
00:16:18Geoffrey, she's a bird.
00:16:24You having a coffee with us?
00:16:25No, thanks, kid. Neville's ravenous.
00:16:28You've just eaten.
00:16:31Oh, of course, yeah. Sorry.
00:16:33You see, what I thought Ken was always trying to do...
00:16:38By implication?
00:16:40Probably by implication.
00:16:42Was to allow the images to provoke a moral response from our own aesthetic judgment.
00:16:46You see?
00:16:47Yes.
00:16:51Was he the errand boy?
00:16:52Was who the errand boy?
00:16:53Ken Thingy.
00:16:54He directed it.
00:16:55Oh, yes.
00:16:56I was probably thinking of Andy Warhol.
00:16:57Probably.
00:16:58You're not like other boys at all, are you?
00:17:01Well, probably a little more mature, that's all.
00:17:02It's over 200 yards from the cinema.
00:17:03And you talk to me the whole way, like a person.
00:17:06Other boys seem to have one-trap minds these days.
00:17:07Sex?
00:17:08Marriage.
00:17:09Pardon?
00:17:10The number of boys that asked me to marry them.
00:17:11A couple of dates and pal, they want to get married.
00:17:12I want to live in a way.
00:17:13I want to live in a good way.
00:17:14I don't know.
00:17:15I want to live in a good way.
00:17:16You're not like other boys at all, are you?
00:17:17Well, probably a little more mature, that's all.
00:17:18It's over 200 yards from the cinema.
00:17:19And you talk to me the whole way, like a person.
00:17:22Other boys seem to have one-track minds these days.
00:17:24Sex?
00:17:25Marriage.
00:17:26Pardon?
00:17:27The number of boys that asked me to marry them.
00:17:31A couple of dates and pal they want to get married.
00:17:35I want to live a bit before I get married.
00:17:37I suppose I just don't have a hang-up about it.
00:17:41Get married?
00:17:42Hmm.
00:17:44No.
00:17:48Actually, I find girls, most girls,
00:17:50a bit obsessed these days.
00:17:55Not marriage.
00:17:57No. Sex.
00:17:59Percy Phil.
00:18:03Sex.
00:18:04That's what I said.
00:18:06Oh.
00:18:07Well, I'm not like that.
00:18:09Not Percy Phil motivated?
00:18:11No.
00:18:14No.
00:18:26Did you want to say any more about Andy Warhol?
00:18:29Ken Russell.
00:18:30Yeah.
00:18:31No.
00:18:31This is it.
00:18:39I won't come in, with it being our first date.
00:18:54No.
00:18:56Oh.
00:18:57Anywhere my mum's gone to bed, we'd be on our own.
00:19:00Is that a reason for me not coming in, though?
00:19:02Yes, Geoffrey.
00:19:03Oh.
00:19:12Nice house.
00:19:1525-year mortgage.
00:19:16Well, thanks for seeing me home.
00:19:24Funny, isn't it?
00:19:28First date with someone.
00:19:29First date with someone, it always leads to one of three things.
00:19:33Either nothing, or something, or everything.
00:19:41Well, don't think about Percy Phil at this stage, Beryl.
00:19:45You're not.
00:19:47No, I'm not.
00:19:48No, I'm not.
00:19:49Night-night.
00:19:50God bless.
00:19:51I won't give you my phone number in case you think I'm one of those scheming females.
00:20:07What is it?
00:20:08Three, two, seven, double, four, two, one.
00:20:09The easy way to remember it is the three and the two make five, which is two less than seven,
00:20:14then two fours, and half of four, which is two, and half of two, which is one.
00:20:18Um...
00:20:19But you mustn't ring me if you don't want.
00:20:20No.
00:20:21But you can if you do.
00:20:22Do you want me to?
00:20:23Not if you'd rather not.
00:20:25Three, two, seven, double, four, two, one.
00:20:28Good night.
00:20:53Well, hello, Mrs. Battersby.
00:21:02Beryl's brought you up a cup of tea.
00:21:04Oh, they all have a past life flashed before me then.
00:21:07Can't be Mother's Day.
00:21:12You'd have forgotten.
00:21:14Has there been any clips?
00:21:16Mum, I want the benefit of your experience.
00:21:20What do you think of Andy Warhol?
00:21:23You see, Geoffrey has this theory that by implication...
00:21:27Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:28Of course, Geoffrey knows about these things.
00:21:30These things.
00:21:32Everything.
00:21:33Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:34He's fantastically intelligent.
00:21:36See, Geoffrey's idea...
00:21:38Bella, who's Geoffrey?
00:21:40Oh, no one.
00:21:47No one's special.
00:21:53His name's Geoffrey.
00:21:54How did this Beryl Bird turn out last night then?
00:21:56What Beryl Bird?
00:21:57I told him.
00:21:58Did she, er...
00:21:59Did she, er...
00:22:00Did she, er...
00:22:01What?
00:22:02Wow!
00:22:03She doesn't then.
00:22:04You don't listen, do you?
00:22:05I said...
00:22:06How about Sandra?
00:22:07Chips.
00:22:08Chips.
00:22:09Chips.
00:22:10Chips.
00:22:11Chips.
00:22:12Chips.
00:22:13Chips.
00:22:14Chips.
00:22:15Chips.
00:22:16Chips.
00:22:17Not seen him tonight then.
00:22:18Who?
00:22:19I've rather better things to do, thank you.
00:22:21I've rather better things to do, thank you.
00:22:47Said he was no one special.
00:22:49They've got a phone here.
00:22:54Why?
00:22:55They haven't, have they?
00:22:56Did you want to get some nookie lined up or something?
00:22:57If I did, do you think I'd be playing darts with you two?
00:23:00Look, are you fed up here?
00:23:01They haven't, have they?
00:23:04Do you want to get some nookie lined up or something?
00:23:07If I did, do you think I'd be playing darts with you two?
00:23:10Look, are you fed up here?
00:23:12Are you?
00:23:14We'll split after this game.
00:23:16Anything you say.
00:23:17We can go for a few of the King's head.
00:23:19Great.
00:23:20And that ends our probe.
00:23:22Well, Monday tomorrow.
00:23:24Hallelujah.
00:23:26Pardon?
00:23:27I don't know what you're paying for that phone,
00:23:29but whatever it is, you're being done.
00:23:31Goodnight.
00:23:59Morning.
00:24:00Morning.
00:24:01Morning.
00:24:10Chalton for Pope. Long may it reign.
00:24:12Amen.
00:24:14What's going on?
00:24:16Pound's up again.
00:24:17Oh, God.
00:24:19Today's special.
00:24:21Bloody travellers, Jax.
00:24:23Here.
00:24:24Suddenly everyone's going on holiday.
00:24:26So does.
00:24:27Enjoy yourself while you're young.
00:24:29Why do we always do that?
00:24:46Ninety-three times a day?
00:24:49We never see anything.
00:24:51Morning one morning just as the sun was rising.
00:24:54I heard the maiden sing you in the valley below.
00:24:58My typing not disturbing your singing, I hope.
00:25:00See Geoffrey on Sunday.
00:25:01I don't see anything.
00:25:02I don't see anything.
00:25:03I don't see anything.
00:25:05Morning one morning just as the sun was rising.
00:25:11I heard the maiden sing you in the valley below.
00:25:16My typing not disturbing your singing, I hope.
00:25:18See Geoffrey on Sunday.
00:25:22Oh, Geoffrey.
00:25:24That Neville's the greatest.
00:25:29Is he dishy or is he dishy?
00:25:32He never promised he's going to take this...
00:25:35I'm considering packing Geoffrey in.
00:25:37One date was enough.
00:25:40Why?
00:25:42He's cancer and I'm Libra.
00:25:44Is that bad?
00:25:46Hopeless.
00:25:48Actually, I'm slightly off the male gender at the moment.
00:26:00Five.
00:26:02Five.
00:26:03Which is...
00:26:04Which is...
00:26:05Three and two is five.
00:26:06Which is two less than seven.
00:26:08Which is...
00:26:10Oh.
00:26:13I see the Spanish police are throwing your lot out of Ibiza.
00:26:17Bank clocks.
00:26:18Your lot?
00:26:20Football supporters.
00:26:21Hippies.
00:26:23Oh.
00:26:24My lot.
00:26:26At the third stroke, it will be 7.22 and 40 seconds.
00:26:32It will be 7.22 and 50 seconds.
00:26:40That's it then.
00:26:42Fate.
00:26:43All over by 7.23 precisely.
00:26:47So what?
00:26:49Plenty more where she came from.
00:26:51Is that the speaking clock?
00:26:52Is that Geoffrey?
00:26:53Is that Beryl?
00:26:54Yes.
00:26:55Yes.
00:26:56Hi.
00:26:57Hi.
00:26:58Hi.
00:26:59Hi.
00:27:00Hi.
00:27:01It's terrifically exciting, isn't it?
00:27:02Getting to know a person.
00:27:03Fantastic.
00:27:04I want to know all about you.
00:27:05Hi.
00:27:06It's terrifically exciting, isn't it?
00:27:07Getting to know a person.
00:27:08Fantastic.
00:27:09I want to know all about you.
00:27:10That's what it's all about.
00:27:11For example, with things in common already.
00:27:12Yeah.
00:27:13I want to know all about you.
00:27:14Definitely.
00:27:15Definitely.
00:27:16I want to know all about you.
00:27:17That's what it's all about.
00:27:21For example, with things in common already.
00:27:22Definitely.
00:27:23Like what?
00:27:24We're enormously fond of animals.
00:27:25Yeah.
00:27:26I want to know all about you.
00:27:27It's terrifically exciting, isn't it?
00:27:28Getting to know a person.
00:27:29Fantastic.
00:27:30I want to know all about you.
00:27:32That's what it's all about.
00:27:33For example, with things in common already.
00:27:34Definitely.
00:27:35Like what?
00:27:36We're enormously fond of animals.
00:27:38Right.
00:27:39And we're both from Manchester.
00:27:40Have you ever been abroad?
00:27:41No.
00:27:42Have you?
00:27:43No.
00:27:44Have you?
00:27:45No.
00:27:46No.
00:27:47No.
00:27:48No.
00:27:49No.
00:27:50No.
00:27:51No.
00:27:52No.
00:27:53No.
00:27:54No.
00:27:55No.
00:27:56No.
00:27:57No.
00:27:58No.
00:27:59No.
00:28:00No.
00:28:01No.
00:28:02No.
00:28:03No.
00:28:04No.
00:28:05No.
00:28:06No.
00:28:07No.
00:28:08No.
00:28:09No.
00:28:10MoneyŠµŠ½ŠøŃ.
00:28:11Um.
00:28:12No.
00:28:16No.
00:28:18No.
00:28:19No.
00:28:20Boxing.
00:28:21No.
00:28:22I don't know.
00:28:23No.
00:28:24No.
00:28:26No.
00:28:27Only.
00:28:28What?
00:28:29What?
00:28:30What?
00:28:31Anywhere?
00:28:32If you had ŃŃbe at me?
00:28:33All the way cold.
00:28:34All the way cold.
00:28:35All the way cold.
00:28:36Such a lot, isn't there, in getting to know a person?
00:28:44Mm.
00:28:49He was lithe and easy-limbed, his stride quietly casual,
00:28:55his eyes clear and confident,
00:28:56and his strong mouth ready to break into a relaxed, assured, lopsided grin.
00:29:06You know, Geoffrey, you have a really lopsided grin.
00:29:11Really? You know, lopsided.
00:29:15I don't think I have.
00:29:17It's in the eye of the beholder.
00:29:21See?
00:29:23Geoffrey doesn't need someone else when he's tying a knot.
00:29:26He holds it down with his little finger.
00:29:30It must be marvellous being a man.
00:29:33It's OK, I suppose.
00:29:35Men can do anything.
00:29:37Conquer Everest.
00:29:39Do heart transplants.
00:29:40Become leader of the opposition.
00:29:43Anything!
00:29:53Geoffrey, N-O spells no.
00:29:56It's good for your circulation, Beryl.
00:29:58Read any women's magazine.
00:30:00It's good for theirs, too.
00:30:02Not sure they recommend Percy Filth on Tuesdays.
00:30:04I only see you on Tuesdays and Saturdays.
00:30:07All Saturdays.
00:30:10Beryl.
00:30:15Beryl.
00:30:16Oh, Geoffrey Bobble's bumble.
00:30:18Oh, Beryl.
00:30:19Oh, Geoffrey.
00:30:21Oh, Beryl!
00:30:23Are you all right?
00:30:23What exactly happened?
00:30:24Don't tell me.
00:30:25I just heard a sharp pachaca of dramatic irony.
00:30:28Pardon?
00:30:34Come back.
00:30:36They're better.
00:30:36It's better.
00:30:37I'm OK.
00:30:41I told you, it's going to pour.
00:30:43It's not.
00:30:44It's only the angels crying.
00:30:55I know how they feel.
00:30:58Well, don't blame me.
00:30:59I haven't done anything.
00:31:00That's true.
00:31:03That's not true, Beryl.
00:31:04I have apologised.
00:31:06I keep going down on me knees when I'm talking to you.
00:31:09Independent observers think I'm training to be a Cossack dancer.
00:31:12It must be a bad line.
00:31:13I can't hear you.
00:31:14You'd better apologise again.
00:31:17I apologise again.
00:31:20Gosh, this lousy line.
00:31:22I wonder if Geoffrey would like to come to tea on Sunday.
00:31:28Pardon?
00:31:29Pardon?
00:31:31Is that who I think it is?
00:31:34No, dear.
00:31:46Well, isn't this nice?
00:31:51Sardine sandwich.
00:31:52Is it all sardine?
00:31:54Yeah.
00:31:55She's got her own trawler.
00:32:03Isn't it awful?
00:32:05What?
00:32:06I was speaking to Geoffrey.
00:32:08What's happening in the world?
00:32:09I blame the politicians.
00:32:11What for?
00:32:12For what's happening in the world.
00:32:17Talk to her.
00:32:18I can't speak Portuguese.
00:32:23Tasty.
00:32:25Very in oil.
00:32:27Nice in oil.
00:32:28She's got a bad leg.
00:32:29The bread's extremely wholesome.
00:32:34Why, after this little baker down the road, he does something with the bleach.
00:32:40Yes.
00:32:40I can't do long conversations about sardines so much as your mind goes blank.
00:32:54Start thinking about life after death.
00:32:56Oh, that Neville, honestly.
00:32:59Oh, that Neville, honestly.
00:33:03Number of hearts he must have broken.
00:33:06Every girl in Manchester, nearly.
00:33:08Geoffrey definitely has.
00:33:10Probably even more.
00:33:13Air hostesses.
00:33:15All sorts.
00:33:18Tell me about your terrible past, Geoffrey.
00:33:20I haven't had one yet.
00:33:22White man speak with forked tongue.
00:33:25Actually, I was hoping more for a terrible future.
00:33:26Wow, is that the time, at this moment in time?
00:33:36What have I done?
00:33:37Is Neville the insanely jealous type?
00:33:40Right in the slightest.
00:33:42You're lucky.
00:33:43Why, it's Geoffrey.
00:33:45Wow.
00:33:47You're not jealous of all my ex-flames, are you?
00:33:50Of course not.
00:33:50Why should I be?
00:33:52Please stop interrogating me, Geoffrey.
00:33:53Forget it.
00:33:54That's all in the past.
00:33:58Then, nothing to be jealous about.
00:34:03Who needs drama?
00:34:06So I shouted back at her.
00:34:08No shop assistant shouts at me, I shouted.
00:34:10In the end, Neville nearly bolted me for swearing.
00:34:14He thumped you.
00:34:16Walloped you on?
00:34:18No.
00:34:19I said nearly.
00:34:20You never thumped me, will you?
00:34:25Like Neville does Sandra.
00:34:27She adores it.
00:34:29Of course not.
00:34:31No.
00:34:34Geoffrey, Percy Filth isn't the only thing in life.
00:34:37It isn't even one of the things in mine.
00:34:38He used to talk to me.
00:34:40All right, let's talk.
00:34:41Geoffrey, I've just had the most super idea.
00:34:49Why?
00:34:49Is your mum going out?
00:34:53May as well pack in, really.
00:34:57Why?
00:34:59Why not?
00:35:03Good thinking.
00:35:03Thanks for a stimulating few weeks.
00:35:12You too.
00:35:13It was real.
00:35:14It's psychedelic.
00:35:15You can keep me grateful dead, LP.
00:35:17I was scratched anyway.
00:35:20It's been a gasp.
00:35:21Groovy.
00:35:23I won't wave from the window.
00:35:25No, I won't look back anyway.
00:35:27Good.
00:35:28It's been a gasp.
00:35:29You've said that once.
00:35:30You're well-bred barrel.
00:35:41There's plenty more fish in the sea.
00:35:45About three very lonely sardines.
00:35:50Mother, please don't try raising one eyebrow at me.
00:35:53You know you can't do it.
00:36:00You'll never thund me, will you, Geoffrey?
00:36:03Ow!
00:36:04Beryl, I've just had the most super idea.
00:36:07Are we going to put it up?
00:36:08No.
00:36:09We're going to pack it in.
00:36:10Don't say that.
00:36:11Please don't say that.
00:36:12That.
00:36:15Sandra.
00:36:17Sandra.
00:36:18You're Sandra.
00:36:19Mine.
00:36:23Two months.
00:36:24Two months, nine days.
00:36:25Is she positive?
00:36:30The test was.
00:36:31What are you going to do?
00:36:33She'll think of something.
00:36:35Sandra, it's stupendous.
00:36:39Congratulations.
00:36:40I hope you'll both be very happy.
00:36:42Oh, thanks, kid.
00:36:44Sandra, I don't know how you do it.
00:36:48Often.
00:36:48Often.
00:36:48I don't know how you do it.
00:37:18I don't know how you do it.
00:37:20I don't know how you do it.
00:37:20I don't know how you do it.
00:37:21I don't know how you do it.
00:37:22But, I don't know how you do it.
00:37:40John for Pope?
00:37:43Long may I reign.
00:37:48Aren't you, er... Yeah.
00:37:52And you're, er... That's right.
00:37:56Going somewhere incredible. I'm meeting my parents.
00:38:00Taking them to see Fiddler on the roof. That's pretty incredible.
00:38:04Your mummy and daddy.
00:38:08Er... Oh hell no, that's tomorrow.
00:38:12If I'm in the mood.
00:38:16Where you are. Depends where you take me.
00:38:30All I was saying about your friend with the glasses...
00:38:32Rowland. Rowland.
00:38:34Is that I found him intellectually unaware and psychologically incredibly boring.
00:38:38He's not bad at snooker.
00:38:42And how are you and little Beryl?
00:38:46Didn't she tell you? I don't work there anymore.
00:38:48I packed her in.
00:38:58Did she turn you off?
00:39:00Beryl?
00:39:02Her.
00:39:04I haven't really looked.
00:39:08Seen one, you seen them all.
00:39:12Not quite all.
00:39:14I'll go and get me coat.
00:39:16It must be my birthday.
00:39:28Boys aren't the only thing in life, Beryl.
00:39:30Well...
00:39:32I do wish you'd find one.
00:39:36They aren't all after Percy, Philse.
00:39:40Yes, they are.
00:39:42Mmm.
00:39:44Oh, you were terrific on the bus.
00:39:46Was her?
00:39:48Mmm.
00:39:50Terrific self-control.
00:39:52Joan of Arc never married yet she led a full and happy life.
00:39:56Or am I thinking of someone else?
00:39:58Mother, I don't happen to be interested in boys.
00:40:00I happen to be interested in having early nights
00:40:02and writing poetry in bed with me mo felt-tip pen.
00:40:05It's run out of ink.
00:40:06I used it for me laundry list.
00:40:08My God, your generation's got a few things to answer for.
00:40:12Mmm.
00:40:14Mmm.
00:40:15Mmm, please.
00:40:16Mmm, don't.
00:40:17Please.
00:40:18You can't ravish a girl on her own doorstep.
00:40:23Well, let's go inside, then.
00:40:25Mmm.
00:40:26Smooth-talking bastard.
00:40:32It is me birthday.
00:40:36What about the boy with the freckles from Shakespeare Crescent?
00:40:39I don't believe that question.
00:40:41You used to be crazy about him.
00:40:43I was 11 years old.
00:40:45He used to let me chalk on his tortoise.
00:40:48Jesus!
00:41:19What's your name again?
00:41:20What's yours?
00:41:21Rock.
00:41:22That's not your real name.
00:41:25No.
00:41:26Steven.
00:41:27Mmm.
00:41:28God, that turns me on.
00:41:30Mmm.
00:41:31Mmm.
00:41:32Mmm.
00:41:37When I first met you in the street,
00:41:39I thought, just a quiet drink and a chat.
00:41:42Shows you the art of conversation ain't dead.
00:41:44Mmm.
00:41:45Mmm.
00:41:46Mmm.
00:41:47Don't move a muscle,
00:41:52however gorgeous!
00:41:53Mmm.
00:41:55Mmm.
00:41:56Mmm.
00:42:01Mmm.
00:42:02Mmm.
00:42:06Mmm.
00:42:07Mmm.
00:42:08Mm.
00:42:10Yeah.
00:42:12Testing. Testing. Oh, Geoffrey Milleharp returns to the day. I wish you everything you've ever wished yourself.
00:42:25I'm fed up. Who are you? Who are you?
00:42:47What are you fed up about? Teachers don't have to do homework.
00:42:53No. They just mark it. Anyone can mark it. They've got the answers.
00:43:05Do you know it's after two o'clock? What's he doing here, then?
00:43:11Well, er, this is your Uncle Stephen. This is my revolting brother, Jeremy.
00:43:21How do you do? Don't my mum and dad know he's here.
00:43:25Jeremy, bed. I could always wake them up and tell them.
00:43:29Jeremy, little boys need sleep.
00:43:33Even big astronauts. Do you know where babies come from?
00:43:41Do you?
00:43:43Say no. No.
00:43:45I do. Say yes. Shall I tell you? He knows.
00:43:49The man has this male organ and some blood cells and erectile glands.
00:43:53And there's these 500 million spermatozoas in these testes that he has as well.
00:43:57And they go through his male organ into the female uterus that the lady has.
00:44:03Who told you that?
00:44:05Then they go to the fallopian tubes after that.
00:44:07One of them fertilises with the female egg.
00:44:09The others don't bother.
00:44:11Anyway, that's what you have to do.
00:44:13Then you have a baby.
00:44:15Did they teach you that at school?
00:44:18They do woodwork in the next class.
00:44:21People can only make babies at certain times of the year.
00:44:24But animals, like dogs and cats and giraffes, I think, do it all the time.
00:44:30No, erm, that's people.
00:44:35What is?
00:44:38Well, people do it all the time.
00:44:44Whenever they feel like it.
00:44:50In the next class, you can do metalwork if you don't like woodwork.
00:44:55Good night, Jeremy.
00:44:5725p.
00:45:0050p.
00:45:0250p.
00:45:13Good night, Uncle Stephen.
00:45:14Would you care for a government health warning?
00:45:31Hey, Veronica?
00:45:32Yes?
00:45:33Who the hell's Uncle Stephen at ten past two in the morning?
00:45:34A friend of Jeremy's.
00:45:35He's going now.
00:45:36Good night, love.
00:45:37We would have done that, wouldn't we?
00:45:38And how?
00:45:39You can't win them all, can you?
00:45:40Anyway, do you good going without for a change.
00:45:42Still, there's always another day.
00:45:43Tomorrow?
00:45:44Tomorrow's another day.
00:45:45Tomorrow's another day.
00:45:46Shh.
00:45:47Not unless you happen to be in Plymouth.
00:45:48Where?
00:45:49I'm joining the Wrens for three years.
00:45:50I'm joining the Wrens for three years.
00:45:51I don't know.
00:45:52I don't know.
00:45:53I don't know.
00:45:54I don't know.
00:45:55You can't win them all, can you?
00:45:56Anyway, do you good going without for a change.
00:46:01I don't know.
00:46:02I don't know.
00:46:04I don't know.
00:46:07I don't know.
00:46:08It's all good.
00:46:09Tomorrow's another day.
00:46:10Shh.
00:46:11Not unless you happen to be in Plymouth.
00:46:15Where?
00:46:16I'm joining the Wrens for three years.
00:46:19What Wrens?
00:46:21The Royal Navy's Wrens.
00:46:24This time tomorrow I'll be in barracks with about 50 other girls and 30,000 sailors.
00:46:30I hope I like it.
00:46:36Well, thanks for nearly everything.
00:46:40We definitely would have done, wouldn't we?
00:46:42Well, obviously.
00:46:44We're as good as dead, in a way, really. Almost.
00:46:48Just keep telling yourself and we will have only better.
00:46:52Goodnight, love.
00:46:54Try our barrel.
00:47:17Morning, previous generation.
00:47:27What's for breakfast?
00:47:31You knew it was your mother's birthday.
00:47:33Now, what we'd like to know is where were you
00:47:35while we were fiddling on the flaming roof?
00:47:37I'm sorry, Mum.
00:47:39I'll take you out another night. Something cropped up.
00:47:41Like what?
00:47:43Dad, you understand.
00:47:47I don't, Geoffrey.
00:47:49Well, you always say you do.
00:47:51Geoffrey, you're at it every night.
00:47:54Yes, Dad.
00:47:55And we don't complain. No, Dad.
00:47:57Well, last night was different.
00:47:58I knew you'd understand.
00:47:59I knew you'd understand.
00:48:00I knew you'd understand.
00:48:01I knew you'd understand.
00:48:02Oh, my God.
00:48:04What's offered you here?
00:48:06It's about to know you'd you like to know you.
00:48:07Oh, my God.
00:48:09I know that my people come together.
00:48:10Right.
00:48:11I know that, Paul.
00:48:12I know that.
00:48:13I know.
00:48:14We've got to know you've done that.
00:48:15MUSIC PLAYS
00:48:30Charlton for Pope. Long me around. Amen.
00:48:33What's going on? Pound's down again.
00:48:36Up and down like a pair of knickers. You should know.
00:48:40Or me.
00:48:42Know what I mean?
00:48:45What a night. Wow.
00:48:48A lot.
00:48:50Including action replays in slow motion.
00:48:56Hey lads, I picked up a bit of spare last night.
00:48:59Who didn't? No, it's true.
00:49:02Yes, Geoffrey.
00:49:04It is. Yes, Geoffrey.
00:49:12Bloody is.
00:49:15Poor Geoffrey.
00:49:17Beryl, please. It's Neville's engagement party as well. He had to invite him.
00:49:22He'll see me. It's cruel.
00:49:24He'll see other girls.
00:49:26I shan't take him back, Sandra.
00:49:29I shan't.
00:49:31It's been two weeks. He may have got over you by now.
00:49:34Don't know much about men, do you, love?
00:49:39It was doing him a kindness, really. Finally splitting up.
00:49:54He only had one ambition in life.
00:50:09Send my knickers to Oxfam.
00:50:13Good job she hasn't joined the Wrens. The entire Navy had gone strike.
00:50:21I expect he's sorry now.
00:50:24I won't even consider taking him back if he isn't.
00:50:27She might have changed, of course.
00:50:30If she has, I might let her have the old orgy nine again.
00:50:34He's got to accept we've finally split up.
00:50:36Otherwise, I definitely won't take him back.
00:50:39Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:50:45At least I've got me pride.
00:50:48I left with Beryl, baby.
00:50:50Oh, hi.
00:50:51Didn't see you.
00:50:52No, nor me.
00:50:54And how's Manchester City doing without me cheering them on, then?
00:50:57United.
00:50:58We're winning every game now.
00:51:00Oh, good.
00:51:02And what's new with Geoffrey, then?
00:51:09I asked you what was new with you.
00:51:11I asked you.
00:51:16Did you?
00:51:17Need I say more?
00:51:20Pardon?
00:51:21And how's Beryl, baby, getting on, then?
00:51:24Geoffrey, I'm not all that ecstatic about you calling me Beryl, baby.
00:51:28It isn't like you.
00:51:30Say that again.
00:51:31Beryl, baby.
00:51:34What's your name, handsome?
00:51:37You'll laugh.
00:51:38Everybody laughs.
00:51:39It's a story of my life.
00:51:42You tell it like it is, Chuck.
00:51:51She's putting on an act.
00:51:53What do you care?
00:51:56I don't have a baby.
00:52:03Is she going to get into bed with him now?
00:52:04Probably.
00:52:07Geoffrey always looks half asleep these days.
00:52:09Well, it's very exhausting.
00:52:13What is?
00:52:15Working in a bank.
00:52:16Oh.
00:52:17I had this bad scene, this chick, and decided to split.
00:52:32So I cut out, man, like there's no tomorrow.
00:52:34This cat gets it together where it's at, man.
00:52:38Lots of beautiful bag, baby.
00:52:40So if you want a piece of the action, don't cool it.
00:52:43Dig?
00:52:45Hmm?
00:52:47Sorry, I no understand English.
00:52:51Gesundheit.
00:52:53Gesundheit.
00:52:55I thought she'd only just been to bed with the other one.
00:52:58She has.
00:53:00And which is her husband?
00:53:01Neither.
00:53:02Neither.
00:53:03It's warming up, isn't it?
00:53:05It's warming up, isn't it?
00:53:07Great beat, isn't it?
00:53:09Great beat, isn't it?
00:53:11Great to dance to.
00:53:13Oh, my God.
00:53:15Oh, my God.
00:53:17It's warming up, isn't it?
00:53:19It's warming up, isn't it?
00:53:20It's warming up, isn't it?
00:53:23It's warming up, isn't it?
00:53:32Great beat, isn't it?
00:53:34Great to dance to.
00:53:40Do you agree that life's an onion?
00:53:43Hmm.
00:53:45If so, what's death?
00:53:47Erm...
00:53:50A banana.
00:53:53Yes, I expect it is when you think about it.
00:53:56Have you read Schopenhauer's Concept of Existence?
00:54:00Erm...
00:54:02No.
00:54:04But I've seen the film.
00:54:06Are you married?
00:54:08No.
00:54:10Grab yourself an adage.
00:54:12Marriage is a cabbage.
00:54:14Are you married?
00:54:16Never ask the questions, ask the answers.
00:54:19Yes.
00:54:20You are a poet.
00:54:23To any manager, Marks and Spaces.
00:54:25Would you?
00:54:28I'm really dirty.
00:54:30Now he's taking his clothes off.
00:54:33What's on ITV?
00:54:36This.
00:54:38What's on BBC?
00:54:40Catching Over.
00:54:42What's that like?
00:54:44This.
00:54:45Oh, come on now.
00:54:46You know that's not where it's at.
00:54:47Let's get this...
00:54:48What's the word?
00:54:50Let's get it clear.
00:54:51Let's get down to the real nitty-grittiesville, okay?
00:54:54Hmm.
00:54:56Women's lip is not about burning brass.
00:54:58Papers, yeah.
00:55:00What papers?
00:55:01What papers?
00:55:02A marriage certificate.
00:55:03A dog's licence, whatever you prefer to call it.
00:55:04Look, let's be basic about this, Enid.
00:55:06All girls want marriage, and a white wedding.
00:55:07Really basic.
00:55:08You want to be really basic?
00:55:09Utterly basic.
00:55:10Bulls.
00:55:11Grass?
00:55:13Grass?
00:55:14Enid.
00:55:15When Sandra says every girl, she means most girls.
00:55:21Well, like herself.
00:55:22Not me, of course, because often it's classBLE.
00:55:25You are going to be kahwear?
00:55:27Well, look.
00:55:28And long behind arms, then, why?
00:55:29Who's except for whether or not you're going to ŠæŃŃ plus?
00:55:33CCA ponto.
00:55:35But try that.
00:55:37You know?
00:55:39And watch all the jokes, they're going past to play.
00:55:41Not me, of course, because I incredibly value my independence.
00:55:44But most girls definitely want...
00:55:46Bulls!
00:55:48If you can't conduct an intelligent conversation without recourse to...
00:55:51I'm not recourseing to anything. I'm merely telling you what girls want.
00:55:55What?
00:55:55Bulls!
00:55:56Bulls!
00:55:57Would you please stop saying that?
00:56:00You believe in free love, right?
00:56:02Wrong! I believe in free everything.
00:56:04Freedom from all male chauvinist, pig domination.
00:56:07Honestly, don't you understand?
00:56:09Excuse me, you've got your hand on me.
00:56:10I'm excited for the future, I'm sure.
00:56:12Excuse me, excuse me, if you've got your hand on me.
00:56:15No!
00:56:16Oh!
00:56:17Oh, sorry. Well, I'm sorry.
00:56:20It's all right.
00:56:21Oh, gee.
00:56:21It's a pleasure.
00:56:23Grass?
00:56:24Geoffrey, you've not to.
00:56:25Why not?
00:56:26I said don't. You're not to smoke it.
00:56:37Oh, wow.
00:56:38We're as liberated as you, Enid.
00:56:42We've equal importance as individuals.
00:56:45Neither of us is boss.
00:56:46It just doesn't arise.
00:56:48We'll make some coffee, kid.
00:56:50Yes.
00:56:50You see, what we believe is...
00:56:52Now!
00:56:55You see...
00:56:56Now, one.
00:56:57I can see there's only one way to get through.
00:57:04What are you doing?
00:57:06Lighting everybody's fire.
00:57:11Burn my bra.
00:57:12Right, that's it.
00:57:18Finished.
00:57:19The end.
00:57:20Full stop.
00:57:22We've finally split up.
00:57:24Neville, Sandra wants you.
00:57:26I should imagine.
00:57:29Sad, isn't it?
00:57:33Pathetic.
00:57:34Well, I can't follow plays these days.
00:57:41It's just showing real life, that's all.
00:57:43I once thought I'd found her.
00:57:51The perfect girl.
00:57:54Red hair.
00:57:55Not too skinny.
00:57:57Very gentle and shy.
00:58:01Passionate when roused.
00:58:03Yeah.
00:58:06She packed me in for picking my teeth with a matchstick.
00:58:09You're very sweet, Roland.
00:58:12I've always thought you were.
00:58:17Did you know you very nearly have a lopsided grin?
00:58:21It's just I'm a bit tired.
00:58:22No, it's nice.
00:58:33I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:50Oh, sorry.
00:58:54Do you know...
00:58:55What, Beryl?
00:58:56She can ask me anything.
00:58:59Do you know where Jeffrey's got to?
00:59:03She's upstairs, I think.
00:59:11Is it true they're dry on their own?
00:59:15Usually.
00:59:22I hate to be any trouble, but I think I'm dying.
00:59:25You'll be all right, honest.
00:59:27She said I shouldn't smoke it.
00:59:29Who?
00:59:30She said...
00:59:33Geoffrey.
00:59:38Geoffrey.
00:59:45Sorry.
00:59:52Geoffrey.
00:59:53Geoffrey.
00:59:53Move up a bit, Geoffrey.
00:59:59Put your legs.
01:00:01That's better.
01:00:05It's because it's your first time, isn't it?
01:00:08Geoffrey.
01:00:09Oh.
01:00:13Call Dr. Wiseberg.
01:00:15Quilmslow Road.
01:00:21It wasn't marijuana, you know.
01:00:26What was it then?
01:00:28Grass.
01:00:30Grass is marijuana.
01:00:31This grass wasn't.
01:00:33It was the real thing.
01:00:39From the front lawn.
01:00:40Is that you, Beryl?
01:00:55Had a nice time?
01:00:57Even though it's three o'clock in the morning.
01:01:00Not that I mind, if you've had a nice time.
01:01:03Even though I've been in bed since ten, having a good night's worry.
01:01:06Did you see Geoffrey?
01:01:13That's good.
01:01:13Do you ever get the feeling you're trying too hard?
01:01:35I didn't try at all.
01:01:39Gave it to rest.
01:01:44I'm right off, birds.
01:01:46I am.
01:01:47I am.
01:01:49For good.
01:01:51Me too.
01:01:53And me.
01:02:05Good morning.
01:02:14Your mother would like to know if you have a reservation at this hotel.
01:02:17Can I.
01:02:18You'll be right there.
01:02:19You're right.
01:02:19Good morning.
01:02:20Good morning.
01:02:21I'm not.
01:02:21I'm.
01:02:25I'm.
01:02:32Good-bye.
01:02:41Good morning.
01:02:43Good morning.
01:02:44Good morning.
01:02:46Good morning.
01:02:47Good morning.
01:02:47Oh, mom.
01:02:47Oh, Beryl, Beryl.
01:03:11Geoffrey, can I rip your trousers off and have my way with you?
01:03:24Oh, Beryl.
01:03:28Oh, Geoffrey.
01:03:31Oh, God.
01:03:41Hello.
01:03:44Ta-ra.
01:03:46Will you be required in the room again, sir?
01:03:48Because we're thinking of taking bookings for the next pop festival.
01:03:51You're a bugger.
01:03:54I don't know who he takes after.
01:04:04Hello?
01:04:05It's me.
01:04:06Who?
01:04:07My God, that's symbolic.
01:04:09Oh, hello, Beryl.
01:04:10I'm just ringing to tell you I never want to see you again.
01:04:13If you have a phone or call, please don't, because I shan't be in.
01:04:16Tonight or any other night.
01:04:18Anyway, tonight I'm helping my mum at the school jumble sale.
01:04:40The small world.
01:04:53Good evening, Mrs. Battersby.
01:04:55I was looking for a nice lampshade.
01:04:57Oh?
01:04:59Probably this one.
01:05:01Definitely.
01:05:02Magic in satin.
01:05:03Oh, certainly, Geoffrey.
01:05:05Who's here in his nice crimson shoes?
01:05:11You'd like some nice fancy random paper, wouldn't you?
01:05:17I'm a child of the universe, Beryl.
01:05:19I have a right to be here.
01:05:20I'm afraid we don't sell marijuana on Sundays.
01:05:22Try the co-op.
01:05:23Beryl, listen.
01:05:24Have you got that in another colour?
01:05:25No, madam.
01:05:26I'll leave it then.
01:05:27Listen to what, for heaven's sake?
01:05:29Don't matter.
01:05:30What doesn't?
01:05:31You wouldn't, anyway.
01:05:32Wouldn't what?
01:05:33Go to the match with me on Saturday.
01:05:42Me?
01:05:47A football match, with 40,000 skinheads and you?
01:05:48Told you.
01:05:50Who are they playing?
01:05:52Who are they playing?
01:05:53Yeah, and if they're young-nuts all the time.
01:05:55He's on a boner.
01:05:56OK, don't.
01:05:59What do you want?
01:06:02No nemacies.
01:06:03Huddersfield Town? In the cot?
01:06:07I've always wanted to watch Huddersfield Town.
01:06:15The...the fourth from the bottom?
01:06:18Shows you.
01:06:22Away from home, they've won three, drawn five and lost twelve.
01:06:28Drawn five.
01:06:33So what do you think?
01:06:37I think I nearly love you.
01:06:40Never mind, it's only a game.
01:06:46Never mind, it's only a game.
01:06:50I thought you said you nearly loved me.
01:06:54I don't recall Grace Kelly enticing Prince Rainier by going to Watch United. I may be wrong.
01:06:58Grace who?
01:06:59We live in a permissive society, Beryl. Read any colour supplement.
01:07:04Mother, you're supposed to be my mother.
01:07:05I am, love. And it wasn't through going to football matches.
01:07:10You are the same mother that makes me tug my skirt down every time I stand up, even if he's only on the phone.
01:07:14Yes, well, boys are very safe. And I am your mother.
01:07:18That's what I said.
01:07:20I don't mean permissive permissive permissive.
01:07:22I don't mean permissive permissive.
01:07:24I'm not sure if I'm going to watch United.
01:07:25I'm not sure if I'm going to watch United.
01:07:26I may be wrong.
01:07:27Grace who?
01:07:28We live in a permissive society, Beryl. Read any colour supplement.
01:07:29Mother, you're supposed to be my mother.
01:07:30I am, love. And it wasn't through going to football matches.
01:07:34You are the same mother that makes me tug my skirt down every time I stand up, even if he's only on the phone.
01:07:39Yes, well, boys are very safe. And I am your mother.
01:07:44That's what I said.
01:07:47I don't mean permissive permissive.
01:07:51I see.
01:07:52Romantic.
01:07:55Pardon?
01:07:56Kissing, cuddling. Things of that nature.
01:08:02Oh, we do.
01:08:03Do what?
01:08:04What you just said.
01:08:06Good.
01:08:07Not too much, I hope.
01:08:09Oh, God.
01:08:10Boys are very funny.
01:08:12They're novices compared to mothers.
01:08:18Did I tell you that two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains?
01:08:23No.
01:08:27Two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains.
01:08:32Fantastic.
01:08:37The Cowgills.
01:08:40Mr and Mrs Cowgill.
01:08:42Married couple.
01:08:45Newlyweds.
01:08:47Not long married.
01:08:49You go bald doing that.
01:08:51Doing what?
01:08:52Not long.
01:08:53I'll tell you 28 stockbrokers have moved into the office opposite with the dirty curtains.
01:09:09Living in sin.
01:09:13Can you say one single sentence without the word marriage in it?
01:09:17If I said to you, do you think Cassius Clay would have beaten Rocky Marciano,
01:09:25would you say what's it matter so long as they're happily married?
01:09:28I don't think so.
01:09:31A barrel would.
01:09:35Given you a bad time, is she?
01:09:38Oh, I wouldn't say that.
01:09:43I haven't even mentioned the word.
01:09:45What word?
01:09:47Goodness me, a single person can have a relationship with another single person
01:09:51without everyone thinking she's automatically...
01:09:53I never said you were!
01:09:54You think it!
01:10:09All right, Geoffrey.
01:10:10I hereby promise never to utter the word again.
01:10:15Marriage?
01:10:16Never.
01:10:18Well, until I am.
01:10:20If I ever do.
01:10:22Which I fervently hope I never will.
01:10:24For someone who's not uttering something, when's your LP coming out?
01:10:27No two people have a divine right to happiness, Geoffrey.
01:10:34You mustn't feel guilty about me.
01:10:38Sorry?
01:10:38No one can say you've completely ruined my life.
01:10:43Not yet.
01:10:44Not yet.
01:10:44What are you staring at?
01:10:46Hello?
01:10:47You all right, son?
01:10:48Terrific.
01:10:49Why did you throw your sponge pudding at the cat, then?
01:10:49Your mother's theory is you're overworking.
01:10:51Hmm.
01:10:52My theory is you're overdoing it with some dolly bird.
01:10:54Oh.
01:10:55Oh.
01:10:56What's your theory?
01:10:57Indigestion.
01:10:58Oh.
01:10:59What's your theory?
01:11:00Oh.
01:11:01What's yours, Sundance?
01:11:02Hasn't he said anything at all?
01:11:03He has said one thing.
01:11:04Oh?
01:11:05What's that?
01:11:06If God had meant sardines to be in oil, it'd have given them dipsticks.
01:11:07All right.
01:11:08The weeks and months dragged by, and with neither side willing to compromise, we still have
01:11:14deadlock.
01:11:15Her Majesty's government have consistently tried to make a good look.
01:11:18They tried to make a good look.
01:11:19And I'm afraid to make a good look.
01:11:20You're afraid to make a good look.
01:11:21It's not a good look.
01:11:22Oh.
01:11:23What's your theory?
01:11:24Indigestion.
01:11:25Oh.
01:11:26What's yours, Sundance?
01:11:27Hasn't he said anything at all?
01:11:28He has said one thing.
01:11:29Oh?
01:11:30What's that?
01:11:31If God had meant sardines to be in oil, it'd have given them dipsticks.
01:11:32All right.
01:11:33The weeks and months dragged by, and with neither side willing to compromise, we still have
01:11:36consistently tried to find a way out of this dilemma.
01:11:39Another wild night learning what NO spells and how many of us school pals are getting
01:11:43married.
01:11:44And what NO spells.
01:11:46And what NO spells.
01:11:48Great!
01:11:49I might as well go bald and open me own monastery.
01:11:52And so society, that's you and me, says end this dispute.
01:11:58End it now.
01:12:00Good night.
01:12:01Hear, hear.
01:12:02Good, weren't I?
01:12:03Terrific.
01:12:04Especially when he said good night.
01:12:07We're just enjoying ourselves.
01:12:10Having a good time.
01:12:12Just having fun.
01:12:13Being happy!
01:12:15Take two a day, after meals, and one if you find yourself crying your heart out again in
01:12:20the middle of a zebra crossing for no reason at all.
01:12:26You're sure this has nothing to do with a boyfriend?
01:12:28Absolutely positive.
01:12:29That was the first film we ever saw together.
01:12:35Make that three a day after meals.
01:12:39Look, Beryl, how's this for a peace plan?
01:12:52You join a marriage bureau, and I'll get a job on the stage twice nightly in Denmark.
01:12:57Then we'll both be happy.
01:12:58Right?
01:12:59Right.
01:13:00Good Jesus Christ, superstar.
01:13:01Amen.
01:13:02Oh, hell.
01:13:03Hands up again.
01:13:04See you tomorrow.
01:13:05Where do you think you're going?
01:13:06Geoffrey, I'll get the sack.
01:13:07It's important.
01:13:08What is?
01:13:09I keep asking you what is.
01:13:11What is?
01:13:12To be on our own.
01:13:27What?
01:13:28So as we can talk.
01:13:33What?
01:13:35No! What?
01:13:42Had an old speech worked out on the bus this morning.
01:13:47The only bit I can remember is, and that's what I think.
01:13:50Last night, I dreamt I was in goal for Manchester United
01:13:53and Grace Kelly kicked nine goals past me.
01:13:56Grace who?
01:13:57She was playing for United as well. Weird, isn't it?
01:14:05The main thing is...
01:14:11we do communicate.
01:14:13Oh, we do.
01:14:23See what I think...
01:14:25Go on.
01:14:27No, you. Mine wasn't important.
01:14:29No, mine wasn't.
01:14:35No.
01:14:41Beryl?
01:14:45Are you...
01:14:48happy?
01:14:49Of course.
01:14:51Very.
01:14:54I am.
01:14:55No-one is every second of every minute of every day.
01:15:01No.
01:15:03I'm not.
01:15:08Do you think it's because we love each other, do you think?
01:15:16Probably.
01:15:17I've not actually said the words often.
01:15:20Well, not in so many words.
01:15:23Mostly in words to that effect.
01:15:32No.
01:15:33I don't think so.
01:15:34Honestly, no.
01:15:35Nothing.
01:15:36If there is...
01:15:37There isn't.
01:15:38You just tell me and I'll stop doing it.
01:15:39If there isn't anything.
01:15:40Honest.
01:15:41Good.
01:15:42It wouldn't upset me.
01:15:43It'd just make me a better human being to deserve your love.
01:15:45Like, you know, crimson shoes and bottle green socks.
01:15:46Well, you don't wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks, Beryl.
01:15:47If I did, I'd stop to please you.
01:15:48No.
01:15:49No.
01:15:50No.
01:15:51No.
01:15:52No.
01:15:53No.
01:15:54No.
01:15:55No.
01:15:56No.
01:15:57No.
01:15:58No.
01:15:59No.
01:16:00No.
01:16:01No.
01:16:02No.
01:16:03No.
01:16:04No.
01:16:05No.
01:16:06No.
01:16:07No.
01:16:08No.
01:16:09No.
01:16:10No.
01:16:11No.
01:16:12Ić½x ŠæŠ¾Šæ ××?
01:16:13If I did, I'd stop to please you.
01:16:19See?
01:16:25There's no need to be sensitive, Geoffrey.
01:16:27In a meaningful relationship you must like even what you don't.
01:16:32Your mother.
01:16:33Pardon?
01:16:34I like your mother.
01:16:35Please don't sulk, Geoffrey.
01:16:36Hand her lampshades.
01:16:37Sulking isn't the most endearing quality in a person.
01:16:41Well, you ought to know. You've almost made it an art form.
01:16:44Anything else at random?
01:16:46You've got 24 hours to spare.
01:16:48After all, I'm no Bridget Bardot.
01:16:50According to reliable sources in Saint-Tropez, she's 105 next birthday.
01:16:54Over 98% of the male population of Manchester and Salford
01:16:57can tell the difference between Bridget Bardot and Beryl Battersby.
01:17:00Ask any opinion poll. I'm much fatter for a start.
01:17:03You're not all that fat, Beryl. I am.
01:17:05Start slimming. Men like something to get hold of.
01:17:08If they're allowed to get hold of it.
01:17:10You always succeed in getting back to Percy Filth in the end, don't you? Always.
01:17:14No, I don't, Beryl. You do. I always fail.
01:17:17Do you know what some girls find extremely likeable?
01:17:19The extremely likeable way some boys stare at every girl they see.
01:17:23Boys like it when girls tell them what N-O spells.
01:17:26Especially for the 600th time. That they really dig.
01:17:29You never say dig.
01:17:31I did then.
01:17:33Your passionate, unrequited love for 11 boring men kicking a ball about.
01:17:37That's really lovable.
01:17:39I never knew you thought that.
01:17:41Neither did I.
01:17:43Do now, though.
01:17:53Used to say dig before I met you.
01:17:59Used to say all sorts of things.
01:18:01There's a lot about me I can't even remember.
01:18:07You're thinking what I'm thinking.
01:18:09I think so.
01:18:23We just don't like each other.
01:18:24At all.
01:18:25At all.
01:18:29Oh, goodbye then.
01:18:31Good luck.
01:18:32Peace, man.
01:18:33St Anne's Square.
01:18:34St Anne's Square.
01:18:35St Anne's Square, please.
01:18:36Good luck.
01:18:37Peace, man.
01:18:38St Anne's Square.
01:18:39St Anne's Square, please.
01:18:40St Anne's Square, please.
01:18:49Oh, goodbye then.
01:18:50Good luck.
01:18:51Peace, man.
01:18:52St Anne's Square.
01:18:53St Anne's Square, please.
01:18:54St Anne's Square, please.
01:18:56St Anne's Square, please.
01:18:58St Anne's Square, please.
01:18:59St Anne's Square, please.
01:19:01St Anne's Square, please.
01:19:04So that just leaves a cot, two matinee coats, two romper suits.
01:19:19And what else do I need?
01:19:21Oh, yes, a ring.
01:19:24Teething ring?
01:19:26Wedding ring.
01:19:27Of course.
01:19:28Oh, they have gorgeous plans in the shops these days.
01:19:32No wonder everyone's at it.
01:19:35Oh, sorry.
01:19:37What about?
01:19:38Skip it.
01:19:40About time, too.
01:19:42With her sympathy.
01:19:43Not that I need any, actually. I've never been as happy in me life.
01:19:47But she doesn't know that.
01:19:49If I'm looking miserable, Sandra,
01:19:51it's because I'm feeling happy for you.
01:19:54Yeah.
01:19:58We know what you must be thinking.
01:19:59Of course we do.
01:20:01How to pop the pink without going in off.
01:20:08Ace.
01:20:11She used to wear pink, you know.
01:20:13I won't tell you where.
01:20:17A hell of a lot more where hers came from.
01:20:20Wow.
01:20:21Did you want the chalk, Geoffrey?
01:20:26I know, spells no.
01:20:30Super day for it.
01:20:33Sin being inside a day like this.
01:20:36Well, Sandra,
01:20:38this is it.
01:20:39Yep.
01:20:40The big day.
01:20:42Yep.
01:20:43Coming to the crutch.
01:20:44Crunch.
01:20:45I dare say it'll hardly break my heart in the slightest, seeing him again.
01:20:51You mustn't think I'll be crying inside, because I most definitely won't be.
01:20:55And what's more, no one will know that I am.
01:20:58Because I shan't.
01:20:59Truly.
01:21:02Sandra, please, you've enough to think of.
01:21:04It's a big day for you as well, really, isn't it?
01:21:16And now one of the bride and groom on their own.
01:21:18Do you mind stepping back, sir?
01:21:21Fine.
01:21:22Is this fine enough?
01:21:23Here?
01:21:23About there, lovely.
01:21:25You can kiss the bride on this one, sir.
01:21:28Wow.
01:21:28Official permission to actually kiss her.
01:21:30Whew.
01:21:32Ow!
01:21:33Oh, sorry.
01:21:36That's right.
01:21:37Hold it.
01:21:38Lovely.
01:21:40Right, now, a nice family group of the parents, please.
01:21:43Funny.
01:21:44I remember the Friday lunchtime we first met.
01:21:48How have you been?
01:21:50Absolutely great.
01:21:52You?
01:21:53Never better.
01:21:54Ever.
01:21:55That's it.
01:21:55Hold it like that.
01:21:58It's all over now.
01:21:59Bar the salmon salad.
01:22:00It's tuna fish.
01:22:04It's life.
01:22:12See, President, Nick, something to China, then.
01:22:15That was before we ever met.
01:22:17I know.
01:22:18Why?
01:22:19Has something happened about it?
01:22:21No.
01:22:21Oh?
01:22:22Could I trouble you for the salad cream, please?
01:22:24Hmm.
01:22:27Speaking personally, I think there are enough problems to sort out
01:22:30on Earth without going to the moon.
01:22:33Nixon?
01:22:34Why is he going?
01:22:36No.
01:22:38The astronauts.
01:22:39Oh.
01:22:41It's the wives and sweethearts I feel sorry for.
01:22:46We never really talked, did we?
01:22:48About things that matter.
01:22:50Good, isn't it?
01:22:51Shows we're friends.
01:22:53Now that we know we don't like each other.
01:22:54Everybody thinks we're broken-hearted.
01:23:01We've really grown up, haven't we?
01:23:03My mother's convinced herself we split up because we had too much Percy filth.
01:23:07I'm right off it, myself.
01:23:09I've been able to walk off buses perfectly normally for the past few weeks.
01:23:13Aw.
01:23:14I expect it's only temporary.
01:23:16I hope not.
01:23:17It's marvellous.
01:23:18Good.
01:23:18I don't fancy you in the slightest now.
01:23:22Thank you, love.
01:23:26Still off the food, I noticed.
01:23:32And we've learned a fantastic amount for the future.
01:23:35Fantastic.
01:23:35For example, say I finally did marry someone like you, only someone I love.
01:23:41I bet I'd now let him wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks every night.
01:23:46In bed a bit.
01:23:51And you'll probably meet some little fatty who's never even heard of Kenny Warhol and marry her three days later.
01:23:59We probably won't see each other at all now, we're pals.
01:24:02I expect you're going to the match this afternoon.
01:24:04Oh, yeah.
01:24:04I'm helping Sandra Packer go in a way case.
01:24:08Where's she going?
01:24:09Hospital.
01:24:13Well, we'll bump into each other sometime.
01:24:34Hello, Mrs. Battersby.
01:24:58He, er, he won't remember me.
01:25:01Good afternoon, Geoffrey.
01:25:04Ah, um, is, er, is Beryl there, please?
01:25:08She's gone to the football match.
01:25:12But there is no football.
01:25:13It's cricket now.
01:25:15Well, it's the same thing, isn't it?
01:25:16There's no football match.
01:25:46Football season's over now, Beryl.
01:25:49What on earth did you want to come for?
01:25:52I forgot. I'm not all that interested these days.
01:25:58Where will you go now, then?
01:26:01I don't know.
01:26:04I could always go inside and practise booing for next season.
01:26:09Where will you?
01:26:11Might go and get a new pair of tights.
01:26:14Hey, it's like the countryside, isn't it, when it's empty?
01:26:17Fancy a stroll in the country?
01:26:19May as well, if you like.
01:26:21Don't mind. Why not?
01:26:24Just as friends.
01:26:25Oh, I meant just as friends.
01:26:27Yeah, I did.
01:26:35Wish we had a ball.
01:26:38Good place shooting in.
01:26:42You could go in goal.
01:26:45Amazing how people change, isn't it?
01:26:50Well, we're certainly much happier without each other.
01:26:53Well, we're certainly much happier without each other.
01:26:54We'll be even happier without each other.
01:26:56We'll be even happier with someone else.
01:26:57Anyone, really.
01:26:58Anyone, really.
01:26:59Anyone, really.
01:27:00Anyone, really.
01:27:01Anyone, really.
01:27:02Anyone, really.
01:27:03Anyone, really.
01:27:34We've got millions to choose from.
01:27:37All nearly exactly right for us.
01:27:40You'll find someone, Geoffrey.
01:27:43You will, Beryl.
01:27:45Just a matter of keeping your eyes open, really.
01:27:48Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:50Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:51Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:55United States! United States!
01:28:25And you'll find sometimes
01:28:33Love and rainy weather can turn out fine
01:28:38Getting wet together's fun
01:28:41When the crying's dark
01:28:47Love and rainy weather
01:28:51Are followed by the sun
01:28:58Love and rainy weather
01:29:00Love and rainy weather
01:29:05When the crying's dark
01:29:12Love and rainy weather
01:29:16Are followed by the sun
01:29:23Love and rainy weather
01:29:25Love and rainy weather
01:29:34Love and rainy weather
01:29:36Love and rainy weather
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