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00:00:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:30CastingWords
00:01:00CastingWords
00:01:02CastingWords
00:01:04CastingWords
00:01:06CastingWords
00:01:08But we live in a permissive society.
00:01:10Not on this street we don't.
00:01:12Everybody's at it.
00:01:14Not with me they're not.
00:01:16Girls are supposed to be crying out for it.
00:01:18Not this one.
00:01:20I'm the silent majority.
00:01:22It's only manners these days.
00:01:24Total strangers do it now instead of shaking hands.
00:01:26God is Lord.
00:01:29Jesus.
00:01:31Jesus.
00:01:32Jesus.
00:01:38We've never seen him in real life though.
00:01:58And he's picturing the papers.
00:02:01Oh, come on, Sandra, let's go.
00:02:03No, I don't want to.
00:02:04Oh, I'm standing out here. It's stupid.
00:02:06But he might come in a minute.
00:02:08Somebody waited ages yesterday and he never turned up there.
00:02:10But that was yesterday. He might be here today.
00:02:12Oh, no. Really, Dad's standing here.
00:02:14Come on.
00:02:14Come on, you're supposed to be going shopping.
00:02:16Oh, wait.
00:02:17Please, let's go.
00:02:22Oh, no.
00:02:23I told you so, didn't I?
00:02:25I feel a right twit now.
00:02:26I don't fancy yours.
00:02:30Which is mine?
00:02:32Any except the blonde.
00:02:34Oh, good.
00:02:36Who are being stared at?
00:02:38Where?
00:02:41Don't fancy yours.
00:02:45Which is mine?
00:02:47Any.
00:02:48Except the blonde or the one with the yellow legs.
00:02:52Thanks.
00:02:54Neither do I.
00:02:54Fancy the one with the twitch.
00:03:00About as much as Mountsy-Tung's granddad, with all due respect.
00:03:04To his granddad.
00:03:06Ask him if they do a turn.
00:03:08You.
00:03:09I thought we were giving sex up.
00:03:11There's a protest at never getting any.
00:03:14Ignore them.
00:03:14Hi.
00:03:15Hi.
00:03:24Hi.
00:03:26Hi.
00:03:26Hi.
00:03:30Hi.
00:03:32Peace, ma'am.
00:03:34Were you, er, hoping to see Georgie Best?
00:03:37He's in Majorca.
00:03:39Come on, then.
00:03:41May only get an hour for lunch.
00:03:42It's a discotheque in Albert Square.
00:03:52Come on.
00:03:53I thought we were going for tights.
00:03:58It's our lunch hour.
00:04:01It's ours.
00:04:02We were going for lunch.
00:04:08Shall I tell you something pretty mind-blowing about Majorca?
00:04:10It's one place I've never been.
00:04:15Pardon?
00:04:17I'm, er, Geoffrey.
00:04:20I don't happen to be attached.
00:04:22I'm Beryl.
00:04:23I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:25Don't you worry, love and rainy weather may sound funny, but they go together fine.
00:04:52Every single time.
00:04:54Every single time.
00:05:01First you're up there on another plane and then you're nowhere.
00:05:08And the tears are raining down.
00:05:14It's a run around.
00:05:19Love and rainy weather.
00:05:24Sure can get you down.
00:05:27Not going twisting tonight, then?
00:05:38That's the modern name for it, isn't it?
00:05:40What?
00:05:41Cutting a rug.
00:05:44Pardon?
00:05:45Grooving, Mildred.
00:05:46It's called grooving nowadays.
00:05:48Grooving and or freaking.
00:05:50Right?
00:05:51What I'm not doing tonight.
00:05:53Right.
00:05:53Right on.
00:05:56You're staying in tonight, then?
00:05:57Tonight.
00:05:58Tomorrow night.
00:05:59Every night.
00:06:02They might sell me overcoat.
00:06:03Life's not all pleasure, you know.
00:06:06Really?
00:06:06Mildred, don't hassle the lad.
00:06:09Hassle.
00:06:11It's a different world today, Mildred.
00:06:14We had a week's honeymoon in Blackpool for what this finny haddy cost.
00:06:18They do their old thing.
00:06:19The usual 1,300 weight.
00:06:24Now that's the new world that we work for.
00:06:27And fought for.
00:06:29Full page advert for contraception.
00:06:31It's his birthright.
00:06:35I'm not hungry.
00:06:37What's that supposed to mean?
00:06:39It's the hip way cool people say I'm not hungry.
00:06:42I enjoy staying in Chattingham an evening.
00:07:03I find it fantastically enjoyable.
00:07:06No, really.
00:07:07I really do.
00:07:09Some people don't.
00:07:10I do.
00:07:14Beryl, please take my word for it.
00:07:16Paul McCartney's never going to ring that doorbell and invite you to the pictures.
00:07:20Paul McCartney who?
00:07:21He doesn't know you've been faithful to him ever since our day's night.
00:07:24And please don't say Paul McCartney who.
00:07:27I sacrifice too much for your six-old levels.
00:07:29Five.
00:07:30You were terrific in the pictures.
00:07:34I never touched you.
00:07:35Terrific self-control.
00:07:36What did you say your name was?
00:07:43Mind you, just a weekend I do with you, Paul.
00:08:05Not a dirty weekend.
00:08:07A disgusting one.
00:08:14Night-night, Percy Filth.
00:08:16Have you always been insatiable?
00:08:28It's not my fault.
00:08:30It's just that I don't like blondes.
00:08:32It's psychosomatic.
00:08:39I'm sorry.
00:08:45Ah.
00:08:46Oh, Sandra.
00:09:05You're almost blonde in this light.
00:09:07What's wrong?
00:09:13Just being brave.
00:09:16What about?
00:09:17Ending it all.
00:09:19Before we hurt each other too much.
00:09:23It's our first date.
00:09:27I've probably wasted your entire evening, haven't I?
00:09:31Not yet.
00:09:32Not if your parents aren't back till midnight.
00:09:34Don't you think you're too old for this sort of thing?
00:09:41Straight from Stanley Matthews to Bridget Bardot you went.
00:09:44Overnight.
00:09:46That was when you were too young for this sort of thing.
00:09:49It's artistic, Mother.
00:09:51Like your Tutankham and Butter dish.
00:09:53What?
00:10:03Got it.
00:10:05Got what?
00:10:06You now ask
00:10:07if I never want to see you again.
00:10:09I say I do.
00:10:11You then stop crying
00:10:12quick as a flash
00:10:13and say something like
00:10:14how about Sunday
00:10:15half seven
00:10:16outside Central Library.
00:10:17No, I don't.
00:10:19Tomorrow,
00:10:20half seven
00:10:20outside Central Library.
00:10:21Then when I say okay
00:10:24does your zip
00:10:25miraculously undo?
00:10:27It does not.
00:10:29I thought it did.
00:10:31Not till you've unfastened the press, Stud.
00:10:35I can see her doing your ironing
00:10:37and cooking
00:10:38and cleaning.
00:10:39You wouldn't need to book
00:10:40for the Christmas pantomime.
00:10:41I don't intend to marry her, Mother.
00:10:44In case it interferes with my career.
00:10:46We're just good friends.
00:10:48Good night.
00:10:49Good night.
00:10:49Miss Bardot.
00:11:05Marry me.
00:11:09You know what they say?
00:11:11Once you've had a Manchester lad,
00:11:13you never touch anything else.
00:11:14Marry me.
00:11:16Marry me.
00:11:18Marry me.
00:11:21Marry me.
00:11:23Marry me.
00:11:25Marry me.
00:11:27Marry me.
00:11:29Marry me.
00:11:29About time and all.
00:11:31Aye.
00:11:32Aye.
00:11:32Aye.
00:11:32Peace, man.
00:11:35Marry me.
00:11:36Did you have a good time,
00:11:37Miss Knight?
00:11:38Great.
00:11:38Is this you?
00:11:40Satisfied.
00:11:40I'll say it in for a change.
00:11:42Marry me.
00:11:42Marry me.
00:11:44Did you get much?
00:11:47Did you?
00:11:52Did you know that raping Princess Anne was a capital offence?
00:11:55Not that I have done.
00:11:57Paid in for a change instead.
00:12:14I'll say it in for a change.
00:12:16I'll say it in for a change.
00:12:17I came in for a change."
00:12:18— Ticket.
00:12:19I ain't got me ticket.
00:12:20We're late already.
00:12:22I'll see you behind the goal then.
00:12:27Marry!
00:12:28Marry!
00:12:29Marry!
00:12:30Marry!
00:12:31Marry!
00:12:31Marry!
00:12:32Marry!
00:12:33Marry!
00:12:33Carry!
00:12:34Marry!
00:12:35Marry!
00:12:36Marry!
00:12:37Well, tonight's beauty sleep's done nothing for her, snooty old bag.
00:12:50Trendy. Crimson shoes with bottle green socks.
00:12:54Must be going steady with a set of traffic lights.
00:12:57Still, who else would have him?
00:13:00Anyway, they're all the same in the dark, rumor has it.
00:13:07Different girl every night. It's all the type.
00:13:15Probably an omen seeing her before the match.
00:13:18Bet we lose 3-1.
00:13:21Well, I'm certainly not making the first move. At least I've got me proud.
00:13:26Oh, hello.
00:13:28Oh, hi.
00:13:29Hi.
00:13:31Didn't see you.
00:13:31No, Normie.
00:13:34Are you going that way?
00:13:35Yeah.
00:13:35Not especially, no.
00:13:38Are you going that?
00:13:40Yeah, well, um, no.
00:13:42I was, I sort of, um...
00:13:44Going to the football match?
00:13:46Are you?
00:13:46Shopping.
00:13:53I'm probably going to the pictures tonight.
00:13:56I am.
00:13:56Which?
00:13:57Which are you?
00:13:57Any.
00:13:58I am.
00:13:59See you then.
00:14:08Tonight?
00:14:09Pardon?
00:14:10Oh, I...
00:14:11All right then.
00:14:13Right.
00:14:19Super socks.
00:14:21Did you see that?
00:14:26They're all on drugs.
00:14:27The lot of them.
00:14:28Ahem.
00:14:29.
00:14:46.
00:14:48.
00:14:49.
00:14:50.
00:14:51.
00:14:52.
00:14:53.
00:14:54.
00:14:55.
00:14:56.
00:14:57.
00:14:58.
00:15:08.
00:15:09.
00:15:17.
00:15:18.
00:15:19.
00:15:20.
00:15:21.
00:15:22.
00:15:23.
00:15:24.
00:15:25.
00:15:26.
00:15:27.
00:15:29.
00:15:30.
00:15:31.
00:15:32.
00:15:33.
00:15:34.
00:15:36.
00:15:37.
00:15:38.
00:15:39The boyfriend. She's slim.
00:15:41I'm just going to the...
00:15:42Oh, I'll come with you.
00:15:46Are you and Beryl, um, you know?
00:15:52You know?
00:15:53Oh.
00:16:03Would you, uh...
00:16:05What do you sort of reckon? She's, uh...
00:16:09A fair sort of bird.
00:16:11Sort of.
00:16:12She's all right.
00:16:15I mean, nothing sensational, obviously.
00:16:18Geoffrey, she's a bird.
00:16:24You having a coffee with us?
00:16:25No, thanks, kid. Neville's ravenous.
00:16:28You've just eaten.
00:16:31Oh, of course, yeah.
00:16:32Sorry.
00:16:35You see,
00:16:37what I think is always trying to...
00:16:39What are you trying to do?
00:16:40By implication.
00:16:41Probably by implication.
00:16:42It was to allow the images to provoke a moral response from our own aesthetic judgment.
00:16:46You see?
00:16:47Yes.
00:16:50Was he the errand boy?
00:16:51Was who the errand boy?
00:16:52Ken Thingy.
00:16:53He directed it.
00:16:54Oh, yes.
00:16:56I was probably thinking of Andy Warhol.
00:16:57Probably.
00:16:58You're not like other boys at all, are you?
00:16:59Well, probably a little more mature, that's all.
00:17:03It's over 200 yards from the cinema.
00:17:04And you talk to me the whole way.
00:17:05Like a person.
00:17:06Other boys seem to have one-track minds these days.
00:17:07Sex.
00:17:08Marriage.
00:17:09Pardon?
00:17:10The number of boys that asked me to marry them.
00:17:11A couple of dates and pal they want to get married.
00:17:12I want to live a bit before I get married.
00:17:13I suppose I just don't have a hang-up about it.
00:17:14Get married?
00:17:15Hmm.
00:17:16No.
00:17:17No.
00:17:18No.
00:17:19No.
00:17:21Actually, I find girls as well, I don't have a hang-up about it.
00:17:22And you can't get married.
00:17:23I don't have a hang-up about it.
00:17:24You're getting married?
00:17:25Hmm.
00:17:26No.
00:17:27No.
00:17:28No.
00:17:29No.
00:17:30No.
00:17:31No.
00:17:32No.
00:17:33No.
00:17:34No.
00:17:35No.
00:17:36No.
00:17:37No.
00:17:38No.
00:17:39No.
00:17:40No.
00:17:41No.
00:17:42No.
00:17:43No.
00:17:44No.
00:17:45No.
00:17:46No.
00:17:47No.
00:17:48No.
00:17:49I find girls, and most girls, a bit obsessed these days.
00:17:55Not marriage.
00:17:57No. Sex.
00:18:00Percy Filth?
00:18:03Sex.
00:18:04That's what I said.
00:18:06Oh.
00:18:08Well, I'm not like that.
00:18:10Not Percy Filth motivated?
00:18:12No.
00:18:14No.
00:18:19No.
00:18:27Did you want to say any more about Andy Warhol?
00:18:29Ken Russell? Yeah.
00:18:31No.
00:18:38This is it.
00:18:49I won't come in, with it being our first date.
00:18:55No.
00:18:56Oh.
00:18:57Anywhere my mum's gone to bed, we'd be on our own.
00:19:00Is that a reason for me not coming in, though?
00:19:02Yes, Geoffrey.
00:19:04Oh.
00:19:05Oh.
00:19:13Nice house.
00:19:1725-year mortgage.
00:19:23Well, thanks for seeing me home.
00:19:24Funny, isn't it?
00:19:29First date with someone.
00:19:31It always leads to one of three things.
00:19:34Either nothing.
00:19:36Or something.
00:19:40Or everything.
00:19:43Well, don't think about Percy Filth at this stage, Beryl.
00:19:46I'm not.
00:19:49No, I'm not.
00:19:51Night-night.
00:19:53God bless.
00:20:05I won't give you my phone number, in case you think I'm one of those scheming females.
00:20:09What is it?
00:20:10327-4421.
00:20:12The easy way to remember it is the three and the two make five, which is two less than seven,
00:20:16then two fours, and half of four, which is two, and half of two, which is one.
00:20:19Um...
00:20:20But you mustn't ring me if you don't want.
00:20:22No.
00:20:23But you can if you do.
00:20:25Do you want me to?
00:20:26Not if you'd rather not.
00:20:28327-4421.
00:20:30Night.
00:20:49Oh!
00:20:50Well, hello, Mrs. Battersby.
00:20:51Beryl's brought you up a cup of tea.
00:20:52Oh, they all have a past life flashed before me then.
00:20:54Can't be Mother's Day.
00:20:55You'd have forgotten.
00:20:56Has there been any clips?
00:20:57Mum, I want the benefit of your experience.
00:21:00What do you think of Andy Warhol?
00:21:01You see, Geoffrey has this theory that by implication...
00:21:02Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:03Of course Geoffrey knows about these things.
00:21:04These things.
00:21:05These things.
00:21:06Everything.
00:21:07Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:08Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:09He's fantastically intelligent.
00:21:10See, Geoffrey's idea...
00:21:11Beryl owes...
00:21:12Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:13Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:14He's fantastically intelligent.
00:21:15See, Geoffrey's idea...
00:21:16Beryl owes Geoffrey.
00:21:17Oh, no one.
00:21:19Oh, no one.
00:21:21Oh, no one.
00:21:22Don't worry.
00:21:23Well, look.
00:21:24What's the thing?
00:21:25I've got a lot of clips.
00:21:26Mum, I want the benefit of your experience.
00:21:27What do you think of Andy Warhol?
00:21:28You see, Geoffrey has this theory that by implication...
00:21:30Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:31Of course Geoffrey knows about these things.
00:21:32Oh!
00:21:33These things.
00:21:34Everything.
00:21:35Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:36He's fantastically intelligent.
00:21:37See, Geoffrey's idea...
00:21:38Beryl owes Geoffrey.
00:21:39Beryl ooze Geoffrey.
00:21:42Oh, no-one.
00:21:48No-one's special.
00:21:53His name's Geoffrey.
00:21:59How did this Beryl Bird turn out last night, then?
00:22:02Not Beryl Bird. I told him.
00:22:05Did she, er...
00:22:07What?
00:22:12Wow!
00:22:15She doesn't, then.
00:22:17You don't listen, do you? I said...
00:22:19How about Sandra?
00:22:27Chips.
00:22:34Not seen him tonight, then.
00:22:37Who?
00:22:45I've rather better things to do, thank you.
00:22:55Said he was no-one special.
00:22:57Have they got a phone here?
00:23:01Why?
00:23:03They haven't, have they?
00:23:05Do you want to get some nookie lined up or something?
00:23:07If I did, do you think I'd be playing darts with you two?
00:23:11Look, are you fed up here?
00:23:13Are you?
00:23:15We'll split after this game.
00:23:16Anything you say.
00:23:17We can go for a few at the King's Head.
00:23:19Great.
00:23:21And that ends our probe.
00:23:23Well, Monday tomorrow.
00:23:25What?
00:23:26Hallelujah.
00:23:27What?
00:23:28I don't know what you're paying for that phone, but whatever it is, you're being done.
00:23:31Good night.
00:23:33Good night.
00:23:35Good night.
00:23:36Good morning.
00:23:37Good morning.
00:23:39Good morning.
00:23:41Good morning, good morning.
00:24:11Long may it reign. Amen.
00:24:15What's going on? The pound's up again.
00:24:18Oh, God.
00:24:20Today's special. Bloody travellers, Jax.
00:24:23Here. Suddenly everyone's going on holiday.
00:24:26So does.
00:24:28Enjoy yourself while you're young.
00:24:41Why do we always do that?
00:24:4893 times a day.
00:24:50We never see anything.
00:24:53Oh, my God.
00:24:54I'm sorry.
00:24:55I'm sorry.
00:24:56I'm sorry.
00:24:58Oh.
00:24:59Oh.
00:25:00Oh.
00:25:01Oh, my God.
00:25:03My typing, not disturbing your singing, I hope.
00:25:19See Geoffrey on Sunday.
00:25:22Oh, Geoffrey.
00:25:24That neville's the greatest.
00:25:29Is he dishy or is he dishy?
00:25:33He never promised he's going to take this to the bathroom and film this.
00:25:36I'm considering packing Geoffrey in.
00:25:39One date was enough.
00:25:41Why?
00:25:43He's cancer and I'm Libra.
00:25:45Is that bad?
00:25:46Hopeless.
00:25:49Actually, I'm slightly off the male gender at the moment.
00:26:01Five.
00:26:01Five, which is, which is, three and two's five, which is two less than seven, which is, oh.
00:26:13I see the Spanish police are throwing your lot out of Ibiza.
00:26:17Bank clocks.
00:26:19Your lot?
00:26:20Football supporters.
00:26:22Hippies.
00:26:23Oh, my lot.
00:26:25At the third stroke, it will be seven, twenty-two and forty seconds.
00:26:35It will be seven, twenty-two and fifty seconds.
00:26:40That's it, then.
00:26:42Fate.
00:26:43All over by seven, twenty-three precisely.
00:26:47So what?
00:26:48Plenty more where she came from.
00:26:55Is that the speaking clock?
00:26:57Is that Geoffrey?
00:26:59Is that Beryl?
00:27:00Yes.
00:27:01Yes.
00:27:02Hi.
00:27:05Hi.
00:27:05It's terrifically exciting, isn't it?
00:27:26Getting to know a person.
00:27:28Fantastic.
00:27:28Fantastic.
00:27:28I want to know all about you.
00:27:35That's what it's all about.
00:27:39For example, with things in common already.
00:27:42Definitely.
00:27:45About what?
00:27:49We're enormously fond of animals.
00:27:51Right.
00:27:55And we're both from Manchester.
00:28:00Have you ever been abroad?
00:28:02No.
00:28:04Have you?
00:28:05No.
00:28:07Unless you count Istanbul.
00:28:09Istanbul?
00:28:10Was it beyond belief?
00:28:12I don't know.
00:28:13I was only three.
00:28:13Do you ever get the feeling you've been somewhere before?
00:28:22Sometimes.
00:28:24I do.
00:28:26What now?
00:28:29No.
00:28:30Just...
00:28:31Just sometimes.
00:28:35Yes, I do.
00:28:39Such a lot, isn't there?
00:28:42In getting to know a person.
00:28:43Hmm.
00:28:49He was lithe and easy-limbed.
00:28:52His stride quietly casual.
00:28:54His eyes clear and confident.
00:28:57And his strong mouth ready to break into a relaxed, assured, lopsided grin.
00:29:06You know, Geoffrey, you have a really lopsided grin.
00:29:10Really?
00:29:11You know, lopsided.
00:29:13I don't think I have.
00:29:17It's in the eye of the beholder.
00:29:21See?
00:29:23Geoffrey doesn't need someone else when he's tying a knot.
00:29:26He holds it down with his little finger.
00:29:28It must be marvellous being a man.
00:29:33It's OK, I suppose.
00:29:35Men can do anything.
00:29:37Conquer Everest.
00:29:38Do heart transplants.
00:29:40Become leader of the opposition.
00:29:43Anything!
00:29:44Geoffrey, N-O spells no.
00:29:46It's good for your circulation, Beryl.
00:29:57Read any women's magazine.
00:29:59It's good for theirs, too.
00:30:01I'm not sure they recommend Percy Filth on Tuesdays.
00:30:04Well, I only see you on Tuesdays and Saturdays.
00:30:07All Saturdays.
00:30:10Beryl.
00:30:15Beryl.
00:30:16Oh, Geoffrey Bobble's bumble.
00:30:18Oh, Beryl.
00:30:19Oh, Geoffrey.
00:30:21Oh, Beryl!
00:30:22Are you all right?
00:30:23What exactly happened?
00:30:24Don't tell me.
00:30:26I just had a sharp achak of dramatic irony.
00:30:28Pardon?
00:30:34Come back.
00:30:35They're better.
00:30:36It's better.
00:30:37I'm OK.
00:30:41I told you, it's going to pour.
00:30:43It's not.
00:30:48Urgh.
00:30:48It's only the angels crying.
00:30:55I know how they feel.
00:30:58Well, don't blame me.
00:30:59I haven't done anything.
00:31:00That's true.
00:31:03That's not true, Beryl.
00:31:04I have apologised.
00:31:06I keep going down on me knees when I'm talking to you.
00:31:09Independent observers think I'm training to be a Cossack dancer.
00:31:12It must be a bad line.
00:31:13I can't hear you.
00:31:14You'd better apologise again.
00:31:16I apologise again.
00:31:20Gosh, this lousy line.
00:31:23I wonder if Geoffrey would like to come to tea on Sunday.
00:31:28Pardon?
00:31:29Pardon?
00:31:31Is that who I think it is?
00:31:34No, dear.
00:31:34Yeah.
00:31:34Well, isn't this nice?
00:31:51Sardine sandwich.
00:31:53Is it all sardine?
00:31:54Yeah.
00:31:56She's got her own trawler.
00:31:57Isn't it awful?
00:32:05What?
00:32:06I was speaking to Geoffrey.
00:32:08What's happening in the world?
00:32:09I blame the politicians.
00:32:11What for?
00:32:12For what's happening in the world.
00:32:14Is it some weirdos?
00:32:17Talk to her.
00:32:21I can't speak Portuguese.
00:32:23Tasty.
00:32:26They're in oil.
00:32:27Nice in oil.
00:32:28She's got a bad leg.
00:32:31The bread's extremely wholesome.
00:32:34I have this little baker down the road.
00:32:35He does something with the bleach.
00:32:40Yes.
00:32:40I can't do long conversations about sorting so much as your mind goes blank.
00:32:54Start thinking about life after death.
00:33:01Oh, that Neville, honestly.
00:33:04Number of hearts he must have broken.
00:33:06Every girl in Manchester, nearly.
00:33:07Geoffrey definitely has. Probably even more.
00:33:13Air hostesses. All sorts.
00:33:18Tell me about your terrible past, Geoffrey.
00:33:20I haven't had one yet.
00:33:22White man speak with forked tongue.
00:33:25Actually, I was hoping more for a terrible future.
00:33:33Wow, is that the time, at this moment in time?
00:33:36What have I done?
00:33:37Is Neville the insanely jealous type?
00:33:40Right in the slightest.
00:33:42You're lucky.
00:33:43Why, it's Geoffrey.
00:33:45Wow.
00:33:47You're not jealous of all my ex-flames, are you?
00:33:50Of course not.
00:33:51Why should I be?
00:33:52Please stop interrogating me, Geoffrey.
00:33:53Forget it.
00:33:54That's all in the past.
00:33:56That's all in the past.
00:33:58Then, nothing to be jealous about.
00:34:03Who needs drama?
00:34:04So I shouted back at her.
00:34:08No shop assistant shouts at me, I shouted.
00:34:10In the end, Neville nearly bolted me for swearing.
00:34:14He thumped you.
00:34:16Walloped you on.
00:34:18No.
00:34:19I said nearly.
00:34:20You never thumped me, will you?
00:34:25Like Neville does Sandra.
00:34:27She adores it.
00:34:29Of course not.
00:34:31No.
00:34:34Geoffrey, Percy Filth isn't the only thing in life.
00:34:37It isn't even one of the things in mine.
00:34:38You used to talk to me.
00:34:40All right.
00:34:41Let's talk.
00:34:46Geoffrey, I've just had the most super idea.
00:34:49Why?
00:34:49Is your mum going out?
00:34:53May as well pack in, really.
00:34:57Why?
00:34:59Why not?
00:35:03Good thinking.
00:35:10Thanks for a stimulating few weeks.
00:35:12You too.
00:35:13It was real.
00:35:14Psychedelic.
00:35:15You can keep me grateful dead, LP.
00:35:17I was scratched anyway.
00:35:19It's been a gasp.
00:35:21Groovy.
00:35:23I won't wave from the window.
00:35:25No, I won't look back anyway.
00:35:27Good.
00:35:28It's been a gasp.
00:35:29You've said that once.
00:35:40You're well-read, Beryl.
00:35:41There's plenty more fish in the sea.
00:35:45About three very lonely sardines.
00:35:50Mother, please don't try raising one eyebrow at me.
00:35:53You know you can't do it.
00:36:00You'll never thought of me, will you, Geoffrey?
00:36:03Ow!
00:36:04Beryl, I've just had the most super idea.
00:36:07Are we going to pass it now?
00:36:08No, we're going to pack it in.
00:36:10Don't say that.
00:36:11Please don't say that.
00:36:12That.
00:36:15Sandra.
00:36:16Sandra.
00:36:18You're Sandra.
00:36:19Mine.
00:36:23Two months.
00:36:24Two months, nine days.
00:36:28Is she positive?
00:36:30The test was.
00:36:31What are you going to do?
00:36:33She'll think of something.
00:36:35Sandra, it's stupendous.
00:36:39Congratulations.
00:36:40I hope you'll both be very happy.
00:36:42Oh, thanks, kid.
00:36:44Sandra, I don't know how you do it.
00:36:48Often.
00:36:48Good.
00:36:49Good.
00:37:11Good.
00:37:12Good.
00:37:13Good.
00:37:14Good.
00:37:14Good.
00:37:14John for Pope.
00:37:42Long may reign.
00:37:50Aren't you, er...
00:37:52Yeah.
00:37:54And you're, er...
00:37:56That's right.
00:37:58Going somewhere incredible.
00:38:00I'm meeting my parents. Taking them to see Fiddler on the roof.
00:38:03That's pretty incredible.
00:38:05Your mummy and daddy.
00:38:08Er...
00:38:10Oh hell no, that's tomorrow.
00:38:12If I'm in the mood.
00:38:16Where you are.
00:38:18Depends where you take me.
00:38:20All I was saying about your friend with the glasses...
00:38:32Roland.
00:38:34...is that I found him intellectually unaware and psychologically incredibly boring.
00:38:38It's not bad at snooker.
00:38:42And how are you and little Beryl?
00:38:44Didn't she tell you?
00:38:46I don't work there anymore.
00:38:48I packed her in.
00:38:50Did she turn you on?
00:39:00Beryl?
00:39:02Yeah.
00:39:04I haven't really looked.
00:39:08You've seen one.
00:39:10You've seen them all.
00:39:12Not quite all.
00:39:14I'll go and get me coat.
00:39:16It must be my birthday.
00:39:26Boys aren't the only thing in life, Beryl.
00:39:30I do wish you'd find one.
00:39:34They aren't all after Percy, Filth.
00:39:38Yes, they are.
00:39:40Mmm.
00:39:42Oh, you were terrific on the bus.
00:39:44Was I?
00:39:46Mmm.
00:39:48Terrific self-control.
00:39:50Joan of Arc never married yet she led a full and happy life.
00:39:56Or am I thinking of someone else?
00:39:58Mother, I don't happen to be interested in boys.
00:40:00I happen to be interested in having early nights
00:40:02and writing poetry in bed with me mo felt-tip pen.
00:40:05It's through a night of ink. I used it for me laundry list.
00:40:08My God, your generation's got a few things to answer for.
00:40:12Mmm. Mmm.
00:40:14Mmm, please. Mmm, don't.
00:40:17Please.
00:40:18You can't ravish a girl on her own doorstep.
00:40:22Well, let's go inside, then.
00:40:24Mmm.
00:40:26Smooth-talking bastard.
00:40:32It is me birthday.
00:40:36What about the boy with the freckles from Shakespeare Crescent?
00:40:39I don't believe that question.
00:40:41You used to be crazy about him.
00:40:43I was 11 years old.
00:40:45He used to let me choke on his tortoise.
00:40:47I was 11 years old.
00:40:48He used to let me choke on his tortoise.
00:40:50I was 11 years old.
00:40:52I do not drink a pill.
00:40:53I was 11 years old.
00:40:54I don't argue about three.
00:40:55I just took care of him.
00:40:56I don't know why he's ready to talk to me.
00:40:57I don't know why he was a sinner.
00:40:59I don't know why he had the feeling.
00:41:00I don't know why he didn't talk to me.
00:41:01Oh, I'd like to know you.
00:41:02I don't know why he didn't know me.
00:41:03He didn't call him.
00:41:04I don't know me a voice.
00:41:05what's your name again what's yours rock that's not your real name no
00:41:26Steven when I first met in the street I thought just a quiet drink and a chat
00:41:42shows you the art of conversation in dead don't move a muscle however gorgeous
00:41:56mm-hmm
00:42:19testing testing Jeffrey Milleup returns the day I wish you everything you've ever
00:42:24wished yourself
00:42:31I'm fed up
00:42:38who are you who are you
00:42:46what you fed up about teachers don't have to do homework
00:42:53no they just mark it anyone can mark it they've got the answers
00:43:00do you know it's after two
00:43:07two o'clock what's he doing here then
00:43:14well this is your uncle Steven this is my revolting brother Jeremy
00:43:22how'd you do
00:43:23don't me mum and dad know he's here Jeremy bed I could always wake them up and tell
00:43:28them
00:43:29me
00:43:30little boys need sleep
00:43:35even big astronauts
00:43:36do you know where babies come from
00:43:38do you
00:43:41say no
00:43:43no
00:43:44I do
00:43:45say yes
00:43:46shall I tell you
00:43:47he knows
00:43:48the man has this male organ and some blood cells and erectile glands and there's these
00:43:53500 million spermatozoas in these testes that he has as well and they go through his male organ into the female uterus that the lady has
00:44:00who told you that then they go to the fallopian tubes after that one of them fertilizes with the female egg the others don't bother anyway that's what you have to do then you have a baby
00:44:15did they teach you that at school they do woodwork in the next class people can only make babies at certain times of the year but animals like dogs and cats and giraffes I think do it all the time
00:44:29no
00:44:31no
00:44:32that's
00:44:33people
00:44:34what is
00:44:35well
00:44:36people do it all the time
00:44:40whenever they feel like it
00:44:45in the next class you can do metal work if you don't like woodwork
00:44:53good night Jeremy
00:44:5625p
00:44:5850
00:44:5950
00:45:0050
00:45:0250
00:45:12good night uncle Stephen
00:45:13would you care for a government health warning
00:45:32hey Veronica
00:45:34yes
00:45:35who the hell's uncle Stephen at 10 past 2 in the morning a friend of Jeremy's he's going now
00:45:44good night love
00:45:48we would have done that wouldn't we
00:45:49and how
00:45:54you can't win them all can you
00:45:56anyway do you good going without for a change
00:45:59still there's always another day
00:46:06tomorrow
00:46:07no
00:46:08tomorrow's another day
00:46:10shhh
00:46:11not unless you happen to be in Plymouth
00:46:14where
00:46:15i'm joining the wrens for three years
00:46:18what wrens
00:46:20what wrens
00:46:21the royal navy's wrens
00:46:26this time tomorrow i'll be in barracks with about 50 other girls and 30,000 sailors
00:46:30hope i like it
00:46:36well thanks for nearly everything
00:46:40we definitely would have done wouldn't we
00:46:42well obviously
00:46:43well we
00:46:44we're as good as dead
00:46:45in a way
00:46:46really
00:46:47almost
00:46:48just keep telling yourself and we will have
00:46:50only better
00:46:52good night love
00:46:54try our barrel
00:47:13good night
00:47:17morning
00:47:18previous generation
00:47:26what's for breakfast
00:47:31you knew it was your mother's birthday
00:47:33now what we'd like to know
00:47:34is where were you while we were fiddling on the flaming roof
00:47:37i'm sorry mum
00:47:38i'll take you out another night something cropped up
00:47:41like what
00:47:43dad
00:47:44you understand
00:47:47i don't jeffrey
00:47:49well you always say you do
00:47:51jeffrey you're at it every night
00:47:54yes dad
00:47:55and we don't complain
00:47:56no dad
00:47:57but last night was different
00:47:59i knew you'd understand
00:48:13i know
00:48:14i know
00:48:15i know
00:48:16i know
00:48:17i know
00:48:18i know
00:48:19i know
00:48:20i know
00:48:21i know
00:48:22i know
00:48:23i know
00:48:24i know
00:48:25i know
00:48:26i know
00:48:27i know
00:48:28i know
00:48:29i know
00:48:30i know
00:48:31i know
00:48:32i know
00:48:33i know
00:48:34i know
00:48:35i know
00:48:36i know
00:48:37i know
00:48:38i know
00:48:39i know
00:48:40i know
00:48:41i know
00:48:42i know
00:48:44i know
00:48:45i know
00:48:47i know
00:48:48i know
00:48:49i know
00:48:50i know
00:48:51i know
00:48:52i know
00:48:54i know
00:48:55i know
00:48:57hey lads
00:48:58i picked up a bit of spare last night
00:48:59who didn't
00:49:00no it's true
00:49:03yes jeffrey
00:49:04it is
00:49:05yes jeffrey
00:49:06bloody yes
00:49:16poor jeffrey
00:49:17beryl please
00:49:18it's neville's engagement party as well
00:49:20he had to invite him
00:49:22he'll see me
00:49:23it's cruel
00:49:24he'll see other girls
00:49:26i shan't take him back sandra
00:49:30i shan't
00:49:31it's been two weeks he may have got over you by now
00:49:34don't know much about men do you love
00:49:38it was doing him a kindness really finally splitting up
00:49:40he only had one ambition in life
00:49:42send my knickers to oxfam
00:49:44send my knickers to oxfam
00:49:46send my knickers to oxfam
00:49:48good job she hasn't joined the rent
00:49:50the entire navy had gone stride
00:49:52the entire navy had gone stride
00:49:54it was doing him a kindness really
00:49:56finally splitting up
00:49:58he only had one ambition in life
00:50:00send my knickers to oxfam
00:50:02send my knickers to oxfam
00:50:04good job she hasn't joined the rent
00:50:06the entire navy had gone stride
00:50:08i expect he's sorry now
00:50:10i won't even consider taking him back if he isn't
00:50:12she might have changed of course
00:50:14if she has i might let her have the old orgy now and again
00:50:16he's got to accept we've finally split up
00:50:18otherwise i definitely won't take him back
00:50:20well i'm certainly not making the first move
00:50:24at least i've got me pride
00:50:26i left with beryl baby
00:50:28oh hi
00:50:30didn't see you
00:50:32no nor me
00:50:34oh
00:50:36oh
00:50:38oh
00:50:40oh
00:50:42oh
00:50:44oh
00:50:46oh
00:50:48oh
00:50:50oh
00:50:52oh
00:50:54and how's manchester city doing without me cheering them on then
00:50:56united
00:50:58we're winning every game now
00:51:00oh
00:51:01good
00:51:02and what's new with jeffrey then
00:51:10er i asked you what was new with you
00:51:12did you
00:51:16did i say more
00:51:18pardon
00:51:20and how's beryl baby getting on then
00:51:22jeffrey i'm not all that ecstatic about you calling me beryl baby
00:51:26it isn't like you
00:51:28say that again
00:51:30beryl baby
00:51:32what's your name handsome
00:51:34you'll laugh
00:51:36everybody laughs
00:51:38it's the story of my life
00:51:40you tell it like it is chuck
00:51:42you tell it like it is chuck
00:51:50she's putting on an axe
00:51:52what do you care
00:51:54i don't have a baby
00:52:02is she going to get into bed with him now
00:52:04probably
00:52:06probably
00:52:10jeffrey always looks half asleep these days
00:52:12well
00:52:14it's very exhausting
00:52:16what is
00:52:18working in a bank
00:52:20oh
00:52:22i
00:52:24i
00:52:26had this bad scene
00:52:28this chick
00:52:30and decided to split
00:52:32so i
00:52:34cut out man
00:52:36like there's no tomorrow
00:52:38this cat
00:52:40gets it together where he's at man
00:52:44lots of beautiful bag baby
00:52:46so if you want a piece of the action
00:52:48don't cool it
00:52:50dig
00:52:56sorry i no understand english
00:53:06gesundheit
00:53:08i thought she'd only just been to bed with the other one
00:53:10she has
00:53:12she has
00:53:14then which is her husband
00:53:16neither
00:53:22it's warming up isn't it
00:53:32great beat isn't it
00:53:34great to dance to
00:53:40do you agree that life's an onion
00:53:42one
00:53:44if so what's death
00:53:46um
00:53:48a banana
00:53:50yes i expect it is when you think about it
00:53:54have you read schopenhauer's concept of existence
00:53:58um
00:54:00no
00:54:02but i've seen the film
00:54:04you married
00:54:06no
00:54:08grab yourself an adage
00:54:10marriage
00:54:12marriage is a cabbage
00:54:14are you a poet
00:54:16never ask the questions
00:54:18ask the answers
00:54:20you are a poet
00:54:22to any manager marks and spaces
00:54:24you are a poet
00:54:26you are a poet
00:54:28you are a poet
00:54:30no
00:54:32now he's taking his clothes off
00:54:34what's on itv
00:54:36this
00:54:38what's on bbc
00:54:40you are a poet
00:54:42casinova
00:54:44what's that like
00:54:46this
00:54:48oh come on now
00:54:50you know that's not where it's at
00:54:52let's get this
00:54:54what's the word
00:54:56clear
00:54:58clear let's get down to the real nitty-grittiesville
00:55:00okay
00:55:02well
00:55:10women's lip is not about burning brass
00:55:12papers
00:55:14yeah
00:55:16what papers
00:55:18a marriage certificate
00:55:20a dog's license
00:55:22whatever you prefer to call it
00:55:24Really basic? You want to be really basic?
00:55:28Utterly basic.
00:55:30Balls.
00:55:32Grass?
00:55:34Enid, when Sandra says every girl, she means most girls.
00:55:38Well, like herself. Not me, of course, because I incredibly value my independence.
00:55:43But most girls definitely want...
00:55:45Balls!
00:55:47If you can't conduct an intelligent conversation without recourse to...
00:55:50I'm not recourse to anything. I'm merely telling you what girls want.
00:55:54What?
00:55:55Balls!
00:55:56Oh!
00:55:57Would you please stop saying that?
00:55:59You believe in free love, right?
00:56:01Wrong! I believe in free everything, freedom from all male chauvinists, pig domination.
00:56:06Honestly, don't you understand?
00:56:08Excuse me, you've got your hand on me.
00:56:10If we're liberating society for the future, I'm sure.
00:56:12No, thank you.
00:56:13Excuse me, you've got your hand on me.
00:56:15No!
00:56:16Oh, sorry. Well, I'm sorry.
00:56:19It's all right.
00:56:20Oh, gee.
00:56:21It's a pleasure.
00:56:22Grass?
00:56:23Geoffrey, if not to.
00:56:25Why not?
00:56:26I said don't. You're not to smoke it.
00:56:37Oh, wow.
00:56:39We're as liberated as you, Enid.
00:56:41We've equal importance as individuals.
00:56:44Neither of us is boss.
00:56:45It just doesn't arise.
00:56:47We'll make some coffee, kid.
00:56:49Yes.
00:56:50You see, what we believe is...
00:56:51Now!
00:56:55You see...
00:56:56Where are one?
00:56:57I can see there's only one way to get through.
00:57:04What are you doing?
00:57:05Lighting everybody's fire.
00:57:07Burn my bra.
00:57:08Right.
00:57:09That's it.
00:57:10Finished.
00:57:11The end.
00:57:12Full stop.
00:57:13We've finally split up.
00:57:14Neville, Sandra wants you.
00:57:15I should imagine.
00:57:16Sad, isn't it?
00:57:17Pathetic.
00:57:18Well, I can't follow plays these days.
00:57:19It's just showing real life, that's all.
00:57:20I once thought I'd found her.
00:57:21It's just showing real life, that's all.
00:57:22I once thought I'd found her.
00:57:23It's just showing real life, that's all.
00:57:24It's just showing real life, that's all.
00:57:27I once thought I'd found her.
00:57:28Perfect girl.
00:57:29Red hair.
00:57:30Not too skinny.
00:57:31Mm-hm.
00:57:45It's...
00:57:46I once thought I'd found her.
00:57:47A perfect girl.
00:57:49Red hair.
00:57:50Not too skinny.
00:57:52Mm-hm.
00:57:53I once thought I'd found her.
00:57:55Not too skinny, very gentle and shy, passionate when roused.
00:58:04Yeah.
00:58:06She packed me in for picking my teeth with a matchstick.
00:58:09You're very sweet, Roland.
00:58:12I've always thought you were.
00:58:17Did you know you very nearly have a lopsided grin?
00:58:21It's just I'm a bit tired.
00:58:22No, it's nice.
00:58:25I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:50Oh, sorry.
00:58:50Do you know...
00:58:55What, Beryl?
00:58:56You can ask me anything.
00:58:59Do you know where Geoffrey's got to?
00:59:04He's upstairs, I think.
00:59:11Is it true they're dry on their own?
00:59:13Usually.
00:59:20Oh.
00:59:22I hate to be any trouble, but I think I'm dying.
00:59:25We'll be all right, honest.
00:59:27She said I shouldn't smoke it.
00:59:29Who?
00:59:30She said...
00:59:34Geoffrey.
00:59:35Geoffrey.
00:59:37Geoffrey.
00:59:39Geoffrey.
00:59:45Sorry.
00:59:52Geoffrey.
00:59:57Move up a bit, Geoffrey.
00:59:59Put your legs...
01:00:00That's better.
01:00:05It's because it's your first time, isn't it?
01:00:08Geoffrey.
01:00:09Geoffrey.
01:00:10Geoffrey.
01:00:11Geoffrey.
01:00:12Geoffrey.
01:00:13Geoffrey.
01:00:14Oh.
01:00:14Call Dr. Wise.
01:00:15Put a quillmslow road.
01:00:21It wasn't marijuana, you know.
01:00:26What was it then?
01:00:27Grass.
01:00:28Grass.
01:00:29Grass is marijuana.
01:00:31This grass wasn't.
01:00:34It was the real thing.
01:00:37From the front lawn.
01:00:38From the front lawn.
01:00:48Is that you, Beryl?
01:00:50Had a nice time, even though it's three o'clock in the morning?
01:00:58Not that I mind, if you've had a nice time, even though I've been in bed since ten, having a good night's worry.
01:01:08Did you see Geoffrey?
01:01:12That's good.
01:01:13Do you ever get the feeling you're trying too hard?
01:01:28I didn't try at all.
01:01:29Gave it to rest.
01:01:30I'm right off, birds.
01:01:31I am.
01:01:32I am.
01:01:33For good.
01:01:34Me too.
01:01:35And me.
01:01:36I am.
01:01:37I am.
01:01:38For good.
01:01:39Me too.
01:01:40And me.
01:01:41I am.
01:01:42I am.
01:01:43I am.
01:01:44I am.
01:01:45For good.
01:01:46Me too.
01:01:47And me.
01:01:49Good morning.
01:01:50Your mother would like to know if you have a reservation at this hotel.
01:01:54Can't I then.
01:01:55Good morning.
01:01:56Good morning.
01:01:57Your mother would like to know if you have a reservation at this hotel.
01:02:00Can't I then.
01:02:01Good morning.
01:02:02Good morning.
01:02:03Good morning.
01:02:04Good morning.
01:02:05Okay, great Pape.
01:02:06Keep going.
01:02:07Get out of the fire tonight.
01:02:09Good morning.
01:02:10Good morning.
01:02:11Your mother would like to know if you have a reservation at this hotel.
01:02:12Can't I then.
01:02:13Good morning.
01:02:14Your mother would like to know if you have a reservation at this hotel.
01:02:16Can't I then.
01:02:17Good night.
01:02:47Oh, Beryl, Beryl.
01:03:16Geoffrey.
01:03:19Can I rip your trousers off and have my way with you?
01:03:24Oh, Beryl.
01:03:27Oh, Geoffrey.
01:03:30Oh, God.
01:03:42Hello.
01:03:44Will you be required in the room again, sir?
01:03:48Because we're thinking of taking bookings for the next pop festival.
01:03:51You're a bugger.
01:03:54I don't know who he takes after.
01:03:57Hello?
01:04:04It's me.
01:04:06Who?
01:04:07My God, that's symbolic.
01:04:09Oh, hello, Beryl.
01:04:10I'm just ringing to tell you I never want to see you again.
01:04:13If you have a phone or call, please don't, because I shan't be in tonight or any other night.
01:04:17Anyway, tonight I'm helping me mum at the school jumble sale.
01:04:20We'll sail.
01:04:23邊 walking.
01:04:24British belly walking.
01:04:25Moving.
01:04:26Come on.
01:04:28Go on.
01:04:29Come on.
01:04:30Come on.
01:04:31Come on.
01:04:32Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
01:04:34He's a coming.
01:04:35Come on.
01:04:36Well.
01:04:37A small world.
01:04:52Good evening, Mrs. Battersby.
01:04:54I was looking for a nice lampshade.
01:04:57Oh?
01:04:59Probably this one.
01:05:01Definitely. Magic in satin.
01:05:03Oh, certainly, Geoffrey.
01:05:04Look, who's here in his nice crimson shoes?
01:05:11You'd like some nice fancy random paper, wouldn't you?
01:05:17I'm a child of the universe, Beryl. I have a right to be here.
01:05:20I'm afraid we don't sell marijuana on Sundays. Try the co-op.
01:05:23Beryl, listen.
01:05:23If you can smell burning, it's just that the vicar's been around burning his jockstrap.
01:05:26Beryl, listen.
01:05:27Can I help you, madam?
01:05:28Have you got that in another colour?
01:05:30No, madam.
01:05:31I'll leave it then.
01:05:34Listen to what, for heaven's sake?
01:05:43Don't matter.
01:05:45What doesn't?
01:05:46You wouldn't, anyway.
01:05:47Wouldn't what?
01:05:49Go to the match with me on Saturday.
01:05:52Me?
01:05:53A football match?
01:05:55With 40,000 skinheads and you?
01:05:58Told you.
01:06:00Who are they playing?
01:06:01Huddersfield Town.
01:06:08In the cot?
01:06:09I've always wanted to watch Huddersfield Town.
01:06:16The...
01:06:17The fourth from the bottom.
01:06:20Shows you.
01:06:23Away from home.
01:06:25They've won three, drawn five, and lost twelve.
01:06:28Drawing five.
01:06:34So what do you think?
01:06:37I think I nearly love you.
01:06:38Yeah.
01:06:38Never mind, it's only a game.
01:07:03Never mind, it's only a game.
01:07:05I thought you said you nearly loved me.
01:07:13No!
01:07:15Yeah!
01:07:16I don't recall Grace Kelly enticing Prince Rainier by going to watch United.
01:07:21I may be wrong.
01:07:22Grace who?
01:07:24We live in a permissive society, Beryl.
01:07:26Read any colour supplement.
01:07:28Mother, you're supposed to be my mother.
01:07:30I am, love.
01:07:31And it wasn't through going to football matches.
01:07:34You are the same mother that makes me tug my skirt down every time I stand up, even if he's only on the phone.
01:07:39Yes, well, boys are very safe.
01:07:42And I am your mother.
01:07:44That's what I said.
01:07:47I don't mean permissive permissive.
01:07:51Let's see.
01:07:52Romantic.
01:07:55Pardon?
01:07:56Kissing, cuddling.
01:07:58Things of that nature.
01:07:59Oh, we do.
01:08:03Do what?
01:08:04What you just said.
01:08:06Good.
01:08:07Not too much, I hope.
01:08:09Oh, God.
01:08:10Boys are very funny.
01:08:12They're novices compared to mothers.
01:08:18Did I tell you that two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains?
01:08:23Oh.
01:08:23Two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains.
01:08:31Fantastic.
01:08:33The cowgills.
01:08:40Mr. and Mrs. Cowgill.
01:08:42Married couple.
01:08:45Newlyweds.
01:08:45Not long married.
01:08:47Yes.
01:08:47Not long married.
01:08:48You go bald doing that.
01:08:50Doing what?
01:08:52Doing what?
01:09:04I'll tell you, 28 stockbrokers have moved into the office opposite with the dirty curtains.
01:09:09Living in sin.
01:09:10Can you say one single sentence without the word marriage in it?
01:09:21If I said to you, do you think Cassius Clay would have beaten Rocky Marciano, would you say what's it matter so long as they're happily married?
01:09:28I don't think so.
01:09:31A barrel would.
01:09:35Giving you a bad time, is she?
01:09:38Oh.
01:09:39I wouldn't say that.
01:09:43I haven't even mentioned the word.
01:09:46What word?
01:09:47Goodness me, a single person can have a relationship with another single person without everyone thinking she's automatically...
01:09:53I never said you were.
01:09:54You think it.
01:09:55All right, Geoffrey.
01:10:10I hereby promise never to utter the word again.
01:10:15Marriage?
01:10:16Never.
01:10:19Well, until I am.
01:10:20If I ever do.
01:10:22Which I fervently hope I never will.
01:10:23For someone who's not uttering something, when's your old pee coming out?
01:10:31No two people have a divine right to happiness, Geoffrey.
01:10:34You mustn't feel guilty about me.
01:10:38Sorry.
01:10:40No one can say you've completely ruined me life.
01:10:44Not yet.
01:10:44What are you staring at?
01:10:55Hello?
01:10:56You all right, son?
01:10:57Terrific.
01:10:58Why did you throw your sponge pudding at the cat, then?
01:11:01Your mother's theory is you're overworking.
01:11:04Hmm.
01:11:05My theory is you're overdoing it with some dolly bird.
01:11:08Oh.
01:11:08What's your theory?
01:11:10Indigestion.
01:11:12Oh.
01:11:14What's yours, Sundance?
01:11:17Hasn't he said anything at all?
01:11:19He has said one thing.
01:11:21Oh, what's that?
01:11:21If God had meant sardines to be in oil, it had given them dipsticks.
01:11:24All right.
01:11:27The weeks and months drag by, and with neither side willing to compromise, we still have deadlock.
01:11:35Her Majesty's government have consistently tried to find a way out of this dilemma.
01:11:39Another wild night learning what N.O. spells and how many of us school pals are getting married.
01:11:44And what N.O. spells.
01:11:46And what N.O. spells.
01:11:48Great.
01:11:49I might as well go bald and open me own monastery.
01:11:52And so, society, that's you and me, says, end this dispute.
01:11:58End it now.
01:12:00Good night.
01:12:01Hear, hear.
01:12:03Good, weren't he?
01:12:04Terrific.
01:12:05Especially when he said good night.
01:12:07We're just enjoying ourselves.
01:12:10Having a good time.
01:12:12Just having fun.
01:12:14Being happy.
01:12:16Take two a day, after meals, and one if you find yourself crying your heart out again in the middle of a zebra crossing for no reason at all.
01:12:27You're sure this has nothing to do with a boyfriend?
01:12:29Absolutely positive.
01:12:33That was the first film we ever saw together.
01:12:37Make that three a day, after meals.
01:12:49Look, Beryl, how's this for a peace plan?
01:12:52You join a marriage bureau, and I'll get a job on the stage.
01:12:56Twice nightly in Denmark.
01:12:57Then we'll both be happy.
01:12:59Right?
01:13:00Right.
01:13:01Good Jesus Christ, superstar.
01:13:03Amen.
01:13:05Oh, hell.
01:13:07Hands up again.
01:13:08See you tomorrow.
01:13:10Where do you think you're going?
01:13:11Geoffrey, I'll get the sack.
01:13:18It's important.
01:13:21What is?
01:13:24I keep asking you what is.
01:13:28What is?
01:13:30To be on our own.
01:13:32What?
01:13:33What?
01:13:34So as we can talk.
01:13:36What?
01:13:37That old speech worked out on the bus this morning.
01:13:47The only bit I can remember is, and that's what I think.
01:13:51Last night I dreamt I was in goal for Manchester United, and Grace Kelly kicked nine goals past me.
01:13:56Grace who?
01:13:57She was playing for United as well.
01:13:59Well, weird, isn't it?
01:14:09The main thing is, we do communicate.
01:14:14Oh, we do.
01:14:24See what face...
01:14:24See what I think...
01:14:26Go on.
01:14:27No, you.
01:14:27Mine wasn't important.
01:14:29Her mum wasn't.
01:14:41Beryl?
01:14:45Are you...
01:14:46Happy?
01:14:49Of course.
01:14:51Very.
01:14:53I am.
01:14:55No one is every second of every minute of every day.
01:14:58Do you think it's because we love each other, do you think?
01:15:17Probably.
01:15:18I've not actually said the words often.
01:15:20Well, not in so many words.
01:15:22Mostly in words to that effect.
01:15:38Is there anything you don't love about me?
01:15:42No.
01:15:43I don't think so.
01:15:44Honestly, no.
01:15:45Nothing.
01:15:46If there is, you just tell me and I'll stop doing it.
01:15:49If there isn't anything.
01:15:50Honest.
01:15:51Good.
01:15:54It wouldn't upset me.
01:15:55It'd just make me a better human being to deserve your love.
01:16:03Like, you know,
01:16:06crimson shoes and bottle green socks.
01:16:08Well, you don't wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks, Beryl.
01:16:13If I did, I'd stop.
01:16:15To please you.
01:16:20I see.
01:16:20There's no need to be sensitive, Geoffrey.
01:16:27In a meaningful relationship, you must like even what you don't.
01:16:33Your mother.
01:16:34Pardon?
01:16:34I like your mother.
01:16:35Please don't sulk, Geoffrey.
01:16:37Hand her lampshades.
01:16:38Sulking isn't the most endearing quality in a person.
01:16:42Well, you ought to know.
01:16:43You've almost made it an art form.
01:16:45Anything else at random?
01:16:47You've got 24 hours to spare.
01:16:48After all, I'm no Bridget Bardot.
01:16:51According to reliable sources in Saint-Tropez,
01:16:53she's 105 next birthday.
01:16:54Over 98% of the male population of Manchester and Salford
01:16:57can tell the difference between Bridget Bardot and Beryl Battersby.
01:17:00Ask any opinion poll.
01:17:02I'm much fatter for a start.
01:17:04You're not all that fat, Beryl.
01:17:05I am.
01:17:06Start slimming.
01:17:07Men like something to get hold of.
01:17:09If they're allowed to get hold of it.
01:17:11You always succeed in getting back to Percy Filth in the end, don't you?
01:17:14Always.
01:17:14No, I don't, Beryl.
01:17:16You do.
01:17:16I always fail.
01:17:17Do you know what some girls find extremely likeable?
01:17:20The extremely likeable way some boys stare at every girl they see.
01:17:23Boys like it when girls tell them what N-O spells.
01:17:26Especially for the 600th time.
01:17:28That they really dig.
01:17:29You never say dig.
01:17:31I did then.
01:17:33Your passionate, unrequited love for 11 boring men kicking a ball about.
01:17:37That's really lovable.
01:17:39I never knew you thought that.
01:17:42Neither did I.
01:17:44Do now, though.
01:17:45I used to say dig before I met you.
01:17:59I used to say all sorts of things.
01:18:05There's a lot about me I can't even remember.
01:18:07Thinking what I'm thinking?
01:18:30I think so.
01:18:35We just don't like each other.
01:18:38At all.
01:18:51Oh, goodbye, then.
01:18:53Good luck.
01:18:55Peace, man.
01:18:56St Anne's Square.
01:19:01St Anne's Square, please.
01:19:12So that just leaves a cot,
01:19:15two matinee coats,
01:19:17two romper suits,
01:19:19and what else do I need?
01:19:22Oh, yes, a ring.
01:19:24Teething ring?
01:19:26Wedding ring?
01:19:27Of course.
01:19:28Oh, they have gorgeous plans in the shops these days.
01:19:32No wonder everyone's at it.
01:19:35Oh, sorry.
01:19:37What about?
01:19:38Skip it.
01:19:40About time, too.
01:19:42With her sympathy.
01:19:43Not that I need any, actually.
01:19:45I've never been as happy in me life.
01:19:47But she doesn't know that.
01:19:49If I'm looking miserable, Sandra,
01:19:51it's because I'm feeling happy for you.
01:19:54Yeah.
01:19:54Yeah.
01:19:56We know what you must be thinking.
01:19:59Of course we do.
01:20:01How to pop the pink without going in and off.
01:20:08Peace.
01:20:11She used to wear pink, you know.
01:20:13I won't tell you where.
01:20:14A hell of a lot more where hers came from.
01:20:19Wow.
01:20:24Did you want the chalk, Geoffrey?
01:20:26I know.
01:20:27Spells no.
01:20:30Super day for it.
01:20:33Sin being inside a day like this.
01:20:35Well, Sandra, this is it.
01:20:39Yep.
01:20:40The big day.
01:20:42Yep.
01:20:43Coming to the crutch.
01:20:44Crunch.
01:20:46I dare say it'll hardly break my heart in the slightest seeing him again.
01:20:51You mustn't think I'll be crying inside because I most definitely won't be.
01:20:54And what's more, no one will know that I am.
01:20:58Because I shan't.
01:20:59Truly.
01:21:02Sandra, please, you've enough to think of.
01:21:08It's a big day for you as well, really, isn't it?
01:21:10And now one of the bride and groom on their own.
01:21:19Do you mind stepping back, sir?
01:21:21Fine.
01:21:22This is fine enough.
01:21:23Here?
01:21:23About there, lovely.
01:21:25You can kiss the bride on this one, sir.
01:21:28Wow.
01:21:28Official permission to actually kiss her.
01:21:32Ow!
01:21:33Oh, sorry.
01:21:36That's right.
01:21:37Hold it.
01:21:39Lovely.
01:21:40Right, now, a nice family group of the parents, please.
01:21:43Funny.
01:21:44I remember the Friday lunchtime we first met.
01:21:48How have you been?
01:21:50Absolutely great.
01:21:52You?
01:21:53Never better.
01:21:54Ever.
01:21:58It's all over now.
01:21:59Bar the salmon salad.
01:22:02It's tuna fish.
01:22:04It's life.
01:22:05It's wonderful.
01:22:05It's good.
01:22:06I've got a
01:22:08nice and healthybetween.
01:22:12See, President.
01:22:12Nixon went to China, then.
01:22:15That was before we ever met.
01:22:17I know.
01:22:17Why? Has something happened about it?
01:22:20No. Could I trouble you for the salad cream, please?
01:22:26Speaking personally, I think there are enough problems to sort out on Earth without going to the moon.
01:22:32Nixon.
01:22:33Why is he going?
01:22:35No.
01:22:37The astronauts.
01:22:38Oh.
01:22:40It's the wives and sweethearts I feel sorry for.
01:22:43We never really talked, did we, about things that matter?
01:22:49Good, isn't it? Shows we're friends.
01:22:52Now that we know we don't like each other.
01:22:54Everybody thinks we're broken-hearted.
01:23:01We've really grown up, haven't we?
01:23:03My mother's convinced herself we split up because we had too much Percy filth.
01:23:06I'm right off it, meself.
01:23:08I've been able to walk off buses perfectly normally for the past few weeks.
01:23:12Aw.
01:23:13I expect it's only temporary.
01:23:15I hope not.
01:23:16It's marvellous.
01:23:17Good.
01:23:19I don't fancy you in the slightest now.
01:23:21Thank you, love.
01:23:26Still off the food, I noticed.
01:23:32And we've learned a fantastic amount for the future.
01:23:34Fantastic.
01:23:35For example, say I finally did marry someone like you.
01:23:38Only someone I love.
01:23:39I bet I'd now let him wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks every night.
01:23:45In bed a bit.
01:23:46And you'll probably meet some little fatty who's never even heard of Kenny Warhol and marry her three days later.
01:23:58We probably won't see each other at all now, we're pals.
01:24:01I expect you're going to the match this afternoon.
01:24:03Oh, yeah.
01:24:05I'm helping Sandra Packer go in a way case.
01:24:07Where's she going?
01:24:08Hospital.
01:24:13Well, we'll bump into each other sometime.
01:24:15We'll bump into each other sometime.
01:24:45Hello Mrs. Battersby. You won't remember me. Good afternoon, Geoffrey.
01:25:03Is Beryl there, please? She's gone to the football match.
01:25:11There is no football. It's cricket now. Well, it's the same thing, isn't it?
01:25:38Hi!
01:25:41When's the kick-off? In about three months. Football season's over now, Beryl.
01:25:47Well, what on earth did you want to come for?
01:25:51I forgot. I'm not all that interested these days.
01:25:56Where will you go now, then? I don't know.
01:26:00I could always go inside and practise booing for next season.
01:26:06Where will you?
01:26:10Might go and get a new pair of tights.
01:26:12Hey, it's like the countryside, isn't it, when it's empty?
01:26:16Fancy a stroll in the country?
01:26:18May as well, if you like. Don't mind. Why not?
01:26:22Just as friends. Oh, I meant just as friends.
01:26:26Yeah, I did.
01:26:28I wish we had a ball.
01:26:38I could play shooting in.
01:26:42You could go in goal.
01:26:48Amazing how people change, isn't it?
01:26:50Well, we're certainly much happier without each other.
01:27:06We'll be even happier with someone else.
01:27:10Anyone, really.
01:27:12They're all about to buy the 만.
01:27:14They won't go out to be.
01:27:15All about to buy the 만.
01:27:16They don't go without to buy the 만, go back to buy the 만.
01:27:18How can they do?
01:27:19Well, we can't afford to buy the 만.
01:27:20How can they do that?
01:27:21How can they do that?
01:27:22Well, we're certainly much happier without each other.
01:27:23We'll be even happier with someone else.
01:27:24Anyone, really.
01:27:26There's millions to choose from.
01:27:29All nearly exactly right for us.
01:27:31You'll find someone, Jeff, not to pay for this.
01:27:41You'll find someone, Geoffrey.
01:27:44You will, Beryl.
01:27:46Just a matter of keeping your eyes open, really.
01:27:49Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:11And you'll find sometimes,
01:28:32Love and rainy weather can turn out fine.
01:28:37Getting wet together's fun when the crying's dark.
01:28:47Love and rainy weather are followed by the sun.
01:28:57Love and rainy weather.
01:29:01Love and rainy weather.
01:29:05Love and rainy weather.
01:29:07We'll decide our final time when the crying's dark.
01:29:09Love and rainy weather.
01:29:11Love and rainy weather are followed by the sun.
01:29:23A rainy weather, ah!

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