- 8 months ago
- #comedy
Category
✨
PeopleTranscript
00:00I'm ready, we're ready, we're ready, eddy, eddy, go!
00:12Deep, deep down in the bottom of the sea
00:27Water, water, oh, water, water
00:29Where the fishes swim around, that's where I wanna be
00:33Water, water, oh, water, water
00:35Oh, how I wish you were 10,000 miles deep
00:38With silver, silver, silver flippers on our feet
00:41And we can flip-flop, scuba-bop, shake it, baby
00:44Just don't stop, bikini bottom
00:46There's no other place that I'd rather go
00:50I just want flogging around in the ocean, whoa
00:56This is even better than a TV show
01:02With like, shock, shock, shock, shock, shock, shock, go
01:05And we flip-flop, scuba-bop, shake it, baby
01:08Just don't stop, bikini bottom
01:10And we flip-flop, scuba-bop, shake it, baby
01:14Just don't stop, bikini bottom
01:16Best thing about working fast food is I get to eat anything I want off the menu
01:27Anytime I want, for free
01:30Mm, mm, mm, mm
01:31I can tell SpongeBob made this with love
01:34You did a good job, Sponge
01:35I love the two pickles and the smiley face
01:37Mm, mm
01:38Oh, Poseidon, why is she so thick?
01:43I can see it from the front
01:43It's poking out from the sides, ooh
01:46I don't know if it's supposed to be appealing
01:47Or it's supposed to be the new replacement for airbags
01:50Either or, it's kind of intimidating me
01:52Um, let me get a Krabby Patty without mayo, please
01:56I gotta watch my figure
01:58Hello?
02:05Are you gonna take my order, sir?
02:07Shawty, you see me eating, right?
02:09Do I go to your job at a strip club where you're taking a break and be like
02:11Hey, stop eating, give me a lap dance right now
02:14No, I don't do that
02:15So come back in about 10, 15 minutes, please, and thank you
02:18Bitch, I don't work at no strip club
02:21You sexist, misogynistic, jerk-ass, punk-ass, dirty-ass, bum-ass
02:26My bad
02:27I meant escort
02:29Why do you keep assuming my accotapation is demeaning?
02:32What?
02:33What was that word you-
02:34Never mind
02:34So you for real asking me that?
02:36Look at your body
02:37Bobby Dawes got less plastic than you do
02:39Like, do you just stand outside with a net and catch all the plastic and they get polluted down here
02:44Just take it to a surgeon and tell them put it in your body?
02:47So, because I got big triple Z titties
02:50Big-ass, thick-fass
02:52You saying I can't be a doctor or a teacher or a lawyer?
02:55I gotta show off my body like I'm an object
02:57Okay, okay, okay
02:59You right
02:59My bad
03:00I ain't trying to get counsel to nothing
03:01This new generation be so sensitive
03:03I can't-
03:04I can't say nothing
03:05Niggas can't even take a joke
03:06What you do for a living?
03:08Well, first of all, I'm a bartender
03:10I got this one move called a tipper
03:12It's when I put the mud between my chest and pour alcohol in it
03:16And I give it to the customer
03:18I don't know why, but men always tip when I do it
03:22So, that's why I call it the tipper
03:24That's why you call it the tipper
03:27You got no idea why they tip you, huh?
03:30Somebody looks up
03:31You ain't gonna leave me to enjoy the rest of my break anytime soon
03:34So, I guess I'll just starve then
03:37It's cool
03:38Yep, fuck it
03:39Welcome to the galley grub
03:41Where apparently we got some of the rudest customers ever
03:43What can I get your balloon animal built ass?
03:46Looking like a clown just blew you up and made you for a party trick
03:49What do you want, little boy?
03:51I want a big titty ho
03:52Look at the ass
03:53So disgusting
03:57Let me get a Krabby Patty with no mayo
04:00Okay, one Krabby Patty, no mayo
04:02Would you like fries with that?
04:04Mmm, I don't know
04:06It's gonna go straight to my thighs
04:07Mmm, okay, the thighs that already got like 50 pounds on each of them
04:12Let me ask you
04:13How does it all fit in them jeans?
04:15Like, that's not me trying to be slick, which I am
04:17It's really just me being very curious at how you do it
04:20Do your jeans get specially made?
04:22Like, do you have to go to a tailor?
04:24Or nah, he gotta come to your ass
04:26It's probably a house order
04:27You measure your lower body and just sew the jeans over you in the morning while you sleep
04:31How you get them off?
04:33If you bent over right now, what's gonna happen?
04:35Your pants just gonna rip over like Spongebob?
04:36You gotta walk with your legs like parallel or like at an angle
04:40Oh my god
04:41Why are you making this such a big deal?
04:44Like, I'm thick, honey
04:45And you act like you ain't ever seen a big-ass booty before
04:48Nah, I seen some big-ass booties
04:50Trust me
04:51But your big-ass booty on a whole new big-ass scale
04:53Like, you need probably two scales just to weigh that motherfucker
04:56Yeah, I know
04:57More cake than a bakery, though
04:59Can you please, please finish taking my order?
05:02Me and Stevie Wonder about to go play laser tag
05:04Damn
05:05Um, okay
05:06Well, did you want the fries or not?
05:08You don't want something about
05:09It's gonna go straight to my overly thick-ass thick-thick thighs
05:12No, no, no fries
05:14Forget the fries
05:14Well, you know, actually, you know what?
05:17Yeah, yeah
05:18Let me, let me get a small order
05:20Oh, no
05:21Your poor thighs
05:22What you gonna drink with this order, ma'am?
05:26Mmm, can I get just a water, please?
05:29Water?
05:30You want water?
05:31Like, we don't live surrounded
05:33You can just go outside
05:36Get a cup
05:37And swing that bitch through the air
05:38Honestly
05:39But okay
05:39I guess we'll just pour you a glass of water
05:42From the sink
05:43Hey, sketchy
05:44Let me get a crappy patty with no mayo
05:46And a small order of fries
05:47Oh, yeah, tap water
05:49Yeah, you heard me right
05:50This lady want tap water
05:52He gonna get that ready for you, ma'am
05:54While we wait, though
05:54You got a nigga or something
05:57What's up?
05:57Man, tap water
05:59Her ass trying to die
06:00Yeah
06:01That's a dangerous fish right there
06:03Hey, you need to watch out
06:04What you talking to up there, bruh
06:05I don't trust her
06:06I know she thick in the waist
06:07But she small in the brain
06:09Excuse me, you don't trust me?
06:11I don't trust you
06:12With the mountains of big ass shit turds on your head
06:15Nigga, don't say nothing to me
06:17Anyways
06:17Small balls
06:20Ooh
06:20Anyways
06:22You're sweet
06:23But I'm in a committed relationship with my work
06:26So
06:26With bartending?
06:28You dedicating your life to pouring drinks
06:30In your titties
06:31Oh, I'm sorry
06:32The tipper
06:33Do they limit what you can do on a daily basis?
06:35Like, can you even do a push-up with them things?
06:38Would they break your fall?
06:39Like, if you fall forward
06:40They gonna bounce you back up to your feet?
06:42Trampoline, just this
06:43Let's not take a L
06:45But tonight I bounce back
06:46Built that, girl
06:47What's up, buddy?
06:49I'ma just stop talking to you
06:50Ooh, he call me a big pair
06:52He
06:52Period
06:54Ooh, I look good
06:55Mmm
06:56Now I don't need to add no more to my ass
06:59It's big enough, yeah
07:00Oh, for real
07:01I know he gonna call me back after this pic
07:03I'm
07:03All on it
07:05Oh, my God
07:06Ooh, did my PB long go
07:08Hold on
07:09Yep
07:10Hit this angle, too
07:12I'll be snuckin' them backwards
07:15Yeah
07:17Okay
07:18Yep
07:20Get outta here
07:21Oh, I see you one of them type females, huh?
07:26What's your favorite filter?
07:27Is it the one with the hearts?
07:29I know it's the one with the hearts
07:30Hey, don't forget your chest in the picture, too
07:32Now, you can ignore me all you want
07:35But I hear you hear me hear you
07:37Hear me sayin'
07:38that I hear you
07:40hearing me. Okay?
07:42Is my food ready yet? Damn,
07:44I got places to be. Man, come
07:46yo, it's a hot girl summer looking at her down.
07:48The only thing hot is your breath, girl.
07:51I bet if you look through your playlist, you got a whole
07:52bunch of Meg Thee Stallion,
07:54City Girls, Nicki Minaj, Cardi B,
07:57maybe a little Doja Cat.
07:59Let me just ask him if it's ready yet.
08:00Uh, hey, Sketch, what's the ETA on that
08:02food? Shout out to getting real impatient.
08:05Everything a part of her is
08:06expanded. Except for her
08:08patience.
08:10Ah, Sketch, why you ain't answering
08:12me? Oh, that's right.
08:15Your voice actor walked
08:16out of the room. Hmm, damn.
08:19I miss hearing him.
08:20My shifts be feeling longer and longer
08:22without him here. Man,
08:24my bad, I'm back. I had to go make a
08:26play in the back. You know what I mean?
08:28Somebody came
08:29on a gram. Yeah!
08:3320 minutes!
08:34A little longer than a few
08:36minutes later. Hey!
08:38Damn! Sketch, you play too much, man.
08:41All right.
08:42Here go your food, Ms. Dickums.
08:44Um, where's my water?
08:47Ah! Hey!
08:48Chill out, man.
08:49Here you go. Go ahead and enjoy that.
08:52Mm-hmm.
08:53Let me check and make sure y'all got everything right.
08:56Mm-hmm.
08:57Ew, why you look so fake?
09:00Fake?
09:01Mm-hmm.
09:01It's crazy.
09:02It's just the world of the day, ain't it?
09:04What you mean fake?
09:05It's a Krabby Patty.
09:06That's the closest thing to real food you're gonna find around here.
09:09Mm-hmm.
09:11It's like
09:12artificial or something.
09:14Mm-hmm.
09:16Don't y'all know real is better?
09:18It really do be better.
09:20I mean, ain't nothing wrong with fake either.
09:22Right. Nothing wrong with fake at all, because you really pay for it. It don't even matter.
09:26Sometimes fake has its own beauty and its own way, you know?
09:29Fake patties need some love, too.
09:30But real is special and rare.
09:32It's very sexy when the real patties got their own believable jiggle.
09:37Are we still talking about the food, or are you talking about my ass?
09:39I'm definitely talking about that ass. I'm sorry.
09:42Like, do you need to lower the seat adjustment in your boat, because it's like a booster seat back there?
09:47I know you'd be tall as hell on the steering wheel.
09:51Do you have to lay on your side when you sleeping, just not to be elevated?
09:55Because I know it's like you're sleeping with a pillow under your...
09:58If a tree fall in the woods, and nobody's around to hear it, does it still make noise?
10:05Nah, because like, nah, you doing too much.
10:07And that's like me constantly asking about your fathead ass, or how them glasses cover about 60% of your motherfucking face,
10:15or how your lips look like you did that shot glass challenge, because you just want it full of lips.
10:20Oh, yeah, that's funny. I know. You ain't the first person to say this stuff.
10:24Y'all need to come up with more clever jokes before you decide to come at me.
10:27I bet you gonna comment on how my mustache is, too, huh?
10:30Or why I only got pupils when I take off my glasses, or how my fin is covered by the brim of my hat.
10:35Yeah, I know, I read the comments.
10:36You can say whatever you want, baby girl.
10:38But at least everything about me real. Ain't no plastic ever touch my body.
10:42I mean, unless you want to change that.
10:45I'm willing for change. What did Obama say? Change.
10:47That's it. I've been objectified enough.
10:50I'm leaving, and you guys is gonna get a horrible kelp review.
10:54I'm glad you said that word right.
10:56Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
10:58Before you leave, what bar you work at?
10:59I kind of want to see the tipper.
11:01It got me a little curious.
11:02I want to...
11:03It's called Bottoms Up.
11:05It's down Fishnet Drive.
11:06I work from 8 p.m. to 7 a.m.
11:09So bring your money.
11:11Goddamn, girl.
11:11That's a long ass shoe.
11:13I just might.
11:14By just might, I mean I will.
11:16Be careful on your way out.
11:18Make sure you open both of them doors.
11:20I don't think that cake gonna fit through one of them.
11:22It's all so windy outside.
11:24Don't fly away like a plastic bag.
11:26You know what?
11:28Some of the best things in life are plastic.
11:30Credit cards.
11:32Uh, condoms.
11:40Man, I can't stand this dumb bullshit ass job, man.
11:42He needs to get my ass a raise.
11:44Got me sweating back here like a black girl on OnlyFans.
11:46I know I can soak the shit back up, but this is fucked up, nigga.
11:49Yo, Pat, what you doing out here, bruh?
11:51True, you already know.
11:52Just trying to get some of them free burgers.
11:55But yo, I'm gonna start my diet tomorrow, though.
11:57Nigga, please.
11:57Fuck you talking about starting a diet.
11:59That's what your fat pink ass said to me yesterday.
12:01True, true.
12:02But that was after midnight.
12:04But yo, what's up with you and Sandy, though?
12:06Man, that's a tough nut to crack, you know what I'm saying?
12:08And she always got that dumb ass bowl around her head.
12:11Why do you think that shit always got flowers going around in this shit?
12:13That shit dirty as fuck.
12:14Hold up, hold up.
12:15I know I'm not seeing what I'm thinking.
12:17I'm thinking I'm seeing.
12:18What are y'all niggas having a circle jerk over here in the back kitchen or something?
12:21You gotta work, my nigg.
12:22And what's all that chitty-chat I'm hearing about you giving a nigga free burgers?
12:25You got me fucked up.
12:25Can you guys shut the fuck up?
12:27Yo, Bobby, I need two crappy patties, no pickles, no onions, no bustards, no ketchup.
12:33The fuck this look like Burger King?
12:35First of all, why isn't this motherfucker back here flipping burgers?
12:38This nigga got six arms.
12:39And it don't take four of them to walk,
12:41but I bet it takes six of them bitches that balance that big ass nose that you got hanging from your face.
12:45And who the hell plays clarinet, my boy?
12:47I know a bitch named Clare Renee.
12:49All right, you know what?
12:50Fuck this.
12:51Bobby, you fired, nigga.
12:52Oh, I'm fired?
12:53Word, I'm about to tweet out your secret formula.
12:55Oh, and you know your daughter Pearl?
12:57Yeah, I hit that.
12:58What?
12:59Oh!
13:00Hold up, hold up.
13:01She said she was 19, y'all.
13:04Damn.
13:05Hold up right there, Sensei.
13:06I'm gonna shoot my shot real quick.
13:07Hey, what's up, little sexy mamas?
13:10I was just passing by and noticed y'all too sunbathing, you know what I'm saying?
13:13But y'all sunbathing without the lotion?
13:16Oh, no, that's not good for the scales.
13:19Why don't y'all just, uh, let me rub that lotion on you?
13:23Ah!
13:26Oh, y'all Japanese, huh?
13:27Mmm.
13:28Me love you long time, huh?
13:30How about that?
13:30How about y'all just both roll up with me, make a little sushi together, you know what I'm saying?
13:34Tutsun, they don't speak English.
13:36They're not understanding the word you're saying.
13:38Uh, so, what should I say?
13:40Come here.
13:41Say exactly what I'm telling you.
13:43That's it.
13:44Okay.
13:45Mm-hmm.
13:46Oh.
13:47Okay, all right.
13:48Hey, hey, sexy ladies.
13:50Uh,
13:51Wa-wa-tachi-wa-chisana-wa-ina-o-mate-ite-josei-no-fuku-o-kiru-no-ga-daisu-kirisu.
14:05Yeah.
14:06Sensei, it worked.
14:07They laughing.
14:08Of course they are.
14:09Remember, if they laugh at your jokes, then they will most definitely moan to your strokes.
14:15Ha-ha.
14:16Ha.
14:17Huh.
14:18Uh, okay.
14:19Facts.
14:19Okay, yeah.
14:20Hey, wait.
14:21Wait, where y'all going?
14:23Hey, I thought we had a little connection thing going on.
14:26What happened, Sensei?
14:27Why they walking away?
14:28Ah, they must be the stuck-up kind.
14:31Hmm.
14:31What a shame.
14:32Not my type anyways.
14:34Um, so where does one go to pick up?
14:37You know, like, what type of girls interests you?
14:39Ah, now you're asking the right questions, Tutsun.
14:43Follow me.
14:44Let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go.
14:45Uh, what the hell?
14:52Why are we here?
14:53For the lovely woman, Tutsun.
14:55For the lovely woman.
14:57Man, this place is full of lovely old ladies.
14:59Why are we here?
15:01Older woman are Poseidon's gift to fish kind.
15:04They move more mature and more experienced.
15:08They know how to treat a man or a fish man.
15:11Hello, Miss Do-Fi.
15:13How you doing today?
15:14Huh?
15:14I said, how are you doing?
15:17Miss Do-Fi, you look lovely.
15:20Ma'am.
15:21Man, this nigga tripping.
15:22I'm going to go ahead and bounce up out of here.
15:24This man trying to break hips that ain't too far from being broke on their own.
15:27Oh, man, I thought this man was a pimp.
15:31He led me to more women with canes.
15:34That's crazy.
15:34Hey, boy, what you gonna do?
15:38If you want me like I want you, then let up and make your move.
15:43I'm got old, got old.
15:46You, me, goodness can be.
15:48Wanna be more than your company, so bet your money on me.
15:53I'm got old, got old.
15:56Do I really need to spell it out?
15:59My heart skips when you're around.
16:01I got everything that you need.
16:04So come on, baby, get close to me.
16:07So confused that I'm not surprised.
16:09From Greta, grabs and you're all the dice.
16:12Know why your moves, don't know why you fall.
16:14She put me off, but I want it all.
16:17I know you inside out.
16:20So I'm asking now.
16:22Take a chance on me.
16:25How much clearer can I be?
16:27Hey, boy, what you gonna do?
16:30If you want me like I want you, then let up and make your move.
16:35I'm got old, got old.
16:38Hey.
16:38La-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da
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