- 6 months ago
The Three Badasses Who Want Me
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🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Ellen musk the only woman on the Forbes 30 under 30 list arrives at Atlanta
00:00:05today what a business tycoon is doing here in Georgia a forgotten stage no one
00:00:09knows Angela my next-door neighbor still selling your hippie junk here if your
00:00:15mother-in-law sees she's gonna throw a big fit again your mother-in-law was
00:00:21right about you what's the point of watching the news all day about these
00:00:25moguls if you can't even apply it to your penniless self and how do you know
00:00:29that this is none of my business all right everybody get out we got an
00:00:35important guest coming you
00:00:43deaf I said pack up and scram I paid this off here already and if you want me to
00:00:49leave then fine but you have to compensate for today's losses I want to say that
00:00:55again you know who's visiting today Ellen freaking musk one of the richest people
00:01:02in the world Ellen musk of course a hick like you probably never heard of her
00:01:07just know that you can't afford to piss her off really Ellen musk is flying all
00:01:14the way to Atlanta just to come to some flea market you don't think that she
00:01:18could be coming to see me coming to see you all right I'll you know what I'll
00:01:27play your game if she does it so much as give you a glance I'll I'll eat dirt deal
00:01:35Ellen musk get to the flea market within 10 minutes or else you're fired
00:02:05prepare the limo miss lockhart requires us immediately
00:02:12oh you're 10 minutes you're so messed up good hope you don't wet your pants five
00:02:23oh I mean miss musk Ellen I mean I'm sorry that I sorry to frighten you how's my boss
00:02:46bitch kicking ass girlfriend so how do you like she's my boss
00:02:52and I prefer business partner or a best friend no way well no no no I'm sorry
00:03:08for finding your boss no I won't do it again
00:03:12all right that's enough we're not tyrants here
00:03:22sir I found Angela lockhart
00:03:29you mean Angela lockhart
00:03:32I run away pride
00:03:34you made me lose one million dollars in just one game of poker who are you
00:03:41where is she
00:03:45Atlanta and you were right it was secretly her propping up Ellen musk my clever
00:03:52bride I will chase you to the end of the world if I have to
00:03:56go
00:03:58Max prep the jet I'm heading to Atlanta
00:04:03Dr. Wilson that means Sterling's on the move he's headed to Atlanta
00:04:09Atlanta the game is afoot I'm going
00:04:12wait Dr. Wilson the Prince of Bhutan needs your medical attention
00:04:15he can wait I need to pick up my bride
00:04:17I need to pick up my bride
00:04:22Dr. Wilson
00:04:24general Eisenhower reporting
00:04:27who
00:04:32Devon Sterling and Shane Wilson are headed to Atlanta
00:04:35Atlanta
00:04:37where is that
00:04:39whatever prepare my workplace
00:04:41those who go after my fiance
00:04:43This is war.
00:05:01I've secretly allowed your husband, Jared Cooper, to win the bid on the Maple Plaza project like you asked me to.
00:05:07Thank you so much, Ellen. This is going to be the best anniversary gift ever.
00:05:11That project is worth billions. He can finally take his company public.
00:05:16But, Angela, my boss, I don't understand why you do so much for him behind the scenes without ever revealing your true identity.
00:05:26Without your backing, no offense, but he's nothing without you.
00:05:31Well, three years ago...
00:05:41You saved me.
00:05:54You saved me.
00:05:59He saved me and I fell in love with him instantly.
00:06:03I didn't want to reveal my true identity because I didn't want him to feel the pressure of being with a billionaire heiress.
00:06:08But now, with this contract, I feel like we'll be on more equal footing and then I can finally come out to the public.
00:06:16So that's why you have me secretly helping him.
00:06:20I'm sure he'll be moved when he finds out.
00:06:22But why work at the flea market? Are you disguising yourself to test him?
00:06:31Well, these exotic spices are incredibly rare and cost a fortune to find.
00:06:37Plus, I get to make the best dishes for my hubby and his mom.
00:06:40You seem happy being a housewife.
00:06:46Where the hell are you?
00:06:48Don't tell me you were selling junk at the flea market again.
00:06:51Get home stacked.
00:06:53It's a big day today.
00:06:55That was...
00:06:57My mother-in-law, Carol, she judges me because she thinks I come from a lower-class family.
00:07:03But, she's gonna be ecstatic tonight when I finally come out and tell her who I really am.
00:07:07You know, she even remembered her third year anniversary.
00:07:17Please spend more time with my son.
00:07:21Hi, I'm home.
00:07:23I have a big announcement I have to make.
00:07:26Finally, you're back. Now sign the divorce papers.
00:07:31Divorce papers?
00:07:34Is this some sort of misunderstanding, Mom?
00:07:37God! Don't call me Mom again.
00:07:40We're ending that relationship.
00:07:42Just look at you. Dirt all over.
00:07:45You're selling the title of Mrs. Cooper.
00:07:48You don't deserve my son. You're way below his league.
00:07:52I'm below his league?
00:07:54That's right. You are.
00:07:55Jared is signing a hundred billion dollar contract tomorrow with THE Ellen Musk.
00:08:03And then his company's going public.
00:08:06That's how much he's accomplished in three years.
00:08:09But you? You're still just a stinky hippie peddler.
00:08:13Jared's like the king in the clouds.
00:08:16And you?
00:08:18You?
00:08:20Will always just be a pawn.
00:08:22Like dirt?
00:08:24On our shoes.
00:08:26Dirt on your shoes?
00:08:29But Ellen Musk works for me.
00:08:31Ha!
00:08:32You're delusional.
00:08:34You will never upgrade to a queen.
00:08:36How dare you compare yourself to the real deal here?
00:08:42Resorting to lies.
00:08:44Definitely not good enough for Jared.
00:08:46And who are you to come into my house and meddle with my family matters?
00:08:51You're nothing but a pathetic excuse for a wife.
00:08:57Jared deserves a queen like Kaylee.
00:09:01Not a lowlife dirtbag.
00:09:03Enough!
00:09:05Jared.
00:09:07I knew you wouldn't divorce me.
00:09:09But I am.
00:09:12Don't fight it, Angela.
00:09:14Here's 500k.
00:09:16You'll never make this much as a hippie peddler selling spices.
00:09:19Now sign the papers, take your check, and leave.
00:09:23Don't embarrass yourself further.
00:09:27I've done so much for you these past three years.
00:09:31Did that not mean anything to you?
00:09:34I didn't expect you to be so greedy.
00:09:37Fine.
00:09:39Here's another 200k.
00:09:41500k is too much for her already.
00:09:44She's done nothing.
00:09:46Hasn't even contributed a grandchild.
00:09:48She just sells cheap grass all day.
00:09:51Is that really how much I'm worth to all of you?
00:09:55I took care of both of you these past three years.
00:09:59You think we can't just hire a maid to cook for us or something?
00:10:04And she wouldn't embarrass us with that permanent stench.
00:10:08A hippie peddler becoming the wife of a CEO?
00:10:11What a joke.
00:10:13If you actually love my son, you'll sign the damn divorce papers already.
00:10:19And leave!
00:10:21You really think that Jared would have gotten that Mabel Plaza bid without me?
00:10:27Let alone taking the company public?
00:10:29I did everything for you Jared.
00:10:33Now you take credit for my son's success?
00:10:37It's all my work!
00:10:43Baby, we're gonna be late for the auction if we keep letting this psycho stall us.
00:10:50You did say you would win me Princess Diana's tiara, didn't you?
00:10:57So, she's the reason for the divorce.
00:11:01She's worth more than you, Angela.
00:11:05Fine.
00:11:07I'll sign it.
00:11:09But don't regret it.
00:11:10Regret it.
00:11:12Regret?
00:11:14Do you know who I am?
00:11:16Yeah, a cockroach that only knows how to crawl her way into a married man's bed.
00:11:20I'm Eric Vanderbilt's only daughter.
00:11:24Jared winning the bid on Mabel Plaza was because of my dad.
00:11:30Because he's business partners with Elon Musk.
00:11:33It's part of the power I have as an elite.
00:11:37You can't do shit because you're poor.
00:11:41Social stratum matters.
00:11:43Yeah, social stratum does matter.
00:11:47And the Coopers are beneath me.
00:11:51And you really think Elon Musk would come to Atlanta if it weren't for me?
00:11:56Ha! You're delusional.
00:11:58Now sign the papers and scram!
00:12:04You owe me.
00:12:05You dirty bitch. You sickened me.
00:12:15You hit me.
00:12:19Now sign the papers, take your check, and get the fuck out!
00:12:35I don't need your penny money.
00:12:41We're finished.
00:12:43You don't want the money that's your loss.
00:12:45Your check is just pennies to me.
00:12:49But I would like my ring back.
00:12:51Have fun on your economy flight while I catch you out of my private helicopter out of here.
00:13:06And I'm way out of your league.
00:13:07Isn't that the Winston blue diamond ring?
00:13:23It's worth tens of millions of dollars.
00:13:26Oh, it's probably just cheap glass.
00:13:29Something she found at the flea market.
00:13:32You're right. She could never afford anything so expensive.
00:13:35Congrats, Jared Boo Boo on getting rid of that dirt bag.
00:13:42Oh, my dad says there's going to be a secret big shot financial tycoon at tomorrow's summit.
00:13:48Bigger big shot than Ellen Musk?
00:13:49Yeah.
00:13:51And nobody's met them, but I can introduce you.
00:13:55Everything's thanks to you, babe.
00:13:57Angela, Mr. Vanderbilt, the richest man in Georgia, wants to schedule a meeting before the bidding.
00:14:21Vanderbilt?
00:14:22Yeah, he's actually CEO of one of our companies. Basically our employee.
00:14:26Oh, okay. I'll meet him at the summit tomorrow. It's fine.
00:14:29Well, you're still going to the summit tomorrow? But you and Jared Cooper are already divorced.
00:14:33That's exactly why I'm going.
00:14:57Angela Lockhart. I finally found you.
00:15:02Who is he?
00:15:04That. That's Devin Sterling. He's number one on Forbes 30 under 30 list and early investor of crypto.
00:15:11CEO of Sterling Enterprises. Rumor has that he's worth trillions.
00:15:14And he's your fiancé.
00:15:19What? What? My fiancé?
00:15:22The one and only.
00:15:24So, after running away and leaving me single for three years, have you figured out how you're going to make it up to me yet?
00:15:32Babe?
00:15:33That tiara looks perfect on you.
00:15:46What is she doing here?
00:15:50You skank. My son just divorced you yesterday and you're already hooking up with another man.
00:16:00Divorced?
00:16:02That's right. So, I guess this was never meant to be Mr.
00:16:07Mr. Sterling.
00:16:10Devin Sterling.
00:16:12So, she has to hide her marital status to find another man.
00:16:16Yes, she's not just a forsaken woman. She's also a stinky, penniless whore.
00:16:23How dare you insult my boss like that?
00:16:27Who the fuck are you, bitch?
00:16:30Do you know who I am?
00:16:32They don't know who you are.
00:16:34You hide it well.
00:16:38X-Team!
00:16:39Teach these fools a lesson.
00:16:43Teach these fools a lesson.
00:16:48Sir, you were kind of in a rush when you flew to Atlanta and then to New York.
00:16:53You forgot to bring the security team.
00:17:00Mind if I borrow your men?
00:17:04Toss these ill-mannered apes out!
00:17:10Oh, you bitch! I'll have my son teach you a real lesson!
00:17:20A kiss as a reward, my lady.
00:17:24No.
00:17:25The guest list is very distinguished tonight.
00:17:35You've got Bill Ford, Harvey Buffet, old money like me.
00:17:40Gentlemen, Harvey, Bill, this is Jared Cooper.
00:17:42Pleased to meet you all.
00:17:44Your families all started empires after the Industrial Revolution. What an honor.
00:17:48I heard you secured the Maple Plaza project.
00:17:52It's worth billions of dollars.
00:17:54Congrats! You'll be next.
00:17:57But we haven't received the contract yet.
00:17:58We deserve it.
00:18:00Oh, that's nothing. I introduced this kid to Ellen Musk.
00:18:03The Vanderbilts and Miss Musk have always had a good relationship.
00:18:06So, I thought I'd help the kid out, pull a few strings.
00:18:10Thank you, Mr. Vanderbilt.
00:18:11Now, we just have to impress Miss Musk's special guest of honor.
00:18:16Yes. I heard they're a very important and powerful guest.
00:18:21Even wealthier than Ellen Musk.
00:18:24Now, if we can just secure a position with his big shot, we can feast for generations.
00:18:33Up to my best.
00:18:34Excuse me, second gentleman.
00:18:41What if it's the Prince of Bhutan?
00:18:46How did a hobo like you sneak in here?
00:18:49Me, a hobo.
00:18:51How did a cheating scumbag like you sneak in here?
00:18:54You sleep your way in?
00:18:55I told you, Angela Lockhart, don't bother stalking me.
00:18:58Nothing will come of it, and it only sickens me further.
00:19:01Don't flatter yourself.
00:19:05This is your ex-husband?
00:19:10What, were you blindfolded when you married him?
00:19:12Who the hell is this?
00:19:14You were cheating on me?
00:19:27Son, you have to avenge me and Kayleigh.
00:19:30That wicked ex-wife of yours hired some thugs and a gigolo to beat us up.
00:19:36They even took Kayleigh's tiara!
00:19:38You dare hurt my mom and Kayleigh?
00:19:39You dare hurt my mom and Kayleigh?
00:19:53Get your hands off of her!
00:19:55Get your hands off of her!
00:20:01My lady.
00:20:02I spoke to Kayleigh and Kayleigh.
00:20:03It's...
00:20:24It's...
00:20:29It's him!
00:20:32He scammed a million dollars off me in a game of poker yesterday!
00:20:35Who are these peasants?
00:20:37These seats are reserved for the Ellen Muskener's special guest!
00:20:42Oh, shut up, old man.
00:20:45You're disturbing the peace.
00:20:49Fuckers, you know who that is?
00:20:51That's Eric Vanderbilt.
00:20:52You have any idea how many generations of wealth he has?
00:20:55His ancestors built the railway and steamship empire of America.
00:21:00The Civil War would not have been won without his family's involvement.
00:21:03Vanderbilt.
00:21:05The father of that skank, Kaylee Vanderbilt,
00:21:09who only knows how to crawl her way into a married man's bed.
00:21:14That, Lolly Vanderbilt family?
00:21:22Oh, goddammit, a stomach ache now?
00:21:27Oh.
00:21:29Whatever.
00:21:31Angela can handle herself.
00:21:32She'll be fine.
00:21:33How dare you call one of us alone?
00:21:48I'm Harvey F. M. Buffett,
00:21:50the most important investor in the entire stock market.
00:21:54I can wipe you out with a simple pinky only.
00:21:57And I can wipe you out with just a strand of my hair.
00:22:02Not with me around.
00:22:04I, Bill Ford, and the entire Ford Auto Empire stand with these gentlemen.
00:22:09You're all just peasants compared to who I really am.
00:22:12You're fucking delusional, Angela.
00:22:16We've had enough of your games.
00:22:18Security!
00:22:20Break their limbs and toss them out.
00:22:22Looks like the old guard is teaming up against you.
00:22:25But don't worry.
00:22:27You got no money here.
00:22:30I can handle myself, thank you.
00:22:33Yes, my great.
00:22:35You're all despicable.
00:22:38An insult to your family names.
00:22:40Now, it's my turn to rule.
00:22:47Destroy Jared Cooper.
00:22:49Cut off all business ties.
00:22:52And if you don't,
00:22:53I will take away all of your family's wealth and power.
00:22:59Ha!
00:23:00I knew it!
00:23:01You're here to fuck with me.
00:23:02You can't fool anyone here.
00:23:04How much money did you spend on that getup
00:23:06to hire that gigolo to make me jealous?
00:23:09You're an orphan.
00:23:10Who sells hippie spices at a flea market.
00:23:13You have nothing.
00:23:14And you will always be nothing.
00:23:18She's a gold digger.
00:23:20Gold digger.
00:23:21Gigolo.
00:23:23Want to try me for a night?
00:23:26Yeah, you're a little too pricey.
00:23:28Mr. Vanderbilt,
00:23:28we really shouldn't keep these bandits here any longer.
00:23:30They might upset Miss Ellen Musk and her special guest.
00:23:34Angela Lockhart is my spurned ex-wife.
00:23:35She's only here to try and ruin my bill in the Maple Plaza project.
00:23:38Oh, I'm gonna kill that sushi chef.
00:23:41Security!
00:23:47Security!
00:23:47Security!
00:23:49You all don't realize that you actually all work for me.
00:23:52And now you're trying to throw a coup?
00:23:54You!
00:23:57Insolent fools.
00:23:59Let me guess.
00:24:00You're that special guest?
00:24:02I don't know.
00:24:04Throw them out!
00:24:05And not without some broken bones, too.
00:24:15Back down, Max.
00:24:19I got this.
00:24:35What the hell are you two doing here?
00:24:50I thought we were supposed to guard you.
00:24:51No, you're supposed to make sure Miss Lockhart is okay.
00:24:55Oh my God, we're so screwed.
00:25:03Oh my God.
00:25:05Angela!
00:25:08Don't hurt her!
00:25:09You bitch.
00:25:10I've always been sick of you.
00:25:11You just threw yourself at me.
00:25:13How dare you insult my boss like that?
00:25:15Boss?
00:25:16Did she say her boss?
00:25:18Miss Musk?
00:25:20That's Ellen Musk?
00:25:21That woman right there is Angela Lockhart.
00:25:23My boss and sole heiress to the Henry Lockhart's fortune.
00:25:28Their lineage is older than this country itself.
00:25:30Past the American Revolution?
00:25:32Back to the Renaissance.
00:25:33If she's your boss, then that means Angela Lockhart is...
00:25:38That's Lady Lockhart to you.
00:25:39She's royalty.
00:25:40And since you're all subsidiaries, she's your boss's boss.
00:25:44What do you think I'm going to do?
00:25:46Kneel to me.
00:25:47Oh, your majesty.
00:25:50Welcome to the United States.
00:25:54We know it's been your royal subject.
00:25:56Yes, your highness.
00:25:58Is it queen or princess?
00:26:01It doesn't matter.
00:26:02My queen, please forgive our insolence.
00:26:06Oh yes, we didn't mean to offend.
00:26:08Hey, what are you doing, idiot?
00:26:10Let go of the boss lady and beg for forgiveness.
00:26:13What rightfully belongs to you.
00:26:25What rightfully belongs to you.
00:26:27She's a badass herself.
00:26:44He missed out on a good wife.
00:26:46You, you, you told me your wife was a hippie peddler.
00:26:50Turns out you were the freeloading scumbag this entire time.
00:26:53No, no, don't believe their lies.
00:26:55I worked hard for everything.
00:26:57You worked for everything?
00:26:58So, our third anniversary is coming up and I thought that maybe we can do something special
00:27:10this year.
00:27:11I can't focus on anything trivial like that.
00:27:13I have to figure out this bid for the Maple Plaza project and if I get it, I can take the
00:27:18company public.
00:27:19You were nothing before me.
00:27:30All your achievements, all your glory, that's all mine, including the Maple Plaza contract.
00:27:38I can take all of that away just like that.
00:27:42No, you can't take that away from me.
00:27:44So that's why Elon Musk was urging us to pass on deals to this nobody.
00:27:47Oh, and this antique wedding ring?
00:27:52Yeah, I forgot to tell you.
00:27:54It was Queen Victoria's and its worth is equivalent to more than an entire country's GDP.
00:28:04No, I gave you back the ring?
00:28:08I divorced a royal heiress?
00:28:10No, no, please, no, no, please take me back, baby, I still love you.
00:28:17Oh, man, looks like they've started the party without us.
00:28:23No one's allowed to start a fight without Cole Eisenhower.
00:28:32Guard these two again.
00:28:34Did he say, is he Cole Eisenhower?
00:28:37President Eisenhower's descendant.
00:28:38After General Eisenhower won World War II, each of his descendants have all gone on to become
00:28:43five-star generals, the highest rank in the nation's military.
00:28:46Glad you buffoons know your history.
00:28:48Sorry, I'm late, babe.
00:28:49I got lost trying to find Atlanta, then lost again on my way back to New York.
00:28:53And that there is, that is the legendary boy genius, Dr. Wilson.
00:29:03He's Dr. House's protege.
00:29:05Dr. House?
00:29:06Yes.
00:29:07I thought that was just a TV show.
00:29:08Oh, no, that's based on real thinking.
00:29:10Yep, that's me.
00:29:12Son of James House.
00:29:13Dr. House, he's practically my uncle.
00:29:15I critically diagnosed a pilt before him when I was just 12 years old.
00:29:20So he's been off crying himself a waterfall somewhere in the Netherlands for the last 14 years.
00:29:25And I'm late because I ran out of gum and had to make a pit stop.
00:29:33Hey, Ellen.
00:29:34Who are these weirdos and why are they here?
00:29:37Uh, they're all your fiancés.
00:29:41What?
00:29:42Fiancés?
00:29:43Plural?
00:29:46Fiancés?
00:29:47Plural?
00:29:49Watch it, nerds.
00:29:50I'm her fiancée.
00:29:52No, I'm her fiancée.
00:29:53You can both shut up.
00:29:55I'm her fiancée.
00:29:56It's you.
00:29:57It's me.
00:29:58Who the hell is he?
00:29:59I'm Spider-Man.
00:30:02How are all three of these men my fiancés?
00:30:07Uh, your father had arranged these engagements years ago,
00:30:10but I didn't tell you because you decided to marry Jared Cooper at the time.
00:30:14She has three bad-ass fiancés and she marries his dumbass.
00:30:21Whatever.
00:30:22Since you're all here, help me finish him.
00:30:27Since you're all here, help me finish him.
00:30:32At your service.
00:30:33Me too.
00:30:36Oh!
00:30:36Oh!
00:30:37Oh!
00:30:37Oh!
00:30:37Oh!
00:30:37Oh!
00:30:38Oh!
00:30:38Oh!
00:30:38Oh!
00:30:39Oh!
00:30:39Oh!
00:30:40One down, two more to go.
00:30:42She's become queen!
00:30:43Bishop to G4.
00:30:44Oh!
00:30:45Oh!
00:30:46Oh!
00:30:47Oh!
00:30:48Oh!
00:30:49Oh!
00:30:50Oh!
00:30:51Oh!
00:30:52Oh!
00:30:53Oh!
00:30:54Oh!
00:30:55Oh!
00:30:56Oh!
00:30:57Oh!
00:30:58Oh!
00:30:59Oh!
00:31:00Oh!
00:31:01Oh!
00:31:02Oh!
00:31:04Oh!
00:31:04Oh!
00:31:04Hello!
00:31:08I thought I was king.
00:31:09No, you wish.
00:31:10The king doesn't do anything.
00:31:11So, Ellen can be my king.
00:31:14Oh, fine.
00:31:19Bankrupt the Fords right this second.
00:31:26I...
00:31:28I've been bankrupt!
00:31:29No!
00:31:31Who is this?
00:31:37I've been bankrupt!
00:31:39No!
00:31:40I told you I would remove all of you from status and power if you didn't cooperate.
00:31:45Well, guess what? Game over.
00:31:47Alright boys, let's figure out this four-way engagement.
00:31:51Oh, that's serious business.
00:31:53I'm right with you!
00:31:55Wait for me!
00:31:57Nobody beats me to the finish line!
00:32:01Angela!
00:32:11You already have three fiancés?
00:32:13You can't accuse me of cheating.
00:32:15I...
00:32:17want compensation.
00:32:21You greedy SOB.
00:32:23Who the fuck is that?
00:32:24My ex-husband.
00:32:25Wait, you were married?
00:32:27Yeah, and if that's a problem for you,
00:32:29then you can totally back out of this engagement.
00:32:32More for me.
00:32:33No, no, of course not.
00:32:34Just...
00:32:35Do you want me to check your eyes for you?
00:32:37No.
00:32:38Don't steal my joke!
00:32:39I can make him disappear without a trace.
00:32:41All evidence of your past will come.
00:32:43What?
00:32:44Is there something on my face?
00:32:46Uh, yeah.
00:32:47Murderous intent.
00:32:49Let's remarry.
00:32:50Let's remarry.
00:32:51Let's remarry.
00:32:52Let's remarry.
00:32:53You still don't realize.
00:32:56I only fell in love with you because you saved me from drowning three years ago.
00:33:01WHAT ARE YOU LEAVING THROUGH?!
00:33:02who okości after Friday,
00:33:03I DON'T NEED UP TO THE LANGUAGE
00:33:07IMMEDIATELY
00:33:16shitty music
00:33:22Sir!
00:33:27It's an emergency.
00:33:28It's an emergency. We need to wreck right away.
00:33:31Nicole Eisenhower and Shane Wilson are causing mayhem at the company warehouse.
00:33:35Okay, I'm on my way.
00:33:39She should be okay now.
00:33:44Hey, you!
00:33:46Watch over here. I'll be right back.
00:33:56You saved me.
00:33:58Fuck.
00:34:02I unwittingly gave away my own wife.
00:34:05Fuck.
00:34:06I unwittingly gave away my own wife.
00:34:09You've cheated on me.
00:34:10You've hit me.
00:34:12You've insulted me.
00:34:13And after all that, I never want to see you again.
00:34:17I fucking hate you.
00:34:20Lady Lockhart.
00:34:22God, what now?
00:34:24Okay, yes.
00:34:25We understand that you are a very busy person, but if you're not going to give your ex-husband the Maple Plaza project...
00:34:33How about us three?
00:34:34Yes, unlike that scumbag, we won't turn on you.
00:34:37Yeah, no. You're all fired for trying to throw a coup.
00:34:41But...
00:34:42This is your fault, you doofus. We never should have believed your bullshit.
00:34:46No, we can't lose our positions with Ellen Musk and the Lockhart.
00:34:55Oh, help me.
00:34:57I'll get you for this.
00:35:04Never should have listened to you.
00:35:05I'm ruined because of you.
00:35:21So, what's the situation here?
00:35:24I don't want to marry you.
00:35:25I don't want to marry you.
00:35:37Listen, I only met you guys a few hours ago, and I'm not interested in flash marriages.
00:35:44But, what if I told you that we've known each other for much longer than just a few hours?
00:35:51Much longer.
00:35:51Angela, your parents would like to have a video call with... all of you.
00:36:03My lovely princess, how are you?
00:36:06Look, your mother and I are in Italy.
00:36:08The views here are absolutely stunning.
00:36:11Perfect for a wedding, wouldn't you say?
00:36:13I heard you finally divorced that good-for-nothing, blood-sucking, free-letter husband of yours.
00:36:20I can't call his name, but anyway, congratulations.
00:36:25I've selected three prime young men for you to choose from to replace him.
00:36:30Oh, you must pick one of them to marry.
00:36:33Otherwise...
00:36:34Let me do it.
00:36:36You must choose one of them in seven days.
00:36:39Otherwise, we'll kill ourselves.
00:36:43Mom?
00:36:43All right, honey.
00:36:45That's it.
00:36:47Bye.
00:36:48Bye.
00:36:52So, who are you going to choose?
00:36:56Well, what if I want all three of you?
00:37:01Well, what if I want all three of you?
00:37:07That seems greedy.
00:37:08But I can always remove the other two options.
00:37:19Hey, I may be a doctor, but I can take lives too.
00:37:23I know and have access to all the deadliest poisons in the world.
00:37:28Whoa, okay.
00:37:29No murder, please.
00:37:30I was just kidding.
00:37:33We have seven days to win her over.
00:37:35Ooh, it's like the Bachelorette.
00:37:39I know.
00:37:40We'll start with challenge one.
00:37:44Welcome to the show, the three badasses who want me.
00:37:48Today, we have our first challenge.
00:37:52What is all of this, Ellen?
00:37:55You'll see.
00:37:56Okay.
00:38:05Oh, my God.
00:38:06Oh, my God.
00:38:06Cockroaches!
00:38:07All women are afraid of cockroaches, and it is every man's job to save their beloved woman
00:38:14from this monstrosity of a creature.
00:38:16What will our three candidates do to prove their undying love for our single, but screaming
00:38:22her head off, heiress?
00:38:22Looks like one of our contestants has already called it quits.
00:38:34It's up to the final two.
00:38:36It's crunchy.
00:38:59That is sick, Cole.
00:39:02Hey, when you're stranded in the middle of the battlefield, you'll be glad to see one
00:39:06of these around.
00:39:09There are two more left.
00:39:10Want to try one?
00:39:11God, no.
00:39:12No.
00:39:14Oh, my God.
00:39:15Save.
00:39:16Save you.
00:39:17Save me.
00:39:21I'm a German folk doctor.
00:39:23These hands can't get germs on them.
00:39:24They're for surgery and saving lives.
00:39:27Thank God you're here.
00:39:45Are you all right, honey?
00:39:48Angela!
00:39:48All right, you won the first challenge, so your reward, you get to watch over her for
00:39:57the night.
00:39:57Just don't cross the line, if you know what I mean.
00:40:00I'm not her scumbag husband.
00:40:02You have nothing to worry about.
00:40:08Honestly, even if you guys fuck, it's not like it's against the rules or anything.
00:40:12At least my girlfriend gets some.
00:40:13I bet her husband has a small dick anyway.
00:40:16Run, run, run, run!
00:40:18The cockroaches.
00:40:19They're gone, they're gone.
00:40:21There's nothing in this room except you and me, okay?
00:40:24I'm going to kill Ellen when I see her tomorrow.
00:40:31I need a drink.
00:40:41Whoa, easy.
00:40:42You're on an empty stomach.
00:40:44Oh, why do you care?
00:40:45Why are you trying to drink away your sorrows, Angela?
00:40:51You guys were right.
00:40:53I was blind for marrying that asshole.
00:40:57You know, I wasted three whole years of my life with him.
00:41:03He never even loved me.
00:41:04And I gave up my entire career for him.
00:41:11Do you really think that you would still be number one on the Forbes 30 Under 30 list if I was around?
00:41:19You may not be number one on Forbes list, but you know what you're number one in?
00:41:24What?
00:41:25You know, we've known each other kind of a long time.
00:41:39Lies.
00:41:42You all just want something from me.
00:41:44Angela, I know it's hard to trust again.
00:41:54But I assure you, I don't care what family you're from.
00:42:01I'm the richest man in the nation.
00:42:02I don't need your power, your status, your wealth, your connections.
00:42:10I just need you.
00:42:14I'll prove my love to you within six days.
00:42:16I promise.
00:42:28Screw the contest.
00:42:30I just want love.
00:42:31Angela, you're drunk.
00:42:36I'm an adult.
00:42:37Can't I go just get what she wants?
00:42:40Okay.
00:42:45But love and sex aren't exactly the same thing.
00:42:49Well, they're not mutually exclusive either.
00:43:01If this is what you want.
00:43:02This is what you want.
00:43:029-inch penis.
00:43:169-inch penis.
00:43:30Morning to you too.
00:43:33You sure you were drunk last night?
00:43:35You wouldn't.
00:43:36But a girl remembers when she's had a 9-inch penis inside of her.
00:43:41Well, glad you enjoyed it.
00:43:44But don't tell Shane or Cole.
00:43:48Because then they would...
00:43:49Say that you were being unfair?
00:43:52Technically, us having sex doesn't break any rules.
00:43:54Because I won the first challenge and according to Ellen, my prize was to spend a night with you anyways.
00:44:00Just don't make this any harder than it already is.
00:44:07Are you sure you don't want it pretty hard?
00:44:11It's not.
00:44:12Fine, fine, fine.
00:44:18I won't tell.
00:44:21But only on one condition.
00:44:25I won't tell.
00:44:27But only on one condition.
00:44:30You have to go out on a date with me.
00:44:33Fine.
00:44:37I've had a crush on you since college, Angela.
00:44:39You never noticed me.
00:44:45Well, uh...
00:44:46You should get dressed and get out of here before anyone sees you.
00:44:52It's only 7 a.m.
00:44:54She's still sleeping.
00:44:55I'm not sleeping alone.
00:44:56Yeah, I'm not letting my fiancé be alone with another man for another second.
00:45:02Morning, gentlemen.
00:45:03Oh, or shall I say Ruffman?
00:45:06Oh, don't mind him.
00:45:09What's up, guys?
00:45:10We're ready for the second challenge.
00:45:12No cockroaches this time.
00:45:14Yes, no more terrifying things.
00:45:16That was my bad, Angela.
00:45:17This better be a good challenge, Ellen.
00:45:20I'm sure you'll all enjoy this one.
00:45:21The second challenge is...
00:45:24The second challenge is...
00:45:26A date.
00:45:27Lane, I should have asked for something else.
00:45:29A date?
00:45:31That's it.
00:45:32What's the catch?
00:45:33No catch.
00:45:34Just who Miss Lockhart enjoys spending her time with the most.
00:45:37As simple as that.
00:45:38I know what I want to do.
00:45:39Let's start with me first.
00:45:40Okay.
00:45:41Pulls up first.
00:45:42Then...
00:45:42Me.
00:45:43Save the best for last.
00:45:45Ain't that right, Angela?
00:45:47Then it's decided.
00:45:48Please, don't take my BMW away.
00:45:55Too bad.
00:45:56You pissed off the Lockhart's.
00:45:58I have nothing left.
00:46:00It's that bitch who ruined me.
00:46:13It's that bitch who ruined me.
00:46:15You know, Eisenhower, sirs!
00:46:26At ease, Lieutenant.
00:46:27This is my Lieutenant.
00:46:29He also manages this boxing show.
00:46:30Pleasure to meet you, Madam Eisenhower!
00:46:32He's so serious.
00:46:34But, hang on.
00:46:36Lieutenant!
00:46:37I don't know who I'm going to marry yet!
00:46:39Baby!
00:46:39I decided to take you here on my first date
00:46:42so that I can introduce you to my guns!
00:46:43Guns?
00:46:44Like murder weapons?
00:46:46Yes.
00:46:48Murder weapons.
00:46:49You're like my guns, babe.
00:47:10Pretty rock hard.
00:47:12Yeah.
00:47:13Let me show you what I can do with them.
00:47:15Lieutenant!
00:47:16Come close!
00:47:18Wait!
00:47:19You're just going to hit him like that?
00:47:21He's not even going to fight back?
00:47:22Fighting back will be treason, ma'am!
00:47:24Treason?
00:47:25You guys are way too serious.
00:47:28Look, you Lockhart bitch!
00:47:29I caught you!
00:47:30If I'm going down,
00:47:31you're all going down with me!
00:47:33Lieutenant!
00:47:34Pissure attack!
00:47:44Ah!
00:47:45You dare try to hurt my wife!
00:47:49I will make you pay!
00:47:55You don't need to keep beating him up.
00:47:57We could just take him to the cops.
00:47:58Not when he tries to hurt you!
00:48:00He's always a bit violent.
00:48:08Some might call it being protective.
00:48:10Poor anger issues.
00:48:11What if we get married and I forget to use a coaster on an antique table or something?
00:48:16Is he going to be, like, rough?
00:48:19Hey, some girls are into that.
00:48:22I don't know if I am.
00:48:25Well, maybe Shane will be your type.
00:48:30Your date with Shane starts now.
00:48:33A gift from the Chancellor of Germany when I saved his wife.
00:48:43Impressive.
00:48:47Your breath smells like peppermint.
00:48:50Refreshing.
00:48:51I got cool mint, too.
00:48:53Huh?
00:48:54Or do you prefer spearmint?
00:48:56Huh.
00:48:57What do you not have in this coat of yours?
00:49:00Fruit flavored gum.
00:49:01I can't stand those.
00:49:02So, where are you taking me tonight?
00:49:05Let me show you.
00:49:06Okay.
00:49:13Dr. Wilson!
00:49:14A VIP of VIPs!
00:49:17Right this way.
00:49:18VIP of VIPs?
00:49:19Ah, and just some other guy I saved.
00:49:22I forget who.
00:49:23You saved a lot of people.
00:49:25I'll do what I can.
00:49:27Oh my gosh.
00:49:29It's my gold-digging neighbor who just got dumped by her husband.
00:49:33Sandra Miller.
00:49:35What are you doing here?
00:49:36I just thought this was for the VIP of VIPs.
00:49:39Your mother-in-law told me all about the divorce and how you hired some gigolo to beat her and
00:49:44Kaylee Vanderbilt up.
00:49:45How low of you.
00:49:48What are you doing here, Sandra?
00:49:50Of course your bird brain wouldn't remember.
00:49:52I sell high fashion jewelry pieces so high-end, you couldn't even afford even if you sold
00:49:58your organs.
00:49:59The auction begins.
00:50:01I'll deal with you later.
00:50:03Here, I'll just be one second.
00:50:10Cameron, I have a task for you.
00:50:15Our next piece is absolutely extraordinary.
00:50:19Cleopatra's armband.
00:50:22Sold by our vendor, Sandra Miller.
00:50:25For five million dollars.
00:50:28Excuse me, I'd like to donate this piece to auction.
00:50:32It's Queen Victoria's ring.
00:50:34What are you doing?
00:50:36Just watch.
00:50:37Come on.
00:50:38Come on.
00:50:39That is Queen Victoria's ring?
00:50:40Please.
00:50:41I'm an expert and that's a fake.
00:50:42She probably got it at the flea market she works at.
00:50:43You work at a flea market?
00:50:44Not this again.
00:50:45Cut the bullshit.
00:50:46That wouldn't even sell for five dollars.
00:50:48Oh yeah?
00:50:49Here, you want it?
00:50:50For free.
00:50:51Ew!
00:50:52I don't want that trash from a stinky hippie peddler.
00:50:54Well, that's too bad then because you are the fraud.
00:50:57Oh, I'm not.
00:50:58I'm not.
00:50:59I'm not.
00:51:00Oh, I'm not.
00:51:01I'm not.
00:51:02You're not.
00:51:03I'm not.
00:51:04I'm not.
00:51:05I'm not.
00:51:06I'm not.
00:51:07I'm not.
00:51:08I'm not.
00:51:09I'm not.
00:51:10I'm not.
00:51:11I'm not.
00:51:12I'm not.
00:51:13I'm not.
00:51:14I'm not.
00:51:15I'm not.
00:51:16I'm not.
00:51:17I'm not.
00:51:18I'm not.
00:51:19I'm not.
00:51:20I'm not.
00:51:21What are you talking about?
00:51:22Who the hell are you to accuse me?
00:51:23Throw them out!
00:51:24Dr. Wilson, I know you're a legend in medicine.
00:51:25But we're professionals.
00:51:26Oh yeah?
00:51:27And that armband sells for five million dollars?
00:51:30Yeah.
00:51:31Mine is the real thing.
00:51:33You two are just upset because you're too...
00:51:35...poor to afford our luxury items.
00:51:38What was that so?
00:51:39Would that so-called expert fell to recognize Queen Victoria's ringman?
00:51:43Dear Lord, this is real. It's authentic. It's Queen Victoria's ring.
00:51:52Cameron, what have you found?
00:51:57Yeah, that picture of Cleopatra's armband you sent me, it's a replica.
00:52:02They had the same one right here at the flea market.
00:52:06So, you are the fraud.
00:52:10You just went to the flea market so you can buy some fakes.
00:52:14And Cameron, how much are these fakes being sold for?
00:52:17$1.50.
00:52:19Wow, not even $5. Sandra.
00:52:23You've been duping us the whole time? Arrest her!
00:52:28No! Please, he was just this one time! Please!
00:52:32What's going on, Dr. Wilson?
00:52:34Uh, investigating lead poisoning from cheap jewelry for the Emperor of Japan. Bye.
00:52:39The lackluster from the jewelry industry forever.
00:52:50I had a really great time tonight.
00:52:53Me too. May I have a kiss?
00:53:09No, no, no, no, no.
00:53:11Is something wrong?
00:53:13Do you always have gum in your mouth?
00:53:21Yep. You never have to worry about stinky breath for me.
00:53:24You always have a bunch of money, Cooper.
00:53:38I don't have any money.
00:53:40How did you pay for this hotel then?
00:53:42I guess you'll only pay up if I break your other leg.
00:53:49Stop!
00:53:54Mr. Vandeville.
00:53:58Mr. Buffett.
00:53:59This is the contract for the Maple Plaza project.
00:54:05That's right.
00:54:06Miss Musk wanted me to give it to you.
00:54:08I knew Angela was still in love with me.
00:54:11I knew Angela was still in love with me.
00:54:14No, no, sir.
00:54:15Sorry about those injuries from earlier.
00:54:17It was all just, uh, a little misunderstand.
00:54:20Yeah, we could be partners again.
00:54:24And then maybe you can, um, tell, uh, Lady Lockhart
00:54:27to put in a good work for us?
00:54:29Angela still loves me.
00:54:30She's just throwing a fit.
00:54:32She'll be back to me soon enough.
00:54:34Yeah, do you need any help winning her back?
00:54:36We can give you jewelry to give to her.
00:54:39I was just sucking up to these pricks a few days ago,
00:54:42but now they're all begging me to help them out.
00:54:45It feels so damn good to be in power.
00:54:48Sure.
00:54:50I'll put in a good word for you.
00:54:52I just need...
00:54:53Anything.
00:54:54You tell us, we'll give you anything.
00:54:56Once I take everything from these idiots,
00:54:59I'll go after Angela Lockhart for my revenge.
00:55:08I'll give you the contract to Jarrett Cooper,
00:55:10just like you asked me to.
00:55:12Well done, he'll be fucked soon.
00:55:16Well done, he'll be fucked soon.
00:55:18I don't get it, Miss Musk.
00:55:19That contract has a preliminary clause.
00:55:21It requires him to pay 50% of the costs up front as a deposit.
00:55:25And if he can't, then what?
00:55:27He'll be bankrupt.
00:55:28So as long as he's greedy enough to take it.
00:55:32I'm avenging my best friend.
00:55:34I want to show the world that without Angela Lockhart, he's nothing.
00:55:38I signed the Maple Plaza project.
00:55:47We should celebrate.
00:55:48You did?
00:55:50You see, I know my son has it in him.
00:55:52That skank, Angela, is nothing next to you.
00:55:56And it's all thanks to you, sweetheart.
00:55:58Actually, it's thanks to Angela.
00:56:04What?
00:56:06You're trying to ditch me to go back to your wife?
00:56:08Oh, no, no, no, no, he's not.
00:56:10Jared, what are you doing?
00:56:12You have such a beautiful and bright future ahead of you.
00:56:15It's my decision, Mom.
00:56:17I'm the head of the house here.
00:56:20I'm telling my dad.
00:56:22Fine, go right ahead.
00:56:23He has enough problems himself.
00:56:24If you're obedient, I'll keep you around as his side piece.
00:56:27But if not, you can scram.
00:56:30Dad, Jared is being mean to me.
00:56:33Teach him a lesson.
00:56:34Kayleigh, be a good girl, okay?
00:56:36Jared has the backing of some very powerful people now.
00:56:40Don't get on his bad side.
00:56:42We can't afford to piss him off.
00:56:44So do as he says.
00:56:46What, Dad?
00:56:54I'm sorry.
00:56:56Be your side piece.
00:56:58Very good.
00:56:59I'm happy you've come around.
00:57:00Now let's go celebrate.
00:57:05I mean, do I really want to be with Mr. Minty Mouth forever, though?
00:57:10But that tongue action, though.
00:57:13Tongue is important.
00:57:14In more than just one spot.
00:57:15Arlene, we are in public.
00:57:17It's true.
00:57:19Stomachache.
00:57:20Again?
00:57:21I have to run to the bathroom.
00:57:22Devon should be here to pick you up soon.
00:57:25Okay.
00:57:27Devon's late.
00:57:29Not a good sign for a date.
00:57:32This hotel restaurant has five Michelin stars.
00:57:37It's her.
00:57:38And she's alone.
00:57:39With no one to save her.
00:57:43You whore.
00:57:44You seduced my son so he could get back with you.
00:57:50Let me tell you.
00:57:52I would never go back even if your entire family got down on their knees and begged me.
00:57:57Oh!
00:58:00Hey, you guys can fight all you want, but you need to take this somewhere else.
00:58:04Whoever gets rid of her for me gets all this.
00:58:06What?
00:58:07Why do I have to leave?
00:58:08She's the one starting shit.
00:58:10Because I have money and you don't.
00:58:12You're just a stinky hippie peddler and my son just signed a 100 billion dollar contract.
00:58:19He's still got the contract?
00:58:21Hmm.
00:58:22Must be Ellen's doing.
00:58:24Even if he does sign it, he doesn't have the liquidity to pay the deposit up front.
00:58:28Oh, he's just gonna...
00:58:30Bet you've never seen this much cash before.
00:58:34Bet you've never seen this much cash before.
00:58:39You take my charity and toss it in my face as if it's your own.
00:58:45My maid wouldn't even pick up such a pitiful amount.
00:58:47One thousand dollars to take her away.
00:58:50Two thousand dollars to drag her away.
00:58:54Five thousand dollars to beat her away.
00:58:59Oh, oh, hey!
00:59:00Hey!
00:59:01Ow, hey!
00:59:02Stop!
00:59:05You okay?
00:59:06Yeah.
00:59:07Are you hurt?
00:59:12Weakling.
00:59:13You!
00:59:14You!
00:59:15You found yourself a boy toy right after getting divorced.
00:59:18And now you have two more.
00:59:19What a whore.
00:59:21What a whore.
00:59:22Yeah.
00:59:23And Jared wanted to get back with her?
00:59:26What if she has an STD?
00:59:28Oh, like sleeping with a married man wouldn't give you an STD.
00:59:32Let's go.
00:59:33We'll expose her to Jared.
00:59:35Hang on.
00:59:37What do you want?
00:59:39I'll scream!
00:59:40I don't hit a woman.
00:59:42But I never said I don't kill her.
00:59:45But I never said I don't kill him.
00:59:48Oh, God.
00:59:49He is a murderer.
00:59:51What if he murders me?
00:59:52Not him.
00:59:53Definitely not him.
00:59:58We're not afraid of you.
01:00:01That's enough.
01:00:02This isn't a war zone.
01:00:04You'll be removed from being a five-star general if you hurt a civilian without adequate cause.
01:00:08I was just messing with them.
01:00:10Was he though?
01:00:11We're not afraid of you.
01:00:14Jared!
01:00:15You have to avenge us.
01:00:16Look at this slut.
01:00:17She's found two more boy toys.
01:00:19She's cheating on you.
01:00:20Don't get back with her.
01:00:22Oh, Mr. Cooper, it's you.
01:00:23I apologize for this scene.
01:00:25I'll toss out the potty crashes immediately so that you can go to your salvation banquet.
01:00:29Who did you say you were going to toss out?
01:00:31Who did you say you were going to toss out?
01:00:33The potty crashes.
01:00:37You have any idea who that is?
01:00:39That's my wife.
01:00:41Please, save that title for the real skank over there.
01:00:44That's right.
01:00:45Know your place.
01:00:46You're just a side piece.
01:00:47If I still want you, that is.
01:00:48Eric, have you gone mad?
01:00:49This is Eric Vanderbilt's only daughter.
01:00:50You slap her for this whore?
01:00:51Mom!
01:00:52They really think there's something, huh?
01:00:53Angela's an heiress to a family whose wealth and status goes back to the Victorian age.
01:01:09She's richer even than Ellen Musk.
01:01:11I only got the maple closet project because she gave it to me.
01:01:16What?
01:01:18You, apologize right now or I will kick you and your father to the curb.
01:01:27I'm sorry.
01:01:29No.
01:01:31This can't be.
01:01:33I made you divorce.
01:01:38Go home.
01:01:39You're not suited to come with me to my celebration banquet.
01:01:47I apologize on behalf of my mother.
01:01:50Honey, I know you came here to celebrate my achievements.
01:01:54I promise no one will bother you anymore.
01:01:57I didn't come here for you.
01:02:00I'm on a date.
01:02:02A date with two men at the same time?
01:02:05She really is a whore.
01:02:06And now, please forgive me.
01:02:09I really do love you.
01:02:12Oh-ho!
01:02:13Lady Larkhart is here!
01:02:16Oh-ho!
01:02:17Lady Larkhart is here!
01:02:20I said...
01:02:21Yeah, yeah, yeah, we already know you beat Ford's effort.
01:02:24We're too old for that.
01:02:26They're here for my celebration banquet.
01:02:27Please, you gave me the contract so if anyone should go as my guest of honor, it should be you.
01:02:34Oh, yes, please, Miss Larkhart, join us.
01:02:37We'll all be one happy business family again.
01:02:40What the hell are you all doing here?
01:02:43Where were you?
01:02:45Stomach issues.
01:02:46Again?
01:02:47Would you like my diagnosis?
01:02:49No.
01:02:51Let me make myself clear, okay?
01:02:55I would rather die than be with you again.
01:02:59Seems that they're not actually on good terms.
01:03:03I can't lose face in front of these pricks, otherwise they'll cut me off too.
01:03:07Angela, I know you're still mad, but please give me a chance. I'll prove it to you.
01:03:11You want a chance?
01:03:13Angela, no. You have three great guys here who all want to marry you.
01:03:17Don't take him back.
01:03:19I'll give you two choices.
01:03:23I'll give you two choices.
01:03:27Me.
01:03:28Or the contract.
01:03:30You're kidding me.
01:03:32No, I'm not kidding you.
01:03:34If you choose me, we can remarry this week.
01:03:37But you don't get the $100 billion contract.
01:03:41The choice is all yours.
01:03:43So that's a tough choice.
01:03:46You think so?
01:03:47He either marries a royal heiress or gets a contract that takes his company to the moon.
01:03:51Either way he benefits.
01:03:53Why can't I have both?
01:03:55You really are a greedy bastard.
01:03:58Angela, I saved you in the pool, remember? I deserved the contract.
01:04:02Did you really?
01:04:07Look who's fashionably late now.
01:04:10He didn't save her at the pool.
01:04:12Wait, what are you talking about?
01:04:15I, uh, I choose the contract.
01:04:18I knew it. You'll get what's coming to you.
01:04:21With this contract, my company's earning potential is limitless.
01:04:26Angela Lockhart, you humiliated me in front of everyone. I will get you one day.
01:04:30Let me show you something.
01:04:44You saved me.
01:04:50You saved me.
01:04:51I'm sorry if his lies led to you wasting three years of your life.
01:04:58But I promise you, I'm gonna make it up to you with the rest of our lives.
01:05:04No, no, I wasn't lying. I just couldn't, can't remember exactly what happened that day.
01:05:09Does that mean we both each saved her once?
01:05:20What? Me? Dr. Wilson losing at saving people?
01:05:26No way.
01:05:28You guys, one of you, do something life-threatening right now.
01:05:31You're crazy.
01:05:33And actually, they've all been doing horrible shit behind your back.
01:05:38What?
01:05:41Mr. Sterling had me investigate their company's dealings.
01:05:44Turns out they've been fudging the numbers on your shared accounts and contracts.
01:05:48To put it simply, they've been stealing from you.
01:05:52I can't believe I didn't realize.
01:05:54Ms. Lockhart, I'm so sorry. I should have had third-party accountants check thoroughly.
01:05:59No, it's not your fault. They're just too slick.
01:06:02You'd like me to punish them for them.
01:06:04Oh god, no. Not that again. Please.
01:06:07Max.
01:06:09You know what to do.
01:06:10The banks have pulled all of our funds. All business ties have been severed. We're bankrupt!
01:06:28How did you do that? Who are you? And don't say Spider-Man!
01:06:40I'll tell you who I am.
01:06:44I'll tell you who I am.
01:06:45I am...
01:06:50Crypto-punk number two!
01:06:51What did he say he was?
01:06:53That's more bizarre than Spider-Man!
01:06:56You're Crypto-punk number two?
01:06:58Well, I'm Crypto-punk number one.
01:07:01See? You are number one at something.
01:07:04The most expensive NFT collection in the world.
01:07:07Forget Forbes' list.
01:07:09It's all about young money now.
01:07:11So...
01:07:12How about our date?
01:07:18I'm not letting them one-up me on this one.
01:07:21Let's buy two.
01:07:22They forgot to cancel my contract.
01:07:38I still have the $100 billion project.
01:07:42Yes! I'm rich!
01:07:45They make them all pay soon!
01:07:53What?
01:07:54Mr. Cooper, sir.
01:07:55The Maple Plaza contract requires us to provide 50% of the costs up front.
01:08:00Otherwise, it's a breach of contract and we'll have to pay for all financial repercussions.
01:08:04No!
01:08:06I'm bankrupt!
01:08:09I'm just a little Lockhart.
01:08:10You tricked me!
01:08:17Allow me.
01:08:18I'm sorry I was late, my queen.
01:08:23I had to get some very important materials for our special date.
01:08:29Well, cheers.
01:08:31Cheers.
01:08:41This looks good.
01:08:42Cheers.
01:08:46Did you use my spices?
01:08:49I know your ex-in-law has never appreciated you.
01:08:54You can have all the money and power in the world and you still can't force a man to love you.
01:09:01Couldn't even remember our anniversary.
01:09:02Angel, your future with me is going to be different.
01:09:15Come on.
01:09:17Go to the stairs.
01:09:19Hey.
01:09:32Wow.
01:09:34Devon, I can't believe this is what I've been missing out on these past few years just because of some silly mistake.
01:09:46Angela, I've known and loved you for three whole years.
01:09:51Actually, I've also loved you for three years.
01:09:55That's right. I fell in love with you three years ago, too.
01:09:59How is all of this possible?
01:10:02I didn't meet any of you until recently.
01:10:05Well, actually, maybe Devon, but...
01:10:09I've had a crush on you since college.
01:10:12You're my motivation to go to business school.
01:10:16Despite who you were, you never judged me for being poor.
01:10:19Are you trying to get hired at Fortune 500 in a suit like that?
01:10:30All you do is babble on and on about internet money, Bitcoin and shit like that.
01:10:37Are you trying to steal my spot?
01:10:41I'll teach you a lesson.
01:10:43Hey! Get away from me!
01:10:47Get off!
01:10:49Fives the girl.
01:10:51I like her.
01:11:02How is he?
01:11:04It's a rare poison made from a mixture of dried roots found in Africa.
01:11:07Australia.
01:11:09Can it be cured?
01:11:11I actually think I know that poison.
01:11:13It sounds really scary, but its cure can actually be found in any developed country.
01:11:17Household salt.
01:11:18I like her.
01:11:26I like her.
01:11:28There you go.
01:11:30I don't know what time is it up.
01:11:33Oh shoot, I'm late for some practice.
01:11:43I like her.
01:11:45We have been rivals ever since.
01:11:46So, that's how I, well, we, all met.
01:11:52I barely remember.
01:11:54Should have never let you go to swim practice that day.
01:11:57Matthew Richards, the guy who poisoned me, attacked you out of revenge.
01:12:02You wouldn't have known.
01:12:03I did hear he dropped out and became a loan shark though.
01:12:06That makes you feel any better.
01:12:07Yeah, I think that suits him a little better.
01:12:10Angela, your seven days is almost up.
01:12:12Now that you know they all loved and fought for you for three years.
01:12:17Who will you pick?
01:12:18How can that be?
01:12:19Angela Lockhart is an heiress?
01:12:23How can that be?
01:12:24Angela Lockhart is an heiress?
01:12:28I'm a thief.
01:12:29Hey you, how can that be?
01:12:30Eva, what do you think?
01:12:31Well...
01:12:32Well then, get out of here.
01:12:33You can't do this to me!
01:12:34Oh, Jared.
01:12:36Mom, it's me.
01:12:37What happened.
01:12:38Vanderbilt's have gone bankrupt?
01:12:41Well then, get out of here.
01:12:43You can't do this to me.
01:12:48Jared.
01:12:49Mom, it's me.
01:12:50What happened?
01:12:52Jared, I have carefully reconsidered.
01:12:55Angela is way better than this dimwit.
01:12:57You should get back with your wife.
01:12:59We're bankrupt.
01:13:01What?
01:13:05Jared Cooper.
01:13:08We're here to recompose your belongings.
01:13:12No one is going to save you now.
01:13:14What?
01:13:15What?
01:13:16No!
01:13:19What kind of an asshole throws his own mother to the dogs?
01:13:25Who will you pick?
01:13:30I...
01:13:31I brought you fried chicken.
01:13:36Fried chicken?
01:13:37Hey, not all girls like sushi and caviar.
01:13:40Yeah, he's right.
01:13:41I did live in Atlanta for three months.
01:13:43Sucking up last minute!
01:13:45At least I don't speak like an AI robot.
01:13:48Hey, stop.
01:13:49Stop.
01:13:51Welcome back to The Bachelorette.
01:13:53I mean, the three badasses who want me.
01:13:56I mean, Angela Lockhart.
01:14:00You know what I mean.
01:14:02Today, our heiress bachelorette will choose.
01:14:05Which one of our three badasses will she marry?
01:14:08Will it be Shane, the doctor?
01:14:11Will it be Shane, the doctor?
01:14:13Cole, the general?
01:14:15Or Devin, the CEO?
01:14:19Uh, looks like our bachelorette may need a little more time to decide.
01:14:26Oh, the suspense is killing me.
01:14:28But when she does, she will take this eternal rose made from glass imported from Venice and give it to our winner.
01:14:38Angela.
01:14:39Oh, I, uh, I need more time to think.
01:14:51Uh, while our bachelorette takes a little time to decide, why don't we check in with each of our candidates?
01:14:58Let's check in with each of our candidates.
01:15:01Let's start with Cole.
01:15:03Cole.
01:15:03There's not much to say.
01:15:09Who wouldn't want a five-star general who has huge biceps, a massive chest, who would protect their wife?
01:15:20Okay, thank you.
01:15:23Uh, Shane?
01:15:26Muscles, money, they'll only get you so far.
01:15:30But you need a well-balanced man like me, that has more than one way to keep a lady happy, if you know what I mean.
01:15:36Okay, I think we do.
01:15:41And Devin.
01:15:44That was quite disgusting.
01:15:48I just hope Angela's okay.
01:15:51I know she's going under a lot of stress right now.
01:15:53A lot of choices to make.
01:15:55And she's my queen.
01:15:58I just really hope she's okay.
01:15:59And then one more thing.
01:16:01What kind of a doctor brings fried chicken to a girl?
01:16:06That's a good point.
01:16:07It's bad for her heart.
01:16:10And then you.
01:16:11What?
01:16:12You know what they say about military men.
01:16:15They beat their wives.
01:16:21Enough!
01:16:24Stand up!
01:16:26Hey, you guys.
01:16:27Whoa, break it up.
01:16:30Hey, break it up.
01:16:37Cut to commercial.
01:16:38Cut to commercial.
01:16:39Cut to commercial.
01:16:39This is the hardest decision I've ever had to make in my entire life.
01:17:00Who do I choose?
01:17:11Angela's marrying me.
01:17:12You're not stealing her from me.
01:17:14Oh, yeah?
01:17:15I may be a doctor, but like I said, I know and possess the deadliest poisons in the world.
01:17:21What don't you have in that code?
01:17:26Fruit flavored gum.
01:17:27I won't let you take Angela away from me.
01:17:29I'll fight you to the death.
01:17:31Don't forget about me.
01:17:33It's time I reveal my true identity.
01:17:36These stupid profile cards don't make any sense.
01:17:42They do not help.
01:17:43Who made these?
01:17:44Who made these?
01:17:45It's time I reveal my true identity.
01:18:05I'm actually a part of the X-Men.
01:18:11And I have the power of telekinesis!
01:18:14We may have to work together to take him down.
01:18:32This battle within our heads is the most intense I've ever experienced.
01:18:47I may not be able to take them both down if they decide to team up.
01:18:50Hmm.
01:18:52Winter mint or cool mint?
01:18:58You know, I've always really liked our hair.
01:19:01Really?
01:19:02I'm actually pretty self-conscious about it.
01:19:06So I appreciate that.
01:19:09Hey, hey, hey.
01:19:10And you know, Cole, I've always really liked the way you talk.
01:19:15Really?
01:19:16Yeah.
01:19:17Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:19:19What do you got for me?
01:19:21I always really liked the way you chew gum.
01:19:25Yeah?
01:19:25Yeah.
01:19:26It's fresh, right?
01:19:26Yeah.
01:19:27It's fresh.
01:19:28Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:19:30You know, you're actually a really good doctor.
01:19:32Hey, I appreciate it.
01:19:33I'll take you out.
01:19:34Hey, if you need me to look at you, I got you closer.
01:19:36Hey, me too.
01:19:36I'll take care.
01:19:37Yeah, of course.
01:19:38Angela's been kidnapped.
01:19:40Angela's been kidnapped.
01:19:42It was Jerry Cooper.
01:19:44That fucker!
01:19:45We have to find her.
01:19:47What the hell?
01:19:47Her ring.
01:19:48Her dad installed a GPS tracking mechanism on her ring just in case.
01:19:52Well, let's go then!
01:19:53My own!
01:19:54My fiance!
01:19:55My fiance!
01:20:01Jared.
01:20:06What am I doing here?
01:20:08You destroyed me.
01:20:11They took everything.
01:20:14What?
01:20:15I have nothing left.
01:20:16It's not my fault you were too greedy.
01:20:21I was greedy to have sex with my wife.
01:20:24What?
01:20:25I'm not your wife anymore!
01:20:27Oh, yeah, I know.
01:20:28You wouldn't take me back now, not unless I get you pregnant with my child.
01:20:31This is illegal!
01:20:32You wouldn't want your child to be away from its father.
01:20:35You won't have me arrested.
01:20:37You will take me back.
01:20:40Ow!
01:20:41You're a bitch.
01:20:42I'll settle you down a little.
01:20:54You will be begging me to fuck you soon.
01:20:59Hey!
01:20:59Angelo!
01:21:01Come back!
01:21:05You're too late!
01:21:07I drugged her.
01:21:08She'll be dead soon unless...
01:21:09Oh, yeah?
01:21:10Have you forgotten who I am?
01:21:13He really does have everything in this coach.
01:21:15Everything except for fruit.
01:21:16Yeah, except for fruit-flavored gum.
01:21:17Get it already.
01:21:17Just save my paws!
01:21:18You're all good now.
01:21:29Oh, thank God.
01:21:31But what do we do with that piece of shit?
01:21:33What?
01:21:33What are you going to do to me?
01:21:35Hey, stop!
01:21:36No!
01:21:36Don't!
01:21:39Enjoy your erectile dysfunction forever.
01:21:41I'm glad we didn't actually have that fight.
01:21:49Turns out he's the most dangerous of them all.
01:21:57So who did you pick, sweetheart?
01:21:59You've invited the most important figures of the world to your wedding.
01:22:02The Prince of Bhutan.
01:22:04And remember, we will kill ourselves if you don't choose.
01:22:07Welcome back to the finale of The Three Badasses Who Want Me.
01:22:17We're down to the wire.
01:22:18Literally, the wedding day.
01:22:20But who's the groom?
01:22:21Welcome back to the finale of The Three Badasses Who Want Me.
01:22:38But who's the groom?
01:22:42Uh, seems our era still hasn't decided.
01:22:47Any input from the parents?
01:22:49Maybe that will help sway our bachelorette's choice.
01:22:53Oh, this is exciting.
01:22:55Who should my daughter pick?
01:22:58Let me think.
01:23:02I like the doctor.
01:23:04He's cute.
01:23:07But the general looks like a strong fellow.
01:23:11And we can't forget about Devin Sterling,
01:23:13the one who's loved her the longest.
01:23:15Isn't that right, Devin?
01:23:17Angela.
01:23:17You are all three very fine gentlemen.
01:23:29And I'm really grateful for all of your love.
01:23:33But this was a really hard decision.
01:23:37And I decided to devise one last challenge.
01:23:41And I decided to devise one last challenge.
01:23:50I'm just kidding.
01:23:51I'm just as sick of this as you guys are.
01:23:57Each of our candidates have saved our main character.
01:24:00I mean bachelorette once.
01:24:03They've all proven their undying love.
01:24:06So who gets to unlock Angela Lockhart's heart?
01:24:10Literally.
01:24:10Could it be the sexy and protective, general with a temper, Mr. Cole Eisenhower?
01:24:23Or the fun, wicked-minded, but kind of weird, Dr. Shane Wilson?
01:24:30And last but not least, could it be the richest man of them all?
01:24:38The man Angela would have married a long time ago, Mr. Devin Sterling.
01:24:45Gentlemen.
01:24:47It's been a pleasure getting to know you.
01:24:50That has made the best man win.
01:24:53May the best man win.
01:24:56Drumroll, please.
01:24:57Seriously, Ricky?
01:25:11I choose...
01:25:20I need a powerful, strong man.
01:25:31I'm willing to feel like you can protect me.
01:25:36Who could persist those guns?
01:25:40Do they interest you in an NFD, Ellen?
01:25:42Do you like a full body check-up?
01:25:43I do.
01:25:44I do.
01:25:44I do.
01:25:48I do.
01:25:50Shane, it's you.
01:25:59I'm...
01:25:59I'm lovesick for you.
01:26:01You like that minty flavor, don't you?
01:26:03Yeah.
01:26:06It's that tongue action, ladies and gents.
01:26:09Ellen, be my new queen.
01:26:11I thought we could go together.
01:26:13Dance, babe?
01:26:13Dance, babe?
01:26:14It's always been you.
01:26:35I'll always love you.
01:26:37Let's give it up for those nine inches, everybody.
01:26:43Would you like a full body check-up?
01:26:45Have you seen my murder weapons?
01:26:46I need fruit-flavored gum for you.
01:26:48Let's dance, babe?
01:27:11I cold love you.
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