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BRITCOM ONE
  • 2 days ago

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00:00Right, Johannes, don't forget your aftershave and anti-snoring nasal strips.
00:09Thank you, Bucky.
00:10And your athlete's foot spray.
00:12Oh, yeah. It really flared up under my bandage,
00:15but I guess if you get a fungus hot and damp, you're going to have issues, eh?
00:20I'm not going to miss sharing a bathroom with four people.
00:24I'm really going to miss you.
00:27Oh, I'm going to miss you too.
00:30If you will live on the other side of London.
00:32Actually, Amanda, I got you a little surprise.
00:35Oh.
00:36As a thank you for looking after me while I was recovering from my war wound.
00:40I'm going to be honest, it was a snake bite.
00:41The snake went to war with me, Amanda.
00:43It wanted me dead.
00:46Ta-da!
00:51Oh, my God, Johannes.
00:54Yeah, it's a hybrid, like us.
00:57Because I love petrol and you love electric.
00:59And look, look, look.
01:01It's got a personalised number plate.
01:04It says sensuous.
01:06Yeah, it does.
01:08But my business is senuous.
01:11I don't see what you're saying.
01:12I don't want to be difficult, but it's got too many fives.
01:15It should be 5-E-N-U-0-U-5.
01:18Well, you have to disguise some of the letters as numbers.
01:21No, I know that, sweetheart.
01:22But you've done 5-E-N-5-U-0-U-5.
01:25And it should be 5-E-N-U-0-U-5.
01:28Amanda, I'm confused.
01:30Do you want the car or not?
01:31Yes, I love it, I love it, I love it.
01:34Oh, my God.
01:38Oh, my God.
01:45You know when people say it's like watching a car crash in slow motion, this is what they mean.
01:50Yeah, well, let's borrow that.
01:52Apart from the fact I'm a massive lesbian, I do not understand what she sees in that huge plate of gum.
01:58Yeah, I think we were all rooting for the snake.
02:02Hey-oh, here she comes.
02:05What's with the wristbands?
02:07I don't know.
02:08RSI, too much texting?
02:10Nice wheels, Amanda.
02:11Yeah, a little thank you from Johannes for being his sexy Florence Nightingale.
02:15Christ, no one ever tell him to go and rape for a nurse.
02:18What's the price tag on that thing?
02:20Well, I didn't ask and I don't care.
02:22It's a very lovely gift.
02:26Diego.
02:2798 grand.
02:28Fee.
02:31I said I didn't care.
02:33Is it six figures with a sunroof?
02:35Yeah.
02:36Hi.
02:37Hey, hey.
02:37Hey, Anne.
02:39Great news, you guys.
02:41The beer keller says they'll do us a keg of hoppy seconds at cost.
02:47What's this?
02:48Oh, we're just trying to organise the end of season awards party for the club.
02:51Yeah, last year was such a blast.
02:53We're going for the same again.
02:54So keg of beer, a bit of a barbecue, Mal and Ned's famous disco.
02:58Oh, Anne.
02:58No, come on.
03:00Surely we can aim a little higher than that.
03:02And that's all the subs we'll cover, sadly.
03:04We're not exactly Tottenham's hot spur.
03:07How are you a coach?
03:09Well, if it's a money issue, we might be able to lend a hand.
03:14Uh, the royal we?
03:15Johannes and I.
03:17If you don't mind making a little donation, we wouldn't say no to some cav and a bucket
03:22of Haribo.
03:22And that's not how you spend money.
03:24Hi!
03:25Hush, Spice!
03:26You blocked me in!
03:28It's fine.
03:29Stentuous!
03:30Move it or I'll slap your tyres!
03:32Actually, I'm going to lose it.
03:35It's actually Stentuous.
03:37The Middle East is a five.
03:38Mummy, I'm mid-collab.
03:49I know.
03:49I'm actually in the market for, um, a fizzy tab.
03:53You've got a fizzy tab.
03:54Look, if you're bored, why don't you give Fia a call, see if she's around.
03:58Not bored.
03:59I'm just thinking of you, cooped up in your showroom.
04:02And I was thinking, you know, you're looking a bit...
04:04Thin?
04:05Tired.
04:06You've got bags under your eyes.
04:07Well, I'm fine.
04:08Amanda!
04:09Kate, I've got to go, Mummy.
04:11Yes?
04:13Amanda, can you do a delivery for me to reach London?
04:16Do I look like a postman, Daniel?
04:18Look, it's 500 quid's worth of taps.
04:20They've asked for you by mine.
04:21Who orders 500 pounds worth of taps?
04:28Ah!
04:29Ah!
04:30Ah!
04:30Ah!
04:31Ah!
04:31Ah!
04:32Ah!
04:32Ah!
04:32Ah!
04:32Ah!
04:32Ah!
04:34Ah, man!
04:36Worth every penny.
04:37The taps.
04:39I'm talking about the taps.
04:41Johannes!
04:42I've just missed this so much.
04:47Listen, Johannes.
04:48Um...
04:49I was wondering if you thought it'd be fun to sponsor the Kids Football Awards this year.
04:55Just because it's such a deprived area and, um...
04:59Yeah.
04:59Sure.
05:00Really?
05:01Yeah.
05:01Well, they'll be thrilled.
05:07Could be a nice little, uh, send-off.
05:10A what?
05:10Well, I've been thinking about your living situation and, uh...
05:14Oh, my God!
05:22You know, Johannes, you bought me a house?
05:25Oh, my God!
05:26I haven't bought you a house, Amanda.
05:29I only just bought you a car.
05:32Oh!
05:33Greedy birdie.
05:34Now, these are the keys to this place.
05:36I thought you and the kids might like to move in.
05:38Oh.
05:39There's tons of space.
05:40Got a bathroom each.
05:42The guy upstairs lives in Singapore and the guy downstairs had his assets frozen.
05:46So talk about quiet.
05:48Yeah.
05:48And look at the view.
05:51You know we get seals here.
05:53What about the kids' schools?
05:54Ah, I'll just pay for St. Anthony's.
05:56It's much better than the dump they're at now.
05:59God, that's so kind.
06:04Can I think about it?
06:05Yeah, of course.
06:06It's a big step.
06:07Yes.
06:07For both of us.
06:08Yeah.
06:08Fifty years of Bachelor, I'm throwing my keys around willy-nilly.
06:12What have you done to me, Amanda?
06:14Lost my bloody mind.
06:16Yeah, Alice, can we...
06:17Let's not say anything to the kids just yet, just...
06:20Because I need to find the right time to talk to them about it.
06:23Anything from the lady.
06:28Oh, hey, hey, hey, look, look, look, look, look.
06:30Look, I see him.
06:32Oh, wow.
06:32Look at that little fella.
06:33Oh.
06:36Oh, wait, wait.
06:37No, it's a...
06:38It's a tyre.
06:40Oh.
06:40Yeah, so we'll just wait a couple more minutes until we have everyone and then...
06:49Sorry, I'm late.
06:51Oh, yes.
06:52Madda, my co-lab.
06:54Sorry, Madda, I'll get us your way.
06:56Yeah.
06:57Okay.
06:58Oh.
06:58Let's get started.
07:00Great.
07:01Okay.
07:02Yeah, so I think you all know Amanda, who has very kindly offered to sponsor this year's event.
07:08Namaste, guys.
07:09Just glad we can give something back.
07:11So I think we can all agree that, like, last year's party was pretty awesome.
07:16So as the old saying goes, you know, if it ain't broke, don't go tinkering with the original.
07:20I just think we've had a terrific year as a club, and it's time we had a bit more pride in ourselves.
07:26You know, we could, like, part the barbecue, get a caterer in.
07:29Oh, I could do my sausage rolls, because there ain't no party like an Anne's sausage party.
07:34No, thank you, Anne.
07:35No.
07:36We are getting professionals in.
07:37Can you see if the people who did my 40th birthday are available?
07:40They've gone out of business.
07:42In a year?
07:42Well, that was actually five years ago, because you're 45.
07:45I'm thinking photo booth, a churros machine, um, I'm spitballing here, guys.
07:52Uh, mixologist, professional DJ.
07:55Whoa, whoa, whoa, come on.
07:56The only reason I got involved with any of this football shit is so me and Ned can DJ the party.
08:01Okay, Mal, sure, though it isn't all about you.
08:07Can I just get some plain old cava?
08:09Like, I'm not great with the cocktails.
08:11It mixes together fine in the metal thingy, but once it hits my colon,
08:14it's like the Rapids and Centerperts.
08:16Fine, we'll get some cava.
08:18Great, yeah.
08:19Well, that's sorted, then.
08:20I will call my friend at Bluebird and get him started on the cocktail design.
08:24And, uh, you call the churros people.
08:26That was a really brilliant idea.
08:28Yeah, yeah, yeah.
08:33It's great to see her back to her old self.
08:35She's had a bit of a crappy year, so maybe just let her have this one thing.
08:40That's what they said about Poland.
08:41Yeah, so you just need...
08:45Mika, to the left.
08:49No, your other left.
08:51Actually, sorry.
08:52No, I was right.
08:53To the left.
08:54I see your right.
08:55Right.
08:56Yeah.
08:56No, I didn't want the cava.
08:58Stuff tastes like fizzy piss.
09:00You'll have to send it back and knock it off the bill, yeah?
09:03Yeah, that's it.
09:04That's it.
09:04That's it.
09:05Just put it just there.
09:06Would you look at this?
09:07It's like the New York Metzgala in here.
09:10That's two different things, Anne, but, uh, yeah.
09:12Love the banner.
09:13Mmm.
09:14Johanna's got that printed.
09:15Such a nice thought.
09:16Look, I know you said not to Amanda, but I made some of my famous sausage rolls, just in case.
09:20They're not famous, Anne.
09:22They are in my house.
09:23Yes, that's not what famous means.
09:25Leave the catering to the caterers, shall we?
09:26Okay, everyone, all hands on deck.
09:34Ah, yeah!
09:37Sorry, uh, what does an offside mule have in it?
09:41It's a Moscow mule.
09:42Oh, ha, that's very good.
09:44And the, um, the pina red carda?
09:46It's a pina colada.
09:48Oh, that's very clever.
09:50Hey!
09:52Hold on.
09:52Well, someone's on it.
09:54I have to tell Fee the business is going under.
09:59What, hey?
10:01Yep, safety in numbers.
10:03And coming out to my parents taught me that I require a very specific amount of alcohol
10:07before I reach a place of complete honesty.
10:10What's the amount?
10:11Oh, it's a very delicate balance.
10:13The trick is to stop just south of vomiting.
10:17Hmm.
10:18Did you decide on a cocktail?
10:19Oh, no.
10:20Can I please have a glass of carver?
10:22You haven't got carver.
10:23What?
10:23Okay.
10:25Could I get a Soha Moha and a Golden Baller for Mr. Vandervelde, please?
10:31Amanda, you forgot my carver.
10:33Yes, Johanna sent it back.
10:35He says it's not a proper drink, Anne.
10:37It's just Spain pretending to be France.
10:39Have something else.
10:39Come on, be adventurous.
10:41One for you.
10:41Just a beer, please.
10:42Sorry, we haven't got beer tonight.
10:43It's just cocktails.
10:44The Aussie guy said so.
10:45How are you doing?
10:46Welcome.
10:46This must be your beautiful wife or girlfriend, though.
10:48Yeah.
10:49Oh, yeah, because football fans famously hate beer.
10:52Come on, you can have your tinnies in your cheap bubbles any time.
10:54Let's keep it classy for one night.
10:56I'm trying to raise the bar here.
10:58Literally.
11:00Thank you, Jude.
11:01Oh, Mummy, look at you.
11:13So, are you staying?
11:14Well, the kids virtually begged me, and so I jiggled a few things around in the diary.
11:18Oh, that's great.
11:19George, take the wristband off.
11:20You look like Andy Murray.
11:21I like it.
11:22It's cool.
11:23It doesn't go with the dress, darling.
11:25Well, neither does your plaid shirts and chokers.
11:27Will you let it go?
11:27Actually, Mummy, I'm glad I've got you.
11:29What, generally, or...?
11:31I don't say anything to the kids, but Johannes has asked us to move into his place in Wapping.
11:38Well, that's a very kind offer.
11:40Yeah, he's so generous, and he worships me, but I don't know if it feels like things are
11:46moving too fast, or...?
11:48Well, sometimes you have to move fast, don't you?
11:51I mean, you're not getting any younger.
11:53Well, none of us are.
11:54I think my dermatologist would disagree.
11:57Look, I know I pretended to like this place.
11:59You haven't.
12:00Wapping is the new Holland Park.
12:03I'm so excited.
12:05Good for you, darling.
12:07Thank you, Mummy.
12:09Oh, it's starting.
12:10Get yourself a drink.
12:11Good evening, everyone.
12:12Thank you so much for coming.
12:14We've got lots to get through this evening.
12:16Lots of awards to give out.
12:17Could I have a girl-fashioned, without the bitters or the soda water?
12:20That's just a whiskey.
12:21Yeah, three of those.
12:23In one glass.
12:25Well, it's been a very positive season for the under-11s.
12:29Our unbeaten record in 10 of our 18 games.
12:32Thanks.
12:33Wow.
12:34A historic win.
12:36Christ, what the hell's in that?
12:37Oh, that might be mine.
12:39That's the season began in August.
12:40The under-15s...
12:42Oh, my God, is that a tattoo?
12:43It's just pen, chill.
12:44Pen my home.
12:45That is a prison tattoo.
12:47Have you seen that?
12:48It's not a big deal.
12:49Please tell me Georgie hasn't got one.
12:51Yeah, of course.
12:52We're best mates.
12:52We're best mates.
12:54Please put your hands together.
12:57Gigi.
13:05And now for the most improved award.
13:07The award for the most improved player.
13:11The most improved player joined us at the beginning of the season.
13:15And has quickly become an absolute linchpin of the team.
13:19I can't wait to see what she does next season.
13:22So, let's put our hands together for Georgie Hughes.
13:26Oh, my God!
13:29Yay!
13:32Yay!
13:32I love Georgie!
13:35Woo, woo, woo, woo!
13:36This is my own creation.
13:38I call it the Vandervelde Slammer.
13:41Georgie's off.
13:42Your legs sit down.
13:43Please, sit down.
13:44Thank you, Georgie!
13:45And well done, Georgie.
13:47Yay!
13:47Up next is the under-15s category.
13:50I didn't get my version.
13:50Sophie Webster.
13:52Come up and collect the award for Player of the Year.
13:55Woo!
13:55Woo!
13:55Woo!
13:56Woo!
13:56Woo!
13:56Woo!
13:57Woo!
13:57Woo!
13:57Woo!
13:57Woo!
13:57Woo!
13:58Woo!
13:58Woo!
13:59Woo!
13:59Woo!
13:59Woo!
14:00Woo!
14:00Woo!
14:01Woo!
14:01Woo!
14:01Woo!
14:02Woo!
14:02Woo!
14:03Woo!
14:04Woo!
14:04Woo!
14:05Let us be pleased, a huge thank you to our sponsors.
14:16Ah, you're welcome!
14:18Dick.
14:19Uh, without whose generosity tonight would be so different, um, a great big round of applause for
14:27Amanda.
14:28Yes!
14:30Go on, lady.
14:31Come on, come on.
14:32Come on.
14:33Yes!
14:34Yes!
14:35Yes, she is!
14:36All right, my baby!
14:38Woo!
14:39Thanks, everyone.
14:40Wow!
14:41That is a lot of dupery.
14:43Goodness.
14:44Um, thank you, of course, to Anne for, um, uh, thanks, Anne.
14:54Um, so, on behalf of the Vandervelde Senuous Foundation, I just want to say what a privilege
15:03it is to support the village it is to support the little guys, you know, because, um, we
15:08might be up here, but we never forget about down there.
15:14So, um, have a great evening and enjoy the party.
15:18All right, baby!
15:23Hey!
15:24Hey!
15:25Uh, listen, I was wondering, could you play me a little bit of Rick Astley?
15:42I don't think I have any.
15:43Well, maybe you could just plug your phone in or something.
15:46I'm more of a vinyl guy, you know?
15:48Old-school DJ.
15:49Yeah.
15:50Well, maybe you could make an exception, seeing as I'm paying for all this.
15:56Yeah.
15:57Right, I'll, uh, I'll stick it on after this for you.
16:01Rick Astley, yeah.
16:02Rick Astley, yeah.
16:03What does she see in that dickhead?
16:07Oh, you know, she seems happy and I think she's really into him.
16:11I don't know about you, but I can't drink another crossbar-garita.
16:15I'm gonna sneak out, get some beers.
16:18Anyone want anything?
16:19Ah!
16:20Now you're talking my language.
16:22No, we can't, because Amanda will kill us.
16:25She wants everything all fancy in here.
16:26Well, you can't drink it in here.
16:28There's always the shipping container at the back.
16:31Yes, mate.
16:32Cava, two bottles, I have money.
16:35Woo!
16:38Oh, gee!
16:40No!
16:41Sweetheart, come on.
16:44It'll be like when the beckons do it.
16:46Here.
16:47No.
16:48Okay, well, just take the wristband off.
16:50No, it's cool.
16:51Just for the photo.
16:52You won't want to look back on yourself in sports schedule.
16:54Okay, there we go.
16:56There we go.
16:57Sweetheart, like this.
16:58Like this.
16:59Hands like this.
17:00There we go.
17:01OMG, is that a tattoo?
17:03No.
17:04Only a little one.
17:05Me and Morten did them to each other.
17:07Why would you do that?
17:08Because we're best mates.
17:10No, you're not.
17:11You're two kids who ended up in the same class for a bit.
17:14You're going to look at that scab of hepatitis in a few years and you're going to say,
17:17what was I thinking?
17:18No, I won't.
17:19You will, Georgie.
17:20I don't know anyone from when I was your age.
17:23What does that tell you?
17:24That nobody likes you.
17:25Oh, there she is!
17:26Yes!
17:27Yes!
17:28Keep the noise down.
17:29Oh, Mum B.
17:30Bubbles for Anne.
17:31Gaspers.
17:32Gaspers.
17:33Gaspers.
17:34Gaspers.
17:35Gaspers.
17:36Gaspers.
17:37Gaspers.
17:38Gaspers.
17:39Gaspers.
17:40Gaspers.
17:41Gaspers.
17:42Gaspers.
17:43Gaspers.
17:44Gaspers.
17:45Gaspers.
17:46Gaspers.
17:47Gaspers.
17:48I'll get you a glass, man.
17:49Cheers!
17:50I just want to tell you what I'm feeling.
17:54I don't have to understand.
17:57I'm going to give you all.
18:00I'm going to let you all.
18:02Someone needs to be filming this.
18:06Where's Anne?
18:07Can I say you look insanely hot tonight.
18:10I sent like five photos of you to my rugby mates WhatsApp group.
18:14And they all agree you're a stunk, old ten.
18:17The place looks great.
18:18You've really polished a turd.
18:20Speaking of which, there's a great new sports centre in Wapping.
18:24I know, no pressure.
18:28Yeah, can I get, like, an empty wine glass, please?
18:32There you are.
18:33I've been looking for you guys.
18:35Hey!
18:37Um, let's just get some ice.
18:39It's hot.
18:41Work, spinning the old ones and twos.
18:43Have you seen everyone?
18:45Where's Anne?
18:45We've got to get the whole gang photo booth.
18:47Yeah!
18:48Come on.
18:49I'm not aware of it.
18:50It was so good.
18:51I know.
18:52Well, you need them.
18:55Come on.
18:57Upstairs, downstairs.
19:03It's such a fun party, isn't it?
19:05Oh, it's so fun.
19:09He's so generous, isn't he?
19:11Yeah.
19:11Yeah.
19:12Yeah.
19:12Well, he really knows how to spend money on things.
19:17Yeah.
19:18You ready?
19:19Yeah.
19:20Mm-hmm.
19:26Do you remember the thing you said in the hospital?
19:29About me being too good for Johannes?
19:32I don't remember saying anything.
19:36I, uh, I had just taken an ecstasy by accident.
19:41Oh.
19:41Kind of.
19:42And, uh, I should, um...
19:44Yeah, yeah, no, I...
19:45Oh, I hate the way she talks to me like I'm a kid.
19:57Yeah, I know, babe.
19:58She really annoys me.
19:59Oh, what's up, sweetheart?
20:02Oh, what's up, sweetheart?
20:02Mum's pissed off because me and Morton got, like, the tiniest tattoo.
20:06Oh, like she can talk.
20:09What?
20:10Look, I think it's really lovely to have a little memento.
20:14A little something to remember, um...
20:16Morton.
20:16Morton by.
20:17At your new school.
20:19New school?
20:20What?
20:21Oops.
20:22Hang on.
20:22What's going on?
20:24No, it's not for me to say.
20:29Hey, guys.
20:30Dope fits, for real.
20:32Um, have any of you guys seen Morton's mum or your mum, Darius?
20:36Not for a bit, actually.
20:37Sorry.
20:38Okay.
20:38Cool, cool.
20:39Gucci.
20:40Um, well, enjoy yourselves, yeah?
20:43Gucci?
20:45Anne?
20:47Guys?
20:52Yes!
20:52Yes!
20:52Yes!
20:53Yes!
20:54Yes!
20:55Yes!
20:56Yes!
20:57Yes!
20:57Yes!
20:58Yes!
20:58Yes!
20:59It's Amanda.
20:59Yes!
21:00Just shh!
21:01I feel like I'm in The Walking Dead.
21:09What are you doing in here?
21:13Why aren't you at my party?
21:14It's not your party, doll.
21:16It's, it's, it's the club's party.
21:19Yeah, I'm just not very cocktails and canopies.
21:22Kindopies.
21:23Kindopies.
21:24Exactly.
21:25See, I don't even know that.
21:26And in fairness, we did say we wanted something a bit more low-key.
21:32Great.
21:33At least we know where we all stand.
21:34At least we know where we all stand.
21:36And next year you can have your trough of lager and your scotch eggs, because I won't
21:39be here.
21:40Don't be like that.
21:41No, I won't be here, Anne.
21:42I'm moving to Wapping with Johannes.
21:45What?
21:46No, you're not.
21:48You can't move to Wapping.
21:50What about everything here?
21:53Please, Anne, this was always a stopgap.
21:54I do not belong in South Halston.
21:55I should be among people who would appreciate this party.
21:58I'm a canapé person, Anne, and I refuse to spend my life amongst sausage rolls.
22:05Oh, I'm fucking hot.
22:14Johannes.
22:18Yes.
22:20Yes, woman?
22:21Yes, I will move to Wapping with you.
22:23Oh, you...
22:24You will...
22:25Oh, my God!
22:28I'm so fucking happy!
22:30I love this woman!
22:32I bloody love this woman!
22:35I'm gonna call my mother!
22:38She'll be so relieved!
22:48Um...
22:49Coming back inside, Anne?
22:51Uh...
22:52Yeah.
22:53I can't go in there.
22:55I don't wanna see her.
22:58Would you tell Darius I'll be waiting outside?
23:00Yeah, of course.
23:05I hate her.
23:06It's not fair.
23:07She's already made us move school once.
23:08I just love it here.
23:09Come on, girls.
23:10Are you okay?
23:11What's wrong?
23:12My gang and said Mum's moving us to Wapping and I don't want to go.
23:26It sucks.
23:27But your mammy loves you.
23:28And she wouldn't be doing this unless she thought it was good for you.
23:33And sometimes in life, we have to do things that people don't like.
23:38Because in the long run, it's the right thing to do.
23:44Even if people might hate you for a bit.
23:47I'm sick.
23:48I don't know.
23:49I hate you.
23:50I hate you.
23:52I hate you.
23:53I hate you.
23:58I hate you.
24:04You're sick of it.
24:05That's miles away!
24:06Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen, if I could just get a minute of your time, please.
24:21To be honest, I can do because I paid for all this.
24:27Amanda, where's Amanda?
24:31Amanda?
24:32Amanda?
24:33Amanda!
24:34There she is.
24:35Amanda, come up, girl.
24:37Come up.
24:39Come up here, baby.
24:43What's going on?
24:45Now, I know we haven't known each other for very long at all, but when you've had a near-death experience like I had recently, it makes you realise what's important about life.
25:04So...
25:04What have you done to me?
25:07I'll hardly ever do this.
25:10What are you going to do?
25:11Amanda.
25:12Yes?
25:13Would you do me the honour of becoming my wife?
25:25Don't do it, Amanda!
25:27Anne?
25:27No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
25:29Absolutely not!
25:30The fuck?
25:30You can't marry him.
25:31What?
25:32I know you don't want to hear this because he's rich and he has a nice flat.
25:36It's a penthouse.
25:37It's a penthouse.
25:38But as your best friend, it is my duty to tell you things that you might not want to hear.
25:42And I'm telling you this right now.
25:44You cannot marry him.
25:46You're too good for him.
25:47You're not my best friend, Anne.
25:52Yes, I am.
25:52No, you're not.
25:53My best friend is called Elizabeth and she lives in Canada.
25:56She was my maid of honour.
25:58Well, I don't see her here now, Amanda.
26:01Stopping you from making the biggest mistake of your life.
26:06We are best friends, whether you liked or not.
26:09And that's how I know you don't love him.
26:11And don't go telling me, oh, he makes me happy because you've half a sausage roll on your chin.
26:15And if you eating carbs isn't a cry for help, then I don't know what is.
26:19So please, don't marry this dick and don't leave Soha.
26:24For the love of God.
26:25Right, well, if the drunk lady's finished with her floor show, then, uh...
26:31I'm not even drunk.
26:33Thanks to you.
26:34Well, if this is you sober, madam, then you are an embarrassment.
26:38Hey.
26:40Don't talk to her like that.
26:41Okay, okay.
26:42Look, I'll make it really simple for you, right?
26:45You know the life I can give you.
26:48Now, do you want that life?
26:49Or would you rather stop here, drinking shit wine in the arse end of nowhere?
27:01Here you go, darling.
27:04You know what, Amanda?
27:06All the best!
27:12I know.
27:14He closed the tab.
27:15I had to go to something called a Londis.
27:19I would have said yes.
27:24But look where that gets you.
27:26I'm so proud of you, darling.
27:34Your mascara smudged.
27:36Can't drink this filth.
27:39I'm sure I saw a bottle of peach schnapps in there.
27:44Oh!
27:45I need to talk to you right now.
27:51Oh, okay.
27:52Should we?
27:52No, no, no.
27:53Right now.
27:56Okay, what the fuck is...
27:59We're screwed.
28:00I borrowed too much for double chin, and it's taken out both shins.
28:04I've tried everything, but the numbers just don't add up.
28:08So, yeah, we're screwed.
28:16Good.
28:17What?
28:18I've barely seen your smile in the last two years.
28:20In fact, I've barely seen you in the last two years.
28:24You know, I want all the success in the world for you, darling, but if it's not making you
28:29happy, and this means that I might get you back, and just let it go, we'll be okay.
28:39Hey, I can just start selling my ceramic pots.
28:44I just wanted to say, um...
28:51Your sausage rolls are actually delicious.
28:58I know.
29:05She's right, you know.
29:07Well, no, Elizabeth was my best friend, but with the distance, we sort of...
29:12No, not that.
29:14You are too good for him.
29:17Are you coming, big man?
29:18Yep.
29:20Ned.
29:23There is space in the potmobile if you want to live back to my house.
29:26My house?
29:27Well, I'm 34, you're 34A, so, uh...
29:31Mummy, kids, come on.
29:33We're going home.
29:35Mum, have you got a tattoo?
29:37What?
29:40I didn't tell her.
29:43Well, thanks a lot, Mummy.
29:44Fun is broke.
29:50It's kind of ok.
29:56Good morning.
29:57I don't really know.
29:58Good morning.
29:58We'll be back.
29:59Bye.
29:59Bye.
29:59Bye.
29:59Bye.
30:04Bye.
30:05Bye.
30:05Bye.
30:05Bye.
30:06Bye.
30:07Bye.
30:07Bye.
30:07Bye.
30:07Bye.
30:08Bye.
30:09Bye.
30:11Bye.
30:12Bye.
30:13Bye.
30:13Bye.