00:00Make Me Do It by Albert A. Monkey Fist
00:06The greatest orgasm I ever had was in the downtown St. Louis library, in the genealogy section.
00:16Quiet as an alley rape, I rip out pages with my surname.
00:21Whole black forest villages came tumbling down.
00:25Go the fuck away. Why won't I fade?
00:28Like McFly in Back to the Future, I want everything to be blank.
00:34I want every time we meet to be the first and last time.
00:40A book is a poor man's time machine.
00:45A book is evidence that we are a crime.
00:49Who planted recorded history on us?
00:53Animals get away with murder.
00:55I am going to ditch it all in the river.
00:57Free us from those before us, and those that may come.
01:03Suicide was not good enough for me.
01:06I am a man in a bunker lit by flickering Christmas lights.
01:10Those Christmas lights are tiny projectors, projecting in every frequency.
01:15Someone is playing Hitler and Eva home movies on me like a screen.
01:21Red-cheeked Eva goes down to pick Adolf a tulip.
01:25I want everything to go down with me.
01:29Delusional men can't understand that the world may be better off without them.
01:34But I don't want endings.
01:38I want never-wazzes.
01:40I stuff the pages in my shoes for warmth.
01:43I will burn them later, like Chinese wishes, written in smoke.
01:49Bums.
01:50A city library is full of sub-literate bums.
01:55Yellow thoughts.
01:55Yellow cotton balls for guts.
01:58Track marks.
01:59Dead doll eyes.
02:01Moving orange into broken ghost-leg snakes.
02:06Stagger.
02:07Like an empty bug-eye.
02:09A maraca.
02:10Wrapped in stretched, see-through, gray-skinned.
02:12Of a dead-letter friend we vote to reject the skin grafts on the city.
02:18Hungry, striking, doomsday-clock-handed monks.
02:22Standing between sleep and reading.
02:25Between the black, asphalted snow streets.
02:27And a tumor in the city's memory.
02:30They have genealogy books, too.
02:33They think they are phone books.
02:35They take them to the phone booth.
02:37And try to call their ancestors, collect.
02:40They use their little boy voices on the phone.
02:43The last voice anyone loved.
02:48I read sex dreams of fucked-up women.
02:51I get hard, then repulsed.
02:54By fathers taking temperatures but never giving them back.
02:57Children left cold.
02:59I read about wind-up toy crystal cults that waited in closets with burlap sacks.
03:06I wrote the newspaper.
03:08I put myself between the lines, behind the scenes, changing the frequencies.
03:12I read Orwell's To Shoot an Elephant.
03:16I want to be the elephant.
03:19The wild that kills the tame.
03:21Ultimate goal of tame is to be inert.
03:24The ultimate goal of wild is to fuck something it shouldn't.
03:30And impregnate what we thought it couldn't.
03:32I will birth life out of these lifeless books.
03:35I hope the tomes die in the delivery room.
03:39I have $1.20.
03:42I have not ate today.
03:44I will read about food.
03:46I open the big art books.
03:49Dada.
03:50The wild that fucked what it shouldn't.
03:52But its children were stillborn.
03:55The surreal is a history of the wild.
03:58Old symbols the long-dead children of art and the living.
04:01The Greek is a boxer.
04:05The martyrs is the boxed lunch.
04:08Tools of death.
04:10A devil's cookbook.
04:11I feed on the cut and cooked martyr's flesh.
04:15The photo books.
04:18Arty sex.
04:19Black and white bodies.
04:21Gray tits and ass.
04:23Slopes.
04:24Curves.
04:25This geometry makes my blood flow Egyptian sky god blue.
04:29The wrong way.
04:31Never to come back.
04:32Like today.
04:35I run my fingers along her back.
04:38As if it were 4D.
04:41It's goose pimpled like shy stars.
04:44They come out.
04:46I am safe to her.
04:48She pushes back.
04:50I pluck that spot where the mandolin strings pass the sound hole.
04:55That spot.
04:57The tone.
04:58Brings me to my knees.
05:01Her eyes.
05:02She wants me to watch.
05:04She wasn't desperate porn.
05:06She was mother art.
05:08I must hold her tight as a falling city.
05:12She was a downed power line.
05:14That photo could see me.
05:16It spoke.
05:17You're not ready to abandon your body.
05:21You're not a wet pulpy newspaper in the grate of a rain gutter.
05:25You need me.
05:26I am better than the real thing.
05:30I smelt her on the page.
05:33I breathed her in deep to the bottom.
05:37I was the hookah plumbing to her purple smoke.
05:40She moved against the wind.
05:43My palm sweat gave me away.
05:45I gripped the desk for dear life.
05:49Her odor reprogrammed me.
05:52She left missing persons flyers.
05:55Hot lead poured into my brain holes.
05:59Silverfish formed and rewrote my unread history.
06:03She is my runaway nun.
06:05Cheating on Christ.
06:06Since her.
06:07I have never had a best friend.
06:10A lover.
06:12Show me some skin.
06:14Show me it all.
06:16Like a spider.
06:17In a shower.
06:18I will crawl up your drain.
06:21I held others like a lover.
06:23They held me like an alms bull.
06:26Catching a leak.
06:27At the entrance.
06:28Flanking the stairs.
06:29Stone lion eyes.
06:31Rolled back to see what was going on.
06:33She exploded in the unused part of my brain.
06:38The place primates gave up.
06:41When they lost much of their sense of smell.
06:46Sixth sense is the bored, senseless, caged part of the brain that once smelled.
06:51Reaching with ectoplasmic tendrils.
06:54It's a prisoner rattling a tin cup against the bars.
06:57It wants food for thought.
07:00Rhythmic thighs pinned up on its cell wall.
07:05It's a distraction.
07:08It's going to break out.
07:10Why is it trying to escape me?
07:13What are its plans?
07:14Its cell wall's a negative north wall in Luxor.
07:17All the wiring and smell thoughts are all still there.
07:23Thinking for themselves.
07:26An empty space with nothing to do but put doubt in you.
07:32One day, my red buttons button up on the right.
07:35The next, they are on the left.
07:38Vulnerable.
07:39Going down the stairs.
07:40I think of what I wanted to say.
07:42Too late.
07:44It's never too late.
07:45She's in all girls.
07:48Somewhere.
07:49I can bring her out.
07:51Her smell was a smell.
07:54Humans cannot pick up with their waking mind.
07:58That's the phantom that causes your dog to howl.
08:01What is it, boy?
08:03Monkey, you will never know.
08:07Memory.
08:08It's in the nose.
08:10Belief is in the nose.
08:12I can smell you.
08:15I am half reading and half asleep.
08:18Make me believe in you.
08:20What brought back this memory of when I had a name?
08:25I thought, don't tell them about the world.
08:28Their ideas are broken down into pieces that can fit in a tin can.
08:32They see in symbols, models, travel books, and pre-recorded natives' whale sex.
08:39Not the raw data that no machine, not even our soft machine, can tame into a fact after the native dance ends.
08:50Travelers go home and make sense, make symbols on bare-ass forges.
08:54While the homeless, those with nowhere to go, the animals and natives pay you no mind.
09:03They act natural, then supernatural.
09:06In a bar in Singapore, I watched for days every combination of every sex and all that lays between.
09:15They would put their hand down their own pants, skirt, their fingers glowed, dusty paprika red.
09:25Their fingers undressed into the noses of their partner.
09:30Empty astronaut suits returning from the holy of holies.
09:34Lifted, like dandelion seeds, into their unknown thoughts.
09:39Their shared hidden plots.
09:43It was smelling salts.
09:45They come alive, possessed by implanted pre-monkey blueprints of scent, before thunder and lightning.
09:54Can't you smell the divine decomposition?
09:59I would lift my glass.
10:01They would smile and wink.
10:03My white suit gave me away.
10:07I no longer want to be a saint.
10:09I was a voyeur, staring at the naked end.
10:15I give a look.
10:17They try to keep it.
10:18But it burns a brand that reads,
10:20Please be bad for me, because I can't.
10:24Be bad because good is a memory of a time that never happened.
10:28Like the duck and cover-up, the bruises with makeup 1950s.
10:35I can't.
10:36Because at that library, we agreed to be unreasonable.
10:41To write love letters, until someone came along to claim them.
10:47Till someone said,
10:49Compose yourself.
10:51This is what I want.
10:53And this is what I will give up.
10:57Thank you, God.
11:05Thank you, God.
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