- 6 months ago
A slapstick journey into the Wild West! Join the Marx Brothers as they scheme, stumble, and stir up chaos in a gold rush town. Westward Fools is a whirlwind of laughter, clever antics, and cowboy mayhem — classic Marx Brothers comedy at its finest.
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🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00The End
00:00:30The End
00:01:00The End
00:01:30Any of you boys got change of ten cents?
00:01:55No, sir.
00:01:56Well, keep the baggage.
00:02:04Tickets for the West at this window.
00:02:06One ticket for the West. End of line.
00:02:14Yes, sir.
00:02:15That'll be $70, please.
00:02:17There's your $70.
00:02:19Bang, bang, ba-bang, bang, bang, bang, bang.
00:02:21Don't bother counting it.
00:02:22Ba-ba-bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang.
00:02:23There's only $60 here.
00:02:25I told you not to count it.
00:02:26You need $10 more.
00:02:27It's highway robbery.
00:02:28No wonder you're behind bars.
00:02:30I'll get that other 10.
00:02:32Someday I'll be present at this railroad, and when I am...
00:02:34Hey, mister.
00:02:41Is this the right way for my brother to get on the train for the West?
00:02:45Not unless they're throwing a masquerade party out West, it isn't.
00:02:48All we want to know is where's the train.
00:02:50The train?
00:02:51It's out in the tracks.
00:02:52It seldom comes in here.
00:02:53Come on, Rusty.
00:02:55I'll buy you a ticket.
00:02:57Where's your $70?
00:03:01You only got $10?
00:03:02What do you do with the other $60?
00:03:07Oh, you buy a snake, huh?
00:03:10Well, I don't know how I'm going to get you a ticket.
00:03:11You ain't got enough money.
00:03:12Money?
00:03:14So you two gents are heading West, eh, partner?
00:03:17Not me.
00:03:17Just my brother.
00:03:18You see, I got enough money.
00:03:20So he's going to West, and when he gets off the train,
00:03:22he's going to pick up some gold and send it to me.
00:03:24They say the gold is laying all over the streets.
00:03:27Huh, Rusty?
00:03:28All over the streets, you find the gold.
00:03:33The way he's dressed, he looks like he was laying all over the streets.
00:03:37Of course the gold is laying all over the streets,
00:03:39but they won't let him take any.
00:03:41He's a tenderfoot.
00:03:42You wear those shoes, you got a tenderfeet, too.
00:03:44Oh, those are shoes.
00:03:46I thought that was fungus with buttons.
00:03:48All right, all right.
00:03:49Suppose he's got a tenderfeet.
00:03:50You don't pick up at the gold over the feet.
00:03:51No, you don't understand, my friend.
00:03:53A tenderfoot is an easter.
00:03:54And out West, they shoot at anything that looks easter.
00:03:57Why, they'd blow his head off if he goes out West with that flea incubator.
00:04:00What's the matter with that hat?
00:04:01That hat costs a lot of money.
00:04:03How much did it cost him?
00:04:04I don't know.
00:04:04He stole it.
00:04:07Hey, what's the idea?
00:04:08What are you talking about?
00:04:08Wait a minute.
00:04:09Wait a minute.
00:04:09I'm just trying to save his life.
00:04:11You love your brother, don't you?
00:04:12No, but I'm used to him.
00:04:14Now, this is the kind of hat they're wearing this season.
00:04:16This is the 1870 model.
00:04:19It's what they call a pioneer's cat.
00:04:22Isn't that tail supposed to be in the back?
00:04:26Not on him.
00:04:28That's genuine beaver.
00:04:29It's pretty.
00:04:31No, I'll stroke it.
00:04:32It's still my hat, you know.
00:04:33That'll be $10.
00:04:34$10 you want for that old beaver?
00:04:36I'm not in business for love, you know.
00:04:38I was in love once and I got the business.
00:04:40But that's another story and a very unpleasant one, too.
00:04:43Why should he buy a hat?
00:04:44He ain't even got enough money for a ticket.
00:04:45Look, you can always get a ticket, but this is the last hat of its kind.
00:04:49The beavers have stopped making them.
00:04:50They're all out playing football.
00:04:51$10.
00:04:52Well, he's a poor boy.
00:04:54He'll give you a dollar.
00:04:55Do you take it?
00:04:57Well, I'll take it, but I'm only making a buck on it.
00:05:00Rusty, give him a dollar.
00:05:08What floor was that on?
00:05:12What's business I've ever done with a dust storm?
00:05:14It cost me a dollar to have this clean.
00:05:18$9 change, please.
00:05:20Change?
00:05:20What change?
00:05:21That's a 10 spot.
00:05:22Oh, yeah, so it is.
00:05:24Money lover.
00:05:26Well, a dollar's a dollar and every dollar is taking me further west.
00:05:30Us, too.
00:05:34What are you laughing at?
00:05:35That hat.
00:05:36Looks ridiculous with that coat he's got on.
00:05:38What's the matter with that coat?
00:05:40Well, they clash.
00:05:41I've got a coat that goes with that hat.
00:05:42Have you got a moment?
00:05:43Come over here, son.
00:05:45Now, this is a coat that's really a coat.
00:05:50Now, there's the finest deerskin jacket I've ever seen.
00:05:52Looks like it was made to order.
00:05:54Now, let's see.
00:05:54That's 20 plus one.
00:05:55That's, uh, 21.
00:05:57We meet you halfway.
00:05:58We give you one.
00:05:59You must have come the short way.
00:06:01Come on, Rusty.
00:06:02Give him a dollar.
00:06:02Well, that's fine.
00:06:04Adios, gentlemen.
00:06:05Uh, nine dollars change, please.
00:06:07Change?
00:06:07That's a 10 spot.
00:06:09Oh, so it is.
00:06:11Say, it looks a lot like the other one, doesn't it, huh?
00:06:12It should.
00:06:14Well, here's your change.
00:06:16You know, it's a pleasure to do the business with a man like you.
00:06:18Well, our slogan is, the customer is always right.
00:06:21Uh-huh.
00:06:21Say, uh, did you see something flying across here?
00:06:31Oh, it might have been a pigeon.
00:06:33No, it wasn't a pigeon.
00:06:34It was green.
00:06:35It must have been a frog.
00:06:36It had numbers on it.
00:06:37Those were the license plates.
00:06:39I guess it's my imagination.
00:06:41No, it isn't.
00:06:43You know, I can't seem to locate that $20 you gave me.
00:06:46What 20?
00:06:46We don't give you $20.
00:06:47We give you $2.
00:06:48A dollar for the hat and a dollar for the coat.
00:06:51That's right, yes, but, uh, you gave me two tens.
00:06:54Sure, and you give us $18 change.
00:06:56$18 from a 20, is it, too?
00:06:58Hey, you gotta make sure.
00:06:59So stupid of me.
00:07:02There's something corrupt going on around my pants,
00:07:04and I just can't seem to locate it.
00:07:06Well, if you think we're crooked, we give you another dollar.
00:07:09Well, I'm sorry if I had you fellas pegged wrong.
00:07:11I must have misunderstood you.
00:07:14$9 change, please.
00:07:15You wouldn't want to give me a single, eh?
00:07:17No.
00:07:18Well, how about giving me $10 singles,
00:07:20and I'll give you $9 singles change.
00:07:21Yeah, but we gotta know singles.
00:07:23I just gave him $18.
00:07:24Well, he sends money home to his mother.
00:07:27You want the dollar?
00:07:28Not if it's gonna cost me $9.
00:07:29Oh, you should watch your money.
00:07:31I'll watch my money.
00:07:32You watch him.
00:07:32$9 change, please.
00:07:42$1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9.
00:07:46You count good, but where's the change?
00:07:53Didn't I just give it to you?
00:07:54No.
00:07:55Rusty, did he give it to you?
00:07:57Well, you must have given it to yourself.
00:07:58Well, somebody's giving it to me.
00:08:01You know, all I wanted to do was go west,
00:08:03not go broke.
00:08:04Good day, gentlemen.
00:08:07Hey, you forgot or something?
00:08:10Now, what's the matter?
00:08:11The sales tax.
00:08:12What sales tax?
00:08:13For the stuff you just sold us,
00:08:14we gotta give you another dollar.
00:08:16Oh, no, no thanks.
00:08:18I couldn't afford it.
00:08:19Yeah, but it's against the law
00:08:20I'm not a charge of the tax.
00:08:21You wanna go to jail?
00:08:22Well, I won't say anything if you don't.
00:08:24I won't say anything, but he might.
00:08:27Well, uh, what does he want to keep for you?
00:08:30Nothing.
00:08:31All he wants to do is to give you another dollar.
00:08:34I see.
00:08:34He doesn't want $9 change?
00:08:36No.
00:08:37He'll take a five and a four.
00:08:39Give me it.
00:08:46You'll take a five and a four.
00:08:48Well, two is a three, is a four, five, six, seven, eight, nine.
00:08:57Well, you know what I say?
00:08:58I'd like to do business with a man like you
00:09:00because I knew you were honest the first minute I see you.
00:09:03The cornerstone of my success is integrity.
00:09:05That's all right, that's all right.
00:09:06And that's the only secure foundation
00:09:07in which to build business.
00:09:09That's all right.
00:09:09When I see you, I know you're honest.
00:09:10When you have that, you have everything.
00:09:11That's all right.
00:09:12I know you're a good man, all right.
00:09:13I couldn't do business.
00:09:14I don't care about anything else.
00:09:16You can conduct it another way, but it's not a permanent thing.
00:09:18It's not the kind of thing that you can build your success on.
00:09:21And that has been the climax of my success.
00:09:24That's what I said.
00:09:25You know, it's suddenly gotten very chilly in here.
00:09:27Well, goodbye.
00:09:30It seems to me that I have strayed into a den of thieves.
00:09:32However, it's a wise man that profits by his previous mistakes.
00:09:35And from here in, gentlemen,
00:09:37I have made some other financial arrangements.
00:09:40It's been nice knowing you, gentlemen.
00:09:42I'm glad to have made your acquaintance.
00:09:43And a good day to you both.
00:09:46A good day.
00:09:47Goodbye.
00:09:48Come on, Busty.
00:09:53Gentlemen, this is Mr. Terry Turner,
00:09:56who has just arrived from the west.
00:09:57How do you do?
00:09:59Now, young man, I want you to tell these gentlemen
00:10:00what you told me this morning.
00:10:02I understand you men are thinking of building your railroad
00:10:05from Cripple Creek north around the mountain.
00:10:07And I'd like to ask you to go in another direction.
00:10:12Now, I'd say the straightest way to go
00:10:14would be from Cripple Creek here
00:10:16straight through to the Pacific.
00:10:19You expect our trains to fly over the mountains?
00:10:21No, sir.
00:10:22I expect your trains to go through here,
00:10:24Dead Man's Gorge.
00:10:25May I ask why you're so interested
00:10:27in seeing that this land is sold?
00:10:29Yes, sir.
00:10:29So as I can get married.
00:10:31Oh, I think I understand.
00:10:34You own the land?
00:10:35No, sir, but my grandfather did.
00:10:37He being quite a crook,
00:10:38he unloaded it on my girl's grandfather,
00:10:40Dan Wilson.
00:10:41Old Dan's been sore about it ever since.
00:10:43Started a feud between us Turners and Wilsons,
00:10:45and now he won't let me marry his granddaughter.
00:10:48But if I could just prove to him that I'm not a crook,
00:10:51well, then maybe he could see the light.
00:10:53After all, he's not a bad old coot.
00:10:54I think Beecher should leave as soon as he can
00:10:56to contact...
00:10:57Dan Wilson, sir.
00:10:59And arrange for the purchase of the dead man's...
00:11:02Gulch.
00:11:03Gulch.
00:11:05I don't know what's the matter.
00:11:18I dig and I dig and I dig,
00:11:19and the hole she gets is no bigger.
00:11:21I'm a-moving on.
00:11:22Yeah, but how about the gold?
00:11:23There ain't no gold here.
00:11:25I've been a working dead man's gulch
00:11:27off and on for 40 years.
00:11:29I'm convinced.
00:11:29Mr. Wilson, why don't you quit?
00:11:33I've got a little granddaughter's got to be taken care of.
00:11:37And I won't last forever.
00:11:39Where you going?
00:11:40Oh, I'll get a job until I get a grub steak,
00:11:42and then I'll try again somewheres.
00:11:44How much is a grub steak?
00:11:46Oh, I reckon about $10.
00:11:47It'd see me through.
00:11:49We give you the $10.
00:11:50Oh, no, I couldn't take it.
00:11:52Yeah, but we got lots of money.
00:11:54Oh, well, then I'll take it.
00:11:56But it's just a loan.
00:11:57That's all right.
00:11:58Come on, Rusty.
00:11:59Give him the $10.
00:12:03No strings attached.
00:12:09Here you are.
00:12:10You've got to take some security.
00:12:12And I ain't got no security
00:12:13except a deed of dead man's gulch.
00:12:15Oh, no.
00:12:16We no take of your lien.
00:12:17Oh, I'd feel better if you took it.
00:12:19Don't reckon it's worth $10, though.
00:12:21Well, a fellow named Turner sold it to me
00:12:24about 40 years ago.
00:12:25Got me for my last cent.
00:12:27If you boys meet up with any Turner
00:12:29in this territory, shoot first.
00:12:32First we steal his garden.
00:12:33Then we shoot.
00:12:35Yeah.
00:12:36Well, then, boys,
00:12:38when you get to Birch City,
00:12:39look in on my little granddaughter, will you?
00:12:42And tell her her old granddad
00:12:44will be back soon.
00:12:46We tell her.
00:12:47Well, let's go back to White.
00:12:48Come on.
00:12:49Indians?
00:12:52You're crazy.
00:12:53There's no Indians around here.
00:12:57Hey, you can't walk around like that.
00:12:59What do you think of it, Mr. Turner?
00:13:23Now, Grandpa,
00:13:24stop glaring at Terry.
00:13:26Turner's on as bad as you think.
00:13:28Well, not all of them, anyway.
00:13:32Yoo-hoo!
00:13:34Terry.
00:13:44Terry!
00:13:45Terry!
00:13:49Terry!
00:13:50Hey!
00:13:52Yoo-hoo!
00:13:53Darling!
00:13:54Darling, you've been gone a million years.
00:13:58Just three weeks.
00:13:59Well, you were a million miles away.
00:14:01Only 2,000.
00:14:02Just to New York.
00:14:04Terry,
00:14:05this is wrong.
00:14:07You're a Turner and I'm a Wilson.
00:14:09You should hate me
00:14:10and I should hate you.
00:14:12Hey!
00:14:13Say,
00:14:14that sounds convincing.
00:14:16You mean it?
00:14:16Of course.
00:14:18This much?
00:14:19Do you, uh,
00:14:21hate me?
00:14:23Yes.
00:14:24This much.
00:14:30Hate me some more.
00:14:38Terry,
00:14:39you really shouldn't be here.
00:14:40If Grandpa ever sees you around...
00:14:42Oh, your Grandpa won't be able
00:14:43to see enough of me
00:14:44when he gets that check
00:14:44for $50,000.
00:14:46$50,000 what?
00:14:47Dollars.
00:14:47From the railroad company.
00:14:49I, uh,
00:14:50sold them Dead Man's Gulch.
00:14:52You sold Dead Man's...
00:14:53Honey,
00:14:54I had a hunch
00:14:54and I followed it
00:14:54right straight through to New York.
00:14:56I convinced the New York and Weston
00:14:57by running their road
00:14:58through Dead Man's Gulch
00:14:58would save them a fortune.
00:15:00Now,
00:15:00if that don't square things
00:15:01with the Wilsons and the Turners,
00:15:02then your Grandpa's a man
00:15:03who just loves to hate.
00:15:05But I love to hate.
00:15:07I promise to hate,
00:15:09honor, and obey you
00:15:10the rest of my life.
00:15:12Eve,
00:15:12before I take you up on that,
00:15:15I've got to fix it
00:15:15with your Grandpa.
00:15:16Where is he?
00:15:17Out in the desert, I guess.
00:15:18Well, I've got to find him.
00:15:20Um,
00:15:21but not just yet.
00:15:28Hey,
00:15:31that's no good.
00:15:31That's for horses.
00:15:33I know.
00:15:33You're thirsty.
00:15:34I'm thirsty, too.
00:15:36Hey, come on.
00:15:36We're going to the saloon.
00:15:37I'll give you a drink.
00:15:58Rusty,
00:16:02I know like of the West.
00:16:03All the people do
00:16:04is kill each other.
00:16:05I'd like of the West
00:16:06better if it was in the East.
00:16:07Let's get out of here.
00:16:23Better.
00:16:23Pony Express, for you.
00:16:28Game is over, boys.
00:16:43Now, look here, Pete.
00:16:45A whole week has gone by,
00:16:46and you still ain't brought Wilson in.
00:16:48Now, get some more men.
00:16:49Get some fresh horses.
00:16:50I don't care how you do it,
00:16:52but you find that desert rat.
00:16:56Take it away, Lou.
00:16:58Thirsty, huh?
00:17:06My throat is dry,
00:17:07just like at the desert.
00:17:09Yours, too, huh?
00:17:18Another Joe.
00:17:20Okay.
00:17:21There it is, Pete.
00:17:27Hey, you.
00:17:27What's the matter with you?
00:17:29Put that down.
00:17:31What's going on here?
00:17:32A couple of tin horns from the East.
00:17:34Told him no money, no beer.
00:17:36Then I turned my back,
00:17:37and he steals a glass.
00:17:39Why, you.
00:17:40He no stealer, mister.
00:17:41We don't want no trouble.
00:17:42I'll pay.
00:17:43Well, you don't look as if
00:17:44you had a dime between you.
00:17:45No, but I give you an I.O.U.
00:17:47Oh, f...
00:17:48Did you hear that, boys?
00:17:51An I.O.M.E.
00:17:53Sure, we're honest.
00:17:57We always pay.
00:17:58Here, I owe you ten cents
00:17:59at Joseph Pennell.
00:18:00Well, that's rich and rare.
00:18:02A business transaction, Joe.
00:18:04Put it in the cash register
00:18:05before somebody steals.
00:18:07Come on, you financiers.
00:18:13Beat it.
00:18:15Get out of here.
00:18:20You know where Dan Wilson's house is?
00:18:21Dan Wilson?
00:18:22Oh, sure.
00:18:23You just go a half a mile up the road.
00:18:25You can't miss it.
00:18:26Say, you can do me a favor.
00:18:27I got a telegram for Dan Wilson.
00:18:29You can deliver it and save me the trip.
00:18:31Sure, we deliver the telegram.
00:18:33Maybe it's a good news.
00:18:34There you are, and thanks very much.
00:18:36That's all right.
00:18:37Oh, yes, it's for Dan Wilson.
00:18:38That means we don't open it.
00:18:40You promise?
00:18:41Right.
00:18:43Hey, hey, hey.
00:18:44All right, we open it,
00:18:45but we don't read it.
00:18:50I don't think I can trust you.
00:18:52And I know you can't trust me.
00:18:54So I tell you what do we do.
00:18:55I'll read it, but we don't listen.
00:18:57Come on, I'm putting the fingers off.
00:18:59Here, here.
00:19:00Dan Wilson, of White City.
00:19:02If you wish to sell your land,
00:19:03they're the Man's Gulch.
00:19:04Meet our representative, John of Beecher,
00:19:06arriving in Crippler Creek,
00:19:07a station today.
00:19:08New York or Western Railroad.
00:19:11Hey, Rusty.
00:19:12I cheated.
00:19:14I listened.
00:19:15You too.
00:19:23Mr. Beecher!
00:19:25Mr. Beecher!
00:19:26We're here to meet you!
00:19:27We're supposed to meet you!
00:19:29Mr. Beecher!
00:19:30We're here to meet you!
00:19:30Mr. Beecher!
00:19:31Are you looking for John Beecher?
00:19:31Oh, sure.
00:19:32We come here to see him
00:19:33about selling dead man's gulch
00:19:35to the railroad.
00:19:35That's fine.
00:19:37I'm John Beecher.
00:19:39We don't recognize you,
00:19:40do we, Rusty?
00:19:43Well, naturally,
00:19:44you don't recognize me.
00:19:45We've never met.
00:19:46Yeah, then how do I know it's you?
00:19:47If I don't know
00:19:48what Mr. Beecher looks like,
00:19:49the only way I can tell it's him
00:19:50is if he wears a white carnation.
00:19:52A white carnation?
00:19:52Well, very, I...
00:19:54What?
00:19:56I don't know anything about...
00:19:57Oh, look here, you two...
00:19:58Mr. Beecher!
00:20:04Oh, Mr. Beecher,
00:20:05we look all over for you.
00:20:06Well, I'm so glad to see you.
00:20:08Yes, well, I'm glad that's settled.
00:20:11Now, which one of you gentlemen
00:20:13is Mr. Wilson?
00:20:14None of us.
00:20:15Now, we got a name Penelo,
00:20:17but we own the land.
00:20:18Oh, you have the deed with you?
00:20:20Oh, sure.
00:20:21I mean, no.
00:20:25He's trying to tell us
00:20:26it's home in Beech City.
00:20:27Well, we'd better go there immediately.
00:20:29Come along, gentlemen.
00:20:30Just follow me, please.
00:20:31Why are you telling me
00:20:32where the deed is, eh?
00:20:33All the time you talk too much.
00:20:34From now on,
00:20:35you keep your hands shut.
00:20:36If that's only a mirage coming,
00:20:51I'm going to look like you
00:20:51in a few days.
00:20:57Come on, Mr. Grace,
00:20:58and I'll help you.
00:20:59Hey, where'd I see your face before?
00:21:07Right where it is now.
00:21:10Blumby?
00:21:12How would you like to buy
00:21:13a diamond necklace
00:21:13that formerly belonged
00:21:14to the Tsarina of Russia?
00:21:16How did you get it?
00:21:17I used to room with Rasputin.
00:21:19One dollar.
00:21:20I'll buy it.
00:21:20Let me ten dollars.
00:21:21Why, sure, Mr. Penelo.
00:21:23Ten dollars.
00:21:23Nine dollars change, please.
00:21:26Let's forget about it.
00:21:29Madam, why is that baby
00:21:31constantly crying?
00:21:33He can't stand the jerks
00:21:34in the coast.
00:21:36Now, wait a minute, boys.
00:21:37There was nothing personal.
00:21:38I didn't mean anything
00:21:39by it, really.
00:21:40You, please.
00:21:43Woo-hoo!
00:21:44Ten dollars for every ditch you hit.
00:21:47Oh, I'm so sorry.
00:21:48I got myself straightened around here.
00:21:51And just bustled,
00:21:51and my bustled gulf.
00:21:53There, there, boys.
00:21:54I can fix this bustle myself.
00:21:55All right, he's just helping you there.
00:21:57Madam, it's none of my business,
00:21:58but are you wearing
00:21:59a revolving door?
00:22:01If you are,
00:22:01I'd like to go around
00:22:02with you sometime.
00:22:03Now then, Mr. Penelo,
00:22:04instead of bargaining with you
00:22:05for the rights of the land,
00:22:06I intend to make you
00:22:07a liberal offer,
00:22:08which I feel
00:22:09you'll instantly accept.
00:22:10How much are you going
00:22:11to pay us for this land?
00:22:12Five hundred dollars.
00:22:14Five hundred dollars?
00:22:15And we're going to be rich.
00:22:16Now, all I need
00:22:18is both your signatures.
00:22:20Oh, on the bottom.
00:22:21On the bottom.
00:22:23Oh, here.
00:22:24There you are.
00:22:29I'll give you a thousand dollars.
00:22:31How dare you,
00:22:32you meddlesome fool?
00:22:32I heard that.
00:22:34If you weren't smaller than me,
00:22:36I'd flog the daylights out of it.
00:22:37But I'm bigger than you.
00:22:38Well, that's another reason.
00:22:41You going to pay us
00:22:42twice as much
00:22:42for this land
00:22:42as the railroad?
00:22:43Yes, and it's a lucky thing
00:22:44for you.
00:22:45I got here in time.
00:22:45Mr. Fidel,
00:22:46you don't even know
00:22:46who he represents.
00:22:47At least you know
00:22:48my offer is bona fide.
00:22:49That's right.
00:22:50How do we know
00:22:51your offer is bona fide, huh?
00:22:52Are your hands clean?
00:22:53Sure.
00:22:54And here's my cards.
00:22:55Bona fide oil company.
00:22:56Esquint and quail.
00:22:57Press.
00:22:58Hey, look.
00:22:59This whole company
00:22:59is a bona fide.
00:23:01In all my long
00:23:02business experience,
00:23:03I've dealt with
00:23:04every important oil firm.
00:23:05And I've never heard
00:23:06of your company.
00:23:07You haven't.
00:23:08Evidently,
00:23:08you don't read
00:23:08the bankruptcy notices.
00:23:10Brother works out fine.
00:23:12We get your land,
00:23:13you get a thousand dollars,
00:23:14and our friend here
00:23:15gets bounced by the railroad
00:23:17for letting this oily deal
00:23:18slip through
00:23:18his greasy fingers.
00:23:19It's more than your land
00:23:34is worth, really,
00:23:35but, well,
00:23:37I'll stretch a point.
00:23:38Fifteen hundred dollars.
00:23:39Fifteen hundred dollars?
00:23:40Oh, boy.
00:23:42Hey, stop it.
00:23:43For fifteen hundred,
00:23:44I write good.
00:23:47Two thousand,
00:23:48three,
00:23:48four,
00:23:49five.
00:23:49Six thousand dollars.
00:23:50He says six thousand,
00:23:51and what do you say?
00:23:52I washed my hands
00:23:53of this whole deal.
00:23:54Well, try this soap.
00:23:55We're having a special
00:23:56on it today.
00:23:56It's a dollar a cake
00:23:57or two cakes for a quarter.
00:23:58Oh, where's my bag?
00:24:02Please,
00:24:03hold the contract.
00:24:05Now, gentlemen,
00:24:06please,
00:24:06give me my hand.
00:24:10Where's my hat?
00:24:11Where is my hat?
00:24:12Where is my hat?
00:24:13There it is.
00:24:15Here's yours.
00:24:17Gentlemen,
00:24:18I have a whole railroad
00:24:19on my shoulders
00:24:20and I'd like to get
00:24:20something done.
00:24:21I want my hat.
00:24:22Oh, you have my hat,
00:24:23madam.
00:24:23Here's your hat.
00:24:24Here's my thing.
00:24:27Have you a problem,
00:24:27Hannah, please?
00:24:28I've got to get
00:24:28a contract signed.
00:24:29Where is the...
00:24:30I've got to get a contract
00:24:31with my hat?
00:24:32I've got to get a contract
00:24:33with my hat.
00:24:34I've never been on a trip
00:24:35like this before.
00:24:36Where is it, anyway?
00:24:38Who has my bustle?
00:24:38Get in your own seat,
00:24:39will you, please?
00:24:39Give me my bustle.
00:24:40I'd be glad to get in my own seat.
00:24:43Well, Mr. Beecher,
00:24:44no high feelings, huh?
00:24:45Wait, Penella, wait.
00:24:47I'll admit you've got me
00:24:48in hot water.
00:24:52Please.
00:24:53Why don't you let me
00:24:59get this sign?
00:25:01Where's my hat?
00:25:03Here, here.
00:25:03Here, here.
00:25:23Nobody can out-shoot
00:25:33two-gun quail.
00:25:35Boys, sweep them
00:25:36out of the gutter.
00:25:37Why, there's nobody
00:25:38out there.
00:25:39Well, sweep out
00:25:39the gutter.
00:25:42Say, all the beautiful
00:25:43stems in here
00:25:44are not in the wine glasses.
00:25:47Lorabel, it's you.
00:25:48I didn't recognize
00:25:49you standing up.
00:25:51Damn moose, you goose.
00:25:52Nice piece of poetry.
00:25:54Say, if you want
00:25:54to stay healthy,
00:25:55I'd keep shy,
00:25:56a little bell.
00:25:56She's Red Baxter's girl.
00:25:58Red Baxter?
00:25:58Who's Red Baxter?
00:25:59We'll settle this right now.
00:26:00Where's Red Baxter?
00:26:01Here.
00:26:01Where?
00:26:02Here.
00:26:02Where?
00:26:02Here.
00:26:03You should have been
00:26:04home, the pot of gold
00:26:05called.
00:26:06Yes, they want
00:26:06their pot back.
00:26:07Why?
00:26:07Uh, hold on, Red.
00:26:10This is the gentleman
00:26:11who's selling us the deed
00:26:12to the Wilson property.
00:26:14Oh, well.
00:26:18No hard feelings, stranger.
00:26:20Welcome to Crystal Palace.
00:26:22Now then, Quail,
00:26:24have you the deed with you?
00:26:26I'll have the deed pronto,
00:26:27whatever that means.
00:26:28Well, that's fine.
00:26:29Bring it right up
00:26:29to Mr. Baxter's office.
00:26:30Yes.
00:26:31Oh, little bell.
00:26:32I want you to be good
00:26:33for this little boy here.
00:26:35Come on, son.
00:26:36Bye, Daddy.
00:26:37I'll sell Baxter the deed
00:26:38and then if you can get
00:26:39your father's consent,
00:26:40we'll get married
00:26:40if I can get my wife's consent.
00:26:42Step aside, boys.
00:26:43This is love on the run.
00:26:44Oh, yes.
00:26:45Let's have the deed.
00:26:45Well, we ain't got it exactly.
00:26:47I made them agree
00:26:48to $10,000
00:26:49and now you stall.
00:26:50Get the deed.
00:26:50We'll get it
00:26:51if you lend us 10 cents.
00:26:5210 cents?
00:26:53I'm promoting this deal,
00:26:54not financing it.
00:26:56Here.
00:27:03How they handle all this
00:27:05and ride a horse
00:27:05at the same time
00:27:06is beyond me.
00:27:07He was a guy
00:27:19with that fire in his eye
00:27:21and I passed out
00:27:23when he passed by.
00:27:25Couldn't resist him,
00:27:27didn't even try
00:27:29cause you can't
00:27:30argue with love.
00:27:33He was the kind
00:27:35that can love and forget
00:27:36I knew that love
00:27:38would just lead
00:27:39to regret
00:27:40but I was his victim
00:27:42the minute we met
00:27:44cause you can't
00:27:46argue with love.
00:27:48I knew he wasn't
00:27:50good for me
00:27:51I knew it
00:27:52right from the start
00:27:54but his ways
00:27:56were mighty pleasing
00:27:57and how you're gonna
00:27:58reason with your heart.
00:28:03Sometimes I think
00:28:05I hear him
00:28:05knocking at my door
00:28:07and I wanna tell him
00:28:09you don't live here
00:28:10no more
00:28:11but I'd take him back
00:28:13just the way
00:28:14I've done before
00:28:15cause you can't
00:28:18you can't
00:28:19argue with love
00:28:23she's mad about me
00:28:29as what woman isn't
00:28:30I know
00:28:31you're going to ask
00:28:32what is my secret
00:28:33you rotter
00:28:34you scrounge
00:28:35the secret is
00:28:37never let her know
00:28:37you care
00:28:38never pursue her
00:28:39let her pursue you
00:28:41fan the flame of desire
00:28:43with the bellows
00:28:43of indifference
00:28:44didn't we meet
00:28:47at Monte Carlo
00:28:47the night you blew
00:28:48your brains out
00:28:48how he laughed
00:28:50foolish foolish child
00:28:56it's madness
00:28:57this thing that's
00:28:57happened to us
00:28:58it can never be
00:28:59we come from
00:29:00different stock
00:29:01suppose I brought you
00:29:03to my country place
00:29:04a drooling on the lapel
00:29:05what
00:29:06what would my people say
00:29:08well they'd phrase it
00:29:11more delicately
00:29:11goo
00:29:13let's break
00:29:15clean
00:29:16cause you can't
00:29:19argue with love
00:29:21I knew
00:29:23he wasn't good
00:29:25for me
00:29:26I knew it
00:29:28right from the start
00:29:30hey Rusty
00:29:32now's your chance
00:29:33nobody's looking
00:29:34get back to the I.O.U.S
00:29:35sometimes I think
00:29:39I hear him
00:29:40knocking at my door
00:29:42and I want to tell him
00:29:45you don't live here no more
00:29:48but I take him
00:29:50why don't you let me go
00:29:54let's keep this a perfect memory
00:29:57and someday this bitter ache
00:29:58shall pass my sweet
00:30:00time wounds all heals
00:30:02you know there's a drunk
00:30:10sitting at the first table
00:30:11who looks exactly like you
00:30:12and one who looks
00:30:13exactly like me
00:30:14dull isn't it
00:30:15he's so full of alcohol
00:30:17if you put a lighted wick
00:30:18in his mouth
00:30:19he'd burn for three days
00:30:20cause you can't
00:30:22you can't
00:30:24argue with love
00:30:27good evening
00:30:31general
00:30:32here's the deed
00:30:41let's collect
00:30:41Rusty you got a bag for the money
00:30:43oh fine
00:30:44you wait here
00:30:44and I'll be right back
00:30:45hey it's our deed
00:30:46and our money
00:30:47why should you go alone
00:30:48I'll give you my solomoid as an embezzler
00:30:49then I'll be back in two minutes
00:30:51Rusty
00:30:51in two minutes
00:30:52the bandwills are gonna be rich
00:30:54let's have some fun
00:30:55hey Rusty
00:31:03I'm so happy
00:31:04I'd like to play the piano
00:31:05you want I should play
00:31:06well it's about time
00:31:08I thought you wasn't gonna ask me
00:31:10yeah
00:31:10hey mister
00:31:11can I play the piano
00:31:11hey he said yes
00:31:13alright
00:31:13yeah sure
00:31:15two minutes is all we got
00:31:16done
00:31:17stop
00:31:18I love you
00:31:23I don't know
00:31:24Oh, my God.
00:31:54Oh, my God.
00:32:24Oh, my God.
00:32:54Oh, my God.
00:33:24Oh, my God.
00:33:26Well, Mr. Quayle, everything is signed, sealed, and delivered.
00:33:29Yeah, but not yet paid for.
00:33:30Well, let's get on to brass tacks, or rather, greenbacks.
00:33:33How about the 10,000?
00:33:34This alligator hasn't eaten in a week.
00:33:35What are you talking about?
00:33:37The money this volcano owes me for making those two numbskulls hand over Dead Man's Gulch.
00:33:41That's right.
00:33:42Our friend here bid me up to 10,000, but all they wanted was 500.
00:33:45Well, competition's the life of trade.
00:33:46Not around here, it ain't.
00:33:50Well, how about 9,000?
00:33:51Eight.
00:33:52How about six?
00:33:53How about the combination to the safe?
00:33:54Now, we don't want to appear like we're not grateful.
00:33:56Well, not...
00:33:57We're going to give you five.
00:33:58Five.
00:33:58Well, same for 500.
00:34:00I came up here and tell you to cheat those two fellas out of $10,000, and you want me
00:34:04to cheat them out of 500?
00:34:05What do you think I am, a cheat?
00:34:06Gentlemen, it's impossible.
00:34:08I just got another idea.
00:34:08It's absolutely impossible.
00:34:10We're not going to pay you nothing.
00:34:12Well, that's one way of reducing your overhead.
00:34:14I want that deed back.
00:34:16Not a chance.
00:34:17Baxter, I want that deed back.
00:34:19Not a chance.
00:34:20Baxter, I'm not through with you yet.
00:34:21There's a law on this thing.
00:34:22Now, before you call in the law, there's something I want to show you.
00:34:27Now, wait a minute.
00:34:28Now, fix that.
00:34:29You see that shelf down there by the bar?
00:34:34Yes.
00:34:35Do you see the bottles on the shelf?
00:34:37Yes.
00:34:38Do you see the corks in the bottles?
00:34:39Yes.
00:34:46You see that man sleeping at the table?
00:34:49Yes.
00:34:50See his nose?
00:34:51Yes.
00:34:51See the fly in the end of his nose?
00:34:53Oh, yes.
00:34:55You've said he got good eyesight.
00:34:56Here, water.
00:35:09Water.
00:35:09Get him some water.
00:35:10Brandy.
00:35:10Brandy.
00:35:11Force brandy down my throat.
00:35:12Where's the dime I lent you?
00:35:17Hey, look.
00:35:17The bag is empty.
00:35:18Where's the money?
00:35:19I gave them the deed, but they refused to give me the 10,000.
00:35:22I was going to thrash them within an inch of their lives, but I didn't have a tape measure.
00:35:25You said you was an embezzler.
00:35:27But you're no fool me.
00:35:28I knew you was a crook.
00:35:30There's only one law in the West, the law of blood and bullets.
00:35:33It's either shoot or get shot.
00:35:34What are we going to do?
00:35:35Shoot him.
00:35:38Come on, Rusty.
00:35:40We saw him.
00:35:40You're not afraid.
00:35:47Hang on, Red.
00:35:48Come on, Red.
00:36:18Beautiful dreamer, queen of my song.
00:36:41List while I will be with soft melody.
00:36:50This must be the house.
00:36:53Listen.
00:36:55It's nice, eh?
00:36:56Okay.
00:36:59Beautiful dreamer, awaken to me.
00:37:04Beautiful dreamer, awaken to me.
00:37:11Beautiful dreamer, awaken to me.
00:37:15Beautiful dreamer, awaken to me.
00:37:20Oh!
00:37:29Don't be afraid of us, miss.
00:37:31We're friends of Dan Wilson.
00:37:35You are?
00:37:36Sure.
00:37:37Any resemblance between these two characters and living persons is purely accidental.
00:37:41Well, come in.
00:37:44I didn't mean to be rude.
00:37:46I was expecting someone else.
00:37:47I thought you'd sit down, please.
00:37:51I thought I knew all of Grandpa's friends, but I don't seem to recognize you.
00:37:55Of course not. You don't know me.
00:37:57The people who know him don't recognize him either.
00:37:59Could we please see Dan Wilson's little granddaughter?
00:38:02I'm his granddaughter.
00:38:03I'm expecting a baby.
00:38:05You make a wonderful mother.
00:38:08Are you sure you're not a little baby?
00:38:09Because we brought you a present.
00:38:12Oh.
00:38:15Oh, it's lovely.
00:38:17That's the best one we could steal.
00:38:19Now, Dan Wilson, he's got two little babies.
00:38:22Do you know where my Grandpa is?
00:38:24I'm awfully worried about him.
00:38:25He has a deed to some property the railroad wants to buy, and we can't find him.
00:38:29Your Grandpa ain't got a deed.
00:38:31You know who's got a deed?
00:38:32No.
00:38:33Your Grandpa.
00:38:34Is anything wrong?
00:38:38Oh, no.
00:38:38Something wrong with Grandpa?
00:38:39No, everything is fine.
00:38:41Oh, that's good.
00:38:43He's been so wonderful to me.
00:38:45Gone without things just so I could have them.
00:38:47Now he'll be able to have everything he's always wanted and couldn't afford.
00:38:50He'll be able to go places he's read about and couldn't see.
00:38:55It'll be wonderful for us, too.
00:38:57Terry and me, I mean.
00:38:58We can get married.
00:38:59I mean, just one little thing happens and the whole world is different.
00:39:08There is something wrong, isn't there?
00:39:10The only thing wrong is that your Grandfather's deed is in Red Baxter's safe.
00:39:14Red Baxter?
00:39:16Why, my Grandfather wouldn't have anything to do with him.
00:39:18He knows he's a crook.
00:39:19No, we didn't.
00:39:20You see, Miss Wilson, your Grandfather gave the deed to these boys.
00:39:24Security for a loan.
00:39:25And Red Baxter stole it from them.
00:39:27Oh.
00:39:29Miss Wilson.
00:39:30Oh, don't worry.
00:39:31You couldn't help it.
00:39:34But if you see Grandpa, don't mention it to him.
00:39:38What almost happened, I mean.
00:39:41You see, he's old.
00:39:43Well, what about this Terry?
00:39:45Well, we're young.
00:39:48Another miracle will happen.
00:39:51You're right.
00:39:52Come on, miracle man.
00:39:56We also double at weddings as best men.
00:40:18Shh.
00:40:19Well, you can't.
00:40:20Quiet.
00:40:20Now, we've got to work fast.
00:40:22Baxter might come back.
00:40:23Hey, don't be afraid.
00:40:24If any trouble starts, we'll telephone for help.
00:40:27Telephone?
00:40:27This is 1870.
00:40:29Don Amici hasn't invented the telephone yet.
00:40:31The safe's in there.
00:40:33Come on.
00:40:35There she is, gentlemen.
00:40:37Proceed.
00:40:37Ah, that's a boy.
00:40:38That's a boy.
00:40:39Come on, Mary Lou.
00:40:41We can relax in here.
00:40:42Okay.
00:40:43Those dopes are in there, trying to crack open the safe.
00:40:52Send for Baxter and the boys.
00:40:53Well, where are they?
00:40:54I don't know.
00:40:54Find them.
00:40:55I don't know where they are.
00:40:57Wait a minute.
00:40:58Did you say something?
00:41:00I don't say nothing.
00:41:01Well, if it's me, my voice is certainly changing.
00:41:03Carry on.
00:41:08Dope.
00:41:08That'll teach you.
00:41:13Never trust me again.
00:41:14Listen, you bring back some drinks, and I'll try to keep them here.
00:41:17Can you handle all three?
00:41:19No.
00:41:19Better bring another girl.
00:41:20That redhead's a demon.
00:41:23I could swear I heard voices.
00:41:25Well, there's nothing to worry about.
00:41:26They're in the next room.
00:41:27Oh, they are, eh?
00:41:31Oh, it's you.
00:41:32I wish you'd stop talking to yourself.
00:41:34And now if you'll pardon me, I'm busy.
00:41:36Why, honey child.
00:41:37Well, I'm not that busy.
00:41:39Let's go somewheres where we can be alone.
00:41:41Ah, there doesn't seem to be anyone on this couch.
00:41:44I got a hunch Quayley ain't got his mind on his business.
00:41:47Who hasn't?
00:41:48That don't look like Red Baxter.
00:41:50Oh, I beg your pardon.
00:41:51I thought you were Mr. Baxter.
00:41:53My eyes aren't what they used to be.
00:41:56Who do you wish to see?
00:41:58Not who.
00:41:58Whom do you wish to see?
00:42:00At my age, corrected by an illiterate.
00:42:03Thought you were up here looking for the deed.
00:42:05I was just trying to find out what she knows.
00:42:06Yeah.
00:42:07She looks like she knows plenty, but not about the deed.
00:42:10Come on, let's go back to work.
00:42:12Hello, boys.
00:42:13Maybe we can work in here.
00:42:14No, I think we'd better toddle along.
00:42:17We'll be back later, girls.
00:42:19Me, alone.
00:42:20Me, too.
00:42:21Did you get Baxter?
00:42:22Yes, he's on his way.
00:42:23Good.
00:42:23Did you miss me?
00:42:24Why, hello, lamby pie.
00:42:26Sure, now, you can't up and leave us.
00:42:29Yes, sir.
00:42:29Gentlemen, how would you all like a mere julip?
00:42:32Well, it's been years since I've tasted the nectar of the Old South.
00:42:35However, if you insist.
00:42:36Yeah, I'd take one, too, just so we don't drink alone.
00:42:39Hey.
00:42:41We get them drunk, then they won't know what we're here after.
00:42:43That's right, blabbermouth.
00:42:45Keep it a secret.
00:42:46You keep them busy, and I'll help Rusty crack open the S.A.F.
00:42:48You're a one-man, fifth column.
00:42:51You all know something, Colonel.
00:42:53Not a great deal.
00:42:54Dixie just wouldn't be Dixie without a meat julip.
00:42:56And you know something else, Scarlet?
00:42:58Dixie wouldn't be Dixie without Dixie.
00:43:05My compliments aren't as julep, ladies.
00:43:07It's as sweet as you are and twice as cool.
00:43:10Have another one, honey, John.
00:43:12I'll take one more.
00:43:13Well, if you insist, I'll have eight more.
00:43:15But that's all.
00:43:16You can just eat.
00:43:17Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:43:19Come on, let's sing.
00:43:20Meat julips always make me sing.
00:43:22Let's just drink.
00:43:23How about four minutes?
00:43:24No, come on, let's sing.
00:43:26Yeah, come on.
00:43:27Oh, he's a jolly good fellow.
00:43:30Oh, he's a jolly good fellow.
00:43:32He's a jolly good fellow.
00:43:35Oh, nobody can deny you.
00:43:37Come on, gals, we'll all sing now.
00:43:39Let's sing.
00:43:39Come on.
00:43:40Oh, he's a jolly good fellow.
00:43:41Oh, he's a jolly good fellow.
00:43:44Oh, he's a jolly good fellow.
00:43:46Oh, he's a jolly good fellow.
00:43:50How about another drink?
00:43:51Don't put in the ice of mine.
00:43:52It takes up too much room.
00:43:54Gentlemen, let's drink to the south.
00:43:56Land of milk and honey.
00:43:57Yeah, the bee who collected this honey must have some hangover.
00:44:00A toaster where we girls was born.
00:44:03South Carolina.
00:44:04South Carolina.
00:44:06Mississippi.
00:44:07Mississippi.
00:44:09Louisiana.
00:44:09Louisiana.
00:44:10Louisiana.
00:44:10Louisiana.
00:44:10Louisiana.
00:44:11Hey, I thought these girls were sisters.
00:44:13They are, but their mother lived in the trailer.
00:44:19You know, it's a funny thing.
00:44:21I'm not drunk, but what's the ceiling doing on the floor?
00:44:24Your julep coming right up.
00:44:26What, before I drink it?
00:44:28Yeah, you know something?
00:44:30My stomach, she feels cute.
00:44:34Toaster where we girls was born.
00:44:35South Carolina.
00:44:37South Carolina.
00:44:38Mississippi.
00:44:39Mississippi.
00:44:40Louisiana.
00:44:41Louisiana.
00:44:42I feel, I feel another song coming on.
00:44:46Never mind the song.
00:44:47A toaster where we girls was born.
00:44:49South Carolina.
00:44:50South Carolina.
00:44:52Mississippi.
00:44:53Mississippi.
00:44:54Louisiana.
00:44:55Louisiana.
00:44:56Hold tight, Toaster.
00:44:58Hold tight.
00:44:58I feel another song coming on.
00:45:00I'm going to sing you a song that I wrote myself with the aid of Stephen Forrester.
00:45:05Oh, I come from, oh, I come from Alabama with a bottle on my hip.
00:45:12If I drink six morbid juleps, I sure am bound to slip.
00:45:17Where is that now?
00:45:19Who's going to cry for me?
00:45:21I come from Alabama with a banjo on my knee.
00:45:24A toaster where we girls was born.
00:45:27South Carolina.
00:45:28South Carolina.
00:45:29Mississippi.
00:45:29Mississippi.
00:45:30Louisiana.
00:45:30Louisiana.
00:45:31Louisiana.
00:45:33Let me off at Rhode Island.
00:45:37Have another honey, Charles.
00:45:39I'd take one more.
00:45:40Well, if you insist, I'll have eight more.
00:45:42But after all, sugar, just sing.
00:45:44Eat, eat, eat, eat, eat.
00:45:45Come on, let's sing.
00:45:48Mint juleps always makes me sing.
00:45:49Yeah, come on.
00:45:50No, let's just drink.
00:45:51How about some more mint juleps?
00:45:52No, no, come on, let's sing.
00:45:54Come on, let's sing.
00:45:55He's a jolly good fellow.
00:45:57Oh, he's a jolly good fellow.
00:46:02To my father, Curler Rufus Quill.
00:46:09He's a jolly good fellow, I say.
00:46:11He's a good fellow.
00:46:12To Sunday dinner on the old plantation.
00:46:14Chicken okra, cone pone, shortening bread,
00:46:16pickled watermelon, and a stomach pump.
00:46:18Gentlemen, the sooth.
00:46:20Less whiskey next time, my glass can't take it.
00:46:24Come on, put him up, put him up.
00:46:25Come on, girls.
00:46:27Sober him up.
00:46:27Come on, you two, sober up here.
00:46:29Come on, pull yourself up here.
00:46:31I must be drunk.
00:46:32Come on, up here.
00:46:34Scarlet Sugar all loves you.
00:46:39Come on, stand up on your feature wheels.
00:46:41Come on, stand up.
00:46:44Red.
00:46:44The safe's open, the deed's gone.
00:46:46That redhead must have taken it.
00:46:47Well, find him.
00:46:48You say you're sorry, I'll may let you go.
00:46:51Shut up.
00:46:51Now turn around.
00:46:53Know the other way.
00:46:54Know the both of you.
00:46:55Turn around and face the window.
00:46:56Go on, now.
00:46:57Go on.
00:46:59I don't like your faces.
00:47:01I suppose you think we like them.
00:47:04Pete, Pete.
00:47:06Drop that cannon.
00:47:07Put your hands up.
00:47:08Drop that cannon and get your hands up.
00:47:10Drop that cannon, put your hands up.
00:47:11All right, Pete, drop your gun and get your hands up.
00:47:14Well, I wouldn't have known where to come
00:47:17if Eve hadn't left me an invitation to this little party.
00:47:19All right, folks, you can break ranks now.
00:47:20Not you.
00:47:22Maybe Mr. Beach would like to return the deed to Dead Man's Gulch.
00:47:24It's not here.
00:47:25It's been stolen.
00:47:26Sure, you stole it.
00:47:28Good, put it in your pocket.
00:47:29Terry!
00:47:34We'll deliver that deed to the railroad officials in New York.
00:47:36Just to save you the trouble.
00:47:38All right, boys, outside.
00:47:39You two, Eve.
00:47:41Which way do women go?
00:47:45You know, Beachy,
00:47:47it takes a smart man to know when he's licked.
00:47:50What, baby, between the two of you,
00:47:51there's enough brains to figure it out.
00:47:55Come on, come on, open up this door.
00:47:56Let's not let it.
00:47:57Come on, come on.
00:47:58Red, wait a minute.
00:48:00Oh, wait a minute.
00:48:01Nothing.
00:48:01If they deliver that deed to the railroad officials,
00:48:03we're sunk.
00:48:03But the only way they can get back east
00:48:05is on that train, leaving Cripple Creek tomorrow.
00:48:07Yes, I know.
00:48:07Red, Red.
00:48:08If they miss that train,
00:48:10they'll have to wait a week for the next one.
00:48:13Can you sell our land to the railroad?
00:48:15In a week, I can sell them anything.
00:48:18We'll be on that train tomorrow,
00:48:20but something tells me they're going to miss it.
00:48:21Come on.
00:48:23Come on.
00:48:24¶¶
00:48:54¶ Riding the rain together ¶
00:49:01¶ Oh, we ride and ride ¶ We don't know where ¶
00:49:05¶ But the horses do the work ¶ So we don't care ¶
00:49:09¶ It's clippity-clop ¶ Just clippity-clop ¶
00:49:16¶ Riding the rain together ¶
00:49:23¶ It's a lonesome road ¶ And mighty long ¶
00:49:27¶ But the hoof beats ¶ Make a mighty pretty saw ¶
00:49:31¶ A clippity-clop ¶ Just clippity-clop ¶
00:49:36¶ Just clippity-clop ¶
00:49:38¶ You think this riding ¶
00:49:40¶ This constant riding ¶
00:49:42¶ Is something that can't be done ¶
00:49:46¶ But all day Sunday ¶ We got till Monday ¶
00:49:50¶ Just a round, round for fun ¶
00:49:54¶ Riding the rain together ¶
00:50:01¶ Where the men are men ¶
00:50:03¶ And life is free ¶
00:50:05¶ And there's nothing breaking ¶
00:50:07¶ The monatone ¶
00:50:09¶ A clippity-clop ¶
00:50:12¶ Just clippity-clop ¶
00:50:13¶ Just clippity-clop ¶
00:50:15¶ Clop-a-plop-a-plop-a-plop ¶
00:50:17¶ I sure like horses ¶
00:50:19¶ And I say a horse is ¶
00:50:21¶ Really a man's best friend ¶
00:50:23¶ Wah, wah, wah ¶
00:50:25¶ You won't like riding ¶
00:50:27¶ When you start riding ¶
00:50:29¶ Get you in the air ¶
00:50:32¶ Riding the rain ¶
00:50:35¶ Riding the rain ¶
00:50:36¶ Together ¶
00:50:39¶ My father shot of the Indians ¶
00:50:42¶ In 1862 ¶
00:50:44¶ Oh, he sure the shot of the stalk ¶
00:50:46¶ When the stalk he brought the youth ¶
00:50:48¶ Clippity-clop ¶
00:50:50¶ Oh, my heart is big ¶
00:50:52¶ Clippity-clop ¶
00:50:54¶ Yeah, and I repeat ¶
00:50:55¶ Clippity ¶
00:50:58¶ Clippity-clop ¶
00:51:17Terry, do you think it's safe to stay here tonight?
00:51:19These Indians are friendly if you treat them right.
00:51:21Wait here.
00:51:25I don't know why we don't sleep at a regular motel.
00:51:27That's the silliest looking object I've ever seen.
00:51:34Okay. Eve, you take the small teepee.
00:51:36We'll share the other. Come on.
00:51:37She gave him the Indian sign.
00:51:38She gave him the Indian sign.
00:51:39Oh, she gave him the Indian sign.
00:51:40Oh, she gave him the Indian sign.
00:51:41Oh, she gave him the Indian sign.
00:51:44Are you the chief that runs from Chicago to Los Angeles in 39 hours?
00:51:45Oh, she gave him the Indian sign.
00:51:49Oh, she gave you...
00:51:50Oh, she gave him the Indian sign.
00:52:00She gave him the Indian sign.
00:52:10Are you the chief that runs from Chicago to Los Angeles in 39 hours?
00:52:18Now, wait a minute!
00:52:19See, you got the chief mad. Let me talk to him.
00:52:21Can you talk Indian?
00:52:22I was born in Indianapolis.
00:52:24You want to know if you want starch in your shirts?
00:52:43Well, why don't you open the window?
00:52:47Canelo, this Indian's no Indian.
00:52:49If he's no Indian, why is he wearing a chicken for a hat?
00:52:52He's half Indian and half ostrich.
00:52:56Oh, stop it, trying to pass yourself off as a red man.
00:52:58Why, you can't even speak the language.
00:53:00Let me hear you recite Hiawatha by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.
00:53:04Look.
00:53:05That's not it.
00:53:06If it is, they've shortened it since I went to school.
00:53:08And you call yourself a red man.
00:53:10And you call yourself a white man. Come on, let's go.
00:53:16What did he say?
00:53:17He said, first they're going to give us a fair trial, then they kill us.
00:53:20White man talk too much. Make chief heat man.
00:53:23White man, red man's fan.
00:53:25White man want to make friends with red brother.
00:53:28And sister, too.
00:53:29Beret, beret, chi-hoa, chi-hoa.
00:53:34Choco, Choco, Roda, Nietzsche, Pardo.
00:53:37Are you insinuating that the white man is not the Indian's friend?
00:53:40Huh.
00:53:41Who swindled you out of Manhattan Island for $24?
00:53:43White man.
00:53:44Who turned you into wood and stood you in front of a cigar store?
00:53:46White man.
00:53:47Who put your head in a nickel and then took the nickel away?
00:53:49Slot machine.
00:53:51Members of the tribe?
00:53:55I rest my case.
00:53:57How would you like a little necklace that formerly belonged to the Tsarina of Russia?
00:54:00No lie. Me want Cadillac sedan.
00:54:03She's been off the reservation.
00:54:04Now wait a minute, boys, wait a minute.
00:54:06I don't want a scalp treatment.
00:54:07Look, look, just to prove we're your friends, we'll give you this totem pole.
00:54:10Mom!
00:54:14Now wait a minute, boys. I don't want a scalp treatment.
00:54:17Look, just to prove we're your friends, we'll give you this totem pole.
00:54:28islis
00:54:31You know, it's stimulating when two giant intellects get together.
00:55:01Who?
00:55:03Who's that?
00:55:04A medicine man.
00:55:05That's a medicine man?
00:55:07Can you imagine taking a teaspoonful of him every three hours?
00:55:10Me bunny lies over the ocean.
00:55:27Sure, me bunny lies over the sea.
00:55:31Oh, me bunny lies over...
00:55:33Where do you go?
00:55:35Chief like Paleface who no talk.
00:55:37You Paleface friend.
00:55:39Chief like you too.
00:55:41Red man?
00:55:42You're a white man.
00:55:44Come on.
00:55:45You get a canoe later and I'll paddle you.
00:55:48Let's go.
00:55:49You go, the boat and go back.
00:55:51You swishly.
00:55:52Hazard.
00:55:53Come on, please.
00:55:54Idiot.
00:55:55Nigel.
00:55:56Youνε.
00:55:57You're a pirate.
00:55:58You're a pirate.
00:55:59You're a pirate.
00:56:00You're a pirate.
00:56:01Don't go.
00:56:02No, you're a pirate.
00:56:04Don't go.
00:56:05Don't go.
00:56:06He's a pirate.
00:56:07No, you're a pirate.
00:56:09Well, he's done.
00:56:11He's done.
00:56:12Don't go.
00:56:13No, you're a pirate.
00:56:14Here you are!
00:56:44I don't know, I don't know, I don't know.
00:57:14I don't know.
00:57:44I don't know.
00:58:14I don't know.
00:58:44I don't know.
00:59:14I don't know.
00:59:44I don't know.
01:00:14I don't know.
01:00:44I don't know.
01:00:46I don't know.
01:00:48I don't know.
01:00:50I don't know.
01:00:54I don't know.
01:00:56I don't know.
01:00:58I don't know.
01:01:00I don't know.
01:01:02I don't know.
01:01:06I don't know.
01:01:10I don't know.
01:01:12I don't know.
01:01:14I don't know.
01:01:18I don't know.
01:01:20I don't know.
01:01:22I don't know.
01:01:28I don't know.
01:01:30I don't know.
01:01:32I don't know.
01:01:34I don't know.
01:01:36I don't know.
01:01:38I don't know.
01:01:40I don't know.
01:01:46I don't know.
01:01:48I don't know.
01:01:50I don't know.
01:01:52I don't know.
01:01:53I don't know.
01:01:54I don't know.
01:01:56I don't know.
01:01:58I don't know.
01:02:00I'll get this guy.
01:02:01You will.
01:02:02I'll take care of you.
01:02:09Run through.
01:02:10Run through.
01:02:12Back that.
01:02:13Touché.
01:02:16I hate train rides.
01:02:18Don't you, Red?
01:02:20Not this one, baby.
01:02:22There's a quarter of a million dollars at the end of the line.
01:02:27Pressure valve.
01:02:28Piston rods.
01:02:29How to cool off a hotbox.
01:02:31Hey, maybe that book isn't no good.
01:02:33Of course this book's good.
01:02:34It's an engineer's manual.
01:02:35But suppose that the engineer's name ain't manual.
01:02:38Then he's got to change his name.
01:02:39He can't make a fool out of this book.
01:02:41Ah, here we are.
01:02:42How to start an engine.
01:02:44Slowly pull the throttle.
01:02:50They need better engineers on this road.
01:02:53Well, if they pay for our land,
01:02:55they won't have any money left for engineers.
01:03:05Attaboy, Rusty!
01:03:06Hey, Rusty's fare's good.
01:03:08The train is still on the track.
01:03:11We must be coming to the station.
01:03:13Yeah, just remember.
01:03:14We gotta stop the train for the kids.
01:03:16How you gonna stop it?
01:03:17It doesn't say in here.
01:03:19Maybe it's in the next issue.
01:03:21Wait a minute.
01:03:22I'll find out.
01:03:23Hey, brother.
01:03:24How do you stop this thing?
01:03:26How do you stop this thing?
01:03:28The brake!
01:03:29The brake!
01:03:30Get me out of this!
01:03:31You know, this is the best gang in the picture.
01:03:32I love you!
01:03:33The brake!
01:03:34He says something about the brake.
01:03:36The brake!
01:03:37The brake!
01:03:44Attaboy, Rusty!
01:03:45You brake of the brake!
01:03:46You brake!
01:03:51Come on, honey.
01:03:52We made it.
01:03:59How do we stop?
01:04:00How do we stop?
01:04:01Try dragging your feet!
01:04:08Come on!
01:04:09The brake!
01:04:10The brake!
01:04:11Follow us!
01:04:12What's the matter?
01:04:13No.
01:04:14Let's borrow this.
01:04:18Turner and that girl.
01:04:19They're following us.
01:04:20I can't understand it.
01:04:21We're supposed to stop here.
01:04:22Hell, the engineer.
01:04:23Full speed ahead of no stop.
01:04:24Oh, come on.
01:04:25I'll calm myself.
01:04:26Come on, Beecher!
01:04:28Come on, Beecher!
01:04:29Come on, Beecher!
01:04:30Right with you, Red!
01:04:38Red!
01:04:39Red!
01:04:40Get your fireman, then tie them up!
01:04:41Create a cooking wire!
01:04:42Come on, hurry up!
01:04:43Come on!
01:04:47Ah, Lullabelle!
01:04:48There's something about you that brings out the animal in me.
01:04:50I'm a little more than me.
01:04:55Rusty!
01:04:56I know how to stop with the train.
01:04:57We pull the cord.
01:05:04He's in touch!
01:05:05We even know they want to stop!
01:05:06Why don't stop?
01:05:08Well, we won't stop!
01:05:10It's an all-stop!
01:05:16See, that's what you get for backseat flight.
01:05:19Company's coming! Wait a minute!
01:05:22Well, we've finally caught up with you, huh?
01:05:26Anywhere you are, Beecher, we'll be out of this tunnel in a minute.
01:05:31I'm not going to waste any more time on you.
01:05:37The chance got you rich! Come on!
01:05:45Where'd you get his gun? In the tunnel? That's good!
01:05:49Where'd they go? Up the ladder, I guess.
01:05:55We make the engineers stop the train.
01:05:58They're up the board. Come on!
01:06:19We'll untrouble the cars and leave them behind, huh?
01:06:27Well, I guess that gets rid of them.
01:06:29We'll untrouble the cars and leave them behind.
01:06:31That's a good idea!
01:06:35That's fine! That'll do it!
01:06:37We're on the wrong car!
01:06:38Hang on, Rusty! Hang on!
01:06:39Don't let the train get away!
01:06:41Hey! Here they come!
01:06:43Here we go!
01:06:45Lulubel, you have beautiful eyes!
01:06:53Red!
01:06:54Red!
01:07:08I hope you kids have got a dig of cards!
01:07:24Hey!
01:07:25The only way to stop the engine is to put water on the fire!
01:07:27Hey!
01:07:28Hold me!
01:07:29Here!
01:07:30Here!
01:07:31Hey!
01:07:32Hey!
01:07:33The only way to stop the engine is to put water on the fire!
01:07:35Hey!
01:07:36Hold me!
01:07:37Here!
01:07:38Here!
01:08:04Red!
01:08:05Red!
01:08:06Just a minute!
01:08:07What happened?
01:08:09What's the matter?
01:08:10Place me down the wood off!
01:08:11Splendid!
01:08:12Splendid!
01:08:14Hey!
01:08:15Bill!
01:08:17Hey!
01:08:18Get away from that wood!
01:08:19Hey!
01:08:20You can't!
01:08:21Leave that wood off!
01:08:22Hey!
01:08:23Get away from there!
01:08:24Hey!
01:08:25Drop that wood!
01:08:26There they are!
01:08:27Oh!
01:08:28I'll take care of them!
01:08:30What are you?
01:08:31What are you?
01:08:32Oh!
01:08:33I can't see!
01:08:34Hold on!
01:08:35There he is!
01:08:36Come and get me, boys!
01:08:37Get him, Red!
01:08:38I'll get you!
01:08:39I'll skin you!
01:08:40You too!
01:08:41I'll take care of them!
01:08:42You too!
01:08:43You too!
01:08:44You too!
01:08:45You too!
01:08:46Careful!
01:08:47You too!
01:08:48You too!
01:08:49You too!
01:08:50You too!
01:08:51You too!
01:08:52You too!
01:08:53You too!
01:08:54There he is!
01:08:55Come and get me, boys!
01:08:56Get him, Red!
01:08:57Sea-sick.
01:09:00If you gentlemen want anything, just rig.
01:09:06Let's get this fire on. That'll stop it.
01:09:11I wish for us that he would hurry up with the water.
01:09:22That's good, huh?
01:09:23Now she'll stop her.
01:09:24That needs a fire.
01:09:27Let's go.
01:09:31Hey, come on, boy. Get up there.
01:09:33We stopped the train. See, I'm telling you we stopped the train.
01:09:39I'm just as surprised as you are.
01:09:57If that's water, I'm glad I don't touch the stuff.
01:10:04We gotta stop it. How do you stop it?
01:10:06I don't know. I've never been in an entry before.
01:10:08Say, how many times do I have to let you boys out?
01:10:23Oh, shit.
01:10:24Come on. This train is out of fuel. Come on. This rig will get us there.
01:10:32Stop it! Stop it! Stop! Drop that horn!
01:10:36There they go.
01:10:37Yeah, and there goes our last chance to help with those kids.
01:10:38We've gotta get after them.
01:10:39But we can't stop the train. There's no more wood.
01:10:40There's plenty of wood on the train.
01:10:41Peter! What are you worrying about?
01:10:42They can't follow us without any fuel.
01:10:43And there isn't a stick of wood left on the train.
01:10:44What do you mean there's no wood on the train?
01:10:45Look around.
01:10:46Oh, boy, we keep it down.
01:10:47Well, Red, the deal's as good as close.
01:10:49Well, then, what are we rushing for?
01:10:51Whoa. Whoa! Whoa!
01:11:15Yeah!
01:11:16Yeah!
01:11:17Get out! Get out! Come on! Get out of here!
01:11:23Chuck your baggage. Attaboy, shut it off here.
01:11:26Come on, now, quick. You're blowing up up there.
01:11:28You got any trucks up there?
01:11:34You better throw some butter in, too.
01:11:36I'll throw in anything you hand me. I ain't handling anything.
01:11:39See that?
01:11:40Yeah, pop goes the diesel.
01:11:47Where are you, Clare? Hey, Clare!
01:11:52Send for a St. Bernard dog. I'm snowmound.
01:11:59I guess I'll stop them.
01:12:14Hey!
01:12:16We're off the track. We're blowing up a farm.
01:12:31Hey, Rusty! It's just like the merry-go-round.
01:12:35I bet you can't get the brass ring out of the bull's nose.
01:12:38Hey! Come on down. There's a lovely fire in the living room.
01:12:57Hey!
01:12:59Come on down. There's a lovely fire in the living room.
01:13:03Hello!
01:13:07Hooray, we're back out of the tracks.
01:13:32We need more wood.
01:13:34Cimbal, Cimbal!
01:13:41Too bad that nice new train is all smashed up, eh, Victor?
01:13:46Yeah, I wonder how it happened.
01:13:48I wonder.
01:13:53Here they come.
01:13:54Stay right there.
01:14:04I don't see them ahead.
01:14:16We need more wood.
01:14:18Cimbal!
01:14:19Cimbal!
01:14:20Cimbal!
01:14:21Cimbal!
01:14:22Cimbal!
01:14:26Cimbal!
01:14:27Cimbal!
01:14:28Cimbal!
01:14:29Cimbal!
01:14:33Cimbal!
01:14:34Cimbal!
01:14:35Cimbal!
01:14:36Cimbal!
01:14:37Cimbal!
01:14:38Cimbal!
01:14:39Cimbal!
01:14:40Cimbal!
01:14:44Cimbal!
01:14:51Cimbal!
01:14:52Cimbal!
01:14:53Cimbal!
01:14:54Cimbal!
01:14:55Cimbal!
01:14:56Cimbal!
01:14:57Cimbal!
01:15:00Cimbal!
01:15:01Cimbal!
01:15:16Cimbal!
01:15:18Cimbal!
01:15:19Cimbal!
01:15:20They're catching up!
01:15:21They're catching up, Red!
01:15:22Cimbal!
01:15:24Cimbal!
01:15:25Cimbal!
01:15:30We'll never make it, Rick! Come on!
01:15:36Swim for it!
01:16:00And now, ladies and gentlemen, the president of the New York and Western Railroad will cut the tape, drive the spike, and bank the eight ball in the corner pocket. Take it away, friends!
01:16:20We owe you boys a lot. It shall be your honor to drive the Golden Spike.
01:16:30We owe you boys a lot.
01:16:35We owe you boys a lot.
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